BONUS: How Should Competitors & Parents Manage Amateur Sports Cancellations & Grief
Sep 04, 2020
Former guest Kip Watson, the founder of BrainCode Corp, joins this week’s BONUS episode to discuss the world of sports during covid-19, how parents & youth athletes can manage the grief, pain, and heartbreak of league cancellations, and the importance of personal responsibility in overcoming pain.
Trust & Vulnerability in Leadership with Bobby Audley
Jun 18, 2020
Intentionality is the key to deep relationships and deep relationships are what make a strong and cohesive team. This week on the Raising Competitors podcast, leadership and team development facilitator Bobby Audley shares ideas for team-building that will last. It doesn’t matter if your team is a group of young athletes, seasoned pros, or employees who work with one another in an office, finding a way to bring them together as individuals and as people will help foster a bond that will make the whole group stronger.
Some of the most successful teams aren’t the ones who win the most games, Audley says, but the ones who have good camaraderie and a shared vision. That comes from building trust between teammates, allowing yourself to be vulnerable as a person, and not getting defensive when someone challenges you — but instead using a challenge as a learning opportunity. It comes down to opening up the doors to good communication and a willingness to share with those around you.
Things You’ll Learn:
Be intentional about relationships
Allow yourself to be vulnerable
Make time for one-on-one conversations
Lean into fear and discomfort
Work to build trust with your team
Quotes:
“Teams, whether they’re athletic or corporate, that have deep invested relationships are more effective. Science points to it.” -Bobby Audley
“You treat each other as friends, you have respect for each other, you have empathy for each other, you have kindness and grace — all these things that sound overly simplified are the difference-maker for effective teams, athletic or not.” -Bobby Audley
“I think the biggest thing holding us back from deeper relationships is vulnerability and the ability to be vulnerable, the ability to not have the answers, the ability to say the wrong thing.” -Bobby Audley
“Are you making a decision based on the fear of what could happen or are you making a decision based on the courage of what could possibly happen?” -Bobby Audley
“I think a lot of times we’re just too scared and we end up selling ourselves and our lives short because we don’t take our relationships deep enough to truly experience community and relationship.” -Jake Thompson
The Four Key Questions to Ask Your Athlete with Alan Stein Jr
Jun 04, 2020
It’s a serious commitment to be a youth sports parent and it can be challenging, at times, to find the best way to support your child through their journey. It takes time, money, and emotional energy to stand on the sidelines and provide healthy motivation at home, while leaving room for your child to grow and learn on their own. This week, author, motivational speaker, and performance coach Alan Stein Jr. talks about parenting a young athlete.
It comes down to modeling the behaviors you want to see them learn and use in everyday life, he says. “I think every parent needs to get great clarity on why you want your children to play sports. And that’s not for me to answer for anyone. That’s for each and every parent to articulate,” says Stein. Once you know why you want them to be there, you can develop the tools to help guide them. As parents, the unseen hours between games and practices, sometimes without our kids around, can be the most important for holistically improving ourselves and building the structures and frameworks to support our families.
Things You’ll Learn:
Be realistic about the standards you’re setting
Avoid coaching from the sidelines
Practice meaningful repetition to improve
Reinforce the behavior you want to see reflected
Recognize the difference between preparation and performance
Quotes:
“Here’s what’s most important to me (in a coach). Is this coach a good role model? Does he have high character and moral values? Does he hold my kids accountable to doing the same? Does he provide a fun environment where my kids can not only learn a skill, but enjoy the process? Is he teaching and reinforcing these life lessons that I believe are so important? If he’s doing all of those things, that’s all that I’m looking for.” -Alan Stein Jr.
“The seeds we plant with our children at the dinner table and to and from practices in the car — those things carry heavy weight. This is why it’s so important … that you are reinforcing the behavior that you want to see not only with your child, but that you want to see through sport and through the coach.” -Alan Stein Jr.
“You’re going to go through life and you’re going to meet a lot of people that aren’t very good at what they do. You’re going to meet a lot of people that don’t do things the way that you like. Our kids are going to face all kinds of adversity in life and I want my children to learn how to manage it and deal with it on their own, even at a young age, and not have me bail them out by making excuses, blaming, and complaining.” -Alan Stein Jr.
“The only way your child will be able to maximize their potential is if they’re having fun, they’re working hard, they’re open to coaching, and they’re helping their teammates get better.” -Alan Stein Jr.
“I really believe the best thing we can do as parents for our children is to become the best version of ourselves in every area of our life. I think we should all be paying very close attention to our mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing and health. And the more we pour into those things during our own unseen hours, the more we’ll model the type of behavior that we want to see in our children.” -Alan Stein Jr.
Contact:
You can find out more about Alan Stein Jr. on his website, https://alansteinjr.com/. He’s also on social media @AlanSteinJr. Check out his book, Raise Your Game: High-Performance Secrets from the Best of the Best, online at https://raiseyourgamebook.com/. Stein is currently working on a passion project he hopes to have ready this fall, called The Sideline, which will be a survival guide for youth sports parents.
Strong Girls United with Lani Silversides
May 21, 2020
Every person has a body, a heart, and a mind. It’s where these three components come together that the magic happens, says this week’s guest, teacher and coach Lani Silversides.
Practicing mindfulness about how we speak with and act around kids can help us set a positive example for them. It can also help them build a strong skill set and work ethic that will serve them well as they grow and progress.
For example, we’ve built a lot of judgment into our everyday language, Silversides says. Even questions that may seem benign, like “How was the game?” or “How was your test?” sets kids up to have to answer positively or negatively. Either the test was good, or the test was bad. The game was great, or the game was awful.
Instead, think about rephrasing questions to focus on reflection and growth. Ask kids, “What did you think went well?” or “What was something you enjoyed doing?” By moving to a mindful approach, we can help kids build mental resilience and healthy mindset habits they can use in every aspect of their lives.
Things You’ll Learn:
Be mindful of the language you use
Pay attention to family routines
Move away from quick judgment about performance
Build mental muscles
Keep the fun factor in youth sports
Quotes:
“I really wanted to start with these young girls and get them confident in being able to try new things and to put themselves out there and know that they can.” -Lani Silversides
“Really trying to be mindful of the word choices that I am using on a day to day basis … has really come to the forefront of my mind and it really boils down to the importance of coaches and parents doing this work for themselves first.” -Lani Silversides
“My motto in the consulting stuff that I do is learn, live, lead. You’ve got to learn about it and live it yourself before leading others because that awareness for me to catch myself is because I’m doing the work as well.” -Lani Silversides
“We think of all of these things as muscles. How do you grow your gratitude muscle? How do you grow your mindfulness muscle? How do you grow your confidence muscle? And so every time you exercise it, like muscles, every time you’re acting on it some way, any way, it’s like doing a repetition where you’re growing the muscle.” -Lani Silversides
“It’s my strong belief that the intersection of those three spaces (body, heart, mind) is a sweet spot where the magic happens.” -Lani Silversides
Be Complete Athletics with Nicole Denes
Apr 16, 2020
Kids are like sponges. They soak up whatever you say to them, as parents or coaches, and learn how to act and react from the behavior they see modeled for them. That’s why it’s important to be mindful of how you respond.
This week, coach Nicole Denes shares tips on supporting the process, rather than focusing on the outcomes, and helping kids build good habits for the long run.
It can be helpful to think about problems or mistakes before they happen. That way, you can practice how you might respond before you’re put on the spot. Especially for kids and adults who tend towards perfectionism, it can be useful to re-focus on the skills you need to improve, rather than whether or not a result was perfect.
After all, perfection may be unattainable, but improvement is always possible.
What You’ll Learn:
Invest in the process
Prepare and plan for mistakes to happen
Be mindful of your reactions
Practice accountability for your actions
Support versatility and variety in sports
Quotes:
“Giving permission to fail is huge, especially coming from a parent. Kids will always listen to their parent more than anyone else, even though it may not feel like that sometimes.” -Nicole Denes
“The way the parent speaks to the child becomes the child’s own voice in the way they speak to themselves.” -Nicole Denes
“I wish parents would understand that you’re not going to hurt your child or that college scholarship by allowing them to play another sport. If anything, it’s helpful in their athletic ability and having confidence in that.” -Nicole Denes
“Be aware of how you as a parent react to mistakes in your everyday life. … Your kids are just soaking that in and they’re going to repeat the exact words in a different situation to themselves.” -Nicole Denes
“If we invest in the process — the little things — the outcomes tend to happen.” -Nicole Denes
Contact:
You can follow Nicole Denes’ work online at becompleteathletics.com and on Facebook and Instagram @becompleteathletics.
Total Youth Soccer Fitness Program with Erica Suter
Apr 02, 2020
Enjoyment is a key part of sticking with sports. Especially for youth athletes, finding happiness and fulfillment in the game is central to wanting to come to practice every day and putting in their best work. This week, coach and blogger Erica Suter shares ideas for helping youth athletes take joy in the process because if they care about playing, they’ll keep coming back.
One of the ways to help kids have fun is letting them explore. More and more, kids are being tracked into playing a single sport in the hopes of going pro or getting a scholarship to college.
But, Suter says, kids are better athletes when they have the flexibility to try new things and grow themselves in different ways. As parents, that could mean letting kids play multiple sports or getting them involved in other routines and skills, like strength and conditioning. “Build the human first,” Suter says. Then, focus on the player.
What You’ll Learn:
Practice having a growth mindset
Build healthy habits for long-term change
Take breaks to prevent burnout
Set short-term goals
Create a reflection journal
Quotes:
“Now, looking back, I realize I stuck with it and was so serious about every aspect of my training because I enjoyed it. I enjoyed working hard. I enjoyed the game. I enjoyed learning and taking feedback from my coaches. And that’s what I want to permeate onto the athletes I coach now. You have to enjoy it, otherwise you’re not going to stick with it.” -Erica Suter
“I think a lot of parents now think that there’s some magical fix and their kid’s going to be better overnight, or they’re going to get that scholarship without any real work, but it really is a process, like anything.” -Erica Suter
“Yes, we’re all competitive and we have a lot of fire, but we need to have fun while we’re doing it, too.” -Erica Suter
“I almost expect failure because then it’s not as much of a shock. Failure is inevitable, so as long as I expect that’s part of the process, I’m going to be fine. The worst thing that happens is I fail and I hit it and go in a new direction.” -Erica Suter
“Build the human first. Make sure the human is strong and can move. And then work on the player.” -Erica Suter
Unleash Your Athlete’s Inner Leader with James Leath
Mar 12, 2020
Kids aren’t just mini-adults. They think differently, process stimuli differently, and fundamentally understand the world in a different way. That’s why it’s important, as adults, to be careful what you say when you want kids to understand you, and how you say it.
This week, James Leath talks about the challenges and rewards of working with young athletes and shares tips for connecting with them on their level for better communication and outcomes.
James Leath may be a familiar voice to many of you who also listen to the Compete Every Day podcast. He was our guest on the show in January 2019 and he talked about putting in the work to get your desired results. He continues that conversation in a kid-focused way this week.
As the founder of Unleash The Athlete, he has years of experience working both with youth and with the people who support them, like parents and coaches. By working to understand how kids experience the world around them, you can better support them on their journey of growth.
What You’ll Learn:
Encourage positive self-talk in young athletes
Be mindful of how you speak to kids
Let your kids fail and learn from it
Work to understand how kids think
Support healthy bonds between teammates
Quotes:
“At the end of the day what I’m talking about is not strategy; it’s how to get to know your athletes better, how to be a better example for your athletes, how to provide for them the tools that they need to be able to handle the intensity of a game-winning shot, to be able to handle missing it or making it.”
James Leath
“These are anxious times for these kids and you
can ignore it and have anxious athletes or you can address it and have
athletes.” -James Leath
“I think, as parents and people who are around
athletes a lot, we need to be more intentional about the words that we use and
the way that we teach our kids how to think.” -James Leath
“Confidence that is given from a parent to a child is very short-lived. But confidence that is earned by the kid by overcoming obstacles, that is the kind of confidence that stays.”
James Leath
“It’s important for the kids to bond with each other and to really look at sports as something that is enhancing their life, not just something they have to do for the promised scholarship eight years in the future.” -James Leath
You can find out more about Unleash The Athlete online at utathlete.com. You can follow James Leath on his website, jamesleath.com, or on Twitter, TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook @JamesLeath.
Check out our first episode with James Leath on the Compete Every Day podcast hereor by searching for Season 3, Episode 2 of Compete Every Day wherever you get your podcasts.
Using Competition to Cultivate Greatness with Colby Davis Pastunek
Mar 05, 2020
Being a successful team means being on the same page. That goes for athletes, parents and coaches. Everyone has to have a shared goal in mind and work to achieve it.
This week, The Colony High School Lady Cougars Coach & Vice President of the Texas High School Girls Coaches Association Colby Davis shares tips for managing the expectations and abilities of a young team and all of its supporters. It comes down to having good communication at all levels and making sure everyone is invested in the end game.
Young teams can comprise players of many skill levels. Each player brings their own strengths to the team, even if it’s being the loudest cheerleader on the bench at gametime. The key to keeping players in sync with one another is to play to those strengths and help kids understand the importance of recognizing others’ successes.
It also makes them tougher competitors, if they can see what the competition is doing right and adapt to improve their own game and ultimately, win.
What You’ll Learn:
Seek out tough competition
Be sure not to overwork a young athlete
Let kids be role models for each other
Help athletes acknowledge team members’ successes
Practice and preach your ideal culture
Quotes:
“We schedule the absolute toughest opponents we can find. … That’s my mindset every single year. I don’t care if we lose in the pre-season. If we’re learning from it and it’s making us better to make a postseason run, that record doesn’t matter.”
Coach Davis
“We talk a lot about achieving individual goals.
Our team, when we go into a basketball game, we have specific goals that we
want to meet each quarter. I think you really try to put a focus on small
victories and the fact that those small victories build up over time.” -Colby
Davis
“Everybody has to take responsibility for
winning. … Maybe that means you’re a cheerleader on the bench. Maybe that means
you’re in there to get a key defensive stop. Everybody can do something to help
us achieve what we want to achieve.” -Colby Davis
“I think that speaks to your culture right there — the things that you think are important and the things that you celebrate and preach every day.”
Coach Davis
“In coaching sometimes, I think you keep it close
to your chest and everything’s a secret. But you’ve got to let these people
know what your end goal is. You’ve got to communicate what your plan is for
your kids. And especially these parents that have high expectations, they need
to understand what their strengths and weaknesses are and where you’re looking
at moving forward and where you see that kid in the program.” -Colby Davis
Contact:
You can follow Coach Colby Davis on Twitter @CoachDavis10. You can also follow The Colony Lady Cougars on Twitter @TheColonyBB.
One Percent Better in Baseball and Life with Joe Ferraro
Feb 27, 2020
It can be daunting to find support and resources you can trust as a player, coach, or parent.
This week, fellow podcaster and baseball aficionado Joe Ferraro talks about his Youth Baseball School endeavor, which seeks to bring together useful information in one place for ballplayers and their supporters. It’s a community where you can seek out likeminded people for advice and tips to get the most out of your experience with the sport.
For Compete Every Day podcast listeners, Ferraro may be a familiar voice. He’s the founder and host of the One Percent Better podcast and joined us in season 3 here. He brings the same commitment to education and relationship-building to his new project.
In this episode, he also shares stories of how lessons he learned in baseball have translated to life as a whole and the importance of staying true to the pursuit of lifelong learning, which makes finding curated and trusted resources all the more important.
What You’ll Learn:
Ways to connect with experts in the field
How to cope with the mental side of the game
The importance of taking breaks as a player
How to translate sports lessons into life lessons
Where to seek out advice from people you can trust
Quotes:
“Every coach in every sport feels like their
sport is the one that teaches character, reveals character. I think baseball
does both. I think it teaches character. I think it reveals character. And I
think it allows you to practice these habits.” -Joe Ferraro
“At the end of the day, sports allow us to have the most meaningful lessons in something that only feels like it’s life or death and you just don’t get those opportunities too often.”
Joe Ferraro
“You’re playing in a game, it’s the seventh
inning, and you feel like everything in the world matters right here and then
you go out into life and pay a mortgage and try to be a successful father and
you realize that it was baseball that embedded these habits overall.” -Joe
Ferraro
“You can’t just be a star and show up late. You
can’t just show up on time and not be a good practice player.” -Joe Ferraro
“You simply can’t throw 365 days a year, especially from a pitching standpoint. It just isn’t healthy on a growing arm. It isn’t healthy on a major league arm.”
Joe Ferraro
Contact:
You can contact Joe Ferraro via email at joe@onepercentbetterproject.com. You can also follow him on Instagram and Twitter @FerraroOnAir.
You’re Still Supposed to Have Fun Playing with Southbay FC founder Kelly Gray
Feb 20, 2020
Kids are kids and they need to have fun. Nowadays, there’s a tendency to push kids into picking a particular sport at a young age. There’s the prevailing idea that if a kid isn’t specializing early, they’re falling behind.
This week on the Raising Competitors podcast, guest Kelly Gray says in actuality, kids should be doing the opposite. They should be able to try out as many sports as they want when they’re young, and hold off on choosing a main focus until they’re older.
For nearly a decade, Gray played in Major League Soccer. He became a coach soon after retiring from the field. He saw both kids and adults questing for player perfection when they should have been focusing on progress. Kids need to be able to enjoy their experience in sports, Gray says, and have the opportunity to learn different skills.
Those extra abilities will serve them well as they get older and put them ahead of the competition when it really counts.
What You’ll Learn:
Aim for progress, not perfection
Encourage diversity of experience
Allow young athletes to fail
Wait to specialize until kids are older
Offer breaks to prevent burnout
Quotes:
“Every player is going to develop at their own pace. As long as you feel like they’re still progressing in some way, then I think you’re doing your job, and I think, as a coach, you still get that fulfillment out of it.”
Kelly Gray
“As long as you’re upfront about what your philosophy is and how you want to get there and what is important to you, you attract people that are looking for that exact same thing.” -Kelly Gray
“We cannot have them specialize early. We are
doing them a disservice developmentally by having them specialize early. I want
kids to play every single sport under the sun. If they have an interest in it,
go play it.” -Kelly Gray
“We’ve noticed that parents these days don’t allow their children to fail. And we, as high-level athletes, know that failure is actually a huge part of growth. If you don’t fail, you don’t grow.”
Kelly Gray
“Just because something doesn’t go the way that
you planned, doesn’t mean that it’s done. It just means you need to learn
something. You have to persevere. You have to keep going.” -Kelly Gray
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