The Bald and the Beautiful with Trixie and Katya

Latest Episodes:

Alyssa Edwards and the Woeful Wigs of Purgatory Oct 27, 2026

Show notes

Upon a moonless Los Angeles All Hallows’ Eve, the resplendent Alyssa Edwards descended into the audio-visual chambers of The Bald and the Beautiful, where Trixie Mattel presided over a necropolis of tales concerning malfunctioning wigs, desecrated pageant crowns, and the vengeful specters of Mesquite, Texas dance mothers. Come join us as Alyssa recounts the indignities of third-alternate damnation, her clandestine double life, and the unspeakable terror of a dislodged wig condemning its wearer to an eternity of neckless choreography. As midnight tolls, the two apparitions will dissolve into the darkness, bequeathing to posterity a tattered sash, a suitcase of forsaken dreams, and the bloodcurdling obligation to balance one's checkbook.

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Candis Cayne’s Resplendent Institute for Joint Health Oct 20, 2026

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Have years of high-heeled lip-syncs, repeated death drops, and strenuous Bad Romance choreography left you suffering from chronic neck pain, debilitating back injuries, deteriorating knees, or hips that sing louder than your falsetto? Introducing Candis Cayne’s Resplendent Institute for Joint Health, the nation's first comprehensive physical therapy center designed specifically for queens! Featuring patented spinal un-twisting, emergency pelvic recalibration, and personalized full body reassembly procedures, we can relieve you of that evil force known as discomfort, and get you back onstage with less than 25% of our patients filing malpractice claims! CALL 1-800-FIX-DRAG now for your free consultation, and ask about our exclusive limited-time Tuck, Roll & Recover Package. After decades of entertaining poorly-air-conditioned rooms full of adoring fans, isn't it time someone took care of YOU?

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Juno Birch’s Ol’ Timey All-American BBQ! Oct 13, 2026

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Come one, come all, to Juno Birch’s Ol’ Timey All-American BBQ, nestled in a picturesque Burbank backyard where grease-soaked hamburgers, bacon-wrapped hot dogs, and mountainous slabs of pulled pork swim in a kiddie pool of condiments and full-fat soda! Juno will be singing select songs from Rocky Horror Picture Show while Phil works the grill with the quiet desperation of a man whose blood-sugar level is one hotdog bun away from a trip to the hospital! Celebrate precious American traditions such as competitive backyard wrestling, patriotic apple bobbing, and Juno’s beloved cat Cyril judging a neighborhood beauty pageant while driving a monster truck directly into the in-ground swimming pool!

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Kathy Griffin and Complimentary Happy Endings Oct 06, 2026

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From the smoking ruins of lesser mortals’ expectations, Kathy Griffin ascends onto the pod like a flame-crowned phoenix borne aloft on the trumpets of destiny; seizing the platform to restore honor to the misunderstood male gigolo and furnish that ancient profession with elaborate love-making scripts involving Hollywood smooching, reverent spooning, and how to turn a typical sensual massage into a resplendent one with a gratis "grand finale." Yet even this renaissance of flesh pales beside her famous culinary revelation: the sacred Cake Soup; a masterpiece in which a noble slice of cake, a sovereign pint of vanilla ice cream, and a glistening torrent of caramel sauce are surrendered to the merciless paddles of a stand mixer until dessert itself renounces solid form and emerges as a silken sacrament fit for queens, emperors, and the gastronomically blessed. And so, Kathy rises higher still, transcending mere celebrity to become something mythic, indestructible, and magnificently resurrected; her name blazing anew across the firmament of American fame as Trixie bears witness from the opposite microphone like a bald oracle chronicling the dawn of a second Golden Age of Griffin.

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Meatball and the Forbidden Posterior Pickle Sep 29, 2026

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As night fell and the city surrendered to shadow, Meatball and Trixie embarked upon a feverish pilgrimage through humanity’s most sacred mysteries: the ceremonial placement of pickles in derrieres, Tokyo’s boundless reverence for American mass, and the strange, ancient show-business covenant that true legends should erupt in a spectacular blaze of glory by one’s mid-thirties. Beneath the cold glow of Burbank streetlights and a watchful crescent moon, their conversation drifted deeper into the darkness; where fame, flesh, and mortality seemed less like jokes than warnings carried on the midnight air. By dawn, all that remained was scorched microphone pop filters and the faint scent of butts and brine.

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Roz Hernandez Should Be More Famous Sep 22, 2026

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The deliciously-delightful and splendidly-spooky Roz Hernandez descends upon the studio like a Victorian apparition with gorgeous bangs, joining Trixie for a feverish symposium on ghosts, gays, and conservatives who know suspiciously too many lyrics to Wicked. Together, they peer beyond the veil to ask whether the dead are among us, and, most critically, how large Roz’s hypothetical new breasts should be before they cease being cosmetic enhancements and become federally recognized geographic features. Light a candle, powder your décolletage, and alert the Vatican's top exorcist, because this episode contains spectral entities, gay pageantry, and a conversation so eerily enchanting that you'll utterly ignore that haunted ceramic panther lamp you just got off of Ebay.

To check out Roz live, head to https://www.RozHernandezTour.com

to check out her podcast "Ghosted!", head to https://open.spotify.com/show/4ra955RzTPKWl5VQmlXldc

Follow Roz: https://www.instagram.com/rozhernandez

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@rozhernandezthedoll

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A Transcendent Poolside Smoothie Recipe Sep 15, 2026

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To fully optimize the final days of sunshine and warmth this September, wait until the afternoon is aglow with solar benevolence; the perfect time for a sun-drenched pool party and a refreshing smoothie. Bow your head for a moment of reflective silence before you blend spinach, Greek yogurt, chia seeds, and avocado into an emerald tonic expertly calibrated for softness, serenity, and superior poolside consciousness. Sip this tonic slowly beneath a gently swaying palm tree as a vintage Stylophone releases crystalline electronic frequencies into the canyon air, aligning your breath, posture, and lustrous aura. You'll quickly find that this is less a smoothie than a daily practice; a devotional union of chlorophyll, probiotics, and a deeply committed love of Tom Hanks. By the time you reach the bottom of this sacred cup, you will become not merely refreshed, but cosmically moisturized, spiritually buoyant, and perfectly prepared to face the week as though wellness itself had personally invited you.

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The Grand Imperial Jubilee of Radiance, Womanhood & Excellence Sep 08, 2026

Show notes

Legends tell of the final round of a combination beauty pageant/spelling bee that ceased to resemble any known human contest, but had instead become a brutal reckoning of song, dance, and cutthroat orthography. It unfolded beneath the brass chandeliers of a Holiday Inn in suburban Alabama, where the faded ballroom carpet bore mute witness to Trixie and Katya performing desperate pirouettes to stale 80s power ballads and sheepishly spelling words like "prestidigitation" while shooting glares as sharp as daggers across the stage at each other like silent declarations of mascara-drenched animosity. Outside, the interstate burned beneath the humid Southern night; inside, these two sequined titans stood at the very edge of destiny. For one impossible hour, somewhere between a broken ice machine and the complimentary continental breakfast buffet, the fate of beauty, class, and poise itself was decided by the gods of synthetic-bejeweled tiaras.

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All Friendship is Valid Sep 01, 2026

Show notes

If we were to distill this episode into a single thesis statement, it would be the argument that friendship resides not merely in affection or proximity, but in the reciprocal recognition through which separate consciousnesses become eloquently entangled. By destroying past hierarchies of intimacy, we endeavor to redefine friendship as an existential and somewhat magical coherence between two individuals. Ultimately, friendship emerges as a profound act of allowing another consciousness to partially inhabit one’s own, primarily via stories about P-Town and descriptions of one's sexy white short-shorts.

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One Ring to Rule Them All Aug 25, 2026

Show notes

Ladies, Theydies, and Gentlethems! Behold Trixie's newly-acquired ring of destiny: the one and only Oura Ring! A small and gleaming metallic circlet wherein the chronicles of the mortal frame are gathered and organized for those fine souls engaged in the pursuit of optimal living. Existing in the nether regions between sleep and waking, heart and breath, exertion and recovery, stress and readiness, the ring brings forth the unseen tides of the human body and lets them shine like constellations upon a midnight sky. At each new dawn this tiny oracle speaks anew; revealing when strength should be summoned, when weariness must be honored, and how the long rivers of rest, movement, and strain may guide its bearer toward greater wisdom over the mysterious organic realm within. And to place this sparkling halo into another’s hand in the act of gift-giving is to grant yet one more enchantment: a recurring subscription whose revelations, like the turning of the seasons and the inexorable hand of fate upon one’s credit card, return faithfully again and again each and every month.

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