The Adult Chair Podcast with Michelle Chalfant

Or find on Amazon or Target.com

MORE ADULT CHAIR

The Adult Chair® Website

The Adult Chair® Membership

The Adult Chair® Workshop

The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification

http://livewellwithsharonmartin.com/

STAY CONNECTED

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/

The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

292: Boundary Help at the Holidays with Sharon Martin Dec 09, 2021

Show notes

Staying in our Adult Chair and setting boundaries can be especially difficult at the holidays. Pressure to attend events or spend money, uncomfortable conversations, holiday traditions and gatherings of family and friends that might not normally get together can create plenty of scenarios that test our boundaries (not to mention the "shoulds" and guilt the holidays can bring!).

It doesn't surprise me one bit when my inbox lights up with questions about boundaries this time of year.

So, I enlisted the help of today's guest, psychotherapist and boundary expert Sharon Martin, to help me answer your questions about how to flex your boundary muscles this time of year — and anytime!

We talk about how to navigate guilt and defensiveness when it comes to boundaries, helpful boundary statements and all kinds of practical tips and tools for setting boundaries at the holidays.

Listen to discover:

What a boundary is
Why boundaries can actually lead to better relationships
Why we sometimes feel guilty when setting a boundary (and how to work through this)
What to do when someone doesn't respond to your boundary
How to lower the defenses of the person you're setting a boundary with
Why boundaries are an important form of self-care

Boundaries are not something you have to master overnight. I didn't wake up one day suddenly good at setting boundaries either – but when you start slowly and build and build, you CAN learn this…and everybody needs to learn it, because boundaries are part of our self-care!

So, if you're feeling overwhelmed by holiday boundaries, pick one or two to start with – a "no" to a party, a political topic you don't want to discuss or a gift budget. You'll bring a little extra sanity to your holidays and give yourself great practice for year-round self-care.

"One way we can think about [boundaries] is as a dividing line." - Sharon Martin

"You can actually have better relationships when we are able to set boundaries." - Michelle Chalfant

"We don't need to wait until the uncomfortableness is completely gone for us to set the boundary." - Sharon Martin

"Boundaries and confrontation are not the same thing." - Michelle Chalfant

"Boundaries are really based on needs." - Sharon Martin

"It's always about staying connected to yourself so that you know when a boundary is necessary." - Michelle Chalfant

"Don't extend yourself to others so much that you've lost sight of what you need on the inside." - Michelle Chalfant

LINKS & RESOURCES

Sharon Martin Website

"The Better Boundaries Workbook" (Sharon Martin Book)

https://betterboundariesworkbook.com/

2022 Annual Adult Chair® Membership

2022 Theme: A Year of Conscious Living

https://courses.theadultchair.com/offers/U6FHGTjV/checkout

Other Adult Chair® Podcasts on Boundaries

https://theadultchair.com/?s=boundaries&pageName=default

P&G Hair Food

Or find on Amazon or Target.com

MORE ADULT CHAIR

The Adult Chair® Website

The Adult Chair® Membership

The Adult Chair® Workshop

The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification

TAC Circles®

https://www.youtube.com/user/drdainheer

STAY CONNECTED

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/

The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

291: Loneliness at the Holidays with Dr. Dain Heer Dec 02, 2021

Show notes

The holidays are a time where it feels like everything is a bit magnified: there is so much joy and brightness in the world but also space for sadness, loneliness and grief to be amplified.

It's a touchy time of year where whatever we're feeling gets underscored by parties, gatherings and traditions.

But the holidays don't create these feelings. In fact, according to my guest on the podcast today, WE don't even create most of these feelings. Rather, we pick them up from our parents and the world around us, and the key to overcoming loneliness and sadness is to understand where it all began.

In this episode, I'm bringing back one of my favorite people, Dr. Dain Heer, to talk about loneliness, how to identify what is ours and what is not, how to clear what's not ours, how to get out of victim and so many more important, empowering topics!

Dr. Dain also shares tools and techniques you can use immediately to start clearing negative emotions – one of the reasons I love his work so much!

Listen to discover:

What loneliness is and where it comes from
Why 98% of our thoughts and feeling aren't actually ours – and where they come from
How to get out of negative emotions
What to do if you're experiencing loneliness in life
The true root of victimhood
The "clearing statement" for fast transformation

Dr. Dain's work with Access Consciousness is all about realizing the power you have within you to change. When you're able to get rid of what is not yours, it gives you the space and energy to work on what IS yours and create your life instead of falling victim to it. I hope the tools in this episode help you find your inner power, no matter what you're feeling this holiday season – or any time of the year!

"Your point of view creates your reality. Your reality doesn't create your point of view." - Dr. Dain Heer

"It's as simple as redirecting that energy out of your energy field." - Michelle Chalfant

"It starts to undo the foundation of limitation." - Dr. Dain Heer

"We don't have to be limited by the world around us." - Dr. Dain Heer

"When we open the door for possibilities, it makes that available to everybody else on the planet." - Dr. Dain Heer

"People who do victim have learned it." - Dr. Dain Heer

"Victims are actually victimizing others and controlling them with their victimhood." - Dr. Dain Heer

"If we can just sit in someone else's energy field that's healthy, we become more like them." - Michelle Chalfant

Resources

Dr. Dain Heer Website

https://drdainheer.com/

Dr. Dain Heer YouTube

Dr. Dain Heer Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/DrDainHeer

Dr. Dain Heer Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/dainheer/

Who Does This Belong To App

https://www.accessconsciousness.com/en/shop-catalog/apps/who-does-this-belong-to-app/

The Clearing Statement

https://theclearingstatement.com/

"Body Whispering" (Dr. Dain Heer Book)

https://www.amazon.com/Body-Whispering-Dr-Heer/dp/1634934873

2022 Adult Chair® Membership

2022 Theme: A Year of Conscious Living

https://courses.theadultchair.com/offers/U6FHGTjV/checkout

P&G Hair Food

Or find on Amazon or Target.com

MORE ADULT CHAIR

The Adult Chair® Website

The Adult Chair® Membership

The Adult Chair® Workshop

The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification

TAC Circles®

https://https://www.rhythmofregulation.com/

STAY CONNECTED

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/

The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

290: Holiday Special: Using the Polyvagal Theory to Balance Your Nervous System with Deb Dana Nov 25, 2021

Show notes

You know the feeling when your nervous system kicks into overdrive. Maybe you freeze in place or your heart starts racing, your body pumping with adrenaline. This automatic response often feels like it overtakes us. But what if you could control and balance your nervous system instead of it controlling you?

In today's show, I'm interviewing the incredible Deb Dana, one of the leading experts on the nervous system and the Polyvagal Theory. The Polyvagal Theory offers us cutting-edge insight into the third nervous system response that Porges calls the social engagement system, based on the Vagus Nerve.

In this episode, we talk about how we can both understand and balance our nervous system — from the different ways we respond to fear or danger (including fight, flight, freeze and a new one you might not be aware of) to how we can change our response to stressors over time. We explore how we can stop moralizing our nervous response, how to listen and pay attention to our nervous system and how others' nervous systems can help us regulate. It is FASCINATING!

Listen to discover:

What the Polyvagal Theory is and why it's important for you to know about it
Understanding the Polyvagal Theory to learn how to better balance the nervous system
How the Polyvagal Theory could be linked with depression, anxiety, chronic fatigue and other ailments
How we can reshape our nervous system
Specific ways to self-regulate when you are stressed, based on YOUR unique nervous system

This blends attachment theory, stress response, self-regulation, co-regulation and SO much more. The big takeaway is that you have a choice! Even though you don't get to choose how your nervous system is wired, you can eventually shift how you respond to situations and regulate your own system — which is so empowering!

"We don't get to choose our survival response." - Deb Dana

"We want to stretch our nervous system but not stress our nervous system." - Deb Dana

Resources

Deb Dana Website

The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy by Deb Dana

https://www.amazon.com/Polyvagal-Theory-Therapy-Interpersonal-Neurobiology/dp/0393712370/ref=nodl_

Adult Chair® Coaches

https://theadultchair.com/coaches/

P&G Hair Food

Or find on Amazon or Target.com

MORE ADULT CHAIR

The Adult Chair® Website

The Adult Chair® Membership

The Adult Chair® Workshop

The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification

TAC Circles®

https://daynaciarfalia.com/

STAY CONNECTED

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/

The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

289: Conscious Parenting, Kid Triggers and More with Dayna Ciarfalia Nov 18, 2021

Show notes

They always say parenting is the hardest job in the world. And while caring for little beings and chauffeuring them all around town can certainly be busy and overwhelming at times, the day-to-day tasks of parenting were not what I found most challenging.

Instead, it was what my kids revealed about me that was so hard! The way they knew exactly how to push my buttons and trigger me, the fears and anxieties that came out when they were born and the hopes and dreams I projected on them were the biggest mirror for who I was, even in the tiniest human form.

But as you know, I believe triggers are a gift, so stepping into our Adult Chair as parents and consciously looking at parenting as part of our healing journey can be an amazing next step in our growth!

In this episode, I'm talking with parenting coach Dayna Ciarfalia about what conscious parenting is and how we can become more conscious as parents. We talk about what it means and what to do when our kids trigger us, our true role as parents and how we can build healthy, life-long relationships with our kids as we encourage them to become who they're meant to become.

Listen to discover:

What conscious parenting is (and what it's not)
The impact we can have on our children
Practical ways to consciously parent
How conscious parenting can help your relationship with your kids
How our children triggering us reveals our own wounding
The importance of taking care of our own needs as a parent

It's so hard to let go as a parent. We want our kids to be safe, healthy and happy...and we often have our own ideas and values about who we want them to be in the world. But when we shift into a more conscious state, we can see the ways our kids help us grow and our role in guiding them to become the unique beings they are created to be.

"As conscious parents, we don't view our children as beings to be controlled or taught or raised, if you will. We see them as separate beings that we are here in relationship with to support them in becoming the person they are supposed to be – whatever that is." - Dayna Ciarfalia

"How we model being a human in front of them becomes the blueprint for how they are going to be in the world." - Dayna Ciarfalia

"It's not you vs. me. It's us vs. the problem." - Dayna Ciarfalia

"As humans we like to blame other people for triggering us vs. 'Wait, is this mine?'" - Michelle Chalfant

"That overwhelm almost always comes from a lack of me acknowledging my needs." - Dayna Ciarfalia

"We don't know who our kids are here to become." - Michelle Chalfant

LINKS & RESOURCES

Dayna Ciarfalia Website

Dayna Ciarfalia Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/the.conscious.healing.mama

The Adult Chair® Membership (November Theme: I am unique.)

P&G Hair Food

Or find on Amazon or Target.com

MORE ADULT CHAIR

The Adult Chair® Website

The Adult Chair® Membership

The Adult Chair® Workshop

The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification

TAC Circles®

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-adult-chair/id941317634?mt=2&ign-mpt=uo%3D4

STAY CONNECTED

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/

The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

288: The Gift of Triggers Nov 11, 2021

Show notes

No one likes the feeling of getting triggered. But I fully believe that triggers are a GIFT (yes, I said it!).

Getting triggered is different from the pure emotion of anger or hurt at a situation. I'm talking about those quick, intense negative emotions that seem to rise up out of nowhere and might seem bigger than the situation you're in.

While triggers often feel like they're about someone else – the person who hurt us or made us mad – triggers are always about us.

Underneath these triggers is a painful belief, typically rooted in childhood wounding, that we've tried to shove into our subconscious mind so we don't have to think about it or face it. The trigger brings this belief to the surface, and that's why it feels so terrible.

But here is the gift: getting the belief out of the subconscious raises our awareness and gives us the opportunity to heal it! We just need to know what to do when we're triggered.

In this episode, I'm helping you understand the psychology behind triggers, giving you three steps to slow your reaction when triggered and sharing a five-step process to work with and heal "shadow beliefs" once they're revealed.

Listen to discover:

Why triggers are a gift
How triggers form (and why they're not your fault)
How to spot shadow beliefs
3 steps to avoid getting reactive and losing yourself in the trigger
5 steps to working with shadow beliefs
How this work can help us become more balanced human beings

When we work with our shadow beliefs, not only do we become healthier and more balanced versions of ourselves, but we also might find we get triggered less (yes, it's possible!). It starts with resisting the urge to numb out our triggers and instead diving deep into what they're trying to tell us – the gift of uncovering a hidden part of who we are.

"Triggers are reactions to our own childhood wounding." - Michelle Chalfant

"These thoughts that we have become beliefs about who we are." - Michelle Chalfant

"Whatever is going on in me is showing up in my reality." - Michelle Chalfant

"This trigger is inside of me, and this person is showing me." - Michelle Chalfant

"The key is to stay present – stay present and remember the gift." - Michelle Chalfant

"This is about making the unknown known." - Michelle Chalfant

LINKS & RESOURCES

All I want for my birthday is for you to help share the podcast! :)

Leave a Podcast Review

30-Day Journaling Challenge

P&G Hair Food

Or find on Amazon or Target.com

MORE ADULT CHAIR

The Adult Chair® Website

The Adult Chair® Membership

The Adult Chair® Workshop

The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification

TAC Circles®

STAY CONNECTED

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/

The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

287: How Journaling Can Transform Your Life Nov 04, 2021

Show notes

Doodling in a notebook, writing in a diary...what if I told you that those schoolkid activities were actually really powerful for your brain?

When we put pen to paper and let our hand go, we are able to access our subconscious mind in a truly incredible way. Journaling also connects us to our inner child and pulls in the energy of our Adult, bringing clarity to our lives and helping us connect to who we are, what we need, what we feel and what we want.

It's absolutely incredible what can happen when we get a stream of energy flowing through our words!

In this episode, I'm sharing with you why journaling is such a powerful tool for transformation and the many benefits it can bring into your life. Journaling is a big part of The Adult Chair® – from the annual 30-Day Journaling Challenge to the self-discovery work in the membership – and today's show is all about the WHY behind it.

I also give you some practical tips for how to overcome blocks and get started with a journaling practice + some free tools if you need extra guidance.

Listen to discover:

What journaling is
The many benefits of journaling
Why journaling can be a powerful tool while doing parts work
How to journal and get started with a journaling practice
How to protect your privacy while journaling

The important thing is not how or when you journal, but making a commitment to journal! There are so many different ways and places to journal, but it's when journaling becomes a practice that true transformation begins.

Remember, it is self-loving to take 15 or 30 minutes a day to reconnect with and care for yourself. So, get yourself a pretty notebook (if that's your thing), leave your phone in the other room and find a writing ritual that makes you feel refreshed and loved. I promise that your life will transform!

"What I love about journaling is that when we put pen to paper, it's as if the doorway to our subconscious mind opens." - Michelle Chalfant

"Once you get the stream of energy flowing through your words, so many amazing things happen." - Michelle Chalfant

"It's like we're taking these ideas, these thoughts and these emotions out of the ethers and into our 3D reality, and as they come down through us, they get processed." - Michelle Chalfant

"It's not about, 'When should I journal?' The bigger question is, 'Have you committed yet to journaling?'" - Michelle Chalfant

"Commitment to the practice of journaling is the first and most important step." - Michelle Chalfant

LINKS & RESOURCES

30-Day Journaling Challenge

P&G Hair Food

Or find on Amazon or Target.com

MORE ADULT CHAIR

The Adult Chair® Website

The Adult Chair® Membership

The Adult Chair® Workshop

The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification

TAC Circles®

http://www.karencampion.com/

STAY CONNECTED

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/

The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

286: Feeling Alone on Our Healing Path with Karen Campion Oct 28, 2021

Show notes

Starting a journey of healing or following a spiritual path in life can be one of the best things to ever happen to us. It totally transforms how we feel each day and gives us a sense of clarity and purpose in life.

Unfortunately, it can also change our relationships – and not always in the way we want.

I get messages all the time from listeners who have started working with The Adult Chair® or going to therapy who now feel disconnected from people they were once close to.

Sometimes it's friends and family who don't understand the change they're seeing in them. Other times, it's that the person who has changed can no longer relate to certain friends or even feels like they and their partner are no longer on the same page. These "spiritual growing pains" can be so disorienting and scary!

In today's show, I'm chatting with my friend and fellow holistic therapist, Karen Campion, about what we can do when we feel alone on our healing path. Karen and I have been on similar healing journeys (I'm so thankful that she's one person I've been on the same page with for years!), and we talk about how we've learned to trust our unique paths while also honoring the paths of others.

Listen to discover:

Why it's ok to move on from some relationships
How to not fall into the ego as you walk down a path of self-growth
How to be in healthy relationships with your loved ones who aren't on the same path as you
What to do if someone criticizes you for your spiritual path
What tuning into the body can tell you about the state of your relationships
How to share your path with someone you love

Often, it's our ego that makes us feel disconnected from others because we begin to feel superior in the path we're on. This episode is an incredible reminder that every relationship serves a purpose in our life and that we can still connect with others who have a different life path than we do. The important thing is that we stick to the path we're called to, surrender the relationships that are no longer a match and trust that we and those we love are exactly where they're supposed to be.

"There are people who sometimes aren't going to match you anymore because you have outgrown them." - Karen Campion

"It's about respecting your partner wherever they're at." - Karen Campion

"Being on a spiritual path or healing path is something that is so beautiful but we want to really make sure and be mindful of when the ego gets engaged." - Michelle Chalfant

"Become really aware of what your loved ones mean and what their purpose might be on your life path." - Michelle Chalfant

"If you want to get other people in their Adult Chair, you get in yours." - Michelle Chalfant

"Surrender…is that inner attitude of trust." - Karen Campion

LINKS & RESOURCES

Karen Campion Website

Episode #117: The Power of Letting Go with Karen Campion

https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/117-the-power-of-letting-go-with-karen-campion/

Episode #17: Finding Hope in the Face of Life's Greatest Challenges

https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/17-finding-hope-in-the-face-of-lifes-greatest-challenges/

"The Surrender Experiment" by Michael A. Singer

https://www.amazon.com/Surrender-Experiment-Journey-Lifes-Perfection/dp/080414110X

"The Untethered Soul" by Michael A. Singer

https://www.amazon.com/Untethered-Soul-Journey-Beyond-Yourself/dp/1572245379

30-Day Journaling Challenge - Sign Up Now (starts November 1)

P&G Hair Food

Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart

MORE ADULT CHAIR

The Adult Chair® Website

The Adult Chair® Membership

The Adult Chair® Workshop

The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification

TAC Circles®

https://theadultchair.com/podcasts/283/

STAY CONNECTED

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/michelle.chalfant

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TheMichelleChalfantCo/

The Adult Chair® Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theadultchair/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/Michellechalfant

285: The Gift of Authentic Communication with Blake Chalfant Oct 21, 2021

Show notes

You guys...do I have a special episode for you this week or what.

I was out in Portland visiting my son, Blake, when we had the most beautiful moment of authentic communication between us. With Blake's permission, I flipped on my microphone, and we're bringing you the first ever podcast with one of my kids on it!

Blake is only 21, but I'm blown away by his wisdom and the healthy adult he is becoming. In the story we're sharing with you today, Blake was actually the one who recognized when his ego got triggered and who initiated the communication between us, and I'd be lying if I said mom didn't tear up a little over here!

The moment we experienced together led us to a deep discussion about how the ego shows up in our lives, the peace that comes from authentic living, how we can communicate more authentically with the people in our lives, how to receive authentic communication and how essential it is to make sure we're coming from a place of love as we do this work.

Listen to discover:

How authentic communication deepens connection
How the ego keeps us stuck in our defenses
Why trying to be right all the time kills connection
How to create safety in relationships
How to respond when someone doesn't receive our authentic communication well
How to begin authentically communicating

When you hear the story of what happened, you will recognize that Blake and I didn't experience any conflict. However, Blake was aware of something that didn't feel right internally about a conversation we had and leaned into that awareness to create an opportunity for more authentic communication.

There would have been nothing wrong with letting it go and moving on, but that extra step was a chance to build a deeper connection...and that's how we create more meaningful relationships! We step up, we get vulnerable and we share authentically with another. As Blake says, the best part is not just stronger relationships, but also that sense of alignment with ourselves and knowing we're showing up how we want to show up for others...as our authentic selves!

"The ego is the part of us that creates separation." - Michelle Chalfant

"You can't be right (all the time) and have a deep connection with other human beings." - Michelle Chalfant

"When you're the hero of your story, it doesn't matter what other people are saying. It matters how you're showing up for them." - Blake Chalfant

"Whether we agree with another person who is communicating with us or setting a boundary with us, how we receive that and express back is so key to deepening that relationship and creating safety in that relationship." - Michelle Chalfant

"We automatically defend as humans unless we have awareness." - Michelle Chalfant

"It just comes back to everything you do coming from the container of love." - Blake Chalfant

LINKS & RESOURCES

Episode #283: Deeper Connections Through Vulnerability

30-Day Journaling Challenge - Sign Up Now (starts November 1)

P&G Hair Food

Or find at Bed Bath & Beyond, Amazon, Target or Walmart

MORE ADULT CHAIR

The Adult Chair® Website

The Adult Chair® Membership

The Adult Chair® Workshop

The Adult Chair® Coaching Certification

TAC Circles®