The Art of Manliness

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Go Ahead and Feel Envious (It Can Be a Positive Force) Nov 10, 2026

Show notes

Envy is a universal human emotion, but it's one we don't like to admit we feel. When a friend gets a promotion, a neighbor buys a bigger house, or someone you follow on social media seems to be living a better life than you, you might feel a pang of envy. And then you probably feel bad about feeling envious.

But what if envy isn't necessarily a bad thing? What if, instead of trying to suppress it, you could use it to build a better life?

My guest today says that's entirely possible. Her name is Dr. Stacy Kim, and she's a social scientist, a coach who works with high achievers, and the author of Envy: Why Wanting What They Have Is the Key to Getting What You Want.

Today on the show, Stacy explains the difference between benign and malicious envy, how envy can reveal what we really want out of life, and how envy is experienced and expressed differently in the U.S. versus Korea, where Stacy was born. We also discuss why you can't simply stop comparing yourself to others, how to turn envy into motivation and meaningful action, and how this uncomfortable emotion can actually help you build stronger relationships with others.

After the show is over, check out the show notes at aom.is/goodenvy

Related

Connect With Stacy Kim

Stacy's website

0:00 Introduction

1:43 What Kickstarted the Envy Project

4:28 Defining Envy: Benign vs. Malicious

11:08 Envy vs. Jealousy vs. Admiration

13:54 The SIREN Framework for Exploring Envy

19:17 Envy in Korea vs. America

24:50 Collective Envy: Nations & Groups

27:59 Why You Can't Stop Feeling Envy

31:45 Discovering What You Really Want

39:59 Learning From Those You Envy

46:25 Turning Envy Into Service

48:29 Where to Find More & Closing

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Treat Your To-Do List Like a River, and Other Mindset Shifts for Making Better Use of Your Time Nov 03, 2026

Show notes

Note: This is a rebroadcast.

When people think about living more fully and making better use of their time, they typically think of finding some new organizational system they can structure their lives with.

Oliver Burkeman says that what you really need instead are perspective shifts — small, sustainable changes in how you view and approach your day-to-day life. He provides those mindset shifts in his new book, Meditations for Mortals: Four Weeks to Embrace Your Limitations and Make Time for What Counts. And we talk about some of them today on the show, including why you should view life’s tasks and problems like a river instead of a bucket, stop feeling guilt over your “productivity debt,” make peace with your decisions by embracing an unconventional reading of the poem “The Road Not Taken,” aim to do your habits “dailyish,” be more welcoming of interruptions, and practice “scruffy hospitality.”

Resources Related to the Podcast

Connect With Oliver Burkeman

Oliver‘s website

:00 Introduction

0:23 Welcome & Book Overview

1:45 Continuation of Four Thousand Weeks

3:40 Why Productivity Makes Us Feel Dead Inside

9:04 The Efficiency Trap

11:09 Productivity Debt

14:56 Treat Your Reading List Like a River

18:58 Your To-Do List Is a Menu, Not a Bucket

23:47 Accepting You'll Always Have Problems

27:43 The Pressure to Solve the World's Problems

34:05 Making Decisions & "The Road Not Taken"

37:32 Daily-ish Habits, Interruptions & Scruffy Hospitality

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The New Dark Ages: The Death of Reading and the Dawn of the Post-Literate Society Oct 27, 2026

Show notes

You can't help but notice, in yourself and in others, how much less people are reading these days. When it comes to content consumption, we're often replacing articles and books with videos and, well, podcasts.

My guest says that this shift is having consequences, not only for our shrinking individual attention spans, but for society, and Western civilization writ large.

His name is James Marriott, and he's a columnist at The Times of London and the author of The New Dark Ages: The Death of Reading and the Dawn of the Post-Literate Society. Today on the show, James explains how people thought and interacted before the rise of reading and writing, how literacy changed our minds and made possible everything from democracy to modern science, and how television and smartphones may be returning us in some ways to a preliterate age. We then explore how our increasingly visual culture is making public debate more emotional and influence more personality-driven, and what it might mean for the future.

After the show is over, check out the show notes at aom.is/darkages

Resources Related to the Show

Connect With James Marriott

James' Substack: Cultural Capital

0:00 Introduction

0:39 The Decline of Reading

5:14 The Golden Age of Mass Literacy

8:24 How Literacy Changed the Mind

12:06 The Preliterate Mind

14:51 Truth and Conflict in Oral Culture

19:18 How Literacy Built Civilization

21:34 The Gutenberg Press & the Reading Revolution

30:45 Television and the Decline of Reading

33:16 Amusing Ourselves to Death

42:03 The Smartphone & the Post-Literate World

50:50 The Future of Reading

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The Lost Art of Mingling: How to Talk to Anyone, Anywhere Oct 20, 2026

Show notes

It's always been intimidating to enter a room where you don't know everyone, or anyone, and to initiate conversation with people at a wedding, holiday party, or work event. But it's never felt more potentially awkward and anxiety-generating than in an age dominated by screen-mediated interactions, when we don't get much practice in mixing at social events and making small talk in real life.

Here to help us get a lot more confident and comfortable in this area is Jeanne Martinet, author of The Art of Mingling, which is out in a newly updated edition. Jeanne last joined me on the podcast nearly a decade ago, and today she's back to share why the ability to mingle is more important than ever and how to get better at it.

We discuss why small talk is more valuable than you might think, and can not only lead to finding a potential romantic partner or lifelong friend, but is something worth doing for its own sake. Jeanne then shares practical tips you can put to use at your next social gathering or simply when you're out and about. She explains how to identify people who are open to conversation, four ways to break the ice with them, as well as an opening line to avoid, how to keep a conversation going, how to gracefully extract yourself from an interaction that's gone on too long, how to recover from putting your foot in your mouth, and more. We end our conversation with how to find more opportunities to socialize and practice your mingling skills.

After the show is over, check out the show notes aom.is/artofmingling

Related

Connect With Jeanne Martinet

0:00 – Introduction

1:19 – Why a New Edition of The Art of Mingling

5:23 – What Is Mingling and Why It Matters

7:14 – The Value of Small Talk

11:10 – What Holds People Back from Mingling

12:43 – How to Spot Someone Open to Conversation

16:17 – The Thin Room, Wingmen & Arriving with a Partner

19:14 – Four Ways to Break the Ice

23:21 – Keeping the Conversation Going

26:41 – Navigating Politics and Sensitive Topics

28:56 – How to Gracefully Exit a Conversation

33:54 – Mingling Anywhere & Finding Opportunities to Socialize

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Brandon Flowers, Frontman of the Killers, on Family, Faith, and Becoming a Thrasher Oct 13, 2026

Show notes

If you’ve been following the Art of Manliness for a while, you know that I typically interview the authors of books on this podcast. But,

if you’ve been following the Art of Manliness for a while, you’ll know why I had to make an exception for today’s guest.

Brandon Flowers is my very favorite musical artist. He is the frontman for the multi-platinum-record-earning band The Killers and has also put out three solo albums.

I recently had the chance to talk to Brandon backstage before one of his shows in Las Vegas. My wife Kate, as well as a couple of friends, were also on hand, and you’ll hear me allude to them a couple times during the interview.

Brandon and I had a great conversation. We discuss his third and latest solo album, Thrasher and why he went country-western on it, what his dad taught him about what makes a good man, what he’s currently reading (hint: it involves the author of my all-time favorite novel), his top five favorite country songs, the influence of faith in his life and music, what’s on his mind in midlife, and how he balances work and family.

Resources Related to the Podcast

Thrasher on iTunes, Spotify, and YouTube
Flamingo on iTunes, Spotify, and YouTube
Pressure Machine on iTunes, Spotify, and YouTube
Imploding the Mirage on iTunes, Spotify, and YouTube
Winesburg, Ohio by Sherwood Anderson
The Pastures of Heaven by John Steinbeck
AoM Podcast #824: Lonesome Dove and Life’s Journey Through Uncertainty
AoM Podcast #1,104: Ecclesiastes on Enjoying Our Weirdly Unsatisfying Lives
Mama Baskets at Costco
Come Follow Me LDS scripture study program
“My Lord, What a Morning”
Take the Simple Test That Can Predict Your Mortality
Brandon’s favorite country songs:
“Don’t Close Your Eyes” by Keith Whitley
“The Winner” by Kris Kristofferson
“Silver Stallion” by The Highwaymen
“A Lot of Things Different” by John Conlee
“What I’d Give” by Ian Noe

Connect With Brandon Flowers

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Silence, Solitude, Stillness: The Spiritual Disciplines We Need in a Noisy World Oct 06, 2026

Show notes

We live in a world of pervasive noise. Even when we're alone and our surroundings are quiet, our devices bombard us with an endless stream of inputs — messages, news, opinions, entertainment — and we feel constantly connected.

My guest argues that this lack of both silence and solitude isn't just generating stress and fragmenting our attention, but doing real damage to our souls.

His name is John Mark Comer, and he’s a pastor and the author of Into the Quiet. Today on the show, we discuss what noise is doing to the deepest parts of us and how engaging in silence and solitude can help us cultivate inner stillness. We explore the monastic tradition behind these spiritual disciplines, why engaging in them can sometimes feel like a negative experience, and what happens when all our usual distractions disappear. We also get into simple ways to bring more quiet into everyday life.

After the show’s over, check out the show notes at aom.is/silence.

Resources Related to the Podcast

Connect With John Mark Comer

John Mark's website

0:00 Introduction

1:33 What Prompted "Into the Quiet"

5:42 Soundless Noise in the Digital Age

7:39 What Noise Does to Our Souls

11:02 Loneliness vs. Solitude

13:57 Cultivating Inner Stillness

19:02 The Eremos: Jesus' Practice of Solitude

23:58 The Desert Fathers & Monastic Tradition

29:06 What Happens in the Silence

39:17 Confronting Inner Demons in Solitude

47:36 Practical Ways to Practice Silence & Solitude

51:47 Outro

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Why Modern Convenience Feels So Inconvenient Sep 29, 2026

Show notes

Modern life is filled with conveniences designed to make things easier. We can order dinner without leaving the couch, check ourselves out at the grocery store, communicate instantly with anyone, and stream nearly every movie and song ever made.

So why do we often feel busier, more stressed, and more, well, inconvenienced than ever?

My guest today argues that many supposed advancements don’t actually save us time, money, or energy — and that even when they do, they can eliminate forms of friction that made life richer, more enjoyable, and more human.

His name is Gabe Bullard, and he’s the author of Against Convenience. Today on the show, Gabe and I discuss how self-checkout, mobile ordering, digital communication, streaming services, food delivery, and even smartphone cameras can paradoxically make life more annoying and less satisfying. Gabe also shares questions to ask yourself to decide which conveniences are worth keeping, and why deliberately adding a little friction back into your life can sometimes make it better.

0:00 Introduction

1:45 Why Convenience Isn't Working

4:22 Self-Checkout & Starbucks App Failures

11:29 The Illusion of Technological Progress

17:28 Phones as a Single Point of Failure

18:20 How Digital Communication Hurts Relationships

23:49 Dating Apps & Making Friends

27:15 Smartphone Cameras & the Value of Photos

32:41 Streaming & Entertainment Disappointment

40:10 Food Delivery Problems

46:30 Wendell Berry's Questions for New Tech

50:12 Practical Tips for Embracing Friction

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The One-Skill-a-Year Plan for a More Interesting Life Sep 22, 2026

Show notes

We all have things we’ve always wanted to know how to do, but have never gotten around to learning. Speak a foreign language. Play an instrument. Write a book. Take up surfing. Maybe you’ve even started one of these pursuits a few times, only to drop it after a couple of weeks.

My guest calls this collection of abandoned or deferred desires your “invisible list” and is the author of a book of the same name.

Today on the show, Ravi Gupta presents a plan for tackling the things on your invisible list by picking one hobby-like activity each year and working your way to an intermediate level in it. He explains the different categories these pursuits can fall into, from the liftoff project to the mental marathon to the skillbatical, and how to pick the right one for your season of life. We also discuss how camps for grownups can make skill acquisition more enjoyable, why you should consider taking up an adult-appropriate sport like tennis, why Ravi decided to take the MCAT even though he doesn't plan to become a doctor, and how working on your invisible list can give your life chapters and, over the course of a decade, turn you into a Renaissance-man badass.

After the show is over, check out the show notes at aom.is/invisiblelist

0:00 — Introduction

1:45 — What is the Invisible List?

4:38 — Examples & Bucket List Comparison

8:46 — Why a Year Creates Life Chapters

11:10 — Making Time: Family & Constraints

15:44 — Five Rules of the Invisible List

18:39 — Why Aim for Intermediate?

21:19 — The Five Archetypes

26:50 — Liftoff Year: Powerlifting & Journaling

37:30 — Skill-Batical: Surfing & Adult Camps

43:17 — Age-Appropriate Sports: Tennis

45:46 — Mental Marathon: Taking the MCAT

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The 3-Step System for Simplifying Your Work and Life Sep 15, 2026

Show notes

When people are faced with problems and complexity, our instinct is to add instead of subtract. As a result, we have a tendency to make our work and our lives more and more complex, and less and less effective and fulfilling. Even when what we add is new technology that promises to make us more productive, it often only seems to bog us down and give us even more to do.

My guest says that to fight this drift toward complexity, especially in the modern age, you’ve got to be ruthless about cutting out the superfluous and focusing on what’s most important. His name is Jim VandeHei, and he’s the co-founder and CEO of Axios and the co-author of Simplify.

Today on the show, Jim explains how to simplify your work and personal life using a three-step process: confront, delete, and amplify. We discuss how to identify the “slop” we’re all inundated with (and he’s not just talking about what’s generated by AI), rules of thumb for what to say no to, why you should spend more time developing your strengths than fixing your weaknesses, and the importance of getting clear on what you want out of life, both personally and professionally.

Resources Related to the Podcast

Connect With Jim VandeHei

Jim at Axios

0:00 Introduction & Website Redesign

0:48 The Problem with Complexity

1:56 Interview Begins: Why Another Book on Simplifying?

3:00 How AI Makes Life More Complex

5:42 The Confront, Delete, Amplify Framework

8:14 Why Complexity Creeps Into Everything

11:35 Identifying Slop in Work and Life

17:43 How to Confront Your Habits

24:59 Rules for Saying No

29:48 Amplify Strengths Over Weaknesses

37:35 Simplifying Communication at Work

42:29 Using AI to Simplify Your Life

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If I Don’t Return: A General's Wartime Journal for His Sons Sep 08, 2026

Show notes

When Mark Hertling learned he was deploying for Operation Desert Storm, he decided to start a journal.

Back then, Mark was an Army major and cavalry officer with two young sons. His unit would be out in front of the main force, and during an intelligence briefing, he was told it could suffer casualties as high as 50 percent. Mark realized there was a real chance he might not come home. So he began writing down what he was experiencing, along with the lessons about life, leadership, and character that he wanted his boys to know if he wasn’t there to teach them himself.

Mark did come home, and went on to serve 38 years in the Army, including as an assistant division commander in Baghdad and later commander of the 1st Armored Division in Iraq during the 2007–2008 surge, before finishing his career as commander of U.S. Army Europe.

Decades later, that wartime journal became the basis for his new book, If I Don’t Return. Today on the show, retired three-star General Mark Hertling and I talk about the reflections it contains on making every day count, planning for friction, marriage and friendship, handwritten notes, casual profanity, the moral weight of war, and what it means to build a man.

Resources Related to the Podcast

Connect With Mark Hertling

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