Thanks for Glistening!

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Oprah's Least Favorite Things |14 Dec 13, 2016

Show notes

It's our favorite time of the year here at TFG too. We have have spent four lifetimes worth of other people's money on stuff, so we really know about stuff. And on this very special holiday episode we are sharing our stuff knowledge with you and listing our FAVORITE THINGS of 2016. Just in time to spend every dollar you have hidden in you easy-bake oven before the impending end of days in 2017. Make our gags your gifts!

Also have you heard of ASMR? Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response. It's super sexy and satisfying and were breaking it down.

Instagram Shoutout of the Week:

@SatisfyingVideo

xoxo,

Juan and Sloane, @juanthatyouwant and @iamsloanesteel, respectively.

Insta: @ThanksForGlistening

Twitter: @HelloGlisteners

Hell to the Naw, Naw, Naw. | 13 Dec 07, 2016

Show notes

Sloane and Juan are alive and well and living in Paris. Everybody seems to be pooping their pants, which is great. Thanksgiving was delightful, except Juan's dog almost died. We turned around for one second and lost Kanye forever. She by Sheree has never looked so good and it really is MARIAH'S WORLD. Welcome Home, baby. Welcome home.

Hot Chopix:

Kanyegate
Lady Gaga is the Best
Kenya Moore's Man is Scary

Instagram Shoutout of the Week:

@ChristianDietician

So hot. So much good food. Check him out you will SEE.

Dedicated To The Most Handsome Woman |12 Nov 19, 2016

Show notes

Stomach bugs and getting thin, Juan might be getting arrested by immigration, Sloane's meeting with Janet Reno, Pittsburg accents, grand dames on instagram, who cares about Carrie Fisher and Harrison Ford?, Marcia Gay Harden is a strapping woman, "I seen her at", "I been knowin her", it's Thanksgiving so Sloane got fired again, Fuck 2016, Kylie Jenner is a prophet, Clowns, Prince and Janet Reno died this year, why does McDonalds never have ice cream?, the revelation voice, Juan's Thanksgiving and Christmas plans, Sloane's mom isn't cooking Thanksgiving dinner and it affected her greatly, Thanksgiving Brunch, Sloane reads the Thanksgiving menu at Rosa Mexicano in New York, Cubana Beauty Queen pregnancy announcement, Hot Chopix, Juan skips the dick to get to Hilliary, Hillary's first appearance after her loss, Sloane thinks HRC is out of fucks to give, Juan thinks Hillary should run for senate again, Sloane can't handle The Real, Ginuwine's dick is at attention and is the pride of America, Sloane gets the urge, getting the "beep-beeps", dick that hurts from the start, the manniquin challenge, at the gym, at dinner, the terrible chicken parm at Macaroni Grill, Shirley Caesar and her Thanksgiving remixes, J-Lo and Marc Anthony kissing to stay relevant, J-Lo and Affleck, Affleck pulls some hot latin women, Sloane wants to kiss Marc Anthony and Juan agrees that he's dripping swagoo, glo body shimmer does not wash off, Sloane got trolled the day before the election, pregnant dancing, Sloane got cut to the core... bus arms, Sloane might have threatened a 16 year old, the internet is the most disrespectful person, Mike Pence is the head of a pimple, old white men with money are the WORST, invading a gay man's hole with hate, vile scary and violent...speaking of which- Charlie Sheen is in the news, Dr. Phil looks full, Shelly Duvall need protection from herself, Juan feels like Richard Simmons should be helping her, Charlie Sheen released a poem, tiger blood transfusions?, stay-cation, no fizzy water for Sloane, Charlie Sheen went off his HIV meds, lightning round: Jennifer Aniston's zingo nips, is The Rock the sexiest man alive?, he's a delicious piece of Samoan man-meat, he's sweet silly and goofy, Kevin Hart almost killed Sloane by kicking everyone out of her gym, Juan gives us his "straight voice", Melania's sleeping crown.

Hot Chopix Recap

HRC: Keep Her Ginuwine's thick dick: Keep It Manniquin Challenge: CHOP IT J-Lo and Marc Anthony kissing: Keep It Charlie Sheen's Poem: Keep It Jennifer Aniston's Nipples: Keep Keep Keep

Instagram shoutout:

@dublin_zoetrope

Stunned.| 11 Nov 12, 2016

Show notes

Top and bottom coasters, Brooklyn and Miami, feels strange to be podcasting, Sloane has no more money in the bank just gold doubloons, tectonic shift in our future, Sloane may have passed out from anger, crying from news of the President-Elect, Juan helped at the poles translating Spanish and helping disabled, thoughts on the electoral process, Juan's strange night at the poles, Juan's call for white liberal America to wake up, Juan is a doomsday person, do we need to delete emails and tweets about Trump?, 180 acceptance speech, tax reform is covering up what you're really voting for, the dark web of political correctness, Trump never denied being a racist which was the secret handshake, the Black Lives Matter movement, the tiers of danger, a hierarchy of hate, the 7 stages fo grief, what Hillary's loss means for young women on our country, anger toward 3rd party voters, voter trading, Sloane loves to vote, mandatory voting, technical issues, unproductive Michelle Obama memes, inflatable banana boat and raft made out of coconuts, the role of the first lady, grindr dungeon parties, Sloane feels bad for the Trump family, he's our president and we should respect that (until he makes a brown-baby internment camp), signing the change.org petition, "they tried to bury us, but they didn't know we were seeds", dark times will bring great art, teaching the snapchat/tumblr generation to be activists, keeping parts of Obamacare, if you ever watched Scandal you know how important the Chief of Staff is, letting the freak flag fly, the birth of Dream Renee Kardashian.

A Delicate Balance | 10 Nov 07, 2016

Show notes

Stevie the Dog is joining us this episode, still in Miami and on the hot mic, wifi and housekeepers, laundry issues, Juan can't relate to the characters in Game of Thrones, passion projects, Cersei hate, needing to know the source material, Sloane needs help letting go of her shirts, the pants shitting happened, old butthole elastic, a delicate balance, shower shitting in Cuba, you and the bucket, the vinegar solution, announcing the son, December will be holiday tips and tricks, Sloane loves voting on election day, Juan wants to "work the poles," working for one gel manicure, confusing and convoluted, rules in different states for campaigning, Stevie keeps interrupting, the ridiculousness of poles, all the Hilary email nonsense, Anthony Weiner and more nonsense

Hot Chopix

Melania Trump: Copied speech, internet bullying, shut down Twitter accounts, voting for the better choice, Steven Seagal is becoming a Russian citizen

Seagal gets the chop and we keep him because he's amazing Melania gets the chop for her speech

Sloane the meme generator, This American Life, Sara Bareilles, Waitress, Seriously

Feline Leukemia gets the chop

Featured Instagram: @andiandiandi & @thomasgibbons & @housewivesarthistory

Penis size twitter poles? Burny Popo and witch hazel, you don't deserve these hot visuals, CMA Beyoncé performance, accents, white racist America is being emboldened

Juan gives white racist America the chop

Carrie Underwood has a baby in her knees, "Why is Demi Lovato?" -Paul, Poot Lovato, babyfat coats, hateration hollaration, Oprah's favorite things, Weight Watchers, Oprah on GMA, $395 custom dog blanket, $80 8" pepper and salt mills, aspirational living, warm boots, caring for your home, turd on the wall, our favorite things, raw linen changed Sloane's life, $80 reading glasses, robes,

Ru Paul's Drag Race

Fifi didn't show up to the reunion, earning your redemption story, nebulous diseases, moments that we loved, quotes

Swerves and Curves | 9 Oct 24, 2016

Show notes

Inches apart, Sloane and Juan are sitting airplane close to each other, restorative Miami, UPS box sizes, Sloane maternity wear looks, ordering from ASOS, the Sad Charlie Brown, turtle boat neck, womb proportions, jaunty soft beret, Montreal Spy, Sloane is featured in the Miami Herald for her Zika birth announcement, Sam Merlott's restaurant, the hazmat and beekeeper look, Mid-Atlantic dialect, American Horror Story English accent, Juan's Kinky Boots story with Diane Keaton, Sloane doesn't know how to fall in love with a dick and a vagina, straight porn fascination, NPR and dissenting political opinions, friends vs family and political discussions, Juan's socialist bushy beard, knowing who you're marrying, Juan has a dream to have his own room and closet, great wifi for a wedding present, talking to kids about politics, presidential candidate roasting, J-Law was chopped, Billy Bush is a first cousin, the Fox money machine sexual assault fund, the arrogant Trumps, what's a Wiki?, Juan is writing speeches for Hillary, so much political talk!, is the Trump Network going to be a thing?

Hot Chopix

Billy Bush gets the Chop (but not from us)

Kim Kardashian

Rebranding her image, the stripped down Kim, Kris Jenner asking for a rebrand, Kim's scarlet letter, Kim needs to take a break and write a book

Tyga & Kylie

Debtor's examination, pleading the flu, buying things for Kylie Jenner, Kylie buying things for herself, Juan is fascinated with Kardashian money

Russell Crowe & Azealia Banks

Sloane wants to know if RZA is in the Wu-Tang Clan, Azealia and RZA working togther?, Crowe and Azealia had words, Crowe spit in defense, Azealia has decent music, how do you back someone who always starts fights?, Juan and Sloane both give her the CHOP. The two worst things you can do to someone (according to Juan), 1) spit on someone 2) the five finger forehead push

Sloane's favorite 'My Strange Addiciton' addiction, people that dress as rubber dolls, relations with inflatable pool animals, true transvestites, what's Sloane's strange addiction? Car eating. Sloane pretends to be on the phone and is ordering for someone else when getting fast food, fake phone calls, flossing consumes Juan's mind, turkey legs at 11am, mesh screens and Sloane's teeth, King Cobra

Sloane's product plug: Fur Oil (for your pubic hair), luxurious French women, full but patchy Juan's product plug: Boots No7 skincare, easily available, affordable

Cover Your Nasty | 8 Oct 14, 2016

Show notes

Intro with hosts and co-hosts, the Today Show doesn't give a fuck, Corey Feldman, the trigger warning biography called Coreyography, three tired hooker women, "art", who took the call to book Corey?, droppping the American flag, Sloane dropped a bunch of American flag cupcakes, self-flagellation, paying to go to a Corey party, Juan's dancing instinct, Jonathan Dirt at the nice CVS, almond scented grease paste

Hot Chopix Ken Bone

Second presidential debate, Bed Bath and Beyond coupons, #visabuxx, vibrators & boyfriends, Kenneth Bone and the Bone Zone, Lenscrafter glass, Sloane's super popular AMA, Reddit user-names, fringe forums, beautiful human submarines, Jennifer Lawrence butthole, insurance fraud, justified killings, is Ken Bone a little simple?, weeble wobble, roxyfoxytangomango, Carlos Danger, butthole sniffing freaks, erratic language

Kim Kardashian Fake or not?, Ryan Seacrest and 3 blond hoodrats did it, purchased video, dark web etsy shops, consultant says she's too calm, KK never sweats, ratings boost?, hanging on hips and lips, monetizing silence, LEAVE KIM ALONE, Chris Crocker, decorative oven mitts, goals high and heels higher

Demi Lovato Magazine interview honesty, feuds between Katy Perry and Taylor Swift, the Swift Squad, Fatty Margaret, body image issues, Sketcher Shape-ups for Taylor, skinny shaming, positive body images and girls on magazines, confidence and looking good, snake in the grass

Ru Paul's Drag Race Alaska won, not Sloane's favorite but deserving, Roxxxy being polished and alive, that stardom train, Katya the most beautiful and a kind queen, Juan's drag and Detox love, Juan needs you to work on your splits, being your own creative director, Sloane wants Juan to audition for the next season, face full of drag makeup, shout out to @MsMDNACiccone and their top ten, internet trolls, controlling the narrative, Heart-Shaped Glasses

Next week: Vanderpump Rules #Glossybox Beauty Products

Grab them by the... | 7 Oct 09, 2016

Show notes

We are back for another week and we are all over the Trump audio this week. What is the best lube? How long has Juan known Sloane? All these questions and more...

We are HERE! | 6 Oct 05, 2016

Show notes

It's episode 6 of TFG but the first one you have heard! Hot Chopix, Ru Pauls Drag race and all kinds of other fabulousness!!! Let us help you forget the color of our skin just like Oprah!!

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