The Baffling Behavior Show {Parenting after Trauma}

Latest Episodes:

Ep. 84: Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior Jul 12, 2022

Show notes

Behavior is just what we see on the outside that tells us about what’s happening on the inside.

If we want to change behavior, we have to change what’s driving the behavior.

This approach to behavior change rests on the idea that regulated, connected kids who feel safe behave well. If you’re curious about how I came to that conclusion, you can watch my free masterclass and download the free eBook on Focus on the Nervous System!

How many times have you felt confused because of conflicting parenting advice?
Or how often has good parenting advice worked- but only some of the time?
That’s because parenting advice is aimed at stopping a behavior. But…

Read a summary of this episode and access the full show notes at: RobynGobbel.com/ChangeBehavior

Order a copy of the new Guided Journal wherever you love to buy books online or head to RobynGobbel.com/GuidedJournal

Once you order, head to RobynGobbel.com/MAP and register for the FREE online workshop exclusively for everyone who orders the new Guided Journal. Map Your Child's Nervous System LIVE, online October 1- PLUS you'll get the recording

We are waiting to read your application for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals!

RobynGobbel.com/immersion for every detail about the program you could be curious about!

Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion

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Over on my website you can find:
Webinar and eBook on Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior (FREE)
eBook on The Brilliance of Attachment (FREE)
LOTS & LOTS of FREE Resources
Ongoing support, connection, and co-regulation for struggling parents: The Club
Year-Long Immersive & Holistic Training Program for Parenting Professionals: The Baffling Behavior Training Institute’s (BBTI) Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With)

Ep. 83: How to Change People Pleasing Behavior Jul 05, 2022

Show notes

People pleasing is different from cooperation.

Cooperation = connection, no loss of autonomy, requires frustration tolerance

People Pleasing = abandoning self because it is too scary or uncomfortable to regulate through the rupture in the relationship.

People pleasing is a stress-response. It’s a behavior that the “Trickster” possum uses when the possum pathway is activated.

If you aren’t sure what I mean by possum pathway, check out this podcast/blog: https://robyngobbel.com/possumbrain

I also describe the owl, watchdog, and possum brain in my free eBook, Focus on the Nervous System to Change Behavior

Some folks call this people-pleasing behavior “fawn.”

I call this “trickster” behavior.
Read a summary of this episode and access the full show notes at: RobynGobbel.com/PeoplePleasing

Order a copy of the new Guided Journal wherever you love to buy books online or head to RobynGobbel.com/GuidedJournal

We are waiting to read your application for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals!

RobynGobbel.com/immersion for every detail about the program you could be curious about!

Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion

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{REPLAY} How The Brainstem Heals Jun 28, 2022

Show notes

"The brainstem is developed, soothed, and repaired through experiences that are rhythmic, repetitive, relational, and somatosensory" ~ Bruce Perry, MD, PhD

This is part 3 of the Strengthening the Foundation of the Brain series.
The brainstem is the lowest, most inside region of the brain. It sits at the base of the brain and connects the skull brain to the spinal cord. The brainstem is the first part of the brain to really wire up, flourishing with neural connections. The brainstem is organizing and developing in utero and is working pretty effectively in healthy, full term infants.

The brainstem is responsible for all the things our brain and body does automatically- in fact, it's called the autonomic nervous system.

Heart rate, respiration, and most importantly in this Strengthening the Foundation for the Brain series- the regulation of energy and arousal in the nervous system.

It can be easy to overlook the relationship between energy, arousal, and behavior because we've been taught to believe the behavior is largely deliberate, intentionally, and something we do with a lot of thinking.
The brainstem is organized and regulated- healed- through experiences that are rhythmic, repetitive, relational, somatosensory!
If you'd rather read the blog instead of listen on the podcast, CLICK HERE.

Order a copy of the new Guided Journal wherever you love to buy books online or head to RobynGobbel.com/GuidedJournal

We are waiting to read your application for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals!

RobynGobbel.com/immersion for every detail about the program you could be curious about!

Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion

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{REPLAY} From Correction to Connection Based Parenting: This Dad's Journey Jun 21, 2022

Show notes

JD Wilson- dad and host of the Empowered to Connect Podcast- believed that his reputation as a 'legend' when he was baby-sitting other people's kids meant he'd be a rock star parent.
Then he actually became a parent :) and we all know how that went!
JD and his wife turned to connected parenting because they didn’t know what else to do. Their tools weren’t working, the way that they were parented weren’t working, and he wanted to learn a different way.
It wasn’t easy. In fact, JD said “for the first couple years of shifting our parenting, it felt like we were running through a swamp.” It was just so hard to actually put the connected parenting ideals into practice.
JD bravely, boldly, humbly, and humorously shares his journey from spankings to being the co-host of a connected parenting podcast, working and supporting other parents who are also making the journey from punitive to connection based parenting both through the podcast and his work at Memphis Family Connection Center.
We're keeping it real here today, and I hope you love JD and his story as much as I do.
If you'd like to read a thorough summary of episode, CLICK HERE.
You can find the Empowered to Connect podcast here: https://empoweredtoconnect.org/podcast/ or simply search for Empowered to Connect wherever you listen to podcasts!

Order a copy of the new Guided Journal wherever you love to buy books online or head to RobynGobbel.com/GuidedJournal

We are waiting to read your application for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals!

RobynGobbel.com/immersion for every detail about the program you could be curious about!

Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion

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{REPLAY} Lacy Alana With Hope: Even When Things Seem Hopeless Jun 14, 2022

Show notes

Lacy Alana beautifully reminds us that we don’t have to be perfect. Our messiness can meet each other’s messiness. We can welcome our kids’ messiness, and find the strength to keep welcoming it…even when it seems like nothing is working.

Lacy is a therapist, program developer, trapeze artist, and improv genius who comes to the podcast as an adult who understands childhood trauma because she experienced childhood trauma, including being a youth who was in out-of-home care as a teenager. Lacy wanted to come on as a person who offers hope for all the parents and professionals out there walking this hard path of caring for a child impacted by trauma.

Find Lacy and all the amazing work she is doing in the world at www.YesAndBrain.com.

Order a copy of the new Guided Journal wherever you love to buy books online or head to RobynGobbel.com/GuidedJournal

We are waiting to read your application for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals!

RobynGobbel.com/immersion for every detail about the program you could be curious about!

Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion

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{REPLAY} Mark Vatsaas Helps Parents Feel Seen and Heard Jun 07, 2022

Show notes

It's hard to write a summary of this episode because it is so rich with goodness.
Mark Vatsaas is a dad and parent coach for parents of kids with challenging behaviors. He's compassionate, clear, articulate, and has a knack for seeing straight through to the heart of the manner (that's my observation of him!!)
There are so many brilliant sound bytes in this episode. It's long but you are going to want to listen to the whole thing.
Mark gives us a peek into his process as a parent coach and describes how he often sees these four themes emerge in his work with struggling parents:
1. Attachment and our drive for survival
2. How our emotions help us navigate our world
3. Defendedness
4. How parents show up- and specifically how they send cues of safety and connection to their children
There are a few tears, some laughter, and by the end you will understand by Mark's business is called Seen and Heard. Just listening to this episode will help you feel both seen and heard. Promise.
To learn more about Mark's work, head to www.SeenandHeard.coach. He offers a free 90 minute consultation for parents- no obligation to schedule any additional sessions.

Order a copy of the new Guided Journal wherever you love to buy books online or head to RobynGobbel.com/GuidedJournal

We are waiting to read your application for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals!

RobynGobbel.com/immersion for every detail about the program you could be curious about!

Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion

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Ep. 82: Scaffolding is a Form of Co-Regulation May 31, 2022

Show notes

What does my child need for their success to be inevitable?

If I wanted to paint the top of a 20 foot wall, I’d rent some scaffolding. Scaffolding makes the floor higher and would get me as close to the top of the wall as I needed.

The scaffolding would help make my success inevitable. It’s not the only thing I need to be successful (paint would come in handy!), but it’s a really important piece.

In parenting, scaffolding is the support that we put in place that allows our children to be successful. Then, slowly, thoughtful, and sequentially, we decrease the amount of external support needed as our children develop that capacity to be successful on their own.
Read a summary of this episode and access the full show notes at: RobynGobbel.com/Scaffolding

Order a copy of the new Guided Journal wherever you love to buy books online or head to RobynGobbel.com/GuidedJournal

We are waiting to read your application for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals!

RobynGobbel.com/immersion for every detail about the program you could be curious about!

Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion

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Ep. 81: What Does Co-Regulation Really Look Like? May 24, 2022

Show notes

There’s a lot of confusion about what co-regulation really is. Parents often say to me something like “OK, I get it- I’m supposed to give co-regulation instead of a consequence. But- what does that really mean? Like- what does co-regulation actually look like in real life?”
Listen to the episode to learn:

What regulation really is
What co-regulation really is
The ‘ingredients’ of co-regulation
An example of in-real-life co-regulation (with an older child)
Active vs. passive co-regulation

In this podcast, I mention:
Is it really about trust? Or not enough co-regulation? Building the Tower of Self-Regulation
Regulation Does Not Equal Calm
FREE
One-page PDF infographic on What Does Co-Regulation Really Look Like!
CLICK HERE to get the download sent to your inbox
You can read a longer summary AND get a full transcript over at https://robyngobbel.com/coregulation

Order a copy of the new Guided Journal wherever you love to buy books online or head to RobynGobbel.com/GuidedJournal

We are waiting to read your application for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals!

RobynGobbel.com/immersion for every detail about the program you could be curious about!

Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion

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Ep. 80: What To Do After We Mess Up (Rupture Repair!) May 17, 2022

Show notes

Our kids don’t need us to be perfect. Not only do they not need us to be perfect, it would actually be bad for them if we were.

In fact, research shows parents are in attunement with their children about 30% of the time. 30%! That’s it!

When I teach, I often reassure parents that ⅓ of their interactions with their child are “getting it right.” About ⅓ of the time they are “getting it wrong” (whatever that even means- we all have our own, valid definitions). The rest? The remaining ⅓? Well ideally, the other ⅓ is spent in repair.

Read a summary of this episode and access the full show notes at: RobynGobbel.com/RuptureRepair

Order a copy of the new Guided Journal wherever you love to buy books online or head to RobynGobbel.com/GuidedJournal

We are waiting to read your application for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals!

RobynGobbel.com/immersion for every detail about the program you could be curious about!

Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion

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REPLAY: Bonnie Badenoch on Healing Attachment with Safety and Presence May 10, 2022

Show notes

Today we wrap up this month's focus on attachment with my dear mentor and friend, Bonnie Badenoch.
Bonnie Badenoch, PhD, LMFT is a thought-leader in the relational neurosciences. When I think about her contribution to this emerging field of study, I think ‘integrator.’ Bonnie has helped us all feel into the many different strands that are woven together to become what we now call relational neuroscience- interpersonal neurobiology, affect regulation theory, polyvagal theory, memory reconsolidation theory, attachment theory, and more. Bonnie has taken the science and created space for clinicians to make meaning of how the science comes alive in us and in our work with clients.

Bonnie knows the science of relationships better than anyone I know, but more than that she knows relationships. She’s been an integral part of my own journey- without Bonnie there certainly would not have been this attachment series or the Brilliance of Attachment eBook.
Bonnie is the author of three books- Bing a Brain Wise Therapist, The Brain-Savvy Therapist’s Work Book, and her newest book, Heart of Trauma. If you want to learn more about the amazing work Bonnie does in the world, head over to the website www.NurturingtheHeart.com

If you'd rather read a summary of the interview instead of listening on the podcast, you can head over to my blog https://robyngobbel.com/bonniebadenoch
You can download the F R E E eBook "The Brilliance of Attachment" at https://robyngobbel.com/ebook

Order a copy of the new Guided Journal wherever you love to buy books online or head to RobynGobbel.com/GuidedJournal

We are waiting to read your application for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals!

RobynGobbel.com/immersion for every detail about the program you could be curious about!

Grab a copy of USA Today Best Selling book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Sign up on the waiting list for the 2027 Cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Immersion Program for Professionals robyngobbel.com/Immersion

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