Lisa Keefauver joins the podcast this week sharing her experience with grief, both professional and personal. Lisa is a clinical social worker, owner of Reimagining Grief, and the host of the podcast, Grief is a Sneaky Bitch.” She takes her multiple years of grief experience to bring help to others and to change the grief culture in the US.
Lisa describes our struggles with grief as a culture. She states that control is an illusion because ultimately, we don’t know what will happen. COVID is a perfect example of this and has left many people feeling a loss of control. Lisa explains that we build our identities on the stories we tell of our past and future. A death, pandemic, etc. forces us to navigate without a script. It is disorienting and disrupting when the story we count on is no longer there for us.
Lisa describes her terminally ill husband dying in her arms. A close friend passing away and her own personal health scare. These experiences have pushed and inspired her to do this work. Lisa tells of her 7-year-old daughter keeping her grounded through it all.
Lisa wants to help change the culture surrounding grief and the grieving process in the US. She explains the difficulties with the workforce and how there is only three days for bereavement leave following the death of a loved one. She explains the grief is not over in that short amount of time. The type of person we are expected to grieve over is also misunderstood by most employers. Lisa explains that our communities and loved ones have changed over time and may not be limited to our immediate family. Lisa is on a mission to expand grief culture in the workforce.
Lisa reminds us that we cannot isolate the griever. We may think that grief is only an emotional state. Sometimes grief can be a relief. There is a spectrum of emotions related to grief and we need to expand on the emotions of grief. Grief can represent all emotions and it’s a normal response to loss. We live in a culture that says grief gets in the way of our productivity. Grief triggers a stress response in our bodies because our story gets disrupted. Our stress response is on high alert and it is a physical manifestation attacking our emotional state, cognitive state, financial, etc.
Lisa recommends a layers approach to grieving. Think about what has worked for you in the past and what you already know about yourself. Ditch every expectation you have of yourself and accept help. Don’t feel like you should be able to do something and let others help. It is not our job to fix anyone in grief. Others may be in the fix-it mode and the griever doesn’t need someone to fix them and tell them what they should do. Also, minimize your expectations of what your capacities are. Don’t feel the need to rush through grief. At some point, you will have to face it. Sleep, nutrition, and truly caring for yourself are imperative.
As healthcare workers, we want to fix it. We want to fix it as moms. Reframe this thinking by actually offering empathy. Sitting in silence with the griever is impactful. Instead of offering “if you ever need anything”, just do it! Crystal points out that the person going through a hard time is not going to reach out to you and that instead just doing it will be more helpful. You may be met with a no or pushback, but offering action vs lip service will have a lasting impact.
"Show up, shut up, and keep showing up."
About Lisa Keefauver:
This social worker turned thought leader is using the power of narrative to create a Grief-Smart Culture. Lisa Keefauver’s wisdom as a grief and empathy thought leader runs deep and wide, rooted in her personal and professional experiences over the past 20+ years.
Lisa has spent the past two decades as a clinical social worker, narrative therapist, and leader in various communities impacting diverse populations. She witnessed first-hand the unnecessary suffering of so many individuals because their families, communities, workplaces, and culture weren’t supporting them in their grief and suffering.
Compassion and empathy are gained when we face our own pain, and in the midst of her career, Lisa found herself in need of the very services she was providing. In 2011 at age 40, Lisa became a widow when her husband Eric died in her arms after a long year of misdiagnosis and medical maltreatment. This left her a single mother to their 7 year-old daughter.
Lisa’s expansive experiences, resilience, and storytelling skills allow audiences to connect, learn and be inspired. Called the “Brene Brown of Grief and Loss,” (Tracey Wallace, Eterneva), Lisa uses her warmth, vulnerability, humor and therapeutic skills to help us find language when we’re at a loss for words. Lisa is the Founder & CEO of Reimagining Grief and host of the podcast, Grief is a Sneaky Bitch.
Links to socials (i.e., Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, LinkedIn, etc.)
Instagram https://www.instagram.com/reimagininggrief/?hl=en
Facebook
https://www.facebook.com/ReimaginingG
LinkedIn
https://www.linkedin.com/in/lisakeefauvermsw/
Twitter
https://twitter.com/ReimagineG
Website - Reimagining Grief
www.reimagininggrief.com
Podcast - Grief is a Sneaky Bitch
https://reimagininggrief.com/podcast-1
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