Show notes
Way back in Episode 10, we’ve talked a little about communication and how it can make your life simpler….that is if it’s effective communication. Ineffective communication on the other hand can can make your life a lot more complicated and often leads to confusion, stress, resentment, anger and even some dangerous situations. That’s why simple communication is essential at work, at home and apparently in the prison/corrections field (see clip below).
But, you don’t have to be in a high-stress, dangerous job to tap into all the benefits of simple communication. Matter of fact, you might be causing some stressful situations yourself. Have you ever tried to replay a conversation in your head or share it with someone else only to fumble through it because you couldn’t remember the details or what was said? Or have you said “yes dear” or “sure”, or uh-uh” after your significant other asked you to do something but you didn’t hear a word they said because you were thumbing through your Facebook feed? Read more…
Or have you had your spouse raise an eyebrow with that “are you kidding me look…because this is the 10th time I told you”? I’m sure you can relate.
What about if you are the one that wants to be heard? Have you ever felt like no one is really listening to you? It seems like people are either so self-absorbed and busy with themselves, or too distracted by all the buzz going on around them and in their head that they’ve forgotten to be present and listen.
Main Topic:
“What We Got Here…Is A Failure to Communicate!” How To Become A Better Listener
We spend close to 50% of our time listening, but there are A LOT of barriers to effective communication. Part of the reason we have so many barriers to effective communication is because of a lack of understanding of:
- WHAT listening actually is…
- WHY it’s so important, and…
- HOW to become a better listener…all to make communication more simple.
WHAT listening actually is:
- Hearing: is simply the receiving of sound.
- Listening: is an active process of receiving and constructing meaning from spoken and nonverbal messages and can involve 2 types of attention:
- Automatic attention: which is instinctive attention…such as responding to a stimuli like a sudden sound or movement.
- Selective attention: where you are focused on something because it’s important or interesting to you.
- And this is where it gets difficult, because often times the two of these compete and conflict with one another. For example: when you are engaged in a great conversation or lecture but your attention gets diverted to the sound of the “ding” on a phone.
WHY being a good listener is important:
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It’s how we cooperate and get things done…as humans!
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It’s how we build a better understanding of problems that we face as individuals or members of a team or as a family.
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Helps us to be more productive…and not waste time figuring things out or having to re-explain things.
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Helps us to have better interpersonal relationships…by showing genuine concern for those who are trying to communicate with you.
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Helps us gain knowledge which in turn can help us influence, persuade or negotiate with others on things that we are passionate about or believe to be really important matters.
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Prevents stress, anxiety, resentment and potentially dangerous situations.
HOW to become a better listener:
- As we were doing our research, we came across a lot of great articles about barriers to communication and how to become an effective listener.
- There was one article written on Poynter.org by Jill Geisler, who is a Senior Faculty member of Leadership and Management at the Poynter Institute that really stood out to us.
- The article is titled “10 Lousy Listeners And What We Can Learn From Them.” She basically describes 10 types of lousy listeners…all of whom we could totally relate to!
- So, we think she nailed it and listed the most popular offenders when it comes to listening. We discussed each of Ms. Geisler’s 10 examples on the show to see who we (and likely you) could recognize in each type. We’ll list her 10 Types of Lousy Listeners below, and you can click above to listen in as we discuss each type:
Note: These 10 examples are directly from the Jill Geisler’s article. The article is her work, not ours. We simply enjoyed it so much we thought it was worthy of discussion and wanted to pass it along! Again, you can find it here.
1. The Multi-Tasker – “Sure I’m listening. While I type. While I scan my computer screen. While I take just this one call. While I open this letter and page through these message slips. Now what were you saying?”
2. The Party Animal – “Do I have a minute? Sure. Come on in and tell me what’s on your mind. I know you’ve been trying to get in to see me. Go ahead, shoot. Hey, someone else is at the door. Come on in. We’re just chatting. Always room for one more!”
3. The Sentence Finisher — “Stop right there, I know exactly where you are going. No need for you to finish that thought, I will. Am I smart, or what? Don’t you appreciate a boss who is this efficient and supportive? Go ahead, tell me – I’ll finish that sentence for you, too.”
4. The Debater – “Whatever you’re saying, I’ll challenge. I’m only playing devil’s advocate, of course. I might be doing this to help you. But then again, I might not. How do you know? I do this to everyone, all the time. Keeps people on their toes.”
5. The Ann Landers – “Say no more. Here’s my advice. Take it. You may not have asked for my advice. You might just have wanted me to listen to you and let you vent. You might have wanted to figure things out yourself. But how can I prove I’m a leader if I don’t jump in with a ready answer? You’re welcome.”
6. The Great Philosopher – “Now, let me tell you what you really mean, but on a much broader, deeper, and meaningful level because it comes from me. I knew all this, by the way, without ever having asked you any follow-up questions about your thoughts or feelings. Why would that be important?”
7. The Autobiographer — “Ah, the story you just started brings something very important to mind: me. I’ve been there. I’ve done that. I will now tell you all about my experience, since it will be so valuable to you.”
8. The Clock Watcher – “I’m very good at face-to-face meetings. I look at your face, then the face of my watch, your face, watch face … I also fidget extremely effectively.”
9. The Speeder – “You want to talk? I’m really busy so can we make it fast? I’m on my way to a meeting. Walk along with me. Can you just send me an e-mail?”
10. The Dropper – “Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me. I will keep them in mind. Unfortunately, I will forget to follow up with you promptly, or perhaps ever, leaving you wondering if you have dropped off my radar.”
Question:
So, how many of these listener types do you know? Better yet, which one of these lousy listeners can you relate to? And what do you think you need to do to start working on to become a better listener? We’d love to hear from you!
Thing Segment:
Dan’s Thing: Creating our new Sunday routine of making homemade sausage, jerky and dried fruit in our our dehydrator.
Vanessa’s Thing: Simplifying our daughter’s birthday by using a Google Drive Form (that she learned from Dan’s tutorial) and focusing on the experience rather than the stuff by getting our daughter involved in the decorating and not asking for gifts.
Announcements:
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- In the Podcast Name block, just type in Simple Life Together
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Shownotes:
You can download the full PDF of our show prep, too.
Resources and Links:
Article by Jill Geisler: 10 Lousy Listeners and What We Can Learn From Them
Podcast Awards
Episode 10, Military Communication Techniques
Pomodoro Technique
Leo Babauta’s Focus Manifesto
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