Teach Me How To Adult

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The Quickie: Are Boundaries Making Us Assholes? How To Properly Set Them (And Stop Misusing Them) Jun 26, 2024

Show notes

I have a hot take: Boundaries are giving a lotttt of people a permission slip to be assholes. They’re being mis-used to control, manipulate, and justify selfish behaviour.

As therapy speak and buzzwords take over the internet and group chats, the overuse can lead to misuse, and a lot of these ideas have become convoluted and misrepresented. (Guys… not EVERYONE is a narcissist, and a disagreement doesn’t mean you were being gaslit.)

Boundaries should start with a respectful dialogue, but these days they’re being used as excuse to ghost, cancel people, always get your way, and avoid dealing with real issues. Don’t get me wrong, as a newly reformed anxious people-pleaser, learning about setting proper boundaries has legit changed my life. But bailing on friends or suddenly cutting off loved ones when you don’t get your way to “protect your peace” isn’t actually how healthy boundaries work.

Boundaries are an amazing tool to protect our wellbeing and our relationships. They should be rooted in kindness and respect, they should aim to bring us closer and build bridges, not walls. And they should always be about the actions you will take to keep yourself safe, not controlling other people or making demands.

So join me as I go offffff on:

The most common ways boundaries are being unfairly used
How power and control can masquerade as boundaries
How to *actually* set a healthy boundary
Melissa Urban’s traffic light framework for boundary-setting
Scripts for kind and gentle boundaries
How improperly using boundaries leads to avoidance
Why selective enforcement is hurtful

Resources mentioned: Listen to episode 88 with boundaries expert Melissa Urban

Our show is produced by:

Gillian Berner, Host, Producer & Editor
Olivia Nashmi, Audio Engineer
Carolyn Schissler, Designer & Web Producer
Sara Valentine, Content Producer

For advertising and sponsorship inquiries, please contact Frequency Podcast Network.

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ICYMI: The Key To Conscious Breakups (And Staying Friends With Your Ex) Jun 24, 2024

Show notes

Welcome to today’s ICYMI, where we kick off the week with a quick game-changing tip from one of our guests that you might have missed.

Okay here us out... breakups don't always need to be dramatic, and you can co-create an amicable next chapter for you and your ex-boo with conscious uncoupling (thanks Gwyneth!) Of course breakups are never fun, but this week we're throwing it back to the key lessons that will help you have a healthy breakup with honesty, compassion, and maybe even... friendship?

If you're over the ghosting era and want to lead with humanity the next time you need to end a situationship, longterm partnership, or something in-between, take notes.

Listen to the full episode here.

Tune in every Monday for an expert dose of life advice in under 10 minutes.

Our show is produced by:

Gillian Berner, Host, Producer & Editor
Olivia Nashmi, Audio Engineer
Carolyn Schissler, Designer & Web Producer
Sara Valentine, Content Producer

For advertising and sponsorship inquiries, please contact Frequency Podcast Network.

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Follow on TikTok: @teachmehowtoadult

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No Dumb Questions: Does Balance Really Exist? How Do I Realistically Prioritize (Without The Guilt)? | Rerelease Jun 19, 2024

Show notes

You can have it all... but not all at the same time. We’re conditioned to believe that we should have it all — a career, a family, good health, a social life, nice things, without having to give anything up. But everything has its season. So the real key to “balance” is figuring out what you want to prioritize right now, and what can take the backseat.

For this week's No Dumb Questions, we're kicking it back to this rerelease tackling the question of how to balance and prioritize everything when you’re feeling overwhelmed and stretched too thin.

Join us as we chat about:

The myth of having it all and the truth about balance
The “seasons” we're in right now
The best advice from Shonda Rhimes
The difference between “legitimate overwhelm” and “lifestyle overwhelm”
Mel Robbins’ antidote to overwhelm
Identifying lies we tell ourselves
How to actually prioritize what's important right now

Our show is produced by:

Gillian Berner, Host, Producer & Editor
Olivia Nashmi, Audio Engineer
Carolyn Schissler, Designer & Web Producer
Sara Valentine, Content Producer

For advertising and sponsorship inquiries, please contact Frequency Podcast Network.

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Follow on TikTok: @teachmehowtoadult

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ICYMI: How To Change Your Self-Talk And Reframe Negative Thoughts About Yourself Jun 17, 2024

Show notes

Welcome to today’s ICYMI, where we kick off the week with a quick game-changing tip from one of our guests that you might have missed.

We're often our own biggest bullies, but our self-talk can determine our happiness, confidence and success. So it's time to rethink how we think about ourselves.

Your thoughts become actions, and they can determine everything in your life. So join us as we throw it back to a hit of advice on how to change your inner dialogue and reframe self-criticism.

Listen to our full episode here.

Tune in every Monday for an expert dose of life advice in under 10 minutes.

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https://www.instagram.com/hayley.folk/?hl=en

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How To Expand Your Sex life, Try Alternative Relationship Styles, And Practice Ethical Non-Monogamy, with Hayley Folk Jun 12, 2024

Show notes

Contrary to what we’re taught our whole lives, there’s more than one way to engage in sex, love, and relationships. But what does that look like? Today’s episode is an open and vulnerable conversation with Hayley Folk, a sex writer on a mission to create safe spaces to talk about sex and pleasure.

It’s especially important during Pride Month to de-stigmatize sex and sexuality, eradicate judgment, and create safe communities to explore pleasure and identity. So we’re diving deep into ethical non-monogamy, kink, sexual health, boundaries, consent, dating apps, and how to communicate what you want with honesty.

I chat with Hayley Folk, a sex writer whose work has appeared in magazines like Cosmopolitan, Refinery29, Elite Daily, and more. She’s the founder of Naked Folk, a publication and podcast that covers the uncomfortable conversations we should be having about sex and relationships.

Trigger warning: After the first hour, we talk about the impact of nonconsensual sex and assault. If this is something you’d like to avoid, you can stop listening after the 1 hour mark.

Tune in to hear more about:

Ethical non-monogamy 101: Polyamory, open relationships, swinging and more
Hayley’s journey coming out as queer
Boundaries and communication for healthy non-monogamous relationships
Meeting other couples, unicorns, or open partners on apps or play parties
The “one penis policy”
Dealing with jealousy and storytelling
How to get comfortable with dirty talk
Consuming ethical porn
Demystifying BDSM and the kink community
Physical VS verbal kinks
The importance of aftercare
Navigating sexual incompatibility
Consent, respect, and sexual health education

I hope you learn something new about yourself or the spectrum of sexuality from this convo!

Follow Hayley:

https://www.nakedfolk.com

https://www.instagram.com/nakedfolk/?hl=en

Our show is produced by:

Gillian Berner, Host, Producer & Editor
Olivia Nashmi, Audio Engineer
Carolyn Schissler, Designer & Web Producer
Sara Valentine, Content Producer

For advertising and sponsorship inquiries, please contact Frequency Podcast Network.

Subscribe to my Substack:

instagram.com/mixedupmoney

Follow on TikTok: @teachmehowtoadult

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ICYMI: How To Talk About Money In Your Relationships, with Alyssa Davies Jun 10, 2024

Show notes

Welcome to today’s ICYMI, where we kick off the week with a quick game-changing tip from one of our guests that you might have missed.

Money is one of the biggest causes of fights and disagreements in relationships. But there are some super helpful questions and conversation-starters you can use to get on the same financial page as your partner (and your parents) without all the stress.

We’re throwing it back to some key advice from Alyssa Davies, the mastermind behind award-winning Canadian personal finance website and YouTube channel, Mixed Up Money, where she dishes out financial content for women who care about their money.

Alyssa published Her first book, The 100 Day Financial Goal Journal, in 2020, and launched a personal finance podcast with her husband, Learn From Us, where they make talking about money feel less awkward and more relatable by sharing their own tough lessons.

Listen to our full episode with Alyssa here.

Tune in every Monday for an expert dose of life advice in under 10 minutes.

Follow Alyssa:

mixedupmoney.com

Budgeting Downloadables: mixedupmoney.com/shop

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The Quickie: Why You Need Friends Who Are In Your Life Stage, And How To Navigate The Splinter Era Jun 05, 2024

Show notes

We’re in the splinter era of friendships (as coined by Tinx), where everyone’s suddenly in different life stages, on very different journeys.

While one friend is planning their wedding, another is having her second baby, another is single AF traveling the world in the name of self-discovery, and others are going all in on their new business or corporate ladder climbing. It can feel isolating, confusing, and hard to relate to the people you were always in sync with.

Cue the old childhood Girl Scouts jingle: “Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other’s gold.”

It’s so valuable to have friends in different life stages who are going through different experiences, but it’s equally important to surround yourself with people who are where you are in life right now — because being the only single person in a group of married friends fucking sucks.

We tend to expect everything from one person, whether it’s a romantic partner or best friend, but we should be diversifying our needs across many people to feed different parts of ourselves. The friends we make to meet us where we are right now don’t need to be ride-or-die forever besties… there is just as much value in having friends for a season who can walk with you through the current phase you’re in.

So tune in for some real talk on friendships, where I chat about:

The repercussions of splinter era and why this is unique to our generation
The different kinds off friends you need
The value of finding our work wives, single friends, and fellow mamas
Investing in seasonal friends and deprioritizing the idea of “forever friends”
How to meet new friends that meet your needs
The Mel Robbins analogy that changed how I approach friendship

Wherever you are on your adulting journey, I hope you find good people to walk it with. You’ve got this!

Our show is produced by:

Gillian Berner, Host, Producer & Editor
Olivia Nashmi, Audio Engineer
Carolyn Schissler, Designer & Web Producer
Sara Valentine, Content Producer

For advertising and sponsorship inquiries, please contact Frequency Podcast Network.

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Follow on TikTok: @teachmehowtoadult

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ICYMI: 5 Ways To Easily Save And Make Extra Money — Starting Today! Jun 03, 2024

Show notes

Welcome to today’s ICYMI, where we kick off the week with a quick game-changing tip from one of our guests that you might have missed.

Realtalk: everything is expensive AF right now and the economy is trash, so I’m all for every little thing we can do to save money or passively earn more. So today we’re throwing it back to five easy ways to save money, how to make a little extra on the side, and the best ways to automate it all.

Listen to the full episode here.

Resources mentioned:

https://www.spliiit.com/en
Wealth Simple (referral code: YFKOLG)

Tune in every Monday for an expert dose of life advice in under 10 minutes.

Our show is produced by:

Gillian Berner, Host, Producer & Editor
Olivia Nashmi, Audio Engineer
Carolyn Schissler, Designer & Web Producer
Sara Valentine, Content Producer

For advertising and sponsorship inquiries, please contact Frequency Podcast Network.

Subscribe to my Substack: