Square Roots - THE Classic RPG Podcast

Dishonored Part 3: Are You Going To Believe The Outsider, Or Are You Going To Believe Adam Christopher? Oct 28, 2024

Square Roots - Episode 437 Level Up Starts at 2:01:33! Finally, we get to go to a party! And what a party it is. Lady Boyle sure had a blast in Jim's game. It was one hot party! Her outfit was straight fire! Jim shot her with incendiary bullets! Also Johnny and Vanessa do some ethical kidnapping, and Matthew is sad he didn't just kill all three sisters. Oh yeah, and we deal with the Lord Regent!

- It's A Part in Canada! - Some Sisters Are Triplets! - Doxxxed! - Yeah But It's Webber... - YOU CAN POSSESS A FISH?! - Hanging Turt?

This Week: Finish Lady Boyle's Last Party and Return To The Tower! Next Week: Finish the main game!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Dishonored Part 2: There Are No Skirts Or Dresses In This Universe Oct 21, 2024

Square Roots - Episode 436 Level Up Starts at 1:56:45! Don't worry if you tranq'd the dogs like Matt did, the dogs are fine! They were just asleep, and now they're at big farms in Tyria where the dogs can run and play! Such are the cruel realities of Dishonored, the Arkane Studios immersive funulator!

- Lactaid is the PreP of the Dairy World - Let Me Solas Him - Vanessa Doesn't Like To Acknowledge The Passage of Time - There's A Scary in the Sewer - Are Ill People Zombies? - More Of A Johnny English Episode - I DON'T KNOW YOU - Electricity Makes People Sleepy

This Week: Finish The House of Pleasure and The Royal Physician! Next Week: Finish Lady Boyle's Last Party and Return To The Tower!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Dishonored Part 1: Booby Trap Oct 14, 2024

Square Roots - Episode 435 Level Up Starts at 2:44:00! Matthew defeated nature and survived another hurricane, and we start a new game! This time it's the classic RPG (?) Dishonored, one of those immersive sims. Or 0451 games. Whatever you want to call it! We don't follow the Five Foot Rule of murders, get into jail, get out of jail, navigate some sewers and then deal with the High Overseer!

- Upgrade Your Rat Stats - Gen Z doesnt even know what Planescape Is - It's not the request log - Johnny's super amazing joke - Its Imogen Heap, come on! - 1998 to 1993

This Week: We start Dishonored, until the end of the Overseer Campbell mission! Next Week: The House of Pleasure, The Royal Physician, Lady Boyle’s Last Party

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Tactics Ogre Part 7 - Slam In The Back of My Dorgalua Oct 07, 2024

Square Roots - Episode 434 Level Up Starts at 2:07:45! I was thinking about making this episode description in the style of the Rob Zombie song, but that was too hard. Also? The lyrics are pretty weird. "Dead I am the rat, feast upon the cat, tender is the fur, dying as you purr"? Alright there Robert. BUT! On this chunker we finish Tactics Ogre! All of us! Surprisingly. Some of us are crowned king! Some of us go on exploring! Some of us get shot! There's a lot of options for endings here at Tactics Ogre. Also:

- The Chaos Gate (Prounounced Chaos) - Welcome to the Ogre - The Real Tactics Ogre Is The Friends You Made Along The Way - A Mister Bean Run - The Original Sexy Grandma

This Week: Finish Tactics Ogre! Next Week: We start Dishonored, until the end of the Overseer Campbell mission!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Square Roots vs. Themselves! Sep 30, 2024

It's a hurricane ep! Matt needs a week off due to weather (coughfootballcough) so the Square Roots gang plays some games and chats about hot gaming news. We will be back next week for the end of Tactics Ogre!

This Week: Hot nonsense! Next Week: Finish Tactics Ogre!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Tactics Ogre: Reborn Part 6 - You Put The Party Dude In The Does Machines Slot! Sep 23, 2024

Square Roots - Episode 432 We're trying something new! Level up is at 01:21:00, so enjoy the quest log first and then dive into our good times of what we played, watched, or who we saw drop a pizza. Vanessa and Matthew fail at rescuing the princess, who is still a bit stabby. Will Johnny rescue her? Find out next episode because Johnny was about six fights behind. THIS IS A LONG GAME OKAY Also: - Talking About How Terrible The Game AI Is, And Also Adaptive Cruise Control And Other Automotive Safety Features For Some Reason - The Lasagna Castle - People Is You - Fidget Bat-usi - Sometimes The Right Tactic Is To Be An Ogre!

This Week: Half of Chapter 4, if possible, finish Barnicia Castle. Next Week: Apparently finish the game, according to Matt now.

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Tactics Ogre: Reborn Part 5 - Not Abuna Prancett! Sep 16, 2024

Square Roots - Episode 431 We're trying something new! Level up is at 01:13:00, so enjoy the quest log first and then dive into our good times of what we played, watched, or who we saw drop a pizza. On this stabby chunker of Tactics Ogre, the game has gone full Matsuno. Everyone's getting stabbed. The Hierophant's got a knife. Vyce has a knife. Knives everywhere, and lots of people with political grievances. Denam needs a +5 Suit Of No Stabby to get through this one unscathed. Also: - Final Fantasy VII: Repopolis - Vamp the Vamping Vampire - 1v1 NoScope Leonar - Everyone Loves a Ganpp - Zack, Streets, Slatts and Tiffany Turtle - It's a Game Word - Podcast Handsome

This Week: Finish Chapter 3! Next Week: Half of Chapter 4, if possible, finish Barnicia Castle.

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Tactics Ogre: Reborn Part 4 - The Grievance Corner Sep 09, 2024

Square Roots - Episode 430 Matt, Vanessa and Johnny pursue a Jimless chunker as they take a castle for the noble Wallisters! Or maybe for the evil Wallisters. Kind of depends on how you play it. Johnny gets a good time route full of fun banter while Matt and Vanessa are punished for their morality by having to explain to a guy why they killed his wife. Also: - The Taskmaster Cult - Vanessa Ruins Master Chef Kids - Johnny Gemini, Future Cop - Lanselot (Good) - Return of Garbage Orphans - Mega Man's not about pressing buttons

This Week: Play through Brigantys Castle in Chapter 3! Next Week: Finish Chapter 3!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Tactics Ogre: Reborn Part 3 - I'm Big Slubba Sep 02, 2024

Square Roots - Episode 429 There's so much sports talk at the end of this episode. You've been warned. But otherwise on this episode of Square Roots we make our way through Chapter 2 in Tactics Ogre: Reborn! Jim, Vanessa and Matt are doing the chaos path, meanwhile Johnny is doing the Lawful path on Let Us Cling Together, which he may or may not regret. Also: - Matt Has All The Powers Of A Cellphone Now - Deborah! I'm an Ogre! - Always On The Short List - Pete Gallagher With The Eyebrows - Feet & Pet Pics Tier

This Week: Finish Chapter 2! Next Week: Play through Brigantys Castle in Chapter 3!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Tactics Ogre: Reborn Part 2 - That's The Ronwey Aug 26, 2024

Square Roots - Episode 428 Are you ready for a sublime experience of RPG tactics? What I got for you this week is a quick li'l episode of the Square classic Tactics Ogre, and you don't have to practice Santeria to understand that this means Vanessa had to call in sick. But that's okay! Also: - New Thing Matt Hates: Steam Charts - The DreamCast: Improvising Beastie Boy lyrics - A Life Sized Hank Hill Cutout - Who Doesn't He Think Are Weiners? - Why Are We Friends With Him? - Gastophone the Murderer

This Week: Finish Qadriga Fortress in Tactics Ogre: Reborn / Let Us Cling Together! Next Week: Finish Chapter 1!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Tactics Ogre: Reborn Part 1 - The Ryan Stiles Tour of Vancouver Aug 19, 2024

Square Roots - Episode 427 Welcome to this In-Ogre-Al episde of our Tactics Ogre playthrough! You can play Reborn! You can play the PlayStation 1 one! You can play the PSP one! Whatever you want, it's all about various ethnic groups at war. You know it's an Alexander O. Smith translation with all the "neh"s and manses, so get ready for some great but dense text! Also: - In-Ogre-Al - Is Vanessa JD Vance? - His Name Is Grandma's Peach Tea - A Birthday Cacophany - The Dynast-King Dragula - Duke Wrongway

This Week: Finish Qadriga Fortress in Tactics Ogre: Reborn / Let Us Cling Together! Next Week: Finish Chapter 1!

Quantum Break Part 4 - The DreamCast Aug 12, 2024

Quantum Break Part 4 - The DreamCast Square Roots - Episode 426 It's TIME to wrap up this TIME TALE. We push through the finale of this game with focus and vigor, like a time train smashing through a time building. But beware the time monster! It's obviously coming, and surely this is going to be a fight for the ages. You definitely are going to fight this time monster. Also: - Watching Hostel is Like Being In Hostel - I Don't Wanna Be a Chronon Active Time Traveller! - Is It Cool If I Call Him JJ? - B Button and the Time Boys - The Mister Bean of Time Travel - If You Don't See A Body, You Can't Get Haughty

This Week: We finish Quantum Break! Next Week: Finish Qadriga Fortress in Tactics Ogre: Reborn / Let Us Cling Together!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Quantum Break Part 3 - All The Ponies Are Made of Butter Aug 05, 2024

Square Roots - Episode 425 On this temporal episode of Square Roots, we explore the conclusion of the Time Knife. It's so long. So, so long. Does SLOBBO die? Does anyone peel off a mask? Whose baby is that, anyway? All this and so much more on tonight's episode of Night Springs. Also: - Matt Is A Blue Mage Now - UFC Surgical Tubing Strangle Attack - More Hatch Lore - Under the Bridge Downtown - It's Not A Frame Rate Drop, It's A Quantum Stutter - Pool Swimming - Beth Did 9/11 Twice

This Week: We finish Act 3 and 4 and Episode 3 and 4 of Quantum Break! Next Week: We finish Quantum Break!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Quantum Break Part 2 - NO LANGOLIERS TALK Jul 29, 2024

Square Roots - Episode 424 It's a time mix-up game! On this episode of Square Roots we play through Act 2 of Quantum Break, which involves a lot of time ships, time jumps, time shields, time soldiers and time knives. And a severe bob. Just a heads up we misgender Ezra Miller a few times - we'll make sure to be more cognizant of this going forward. Also: - What If Alex Horne Is A Ghoul? - Trashcan Them - DigiLiam - A Straight Up Half Hour Where We All Review The Stand (2020) - Let's Call Her Amby - I'm Football Boy And I Play The Most Good Football - Matthew Summons Rappin' Nessa

This Week: We finish Act 2 and Episode 2 of Quantum Break! Next Week: We finish Act 3 and 4 and Episode 3 and 4 of Quantum Break!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Quantum Break Part 1 - Gandalf has a HUGE ASS Jul 22, 2024

Square Roots - Episode 423 Please note Johnny misread the number of episodes on his Amazon Prime Video app, and was wrong. Very wrong. You don't need to tell Johnny he was wrong. There are 9 episodes to the 2020 The Stand miniseries. Not 6. Each host has, in turn, told Johnny he was wrong after recording and that's terrible. Alright! It's time to break time, or some quantums. What exactly is a quantum? For years Johnny thought it was a time thing, but learned that this was again very wrong. We're playing Quantum Break by Remedy. The Remedy is that it's serious, it's a dangerous liason. Also the sky is dark because this game is FULL OF STARS! Also: - MyDreamz Dot Net - Door Versus Hatch - Why Are You Looting That Desk - Time Cop Rules Versus Lost Rules - My Glasses Are Gonna Be Circles - Thurgolicious Definition

This Week: We finish Act 1 and Episode 1 of Quantum Break! Next Week: We finish Act 2 and Episode 2 of Quantum Break!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Fallout 3 Part 5 - Biwwy's Waser Wifle Jul 15, 2024

Square Roots - Episode 422 On this episode of Square Roots we listen to a few more of Sticky's stories in the divisive Fallout 3. Oh yeah, we also finish the game! And there's a robot that sounds like Optimus Prime! And we deal with the problems haunting our Vault! And maybe talk an Ant Lady out of being an Ant Lady and a Robot Man out of being a Robot Man. Also: - The Vanessa Witch TV Show - That Is Men! Put Them In The Bear Suits! - Is Liberty Prime Optimus? - That Bible Fella

This Week: Finish the Game Suggested Side-Quest: Trouble on the Homefront, The Superhero Gambit Next Week: We finish Act 1 and Episode 1 of Quantum Break!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Fallout 3 Part 4 - Vanessa's Acers Jul 08, 2024

Square Roots - Episode 421 On this episode of Square Roots, we get to the ROOT of Harold's problem. You might say we cut to the HEART of the issue. And we RESCUE CHILDREN from a slavers camp, which isn't a pun but merely a factual thing that happens. Plus we hear a 100% Authentic Liam Neeson Death Rattle, and prove once and for all that the only thing Humongous about Mungos is our hearts. But not like Harold's humongous heart, I mean metaphorically. Also: - Vanessa Should Back Off Her Burns - Red Head Little Red Boy Cameron Jedi Games - Shoot Their Gibbly Mouth - Convenient Watching Pipe - How Did You Think This Would End?

This Week: Gaining Entrance To Little Lamplight Via Rescue From Paradise Quest, Big Trouble in Big Town, Oasis Next Week: Finish the Game Suggested Side-Quest: Trouble on the Homefront, The Superhero Gambit

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Fallout 3 Part 3 - Gothroughmaze Jul 01, 2024

Fallout 3 Part 3 - Gothroughmaze Square Roots - Episode 420 This time we're finally getting our Nic Cage on and STEALING THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE. Also maybe the Bill of Rights and Magna Carta (??). But this requires doing some odd jobs for a robot and keeping Alias's Sydney Bristow alive, which is harder than it sounds. Also: - She Got That Peabody-Ody-Ody - Jeremy Piven's Pyst (And Hot Broadway Goss) - His Power Is Billions of dollars - Neat Comics and Stuff - Teen Talk With Connor

This Week: Reunite with Daddy! And do Tenpenny Tower and steal the declaration of independence. Next Week: Gaining Entrance To Little Lamplight Via Rescue From Paradise Quest, Big Trouble in Big Town, Oasis

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Fallout 3 Part 2 - It's Fan Art Jun 24, 2024

Square Roots - Episode 419 Oh boy, there's more Fallout 3! And this time we meet Three Dog, aroo aroo aroooooo! Then we go on a caper to get a radar dish off of a lunar lander. Plus we save a boy from some ants, probably. And meet some rangers! Also: - The Legend of Zelda: Mysteries of Magic - Johnny Mixes up CDI and 3D0 - They had to sit on the Gore Bags - Cheesy Eggs Are So Gay - We've Never Met

This Week: Complete Those! and help Three Dog fix Galaxy News Radio! Next Week: Reunite with Daddy! And do Tenpenny Tower and steal the declaration of independence.

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Fallout 3 Part 1 - A Vanessa Curated Fallout 3 Experience Jun 17, 2024

Square Roots - Episode 418 So it's now time for a new game! Huzzah! And it's a Fallout! This time we venture to the Capitol Wasteland and everyone is excited to leave the vault and see the world outside. But also Johnny is a magician and Jim has discovered the joys of Andraste's command prompt. Also: - VR Chat Is For Furries - The World's Original Virtual Reality - Walking On Uteruses - The Fallout Stepdad Mod - A Greyer Shade of Brown

This Week: Complete Blood Ties and find out where your Dad went in Megaton in Fallout 3! Next Week: Complete Those! and help Three Dog fix Galaxy News Radio!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy VII: Rebirth Part 12 - You'll Sit In Your Room And Read Dealing With Dragons Until You're A Feminist Jun 10, 2024

Square Roots - Episode 417 It's the end of Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth and ALL OUR TAKES ARE SO HOT! Was this game good? Bad? Did it stick the landing? What the hell happened? Listen and find out! Also: - Love Yord Fandlar - Long Pants Get Real Hot - Chadley Is The Architect - Aerith Did A Sliders - A Pride Portal - The Shell Houses Were Iconic - Aerith's Throat Tattoo

This Week: Finish Final Fantasy VII Rebirth! Next Week: Complete Blood Ties and find out where your Dad went in Megaton in Fallout 3!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy VII: Rebirth Part 11 - Vanessa Has a Number She's Looking to Hit Jun 03, 2024

Square Roots - Episode 416 Either this chapter has a HUGE CHANGE THAT PUTS EVERYTHING INTO A BRAND NEW CONTEXT or it has A VERY MINOR CHANGE THAT DOESN'T REALLY CHANGE ANYTHING and depending on who you listen to you may feel it's one or the other. So what is it? You'll have to play through Chapter 13 to find out! Also: - Advent Children: Scotch and Kotch - It's like Sharpening A Pencil - The Return of Leslie, The Boy With The Hat - The Irish Riddler - Miss Remember

This Week: Finish Chapter 13, Where Angels Fear To Tread! Next Week: Finish Final Fantasy VII Rebirth!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy VII: Rebirth Part 10 - The Michael Emmerson VR Experience May 27, 2024

Square Roots - Episode 415 For once the game has some respect for you as you have to search for Dio and a stuffed robocat on this music-filled episode of Square Roots. Aerith drops her single, Jessie does interpretive dance, and Don Corneo's hype men bring early 90s bad TV commercial rapping realness. Also: - The Horse Heresy - Blah Blah Blah Versus Crab Claws - ...Beehicle? - Motorboat Yon Tiddies - Vanessa Tuba Heckles Wedge's Funeral - Like Something On Modern Family - Oh, Chadley's in this? - Francis Ford Coppola Weird Dracula Levels Of Hot Armour - No Fam, She Was Not Lit

This Week: Finish Chapter 12, A Golden Key!

Next Week: Finish Chapter 13, Where Angels Fear To Tread!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy VII: Rebirth Part 9 - Li'l Grape Nuts May 20, 2024

Final Fantasy VII: Rebirth Part 9 - Li'l Grape Nuts Square Roots - Episode 414 Teacher Jim's gone so it's party time on this episode of Square Roots! In this chunker of Final Fantasy VII we head to Nibelheim and find things a little less burnt than anticipated. Also: - - A Whole Lot of X-Men '97 Talk - Vanessa Is Too Lazy To Send 400,000 Emails - Man Has Been Awoken By Long White-Haired Femboys - This Bird's Power Is Piss - Taft Is A Big Boi - Who'd They Make The Giant Pancakes For Then? - I'm Gonna Have To Kiss That Dog

This Week: Finish Chapter 11, The Long Shadow of Shinra! Next Week: Finish Chapter 12, A Golden Key!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy VII: Rebirth Part 8 - Oh No Sweetie, You're Very Stupid May 13, 2024

Final Fantasy VII: Rebirth Part 8 - Oh No Sweetie, You're Very Stupid Square Roots - Episode 413 Oh boy! Another memorable chunk of Final Fantasy VII expanded, broadened, padded and filled in ways both good, great and kinda okay. Some of us don't like the birds. Some of us love the birds. Meanwhile, Aerith grabs the mic at a Planetology conference, Red XIII turns into an anime protagonist, and Bugenhagen is kind of a jerk. Also: - Tokyo Ghost Drift - Shoving Your Gayness Down Jim's Throat - Wedge's Hereditary Smash Cut - Reeve's Resume - Let's Talk About Soul Reaver - Piano Man Came Out 75 Years Ago Today - #HotBroads - Return of the Nerds

This Week: Finish Chapter 10, Watcher of the Vale! Next Week: Finish Chapter 11, The Long Shadow of Shinra!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy VII: Rebirth Part 7 - TOP! THAT! TWINK! May 06, 2024

Square Roots - Episode 412 On this week's episode of Square Roots we explore the Gongaga region of Final Fantasy VII: Rebirth and have one serious question: Did Aerith go to school? She couldn't, right? Because she was in Hojo jail? Was she home schooled? Was she Hojome schooled? We've got the answers for you, so listen and find out! Also: - Yet More Godzilla Movie Talk - Colour and Seduction - Reactors Are For Boys - Is That Bronco Tiny? - More Crisis Core Lore Drops - He Ate That Bird

This Week: Finish Chapter 9, The Planet Stirs! Next Week: Finish Chapter 10, Watcher of the Vale!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy VII: Rebirth Part 6 - He Had A Megaphone, Like He's Mister Brightside Apr 29, 2024

Square Roots - Episode 411 It's Vanessa's favourite part of the game, and you can easily see why: there's dance battles! Flexing bears! Spooky ooky hotels! Pretend ghosts! Mass shootings! Even more minigames! With Vanessa as this game's hype-woman, how could it go wrong? Also: - Matthew Bad - Twink-Petitors - The Ultimate Cancellation - Galaxy Rangers Is Just Star Fox - Fremen, Short for Frenchmen

This Week: Finish Chapter 8, All That Glitters! Next Week: Finish Chapter 9, The Planet Stirs!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy VII: Rebirth Part 5 - New Character Just Dropped Apr 22, 2024

Square Roots - Episode 410 If she only could, Yuffie'd make a deal with Cloud, and they would swap their places. She'd be running up that road, running up that hill, with no problems. Come on, Tifa. Come on, Aerith. Let her steal this materia from you now. But Cloud is too busy with a little headache from the green static of repressed memories to listen, and but at least they can exchange the experience (points). Also: - Sweebos! - I don't Think It's Happiness Good Times - They WRote This In the Recording Studio - Superman Entered the Speed Force - That's Sahz's Thing

This Week: Finish Chapter 7, What We Left Behind! Next Week: Finish Chapter 8, All That Glitters!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy VII: Rebirth Part 4 - Put Barret In A Speedo, You Cowards Apr 15, 2024

How do you feel about minigames? What about a whole chunker of minigames? Not interested? What if I told you it was a BEACH EPISODE! But a beach episode that only lets you pick out swimwear for three out of four of the humans in your party at the time. Yes, the plot is put on hold for a moment as we park Segways, go on a photo hunt, and play some Doggy Rocket League. Please don't listen past the credits with kids around. You'll understand why. Also: - The Sydney Sweeney of Video Games - Either A Straight Thing or An American Thing - The Original American Psycho - Kreen's Blood - "What's Up With Americans?" on iHeartRadio - All the Dead Things - "I Just Lied." This Week: We reach Mt. Corel! Next Week: Finish Chapter 7!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy VII: Rebirth Part 3 - Matt's Funds Drive Apr 08, 2024

Square Roots - Episode 408 Shine, shine! It's bald time. Finally us bald folks can see ourselves represented on screen in this rhythm game packed chunker of Final Fantasy VII: Rebirth! Plus you can finally donate to a non-Patreon related Matt bank account for some reason and solve a challenging boat puzzle. Also: - Paid in Beefaroni - Bring me pictures of Truman Capote! - Matt the Grumpy Libertarian - Is Japan the Idaho of the world? - Dasmalchian Syndrome

This Week: We finish Chapter 4! Next Week: We reach Mt. Corel!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy VII: Rebirth Part 2 - A Massive Tifa Moment Apr 01, 2024

Square Roots - Episode 407 Johnny's out so it's another All-American episode, full of America's favourite passtimes: ball punching! Very long X-Men tangents! Chadley! Boob punching? Also: - Midwest Emo - Wrench Cheeseburger - Who's Galactica's Mom? - More Like Pottycast - "I love living in Rocket Town!" Vs "Fuck Shinra!" - Chadley in a Wig

This Week: We finish Chapter 3! Next Week: We finish Chapter 4!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy VII: Rebirth Part 1 - Matt Wants This Episode To Be Called Sluttiroth Mar 25, 2024

Square Roots - Episode 406 Square Roots plays a totally new game! Okay, not TOTALLY new. Some of it is a quarter century old. But it's somewhat new! And it just came out! This is different! This is strange! Change is bad! But we're rolling with it. So we are playing Square Enix's Final Fantasy VII Rebirth, and get through the Nibelheim Incident in Chapter 1 and Matt tries to make Sluttiroth happen. Also: - Bones Knitting - Avengers Persona Game For Grownups 😉 - A Perfect Pooping Game - Sexual Tension Causing Electrical Interference - Want To Go Walkies, Pup? - Sean Connery Wishes He Was That Beefy

This Week: We finish Chapter 1 in Final Fantasy VII: Rebirth, a totally old and classic RPG Next Week: We finish Chapter 3.

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Bayonetta Part 3 - A Pair of Dorks Mar 18, 2024

Bayonetta Part 3 - A Pair of Dorks Square Roots - Episode 405 Johnny doxes everyone in this eventful episode of our Bayonetta playthrough! We finish the game. Questions are answered, except maybe the question "is Bayonetta her own mother?" as Matt refuses to listen to any answer other than "yes". Also finally Johnny is cancelled. Also: - More Like Baldur's Gay - Is Less Than Jake Better Than Ezra? - Jim's Withering Looks to Camera - The Opposite of Gay Panic Is Lesbian Love - Mountain Dew Is Water - A Lot of Torpedo Talk

This Week: We finish Bayonetta! Next Week: We finish Chapter 1 in Final Fantasy VII: Rebirth, a totally old and classic RPG

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Bayonetta Part 2 - We're Too Punk Rock For Ads Mar 11, 2024

Square Roots - Episode 404 The Bayonetta loving will continue until podcast output improves. In this glamorous episode of Bayonetta, we feel like f***ing celebrities as we're recognized by weird angel statue robots with Mystery Science Theatre tube arms. And Matt paraphrases an email! Also: - Solid Mike and Naked Mike - An Unpaid Ad for Canva - Nothing Wrong With Using A Parasol To Hit Enemies - Every Game Has To Go To Space - Life Is Like A Passing Breeze

This Week: We finish Chapter XI in Bayonetta Next Week: We finish Bayonetta!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://bsky.app/profile/stevenmorrismusic.bsky.social and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Bayonetta Part 1 - Lethal Weapon Joe Pesci Mar 04, 2024

Bayonetta Part 1 - Lethal Weapon Joe Pesci Square Roots - Episode 403

Hooray! Everyone is loving Bayonetta! Sure, Vanessa is off due to injury and Matthew may be loving it only under duress, but that's good enough. Because loving Bayonetta is MANDATORY. And this week we start out the Platinum Games classic and learn all about the lore of the Lumen Sages, Umbra Witches, and just how close a video game camera can get inside a human body. Also: - Matt Is Rinoa's Mom - Superman is a Big Man - Blurays Can Only Hold So Much Data - Dollar Store Vin Diesel - Bayonetta's Dumpy Link Outfit

This Week: We finish Chapter V in Bayonetta Next Week: We finish Chapter XI in Bayonetta

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Dragon Age: Inquisition Part 7 - Hot Butt Office Feb 26, 2024

Square Roots - Episode 402 Finally, truly, we are in the age of Dragons. And we've really finished Dragon Age: Inquisition. Sure, we rolled credits last episode, but this one has Super Credits, with extra special Cassandra narration! Plus we may or may not lose a fan favourite character in this chunker, depending on your choices. Also: - No Spiders Man or Lasts of Us - Senshi Upskirt Shots - Weird Christopher Eccleston Hate - Passing Notes in Class - Invernerable Draygons

This Week: We Finish Trespasser Next Week: We finish Chapter V in Bayonetta

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Dragon Age: Inquisition Part 6 - Canadian Psycho Feb 19, 2024

Square Roots - Episode 401 I don't know how else to say it, but this episode should be kept far from your little ones. Why? Gazzie talk. Just. Lots of gazzie talk. Gazzies everywhere. Wall-to-wall gazzies. I swear that we've got it out of our system and next week you won't ever hear the word Gazzie again. Also: - Sony Has to Make A Game About Miserable People Watching Their Friends Die - Everyone's Favourite Character, Krattos - I Just Made Her Sleep With Alistair Once - Your Favourite Bull's Chargers: Krem, Rocky, Big Builder, Darren the Finance Guy, Blippi, Sally Jenkins, Flooz, Ma Gratton, and of course Gazzie. - Dude, Look At These Horns - The Qunari Do The Cut - Brolas

This Week: We Finish the Main Story Next Week: We Finish Trespasser Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

The Square Roots 400th Episode Spectacular! Feb 12, 2024

Square Roots - Episode 400 We interrupt this season of Square Roots for a very special 400th episode in which we talk about the ups and downs of our nerdy lives since 2016, and constantly try not to get mired in talking about politics. THEN THE ROBOTS ARRIVE! Also: - The Rootin' Rootin' Cowboy! - BLEEP BLOOP GIVE ME THE SLOOP! - Johnny Has A Stupid Game!

This Week: We Have A Bonus Time Fun Time Next Week: We Finish the Main Story Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Dragon Age: Inquisition Part 5 - Get This Lady Away From My Grey-Ace Crossbowsexual Feb 05, 2024

Square Roots - Episode 399 Uh oh, it seems like something has turned Johnny into beserker mode, where he's all fists and elbows. And that is Bianca. Johnny goes red-pill in the face of destroyed head canon in this terrifying episode of Square Roots as we drink from the Well of Sorrows. Also: - Could You Sing That Like Dio? - Ghosts Have Birthdays - King Shark, Doo-doo-de-doo-doo - Jim's Secret Fruit Roll-Ups Stash - A Don Knotts Moment - Our Pitch for Frankenmommy

This Week: What Pride Has Wrought (And Crestwood, Romances, Companions) Next Week: We Finish the Main Story Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Dragon Age: Inquisition Part 4 - Taking Two Barbie Dolls And Smushing Their Faces Together Jan 29, 2024

Square Roots - Episode 398 There's mystery afoot as Johnny, Matthew and eventually Vanessa battle some possessed Wardens and fall into the Fade on this magical chunker of Dragon Age: Inquisition. Plus a battering ram shaped like a fist! Also: - Abblegation - Too Good Of A Singer - Countess Undercut - Who Is Celine Dion - 100% Nude Cullen Unlocked

This Week: Here Lies the Abyss Next Week: What Pride Has Wrought (And Crestwood, Romances, Companions) Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Dragon Age: Inquisition Part 3 - #YouGotGazooed Jan 22, 2024

Square Roots - Episode 397 Finally we close the breach, and everything is perfect. Except that that dang ol' Corypheus has to go and ruin it all with a demon dragon and one of two possible henchpeople. Meanwhile Jim decides to start the internet hashtag goof of the decade! Also: - Just arctic - Jodie Pasta and Jane Fondue - Talking in hushed whispers - Far dragon age future is mass effect - Oil of Orlais - I'm with Crypheus - Random references to people in Canada - The Slow Clap Song

This Week: Complete Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts. Next Week: Here Lies the Abyss Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Dragon Age: Inquisition Part 2 - You're Missing Out On Voice Number 2 Jan 15, 2024

Square Roots - Episode 396 It's a PATRIOTS ONLY podcast. Our three hosts are RED, WHITE and BLUE. And these colours aren't busy at work. On this AMERICANS ONLY episode of Square Roots the fierce flag smoochers talk about what's up with the Templars mission Champions of the Just and recruit Vivienne, Iron Bull, Blackwall and Vanessa's nemesis Sera. Also: - Bronnie Jandon Is Always Ready For A Kiss - The Merits of Showing Hole - A Pooltergeist - Have You Tried Equipping A Better Weapon? - Half of Earth Is France

This Week: Recruit Sera, Vivianne, Blackwall, and Iron Bull plus complete either the Mages or the Templar’s quest (In Hushed Whispers or Champions of the Just) Next Week: Complete Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Dragon Age: Inquisition Part 1 - Fresh from the Phylactory Jan 08, 2024

Square Roots - Episode 395 You've got to hand it to the Herald: their hand certainly is glowy, and has superpowers too! In this gripping first chunker of BioWare's Dragon Age: Inquisition we close gates to the fade, meet a horse man, stare at chest hair, and leave the hinterlands as soon as Solas tells us to, because we wouldn't want to disappoint Vanessa's dream elf. Also: - Carol Vorderman's Math Skills - A Naturalist, Not a Naturist - How Many Games Make Your Mom Turn Into A Frankenstein? - Vanessa Makes A Terrible Declaration - A Freudian Digression

This Week: We watch an old lady get punched in the face in Val Royeaux Next Week: Recruit Sera, Vivianne, Blackwall, and Iron Bull plus complete either the Mages or the Templar’s quest (In Hushed Whispers or Champions of the Just) Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy I Part 2 - Cozy Goodtimes Jan 01, 2024

Final Fantasy I Part 2 - Cozy Goodtimes Square Roots - Episode 394 Don't you just love having legs? You can waggle them, you can crisscrossapplesauce them, they have leg hands! And we use our JRPG legs through all the long walks and long dungeons of this limb-filled Square Roots episode ending our Final Fantasy I season. Just two episodes? You better believe it. Also: - Advent Children Chose The Most Boring Option - Ouroboros Burgertime - His Name Is Tyler - Magical Canoe of Destiny - Special Apologies to Appalachia

This Week: We Finish Final Fantasy 1! Next Week: Dragon Age Inquisition - End of Val Royeaux Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Square Rooots Versus (An?) 8-Bit Christmas Dec 25, 2023

Hello friends! It's The Holiday Wintertime Goodtime Week so we are off carousing, carolling, controlling and blu cantrelling, and not podcasting.

But that doesn't mean you can't have this fresh piece of Square Roots fruitcake from our archive! We watch the NPH 80s retro feature and give you our HOTTEST takes. Enjoy!

This Week: We watch a movie! About video games! Next Week: We Finish Final Fantasy 1! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy I Part 1 - I Would Never Use THAC0 In Public Dec 18, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 393 Oh wow! This is the oldest RPG we've done for a season! But none of us were ready for the adorable sprites and price-gouging magic dealers of Final Fantasy I! Also: - The Brown Crystal - Paul Giamatti Kisses a Woman - Super Into Creed - The Manana Origins - Margot Robbie Could Go Into Anyone's House - The Opposite of Downtown Brown - A Walken Shower

This Week: We defeat the Lich in Final Fantasy I! Next Week: We Finish Final Fantasy 1! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy IV Part 5 - The Moon is For Boys Dec 11, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 392 Even after his Retron5 deleted all his saves, Johnny and the rest of Square Roots Podcast really do finish Final Fantasy IV! There's some kind of whale on the moon, and some crystals I guess, and then the game decides to beat the last boss for you which was a bit of a shock. Also: - Zeromus, Zero Fuss - Vanessa Leisure - I Have Another Recipeh - Am I The Asshole For Watching This? - Sing the Song In Your Heart - Do Prayers Rhyme? - Do airships go up? - Sqwale?

This Week: We finish Final Fantasy IV! Next Week: We defeat the Lich in Final Fantasy I! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy IV Part 4 - Everyone Loves a Penultimate Episode Dec 04, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 391 Sadly Jim is missing on this party killing episode of Square Roots! So Vanessa, Johnny and Matthew finally get to visit a matriarchy, experience Rubicante's Sexy Leg Peek, and swap a few airships. Also: - Taskmaster VR - Scott Pilgrim Starring Mae West - Final Fantasy's Least Successful Party? - Bloodthirsty for Party Members - He Can Use Two Swords at the Same Time!

This Week: We defeat the Demon Wall! Next Week: We finish Final Fantasy IV!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy IV Part 3 - Let Baigans Be Baigans Nov 27, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 390 Much to Jim's delight things take a tragic turn in this dramatic chunker of Final Fantasy IV! There's self-sacrifice, double bump amnesia, betrayals, de-trayals, and even a fantastic journey to the center of the earth! Also: - Women Love Men Who Jump - Lussy - The Under a Dark Influence Defense - Long Flowing Jareth Hair - A Water Plane - The Watermelon Cagnazzo

This Week: We meet the Dwarves in the underworld! Next Week: We defeat the Demon Wall!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Would You Eat This Bird 2023 Nov 20, 2023

Happy American Thanksgiving! Or, if you live elsewhere, the second to last week of November!

In celebration of this holiday, and due to all of us travelling this week, please enjoy Johnny asks Matthew, Jim, Vanessa and Doctor Steven Stone: Would You Eat This Bird?

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy IV Part 2 - The Pasta Elemental Nov 13, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 389 On this second chunker of Final Fantasy IV, Cecil drops the dark sword for something a little lamer. And the Square Roots crew, minus Vanessa who is spiralling into the air due to a malady, delights in the change and in the introduction of Milon / Scarmiglione. Oh, and there's the adorable twins Palom and Porum! Also: - Congrats Gen-Z For "Mid" - Chuck E Cheese, Child Casino - I Got Zucked! - The Office of Relief - Karate Man

This Week: Cecil does his class change! Next Week: We meet the Dwarves in the underworld!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy IV Part 1 - All Nut November Nov 06, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 388 Anything could happen on Halloween! Silent Hill could turn into a show. We could all start playing Final Fantasy, the fourth just so you know. Number Five has its butts! Number six destroys the world! But on Halloween, your BLOOD begins to CURL. Something spooky's going on! Also: - Is This The First Good Final Fantasy?! - That's Why They Call It Default! - Is That A Tampon Joke? - Tellah Says the Line! - Vanessa's on-location research!

This Week: We retrieve the sand crystal in Final Fantasy IV! Next Week: Cecil does his class change!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Fallout: New Vegas Part 9 - He Died Doing What He Loved Oct 30, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 387 We did it! We finished Fallout: New Vegas! Matthew fades in and out of consciousness throughout this epic journey, but in this chunker we play through the DLC "Lonesome Road" as well as finishing the main campaign! There's radio negging, stopping (or helping) an assassination, nuclear whoopsies, and maybe even a robot throwing someone off of a tower! Also: - Grandma Dry Eyes - Vault Suit Barbie - Wizards of the Coast's Basement - A Thoughtful Discussion of Patriotism (Derogatory) - Robots Can't Feel Pain - You're Just A Bunch of Meat and Goop!

This Week: We finish Fallout: New Vegas! Next Week: We retrieve the sand crystal in Final Fantasy IV!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Fallout: New Vegas Part 8 - Wing House Versus Wings Etcetera Oct 23, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 386 It's time for the silly, Portal Inspired companion piece of DLC, Old World Blues, on this chunker of Fallout: New Vegas. Sure, we meet some robots terrified of our disgusting erect hand penises and Johnny kills more dogs, but that's just how Fallout is. Also: - Turn Them Off From Behind - Juu'ls Van in Alaska - Accidental Sondheim - Switch or Phone! - Is Horny an Emotion?

This Week: We Finish Old World Blues! Next Week: We finish Fallout: New Vegas!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Fallout: New Vegas Part 7 - Turtle! Turtle! Turtle! Oct 16, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 385 Finally wrapping up Dead Money we tackle the most important quest in Fallout: New Vegas: becoming Best Friends with Best Friend Tabitha! Or not, depending on how things play out for you. Also: RAUL! Also: - Anti-Circumcision Pokemon Stickers - A Human Head Shaped Lamp - Taskmaster Heckling - Playing Persona on Stage - Vanessa's Fly Updates - Dean: Alive or Undead - I'm Going to Kill Father Elijah - Matthew's Jojo Siwa Defense Squad - Jim Cheats Death

This Week: Finish Dead Money, Meet Best Friend Tabitha Next Week: We Finish Old World Blues and The Lonesome Road

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Fallout: New Vegas Part 6 - Fat Bear Weak Oct 09, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 384 We put off meeting Best Friend Tabitha for another week and instead learn all about the casino of the Sierra Madre, where a real Andrew Ryan takes us through the BioShockiest chunker of Fallout yet. Oh yeah, and Johnny gets a whole lot of people killed by the Brotherhood of Steel because he failed some speech checks. Also: - Why Wouldn't Dommy Mommy Want to Look Like a Dinosaur? - Jim Makes a Lateral Move - Doctor Edward Crane - Terminal Betrayal - Is BioShock a First Person Shooter

This Week: We finish up with the Brotherhood of Steel finally as well as reaching the Casino in Dead Money. Next Week: Finish Dead Money, Meet Best Friend Tabitha

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Fallout: New Vegas Part 5 - Liza with a P Oct 02, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 383 Okay, we didn't hit our goal for this chunker again - we'll save dealing with the Brotherhood until next time. But this time on Square Roots we explore different methods of dealing with the Boomers and the Great Khans and continually tease how great Vault 34 is without actually getting there. Also: - Vanessa Describes the Best Scene from Retribution - Matthew's Origin Story - You're Legally Allowed to Kiss Them Whenever You Want - 2 Jacks at the Same Time - The Scrap Bringer - Updating Vanessa's New Vegas Sex Count - A Selection of the B-29's Greatest Hits

This Week: We deal with the Boomers and The Great Kahns. WARNING: The end of these quests can trigger the point of no return for your endgame faction. If you’re not sure which way you want to go yet do not report to House, Yes Man, Caesar, or NCR. Next Week: We finish up with the Brotherhood of Steel finally as well as reaching the Casino in Dead Money.

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Fallout: New Vegas Part 4 - Google, Where is Ouch Ditch? Sep 25, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 382 Hey, jazz cats. It's time to meet some ring-a-ding broads and bears for a swinging time on the strip! We explore the White Glove Society's very secret secret that you'll never guess, the Rat Pack era Chaimen at the Tops, and Vegas's naughtiest casino, the Gamorrean Guards. You'll note we didn't end up making friends with the Boomers, so there are no Boomer jokes this episode. Also: - Johnny'z Orbeez Tangent - More Sexy Options - The Homestuck Gem - Becoming the Queen of Vegas - Canada's Dave Foley

This Week: We enter the New Vegas Strip and meet Mr. House, and confront Benny at the Tops. Recommended quests: Bye Bye Love and How Little We Know at Gomorrah, Beyond the Beef at the Ultra Lux. Next Week: We deal with the BrotherHood of Steel and The Great Kahns. WARNING: The end of these quests can trigger the point of no return for your endgame faction. If you’re not sure which way you want to go yet do not report to House, Yes Man, Caesar, or NCR.

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Fallout: New Vegas Part 3 - A Lady Never Fists and Tells Sep 18, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 381 Okay, let's get this out of the way first: in this chunker Johnny mixes up Doc Mitchell and Doc Bailey. One is voiced by Michael Hogan and is the doctor in Good Springs, who came from a vault, and the other is the doctor from Vault 22. Michael Hogan played Commander Bailey in Mass Effect, so it's a simple mistake anyone could make. Right? RIGHT?!? Also in this chunker we figure out the best way to get inside New Vegas. Also: - Matthew Hates The King - Everyone Lies to Keely - Eating at the Y - Game Scom

This Week: We go to Boulder City then onto Freeside and complete G.I. Blues for The King, plus other quests on the Vegas Outskirts. Recommended: You Can Depend on Me (Crimson Caravan), Wang Dang Atomic Tango (Atomic Wrangler), There Stands the Grass (Camp McCarran). Next Week: We enter the New Vegas Strip and meet Mr. House, confront Benny in the Tops, and secure the cooperation of the Boomers. Recommended quests: Bye Bye Love and How Little We Know at Gomorrah, Beyond the Beef at the Ultra Lux.

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Fallout: New Vegas Part 2 - Five Ways To Be Brought Into A Sci-Fi Story Sep 11, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 380

On this chunker of Fallout: New Vegas, the Square Roots gang get a fourth member in the posse, and triple the number of Vanessas possible. We also meet Caesar's Legion and may or may not end up on bad terms with them, get spooked by a dinosaur, make friends with some ghouls and nightkin and turn on the power!

Also:

East Nippletown
Not All Lesbians Are Snipers But All Snipers Are Lesbians
A Real Treasjie
A Metafloorical Gaythrough
Just Fantastic

This Week: We reach NoVac and do the associated quests (One For My Baby, Come Fly With Me, That Lucky Old Sun)

Next Week: We go to Boulder City then onto Freeside and complete G.I. Blues for The King, plus other quests on the Vegas Outskirts. Recommended: You Can Depend on Me (Crimson Caravan), Wang Dang Atomic Tango (Atomic Wrangler), There Stands the Grass (Camp McCarran).

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Fallout: New Vegas Part 1 - Difficult Pete Sep 04, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 379

It’s been seven years in the making but now we finally, finally shake the dust out of our boots and get on the long road to New Vegas. That’s right, the Fallout game that uses the Bethesda engine but has Obsidian developing. Is it the best of both worlds?

Also:

Gambling Puns!
The Johnny Guitar bit
Air Bud 3: The Chess Muttster
Jim watches Scary Movie 2
The Canadian Vault
Cuck George Jetson

This Week: We instate a new mayor sheriff in Fallout: New Vegas!

Next Week: We reach NoVac and do the associated quests (One For My Baby, Come Fly With Me, That Lucky Old Sun)

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Lunar: Silver Star Part 7 - Talk For Your Vanessa For Help With TMWS Aug 28, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 378

Finally! We’ve worked through Lunar in admittedly probably one too many episodes. But hey, we finished it! And we get to see just what happens when your moon girlfriend actually is a goddess. Like. A real one. Not metaphorical.

Also:

- The Grandia Pile - I’m Gonna Digest All Your Clothes - Offishul - PlayStation Porthole - Jeopardy! Untucked - Sheryl Kyle

This Week: We finish Lunar!

Next Week: We instate a new mayor sheriff in Fallout: New Vegas!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Lunar: Silver Star Part 6 - Downtown Brown Aug 21, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 377

UPDATE: Johnny’s computer got dead enough that it is being fixed by the Geek Squad! Yay! On this Jimless episode of Square Roots Johnny, Vanessa and Matthew get frequently derailed by asides to the point where they forget what they’re supposed to be doing, but what they’re doing is recording the penultimate episode of our book club style playthrough of Lunar! That’s right, there’s every kind of reveal. Was Matthew correct?

Also:

- Johnny and Vanessa Fail Astronomy - Big Polyamory Is Killing Mom and Pop Cuck Chair Shops - Johnny Eats A Cookie - Black Lipstick Equals Evil

- Kate Bush’s Hit “How Can You Be Dying When You’re Standing Next To A Grave” - Is Flat A Shape?

This Week: We defeat Royce in [REDACTED]'s Fortress

Next Week: We finish Lunar!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Lunar: Silver Star Part 5 - Peenomorph Aug 14, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 376 It's a Jim Edit, so you know what that means: NOTHING GETS CUT OUT. This is Square Roots the way THE MAN won't let us do it: RAW and UNCUT. No one's diffusing these TRUTH BOMBS as we play through a seemingly uncontroversial chunk of Game Arts's pleasant RPG Lunar: The Silver Star. In this chunk we're heading through a couple of lost woods, talking to a dragon who may already be dead, engaging in tricky relationship dilemmas, and experiencing the taste of betrayal once again. Also: - Go-Go Dancer #3 Is An Ex of Mine - Boat Dracula! - Jim Doesn't Accept Your Pity - Tempestt & Bledsoe - What Is Sex If Not A Fight In Bed? - No I Didn't Think He Was Not Coming Back

This Week: Defeat the Magic Masher in Ruid! Next Week: We defeat Xenobia in [REDACTED]'s Fortress

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Lunar: Silver Star Part 4 - I Would Simply Say No Thank You Aug 07, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 375 Oh boy! We get to meet so many dragons, and yet... not in time? Yeah, we get a lot of very brief dragon encounters, but not the Bad Dragon kind, in this chunker of Game Arts's Lunar. Sadly no Matthew's game because we were on a tight time schedule. Also: - A Campaign of Terror Against My Friends and Family - I Was A Drunk Six Year Old - The Secret Origin of Duran Duran's A View To A Kill - We Don't Like Slapping Music - He Smiled To Make Vanessa Melt - You Gotta Tag Your Porn

This Week: Reach the top of.Myght's Tower! Next Week: Defeat the Magic Masher in Ruid!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

This is Squoopardy! Jul 31, 2023

We're running a bonus episode from last year as a confluence of events stopped us from recording, so please: enjoy a Johnny's Stupid Game from 2022!

Squoopardy is the hottest new game show craze! Play along with our hosts in the bonus episode using these three boards:

Squoopardy: https://jeopardylabs.com/play/squoopardy

Double Squoopardy: https://jeopardylabs.com/play/double-squoopardy

Final Squoopardy: https://jeopardylabs.com/play/final-squoopardy

Lunar: Silver Star Part 3 - Justin Fied Jul 24, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 374 Are you ready for an action packed episode of Lunar: Silver Star Something? Oh boy. So much happens on this episode of Square Roots, from double betrayals in the game to Matthew's Stupid Game finding its special groove. So join us on a Bromide packed journey! Also: - We Pitch "The Jewell Thief" - Jem Wasn't Outrageous - The Beach Is The Best M Night Shyamalan Movie Of The Past 20 Years (Derogatory) - Lunar Non-Pervy Run Challenge Level: Impossible - Mascot Nathan Drake - Yeah Winnie the Pooh is Stuck in That Hole

This Week: We return the blueprints or blue prince in Iluk! Next Week: Defeat the Shadow Spectre in Talon Mine!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Lunar: Silver Star Part 2 - Frot With Peril Jul 17, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 373 MORE DIAL OF DESTINY SPOILERS AT 25:10! *SORRY* We all get seduced by an elf man with some kind of lyre in this deeply erotic episode of Square Roots. We're looking at the second chunker of Lunar: Silver Star where we find pornography in Vane's magic library, meet Austin Powers, and become landlords.

Also: - Star Wars Courtroom Drama - Woiked for the Weapers - Wolverine, the Twink With the Claws - That's What Working Designs Does - The Translator Was Very Hungry

This Week: We defeat the Faux Dragonmaster in Lann! Next Week: We return the blueprints or blue prince in Iluk!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Lunar: Silver Star Part 1 - If You Open Them There's Bees Jul 10, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 372 Alright, it's back to real retro RPGs now! And we've got Game Arts's Lunar: Silver Star. Or Silver Star Story. Or Silver Star Complete. Or Silver Star Harmony? Or Silver Star Touch? It's complicated and we don't totally understand. Also:

- Matthew's Game 1, Everybody Else 0 - The Father Looks Like *REDACTED* - Johnny Loves His Frame Rates - 90s Waynes World Speak - The Job of Women is to Ruin Men's Fun - They're All In Love With Dyne And They're Doing It In Texas

This Week: We reach Meribia in Lunar! Next Week: We defeat the Ultragoyles!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Final Fantasy 7 Remake Part 7 - Ramsay Is Out, We're Into Mermaids Now Jul 03, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 371 We plow through another gazillion hours of games (if you're Canadian, 2.5 hours if you're Jim) as we finish Final Fantasy 7 Remake and the Intermission DLC. There's a lot to go through, like Matthew and Vanessa hating the swirling tornado of fate, Johnny and Jim on team defendy, and a zooming close up on a pom. Also:

- Guess Whodo? - Johnny Flubs His Game Again - The Metaverse Is So Hot Right Now - A Sexy Stocking Bomb - Jim's Amazing Prank - Final Fantasy Gets Kingdom Heartsy

This Week: We finish Final Fantasy 7 Remake AND Intermission! Next Week: We reach Meriba in Lunar!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy 7 Remake Part 6 - I've Looked At Cloud From Both Sides Now Jun 26, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 370 Johnny's back and has two weeks pent up of his usual Scary Movie / Family Guy style reference humour. The other hosts grudgingly tolerate it. But it's a great chunk of the game, cut a little short because it turned out to be super long. We've got the sneaky climb up Shinra tower, office politics, a bored mayor, our first chunk of Jenova, a pointless dungeon, and so much lore to figure out. Also:

- The Most Boring Opening Tangent Ever, According to Jim - Johnny Flubs His Game - The Password is Force Field - Why Did You Do It, Alan Rickman? - The Mechanics of Cait Sith - Air Holes - Perfecting the Lord British Texan Accent - Butter Talk - And so much more!

This Week: We defeat Rufus! Next Week: We finish the main game AND the Intermission!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy 7 Remake Part 5 - No One Cares About The Emperor's New Groove Jun 19, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 369 It's a rare Johnnyless episode today but Vanessa, Jim and Matthew pick up the slack! That's right, Matthew has his own stupid game! Vanessa pushes along the quest log! Matthew licks Pringles! On this chunker of Final Fantasy 7 Remake: NOTHING HAPPENS, but somehow it takes 11 hours of game time. Also:

- Labe Flapping - Ramsay Can't Solve Alcoholism - It's Mako Town - The Hat Guy Fandom

This Week: We finish Chapter 15! Next Week: We finish the main game!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy 7 Remake Part 4 - The Flamingo Dress Jun 12, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 368 We get an exclusive VIP pass to the Honeybee Inn, but where we really want to go to is Haunted House. We hear they even have a trap door! On this chunker of Square Roots we get derailed talking about this chunk of Final Fantasy 7 Remake because Jim has watched too much I Think You Should Leave and Vanessa ponders the wisdom of doing her own solo podcast like You Must Remember This. Also:

- We Can't Come Up With Our Own Things - Jim Saw Mr. Boogedy - He Got Pushed Off - You Know, The Dance of the Seven Veils - Sweet Johnny Sidequests - Sexy Storage - Barrett's Bullets

This Week: We finish Chapter 12! Next Week: We finish Chapter 15!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy 7 Remake Part 3 - The Second Tallest Moogle I've Ever Seen Jun 05, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 367 On this chunker we get into the pridiest, queeriest, most flamboyant portion of Final Fantasy 7 Remake: The Wall Market! Also:

- James Burke and Celebrity Crushes - Michelle Pfieffer as Aerith's Mom - Tanktops and Salmon Shorts - What If They Find Out Cool Ryder is Roche? - What Else Am I Gonna Do With a Robo Hand? - Tuba Harassment - That's the Patriarchy For You

This Week: Cloud gets a hand massage to completion at the Wall Market! Next Week: We finish Chapter 12 in Final Fantasy VII Remake!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy 7 Remake Part 2 - A Love Square May 29, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 366 On this chunker of Final Fantasy 7 Remake, it's all about Roche. Who is Roche? Who does his hair? What other games has Roche been in? What movies does Roche like? If you were going to get Roche a gift, what should you get him? Also:

- Sloppy Steaks - I'm Talking About Shafts - Matt is a Shinra Truther - That's What The Horns Are For - We Didn't Talk ABout Politics - Sympathetic Back Pain - So Horny For Cloud

This Week: We finish Chapter 7 in Final Fantasy VII Remake! Next Week: We finish Chapter 9 in Final Fantasy VII Remake!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy 7 Remake Part 1 - Super Overpowered Lads Doing Interesting Errands Repeatedly May 22, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 365 It's a new game! Or maybe an old game. But it's new to some of us, and that's the important part. Except that we've all played Final Fantasy 7. But is this a remake? It's complicated. On this life blood of the planet sucking episode we do the first reactor bombing run, get derailed and run into someone who shouldn't be there, and find some cats. Also:

- The Worst Kind of Admiration - A Time Usage Breakdown of 60 Minute Man - Johnny's Overrated Game (JOG) - The Smell of Mako - Catherine Zehta / Zayta / Zeeta Jones - Kentucky Walliams - Incident at Owl Creek: Mako Version - Refined or Mature?

This Week: We finish Chapter 3 in Final Fantasy VII Remake! Next Week: We finish Chapter 7 in Final Fantasy VII Remake!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Baldur's Gate Part 8 - A Lethite May 15, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 364 We finally finish Baldur's Gate: Siege of Dragonspear and everyone gets smooches! Except Jim. We all meet our ideal matches that we'd descend to the first level of fantasy hell with, and then do just that! But none of us expect the... extended finale and one heck of a cliffhanger! Also:

- Being Insistent About Your Apathy - Either Vaguely Threatening Or A Wet Blanket - Shakira & DJ Khaled - Matthew Just Likes The Attention - Zelda's So Hot Right Now

This Week: We finish Baldur's Gate: Siege of Dragonspear! Next Week: We finish Chapter 3 in Final Fantasy VII Remake!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Baldur's Gate Part 7 - Git Gud (At Reading Comprehension) May 08, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 363 Vanessa drops hot Nabokov bombs and asks everyone to come at her in this classy episode of Square Roots. Before we get into Baldur's Gate: Siege of Dragonspear's chunky middle chapters there is THE BIGGEST BETRAYAL IN SQUARE ROOTS HISTORY during this week's Smush Mouth. Also:

- Jim Lives Forever - You Just Sound Like A Canadian Who Can't Talk Right - Jahiera Jahiera! - Rituo Chamo - You Can't Have A Cuck Cuck You - A Skie Trip

This Week: We reach the underground river! Next Week: We finish Baldur's Gate: Siege of Dragonspear!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Baldur's Gate Part 6 - Barbecue Soup May 01, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 362 Dive into this sickly sweet bowl of soup, which is definitely not just BBQ sauce. Today's flavours are the first chunk of the rather chunky and expansive Siege of Dragonspear DLC for BioWare's Baldur's Gate - we had to reduce what we covered due to this game just being real big. It turns out Siege of Dragonspear is actually pretty new? And pretty good? Also:

- Your Dad's Impressions - Vanessa's Ratatouille Moment - There's Some Whores in this Castle - Jack Black's Mars Attacks! - Dorn Fans

This Week: We meet Caelar! Next Week: We cross the bridge fort bridge of the Siege of Dragonspear!? I dunno.

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Baldur's Gate Part 5 - Curse of Many Orgasms Apr 24, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 361 We try to carefully navigate the discussion of Safana's confident sexuality without judgment, and the results are mixed. Is she living her truth or a Lady Issun? On this chunker of Square Roots we battle Saravok if the game doesn't glitch out, as well as try and figure out what sort of chaos he was planning in Baldur's Gate. Oh yeah, there's also jerk Skeleton archers, a James Bond mini adventure, and so much more! Also:

- Pete Does Not Have A Sexy Voice - George Lucas Was Right - An RPG's First Example of a Great Healthy Relationship - A Glitched Saravok - The First Real Bosses of the Game

This Week: We finish Chapter 7! And maybe some of the DLC. Next Week: We cross the bridge fort bridge of the Siege of Dragonspear!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Baldur's Gate Part 4 - D&D: Hat Apr 17, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 360 Join Johnny "Bhaal Boy" Brandon and Straight Girl Vanessa as well as Matthew and Jim as we allllmost finish Baldur's Gate, but then don't. So yeah, there's gonna be a couple more episodes! In this chunker instead we (except Johnny) visit Ulgoth's Beard and then including Johnny attack Durlag's Tower, a fiendish den of traps and trappery. Also:

- Who wrote the West Wing? - CHAHLEE MAH BAYBEE - All That Smushes is Mouth - Matthew Loves Wolf-Weres - Secret Pro Level Chess Moves - Put The Bowl Down And Back Out of the Room

This Week: We finish Durlag's Tower! Next Week: We finish Chapter 7! And maybe some of the DLC.

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Baldur's Gate Part 3 - You Can't Trust These Murder Fathers Apr 10, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 359 There's a big city out there to discover, and that city is the eponymous BALDUR'S GATE! Does it have a Baldur's Gay Village? Can you purchase a Baldur's Gateaux? Will you meet a whole bunch of doppelgängers? Is there finally a revelation about your secret heritage everyone has been hinting at? YOU BET. Also:

- Vanessa Says Do Do - The Twist! - Doppelgänger Negging - What About Bhaal? - A Hotel Full of Slimes - The Saga of the Half-Life 2 Gnome Achievement - Sephiroth Will Make You Jump, Jump!

This Week: We finish Chapters 5 and 6! Next Week: We finish Durlag's Tower and Chapter 7!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Baldur's Gate Part 2 - Yakuzsazsa Gabor Apr 03, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 358 Uh oh, someone didn't finish this chunker and it's not who you think! This week Johnny bombs trying to make his own Answer Smoosh, Vanessa has found true wizardly love, and we clear out some bandits AND yet another mine! Also:

- A Real Cabinet Meeting - Famous Vanessa Catchphrase "Time to Die" - Tampopokémon Red - Blacktalons & Chill - Matthew's Accidental Dream Corner - Our Listeners are Educated and Informed

This Week: We finish Chapter 4! Next Week: We finish Chapter 5 and probably 6!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Baldur's Gate Part 1 - Hashtag Chaotic Good Lifestyle Mar 27, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 357 BioJanuWarey is over, welcome to Marchioware? BioMare? BioWarch? In this swashbuckling episode of Square Roots we all adopt old timey accents and swing into the thick of Faerun in Baldur's Gate. There's magicks! Hobgoblins! Spiders! And a walking 1990s meme! Also:

- Iambic Poonslammiter - Happy Bear Day - Answer Smoosh - Jizzle Physics - Another Bad Dragon Situation

This Week: We clear out chapter 2 (Nashkel Mines) in Baldur's Gate! Next Week: Chapters 3 and 4 and maybe 5 if that feels short

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Mass Effect 3 Part 8 - The Reapers Are Basically A Roomba Mar 20, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 356 We did it! Since starting in 2017 we have now played through all of the original Mass Effect Trilogy, the only Mass Effect games that exist. No, there was no such thing as Galaxy or Andromeda or that one iPhone 3D one either. Nope.

Also:

- Normal People Watch the Food Network - #JohnDunsWasRight - Are You Ready For Sequel Slam 2023? - Somehow The Reapers Have The Citadel - Everyone's Favourite Character Major Coates

This Week: We finish Mass Effect 3! Next Week: We clear out chapter 2 (Nashkel Mines) in Baldur's Gate!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Mass Effect 3 Part 7 - A Romantic Canadian Evening Mar 13, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 355 Johnny gets weird quasi-dates with straight guys flashbacks in this party filled, aquarium smashing, minigame loving chunker of BioWare's Mass Effect 3! Mass Effect lets its hair down and gets out of its ridiculous marching band outfit and finally lets you enjoy the world they've created, at least for this one DLC. There's evil betrayals! Clones! Gun toting Hanar! Grunt in the shower! And so much more! Also:

- The Princess of Burnsville - Vanessa's Milky White Obsession - The Whore / Horror Switcheroo - Shepherd Almost Died And It Was The Funniest Thing That Ever Happened - The Asari Don't Make Sense - The Normanddy of Thessius - Definitely Not Gay James Vega - Blasto: A Porn Parody

This Week: The Citadel DLC! Next Week: We finish Mass Effect 3!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Mass Effect 3 Part 6 - A Genetically Perfect Butt Mar 06, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 354 Sadly we don't get to dispatch Kai Leng in this episode, but we do get to meet some big ol' space bugs in this chunker of BioWare's Mass Effect 3! We get a lot of DLC lore about the origin of the Reapers, get to splish splash in some water, and Miranda gets to wrap up her Cerberus ties and crappy father issues in one biotic swoop. Also an exciting edition of Jim's Front Page Failure! Also:

- Johnny Can't Tell if Jim Is Saying Horror Or Whore But Is Afraid To Ask - A Very Real George Miller Game - Jackson Cloink-Cloink - That Was Some Good Breevin' - Vectorman for the Sega Genesis - Vanessa's Chef Wrestler Persona

This Week: Leviathan, Horizon: Zero Ashleys (because she's probably dead) Next Week: The Citadel DLC!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Mass Effect 3 Part 5 - Pokemon Snap: Your Leaders May Lie, But Your Camera Won't Feb 27, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 353 In this slicing and dicing episode of Square Roots Kai Leng may be back, but mysteriously Johnny has disappeared! Does this mean way more political rants? Of course! But Jim, Vanessa and Matthew will guide you through Rannoch and the end of the Geth wars and then discover a very important artifact on Thessia! Also:

- Way Too Much Political Talk - Full Page Failure: Death Match - The Crooshable Returns - The Illusive Man Has a Really Cool Idea - Sealed Shucker

This Week: We finish the Quarians homeworld stuff, Priority: Thessia Next Week: Leviathan, Horizon: Zero Ashleys (because she's probably dead)

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Mass Effect 3 Part 4 - Wet From Everything Feb 20, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 352 This may be our raunchiest episode in a while, so hide it from sensitive ears! On this chunker of Square Roots we go through some fun classic DLC in BioWare's Mass Effect 3 and reunite with Tali, unless of course you're BimJanks and Tali is Super Dead. Also:

- English Sexy Talk - Aria Said F - Would You Dance To This Song? - Jim's Wild New Rules for Full Page Failure - Ashley Fell Asleep on a Hotdog - Downloadable Lesbian Content

This Week: We finish the Geth Ship and do the Omega DLC! Next Week: We finish the Quarians homeworld stuff, Leviathan, Priority: Thessia

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Mass Effect 3 Part 3 - Karlos the Thresher Maw Feb 13, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 351 On this tragically romantic episode of Square Roots, Vanessa must choose - will she emotionally and physically bond with her snake boyfriend, or her himbo dummy human? PORQUE NO LOS DOS?! Also there's plenty of tough decisions on this Tchunker of BioWare's Mass Effect 3 like something about doing a genocide or not, or doing a different genocide or not, or watching fan favourites Dagg, Wreav and Padok Wiks sacrifice themselves. Also:

- The Illusive Woman - Jim Is Afraid of Improv - Clean Your Grint - 2023's Z-Snap - And Lo, Noah Did Get a Rad T-Rex, and It Was Cool - The Grim Darkness of the Far Future

This Week: We Save Tuchanka and Deal With A Citadel Coup! Next Week: We finish the Geth Ship and do the Omega DLC!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Mass Effect 3 Part 2 - PRUNES Feb 06, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 350 Shepherd takes some selfie hints from the 21st century in this action-packed chunker of Mass Effect 3! There's meeting a 50,000 year old Protheon, hot gossip with the lady Krogan, and seeing Jack's clothing journey. Also:

- Your Favourite Mary Kate & Ashley Songs - The Pegger - New Game Plus Elementary School - Her Two Big Front Mounted Processors - Ensign Pringles Saves The Day - Bring Your Bits! Whatever!

This Week: Extract Lady Krogan, Javik, Biotic School, and explore some planets! Next Week: Reach the end of Rannoch, the Turian homeworld!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Mass Effect 3 Part 1 - Press Y to Yeet Jan 30, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 347 Finally, on the second to last day of BioJanuWarey, we start Mass Effect 3! That's right. Shepherd, Wrex, Kaiden (or Ashley if you're a monster) and Doctor Chocolates are back in this action packed chunker. Also:

- Mister BAMF Himself - I Thought We Were Doing ME Tonight! - Just A Regular Butt - The Pros and Cons of Chocolate Fountains - Future Teen Slang - I... Want... Clean... Faces

This Week: It's BioJanuWarey and we play until The end of the Primarch Mission (Turian moon) in Mass Effect 3! Next Week: Extract Lady Krogan, Javik, Biotic School, and explore some planets!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Xenoblade Chronicles Part 8 - Electronic Gil Jan 23, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 347 IT'S A LONGO! This week on Square Roots we get a little mixed up and forget about Gadolt for the first chunk of the quest log, but then remember that his plotline totally ended. We also remind you why Santa Claus turned into a Frost Gigas, remember how to pronounce Melia, and, oh yeah, totally finish Xenoblade Chronicles! Also:

- How Do You Not Have The Song? - Outfits With Wings On Them That Don't Make Any Sense - You Can't Spoil Real Life - Escalator Horror - Perhaps I Have Misinterpreted This Relationship - We Misidentify a Mother - What Is A Hoo Ha?

This Week: We finally, finally finish Xenoblade Chronicles! Next Week: It's BioJanuWarey and we play until in Mass Effect 3!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Xenoblade Chronicles Part 7 - The Welcome Matts Welcome Mat Jan 16, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 347 Everything you want in a Square Roots episode happens today! It's more Xenoblade Chronicles and we're almost finished! There's really long dungeons! Someone not understanding where the chunker ends! Jim's Full Page Failure! Caution: staying past the end credits as the bonus clips get a little... blue. Also:

- SCREE! Eyes emoji! Skeet skeet! - Does Comix Zone lick himself? - A Mechon Out of Water - The Return of Robo-Vanessa

This Week: Explore the Mechonis Capital! Next Week: We finally, finally finish Xenoblade Chronicles!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Xenoblade Chronicles Part 6 - Full Page Failure Jan 09, 2023

Square Roots - Episode 346 This week we start off with Jim's brand new trivia game: FULL PAGE FAILURE! After we get into this week's Quest Log where we get to finally, finally, walk on the blade of a giant sword! We also find a rare unfridging, find out more mysteries about Crosby Stills and Sass, and learn how to flirt by comparing a man to your missing boyfriend. Also:

- Except for the Robot Dinosaurs - A Movie About Cannibalism - You Have To Watch This Gritty Murder - Jim's New Game - There's No Aliens in Time Cop! - The Age of Holt - His Wet Little Throat - Egil the Living Robot

This Week: Grab the Peizoelectric unit! Next Week: Explore the Mechonis Capital!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Square Roots New Year's Day 2023 Special! Jan 02, 2023

Happy New Year! The Squootses took this week off, so enjoy our resolutions for the year! Back to normal next week. Next Week: Defeat Sureny Telethia!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Xenoblade Chronicles Part 5 - A Perfectly Normal Way to Say Lava Dec 26, 2022

Square Roots - Episode 345 So many revelations this episode! A big beefy boi! Questionable allegiences! A mech made out of SOLID GOLD! This week on Square Roots we make our way out on the sword and possibly... to the other giant continental mech?!

Also:

- Carols for a Sick Friend - Vanessa the Boxing Day Gerenuk - Matt is a Dog Name - A Lady Mechon - Teeny Tiny Wings - A Real Kiera Knightley!

This Week: Finish Up Valak Mountain after defeating Mumkhar! Next Week: Defeat Sureny Telethia!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Xenoblade Chronicles Part 4 - Butt Gusting Dec 19, 2022

Square Roots - Episode 344 Everyone is preparing to go up hard against their daddy versions in this exciting, explosive, full of wild mass guessing episode of Square Roots! In this chunker of Xenoblade Chronicles, we kill a blobby dinosaur dragon, meet all of Riki's family, and go up to the fanciest castle in the land. Also:

- Yeah, Klonoa! - All Himbos and Bimbos - Gooching - Scared of Tim Robbins - Physics? I'm a Princess! - Don't Worry About It - Riki Loves Love

This Week: We clear out the High Entia Tomb and finish Chapter 8! Next Week: Finish Up Valak Mountain after defeating Mumkhar!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Xenoblade Chronicles Part 3 - Glutes Are On Your Butt Dec 12, 2022

Square Roots - Episode 343 Not only can you rescue a poofy in this week's chunker of Square Roots, but there's even a princess in peril AND a brand new Riku who is SO COOL. Also:

- Vanessa Doubles Down on Making Babies Cry - That's How This One Came About, a new podcast! - Is Bishonen a Word? - Is the Elevator the Abs? - Clearly a Pube Swamp - Shulk and the Quest for the Four Glowies - Matthew's Wild Pronounciation of Anachronox - Alvis and the Chipmunks and Other Lazy Jokes - The Story of Riki

This Week: We reach the Nopon Village! Next Week: We clear out the High Entia Tomb and finish Chapter 8!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Xenoblade Chronicles Part 2 - What Else Is Fresh Other Than Babies Dec 05, 2022

Square Roots - Episode 342 Now we're really getting into the thick of this exciting trek through the Bionis in Square Roots's second episode of Xenoblade Chronicles. There's so much to cover, from hungry robots to the annoying plot device of a child constantly getting in trouble. But maybe we'll love it! Also:

- Vanessa chooses a fursona - Pickle fights - At Christmas We Tell the Truth - A WAP Dumper - Too Many Gigs - I Love Dune! - Breadcummies - Crosby Stills and Sass - It's Fun to Go Perpendicular!

This Week: We defeat the big bad boss of the Ether Mines! Next Week: We reach the Nopon Village!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Sqaure Roots vs Cyber Monday Nov 28, 2022

It's that time of the year! We took the week off from Xenoblabies but not from you, dear listeners! This week we rank all 51 games that we have played on the show! Who will be number 1? Who will be number 51? Listen to find out!

Xenoblade Chronicles Part 1 - You're Either a Garfield or a Nermal Nov 21, 2022

Square Roots - Episode 341 Are you ready for a big, new Xeno adventure? I hope so. Welcome to a world of twinks and himbos, and midriffs exposed on EVERYONE. In this episode of Square Roots the gang is introduced to Shulk (short for She-Hulk), Reyn, and of course everyone's favourite character, Fiora! What's your levelling and equipment strategy for Fiora? What arts will she use? Also:

- Land Man - The Toys to Life Pit - Not Smart Enough or French Enough - MetalStorm - Nip Flop! - Shulk's Spacious New Fridge

This Week: We finish Chapter 2 and fight Metal Face in Xenoblade Chronicles 1! Next Week: We defeat the big bad boss of the Ether Mines!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Live a Live Part 4 - 👁️👄👁️ Nov 14, 2022

Square Roots - Episode 340 Oh wow! It feels like we just started Live a Live, but now Live a Live is very finished. Did we all finish? Did anyone get the Armageddon ending? Did Johnny save his beefy boi? We deconstruct the very nature of JRPGs in this season of Square Roots's exciting conclusion! Also:

- There's No Good Use for a Death Helmet - He's A Good Dad Now - Advanced Spacey - 2 Salty - Fisherman's Friend Is Not Code - Prithee Thou Art Mine Husbandth - Our Friend the Orange Dot - A Fun Prank - The Virgin Streibough Versus Chad Oersted

This Week: We finish Live a Live! Next Week: We finish Chapter 2 and fight Metal Face in Xenoblade Chronicles 1!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Live a Live Part 3 - I'M A LOCAL BUSINESSMAN Nov 07, 2022

Square Roots - Episode 339 Is it an Akira? No, it's an Ultraman! Is it an Alien? Sort of, but it's also a 2001! On this futuristic episode of Square Roots we dive into the murky future awaiting all of us in Live a Live. Will it have Final Fantasy Behemoths and Akira Bike Gangs? Probably. Also:

- Ferrero Rochers All The Way Through - If Riker Doesn't Have a Beard, This Episode Is Gonna Be Weird - I'M A LOCAL BUSINESSMAN - The Loincloth / Balls Debate - A Stupid Dirty Slank - A TURTLE IS SICK?! - The Only Solution is Liquifaction - A disasterous Bring Your Kid To Work Day - The Colonel's Bee Quest

This Week: We play the Near and Distant Future! Next Week: We finish the Middle Ages and... maybe the rest of the game? We'll see!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Live a Live Part 2 - G'Day Mate, I'm Sakamoto Ryōma Oct 31, 2022

Square Roots - Episode 338 Greetings, humans! Welcome to a spookity, horrorish episode of Square Roots! In this dark chunker of Unalive Alive we play through the blood soaked hallways of Edo Japan, the bullet ridden sand of The Wild West, and punch and kick through the death sports of Present Day! Also:

- Gotham Knight Cake Boycott - Bee Movie Horror - Johnny Definitely Follows Vanessa's Instructions - They Don't Count as People - Vanessa Invented Skateboard - Xemobab Chromicols and Soccer Frontier - Tits Versus Titties - A Three Amigos Situation - Teens Don't Know Who Hulk Hogan Is

This Week: We play Edo Japan, the Wild West, and Present Day in Live a Live! Next Week: We finish the Near Future and Distant Future!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Live a Live Part 1 - A Sacrificial Mound Near Dino Bone Canyon Oct 24, 2022

Square Roots - Episode 337 This week on Square Roots we do, we promise, eventually talk about Live a Live's first two (chronological) chapters: Pre-History and Imperial China. And there's a lot to talk about! Recruiting beefy bois! Lady Gorillas! Even more fart humour! Also:

- Liver Live - Matt Damon with a curtains haircut - What's Your Burger Style? - Loading Goes Boop! - Sassy Caveman Hair Flip - Vanessa's Ettiquette Corner - Sweet Sweet Gorilla Beef - But He Was Only Just Alive!

This Week: We play Pre-History and Imperial China in Live a Live! Next Week: We play Edo Japan, the Wild West, and Present Day in Live a Live!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Ōkami Part 6 - We're Just Not That Into Vampires Oct 17, 2022

Square Roots - Episode 336 There's a whole lot of arguing about what time rules Okami uses - is it Looper rules? Back to the Future rules? Lost rules? That aside, we finally finish the ice palace, the boss rush, the clockwork owls - and complete another game! Also:

- Perfectly framed webcam - Metaverse finally shows feet - We're just not that into vampires - Folding at home - Vanessa's Out Back - What if Jeff Bezos Takes Away My Ghost Ship - Bon Janus - Moo-my Milkers

This Week: We finish Okami! Next Week: We finish the Pre-history and Imperial China chapters of Live a Live!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Ōkami Part 5 - Toooooooobi! Oct 10, 2022

Square Roots - Episode 335 Okay, okay - we said we were going to finish the game this week but Johnny got sick so he couldn't play that much, but we promise that we'll finish next week. For realsies! Okay, so this chunker we mostly concentrate on solving some mysteries and finally reaching the elusive Oni Island! Also:

- Suck it, Troy Baker! - Deborah Space - Vanessa's Head Canon Corner - Square Roots: After Dark after the credits - Big League Chew Revelations - The Unearned Pathos of Tobi - A Creeping Cathy, A Slow Susan, A Shuffling Sharon

This Week: We reach the frozen north! Next Week: We finish Okami!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Ōkami Part 4 - The Story of a Guide Named Brady Oct 03, 2022

Square Roots - Episode 334 It's the story of a podcast named Square Roots! Which was bringing up four twenty somethings of its own! Some of them have hair of none, just like their fathers, and they were all alone!

Also we're playing more of Okami in this penultimate episode, fight some bosses, uncover some crimes, meet some fish, do some sidequests, and play far too much of a terrible bullshuit minigame. Also:

- That Stupid Fish Orca! - Johnny In A Garbage Can! - The Voyager Theme Dirge! - Finally, A Ghost Ship! - More Vore! - The Space Helmet Argument! - Warner Herzog Impressions Are Hard! - Issun Needs To Stop Ruining The Game! - Big Long Glass!

This Week: We clear out the Dragon Palace! Next Week: We finish Okami!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Ōkami Part 3 - The Bone Diaries Sep 26, 2022

Square Roots - Episode 333 Welcome to the erotic thrills of the most sensuous of late night syndicated TV shows, Square Roots Presents: The Bone Diaries. We haven't cast it yet but I assume it will have David Duchovny. But also! We play Okami and defeat the big boss, Orochi. But wait... why does the game keep going? Also:

- The Hacking Police Uniform - Minnie Mouse Is A Menace - The British Are Less Greasy - Understanding Godhood - That Chef Really Wants To (CENSORED) Orochi - Creepy Lips Like a Twizzler - Vigorously Stimulate Orochi's Bell - Time To Go To The Bone Zone

This Week: We vanquish the boss of the Moon Cave! Next Week: We clear out the Dragon Palace!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Ōkami Part 2 - An Amazing Person Slash Bird Sep 19, 2022

Square Roots - Episode 332 It's an episode with a... fluctuating cast, but we don't let that experience this downright canine chunker! There's dog fights (but the good kind), a fire cow, a soft boi bird boi, landscape puzzles and so much more! Also:

- Vanessa, Mother To Us All - A Week of Almost Too Hot Amounts of Gaming News - Movie Open Source - Thick Zangief - Johnny's Worst Mila Kunis Pun - Squadala! - One Praise For Every Minute

This Week: We clear the Gale Ruins! Next Week: We vanquish the boss of the Moon Cave!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Ōkami Part 1 - A Circle Looks Like This: O Sep 12, 2022

Square Roots - Episode 331 Vanessa might hit peak sassy in this episode, and that's great. This chunker encompasses a heck of a lot, even if some might think it just involved walking down a hill. There's the peach lady, the orange guy, a boar balancing on a bomb, a bear balancing on a crystal, a little bug guy, a missing dog, and Johnny making the same game mistake three times over 17 years. Also:

- Vanessa is the Champagne of Peninsulas - Johnny Deleted His Track, Everyone Point At Him - Tilda Swinton on the Whiteness Scale - Matthew Getting Edged By Text - The Terrifying Return of Baby Fresh Eyes - Fail Son Susano

This Week: We defeat the boss of the Tsuta Ruins! Next Week: We clear the Gale Ruins!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

The Wolf Among Us Part 3 - That Was When Pigs Knew How to Jam Sep 05, 2022

Square Roots - Episode 330 Mysteries are solved, like who killed Faith and Lilly - but other mysteries go on. The Wolf Among Us ends on a satisfyingly ambiguous note - but did we enjoy the game overall? Or were we too railroaded into decisions and situations? Listen and find out! Also:

- A Little Thrusting Music - The G Stands for Great - Vanessa Can Cancel Any Man - Tell Me More About These Sex Idiots - Vanessa Melted Her Dishwasher - Sweet Virgin Nicotine Lips - So Much Bigby Lore

This Week: We finish The Wolf Among Us episode 5! Next Week: We reach the forest in Okami, probably - the vote ends in 16 hours!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

The Wolf Among Us Part 2 - Robocopped by the Tweedles Aug 29, 2022

Square Roots - Episode 329 Oh boy! We find a mysterious head and this leads to all sorts of new adventures. And we've got so many cops here on Square Roots; Vanessa is the good cop, Johnny is the silent / bad cop, Jim is the grey cop, and Matthew is the vape cop. In episode 2 and 3 of The Wolf Among Us we meet interesting people and there's a mystery to be solved. An adventure is unfolding, so why not get involved? Also:

- Johnny's Truly Outrageous - Game Scom - They Cannot Afford Timothy Chalomet - The Pirate Bluebeard - Sliding into Third

This Week: We finish episode 2 and 3! Next Week: We finish The Wolf Among Us episode 5!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

The Wolf Among Us Part 1 - Let's Just All Lower Our Standards Aug 22, 2022

Square Roots - Episode 328 It's a low energy episode today because, frankly, it's just too hot here in the northern hemisphere. We can't wait for fall. But in the mean time let's go on some sweaty Toontown adventures! We explore The Wolf Among Us by Telltale Games and try to solve some crimes! Also:

- Do Bob and Marduk kiss? - Stiffly Weird and the Case of the Missing Ghost - "It's Me, Blorko!" - Harvest Valley - Teen Raider - Sorry, Bree - Don't Snoop - Bufkin Neutral - Nolan North Mythology

This Week: We finish The Wolf Among Us: Episode One! Next Week: We finish The Wolf Among Us: Episode Three!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

South Park: The Stick of Truth Part 3 - Johnny Is So Good At This Game, and Everyone Clapped Aug 15, 2022

Square Roots - Episode 327 Johnny knocked that Abortion minigame out of the park, and definitely wasn't stuck on it for twenty minutes on stream getting madder and madder. He won it the first time, Vanessa said he was the best boy at video games, Trudeau gave him a medal, and everyone clapped. Also:

- Vanessa ReTruths the President - I Love the Teens - We All Have to See Mike Myers's Hog At Some Point - Vanessa's Mao Tse Tsung Vibes - Honouring the Wishes of the Prince of Canada - Women Be 'Bortin' - Clitoral Stimulant

This Week: We Finish the Game! Next Week: Vote Today! Poll ends Monday evening!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

South Park: The Stick of Truth Part 2 - A Wolf, a Mongoose or Gay Bear All Night? Aug 08, 2022

Square Roots - Episode 326 Our hosts seem to be warming to South Park just in time for alien testing, Nazi zombies, appealing to the Goth kids, and finding out the truth about Cartman! Is Cartman not actually as good a dude as he claims?? Find out as we complete Day 2! Also:

- Combination Pizza Hut Taco Bells - Johnny is bad with controller mechanics, part 2 - Are bad tutorials a bit? - 2014 Funny - That's What Straight Relationships Are Like - Johnny's Boomer Humour

This Week: We Finish Day Two! Next Week: We Finish the Game!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

South Park: The Stick of Truth Part 1 - Urine: The Fart of the Front Aug 01, 2022

Square Roots - Episode 325 You asked for it, you get it: this week your Square Roots pals start South Park: The Stick of Truth! And... some of us really like it? A lot? Especially one who you think wouldn't like it at all? Yeah, that one! Also:

- Matthew Refuses to Go to a Used Game Store - No Matthew Life Spoilers - Recasting Taskmaster USA - Too Hot to Dance - Spork & Clork - Benny Hill Racist is Pretty Racist - Vanessa is a Ray of Sunshine

This Week: We Finish Day One! Next Week: We Finish Day Two!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Kingdom Hearts III Part 5 - Vanessa Is Familiar Jul 25, 2022

Square Roots - Episode 324 Whoa! We finished Kingdom Hearts III forever! Does that mean everything in Mickey's Kingdom is happy forever? What about Xemnas?! What happened to Sora? So many questions. Also:

- Bugs are a Natural Enemy for Toys - Toot toot? - Jim is a Slut for Powerwashing - It's just like that one Live song - FURRY! FORCE! FOUR! - Every Master Xenahort Voice Actor gets Norted - Ansem is Xemnas's Xenanort - Chereth Cutestory - Living Will, Probate, Death Certificate Fight the Heartless Tornado - Metal Gear Style Death Monologues - Terra's Himbo Energy - Nothing about Dark Riku is Important

This Week: We finish the game! Next Week: Something about South Park: The Stick of Truth I guess!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Kingdom Hearts III Part 4 - Everything is Crabs Jul 18, 2022

Square Roots - Episode 323 It's a divisive chunker of Square Roots this week: are the Pirates of the Caribbean and Big Hero 6 worlds good? Bad? A bit of both? We navigate carefully talking through the Pirates movies, try to figure out if the Big Hero 6 movie is a secret Disney classic, and note how Sora seems to be given busy work while literally everyone else is busy with actual plot stuff. Also:

- Pirates of the Cah-ra-be-un - Comrade Vanessa - Short Jim - Interfering with Democracy - Butte Talk - Has Bill Nighy Actually Been in Love? - Wolverine's Hot Dad - The 30 Rock / 3rd Rock Error - Powerwashed With Kingdom Hearts Lore - Saved By Goopy White Ropes of Nobody

This Week: Pirate in the Caribbean and go to San Fransokyo! Next Week: We finish the game!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Kingdom Hearts III Part 3 - This Podcast Will Be Used as State's Evidence Jul 11, 2022

Square Roots - Episode 322 Oh boy! Johnny gets to experience Frozen in the best way possible: chopped up into Kingdom Hearts cut scenes. The gang heads through Frozen land AND the generic industrial corridors of Monsters, Inc. in a very PS2 style chunker of this Disney Slash Final Fantasy mashup. Also:

- Up Yours, Woke Moralists! - Something Called the Unraveled - Sora Amnesia Argument - Four People Inside Sora's Heart, But We Can Only Name Three - Vanessa Hates a Heffalump - Gatekeeping Labyrinths - Let It Go, but the Luba Version - Olaf Inflation Fan Art

This Week: Monstropolis and Arendelle! Next Week: Pirate in the Caribbean and go to San Fransokyo!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Kingdom Hearts III Part 2 - You'll Know When To Wear Your Pink Bob Wigs Jul 04, 2022

Square Roots - Episode 321 On this action packed slammer of an episode, the Square Roots Gang run through two very awesome game worlds: The Kingdom of Corona and Toy Box! That's right, you'll get to relive the events of Tangled AND Toy Story. Also:

- The Clussy Talk - A Jay Leno Looking Monster - Coat Corner - A Train Guy, But For Boats - Spaceman Bud and Rancher Wooly from Toy Time - Famous Toupées - You've Got A Pal I Know This Week: We vancquish The Kingdom of Corona and Toy Box! Next Week: Monstropolis and Arendelle!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Kingdom Hearts III Part 1 - Creepy Dolls With Human Skin Jun 27, 2022

Sadly this entire podcast crew is lost due to never having played Birth by Sleep. Except Jim, who did play it. But voters are never wrong! So we here at Square Roots are listening, and we're playing the very first chunker of Kingdom Hearts II!

Also:

- Megan Mullally's Charmed - Jim's Kingdom Hearts III Flip Flop - Uncontrollable Gummi Ship Related Shuddering - Why is Sora Flexing All The Time Now? - If Sora Hates Gravity Why Is Donald So Crabbity? - Trying to Define Pete and Malificent's Relationship

This Week: We play through the first visit to Twilight Town in Kingdom Hearts 3! Next Week: Toy Story world and Tangled World!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Xenogears Part 10 - Rules Are Fake, The Listeners Have Chosen Anarchy Jun 20, 2022

Square Roots - Episode 319 HOLY CRAP WE FINISHED XENOGEARS! It's over. It's finally over. Also:

- Space Cheese - Hot Nonsense Simulator - Person of Criminality and Island Time - I'm a Deus - A Real Girlfriend Mommy - A Lot of Green Goo Tubes - Using the Power of Love, and a Gundam - The God Children of Xenogears - Vanessa's Berenstain Universe Moment

This Week: We finish the game! FINALLY! Next Week: We play through the first visit to Twilight Town in Kingdom Hearts 3!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Xenogears Part 9 - He Was a P8nter Boy Jun 13, 2022

Square Roots - Episode 318

See you later, boys! After you listen to this fantastic, svelte, economical episode of Square Roots! Gather around as we sit in chairs and JPEGs of stuff they didn't have time to make plays on a giant square behind us! Also:

- Everyone's Playing Pirates - The Adventures of Fake Paul - I Keep Saying It's a Fountain Scenario! - Fei's Full Frontal - The Chair Oriented Portion of Disc 2 - Elly Gives the Monsters A Good Talkin' To

This Week: We reach Paradise, Ed McMahon! Next Week: We finish the game! FINALLY!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Xenogears Part 8 - Dave Matthews Gave Paul COVID Jun 06, 2022

Square Roots - Episode 317 Will we be learning about what the title of this episode means and how it applies to friend of the podcast, Matthew's coworker Paul? Maybe?! *wink*

On this episode of Square Roots Johnny ponders quitting this game, which means it's Rogue Galaxy levels of frustrating. On the plus side they do get to visit a Space Mall, there's a ton of reveals, and... Soylent. Plus Solaris explodes and we totally forget to mention it. Look, there was just a lot of stuff this episode, okay?

Also:

- Kliving Room - A Quest For Subs - The People in Vanessa's Brain - Lady With The Guys - Johnny Just Keeps Saying Billy Crudup - What would you do with person dust? - Backstage with Super Buff Jim Breuer - Ramsus's Marsha Marsha Marsha Scene - Double Orphaning!

This Week: We finish Disk 1! Next Week: We reach Paradise, Ed McMahon!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Xenogears Part 7 - C-chu-lu Mythos May 30, 2022

Square Roots - Episode 316 Please excuse the error we had today where Jim's computer ate the level up and hot gaming news for this week! Fei stops waking up in prison and starts a global journey on sea, land and air in this wide scoped episode of Square Roots! Lots of robot fights, a couple of obnoxious dungeons, and so many Gavel Ministry meetings you might just get annoyed with Johnny's re-enactments!

Also:

- Cyberbulling Floor Sitters - The Hunt for Intelligent Horses - Bart's Evita Balcony - The Only Thing That Gets Johnny Through this Game is the Brain Boys - Bad Underwater PS1 Caves - Lil Terra the Tube Tot - Big Chunky Pac-Man Fish

This Week: We destroy all three of Solaris's gates! Next Week: We finish Disk 1!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Xenogears Part 6 - Ouchie Wow Wow May 23, 2022

This week's Square Roots is sponsored by Manscaped, please use the promo code SQUAREROOTS at the checkout to receive your discount! Buried cities! Robot guns! People bullets! Reapers, or -Wels-! All this and more in today's Square Roots! We're heading towards the end of Disk 1, and things are just getting more dramatic. Will Fei get out of his Cloud coma? What's the nanomachine Terra all about? Can we get even more Brain Guys scenes?

Also:

- Is Vanessa Canon in the Callista Flockheart Protocol? - The French Version of New York Police - Noita Sounds Like Murder If You're A Gangster - The Sky Is Full of Balls! - The Third Worst Dungeon in Square Roots History - Billy's Sex Work Proposal - Pink Eye: Is It Poop Eye? - Matthew's e-Stim Corner - Everyone Loves a Pontiff - On The Streets of Santa Monickerrrr - Another Case of Too Many Sephiroths - Wild Tonal Shifts

This Week: We reach the floating city of Shevat! Next Week: We destroy the three gates!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Xenogears Part 5 - A Friends IKEA May 16, 2022

Square Roots - Episode 314 This week's Square Roots is sponsored by Manscaped, please use the promo code SQUAREROOTS at the checkout to receive your discount! On this week's Tummy Talk, we get to the floating city of Thames, surprisingly while conscious. There we play lots of bullshit minigames, talk with the drunk citizens, rescue a little girl, and get into a whole lot of mech on mech grudge matches. But with Fei out of commission can Bart, Elly and Citan get to the bottom of what the heck is a Reaper?

Also:

- A! Man! Of! The! Sea! - Fei's in a Cloud Coma - Speeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed! - Vanessa's Insane Scaped or Escape Game - Nothing Much Happens

This Week: Fei gets to the Thames! Next Week: Fei reaches the floating city of Shevat!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Xenogears Part 4 - Fei Wakes Up In Prison May 09, 2022

Square Roots - Episode 313 This week's Square Roots is sponsored by Manscaped, please use the promo code SQUAREROOTS at the checkout to receive your discount! This week on Square Roots we plunge deeper into the complex world of Xenogears! After waking up in prison, Fei finds himself knocked out, waking up in prison. After suffering a strange defeat in the prison battling system, he wakes up in prison. Can he escape?! Also:

- Fei Wakes Up in Prison - The Weird English Use of Prom - Blanka's Battle Boys - Is Beastoid a slur? - Walter the Robot - Fei Wakes Up in Prison - Citan MAY be a bad guy - Gazel Middle Management - A Dramatic Reading This Week: Fei wakes up in the D-Block! Next Week: Fei gets to the Thames! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Xenogears Part 3 - Eye Carumba May 02, 2022

Square Roots - Episode 312 This week's Square Roots is sponsored by Manscaped, please use the promo code SQUAREROOTS at the checkout to receive your discount! Johnny and Matthew are rewarded with their Xenogears diligence with some of the best Gundam style ship destruction in Square roots history! As Fei and Bart's attack on Aveh fails there's the kind of anime complication that Johnny loves. Also:

- Vanessa is a Chocolate Cake Gal - Johnny is the Taste Alpha - Batman's Death Toll - Snapping the Yggrasil - Is Grahf a human? - Hot sprite abs - Get Behind Me, Citan! - Pince-ers versus Pinch-ers This Week: Fei wakes up in the D-Block! Next Week: Fei gets to the Thames!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Xenogears Part 2 - Coming Original Apr 25, 2022

Square Roots - Episode 311 This week's Square Roots is sponsored by Manscaped, please use the promo code SQUAREROOTS at the checkout to receive your discount! It's a two-hander as Matthew and Johnny push some big boulders and make their way through the confusing caverns of Xenogears. LOVE the little teeny tiny map characters! LOATHE the terrible camera! LIVE the experience of taking half an hour to figure out how to leave a room! Also:

- A Clear Misunderstanding Of How Moisture Wicking Works - Ranking Hottest Fish Men - Johnny's Ball Hair Tight Five - Nisan Altima Magic - Edging Someone On

This Week: Fei rescues Margie and brings her back to the Yggrasil! Next Week: Fei wakes up in the D-Block!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Xenogears Part 1 - The Climate War of 2023 Apr 18, 2022

Square Roots - Episode 310 That's right! This week's Square Roots is sponsored by Manscaped, please use the promo code SQUAREROOTS at the checkout to receive your discount! We promise next week's commercial will be... more succinct. This week on Square Roots we dive into the space fantasy anime that is Xenogears. There's lots of religious imagery. Lots of swinging crosses. Accidental village melting. And big Gundam punchies! Also:

- Just what is Angel Dust? - Johnny's Chronic Elden Ring Problem - More JRPG Bingo Cards - Timothy's Himbo Energy Tragically Cut Short - Dan, the Creepy 40 Year Old Child - Correct Usage of Well Endowed - A Young, Suave, Hip Doc Brown This Week: Fei defeats Bart in combat and falls into the cavern! Next Week: Get Margie back to the Yggrasil! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy Tactics Part 6 - Chocobo Funeral Drive-By Apr 11, 2022

Square Roots - Episode 309 Holy crow! We all finished Final Fantasy Tactics! Does this mean we're all pro gamers now? There was no Andraste or anything. Heck, Matthew and Johnny even got Cloud for some pointless reason, as well as War of the Lion's Balthier. Also:

- Next Game Announced! - Monkey Ireland! - Blaidd Gaslights Johnny at the Taco Bell! - Letters Too Big To Read! - Surprisingly A Bad Human Guy Turns Into A Big Monster! - Falling Over With Sadness! - I Come From A Cosmic Tinderbox!

This Week: We finish the game! Next Week: You Defeat Ramsus and Miang!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy Tactics Part 5 - I Am the Chosen One, He's Just My Brother Apr 04, 2022

Now that we're over the Wiegraf Hunt, it's full speed ahead plowing through the first half of Chapter Four of Final Fantasy Tactics. There's a whole lot of vampirism, oodles of bad guy cutaways, and adorable sprites spewing blood after being assassinated. Also:

- Happy April Betrayals - Fred Baddecisions and Lady Realgamer - Ramza's Cakes - A Lot of Lucavi Talk - The Mask was the Killgrave of The Mask - Plus Ten Gravy - A Ranking of Cids - Reverse Cowboy

This Week: We recruit Meliadoul! Next Week: We finish the game? Maybe?!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy Tactics Part 4 - Ein Fluffeldonks Mar 28, 2022

Are you ready for the toughest boss fight in the game? Maybe the toughest boss fight in Square Roots history? Because we are, and friends, Belias The Giygas gets it. In this chunker of Final Fantasy Tactics we march towards Riovaynes Castle and somehow manage to pick up two new party members along the way? Will we use them? Probably not? Also:

- When you possess something smaller than a human it will explode its body! - Gushing with ghosts we know are ghosts! - Switcheroo Princess - I AM COME - Let the Bodies Hit the Floor, Verse 2

This Week: We finish Chapter 3! Next Week: We recruit Meliadoul! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy Tactics Part 3 - Belias Dick Energy Mar 21, 2022

Uh oh. Pack the little ones off to bed, because we're a little spicy on this salacious episode of Square Roots: A Rashomon Podcast! So much happens in this chunker of Final Fantasy Tactics: War of the Lions as we try to make sense of which million characters is important, defeat a demon with a mouth tummy, and so much more! Also:

- Horny Columbo! - But there's also bunny MEN! - What Matt Does When There's Text on Screen! (NSFW) - Oogie Boogie Demon! - Alma's Super Awesome Invincibility Spell! - Wiegraf wants a Treat? This Week: We clear out the Orbonne Monastery fights! Next Week: We finish Chapter 3! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy Tactics Part 2 - She's the Andraste of These Twelve Dudes Mar 14, 2022

Hooray! We're all back, and there definitely were no arguments edited out of this episode! Instead, we're playing the first chunker of Chapter 2: that's right: you get to find out all sorts of secrets about the Princess! You keep bumping into Delita for some reason! Ramza is a grown up now and he's mad!

Also:

- No arguments whatsoever! - Matthew denies the existence of both TMNT 2: The Arcade Game *and* TMNT 3: The Manhattan Project! - Fred Savage as Delita, Macaulay Culkin as Ramza! - Matthew's Racing Stripe Beard That Goes From 0-69 in 2 seconds! - Nothing is argued about, ever! And so much more!

This Week: We rescue the "Princess" from Golgoda Gallows! Next Week: We finish the three fights in the Monastery in Chapter 3!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Hot Gaming News Special Episode Mar 07, 2022

So... it turns out that Johnny was the only one really up for recording this week. Instead of doing a one hander, Johnny and Vanessa hang out and do a quick Hot Gaming News spectacular!

This Week: ... Next Week: We "rescue" the "princess" from Golgollada Gallows!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy Tactics Part 1 - Nobody Nose Feb 28, 2022

Alright! We're now onto Matthew's Official Favourite Game of All Time: Final Fantasy Tactics! We're playing War of the Lions, but you can play whatever version you like, depending on if you like your translations Classic or Extra Spicy. There's plenty of talk about classes, class, and classiness this week! Also:

- Not Every Moustached Man is Brian David Gilbert - Hugh Can Dance - Matthew's Pleasant ASMR Robot - Watching Dad Shows - Robot Insurance And so much more! This Week: We finish Chapter 1! Next Week: Golgollada Gallows Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Dragon Age II Part 7 - Low Effort Post Feb 21, 2022

We wrap up Dragon Age 2 with a surprise: everyone finished the game! It's a BioWarey miracle! But who lived? Who died? What was this week's Hot Gaming News anyway? Also:

- Walter Goblins - Miss McPoogle - Awkward Kissing Angles - Some Language Infomercial I've Never Heard Of - My Dock Is Dry, Baby - Vanessa's Confusing Contest This Week: We finish Dragon Age 2! Next Week: Defeating Milleuda (For Realsies)!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Dragon Age II Part 6 - Square Roots Doghouse Feb 14, 2022

Uh oh! Jim's in the dog house after a computer related episode eating. But we truck on with Episode 302: The Revenge! In it we look at the DLC for BioWare's Dragon Age 2. Also:

- Top Bottoms of the Tower - Larry's Pandemic Haircut - Janica's Blue Warden Team Makes it to Regionals - Reacher's Floppy Hog - Another thing Johnny pronounces wrong - Beefy Boy Fountain This Week: We finish the Felicia DayLC and Legacy! Next Week: We finish Dragon Age 2! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Dragon Age II Part 5 - National Lampoon's Kirkwall Vacation Feb 07, 2022

One mage with a challenge: lose it! One crazy week to make his sexy dream a reality. That's the 1980s sex comedy that is one part of one quest today as we cover the beginning of Act III in Dragon Age 2. Also:

- BioWare's Ominous Tilty Cam - A 3D Puzzle Made of Meat - Johnny Joins the PC Police - A brief appearance by Carol Channing - Far too much Hot Gaming News This Week: We complete the Act 3 Companion Quests Next Week: We finish the Felicia DayLC and Legacy! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Dragon Age II Part 4 - Vanessa's Stifleverse Jan 31, 2022

THREE HUNDO EPISODES! Even though Jim is still on location this episode is chockablock with Jim related Sqaure Roots Trivia to celebrate this arbitrary milestone! In this episode Hawke's mom gets a new look, you take a quick trip to the Fade, Fenris the Wooby touches peoples hearts, and so much more! Also:

- Vanessa's Star Fox Shipping and Anthro Mating Rules - Mother Loves Mister Castle - Feynriel's Anxiety Dreams - Jim Related Trivia Fest - FRIDGE. THAT. MOM. This Week: We finish Act II. Next Week: We complete the Act 3 Companion Quests and Felicia DayLC Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Dragon Age II Part 3 - An Apology to Sweden Jan 24, 2022

In this chunker of BioWare's Dragon Age II we start with a heartfelt apology to Sweden. We promise to never again mention The Normal Chef. It's a two hander with Johnny trying his best to host as they tackle Varric's Tale. Also:

- The Hottest Hot Gaming News in a Decade - Gum Songs - Everyone's a Celebrity in England - Aveline's Dating Skills - Eluvian Repair Kits - A Lot Of Stuff Happening, Also Nothing Happening

This Week: We complete The Long Road, Mirror Image, Dissent, Black Powder Courtesy, and Prime Suspect! Next Week: We finish Act II. Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

In this chunker of BioWare's Dragon Age II we start with a heartfelt apology to Sweden. We promise to never again mention The Normal Chef. It's a two hander with Johnny trying his best to host as they tackle Varric's Tale. Also:

- The Hottest Hot Gaming News in a Decade - Gum Songs - Everyone's a Celebrity in England - Aveline's Dating Skills - Eluvian Repair Kits - A Lot Of Stuff Happening, Also Nothing Happening

This Week: We complete The Long Road, Mirror Image, Dissent, Black Powder Courtesy, and Prime Suspect! Next Week: We finish Act II.

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Talkin' Age with Mark Darrah Jan 21, 2022

Jim and Vanessa talk to Dragon Age II's executive producer, Mark Darrah on the creation of Dragon Age II as well as the state of the industry.

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Dragon Age II Part 2 - I'm A Deadus, I'm a Deadus Jan 17, 2022

Get Deep Roads deep into Dragon Age II with us in this spelunking episode of Square Roots! We recruit Isabella, don't recruit the Qunari mage, and at least for one of us a party member dies! Also:

- I want sonic to help me put on underwear - Vanessa's Felicia Day Beef and Felicia DayLC - A 10 Minute Cullen Chat - Croissandra With A Side of Sour Cream - A man with some kind of gutters - It Was Sassy Frassy

This Week: We complete the Deep Roads Expedition! Next Week: We complete The Long Road, Mirror Image, Dissent, Black Powder Courtesy, and Prime Suspect

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Dragon Age II Part 1 - AKA Ted Donker Jan 10, 2022

Everyone is here for the start of Dragon Age II, a game that is still widely available to play but figuring out how to get the DLC to work takes some doing. Still, has BioWare's divisive installment of Dragon Age improved with time? Or are its limits still as frustrating as ever? Who is Ted Donker? Find out the answers to these and much more on this week's Square Roots! Also:

- Maybe Too Much Hot Gaming News? - No One Knows What Ever Crisis Is - I'm Here To Kill Chaos - We Just Rag On Neelix For Like Ten Minutes - Adam Scott Chat - An Embarassment Of Floppy Haired Woobies For Vanessa

This Week: We recruit all five extra party members in Dragon Age II! Except Isabella! Next Week: We complete the Deep Roads Expedition!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Square Roots New Year 2022 Extravaganza! Jan 03, 2022

Hi! COVID wrecked our efforts to put out a Dragon Age II episode this week, but we do have a very special end of the year episode for you all to enjoy instead!

This Week: We celebrate the end of 2021! Next Week: We recruit all five extra party members in Dragon Age II!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Metal Gear Solid Part 2 - GFH: Glasses Floppy Hair Dec 29, 2021

NOW WITH 90% LESS CHIPMUNK VOICES! You probably saw this one coming: it's a two hander! Johnny and Matthew dig through the second disc of Metal Gear Solid, with Johnny finding it brisk and fun and poor Matthew feeling like it takes forever. But you've got some iconic boss fights, weird jokes, and completely reconstructed cut scenes between the original PlayStation version and the GameCube Twin Snakes. Also this episode:

- Muscle Milkers - Metal Gear as Metroidvania - Matthew Can't Handle The Master Miller Twist - Gemome Soldiers - Johnny Can't Stop Saying Les Enfants Terribles - Two Games In A Row With A Shirtless Wrestling Match - So Many Fake Outs - This Game Is Twins and Liquid Is the Danny DeVito

This Week: We finish Metal Gear Solid! Next Week: We recruit all five extra party members in Dragon Age II!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Metal Gear Solid Part 1 - Those Legs Are Connected To A Butt Dec 20, 2021

Sure, it's not an RPG, but Konami's Metal Gear Solid IS a classic. And on this special holiday season of Square Roots we venture with Snake to Alaska, pretty close to where Santa lives. We try to make sense of the metal gear lore, talk about neuropeptides like we know what they mean, and Vanessa writes in an analysis of Meryl's big acting scene. Also this week: - Trashing the PS Classic - Twin Snakes Versus The Original - Has Kojima Ever Talked To A Woman? - Those Legs Are Connected To A Butt - "Nanomachines" - Boomer Tigersoft

This Week: We finish Disc 1! Next Week: We finish Metal Gear Solid!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Tales of Vesperia Part 8 - Noted Floppy Haired Boy Brian Doyle Murray Dec 13, 2021

For some reason Tales of Vesperia decides to squeeze about twenty hours of content into five hours of game, meaning there's a lot of reveals, narrative shifts, insane twists, and the most homoerotic wrestling match ever. But will Yuri and pals save the world? Is there really a final Necron? Who is the actual Sephiroth of the game? Also this week: - Can you vore a ghost? - Noted floppy haired boy Brian Doyle Murray - The The Doctor Is A Woman Twist - Yuri and Flynn Play Wrestle - The Insane Patty Reveal - Poople - The Last Real Boss Fight of the Game

This Week: We finish the game! Next Week: We blow up the Hind D in Metal Gear Solid!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Tales of Vesperia Part 7 - Wonton Violence Dec 06, 2021

Oops! It’s all Sephiroths when we try to figure out just who will be the big bad of this chunker. Will it be the white haired Sephiroth with the magical sword? Or the other white haired Sephiroth with a magical sword? Or will it be that one guy who looks like Ginger Spice? There’s some apocalyptic action as we dive through this penultimate chunker! Also this week:

Johnny & Vanessa Breakout Episode: Oops All Bad Games
Aloysius, Frank Miller, and Dinosaur
Entelexeia Cellphone
Julia Louise-Dryfus’s Apartment in Troll
LeTrack, Campbell Soup and Sparnod
The Gender Buffet

This Week: We finish Zaude! Next Week: We finish the game!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Tales of Vesperia Part 6 - Teen Wolfhard Nov 29, 2021

Alright, let's start off by saying I'm sorry for derailing this episode with increasingly cursed and horny acrostics. I made a mistake, and I'm sorry. Please put your little ones to bed before playing this episode. Also, things start getting dramatic on this spicy talkthrough of Namco's Tales of Vesperia. Betrayal! Twists! A bad guy is revealed! Also this week: - Estelle's Hamster Ball - Zap! It's News Time! - Cowboy Beep Boop - Hey, So What Happened Next? - There's A Bell Up On A Dais - Everyone Is Into Vincent D'onofrio!

This Week: We... at least get to the Heracles, I'm not sure Next Week: We finish Zaude!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Tales of Vesperia Part 5 - S-Step Yuri? Nov 22, 2021

Will Yuri's trail of murder ever end? With an additional body count of two it doesn't seem to be stopping. Do we like his dark turn? Will Estelle stop murdering magical creatures? Will Karol stop complaining? (Jk jk we love Karol) Find out on this big ol' episode! Also this week: - Repede is my Hat Now - Pigeon Milk - Yuri's Hate Crimes - Don Whitehorse's Failson - A Reverse Whale Argument

This Week: Arrival at Phaeroh's Crag! Next Week: We finish the Heracles! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Tales of Vesperia Part 4 - Hee Hee Hoo Haw Is German Nov 15, 2021

It's a rare Johnnyless episode as Vanessa, Jim and Matthew tackle this darker middle chapter of Tales of Vesperia. Yuri takes a dark turn, you learn even more about the guilds and the gang stars a whole new one - Brave Vesperia! Also this week: - Yet Another Ghost Ship - You Don't Marry a Magician - Punisher Yuri - Where's the Body? - KAROL SEDUCES A GUARD - Is Jim a Bootlicker? This Week: We get to the desert?! Next Week: Arrival at Phaeroh's Crag?! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Tales of Vesperia Part 3 - Cut That Nov 08, 2021

Things happen this episode. Vast political movements. Intriegue. Subterfuge. Swapped letters. And we have a tenuous grasp of all of it as Tales of Vesperia's plot starts to really get going. I mean, we're still not even sure how to pronounce "Ragou". Also this week: - Dump Cake - Vanessa's Shocking Level Up - Too Many Sephiroths - Johnny is Distracted By A Broad Chest - No One Wants To Hold Out For A Heroic Mail Delivery

This Week: Yuri flies away!? Next Week: We get to the desert?! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Tales of Vesperia Part 2 - Yakety Sucks Nov 01, 2021

Let's just get this out of the way: we can't sing Yakety Sax. No matter who tries, we're just terrible at it. I'm not sure why this is an important part of this episode of Square Roots or what it has to do with Namco's Tales of Vesperia, but that's just the way it is. Also this week: - Inn-teresting - Talkin' About Blastia - The automaton's giant stone wiener - A sudden Matthew appearance - That's Cumore! - More Hot Gaming News - Gene "Wonderchef" Parmesan

This Week: Our boat sinks!? Next Week: Yuri flies away!? Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Tales of Vesperia Part 1 - The Jerpig Pen Oct 25, 2021

It's Halloween down at the Square Roots house, so we're playing the spooooooky classic JRPG, or Jerpig, Namco's Tales of Vesperia! It's like a cozy comfy blanket of JRPG comfort food, and we enjoy it. So when we're not debating Yuri's hair colour, we guide the party from a splurging fountain to a magical tree town that does NOT explode.

Also this week: - Catchphrases - The Great Pumpkin Deposition - Less Than Jokes - The Cosmic Horror of Baby Fresh Eyes - Matthew Makes Us Feel Bad - The Hottest Gaming News

This Week: We save the tree in Halure! Next Week: Our boat sinks!?

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim Part 6 - She Sells See Shors Oct 18, 2021

This week on Square Roots we blaze through the ending of the main questline like a dragon spewing fire! So much blazing! We defeat Alduin, and then things are... happy? Maybe? Also Grunk, Rimjob and Presto get Animal House end title cards. What would Gojira's end title card be? Consumed by Alduin? Also this week: - What Happens When We Don't Heckle Jim - A Spooky Fair - Click Click Blam - Guest Host Ira Glass - Spicy Tuna Cakes - Making a Bad Dragon Mould - Drauger Karens - Hakon Sprinklerhead

This Week: We finish Skyrim! Next Week: We save the tree in Halure in Tales of Vesperia! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim Part 5 - In the Back of Jim's Dragula! Oct 11, 2021

Oh shit! Square Roots has a beach episode! But, sadly, it's the kind of beach episode where all your favourites go on vacation! That's right: you got RimJob becoming a werewolf, Presto Kazaam meets up with her past self, and Johnny becomes a real Prince of Thieves.

Also this week: - Delita is a Fvckboy - Regretting Just Playing Dragonball - Vanessa Murders Her First Wife - "He IS the Daedric Prince of Madness!" - Or is he the Daedric Prince of Great Prices? - Sexy Robot Kazoo Whistles

This Week: Our Skyrim characters go on a holiday from the main quest! Next Week: We finish Skyrim!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim Part 4 - Ray Romano's In the Mouth of Madness Oct 04, 2021

We're gonna be honest here: this is either going to be a really long chunker for you or a really short chunker depending on whether or not you choose a side or choose that delicious, delicious third option. But you wouldn't skip all these questlines that Bethesda worked so hard on, would you? Also this week: - Muscle Garfield - Alduin, World Tooter - Vanessa's Letter to Bethesda - Why Boys Not Hot? - We Are All Master Negotiators

This Week: We either pick a side or negotiate a truce in Season Unending! Next Week: Our Skyrim characters go on a holiday from the main quest! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim Part 3 - Alfland in Dwemer is Pronounced Melmac Sep 27, 2021

Oh boy! It's time for further adventures of mural exposition, with Joan Allen calling Max Von Sidow a big nerd for caring about second age tryptarchs. On this chunker of Bethesda's Skyrim we need to get our hands on one of those fancy Elder Scrolls. But how?! By talking to a sexy Orc librarian, heading down to a magical mushroom kingdom, solving a spinny puzzle, and so much more! Also this week: - Who wins in a fight, the Eternals versus the Inhumans? - Conjure Flame Astronaut - It's Your Inn Now - Dwarf Ruins CD burning - Mixing Up Forsworn and Falmers

This Week: We complete Elder Knowledge! Next Week: We either pick a side or negotiate a truce in Season Unending!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Square Roots September 2021 Patreon Vote! Sep 21, 2021

Hello! We are having a vote! On our Patreon! https://www.patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Our choices:

Vanessa - Deus Ex: Human Revolution (2011)

Jim - Ni No Kuni: Wrath of the White Witch (2011)

Johnny - Alpha Protocol (2010) Matthew - Tales of Vesperia (2008)

So join our $5 tier and vote! YEAH!

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim Part 2 - And His Name Was Mister Slaps Sep 20, 2021

Oh boy! We're deep into the legend of the Dovahkiin in this week's chunk of Bethesda's super beloved Skyrim! On this chunker we impress Daphne / Delphine, learn to shout, and meet a couple of dragons. It's great! Also:

- Don't Think About Frasier! - Mind bending 1990s music videos! - It's like a blanket party but they're yelling at you! - Let Me Be Frank: Redux - Jack... Kirby?'s... Inhumans! - In Sweden he's just called the Chef! - Facbook Made Me Say That - What If Vanessa Goes To the Magic Castle - Johnny's Great First Date Ideas

This Week: We finish the Blades quest Diplomatic Immunity! Next Week: We complete Elder Knowledge!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim Part 1 - Eleven Herbs and Spices That May Awaken Your Craving For Human Flesh Transforming You Into A Wendigo Sep 13, 2021

Since we're tackling a very non-linear open world RPG with Bethesda's Skyrim, this time we're doing things a little differently: after a main quest runthrough we each describe the adventures of our own very special characters. It's a surprisingly bug-free playthrough as we pull up in our cart to Helgen, where our executions await! Also:

- The Jerky Boys Musical - The Vore Seasons - Presto Kazaam, Mind Freak - Godzilla's Bound Sword - The Friendzies Spell - Mads Mikkelson Cheekbones - Jerpigs - A Song For Straight Men

This Week: We fight our first dragon outside of Whiterun! Next Week: We finish the Blades quest Diplomatic Immunity!

Legend of Mana Part 6 - Teleport is a Kind of Go Sep 06, 2021

Teleport is a kind of go. Drive is a kind of go. Imagine? Also a kind of go! How many kinds of go can you name? In this climactic conclusion to our Legend of Mana playthrough, our hero has to go through pretty much every dungeon in the game chasing our favorite li'l cactus. Also: - A Secret Kawazu Game! - The Most Popular Toy in the World - A Bizarre Sin Stance Change - Vanessa's Nuclear Mana Tree Theory - Pelican Mouth Injuries

This Week: We finish the game! Next Week: We fight our first dragon outside of Whiterun!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Legend of Mana Part 5 - Butter Lisa Aug 30, 2021

We ask so many questions in this chunker of Square's Legend of Mana. Would Gilbert's lines work on a real woman? Can you cure amnesia with another concussion? Would a visual novel be better with real photos? Will the X-Files FMV game ever be re-released? Also: - Deep Insight into Diddle - Virtual Jerry Orbach - Is BDG a centaur? Is Adam Driver a monster? - Manhattan, Kansas Narrowcasting - A game that makes more dick jokes than we do? - Matt's Superman Style Story

This Week: The Wimpy Thugling Next Week: We finish the game!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Legend of Mana Part 4 - BOYS NIGHT Aug 23, 2021

Vanessa leaves early so you night what that means: BOYS NIGHT. We're getting into the back half of Legend of Mana, and starting to wrap up some plotlines. Aren't you curious about Matilda and Irwin? Valerie and David? Also: - Johnny and the Horrible Nightmare Beach - What does Ayn Rand have to do with it? - THE BONE FORTRESS! YEEEEEAH! - Tell Me More! - What is Pig like? - Next game announced!

This Week: Catchin' Lilipeas Next Week: The Wimpy Thugling

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Legend of Mana Part 3 - Family Comma Sexual Aug 16, 2021

Content Warning: Suicide

We're descending into the underworld and making some strange allies in this chunker of Squaresoft's 2000 cult classic Legend of Mana. Also: - Vanessa's Magician Crush Origin Story - "I Thought He Should"? - Legs That Go Right Into His Feet - Big Mouth Billy Bass - Diddle's dark descent - Stars Spin As They Fall When You're Trying To Catch Your Breath

This Week: We finish The Guardian of Wind! Next Week: We finish Catchin' Lilipeas!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! You can find him at: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige and https://www.youtube.com/user/morrissteven Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Legend of Mana Part 2 - They Love Lamp Aug 09, 2021

We're really getting into Legend of Mana now as we make our way through this complicated but simple action RPG. A lot happens, we think? There's incredibly depressing junkyard toys, pinglings, a walrus man and... a turtle?! Also: - Terrifying Nightmare Cactus - Matt's hot Jojo take - Johnny and Jim's Bunk Beds - Dubba Baba Dud - Trying to Politely Describe the Necklace Pearl Has

This Week: We finish the Murmuring Forest! Next Week: We finish The Guardian of Wind! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Legend of Mana Part 1 - Is a Plant a Robot? Aug 02, 2021

Alright, now we move on to a new game: Squaresoft's bonkers Legend of Mana! If you're expecting Secret of Mana 2, it's not that, it's more like... a complicated board game that doesn't tell you how to play it combined with fun side-scrolling brawler. On this episode: - We get an exclusive 30 second celebrity interview! - Placing a Mailbox: a complicated decision - Johnny licks his foot - Jim and Matt's Legend of Mana Punishment - Diddle's Nightmarish Form - Why the Square Roots House smells like smoked meats

This Week: We complete the event Path of the Blacksmith in Legend of Mana! Next Week: We finish the Murmuring Forest! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his awesome new theme! Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com This Season's Theme by Javagore

Lost Odyssey Part 8 - Luminous Magic Bees Jul 26, 2021

We found it! We found the Odyssey, and truly, the real lost odyssey was the friendships we made along the way. On this big ol' chonker episode of an episode we chop through most of the end game content, from Cooke getting proposed to by the Kelolon King to Prince Sparklepony learning the true value of bravery. But that's not all! - Vanessa tries to trick Jim into dressing like a magician - Yellow is wind? Or should it be brown? Or should it be Bronwyn? - Gongora's Celebrity Roast - Johnny's secret Christian musical theatre past - Towers of Annoy - Mister Potato Head Made Fun of Me - You may hear hints about what the next next game is

This Week: We finish the game! Next Week: We complete the event Path of the Blacksmith in Legend of Mana!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com This Season's Theme by Javagore

Lost Odyssey Part 7 - Is Horny An Emotion? Jul 19, 2021

We all head to the garage to become certified stoneologists like Jansen in this penultimate episode of Mistwalker's Lost Odyssey! There's a lot of content in this chunker as we start exploring bonus areas, do a Final Fantasy VI style minigame, and fight our... Personas? Topics covered include: - What Gongora's Deal is - Is Ming the real villain of the game? - Wine Time! - Matt's Stand Up Shower - Gongora's Grace Jones Outfit - Kirk Cameron's Fireproof

This Week: We prepare to head to Grand Staff! Next Week: We finish the game! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com This Season's Theme by Javagore

Lost Odyssey Part 6 - Do Not Let Your Easily Startled Dog Listen to the Podcast Jul 12, 2021

Jim is lost in a flower mound this week but the rest of the podcast crew is here! We're finishing Disc 3 of Mistwalker's Lost Odyssey, and it's some real Final Fantasy VI style split path fun times! We've got the children Cooke & Mack freezing to death, Seth bonding with the relectant King Tolten and reuniting with her 65 year old baby boy Sed, and Jansen and Ming starring in a 1990s love ballad music video. Also: - Do Not Let Your Easily Started Dog Listen to the Podcast - Nap Queer - Member Hit - Toadmore, Frogmore, Stompingham - Gongora Blood Guzzle - GRAPPLE TANKS! - MOMMA!

This Week: We finish Disc 3! Next Week: We prepare to head to Grand Staff! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com This Season's Theme by Javagore

Lost Odyssey Part 5 - Fake-King It Jul 05, 2021

We're barrelling through Disc 3 like a freight train into a glacier in this catastrophic episode of Square Roots. Running at almost 50% cutscenes this chunker features that kind of Disc 3 FMV destruction we all love! Also: - Michael Emmerson Fan Club - Matt Talks About A Weird JRPG For Ten Minutes - More on the Magic Hyphen Industrial Revolution - Matt demands an explanation of Goatse - A slanty castle! - Giving Matt a Burn Notice - Kaim's Poly Relationships - Vanessa's Small TV

This Week: We return to Uhra (as Seth)! Next Week: We finish Disc 3! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com This Season's Theme by Javagore

Lost Odyssey Part 4 - It's King Sparklepony Now Jun 28, 2021

We finish Disc 2 but still don't know for sure if Aneira is a dragon, or a bird man, or something, but we do know one thing: Gongora isn't interested in those HAMS. Also: - Vanessa Versus Sydnee McElroy - Need for Speed: Hot for Soup - Buying Items From a Crow - Stories about shoes, deadly flowers, and sticking with your wife - Hot Supernatural Gossip

This Week: We finish Disc 2! Next Week: We return to Uhra! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com This Season's Theme by Javagore

Lost Odyssey Part 3 - Content Warning: Jansen Jun 21, 2021

Disc 2 of Mistwalker's Lost Odyssey has a lot going for it: there's Resident Evil mansions, bizarre magic abilities, a ton of Thousand Years of Dreams stories, a possible dragon, and of course underwear.

Also:

- Jansen's sketchiness gets to even Vanessa - Fillibust In Me: The Many Songs of Marina - A very beautiful lullaby that is also a tuneless dirge - Vanessa the Sand Witch - Johnny says Composite in a Canadian way - Vanessa says Puma in a fascinating way

This Week: Kaim rescues the old sorceress! Next Week: We finish Disc 2!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com This Season's Theme by Javagore

Lost Odyssey Part 2 - Extreme Sounding Jun 14, 2021

We start getting into the tear-filled meat of Mistwalker's Lost Odyssey in this emotional rollercoaster of a chunker. In this episode: the longest funeral in a game ever; two actually non-annoying children; and the further adventures of Prince Glitter Pony!

Also: - That One Episode of GI Joe Where Everyone Dissolves Into Mud Puppets - Jansen's Problematic Techniques - Wells for Boys Energy - Bob Sagetting the Kids - Jamiroquai Glasses Improving Cutscenes

This Week: Kaim defeats the tentacle monster Obsidian! Next Week: Kaim rescues the old sorceress!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com This Season's Theme by Javagore

Lost Odyssey Part 1 - The Magic Hyphen Industrial Revolution Jun 07, 2021

Rid of the curse of Kingdom Hearts for now the gang stumble onto Mistwalker's Lost Odyssey - a cult classic JRPG that flew under the radar back in 2008 in spite of an expensive ad campaign. Is it Sakaguchi's comeback? Or annoying and full of pointless stories? We're all pretty split on this one so far! Also: - International Cheese Day - A Leaky Staff - Her Chest Lacked the Swellings of a Grown Woman - Big Sidekick Energy - Prince Sparkle Pony - #FriendsReunion This Week: Kaim goes to jail after defeating a big ol' wormy boy in Lost Odyssey!

Next Week: Kaim defeats the tentacle monster Obsidian! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com This Season's Theme by Javagore

Kingdom Hearts 2 Part 8 - Better Than The Marvel Movies May 31, 2021

The gang has mixed feelings over the ending of Kingdom Hearts 2 and are left with a lot of questions, like:

- Did any of this make sense? - Why did Johnny yell at Matthew? - Does what happened to Riku make more sense than the Marvel movies? - Should you be pressing the Y / triangle button more? Or the X / Square? Or not? - How do you pronounce Saix? - And of course, the long requested: would you eat this summon?

This Week: We finish Kingdom Hearts 2, Thank God Next Week: Kaim goes to jail after defeating a big ol' wormy boy in Lost Odyssey Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com This Season's Theme by GFATMusic

Kingdom Hearts 2 Part 7 - Weird Owl Hootavic May 24, 2021

Things get a little off the rails at the start of this Square Roots when an ice cream truck constantly drives past Johnny's window, causing him to lose all focus. But! We go back to your favorite Disney lands for another dose of direct to VHS sequel adventures, as well as...

- Matt Learns the Word Cheugy - Peter Pan is Actually Pretty Cool - Reading things "Burger Time" - Crackers in the Bath Tub - Vanessa Finds Out About Other Vanessa - Sorry Mommy!

This Week: Agrabah 2, Port Royal 2, Halloweentown 2, Pride Lands 2 Next Week: We finish Kingdom Hearts 2, Thank God

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com This Season's Theme by GFATMusic

A Conversation with Phantasmagoria 2's Paul Morgan Stetler! May 21, 2021

Coming hot off the heels of one of our Scare Roots Livestreams, Vanessa and Jim sit down with the star of Phantasmagoria 2 - Paul Morgan Stetler! We discuss his new YouTube project Conversations with Curtis centered around the game, why the game may be finding a new life with today's gamers and get some insider details into what it was like to bring the game to life.

Check out Conversations with Curtis at https://www.youtube.com/c/conversationswithcurtis

Conversations With Curtis Patreon https://www.patreon.com/conversationswithcurtis

Kingdom Hearts 2 Part 6 - Le Donque-Donque May 17, 2021

The whole Square Roots is out of sorts this week as they are obsessed with chilli dogs, and not really that interested in Sora revisiting the Disney worlds again. But that doesn't mean there's not a lot to talk about, like:

- "I Love That You Love It" - Evil Uncle Scratch - Fitness Deez Lutz - She Wants That Knot - Not Gas-X - Auron Action Figure

This Week: Land of Dragons 2, Beast's Castle 2, Olympus 2 Next Week: Agrabah 2, Port Royal 2, Halloweentown 2, Pride Lands 2

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com This Season's Theme by GFATMusic

Kingdom Hearts 2 Part 5 - Yee-Yee Ass Keyblade May 10, 2021

Somehow although we only visited a handful of worlds this chunker became chockablock with crazy nonsense, including:

- Lion Hamlet - Vanessa Gets Visited By A Socially Conservative Owl - Congratulations Things - Roxas's friends: Hey There, Paunch and Oolug - Getting Norted - Do You Like Imagine Dragons? - Naminé-tions - Can Sora Read? - Cyber Bikes - "Got it memorized?" - Goofy's Death - JRPG Tommy Lee

This Week: Pride Lands, Twilight Town Revisited, Space Paranoids & Hollow Bastion Battle Next Week: Land of Dragons 2, Beast's Castle 2, Olympus 2

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com This Season's Theme by GFATMusic

Kingdom Hearts 2 Part 4 - Santa Loves Me May 03, 2021

This time Kingdom Hearts 2 really swings for the bleachers with nothin' but hits, from Aladdin to Little Mermaids and Pirates of the Carribbean! It's tough to reach a consensus on all this finny fun, but there's plenty to enjoy such as: - Gilbert Gottfried's newest sponsors - Aladdin's Whole Other Family - Vanessa's shocking Pirates confession - A phone call to Magical Disney Locker Supply - Way too much singing This Week: Atlantica, Port Royal, Halloween Town, Agrabah Next Week: Pride Lands, Hollow Bastion Battle & Space Paranoids, Land of Dragons Part 2 Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com This Season's Theme by GFATMusic

Kingdom Hearts 2 Part 3 - Absolute Sibilant Apr 26, 2021

Oh hey! Welcome to our continuing journey through Squaresoft and Disney's Kingdom Hearts 2! There's plenty of Disney nostalgia in this episode, as well as Nomura nonsense, random Organization XIII characters and also: - Disneyfied Auron - Old Castles Aren't Fun - Daisy's good Ending - I believe in BooBerry - A Little Pete Chat

This Week: Olympus, 100 Acre Wood, Disney Castle and Timeless River Next Week: Atlantica, Port Royal, Halloween Town, Agrabah

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com This Season's Theme by GFATMusic

Kingdom Hearts 2 Part 2 - That's How He Gets Strong Apr 19, 2021

We get through our first two Disney worlds and yet this episode is surprisingly light on Disney songs. On this chunker of Squaresoft's Kingdom Hearts 2 we get Sora a couple of rad keyblades and also: - Jim explains how drives work - Vanessa wants to learn all the official Disney nipples - Everyone loves Doug Airholes - Jim's first good theory in the history of the podcast - A very horny wardrobe - Vanessa's new bit: you have two bears inside you

This Week: Hollow Bastion, Land of Dragons, and Beast's Castle Next Week: Olympus, 100 Acre Wood, Disney Castle and Timeless River

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

This Season's Theme by GFATMusic

Kingdom Hearts 2 Part 1 - This Is Just A Business Card That Says Finger Stuff Apr 12, 2021

Oh yes. We have embarked on an adventure. We're going to the Kingdom.... of Hearts! Two! This Patreon vote winner has brought a multitude of responses from each host. On this episode: - Matt's fancy son wonders why the chairs in Organization XIII are so high - Jim gets frustrated when we don't let him tell us what's happening - Johnny gets confused on whether this is a Matrix or a Truman Show or a Dark City - We reveal the true origins of Count Dooku - Are you ready for Conservative Comedian Goofy? - Vanessa's new bit: her Donald Duck impression!

This Week: We get Sora's new outfit! Next Week: Hollow Bastion, Land of Dragons, and Beast's Castle

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com This Season's Theme by GFATMusic

Final Fantasy VIII Part 8 - The Mommy Milky Way Apr 05, 2021

Gird up your Mommy Milkers and Daddy Doinkers because it's time for some of us to finish Final Fantasy 8! This episode has everything you've ever wanted in a finalé episode, including: - More GF ranking! - Shumi Hand Talk! - Only Vanessa understanding the ending! - Junctionning yourself onto... SlutZone! - Maybe the best Final Fantasy last dungeon ever?

This Week: We finish the game! Next Week: We do some nonsense in Yensid's tower in KH2, don't ask me

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Square Roots Vs Billy Ray Apr 04, 2021

We sit down with Writer/Director Billy Ray (Captain Phillips, The Comey Rule, The Hunger Games), to discuss his film Shattered Glass, ethics in journalism, and his upcoming series on the January 6th attacks on the US Capitol. VIDYA GAMEZ Check out Billy Ray's wiki here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Billy_Ray_(screenwriter) Tweet at Billy Ray: @BillyRay5229 Watch Shattered Glass free on Youtube here: https://youtu.be/LdtWcXAQ2Q0

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy VIII Part 7 - I'm Really Mee-Maw Mar 29, 2021

Holy heck! Square Roots is FIVE whole years old! We debate whether half a decade is a long time as well as other hot topics like: - Vanessa doesn't want to be in a certain Posse - The Crisp Bowl Spire - Rinoa's little flux problem, a blurby wurble thing - Lunatic Pandora, Matt's Favourite Papa Roach Album - Final Fantasy's Longest Running Will They / Won't They

This Week: We finish Disc 3! Next Week: We finish the game!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy VIII Part 6 - You Can Show Yourselves Out Mar 22, 2021

Okay, this is an incredible episode. Why? Because of the following talking points:

- A Kramer Versus Kramer Scenario - A Difficult Cidtuation - Ruby Dragon: A XXX Porn Parody - Terrible Sephiroth - Would You Put Your Penix in the Phoenix?

This Week: We reach the Lunar Gate as Squall! Next Week: We finish Disc 3!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy VIII Part 5 - It's Climbing Oil Mar 15, 2021

YEAH! We're only on Disc 2 and yet it's already Disc 3 crazy. This episode: we discuss Mortal Monday and the declaration of release dates; the world's most obvious Alan Tudyk pun; we list out the greatest sax hits for Irvine to play; Quistis mimes the flute; Squall makes PA announcements about hotdogs and his feelings; we meet the Garden Babies and SO MUCH MORE. This Week: We finish Disc 2!

Next Week: We reach the Lunar Gate as Squall Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy VIII Part 4 - Mrs. Cidfire Mar 08, 2021

We all have a game That we hide away forever Then we take it out and play ourselves When everything is wrong Some are Seifer some are Squall Some are Selphie and some are Quistis They're the cast of this chunker But we love to play them all! Well, we all get impaled But we disregard the danger When you try to assassinate the sorceress Sometimes you go to jail Why were you so surprised That you didn't kill the Squallster Did you really think the game would end When we're on disc number 2?

This Week: We reach Fisherman's Horizon! Next Week: We finish Disc 2!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy VIII Part 3 - Featuring Leelee Sobieski as Quistis Mar 01, 2021

Vanessa gets lost in her role as the Sorceress Edea in this jam-packed episode of Square Roots. Not only do we discuss all sorts of kinds of tap dances, we also look at Rinoa's comfortable sweater, get involved in another caper, meet some big beefy bull boys, realize Irvine looks like a male stripper-slash-magician, and cast a 1990s dream version of Final Fantasy 8 for which we are cancelled. This Week: We finish Disc 1! Next Week: We reach Fisherman's Horizon! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy VIII Part 2 - The Hot Dog Room Feb 22, 2021

Have the tables turned on Final Fantasy 8? Is everyone loving it all of a sudden? What the hell? One word: TRAINS. On this episode of Square Roots: we visit the hot dog room, Vanessa wants feathery soft chocobo cuddles and fluffly flappy moogle cuddles, Laguna Loire is the first real protagonist of the game, Johnny breaks the game, a three-person locker is ordered, and Jim body shames Muncher.

This Week: We get to Galbadia Garden! Next Week: We finish Disc 1!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy VIII Part 1 - Seifer Is The Biff Tannen Feb 15, 2021

Oh boy. The JRPG you either love, hate, or have another opinion on - Square's Final Fantasy VIII. Topics covered today: L'il Baby I Don't know; this game is about reading in a serious way; identifying a real Lisa Kudrow; thicc, thicc Quistis; cargo jorts; sometimes Squall has a 4K face; and Vanessa's greatest mashup ever: Truly, Madly, Crazy.

This Week: We save Rinoa (??) after she meets the best looking guy at the dance! Next Week: We get to Galbadia Garden!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Mass Effect 2 Part 6 - Doctor Chocolates Feb 08, 2021

Mass Effect 2 COMPLETE. How many hosts crossed the finish line? Did everyone side with the Alliance or The Illustrated Man? Why were the Reapers building a Baby Terminator? What's up with all the useful people being loaded onto the Magic School Bus? Did Johnny get to romance Morinth? Who lived and who died on the suicide mission? So many questions!

This Week: We finish Mass Effect 2! Next Week: We save Rinoa after she meets the best looking guy at the dance!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Ro Panuganti and Lord Bif for letting us use their cover of Mass Effect 2's Suicide Mission: Check out Ro Panuganti's YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/user/Swiggles1987 Check out Lord Bif's YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAe-WMrDelXvw9ik2MpwBHQ And the video for this track is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJzkQQFbPN8

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Mass Effect 2 Part 5 - The MsvDLT Feb 01, 2021

You'll be glad you came to listen to this episode of our Mass Effect 2 playthrough, because it's got it all: Vanessa questioning whether Johnny knows what a nipple is, Luke's classic line "No you weren't, Obi-Wan!", classic dumb robot logic, a doctor definitely not being controlled by this lovely, beautiful artifact, and Vanessa reveals that Batarians are technically people, but, you know. Also, don't forget: pew pew pew, launch launch launch, float float float, it's Mass Effect.

This Week: We play the DLC! Next Week: We finish Mass Effect 2!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Ro Panuganti and Lord Bif for letting us use their cover of Mass Effect 2's Suicide Mission:

Check out Ro Panuganti's YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/user/Swiggles1987

Check out Lord Bif's YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAe-WMrDelXvw9ik2MpwBHQ

And the video for this track is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJzkQQFbPN8

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Mass Effect 2 Part 4 - Leave My Balls Out Of It Jan 25, 2021

On this week's episode of Square Roots, we clear up all the Loyalty Missions in Mass Effect 2, as well as so many other shocking revelations including: Elcor stepmom fan fiction, Wesident Evil 8 Vampire Lady, Morinth and her love for Matchbox 20, Johnny's apparent love for Boondock Saints and Garrus trying to frame Shepherd for his crimes.

This Week: We finish recruiting Space Friends! Next Week: We do all the Loyalty Missions!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Ro Panuganti and Lord Bif for letting us use their cover of Mass Effect 2's Suicide Mission: Check out Ro Panuganti's YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/user/Swiggles1987 Check out Lord Bif's YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAe-WMrDelXvw9ik2MpwBHQ And the video for this track is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJzkQQFbPN8

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Mass Effect 2 Part 3 - Avocado Nom Jan 18, 2021

Finally, we get the whole team together in this action-packed chunker of Mass Effect! This week: tum-tums are punched and shot, we lean into our kids show host natures, Vanessa wants to Shape of Water Thane, people get sucked down the Illusive Man Space YouTube hole, Biotic Space God Niftu Cal, recruiting Timothy Olyphant and Snooki to help finish the fight, IRL Samara, Tattooed Teenage Fighters from Beverly Hills, ASMR Harbinger, and everyone's favorite Vader lines. This Week: We finish recruiting Space Friends! Next Week: We do all the Loyalty Missions! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Ro Panuganti and Lord Bif for letting us use their cover of Mass Effect 2's Suicide Mission: Check out Ro Panuganti's YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/user/Swiggles1987 Check out Lord Bif's YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAe-WMrDelXvw9ik2MpwBHQ And the video for this track is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJzkQQFbPN8 Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Mass Effect 2 Part 2 - What If Kaiden and Carth Kissed? Jan 11, 2021

We're now getting deep into Mass Effect 2! On this episode we recruit the prisoner, meet up with Doctor Okurrrrrrrr, and save the Horizon Zero Dawn colony. Also this week: we compare the abilities of Cutscene Jack versus Game Jack, question just what symbols are on the side of the new Cerebus Normandy, Vanessa tries her hand at slash fiction, and so much more!

This Week: We rescue the Horizon colony! Next Week: We finish recruiting Space Friends!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Ro Panuganti and Lord Bif for letting us use their cover of Mass Effect 2's Suicide Mission:

Check out Ro Panuganti's YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/user/Swiggles1987

Check out Lord Bif's YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAe-WMrDelXvw9ik2MpwBHQ

And the video for this track is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJzkQQFbPN8

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Mass Effect 2 Part 1 - Hot Jabba Jan 04, 2021

On your favorite podcast on the citadel this season: we discuss Mass Effect 2! So much to go through that this chunker hits almost three hours. Sorry. Topics discussed include: Miranda's game cover blowout; potential colony names including MILF Town and Slut Zone (again); the Helena Blake Sale; Garrus's erotic leg spread and of course Jim's big teeth fetish.

This Week: We recruit Archangel! Next Week: We will play through the dossiers of the convict, warlord and Horizon Colony! Plus Citadel quests.

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Ro Panuganti and Lord Bif for letting us use their cover of Mass Effect 2's Suicide Mission:

Check out Ro Panuganti's YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/user/Swiggles1987

Check out Lord Bif's YouTube channel here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCAe-WMrDelXvw9ik2MpwBHQ

And the video for this track is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qJzkQQFbPN8

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Vagrant Story Part 4 - It's A Whole Thing Dec 28, 2020

We wrap up Squaresoft's Vagrant Story this week, and with that the Sydney and Ashley's story ends. Lots of stuff to talk about: is Crimson Shroud an Ivalice game? Tip versus Root versus Rood? Why is Ashley holding Sydney so tenderly? What the heck happened at the Duke's secondary residence?

This Week: We finish the game! Next Week: We recruit Archangel!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Vagrant Story Part 3 - Classic Square Roots Character Leppity Moore Dec 21, 2020

Frankly, this episode was an embarassment of riches for possible titles. We could have had: "Butt Metal Game Music", "Nugget Furniture After Dark", "Korn's Haze Theme", "Party Talk Is In The House Tonight", "Hashtag Crime" or even "Vanessa's Giant Themed OnlyFans!" And that's not even getting into the full eight minute long hiccup attack Jim has if you listen through the credits.

This Week: We kill Kali in the Temple of Kiltia! Next Week: We finish the game!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Vagrant Story Part 2 - Locker Worthy Dec 14, 2020

After we all throw Vanessa in a locker for insisting on using the term baileywick "we" continue to "play" Vagrant story, with varying degrees of quotation marks needed on a host-by-host basis. But we continue with this Cross Guy Rosencrantz heavy episode, which has not one but two Troy-from-Community style moments where Ashley is forced to realize traumatic things about his past. Also: muscle dobby, Vanessa gets increasingly angry about obtuse game lore, and so much more!

This Week: "We" defeat Rosencrantz in a duel! Next Week: "We" kill Kali in the Temple of Kiltia!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Vagrant Story Part 1 - Are We Ready To Talk About That Dumper? Dec 07, 2020

Oh yeah, life goes on, until your servants and kids are taken hostage by a cult. On this first episode of Squaresoft's Vagrant Story, even I cringe at my pronunciation of Solstice. Also discussed today: bulges, butts, peek-a-boo windows, Christmas in Ivalice, impressive video game hair, and more. Also we drive Vanessa off the show by refusing to stop discussing risk levels, affinity, and weapon combos.

This Week: We get the crimson key to the underground mine. Next Week: Defeat the Rosencrantz at the Warrior's Rest!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Fable II Part 4 - Robots Don't Smell Nov 30, 2020

Is the world too mean to Molyneux? Did he enjoy that picture of himself as a snake oil salesman in the game? What happened to all of Johnny's husbands? Did The Great British Bake-Off steal Fable II's music? Is Reaver bisexual? We answer all of these questions and more in this finale to our playthrough of Lionhead Studio's Fable II!

This Week: We finish the game! Next Week: Uhhhhhh. We don't know. Tune in Tuesday for the results of our poll!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Fable II Part 3 - The Libeartarians of Bloodstone Nov 23, 2020

When Johnny's away, the podcast does talk about politics! On this week's episode Matthew, Jim and Vanessa tackle Libeartarianism, Jim googles stuff, and Vanessa decides to unwisely crush on Reaver! Also: the interesting choices of the Spire, the gentrification of Westcliff, and so much more!

This Week: We reach the assault on Bloodstone! Next Week: We finish the game!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Fable II Part 2 - The Crooshible Nov 16, 2020

Okay, I'm just going to say it: this week we mercilessly bully Matthew. It's true. Jim, Vanessa and Johnny focus on Matthew's pronunciation instead of on Lionhead Studio's classic action RPG Fable II. Also he isn't riding the wave of next-gen consoles. Otherwise, we help or hinder farmers, get married, get "divorced", and settle into the fleshy meat of this enjoyable game. This Week: We reach The Spire! Next Week: We reach the assault on Bloodstone!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Fable II Part 1 - Dog Box, You'll Call It Nov 09, 2020

By harnessing the power of the Xbox 360, we move into Lionhead Studios' wacky, Discworld-esque Fable II. Topics touched on today: Blast Corps memories, travelling back to the Willenium, more Molyneux talk, the fine details of fridging, Fable 1 Nermal Edition, and Vanessa gambles on changing the podcast to cover FPSes. Will Sierra Roots ever return? FIND OUT!

This Week: We start The Ritual quest, your first Hero mission in Fable II. Next Week: We reach The Spire!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Chrono Cross Part 7 - owo, wouwdst thou wike the taste of buttow? Nov 02, 2020

Oh boy. We finished Squaresoft's 2000 epic, Chrono Cross. And it didn't quite go the way we imagined. There's a lot to cover on this episode, including the WAT, PolisPolice, Clive, Jill and Joshua of Valisthea, Johnny's daydream, Jim trying to explain the plot in one breath and...daughter clones?!

This Week: We finish the game! Next Week: We start The Ritual quest, your first Hero mission in Fable II.

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Thanks to RichaadEB for letting us use their cover of Scars of Time!

Find Richaad on Youtube: youtube.com/richaadeb Twitter: @richaadEB Patreon: RichaadEB

Chrono Cross Part 6 - The Full Buns Oct 26, 2020

In this dragon-fighting episode of Square Roots, we finish Disc 1 of Squaresoft's Chrono Cross. Also: Jim describes a movie that cannot possibly exist, we try to guess who is in a werewolf movie, we see a dripping wet Time Twink, and Vanessa reminds you not to put too many worms before your cart, because they'll get squished.

This Week: We finish Disc 1! Next Week: We finish the game!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Thanks to RichaadEB for letting us use their cover of Scars of Time!

Find Richaad on Youtube: youtube.com/richaadeb Twitter: @richaadEB Patreon: RichaadEB

Chrono Cross Part 5 - Time Echoes Are NOT Ghosts Oct 19, 2020

On this reality-warping episode of Square Roots, things get... complicated in Square's Chrono Cross. First of all: we're deep in Disc 3 crazy and it's just disc 1. Also: cookin' up enemies, how this game is just like Sleepaway Camp, and trying to determine what the Chrono Trigger of Chrono Trigger is.

This Week: We reach the second dragon! Next Week: We finished Disc 1!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Thanks to RichaadEB for letting us use their cover of Scars of Time!

Find Richaad on Youtube: youtube.com/richaadeb Twitter: @richaadEB Patreon: RichaadEB

Chrono Cross Part 4 - Tummy Two-Tome Oct 12, 2020

Finally, we catch up with Masamune, everyone's favorite zany fellas, except now they're a sword and it's depressing. Also discussed: Nikki is a quarter fish, Scandinavian UwU, the ramifications of Vegas, and how Lynx has broken every human law.

This Week: We fight Garai on the Isle of the Damned! Next Week: We reach the second dragon!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Thanks to RichaadEB for letting us use their cover of Scars of Time! Find Richaad on Youtube: youtube.com/richaadeb Twitter: @richaadEB Patreon: RichaadEB

Chrono Cross Part 3 - Ouch Water Oct 05, 2020

We're back in the original timeline in Chrono Cross, but that doesn't stop things from getting real trippy and weird. We meet a frog dragon, there's a terrifying fairy genocide, recruit an oWo, and plunge into Fort Dragonia. Also: Jim debates Matthew on rip-off versus homage, we fill out our JRPG bingo cards, and we maybe even start enjoying this game.

This Week: We clear out Fort Dragonia! Next Week: We fight Garai on the Isle of the Damned! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Thanks to RichaadEB for letting us use their cover of Scars of Time! Find Richaad on Youtube: youtube.com/richaadeb Twitter: @richaadEB Patreon: RichaadEB

Chrono Cross Part 2 - THERE'S NO GIRLFRIENDS IN SPACE Sep 28, 2020

In this episode, we get all exploded by time. Especially Jim. So much Jim. Have you ever heard Jim mad? You will today. Because Jim found out what happened to the Epoch.

This Week: We either get to the beach in the Original timeline, or recruit Glenn in the alternate timeline. Next Week: We clear out Fort Dragonia! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com Thanks to RichaadEB for letting us use their cover of Scars of Time! Find Richaad on Youtube: youtube.com/richaadeb Twitter: @richaadEB Patreon: RichaadEB

Chrono Cross Part 1 - Poshul Is A Human Man In A Suit Pretending To Be A Dog Sep 21, 2020

We start everyone's favorite sequel to Chrono Trigger: Chrono Cross! Finally we catch up with our favourite pals, Chrono, Lucca, Frog, Robo, and see what they're doing, right? Right? After a while? We assume this is some kind of Final Fantasy XII start with temporary characters before switching to your favorites. Also: Johnny ruminates on a Bolero jacket, there's way too much PUBG talk, Kid falls out of a regional Christmas Carol performance, and Vanessa is very excited about a Sliders scenario.

This Week: We get to Termina in Chrono Cross! Next Week: We either get to the beach in the Original timeline, or recruit Glenn in the alternate timeline.

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com Thanks to RichaadEB for letting us use their cover of Scars of Time!

Find Richaad on Youtube: youtube.com/richaadeb Twitter: @richaadEB Patreon: RichaadEB

Mario + Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story Part 5 - What You Gotta Do When You Got That Wet Ass Puzzle Sep 14, 2020

VANESSA DOESN'T KNOW WHO CAPTAIN TOAD THE TREASURE TRACKER IS AND THAT IS INSANE. Also this week, as we finish Nintendo's Mario + Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story on 3DS, we talk about Luigi's glistening mustache, peeling down your Karibo, inflation, and finally Matthew locks Sam Elliott outside. This Week: We finish the game! Next Week: We get to Termina in Chrono Cross! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Mario + Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story Part 4 - Do You Know What Bungeon is Short For? Sep 07, 2020

Kuzzle. *teehee* In this chunker of Bowser's Inside Story, Vanessa makes a shocking discovery: no one was exaggerating Luigi's treatment by the saucy Wisdurm. Also this chunker: Bowser learns to Body Slam, Mario finds a Star Cure, and finally, finally we see what's inside Bowser's Brain. This Week: We enter Bowser's BRAIN! Next Week: We finish the game! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Mario + Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story Part 3 - Sam Elliott Explains Tickle Consent Aug 31, 2020

Either Bill Paxton or Bill Pullman shows up as well in this star-studded episode of Square Roots! We continue with Nintendo's Bowser's Inside Story and stumble over Jesse's Girl 2, fail a whole bunch of minigames, find a kink Johnny doesn't want to talk about, Bowserimi Battles the Tower Robot, and we realize that this used to be a family podcast. This Week: We defeat the Tower of Yikk! Next Week: We enter Bowser's BRAIN! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Mario + Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story Part 2 - #HOLESOME Aug 24, 2020

There's no way that things could get weird in this chunker of Bowser's Inside Story where Bowser eats his vegetables, right? Sam Elliott would disagree, and he is here to guide Vanessa through a world of forbidden pleasure. So much is learned. Johnny might stomp on a model city. Matthew comes out as a finsub. ALSO THERE IS NO BODY SWAPPING IN FATHER OF THE BRIDE VANESSA This Week: Bowser eats too much at the buffet. Next Week: We find out what a Boo-Ray machine is. Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Mario + Luigi: Bowser's Inside Story Part 1 - Moratorium On Any S-Words Aug 17, 2020

This week we start Nintendo's DS / 3DS Mario Brothers RPG! Just a heads up, we may mention vore a few times. And inflation. And squirting. Splashing. Squishing. So many S-Words.

This Week: We defeat Broque Monsieur's wonderful Broggie. Next Week: We get trapped in Toad Town!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

OOPS! All Listeners! Aug 13, 2020

Hi friends! There was an accident at the podcast factory, but instead of only mouth-cutting corn puffs, this podcast is entirely* listener produced!

Special thanks to:

Gabe Kleinart Julian Titus and the Nerds Without Pants podcast G Bailey Zombie Rogers Dr. Fine Say Everyone's Name Andrew Weyant

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to GillStudio for letting us use their cover of Time To Make History! Check out GillStudio on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/gillstudio Check out GillStudio on Spotify: https://spoti.fi/2CwnLwt Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

*there are occasional host interruptions

Persona 4 Part 8 - Square Roots Voreses Bowser Aug 10, 2020

There's so much here. There's Lady Spawn. We find like five layers of Marie's secrets. We ask a gas station attendant if they gave us super powers. We get very confused about both the game's mythology and Japanese mythology. There's an endless epilogue. We consider playing Okami to try and figure things out. Jim's arm really hurts.

This Week: We finish the game! Next Week: We defeat Broque Monsieur's wonderful Broggie.

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to GillStudio for letting us use their cover of Time To Make History! Check out GillStudio on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/gillstudio Check out GillStudio on Spotify: https://spoti.fi/2CwnLwt Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Persona 4 Part 7 - [REDACTED]'s 20 Page Post About Ghostbusters 2016 Aug 03, 2020

[REDACTED] is a really great person, we wish him well. In this episode of Square Roots, we get pretty close to the end of Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 4 Golden. Some highlights: figuring out the right sequence of dialogue choices to get through the game, how it's a piece of cake to bake a pretty cake, and Matthew turns out to be right about something. This Week: We finish the seventh castle in Persona 4! Next Week: We finish the game! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to GillStudio for letting us use their cover of Time To Make History! Check out GillStudio on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/gillstudio Check out GillStudio on Spotify: https://spoti.fi/2CwnLwt Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Persona 4 Part 6 - GIMME YOUR HEARTS! Jul 27, 2020

CW: transphobia

Ooof, we hit a pretty rough part of a game we were otherwise loving. On this chunk of Persona 4 we go to the Amagi Inn, do a concert, have a cultural festival and then there's some real bad pageants. Also: secrets are discovered, villains revealed, and mysteries solved!

This Week: We finish the sixth castle in Persona 4! Next Week: We finish the seventh castle in Persona 4!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to GillStudio for letting us use their cover of Time To Make History!

Check out GillStudio on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/gillstudio

Check out GillStudio on Spotify: https://spoti.fi/2CwnLwt

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Persona 4 Part 5 - The Spanking Episode Jul 20, 2020

Remember, here at Square Roots judging is a spankable offense. On this episode we check out a derailed trans narrative, there's a whole beach episode, we learn about yelling at fireworks, TJ Miller, Johnny has an eggdaster, and of course Teddie: Problematic Queer Icon.

This Week: We finish the fifth castle in Persona 4! Next Week: We finish the sixth castle in Persona 4!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to GillStudio for letting us use their cover of Time To Make History!

Check out GillStudio on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/gillstudio

Check out GillStudio on Spotify: https://spoti.fi/2CwnLwt

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Persona 4 Part 4 - Ask Me About My Hot Buttered Noodles Jul 13, 2020

On this exciting episde of Square Roots: we conquer the Void Quest dungeon in Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 4 Golden. Topics discussed include: finally meeting the H-est of the T-s, Teddy's human form, trying to articulate Rise's level of fame, and defeating what could literally be called an Angry Gamer Baby. This Week: We finish the fourth castle in Persona 4! Next Week: We finish the fifth castle in Persona 4! Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to GillStudio for letting us use their cover of Time To Make History! Check out GillStudio on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/gillstudio Check out GillStudio on Spotify: https://spoti.fi/2CwnLwt Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Persona 4 Part 3 - Scam Some Chicks Jul 06, 2020

Will Yosuke's Operation Up Close and Personal come to fruition? Is Hanako the secret best character in the game? Will Jim be able to show up after seeing this virtual strip club? Or will Big Chungus win this battle? We know one thing, at least: everyone is hungry in this enormous episode of Square Roots.

This Week: We finish the third castle in Persona 4! Next Week: We finish the fourth castle in Persona 4!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to GillStudio for letting us use their cover of Time To Make History!

Check out GillStudio on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/gillstudio

Check out GillStudio on Spotify: https://spoti.fi/2CwnLwt

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Persona 4 Part 2 - The Boy With The Hat: Hat Boy Jun 29, 2020

WHYYYYYYYYYYY? On this week's Square Roots: We delve further into Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 4 and get through Kanji Tatsumi's Rosy Steam Paradise. Also: we have several suggestions for a new US anthem, discover that Kanji is an odd person with some sort of complex, and fight a boss that can only be described as Skullorama-esque.

This Week: We finish the second castle in Persona 4! Next Week: We finish the third castle in Persona 4!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to GillStudio for letting us use their cover of Time To Make History!

Check out GillStudio on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/gillstudio Check out GillStudio on Spotify: https://spoti.fi/2CwnLwt

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Persona 4 Part 1 - A Roomba With Googly Eyes Jun 22, 2020

Are you the Persona inside him? Who is the H-est of the T's? In this episode we explore Jim's Pee-Shyness, Johnny's Silent Hill bathroom dreams, argue best Persona 4 intro song, start our Nanako Wellness Checking, and talk about Deep Space Nine for what feels like an hour.

This Week: We finish the first castle in Persona 4! Next Week: We finish the second castle in Persona 4!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy X-2 Part 7 - Babe! Jun 15, 2020

We wrap up Final Fantasy X-2 and have thoughts. Many thoughts. First: Johnny forgets New Kids on the Block. Also: holes. So many holes. Even a math hole! Also: the Vegnagun. Will Tidus enjoy dating New Yuna? Which boy and girl band is which Final Fantasy X-2 character? Why did Johnny and Vanessa get weirdly different endings with Wakka, Lulu, Dona and Barthello?

This Week: We finish the game! Next Week: We finish the first castle in Persona 4!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Lacey Johnson for her awesome cover of Real Emotion! Links to the video and the Lacey Johnson Music youtube channel are in the show notes!

Her cover of Real Emotion is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ShobaHnnNA Her YouTube channel is here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbCH-MrX96ePsINodggx0iA

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy X-2 Part 6 - Remember How We Made All Those Monkeys [REDACTED] Jun 08, 2020

Johnny and Vanessa are the only two left powering through Final Fantasy X-2, but Matthew is here for his colour commentary and still can't get past Yojimbo! In this episode: Vanessa has a lot of feelings, Johnny is here for the Ann Rice-iness of the plot twists, and we get to learn more about the secrets of Baralai, Nooj and Gippal!

This Week: We finish Chapter 4! Next Week: We finish the game!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Lacey Johnson for her awesome cover of Real Emotion! Links to the video and the Lacey Johnson Music youtube channel are in the show notes!

Her cover of Real Emotion is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ShobaHnnNA Her YouTube channel is here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbCH-MrX96ePsINodggx0iA

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy X-2 Part 5 - Pretending To Be Character Actor Raphael Sbarge Jun 01, 2020

I know that this podcast is usually a bit tangent-filled, but seriously, we have a hard time sticking to the plot of this mini-game and side-story packed episode. In this episode: Vanessa calls Johnny "P*nis-Having Johnny With A P*nis", Elijah Wood ASMR, Johnny's number one sexy single slow jam "Making People Is Free", the most erotic song from Annie, and we consider the morality of abusing the service Cameo.

This Week: We do the side-quests of Chapter 3! Next Week: We finish Chapter 4!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Lacey Johnson for her awesome cover of Real Emotion! Links to the video and the Lacey Johnson Music youtube channel are in the show notes!

Her cover of Real Emotion is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ShobaHnnNA Her YouTube channel is here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbCH-MrX96ePsINodggx0iA

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy X-2 Part 4 - Spider-Man & Skeletor May 25, 2020

In this sprawling episode of Square Roots, we have many revelations: She-Ra wasn't made to make Matt attractive, and he's angry about it! Also Seymour did everything because he thought it would be Good and Better, Yuna and friends have to make a fight, we play Pokémon Hot & Cold, and we establish Vampire Parent BEMDAS (or BEDMAS).

This Week: We finish Chapter 2! Next Week: We do the side-quests of Chapter 3!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Lacey Johnson for her awesome cover of Real Emotion! Links to the video and the Lacey Johnson Music youtube channel are in the show notes!

Her cover of Real Emotion is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ShobaHnnNA Her YouTube channel is here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbCH-MrX96ePsINodggx0iA

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy X-2 Part 3 - Venga Boys Gun May 18, 2020

There's a whole lot of side content, but we're real focused on the sacred Ronso site, Mount Gagazet. which Yuna and friends definitely would not defile. Also this week: we pick a side, Yuna puts on a less great concert, get interviewed on Shelinda TV, Vanessa becomes the only host, and so much more.

This Week: We do the side content of Chapter 2! Next Week: We finish Chapter 2!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Lacey Johnson for her awesome cover of Real Emotion! Links to the video and the Lacey Johnson Music youtube channel are in the show notes!

Her cover of Real Emotion is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ShobaHnnNA Her YouTube channel is here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbCH-MrX96ePsINodggx0iA

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy X-2 Part 2 - Adam & Stevenflow May 11, 2020

Alright! We did it! We complete Chapter 1, and do a bunch of the side missions too. On this episode: we have a long discussion helping to normalize the moonflow and Marysville bathrooms, enjoy the odd coupling of characters, and then argue over the correct pronunciation of tourist for about five minutes. Oh yeah, we also gave away balloons and found some monkeys!

This Week: We finish Chapter 1! Next Week: We finish the side missions in Chapter 2!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Lacey Johnson for her awesome cover of Real Emotion! Links to the video and the Lacey Johnson Music youtube channel are in the show notes!

Her cover of Real Emotion is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ShobaHnnNA Her YouTube channel is here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbCH-MrX96ePsINodggx0iA

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy X-2 Part 1 - I Was Here For Lulu May 04, 2020

Okay, okay, so we played about 45 minutes of Final Fantasy X-2. And then talked about it for an hour and a half. In our defense 1: it's bonkers 2: they don't clearly establish how the planning and promotion of this concert was handled 3: we also watched the Eternal Calm interequel which was like eight minutes long.

This Week: We finish... the Prologue... in Final Fantasy X-2! Next Week: We finish Chapter 1!

Our Patreon: http://patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Lacey Johnson for her awesome cover of Real Emotion! Links to the video and the Lacey Johnson Music youtube channel are in the show notes!

Her cover of Real Emotion is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ShobaHnnNA Her YouTube channel is here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbCH-MrX96ePsINodggx0iA

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy VII Part 10 - Prequel Confirmed Apr 27, 2020

So much to talk about! We digest what the sudden ending of Final Fantasy VII means, shout SEPHIROTH a whole bunch, interpret the meaning of Lady and the Tiger, talk more about chocobo breeding, dismiss the concept of noses, and strongly consider headcanonning sequels out of existence.

This Week: We finish Final Fantasy VII?! Next Week: We finish Chapter 1 in Final Fantasy X-2!

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Tetrimino for letting us use their fantastic mix of J-E-N-O-V-A and Birth of a God!

Check out Tetrimino on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/TetriminoVGBand Tetrimino on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TetriminoVGBand Search for Tetrimino on Patreon as TetriminoVGBand!

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy VII Part 9 - We're the Drain Snakes Apr 20, 2020

You know, going in and out, like a drain snake does. Also: all your favorite 90s jams, Matthew's Head Shop, it takes a busty woman to know a busty woman, Rufus's explodes, Reeve's Reeveal, Tifa and Cloud have sex, and a weapon walks very very slowly.

This Week: We fight Hojo! Next Week: We finish Final Fantasy VII?!

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Tetrimino for letting us use their fantastic mix of J-E-N-O-V-A and Birth of a God!

Check out Tetrimino on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/TetriminoVGBand Tetrimino on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TetriminoVGBand Search for Tetrimino on Patreon as TetriminoVGBand!

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy VII Part 8 - A Very Mac and Me Moment Apr 13, 2020

Tifa pushes Cloud straight into the Lifestream in this exposition-packed episode! So much happens! A great train robbery! A submarine chase! A fight against a Mecha Godzilla! Locky Tugglebug! Felicity explodes with Cloverfield eggs! Johnny gets angry about Dante's Peak! Meat Dave! And of course Giant Fetal Position Cloud.

This Week: We ride on a rocket! Next Week: We fight Hojo!

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Tetrimino for letting us use their fantastic mix of J-E-N-O-V-A and Birth of a God!

Check out Tetrimino on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/TetriminoVGBand Tetrimino on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TetriminoVGBand Search for Tetrimino on Patreon as TetriminoVGBand!

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy VII Part 7 - Filling Aeris's Dress With Rocks Apr 06, 2020

THE THING HAPPENS. The thing! You know! SNOWBOARDING. Also? We try and figure out if Cloud is a 5 year old clone. About three hours of cut scenes. Sephiroth and Hojo tell you stuff that may or may not be true. Jim remembers a fish that possibly doesn't exist. The clown reunion. Don't worry, the Planet is monitoring the situation.

This Week: We finish our first visit to THE CRATER. Next Week: We ride on a rocket!

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Tetrimino for letting us use their fantastic mix of J-E-N-O-V-A and Birth of a God!

Check out Tetrimino on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/TetriminoVGBand Tetrimino on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TetriminoVGBand Search for Tetrimino on Patreon as TetriminoVGBand!

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy 7 Mailbag! Apr 01, 2020

Hi friends! Everyone wants to talk about Final Fantasy 7, and our episodes have been running real long, so have a mailbag episode! Topics include: belts and suspenders, Tifa, dreams about smooching celebrities, ranking various Final Fantasy games, and so much more!

Final Fantasy VII Part 6 - The Bone Zone Mar 30, 2020

This episode is just chock full of bonkers moments from a very, very bonkers JRPG. Questions include: was Genesis Rhapsodos a member of Organization XII? Was Palmer Final Destination'd? Can a plane be a boat? What's an upstairs and downstairs treasure, really? Why does Aeris hide behind trees so badly? AND SO MANY MORE.

This Week: We complete the Temple of the Ancients! Next Week: We finish our first visit to THE CRATER.

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Tetrimino for letting us use their fantastic mix of J-E-N-O-V-A and Birth of a God!

Check out Tetrimino on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/TetriminoVGBand Tetrimino on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TetriminoVGBand Search for Tetrimino on Patreon as TetriminoVGBand!

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy VII Part 5 - Did Sephiroth Do This? Mar 23, 2020

This week on a big, large, huge episode of Square Roots we ask: what happened to our first recording of this episode? Who doesn't love the pep? Why don't we all go to the Gun Arm Emporium? Who is better than Bette Midler? Will you smash like and subscribe on a lifestream livestream? Which Paul Verhoeven movie is the best? What even is Cait Sith?

This Week: We find the secret of Cosmo Canyon! Next Week: We complete the Temple of the Ancients!

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Tetrimino for letting us use their fantastic mix of J-E-N-O-V-A and Birth of a God!

Check out Tetrimino on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/TetriminoVGBand Tetrimino on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TetriminoVGBand Search for Tetrimino on Patreon as TetriminoVGBand!

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Scare Roots - Dead Space Mar 18, 2020

Hey! We're all having a pretty rough month so this special episode of Scare Roots was brought back from the deeeeeeeeead. Johnny, Jim and Doctor Steve Stone play through this terrifying tale of mankind's hubris!

We hope you like it.

Final Fantasy VII Part 4 - No Down Side Mar 16, 2020

Matthew is on assignment for this chunker as we dig down into mid section of Disc 1. How long is this disc anyhow? Features of this chunker include: stealing from baby birds, a bit of Barret's back story, a chocobo dance number, Jim's Summon Review Corner, and possibly the worst minigame of all time.

This Week: We reach North Coral and prep to get on the Gold Saucer tram! Next Week: We find the secret of Cosmo Canyon!

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Tetrimino for letting us use their fantastic mix of J-E-N-O-V-A and Birth of a God!

Check out Tetrimino on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/TetriminoVGBand Tetrimino on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TetriminoVGBand Search for Tetrimino on Patreon as TetriminoVGBand!

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy VII Part 3 - That's Mrs. Eyeball Nipple Mar 09, 2020

Final Fantasy VII Part 3 - That's Mrs. Eyeball Nipple

Another great debate: Does Jenova has an eyeball or nipple? On this week's episode: we do a terrible climing section, a million puzzle rooms, climb some stairs, DRIVE A MOTORCYCLE UP AND DOWN SOME STAIRS, meet the wonderful Mr. Palmer, Vanessa develops feelings for Reeve, meet a puppycat, and Johnny gets heckled. Also: Sephiroth's Martha moment.

This Week: We escape Midgar and head to Kalm! Next Week: We reach North Coral and prep to get on the Gold Saucer tram.

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Tetrimino for letting us use their fantastic mix of J-E-N-O-V-A and Birth of a God!

Check out Tetrimino on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/TetriminoVGBand Tetrimino on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TetriminoVGBand Search for Tetrimino on Patreon as TetriminoVGBand!

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy VII Part 2 - Don't Actually Do It, It's Fine Mar 02, 2020

IT'S THE WALL MARKET! THE BEST CHUNKER OF ANY JRPG EVER! In this episode: Cloud explores his gender identity and sexuality, we witness the death of the Cat Slide, Tseng politely attempts to kidnap Aeris, Vanessa's custom lockers in the Square Roots house, and Daddy's So Lonely.

This Week: We escape the destruction of Sector 7! Next Week: We escape Midgar and head to Kalm!

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Tetrimino for letting us use their fantastic mix of J-E-N-O-V-A and Birth of a God!

Check out Tetrimino on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/TetriminoVGBand Tetrimino on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TetriminoVGBand Search for Tetrimino on Patreon as TetriminoVGBand!

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy VII Part 1 - All Around Me Are Familiar Faces Feb 24, 2020

TWO HUNDRED EPISODES! How do we celebrate? By getting all nostalgic for the blocky lil' LEGO friends of Final Fantasy VII! In this chunker: President Shinra negs Cloud, we ride a pinball machine, Tifa has many outfits, Johnny tries to decipher all of Cloud's bizarre flashes and flashbacks, and body pillow requests!

This Week: We blow up the Sector 5 reactor and get to the Wall Market in Final Fantasy VII! Next Week: We escape the destruction of Sector 7!

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Tetrimino for letting us use their fantastic mix of J-E-N-O-V-A and Birth of a God!

Check out Tetrimino on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/TetriminoVGBand Tetrimino on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TetriminoVGBand Search for Tetrimino on Patreon as TetriminoVGBand!

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II Part 6 - Yaddle👏Lived👏In👏A👏Pit👏 Feb 17, 2020

What happens if you leave Vanessa and Johnny alone to wrap up a game? Over two and a half hours of a two-fister, that's what happens. We can't be trusted to keep on track, so not only do we work through the last eight or so hours of Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords but somehow also get into Vanessa's vague recollections of Yaddle's expanded unvierse backstory, we spend way too long googling Ed Asner's resume, talk about the merits and drawbacks of the idealism of The West Wing, and we find out that Vanessa can't do a Wookie impression at all.

This Week: "We" finish KOTOR 2! Next Week: We blow up the Sector 5 reactor and get to the Wall Market in Final Fantasy VII!

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II Part 5 - You Should Experience This 7-11 Alone Feb 10, 2020

NEXT GAME ANNOUNCED! It's a Johnny and Vanessa two-fister in this odd chunker of Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords. First of all, we research Alanis's financial situation, Johnny plots out his own edit of How I Met Your Mother while forgetting the name of Jason (?) Segal (?), and then we get into the Super Secret Cave of Secrets (AKA a Luke Cave), go on a guided tour of the Sith Ruins, answer some SAT questions and restore a hereditary monarchy. Now go get that definitely not evil Kreia a burrito.

This Week: We finish Korriban and return to Onderon! Next Week: We finish KOTOR 2!

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II Part 4 - Election Year Feb 03, 2020

It's an Election Year on Onderon in Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic! We've got some disturbingly familiar candidates, as well as Mandalorians to team up with, a mystery to not solve, a sexy pleasure yacht to board, and so much more!

This Week: We complete the Yacht and leave Onderon with Mandalore! Next Week: We finish Korriban and return to Onderon!

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II Part 3 - Another Reverse Childbirth Kind of Scenario Jan 27, 2020

In this exciting episode of Square Roots we visit Nar Shaddaa and find a couple of will they - won't they bounty hunters, Jellicle Katt fails to find a lightsaber, meet a bat boy, murder the entire Exchange, swap characters about fifty times, discuss the merits of charity, find out Atton's naughty truth, and so much more!

This Week: We leave Nar Shaddaa for Goto's Sexy Pleasure Yacht! Next Week: We complete the Yacht and leave Onderon with Mandalore!

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II Part 2 - Bao-Dur's Gait Jan 20, 2020

We get a bunch of annoying cold calls from corporate folks and faith healers, Jim once again fails to get dark or light side points, we got a lot of phone calls, teach a droid to lie, Revanites versus Revanchists, and Matt starts his feud with Skimbleshanks!

This Week: We fly out of Telos back in the ol' Ebon Hawk! Next Week: We leave Nar Shaddaa for Goto's Sexy Pleasure Yacht

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II Part 1 - With Apologies to Dominic Monaghan Jan 13, 2020

This episode requires an extended list of apologies: apologies to Beaumont Kin fans, Dominic Monaghan, fans of Outer Wilds, Baby Yoda, Obsidian, BioWare, Bacta afficianados, Timothy Omundson and so many more.

This Week: We fly out of Peragus II in Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords! Next Week: We fly out of Telos back in the ol' Ebon Hawk!

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Yakuza Part 5 - What's the Omi Alliance Again? Jan 06, 2020

On this action-packed Yakuza finale we: celebrate Matthew's return from dangerous lands unknown; enjoy Square Roots's first Triple Jump In Front Of Bullets; question whether or not Johnny has actually seen the new Star Wars; see how many people can die in front of Haruka; organize our mobs politely and SO MUCH MORE!

This Week: We finish Yakuza! Next Week: We fly out of Peragus II in Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords!

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Vincent Moretto for his metal cover of Receive You, and to Esseph for his chipmunk cover of Rouge of Love!

Vincent Moretto's Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/c/HaarasNC Esseph's Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC-D8BJOzISnb01I5YiCKi-Q

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Best of the Decade Listener Lists Dec 30, 2019

We're taking the week off, but figured we'd check out your favorite games of the decade and comment and critique! If you want to hear our personal lists, check out https://www.patreon.com/squarerootspodcast and pledge $3 or more for all our bonus episodes!

Yakuza Part 4 - Here's the Church Dec 23, 2019

We debate what is the scheme, who is being rescued, and what exactly is the Shape of Love in this explosive episode. First of all, Vanessa's audio track eats itself for half the show so she disappears for a while. Meanwhile, we ask WHAT ABOUT WILLY BEAMISH?! Also: Haruka gets kidnapped again, the game turns into Virtua Cop, Kiryu heroically uses a human shield, and we get flashbacks to stabbings and torture. Plus Vanessa and Johnny learn about Jim's playground games. And if they don't stop, it's going to get scandalous.

This Week: We finish Chapter 10! Next Week: We finish Yakuza!

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Vincent Moretto for his metal cover of Receive You, and to Esseph for his chipmunk cover of Rouge of Love!

Vincent Moretto's Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/c/HaarasNC Esseph's Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC-D8BJOzISnb01I5YiCKi-Q

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Yakuza Part 3 - I Saw Mommy Cucking Santa Claus Dec 16, 2019

CW: Child abuse, transphobia With Matthew still on dangerous assignment, Jim, Vanessa and Johnny get through some family-oriented business in this chunker of Sega's Yakuza (and Yakuza Kiwami)! On this episode we delve into whether or not Santa was supposed to be the dad in I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus, Vanessa fails to explain cup-sizes in the legendary Yakuza SubStory The Price of an F-Cup, we go gambling with a literal child, Vanessa questions the veracity of a first-time sworker, and so much more!

This Week: We finish Chapter 7! Next Week: We finish Chapter 10!

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Vincent Moretto for his metal cover of Receive You, and to Esseph for his chipmunk cover of Rouge of Love!

Vincent Moretto's Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/c/HaarasNC Esseph's Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC-D8BJOzISnb01I5YiCKi-Q

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Yakuza Part 2 - It's Like Pokémon If You're A Pervert Dec 09, 2019

We get lost in the weeds of Sega's open world brawler RPG in this episode of Square Roots. While Matthew is lost in dangerous enemy territory, Vanessa recounts a horrifying beetle experience, Johnny wishes for a sexy wrestling game that will never happen, and Jim takes the swrong kind of cough medicine.

This Week: We finish Chapter 5 of Yakuza! Next Week: We finish Chapter 7!

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Vincent Moretto for his metal cover of Receive You, and to Esseph for his chipmunk cover of Rouge of Love!

Vincent Moretto's Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/c/HaarasNC Esseph's Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC-D8BJOzISnb01I5YiCKi-Q

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Yakuza Part 1 - White Queso Velveeta Clan Dec 02, 2019

What are the Yakuza? Vanessa, Jim and Johnny aren't quite sure, but they try to talk it out using Kraft company metaphors. Also: Johnny fails at simple math, we get our first taste of the Majima Everywhere system, and have a hard time memorizing the 80 people you're introduced to in the first three chapters.

This Week: We finish Chapter 3 of Yakuza! Next Week: We finish Chapter 5!

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Vincent Moretto for his metal cover of Receive You, and to Esseph for his chipmunk cover of Rouge of Love!

Vincent Moretto's Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/c/HaarasNC Esseph's Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC-D8BJOzISnb01I5YiCKi-Q

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines Part 5 - You Get One Chance, Baby Nov 25, 2019

Jim's track got drank by audio vampires, but we just struggle on and edit him out! On this episode we fight real live werewolves, set the lasers to "human", and find a cabbie who will drive us to the ending of our choice!

This Week: We finish Vampire: The Masquerade! Next Week: We finish Chapter 3 of Yakuza 1!

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Katja Savia for letting us use her rad cover of Chiasm's Isolated! Check out Katja's work at:

YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/c/KatjaSavia TWITTER: https://twitter.com/katjasavia INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/katjasavia/ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/KatjaSavia.ModernNoir/

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines Part 4 - Flesh Goblin Buttholes Nov 18, 2019

This week on an exciting, vamp-filled episode of Square Roots: Vanessa fights a street shark with a Japanese demon hunter; the game wants us to pick a fight with a polite Kuei-Jin; Matthew presses 1 through all the dialogue; Johnny completely misremembers game dialogue with way more slurs; the game completely breaks several times and SO MUCH MORE!

This Week: We rescue Gary's buddy and recover the sarcophagus! Next Week: We finish Vampire: The Masquerade!

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Katja Savia for letting us use her rad cover of Chiasm's Isolated! Check out Katja's work at:

YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/c/KatjaSavia TWITTER: https://twitter.com/katjasavia INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/katjasavia/ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/KatjaSavia.ModernNoir/

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines Part 3 - It's Pronounced Zoobilee Zoo Nov 11, 2019

In this exciting episode of Square Roots Jim disappears, Johnny doesn't know how to pronounce Tzimisce or Hamill, Vanessa's descent into Vampire the Masquerade mythology madness continues, and Matthew meets more pallete-swapped Toots / Sworkers. This Week: We find the Nosferatu warren and head to Chinatown! Next Week: We rescue one of Gary's buddies and get a phone call from him.

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Katja Savia for letting us use her rad cover of Chiasm's Isolated! Check out Katja's work at: YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/c/KatjaSavia TWITTER: https://twitter.com/katjasavia INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/katjasavia/ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/KatjaSavia.ModernNoir/

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines Part 2 - This Podcast Is A Creepypasta Now Nov 04, 2019

Jim stumbles upon a secret room in Troika's Vampire: The Masquerade that we're not entirely sure exists in this sprawling episode of Square Roots. Also: Johnny is uncomfortable with the plaguebearers quest, Chunk gets his time to shine, we sneak on to a ship with very broken doors, and a raptor makes us nervous.

This Week: We spend a night at a museum and head to Hollywood! Next Week: We find the Nosferatu warren and head to Chinatown!

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Katja Savia for letting us use her rad cover of Chiasm's Isolated! Check out Katja's work at: YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/c/KatjaSavia TWITTER: https://twitter.com/katjasavia INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/katjasavia/ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/KatjaSavia.ModernNoir/

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines Part 1 - Sexy Ventriloquist Dummy Oct 28, 2019

CW: Mental illness, sexual assault

Finally, Vanessa's greatest wish comes true and we start the sexy vampire chronicles of Troika's RPG classic: Vampire: The Masquerade: Bloodlines: The Undying: Reckoning: Turn to the Dark: Revengeance. Join Eponia Shade, Chad Cemetary, Claudius Scares and Mathiu Vamp Zandt as they learn all about the rules of Vampire Prom, find out that there are plenty of stakes in this scenario, and disarm a violent offender. Also Matt skips a vital tutorial and Jim isn't totally sure he's playing the right game. This Week: We head out of Santa Monica after exploderizing a factory! Next Week: We spend a night at a museum and head to Hollywood!

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Katja Savia for letting us use her rad cover of Chiasm's Isolated! Check out Katja's work at:

YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/c/KatjaSavia TWITTER: https://twitter.com/katjasavia INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/katjasavia/ FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/KatjaSavia.ModernNoir/ Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Suikoden Part 6 - Tinkles & Windy Oct 21, 2019

Before we finish Suikoden, ask yourself this: are you ready for front gate and back gate action? We gather our forces, recruit 108 stars, transcend mortality, deal with Anne Geddes, find a spy, meet our new mom, and give Emperor Barbarossa breakup advice.

This Week: We finish Suikoden! Next Week: We head out of Santa Monica after exploderizing a factory! Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Banjo Guy Ollie for letting us use his fantastic cover of Distant Mountains, featuring Mohawk Gaymer. You can find Ollie on his YouTube page: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5-umfrfqPvDvWCYHJGYtpA Twitter: https://twitter.com/BanjoGuyOllie Bandcamp: https://banjoguyollie.bandcamp.com/ And find Mohawk Gaymer on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0GRBn4KbdVP0rvLFR2lXBg

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Suikoden Part 5 - An Inappropriately Named He-Man Villain Oct 14, 2019

3 Ninjas kick back and join our party in this patricidal chunk of the Konami JRPG Suikoden. Join Kun To and all the other sluts for justice as we duel McDohl’s father, we recruit Alan Greenspan, abandon children, get the requisite sarcastic sword, get on a James Bond tangent, and finally, finally kill a vampire.

This week: We kill Neclord and recruit Milia in the Dragon’s Den. Next week: We finish Suikoden!

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Banjo Guy Ollie for letting us use his fantastic cover of Distant Mountains, featuring Mohawk Gaymer. You can find Ollie on his YouTube page: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5-umfrfqPvDvWCYHJGYtpA Twitter: https://twitter.com/BanjoGuyOllie Bandcamp: https://banjoguyollie.bandcamp.com/ And find Mohawk Gaymer on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0GRBn4KbdVP0rvLFR2lXBg

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Suikoden Part 4 - Deadly Grandma Oct 07, 2019

Watch out - Sexy Grandma has ranked up in the lethal arts. Also: gambling financing an army, some big losses, Teo finds out his son is really into bears, reckless spore use, and so much more!

This Week: We get to the secret factory! Next Week: Milia joins us in the Dragon's Den.

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Banjo Guy Ollie for letting us use his fantastic cover of Distant Mountains, featuring Mohawk Gaymer. You can find Ollie on his YouTube page: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5-umfrfqPvDvWCYHJGYtpA Twitter: https://twitter.com/BanjoGuyOllie Bandcamp: https://banjoguyollie.bandcamp.com/ And find Mohawk Gaymer on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0GRBn4KbdVP0rvLFR2lXBg

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Suikoden Part 3 - A Family Attack Sep 30, 2019

Should you train your family to do a coordinated Unite attack? Matthew, Vanessa and a very sick Johnny consider this and so many other ideas in this action packed chunker of Konami's Suikoden. Also: hair hats, rapping about breath play, Los Sabados Gigantes physiology, tea refusal, the low survival rate of tree villages, and so much more!

This Week: We defeat Kwanda Rosman in a duel! Next Week: We get to the secret factory!

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Banjo Guy Ollie for letting us use his fantastic cover of Distant Mountains, featuring Mohawk Gaymer. You can find Ollie on his YouTube page: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5-umfrfqPvDvWCYHJGYtpA Twitter: https://twitter.com/BanjoGuyOllie Bandcamp: https://banjoguyollie.bandcamp.com/ And find Mohawk Gaymer on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0GRBn4KbdVP0rvLFR2lXBg

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Suikoden Part 2 - NINJA SMOKE BOMB Sep 23, 2019

Finally, a game lets us name our castle. We decide on a variety of serious choices: it's a serious game, and it deserve serious names for the castle. We think you'll agree. Also: mandatory poisoning, Kage's dating habits, Odessa's woman / leader dichotomy, sewer dumping, dice games, and so much more!

This Week: We liberate the Castle of Toran! Next Week: We defeat Kwanda Rosman in a duel!

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Banjo Guy Ollie for letting us use his fantastic cover of Distant Mountains, featuring Mohawk Gaymer.

You can find Ollie on his YouTube page: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5-umfrfqPvDvWCYHJGYtpA Twitter: https://twitter.com/BanjoGuyOllie Bandcamp: https://banjoguyollie.bandcamp.com/ And find Mohawk Gaymer on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0GRBn4KbdVP0rvLFR2lXBg Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Scare Roots - What Remains of Edith Finch! Sep 20, 2019

CW: Child loss JUMP SCARE! Sorry for spookifying you. But Vanessa, Jim and Johnny are here with another Scare Roots - this time taking a look at What Remains of Edith Finch, the 2017 story game!

Support Square Roots on Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Suikoden Part 1 - Ted is the Urkel of Suikoden Sep 16, 2019

Lots of Farmer's Almanac talk, Breaking Bad, Luc the Dickens Era Street Urchin, pondering if we've encountered our first gay couple, and so much more on this first episode of Suikoden!

This Week: We reach Lenankamp in Suikoden! Next Week: We liberate the Castle of Toran!

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Banjo Guy Ollie for letting us use his fantastic cover of Distant Mountains, featuring Mohawk Gaymer. You can find Ollie on his YouTube page: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC5-umfrfqPvDvWCYHJGYtpA Twitter: https://twitter.com/BanjoGuyOllie Bandcamp: https://banjoguyollie.bandcamp.com/ And find Mohawk Gaymer on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0GRBn4KbdVP0rvLFR2lXBg

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Breath of Fire III Part 8 - TWIST! Sep 09, 2019

Are they twists, or reveals? Is there a difference? Either way at least half the cast of Breath of Fire III has something to reveal in this astounding final episode of Breath of Fire III. Also: Vanessa takes Myria's educational tour ride, we let the faerie village sort itself out, Ryu gets a blast from the past, and Peco gets smart, somehow.

This Week: We finish the gaaaaaaaame! Next Week: We reach Lenankamp in Suikoden!

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his Breath of Fire III covers that we used throughout this series. Check out Steven's music: https://smarturl.it/RelaxN - Relax'N, his new 5-track EP of relaxing Nintendo music https://smarturl.it/MegaBusterEP - Mega Buster, a 5-track EP featuring music from Mega Man 1-5 https://smarturl.it/CriesOfThePlanet - Cries of the Planet, a 9-track album featuring FFVII music (that occurs around the [big spoiler] part of the game) https://smarturl.it/ForestVGM - Forest VGM, an 11-track album featuring forest video game music, the majority of which comes from classic RPGs https://smarturl.it/SummerVGM - Summer BGM, a 12-track album featuring summer video game music

Steven Morris on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/StevenMorris Steven Morris on Twitter: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige

Also find Steven Morris on Patreon!

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Breath of Fire III Part 7 - Translation Error Celestial Navigation Sep 02, 2019

Matthew just can't stop his faeries from eating each other in this desert-spanning episode! Breath of Fire somehow manages to go full Sierra game AND begin the space elevator up to Disc 3 Crazy! Vanessa can't find robots, Matthew refuses to believe Johnny about an easily provable fact, and Johnny pitches a great premise for a Ted Talk app. Also! We answer your questions! This Week: We beat the Chimera in Caer Xhan! Next Week: We finish the gaaaaaaaame! Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast Thanks to Steven Morris for his Breath of Fire III covers that we will use throughout this series. Check out Steven's music: https://smarturl.it/RelaxN - Relax'N, his new 5-track EP of relaxing Nintendo music https://smarturl.it/MegaBusterEP - Mega Buster, a 5-track EP featuring music from Mega Man 1-5 https://smarturl.it/CriesOfThePlanet - Cries of the Planet, a 9-track album featuring FFVII music (that occurs around the [big spoiler] part of the game) https://smarturl.it/ForestVGM - Forest VGM, an 11-track album featuring forest video game music, the majority of which comes from classic RPGs https://smarturl.it/SummerVGM - Summer BGM, a 12-track album featuring summer video game music Steven Morris on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/StevenMorris Steven Morris on Twitter: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige Also find Steven Morris on Patreon! Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Breath of Fire III Part 6 - Incel Sheev Aug 26, 2019

Are Jedis just a bunch of Chads? Should you guilt your party members into kissing a horny old man? Just how deadly are eggs? Just what was Johnny talking about that Matthew beeped out? All these questions and more will be answered soon!

This Week: We make it to the desert of death! Next Week: We beat the Chimera in Caer Xhan!

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Steven Morris for his Breath of Fire III covers that we will use throughout this series.

Check out Steven's music: https://smarturl.it/RelaxN - Relax'N, his new 5-track EP of relaxing Nintendo music

https://smarturl.it/MegaBusterEP - Mega Buster, a 5-track EP featuring music from Mega Man 1-5

https://smarturl.it/CriesOfThePlanet - Cries of the Planet, a 9-track album featuring FFVII music (that occurs around the [big spoiler] part of the game)

https://smarturl.it/ForestVGM - Forest VGM, an 11-track album featuring forest video game music, the majority of which comes from classic RPGs

https://smarturl.it/SummerVGM - Summer BGM, a 12-track album featuring summer video game music

Steven Morris on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/StevenMorris Steven Morris on Twitter: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige Steven Morris's Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/stevenmorris

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Breath of Fire III Part 5 - Tickle Your Health Away Aug 19, 2019

Breath of Fire III what is? This episode might not answer that, but it does have a variety of minigames to make your life so very very good. These include:

- pulling a bucket out of a well - driving a boat into a bigger boat - pulling a monster out of the sea

AND SO MANY MORE.

Also: Lisa Loeb rare b-sides, beefy boys, Spandex Einstein: Kukuys, the legend of the seven seas.

This Week: We make it across the sea after about eighty minigames in possibly the most minigame filled episode ever. Next Week: We make it to the desert of death!

Our Patreon: patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Steven Morris for his Breath of Fire III covers that we will use throughout this series.

Check out Steven's music: https://smarturl.it/RelaxN - Relax'N, his new 5-track EP of relaxing Nintendo music https://smarturl.it/MegaBusterEP - Mega Buster, a 5-track EP featuring music from Mega Man 1-5 https://smarturl.it/CriesOfThePlanet - Cries of the Planet, a 9-track album featuring FFVII music (that occurs around the [big spoiler] part of the game) https://smarturl.it/ForestVGM - Forest VGM, an 11-track album featuring forest video game music, the majority of which comes from classic RPGs https://smarturl.it/SummerVGM - Summer BGM, a 12-track album featuring summer video game music

Steven Morris on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/StevenMorris Steven Morris on Twitter: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige Steven Morris's Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/stevenmorris Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Breath of Fire III Part 4 - Matthew Needs Faeries Aug 12, 2019

Breath of Fire decides to take a long stroll through memory lane as a now grown-up Ryu revisits his childhood haunts. Fortunately Johnny has caught up, Vanessa finds something in common with Peco, there's a game-breakingly good dragon form, and no one can figure out this faerie village minigame. Oh! Also now the quest is to go talk to God, which is a whole thing.

This Week: We grab yet another passport from Nina's dad! Next Week: We make it across the sea after about eighty minigames in possibly the most minigame filled episode ever.

Hey! You! Check out our Patreon right here!

https://www.patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Steven Morris for his Breath of Fire III covers that we will use throughout this series.

Check out Steven's music: https://smarturl.it/RelaxN - Relax'N, his new 5-track EP of relaxing Nintendo music https://smarturl.it/MegaBusterEP - Mega Buster, a 5-track EP featuring music from Mega Man 1-5 https://smarturl.it/CriesOfThePlanet - Cries of the Planet, a 9-track album featuring FFVII music (that occurs around the [big spoiler] part of the game) https://smarturl.it/ForestVGM - Forest VGM, an 11-track album featuring forest video game music, the majority of which comes from classic RPGs https://smarturl.it/SummerVGM - Summer BGM, a 12-track album featuring summer video game music Steven Morris on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/StevenMorris Steven Morris on Twitter: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige Steven Morris's Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/stevenmorris Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Scare Roots - Child's Play (1988) Aug 06, 2019

Come join us for an animatronic, physical VFX filled spook 'em up, Child's Play! You know, the one with Chucky! The first one! Before he got married and had a family.

Jim and Johnny are joined by Gena Radcliffe and Patrick Hamilton from the Kill By Kill podcast as they explore the film that scared poor kid Johnny to the point of refusing to watch.

Find Kill By Kill here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/kill-by-kill/id1124379551

Breath of Fire III Part 3 - Either A Some Kind Of Wonderful Or Can't Buy Me Love Scenario Aug 05, 2019

We take on a too-big chunker in a disasterous episode of Square Roots. For the first time in the history of the show, Matt is the only one who completed it. Also this episode: Johnny's problematic alter-ego, debating the origins of woods pornography, things get real Cho Aniki, there's muscle chest cleavage, and the game decides to provide optional Australian dialogue.

This Week: We finally fight the resident at the top of Angel Tower! Next Week: We grab yet another passport from Nina's dad!

Hey! You! Check out our Patreon right here!

https://www.patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Thanks to Steven Morris for his Breath of Fire III covers that we will use throughout this series.

Check out Steven's music: https://smarturl.it/RelaxN - Relax'N, his new 5-track EP of relaxing Nintendo music https://smarturl.it/MegaBusterEP - Mega Buster, a 5-track EP featuring music from Mega Man 1-5 https://smarturl.it/CriesOfThePlanet - Cries of the Planet, a 9-track album featuring FFVII music (that occurs around the [big spoiler] part of the game) https://smarturl.it/ForestVGM - Forest VGM, an 11-track album featuring forest video game music, the majority of which comes from classic RPGs https://smarturl.it/SummerVGM - Summer BGM, a 12-track album featuring summer video game music Steven Morris on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/StevenMorris Steven Morris on Twitter: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige Steven Morris's Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/stevenmorris Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Breath of Fire III Part 2 - Uniporn Jul 29, 2019

CW: Child loss, first 30 seconds. From Tugglepuffs to unicorn brothers, this episode goes places other podcasts wouldn't. That's right: we talk about sneaky redistribution of wealth, consider the consent issues around Yakkidy Saxxing, find Momo's dad's erotic literature collection, a real thing that's really in the game, as well as slowly figure out how the Master system works. Sadly, Johnny misses out on his chance to romance Bunyan, but does get to meet Garr.

This Week: We escape Momo's Tower in a dramatic manner. Next Week: We finally fight the resident at the top of Angel Tower! Thanks to Steven Morris for his Breath of Fire III covers that we will use throughout this series.

Check out Steven's music: https://smarturl.it/RelaxN - Relax'N, his new 5-track EP of relaxing Nintendo music https://smarturl.it/MegaBusterEP - Mega Buster, a 5-track EP featuring music from Mega Man 1- https://smarturl.it/CriesOfThePlanet - Cries of the Planet, a 9-track album featuring FFVII music (that occurs around the [big spoiler] part of the game) https://smarturl.it/ForestVGM - Forest VGM, an 11-track album featuring forest video game music, the majority of which comes from classic RPGs https://smarturl.it/SummerVGM - Summer BGM, a 12-track album featuring summer video game music Steven Morris on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/StevenMorris Steven Morris on Twitter: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige Steven Morris's Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/stevenmorris

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Breath of Fire III Part 1 - Matted with Chrysm Jul 22, 2019

CW: Child loss, 01h06min-01h12min

So many questions this episode. Are we going to get sick of protagonists Gary and Mogu? Can you get chrysm out of fur? Is there anything sadder than the story of the Nue? Is Bunyan Johnny's new husband? Can we put the ghost of Julian to rest? Should we dwell on Teepo's gender? What is Matthew smoking?

This Week: We start Breath of Fire III and play until killing the boss of Mount Glaus. Next Week: We escape Momo's Tower in a dramatic manner.

Thanks to Steven Morris for his Breath of Fire III covers that we will use throughout this series.

Check out Steven's music: https://smarturl.it/RelaxN - Relax'N, his new 5-track EP of relaxing Nintendo music https://smarturl.it/MegaBusterEP - Mega Buster, a 5-track EP featuring music from Mega Man 1-5 https://smarturl.it/CriesOfThePlanet - Cries of the Planet, a 9-track album featuring FFVII music (that occurs around the [big spoiler] part of the game) https://smarturl.it/ForestVGM - Forest VGM, an 11-track album featuring forest video game music, the majority of which comes from classic RPGs https://smarturl.it/SummerVGM - Summer BGM, a 12-track album featuring summer video game music

Steven Morris on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/StevenMorris Steven Morris on Twitter: https://twitter.com/BeigeOnBeige Steven Morris's Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/stevenmorris

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Fallout Part 5 - You Belong at the Olive Garden Jul 15, 2019

Johnny starts writing his epitaph after a near-disaster at the Olive Garden in this week's chilling Fallout Finale. What really happened to Vanessa's dog? Is Johnny a psychopath? Did Matthew actually finish the game? Where is Jim? Finally, we get a Parasite Eve / Kingdom Hearts crossover that everyone will enjoy.

This Week: We finish Fallout! Next Week: We start Breath of Fire III and play until killing the boss of Mount Glaus.

Thanks to Lucas King for their Music Box cover of the Fallout 3 theme! Follow Lucas King on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq52MbjRULLbjRPvxM7FwZg We'd also like to thank Christopher Niskala's for letting us use his 8-bit Fallout 3 Cover! Check out Christopher's Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYwa9KLm4d2aIJfZckXBD-A Christopher's Soundcloud: http://www.soundcloud.com/creativenoiseproductions Christopher's Patreon: http://www.patreon.com/ChrisNiskala

We'd also ALSO like to thank JustDom Show's Dom for his cover of The Ink Spots's Maybe! Dom's YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0PI6NnEAbdqbn7JwvspJAA/featured

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Fallout Part 4 - Oh, Brother! Jul 05, 2019

In this week's episode: the Grand High Brother from the Arkansas chapter of the Brotherhood is coming to visit, and Raxson demands the base be spotless! With a big promotion on the line, can Cabbot keep his secret family of irradiated mole rats out of sight? Will wacky neighbour Jerry stay out of it? FIND OUT!

ALSO NEW GAME ANNOUNCED!

This week: We solve the mysteries of the Glow and become Brotherhood Initiates! Next Week: We finish Fallout!

Thanks to Lucas King for their Music Box cover of the Fallout 3 theme! Follow Lucas King on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq52MbjRULLbjRPvxM7FwZ

We'd also like to thank Christopher Niskala's for letting us use his 8-bit Fallout 3 Cover! Check out Christopher's Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYwa9KLm4d2aIJfZckXBD-A Christopher's Soundcloud: http://www.soundcloud.com/creativenoiseproductions Christopher's Patreon: http://www.patreon.com/ChrisNiskala

We'd also ALSO like to thank JustDom Show's Dom for his cover of The Ink Spots's Maybe! Dom's YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0PI6NnEAbdqbn7JwvspJAA/featured

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Fallout Part 3 - CDEDBD Dumpers Jul 01, 2019

Jim, Johnny and Vanessa are drawn into a world of 1970s word games that don't quite work, municipal conflicts best resolved by staying out of it, accidental genocide, crash courses in water pump repair, and trying to save scum their way through some rough Deathclaw encounters!

This Week: We head to Necropolis and The Boneyard! Next Week: We become Brotherhood Initiates and descent into the Glow!

Thanks to Lucas King for their Music Box cover of the Fallout 3 theme!

Follow Lucas King on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq52MbjRULLbjRPvxM7FwZg

We'd also like to thank Christopher Niskala's for letting us use his 8-bit Fallout 3 Cover!

Check out Christopher's Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYwa9KLm4d2aIJfZckXBD-A Christopher's Soundcloud: http://www.soundcloud.com/creativenoiseproductions Christopher's Patreon: http://www.patreon.com/ChrisNiskala

We'd also ALSO like to thank JustDom Show's Dom for his cover of The Ink Spots's Maybe! Dom's YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0PI6NnEAbdqbn7JwvspJAA/featured

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Scare Roots - Silent Hill 2 Jun 27, 2019

Welcome to Square Roots's new spin-off podcast: Scare Roots! That's right, evil friends, we are looking at all things horrifying, disqueting, and sinister in gaming. This episode: we dissect Silent Hill 2. Who is Maria? Why is there a dog controlling everything? Where did Eddie get that pizza? FIND OUT TODAY! Thanks to 1 Coin Only for letting us use their chiptune remix of the Gremlins theme.

Check them out on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtCcmOglwqpfEj-Fhcr0b9wa

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Fallout Part 2 - Joshton's Gun Show Jun 24, 2019

Johnny and Vanessa head deep into the desert wasteland, two-handedly solving all the townsfolk's problems in Junktown and The Hub. Larry David's crime spree? Solved. Attacks on the caravans? Solved. Casino staff being alive? Solved. Johnny's Vault Dweller Joshton and Vanessa's Vanessa Eym may not be the best or most ethical adventurers, but they get stuff done. Mostly. This Week: We play through Junktown and the Hub and do a questathon! Next Week: We head to Necropolis and The Boneyard!

We couldn't find any Fallout 1 covers! Thanks to Lucas King for their Music Box cover of the Fallout 3 theme! Follow Lucas King on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq52MbjRULLbjRPvxM7FwZg We'd also like to thank Christopher Niskala's for letting us use his 8-bit Fallout 3 Cover! Check out Christopher's Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYwa9KLm4d2aIJfZckXBD-A Christopher's Soundcloud: http://www.soundcloud.com/creativenoiseproductions Christopher's Patreon: http://www.patreon.com/ChrisNiskala

We'd also ALSO like to thank JustDom Show's Dom for his cover of The Ink Spots's Maybe! Dom's YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0PI6NnEAbdqbn7JwvspJAA/featured Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Fallout Part 1 - Hashtag Deep Thoughts Jun 17, 2019

Yeah! It's time to crawl out of our Vaults and go explore the desert wasteland. On this episode: we deal with 90s UI, talk about hot hot E3 news, have even more problems with 90s UI, try to find brown things on brown floors in brown houses, ignore major plot developments and are otherwise very confused.

This Week: We reach Junktown in Fallout 1! Next Week: We play through Junktown and the Hub and do a questathon!

We couldn't find any Fallout 1 covers!

Thanks to Lucas King for their Music Box cover of the Fallout 3 theme!

Follow Lucas King on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCq52MbjRULLbjRPvxM7FwZg

We'd also like to thank Christopher Niskala for letting us use his 8-bit Fallout 3 Cover! Check out Christopher's Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYwa9KLm4d2aIJfZckXBD-A Christopher's Soundcloud: http://www.soundcloud.com/creativenoiseproductions Christopher's Patreon: http://www.patreon.com/ChrisNiskala

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time Part 5 - Tenderoni Tosse Jun 10, 2019

Finally, Matthew easily plows through Zelda, while John struggles through the finish. With Jim recovering from surgery and Vanessa returning to her home planet it's one more two hander! Topics today include: the death of witch ladies, Nabooru's tragic backstory, Zelda's crystal prison as a metaphor for late capitalism, Persona Q, Fallout excitement, and more! We also get real confused about Zelda timelines. This Week: We play Ocarina of Time to completion! Next Week: We reach Junktown in Fallout 1! Thanks to The Consouls for their awesome jazz cover of Zelda's Lullaby! Find The Consouls on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChkiL7Q3d6I7gdgs34pYGHw Support them on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TheConsoulsBand

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time Part 4 - Jim's Hot Internals Jun 03, 2019

Things get awkward after Vanessa flies back to her home planet and Jim recovers from surgery: that's right, after the level up this is a TWO-HANDER. John continues his angry rage against Nintendo and Ocarina of Time, Matthew lords his skill at Zelda over him, and they fairly easily complete The Hardest Zelda Dungeon Ever. Also: Vanessa has another Theatre Minute! Was the Zelda experiment a failure? Will it destroy the podcast? NO! THE NEXT GAME IS ANNOUNCED AND WE ARE ALL EXCITED! This Week: We complete the Shadow Temple! Next Week: We finish Ocarina of Time! Thanks to The Consouls for their awesome jazz cover of Zelda's Lullaby! Find The Consouls on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChkiL7Q3d6I7gdgs34pYGHw Support them on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TheConsoulsBand Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time Part 3 - Volvagia & Labiagia May 27, 2019

HEYYYYYY OCARINA. Vanessa gets a theme song, John throws his expensive electronic equipment in a fit of rage, there's tons of minigames, Matthew figures out how to skip entire dungeon sections, and there's many hot takes about this game, it's controls, and for some reason the works of Kevin Smith.

This Week: We clear the Fire Temple! Next Week: We somehow complete the Water Temple!

Thanks to The Consouls for their awesome jazz cover of Zelda's Lullaby! Find The Consouls on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChkiL7Q3d6I7gdgs34pYGHw Support them on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TheConsoulsBand

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time Part 2 - Stepping On Your Bits May 20, 2019

Be prepared to throw your 3DS across the room, because Vanessa, Jim, Matthew and John are back and haven't quite mastered the ancient art of z-targeting. At all. Even while using their wrists. So pull on your stilletos, because on this episode: we meet the Great Fairy; we find a town full of strapping, stereotypical fail sons; head through the Dodge Durango dungeon; John falls in love with the Gorons; we discover Link's boundary issues; we have several cutscenes of large men behaving very, very strangely; the most jam-packed John's Bullshit Minigame Corners ever; and heck somehow even Avengers: Endgame talk sneaks in. Also a new fact about Vanessa is revealed! SHE IS NOT A NOTARY PUBLIC.

This Week: We find the crystal inside Jabu-Jabu! Next Week: We clear the Fire Temple!

Thanks to The Consouls for their awesome jazz cover of Zelda's Lullaby! Find The Consouls on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChkiL7Q3d6I7gdgs34pYGHw Support them on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TheConsoulsBand

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

AVENGERS: ENDGAME SPOILERZONE! (also Crazy Ex-Girlfriend) May 13, 2019

Hey! Our level up went incredibly long, and was mostly spoilers, so here it is in its own little package.

00:00 - Thrill as we break down The Avengers: Endgame and answer questions that you probably know the answers to!

34:00 - Ready for some Crazy Ex Girlfriend talk? We discuss the good and bad of the ending, Greg, and the results of Rebecca's romantic pursuits!

The Avengers Theme - 8-bit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aw4I6sJ7F18

Crazy-Ex Girlfriend Season 2 Theme - 8-bit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wVaXqhwWSKw

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time Part 1 - Hey! Listen! May 13, 2019

We talk about a spoilerzone at the end of the episode, but it turned out to be so beefy we've moved it to a separate episode! Check your feed! It's a new game! We get to Ocarina some Time! We get acquainted with some glowing ladies, a forest boy without a fairy who never talks, get into some deep vore with a tree, explore Jim's arachnophobia, Matthew explains how motion controls work to Jim (move your wrists), John gets gay married to a shopkeeper, and so much more!

This Week: We finish the Lost Woods in The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time! Next Week: We get inside Jabu-Jabu and assumably are excreated out of it.

Thanks to The Consouls for their awesome jazz cover of Zelda's Lullaby!

Find The Consouls on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChkiL7Q3d6I7gdgs34pYGHw

Support them on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TheConsoulsBand

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

EarthBound Part 7 - Spankedy Spankedy Spankedy May 06, 2019

With these fateful words, Earthbound comes to a close. We tear through Ness's subconscious, lose Jim, deal with the shock and horror of instakill attacks, and finally learn to use thoughts and prayers to solve a problem. Also: so much body horror.

This Week: We finish Earthbound! Next Week: We finish the Lost Woods in The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time!

Thanks to the Extra Lives for the use of their cover of Earthbound's Mobile Opponents Battle Theme!

Follow Extra Lives on YouTube (they do a new song every week): youtube.com/extralivesmusic

Follow Extra Lives on Facebook: facebook.com/extralivesmusic

Follow Extra Lives on Instagram: instagram.com/extralivesmusic

Request a video game tune for Extra Lives to cover: patreon.com/extralivesmusic

Thanks to Steven Morris for letting us use his cover of Earthbound's Summers!

Check out Steven Morris on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/ca/artist/steven-morris/5192694

Follow Steven Morris on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKSzNFVHfOKwj-G1uFWBmTQ

Listen to Steven Morris on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/5hNERgraOYxpkBfM5UoiP5

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

EarthBound Part 6 - This Week's Episode Was Brought To You By Chuck Palahniuk Apr 29, 2019

Ness doesn't know who you are. Ness doesn't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom I can tell you Ness doesn't have money, but what Ness does have are a very particular set of skills. Skills Ness has acquired over a very long career. Skills that make Ness a nightmare for people like you. If you let Apple Kid go now that'll be the end of it. Ness will not look for you, Ness will not pursue you, but if you don't, Ness will look for you, Ness will find you and Ness will kill you.

ALSO NEXT GAME ANNOUNCED!

This Week: We find the eighth Sanctuary and head to Magicant! Next Week: We finish Earthbound!

Thanks to the Extra Lives for the use of their cover of Earthbound's Mobile Opponents Battle Theme!

Follow Extra Lives on YouTube (they do a new song every week): youtube.com/extralivesmusic

Follow Extra Lives on Facebook: facebook.com/extralivesmusic

Follow Extra Lives on Instagram: instagram.com/extralivesmusic

Request a video game tune for Extra Lives to cover: patreon.com/extralivesmusic

Thanks to Steven Morris for letting us use his cover of Earthbound's Summers!

Check out Steven Morris on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/ca/artist/steven-morris/5192694

Follow Steven Morris on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKSzNFVHfOKwj-G1uFWBmTQ

Listen to Steven Morris on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/5hNERgraOYxpkBfM5UoiP5

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

EarthBound Part 5 - Dungeon Man's Goodbye Tunnel Apr 22, 2019

We're going to a pyramid! That's right! We're stealing cultural relics, entering a pastiche of China via Japan, failing to use proper signalling to attain enlightenment, trying to figure out the lyrics to Venus, wake up on a beach after getting a little too blazed on some edibles, and regret Jim's hangover. This Week: We get a submarine! Next Week: We head to Magicant!

Thanks to the Extra Lives for the use of their cover of Earthbound's Mobile Opponents Battle Theme! Follow Extra Lives on YouTube (they do a new song every week): youtube.com/extralivesmusic Follow Extra Lives on Facebook: facebook.com/extralivesmusic Follow Extra Lives on Instagram: instagram.com/extralivesmusic Request a video game tune for Extra Lives to cover: patreon.com/extralivesmusic

Thanks to Steven Morris for letting us use his cover of Earthbound's Summers! Check out Steven Morris on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/ca/artist/steven-morris/5192694 Follow Steven Morris on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKSzNFVHfOKwj-G1uFWBmTQ Listen to Steven Morris on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/5hNERgraOYxpkBfM5UoiP5

Contact Square Roots!Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

EarthBound Part 4 - Coffee, Andonuts? Apr 15, 2019

Vanessa gets Star Wars crazy on this sprawling episode of Square Roots! We settle on Tony's sexuality while also learning how to spell "Tony", get drugged on a beach, fight the third strongest mole, get hassled by cops, get lost in Moonside for hours, meet a man with a spectacular unibrow, bail the discount Blues Brothers out of another jam, get bored at a concert, enjoy a terrible inventory-stretching dungeon, and so much more!

This Week: We eat some bad cake in Summers! Next Week: We get a submarine!

Thanks to the Extra Lives for the use of their cover of Earthbound's Mobile Opponents Battle Theme!

Follow Extra Lives on YouTube (they do a new song every week): youtube.com/extralivesmusic

Follow Extra Lives on Facebook: facebook.com/extralivesmusic

Follow Extra Lives on Instagram: instagram.com/extralivesmusic

Request a video game tune for Extra Lives to cover: patreon.com/extralivesmusic

Thanks to Steven Morris for letting us use his cover of Earthbound's Summers!

Check out Steven Morris on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/ca/artist/steven-morris/5192694

Follow Steven Morris on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKSzNFVHfOKwj-G1uFWBmTQ

Listen to Steven Morris on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/5hNERgraOYxpkBfM5UoiP5

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

EarthBound Part 3 - Those Plants That Drain Your PP Apr 08, 2019

This very important episode is brought to you by physicals. Physicals! Visit your doctor and let them handle your bits today! Also on this episode: Jim and John share bathroom anxiety, missing scenes from Macbeth, another one of John's musical references no one understands, we debate the definition of puzzles, and Vanessa's very upsetting definition of Mr. Saturn. This Week: We reach the Dusty Dunes Drug Store! Next Week: We eat some bad cake in Summers!

Thanks to the Extra Lives for the use of their cover of Earthbound's Mobile Opponents Battle Theme! Follow Extra Lives on YouTube (they do a new song every week): youtube.com/extralivesmusic Follow Extra Lives on Facebook: facebook.com/extralivesmusic Follow Extra Lives on Instagram: instagram.com/extralivesmusic Request a video game tune for Extra Lives to cover: patreon.com/extralivesmusic

Thanks to Steven Morris for letting us use his cover of Earthbound's Summers! Check out Steven Morris on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/ca/artist/steven-morris/5192694Follow Steven Morris on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKSzNFVHfOKwj-G1uFWBmTQ Listen to Steven Morris on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/5hNERgraOYxpkBfM5UoiP5

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

EarthBound Part 2 - Brother-Husbands Apr 01, 2019

The gang ventures into Twoson to solve some cult-related problems. Topics covered this week: the Apple Kid (Steve Jobs) versus the Orange Kid (Steve Wozniak); crashing at the Exit Mouse House; hot takes about the Blues Brothers; PP stealing; even more Hard-R Square Roots; the origins of the name Franklin Badge; and so, so much more! This Week: We hop on the Runaway Five tour bus and head to Threed! Next Week: We reach the Dusty Dunes Drug Store!

Thanks to the Extra Lives for the use of their cover of Earthbound's Mobile Opponents Battle Theme!

Follow Extra Lives on YouTube (they do a new song every week): youtube.com/extralivesmusicFollow Extra Lives on Facebook: facebook.com/extralivesmusicFollow Extra Lives on Instagram: instagram.com/extralivesmusic Request a video game tune for Extra Lives to cover: patreon.com/extralivesmusic

Thanks to Steven Morris for letting us use his cover of Earthbound's Summers! Check out Steven Morris on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/ca/artist/steven-morris/5192694 Follow Steven Morris on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKSzNFVHfOKwj-G1uFWBmTQ Listen to Steven Morris on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/5hNERgraOYxpkBfM5UoiP5

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

EarthBound Part 1 - Call Your Dad Mar 25, 2019

Humans of Earth! Are you ready for... Mother 2? Or Earthbound? Whatever you want to call it! On this episode: Vanessa is on the gargle for St. Patrick's Day, John brings back a beloved segment, Matthew has a Level Up Classic, and Jim engages in Laissez-Faire parenting. Talking points for this episode include: attractive nuisances, Captain Strong's child fight club, at what age a child can confidently be called a jerk, and a look at this game's obsession with bed wetting.

This Week: We defeat Captain Strong in Earthbound! Next Week: We hop on the Runaway Five tour bus and head to Threed!

Thanks to the Extra Lives for the use of their cover of Earthbound's Mobile Opponents Battle Theme! Follow Extra Lives on YouTube (they do a new song every week): youtube.com/extralivesmusic Follow Extra Lives on Facebook: facebook.com/extralivesmusic Follow Extra Lives on Instagram: instagram.com/extralivesmusic Request a video game tune for Extra Lives to cover: patreon.com/extralivesmusic

Thanks to Steven Morris for letting us use his cover of Earthbound's Summers! Check out Steven Morris on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/ca/artist/steven-morris/5192694 Follow Steven Morris on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCKSzNFVHfOKwj-G1uFWBmTQ Listen to Steven Morris on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/5hNERgraOYxpkBfM5UoiP5

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Dragon Age: Origins Part 9 - Hardening Alistair Mar 18, 2019

THE SHOCKING DRAGON AGE FINALE! We find out why only a Grey Warden can defeat an archdemon, Vanessa has to lend out Alistair's chunker, John does a Riordan voice that just annoys Matthew, Jim gives up, Matthew takes the path of ultimate good, no one bothers with Loghain, and we debate whether or not having an elder god in the body of a child is such a great thing to do.

This Week: We finish Dragon Age: Origins! Next Week: We defeat Captain Strong in Earthbound!

Thanks to Edward Alenko for letting us use his excellent cover of Leliana's Song.

You can find Edward on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Edwardmusic Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/edward-alenko YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC9AY6re0jfRftZMIKUEpLMw

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Dragon Age: Origins Part 8 - Vanessa, Queen of Ferelden Mar 11, 2019

On this exciting episode of Square Roots Johnny is dummy thicc, Matthew is chasing Waterfalls, Vanessa's mom may be the Nanny from Muppet Babies, and Jim is the true Captain Marvel fan.

Also: Vanessa is the woman of 1000 Stewarts, forcing yourself into royalty, Battle Alita Toshinden, impromptu Patreon stretch goals, random pitchforkings, and dealing with the future of Ferelden. It's rad!

This Week: We have the Landsmeet! Next Week: We finish Dragon Age: Origins!

Thanks to Edward Alenko for letting us use his excellent cover of Leliana's Song.

You can find Edward on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Edwardmusic Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/edward-alenko YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC9AY6re0jfRftZMIKUEpLMw

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Dragon Age: Origins Part 7 - Gatekeeping Lunatic! Mar 04, 2019

NEXT GAME ANNOUNCED! Matthew, Vanessa, John and SOMEONE ELSE pack up and head to Denerim, harden Alistair, clear out a brothel, fight in alleys, and maybe get the nicest ladies in the party to try and murder you. Talking points include a village where everyone acts like people in a creepy Stephen King community, adopting the "money pweez" roleplaying stance, The Wynne Button, and settling the Brother Giovanni Ribisi / Brother Jen of Tilly debate forever.

This Week: We head out to Denerim and find the Urn of Sacred Ashes! Next Week: We have the Landsmeet! And declare a new ruler of Ferelden!

Thanks to Edward Alenko for letting us use his excellent cover of Leliana's Song.

You can find Edward on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Edwardmusic Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/edward-alenko YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC9AY6re0jfRftZMIKUEpLMw

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Dragon Age: Origins Part 6 - Ladies Love Cool Dark Spawn Feb 25, 2019

Vanessa, Matthew and The Gay One link arms as we descend into the creepy, spooky, goopy depths of the Deep Roads! We're joined by the handsome dwarf Oghren, watch as he gets an aximonious divorce, summon the power of Andraste, and more! Topics discussed include: Matt's Mom's MMO Moments, Caridin's big ol' chest, hot political debates between Harrowmont and Bhalen, face blasting, top level PUBG strats, Parasite Eve amounts of breasts, and discovering secret Shale backstory. You'll love it!

This Week: We crown a new king of the Dwarves! Next Week: We prepare for the Landsmeet!

Thanks to Edward Alenko for letting us use his excellent cover of Leliana's Song.

You can find Edward on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Edwardmusic Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/edward-alenko YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC9AY6re0jfRftZMIKUEpLMw

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Dragon Age: Origins Part 5 - Richard Ay-Yi-Yi Feb 18, 2019

We dive head first into a Shakespearean Dwarf drama as we interfere with the politics of Orzimarr on this intrieguing episode of Square Roots. Highlights include: trying to figure out what the show Banshee is about, and it's either about wendigos, special forces, or real estate developers. Also: sexy, sexy Dwarf men, the DLC golem Shale, KITTY GLOWY EYES, the TV show Magicians, what The Great British Baking Show taught us about The Proving, and so much more!

This Week: We pick a side in the Dwarf Dispute until we're asked to head to the Deep Roads! Next Week: We crown a new king of the Dwarves!

Thanks to Edward Alenko for letting us use his excellent cover of Leliana's Song.

You can find Edward on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Edwardmusic Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/edward-alenko YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC9AY6re0jfRftZMIKUEpLMw

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Dragon Age: Origins Part 4 - A Reverse Silence of the Lambs Feb 11, 2019

We almost plunge into a full-on Square Roots this week with a wizard who asks you lots of complicated questions, and with a rhyming tree with a sexy / gross request. Also this week: Matthew's werewolf love, shem shaming, Ticklefeather the werewolf, sleepytime camp, and trying in vain to define an RPG. This Week: We solve the plight of the forest elves! Next Week: We pick a side in the Dwarf Dispute until we're asked to head to the Deep Roads!

Thanks to Edward Alenko for letting us use his excellent cover of Leliana's Song.

You can find Edward on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Edwardmusic Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/edward-alenko YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC9AY6re0jfRftZMIKUEpLMw

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Dragon Age: Origins Part 3 - Brother Genitally Feb 04, 2019

Are the Tranquil ideal romantic partners? Exactly 50% of the podcast thinks so. Also this episode: we get sleepy with demons, talk with Tim Curry without realizing it, journey into the fade for a looooooooong time, the benefits of bringing Morrigan to important plot points, Vanessa's non-ideal makeouts, and so much more!

This Week: We clear the Circle Tower and finish Redcliffe Castle! Next Week: We solve the plight of the forest elves!

Thanks to Edward Alenko for letting us use his excellent cover of Leliana's Song.

You can find Edward on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Edwardmusic Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/edward-alenko YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC9AY6re0jfRftZMIKUEpLMw

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Dragon Age: Origins Part 2 - Submit to the Taint! Jan 28, 2019

Get all of the taint juice in your mouth in this savory, sweaty episode of Square Roots! Matthew is sick, but we experience the joining, meet Matthew's new girlfriend Morrigan, have some good times with Momma Janeway, John riffs on Bann Tegan in a very confusing way, Jim makes some GIF-able moments, and we rescue Bohdan and Sandal! So many exciting adventures are contained within. Also: Vanessa meets Alistair!

This Week: We travel to Lothering and resist the siege of Redcliffe! Next Week: We clear the Circle Tower and finish Redcliffe Castle!

Thanks to Edward Alenko for letting us use his excellent cover of Leliana's Song.

You can find Edward on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Edwardmusic Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/edward-alenko YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC9AY6re0jfRftZMIKUEpLMw

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Dragon Age: Origins Part 1 - BATTLE-MOM Jan 21, 2019

Vanessa goes Steve Valentine crazy and doesn't even have to tell us he's a magician as we start the year off with our first episode of BioWarey / JanuBioWarey. It's chock-a-block with origin stories, including the surprising fact that we all made female characters, Vanessa's family's bloody ending, Jim being pushed into a life of crime, Matthew consorting with Blood Mages whose names he can't remember, John's encounter with Dragon Age 2's Merrill and so much more.

This Week: We reach the Ostegar camp in Dragon Age: Origins! Next Week: We travel to Lothering and resist the siege of Redcliffe!

Thanks to Edward Alenko for letting us use his excellent cover of Leliana's Song.

You can find Edward on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Edwardmusic Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/edward-alenko YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC9AY6re0jfRftZMIKUEpLMw

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Dragon Quest V Part 6 - Annalum Retentium Jan 14, 2019

We finally dispatch Ladja, try to figure out the pun behind King Korol, meet our mom, reunite with our wife, defeat a giant moose, and finally, finally save the world. After about ten hours of grinding. Dragon Quest V ends as all games should: with dancing!

This Week: We finish the game! Somehow! Next Week: We reach the Grey Warden base in Dragon Age: Origins!

Stan's podcast: They See Me Rollin': http://theyseemerollin.libsyn.com/

Thanks to Subversive Asset and Mohawk Gaymer for their cover of Toward the Horizon, the Dragon Quest V world map theme. Check out Mohawk Gaymer and Subversive Asset on Youtube:

Subversive Asset: https://www.youtube.com/user/subversiveasset

Mohawk Gaymer: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0GRBn4KbdVP0rvLFR2lXBg

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Dragon Quest V Part 5 - Prince Albert's Piercing Gaze Jan 07, 2019

After Papa became a stationary stone you get to meet your somewhat growed up kids! And guess what? The boy is a legendary hero! SHOCK! Now all that's left to do is find out more information about your mysterious mom, clean your litterbox at least twice a week, toss your head to the side and say you're angry, find the mysterious truth about Dr Agon, get crushed by an oversized moose, and beat the heck out of Latka. Just another day on your dragon quest!

This Week: Several years pass after a horrifying twist! Then we clear the Dragon Tower. Next Week: We finish the game! Somehow!

Dr. Steven Stone's podcast: They See Me Rollin': http://theyseemerollin.libsyn.com/

Thanks to Subversive Asset and Mohawk Gaymer for their cover of Toward the Horizon, the Dragon Quest V world map theme. Check out Mohawk Gaymer and Subversive Asset on Youtube:

Subversive Asset: https://www.youtube.com/user/subversiveasset Mohawk Gaymer: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0GRBn4KbdVP0rvLFR2lXBg

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Dragon Quest V Part 4 - Morning Wellness Dec 31, 2018

We finally found the warrior of legend, the Great One: Wayne Gretzy! Also: More Hard R Square Roots as Horny Grandma returns, God bribes, Nera's terrible self-esteem, married life with Debora, the return of Sancho, pop culture savvy nuns, and so much more! This Week: Several years pass after a horrifying twist! Next Week: We clear the Dragon Temple! Stan's podcast: They See Me Rollin': http://theyseemerollin.libsyn.com/

Thanks to Subversive Asset and Mohawk Gaymer for their cover of Toward the Horizon, the Dragon Quest V world map theme. Check out Mohawk Gaymer and Subversive Asset on Youtube:

Subversive Asset: https://www.youtube.com/user/subversiveasset

Mohawk Gaymer: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0GRBn4KbdVP0rvLFR2lXBg

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Dragon Quest V Part 3 - Aggressive-Aggressive Wedding Proposals Dec 24, 2018

Gonna get, gonna get, gonna get married on this extra special episode of Square Roots! Who will marry the good, sweet, hometown crush? Who will be with the ingenue book smart rich girl? And who will end up with the angry, strong-willed self-determined lady? You'll never guess! Also this week: not saying neigh to muscular horse men, special sleepy time ASMR for Stan, and a very special holiday message from Vanessa!

This Week: We get married! Next Week: Several years pass after a horrifying twist!

Stan's podcast: They See Me Rollin': http://theyseemerollin.libsyn.com/

Thanks to Subversive Asset and Mohawk Gaymer for their cover of Toward the Horizon, the Dragon Quest V world map theme. Check out Mohawk Gaymer and Subversive Asset on Youtube:

Subversive Asset: https://www.youtube.com/user/subversiveasset

Mohawk Gaymer: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0GRBn4KbdVP0rvLFR2lXBg

Contact Square Roots!

Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Dragon Quest V Part 2 - Fat Clowns With Jump Ropes Dec 17, 2018

Dragon Quest suggests how to solve a problem like Maria: with whips, definitive Indiana Jones ranking, the Nuns of the Above, breaking bad habits, hot pixel cleavage, debating Dragon Quest music, Dragon Quest Pokémon, and so much more!

This time: We break out out of slavery, restore Harry to the throne, and get his... marital organ. Next time: We get married!

Stan's podcast: They See Me Rollin': http://theyseemerollin.libsyn.com/

Thanks to Subversive Asset and Mohawk Gaymer for their cover of Toward the Horizon, the Dragon Quest V world map theme. Check out Mohawk Gaymer and Subversive Asset on Youtube:

Subversive Asset: https://www.youtube.com/user/subversiveasset Mohawk Gaymer: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0GRBn4KbdVP0rvLFR2lXBg

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Dragon Quest V Part 1 - The Soft and Creamy Home of the Faeries Dec 10, 2018

Guest host Stan from They See Me Rollin' joins us as we tackle our first quest of dragons, a dragon quest if you will. This supersized chunker is stuffed with Russian counts, lots of puns, Sancho's problematic accent, trying to figure out how to pronounce Pankraz, a real Jauffre kind of prince, and super ripped horsey men.

This Week: We get to the end of the Ancient Ruins in Dragon Quest V! Next Week: We get the... marital... organ.

Stan's podcast: They See Me Rollin': http://theyseemerollin.libsyn.com/

Thanks to Subversive Asset and Mohawk Gaymer for their cover of Toward the Horizon, the Dragon Quest V world map theme. Check out Mohawk Gaymer and Subversive Asset on Youtube:

Subversive Asset: https://www.youtube.com/user/subversiveasset Mohawk Gaymer: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0GRBn4KbdVP0rvLFR2lXBg

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Rogue Galaxy Part 8 - #1. What #2. Is #3. Happening Here Dec 03, 2018

Finally everything is resolved: the true role of Rosencaster, Henry and Robert's integral role in the Rogue Galaxy finalé, Gale's messianic return, Chie & Miyoko's pivotal rescue of the crew, M10 and Mio's incredible heel turn, and so many other things that definitely actually happen.

This Week: We finish Rogue Galaxy! Next Week: We get to the end of the Ancient Ruins in Dragon Quest V!

Our theme for this series is Ferdk's cover of Brave Heart, the battle theme for Rogue Galaxy.

Check out Ferdk's Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbZxgmjH9ailvsVQfBsFyAw Ferdk's Music on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/artist/ferdk/id655295262 Ferdk's Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/ferdk Support Ferdk's music on their Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ferdk

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Rogue Galaxy Part 7 - Soy Boy Dolphin Boy Nov 26, 2018

Oh wow. This show goes off the rails from the start when Vanessa decides to let us in on some Folger's Coffee brother and sister love, and then just veers off into strange places. Topics include: how weiners work, side character development, Nermals and Garfields, more debating about ghosts, 11th Hour Bad Guy Appearances, and so much more!

The offending Folgers commercial: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zZnqBL6iYjA

This Week: We play chapter eleven and the Alistia side quest in Rogue Galaxy! Next Week: We finish Rogue Galaxy!

00:01:55 - Level Up 00:26:55 - The Frog Log 01:08:35 - John's Bullshit Minigame Corner 01:10:05 - Squarely Against

Our theme for this series is Ferdk's cover of Brave Heart, the battle theme for Rogue Galaxy.

Check out Ferdk's Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbZxgmjH9ailvsVQfBsFyAw Ferdk's Music on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/artist/ferdk/id655295262 Ferdk's Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/ferdk Support Ferdk's music on their Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ferdk

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Rogue Galaxy Part 6 - The Butlerian Jihad Pity Laugh Nov 19, 2018

This game is one dramatic revelation after another as we approach the final few chapters of Rogue Galaxy. In this episode: Johnny finally says "Saiyan" correctly, TOM PETTY CHOCOLATE BAR, Vanessa gets distracted by Ryan Reynolds, lots of fatherly disapproval, so many ghosts that you didn't know where ghosts, and much much more!

This Week: We play chapter nine and ten in Rogue Galaxy! Next Week: We play chapter eleven and the Alistia side quest in Rogue Galaxy!

Our theme for this series is Ferdk's cover of Brave Heart, the battle theme for Rogue Galaxy.

Check out Ferdk's Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbZxgmjH9ailvsVQfBsFyAw Ferdk's Music on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/artist/ferdk/id655295262 Ferdk's Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/ferdk Support Ferdk's music on their Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ferdk

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Rogue Galaxy Part 5 - Sword Daddy Nov 12, 2018

Are you ready for a really, really long dungeon? And then ready to do it again? Because that's just one chunker of this chunker. Three keys, four dungeons, and all the unearned pathos. Also: vamping about Castlevania, Harry and the Hendersons, more of Simon's sad, sad former family, talk of both Star Trek and Wars, and so much more!

This Week: We play chapter eight in Rogue Galaxy! Next Week: We play chapter nine and ten in Rogue Galaxy!

Our theme for this series is Ferdk's cover of Brave Heart, the battle theme for Rogue Galaxy.

Check out Ferdk's Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbZxgmjH9ailvsVQfBsFyAw Ferdk's Music on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/artist/ferdk/id655295262 Ferdk's Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/ferdk Support Ferdk's music on their Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ferdk

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Rogue Galaxy Part 4 - Meanwhile... BOY CHAT Nov 05, 2018

Let's take a break to talk to a child who is dressed like the Jack from a deck of cards! No need to save your game! Let's watch this five minute scene where they talk about nothing. Also this week: Hot Dog, burly miners, a beautiful montage set to Roxette, unearned pathos, Girl gets less character development than Mio, finally meeting the Captain, butt wiping sock attacks, Deego's deep DeviantArt search results, and so much more!

This Week: We play chapter six and seven in Rogue Galaxy! Next Week: We play chapter eight in Rogue Galaxy!

Our theme for this series is Ferdk's cover of Brave Heart, the battle theme for Rogue Galaxy.

Check out Ferdk's Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbZxgmjH9ailvsVQfBsFyAw Ferdk's Music on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/artist/ferdk/id655295262 Ferdk's Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/ferdk Support Ferdk's music on their Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ferdk

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Instant Classic - Until Dawn Oct 31, 2018

It's that spoopy time of year so we decided to release our monthly Patreon Instant Classic episode to all our listeners. Because we love you.

Join Vanessa, John, and JIM (that's right, he's back) as they decide if 2015's PS4 exclusive Until Dawn is an Instant Classic.

Rogue Galaxy Part 3 - Jupis Tooki McGanel Oct 29, 2018

Holy crow. This game takes a turn for the... weird. But at the same time, the dungeons become even more repetitive. Talking points include: Gundam's maps, everyone's favorite idol Mio, Robert and Henry's extensive screen time, the confusing fate of Rosencaster, a robot's strange daddy, Simon's weird family, how to bribe people, and so much more!

This Week: We play chapter four and five in Rogue Galaxy! Next Week: We play chapter six and seven in Rogue Galaxy!

Our theme for this series is Ferdk's cover of Brave Heart, the battle theme for Rogue Galaxy.

Check out Ferdk's Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbZxgmjH9ailvsVQfBsFyAw Ferdk's Music on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/artist/ferdk/id655295262 Ferdk's Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/ferdk Support Ferdk's music on their Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ferdk

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Rogue Galaxy Part 2 - Upsetting Revelations About Jecht With An Eyepatch Oct 22, 2018

Ooooooooof. We take a deep dive into the cultural melange that is the peoples of Jurukai in Level 5's Rogue Galaxy! There's some unsettling character design, two of the bustiest characters we've ever encountered in JRPGs, and John misses all the good treasure and abilities. Also? TOADY.

Vanessa recorded this episode from a dark, spooky well.

This Week: We play chapter two and three in Rogue Galaxy! Next Week: We play chapter four and five!

Our theme for this series is Ferdk's cover of Brave Heart, the battle theme for Rogue Galaxy.

Check out Ferdk's Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbZxgmjH9ailvsVQfBsFyAw Ferdk's Music on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/artist/ferdk/id655295262 Ferdk's Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/ferdk Support Ferdk's music on their Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ferdk

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Rogue Galaxy Part 1 - A Real Chaz Oct 16, 2018

It's a short chunker as we start Level 5's cult classic RPG Rogue Galaxy! There's mistaken identity, Scottish Volus, a man named Raul, skull camels, Cobra Commander cats, Chaz 2: The Chazening, Generic Girl: She's Fine, the Revelation Flow, and awkward Kingdom Heartsy combat. Let's go catch some Moussers and head out to space!

This Week: We play chapter one in Rogue Galaxy! Next Week: We play chapter two and three in Rogue Galaxy!

Our theme for this series is Ferdk's cover of Brave Heart, the battle theme for Rogue Galaxy.

Check out Ferdk's Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbZxgmjH9ailvsVQfBsFyAw Ferdk's Music on iTunes: https://itunes.apple.com/us/artist/ferdk/id655295262 Ferdk's Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/ferdk Support Ferdk's music on their Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ferdk

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion Part 5 - That's So... Ruma? Oct 08, 2018

We've been to Paradise, but have we been to me? Yes. Of course we have. We dive into Martin's gaping portal and head off for the penultimate great battle: a very quick sword fight against Mankar Cameron. He loses. It's not very climactic. BUT. Things get real interesting when you get back to the Imperial city! Daedra Kaiju! Self-immolation! The City Guard Versus Martin, if you're Matthew. We wrap up the Thieves and Assassin's Guild, as well as Johnny just doing random weird side quests. And Oblivion is closed, forever! We announce the next game, too: Rogue Galaxy!

This week: We finish Oblivion! Next week: We get to the pirate ship in Rogue Galaxy!

Our theme for this series is Christopher Niskala's 8-bit Oblivion Chiptune Medley.

Check out Christopher's Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYwa9KLm4d2aIJfZckXBD-A Christopher's Soundcloud: http://www.soundcloud.com/creativenoiseproductions

Christopher's Patreon: http://www.patreon.com/ChrisNiskala

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion Part 4 - Felix's Purrfect Plans Oct 01, 2018

Someone on the podcast has a weakness for Rob (and his sister Tilda)'s gruesome cinematic output, and it's not who you might think! We start off the podcast with some sad news, and then some mixed news. The podcast is in disarray! When will we play Chrono Cross? What will we play next? Why is Vanessa murdering so many people? Why does John get lost in such a small level? We open up a giant Oblivion gate and bring all of Cyrodil together for lots of procedural nonsense, slightly broken quests, and a thrilling lack of brothels.

This Week: We close the Great Oblivion Gate! Next Week: We finish Oblivion!

Our theme for this series is Christopher Niskala's 8-bit Oblivion Chiptune Medley. Check out Christopher's Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYwa9KLm4d2aIJfZckXBD-A Christopher's Soundcloud: http://www.soundcloud.com/creativenoiseproductions Christopher's Patreon: http://www.patreon.com/ChrisNiskala

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion Part 3 - Tootiest Sexiest! Sep 24, 2018

Okay, right off the bat - we're all kind of d*ck crazy in this episode because the news has been nothing but wieners. On this episode we deep dive into side quests and get some fancy armour that for some dumb reason Vanessa just can't wear. Plus: John's all-scamp boyband, Fantasy Shrevport, we pitch a new Avengers game, Jim and John embark on a pilgrimage, Mirror Universe Square Roots Where We're All In Leather And Making Out, and spy hunting!

This Week: We get the armor out of *Sancre Tor*! Next Week: We close the Great Oblivion Gate!

Our theme for this series is Christopher Niskala's 8-bit Oblivion Chiptune Medley. Check out Christopher's Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYwa9KLm4d2aIJfZckXBD-A Christopher's Soundcloud: http://www.soundcloud.com/creativenoiseproductions Christopher's Patreon: http://www.patreon.com/ChrisNiskala

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion Part 2 - Potter Babies! Sep 17, 2018

You'll have so many questions about Jim's terrible meme, but hopefully this episode will try to answer it. As we play through Bethesda's smash hit open world RPG, each host tries their best to be upsetting. First, Vanessa's choice of TV show disgusts the rest of the podcast. Second, Jim's terrible meme. Third, Matt's upsetting roleplaying of his cat Felix. And finally John decides to buy some waterfront property so he can truly start his SkullQuest.

This Week: We crash the Daedric Cult's party in the Dagon Shrine. Next Week: We get the armor out of *Sancre Tor*!

Our theme for this series is Christopher Niskala's 8-bit Oblivion Chiptune Medley.

Check out Christopher's Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYwa9KLm4d2aIJfZckXBD-A Christopher's Soundcloud: http://www.soundcloud.com/creativenoiseproductions Christopher's Patreon: http://www.patreon.com/ChrisNiskala

Contact Square Roots! Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion Part 1 - TV's Gandalf Sep 10, 2018

Dust off that cloth map, it's time to head to Cyrodil! That's right, we're off to explore the verdant pastures and thrilling forests of Bethesda's Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion! Topics covered this week: Pee Stew, Vanessa's CSI problem, Matthew's naughty kitty Felix, Vanessa's slight Oblivion obsession, Sean Bean sightings, John blaming glitches for pretty much everything wrong with his life, and so much more!

This Week: We meet Brother Martin and rescue him from Kvatch in The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion! Next Week: We play until you interrupt the ceremony with the Path of Dawn cult in the Dagon shrine!

Our theme for this series is Christopher Niskala's 8-bit Oblivion Chiptune Medley. Check out Christopher's Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCYwa9KLm4d2aIJfZckXBD-A Christopher's Soundcloud: http://www.soundcloud.com/creativenoiseproductions Christopher's Patreon: http://www.patreon.com/ChrisNiskala

Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy VI Part 8 - A Little Night Hooters Sep 03, 2018

It's all Sondheim all the Sond-time on this episode of Square Roots! We learn about Sondheim's famous love of breasts, his pioneering of reverse-alley staging (and the sex position), and his improvised piano songs in a series of completely true facts that were not made up. OH. We also finish Final Fantasy VI! TAKE THAT KEFKA, YOU THIRD RATE FINAL FANTASY VILLAIN. While we may be down on mimes, clowns, and clown-mimes we are definitely all for what might be the single best final boss battle of any Final Fantasy game. Add to that questions about the ancient queen's love of Odin (was the horse part of it?) and the introduction and thorough dissection of Gogo, you have an amazing end to a fantastic game.

This Week: We finish Final Fantasy VI! Next Week: We meet Brother Martin and rescue him from Kvatch in The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion!

Our intro is LordBifMusic's jazz cover of Shadow's theme! LordBifMusic's Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/lordbifmusic LordBifMusic's YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/LordBifMusic

Our outtro music for this series is The OneUps' cover of Terra's theme! Band Web Site - http://www.theoneups.com

Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy VI Part 7 - Sympathetic Catfishing Aug 27, 2018

We collect all the missing party members! Good news! No one died! Unless you left Shadow out to die, you monster. Wait, he left his friend to do so maybe you're the real monster if you save him? Morality is weird, friends. We talk about catfishing, the secrets of silk production, teen pregnancy, Locke gets his dead girlfriend back, Strago joins a cult, and we don't even know what was going on with Owzer and Relm.

This Week: We gather the gang together in the World of Ruin! Next Week: We finish the game!

Our intro music for this series is The OneUps' cover of Terra's theme! Band Web Site - http://www.theoneups.com

Our outro is LordBifMusic's jazz cover of Shadow's theme! LordBifMusic's Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/lordbifmusic LordBifMusic's YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/LordBifMusic

Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy VI Part 6 - Sabin All My Love For You Aug 20, 2018

We're all flipping water bottles, dabbing, and diving out of moving cars in this exciting, hip, current episode of Square Roots. Is John compensating because he's now 39? Is Matthew known for being angry? Is Vanessa fed up with ladies giving up because they learned about motherhood? Is Jim just cranky? YOU BET. Also there's tons of Star Trek talk, the sad death of Bananaman, the dark, moody World of Ruin, discussing the name Darill, the ethics of looting a crumbling house, ten minutes of Star Trek talk, and so much more.

Musical references this week: Living on the Edge by Aerosmith, Never Been to Me by Charlene, Mouth by Bush, Love Shack by B52s.

02:50 - Level Up 30:75 - The Quest Mog 01:19:25 - Bullshit Minigame Corner 01:21:45 - Squarely Against

This Week: We play until you finish Darill's Tomb! Next Week: We gather the gang together in the World of Ruin!

Our intro music for this series is The OneUps' cover of Terra's theme! Band Web Site - http://www.theoneups.com

Our outro is LordBifMusic's jazz cover of Shadow's theme! LordBifMusic's Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/lordbifmusic LordBifMusic's YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/LordBifMusic

Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy VI Part 5 - Simply Quite Precrocious Aug 15, 2018

Lulu! Rubber shirts! Esper Rumspringa! John questions Vanessa's age! The earth gets mad! Final Fantasy VI presents what seems like an early endgame as Kefka wreaks havoc on the planet, and then the party... well... it doesn't really save anyone. But! There are robots. And TWO Ultros appearances!

02:50 - Level Up 21:40 - The Quest Mog 01:30:30 - Bullshit Minigame Corner 01:32:30 - Squarely Against

This Week: We play until you leave the Floating Continent! Next Week: We play until you finish Darill's Tomb!

Our intro music for this series is The OneUps' cover of Terra's theme! Band Web Site - http://www.theoneups.com

Our outro is LordBifMusic's jazz cover of Shadow's theme! LordBifMusic's Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/lordbifmusic LordBifMusic's YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/LordBifMusic

Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Sierra Roots! Aug 13, 2018

MATTHEW'S LAPTOP EXPLODED. So our regularly scheduled episode won't be up for a couple of days. So in the mean time, here is the first episode of Sierra Roots. We discuss the best and worst of Sierra, Vanessa premieres her phantasmagoria true crime podcast documentary, and ReVenture Games's Natalie Juhasz discusses how Laura Bow's beloved stupidity helped inspire Lorna Bains.

Final Fantasy VI will be there REAL SOON! I swear!

Final Fantasy VI Part 4 - Canadian Jolly Ranchers Aug 06, 2018

Intense drama! Banana suits! Minecart escapes! How babies are made! Talkabos! Sealed doors! Sexy Grandma returns! All this and more in a slightly rambling, somewhat tangent filled fun fest!

02:45 - Level Up 32:00 - The Quest Mog 01:12:40 - Bullshit Minigame Corner 01:15:15 - Squarely Against

This Week: We play until the the party gets to the Sealed Door! Next Week: We play until you leave the Floating Continent!

Our intro music for this series is The OneUps' cover of Terra's theme! Band Web Site - http://www.theoneups.com

Our outro is LordBifMusic's jazz cover of Shadow's theme! LordBifMusic's Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/lordbifmusic LordBifMusic's YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/LordBifMusic

Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy VI Part 3 - WAAARGH WAAAARGH WAAAARGH WAAAARGH Jul 30, 2018

It's hot takes aplenty as we hit the most fondly remembered chunker of Final Fantasy VI: THE OPERA SCENE. Who loves it? Who finds the synthesized warbling kind of crappy? You'll never guess! Also in this episode: Locke's creepy girlfriend storage room, Hill Gigases, Ultros's fantastic return, Setzer being a creepazoid, the history of the two-headed coin, espadrilles, and so much more!

02:45 - Level Up 18:40 - The Quest Mog 01:25:00 - Bullshit Minigame Corner 01:28:40 - Squarely Against

This Week: We play until you reach the Imperial Continent! Next Week: We play until the the party gets to the Sealed Door!

Our intro music for this series is The OneUps' cover of Terra's theme! Band Web Site - http://www.theoneups.com

Our outro is LordBifMusic's jazz cover of Shadow's theme! LordBifMusic's Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/lordbifmusic LordBifMusic's YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/LordBifMusic

Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy VI Part 2 - Meet Humpty, Also Dumpty Jul 23, 2018

We're hot and distracted in this episode, so bear with us. You may want to, you know, skip ahead to the Quest Mog. We're just saying. It's tangent town, population: this podcast! This week we discuss train suplexing, Kefka's unhappy army, Terra's crappy scenario, why Shadow is a jerk, dogs enjoying badminton, blue spartans, Nomi Malone, that weird Final Fantasy III commercial where Mog has a gruff voice, ULTROS, a kid that can destroy the most powerful karate man, Gau's tragic backstory that is orchestrated with comedy music, and so much more!

07:52 - Level Up 25:50 - The Quest Mog 01:38:50 - Bullshit Minigame Corner 01:40:00 - Squarely Against

This Week: We play until everyone meets back up in Narshe! Next Week: We play until you reach the Imperial Continent!

Our intro music for this series is The OneUps' cover of Terra's theme! Band Web Site - http://www.theoneups.com

Our outro is LordBifMusic's jazz cover of Shadow's theme! LordBifMusic's Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/lordbifmusic LordBifMusic's YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/LordBifMusic

Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy VI Part 1 - Translation By 90s Leonardo DiCaprio Jul 16, 2018

There's a lot of talk about child stars in this episode of Square Roots, which is suprising given that we're talking about THE NUMBER ONE GREATEST RPG EVER, Final Fantasy VI. So is it really the Number One Greatest? Are Biggs and Wedge dating? Is Terra a witch or a sorceress? Is Edgar flirting due to societal pressure, or is he a creep? How can Sabin be a bear icon when he doesn't even have a beard? Stay tuned for the weremammothiest, lightning snailiest, daddy killingiest Square Roots yet!

03:20 - Level Up 22:00 - The Quest Mog 01:14:00 - Bullshit Minigame Corner 01:15:48 - Squarely Against

This Week: We play through until the Imperial raid on the Returners Base. Next Week: We play until everyone meets back up in Narshe.

Our intro music for this series is The OneUps' cover of Terra's theme! iTunes - https://itunes.apple.com/us/artist/the-oneups/id293487288?ign-mpt=uo%3D6 Bandcamp - http://theoneups.bandcamp.com Merch Store - http://store.mustinenterprises.com Twitter - http://www.twitter.com/theoneupsband Band Web Site - http://www.theoneups.com

Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Fable Part 6 - Deep Lisa Turtle Lore Dive Jul 09, 2018

Did Fable harness the power of the Xbox and our hearts? Or was it a fetid balverine of disappointment? We give our final review of Fable as we finish the game and delve into the extra Lost Chapters content. Topics include: a glyph that unlocks prime Saved by the Bell knowledge; Vanessa's molten lava attraction; Matthew's trail of carnage and SO MUCH MORE.

04:40 - Level Up 15:05 - The Quest Log 01:07:35 - Bullshit Minigame Corner 01:10:00 - Squarely Against

This Week: We finish Fable! And the Lost Chapter! Next Week: We play until you reach Banon and the Returners Base in Final Fantasy VI.

Our intro music for this series is THEoneNILS’s cover of the Oakvale theme! TheOneNils YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/THEoneNILS TheOneNils Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/THEoneNILS

Our Outro music is a cover of the Fable Anniversary theme by MetalLouis! MetalLouis YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/MetalLouis MetalLouis Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/metallouis

Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Fable Part 5 - You Kracken, Me Up! Jul 02, 2018

Since Jim has given up on his Fable quest, he's resorted to coming up with the worst Dad Jokes to help us through rescuing The Scarlet Robe, infiltrating a prison, stopping a kidnapping, looting a graveyard, and other spooky RPG tasks! It may not be the penultimate episode of Fable that you expected, but it's the one you deserve.

This Week: We rescue the Scarlet Robe! Next Week: We finish Fable! And the Lost Chapter!

Our intro music for this series is THEoneNILS’s cover of the Oakvale theme! TheOneNils YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/THEoneNILS TheOneNils Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/THEoneNILS

Our Outro music is a cover of the Fable Anniversary theme by MetalLouis! MetalLouis YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/MetalLouis MetalLouis Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/metallouis

Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Fable Part 4 - The Sock Method Jun 25, 2018

We're still giving inappropriate books to schoolchildren in Fable, but that's not the least of our adventures. There's scorpion slaying! Murdertimes! John striking out bad! Trying out fun names for big evil door heads! Plus: we meet the Jack of Blades, and deep secrets are revealed!

This Week: We conquer the Arena! Next Week: We rescue The Scarlet Robe!

Our intro music for this series is THEoneNILS’s cover of the Oakvale theme! TheOneNils YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/THEoneNILS TheOneNils Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/THEoneNILS

Our Outro music is a cover of the Fable Anniversary theme by MetalLouis! MetalLouis YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/MetalLouis MetalLouis Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/metallouis

Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Fable Part 3 - Rear Eye for the Right Guy Jun 18, 2018

HELLO PATRIOTS. GET YOUR BACKSTAGE PASSES READY, IF YOU'RE HERE FOR THE RIGHT REASONS. WE'VE TAKEN THIS PODCAST IN A LUCRATIVE NEW DIRECTION. Did we say lucrative? We mean patriotic. And not les patriotes, we're talking real American Patriots! NO CANADIAN HISTORY LEARNING HERE. Also: Vanessa leans in to her poly preferences, we discover teaching school children in Albion can be rewarding, Matthew keeps murdering, John gets a crush on a boss, and burp fart my butt my butt.

06:00 - Level Up 19:15 - The Quest Log 01:05:55 - Bullshit Mini Game Corner 01:13:45 - Squarely Against

This Week: We defeat Twinblades and enter the Witchwood! Next Week: We conquer the Arena!

Our intro music for this series is THEoneNILS’s cover of the Oakvale theme! TheOneNils YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/THEoneNILS TheOneNils Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/THEoneNILS

Our Outro music is a cover of the Fable Anniversary theme by MetalLouis! MetalLouis YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/MetalLouis MetalLouis Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/metallouis

Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Fable Part 2 - Spotify: The Monster of Blades Jun 11, 2018

Now we find out just what happens when you fall in love with Matthew and then he asks you to follow him somewhere. The answer? You get sacrificed at the Temple of Scorn, and then can't skip more than two songs without paying their premium: YOUR SOUL. Also in this episode: mushroom talk, fishing, Yuko's Island Express, Matthew gives excellent Troll advice, and much more!

02:25 - Level Up 10:15 - The Quest Log 01:07:00 - Bullshit Mini Game Corner 01:11:05 - Squarely Against

This Week: We escort the travellers through the Darkwood! Next Week: We enter the mysterious world of the Witchwood!

Our intro music for this series is THEoneNILS’s cover of the Oakvale theme! TheOneNils YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/THEoneNILS TheOneNils Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/THEoneNILS

Our Outro music is a cover of the Fable Anniversary theme by MetalLouis! MetalLouis YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/MetalLouis MetalLouis Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/metallouis

Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Fable Part 1 - With The Power Of The Xbox Jun 04, 2018

It's FABLE TIME. Harnessing the power of the Xbox, will you be able to grow a tree? Play as a lady? Create procedural rivalries? Make an AI friend named Milo? Teach virtual pets morality? NO. Of course not. But Lionhead's ambitious RPG is not all disappointment and terrifying child faces. There's plenty of great stuff in here!

15:05 - Level Up

20:53 - The Quest Log

58:00 - Bullshit Mini Game Corner 01:00:00 - Squarely Against 01:09:20 - Peter Molyneux's Career At Silver Shamrock

This Week: We beat the Queen Wasp in Lookout Point in Fable! Next Week: We escort the travellers through the Darkwood!

Our intro and outro music for this series is THEoneNILS’s cover of the Oakvale theme! TheOneNils YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/THEoneNILS TheOneNils Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/THEoneNILS

Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Grandia Part 10 - Disney Dog Logic May 28, 2018

Holy crap. Gaia is now some kind of giant bug and we have to crawl inside. From the bottom up. Yeah. It's kinda gross. We criticize the parenting of Feena and Justin's children, Jim is convinced that Justin gets swole, we debate if Mullen earns his ending, we optimistically announce Bad Dragon as our dream sponsor, there are many, many plugs to our Patreon, AND SO MUCH MORE.

02:20 - Level Up 15:55 - The Quest Log 48:45 - Mullen It Over 51:45 - Final Thoughts on Grandia

This Week: WE FINISH GRANDIA! Next Week: We beat the Queen Wasp in Lookout Point in Fable!

Our opening theme is Charles Ritz’s awesome jazz cover of the Sandy Beach of Gambo featuring Alejandro Espinosa & Noah Benson. See the rest of Charles Ritz’s music on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/charlesritzmusic.

Our ending theme is that fantastic vocal cover by Cyril the Wolf - check out Cyril the Wolf on Youtube, https://www.youtube.com/user/CyrilRufus

Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Grandia Part 9 - Mullen It Over May 21, 2018

Grandia is almost over, and it may be breaking the Square Roots crew to their very cores. Except for Jim. Jim for some reason is finishing this game in record time. This week on Square Roots: Vanessa gets Royal Fever, Jim turns into a robot, Feena becomes a corporal, Justin won't solve the Trolley Problem, we debate the worst voice actor of the game, there's much plant carnage as Baal makes it go total Jenova, and so much more!

02:25 - Level Up 20:35 - The Quest Log 01:07:20 - Mullen It Over 01:08:40 - Squarely Against

This Week: We reach Zil Padon after the attack by Gaia! Next Week: WE FINISH GRANDIA!

Our opening theme is Charles Ritz’s awesome jazz cover of the Sandy Beach of Gambo featuring Alejandro Espinosa & Noah Benson. See the rest of Charles Ritz’s music on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/charlesritzmusic.

Our ending theme is that fantastic vocal cover by Cyril the Wolf - check out Cyril the Wolf on Youtube, https://www.youtube.com/user/CyrilRufus

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Grandia Part 8 - Deus Ex Manta Ray May 14, 2018

Square Roots really, officially has a Patreon now: https://www.patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

NEXT GAME ANNOUNCED!

This l'il chunker has all your favorite Grandia bits: rainbow roads! Falling out of a plane! Jenova-ing monsters! Plant arms! Convenient manta rays! Secret Icarians! There's a lot of plot and a lot of action, even if poor ol' Vanessa is sick.

Level Up: 04:00 Quest Log: 12:50 Squarely Against: (I think we forgot it this time)

This week: We play until we reach Alent. Next Week: We return to Zil Padon after the Lyonlot and the Luzet Mountain Camp scene.

Our opening theme is Charles Ritz’s awesome jazz cover of the Sandy Beach of Gambo featuring Alejandro Espinosa & Noah Benson. See the rest of Charles Ritz’s music on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/charlesritzmusic.

Our ending theme is that fantastic vocal cover by Cyril the Wolf - check out Cyril the Wolf on Youtube, https://www.youtube.com/user/CyrilRufus

Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Grandia Part 7 - The Worst Name For Dog People Imaginable May 07, 2018

Square Roots really, officially has a Patreon now: https://www.patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Let's not forget that Grandia was made in the halcyon days of 1996 in Japan, so the name of the dog people did not carry the same kind of political weight as it does now. But that's just the start of the revelations we have today. For instance: the true nature of Darlin! Where Lainians keep their wisdom! How snowballs work! Ghosts! And so many more!

Our opening theme is Charles Ritz’s awesome jazz cover of the Sandy Beach of Gambo featuring Alejandro Espinosa & Noah Benson. See the rest of Charles Ritz’s music on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/charlesritzmusic.

Our ending theme is that fantastic vocal cover by Cyril the Wolf - check out Cyril the Wolf on Youtube, https://www.youtube.com/user/CyrilRufus

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Grandia Part 6 - I'm Gonna Rub Your Face Off Apr 30, 2018

Square Roots really, officially has a Patreon now: https://www.patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

We meet Rapp, and his parents who were both turned to stone and rubbed to death. He has one of the worst voice actors in gaming. It is legendary. This week we've got: Vanessa's Rapp Rap, Milda's labia, Leen's Secret, a whole Jenova scenario, God of War, Vanessa's Sims, edible housing, and SO MUCH MORE.

This week: We complete the Tower of Doom and find out Leen's secret! Next week: We play until we talk to the Three Wise Men of Laine.

Level Up: 04:35 Quest Log: 15:20 Squarely Against: 01:04:25

Our opening theme is Charles Ritz’s awesome jazz cover of the Sandy Beach of Gambo featuring Alejandro Espinosa & Noah Benson. See the rest of Charles Ritz’s music on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/charlesritzmusic.

Our ending theme is that fantastic vocal cover by Cyril the Wolf - check out Cyril the Wolf on Youtube, https://www.youtube.com/user/CyrilRufus

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Grandia Part 5 - Everyone Is Trying to Traumatize Vanessa Apr 23, 2018

Square Roots really, officially has a Patreon now: https://www.patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

We push forward with even more Grandia, finishing Disc One. But that means it's a jam packed episode full of tricky mermaids, confusing elevator puzzles, catapults, crying children, not knowing how to run, awkward dates, and villagers who lean on plausible deniability.

This week: We play until the end of Disc One. Next week: We complete the Tower of Doom and find out Leen's secret!

Level Up: 05:10 Quest Log: 16:05 Squarely Against: 01:50

Our opening theme is Charles Ritz’s awesome jazz cover of the Sandy Beach of Gambo featuring Alejandro Espinosa & Noah Benson. See the rest of Charles Ritz’s music on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/charlesritzmusic.

Our ending theme is that fantastic vocal cover by Cyril the Wolf - check out Cyril the Wolf on Youtube, https://www.youtube.com/user/CyrilRufus Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Grandia Part 4 - Talk Sue-p Apr 16, 2018

Square Roots really, officially has a Patreon now: https://www.patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Sue falls to what appears to be her death, is nearly eaten, Justin gets vanquished by a way, way better swordsman, and Feena kind of stays out of trouble in this song-packed episode of Square Roots. From a very, very large wall to a fish-shaped house and one of the most tedious, longest, and annoying maps ever to a rain-soaked tower where Justin must choose between life and death, Grandia is nothing if not dramatic. But hey! We meet Gadwin, a big strong buddy, and Guido, who claims to be Mo'Gay than Johnny. Somehow. All this and much much more!

Level Up 14:00 Quest Log 22:15 Squarely Against 01:11:15

This week: We finish the Typhoon Tower! Next week: We finish disc one!

Our opening theme is Charles Ritz’s awesome jazz cover of the Sandy Beach of Gambo featuring Alejandro Espinosa & Noah Benson. See the rest of Charles Ritz’s music on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/charlesritzmusic.

Our ending theme is that fantastic vocal cover by Cyril the Wolf - check out Cyril the Wolf on Youtube, https://www.youtube.com/user/CyrilRufus

Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Grandia Part 3 - APRIL FOOLS Apr 09, 2018

Hey! We've got a Patreon now! Our full announcement will be in the next episode, but check it out: https://www.patreon.com/squarerootspodcast

Okay. Things get a little off the rails this episode as we try to slam through an overlarge chunker. First of all, Vanessa's drunk. So there's that. Then there's The Crest Frog, heat rash, the Witches of Brigmore, Dom and sub Orcs, Canadian April Fool's rituals, locker peeping, REM singing for two whole different reasons, Matthew using the worst phrase of all time (it ends with "committee"), so much nut munching, wiping out a squadron of Sergeants, and rehashing the old "was Feena a tour guide?" argument. So. All in all? A great episode.

Level Up 06:30 Quest Log 22:55 Squarely Against 01:24:00

This week: We play until you hit the End of the World! Next week: We play until you exit the Typhoon Tower. Our opening theme is Charles Ritz’s awesome jazz cover of the Sandy Beach of Gambo featuring Alejandro Espinosa & Noah Benson. See the rest of Charles Ritz’s music on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/charlesritzmusic. Our ending theme is that fantastic vocal cover by Cyril the Wolf - check out Cyril the Wolf on Youtube, https://www.youtube.com/user/CyrilRufus

Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Grandia Part 2 - Cleveland Steaming Apr 02, 2018

Are you ready for Justin to not shut up about being an adventurer? That's right, we've got more Grandia! We board the Steamer off to New Parm and then get in all sorts of wedding-and-ghost-related adventures! This week we learn about so many new things including: Psyduck based body horror, a full explanation of Cleveland Steamers, deck swabbing, the Adventurer Society's toxic workplace culture, fan wikis as unpaid labour, boat piloting, underwear in JRPGs and so much more!

Level Up 03:30 Quest Log 18:45 Bullsh*t Minigame Corner: 01:34:50 Squarely Against 01:38:10

This week: We play until you reach the Dom Ruins! Next week: We play until you hit the End of the World!

Our opening theme is Charles Ritz’s awesome jazz cover of the Sandy Beach of Gambo featuring Alejandro Espinosa & Noah Benson. See the rest of Charles Ritz’s music on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/charlesritzmusic. Our ending theme is that fantastic vocal cover by Cyril the Wolf - check out Cyril the Wolf on Youtube, https://www.youtube.com/user/CyrilRufus Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Grandia Part 1 - Puff-Puff Eat the Dead Mar 26, 2018

We start Grandia! And it's pretty awesome! That doesn't mean we don't have questions and conundrums about Game Arts's classic PSOne JRPG. These children are in constant danger as we decry Justin's hat, get creeped out by Puff-Puff's nose, get skeeved out by old men hitting on an eight year old, watch children get hit in the face with a serving tray, destroy priceless statues, destabilize an Orc monarchy, iffy voice acting, judgmental makeup comments, debate the merits of Parmesan cheese and so much more!

Level Up 04:30

Quest Log 10:10

Squarely Against 01:28:45

This week: We play until you board the Steamer in Grandia! Next week: We play until you reach the Dom Ruins!

Our opening theme is Charles Ritz’s awesome jazz cover of the Sandy Beach of Gambo featuring Alejandro Espinosa & Noah Benson. See the rest of Charles Ritz’s music on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/charlesritzmusic. Our ending theme is that fantastic vocal cover by Cyril the Wolf - check out Cyril the Wolf on Youtube, https://www.youtube.com/user/CyrilRufus

Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Phantasy Star IV Part 5 - DTF: Down To Find Important Artifacts Mar 19, 2018

Phantasy Star IV - Part 5

Hail to the Chief! We finish Phantasy Star IV! And meet Seth, the sexiest PC ever to grace a JRPG party. We plot our ways to escape Planet X, debate whether or not the game gets Disc 3 crazy, give Ken Bone tips on having alternate accounts, we debate whether or not Le Roof is both on fire or an anthropomorphic galaxy, Jim gets obsessed over The Profound Darkness's boobs, talk about Dragonball for what seems to be an hour, and so much more!

Level Up 04:15 Quest Log 16:50 Squarely Against 01:15:50

This week: WE FINISH PHANTASY STAR IV! Next week: We play until you board the Steamer in Grandia!

Our theme song for this series is by Sharp Rain Music, check out their Youtube for tons of awesome video game covers: https://www.youtube.com/user/rainheart666787

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Phantasy Star IV Part 4 - Robots? In MY Garuberk? Mar 12, 2018

Phantasy Star IV - Part 4

NEXT GAME ANNOUNCED! We're not saying John slept through the recording of this episode, but he may have slept through the recording of this episode. Topics covered this week include: Le Freak, Laschiec; Laschiec playing a classic game of keep-away with the Eclipse Torch; rating Chaz versus previous terrible RPG protagonists; how Vanessa isn’t prepared for Garuberk Tower’s Flesh Cave; Matthew calls the Garuberk Tower “Gratuitous” Tower; Dark Farce; John’s Interrupted Wrestling Dreams and SO MUCH MORE. You won't even believe it.

Level Up 02:00 Quest Log 08:50 Squarely Against 56:34

This week: We meet the travelling archaeologist Seth. Next week: WE FINISH PHANTASY STAR IV!

Our theme song for this series is by Sharp Rain Music, check out their Youtube for tons of awesome video game covers: https://www.youtube.com/user/rainheart666787

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Phantasy Star IV Part 3 - A Reverse Childbirth Kind of Scenario Mar 05, 2018

Phantasy Star IV - Part 3

Matthew connects to USB via a tin can and Jim is still mysteriously unavailable! But that won't stop us here at Square Roots. We discover Vanessa's robo-racism, we learn why you shouldn't use magic on a space ship as per the Liam Niesson movie Non-Stop, meet Raja and his weird dad jokes, have an old southern man diagose the issues with a space station, go on a rocket ride, get a second identical rocket, and SO MUCH MORE.

Level Up: 04:45 Quest Log: 20:15 Squarely Against: 01:28:20

This week: We meet Lutz and head to Jut! Next week: We meet the travelling archaeologist Seth.

Our theme song for this series is by Sharp Rain Music, check out their Youtube for tons of awesome video game covers: https://www.youtube.com/user/rainheart666787

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Phantasy Star IV Part 2 - A Sandworm Bris Feb 26, 2018

Phantasy Star IV - Part 2

Sega's manga-inspired sci-fi epic takes a few, uh, predictable twists and turns as we explore a downed Phantasy Star III colony ship, explore Zio's Fort, and head into a tourist trap town. Topics covered this week include: we lose our Edible Arrangements sponsorship; Matthew ear-shames Rika; Vanessa discovers the secret of instant teleportation; our protagonist dilemma is sorted out; we balance out Labia’s Tower jokes with sandworm foreskin jokes; the RPG need for brothels; Chaz brainstorms badly; we question the medical skills of Hahn and Sara; Vanessa has outdoor cat adventures; AND SO MUCH MORE!

Level Up: 05:15 Quest Log: 17:15 Squarely Against: 01:18:14 Matthew's Political Theories: 01:25:53

This week: We secure the Psycho Wand and head to Nurvus. Next week: We meet Lutz and head to the penguin-filled town of Jut!

Our theme song for this series is by Sharp Rain Music, check out their Youtube for tons of awesome video game covers: https://www.youtube.com/user/rainheart666787

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Phantasy Star IV Part 1 - No Jokes About Birth Valley Feb 19, 2018

Phantasy Star IV - Part 1

We begin the epic space journey with Alys and Chaz in the town of learning, but something doesn't seem right. Why is the headmaster so evasive? What's up with those monsters in the basement? Is Jim the Hahn of the podcast? Why did we start with Phantasy Star IV? Does the game explain anything about any of its systems? Why is Vanessa so interested in Zio? How many fake languages is Matt going to have to learn? Does John want to make kissing with Professor Bearsley?

We answer all these questions and more in this deep dive into one of Sega's finest RPGs.

Level Up: 02:45 John Explains Phantasys Star I Through III: 09:45 Quest Log: 13:55 Jim's Rate-A-Babe: 01:07:29 Squarely Against: 01:10:25

This week: We venture deep into Birth Valley, and Rika emerges from its depths. Next week: We secure the Psycho Wand and head to Nurvus.

Our theme song for this series is by Sharp Rain Music, check out their Youtube for tons of awesome video game covers: https://www.youtube.com/user/rainheart666787

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Square Roots Versus Commander Shepherd: The Song Feb 17, 2018

Julian Titus from Nerds Without Pants joins Jim and John as they decide if the Miracle of Sound Commander Shepherd song deserves a Renegade or Paragon interrupt! This episode contains a careful review of the imagery used by Miracle of Sound, as well as a mailbag full of questions about Krogan genitals, Crossing Jordan, Asari babies, and Normandy crew slash fiction. Plus basic misunderstandings of microfilm!

Level Up: 03:40

Commander Shepherd Review: 13:40

Mailbag: 38:10

Please find Miracle of Sound's Commander Shepherd song here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HiRDJLcYua0

Our theme song for this series is by Sophie Marlon, check out her violin covers of tons of game themes on YouTube at Sophie Marlon: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCET7Q5ZMfzqlgVf17AB-6DQ

BANDCAMP: https://sophiemarlon.bandcamp.com/

INSTAGRAM: @sophiemarlonansems

https://www.instagram.com/sophiemarlonansems/

TWITTER: @SophieMarlon https://twitter.com/SophieMarlon

FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/sophiemarlonansems

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Mass Effect Part 6 - Dr. Ian Masseffect Feb 12, 2018

Mass Effect - Part 6

Stay tuned through the end of the podcast for incredible dramatic readings of Matt’s notes! We finish off BioWare’s first venture into their epic science fantasy universe and decide whether or not we’re Squarely Against or Roundly For Shepherd and their adventures. Also? Vanessa and Matthew turn out to be twinsies; Matt is obsessed with a geth ship with a face; Vanessa’s Rate-A-Hunk goes macro; and SO MUCH MORE!

Level Up: 02:56

The Codex: 16:23

Vanessa’s Rate-A-Hunk: 57:10

Squarely Against: 01:03:03

Dramatic Readings of Matt’s Notes: 01:14:36

This Week:We finish Mass Effect 1! Next Week: We start Phantasy Star IV and play through until leaving the BioPlant with Rika!

Our theme song for this series is by Sophie Marlon, check out her violin covers of tons of game themes on YouTube at Sophie Marlon: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCET7Q5ZMfzqlgVf17AB-6DQ

BANDCAMP: https://sophiemarlon.bandcamp.com/

INSTAGRAM: @sophiemarlonansems

https://www.instagram.com/sophiemarlonansems/

TWITTER: @SophieMarlon https://twitter.com/SophieMarlon

FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/sophiemarlonansems

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Mass Effect Part 5 - Promethean Toilet Culture Feb 05, 2018

Mass Effect 1 - Part 5

Next game is announced!

WARNING: JOHN MAKES THE VERY WORST JOKE EVER IN THIS EPISODE. Okay, now that we’re past that, Shepherd and their crew head to Ilos to catch up with Saren! Also covered in this episode: meeting Lord Darius; Vanessa’s Rate-A-Hunk; steamy Mass Effect love scenes; punching Ambassador Udina; the sexiest exposition-spouting VI; the terrible Pinnacle Station DLC and SO MUCH MORE.

This Week:We get in trouble for the nuking and then break some rules, punch some ambassadors, go to Ilos and drive our space truck through a portal. Next Week: We finish Mass Effect 1!

Our theme song for this series is by Sophie Marlon, check out her violin covers of tons of game themes on YouTube at Sophie Marlon: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCET7Q5ZMfzqlgVf17AB-6DQ

BANDCAMP: https://sophiemarlon.bandcamp.com/

INSTAGRAM: @sophiemarlonansems

https://www.instagram.com/sophiemarlonansems/

TWITTER: @SophieMarlon https://twitter.com/SophieMarlon

FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/sophiemarlonansems

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Mass Effect Part 4 - Howl's Moving Castle Doctrine Jan 29, 2018

Mass Effect - Part 4

On this dangerously exciting episode of Square Roots and Mass Effect: We talk about the pros and cons of prefabricated space housing and office buildings; Matthew makes a reference to a commercial no one has seen; there is much bandying about of the term “Terminator Cthulus”; we make a difficult choice between crew members and one may get some smoking lazer holes; Matthew decides to grow up and get a 4, 0, 1 and K; Father Kyle learns the error of his ways and SO MUCH MORE.

This Week: We head to Virmire and leave it a bit nuked. Next Week: We get in trouble for the nuking and then break some rules, punch some ambassadors, go to Ilos and drive our space truck through a portal.

Our theme song for this series is by Sophie Marlon, check out her violin covers of tons of game themes on YouTube at Sophie Marlon: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCET7Q5ZMfzqlgVf17AB-6DQ

BANDCAMP: https://sophiemarlon.bandcamp.com/

INSTAGRAM: @sophiemarlonansems

https://www.instagram.com/sophiemarlonansems/

TWITTER: @SophieMarlon https://twitter.com/SophieMarlon

FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/sophiemarlonansems

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Mass Effect Part 3 - Space Rumspringa Jan 22, 2018

Mass Effect - Part 3

Things go from aggressive fungi to getting real cool as we descend on the Galt's Gulch that is the corpoplanet Noveria. Matthew delights in Matriach Brazzeria but somehow Vanessa isn’t loving it; Ashley wants to put Earth first; aliens with New York cabbie accents; super space secretaries; further rating of hunks; Vanessa and Matthew tell teacher and SO MUCH MORE. You won't believe all the space adventures in store!

This Week: We plunge into the icy depths of Noveria! Next Week: We head into Virmire. Someone on the Normandy's crew... won't make it back alive.

Our theme song for this series is by Sophie Marlon, check out her violin covers of tons of game themes on YouTube at Sophie Marlon: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCET7Q5ZMfzqlgVf17AB-6DQ

BANDCAMP: https://sophiemarlon.bandcamp.com/

INSTAGRAM: @sophiemarlonansems

https://www.instagram.com/sophiemarlonansems/

TWITTER: @SophieMarlon https://twitter.com/SophieMarlon

FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/sophiemarlonansems

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Mass Effect Part 2 - Geth Who's Coming to Dinner Jan 15, 2018

Mass Effect - Part 2

We finally blast off the Citadel and get to explore the Milky Way with our favorite crew of misfits, rebels and space racists. On this episode: Matthew tries desperately to figure out who Tonya Harding is, we debate the physical properties and applications of OmniGel, Freighter Crane’s tossed salad and spiked grenades, Liara’s psychic head rubbies, birthing Asaris, and so much more!

This Week: We rescue Liara T'Soni and find the secret of Feros! Next Week: We plunge into the icy depths of Noveria!

Our theme song for this series is by Sophie Marlon, check out her violin covers of tons of game themes on YouTube at Sophie Marlon: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCET7Q5ZMfzqlgVf17AB-6DQ

BANDCAMP: https://sophiemarlon.bandcamp.com/

INSTAGRAM: @sophiemarlonansems

https://www.instagram.com/sophiemarlonansems/

TWITTER: @SophieMarlon https://twitter.com/SophieMarlon

FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/sophiemarlonansems

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Mass Effect Part 1 -This Is My Favorite Cuckshed on the Citadel Jan 08, 2018

Mass Effect 1 - Part One

Forgive sick Johnny’s heavy breathing this ep, his nose was heckka plugged.

It's Janu-Warey! Poor, poor hick Jenkins. BimJanks, Eden, Evil and Kimothy Shepherd unite to fight the evil, evil Nihilus after he kills… wait. Wait. Saren is the bad guy? But Nihilus is the bad guy name!

What’s the deal with the Epiphany Witch? Why is Jim’s neighbour on a campaign of misinformation? Is Kittizard or Ferians a better fantasy name for the Turians? Do the Turians even have genitals? Is Ashley a big ol’ Space Racist? Has Jim played Flandia? Do Asari look like whatever you find attractive?

This Week: We find the beacon on Eden Prime and prove Saren's guilt on the Citadel. Next Week: We rescue Liara T'Soni and find the secret of Feros!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Square Roots Versus Radical Dreamers Jan 01, 2018

Nadia Oxford from USGamer and Axe of the Blood God joins us to dissect the strange relationships between this visual novel / text adventure and Chrono Trigger, as well as its role as a map for Chrono Cross. Things to enjoy this week: Jim getting angry at Radical Dreamers and Chrono Cross yet again, self-insert Chrono fan fiction, Radical Dreamers as a management parable, fashion montages, fushigi, and hyper gory text descriptions.

This week: We play through the first ending of Radical Dreamers! Next week: We finish Eden Prime and the Citadel to take command of the SR Normandy in Mass Effect!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

The Bard's Tale (2004) Part 4 - The Christmas Cinematic Universe Dec 25, 2017

The Bard's Tale 2004 - Part Four

Things draw to a close and we try to end on a positive note on what we liked about this strange game. We track through the three endings, discuss the stated theme of the game, and give long, long sighs as we hit one of the most weirdest endgame of any RPG we've seen.

This Week: We play Chapters 11 through 14 of The Bard's Tale. Next Week: We radically dream!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

The Bard's Tale (2004) Part 3 - I'm Hal Sparks! Dec 18, 2017

The Bard's Tale 2004 - Part Three

Hi! I'm Hal Sparks. Do you remember the 2000s? What a wild and crazy, yet somehow more innocent age. Snooki? Tatu? Eminem hair? We dive into a time of Urbz: Sims in the City and gay panic in this wall-to-wall-awesome episode of Square Roots.

Questions asked in this episode: why does Jim hate Chris Pratt? Does Jeff Goldblum have an orgy ship? Will Vanessa stop singing about the Nuckelvee? Is Scottish a language or dialect? What exactly is a flesh family?

Plus: The Vanessa and John Show, featuring their special guest, Matthew!

This Week: We play through Chapters 7 through 10 of the 2004 Bard's Tale. Next Week: We play Chapters 11 through 14 of The Bard's Tale.

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) comdestroydestroyer

The Bard's Tale (2004) Part 2 - Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Gesa* (*But Were Afraid To Ask) Dec 11, 2017

The Bard's Tale 2004 - Part Two

The tables are turned as Jim, John and Vanessa lighten up a little on The Bard's Tale while Matthew goes ballistic. John finds solace in an undead horse, Vanessa loves the Crone, Jim doesn't get the performance issues, and Matthew realizes the game may be tuned to encourage in-app purchases on iOS.

Why would Matthew start singing the Bodyguard song? What's a Kunal Trow? What's the difference between a Fnarf and a Hrafn? Will The Bard even sexually harass a Valkyrie? What the heck is a Gesa anyhow? Why is the game pulling a Halo 1 library with constantly spawning enemies? Why are Jim's free cheats better than Matthew's paid buffs?

The answers to these and more on a blockbuster, action-packed Square Roots!

This Week: We play through Chapters 4 through 6 of the 2004 Bard's Tale. Next Week: We play Chapters 7 through 10 of The Bard's Tale.

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

The Bard's Tale (2004) Part 1 - Jerkin It Dec 04, 2017

The Bard's Tale - Part 1

Yes, that's not a typo. We're covering the, uh, classic? RPG The Bard's Tale, and by that we mean the 2004 release that first came out on PS2 and Xbox. You might have a few questions, like: why are we playing The Bard's Tale? Was it written by Adam Carolla? Will we ever see Spiderman: Too Many Spidermen? Why has Matt never seen Big Bird's legs? Is Infamous an RPG? Does the town slut shame a widow? What the heck is a Kunal Trow? Just how dark can Vanessa make this podcast?

Find Vanessa's Best Acquaintances guest spot at: https://soundcloud.com/bestacquaintancespod Meanwhile, you can find Johnny's Kill By Kill guest spot at: https://player.fm/series/kill-by-kill/bonus-episode-thanksgiving-2007-w-john-brandon

This Week: We play through Chapters 1 through 3 of the 2004 Bard's Tale. Next Week: We play Chapters 4 through 6 of The Bard's Tale.

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Parasite Eve Part 3 - Jim's Third Birthday Nov 27, 2017

Parasite Eve Part 3

Planes explode! Boats sink! Daniels catch on fire! Parasite Eve's Disc 3 Crazy continues as we wrap up the bonkers story line with an insane finale. Really. Babies are shot. Mermen emerge. The statue of liberty is covered in goo. This brings up a ton of questions this week: is Parasite Eve some Ghostbusters II fan fiction? Or is Parasite Eve's Manhattan the world liberals want? Did the Jerry the janitor try to foil Klamp's sperm storage? Why is the final boss a garbage pail kid? How many times will John say "Baby Sack" this episode? Is their jumpiness at fire a sign of PTSD?

Listen for these and some hints to Jim's dark Kansas past in an exciting new episode of Square Roots!

This Week: We finish Day 5 and 6, ending our Parasite Eve run! Next Week: We play through Chapters 1 through 3 of the 2004 Bard's Tale.

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our opening song is courtesy of Kaosware:

►YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/KaoswareMetal ►FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/kaosware/ ►TWITTER: https://twitter.com/kaosware ►INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/kaos.ware/

Parasite Eve Part 2 - Li'l Baby Fresh Eyes Nov 20, 2017

Parasite Eve Part 2

We're back and still crushing more mitochondria! It's a dog-shooting, sperm finding episode of Square Roots as we get over halfway through Square's bizarre survival horror visual novel JRPG masterpiece.

Questions asked today: do you know the Meatball Man? Is Carl Winslow actually in the game? Was Lorraine's death preventable? Does Matthew really think sentient poop is a good superpower? Is Ms. Nusebaum the secret best character in the game? Has any Squaresoft game ever had that much sperm in it? Where does Eve carry that sperm anyhow? What's Stephanie's Choice? AND SO MANY MORE.

This episode: We finish Day 3 and 4 of Parasite Eve!

Next episode: We finish Day 5 and 6 and wrap up Parasite Eve!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our opening song is courtesy of Kaosware:

►YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/KaoswareMetal ►FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/kaosware/ ►TWITTER: https://twitter.com/kaosware ►INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/kaos.ware/

November Mailtacular! Nov 17, 2017

We've got a buildup of groovy letters from our awesome listeners! And heck, we've also got a bunch of questions from our Facebook group! So today we're gonna answer:

Is Final Fantasy IX overrated? What game do you love but don't want to play? What's the Square Roots special sauce for picking games? Are you going to retire from gaming? And so many more! So join us for talkin' back to youse folks!

Parasite Eve Part 1 - Accidental Clown Robbery Nov 13, 2017

Parasite Eve - Part 1

Parasite Eve: survival horror JRPG? Or is it a visual novel? This is the first of many, many questions we have during the first chunk of this bizarre game. Others include: What the heck are the rules surrounding Eve's power? Should we be calling her Melissa? Has Vanessa won Best Character Name of All Time? Why won't Jim plug his podcast at his church? Did Daniel really shoot a kid? What's up with Klamp anyhow? Is polygony illegal in the United States? Are we right in not thinking good things are gonna happen with Ben and the dog? What the heck is a mitochondria anyhow?

This episode: We finish Day 1 and 2 of Parasite Eve!

Next episode: We finish Day 3 and 4 of Parasite Eve!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our opening song is courtesy of Kaosware:

►YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/KaoswareMetal ►FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/kaosware/ ►TWITTER: https://twitter.com/kaosware ►INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/kaos.ware/

Chrono Trigger Part 5 - Mama Don't Take My Chrono Clone Away Nov 06, 2017

Chrono Trigger - Part 5 Finally! Vanessa has [REDACTED] the [REDACTED]! CONGRATULATIONS! But! Also! We finish Chrono Trigger and pretty much all get the same ending, except for Matt, but Matt got removed from the timestream and can't maintain his presence in this timeline. This is an all-singing-all-dancing episode featuring Memories of Chrono, Mama Don't Take My Chrono Chrome Away, and also some very, very very very very bad rapping. Oh! And we announce the next game!

Questions addressed: Does Queen Zeal recognize Magus as her son? Why can't Vanessa tell a Dark Carnival and Psycho Circus apart? Are conveyor belt fights better or worse than elevator fights? Should we be pouring one out for Toma? Is a JK Execution in bad taste? Do robots really need to be gendered? Who does John hate Geno?

This episode: We play when we are taken aboard the Blackbird until the end of the game!

Next episode: We play Day 1 and 2 of exciting mystery game!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our opening song is courtesy of Hyperduck Soundworks! Hit up their homepage at: hyperduck.co.uk Check them out on Facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/hyperducksw Check them out on twitter at @hyperduckchris

Our end song is performed by insaneintherainmusic: Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/insaneintherainmusic Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/insaneintherainmusic

Chrono Trigger Part 4 - Terrifying Boss Dong Oct 30, 2017

Chrono Trigger Part 4

Chuck Charles hosts the premiere show for dating fictional video game characters - Create-A-Combo! Who will our contestant Vanessa choose? Her new romance chosen, we start asking a whole bunch of questions about this chunk of Chrono Trigger, including: building a machine that harnesses the power of Lavos couldn't be a terrible idea, could it? Does Giga Gaia have a giant dong? How did the Dark Ages people get their magic anyhow? What's it like living in the body of a giant tomato? Why do animator perverts put dongs in everything?

Find out these answers and so many more in the latest episode of Square Roots!

This week: We hit the climactic turning point of Lavos Beckons! Next week: We finish the gaaaaame!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our opening song is courtesy of Hyperduck Soundworks! Hit up their homepage at: hyperduck.co.uk Check them out on Facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/hyperducksw Check them out on twitter at @hyperduckchris

Our end song is performed by insaneintherainmusic: Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/insaneintherainmusic Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/insaneintherainmusic

Waxworks - Halloween Spooktacular ft. Mikel Reparaz Oct 27, 2017

Hello, fellow lovers of the macabre and / or mouse-based action combat! Are you ready to be spooked? Are you in the mood for hyper-gory VGA-era RPG adventure games? ARE YOU? You better be, because Mikel Reparaz from Vidjagame Apocalypse joins us and he darn well finished this first person dungeon crawler for our benefit. So you'll play this creaky game from Horrorsoft and YOU'LL LIKE IT.

On this special bonus episode we explore the strange worlds of this episodic RPG and ask: why are old PC RPGs so much less accessible than their console equivalents? What's up with the crazy amount of gore? Are the policemen just made that we touched them?

Check out Vidjagame Apocalypse at: http://www.lasertimepodcast.com/category/videogame-apocalypse/

Help support LaserTime over at: https://www.patreon.com/lasertime You can also listen to Mikel over on Talking Critic by contributing to: https://www.patreon.com/talkingsimpsons

Opening and closing music is direct from Waxworks!

Chrono Trigger Part 3 - Chocolate! Chocolate! Chocolate! ACK! Oct 23, 2017

Chrono Trigger Part 3

We're into the thick of things with Chrono Trigger as we hit everyone's favorite part of the game: Magus's Castle! Yep, that's right! Flea! Slash! Ozzie! Our panel of experts including noted pervazoid Jim Banks, loveable curmudgeon Matthew Van Zandt, mysterious genius Vanessa Girl and Manic Pixie Dream Bear John Brandon ask the questions you've always wanted answers to: is Ayla really just Cathy? Does Ayla even have a tail? Is she hitting on Lucca? Is Lucca even interested? What's Vanessa's beef with Mister Tumness? Did the Reptites draw wieners on everyones faces after passing out from the "soup"? Also! A special guest appearance by everyone's favorite Badyear Racer, Johnny!

Find out these answers and so many more in the latest episode of Square Roots!

This week: We finish the chapter Unnatural Selection and get the heck out of the Prehistoric World! Next week: We hit the climactic turning point of Lavos Beckons!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our opening song is courtesy of Hyperduck Soundworks! Hit up their homepage at: hyperduck.co.uk Check them out on Facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/hyperducksw Check them out on twitter at @hyperduckchris

Our end song is performed by insaneintherainmusic: Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/insaneintherainmusic Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/insaneintherainmusic

Chrono Trigger Part 2 - Funky Temperate Medina Oct 16, 2017

Chrono Trigger Part 2

After a very, very long Blade Runner talk and Jim gets the future year wrong, we settle in for our usual expert panel on all your burning Chrono Trigger questions, such as; why does Matthew constantly misquote Judge Dredd? Did they get wet after being squirted out from Heckran's Cave? Is Vanessa using jet bike racing as some kind of euphemism? Why is Matthew heck-bent on getting Vanessa an eight ball? What even IS an eight ball? Are those white fluffy things big cats or big chickens?

Find out these answers and so many more in the latest episode of Square Roots!

This week: We complete the chapter Tata and the Frog and head to the Prehistoric World! Next week: We finish the chapter Unnatural Selection and finish up the second Prehistoric World trip.

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our opening song is courtesy of Hyperduck Soundworks! Hit up their homepage at: hyperduck.co.uk Check them out on Facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/hyperducksw Check them out on twitter at @hyperduckchris

Our end song is performed by insaneintherainmusic: Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/insaneintherainmusic Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/insaneintherainmusic

Chrono Trigger Part 1 - Party Like It's 999 Oct 09, 2017

Chrono Trigger Part 1

We start our new time-hopping adventure in a talk that gets very, very mired in discussing what would and wouldn't be ethical to do with your inert clone. Other questions raised: Is this a total palette swap of a game? What floor does Lucca live on anyhow? What is the technology level of 1000 AD Crono Trigger? Should we advertise for companies on spec? Is Secret of Mana the distant future of Chrono Trigger? Can we tell the difference between KISS and Insane Clown Posse albums? It's perfectly natural to cuddle your clone, right? Should some yums be yucked?

Find out these answers and so many more in the latest episode of Square Roots!

This week: We begin Chrono Trigger, and play until the bridge boss after the trial! Next week: We play until the end of Tata and the Frog and before leaving for the prehistoric world.

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our opening song is courtesy of Hyperduck Soundworks! Hit up their homepage at: hyperduck.co.uk Check them out on Facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/hyperducksw Check them out on twitter at @hyperduckchris

Our end song is performed by insaneintherainmusic: Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/user/insaneintherainmusic Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/insaneintherainmusic

Final Fantasy XII Part 9 - Muscle Toddler Trudeau Oct 02, 2017

Final Fantasy XII Part 9

Vanessa and Matthew don't like the idea of playing Darkseed 2 and Beyond the Beyond at the same time and take steps to change history as we settle on what to play next. As we hit the end of Final Fantasy XII questions are asked: Is Pennywise a total CILF? Is Venat a creepy life coach? Is Vayne the Justin Trudeau of Final Fantasy? Do many good games end with terrible muscle man boss fights? Are there too many liberties taken with the translation? Where the heck were Venat and Vayne walking to anyway? Is Fran just overdramatic?

Find out these answers and so many more in the latest episode of Square Roots!

This week: We finish Final Fantasy XII! Next week: We play until the end of the trial in.... Darkseed 2 and Beyond the Beyond? No.

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our theme song is courtesy of Knight of the Round. Hit up their homepage at: http://knightoftheround.com/ Check them out on Facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/KOTRmetal/ Check them out on twitter at @KOTRMetal

Final Fantasy XII Part 8 - We All Float Down Here Sep 25, 2017

Final Fantasy XII Part 8

The next game is announced! And it's real bad. But maybe Matthew and Vanessa can have a chance to put right what once went wrong. We go deep inside Pharos which, as must be pointed out, is a large building and not the ghost kid from Persona 3. Questions addressed in this episode: do scarves cancel out fedoras? Is a boss really called Slit the Fish Monster? Have you tried a Final Fantasy XII cleanse? Did we just fight a Hatchimal? Will Vanessa make a million dollars with her Manse idea? What are Dude Wipes and why do they upset Vanessa anyway? What does Fy Forse Fints mean?

This week: We complete Pharos and get ready for the last adventure. Next week: We finish Final Fantasy XII!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our theme song is courtesy of Knight of the Round. Hit up their homepage at: http://knightoftheround.com/ Check them out on Facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/KOTRmetal/ Check them out on twitter at @KOTRMetal

Final Fantasy XII Part 7 - Fancy Auron Versus Beardy Pinkshorts Sep 18, 2017

Final Fantasy XII Part 7

We dabble in converting the podcast to pure ASMR after Matthew was swept away in a hurricane. Questions asked in this episode: Is Daddy Cid really just Fancy Auron? Is Port Balfonheim a pleasant hive of scum and villany? Will Jim and John out themselves as Vayne Supporters after C** Fest '94? What the heck is a Manse? Can a three wheeled car really work?

This week: We travel through Draklor's Lab through to the gates of Pharos. Next week: We finish Pharos!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our theme song is courtesy of Knight of the Round. Hit up their homepage at: http://knightoftheround.com/ Check them out on Facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/KOTRmetal/ Check them out on twitter at @KOTRMetal

Final Fantasy XII Part 6 - Loafin' Around Sep 11, 2017

Final Fantasy XII Part 6 Stay tuned past the credits for a very, very special bonus Level Up!

Today on Square Roots: we learn all about the origins of meatloaf, Al-Cid's assistant goes from schoolgirl to business casual as things get serious; Jim and Matthew get a sweet new comic idea; the gang questions the transport infrastructure of another fantasy world; we meet the greatest hunt of all time; John can't pronounce Draco Malfoy and so much more!

This week: We hit Old Archaedia! Next week: We get to Pharos, who is not the kid from Persona 3.

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our theme song is courtesy of Knight of the Round. Hit up their homepage at: http://knightoftheround.com/ Check them out on Facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/KOTRmetal/ Check them out on twitter at @KOTRMetal

Final Fantasy XII Part 5 - You're Tearing Me Apart, Larsa Sep 04, 2017

Final Fantasy XII Part 5

Who would kill Judge Judy? We have the answer, and it's not who you think on this political intrigue packed episode of Square Roots: Topics included for your approval: Vanessa takes a third taco option; Sega conning John into buying $80 Yakuza games; sub-nipular body hair; one of our crew mixes up the words to Peter Gabriel's Sledgehammer and Information Society's What's On Your Mind; hard hitting reporting on the hat-usage of Wus; and finally, a dungeon everyone likes!

This week: We clear out the Miriam Stillshrine! Next week: We make the trek to Old Archaedia.

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our theme song is courtesy of Knight of the Round. Hit up their homepage at: http://knightoftheround.com/ Check them out on Facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/KOTRmetal/ Check them out on twitter at @KOTRMetal

Final Fantasy XII Part 4 - A Cacophony of Boy Detectives Aug 28, 2017

Final Fantasy XII Part 4

So much political dramatics. Will Vayne kill Larsa? Will Larsa kill Vayne? Who are all these Senators? Do these judges want to kill Vayne or Larsa? What happens if you leave deifacted nethecite in the oven just a little too long? FIND OUT. Also: Vanessa does stand up, wedding ring re-use is discussed, we dive into physiological gender divergence among the Viera, Vanessa makes a sex joke, we debate if the show has veered into A Game of Thrones or Fight Club territory, spatchcocking, the morality of Wood banishment, and so much more!

This week: We finish exploring the Henne Mines and ice an elder dragon. Next week: We vanquish the Miram Stillshrine!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our theme song is courtesy of Knight of the Round. Hit up their homepage at: http://knightoftheround.com/ Check them out on Facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/KOTRmetal/ Check them out on twitter at @KOTRMetal

Final Fantasy XII Part 3 - A Nightmare on Sandsea Aug 21, 2017

Final Fantasy XII Part 3

We descend into the spooky depths of the Tomb of Raithwall to help prove that Ashe is really a princess in this sand-filled, Star Warsy episode of Square Roots. So many questions that we may or may not answer in this episode. Does Vaan also hate sand? Does Larsa have a crush on Penelo? Is Fran the Chewbacca? Are there any zones in this game that aren't vaguely desert-y? Why are elementals such jerks? Why does this group just keep getting arrested? Has Matthew finally accepted this game's pronunciation of Marquis? Will Vanessa find out what a daddybear really is?

This week: We plunge into the tomb of Raithwall! Next week: We finish exploring the Henne Mines!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our theme song is courtesy of Knight of the Round. Hit up their homepage at: http://knightoftheround.com/ Check them out on Facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/KOTRmetal/ Check them out on twitter at @KOTRMetal

Final Fantasy XII Part 2 - Secrets to Successful Rubix's Cube Smuggling Aug 14, 2017

Final Fantasy XII - Part 2

Have you seen Judge Reinhold? He was last seen in the company of a mysterious woman with hair described as "Lord Vayne-like". If not: take a listen as we push through dungeons and mines and fight goopy cloecas; we meet Final Fantasy XII's cast of Judges, including Gabranth, Ghis, Judy, and Joe Brown; Matthew insults the entire cast of Wet Hot American Summer; there's far too much Batman talk; we get confused between The Fog, The Mist and Myst; Jim gets a proper noun overload; and we fly to the Bespin-like city of Bhujerba.

This week: We hit up the Lhusu Mines! Next week: We plunge the depths of the Raithwall Tomb!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our theme song is courtesy of Knight of the Round. Hit up their homepage at: http://knightoftheround.com/ Check them out on Facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/KOTRmetal/ Check them out on twitter at @KOTRMetal

Final Fantasy XII Part 1 - Surely This Is The Protagonist Now Aug 07, 2017

Final Fantasy XII - Part 1

The gang gets exposition overload as Final Fantasy XII opens the firehouse of names and places of importance in the world of Ivalice. But that's not all! Jim got incepted and doesn't remember a thing from his last playthrough. What are they trying to hide? Other topics discussed include: Kevin Spacey's punchability, Cardassian shoe lines, levelling down, Vanessa's theory of ranking and clothes-wearning, The Suite Life of Vaan and Panelo, a varient of the classic raft math problem, John keeps saying Depeche Mode weird, alligator jaw formation, the job system induced anxiety, the glamorous return of the Bullshit Minigame corner, shipping Balthier and Vaan, and so much more!

This week: We escape Rabanastre Castle and fight Firemane! Next week: We finish the Lhusu mines.

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our theme song is courtesy of Knight of the Round. Hit up their homepage at: http://knightoftheround.com/ Check them out on Facebook at: http://www.facebook.com/KOTRmetal/ Check them out on twitter at @KOTRMetal

Amazing Rogue Tomato cover art from: http://ultimatemaverickx.newgrounds.com/

Persona 3 Part 10 - The Power of Friendship Vs. Cthulu Jul 31, 2017

Persona 3 - Part 10 Please be aware due to the nature of the game suicide is discussed.

Finally, we end the scourge of Nyx, the Death God and finish Persona 3! Topics covered today include: casting Persona 3 with TGIF sitcom stars; visual metaphors for finger stuff; sudden difficulty spikes; and a return to Matthew with his Secrets of Life segment. Many questions are answered: was the MC just sleepy? What happened to Takaya? Is Aigis the secret main character? What could have made the ending to Wonder Woman better? Should we even forgive the Gourmet King? Are JRPGs just too damn long? Is Persona 4 a classic?

This week: We finish Persona 3! Next week: We move to the city of Rabanastre in Final Fantasy XII and play through the fete at the palace!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our theme song is courtesy of Sapphire.

Original Artist(s): Shoji Meguro & Yumi Kawamura

English Lyrics by: Merr, Sapphire, & Y. Chang

Instrumental by: SHADOWFOX2 and Zach Striefel.

https://www.youtube.com/user/StrawberryCreme26

Check her out on twitter at @sapphberry

Persona 3 Part 9 - Matthew's Metaphysical Corner Jul 24, 2017

Persona 3 - Part 8

THE NEXT GAME IS ANNOUNCED! YOU WON'T BELIEVE ONDORE'S THIGHS! Please be aware due to the nature of the game suicide is discussed.

What is the meaning of life? Why live in terror when you could die in peace? Ryoji offers these questions in his final bargain as we close out the year in the classic Atlus JRPG Persona 3. There's more exams, we go on Christmas dates, and there's an overstuffed Vanessa's Social Ladder too! Also, Johnny selected the wrong microphone in Audacity so he sounds terrible. Sorry about that. Other topics include: the sad life of the Gourmet King, whether Shinto and Buddism are the same thing, moving to the brand new utopia of Amestris, Vanessa's military takeover of Amestris, and Zeboyd Games's new RPG Cosmic Star Heroine.

This week: We play to the end of December! Next week: We finish Persona 3!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our theme song is courtesy of Sapphire.

Original Artist(s): Shoji Meguro & Yumi Kawamura

English Lyrics by: Merr, Sapphire, & Y. Chang

Instrumental by: SHADOWFOX2 and Zach Striefel.

https://www.youtube.com/user/StrawberryCreme26

Check her out on twitter at @sapphberry

Persona 3 Part 8 - He's a Real Naruto Jul 17, 2017

Persona 3 - Part 8 Please be aware due to the nature of the game suicide is discussed.

Things don't go super well for the Persona gang, but Jim, John, Matthew and Vanessa aren't worried. It's zag after zag in a twisty, plot heavy episode of Persona 3! We meet Ryoji! There's a trip to Kyoto! There's a stealth section! Questions asked include: Are eyebuds gonna be a thing? Can you get sick from swimming in man soup? Was Dumbledore evil? Is American Domino's Cheesy Bread better than Canadian Domino's Cheesy Bread? What's Ryoji's deal, and why is he Vanessa's husbando? Is red bean paste good? Is Yukari flirting with Mitsuru? How are Rock Star Jesus and Jin still alive? Why would the corporeal embodiment of death enroll in high school?

This week: We play to the end of November! Next week: We play to the end of December!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our theme song is courtesy of Sapphire.

Original Artist(s): Shoji Meguro & Yumi Kawamura

English Lyrics by: Merr, Sapphire, & Y. Chang

Instrumental by: SHADOWFOX2 and Zach Striefel.

https://www.youtube.com/user/StrawberryCreme26

Check her out on twitter at @sapphberry

Persona 3 Part 7 - The Gang Gets Crucified Jul 10, 2017

Persona 3 - Part 7 Please be aware due to the nature of the game suicide is discussed.

12:00am

11/04/09

On a Wednesday...

Square Roots: The Gang Gets Crucified!

Join Matt, Jim, John, and Nessa for the latest ep of Square Roots! We talk Persona 3 Full Moon Operation 7! We drink too much and smoke too much and vape too much and curse too much and generally do things that teenagers would think is cool but is really kind of embarrassing for a bunch of 30 something adults.

This week: We play through the November Full Moon Operation! Next week: We play to the end of November!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our theme song is courtesy of Sapphire.

Original Artist(s): Shoji Meguro & Yumi Kawamura

English Lyrics by: Merr, Sapphire, & Y. Chang

Instrumental by: SHADOWFOX2 and Zach Striefel.

https://www.youtube.com/user/StrawberryCreme26

Check her out on twitter at @sapphberry

Persona 3 Part 6 - Talkin' 'Bout Caulkin Jul 03, 2017

Persona 3 - Part 6 Please be aware due to the nature of the game suicide is discussed.

So many important questions today as we press through September. Was Liam Neeson in Surf Ninjas? Was Zangief originally a villain? Is Ted Cruz the Zodiac Killer, or merely three children stacked up pretending to be a grown-up? Did Kenny go all The Good Son? Was Anne Heche in The Good Son? What was the one weakness of The Good Son? What happens to people when they're driving during the dark hour? Will John's request to have a coffin that's just a giant fleshlight be honored? Does Vanessa want to wear a dress made of American cheese? Will the gang ever stop mispronouncing the team members' names?

This week: We play through the October Full Moon Operation! Next week: We play through the November Full Moon Operation!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our theme song is courtesy of Sapphire.

Original Artist(s): Shoji Meguro & Yumi Kawamura

English Lyrics by: Merr, Sapphire, & Y. Chang

Instrumental by: SHADOWFOX2 and Zach Striefel.

https://www.youtube.com/user/StrawberryCreme26

Check her out on twitter at @sapphberry

Persona 3 Part 5 - Tickling Her Fancy™ Jun 26, 2017

Persona 3 - Part 5 Please be aware due to the nature of the game suicide is discussed.

What happened to Cerberus? Did the Ninja Turtles take the red pill? Why does John pronounce Tarot weird? Does Lolligoth really like Junpei? Is Chidori inspired by Steve Martin? Why did John not get a date to the summer festival? Is Fuuka's ab-abber machine doing more than tickling her? What happens when Junpei makes Jim wear a yukata? Why should everyone hate Steiner, and what does it have to do with Ray Donovan? Is that Ray Liotta show called John Blurp: Blue Cop?

This week: We play through the September Full Moon Operation! Next week: We play through the October Full Moon Operation!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our theme song is courtesy of Sapphire.

Original Artist(s): Shoji Meguro & Yumi Kawamura

English Lyrics by: Merr, Sapphire, & Y. Chang

Instrumental by: SHADOWFOX2 and Zach Striefel.

https://www.youtube.com/user/StrawberryCreme26

Check her out on twitter at @sapphberry

Persona 3 Part 4 - Basically a Ghostbusters / Walter Peck Scenario Jun 19, 2017

Persona 3 - Part 4 Please be aware due to the nature of the game suicide is discussed.

Yukari finally confronts Mitsuru on her drama and the Countess throws wine in Theresa's face; things get very Ghostbustersy ten years ago thanks to the Kijiro Group's shenanigans; the very regrettable Operation: Babe Hunt; the detailed simulation that is Dead or Alive: Xtreme Beach Volleyball; there are several covers of Persona songs by talented singers John and Vanessa; and finally, this is basically the Breastcast as we discuss a wide range of breast topics, not limited to support, animation and sizing.

This week: We play through the August Full Moon Operation! Next week: We play through the September Full Moon Operation!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our theme song is courtesy of Sapphire.

Original Artist(s): Shoji Meguro & Yumi Kawamura

English Lyrics by: Merr, Sapphire, & Y. Chang

Instrumental by: SHADOWFOX2 and Zach Striefel.

https://www.youtube.com/user/StrawberryCreme26

Check her out on twitter at @sapphberry

Persona 3 Part 3 - Not For Teacher Jun 12, 2017

Persona 3 - Part 3 Please be aware due to the nature of the game suicide is discussed.

We discover what happens when Matthew is missing from an episode: we get super, super creepy. Topics covered this episode include: nonconsentual clothing options, Marduk, and the Male Gaze; more Adam Jr. and the Bachelorette; the legality of Japanese Love Hotels; pink goo; that one teacher who got pregnant from her student; the growing mysteries of the Kirijo group; Akihiko and Yukari's sexy showers; the game getting so mad at John's dumbness that it stops and tells him how to solve a puzzle.

This week: We play through the July Full Moon Operation! Next week: We play through the August Full Moon Operation!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our theme song is courtesy of Sapphire.

Original Artist(s): Shoji Meguro & Yumi Kawamura

English Lyrics by: Merr, Sapphire, & Y. Chang

Instrumental by: SHADOWFOX2 and Zach Striefel.

https://www.youtube.com/user/StrawberryCreme26

Check her out on twitter at @sapphberry

Persona 3 Part 2 - The Jim-Nasium Jun 05, 2017

Persona 3 - Part 2 Please be aware due to the nature of the game suicide is discussed.

We storm the school in this week's Square Roots! An epic, spooky ghost-story filled Full Moon Operation is just the start though, as we get some new team members, battle some baddies, and maybe, MAYBE talk about mid-terms. Topics covered include: John's disturbing paternal instincts; Parent Fight Club; we rename the Quest Log the Velvet Compendium; Shuji's Pun Bonanza; Kathy Griffin's hair; Vanessa climbs the social ladder; the game gets real with the bullying; we learn the dark secrets of the Jim-Nasium and are locked inside, and so much more!

This week: We play through the June Full Moon Operation! Next week: We play through the July Full Moon Operation!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our theme song is courtesy of Sapphire.

Original Artist(s): Shoji Meguro & Yumi Kawamura

English Lyrics by: Merr, Sapphire, & Y. Chang

Instrumental by: SHADOWFOX2 and Zach Striefel.

https://www.youtube.com/user/StrawberryCreme26

Check her out on twitter at @sapphberry

Persona 3 Part 1 - Shin Megaman Tengen May 29, 2017

Persona 3 - Part 1 Please be aware due to the nature of the game suicide is discussed.

ALRIGHT! Finally, we move on to a real meaty, grindy, turn-basedey game! And we LOVE it. In this episode we answer a lot of questions: Bernie Janders or Best Jugs? Are evokers real guns? Does sleeping in class make you more popular? Is Shuji a creep? Who would show up at GeckoCon 2016? What's the difference between the PS2 and PSP version of Persona 3? Any difference between playing as a girl or boy? Is there a femur inside AJ Junior?

This week: We play through the first Full Moon Operation! Next week: We play through the second Full Moon Operation!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our theme song is courtesy of Sapphire.

Original Artist(s): Shoji Meguro & Yumi Kawamura

English Lyrics by: Merr, Sapphire, & Y. Chang

Instrumental by: SHADOWFOX2 and Zach Striefel.

https://www.youtube.com/user/StrawberryCreme26

Check her out on twitter at @sapphberry

Kingdom Hearts Part 7 - Come, Guardian! May 22, 2017

Kingdom Hearts - Part 7

We push to the finish of Kingdom Hearts in record time, reflecting on the journey as we destroy the... six?... forms of Ansem. Other topics enjoyed today: Race Jenkins PI; Finding Kurt Zisa; Come Guardian / Eldritch Backpack / Come Kazooie / Banjo Cthulu; this is the new flesh: a floating turducken of biomechanical anime tropes; Pluto just being really into pup play; KINGDOM HEARTS IS LIGHT; RPG / pop culture mashups; and so much more!

This week: We finish Kingdom Heats! Next week: We play through the end of the first full moon operation of Persona 3!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our theme music is by meepmeep189, check out his Youtube here: https://www.youtube.com/user/meepmeep189

Kingdom Hearts Part 6 - Beauty and Adam Carolla ft. Thirsty Grandma May 15, 2017

Kingdom Hearts - Part 6

NEXT GAME ANNOUNCEMENT! Matthew has audio problems throughout this episode and kind of disappears for a bit. Highlights of this episode include: it ain't no Hollow Bastion; we get randomly ditched by Donald and Goofy; Vanessa, Jim and Matthew defend the virtues of the Goofy Movie; an analysis of the later works of Clarabel Cow; Riku's Super Saiyan Suit; Banksy's See n' Say; Jim lists the Seven Princesses* of Heart in alphabetical order; Not-Being-A-Prizeitude; Sora's disturbing suicide; the oddly muscular behemoth; stay tuned through the credits for an extra special DeviantArt analysis!

*Alice is not actually a princess.

This week: Hollow Bastion! Next week: It's the end of the world as we know it!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our theme music is by meepmeep189, check out his Youtube here: https://www.youtube.com/user/meepmeep189

Kingdom Hearts Part 5 - Thicc With Two C's May 08, 2017

Kingdom Hearts - Part 5

Check out our new, limited time only store:

http://coachsassistant.gtmsportswear.com/squareroots

Vanessa, Matthew, Jim and John tackle two more worlds in this smashing episode of Square Roots. Questions resolved include: who directed A Nightmare Before Christmas? Is Tinkerbell thicc? Just who is Chris Sarandon anyway? Is flying the only element of childish joy in Matthew's heart? Why is Riku bossing around Captain Hook? What the heck is happening anyway? We may not have the right answer to any of these questions, but we try our best around Halloweentown and Neverland.

This week: It's time for Halloween Town and we soar through Neverland! Next week: We storm the Hollow Bastion!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our theme music is by meepmeep189, check out his Youtube here: https://www.youtube.com/user/meepmeep189

Cover art from: http://gianttoby.deviantart.com

Kingdom Hearts Part 4 - Down Where It's Wetter May 01, 2017

Kingdom Hearts - Part 4

Check out our new, limited time only store:

http://coachsassistant.gtmsportswear.com/squareroots

What is vore? John explains. This is relevant: today we get swallowed by Monstro before heading off to the Little Mermaid world of Atlantica, where Ursula also tries to swallow you! Also: being eaten alive by snakes, BRIAN BLESSED RETURNS, we imagine Dreamworks Hearts, puppet fetishes, we debate Ariel's family tree and the Little Mermaid expanded universe, hair nomenclature, and so much more!

This week: We go down where it's wetter in Monstro and Atlantica! Next week: We hit up Halloween Town and then move on to... Neverland!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our theme music is by meepmeep189, check out his Youtube here: https://www.youtube.com/user/meepmeep189

Cover art from: http://gianttoby.deviantart.com

Kingdom Hearts Part 3 - The Blue Genie’s Kisses Might Be Softer Apr 24, 2017

Kingdom Hearts - Part 3

Check out our new, limited time only store:

http://coachsassistant.gtmsportswear.com/squareroots

Do you know where you are? You’re in the jungle, baby. You’re gonna die! Is there any way to tell what age Joseph Gordon Levitt is in any particular role? Is Angels in the Outfield a good movie? Not only do we debate blue genie versus red genie on kiss softness, stealing from Winnie the Pooh, the dollar store Genie, hunting Rosie O’Donnell, the type of cat head the cave of wonders entrance actually is, Tarzan’s relative attractiveness, Jiminy Cricket’s white van, Brian Blessed’s giant mouth, and so, so much more.

This week: We thrash through the Deep Jungle and Agrabah! Next week: We swim through the vore world of Monstro and on to Atlantica!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our theme music is by meepmeep189, check out his Youtube here: https://www.youtube.com/user/meepmeep189

Cover art from: http://domnics.deviantart.com/

Kingdom Hearts Part 2 - Cloud Strife: Cat Fan? Apr 17, 2017

Kingdom Hearts - Part 2

Check out our new, limited time only store:

http://coachsassistant.gtmsportswear.com/squareroots

We begin with Vanessa's Corrections Corner as she realizes there may have been some factual inaccuracies in the previous podcast. Also: Vanessa unleashes a sick burn, John debuts Level Up Classic to much consternation, Encyclopedia Van Zandt does sound detective work over Vanessa's knowledge of Hercules songs, we debate what Vincent from Final Fantasy VII is wearing, secrets are told and hearts are broken. Also there's some nonsense about keys shooting lasers at keyholes.

This week: We play through until you beat Cerberus at Mount Olympus. Next week: We secure the Jungle World and Agribah!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our theme music is by meepmeep189, check out his Youtube here: https://www.youtube.com/user/meepmeep189

Kingdom Hearts Part 1 - But Does That Mean I Have To Meet Your Father? Apr 10, 2017

Kingdom Hearts - Part 1

Check out our new, limited time only store:

http://coachsassistant.gtmsportswear.com/squareroots

It's a relatively smut-free episode as we take a raft through the galaxy that is Kingdom Hearts. All the hosts are amazed by John's flawless and totally not terrifying Donald Duck impression as well as David Boreanis's acting. Other questions today include: what's a gummi ship? Does John find Jimminy Cricket attractive? Why are there only six dwarves? Do we really have to do this Gummi Ship thing every time we travel between planets? Why is Cinderella a brunette? WHY IS IT CALLED A GUMMI SHIP? Why is Squall called Leon? Are there really only six dwarves on that stained glass?

Also: 1960s Producers Jim and Johnny come back! We get another Even Stevens shout out, making it the second most referenced show on Square Roots?

This week: We play through until you get the Gummi Ship. Next week: We finish Wonderland and Mount Olympus!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our theme music is by meepmeep189, check out his Youtube here: https://www.youtube.com/user/meepmeep189

Super Mario RPG Part 4 - Six Doors of Disappointment Apr 03, 2017

Super Mario RPG Part 4!

Check out our new, limited time only store:

http://coachsassistant.gtmsportswear.com/squareroots

We start off with 65 Rules For Dating My Gay Friend John, the terrible 6 Doors of Disappointment, the insane boss rush that is the final stage, discussing the physiology of Exor, casting a new hypothetical Super Mario Brothers movie, we trade Culex strategies, Matthew relies on Geno Flash to win the game, and we try to figure out who some of these late game bosses are. There's final thoughts on the game with no set rating system, and most importantly we break down the government structure and long-con of the Mushroom Kingdom. Spoiler: Mario is a useful idiot.

This week: We finish the game! Next week: We get to the Gummi Ship in Kingdom Hearts 1!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our theme music is by Mykal Williams, check out his Youtube here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNYPoyecyVkXzg4D3Pq5mKw

His Soundcloud is here: https://soundcloud.com/mykalwilliams

The #Trypod Sampler! Mar 31, 2017

Hi Sqooters! John here! With only hours to spare I'm here to post the #Trypod special. Here's a chance for you to share the Comrade Radio podcasts with non-podcast listening buddies, and a chance for you to check out what's up with the other Comrade Radio shows.

I'll allow Malcolm to take over:

Here at the network, we're nothing if not sheep, and as such we're fiercely devoted to the latest social media trends. This month it's the "trypod" initiative, which asks podcast fans to share their favorite programs with friends who have never tried the medium. So we've carefully put together our favorite clips from our shows to craft the perfect taste test of what we do on a regular basis.

So whether you haven't tried all the network shows, or even a podcast in general, these clips are a great starting place. Don't forget, for the rest of the month, share us on social media with the hashtag #trypod, and use good old fashioned word of mouth to get people into podcasts!

At 2:00 - Apoc Radio, a post-apocalyptic survival/pop culture show! At 8:40 - Tales From The Static - an 80s style horror anthology At 11:38 - Surely, Not Surely - advice but with extra wine and sarcasm At 13:56 - Divisive Issues - Comic books! At 19:03 - Oops! I Talked Politics - Left wing political discussion At 24:55 - Square Roots - Classic RPGs (role playing video games) At 29:55 - Instant Classic - Modern video games! At 31:15- Classic Schmassic - classic films from a modern perspective

As always, all our fine programming is found at Comraderadio.com

Super Mario RPG Part 3 - How Bean Was My Valley? Mar 27, 2017

Super Mario RPG Part 3!

In this erotically charged episode the podcast screeches to a halt as Matthew insists that Jonathan Jones is not a shark, but that doesn't stop us from further ruining your childhood. Amazing talking points include: John's misunderstanding the vagina reaches new heights; they debate the origins of the term "Axem Rangers"; everyone falls in love with a morbidly obese toucan; Vanessa is horrified by the anatomy of Valentina; everyone gets every name wrong; no one gets a Dido reference; John is the only one who can climb vines due to a childhood of sub-par platformers; and so much more!

This week: We get stars five and six! Next week: We finish the game!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our theme music is by Mykal Williams, check out his Youtube here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNYPoyecyVkXzg4D3Pq5mKw

His Soundcloud is here: https://soundcloud.com/mykalwilliams

Super Mario RPG Part 2 - The Frightening Lineage Of Morton Koopa Jr. Mar 20, 2017

We explore several theories on the lineage of the Koopa Kids and Bowser Jr. as well as try to gain some insight into the true relationship between Mario, Princess "Peach" Toadstool, and Bowser himself. Other questions we ask: is there any Croco fan art? Is googling bad for a podcast? Is Super Mario RPG just a tabletop RPG made by Luigi to get revenge on his brother? On a scale of hot to superhot, how hot is Booster? Is the Mushroom Kingdom experiencing a defacto coup? Stay tuned through the credits for the most erotic exploration of Croco art ever put to podcast!

This week: We get stars three and four! Next week: We get stars five and six!

Human Croco: http://38383838.deviantart.com/art/Croco-X-Mallow-576676507 Croco Tickles: http://img15.deviantart.net/0567/i/2009/033/5/4/trouble_with_piranha_plants_by_sassysnake.jpg

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our theme music is by Mykal Williams, check out his Youtube here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNYPoyecyVkXzg4D3Pq5mKw

His Soundcloud is here: https://soundcloud.com/mykalwilliams

Super Mario RPG Part 1 - Belome! Mar 13, 2017

Hey! Just a heads up, this is a SUPER NSFW EPISODE. Much more so than usual. So make sure your children are tucked into bed before diving into this week's particularly risqué pod.

Topics covered include: Did Dr. Eggman take Donkey Kong's name when he got him pregnant? We pitch 90s edgelord variants of the Super Mario RPG opening; there's much talk of MRPEG; we discuss Mario's living situation and hookup relationship with Princess "Peach" Toadstool; the Bowser / King Koopa Switcheroo; John drops the best joke in the history of podcasting; we ruminate on the Lumpy Space Princessness of Mallow, as well as the proper pronunciation of Mallow; and MUCH MUCH MORE. It's a jam packed, ridiculous episode of podcasting.

THIS WEEK: We play from the start of Super Mario RPG through until we get the second star. NEXT WEEK: We hit the third and fourth stars!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our theme music is by Mykal Williams, check out his Youtube here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNYPoyecyVkXzg4D3Pq5mKw

His Soundcloud is here: https://soundcloud.com/mykalwilliams

This week's art is from: http://jsparrow.deviantart.com

The KOTOR Mailbag Episode! Mar 11, 2017

Stay tuned after the credits for what will hopefully be the first and last episode of HAMILTALK! John and Vanessa are joined by Stan from They See Me Rollin' as they divulge Star Wars origin stories and then tackle the burning questions our listeners have been aching to ask: can you teach a cat to use the force? Why is your marriage not working? Where is the love? Also: John's deep Wing Commander knowledge, lightsaber nunchucks and so much more!

Also! We interview game industry professional Brent Tighe about his feelings on the dark and light side mechanics of KOTOR!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Music:

Star Wars NES (JVC) - Mos Eisley

Star Wars NES (JVC) - Turret Attack!

Special thanks to ShrubRustle for his awesome Hamilton remix track: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dDQ-YUTeTe4

Our theme music is by Vince Carrola, check out his great work at: https://www.youtube.com/user/VJC222

Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic Part 9 - That's So Revan! Mar 06, 2017

NEXT GAME ANNOUNCEMENT! We wrap up Knights of the Old Republic by storming through the mystery planet of the Rakatans, botch the Light Side quest (yeah, those villages aren't being unified), die in some terrible wrong dialogue choice auto-deaths, fight the controls in possibly the worst KOTOR bullshit minigame ever, and decide the fate of the galaxy and which ending we're gonna get through some super unclear dialogue choices. Spoiler alert: Jim may not be happy with the ending he received. Also: we miss the low-hanging Revan / Raven fruit, everyone commits at least light genocide, and Bastila still hasn't figured out that Chunk Meatlover is gay. This week on Square Roots:WE FINISH THE GAME

Next week on Square Roots: We start our new game and get two of whatever objects it is you have to collect in this game!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our theme music is by Vince Carrola, check out his great work at: https://www.youtube.com/user/VJC222

Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic Part 8 - Sith Valley High Feb 27, 2017

We're closing in on the end of Knights of the Old Republic in this episode as we head to the Sith Academy on Korriban. Is it a Saved By The Sith situation? A Sith Valley High scenario? This is an action and reference packed episode! Jolee becomes the breakout character of the game; John and Matt talk about shopping for five minutes, until Vanessa stops them; a debate on whether or not people would run into each other that often in huge galaxies; Jim accidentally does good and Vanessa accidentally goes evil; is Sith society sustainable; obscure references John makes that go over everyone else's heads include En Vogue, Mary J. Blige, Showgirls and Degrassi Junior High; Matthew reduces the academy to a pile of smoldering corpses; a special appearance from M. Night Shamaylan! This week on Square Roots: We enroll in the Sith Academy on Korriban, and find the Star Map!

Next week on Square Roots: WE FINISH THE GAME

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our theme music is by Vince Carrola, check out his great work at: https://www.youtube.com/user/VJC222

Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic Part 7 - Dollar Store Darth Vader Feb 20, 2017

Things get started with a bang as we attempt to interview poor, gullable Gluupor for an unpaid internship. We explore the railroading that gets us captured, none of us are particularly bothered by Bastila's torture, we meet Discount Darth Vader face to face, Jolee gets to do some heroic mind tricks, and finally... yes, finally... we learn the truth about our character's roots in an exciting denuement! Also: is Alderaan really the Portland of Star Wars? Are Jedis basically ninjas? Did Bastila really have to sacrifice herself? This week on Square Roots: THE LEVIATHAN!

Next week on Square Roots: We navigate the twisty turns of Korriban!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our theme music is by Vince Carrola, check out his great work at: https://www.youtube.com/user/VJC222

Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic Part 6 - The Ballad of Gluupor Feb 13, 2017

Gluupor probably not fit to stand trial. Gluupor not even totally sure how Gluupor got to Manaan. Gluupor not an expert at interrogation. Gluupor also not super into logarithmic pairs. Other things Gluupor confused by: ancient fish gods; super slow underwater sections; solving mysteries; getting tried and convicted by a jury of fish people. Gluupor not understand any of this. Gluupor just wants to sit down and cry. Please let Gluupor cry. This week on Square Roots: We dive through the Costnery Waterworld of Manaan!

Next week on Square Roots:THE LEVIATHAN!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our theme music is by Vince Carrola, check out his great work at: https://www.youtube.com/user/VJC222

Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic Part 5 - The Kashyyk Redemption Feb 06, 2017

Do you like the sound of Wookies? You better, because on Kashyyk it's all Wookies all the time. Jim spent his time on the forest planet being kind of terrible at being terrible, while Vanessa was a good good woman and killed robots, we solve a mystery, fight some Cylons, figure out ideal specs for Jedis, and have Carth inexplicably get mad at us for no reason yet again. On the plus side the Wookies can totally go nuts and kill all the Czerka dudes, so hey! This week on Square Roots: We greet the Wookies on Kashyyk!

Next week on Square Roots:We go under the sea! To Manaan!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our theme music is by Vince Carrola, check out his great work at: https://www.youtube.com/user/VJC222 Other tracks used today: Star Wars (JVC) NES - Cantina Stage Knights of the Old Republic - Kashyyk

Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic Part 4 - Meatbags! Jan 30, 2017

It's all hands on deck for the invasion of Tattooine! Matthew takes offense at spurious uses of the term "dragon"! Sand jokes are made! Homicidal robots are found! We kill dozens of sand people! Marlena gets her revenge on her terrible husband! John isn't super great at being good and Jim is kind of terrible at being evil! The very foundations of Square Roots threaten to break apart as the Sqooters spar over John's overuse of sound cues!

This week on Square Roots: We trek through the sandy sand of Tatooine!

Next week on Square Roots: We say hi to the wookies of Kashyyk!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our theme music is by Vince Carrola, check out his great work at: https://www.youtube.com/user/VJC222 Other tracks used today: Return of the Jedi Special Edition - Jedi Rocks! Knights of the Old Republic - Tattoine / The Dune Sea

Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic Part 3 - I Guess We Found Nemo Jan 23, 2017

Matthew finds his KOTOR groove as Jim and he pit the Space Montagues against the Space Capulets in this star crossed episode of Knights of the Old Republic. Also: mouths are smashed; Shantae can stay; we meet a non-Batman based Catwoman; everyone hates the crappy Jedi council; we solve a mystery, Phoenix Wright style; and we explore just how much more fun the Dark Side is in this game.

This week on Square Roots: We plow through the Jedi trials of Dantooine!

Next week on Square Roots: We trek through the sandy sand of Tatooine!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our theme music is by Vince Carrola, check out his great work at: https://www.youtube.com/user/VJC222 Other tracks used today: Weird Al Yankovic - Yoda Knights of the Old Republic - Malak's Theme Knights of the Old Republic - Dantooine Vanessa - Her Dantooine Song

Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic Part 2 - Smokin' Laser Holes Jan 16, 2017

Vanessa goes turret crazy this week as Jim tackles his problems sticking to the Dark Side, John is relentlessly teased for his terrible headphones, and we play through another big ol' chunkerino of Knights of the Old Republic. This week: Villains buy food and medicine! Light Side Jedis kill everyone! We debate ways to kill a rankor beast! We totally forgot about a droid! We ponder the issues inherent in BioWare sidequest design! Jim has many limes! For scurvy! And so much more.

This week on Square Roots: We play from the Undercity through until the escape from Taris.

Next week on Square Roots: We complete the trials of Dantooine!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Our theme music is by Vince Carrola, check out his great work at: https://www.youtube.com/user/VJC222 Other tracks used today: Hot Gossip & Sarah Brightman - Starship Trooper Knights of the Old Republic - Bastila's Theme Knights of the Old Republic - Javyar's Cantina

Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic Part 1 - A Beginner's Guide To Turning A Wookie Evil Jan 09, 2017

OH MAN! A new game! A new year! And it's Star Wars! We start off with a quick review of Rogue One in which Matthew tries to fight everyone, then Matthew comes out as a Young Galaxy-er, and rejects the premise that KOTOR was set 3956 years before A New Hope; Nessa’s touching Fisher Stevens tribute; Nessa’s standards for a dream man include that he has a jacket; Jim debates the morality of buying a drunk a drink versus killing them; John refuses to discuss his mother’s vast extended universe library; Larry the Cable Bi voicing the hick janitor; Matt Stone as Calo Nord, the Space Mom who gives Rodians a time out; no one knows who Imoen is; many Beck jokes are told; Jim says some shameful things; finally, Matthew tries to spell out exactly who Malak and Revan are, because it's darn confusing.

This week on Square Roots: We play from the start on the Endar Spire until you reach the village in the Undercity.

Next week on Square Roots: We finish off Taris and blast off to Dantooine!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

No theme music this week as we haven't got permission from any artists yet. We'll get back with something fun from the Star Wars community ASAP before the next episode!

Final Fantasy X Interview Spectacular! Jan 03, 2017

New friends of the podcast just happened to drop by and talk with us about the finer points of Final Fantasy X! We've got the translator Nick Des Barres, Nerds Without Pants's Julian Titus, and former xSeed editor Jess Chavez here to talk overdrives, Lulu's belts, literal verses interpretive translation, comparing and contrasting the Trails in the Sky heroes versus the Final Fantasy cast, FF9 Versus FFX status ailments, and even more incredible nitty-gritty that we love to delve into.

But! Don't worry! We'll be back next Monday morning with the first episode of KOTOR! Don't forget to play until you hit the village in the Undercity!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/squarerootspodcast Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Find Jeremiah George on: Youtube

A Square Roots Christmas Miracle Dec 25, 2016

It's a Square Roots Christmas as Matthew decides that we're not doing the whole RPG thing any more and says bah, humbug! You'll never guess what happens next. Okay. You'll probably guess. But that's okay. Sometimes there's comfort in predictability. The milk man, the paperboy, evening TV. How did I get delivered here? Someone tell me, please. This ol' world's confusing me.

Do you think the Family Matters theme and the Full House theme kind of sounded the same?

Special thanks to Owen Choules of Classic Schmassic for his wonderful narration.

Next week on Square Roots: A Final Fantasy X Retrospective Episode

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/squarerootspodcast Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Final Fantasy X Part 11 - The Ghost Hugs That Make Matthew Cry Dec 19, 2016

Mike "Mark" McDonald and Randy Newman join the gang as we plow through the end of Final Fantasy X! This week: Yojimbo redeems himself in the eyes of Matthew, Squaresoft decides to cram in one last terrible minigame, we discuss the song Otherworld, Seymour gets a curly moustache, Matthew gives the game Ten Out Of Ten Final Fantasy Tens, Vanessa kills bosses with Blitzballs, Jecht goes Full Final Fantasy IV Cid, rosebuds are smashed, and so much more.

This time: We finish Final Fantasy X!

Next time: A Christmas miracle!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/squarerootspodcast Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Find Jeremiah George on: Youtube

Square Roots Versus Final Fantasy X Fashion Dec 16, 2016

And now for something completely different! With special guest Chelsea from Twincast Cosplay we take a long, long look at the fashion do's and don'ts of some of the biggest stars Spira has to offer! We break down Tidus's Blitzball uniform, Seymour's wedding gear, Rikku's diving suit and casual wear, Lulu's gothic phase, O'aka's Organ Grinder Monkey look and ask the ultimate question: who wore it better, Kuja or Yunalesca?

Find more of Chelsea's cosplay at: https://www.facebook.com/twincastcosplay/

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dot) com

Final Fantasy X Part 10 - The Bullshit Minigame... Episode! Dec 12, 2016

Before we finish the game next episode we take an hour to dive into all the sidequests and minigames that Final Fantasy X has to offer! Matthew rejects Yojimbo’s lack of rabbitness, everyone’s favorite sitcom Fiends, Lulu’s summoner issues, Trommel’s death wish, Jim’s Naboo adventure, Jim has an out of body experience due to celestial mirror discussions, Matthew goes back to his home planet, Belgamine is a guh-guh-guh-ghost, the frustration of unskippable Dark Aeons, Jecht being a jerk in his spheres, Kinoc and Auron’s relationship, a surprise CD-I discussion, our final thoughts on Blitzball, lightning dodging, butterfly avoidance, monster hunting and more.

This week on Square Roots: We find Yojimbo, Anima, the Magus Sisters and get as many Celestial Weapons as we can handle.

Next week on Square Roots: WE FINISH THE GAAAAAAME!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/squarerootspodcast Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Find Jeremiah George on: Youtube

Final Fantasy X Part 9 - The Psychosexual Adventures of Jecht, Auron and Braska Dec 05, 2016

Things get much, much darker as there is much child murder in this episode and possibly in this chunk of Final Fantasy X. The chambers of the Fayth get real bad this episode, but the bosses get better. There are many, many flashbacks. We also explore the steamy sinful relationship between Jecht, Auron and Braska, we ponder the lack of clothing on Yunalesca, and Vanessa gets some audio issues and kind of sounds like a robot. But is this robot programmed for good or evil? This week on Square Roots: We play through Zanarkand through the encounter with Yunalesca until we're back on the airship.

Next week on Square Roots: We go hang out with Maester Mika and do all sorts of fun sidequest shenanigans!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/squarerootspodcast Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Find Jeremiah George on: Youtube

Final Fantasy X Part 8 - Kitty-Kat Genocide #YOLO Nov 28, 2016

After kicking little Timmy out of the studio and sending George Lucas out for coffees we sing the theme to the Vanessa Girl anime and get started trekking through Mount Gagazet. On this week’s Square Roots: Vanessa reveals the secrets to the Ronso language, John performs the Yuna song, Vanessa’s Ronso fan fiction, Genki and Bizarro, Super Mecha Seymour, Tidus’s rad houseboat, creepy summoner wall body-horror, trying to figure out the dream-logic of Zanarkand, and so much more!

This week on Square Roots: We tour through the surprisingly long Mount Gagazet section of the game through until the start of Zanarkand.

Next week on Square Roots: We play through all of Zanarkand, and get back in the airship!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Twitch: https://www.twitch.tv/squarerootspodcast Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Find Jeremiah George on: Youtube

Square Roots Versus Kingsglaive: Final Fantasy XV Nov 25, 2016

This time on a very special episode of Square Roots we combine with Owen Choules from Classic Schmassic, Voltron-style, to form a super cool robot called Classic Roots! Its mission: to look at the feature film created as a prequel for the release of Final Fantasy XV, called Kingsglaive: Final Fantasy XV. We have so many questions, and even more inappropriate nicknames for the only slightly overweight Libertus. Questions like: Who are these people? Is this set before or during Final Fantasy XV? Where are all the chocobos? Why does that one guy have a super long sleeve? And why does he look like Tom Baker? Can this movie have only one female character at a time? Are giant statues smashing up a city cool? Judge for yourself, rent the movie, and then let us know what you think as we all prep for the release of Final Fantasy XV!

Reach us at:

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Final Fantasy XV - Somnus 8-Bit Version by Bwansson: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQJP75DkVunaXw4Sw2EcBxw

Awesome Ardyn Izunia art by: http://w15nu91.deviantart.com/

Final Fantasy X Part 7 - A Weekend At Bernie’s Kind Of Situation Nov 21, 2016

After John calls off Matthew’s Phone Minute, we dive into a weird deathtrap dungeon where there’s an exit and they let you keep your weapons. This week: a super cool summon versus summon battle; Vanessa heckles John; zombie wyrms; we break into show tunes; we hit the lonely end of Maester Babyface; Seymour Soul Gobbler turns into Nega Seymour; Kimahri’s creepy voyeurist tendencies; and so much more! It’s jam packed with Chocobo racing and boss slaying and robots and all that junk. LISTEN NOW.

This week on Square Roots: We play Via Purifico through until you hit Mount Gagazet.

Next week on Square Roots: We tour through the surprisingly long Mount Gagazet section of the game through until the start of Zanarkand.

Find Jeremiah George on: Youtube

Final Fantasy X Part 6 - Boob Pterodactyls Give The Best Hugs Nov 14, 2016

Audio problem is fixed!

CHILLS from Wakka's glares! THRILLS as we encounter or possibly summon a Ghost Wendigo! MARVEL as Tidus kind of ignores Dona! This week on Square Roots we go from wandering in an endless desert hunting sandworms to translating Al Bhed chests, go on trial for sorta kinda killing Seymour, and so much more. ALSO! Things get a little too sexy as John tries to figure out another term for pocket aces, Matthew makes some kind of nerd reference no one understands, Vanessa may be slipping so deep into her child voice that she can't return, and Jim introduces the smooth, smooth segues that he's famous for.

This week on Square Roots: We play from the Sanubia Desert until the Via Purifico.

Next week on Square Roots: We play Via Purifico through until the end of the Calm Lands.

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Theme song courtesy of Jeremiah George. Find more of his work at the links below!

Links Youtube

Final Fantasy X Part 5 - Kitty Cat Men On Snowmobiles Nov 07, 2016

It’s all cats all the time this week on Square Roots as George Lucas gets kicked out of the studio, we make fun of Doctor Who sets, three out of four hosts cry at the movie Rudy, we dodge lightning, Rikku goes all Ringu, we find out some hard truths about Seymour, there’s a big fight about atheism, and we hit one of the best boss battles in Final Fantasy history. A plus-sized episode filled to the brim with songs, the bullshit minigame corner, our hosts being attracted to video game characters, and everything else you love about JRPGs and tolerate about Square Roots!

This week on Square Roots: We play from leaving Guadosalam through until you hit the Sanubia desert.

Next week on Square Roots: We play from the desert through until you reach Via Purifico.

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Theme song courtesy of Jeremiah George. Find more of his work at the links below!

Links Youtube

Final Fantasy X Part 4 - Shoopuffs Good, Moonflow Jokes Bad Oct 31, 2016

Shoopuffs: just another disappointing brontosaurus? We make fun of Jurassic Park, Matthew, makes the worst joke ever about the Moonflow, O’aka’s poor clothing choices, John stirs up beef with Portland, Tidus is the Zach Morris of Final Fantasy, Vanessa takes Seymour to the vet’s office, Seymour’s yam sized hands, a brief visit to the afterlife, which is kind of like Disneyworld in this place, and so, so much more!

This week: We play from leaving the Djose temple until we reach Guadosalam.

Next week: A marathon session from Guadosalam until we arrive at the desert!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Theme song courtesy of Jeremiah George. Find more of his work at the links below!

Links Youtube

Square Roots Vs. Sweet Home October BOOOnus Episode Oct 28, 2016

It's an all new Square Roots Vs. episode! This time we're joined by Matt Chandronait of the Rebel FM podcast! Get ready for a spoooooooky halloween special as we cover Sweet Home, a NES era JRPG that also happens to be the FIRST survival horror game! Created by Tokuro Fujiwara of Resident Evil fame it's a surprisingly great game!

We also talk about Matt's history with the RPG and survival horror genres and Rebel FMs upcoming Extra Life Child's Play 24 hr charity stream! You can find more info about it right here:

http://www.extra-life.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.participant&participantID=229106

It's a great cause so make sure you join in and DONATE!!!

You can find Matt regularly over at the Rebel FM podcast and on Twitter @talkingorange.

Final Fantasy X Part 3 - Djose and the Pussycats ft. The Trial of the Century (Is Sin a Whale?) Oct 24, 2016

Legal sparks fly as Jim presides over the case of all cases: is Sin a whale? With Matthew on the con corner and Vanessa defending her thesis all rules are out the window... except THE RULE OF LAW.

Also this week: Can Sin melt steel beams? Are Summoners just visiting gyms collecting Pokemon? Are Dona and Barthello really banging? Do tubby bald men with no beards look like giant babies? Is Tidus unfairly biased against Seymour? Are the Trials of the Fayth better or worse than real dungeons? Will the Chocobo Eater actually eat a chocobo?

Find out, on this action-packed episode of Square Roots!

This week: We play from the Mi'ihen Highroad through until the end of the Djose Temple.

Next week: Leaving the Djose Temple through until the end of Guano Salaam, which apparently involves Shoopuffs but Johnny doesn't remember what they are and he writes these notes.

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Theme song courtesy of Jeremiah George. Find more of his work at the links below!

Links Youtube

Final Fantasy X Part 2 - Remember the Tidus Oct 17, 2016

So. Much. World. Building. From a minigame involving blowing away insults from your father so you can learn a special trick to our first full game of Blitzball it seems like Final Fantasy X is concentrating on everything but the usual JRPG fare. Other topics include: evil ski teams, Dona’s outfit, heresy, Jecht’s salary and reality show, Suzanne Vega, religious sports sponsorship, Blitzball team names, the ramifications of the early whale reveal, and of course the madness and joy of this game’s famous minigame. Also there’s the most insane Bullshit Minigame Corner ever!

This week: we play from the start of the game until we reunite with an old friend after the Blitzball game.

Next week: From the Mi'ihen Highroad through until the end of Djose!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Theme song courtesy of Jeremiah George. Find more of his work at the links below!

Links Youtube

Final Fantasy X Part 1 - My Old Man Went Out For Sea Cigarettes And Never Came Back Oct 10, 2016

Our first Final Fantasy X episode! Matthew, John, Jim and professional whaler Vanessa dive into the crystal clear waters of Spira. We start with memories of our first experiences with the Final Fantasy X and move on to the Quest Log to discuss the physiognomy of skeleton fish, Tidus’s imaginary pen, creepy ghost kids, Phantasy Star girls, the special properties of Spira’s water, convenient sin foggies, Tidus’s dad hatred, Wakka’s fundamentalist streak, Yuna does some dancing for a pterodactyl with boobs, Tidus does some Zidane style perving, we try to figure out what exactly Sin looks like, and debate the merits of Japanese death metal. And hey, the Bullshit Minigame Corner is BACK!

This week: we play from the start of the game until we reach the village of Kilika.

Next week: we’ll play until we leave Luca!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Theme song courtesy of Jeremiah George. Find more of his work at the links below!

Links Youtube

Secret of Mana Part 11 - So That's Where Snow Comes From, Featuring Nadia Oxford Oct 03, 2016

Nadia Oxford of Tiny Girl Tiny Games, USGamer and Axe of the Blood God joins us as we explore the finale of Secret of Mana! Jim and Matthew have a beach episode, we debate the naming of the vampire Buffy, whether or not Dyluck killed himself, if we killed the Mana Beast, Sexy Grandma giving life advice to Phanna, and so much more. Also: Nadia answers our Secret of Mana questions, putting to rest whether or not Boy and Girl are related, the relationship between Sarin and Tree Mom, the ultimate fate of Flammie, and whether or not the Mana games take place on earth.

Also: we announce the next game we will be playing! For real!

Find more of Nadia’s work at:http://www.usgamer.net http://www.tinygirltinygames.com http://bloodgodpod.libsyn.com/

Twitter: @squarerootspodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) comIntro and outro music by: https://www.youtube.com/user/TetriminoVGBand Cover art by; http://xeehsl.deviantart.com/

Falltember Mailbag Explosion! Sep 30, 2016

What really is the Secret of Mana? Is Vanessa going to be a regular cohost? What’s the deal with airline food? Do you want to play Vanessa’s new game, Undiscovered Honor: Todd? Jim assumes that Flammie can talk, we compare the third act of Secret of Mana to Final Fantasy IX, we look back at gaming memories, talk about Indio, the exile of our secret former host, and so much more!

Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Music is from the classic Phantasy Star 2!

Secret of Mana Part 10 - You'll Never Explode, Tree Mom! Sep 25, 2016

As we venture towards the end of the game and play through the Grand Palace and the Pure Lands Square Roots may be experiencing a form of Mana fatigue. A terrifying child joins us as we blow up some crystals, turtle dudes turn into hot rods, we debate the gender of Fanha, MECH RIDER 3, Matthew and Vanessa sing some Hamilton, we do a six-boss boss rush, Jim delights in the destruction of the mana tree, we all get excited trying to unravel the implications of Tree Mom’s confessions, discuss the lack of variety of boss strategies, and ever so much more.

Next week: we’ll be finishing up Secret of Mana entirely, so give us your questions for our wrap-up episode.

Twitter: @squarerootspodFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) comIntro and outro music by: https://www.youtube.com/user/TetriminoVGBand

If you listen close you might find a clue to the next game we're playing. Just maybe.

Secret of Mana Part 9 - Jema's Gettin' Blasted! Sep 18, 2016

Ho. Lee. Crap. People. It's excitement, adventure, and Matthew almost rage quitting, all on this all-new part 9 of our playthrough of Secret of Mana!

This week in Square Roots we near the end of the adventure by leaving the Moon Palace, traveling to Tasnica and the Cave of Courage, then clearing out the Mana Palace and Underground City! Also this week: John’s sick and a secret shorto! Matthew bans any further Jar Jar impressions as we meet with Jehk, Vanessa recounts her disappointment with Tasnica, Vanessa makes grief-related sex puns, we discover Empowered Grandma’s alternate identity, get lectured on courage, debate whether the Mana Palace and Underground City are two different dungeons, we get some prime Matthew rage, we criticize the works of American songwriter Stephen Sondheim, Matthew will EXPLODE YOUR BRAIN with the explanation of the enemies on the Subway, kettle-based Otherkin, and Reverse Santa Claus. All this and more!

Next week: we play from the end of the Underground City through the Pure Lands until you’re prepped for the final confrontation of the game! Only two more episodes to go!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Intro and outro music by: https://www.youtube.com/user/TetriminoVGBand

Secret of Mana Part 8 - What Does Luna Look Like To You? Sep 11, 2016

There's some vampire talk, Jim says lots of H names, Vanessa sings an amazing Quest Log song, and we finally have the gift of Flammie Flight! We head out to Turtle Island, then hit up the Lofty Mountains, we visit the Galt's Gulch that is Turtle Island. We find out some mind-blowing secrets about the prehistory of the world of Mana, the frustration of palette-swapped enemies, George Lucas discovers Jehk, we find a golden city, do some fetch quests, and then hit up the rip in space and time where John sees... well... John drinks too much coffee, has a Jesse Spano freakout, takes bad notes, goes all Georgia O'Keefe, and it's terrible and possibly ruins the podcast. Forever? Find out!

Next time on Square Roots: We'll play from after the Moon Palace through until the end of the ancient subway!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Intro and outro music by: https://www.youtube.com/user/TetriminoVGBand Luna Pattern: http://www.redbubble.com/people/techranova/works/15241556-luna-secret-of-mana-seiken-densetsu?p=scarf

Secret of Mana Part 7 - Spoiler Alert: Dyluck Straight Up Kills Girl Sep 04, 2016

We get shot out of a cannon into the heart of the Empire, where we get our sneaky spying on, go through an absurdly spacious sewer, get totally Lando'd, and get our revenge of the Mech Rider! Other topics covered include John's Juggalo intervention, the surprisingly nice Empire, crazy hoarder Mara's mysterious box, our Matthew gets broken, the disappointing Tiger Bikini, child luring, the Phanna disaster, Dyluck's Pity Power, the Squaresoft Laugh, the most adorable vampire, Emperor Nietzche, John's Amazing Three's Company Joke, and so much more. Come! Join us!

Next time on Square Roots: we'll play through until the end of the Moon Palace.

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dot) com

Theme music by https://www.youtube.com/user/TetriminoVGBand

Secret of Mana Part 6 - Further Ruminations on the Erotic Lives of the Elderly Aug 28, 2016

We head out to the land of jerk wolves and cute Walrus people, teenage John groans at meeting Rudolph the Red Nosed Raendeer, crash a real-estate resort scheme, that one episode where GI Joe was a bunch of jerks to Cobra, the Mana team as a anarchist-communist instrument of change, John's girl problem, getting assaulted by three Denvers the Sex Vore Dinosaurs, many crickets, 16-bit ho-ho-ho's, is the Secret of Mana the origin of Mrs. Claus? What empowered older woman could possibly be his mate? We also head back to Kakkara, go through the most frustrating palace so far, get chucked around by a beefazoid minotaur, and then have to move on... but to where?

Next week: We play until the end of the Emperor's Palace!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Theme music by: https://www.youtube.com/user/TetriminoVGBand

Square Roots Versus Super Hydlide Aug 26, 2016

This week we tackle a much-maligned JRPG from 1990: Super Hydlide. Is it as terrible as its reputation suggests? Johnny and Jim are joined by Caleb to see just how many times villagers can force us to starve to death, find out that our wallet is just too damn heavy, get stuck behind some friendly slimes at the self-checkout, starve to death some more, be too stupid to read the engravings on a tombstone, and ride on some of the most jarring difficulty curves in a game ever. Is T&E / Seismic's game a lost masterpiece? A bleeping piece of bleep? Is the music as rad as John remembers? Find out as we take this Genesis cart through the wringer and see if it can withstand the white-hot intensity of our judgment.

But really though.

That music is rad.

If you'd like to play along at home, and be forewarned, this game isn't intuitive, we play from the start through until the end of the Tower of Habel.

Our incredible Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Our Twitter: @squarerootspod Our Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Cutting Room Floor Bonus Ep Aug 23, 2016

Hello again! This is a fun little one off bloopers/cutting room floor episode of material i cut out of episode 21. It's mostly suicide squad talk and gross jokes. Suicide Squad spoilers abound!!!

Let us know if you'd like to see more of these going forward, there is always plenty of stuff that gets cut from the final mix!

Secret of Mana Part 5 - The Invisible Paw of Catipalism Aug 21, 2016

This week on Square Roots we can't agree on Shovel Knight, Suicide Squad, Hamilton, or pretty much anything. We discuss getting seeded, grinding Secret of Mana the iOS / SNES Gontma translation error, a new idea of the true Secret of Mana, the comfort of straw beds, a few more zorbs, nonsensical rating systems, Girl versus the Patriarchy, and far, far, far too many cat puns.

We play from the Sprite Village in the Upper Lands through the Fungi villlage of Matango until we land in the village of Kakkara. Next week: The Ice Country through until the beefy minotaur at the end of the Fire Temple!

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Twitter: @squarerootspod Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com Theme Music By: https://www.youtube.com/user/TetriminoVGBand

Sunnie's awesome Neko portrait: http://super-mario-rpg.tumblr.com/

August Mailbag w/ Julian Titus Aug 19, 2016

It's that time again (for the first time)! Our August mailbag episode is here with special guest Julian Titus of the Nerds Without Pants podcast!

Listen to Matt, Jim, Vanessa and Julian answer all your questions! Or try to answer them at least!

Find Julian on twitter @julian_titus and the Nerds Without Pants podcast @NWPCast, episodes on iTunes and everywhere else!

Thanks for listening! Kisses! Bieeeeeeeeee!

Intro/Outro theme:

Holder & Ephixa - Victory Fanfare (Final Fantasy VII Remix) http://soundcloud.com/Ephixa http://soundcloud.com/MajorLeagueWobs https://youtu.be/ywlZBMWvYNU

Secret of Mana Part 4 - Secret of Manaboys Aug 14, 2016

We learn the true secret of the manaboys in today's all new episode of Square Roots! We cannon travel to the northern lands where the seasons constantly change and fight all manner of critters. The Moogle village revealed, Spirte's memory loss scam, Luca's evil scheme, Watt's the roadie, Jema the Dude and Spring Beak! We also hear a terrible joke from John, Jim HATES the word Manaboy and we get a little political at the top but not really! All of that and more on today's SQUARE ROOTS!

Next time: we'll be playing through the remainder of the Upper Lands, through Matango, rescuing a dragon, and getting kidnapped in Kakkara!

Opening and Closing Music by: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC9Qc5eUj_rkUECdxPAZcFTg

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

BIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Final Fantasy FATE - Part 2 Aug 12, 2016

Stan from the They See Me Rolling returns to guide Matthew, Jim, and Vanessa through the exciting conclusion of the two-part Final Fantasy themed Fate game! Guided by Celes, the mash-em-up team of Zidane, Cid, and Lulu set out to track down their vanished friend, Sephiroth. Faced with the most horrifying gathering on Midgar, will our heroes be able to reach Sephiroth before it’s too late? Will they discover who is behind his devious abduction? Will they learn the difference between a hatchet and a cleaver? Will Zidane finally push Lulu too far? Will Jim be too drunk to continue? Find out these answers and more on Part 2 of Final Fantasy Fates!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Secret of Mana Part 3 - Denver The Sex Vore Dinosaur Aug 07, 2016

We put Horny Grandma and Macho Man Jimmy Savage to bed, possibly together and then push on through Luka's special cave surprise! We get totally destroyed by Denver the Last Dinosaur, who isn't your friend and is into vore, Jimmy experiences N-U-I, Boy's lack of magic gifts, Sprite's villainity, Gaia's Navel's music versus hangovers, Gnome's use of the third person, Girl's slight Dyluck obsession, Floating Tomato Zombie Men, Thanatos's evil skull head, and finally John's Hot Facts!

Next time: we'll beat up a killer robot, mash some Sonics, and then destroy the Spring Beak in the Sprite Village!

Opening and Closing Music by: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC9Qc5eUj_rkUECdxPAZcFTg

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

ENJOYYYYYYYYYYYY

Final Fantasy Fates - Part 1 Aug 04, 2016

Stan from They See Me Rolling joins Matthew, Jim and Vanessa in this special two-part role playing spectacular! In this roleplaying mash-em-up they play the pen and paper RPG Fate as their favorite Final Fantasy characters: Matthew as Zidane from Final Fantasy 9, Jim as Cid Highwind from Final Fantasy 7, and Vanessa tackles Lulu from Final Fantasy 10! This disparate gang is brought together by the mysterious Celes to kill Kefka so they can return to their home worlds. Important notes from the quest log include: the origin of the Bio attack, Celes's weird chocobo, their new pal Bro Sephiroth, and all the action, adventure and mystery you'd expect from a very special Final Fantasy Adventure! (Note: not actually Final Fantasy Adventure, the GB title.)

Stay tuned next week for Part 2!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dort) com

Secret of Mana Part 2 - The Cruel Disappointment of Rabite Man Jul 31, 2016

We start off with far too much Sexy Grandma, the Boy gets some optional aid to get out of some.... hot water! Huh? Yeah. Girl gets her rescue on, the notorious price gouger Neko, some classic Final Fantasy dwarves, Vanessa's favorite character lets a child drown, your new pal the Sprite totally cons you, Pineapple Rayman, we get moogled, theories of Dyluck and Girl's relationship, Elinee's possible secret identity, and murdering exotic animals for fun times.

Next time: we will finally get our third party member, some magic, and beat up both the Fire Gigas and the cult temple's wall!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dot) com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Today's cover art: http://robscorner.tumblr.com/

Square Roots Versus Super Ninja Boy Jul 28, 2016

We attempt our first in a... well, possible series of looking at terrible RPGs with the baffling, barely translated, Super Ninja Boy. This early SNES JRPG takes some great ideas and combines them with inscrutible translation, laggy controls, and the highest random encounter ratio of any game we've ever played. We're joined from the Comrade Radio Boss Malcolm Nygard for this exercise in self-harm. I hope you like it!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dot) com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Secret of Mana Part 1 - The Secret of Grandma Jul 24, 2016

Yay! It's finally time to uncover the Secret of Mana! Secrets we learn today: John's latent sexism, Vanessa's operating thetan levels, chubby haired kids, John accidentally creates a new sexy Grandma character, the anatomy of the rabites, Jema's tough love teaching techniques, Vanessa's crush on Dyluck, why there are a few issues with the goblins, and so, so much more!

Next time: we will play through until the notorious tiger boss in Elinee's Palace.

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dot) com

Theme music by the Tetriminos, this week's cover art from: http://kamon6280.deviantart.com/

Final Fantasy IX Finale - What The Heck Happened At The End Of FFIX? Jul 17, 2016

Did Vivi die? Is Kuja also dead, or running a school for Effeminate Boys? Is Quina Shrek? What was the deal with the crystals that Kuja was stealing? What the heck happened with Necron? Do all kids pretty much look alike? So many questions. And so many answers, with Rob and Vanessa (AKA Nessa, AKA Ness, AKA Nuh) on board to help sort us out.

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dot) com

Awesome theme tune from Husky By the Geek!

Amazing cover art by @rotmouth!

Final Fantasy IX Part 15 - I Hate You, Ghost Space Dad Jul 10, 2016

Holy crap! Final Fantasy IX is over! It's so over! Was mixing the Zidanians and the Black Mages a bad idea or a terrible idea? Chekov's colored swimming pool; Garnet's real name; the right of a well-regulated Quina militia; Ghost Space Dad; Carl Death Sr.; OUR FIRST DRAMATIC RECREATION AT THE CELLPHONE HOSPITAL; tempers flare as we try to make sense of what Kuja did; we try to figure out Fart Scarecrow years; and so much more!

Next week: there's gonna be a mailbag, we dissect story elements with Rob Schubert, and announce the next game!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/ Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dot) com

Also used this week: Husky By The Geek's Cover of You're Not Alone.

Final Fantasy IX Part 14 - The Zidane Tail Fiasco Jul 03, 2016

Jim, Matthew and John grumble about the character pairing at the shrines in Disc 4 and wonder why you can’t just play the actual battles. They also spend a weird amount of time discussing whether or not Zidane’s junk has been visible the entire game, Garnet’s moon color, George Lucas impressions, Zidane being a jerk to everyone, Bronies, throwing a tent at bosses and how Tantalus makes no sense.

This episode we make our way to Bran Bal and work through Pandemonium! Next time we finish the game! For real this time!

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dot) com

Twitter: @squarerootspod

Facebook: www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Read more at http://squareroots.libsyn.com/

Final Fantasy IX Part 13 - Meltigemini-Eew Jun 26, 2016

We accidentally start as a Game of Thronescast before plunging deep into The Bishop of Counting, Esto Gaza's Secret Pokemon, Mole People, Zorn and Thorn's Cosmic Body Horror, Kuja's Facebook, Cid's faulty gaydar, this game's conference problem, HR versus Cinna, The East Texas Handshake, Garnet gives herself a Mom haircut, hair Fleshlights, and so, so much more!

This episode we head from Esto Gaza through the Gulug Mine until the ned of Ipsen's Castle. Next time: we play until the end of Disc 4!

Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dot) com Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: www.facebook.com/groups/486022898258197/

Today's show art: http://vervain-vanity.deviantart.com/

Final Fantasy IX Part 12 - Farewell, My Sweet, Lovable Hedgehog Pie Jun 20, 2016

Jim, Matthew and John once again mangle pronunciation of Oeilvert as the party was split between two dungeons and Matthew chose his party so, so wrong. Other topics for your enjoyment: John’s buoyancy, being humiliated in Overwatch, Mecha Dory, Jim’s Terrible Cactaur Hypothesis, The Hall Of Many (Creepy Baby Doll) Faces, the Terra Discovery Fun Science Center, Matthew’s correct observation that Gaia has two moons, the genre switch from fantasy to sci-fi, some wild plot guessing as John and Matthew get increasingly confused by the plot, the delicious Dessert Palace, the grossness of the term Hedgehog Pie, and so much more.

There's also the Deep Dungeon, John's Bullshit Minigame Corner, and we take your questions including a dramatic reading of a letter from Julian from Nerds Without Pants.

This episode we play from Oeilvert through until we reach Esto Gaza in hot for soup of Kuja. Next week: we play through from the Gulgug mines until the end of Ipsen's Castle.

Hit us up:

Facebook: www.facebook.com/squareroots Twitter: @squarerootspod Email: squarerootspodcast (at) gmail (dot) com

Final Fantasy IX Part 11 - Teen Fortress 2 Jun 12, 2016

This week on Square Roots we get panicky in the deep end of Final Fantasy IX as Zidane recovers from his dramatic rescue of Garnet and ignoring Eiko; also: Matthew explains Teen Fortress 2; ignoring a giant laser eye; Courtney Love's I Am Doll Farts; King Cid's Lazy Moving Throne; Matthew dismisses Garnet's depression; Burmecian Rat Kings; King Cid's second transformation; Engineer Zebolt's peacocking; we brainstorm ideas for Kuja's missing kidnap scene; Kuja's lack of seating surfaces; and much, much more!

In this episode we play from Zidane awakening in Lindblum to the city of Oeilvert in Disc 3. Next episode: We play from Oeilvert until Esto Gaza!

If you have your own ideas for how Kuja kidnapped the entire party, send 'em out to us in one of these ways:

Twitter: @Squarerootspod Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/squarerootspodcast Email: squareroots@squadcast.info

Today's cover art: zedig.deviantart.com

June Bonus Episode - Is Zell the Poochie of Final Fantasy? Jun 09, 2016

We welcome our first guest, Vanessa, to our first mailbag episode! Covered in this episode: who is the best and worst Final Fantasy character; the best way to start an RPG; casting the Gilmore Girls and Supernatural Bros as Final Fantasy characters; TV shows and movies as JRPGs; dopey mascot characters; Undertale as an Earthbound successor; your boat insurance needs; Sandstorm!; and so much more!

Want to get in on these letters? You can contact us! In so many wonderful ways!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/squarerootspodcast Email: squareroots@squadcast.info

Episode cover art: http://hachiimon.deviantart.com/

Final Fantasy IX Part 10 - Things Get Disc 3 Real Jun 05, 2016

On this exciting episode of Square Roots, we finally hit Disc 3 of Final Fantasy IX! Subjects explored include: Shakespearean farts, John can't remember Gilbert and Sullivan for about a whole minute, Matthew drops the bomb that Dr. Tot isn't a guy with a huge nose: he's a bird, New Garnet, nosebleed boners, children's natural fear of Quina, Amarant's weirdly undramatic vendetta, Kuja's Trapper Keeper Poetry, and so much more! Also: Matthew explains Tetra Master, there's an adorable book demon, and we explore the possibility of pooping Pokemon.

This week we start at the beginning of Disc 3 and play until Zidane wakes up in Lindblum.

Level yourselves up by contacting us!

Twitter: @squarerootspod Facebook: www.facebook.com/squarerootspodcast Email: squareroots@squadcast.info

Final Fantasy IX Part 9 - Hill, Get Guarded! May 29, 2016

In this episode of Square Roots we finish Final Fantasy IX's Disc 2, explore possible explanations for the othering of dwarves, Dave the holy man, the terrible and disturbing marriage between Zidane and Garnet, the terrible-er and disturbing-er marriage between Quina and Vivi, the introduction of Eiko, a debate on the pronunciation of Eiko, the creepiness of the anime trope of a child being in love with the hero, finding fetish gear in your size as a larger troll, Matthew's brain noises, HILL GET GUARDED!, we get judgey about Eiko's living situation, John's Eiko goes full Carol Channing, angry porno music, skull faced brick tree things, Vivi as Skull Tree Fart Poop, Matthew solves the Hilgigard conundrum, Amarant's Ed Hardy Shirts, and the tragic (?) beaching of a villain.

Next episode: we play until we reach the town of Oeilvert!

Reach us on Twitter at @squarerootspod Find us on Facebook at facebook.com/squarerootspodcast Email us at squareroots@squadcast.info !

This ep's episode art: piyo119.deviantart.com/

Final Fantasy IX Part 8 - French Children's Book Level Existential Sadness May 22, 2016

In this week’s Square Roots, Matthew tries out a new robo-Matthew bit that becomes the show’s new gold standard and our characters make their way to the ruined Lindblum, where they encounter one hilarious tragedy after another. Jim and John try to dive into Matthew’s psyche to figure out why he thinks dead families are so hilarious and we meet the very scary Armodullahan and the strangely Zidane-esque Lani. The guys also criticize the game’s transportation methods and ATEs, spend waaaay too much time talking about how to get into the black mage village and everything we talk about gets ‘-GATE’ added to the end of it for dramatic effect. We also get super somber and talk about the life expectancy of black mages and Zidane’s abuse at the hands of Baku, John decides to give our listeners permission to skip this week’s bullshit mini-game because it’s awful and much, much more!

Next time we'll play up until the end of Disc 2, or the Battle of the Iifa Tree!

Please level up by rating and reviewing our podcast, following us on Twitter at @squarerootspod, and sending us your comments and questions to squareroots@squadcast.info !

Today's episode art is from http://eikomakimachi.deviantart.com/

Final Fantasy IX Part 7 - So Many Moral Event Horizons May 15, 2016

We start with a brand new glamorous Newsies segment before diving into Out of this World / Another World cage swinging, and emerge deep in the bowels of Alexandria to save the Princess. Topics covered: metal swimsuits, Marcus's giant junk, stomping the crap out of Zorn and Thorn, Beatrix once again decides to stomp you with her irritating Stock Break, Steiner and Beatrix pass the moral event horizon, the introduction of Lani and the big-handed, dreadlocked bounty hunter, Temple of Doom CGI cutscenes, the pronounciation of Ramuh, and much more! There's also our Q&A, we get angry at the Terrible GameFAQs Thread of the Week, John goes for his Deep Dives and Bullshit Minigame Corner and there's real thunder.

Please level up by rating and reviewing our podcast, following us on Twitter at @squarerootspod, and sending us your comments and questions!

Our episode art is an original fan work created by Obeyecow!

Final Fantasy IX Part 6 - Bored of the Dance, When Trees Explode May 08, 2016

It's a dance-filled dance dance-tacular this week as the dancing Burmecians and Cleyrans unite in an effort to fend off Alexandria. It fails. Zidane and Freya promise to protect the tree. They don't. Kuja turns out to perhaps be the Goblin King from Labyrinth, there's a giant mud man marshmallow creature, terrible music, this is what it sounds like when a harp breaks, Sir Fratley comes alive, Glenda the Good Witch bubbles, the insanity of Chocobo's Dream World, many, many Kingdom Hearts questions from Vanessa, and whether or not Shadow the Hedgehog is a spinoff or a mainline Sonic sequel. For those playing at home, we journey from Cleyra through to the Red Rose. Next episode, we'll venture through Alexandria Castle and finish up the Hero's Story in Pinnacle Rocks! As always the best way to level up is to rate and review us on iTunes, and don't forget to send us email at squareroots#squadcast.info and hit us up on @squarerootspod on Twitter!

Final Fantasy IX Part 5 - Mr. Ghost, Fantasy Mass Transit Systems, and Poor Life Decisions May 01, 2016

“Anyone who likes pickles are nice people” opens the South Gate guard as we begin Disc 2. This time it’s all Steiner and Garnet, Zidane and his gang are all sequestered into a separate quest. We have a chance encounter with Cinna and Marcus at Summit Station, The game spends an inordinate amount time explaining Fantasy Mass Transit Systems this episode, and Matthew isn’t having any of it. Marcus is out to find Super Soft (A Photo of Matthew’s mom, SICK BURRRRN) and out of a sense of loyalty Garnet and Steiner join him in finding this cure. In this week’s edition of a non-weekly segment, John’s Tips and Tricks, he explains how to make lots of money very quickly. We decide that we are now a political podcast, so get ready for some hot, hot takes. John takes about twenty minutes to steal a Flame Staff from the Black Waltz when you can easily synthesize it later, and John makes some poor life choices. We meet Mr. Ghost, an adorable ghost who loves ore, get killed by some murder plants, and find Vivi’s childhood home. John puts those Stellazios to good use and gets the game breaking Blood Sword.

Further discussion points: What Qu’uns sound like, the cyclical nature of aristocratic classes, Steiner actually becomes likable for about ten seconds, the Shakespearean influences, not terrible minigames, Matthew’s advocation of enslaving giant bugs, Matthew’s fan mail, John’s deep love for Shadow Hearts, and much, much more! Okay. Some more.

Final Fantasy IX Part 4 - Liz Hurley Hair, Metal Thongs, And The End of Disc 1 Apr 24, 2016

Part 4 of our playthrough of Final Fantasy IX opens with some questions: What would a date with Zidane be like? We explore this nightmare possibility, We do some Frog Hunting and pick up the terrifying, H.R. Pufnstuf-alike Quina, a blue mage comic relief character in a game with no real need for either. Fortunately grinding out her blue magic is pretty fun, if you have a FAQ. John gets confused by the blue X being no and red O being yes when meeting the quiz-master Ragtime Mouse, who is not a mouse but actually is a horrible pair of lips on a spindly body. Chocobo Hot & Cold makes John really, really angry, but he plays it for a couple of hours anyway because he makes terrible decisions with his life. We start finding a whole lot of dead Burmecians, rescue some moogles, and then destroy Gizamaluke using a tent as a weapon, which may be the strangest item animation and use ever. Also: don't climb up those vines in the Grotto. Just don't do it. Please. No. Meanwhile Garnet is a pickle suprise as she's stuffed in a sack like a whole lot of sorries. Burmecia has been slaughtered, which makes Freya kind of sad, especially since she's all missing her boyfriend. Matt calls her clingy. But! But! We finally meet Kuja! Is Kuja the most impractically dressed Final Fantasy character or the most impractically dressed male Final Fantasy character? Matthew is surprisingly unphased by this new villain, which disappoints Jim and John immensely. We wrap up with Squarely Against and questions from you, our listeners! If you'd like us to read your questions about this game, other JRPGs, or advice to help you and your family, especially in tax season. If you are playing along at home, in this episode we play from leaving Lindblum through Gizamaluke's Grotto until the end of Burmecia. Next time we'll play through until the dark, sketchy city of Treno! See you there.

Final Fantasy IX Part 3 - The Village of Dali, The Hunt in Lindblum, and Zidane's Cherry Camaro Apr 18, 2016

In this week's shocking episode reality is shattered as Jim confesses that he likes Steiner. Meanwhile, the group ventures to Dali where, as Jim puts it, "all the townspeople are stupid." We confront the horror that is being trapped inside a coffin, Vivi has an existential meltdown, friendly black mages are literally melted down, there's about an hour of cutscenes and talking, John posits that not only do thousands seem to die every time there's a cutscene in the game, but that cutscenes involving explosions and massive damage have too much visual noise to be engaging. When we get control again there's The Hunt in Lindblum, we stalk an actor from I Want To Be Your Canary, John takes a dive to get Freya's accessory, and for once it's Zidane who gets roofied. Other highlights: Vivi has an a real Orphan Black situation; Vivi's head: a long black tube; Steiner yells at a senior citizen; Matthew reveals his true feelings about Zidane; John experiences human emotions; the morality and logistics of the Hunt; and Matthew and John both decide to have their own corners, complete with theme songs; letters from listeners, and much, much more! If you're playing along at home in this episode we cover from the village of Dali through until the end of the Hunt in Lindblum. Next week: we finish Disc One, or for you non-PlayStation 1 players, we get our butts handed to us in Burmecia.

Final Fantasy IX Part 2 - From the Evil Forest to the Ice Cavern, one thing is for sure: Zidane is a creep Apr 10, 2016

We dive deeper into the world of Final Fantasy IX as we venture forth from the ruins of the airship Prima Vista into the clutches of the fairly aptly named Evil Forest. We begin to have our first real fights - you know, ones you can lose - while Steiner is held captive, Vivi and Garnet get into danger, and Zidane has to fight his way out of Tantalus to save the day. Focal points for this episode: Jim calls the podcast a game and we don't correct him; does Cinna use the Garnet doll for sexual purposes; does John have a Cinna outfit; Square Roots narrowly avoids becoming the dankest potcast; Matthew doesn't believe in grinding; the probably death of Tantalus; we encounter Waltz #1; Jim offers his life-coaching services; finally we adopt and probably abandon a new segment, Squarely Against.

For those of you playing along at home, we move from the Evil Forest through to the Ice Cavern. Ignore what Jim says, Episode 3 will be from the village of Dali through until the end of the Hunt in Lindblum.

Finally, if you enjoy Square Roots, tell your friends! Rate and review us on iTunes! Send lots of emails to squareroots@squadcast.info ! This is the only way you will level up in the eyes of God.

Final Fantasy IX Part 1 - Kidnappers With The Rachel Haircut Apr 03, 2016

It's the first real episode of Square Roots, the Classic RPG podcast! We begin with the recently re-released (on iOS and Android anyhow) Final Fantasy IX! So many questions are raised in this episode: does Zidane have the Jonathan Taylor Thomas haircut or the Rachel? What is Cinna wearing? Does Blank have pants? Is Vivi a sad little garbage orphan child? We would explain how Triple Triad works, but honestly we don't know.

We bravely push through a whole ton of plot stuff as we establish Vivi, Steiner, Zidane, Garnet and Quina as well as a whole host of side characters. If you're playing along at home we will play until you reach The Evil Forest, and next episode will be until the end of The Ice Cavern.

Also: cat rescue, jumping rope, Steiner is Jim's favorite character, imagining what Queen Brahne would sound like,

Episode 0 - What Is Square Roots? Mar 28, 2016

In our short little introductory episode we ask: what is Square Roots? What sort of games will we be looking at? Why do some episodes have sound drops? So many questions! But this is a podcast about classic RPGs, whether they're from Japan, Europe or America. Anything over ten years old, and both console and PC RPGs are welcome. We're all about playing old games a chunk at a time and talking about them, like a book club, but for video games! Or maybe a Let's Play, but for your ears.

Our TOPPODCAST Picks

Follow Us

Stay Connected

Square Roots – THE Classic RPG Podcast

Related Podcasts

Links

Stay Connected