Episode #36: Relationship Myths
Talking about Common Bad Advice given by relationship experts… and we’re going to discuss it.
Amy Serin, co-founder and Chief Science Officer of The TouchPoint Solution who holds a PhD in clinical psychology, believes otherwise.
She told me, "Never go to bed angry is bad advice because many couples think they need to force themselves to try to resolve problems immediately to get them over with before bedtime. This can backfire because if one or both partners is angry, it's best to not discuss an issue until both partners are calm. Now it's a great thing if people can calm themselves down so they don't go to bed angry, but when this is difficult, it's best to go to bed angry and re-visit the problem at a time when both are calm."
Jennifer: “Explanation” -
- going to bed is my “go to”.. my superpower.
- I love you, I’m irritable, I’m going to bed.
In business… assess the situation, then address it. You don’t have to handle it RIGHT NOW… maybe you need to think about it. In relationships, ppl often time explode quicker. Take a minute.
Always Be Forgiving
"'You always need to forgive' is bad advice for someone in a relationship who is being emotionally or physically abused. If someone does something that needs forgiving, it may be that the burden of change should be on them, not the person who was hurt."
Jennifer: Yes… expand - yet in a healthier relationship, forgiveness comes into play, yet so does being curious. Get Curious.
It’s NOT just forgiveness.
You can find understanding when you get curious.
In business, it’s not about forgiveness, it’s about “the reality of the situation”... in business, we have to produce, execute, hit our numbers, etc. If the person, or vendor is not performing, you don’t just forgive, you ask questions to see if they are misunderstanding… or you get another vendor.
Find the root… and make certain it’s not happening again.
- Dates are Like Job Interviews
On the surface, it makes sense to treat a first date (or the first few dates) the same way you would a job interview. In both situations, you're looking for a good fit that benefits both parties mutually, often for the long-term. But heading to your first date with a notebook of pointed questions for your future husband is not the best strategy.
Sexologist and relationship expert Noni Ayana told me there's a better way to handle dating. "My top dating rule is 'date as if you're meeting a new friend, not a potential spouse.'
Jennifer: Expand - When Dating, ppl are their best selves and bring their representatives - when meeting a new friend, you’re more relaxed and more “yourself”
In Business, even though the interview process is commonly used, it’s not the BEST method to find a candidate. They ALWAYS bring their best self… kinda like a first date. You don’t really get to know the employee until they are hired.
So in dating, I would agree to keep a more casual vibe in your first or early dates.
Summary:
- Don’t Go to Bed Angry.. and we firmly disagree… often times it’s good to let things cool and wake up with a new attitude.
- Always Be Forgiving - It’s not about forgiving.. it’s about the reality of the situation. Get Curious Jennifer.
- Dates are Like Job interviews: Too stiff… relax and let your personality flow.
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