The Art of Charm

Life Lessons from the Oldest and Wisest

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755: Life Advice: From the Oldest and the Wisest Apr 22, 2019

Show notes

Many of us tend to overlook one of the greatest sources of wisdom in our lives - our elders - but how much can you learn from one simple conversation, what can you do to better connect with your elders, and what are the secrets to a long and happy life?

What to Listen For

Why is it important to maintain relationships with our elders and what can we learn from them, even in a technology dominated world?
Are older generations facing the same level of loneliness that modern generations seem to be facing en masse?
What do the elderly point to as secrets to a longer and happier life?
What is one simple act you can do every time you run into someone you know that can strengthen the bond between you two?
If you’re looking for a mentor, what can you do to approach an elder you’re interested in learning from?
How do you connect with people from older generations if you feel you have nothing in common?
What can you do to mend broken relationships before it’s too late?
What simple mental exercise can you do to develop your sense of empathy when it comes to getting to know your elders?

We live in an interesting time in human history. In many cultures around the world and for as far back as we can tell, the elders in a community have been revered for their experience and wisdom. But now, if you live in a country like the United States, you have undoubtedly seen or heard of our elders being treated as if they are “extra weight” we have to live with as a society. Retirement homes and nursing homes are ripe with older generations who are treated like stubborn patients rather than the wise and experienced members of society they are.

But there is so much we can learn from our elders. The stories they can tell are the stories of past lives, of struggle and adversity, and the lessons only decades of experience can teach us. Remember the next time you encounter one of your elders, that reaching old age can feel lonely for many people. Friends have passed away. Family members and loved ones might only be checking in on occasion. Our elders are an untapped resource and need our presence in their lives just as much as we unknowingly need theirs.

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Resources from this Episode

David Romanelli

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Episode 729: Self-esteem is Bullshit

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754: Steven Hayes on Why Craving Pain is Human Apr 15, 2019

Show notes

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) is one of the most effective methods to increase psychological flexibility - but what exactly is ACT, how can it decrease the suffering in your life, and why is it so crucial to leading a happy and fulfilling life, especially in this day and age?

What to Listen For

What is the bus driver metaphor and how can you use it to prevent your thoughts and feelings from controlling you?
What is ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) and why is it so effective?
What one question can you ask yourself to determine why something is important to you?
Why is it important to us to experience the full range of emotions, rather than just the good ones?
How can you learn to appreciate negative feelings just as much as positive ones so you can decrease the suffering in your life?
What can you do to turn negative feelings (like anxiety) into a guiding compass for what you want in life?
What has been the biggest challenge with the way our lives have been infused with technology and what can you do to lessen the negative impacts?
How dominant is the comparison of more versus less in our heads?
What is the best way to start overcoming your anxiety, and why might it seem counterintuitive at first?
What simple exercise can you do to transform your mental state whenever you want?

Pain is unavoidable. One could argue it is the most important stimulus for change and growth in a person’s life. And if pain is that important, then having a mindset or method for dealing with pain can only benefit you in the long run. If you allow yourself to get hung up on painful moments and refuse to learn from them, then you will only increase the suffering you experience.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy helps individuals to shift their perspective on pain and suffering by improving their psychological flexibility. Think of it as a tree in a storm. If that tree is stiff, it will eventually snap under enough stress, but if the tree is flexible, no matter how hard the wind blows, the tree will simply bend until the storm has passed.

Do you want to snap under the stress of life? Or do you want to bend, and come out the other side stronger and wiser?

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Access a World of Knowledge. Unlimited video learning with the World's Greatest Professors at The Great Courses Plus. Start your Free Month trial now by going to thegreatcoursesplus.com/charm

Go to stateandliberty.com and type in the code CHARM to get 10% off your first order or mention this podcast at any of their locations.

Blinkist gives you access to key insights from 2,500+ bestselling nonfiction books, transformed into powerful packs you can read or listen to in just 15 minutes. Go to blinkist.com/aoc to start your FREE trial or get 3 months off your yearly plan.

Resources from this Episode

Steven Hayes

Episode 727: Sugar Ray Leonard

Mental Brakes to Avoid Mental Breaks | Steven Hayes | TEDx

How love turns pain into purpose | Steven Hayes | TEDx

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Uncertainty can cause more stress than inevitable pain

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753: Love, Money and Relationships Apr 08, 2019

Show notes

In a world of seemingly limitless options, how can you know if a person is THE person for you, what questions can you ask yourself to determine if you’re even ready for a relationship, and how do you stop money from driving you two apart the way it does for countless relationships and marriages?

What to Listen For

How can you know who to settle down with in a world of seemingly limitless options?
What are 3 questions to ask yourself to help you understand if you’re with the right person?
Why is it detrimental to a relationship if you enter it with expectations for either one of you to change?
How do you get a complete picture of someone to know whether he or she is someone you want to be in a relationship with?
In what ways do you have to change your mindset to make a committed relationship work?
What questions should you ask yourself to determine whether or not you’re ready for a relationship?
How does your relationship with money impact your relationship with your significant other?
What 3 step conversation can you have with your significant other so you both can understand each other’s relationship with money and save yourslf years of headaches and arguments?
If you want your relationship to grow, where does that growth have to start?
Why do people in relationships grow apart, how do you recognize it when it begins, and what can you do to stop it from breaking the relationship?
What two factors are shown by science to be the greatest predictors of divorce in satisfied newly weds?

To say relationships are complex is an understatement. We are all different, and we all have different needs and wants along with different expectations for how those needs and wants should be satisfied. This is why communication is crucial, both communication with yourself and communication with your significant other. If you want to give a relationship the best chance of success you must be willing to talk about your needs, wants, and expectations in any number of areas. Ask the right questions, ask the hard questions, and be willing to adapt and adjust to each other as you go through life.

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Resources from this Episode

744: Dating Done Right With Evan Marc Katz

Why do even satisfied newlyweds eventually go on to divorce?

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Uncertainty can cause more stress than inevitable pain

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752: Essential Tools for Navigating Everyday Uncertainty Apr 01, 2019

Show notes

Uncertainty is an unavoidable part of life, and for many, it can feel overwhelming - but what important lessons can your relationship with uncertainty teach you, how can you improve the relationship with uncertainty, and what are some real-world examples of handling uncertainty in a positive way?

What to Listen For

How can purpose help you overcome and push through uncertainty in life when making big decisions as well as small decisions?
What exercise can you start doing now to help you deal with anxiety and uncertainty in your everyday life?
How does indecisiveness impact the feeling of uncertainty in life and what can you do if you have a bad relationship with indecisiveness?
What is the best advice for someone entering a leadership role at work for the first time?
Why is communication so important in a leadership or management role and what tips can you start implementing today to improve your team’s productivity?
What do many of us do to contribute to a toxic work environment and what can you do to start reversing the damage before it’s too late?
How do you make friends when moving to a new city where you don’t know anyone?
What easy questions can you use at the next meetup or networking event to spark conversations with new people?
What’s the best way to follow up with new contacts after a networking event?
What is the Social Sales Funnel and why is it so effective at building new friendships and relationships no matter where you live?

As humans, we evolved to look for patterns in order to feel more secure about our surroundings, because a lack of familiarity in the wild could mean you are not in a safe location. Uncertainty makes its appearance in the form of not knowing how something will turn out - that job interview, the presentation at work, the third date with your new crush, whether or not you’ll be able to sell the house in time, etc. The list goes on forever because there is an infinite number of events to be uncertain about, and depending on how attached you are to the event (or more likely, the outcome of the event), the more stress and anxiety the uncertainty can cause you.

It is critical to your future happiness and success to be comfortable with the discomfort uncertainty brings because life is full of uncertainty and there is no way to eliminate it from your life. Start building a positive relationship with uncertainty today and you will certainly be closer to a more enjoyable life tomorrow.

A Word From Our Sponsors

Visit dukecannon.com right now and get 15% off your first order with the promo code CHARM. Free shipping on orders over $35.

Go to stateandliberty.com and type in the code CHARM to get 10% off your first order or mention this podcast at any of their locations.

Resources from this Episode

Episode 743: Relationship Goals: Love, Friends & Work

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

David Henzel on Instagram

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751: Less Stress, More Happiness with David Henzel | Q&A Mar 25, 2019

Show notes

Your habits and systems determine how successful you can become, but what habits and systems can you implement in your professional life and personal life to reduce unnecessary stress and frustration while creating more space in your calendar and your mind to focus on the important things?

What to Listen For

What role do habits and systems play in determining your potential for success?
How do you balance life and work as an entrepreneur?
What is David Henzel’s definition of happiness and how can you use his approach to happiness to help strengthen your own?
What can you start doing today to take the pressure off of you in situations ranging from one-on-one settings all the way to a public speaking event?
How do you build trust with someone you care about when he or she starts pulling away?
If you recognize toxic behavior in yourself, what can you do to deal with it so you stop causing damage to the relationships in your life?
How do you set boundaries without coming across as harsh or rude?
What can you do to start making friends after school or outside of work and church?
How can you use Facebook Ads to network, make friends, and even find a date?
What red flags should you look for when making friends or looking for dates in order to save yourself time and heartache?
How do you allow someone back into your life who used to be toxic and is clearly making an effort to improve?

Balance can be a difficult goal to hit because of how often things in our lives change. Friends and relationships come and go. Work will always have highs and lows and many of us jump from job to job every few years. Money comes and goes. Our hobbies and interests evolve over time. Our bodies age and demand different levels of care from us.

Throughout all of this, it’s important for our mental, emotional, and physical well being that we maintain some semblance of balance.

Socializing is important, meaningful work is important, relaxing is important, working out is important, exposing yourself to new people and new ideas is important, but spending all of your time on any one of those things can lead to feeling burnt out, eventual boredom, loneliness, and any number of dire physical ailments stemming from not having a well-rounded healthy lifestyle.

Follow your passion and do what you love, but don’t let the rest of your life fall by the wayside.

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Visit dukecannon.com right now and get 15% off your first order with the promo code CHARM. Free shipping on orders over $35.

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Resources from this Episode

Meetup.com

David Henzel

David Henzel on Twitter

David Henzel on Facebook

David Henzel on LinkedIn

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Episode 748: 7 Signs of a Toxic Relationship

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750: Overcoming Self-Doubt with Jay Shetty Mar 18, 2019

Show notes

If you want to pursue your own happiness and fulfillment you are bound to make decisions that confuse or disappoint the people around you, which can lead to doubt and uncertainty in your own head, so what can you do to stay focused on your goals, how do you handle the mixed emotions of those around you, and why can trying to live up to the expectations of others lead to a life of endless regret?

What to Listen For

Why does Jay Shetty give credit to Eminem for the way he approaches storytelling?
AJ asks Jay how he made the decision to become a monk at such a young age, leaving everything he knew behind
How did Jay Shetty’s fun-filled successful life in London finance compare to his modest living as a monk in India?
What 3 things did Jay Shetty notice in the person who inspired him to pursue life as a monk, and why are they so important to be happy?
How do you deal with the toxic people you cut out of your life before achieving some success but who later want back in once they see how successful you’ve become?
Jay touches on how to handle doubt and resistance from the people you love when you want to make a life-changing decision
How do you deal with self-doubt and perfectionism when you’re trying to consistently create content with a far-reaching impact?
Why is it easier said than done to “Just be yourself” and what tips can you start using now to be more comfortable being you?
How are your passion, purpose, and happiness inextricably linked, and how can you develop your passion into a purpose to build your happiness?
If you love telling stories, how do you turn that love into full-time work?
How do you curate an inner circle you can trust and rely on for support as well as honest feedback and advice?

You only get one life. You know this, but many of us don’t live our lives with that understanding in mind. It’s an important idea to comprehend for one simple fact: you don’t live anyone else’s life, and they don’t live yours. If you want to be happy and fulfilled you must make the decisions you want to make and not the decisions other people want you to make. No matter what you do, there will be people who are going to question you and doubt you, which is why it’s critical you believe in yourself and make your dreams priority number one.

A Word From Our Sponsors

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Blinkist gives you access to key insights from 2,500+ bestselling nonfiction books, transformed into powerful packs you can read or listen to in just 15 minutes. Go to Blinkist.com/AOC to start your free trial or get three months off your yearly plan when you join today.

Go to stateandliberty.com and type in the code CHARM to get 10% off your first order or mention this podcast at any of their locations.

Get $100 off the ‘eero base unit and 2 beacons package,’ and 1 year of eero Plus. Visit eero.com/charm and at checkout enter CHARM

Resources from this Episode

The Journey Home by Radhanath Swami

The Bhagavad Gita by Eknath Easwaran

Jay Shetty on Instagram

Jay Shetty on Twitter

Jay Shetty on Facebook

Jay Shetty’s Podcast

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

Episode 748: 7 Signs of a Toxic Relationship

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749: How to Handle Toxic Relationships Mar 11, 2019

Show notes

How can toxic people make you feel like you are losing your mind, what can they do to turn your coworkers and friends against you, and what is the best way to deal with them before the damage gets out of control, potentially leading you to lose a job, a relationship, or even your friends.

What to Listen For

Why is it so important to remove toxic people from your professional or personal social circle?
What two proven ways can you use to remove toxic people from your life?
How can a toxic person make you doubt your decision to cut them out?
How do toxic people work to turn your friends and coworkers against you?
What is gas lighting and how do toxic people use it against you to make you feel like you are losing your sanity?
What are the signs you can look for to know when you are being gas lit and what should you do if your recognize these signs today?
How do you go about dealing with toxic family members to remove their toxic influence on you?
What can you do to deal with toxic coworkers since how you handle it could impact your job security?

It’s one thing to understand the behaviors of toxic individuals so you can recognize them immediately and prevent them from getting deep enough in your life to cause any real damage. Many of you, however, might just now be identifying which of the relationships in your life are indeed toxic, and that can make it a significantly more delicate and difficult problem to address.

It is crucial to approach the problem as soon as you can to prevent the toxic individuals from doing any further damage, and once you do, you must stand by your decision. Toxic people can change, but the kind of change they must go through is not the kind of change that is going to happen after you allow them back into your life just because they got on their knees and begged for your forgiveness.

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Resources from this Episode

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Episode 740: How Defined Values Lead to Long-term Happiness | w/ Russ Harris

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748: 7 Signs of a Toxic Relationship Mar 04, 2019

Show notes

Toxic relationships exist in all of our lives in varying degrees, but defines a toxic relationship, how can you identify toxic relationships in your life, and what can you do if you find out you are exhibiting toxic behavior?

What to Listen For

What is the definition of toxic when it comes to relationships?
How do you recognize when a relationship is toxic and what can you do to rectify the situation or walk away from it?
What are the 7 surefire ways of identifying a toxic person and what is the best way to handle
How can you recognize when you are the toxic half of a relationship and what can you start doing now to make sure you don’t ruin the relationship?
What 2 simple questions can you ask yourself to determine if a relationship is toxic?
Can you rid yourself completely of toxic relationships?
What does it mean to be high value?
What are 3 high values behaviors you can identify in non toxic individuals and how can you implement them in your own life?
What does it mean to exhibit cooperative behavior and why is it important if you want healthy relationships and significantly less stress?

Toxic individuals and toxic relationships are an unavoidable part of interacting with other people. It’s a numbers game - if you meet enough people you will eventually bring toxic people into your life. That’s ok, what matters is how you handle the situation once it’s in front of you. And while toxic relationships can have a damaging impact on your life in a variety of ways, it’s important to remember that the toxic individuals are still human, and aren’t necessarily bad - they’re just bad for you.

We all go through phases in our lives and each of these phases asks different things of us and of those people we bring into our lives. It’s important for you to be conscious of what is good for you and what is detrimental, and just because a relationship or friendship is toxic for you at one time it does not necessarily mean that person can never be a part of your life. Establish boundaries, allow yourself to forgive from time to time, and prioritize your health and your needs - always put your oxygen mask on before helping the person next to you.

A Word From Our Sponsors

Squarespace is the all-in-one solution for anyone looking to create a beautiful website. Check out squarespace.com/charm for a free trial and when you’re ready to launch, use the offer code CHARM to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain”

Resources from this Episode

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

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747: Living Boldly with Gia Helena Feb 25, 2019

Show notes

We’ve all heard the phrase, “Fortune favors the bold” right? But what does it mean to live your life with boldness, how is it related to fear and the overcoming of fear, and in what ways is it different from simply having confidence?

What to Listen For

Do you have to be confident in order to be bold and why should you want to develop your boldness?
What can you do on a daily basis to practice boldness?
What steps can you give your children so they can develop strength and boldness in order to better succeed in life?
What stands in the way of people bringing boldness into their relationships?
How can not being your authentic self damage your relationships and prevent you from moving up in your professional life?
How much time is too much time spent trying to improve toxic relationships in your life before it’s acceptable to walk away from them?
How can you be more authentic in your relationships and how can being less authentic damage your relationships?
If you are facing a loss what can you start doing to cope with the loss to ensure you’re still able to be happy?
If you feel like you need a break from socializing, will it damage your relationships to take time off to recharge?
How do you know if your social circle truly has your back?
What can you do to maintain long distance friendships if you feel like you’re bad at it?

If confidence comes from exposing yourself to the unknown and the unfamiliar until it becomes familiar, boldness is the willingness to act in the face of fear and uncertainty. So, in order to develop either one you must be willing to take action. None of us starts at zero - we all have some level of confidence and boldness to begin with, but to improve them we must take action.

Practicing boldness will allow you to further increase your confidence, and increasing your confidence unlocks limitless potential in your life. But like any muscle or skill, if they are left alone they will begin to wither. Confidence and boldness must be exercised and practiced regularly in order to keep them growing, so get out there and start living your life with boldness.

A Word From Our Sponsors

Are you sick and tired of paying high interest rates on your credit cards? Go to lightstream.com/charm

Problems hiring? ZipRecruiter is the highest-rated hiring site in America. Try for FREE at ziprecruiter.com/charm where ZR will send your job to 100+ of the web’s leading job boards.

Resources from this Episode

Gia Helena

Living with Boldness

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