The Art of Manliness

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When He's Married to Mom Aug 26, 2024

Show notes

Your relationship with your mother is likely the first and most foundational connection in your life. At its best, this bond can be a source of comfort, strength, and love that lasts a lifetime and changes in healthy, appropriate, and adaptive ways as you mature into adulthood.

But sometimes, the attachment between a mother and her son can become unhealthy, resulting in a phenomenon called mother-son enmeshment, in which a man can become a kind of surrogate husband to his mom.

Here to unpack this complex issue is Dr. Kenneth Adams. Ken is a clinical psychologist who has spent much of his career working with what he calls "mother-enmeshed men" and is the author of When He's Married to Mom. Today on the show, Ken unpacks the characteristics of mother-enmeshed men and how to know if you are one, and he explains what can happen in childhood that would cause a mother to enmesh with her son. We discuss the problems enmeshment can create in men's relationships and other areas of life and how it can lead to things like compulsive porn use. And we unpack what it means for a man to become independent and emancipate from his mother, how it's different from cutting her off, and what it looks like to have a healthy relationship with your mom.

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Overcoming Enmeshment website

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Unlock Better Sleep and Health by Harnessing Your Circadian Rhythm Aug 21, 2024

Show notes

You probably know your body follows a circadian rhythm, and probably think of it as primarily regulating your sleep/wake cycle, which it certainly does. But your body's internal clock also regulates many other physical, mental, and behavioral changes that occur every 24 hours, and working with your circadian rhythm, rather than against it, can boost your health and happiness.

Here to unpack how to do so is Russell Foster, a professor of circadian neuroscience and the author of Life Time: Your Body Clock and Its Essential Roles in Good Health and Sleep. In the first part of our conversation, we discuss some science and background on circadian rhythm and its connection to light exposure. We then turn to the practical implications of having an internal clock, including whether you need to worry about viewing blue light at night, the significant mental and physical harms that can accrue from working the night shift and what can be done to mitigate them, what influences your chronotype and whether you're a morning lark or a night owl, whether you should be concerned if you're waking up in the middle of the night, why you wake up to pee in the night, the best times of day to exercise, and how the circadian rhythm can influence when you should take medication.

Connect With Russell Foster

Russell at the Sleep and Circadian Neuroscience Institute

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Boots, Tents, Sleeping Bags, and More: How to Choose and Use Outdoor Gear Aug 19, 2024

Show notes

A fair amount of gear is involved in making a camping or backpacking trip a success, and choosing that gear can be a little intimidating as there are lots of options, and it's expensive to boot.

Here to offer some tips on selecting gear and getting the most out of it is Craig Caudill, an avid outdoorsman, the director and lead instructor of the Nature Reliance School, and the author of Ultimate Wilderness Gear: Everything You Need to Know to Choose and Use the Best Outdoor Equipment. Today on the show, Craig and I discuss some things to know when purchasing things like boots, tents, sleeping bags, and more, and we offer some specific recommendations as to the gear that's worked for us respectively. Craig also offers tips on using outdoor equipment, including how to dry wet boots without damaging them, whether you should put a tarp under your tent, what to do if you get hot and sweaty or cold in your sleeping bag, a hack for sleeping more comfortably on the ground, and the best kind of knife for an outdoorsman to carry.

Resources Related to the Podcast

AoM Article: How to Filter and Purify Water for Traveling, Camping, and Survival
AoM Article: The Benefits of Hammock Camping
AoM Article: How to Pack a Backpack for Backpacking
AoM Article: Two Things You Should Be Doing to Take Better Care of Your Camping Gear
AoM Article: Outdoor Hydration Showdown — Nalgene Bottle vs. Water Bladder
AoM Article: How to Choose the Perfect Survival Knife
Craig's books
Native Summit in Edmond, OK
Brett's Tent: Hubba Hubba 2-Person Backpacking Tent
Hennessy Hammock Tent
Warbonnet Hammock Tents
Military Modular Sleep System
Brett's Sleeping Pad: Big Agnes
Kate's Sleeping Pad: Therm-A-Rest Trail Prolite Apex
Backpacking Cot
Brett's Backpacking Pillow: Sea to Summit Aeros
Brett's Water Bladder: HydraPak Shape-Shift
Craig's Water Filter: Sawyer Mini
Brett's Water Filter: Katadyn Hiker Pro Hand Pump Water Filter
Sawyer Squeeze Water Filter
Brett's Backpacking Stove: Jetboil Stove
Fire-Maple Backpacking Stove
MSR Backpacking Stove
LT Wright Handcrafted Knives
Fast Fire Firestarters
Hill People Gear Backpacks

Connect With Craig Caudill

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The Habits of Highly Effective Risk-Takers Aug 14, 2024

Show notes

You may know Nate Silver as an election forecaster. But he’s a poker player as well. And his experiences operating in a world of competition and risk led him to explore what his fellow gamblers, as well as hedge fund managers, venture capitalists, and many other kinds of maverick types do differently than other people.

Amongst the findings Nate shares in his new book, On the Edge: The Art of Risking Everything, are the “13 habits of highly effective risk-takers.” Nate and I discuss some of these habits today on the show, including exercising strategic empathy, avoiding the pitfalls of resulting, taking a raise or fold stance toward life, and more.

Resources Related to the Podcast

Connect With Nate Silver

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Practicing Spiritual Disciplines as an Act of Resistance Aug 12, 2024

Show notes

To train the body, strengthening its muscles, increasing its cardiovascular health, and improving its agility, you need to do exercises like stretching, running, and lifting weights.

To train the soul, expanding its capacity, you likewise need to perform exercises, in this case, what are called "spiritual disciplines" — practices like fasting, silence, self-examination, study, and simplicity.

As a pastor, John Mark Comer approaches the spiritual disciplines from a Christian perspective, as the habits and practices from "the way of Jesus" that allow individuals to make deeper layers of themselves available to grace and access the transforming power that's necessary to become what John Mark calls "a person of love."

But the practices that are considered spiritual disciplines can be found across different religions, and even philosophies like Stoicism, and can be utilized by people from varied backgrounds to deepen their inner life and strength, center themselves in chaos, find greater purpose, and subdue baser desires to reach for higher ideals.

Today on the show, John Mark offers an introduction to the spiritual disciplines, and the way they can be an act of resistance, a way for us to form our own values and rhythms in life, instead of allowing our lives to be formed by the defaults and external forces of our age.

Resources Related to the Podcast

The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by John Mark Comer
Practicing the Way by John Mark Comer
AoM's series on the spiritual disciplines:
AoM Article: How and Why to Take a Tech Sabbath
AoM Podcast #503: The Case for the 24/6 Lifestyle
AoM Podcast #708: Overcome the Comfort Crisis

Connect With John Mark Comer

John Mark's website

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The Science of Motivating Your Kids (And Any Young Adult) Aug 07, 2024

Show notes

If you’re a parent, teacher, coach, or manager who lives, loves, and works with tweens, teens, and 20s-somethings, you know that young people sometimes act in seemingly head-scratching ways, that you don’t always feel like you’re being listened to, and that it can be frustrating to try to guide them in acting towards positive ends.

The source of these challenges is often chalked up to the underdeveloped brains and hormones that tweens through young twenty-somethings possess. But my guest would say that what’s more to blame is the ineffective way mentors often approach young adults.

David Yeager is a developmental psychologist and the author of 10 to 25: The Science of Motivating Young People: A Groundbreaking Approach to Leading the Next Generation—And Making Your Own Life Easier. Today on the show, David and I discuss the “mentor’s dilemma” — the idea that you either have to be a tough authoritarian who holds young adults to high standards or a softie push-over who doesn’t crush a kid’s spirit — and how to navigate through this unnecessary dichotomy. David explains the critical importance of understanding what really drives young adults, what approaches cause them to shut down and disengage, and the best practices that parents, teachers, and other mentors can take to leave young adults feeling inspired, enthusiastic, and ready to contribute.

Connect With David Yeager

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Lose Weight and Keep It Off With Flexible Dieting Aug 05, 2024

Show notes

When many people try to lose weight, they choose a specific, cookie-cutter diet that claims to be the one true way to shed pounds. My guest says that approach is bound to backfire, and that there's a better way to lose weight and change your body composition.

Alan Aragon is a researcher and educator, a pioneer of evidence-based nutrition, and the author of Flexible Dieting: A Science-Based, Reality-Tested Method for Achieving and Maintaining Your Optimal Physique, Performance & Health. Today on the show, Alan offers an intro to his method of flexible dieting, in which, as long as you stay in a caloric deficit and hit your daily protein target, you can decide on how much fat and carbs to consume according to personal preference. We discuss what to keep in mind as you create your own individualized nutrition plan, including how much protein you need a day, the minimum amount of fat to get in your diet to avoid a decrease in testosterone, and the minimum of carbs to consume to maximize muscle gain. And, because flexible dieting is also about not rigidly sticking with your diet 100% of the time, Alan shares how often you should take a break from your diet to eat what you want.

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Connect With Alan Aragon

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How to Resist Group Anxiety and Become a Differentiated Self Jul 31, 2024

Show notes

When we think about anxiety, we typically think of something that is generated and felt within an individual. But Murray Bowen, a psychiatrist of the mid-20th century, argued that anxiety was also created by the interactions between individuals and could spread like a contagion in a group, an idea known as "Family Systems Theory."

Here to offer an introduction to Family Systems Theory and how its implications extend far beyond the family is Steve Cuss, who is a former hospital chaplain, a pastor, the founder of Capable Life, which offers coaching and consultation, and the author of Managing Leadership Anxiety: Yours and Theirs. Today on the show, Steve and I discuss how individuals in both families and organizations can "infect a situation with [their] own assumptions and expectations" and create a sense of anxiety that permeates a group. Steve unpacks the false needs that create chronic anxiety in an individual, how this anxiety spreads to others, and the unhealthy ways people deal with this tension, including becoming fused together. And we talk about how to put this anxiety back where it belongs, and how a single person can change a group dynamic by differentiating from it and becoming a rooted self.

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Connect With Steve Cuss

Steve's website

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The Vital Skills We’re Losing to Technology (And How to Reclaim Them) Jul 29, 2024

Show notes

Do moments where you run up against your dependence on modern technology get you wondering about the ways some of your personal capabilities seem to be atrophying?

Graham Lee has spent years thinking about this idea. While he's a digital skills educator who appreciates the way technology can enhance our abilities, he worries that our ever-increasing reliance on algorithms and artificial intelligence may be robbing us of elements that are vital to the core of who we are.

Lee is the author of Human Being: Reclaim 12 Vital Skills We’re Losing to Technology, and today on the show, we talk about some of those dozen endangered skills, including navigation, reading, writing, craftsmanship, and solitude. Lee offers case studies on how these skills enhance our humanness, why their loss matters, and how we can reclaim these capabilities and a greater sense of satisfaction and self-efficacy.

Resources Related to the Podcast

Connect With Graham Lee

Graham on LinkedIn

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How to Know When It's Time to Break Up With Your Job Jul 24, 2024

Show notes

You have a relationship with family, with friends, with a romantic partner. You may not have thought about it this way, but you also have a relationship with your job — a quite serious one, in fact; after all, you spend a third of your life working.

Just like the relationship you have with your significant other, there are ups and downs with your relationship with your job. It can start out with exciting honeymoon feelings, but along the way, you can end up drifting apart from your job, lose interest in it, or not feel appreciated. And there can come a time when you start wondering if you and your job should part ways.

Here to help you figure out if you should break up with your job is Tessa West, a professor of psychology and the author of Job Therapy: Finding Work That Works for You. Tessa interviewed thousands of people who have recently switched jobs or undergone career changes and found that there are five forms that job dissatisfaction typically takes. Today on the show, Tessa shares those five job dissatisfaction profiles, and how to know when you need to try to move into a new role within your company, or move on altogether and even change careers.

Resources Related to the Podcast

Connect With TessaWest

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