Stay ConnectedHave you been through an affair, or struggle with healing a shattered or disconnected relationship?
Each week we will share our 3 different perspectives on topics dealing with relationships, recovery, betrayal & addiction leaving you with HOPE for change no matter your circumstance.
Copyright: © 2021 The Betrayed, The Addicted and The Expert
Brannon, Ashlynn and Coby discuss the simple, small and sustainable things that help make relationships work no matter what the history.
Plus join their brand new relationship rescue challenge...
Stefanie Carnes, Ph.D. is the President of the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals, a training institute and professional organization for addiction professionals, and a senior fellow for Meadows Behavioral Healthcare where she works with sexually addicted clients and their families. Dr. Carnes is the clinical architect for Willow House: Relationship Healing for Women struggling with sex, love and intimacy disorders and works closely with the staff of Willow House and Gentle Path to bring her unique expertise to the programs and to aid the clients who suffer from intimacy and relationship disorders. She is a licensed marriage and family therapist and an AAMFT approved supervisor. Dr. Carnes is also a clinical sexologist and certified sex addiction therapist and supervisor, specializing in therapy for couples and families struggling with sexual addiction. She presents regularly at conferences at both the state and national levels. She is also the author of numerous publications including her books, Mending a Shattered Heart: A Guide for Partners of Sex Addicts, and Facing Heartbreak: Steps to Recovery for Partners of Sex Addicts, and Facing Addiction: Starting Recovery from Alcohol and Drugs. Her new book, scheduled to be released in may is titled "Courageous Love: A Guide for Couples Conquering Betrayal".
In this episode Brannon, Ashlynn and Coby will discuss a list of things to keep front-of-mind when ready to really face addiction and or infidelity.
The list of things to actually do which are in part 2 of this series are found at beyond-enough.com/steps.
Prodependence... Ending Codependency with Robert Wiess is an amazing conversation with another absolute Expert in the Arena of Addiction. If you have struggled with the shame of addiction or feeling the shame associated with loving a partner that struggles with addiction, you will want to experience this conversation.
Robert Weiss PhD, LCSW is Chief Clinical Officer of Seeking Integrity LLC, He is the author of ten books on sexuality, technology, and intimate relationships, including Sex Addiction 101, Out of the Doghouse, and Prodependence. His Sex, Love, and Addiction Podcast is currently in the Top 10 of US Addiction-Health Podcasts. Dr. Rob hosts a no-cost weekly Sex and Intimacy Q&A on Seeking Integrity's self-help website, SexandRelationshipHealing.com (@SexandHealing).
The Sex and Relationship Healing website provides free information for addicts, partners of addicts, and therapists dealing with sex addiction, porn addiction, and substance abuse issues.
Dr. Rob can be contacted via Seeking Integrity.com and SexandRelationshipHealing.com. All his writing is available on Amazon, while he can also be found on Twitter (@RobWeissMSW), on LinkedIn (Robert Weiss LCSW), and on Facebook (Rob Weiss MSW). We are so grateful we had the time with Dr. Robert Weiss today and hope you enjoy the podcast as well. As Well, you can check out our course for Rebuilding Trust at www.shatteredtothriving.com. Use the code "YTFAN" to get a special discount only for our Youtube followers. And Follow us at @recovery_coaches on IG.
Shannon is a life coach; merging business and personal coaching together. She bridges the gap between our emotions, finding trust where it has been lost & then bringing that into the business world. She's worked with 100's of women, helping them embrace the power in their femininity. She' does a great job helping others find the value in what is already inside of them.
Find Shannon's PDF worksheet at https://theprofitablemarriage.com/podcast https://www.facebook.com/ShannonRoxySmith/
Each month the members on our premium site get to submit questions and we answer those in an audio file that is posted on that site. Click Here
The following are questions that were submitted:
Q&A
What do you do when you don't feel like you want to emotionally connect and be vulnerable with you spouse?
From my husband- As I'm working on my sex addiction recovery, I am also experiencing outbursts of anger. Can the anger issues be resolved by the work in my addiction recovery?
What are all your thoughts on the saying "sobriety is not recovery"?
I am in a 3 year relationship and I don't feel physically attracted to my partner, I've used porn for 6-8 years and have been sober for 2 years with 1 relapse early on in the 2 years, I find it tempting to look at attractive women on the street. I find it hard to give genuine compliments about my partner and their physical appearance. Every time I try to, I ask myself internally and try to confirm about whether what I whether I find something physical/otherwise about them attractive and I never feel that I can say anything nice about them. Every time I don't give a compliment, they feel worthless and inadequate and this makes me feel anxious. How can I work on this and give genuine compliments?
Okay, so I think my husband is sitting in "victim mode." He's mopey a lot of the time and he's blaming me for his short comings. When he walks into the room I'm in, he looks at me and starts to cry. I'm a super codependent person...and I'm trying super hard not to spiral down into depressions like I've done in the past. What can I do while he is in this mode?
I have been on the path of recovery for almost three years after living with an addiction for over 40 years. I am currently living in Cambodia and the resources here for recovery are limited. Your podcasts help to provide a ray of hope for restoration of my marriage. I understand the need to have regular counseling sessions to work on areas in my life. That presents a bit of a challenge here. I wonder if you could recommend a counselor that might be available for video conferences.
We are in an area where resources such as groups are scarce and our finances are too. What is some basic recovery work we can access without having to put out thousands of dollars? Maybe a basic recovery plan resource?
My husband disclosed his affair over a year ago, but last year on Valentine's Day he wrote a love letter/text to his affair partner. I found it, and that did not go over well. He tried to sell it as a "goodbye letter". Valentine's Day is coming up, and I'm kind of dreading it. How do you navigate hard days that triggering? When we've talked about the letter in the past he tells me "that that's how he felt and there is that part of him that exists. He doesn't need to feed it but it's still there." That doesn't ever sit well with me. Can you explain the acceptance aspect of feeling for someone else? Or what goes on when that connection exists and doesn't just disappear?
In what ways is your Shattered to Thriving program different and similar to a 12 step program?
I don't want this in my life and have been doing really well in my recovery the last several months but I feel lately that what my wife says or does can trigger me back to addictive behaviors.
How do I strengthen my recovery to a point where what my wife is doing or saying doesn't affect my recovery?
I'm struggling to attend church because I feel so disconnected and isolated and some of the discussions are difficult because of people not understanding what we are going through and when people ask me how I'm doing I don't know how to answer appropriately and I either over share or avoid but it's all uncomfortable. Any tips for navigating this area of my life while I heal? I really don't even want to go
What is the BEST WAY for the BETRAYED to disclose a discovery of betrayal without coming across as accusatory, pushing the addict into defense/denial? What's the best way to get an honest disclosure from them about a discovery?
Individual and couples therapy is often discussed right out of the gate but what about group therapy? What is group accountability and can that be helpful? Can Psych-Ed help? Listen as these various types are discussed and what their potential roles could be.
Education is power and that power can be found by learning about Betrayal Trauma while recovering from addiction. Understanding what it is can help during intense moments when the partner is triggered and goes into trauma. Listen to Coby's experience as he learned to identify when Ashlylnn was triggered and what he did to deal with it.
How does it work? How can it be a thing to feel pain when the partner is also in pain from a life event, even outside of betrayal and addiction? Is a partner warranted in suffering when they have hurt their partner? What does this delicate situation look like when approached the right way? Listen as Coby and Brannon break this down.
In this episode, the flow goes to self-evaluation and knowing when to stop, take a breath and perhaps even take a break. "Don't should on yourself" is a phrase Brannon uses a lot and we will see how that can manifest inside each of us and what we can do about it. Coby and Ashlynn each share their own experience with this concept. Listen to see how.
Find us on Youtube.com at https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=the+betrayed+the+addict+and+the+expert
Find us on IG at @recovery_coaches
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