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32. Love Yourself Aug 02, 2017

The Relationship with Yourself

Relationship Boosters Podcast Episode 32

Interview with: Love Coach Dani Spikes

An essential component in your relationship

Love yourself

The journey is self-love is on your own, and it will impact the connection in your relationships.
Men and women both can experience problems related to self-love.
- Women need to better themselves to become better wives just as men need to better themselves to become better husbands
Loving yourself includes developing Self-worth and Self-value.

Some major components in self-love

Learn to forgive yourself
Be ok with putting yourself
Know your own truth

Take away points

It is impossible to love anyone else if you do not know how to love yourself.

Follow the link below to find out more about Love Coach Dani Spikes and The Spiked Brunch

www.iamdanispikes.com

31 .Don’t allow your past relationship to ruin your current relationship Jul 11, 2017

Don’t allow your past relationship to ruin your current relationship

Relationship Boosters Podcast Episode 31

Chats with Dr. Kia James and Monika Cope-Ward

There is a reason why your Ex is your Ex

In this week’s podcast we discussed how you can bring your past relationship into your current relationship. This can happen so quickly and so easily. Make sure you consider the consequences when you open the door to an ex. Additionally, be aware that your current behavior may be the result of previous interactions with an ex-lover. Review and analyze your current behavior. If your current behavior has the potential to hold your lover responsible for the actions of an ex, it is time to change your behavior.

Ways your Ex Can Be Present and Problematic in Your Current Relationship?

Social Media Stalking your Ex can be tempting, but this can cause major damage to your current relationship
When there are problems in your current relationship, a friendship with your ex may be questioned.
If there is unfinished business in your previous relationship, this can wreak havoc on your current relationship.
Keeping the lines of communication open can be problematic to your current relationship
Comparing your significant other to your ex is a major fail
- Don’t compare life to death

Make sure you do not ruin your current relationship by living in the past. Don’t hold your current significant other responsible for the behavior of an ex. They do not deserve the consequences from someone else’s behavior. It also does not help you create a happy healthy bond in your current relationship.

30: Protect Your Relationship Jun 28, 2017

Protect Your Relationship

Relationship Boosters Podcast Episode 30

Chats with Monika and Kia

Affair Prevention

Don’t be the victim of an “After School Special” of relationships. You are not the exclusion to being in a relationship where an affair can occur.

What is an affair

An affair is Any external factor that comes between you and your partner. For the purpose of this podcast, the focus is on an emotional or sexual connection with another person.

Factors That Lead to an Affair

Stinking thinking is a set up for an affair. Your thought process will definitely leave a gap in your relationship for an affair to occur. There are a few mindsets that can leave your relationship especially vulnerable.

Thinking that your vows are enough to save your relationship is not realistic. You have to regularly work on your relationship to continuously strengthen your bond.
Putting your partner on a pedestal is a sure set up for failure. No one is perfect, and having unrealistic expectation of perfection can cause stress to your partner and your relationship. This can set your partner up to be secretive. When they are expected to be “flawless,” being able to discuss and be open about their flaws becomes more difficult.
Believing that you could never have an affair is the ultimate set up. When you believe that you are the special human who is not vulnerable, you are more prone to allow yourself to engage in behavior that can get out of control quickly
- Remember, just because you communicate your vows to someone does not mean that they will respect you or your vows. In fact, your “friend” may be waiting and plotting to get into a relationship with you.
Avoiding confrontation and disagreements is a no-no. You and your partner need to have productive conversations to discuss problems in your relationship. The lack of open conversation will lead to relationship stress.

If you are in a relationship, an affair is possible. Protect your relationship today. Don’t wait for stress to attack your relationship and open the door to an affair. For more information on Affair Prevention, check out our Affair Prevention Webinar.

29: Criticism Jun 13, 2017

Criticism

Relationship Boosters Podcast Episode 29

Dr. Kia James

A Communication Killer

Criticism is not keeping it real, It is an attack of your partner.

As opposed to stating that you have a concern, you attack your partner by stating that they have a character flaw.
You tell your partner, “something is wrong with you.” as opposed to stating that you have a problem about a specific situation or event.
The recipient of the criticism many times feels disrespected.
Criticism shuts down communication
Criticism many time starts with the statement you always or you never.
- You always make a mess. You never take out the trash.
Being critical leads to high level conflict

We all have complaints

I am not saying that you should not communicate your complaints. What I am saying is that you should not justify an attack of your partner due to you being dissatisfied with a situation.

A complaint allows your partner to know what you like and don’t like.
It opens the door for more communication.
You are sharing facts about a specific event or a situation. Sticking to the facts helps.

Attack defend cycle

Being brutally honest without tact does not communicate that you are attempting to solve a problem. This type of critical communication many times puts your partner in a defensive place. This derails the conversation and problems are not solved.

Take responsibility for yourself and your behavior. If you want to have effective communication, don’t begin a conversation in a way that will be unproductive. If you need additional assistance, check out our mini-course Avoid Turning a Disagreement into an Argument.

More Resources

Don’t Miss The Couples Breakaway Cruise: Our upcoming cruise on the Norwegian Breakaway leaves from NY on September 17th - 24th. We will have a couple’s workshop, 3 DJ’s from NY, 5 Private Parties, All You Can Eat, All You Can Drink, and much, much, more. The current price includes all gratuities, taxes, and fees. DON’T MISS THE BOAT!

Building Your Extraordinary Relationship: As relationship counselors and coaches, we have packages to help you improve your relationship. If your relationship is in need of a jump start or relationship repair, contact us and we will be glad to help with boosting your relationship.

Events Workshops and Retreats: “Improve Your Relationship & Have an Enjoyable “Couples Playdate” Retreat Style. We recognize the need for couples to continue to enhance their relationship. We host couples retreats and teach couples skills to enhance their relationship. We would love to see you at one of our upcoming events.

Thank You for Listening

Thank you for taking the time to listen to this week’s podcast.

If you enjoyed today’s episode, please share it with other couples, friends, or your partner using the social media buttons on this page.

Please consider leaving an honest rating and review for the podcast on iTunes. This helps the podcast reach more couples who want to build an extraordinary relationship

28: What Do Men Want in Relationships May 04, 2017

What do men want in relationships

Podcast Episode 28

Interview with Panama Jackson the Co-Founder of Very Smart Brothas (VSB)

A Male Perspective on Relationships

Panama Jackson is a relationship and pop culture blogger. On today’s episode, he shared a male perspective on relationships.

A few of the topics covered in this episode are:

Is sex a priority for men in a relationship?
Is understanding the mind of a male essential to have a great relationship?
Are there things that are known as a real “turn off” for most men?
What are common themes that men struggle with in relationships?

The Burning Question: “What do Men Want in a Relationship?”

Men want to have Inside Jokes with their partner
Loyalty is a desired characteristic.
Men want to have the desire to want to come home.
A comfortable home
A relationship that helps him grow as a person.
A significant other that can slow him down and capture his attention.

Concisely, men and women want similar things in a relationship. The overall goal is to have a relationship with peace and happiness. It that too much to ask?

To connect with Panama Jackson or find out more about Very Smart Brothas, you can visit their website. http://verysmartbrothas.com/

More Resources

Don’t Miss The Couples Breakaway Cruise: Our upcoming cruise on the Norwegian Breakaway leaves from NY on September 17th - 24th. We will have a couple’s workshop, 3 DJ’s from NY, 5 Private Parties, All You Can Eat, All You Can Drink, and much, much, more. The current price includes all gratuities, taxes, and fees. DON’T MISS THE BOAT!

Building Your Extraordinary Relationship: As relationship counselors and coaches, we have packages to help you improve your relationship. If your relationship is in need of a jump start or relationship repair, contact us and we will be glad to help with boosting your relationship.

Events Workshops and Retreats: “Improve Your Relationship & Have an Enjoyable “Couples Playdate” Retreat Style. We recognize the need for couples to continue to enhance their relationship. We host couples retreats and teach couples skills to enhance their relationship. We would love to see you at one of our upcoming events.

Thank You for Listening

Thank you for taking the time to listen to this week’s podcast.

If you enjoyed today’s episode, please share it with other couples, friends, or your partner using the social media buttons on this page.

Please consider leaving an honest rating and review for the podcast on iTunes. This helps the podcast reach more couples who want to build an extraordinary relationship

27: Communicating with Your Significant Other Apr 26, 2017

Communicating with Your Significant Other

Relationship Boosters Podcast Episode 27

Chats with Monika

The Importance of Communication in Your Relationship

What is Communication

Communication is the art of expressing yourself. There is the person who sends the message, and there is also the person who receives the message. What is actually said is just as important as what is heard. Both people have a role in this communication dance. Make sure you take responsibility for the role that you play.

You Express yourself through many ways

Recognize that you are expressing yourself in many different ways. Depending on how you send the message, pieces of the message may be missed. This is especially true when you are communicating in an electronic way. When you send a text message, you miss much of the non-verbal portion of the message. Keep this in mind when you are having conversation. During the podcast, we discussed the different methods of expression:

Verbal
Non-Verbal Communication
Facial Expressions
Body Language

Different Communication Style

Aggressive Communication
Assertive
Passive aggressive
Passive

Effective communication is one of the core components in a healthy relationship. If there are glitches in your communication, work on the small hiccups before the short gaps become massive sink holes.

26: An Inter-Racial Relationship Apr 18, 2017

An Inter-Racial Relationship

Relationship Boosters Podcast Episode 26

Interview with Shaundra Hudson

Diversity Series Part 3

Go to our web page for the show notes: www.RelationshipBoosters.com

25: Inter-Racial Relationships Apr 11, 2017

Inter-Racial Relationships

Relationship Boosters Podcast Episode 25

Interview with Julie Hanson

Diversity Series Part 2: Navigating the world of biracial relationships

Check out the show notes at www.relationshipboosters.com

24: Sexual Minorities & Relationships Mar 29, 2017

Sexual Minorities and Relationships

Podcast Episode 24

Xanthia Johnson LPC, LCPC, ACS, RPT-S

Diversity and Relationships Series (Ep 1)

There are many potential problems and stressors that impact sexual minorities who are in intimate relationships. The term sexual minority refers to individuals who identify as the Gay Lesbian Bisexual Transgender, Intersex Questioning, Queer, and Non-binary. During the Podcast, Xanthia shares relationship do’s and don’ts for sexual minorities.

Get the Show Notes: www.therelationshipboosters.com/episode24

23: Using Getaways to Keep Your Relationship Strong Mar 21, 2017

Black Couple Getaways

Podcast Episode 23

Interview with Jerome (JD) Davis, Executive Director of Black Couple Getaways

Get the Show Notes For todays episode www.therelationshipboosters/episode23

Don’t Miss The Couples Breakaway Cruise: Our upcoming cruise on the Norwegian Breakaway leaves from NY on September 17th - 24th. We will have a couple’s workshop, 3 DJ’s from NY, 5 Private Parties, All You Can Eat, All You Can Drink, and much, much, more. The current price includes all gratuities, taxes, and fees. DON’T MISS THE BOAT!

Building Your Extraordinary Relationship: As relationship counselors and coaches, we have packages to help you improve your relationship. If your relationship is in need of a jump start or relationship repair, contact us and we will be glad to help with boosting your relationship.

Events Workshops and Retreats: “Improve Your Relationship & Have an Enjoyable “Couples Playdate” Retreat Style. We recognize the need for couples to continue to enhance their relationship. We host couples retreats and teach couples skills to enhance their relationship. We would love to see you at one of our upcoming events.

22: The Impact of Trauma on Your Relationship Mar 15, 2017

The impact of trauma on your relationship

Podcast Episode 22

Laura Reagan LSCW-C Trauma Specialist

How Emotional Pain from Childhood Can Cause Problems

Something that happened at 5 years old can affect you at age 65; therefore, it is important to recognize that things that occur in childhood can impact you as an adult. Ultimately, childhood trauma can cause major problems in your intimate relationships. Intimacy requires vulnerability, which can be difficult for individuals who have experienced trauma or have difficulty with trust.

Check out the show notes. www.relationshipboosters.com

21: Enhancing Your Emotional Connection Mar 07, 2017

Enhancing Your Emotional Connection

Podcast Episode 21

Chats with Monika

Don’t Allow Your Relationship to Run on Auto-pilot

A common theme we hear, providing relationship counseling, is that couples feel that they have grown apart. They go through the day taking care of everyone else in the family, making sure that the kids are fed, homework is complete, and that all the tasks associated with maintaining a household are done, all while putting the relationship needs to the side. This distancing between you and your partner can negatively impact the relationship and eventually erode your emotional connection.

Get the Show Notes at www.relationshipboosters.com

20: The Importance Of Good Physical Health And Your Relationship Mar 01, 2017

The importance of Good physical health & your Relationship

Relationship Boosters Podcast Episode 20

Interview with Risa Ganel, Licensed Clinical Marriage and Family Therapist & Fitness Coach.

Risa has a passion to help couples strengthen themselves physically and emotionally to develop strong relationships.

GET OUR SHOW NOTES

WWW.RELATIONSHIPBOOSTERS.COM

19: Self Care for Women Feb 21, 2017

The importance of self care or women

Relationship Boosters Podcast Episode 19

Interview with Alice and Judy of Just Breathe Ministries:

AVOID LOSING YOU IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP

Just Breathe is an organization that empowers women. They work to help women access their dreams. Many women may have dreams, goals. and desires that may be closed off due to life. The founders of this organization want women to know that they are valued.

Show Notes: www.relationshipboosters.com

18: Making Valentine's Day Meaningful Feb 14, 2017

Valentine’s Day When You’re In a Relationship

Relationship Boosters Podcast Episode 18

Host: Dr. Kia James

Making Your Valentine’s Day Meaningful

For your information, many couples struggle around Valentine’s Day. It can be a great, but stressful time for those in relationships.

There are 364 other days that can make or break your relationship. If you are waiting for Valentine’s Day and other holidays to express your love, your relationship may be in trouble. To master your relationship, you must work on your relationship regularly.

Happy Couples know that their partner is thinking about them regularly. John Gottman recommends to do Little Things often.

Pump your partners gas.

Prepare a surprise lunch.

If your relationship is on auto-pilot, Valentine’s day can be a gift to your relationship

Use this day to reconnect and recommit to your relationship.

Valentine’s Day is the gift giving holiday. Gifts can be a nice gesture, but being creating and thoughtful does not have to come from an expensive gift.

Get an authentic and personal gift to show your partner that you are thinking about them.
Be creative and unique

Avoid Valentine’s Day pitfalls

Don’t fall into the trap of comparing your relationship to the relationship of someone else. That is not your relationship, and you do not know all the details.

What you see on social media does not tell the whole story of a relationship. Remember, people generally post the good times, and keep the bad times private.

If your gift is not expensive, it does not mean that your partner loves you less.
Let go of expectations, they can lead to disappointment.
Have conversations about the importance or lack of importance in gift giving. If you or your partner does not believe in gift giving, this information should be known before a gift giving holiday.

If you are experiencing an emotional disconnect in your relationship, it is time to work on your relationship connection. Today is a great day to begin your relationship. Start by learning about your partner to assist with your reconnection.

More Resources

Building Your Extraordinary Relationship: As relationship counselors and coaches, we have packages to help you improve your relationship. If your relationship is in need of a jump start or relationship repair, contact us and we will be glad to help with boosting your relationship.

Events Workshops and Retreats: “Improve Your Relationship & Have an Enjoyable “Couples Playdate” Retreat Style. We recognize the need for couples to continue to enhance their relationship. We host couples retreats and teach couples skills to enhance their relationship. We would love to see you at one of our upcoming events.

Thank You for Listening

Thank you for taking the time to listen to this week’s podcast.

If you enjoyed today’s episode, please share it with other couples, friends, or your partner using the social media buttons on this page.

Please consider leaving an honest rating and review for the podcast on iTunes. This helps the podcast reach more couples who want to build an extraordinary relationship.

17: Religion and Relationships Feb 08, 2017

Relationships and religion

Relationship Boosters Podcast Episode 17

Interview with Dr. Green, Senior pastor of Bethel Ministries

A Religious Perspective on Relationships

Get the show notes for todays episode: www.relationshipboosters.com

16: An Entrepreneurs Love Story Feb 02, 2017

An entrepreneurs love story

Relationship Boosters Podcast Episode 16

Interview with Author LR JACKSON:

Relationship Advice for Entrepreneurs and Their Lovers

As discussed last week on the podcast, there is evidence to support that entrepreneurs are not the best relationship partners. There are many entrepreneurs who are successful in their relationship or marriage; therefore, it is more than possible for an entrepreneur or executive to have relationships success.

Today’s interview will be with LR Jackson. She is an entrepreneur in the process of writing and publishing books. In addition, she works as a vice president for a company. LR Jackson shares how she makes her relationship work despite her employment.

How One Entrepreneur Has Made Her Love Story a Success.

Both LR Jackson and her partner are secure in their relationship.
Her partner is encouraging and supportive. He pushes LR Jackson to follow her dreams.
She feels good about her relationship. This allows her to focus when she is at work. If she was stressed about her partner, it would distract her and prevent her from doing her best work.
She allows her partner to be involved in some of her decision-making processes. He makes suggestions and recommendations when she requests feedback.
- This shows her partner that his opinion is valuable and important.
LR Jackson knows her partner is understanding when it comes to her work. He recognizes that her work can be time consuming. In addition, he realizes that she must travel and be apart from the family for her business to continue to grow.
LR Jackson shares that frequent communication while apart helps them to stay connected. Staying in touch with each other allows them to share pictures, words, and experiences.

Best Relationship Advice: LR Jackson shared the best relationship advice she’s received has been to choose her battles wisely. There is no need to bring up every negative thing or action. You do not want to nitpick about everything. Instead, build your partner up. Acknowledge even the small things that your partner does.

She has found a great way to make deposits in her partner’s emotional bank account. She verbally expresses her appreciation for her partner. This type of communication goes a long way.

Being busy does not make it okay to neglect your partner. When you build a secure healthy relationship, your partner is better able to support you in your endeavors.

More Resources

Building Your Extraordinary Relationship: As relationship counselors and coaches, we have packages to help you improve your relationship. If your relationship is in need of a jump start or relationship repair, contact us and we will be glad to help with boosting your relationship.

Events Workshops and Retreats: “Improve Your Relationship & Have an Enjoyable “Couples Playdate” Retreat Style. We recognize the need for couples to continue to enhance their relationship. We host couples retreats and teach couples skills to enhance their relationship. We would love to see you at one of our upcoming events.

Thank You for Listening

Thank you for taking the time to listen to this week’s podcast.

If you enjoyed today’s episode, please share it with other couples, friends, or your partner using the social media buttons on this page.

Please consider leaving an honest rating and review for the podcast on iTunes. This helps the podcast reach more couples who want to build an extraordinary relationship.

15: Are Entrepreneurs Bad Lovers? Jan 25, 2017

Are Entrepreneurs Bad Lovers?

Relationship Boosters Podcast Episode 15

Chats with Monika:

Relationship Advice for Entrepreneurs and Their Lovers

There is much speculation that the divorce rate for entrepreneurs is higher than the general population. In addition, there are many reports supporting the idea that entrepreneurs are bad relationship partner’s.

Since relationships are important, take a moment to make sure you are not the next entrepreneur put in the horrible relationship partner category.

How Entrepreneurs Can Improve Their Relationship.

Make deposits in your partner’s emotional bank account.
Invest In your relationship
- Go to retreats for couples
- Read books about relationship success
- Use counseling services to work through emotional and sexual problems.
Respond to your partner’s phone calls.
Make quality time a priority.
- Eliminate distracted during “couples time.”
Have frequent conversations about your business and personal goals.

14: Boundaries with In-Laws Jan 21, 2017

Boundaries with In-laws

Relationship Boosters Podcast Episode 14

Interview with Dr. Pauline Belton:

Are your in-laws building a bridge between you and your partner?

Go to our show notes and get some tips that healthy couples use to prevent their in-laws from causing relationship problems.

www.relationshipboosters.com

13: Relationships and Work Stress Jan 10, 2017

Work Stress and your relationship

Relationship Boosters Podcast Episode 13

Interview with LeAndrea Banks:

Do you allow work stress to highjack your life and your relationship?

In today’s world, it is so easy to allow stress to negatively impact your life. Ultimately, it can put a damper on your relationship if you allow it. Recognizing that work stress impacts family life is a must. How can you prevent your work life from becoming your real-life problem?

Get the show notes at www.relationshipboosters.com

12: Relationship Goals Dec 27, 2016

Preparing your relationship for the new year

Relationship Boosters Podcast Episode 12

Show Notes at: www.RelationshipBoosters.com

Developing a Plan of Action and Establishing Relationship Goals

Interview with Dr. Mesha Ellis: Clinical psychologist and certified sex therapists.

11: HOLIDAY STRESS Dec 21, 2016

Where should you spend the Holidays

Relationship Boosters Podcast Episode 11

Get the Shownotes: www.RelationshipBoosters.com

10: Intimacy and The Holdiays Dec 13, 2016

Episode10

www.relationshipboosters.com

Don’t forget about Intimacy during the Holiday season

This episode begins our 3 part holiday series. It is so important to make sure that you do not forget about intimacy

Create new rituals around intimacy around the holiday

o Get a new outfit to wear during your next sexual or intimate escapade.

o Create a list of sexual playdates.

o Go to your local novelty store and ask questions.

Buy a new toy that you and your partner can use in the New Year or during the holiday season
Love Coupons

o Around the holidays you can gift your partner a coupon to be redeemed at any time.

o The coupon can be for any sexual or intimate act.

9: Nurture Your Relationship Dec 08, 2016

Nurture Your Relationship

Relationship Boosters Podcast Episode 9

Interview with Jackie Flynn: Jackie is an expert in working with families, children, and couples.

Model healthy relationships for your children

When children are growing up they experience how their parents interact with each other, and this is how they learn to interact with others. This your first opportunity to teach your child, people are for loving and respecting and this is how healthy couples interact

Nurture your relationship

If you don’t give your relationship time and attention, your relationship can fall apart.
It is dangerous to be in a child centered marriage. You want to be the best parents, but recognize that being great parents does not need to be at the expense of your relationship.
The emotional distance and disconnect can leave a loneliness in your partner’s heart.
- Feeling and fearing loneliness can contribute to people behaving in ways that are against their values.
- Feeling desperate for emotional release can open the door for other people to enter your relationship, such as having an affair.
  - People begin to feel guilty

Signs that you may not be paying attention to your relationship

Look for decline in tolerance level.
- During conflict, you focus on every negative thing about the person, or bring up every time the person has acted in a negative way.
A conflict avoidant relationship.
- This can open the door to infidelity and other relationship problems.
You have begun to lose the passion.
You begin to engage in the 4 horseman.
- Defensiveness, Contempt Criticism, and Stonewalling.
  - When stonewalling, you check out.
    - You don’t upset me.
    - You don’t excite me.

What can I do to make a shift to focus on my relationship?

Carve out time each week to be intimate.
Schedule time with your husband or wife. Get a babysitter
- Tell your kids that it’s time to nurture your relationship.
Deposit into partner’s emotional bank account.
- Instead of focusing on the negative, say I am glad we are together right now. I am happy to see you.
Go out of your way to show your spouse that he or she is important.

Being a part of a family, with a partner and children, requires balance:

Don’t focus on one and forget the other.
Focus on yourself as an individual.
Make time for the relationship with your partner.
Don’t forget to have the time together as a family.
Your child or children are important; therefore, there must be time for each child.

If you feel like your marriage is in trouble, do something about it as soon as possible. Don’t wait until you feel like “I don’t know if this marriage is going to work.”

Most people wait too long. They seek counseling as one last ditch effort before going to the lawyer to separate.
The counselor will work with you to address, “what does the relationship need.”
Don’t wait. When you catch the problem early, there is much less to fix
The counselor is focused on what does this marriage need.
Bringing problems out in the open does not make the problem worst. It allows you to work on the relationship before an explosion.
- Pretending that it is not there can be like a boil waiting to burst and leave a scar.

Therapy can be great for a relationship. When couples go out of their comfort zone, they can become madly in love with each other again. In counseling, you can work to have a relationship better than it was in the beginning.

In a child centered marriage, you grow distant as a couple, because you are not making time for each other. Your child has attention, but they do not get a good template for what relationships are made of, and they will not get the benefits from experiencing a healthy happy family.

A happy healthy family can’t be replaced by money, attention, or anything else. Give this gift to your child.

Resources:

Tune in to Jackie Flynn on The Parenting in The Rain Podcast http://www.parentingintherain.com. You can also find out more by visiting Jackie’s Parenting In The Rain Facebook Page.

8: The Traveling Spouse Nov 22, 2016

The Traveling Spouse with Three Degrees member-Valerie Holiday

Relationship Boosters Podcast Episode 8

Target Audience: Couples in Long Distance Relationships or Frequently Traveling for work

Objective: To give information about what things are helpful when you are or have a traveling spouse?

About Valerie:

*My marriage is Bi-coastal and international. My husband resides in UK, England and I’m in USA, Atlanta.

*I’ve been married 3 times. I am a firm believer of the institution of marriage. I knew there was somebody out there who could deal with me and my lifestyle, and it wasn’t going to wreak havoc on the relationship, because they were going to be understanding.

*1st marriage lasted 7 yrs, I have son who is 33 from that marriage; 2nd marriage only lasted 2yrs there were too many differences.

Currently married 10 yrs but together 14-15yrs

Tips For Relationship and Marriage:

*When you become involved with someone on a permanent basis, you must accept them for who they are as they must accept you for who you are.

*Don’t go into marriage thinking that when you get married you’ll change them.

*You must work on the relationship. If you want it to last, you should invest time, effort energy, and patience. It’s not always 50/50. You might end up with the messy stick most of the time; It may be ok, since you don’t end up with it all the time. A relationship is give and take.

Recommendations to help when you’re apart:

*Make time for each other- Skype has been an absolute blessing

*Call each other to say good morning or good night.

What are things you should plan for when starting a Long Distance relationship:

*Finances are important

*Put money aside for travel

*Plan days off around each other’s schedule

How do you plan to depart from each other?:

*Leave Notes-

-Slip a love note in a bag

-Leave message on the mirror that can be seen when it fogs up

-Get a card

Behaviors or things to avoid:

*Avoid insecurity- If you travel frequently, a secure relationship is needed.

*Avoid Distrust- Develop trust in each other.

*Avoid Poor Communication- Make sure you talk and listen to each other.

*Don’t be lazy!-It takes time and effort to make it work.

Other Tips:

*Be patient

*Have conversation and make the effort to communicate

*Be honest

*Find a way to state a complaint or what’s bugging you

*Figure out each other’s moods

*Don’t go to bed angry

*It’s all about working together

*Support each other in whatever it is that you each want to do.

Benefits to being in a long distance relationship:

*Distance allows you to take a break and rethink what you’re arguing about and see it from the other’s point of view.

*We overdose on love when we are together, because we miss touching each other when we’re apart.

How do you deal with people who are attracted to you while working?

*Keep distance maintained with others.

*State that you’re in a relationship.

*Don’t give your spouse a reason to feel disrespected when they are around. Keep to the same pattern even when they’re not around.

What’s the main thing that has made your relationship a success?

*Communication and Patience

*Recognizing we’re two different personalities

*I’ve got his back and he has mine

7: Parenting Together As A Team Nov 15, 2016

Parenting Together as a Team

Relationship Boosters Podcast Episode 7

Successfully navigate the world of parenting together.

How to successfully co-parent with your partner

Conversations about parenting should begin when a couple is in the early, but serious stages, of their relationship.
Talk about what you and your spouse want parenting to look like.
- What type of discipline style do you want to use?
- What are the family values for you and your partner?
  - Will you have closed doors or open doors in the house?
- Dig deep. You and your partner should speak about the kind of parents you had. Family origin issues are important.
  - Share your upbringing with each other.
    - Did you feel like the parenting style that your parents used worked?
    - What did you like and what didn’t you like about your upbringing? Why?
  - Strategies
    - Alone time
    - 1,2,3 magic
  - When parents have strong parenting disagreements that are not discussed, it may cause confusion for the child.
  - Be a unified front. It can be problematic if one parent is not supporting the other parent, or if the child recognizes that they are not on the same page.
  - Establish a system that works for your family.
    - Create structure for the family. Make life more predictable.
    - What are the family needs?
    - What are the needs of the individuals in your family?
    - Come up with a schedule for the family.
      - Cozi App
    - Use strengths as a deciding factor for dividing responsibilities. Dividing responsibilities is not always split 50/50, and taking turns may not be realistic.
      - If you are good at homework, and your partner is good at cooking, then you may be doing the majority of the homework, and your partner may be doing the majority of the cooking.
    - Be playful and use humor.
    - There is no perfect parent. Just do the best that you possibly can!

The best time to begin discussions about developing a parenting style is prior to having children, and this should be revisited over time.

Having discussions about parenting is extremely important. In many relationships, these discussions never occur. The failure to address parental differences can ultimately lead to serious problems in your relationship. If you recognize that you have not had this discussion, and you’re in a serious relationship, this is the time to begin having conversations about parenting.

Remember, it’s never too late to have these important discussions, and ongoing discussions about parenting is essential.

You can work find out more about Bynia Reed through her website: www.centeredsupport.com

The resources she provided are as follows:

The Conscious Parent

Parenting the Strong-Willed Child

6: Blended Families Nov 08, 2016

Chats with Monika: How to make your blended family work

Tips to Be Successful as a Blended family

Be flexible. Being rigid is not helpful. Your way is not the only way. There are two parents.

o Make decisions together.

o How do you perceive your role as a parent of the child? You and your partner should have a conversation about this topic.

Mistakes will happen.

o Don’t throw mistakes in your partner’s face.

o Talk about what is not working, and how you can work to change those things that are not working.

Have conversations about what the child will call the new parent. For some people, the word step parent may be harsh. Find language that makes everyone feel included as opposed to excluded.

o When you don’t say anything, it may bring about uncomfortable feelings. Be open to allowing conversation.

o Bring the children in and allow them to take part in the conversation. Allowing children to express feelings and not have penalties for their feelings can be a gift.

o Model respect by expressing your feelings without being disrespectful. Use this as a teaching moment.

Don’t allow the other parent (child’s mother or father) to become “Drama” for your relationship.

o This is the child’s parent, so be careful when having conversations around the children

o Show respect toward the biological parent. Do not make negative statements about their parent. Control yourself and your emotions.

The biological mother and father may not get along, and sometimes this can negatively impact your relationship

o Allow your household to be a peaceful place by not allowing the other parent “to walk around in your house.”

Establish Boundaries
Conversations about the other parent should not be every moment. Address concerns as they arise. Don’t let it linger and create conflict or ongoing distress.
Conversations about the child’s other parent should be at an appropriate time. For example, this is not a conversation for date night.

5: Let's Talk About Sex Nov 01, 2016

Episode 5: Let’s Talk About Sex!

Boosting Your Sex Life With Carol-Ann Trotman

Sex is a topic that many couples do not speak about; however, this is a topic that needs to be addressed. Discussing sex and topics related to sex can help you better enjoy your sex life. Not talking about sex in your relationship can hinder your relationship in many ways; you are preventing yourself and your partner from having more satisfaction in your sex life.

Many couples share that they do not begin a discussion about sex due to fear of hurting their partner’s feelings; however, even if you do not bring up your concerns, you may still be sending off negative non-verbal messages to your partner.

How to begin conversations about sex and sexual pleasure.

Don’t bring it up while you are having sex. This is not the time to have a conversation about your sex life. Bring it up on a date night or at a relaxed time.
Share with your partner things that you would like to try.
Make sure you provide sexual activities that you would like to engage in more or less frequently.
- What sexual positions or activities would you like to do more frequently.
  - Make sure you are open for feedback. Remember, the goal is to make improvements
- Develop a list, and bring up the conversations to facilitate discussion. Make sure you do not get off track.
- Play a game that would allow sexual conversations to be more spontaneous.

Sex conversations should be ongoing. Make time to have a conversation regarding sex.

Sex is a topic that you or your partner may experience anxiety talking about; therefore, make the conversation comfortable. Take risks in your relationship, be vulnerable.

Tips To Assist With Sex and Sexual Exploration

Do research on your own to better explore how to enhance your sex life. You can also do research with each other to facilitate more discussion.

When having discussions about sex, remember to make it fun not tense.

If you are continuing to experience difficulty, you can always seek counseling services. In a counseling environment, you can get help with further exploring your sex life.

IN HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS, PEOPLE SEEK HELP.

Carol-Ann Trotman suggested the following book:

Esther Perel; Mating In Captivity. In this book; she addresses emotional intelligence and understanding your own and your partner’s ideas about sex.

If there are topics that you would like to hear on the podcast, send your emails to podcast@relationshipboosters.com

4: Date Night Oct 25, 2016

Episode 4

Dating is something that should occur in every stage of the relationship

Dating and Date night is quality time together to enhance your relationship. Think of date night as intentional play!

The National Marriage Project has a report called The Date Night Opportunity. They found that couples who devote time specifically to one another at least once a week are more likely to enjoy high-quality relationships and lower divorce rates, compared to couples who do not devote much couple time to one another.
Date night is one of the many ways to improve maintain or enhance your relationship. It is one of the things that keep couples connected.
A successful relationship does not just happen on its own. There are things that must be done to further enhance the relationship to keep it new, fresh, and exciting.
Date night is not time to have a stressful conversation.
- Don't have conversations about finances, responsibilities, problems with the kids, or sensitive issues.
  - You need to talk about these things, but not during a date.
- Date night is about enjoying each other.

The most common reason that many couples don’t have date night

I don’t have time.
I’m too exhausted.
My job keeps me so busy.
I am preoccupied with the kids, and their activities.

There is NO legitimate excuse that will make your partner feel good about being neglected. These excuses send the message that my partner or my relationship is not a priority. Ask yourself, Is your relationship, partnership, marriage worth it?

When picking a date night activity ask yourself these questions:

What can we do that will allow us to engage in deep conversation?

How can we enjoy each other’s company?

What is an activity that we can have fun together?

Is there anything new that we can get ourselves into?

Dating does not always have to be expensive. We have listed some date night examples:

Hot air balloon
Couples massage
Camping
Be a tourist in your own town for the day
Amusement park

If you are looking for an event, you can always check out our upcoming events. Follow the link http://therelationshipboosters.com/events/

3: Are You A Blind Passenger Oct 18, 2016

Episode 3

The Blind Passenger

Melissa Tate-Scruse speaks about being a blind Passenger in your relationship.

The blind passenger is when you are on someone else’s emotional rollercoaster.

In a relationship, this occurs when one partner is struggling. The partner may be struggling with emotional instability, aggressiveness, alcoholism etc., and their partner is along for the ride.

As the partner who is not struggling attempts to figure out what is going, he or she begins to become unbalanced; the partner is blinded by something.
- Being blinded prevents this partner from recognizing the magnitude of the situation.
While you are blinded, you are losing your peace, state of mind, and stability.
Blindness does not allow you to make rational decisions. People are blinded by love, hope, dreams, loyalty etc.

How to get off of the rollercoaster

Be informed. If you see that your significant other is experiencing difficulty, educate yourself.
Go to counseling make an informed verses an emotional decision.
Surround yourself with people who have your best interest and make generally good decisions.
Listen to the concerns of friends and family members. They may see things from another perspective. Listening does not mean that you share all the details about your relationship. Listening refers to taking their concerns into consideration. You can process whether these concerns are legitimate independent of these individuals.
- Being blinded prevents the partner from recognizing the magnitude of the situation.
- Family might not be as blinded by the situation due to the fact they are not as emotionally involved.
- - Family may not be as forgiving, so be careful about family involvement.
Ultimately, you really need to have conversations with your partner. Bring problematic or difficult issues to the surface to prevent them from unknowingly running in the background.

In families, there are a lot of necessary conversations that are not happening that stimulate patterns of abuse, divorce, or alcoholism. Make sure that there is room for difficult conversations in your relationship.

Recognize when you fall in love with the potential or the idea of what your partner can be rather than the reality. This is when the reality of the situation does not match your vision. Know that you can’t change others, you can only change yourself.

For more information, you can check out the book Blind Passenger. The book goes into detail about Dr. Melissa’s personal experiences with being a blind passenger. She gives, you a front row seat to her internal struggle as a blind passenger. “She has had to literally and figuratively pick herself up from some raw and shocking situations.”

2: Establishing Boundaries in Your Relationship Oct 12, 2016

Episode 2

Interview with Dr. Pauline Belton Establishing Boundaries Boundaries are the cornerstone of any relationship Setting boundaries lets you partner know the things that are important to you. It allows your partner to know what you like and what you expect. It also allows your partner to know he things that make you feel uneasy. When Setting Boundaries Be open or honest about how your experiences shape your world. Share how your feelings have affected you. Communicate your needs to your spouse. Let your partner know the things that make you feel healthy happy and protected Look at your partner like he or she is the love of your life and not an obstacle in your life. This allows you to remain open to their perceptions. It will decrease the defensive response. Types of Boundary Pitfalls Disconnected: When one partner tends to set rigid type boundaries and emphasize self-sufficiency. One person feels “it is all about me.” Overstepping: One person prefers to be more in control in the relationship. The other person will sometimes just go along in an attempt not to cause any trouble. The controlling partner minimizes the boundaries or expectations of their partner. Merged boundaries: The line is blurred. This looks like the lack of individuality, and can lead to being unclear about what will happen in a relationship. Engulfing Boundary: One partner overshadows the other; Only their opinion counts. The assumption is that their partner should go with the flow. This will smother your partner Problems with not discussing boundaries When you don’t divulge the things that make you feel unsafe or insecure, problems can escalate. When you don’t talk, assumptions run free. Remember, the things that you are comfortable with may not be the same things that your partner is comfortable with. This can lead to one person developing frustration and not sharing with their partner, which can contribute to increased problems. You can begin to speak about boundaries at any point in your relationships. As you encounter life, boundaries may adjust; therefore, this needs to be an ongoing conversation. When speaking about boundaries, don’t dictate, have a conversation. Use “I messages” as opposed to you. For example, tell your spouse “I would like to talk about our day when you get home” Overall, Setting Boundaries allows you and your spouse to know what you want the relationship to look like. These boundaries help with establishing the foundation for your relationship.

1: Newlyweds Preparing for Marriage Oct 12, 2016

Episode 1

Newlyweds: tips for after the wedding ceremony

Monika Cope of the Relationship Boosters provides tips and advice for those couples who have just been married.

After you spend thousands of dollars on a wedding, you need to ensure that you are also spending the same time and energy on the actual investment, your marriage. Listed below are some things to consider when moving into the next phase of your relationship.

Planning for the wedding can take away from your focus on each other; therefore, you need to spend time intentionally connecting during and after the planning of your ceremony.
Make your relationship a priority!
Once you’re married, remember it is not just you anymore. You are a part of a team.
Get to know each other by asking questions.
- There are always new things to learn about your partner.
Keep the excitement going by planning small trips and activities together.
- Make sure you compromise by doing some things that your partner may like.
Start difficult conversations by coming from a place of curiosity.
Don’t not let the day to day distractions take away from your relationship

The real work begins when the wedding is all said and done.

0: Intro to Relationship Boosters Oct 12, 2016

This podcast is for those who are interested in improving their intimate relationship. If you are in a relationship, and believe in keeping the spark alive, this podcast is for you. For those couples who are dating, engaged, newlyweds, married, or in a long term relationship, we will focus on enhancing your intimate connection.

Dr. Kia James, will interview specialists, relationship coaches, marriage counselors, and successful couples to bring you tips, advice, and strategies for making your good relationship or marriage better. Of course, these tips can also benefit couples who are experiencing relationship stress. We will cover topics related to successful co-parenting, creating a healthy blended family, dating, sex, love, passion, supporting your partner, and much more. Nurture your relationship and avoid relationship road blocks. Tune in as we discuss relationship tips that will give your relationship that extra boost!

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