Struggle Care

Latest Episodes:

13: Q&A: Building Routines for Self-help Rejects Dec 12, 2022

Show notes

Today’s episode is a Q & A, so chill out while you listen, and take the time to do something kind for yourself, whatever that may be. I’ve been asked for advice about habits and discipline for neurodivergent people, which may be difficult for neurotypical people to understand. My message is that you are not broken if you haven’t yet found what works best for your brain. Let’s talk about it.

Show Highlights:

Why we need to begin with an explanation of the terms neurodivergent and neurotypical
Why it is very common for self-help motivation to fall short for neurodivergent people
How a neurodivergent person approaches routines and habits in different ways
Why I (as an ADHD person) am motivated by pleasure, projects, pressure/panic, patterns
Why it’s OK to realize that morning routines don’t work best for you
Why there is a difference between routine and rhythm/pattern
How I work around my house in patterns–not routines that are time-bound
How patterns can help circumvent “executive dysfunction” (Want to know more? Check out Episode 1 with Dr. Lesley Cook at www.strugglecare.com.)
What to look out for when your care tasks always require “pushing a boulder up a hill” energy
How I can make myself more “disciplined” when I have structure
Why you are NOT a self-help reject if you haven’t found what works best for you

Resources:

Connect with KC: TikTok and Instagram

Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

12: When Parenting is Hard with MommaCusses Dec 05, 2022

Show notes

Parenting has its moments. Some are good, some are bad, some fill you with heart-melting fuzziness, and some make you ask, “What in the world was I thinking?” We all have visions of our parenting ideal, but real life gives us way too many opportunities to turn into the kind of mom we don’t even recognize. To sum it up, parenting is hard! If you are that parent who needs encouragement today, join us for today’s episode–and I welcome you to join us even if you are not a parent. You might learn something valuable, too!

I’m joined by Momma Cusses, aka Gwenna Laithland. She got her start as a writer at the age of 18 and soon branched out into content marketing and has worked with museums, professional sports teams, accounting firms, and universities to help refine their content. She started Momma Cusses in 2020 in hopes of normalizing modern motherhood and giving moms a place to connect and feel less alone.

Show Highlights:

Gwenna’s story: her history of parenting in reactive mode as a young mom who came out of an abusive relationship–and the realization that hit her about what she was doing to her daughter
Why there is not a magic answer or therapy tool for those reactive parenting moments when you lose your mind
The difference in responsive vs. reactive parenting
Gwenna’s advice about handling endless questions from your kids
How our past personal issues determine the behaviors that send us into “Reactive Parent Mode”
Why gentle parenting is NOT about how you parent but about how you regulate yourself
Why “gentle childing” should NOT be what you want for your child
How to do “offline work” with your child when emotions are not elevated
How to gain a new perspective on parenting under stress
Why there is immense value in a parent who can say, “I’m sorry”
Why we should stop demonizing screen time and teach our 21st-century kids to use devices responsibly
Why it’s healthy to realize that you do not have to accept every “invitation” from your child
How to find the “middle ground” when you are reparenting yourself while parenting your child

Resources:

Connect with Momma Cusses: Website, YouTube, Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook (Look for Gwenna’s book coming in Fall, 2023!)

Connect with KC: TikTok and Instagram

Get KC's Book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

11: Q&A: How to Study (When No One Taught You) Nov 28, 2022

Show notes

I’m joined today by Dr. Lesley Cook as we tackle some listener questions around various topics. Come and join us now!

Show Highlights:

Tips for someone with no energy due to chronic illness: take care of the basics, conserve your energy, and use whatever hacks work for you
Tips for someone who struggles to cook dinner every night: switch things up, identify your mountain, and realize that a bowl of cereal for dinner is OK!
Tips for how to study when no one ever taught you: experience the information in different ways, make a memory game, and share the information back and forth with a study partner
How to study when you don’t know what’s important to study
How to use accommodations that are available to you
How to ask a teacher or professor for study help
How to take notes and encode the information in meaningful ways
How fidget toys, drawing, and doodling can help you listen and learn

Resources:

Connect with KC: TikTok and Instagram

Get KC's Book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

10: You Can't Save the Rainforest if You're Depressed with Imani Barbarin Nov 21, 2022

Show notes

I’m excited to introduce you to today’s guest. Imani Barbarin is a disability rights and inclusion activist and speaker who uses her platform for conversations around the disability community. I’ve followed her for a while on TikTok and appreciate the way she expresses her opinions and helps educate the rest of us. Come join us now!

Show Highlights:

How Imani explored and discovered her passion for advocacy for disability and inclusion rights
How climate change and disability are linked
Why environmental ableism is a real thing
How people have become victims of their non-nuanced thinking, only wanting to be on the “right” side
Why the COVID pandemic has become a “mass-disabling” event, especially regarding mental health
Examples of ways in which the environmental movement has left those with disabilities behind
Why society has a general disdain for disabled people and believes that they don’t (or won’t) contribute to society
How the luxury of abled people trumps the necessity of the disabled
What the function of capitalism is on disabled bodies
How disabled people are used as pawns in the pro-choice/pro-life debate
Why there is inherent racism in the pro-life movement
What laziness is and is not

Resources:

Connect with Imani: Website and Instagram

Resources mentioned: https://www.sinsinvalid.org, https://disasterstrategies.org, https://www.americanprogress.org

Connect with KC: TikTok and Instagram

Get KC's Book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

09: Q&A: A Traumatically Clean House Nov 14, 2022

Show notes

I have the perfect person to answer a question about “trauma cleaning” as a result of being raised by a parent who was emotionally and verbally abusive about keeping a clean house. This question came from Maria, a TikTok follower, and I’m jumping into this topic in today’s episode with my guest, Amanda Dodson. Join us!

Show Highlights:

Why this is a common feeling for many people when they sense barriers around care tasks
A good first step: Try to separate the behavioral home care task from the interpersonal problem with the parent
Why you have to decide how YOU want your home to be for your own comfort and safety–not how your parent would want it to be
Why it’s important to have compassion for yourself and awareness of what you need in your space to function well
How to identify what you need from your space and use a triage approach to get there
How to have your environment and emotions “meet” at a halfway point
How to take small steps toward organizing that work for you and your family

Connect with KC: TikTok and Instagram

Get KC's Book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

08: When Creators Collide, Part II with Kate Leggett Nov 07, 2022

Show notes

Ifyou joined us for Episode 7, you heard the beginning of my series with Kate. If not, you can listen to Part 1 on the Restoring Relationships Podcast. Kate and I met because of our differing viewpoints as we interacted through TikTok videos. We have since taken the time for discussion, proving that disagreements, conflicts, and drama are part of normal life that should be approached with mutual respect and understanding.

I’m continuing the conversation with Kate Leggett, a student in her final semester of graduate school to be a Marriage and Family Therapist. Kate uses her TikTok channel to help restore relationships. Even though our relationship didn’t begin well, we are making strides in communicating with respect and understanding around disagreements and conflicts. The ability to gain a fresh perspective and engage with another person in the face of disagreement is an important topic in today’s world! Listen in and be the “fly on the wall” as we model real-life conflict, relationships, and reconciliation. Join us for a closer look!

Show Highlights:

Why KC’s initial reaction to Kate was aggravation
The idea behind KC’s context: “How people treat you when they are angry is more revealing than how they treat you when they are happy.”
The idea behind Kate’s context: “Anger isn’t necessarily the issue, but the lack of repair after the anger is the issue.”
What our backgrounds and upbringings teach us about anger, hurt, abuse, relationships, and our worthiness
Why it’s different trying to communicate to the masses, like online, rather than on a one-to-one basis in a relationship
What Kate wishes she had done differently in her initial exchange with KC
Why we should be able to expect creators, especially those with expertise, to be accountable for their words
Why it’s tricky to make mental health content on social media
Why therapy content can’t replace in-person therapy
Thoughts on relationship boundaries, “gray areas,” and why “people are not disposable”
The difference in “Setting boundaries” vs. “Being boundaried”

Resources:

Connect with Kate: Website, TikTok, Podcast

Connect with KC: TikTok and Instagram

Get KC's Book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

07: Teaser: When Creators Collide Oct 31, 2022

Show notes

I’m offering up an appetizer–because today’s show is a teaser for an upcoming two-part episode. Disagreements, conflicts, and drama are part of normal life, but there CAN be mutual respect and understanding at the same time.

I’m talking with Kate Leggett, a student in her final semester of graduate school to be a Marriage and Family Therapist. Kate uses her TikTok channel to help restore relationships, and we became aware of each other because of a video exchange on TikTok. Our relationship certainly didn’t begin well, but we are making strides in communicating with respect and understanding around disagreements and conflicts. Come along as we model real-life conflict, relationships, and reconciliation. Join us for a closer look!

Show Highlights:

How Kate felt the need to fill in the gray area in relationships around boundaries and toxic relationships
How online interactions can be transactional, personal, and very different with someone with whom you have a prior relationship
A look at the TikTok videos that started the interaction between Kate and KC–and the thoughts behind the comments
How people hold conflict in different and vulnerable ways
How KC and Kate made space for deeper conversations around their conflict
The difficulties around communication and conflict in the social media space
An overview of Kate’s podcast, RR The Podcast, which you can find on YouTube and Spotify (Part 1 of Kate and KC’s conversation is up now!)
Kate’s perspective on the much-used phrase, “You teach people how to treat you.”
How to listen to the rest of our “respectful drama”

Resources:

Connect with Kate: Website, TikTok, Podcast

Connect with KC: TikTok and Instagram

Get KC's Book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

06: Is Too Much Self-Compassion a Bad Thing? with Dr. Lesley Cook Oct 24, 2022

Show notes

In our first episode, you heard my conversation with Dr. Lesley Cook about executive functioning. Because she has so much great information and wisdom to share, I decided to bring her back to discuss self-compassion. Is it a bad thing to have TOO MUCH self-compassion? Join us for the conversation with Dr. Lesley!

Dr. Lesley Cook is a psychologist who does a lot of work with ADHD and other neurodivergencies. Born and raised in Hawaii, she now lives in Virginia and works with children, adolescents, adults, couples, and families.

Show Highlights:

How to find the balance between the message of self-compassion and the need for better life management and progress
A basic understanding of self-compassion from Dr. Kristin Neff’s writings
A closer look at shame and how we experience it in relation to self-compassion
How to gently shift shame into self-compassion
How self-compassion can become a learned behavior that we pass down to our children

Resources:

Connect with Dr. Lesley: TikTok and Instagram

Connect with KC: TikTok and Instagram

Get KC's Book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

05: Gentle Organizing with Alison Lush Oct 17, 2022

Show notes

Do you have too much stuff? As you look around your home, is it crowded and cluttered? Does your space make you feel burdened, unhappy, and frustrated? If you said–or shouted–YES, you can’t miss today’s show. Join me to learn more about gentle organizing.

Alison Lush is a Certified Professional Organizer, Certified Virtual Organizer, and Master Trainer. After a 20-year catering career, Alison knew she needed better organization and management skills for her home and personal comfort. She learned to live and shop intentionally, creating and protecting the space in her home. Now she puts her expertise to work in helping others by empowering them and teaching them to put themselves at the center of their organization efforts.

Show Highlights:

How Alison became an organizer with a gentle spirit
Why our interactions with our home, space, time, and belongings form the foundations of our lives
Why Alison’s focus is on “organic organizing”
Alison’s answer to a question sent in by Samantha about dealing with clutter, letting things go, and the functionality of her space
How to organize your space by using Zone 1, Zone 2, and Zone 3—and consider the frequency of access for each item
Ways to keep, honor, and display memorabilia by identifying the risk level in letting items go
How to consider the purpose of items in our lives in deciding to keep them or let them go
Alison’s answer to a question from Kitty about decorating, a sense of style, and learning to feel good about her space
How to reframe what might look crappy and rundown to you as a life well-lived, meaningful, and full of love
Why your decor should fuel you and recharge your batteries
Alison’s answer to a question from Aria about separating and managing work life and home life
How to legitimize, categorize, and systemize your space for the best functionality
Why the professional organizing industry has the reputation of telling people to “just get rid of your stuff”

Resources:

Connect with Alison: www.alisonlush.ca and TikTok

Connect with KC: TikTok and Instagram

Get KC's Book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

04: Q&A: A Housekeeper and an Organizer Walk Into a Bar… Oct 10, 2022

Show notes

Today, we start with my take on a question that I get asked almost every day about how to keep from losing motivation to complete tasks, especially those simple ones like cleaning a room. If you’ve beaten yourself up over this struggle, then join me for a fresh perspective on cleaning your space!

Show Highlights:

Why losing motivation to clean a room comes down to not realizing that tidying, organizing, and cleaning are three different projects
What is required to “tidy a room”: a five-step method
How organizing differs from tidying and cleaning
What the cleaning process entails
Why there’s nothing wrong with being a neat or messy person, but a functional level of organization is essential
How the tasks of tidying, organizing, and cleaning bring emotional barriers, especially for those with executive function disorders
Why we need to remember that these care tasks are morally neutral–and the only reason to do them is so we can function better

Resources:

Connect with KC: TikTok and Instagram

Get KC's Book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Our TOPPODCAST Picks

Follow Us

Stay Connected

Related Podcasts

Links

Stay Connected