Recovery Elevator

RE 535: How to Let Go... May 19, 2025

Show notes

Today we have Kayleen. She is 27 years old, lives in Baltimore, MD and she took her last drink on April 6th, 2025.

Sponsors for this episode include:

Better Help – 10% off of your first month

Café RE – the social app for sober people

There are a few spots left for Peru in October 2025. On this 10-night, 11-day trip of a lifetime, we will be hiking the Inca Trail and participating in two service projects. Registration closes in about three weeks.

[02:35] Thoughts from Paul:

There is so much speak in the recovery world about letting go. In recovery meetings, many of the topics are centered around letting go.

Paul shares that he has spent years thinking he needed to figure out HOW to let go. Like there was a secret technique that was missing. In fact, all you can do is realize you're holding on and this awareness is the first real step towards letting the sunshine in. Once you realize you are holding on, or bring awareness to something weighing you town, it immediately begins to shift on its own, and you don't have to let it go.

Another thought is that it's not even about letting GO, it's more about letting IN. If something is nagging you, don't let it go, let it in. It will eventually leave on it's own, when the time is right, when it's resolved.

Paul encourages us to have the strength to see where you're holding on and then invite it in a little more.

[09:23] Paul introduces Kayleen:

Kayleen is 27, lives in Baltimore, and works as a server in a fine dining restaurant. She enjoys walking, being in nature, painting and going to Café RE meetings.

Kayleen says she never drank normally. She recalls being in ninth grade and taking swigs of liquor from her mom's cabinet before getting on the school bus in the morning. Looking back, she thinks that she was always looking to escape her feelings.

In college, Kayleen didn't go to parties and drink with others. She preferred to drink at home and didn't want anyone to know how much or how often she was drinking. She would frequently drink before going to class and eventually was suspended from the university.

Kayleen was sent to detox three times in college for her drinking and self-harm. She wasn't ready to quit drinking and would start back as soon as she got out. When she was 21, she was arrested twice for DUIs, and she wasn't willing to stop drinking.

A year later Kayleen was married and their relationship revolved around alcohol where they drank together daily. Over the next three years Kayleen gained over 100 pounds, and her mobility was suffering. A doctor told her that due to her poor health, she might not see age 30. For Kayleen, the idea of quitting drinking didn't feel like a possibility.

In April of 2023, Kayleen discovered the RE podcast. Within a month of listening frequently, Kayleen decided to quit drinking on May 25th – just for that one day. She woke up feeling so proud of herself she kept going. A few months later she joined Café RE and found community.

Kayleen began walking and ended up losing 60 pounds in the first year of sobriety. Her wife had quit drinking too, but that wasn't enough to save the marriage. Kayleen ended up divorcing her wife and moved from Indiana to Baltimore to stay with her accountability partner that she met through Café RE.

In April of this year, Kayleen's sister got married and it was at the wedding that she relapsed. She said within a day she was drinking just like she was before quitting and quickly turned to her community for help. Kayleen says she decided to quickly shred the shame and make sure she didn't get stuck in a "woe is me" place. The community lifted her up and helped her realize that she didn't lose her sobriety time and Kayleen shares that she learned a lot from the experience.

Kayleen's parting piece of guidance: Just keep trying. Never, never, never give up on yourself.

Recovery Elevator

You took the elevator down, you gotta take the stairs back up.

We can do this.

RE 534: Alcohol and Sleep May 12, 2025

Show notes

Today we have Ben. He is 45 years old from Liverpool, UK and had his last drink on September 26th, 2021.

Sponsors for this episode include:

Better Help – 10% off of your first month

Sober Link - $50 off of device using this link

[02:01] Thoughts from Paul:

According to Stanford neuroscientist Andrew Huberman, all health, longevity, and your daily moods, along with your overall state of being, is tied to the quality of your sleep.

When you drink alcohol, the quality of your sleep drastically diminishes, leaving you in a state of disrepair the following day.

Paul shares many examples of how poor sleep affects our bodily functions and how drinking even small amounts of alcohol adds fuel to that fire.

When we remove alcohol and we begin entering deep sleep cycles again, all of these negative consequences of poor sleep start to disappear. It may not happen in one night but within time, trust the body and this function will return to normal.

[09:22] Paul introduces Ben:

Ben was a previous guest on Episode 364.

Ben started drinking when he was 14. It was tied into music and his social life. Alcohol and music helped him to escape the strife that he was having at school with bullies and being different than everyone else.

Drinking was a huge part of his rock and roll lifestyle. Drinking with bandmates while writing music, going out after practice and drinking after performances were all part of the landscape for Ben in his early 20s. This continued and progressed over the next decade.

Towards the end of his 30s, Ben says things started to get really dark for him. He found himself just wanting to drink on the tour bus and be left alone. The days of wanting to drink to socialize and be connected were gone for him.

When he realized his drinking was becoming an issue, Ben tried to stop for periods of time. Later on, to create accountability Ben would make pacts with his brother where if he drank on one of his 30-day breaks, his brother could sell Ben's guitar. The idea of stopping completely was unthinkable to Ben at the time.

After a situation where Ben almost lost all of his musical equipment at the end of a tour, he started to look into AA. It was recommended to him by someone he knew who had gotten sober. He was a bit dubious of it because he thought AA was only for people that had a problem. When Ben first spoke at the meeting he thought he might end up making light of his story but found himself crying instead and made the statement that he was scared that if he never drank again, that there would be nothing for him to look forward to for the rest of his life.

Throughout 2020 and 2021, Ben would find himself having two day drinking binges nearly every week. He had just gotten an apartment without housemates or family for the first time and had no one he had to be accountable to. The fact that his job wasn't 9-5 gave him a lot of free time. The moderation techniques began again because he wasn't ready to believe he had to quit entirely.

After a few rock bottom incidents, Ben finally made the decision to stop. In the first few months he used a variety of tools including harm reduction. He allowed himself to play video games again and eat food that he had always denied himself while drinking. When he reached out to be on the podcast the first time, he utilized that as motivation to stay sober at least until the interview a few months later.

Year one of sobriety found Ben still having cravings and just getting used to life being sober but says years two and three found him celebrating personal and professional successes. He says life can still be complicated at times but has learned to use obstacles as opportunities. Meditation has been a powerful tool for Ben in his recovery in addition to journalling, limiting his phone usage, reading and exercise.

Recovery Elevator

You took the elevator down, you gotta take the stairs back up.

I love you guys.

RE 533: Spiritual Healing Year One AF May 05, 2025

Show notes

Today we have Christopher. He is 27 years old from Melbourne, Australia and he took his last drink on July 13th, 2019.

Sponsors for this episode include:

Better Help – 10% off of your first month

On October 4th-15th, we are going to Peru! There are still three spots available for this 11-day 12-night journey throughout Cusco, Machu Picchu and the Sacred Valley. Included in this journey are hiking the Inca Trail and a service project with Peruvian Hearts.

[02:38] Thoughts from Paul:

Today Paul presents the third of a three-part series where he covers the healing one may expect in the first year away from alcohol. This week he covers the spiritual (not necessarily religious) component of healing and what can generally be expected over the course of the first year away from alcohol.

Spiritual growth isn't necessarily linear and likely won't start in the first week. There may have been a moment before your last drink when time seemed to stop, and you were pulled into the present moment where you could see where things were headed if you didn't quit drinking.

For some this growth may involve religious exploration and for others it may just be feeling the pull to be in nature or seeing life synchronicities and being able to decipher signals of intuition in your body. Creativity may return and books like Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way can help unblock creative channels.

Paul shares many different ways spiritual healing can show up for people on the journey to being alcohol-free.

[09:28] Paul introduces Christopher:

Chris is 27 and lives in Melbourne, Australia. He is about to start being a psychologist in a few weeks where he looks forward to being of service, but currently is working in the restaurant area of a pub. For fun he enjoys the outdoors, running, hiking and is a fan of philosophy.

Chris' drinking began like many others when he was in his teens. He says he instantly felt free, and his problems slipped away. He drank when the opportunities arose, and it was mainly binge drinking on the weekends.

Chris said he cared a lot of what others thought of him or if they found him interesting, so he began to believe that he had to drink in order to please them. This led to an escalation in his drinking and not long after he began to question his it but didn't feel like it was an addiction. He kept himself busy to avoid dealing with those thoughts.

When Chris was 19 or 20, he was going into another semester at school and was exhausted. He decided to take this time to quit alcohol and drugs. He found himself thinking about alcohol a lot during this time and began to explore what this meant to him. Chris didn't want to share with anyone what he was doing so kept it to himself.

After the three-month break, Chris went back to drinking and it wasn't the same. He realized that alcohol had been ruined for him. He was drinking just because he was terrified of the alternative but eventually decided to quit and this time shared his intention with others.

In spite of having multiple years away from alcohol, Chris didn't feel completely sober.

He recently began to prioritize his sobriety and utilize more resources in his recovery. He was listening to the RE podcast but also became more active in Café RE and started going to AA meetings and getting a sponsor. Realizing that he couldn't do it alone was a big revelation for Chris. He says that prioritizing his sobriety is the most important component to having control over the rest of his life.

Christopher's parting piece of guidance: "do what's right for you. Your truth is your truth and there is going to be a lot of outside noise, but you probably know what is going on deep down better than you realize."

Recovery Elevator

Go big, because eventually we'll all go home.

I love you guys.

RE 532: Mental Healing Year One AF Apr 28, 2025

Show notes

Today we have Adam. He is 34 years old from Denver, CO and took his last drink on May 19th, 2022.

Sponsors for this episode include:

Better Help – 10% off of your first month

Café RE – the social app for sober people

[02:41] Thoughts from Paul:

Today Paul presents the second of a three-part series where he covers the healing one may expect in the first year away from alcohol. This week he covers the mental component of healing and what can generally be expected over the course of the first year away from alcohol.

In the beginning, don't expect much but the brain fog will begin to lift by the end of the first week. Emotions will start to show up and you should embrace them. Seeing mood swings is completely normal but they will begin to improve over the next few months

Over the first year there are a lot of improvements to our awareness, our emotional regulation and our dopamine system.

Paul shares many more examples, but this is a short version of a longer list, and the mental healing goes on for years. Perhaps the biggest shift mentally is how you now feel about yourself now that you've made such a positive change by ditching the booze.

[11:45] Paul introduces Adam:

Adam was born and raised in Denver, CO. He and his fiancé are getting married in August this year. Adams works in the government affairs lobbying space in Colorado. For fun he loves skiing, hiking, reading and recovery work.

After his first drink at age 14, Adam knew he wanted to do more of it. He says he was a fearful kid and as he grew older his fears became more tangible, and he never felt prepared to deal with them. A lack of confidence and feelings of not adapting like others found him seeking comfort in alcohol and other drugs.

In the transition between high school and college, Adam shares that his substance use increased because it was more accessible. Stressed out while studying abroad in Rome found him developing a nightly drinking habit to cope.

Adam was in a cycle of binge drinking and drinking nightly after graduation and starting his career. He kept defending his drinking as he is just doing it for now and eventually, he will stop. Adam was keeping a bottle of vodka in his car and hiding how much he was drinking from his partner.

In 2021 after a weekend filled with drinking, Adam's wife came home from errands to find him unresponsive. He ended up in the hospital with a BAC over .4. After a mini-intervention by his family, he said he just wouldn't drink but wasn't interested in asking for help. He was able to white-knuckle for 150 days, got divorced and then got a new job and apartment. He decided that it was long enough to quit drinking and went out with friends.

After several months of drinking again and then getting into trouble at work, Adam began to realize he wasn't having fun anymore. Some friends that were in a 12-step program invited him to join them and he decided to say yes and hasn't left yet.

Adam identifies with the word "alcoholic" and feels like it helps others view the word differently by seeing normal people using the word. Once starting the program, he dove into the work in addition to reading books and relating to other peoples stories. Realizing he needed help and that he couldn't control his drinking was a weight lifted for Adam.

Adam is still working with a sponsor to continue to learn more about himself. Adam tries to find ways to integrate recovery into his day and be more present with his loved ones.

Adam shares he is no longer overwhelmed with fears since he has more tools to help him now.

Adam's parting piece of guidance: keep trying, don't give up on yourself and keep coming back.

Recovery Elevator

You took the elevator down; you've got to take the stairs back up.

WE can do this.

I love you guys.

RE 531: Physical Healing Year One AF Apr 21, 2025

Show notes

Today we have Maggie. She is 42 years old, from Switzerland, and she took her last drink on February 24th, 2024.

Sponsors for this episode include:

Better Help – 10% off of your first month

Café RE – the social app for sober people

Registration for our annual alcohol-free retreat in Bozeman is now open. From August 6th through 10th, we will be spending lots of time in nature, doing breathwork, a lakeside hangout, laser tag and more.

In October of this year, we are going to Peru! There are still spots available for this 11-day 12-night journey throughout Cusco, Machu Picchu and the Sacred Valley.

[02:43] Thoughts from Paul:

A question Paul hears and sees frequently is what to expect when we put the bottle down. He shares that the destruction of alcohol happens in three steps. First the spiritual component, then mental and finally physical. Healing tends to happen in the reverse order. There will be overlap and the transition is not quite linear, nor does the healing ever stop.

Paul expands on what to expect when healing begins and how it can look for our bodies and minds in the first week, month, six months to a year.

[12:06] Paul introduces Maggie:

Maggie is from Switzerland but lives in Hong Kong with her husband Chris and their four dogs. They enjoy spending time on the beach, stand up paddling and triathlons. Professionally, Maggie was the head of IT in investment banking but has recently changed careers and now is an options equity trader.

Maggie says she had her first drink when she was 13 and instantly felt relief from her anxiety. During her teen years, she says she and her friends spent a lot of time going out to bars and she discovered clubbing and cocaine when she was 18.

Maggie did well in school and started working with hedge funds after graduating. She says the workdays ended at 4pm and everyone would go out to have drinks afterwards. Her drinking wasn't concerning to her at this point in time.

Maggie moved to Hong Kong when she was 24 and this is when she began to realize that she didn't have an off switch when it came to alcohol. Everyone else would be ready to go home and Maggie says she was just getting started.

From the age of 20 to around 30, Maggie says things got progressively worse. While everything looked successful and stable on the outside, inside she was falling apart. Maggie would compare herself with people that were worse off than her as a way to justify her drinking. Moderation entered the picture, and she would sign up for a lot of physical activities as a way to force herself to be sober.

Maggie moved to Singapore before COVID but then lost her job and was there for a year without her husband. That is when she went from binge drinking to daily drinking. Upon her return to Hong Kong, her husband told her she needed to go to AA.

After four years of stops and starts while trying to make AA work, Maggie knew she needed to try something different. Addicted to multiple substances, Maggie checked herself into rehab but relapsed as soon as she left. After her return to Hong Kong, Maggie tried another location where they used EMDR therapy which helped her find the root causes of her addiction issues.

Maggie was given Antabuse after leaving rehab and that has helped alcohol become a non-negotiable for her. In sobriety she learned that she couldn't return to her old job. She has made a career change that allows her to work less hours and find a new hobby creating and selling her art.

Maggie feels peaceful now. Her goals are to continue to do sports and be a better athlete, continue to travel and maintain her current peaceful lifestyle.

Maggie's parting piece of guidance: hang in there and you will eventually get there. Never give up and maybe also explore the root cause of what is causing the drinking in the first place.

Recovery Elevator

This isn't a no to alcohol but a yes to a better life.

I love you guys.

RE 530: The Keys to Your Dream Car Apr 14, 2025

Show notes

Today we have Kaylee. She's 33 years old from Camp Hill, PA and took her last drink on December 24th, 2024.

Sponsors for this episode include:

Better Help – 10% off of your first month

Sober Link – learn more and save 50% off of a device

[03:38] Thoughts from Paul:

Paul shares a comment that he heard recently in a Café RE chat.

Stephanie said she eventually called the fight with alcohol. It is another way to frame the moment where we surrender to what is when it comes to our drinking. We know moderation isn't working, anxiety is getting worse and the shame and torture from alcohol is reaching unprecedented levels. It becomes time to throw in the towel.

He also shares a line from an upcoming interviewee who stated, "sobriety has given me the keys to the car of my dreams, I just hate the color". So, the universe will always align with our hopes, our dreams, and desires, but we may want the package to look different.

It is all about accepting the journey that life places in front of you.

[07:08] Paul introduces Kaylee:

Kaylee is 33 and lives in Camp Hill, PA. She has two daughters aged 15 and six. She is still trying to figure out what she likes to do for fun, but enjoys movies, concerts and spending time with her daughters.

Kaylee says she was a sensitive kid. She struggled with depression and self-harm when she was very young and was always searching for a remedy her feelings. Kaylee drank experimentally by sporadically sneaking alcohol out of her mom's cabinet.

When she was 15, she was assaulted and learned early on that using alcohol could help numb her pain. Kaylee says that any time her emotions were strong, she knew she could use alcohol to not think about the negative emotions and things that happened to her. Her usage became a regular thing on the weekends with friends while she was a teenager.

Kaylee had her first daughter when she was 17 and thought maybe she was done with the party life. She didn't drink while pregnant but not long after her daughter was born, she was right back to drinking. Moving to her first apartment at age 21 also contributed to an increase in her drinking and now she felt free to drink however she wanted to, including by herself.

When Kaylee went right back to drinking after her second daughter, she knew she needed to try to cut back and moderate. She was taking online quizzes asking, "am I an alcoholic?" and considered AA meetings only to determine she was fine and could cut back on her own.

After a few years trying moderation, Kaylee found herself in a dark place with suicidal thoughts. She decided to seek therapy and was open with someone about her drinking for the first time. She was able to get sober for about six months.

In January 2024 after a breakup, Kaylee found herself drinking heavily again. After calling a suicide hotline looking for help, she ended up going to detox for a week. After detox she continued an outpatient program but again thought she could moderate. As Christmas approached, Kaylee was thinking that she could not continue drinking into another year. She began to talk to a good friend of hers who was extremely supportive.

The first few weeks were tough, but she started to get better physically. Within the first month she says her mind started coming back and she started feeling more like herself. Kaylee reconnected to her faith and became more open about her struggles which she says helps a lot.

Kaylee says the tools she uses the most in her recovery are journaling, talking to someone when she is having cravings or triggers, praying and meditation, and staying open with those close to her.

Recovery Elevator

Rule 22 – lighten up, let's not take ourselves too seriously.

I love you guys.

RE 529: It Doesn't Matter What You Have Apr 07, 2025

Show notes

Today we have Jenny. She is 38 years old from Hudson, WI and she took her last drink on February 16, 2020.

Sponsors for this episode include:

Better Help – 10% off of your first month

Recovery Elevator has a nonprofit called Café RE which is our alcohol-free community. For all of our happenings and what we offer, click on Recovery Elevator Events.

[02:35] Thoughts from Paul:

It doesn't really matter what word or label we attach to our relationship with alcohol. It doesn't matter what we call it; we still need to do something about it. Paul says that his own pursuits of solving the "why" behind his drinking and how his addiction took hold has been a revealing journey of self-discovery even he won't be able to pin down exactly why he crashed and burned so hard.

When we relentlessly scour the past for reasons why we drink, we take our energies away from the only moment where true healing and peace reside, which is this very moment right now.

Addiction does everything it can to pull us from the present moment. Ruminating on what happened, what you have tends to be fruitless. Befriend and make peace the part of you that seeks oblivion and self-destruction. An addiction path may be what our souls choose in hopes of teaching us what really matters in life.

[09:03] Paul introduces Jenny:

Jenny is a previous guest and was featured in Episode 417 back in 2023 after celebrating three years alcohol-free.

Jenny is married and they have a seven-year-old son. She enjoys exercise, adventure and being outside. She does professional development for the construction industry.

Jenny drinking when she was 11 years old with the goal of being a rebel. She says she had a goal of being a tough, naughty girl and says it let her down the road to 22 years of binging and going on benders with alcohol and drugs.

In her late twenties, Jenny had a miscarriage and says that it was at that point that she knew she had a problem, and she didn't think she'd be able to stop. She and her husband had their son in 2017 and decided a life change was needed so they moved back home after living out west for a while. She was 31 years old, unemployed, had a newborn son and was deeply in debt. The move to her in-law's basement and being back in her hometown opening old wounds drove Jenny to use alcohol more and more to escape.

Rock bottom came for Jenny after Super Bowl Sunday 202. She got very sick while driving and called out of work. For the next few days, she was hungover and thinking about ways to end things. A spiritual awakening and vision of an uncle that had passed away before she was born, led Jenny to get up and decide enough was enough.

Jenny says the first week was hard like ripping a bandage off and bleed profusely. All aspects of her life needed to be explored. She wanted to live a life of integrity and knew she needed to do the right things for herself. She feels like every day is a victory for all of us on the journey.

After a year without alcohol, her husband encouraged her to find connection and she tried AA. That group helped her define her higher power and she loves AA and the 12 steps. She finds that friendships in recovery are so much deeper.

In the last few years since she was on the podcast, Jenny says not much has changed but life is more stable now. When she quit drinking, she was able to address other issues that she wasn't aware she had. She is capable of just being and seeking peace in her life.

Jenny knows that relapse is a non-negotiable for her. She says she hasn't come this far to only come this far. Being able to tell the whole story about things that happen is important to her.

Recovery Elevator

You took the elevator down. You got to take the stairs back up.

We can do this.

RE 528: Brevity of a Buzz Mar 31, 2025

Show notes

Today we have Laura. She is 40 years old from Reno, NV and she had her last drink on August 1st, 2017.

Sponsors for this episode include:

Better Help – 10% off of your first month

Tomorrow April 1st, registration opens for our annual alcohol-free retreat in Bozeman. From August 6th through 10th, we will be spending lots of time in nature, doing breathwork, a lakeside hangout, laser tag and more.

[02:58] Thoughts from Paul:

On this life journey, what we think is fun or important to us is constantly changing. You have identified that serenity, happiness and peace have become much more important to you than the excitement of drinking. After all, drinking lifts us up for a short while but always lets us down in the end.

Peace is knowing we are living our healthiest life and knowing that whatever happens, we're going to be just fine because we're not making life harder than it needs to be by drinking.

We are aiming to place our bodies and minds in a state where they are properly nourished so then we can be present to fully enjoy and be thankful when the emotion of happiness arrives. We are choosing peace over the brevity of a buzz. We are choosing life.

[05:51] Paul introduces Laura:

Laura is married, and lives in Reno, Nevada. She is currently transitioning out of working in nonprofit communications to going full time with her own business. She enjoys all things outdoors, lifting weights, and making funny Tik-Toks.

The minute Laura started drinking she felt like it was the elixir to confidence and connection. Throughout college and into her 20s, she didn't think much about her drinking because she was drinking like everyone else around her. Leaving college, Laura didn't really know what she wanted to do with her life. Looking back now, she recognizes how much drinking disconnects you from yourself.

Laura moved to Lake Tahoe and became a snowboard bum. This is where her drinking progressed. Little red flags started to pop up, but she would disregard them and treat her drinking like it was an intentional choice.

In her late twenties, Laura got a DUI. This drove her to recognize that she needed to quit drinking and was able to for a few months. She thought after that, she had it under control only to end up right back where she was soon after.

Laura began to try and moderate and take breaks. When she realized it was hard to quit for two weeks, she knew she had a problem. After a blackout, Laura decided it was time to give sobriety a try. Quitting drinking felt scary, but it felt scarier to continue down the path she was on. She didn't know anyone that was sober but once she listened to people's stories on the RE podcast, she had hope.

After 7 months of working on her recovery by herself, she relapsed at a memorial for a friend. Recognizing that she was on the right path in sobriety, she went right back to it. She started going to AA and found a sponsor. Laura admits it was a lot of work, but she was ready for it. She shares that she had a lot of epiphanies during the first six to nine months.

Laura picked up a lot of healthy practices in recovery which helped her rediscover herself and build confidence. She says no tequila shot could ever compare to the feeling of being able to trust yourself, respect yourself and have authentic connections with other people.

In her new business, Laura is a backpacking guide. She organizes adventure retreats for sober women. Your Sober Pal

Laura's favorite resources: Recovery Elevator podcast, 12 Step Program and online recovery communities.

Laura's parting piece of guidance: it might e a lot of work up front, but it's going to take you places you couldn't even imaging and you're going to amaze yourself along the way.

Recovery Elevator

You took the elevator down. You have got to take the stairs back up.

We can do this.

RE 527: Alcoholism After the Last Drink? Mar 24, 2025

Show notes

Today we have Niko. He is 43 years old from San Juan, Puerto Rico and took his last drink on September 2nd, 2024.

Sponsors for this episode include:

Better Help – 10% off of your first month

Next week registration opens for our flagship retreat in Bozeman which is always a lot of fun. In addition to our lake hangout, breathwork and recovery workshops, we're also playing laser tag. We also have a few spots left for our alcohol-free trip this October to Peru which includes travel to Cusco, the Sacred Valley and of course, Machu Picchu.

If you have quit drinking and are looking for new alcohol-free friends, Café RE is the social app for sober people. With 24/7 access to a like-minded community committed to living alcohol-free, you'll never feel alone on this journey.

[03:25] Thoughts from Paul:

Jackass alumni Stevo-O once said he didn't experience alcoholism until he quit drinking. In 1958 alcoholism was first classified as a disease. How does one experience this disease after they stop drinking?

Paul shares his thinking that "if you want to find out why you drink, quit drinking and you'll find out pretty quickly". And another thought "it's not an alcohol problem; it's a sobriety problem". When you are addicted to alcohol, withdrawals are a huge problem. But another issues presents itself when we are sober and no longer using alcohol to cope or cheat code for dopamine. Our eyes are wide open to the movie of our lives and there is no way to shut it off.

This is why people in recovery attend social circles where people can talk about the baseline state of the human mind, which is restless, irritable and discontent. When we come together, we have a better chance to heal.

[07:25] Paul introduces Niko:

Niko lives in San Juan, Puerto Rico and is the youngest of three siblings. He enjoys beach tennis, swimming and volleyball, which was something he played a lot in school.

Niko first tried alcohol when he was around 12. By age 14, he had his first blackout. For years Niko never questioned his drinking because he figured if he could tolerate it and wasn't doing stupid or embarrassing things, he was fine.

Niko was recruited to play volleyball in a college in Pennsylvania. His drinking interfered with his grades, but he never questioned his drinking until recently. Drinking is very embedded in his culture and says it isn't abnormal for teenagers to be drinking at the table with adults.

In his 30s, Niko says he added cocaine to his drinking, and this continued until last year. Niko knew he had an issue with it, but it wasn't until his girlfriend presented an ultimatum that it was the drugs or her. He was able to quit cocaine and started therapy where he proclaimed he still had to be able to drink. After a few weeks, he talked with a friend that had recently quit drinking who encouraged him to give it a try.

The first week without alcohol was pretty tough for Niko but he says things turned around in the second week as he entered the pink cloud and started thinking he should keep going.

Niko has dabbled in AA and SMART Recovery. He sees his therapist once a week and also attends group therapy with up to 8 other people. Without alcohol Niko is getting to know himself again and his therapist helps a lot with that. She introduced him to the RE podcast which he says he has listened to a lot while going to the gym and walking the dog. He has lost 45 pounds since quitting drinking and is starting to do more of the sports he loved when he was younger. Since he has been getting to know himself, he is finding the ability to be more present for others as well.

Niko's parting piece of guidance: if you think you have a problem or maybe you don't think you have a problem, just give yourself a try. You won't regret it.

Recovery Elevator

You took the elevator down, but you gotta take the stairs back up.

I love you guys.