Welcome to the Simply Joyful PodcastEpisode #011 with Lisa-Jo Baker
The Power of FriendshipShow Notes: KristiClover.com/011
Have you ever felt FOMO? That’s the Fear Of Missing Out. And in this day and age of social media, it not only makes friendships between women difficult...it can make them feel downright impossible. Even if you’re not on social media you can experience FOMO when you hear about friends getting together for playdates or coffee without you. That fear of being left can easily set in. FOMO is real!
Friendships can be difficult for a variety of reasons. We as women compare ourselves to each other and feel like we fall short. Many of us carry baggage and hurts from friendships that went wrong. I share in this episode about a little “friendship PTSD” I experienced when I was hurt deeply by a friend. It made me want to pull back from friendships entirely, rather than put myself at risk of experiencing that pain again. I still second guess myself constantly years after this happened. I’m always worried that something I’ve said might be taken the wrong way.
Well, my guest today, Lisa-Jo Baker, knows a thing or two about friendships between women. For the past 7 years, she has served as community manager for Incourage, a website devoted to encouraging women in their everyday stories of faith. Lisa-Jo shares with us from her brand new book, Never Unfriended: ///. She made me giggle when she described her stage of life as the “wonder years” since the kids can now get up, get dressed, and go to the bathroom by themselves…oh what a wonder that is!
On a “Simply” & “Joyful” side note…
Lisa-Jo’s shares her biggest tip for keeping things simple, and what she requires of her kids to keep their evenings both simple and joyful.
** Go to: https://kristiclover.com/freedownload to get a 30 day free trial of Audible — complete with a credit for a free audiobook download. **
In This Episode
I so thoroughly enjoyed talking with Lisa-Jo in this episode!! We discussed how we as women thwart friendships, how we can look to Jesus for the true example of how to be a friend, and how to speak the truth to ourselves when our heart wants so badly to deceive us.
We also talk about the difficulty of developing and maintaining friendships between women, how the internet has affected that, and what we can do about it.
Well, you are in for such a treat!! I just know you will be so blessed by my conversation with Lisa-Jo! I hope this episode inspires you to develop friendships with women, to encourage them through Christ, and to reach out even when it is difficult.
Highlights from This Show…
*Lisa-Jo talks about friendship PTSD and how it affects our ability to make and maintain friendships.
*Is it possible to invest in friendships in a culture where you can be unfriend someone with a swipe of your finger?
“Eve is the original FOMO girl; she’s basically like, ‘Oh my goodness, God has left me out of something.’” — Lisa-Jo Baker
* I reference the first time that I heard the term “FOMO” being here on the podcast with Jill Savage. (Now I hear the term everywhere.) :)
*Lisa-Jo talks about how coveting what our neighbors have has exploded with the invention of the internet, when the whole world is now our neighbor. We can be perfectly content with our life, then open Instagram and start scrolling and we aren’t content anymore.
*Lisa-Jo and I laugh about how moms will actually dress up when getting together with other women, yet don’t usually put as much thought into how we dress for the men in our lives. We feel such pressure to maintain appearances for other women.
*Lisa-Jo gives the world’s definition of friendship, “What’s in it for me?”, as opposed to Jesus’ definition of friendship, “What’s in it for you?” Lisa-Jo and I also discuss how Jesus came to be our friend and how He pursues relationships with us.
“It’s about saying to your friend, ‘How could I show up and be a friend to you?’” — Lisa-Jo Baker
*Lisa-Jo talks about why it’s important to pursue friendships with others. She also points out how we are hard-wired for relationships by God Himself. Relationships are actually beneficial for us, even if it is hard or we’ve struggled with friendship “failures” in the past.
*I shared with Lisa-Jo about how her story about her mom passing away when she was just a teenager really touched me as I read her book…especially since we had just lost my father-in-law over the summer. The power of friendships during crisis moments like these really touched both of us in our time of grieving.
“It’s okay if it feels awkward...it is better to say the wrong thing than to say nothing.” — Lisa-Jo Baker
*”Friendship is Jesus with skin on. It’s how we bring Him to sit on the sofa next to our friend who’s grieving.” — Lisa-Jo Baker
*Jesus is our Emmanuel and He demonstrates the gift of “presence” in our lives and how we need to show up and be present in the lives of others…especially when friends are going through hard times.
*Lisa-Jo talks about the story of the good Samaritan in Scripture and how Jesus was asked, “WHO is my neighbor?” He taught how to go and BE a good neighbor. He shifts the burden from “What’s in it for me?” to “What’s in it for you?”
*Lisa-Jo got very practical in the episode and shared some great tips for women who are ready to reach out and be a friend. She shared an acronym with us from the book: S.T.A.Y.S. {S= Shows up! T= Takes time! A= Assumes the best! Y= Asks “Why?” Friends ask good questions of each other & aren’t afraid of the answers. S= Stops comparing & Starts encouraging}
*I mention how I’ve struggled as a people pleaser for most of my life and how I have to fight the lie of the enemy that others don’t like me and may have possibly taken something I’ve said out of context. I share how I try to mediate on Philippians 4 and believe “what is true” of others and not what I “think” they might be thinking. The importance of prayer over situations like these is so important.
“The heart is deceitful above all else…” — Jeremiah 17:9
“Nobody lies to me quite like I do.” — Lisa-Jo Baker
*Lisa-Jo shares a second acronym about the L.I.E.S. we tell ourselves. {L= “Left out” on purpose I = That we’re “invisible” E = That “everything” is about me S = Skinny jeans friendships! Ha!}
“Friendship is not like skinny jeans; it’s more like sweat pants. It gives everybody room to breathe just the way they are.” — Lisa-Jo Baker
*Lisa-Jo and I talk about how being a good friend to others starts with being a good friend to yourself. Lisa-Jo confesses how she realized that she was constantly speaking negatively to herself and how she’s had to learn to turn off the “devil static.”
*Lisa-Jo discusses how to handle a “friendship break-up.” She also reminds us that even Jesus Himself suffered from failed friendships; think about His relationship with Judas.
“At the end of the day, it is not our job to fix other people; it’s our job to love them.” — Lisa-Jo Baker
“It’s better to have a scar that hurts than an open wound.” — Lisa-Jo Baker
*Lisa-Jo discusses how as moms we have daily opportunities to die to ourselves.
“What I love about Jesus is that He’s never going to get tired of you coming to Him, or asking for validation, or asking Him how you look or how that project went...like NEVER. He’s never tired of that. You can come to Him as much as you want, about everything under the sun...and He will love you. He is fascinated by your life, and He wants to share it with you.” — Lisa-Jo Baker
Books Mentioned…
Another Great "Tool" to Mention...
Temper Tool Kit by Lisa-Jo Baker is incredible. This is a video course that has “a collection of practical strategies, honest stories, and Biblical resources from one mom to another to help you take control of your temper BEFORE you lose it.” Sounds great, right. Check it our HERE.
Scripture Mentioned...
"The heart is deceitful above all things..."-- Jeremiah 17:9 (ESV)
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."--Philippians 4:8 (ESV)
The Parable of the GoodSamaritan --Luke 10:25-37
Another Great "Tool" to Mention...
Temper Tool Kit by Lisa-Jo Baker is incredible. This is a video course that has “a collection of practical strategies, honest stories, and Biblical resources from one mom to another to help you take control of your temper BEFORE you lose it.” Sounds great, right. Check it our HERE.
Please Note…
- Every podcast episode will have all the highlights and links from each episode (just like this) on my website. So, come on over to the blog to find the show notes.
- Be sure to grab your FREE copy of my book, Sanity Savers for Moms, by joining our Simply Joyful community. It's a great way to keep in touch...and get subscriber only freebies like my book. Click HERE to get the book and join!
- Make sure you head over to listen to my other interviews HERE! I know you will love these episodes!
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I hope you enjoyed this week's podcast! My prayer is always that you will be blessed and encouraged by each episode.
Live Simply. Be Joyful.
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Connect with Lisa-Jo…
Lisa-Jo has three kids, a well-traveled passport, and a very patient husband who has never run through an airport for me. She sincerely believes motherhood should come with its own super hero cape. She's the community manager for the beautiful, come-just-as-you-are, bring-your-girlfriends, let’s talk faith while we sit with feet up on the coffee table website (in)courage. She's also the author of Surprised by Motherhood and Never Unfriended. You can check out Lisa-Jo's books HERE on Amazon! You can find Lisa-Jo on her website at lisajobaker.com and at neverunfriended.com.
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