Profit with Purpose by Anna Goldstein

Latest Episodes:

#195: Anna Goldstein: What's Your Intention? Mar 07, 2024

I volunteered at my son's school to be lunch lady and it was from 10:00am to 1:00pm. 3 hours where all the elementary school kids from Kindergarten to 5th grade rotate through for their lunch. The job as a lunch lady is basically to sweep the floor and clean up after the kids so that when it switches from grade to grade for lunchtime the floor is clean. I had a choice, I could sweep the floor with a negative attitude and dread or I could sweep the floor with a positive intention of love.

#194: Tommy Rosen: Addiction, Awareness, & Recovery Feb 02, 2023

Tommy Rosen is a yoga teacher and addiction recovery expert who has spent the last two decades immersed in recovery and wellness. He holds advanced certifications in both Kundalini and Hatha Yoga and has 31 years of continuous recovery from drug addiction. He is the founder and CEO of the Recovery 2.0 Global Community, where he runs online conferences, group coaching, and coach training programs. He is the author of Recovery 2.0: Move Beyond Addiction and Upgrade Your Life. I met Tommy at a retreat in Maui, Hawaii. It was fun to reconnect to have him share his wisdom and expertise!

In this interview, we talk about awareness, addiction, and recovery. This conversation is not about judgment. Tommy talks about his own crippling experiences with cannabis only as an example of addiction, referring to his past use of it as a mere “balm” for his pain rather than medicine. You can substitute cannabis with any behavior you continue to engage in despite the fact that it brings negative consequences into your life. The purpose of this discussion is to gain more insight and awareness into your life so that you can be your best. To Tommy, it all comes down to asking powerful questions of awareness and discernment, so that you can create a new identity based on your authentic self!

Sneak-peek:

Tommy defines “addiction” from the broad perspective of “any behavior that you continue to do despite the fact that it brings negative consequences into your life.” [3:14]
He explains how we can catch ourselves engaging in addictive behavior so that we can take the first steps toward overcoming it. [5:09]
Why is “awareness of self” the single most important key to overcoming addiction? [10:07]
Tommy shares the initial start of his recovery. [15:10]
He reflects on having to leave behind the identity he had built up to his decision to change his life. [21:21]
Tommy explains how important support is on your journey to recovery. [31:29]
The 4 Aggravations that prevent us from living a full life: [34:18]

Negative thinking
Self-doubt
Procrastination
Resentment

Learn what the next steps are after achieving self-awareness [37:43]
Tommy’s advice for you - All human beings are born to excel. [42:01]

Relevant Links:

Tommy’s book: https://www.amazon.com/RECOVERY-2-0-Beyond-Addiction-Upgrade/dp/1401944485/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1529622067&sr=8-1&keywords=tommy+rosen

Tommy on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tommyrosen/

Tommy’s Website: https://r20.com/

#193: Anna Goldstein: Life Update: New Beginnings and Endings Nov 08, 2022

Life Update:

* New Beginnings: What's your ideal environment?

* Endings: How can you have more fun?

#192: Just Do It Aug 29, 2022

In this episode we talk about:

Getting back to things that you have fallen off of.
Starting when you have been procrastinating
Not waiting for things to be perfect

What are you going to start today?

#191: Elise Museles: Food Story: Rewrite the Way You Eat, Think, and Live Nov 18, 2021

The food you eat has an undeniable impact on your life and relationships. How can you reform that influence and start over if you've had a restrictive approach to it all this while?

In today's episode, we explore the story of Elise Museles, a certified eating psychology and nutrition expert, creator of the Food Story Method and platform, and host of the popular podcast Once Upon a Food Story. Elise's upcoming book, Food Story: Rewrite the Way You Eat, Think, and Live, talks about changing your relationship with food to step into a new and more satisfying life that is healthy not just for you but also for the people around you.

She joins us to talk about her transformative journey, switching her profession from a well-established lawyer to a certified nutrition expert, how she learned to challenge the way she thought about food, and major snippets from Food Story, her latest book.

What was that pivotal moment in Elise's life that prompted her to take action about her "perfectionist" relationship with food?

It was the day Elise graduated from law school and was enjoying the milestone at a celebratory dinner in a restaurant with her boyfriend (now husband). They had booked the table three months in advance due to the high demand of the place and were over-the-moon about it.

It all changed when Elise realized that most of the food served on the table were those she didn't have. She was uncomfortable around the food, and her boyfriend sensed it too. He responded to the situation and explained how difficult it was for him not to see her eat. Elise realized that her dysfunctional relationship with food was also affecting him, and she broke up with him that very moment. She decided to mend her ways with food, not just for him but also for herself.

What did Elise's healing journey look like?

After returning to California to work with the US Department of Justice, Elise started to connect with food more profoundly. She began to search for the ingredients and different nuances of food and cooking. Elise tried to discover where the ingredients were sourced, started going to the farmers' market to see the processes behind it, and presented food more beautifully. This way, she let go of a lot of fear surrounding food and learned to build a more positive connection with it.

What resources did Elise use to help her in the process of rewriting her relationship with food?

Elise shares that books had a significant impact on changing her relationship with food. She learned the different aspects of diet-eating, nutrition, and food varieties, making her better aware of her choices. Elise, however, recommends not to go through any limiting "diet" beliefs, outdated theories, and restrictive ideas around food.

What are Elise's thoughts on food rules?

Elise doesn't have any rules when it comes to food now. She believes there's a fine line between food rules and being aware of what your body needs. Your body understands for itself what food is necessary and what is not. You have to be more mindful so you don't mistake unnecessary cravings as your needs. Remember, the key is to get rid of any guilt or shame around your food choices.

How does Elise describe the emotional aspects of food?

The food you eat can take you back in memory to those times you enjoyed having it or first had it. You reminisce about the moments and experiences surrounding those times. That's why Elise explains; food is emotional.

The best way to understand this is to think about how people's relationship with food changed during the pandemic. We resorted to comfort food because it made us feel better, and it's not wrong. However, if you regret your action, later on, you know your choice is unhealthy. Hence, if you know your food choice will make you happy after you have it, it's good for your body. And if it's not, you know you don't want it. It's all about being connected to yourself and understanding your body. This way, your relationship with food becomes happier.

How do your thoughts affect your health, metabolism, and nutrient intake?

You must've noticed how stress is a deciding factor when it comes to your food choices. Some of us tend to eat more when stressed, whereas others tend to be the other way round. No matter what you eat, you won't get the full value of the food unless your thoughts are in harmony with it. If your mind is occupied with concerns and worries about your food, your body lets out a stress response that stops you from imbibing the full value of your food. As Elise explains, "What's in your mind is just as important as what's on your plate."

What is the Story of Perfection (from the eight disempowering food stories in her upcoming book)?

Elise shares that many of us tend to have "unrealistic, impossible" standards around our food choices. We're caught in the rigidity of black and white, healthy and unhealthy, and often go after the wisest choice. All this is so that we achieve the notion of "perfect", which is hard to release.

What is the Story of Shame (from the eight disempowering food stories in her upcoming book)?

Elise's story of Shame tells us that we associate a lot of shame with our food choices and ways of eating. It is essential to have open conversations to help us get over the same.

What is the Story of Confusion (from the eight disempowering food stories in her upcoming book)?

Elise shares that many of her clients with perfectionist food attitudes tend to be confused around them because of the associated stress and overthinking. They feel overwhelmed and exhausted trying to abide by all the rules, opinions, and information. Elise explains that the key is to eat what works for you the best.

What is the Story of Escape?

According to Elise, the story of escape is more complicated than the other stories. And that's because, most often, we're unaware of what we're really trying to escape or why we're even feeling like behaving that way. You need to understand your "why" before making those escapes.

What is the Story of Not Enoughness?

It is a very common feeling, especially among people today. You see people post stories and content that seem too good to be true, and you keep pushing your bars till you reach just the right "enough". It's a human characteristic to feel something is not right in you in such cases. But this has to be overcome.

What is the Story of Overwhelm?

Tony Robbins says, "complexity is the enemy of execution". Our choices around food and diet could become so complicated over time that we begin to lose ourselves to the strategies and consecutive actions. We need to simplify these ideas to the simple thought that our body knows what's best for it.

What is the Story of Later?

Elise's story of later is especially applicable to parents who lose themselves in the process of caring for their kids. They postpone their happiness to a future that's far away and unknown. It's up to all of us to decide if we want to change the script of our lives and stop pressing the "in future" button on ourselves. Taking care of yourself needs to be on priority always.

What is the Story of Despair?

The story of despair, as Elise shares, is the most important to her. It talks about not losing hope even when the times are tough. There are times when you could feel you've practiced your food habits for so long that it's challenging to get over them. The real deal is getting over that trap, restoring hope, and rewriting your story.

What is the Food Story Method discussed in Elise's book?

Healing isn't linear, and it applies fittingly in the case of food choices too. You have to constantly go back, evaluate your disbeliefs around food, and get over them. You need to discard those messages that don't serve you any longer, release thoughts stuck in your body, and regain clarity on what works for your body at the moment and what doesn't. Adapt and improvise your food story as you progress over time.

What is a simple way to incorporate Elise's tips into your life?

Start by taking three deep breaths. It helps slow down your thoughts, reconnect you back to your body, and connect you to the present.

Connect with Elise:

Website | Instagram | Twitter | Podcast

Find her latest book here!

#190: Anna Goldstein: Associations Our Brains Make Sep 23, 2021

Welcome Back!

Our brain learns to take certain things, objects, thoughts, emotions, signs and anything else and associate these with other thoughts, emotions, feelings and things.

It's common to make generalizations. It helps to separate parts so that you can make correct associations.

#189: Anna Goldstein: Befriend Your Fear (Chapter #2) Jul 29, 2021

"Usually we think that brave people have no fear. The truth is that they are intimate with fear." - Pema Chodron

#188: Anna Goldstein: The Voice in Your Head (Chapter #1) Reading my book Jul 22, 2021

I was twenty-five years old and living in a small studio apartment on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. As a girl who grew up in the suburbs of Maryland, I’d moved to New York City three years prior with big hopes and dreams for my future, but I was stumbling. I’d already had four different jobs, lived in three different apartments, and felt completely lost, alone, and isolated.

I was consumed by the voice in my head that told me all the things that were wrong with me, and I was worried about my future. Would I ever find my way in my career? Would I ever have a meaningful romantic partnership? How was I going to survive in this city financially? What if things didn’t work out and I ended up poor, unhappy and alone?

I obsessed over tracking my food; compulsively measured my belly, wrists, and chin, and constantly checked to see how much I weighed. I desperately wanted to be in a relationship to make me feel better and further distract me from my problems. But my biggest addiction was that I believed my negative thoughts.

I wished there was a switch in my head that I could turn off. But I couldn’t. My nightly routine was to stare at the ceiling alone in the dark thinking I was seriously flawed. I was so consumed by the voice in my head that I spent several years like this— having trouble sleeping, not holding down a steady job, eating junk food, and drinking too much alcohol. I was so unhappy, my confidence plummeted.

But deep down, I knew there was more for me. I just wasn’t sure what was in my way or how to access the strength within me. That little seed of believing there must be another way became my guiding light to seek answers and solutions to overcome my largest obstacle: my mind.

I knew I wasn’t the only one struggling. In fact, I was the one many of my friends sought out to talk about their problems. Sometimes we would gab on the phone and complain about our lives for hours on end.

Maybe you too have been wondering how you can deal with the voice in your head that tells you, “You’re not good enough, you’re not qualified enough, you need more experience, something is wrong with you, you’ll never be successful, you’re too young (or old) . . . ”

Is it possible to stop beating yourself up when you do something “wrong” or make a mistake? What would it be like if you didn’t judge others, didn’t care what other people thought about you, and instead went for the things you really wanted, even in the face of fear?

Maybe you feel like you just weren’t born confident, that others have it all figured out, and because of your past experiences, you’ll never be the person you want to be. Maybe you’ve done everything you thought would make you feel whole, and checked all the boxes, but you’re still looking for a deeper sense of joy and fulfillment.

You know that you are meant for more. But how can you access your potential?

#187: Anna Goldstein: Confidence Mantras (Mind Training) Jul 15, 2021

The way you think profoundly impacts how you feel and the actions you take. Listening to mantras help you rewire your brain for positivity and confidence.

Be Bold Mantras

I am enough just as I am

Failure is a stepping-stone to success

It is safe for me to grow

I can change my beliefs

I pay attention to intuitive nudges

I trust myself

Obstacles are an opportunity to grow

Adversity gives me strength

I create my reality

I am responsible for my actions

I always do my best

I engage in activities that fill me up

I take good care of myself

I am confident

#186: Anna Goldstein: What Confidence Really Is + Free Mini Confidence Course Jul 12, 2021

Confidence is a muscle, and pushing through negative thinking and unfortunate events is how you build that muscle. It is important to recognize your vulnerability, but just as important is to not let it stop you but rather - empower you.

Tune in to this episode to reframe your thinking about confidence. Renew your relationship with confidence in this quick but useful listen.

Timestamps

00:01 Do this to discover your confidence.

01:43 Do you need to have your life together to feel confident?

02:14 What is confidence really about?

03:11 Why we should normalize negative thinking (real-life example).

05:01 How getting comfortable with your negative thoughts helps your confidence.

Key Takeaways

Confidence is all about embracing uncomfortable emotions. It is about embracing your vulnerability.
Confidence is not the absence of fear or failure. In fact, you build your confidence by weathering through your shortfalls.
Freedom comes from letting go of the expectation that you must be perfect. When you do that and realize you are still okay, you will feel empowered.
Confidence is the effect of action. Do things that scare you and when you come out of the other side alive and better off you will build your confidence.

Resources Mentioned

Pre-order my book and get a mini-course on confidence for FREE

Email: info@annagoldstein.com

#185: Anna Goldstein: How to NOT Worry What Other People Think Apr 08, 2021

Value Your Opinion More Than Anyone Else

An old man, a boy and a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey and the old man walked. As they went along, they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old man was walking and the boy was riding. The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so they changed positions.

Then, later, they passed some people who remarked, "What a shame, he makes that little boy walk." So they then decided they'd both walk!Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they had a decent donkey to ride. So, they both rode the donkey. Now they passed some people who shamed them by saying how awful to put such a load on a poor donkey.

The boy and man figured they were probably right, so they decided to carry the donkey. As they crossed the bridge, they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and drowned.

The moral of the story? If you try to please everyone, you might as well... Kiss your “donkey" goodbye! And even this ending won’t please everyone.

When you start to blaze your own trail there will be people who will tell you why you can't or why you shouldn’t do something you want to do. Everyone has an opinion.

For example, maybe your group of peers drink alcohol socially and now you’ve decided you don’t want to drink alcohol. Your friends might try to convince you to continue drinking alcohol - they might ask you why you aren’t drinking and continue to offer you a drink - even though you have told them that you aren’t going to drink.

And when you are confident in yourself, you don’t let others sway you - but rather you stand rooted in how you want to move forward with your vision. There is no need to look for approval when you approve yourself.

Here are a 5 steps to manage other's opinions:

Don’t take things personally. What others say to you are a reflection of their beliefs.
Be selective about who you share your goals with.
Understand what others share with you is information - you decide what you do with information - if it resonates with you great, if not, let it go. Above all else, value your opinion more than others.
Don’t continue to explain or justify your view, just say thank you for sharing to end the conversation.
Carefully choose who you spend time with. Motivational speaker, Jim Rohn said, You become who you spend time with.

When you decide to live in accordance with your highest vision, it might make others uncomfortable. Trust yourself.

#184: Sandy Forster: From Welfare to Millionaire Feb 18, 2021

Sandy Forster is an international speaker, bestselling author, renowned Prosperity Mentor, multi-award-winning Entrepreneur and a Wildly Wealthy Woman! She'll show you the exact steps she used to turn her own life around from welfare to millionaire. After discovering the Law of Attraction, she was able to turn her life around to become a money mindset mentor to women, and has since won many business awards including International Mentor of the Year as well as Australian Business of the Year and Entrepreneur of the Year.

Listen in as she shares how she went from being $100,000 in debt and dependent on welfare to debt-free millionaire with a beachfront home on the Sunshine Coast.

How did you go from living on welfare to where you are now?

I have a life that I, once upon a time, absolutely only dreamed of. Right now, I live in a beautiful home on the Sunshine Coast in Queensland, Australia. I have a business I adore. I run an international life coach training academy and I train people to be Law of Attraction coaches. I built this business out of absolutely nothing. I work with women and their mindset and help them really change how they think about and manifest money. I used to be $100,000 in debt and ended up on welfare. I attribute it all to discovering the Law of Attraction and taking action on that idea. When you combine mindset with practical steps, that’s where the magic happens.

Why wasn’t anything working even after all the books, seminars, and workshops?

I got married, had two children, and got divorced. I lost all of my assets, went $100,000 in debt, and became dependent on welfare. I saw a hypnotherapist and realized during my session that I had a passion for personal development. One day, I saw an ad which said “personal development, strong work ethic, make money”. I rang up the lady and discovered that the ad was for a network marketing company with a product based on the Law of Attraction. The company itself didn’t last, but discovering the Law of Attraction finally connected the dots for me. I had the idea for another business around the theme “Wildly Wealthy Women”, which would go on to become a training and support community on the mindset and practical steps toward being your own boss. In the first year, it made close to $2 million dollars. I went on to attend an Anthony Robbins seminar and discovered life coaching, which finally led to me launching my own life coach training academy.

How do you use the Law of Attraction to improve your finances?

You’ve got to take action. Step number one is to get your mindset in the right place—what I call a Millionaire Mindset. Step number two is to find a mentor. If you try to figure it all out on your own, you will waste time, energy, and so much money. Find someone who has already done what you want to do and is willing to guide and support you, even if you only start out listening to their podcast, reading their book, or attending their seminar. The final step is to take action. Stop wasting time getting your ducks in a row. Instead of “ready, aim, fire”, I go “ready… fire!”

Can you describe the timeline between getting divorced to earning your first million dollars?

What people need to understand is that there’s a lot of stuff that goes on behind the scenes until you actually get to the point where you’re a good manifester. You don’t discover the “secret” and change your life overnight. Depending on the person, it can be very quick or very slow. I was a very hard nut to crack. It was a good ten years between my divorce and becoming a millionaire. I discovered the Law of Attraction seven years after getting divorced. Three years later, I earned my first million. Just know that your newfound wealth will never stay unless you’ve got your mindset right and constantly kept in check.

Do you think that most people get the Law wrong because they’re focusing all day on lack instead of abundance?

It can be hard when you have so many challenges around you. But what I learned is that your predominant mental attitude has to be around what you want more than what you don’t want. When we focus on what we want, it has what we call a higher vibration or higher energy. That is so much stronger than the low energy of what you want. It really comes down to the fact that you have a choice in every moment. Even if things aren’t going right, just swing your focus back on what you want. Thoughts are the order; feeling is the delivery. As long as I’m feeling good, I know that what I want is coming. I don’t know when, but I just have to trust that it’s coming.

What is your “68-Second Tip”?

Think of your thoughts in relation to Jell-O. When you focus on something for a certain amount of time, what happens is that your thoughts go out in the Universe and start to combine and coalesce and join together with similar thoughts and become stronger. Just as Jell-O becomes harder in the fridge over time, the longer you focus on what you want, the more efficiently things turn from the non-physical into the physical. It’s all done through vibrations. When you hit the 68-second mark, that’s when your thoughts become things, because that 68-second mark is where you start to affect manifestation, where the metaphysical becomes physical.

How do you manage distractions, especially nowadays?

Do you want to live the world and the life that everyone else is living, or do you want to create your own reality? You have a choice to stay disconnected from anything that distracts you from what you want. My business grew more this year more than any other year in spite of COVID. We get to choose. We just have to decide what to focus on.

How do you cultivate your Millionaire Mindset?

I just love focusing on the future: what I’m going to create, what I’m going to do, who I’m going to help, and how my life is going to be. To me, being wildly wealthy is all about choices and freedom. Those are the main two things that I aim for. Everything else is a bonus. If you’re focusing on what you want, you’ve got a mentor, you’re taking action, and you’re being consistent and persistent, the Universe will reward you. It has to. There’s no other choice.

What’s an example of an affirmation that you love?

One of the affirmations that I still love to this day is: I am now a debt-free millionaire. That’s the one that took me from welfare to millionaire. If you want to manifest, you have got to take action and think thoughts that light you up from the inside. You’ve got to find an affirmation that works for you—that makes you feel excited and alive and hopeful of the future. Everyone is different. It all boils down to: You create through how you feel.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?

Be realistic. Expect a miracle.

Resources Mentioned:

Wildly Wealthy

#183: Katie DePaola: Learning to Glow Through Dark Times Dec 10, 2020

Katie DePaola is the CEO and Founder of Inner Glow Circle, a successful training company for coaches and entrepreneurs, and has also authored the book, “At Least You Look Good“, which tells the story of Katie’s inspiring comeback after multiple life obstacles that came by. Having survived experiences that almost had her life done, Katie has emerged even stronger and more mindful than she’s ever been before. Exactly one hundred days after opening her business, her brother died from an accidental overdose. Also a Lyme Disease survivor, she built her business from her bathtub, taking the company from a self-funded startup to a million-dollar business. Through certification programs, memberships, and online courses, Katie has taught thousands of women how to “glow through what they go through.”

In a moving conversation today, we explore through her eyes the opportunities that birth from struggling scenarios and learn to revive our thinking to grab the learning out of any situation. If you wonder why life’s been hard on you, and feel like you cannot get up from where you’ve fallen, and want to assemble your broken pieces again.

Sneak-peek:

Katie shares her experience writing the book, learning to know herself better spiritually and as a human. [0:58]
She gives us a reality check moment and asks us to follow what we desire, also revealing what she’d decided her book to be titled previously. [11:00]
Know where the name of the book came from. [15:09]
Key takeaway- Know the 5 life principles that she’s addressed in the book and why she keeps them: [18:09]

Life gets better and better
Take giving up off of the table
Ask what’s possible and not what’s probable
It’s this or something better always
What’s meant for me can’t miss me

Katie talks about healing and pain and why it’s important to understand that hard times don’t last forever. [20:10]
How she still finds her brother close even today. [33:05]
Katie talks of something in her life that’s taken years to materialize. [46:37]
Understanding the energy of the universe and how you find your purpose in life. [50:56]
Find her book on the platforms mentioned. [51:02]
Katie’s advice for you- Think always, “How could this be an opportunity?” [51:45]

Relevant Links:

Katie’s book: https://www.amazon.com/At-Least-You-Look-Good-ebook/dp/B08NL9Q8NB

Katie on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/katiedepaola/

Katie’s Website: https://www.innerglowcircle.com/katie/

#182: Anna Goldstein: Life Update Nov 19, 2020

Life update: we're moving temporarily to Florida.

#181: Jason Harris: The Art of Soulful Persuasion Sep 17, 2020

Jason Harris is Co-Founder and CEO of Mekanism, an award-winning creative advertising agency. Jason is the author of The Soulful Art of Persuasion that highlights the 11 habits you need to become more authentically or soulfully persuasive. He proves that persuasion is not a dirty word, but the most positive, productive, and ethical way of changing peoples’ minds through the cultivation of character building habits.

Become a person with more fulfilling experiences and more authentic personal relationships! Tune in to this episode to learn the power of positivity and persuasion, collaboration, storytelling, building lasting relationships, and actionable habits that you can implement to become a master influencer.

Why did you write The Soulful Art of Persuasion? What was the inspiration behind it?

He’s an avid reader, listener of podcasts, and loves reading business books. As an entrepreneur, he’s figuring out how other people approach business and sales, so he consumes that type of content. It dawned on him that there’s something different about the way he approaches business and the principals he follows compared to everyone else’s approach. He saw transactional, short-term methods of building a business rather than relationship and long-term focused methods. He had a different angle and a different thing to say in the business book atmosphere. To Jason, the idea of being a soulful persuader and influencer is being an influencer in your personal and professional sphere.

What are the core principals of your book and how did you develop these principals?

Jason worked at a lot of different companies before starting his own and he felt like he didn’t respond well to a lot of the company cultures he was experiencing. There wasn’t much of a space where people could feel truly themselves and be original, so he learned a lot of what he wanted to create and the ways he wanted to work from seeing what other people were doing, both positive and negative. He kept a journal of these ideas and beliefs until he developed the four core beliefs that he follows to this day. The four principals are: be original, be generous, be empathetic, and be soulful. His inspiration also came from books he was reading, the way people made him feel, and seeing success growing from long-term relationships.

How did you decide that those four, out of all the principals we could live by, were essential?

The 11 habits he mentions in the book fall under these categories. Being soulful came last to him, but the other three came from a balance of business, how he wants to pursue his life, and the type of person he wants to be. Some of the habits came naturally to him and some he had to practice and develop over time.

What’s an example of something that was not natural for you?

Jason isn’t a naturally generous person. He says he was born on the more self-absorbed and slightly selfish side. Through work and growing up and his experiences, he realized that it’s a characteristic that’s really important.

When working with big brands, how do you tell a story that can build a sense of trust, but that is also not transactional?

You can’t always do that. They’ll send you a brief of what to talk about and then you come up with the creative work off of that brief. You have to absorb what they’re saying and what they want to accomplish, then crack the creative and spit it back to them with ideas that position the brand in a way that you feel is right. It’s always a dance with what you feel the audience will respond to and what the brand thinks they will respond to. He tries to embody the principals of being original and knowing the audience.

Do you think the art of storytelling in a way that connects with the person or brand applies to long-term relationships?

Definitely, 100%. When he talks about relationships, there are personal and professional relationships and you have to approach them in a similar fashion.

Can you share with us your journey and how you got to where you are now?

Jason is an odd duck in the sense that he knew he wanted to be in advertising at the age of 12 or 13. Both his parents were teachers so he grew up in an academic household. He was a TV junkie and would always break down and study the stories in between the shows he watched. He realized that must be a fun job to create those advertisements and the first time he thought he was persuaded was around the same age when the band KISS transported him through storytelling.

Stories can be from your heart, your life, books you love, music, and movies. Success in a lot of areas is built on storytelling techniques.

Did you get your degree in advertising?

Jason got his degree in economics to make his parents happy, then he hustled to get his foot in the door at a design firm, then a few advertising agencies doing direct mail, strategy, and production. He got a feel for how business is done and what it’s like through these different areas of the companies. With a decade of advertising under his belt, he started a production company, and then a couple years later, he co-founded Mekanism which has been around for over 10 years.

Looking back, had your journey been a bit confusing but now makes sense?

Yes, when you start out, it meanders a lot and he did have aspirations to open his own company after college. He didn’t know exactly what area or that he wanted to be CEO but he had that entrepreneurial spirit. It’s interesting how your journey can be both focused and flexible. The hardest thing is figuring out the industry you love and what skills you have that you can apply in that industry.

What’s an obstacle, fear, or limiting belief that you feel like you encountered in your journey of figuring out the path that you really wanted to be on?

For Jason, he likes to have control. When he moved to having partners, from having all the control in his own company, the limiting thing for him was: can he learn to let go and let other people take the reins and control their areas? That was a really hard thing for him to learn and he feels like he’s good at it now, after a few years of learning.

How do you build trust?

Today more than ever, trust is so important because we’ve gotten so entrenched in our beliefs. We watch the stations and follow the social media that are going to tell us what we believe is right. We have to try and open this view about the idea about empathy and understanding and being curious about other people. That builds trust. When we, in business, think about techniques like mirror matching our audience to help sell something, that’s not building trust, that’s not being vulnerable or showing who we are. When you’re allowed to tell stories to people you might not even know, that allows them to do the same, and it allows trust to be built. Listening and trying to learn more than you might be judging other people also builds trust.

Empathy allows you to collaborate better. That’s another aspect of persuasion, joining forces with other people. Look at other people and see that we’re really not that different from each other. Seek the common ground and approach everyone as an equal, thinking about collaboration.

Can you share one or two of these 11 habits that can be really simple and practical that we can apply today?

One thing Jason always thinks about in business is this notion of never be closing. It’s an idea of shifting your thinking, when you’re thinking about any deal, and going against the transactional way of thinking that will sabotage your attempts at persuasion. Thinking about building a relationship rather than closing the deal. If you do that, the impact of what you’re actually trying to close magnifies.

Another thing is trying not to let your relationships drop to zero. Think about reaching out to five people every week to keep those relationships going. When it comes to social media, how do you think about sharing your interests with everyone vs reaching out and sharing with a particular person or group of people that would care about that issue.

Could you post something on Instagram and share it personally with another person?

Either way, it’s the ability of thinking about it as an act of generosity and thinking of who might benefit from this piece of knowledge and the connection. It’s the mindset that makes a big difference.

Can you share a story of a time where you didn’t have a relationship with somebody but you wanted to foster one and the process you went through to make that happen?

Jason shares about a business relationship where he met an interesting guy at a conference, how he wrote him a letter about how great he thinks his brand is and sent him a Mekansim hoodie. That meant a lot to him and about six months later, they decided to put the business up for review and threw Mekansim into the mix because he had that memory on his chest all the time. Now, they’ve been working together for over six years.

Let me know if you agree, I think complementing people is so underused.

Jason agrees! Reach out to your role models to express your thoughts and the impacts of the business on you personally. Let them know you’d love to have a follow-up conversation about it, that’s how you build a relationship. There’s so few people who do that nowadays and when someone does that, it’s super powerful. Part of persuasion is that awareness of the other person and generosity, acknowledgement, and research on who you want to network with can be very similar to complements.

What’s a question you ask yourself a lot in terms of business in order to move it forward?

He’s always thinking about: are the messages that we’re putting into the world positive stories? Are we filling the world with more positivity or are we just adding to the negative noise?

What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?

This idea that business is a marathon and not a sprint. Building your career doesn’t have to happen as fast as you think it has to happen. Allow yourself to realize that you can take time with it. Allow yourself to know that relationships do take time and work and you always have to exercise that muscle.

I think the essence of business is relationships, what’s your take?

Yeah, that’s all it is. It’s relationships with people and that’s it.

Any last thoughts?

The idea of soulfulness in business – something that’s helped Jason is trying to be inspirational in whatever career or industry he’s in. It does help you become more influential and feel good, putting positive things out there and inspire by giving back. Direct your skill(s) towards something that’s bigger than yourself, like teaching tennis in low-income areas. It’s a very important aspect of success.

Do you use the word intention in your work?

He doesn’t but now he’s going to because he really likes it and it’s important!

Connect with Jason + Get his book: www.thesoulfulart.com

#180: Jenny Fenig: Dealing with Loss and Discovering Magic Sep 10, 2020

Jenny Fenig is the creator of the Get Gutsy movement, is a coach to spiritual women on a mission. Jenny’s mission is simple: help you touch more lives with your message and cash in on your calling.® After a successful (and stressful!) corporate career managing public relations campaigns for the biggest brands in the world and then producing premium business conferences, she realized she was far too much of a rebel to be employed by someone else. Freedom is her top value. After a successful corporate career in New York City, Jenny quit her 6-figure job to do what she was put on this planet to do: coach gutsy leaders to rise to their next level. She does this by empowering you to tune in, do less + make more.

The death of her 12-year-old sister Julie taught her not to stress about stuff that doesn’t matter. Surviving her death as a 16-year-old high school girl made her who she is today.

In this episode, we talk about how to connect with nature and why it’s important, how to do more in less time, how death can be a catalyst to create more meaning and so much more. Listen up with an open heart and mind.

It appears that missions have been a big part of your life. What would you say your mission is now?

Jenny’s mission is to remind women that they are magic makers and to reclaim the word “magic”. Magic is working with nature and the seasons to create something beautiful and sustainable and that helps make the world better. We do that so gloriously. We are designed that way. It’s such a trip!

When we rely on technology exclusively to fill us, then it’s really easy to disconnect from what’s really going on. So her mission is to remind women that they have wonderful gifts, talents and creations inside of them to bring forth and bring language and context to. They can put them into a very intelligent container, price them, sell them, and receive abundance for doing so… what a wonderful thing, that we can do this from home and on our own schedule! We have the tools to be able to create this magic and create whatever life we want.

Would you say that magic has an element of creation?

Absolutely.

What if we’re not feeling the magic?

Be you. Know that when it’s time, transformation is beautiful. The butterfly doesn’t start out as a butterfly, it starts out as a caterpillar. The caterpillar just rocks the caterpillar life and when it’s time, boom! The cocoon starts being created, but then the cocoon has to get really tight and that’s also uncomfortable. These transitions are very uncomfortable and sometimes we want to rush through them, but nature never rushes. So can we get our cues from nature and say when the time is really right? Can we trust the timetable and know that it’s working and that we’re on the right path?

We’re all trained for instant gratification. We need all these conveniences and we think that can be applied to everything, but it’s just not the way that it works. We have to come to a place where we are so deeply connected to our intuition, our own inner knowing, that we know it’s working and it’s working because we are still showing up and doing the work. Making it easier doesn’t mean you’re checked out and not doing the stuff that you know you need to.

Children are often more connected to magic and at some point, it seems we get cut off. When did you reconnect with magic?

Space camp was a reconnection to the magic and Jenny would do things where she felt like she was in her genius. Being around people who are like her. Jenny moved to NYC after graduating and worked for a public relations agency. That’s what she thought she was meant to do. She was disconnected, she wasn’t treating her body well, she was drinking too much, and she realized it wasn’t working for her anymore. Jenny realized she was running from her feelings, the grief from when her sister died of cancer in high school, and never really stopped to process that because she didn’t really know how.

“Whatever I choose to do, I’m good at it,” she says. That’s her story and it works until it doesn’t, then you have your feelings to deal with. She came face to face with that voice within and that’s when she rediscovered her magic because that’s when she chose to trust that voice instead of pushing it away. She broke down into tears at work and asked for the support she needed. She took a little time off work which was an act of reclaiming herself and being available for herself.

Was there a moment when you lost your sister that you felt like you lost faith or magic?

She lost her faith in God when that happened. It wasn’t a huge part of her life and she didn’t have a strong upbringing in a religious context but she had a sense of God and her sister was a huge believer. Jenny saw her sister’s peacefulness around her death and towards the end, she saw her ability to find her way. Jenny found a diary of her sister’s that mentioned the moment she found God and Jenny wondered how.

Having three loved ones die in a short amount of time in her teenage years, especially her sister, made her sad, pissed, and confused. She wanted answers. She still felt them but couldn’t see them and because she was just thrown into the depths of it, she learned what she knows now and that the connection to source energy never dies. The classic religious environment never did anything for Jenny. She found her way on her own and she has yoga to thank for that. Through that practice, she found peace and the ability to not need alcohol or drugs to experience a feeling. She wanted to feel that through healthy habits.

How has your experience with death helped you to live a more meaningful and fulfilled life?

It’s been everything! Jenny watched her 16-year-old sister take her last breath and learned that time waits for no one and you don’t know what your last day is going to be on this planet. We must not just squander our time, complain, and bitch about getting older, we have to be better stewards of our time and stop wasting it on things that don’t matter to us anyway.

On a spiritually cosmic level, she knows that her sister was here for the time that she was because that was her journey and for Jenny, what a wonderful teacher she’s been. Her sister helps her get out and share this message. Her sister is championing it til the end. Jenny has a really distinct understanding of time, uses it really well, and can teach it to you too!

How do you think losing your sister has impacted you as a mother?

Jenny is able to tune into what this is really about and this gift that we’re given as a parent to guide these beings along as they guide us along. Let’s be real, we probably learn more from our kids as they learn from us! It goes by quickly and they’re absorbing it all. She’s not saying she doesn’t have moments of fear of something happening to them but she doesn’t entertain long periods of time in that realm of fear. Jenny tries to think of the big picture. So much suffering comes when we attach to a form or arrangement being the way it’s always been. When the time came around for her son to pursue homeschooling, she felt like it was a gift from her sister. She hears the voice of her sister just telling her to enjoy it and not to get too into her head.

With the state of the world right now, people can use the fear of death to not do something. When there’s so much fear around getting sick and ultimately dying, how do you recommend that people don’t let the fears stops them from living, but rather help them have more agency over their time and their life and create more magic in their life?

Every day, be intentional about the design of the day. How do you want to experience today?

Today is going to be _________. Call it in! Call in the value of the day. So much of the time it’s about adapting and then not getting attached to form. That’s where the suffering comes from. It’s a slippery slope. We can show up for what’s up and have some sort of spiritual practice that where you can come back to your center. This is the time to get it! You just may not have found it yet, but it’s there. For Jenny, the “there” has been through her body. We have a partnership with our bodies and they deserve to be nourished, loved, adored, honored, and listened to. All is well.

You’re a mom. You’re homeschooling. You have three kids. We’re moving along with this theme of time and it influences so much of how we live. What would you suggest are some key ways to talk about time?

There’s always enough time. I have plenty of time. I always get it done.

You have to know your own defaults. Hers is anxiety and instead of going to the place of not having enough time to get things done, she goes to the place of recognizing how lucky she is to have all these projects to work on; that she gets to help her son with this particular assignment.

If you’re alive, you have time. It’s a partner to you. We’re here, we’re alive, we have time. Are you harnessing your time intelligently or have you surrendered into the squandering of time? Notice your tendencies when you feel overwhelmed. Are you scrolling on social media? Are you comparing and despairing? Are you reading every news article and going down rabbit holes?

Prioritize what needs to get done today. Do it now, don’t wait til later. Once you do, you’ll start seeing things just get done!

What’s an action step that you would offer the listeners to take?

Get to know the moon. Really get to know her, she has your back. The moon is in us! Whether you’re in your bleeding years or not, we have the same cycle as the moon, which is pretty epic. Know that our own rhythmic, energetic cycle and hers are connected. You should know when the new moon, first quarter moon, full moon, and third quarter moon are. It’s usually in the printed calendars! All of her launches and projects work with this code and the season, but at least know it for yourself, you don’t necessarily need to build it into your business. You’ll know yourself more deeply and understand why at the new moon, you don’t really want to hang out with your family!

What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?

This quote from The Velveteen Rabbit: “It doesn’t happen all at once, you become. It takes a long time.”

Tell us how we can get in touch with you and find out about your work.

Visit her website: jennyfenig.com

Follow her on Instagram: instagram.com/jennyfenig/

Free Reclaim Your Time Template: https://jennyfenig.lpages.co/schedule-template/

#179: Kelly Lynn Adams: Burnout, Working with Imperfections, & Taking Action Jul 16, 2020

How to work with imperfections and get into action.

[02:15] Kelly’s first job was on wall street and investment banking

[03:35] How to use your experience from being in the fashion world now in the coaching world and in your business

[06:37] The way challenges can help you with your resiliency and your discipline

[09:03] Confidence, in essence, is being more focused on what you can do versus what you can't do

[13:23] The key is taking that step, eat, like feeling uncomfortable. In the feeling comfortable in the uncomfortable

[15:45] Know that there's always going to be a leap that you take to that you question yourself

[16:28] That's how people relate, when you're vulnerable and you mess things up and not saying mess things up purposely

[18:13] Health is so important, we need to pay attention to auto-immune kind of things going on

[19:12] At the end, you're done when you're on your death bed

[37:09] How slowing down helped Kelly become more grateful

[38:58] There's a lot of like this chasing energy, being grateful for what you have versus when things hit the fan.

[41:24] Ask yourself what are really my priorities right now?

[42:29] Having respect for like the growth process

Quotes:

“We're chasing this moment and it comes for a moment, but then there's another moment after that and it fades. So then you're left with what is, so the more that you can condition yourself to inhabit good feelings, then the more you're going to feel good.”

“Like we want the external validation or we want to, we want to feel accomplishment or we want to feel perfect or like all of that.”

“Nothing's an overnight success and it's just doing the action day in and day out. And it's not always going to feel sexy. It's not always going to feel glamorous, but you will feel in flow.”

#178: Alisa Vitti: In The Flo: Unlock Your Hormonal Advantage Jul 02, 2020

Alisa Vitti is a functional nutritionist and women’s hormone expert. When it comes to hormonal biochemistry, functional nutrition, endocrinology, epigenetics, and neuropsychology, she is an avid researcher. She spent the past 15 years studying, personally applying, and teaching how to stop hormonal chaos and get into hormonal flow. 15 years ago, she weighed 200 lbs. Her face, chest and back were covered in painful — and very unpretty — cystic acne. She only had my period twice a year. She was exhausted, depressed, and she had constant brain fog. She didn’t know what was wrong with me, but there was no mistaking this for normal. Finally, after 6 years of seeing doctor after doctor, specialist after specialist, while doing my own research on my mysterious symptoms, she discovered a condition that sounded exactly like what I was experiencing — polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). Her hormonal breakdown led me to living in the FLO. One of her most significant discoveries was that you and your body have cyclical needs. They shift as your hormones shift in your regular cycle. And they shift as you move from your teens to your twenties to your thirties and forties and beyond.

[02:15] Hormonal health and what does that mean to you?

[03:35] How historical amounts, unprecedented amounts of content that are dedicated to menstruation and women's hormonal awareness

[06:37] Why women are being left out of medical fitness and nutrition research women in their reproductive years

[09:03] The way all of this research is being done on men and postmenopausal women, but being marketed to women

[13:23] Understand that we are very distinct based on our biological rhythms.

[15:45] Its all about eating the right way, exercising the right times, organizing your workflow in a way that works for your brain changes

[16:28] Success morning routines are really power morning routines

[18:13] Rhythm is left out of the conversation out of our cultural narrative, out of corporate culture

[19:12] Be in tuned with yourself so that if you find yourself out of the flow, you'll know why

[37:09] Benefits of incorporating both the circadian and in Freudian rhythm.

[38:58] Tips to rediscover aspects of creativity

[41:24]. Cultural narrative point of view is that there's this passed down understanding of this is how your body works.

[45:29] Methods to recover from menstrual disturbances naturally and safely and effectively and quickly with the right protocol

Quotes:

“Men have hormonal patterns. They have mood swings that happen within a 24-hour cycle. They have much shorter and more extreme mood swings, but because the society has normalized around their biological credit, they are not self-critical about it. They are completely self-aware of it and they just do what works for them when it works for them.”

“A lot of women don't know where they are. They just know when they're bleeding or if you're trying to conceive, you certainly are paying attention to oblation, but we don't know about the rest of them.”

“Once you have the right information, you do not have to be afraid of your body, which is how you have been made to feel. And there's no better example of that then when it comes to pregnancy and birth control and instead, what I want you to do is feel extremely empowered.”

Links:

https://www.floliving.com/

#177: Anna Goldstein: 5-Min Update Jun 18, 2020

#176: Nicole Jackson Miller: Mindful Leadership: Stepping Into the CEO Role in Your Life & Business May 21, 2020

Nicole helps passionate and driven service providers build a business and team that they love through a combination of leadership, management, hiring, and mindset support. After managing million-dollar TV projects, building a multi-six figure agency of her own, and mentoring other service providers to grow teams without sacrificing their sanity, she knows what it takes to step into the CEO role in your business. When she left her corporate job, she vowed to never put her happiness and well-being in someone else’s hands but just a year later, she was doing the same thing — just in her own business. At that moment, she made a decision. She was going to take everything she already knew about leadership, management, and power and apply it to herself… and when I finally took that step, things started changing -- pretty quickly too. Her clients started respecting my boundaries, my team stepped into their leadership, and I increased my take-home pay by 85%! What she figured out is that business owners needed to learn how to step into the CEO role of their business and develop their leadership and management skills so that they could feel confident handling ANY situation that was thrown their way. If you’re feeling booked out and burnt out, Nicole can help you reclaim your time and double your revenue. In this episode we talk about how mindfulness helps her be more effective in business and life, discovering your zone of genius, a question that changed her trajectory, and that you can ask yourself too, and so much more.

[02:15] How Nicole is supporting done for you service providers

[03:35] The transition to being more of the CEO

[06:37] Discovering herself when operating in that zone of genius

[09:03] Being mindful, especially even with social media

[13:23] How she overcame the struggle with an eating disorder

[15:45] The transition into theatre

[16:28] How to think clearly in the middle of fear or doubt

[18:13] How to practice great mindfulness awareness

[19:12] allow yourself the time to make decision

[37:09] The behavior of people who are at a level of success

[38:58] Thoughts on essentialism

[41:24]Embracing the process of transformation

[45:29] How powerful it is to control your feelings and state

Quotes:

“I think it's finding what is it that makes you feel like yourself and then, paying attention and practicing that as much as you can.

“There's a lot of value in reconnecting to that part of you that auditions, for example. For me, it's like tapping into the athlete within me”

“I find that sometimes business owners just don't know how to prioritize because they think that they're seeing all these people online doing all of these different things, and there's a lot of sugar. So usually it comes back to getting some sort of a financial return.”

“Pay close attention to what's happening and how you're feeling and start thinking about what's working, what's not working, what might need to be tweaked here.”

Links:

https://www.nicolejacksonmiller.com/

https://www.pinterest.com/theprojectdesigner/

https://www.facebook.com/nicolejacksonmiller/

https://www.instagram.com/nicolejacksonmiller/

#175: Shelley Paxton: Soulbbatical: Living with Authenticity and Courage May 14, 2020

She spent 26 years as a highly regarded marketing and advertising executive stewarding some of the world’s most iconic brands like Harley-Davidson, Visa, McDonald’s, and AOL. In 2016 she walked away from the corporate world to nurture her soul and discover her purpose. She christened herself Chief Soul Officer and called the journey her Soulbbatical. It did more than change her life, it became her calling.

In 2018, Shelley opened the doors of her own company with the mission to liberate the souls of leaders and organizations, by inspiring them to realize their greatest purpose and potential. Shelley’s intention is to help her clients discover, as she did, a way of being that is aligned with their authentic self (soul) and deeply rooted in a commitment to living and leading courageously. As a certified professional coach, she works with individuals, entrepreneurs, and executives at Fortune 100 companies like Lowe’s, Inc. and Mars, Inc.

Time Stamps:

[04:15] Tackling the question “what are you pretending not to know?”

[07:35] The emotional roller coaster that she went through

[09:37] Discovering the path to reconnect with oneself

[12:03] Realizing that busy-ness is an addiction

[18:23] Setting priorities right: freedom, authenticity, and courage

[19:45] The beautiful simplicity of clear articulation

[23:13] What happened when you live so out of alignment with yourself

[30:12] Describing the book’s mission to liberate a billion souls

[33:28] How to find meaning in the madness while being a mom

[37:09] The importance of choosing conscious growth

[38:58] How to start sharing your beautiful talents to the world

[41:24] Why discipline leads to freedom

Quotes:

“It's about choosing to live more authentically, courageously, and purposefully, whatever that means for you.”

“When I finally shifted into prioritizing my life, tectonic plates move for me in my life.”

“ I stand for rebelling, for who we are, for what we want, and for the impact that we want to have in that world, in the world.”

“I have never felt more profoundly on purpose than I do now. Having found my true self, understanding who I am at the core and what my calling is in the world, and I say my calling is to liberate souls.”

“We create stability from the inside out. So that's like reconnecting with our GPS and true North.”

“When we believe in ourselves and we commit to something and we set that intention, we can do it.”

“My favorite question to ask everybody now is, what are you rebelling for?“

Links:

https://soulbbatical.com/

#174: Christina Lecuyer: Mindset: Resilience & Confidence May 07, 2020

Christina Lecuyer is a former professional golfer, a three-time reality television competitor, turned public speaker, and mindset coach. She didn’t start playing golf until she was 18 and still managed to get a scholarship for college. Playing golf taught Christina about how your mindset can impact your performance and the challenges around basing your self-worth on external factors. She had a successful career, the look, the money, the house, and the man. And even then, her soul was unfulfilled. It wasn’t that something was missing. But she wasn’t doing what set her soul on fire! She wanted to make an impact. She wanted to do what I was put on this planet to do (& get paid well to do it!) More recently, Christina has taken her skills off the golf course and brought her knowledge and passion for inspiring people to design a LIFE THEY TRULY LOVE through coaching and immersive events! The highly sought-after Women with C.L.A.S.S. Mastermind and Decide It’s Your Turn: Women’s Weekend are just a few ways Christina is helping women break through barriers to become more confident, find their purpose, and truly live a life they love.

You started playing golf when you were 18. I was blown away that you won your first tournament

In fact, Christina won her first 3 golfing tournaments.

Were you nervous at all?

At the beginning of her career, there were no expectations on her and she didn't expect to win. She could just play. She struggled in the middle of her golfing career because suddenly there were expectations and that was when the mental stuff crept in.

Christina doesn’t believe she was particularly talented, but she was always good at working hard. In the beginning, no-one expected her to be very good and she didn’t have any expectations for her. She would practice for 5-7 hours a day. Then as she improved, people realized that she was really good, and the expectations started to appear. Fear and doubt started to creep in as she realized, she was supposed to be good at golf.

Then what happened? How did you manage those mental thoughts?

She won her first 3 tournaments, shot under-par and the next summer was offered a scholarship. She went to college and the first year she performed horribly. But in the next 3 years, she was an All American twice and won 5 times.

A lot of her doubts came from the fact that she only started when she was 18. Many of the people around her had started playing as young children. She would tell herself -’You have not been playing long enough. You do not deserve to get to the LPGA this fast. She went into her first LPGA qualifying tournament the same way she had in those very first tournaments – with the expectation that there was no way in hell she would ever win. But she got through to the final stage, her very first time, which doesn’t tend to happen. At the final stage, she told herself the same thing – that she wouldn’t get through. And she didn't.

Was it that mental thought of ‘you’re not going to get it’? Because it sounds like in the beginning it kinda helped you. But then when the real pressure was on that thought actually hurt you.

It was a 5-day tournament and in the first 3 days, she felt like she didn’t have a chance. Then she started getting interviewed by media and she realized that there was an expectation on her to actually get through. In the last two days of the tournament, she fell apart.

You are talking a lot about expectations. How do you think expectations play a role in our ability to succeed or perform?

For Christina, the expectations that she believed the outside world was putting on her, hurt her. She had 3 core things she based her identity on – being a golfer, being attractive and thin, and being financially successful. When those 3 things weren’t going as well as she thought they should go, her sense of self-worth would plummet. If she gained a pound, she thought her life was over. If she played golf horribly, she felt her life was over. Her life was based on external validation and she felt she needed to be great at those 3 things in order to be great at being Christina. When she was 29 she realized she could no longer live like that.

It sounds like you had a moment where you realized ‘whoa I am actually not happy even though I have all of these external things that I expected would bring me happiness’.

Someone recently asked Christina ‘When did you know you were broken? And when did you know you were worthy?’ It was not an aha moment. It was a series of moments that happened over and over. She had always felt that if she wasn’t pushing herself or forcing herself to get to the next level, then she was settling. Trough self-development and working on herself, she is now at a place where she knows that she is worthy, whether anybody else agrees with that or not. She loves herself now. She is still a great golfer. She looks about the same. Her life is the same but where she is internally is completely different.

Some people might say ‘yeah intellectually I know that I’m worthy.’ But there is a difference between telling yourself you’re worthy and being worthy. I’m curious about your experience of the distinction.

Christina believes that every person on the planet is put here for a purpose and a reason. If you are trying to be someone other than yourself, then you can’t feel worthy. Striving for something that you are not can cause pain and suffering. Christina cusses all the time. If she was to stop cussing to make someone else more comfortable, then she wouldn’t be being herself. She shows up as her authentic self every day. No matter what she does on a daily basis, whether she screws up or has lots of success, no matter who likes her or who doesn’t, she is exactly her.

It sounds like putting more emphasis on the way that you feel, versus the way that you think you should be. It takes a lot of awareness to know when you’re not feeling like you are being yourself and doing something out of pleasing or appeasing some external thing.

Knowing you were put here for a purpose and giving yourself grace are two of the biggest things. To know that you were put here for a purpose and all you have to do is be your authentic self should give someone a sense of calmness and worthiness.

One of my core beliefs is that our purpose is to be fully ourselves. If my purpose is to be myself and fully express myself, then what? Where do we go from there?

People think that in order to have a purpose you have to be like Oprah. You can have an impact on someone by doing something very simple. Christina has a 90-year-old neighbor who lives by herself. Christina put everything aside one day to spend time with her. Christina made her life better by just showing up and being there one day. It doesn’t have to be a huge dramatic thing.

When you are in alignment with who you are everything else makes sense. Christina has made more money, been happier, and attracted the best people in her life whenever she has been in alignment with who she is.

I know that you just climber Kilimanjaro. How present did you need to be to make that happen?

It was the most beautiful experience. For the past 3 years, she has put her life on Instagram and she thought she would do the same when she climbed Kilimanjaro. For the first two days, she didn’t have a service and used her phone only to record videos. It was so nice to just to be able to be present and enjoy the company of the people she was with.

Was it hard?

It is an 8-day trek and Christina found the first 6 days super easy. She was in good shape and mentally strong. On the last day she got altitude sickness and then discovered that she had an allergic reaction to the medicine they gave her. Her tongue and throat swelled up. The last 48hours were incredibly tough but somehow, she still managed to reach the summit.

What drove you to keep going? Did you think you should stop?

It didn’t occur to her to stop. She had signed up to the trek really late. She climbed it for a children's charity and was asked to join the team only a month before. The day she signed up she created an affirmation. ‘I will summit and return, healthy and safe. I will continue to be a blessing by living a blessed life.’ She repeated this to herself every single day. The day that she got sick she saw the screensaver she had created of the affirmation and for the next 3 hours, she repeated it over and over.

Thinking about your preparation. It sounds like you had a practice that included a bit visualization, a little bit of mantra, and some anchoring using a song. Those sound like the main components. Am I missing anything?

For her physical training, she would walk on the stair-master at the gym wearing hiking boots and w a 20lb backpack on her back. She would rather be laughed at in the gym for looking like a fool than to die on the mountain.

Did you use those techniques in golf?

Christina wishes she had known about these techniques when she was playing golf. Now she plays golf twice a week and plays better than she did 10 years ago. She is able to relax and feel grateful for being able to be out there playing her sport.

Let's go back into where we started. To not rely on these external expectations but really rely on your inner wealth and resources to guide you. To learn to connect to them through some practices. Would you say that’s the essence of being?

You have to know how to get yourself to your best being. Everything is a choice. How you think, how you react, what you do – it’s all a choice. Christina knows the choices she has to make to get to the best her each day. She admits that she doesn't always do it and she definitely has lapses. But she knows what it takes to be the best version of her.

Christina doesn't have a traditional meditation practice because that doesn’t work for her. But she will often spend 5 mins out in her garden, or in silence in her car and for her, that’s her practice. You have to find what works for you. The important part is showing up consistently every day.

The obstacle that you think you’re going to face is typically not what happens. It is something else that you have never thought of. But you handle it.

You will learn from it and you will prove to yourself that you can do it. You can do hard things. Most people can do hard things but choose not to. You can choose to do hard things and the most successful people in the world do hard things. Christina tells her clients to run towards something which is even a little bit scary or hard. There is so much growth in that.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?

Just be.

Tell us how we can get in touch with you?

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bechristina

Website: https://christinalecuyer.com

#173: Alyssa Hall: The Journey To Motherhood & Taking a Leap into the Unknown Apr 30, 2020

Alyssa Hall is a life coach for mom’s. She’s a single mom to her 4-year-old daughter. A couple of years ago her life was a complete mess - every part of her life felt hard; her job, her relationships, and taking care of her self. She didn’t know how much more she could take —so she took a risk. She signed up for the coach training program at iPEC (Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching). She knew it wasn’t a good time, but that there would also never be a “perfect” time. She knew she couldn’t afford it. But also knew she was tired of being unhappy. So, she stepped into her fears of the unknown seeking a career change and left with a completely different life. Alyssa was able to see firsthand how changing herself can affect every single person in your life. When she completed the program, she had a mission. She needed to help mom’s overcome what I went through; all the overwhelm, guilt, frustration, communicating with her daughter's father, and more. She knew she wasn’t the only one who experienced life this way and was grateful to coaching tools early in her parenting journey.

Segment Time Stamps/ Episode Highlights:

00:00 Discussed the biggest shift that happened when she became a mother.
- Initially, she thought nothing was going to change because she wasn’t a busy person. Eventually, she realized that everything she was doing was being seen and reflected and that being a parent was beyond babysitting.
03:46 Discussed how she managed guilt.
- Alyssa realized that her child mirrors her actions. She takes mental notes to observe her behavior and shifts it to be more conscious of her actions.
06:40 An important lesson she learned was to try not to take parenting so seriously. “Realize that we won’t be perfect at it.”
08:50 Did her perspective of her parents changed once she became a mother?
- Yes, and she hates to admit it. She understands her mother as a parent, especially as a single parent.
10:59 Did having a child change her relationship with her mom?
- It did, it made her be diligent about setting boundaries. She also started to make herself a priority.
- What’s her experience with mom guilt and how does she manage it?
- The most type of guilt she experienced was spousal guilt. She felt like she needed to be the perfect spouse, she didn’t want to burden her partner with the baby for too long.
20:03 Does she see similar challenges in other moms she coaches?
- She sees two different types of mothers. One type of mother is unhappy because she forgot what made her happy as a person because she is so consumed with parenting. The other type of mother knows what would make her happy but the guilt of being away from her family stops her from pursuing it.
21:54 How and when did she start her business while being a single mom?
- Her daughter was about a year old; she heard about coaching and knew that this was something she wanted to do. For an entire year, all she could think about was coaching while she did misc. jobs. She eventually signed up for the program and committed to it despite never thinking about having her own business prior to this. Day 3 of the program she broke up with her partner and her commitment became even more serious because she had more of a financial burden. But she knew she couldn’t go back to doing what she was doing. “It’s easier to work for someone else than it is to work for yourself and push yourself.” Daily, she reminds herself why she is coaching.
25:35 What happened just before she made the switch to the program.
- She was in a “perfect” yet toxic job where she worked 4, 10-hour days a week. Simultaneously she was studying to be a therapist. She took a year off to coach. Between her job, and her relationship she was at a breaking point that caused her to make a shift.
28:00 What did she learn in those two days that showed her she could do it?
- The beginning felt like an intervention. She thought she was going to just learn how to be a coach but the start of the program was about digging deep and learning how she was showing up in the world. How her actions lead her to the results that were currently occurring.
29:01 What did she do to realize how she was showing up in the world?
- The thing that they taught them was how to communicate with people. And how to communicate in a curious nonjudgmental way. Since she isn’t a mean-spirited person it was hard for her to accept those truths.)
35:46 What’s an important value you want to teach your daughter and how do you plan to teach it?
- She wants her to really have confidence. So, she works on it daily and tries to lead by example.
38:00 How does she deal with her body post-baby.
- She was never happy with her body ever. When she was pregnant, she was happy because she had a reason to have a belly. She is currently building up that confidence again. She started to buy clothes that fit, and follow body positive models on social media.
45:00 What’s the best advice she’s been given?
- Doing the things that you want to do and not holding yourself back.

Quotes:

“Children are a mirror, every action that I’m doing is being seen and reflected.”

“Finagle the bagel. Which means finesse everything so you can still get everything you want done.”

“It’s important to do what makes you happy not what people think you should be doing.”

“Remind yourself who you are at your core and fit that into your life… like a constant refresher.”

“It’s easier to work for someone else than it is to work for yourself and push yourself.”

Relevant Links:

http://alyssahall.com/

https://www.instagram.com/alythelifecoach/

https://www.facebook.com/alyssahallcoaching/

#172: Michelle Aspinwell: Aligning with Time: Aging, Skincare & Health Apr 16, 2020

Michelle Aspinwell had been operating at Wonder Woman speed, using determination and endurance, this is probably something you can relate to == especially since we are quarantined - I have been more aware of how much I have been rushing! She was starting to properly understand what a brilliant organism the body is, relying on powerful, internal interactions to function at its full potential. What started as a diet evolved into to discovering and embracing so many different kinds of foods—both on my plate and the food she fed her brain through her thoughts and lifestyle. She was able to move past the oughts and ought-nots of a restrictive diet to an enjoyable and worthwhile journey in itself — an awakening of strength, clarity, and calm. Now as she approaches 48, these practices and specific knowledge has made my peri-menopausal journey one of transformation in spite of my unique symptoms. I know how to listen to the language my body uses and work to support it. She blends her years of personal experience, applying Eastern principles of healing, studying over 100 dietary theories, medical chef work and my professional certifications through IIN and AADP to empower, educate and guide women to recognize their genetic predisposition doesn't have to be their fate. Women have the power to age timelessly, preventing chronic disease creating vital longevity with lifestyle medicine.

What was your awakening to Midlife?

Michelle experienced an unraveling around age 42 with the notion that it was a midlife crisis. She started to sense a “pang of time” and came to the conclusion that it wasn’t a crisis after all. The feeling of unease gradually escalated as she became aware that her life was actually ok and the imbalance resided in how she felt as if she still wanted to run away. Over time as Michelle worked through her feelings and helped other women, she came up with the concept of aligning with time.

When you say unraveling, what do you mean by unraveled?

Michelle explained that it was a moment where everything was good and she had no reason to feel bad but, on the inside, she wanted to run and change things. Despite her normal tricks to feel better, nothing worked. She went inward to figure it out. During the process, she went to different doctors.

What were you experiencing, if it wasn’t depression?

It was a feeling of isolation and unsettledness in her life with no specific cause of it.

Did it then become apparent that this was hormonal and not midlife and you should just ride the wave?

She describes how it wasn’t so cut and dry. Michelle had to find people who used all different kinds of healing to normalize her feelings. Acupuncturists and Energy healers are examples of a few. Working with those people brought her to this current place. Harnessing and using the energy of her feelings instead of allowing them to be a storm was important.

What were you doing before this?

Michelle was a set and costume designer in Theatre. She was accustomed to talking to people in vulnerable states about their bodies. “How we perceive our body to look and how the world sees us are usually two different perspectives” That mindset really impacts her work as she takes women through this process of aligning with time. “It is really being present with the now.” What we as women do now impacts us years from now. You can’t be present in the past to create your future.

What do you personally do now to align with time in your life?

Michelle is particular with the quality of her food. When it's not available she will fast. She is gluten-free due to an autoimmune disorder which has its pros and cons. She washes her face every night and honors that ritual as being apart of connecting with herself and reflecting on what she is grateful for. Recently she’s become serious about who she surrounds herself with and set strong boundaries about what she tolerates. She doesn’t say yes to the “greater room at large” any longer too.

What are some positive things about Estrogen decline?

To be clear, she wanted to mention that there aren’t many positives but it helped her find herself. Michelle went from thinking food was everything to the great realization that consciousness, aligning with time and what we put on our body is just as important as what she put IN our body. She emphasizes how essential it is to clean up skincare and how getting chemicals out of your life is important because endocrine disrupters do a lot of harm to women. They wreak havoc on our bodies.

Michelle takes great care of her skin. Makeup is not clean but you can clean up skincare. Beauty is coming from good skin. It's an inside job, not an outside job despite popular belief. It's important to keep the chemicals at bay. Avoid fillers, preservatives, fragrances, colors… even deodorant. Lotion is a much bigger one. Use body butter and natural oils.

She created her skincare line, Askin because her son had a bad case of eczema. She started playing around with natural oils, butters, botanicals, and herbs. Through research, trial, and error She’s simplified her living.

She doesn’t drink plain water but Herbal teas really quench her thirst. She enjoys the task of being present as she makes her beverage. Sleep is crucial as well.

Michelle explains that we tend to live in Yang more and deplete the Yin. The more we deplete the Yin, we set ourselves up for a harder transition. Yang is the light side of the mountain, its awake and sunny, the Yin is quiet and dark. We need both to create balance. As we are younger we need to live more in the Yang and when we get older we tend to need more Yin but all in balance. As women get older, we really need more Yin.

Also, if women have trouble sleeping, they should nap during the day.

What's the best advice you've ever been given?

Women heal women.

Relevant Links: https://www.michelleaspinwall.com/

https://www.facebook.com/MichelleAspinwallCoaching/ https://www.instagram.com/michellepaspinwall/

#171: Donna Ognibene: Growing the Guru in You Apr 09, 2020

Donna Ognibene is a gymnast, marathon runner, middle school teacher, and actress. She has been professionally active in the health and fitness industry for over 25 years. Donna has been described as a world-class master trainer, passionate teacher, trusted advisor, empowering coach, curious learner, creative innovator, industry leader, and community advocate. While she is all that, her natural talent is in bringing out the best in people. Aside from her professional roles, Donna enjoys time with family, friends, good food, community events, the Boston arts/sports/entertainment scene, acting, writing, and international travel.

Donna knows too well the pain of being down in every aspect, which has led her into believing in the power of rising again. She shares her story of being exposed to risks so early in life and learning to deal with fear and challenges that came with it.

Listen in to this self-help podcast to learn how to look for the next big thing after your plans have been knocked down by unprecedented circumstances.

How has physical strength impacted her work and who she is?

She grew up in a family that encouraged both academics and athletics. Learning to use her body as well as her mind has shaped who she is and influenced her every choice. It compels her to keep at it whether its to get to a healthier place, to do something challenging, or to embrace fear.

Did she have a lot of exposure?

She was involved in gymnastics to senior year in college. She was injured when training and turned to bars even though it was something she did not like before. The lesson was no matter what sets you down, you have to look for the next best thing. She could have been a supporter of her fellow teammates or continue doing something else along the same lines.

Does she think being exposed to so much risk through gymnastics helped in her life?

She had a coach who was also a mentor that she wanted to perform for. The type of coach that doesn’t give up on you for a second and is always challenging you. She began interfacing with the world through gymnastics which is all about provoking potential and is probably why she respects how much it influences her work and how her work influences other people.

What is her story?

She moved to a different route after the injury and started in physical therapy school but wasn’t fulfilled due to her prior accident. She later decided to go into education which she combines to do all the things that she finds beautiful. She started running heavily and connecting with her body but got into an accident that has limited her from running as much as she used to.

What advice does she have for Anna who’s going to climb an equivalent of Mt. Everest?

The rule of threes says: always work with the foot, the hips, and the thoracic spine meaning you want to get mobilization around your ankle joints because that’s where all motions start when you move. Always find an extra resource you can draw from. Donna describes an exercise that gets you back into natural principles and how she’s using it with the swimmers she works with.

When did yoga come into her life?

She says she was the jack of all trades teaching so many different classes and started doing yoga instead of the Pilates because she couldn’t enjoy them. She felt comfortable with yoga and became a fan and is a huge believer in adding motion to it.

How life has forced her to see things differently even through injuries?

She has recently been telling her story which has made her realize that you can’t fight the flow. She has always had an option to keep moving and turn it into something. It is natural for people to want to retreat towards familiar. She is trying to talk more about the importance of keeping what we already have, keeping that foundation and continuing to learn, not necessarily looking for new answers but better fits instead. Just play around with the workout and find out what might be a better warm-up for you.

What’s the best advice she’s ever been given?

Never give up! It takes on a whole different meaning when you’re almost done and there’s almost no resource left inside of you.

Website: http://triogo.com/

#170: Helena Escalante: How to Market Yourself and Never Stop Learning Apr 02, 2020

Helena Escalante is a copywriter, content strategist, and creator of entrepreneurial thought leaders who love to learn by reading books. She was born in Mexico City but later came to the US to attend college in Austin Texas.

Helena believes her superpower is connecting people with resources they need to achieve their goals. She is fascinated by the human mind and tries to convey her copywriting messages compellingly and effectively.

Listen in to this entrepreneurial podcast to learn how you can become a copywriter who creates compelling and converting copies.

What was her inspiration to come from Mexico to the US?

She was born into a family of translators which made the US close to her heart and when the opportunity came to attend college in the US she took it. She studied history and Latin American studies and minored in marketing. She later got a job in PR with marketing knowledge even before graduation. Helena says her brain works in marketing and languages.

What does she love about PR and how she puts the message across?

She loves getting a message that resonates- seeing someone’s eyes light up because the message struck a chord is what he lives for. She has a passion for the human mind- the urge to understand why we do the things that we do. She can convey a message that highlights what the call to action is as a copywriter. She came with an acronym W-R-I-T-E that acts as a map to put out an effective copy message.

What is her favorite book?

The Art of Possibility by Benjamin Xander. The book gives you examples of how to manage either feelings or situations masterfully. She explains one example of how one can fulfill your goals and grow yourself by working towards it.

How does she handle writing marketing and PR copies?

When it comes to copywriting, the strategy should be to write a ‘vomit draft’ which is just throwing ideas out there. This gives you many ideas to work with rather than limiting yourself with what you think it should be or look like.

How do you distinguish between the right ideas from others?

Always keep in mind what your client wants or call to action.

How to master the art of the right call to action?

Many entrepreneurs think that the message is clear even though it may not be. Always give instructions on how to find that call to action button. It’s always the little things that could change everything. You can even get help from someone who isn’t as immersed in the process and is more likely to notice the missing call to action.

What is her favorite call to action words?

A call to action should always start with powerful action verbs. This snaps your prospect’s brain from the law of reading and into action mode. The clearer and the more imperative you make it the better.

What words does she use repeatedly?

Using the word ‘imagine’ takes on your prospects into the journey with you. It is a powerful word that sends our minds to wherever we want them to go. Other words include ‘discover’ which is like imagine and the ‘how to’. Picking people’s curiosity also works best because we are naturally curious.

What is the best advice that she’s ever been given?

Love yourself as you love your neighbor. As a perfectionist with invisible judges she always used harsh words that she would never use on anyone else.

Website: https://entregurus.com/

#169: Anna Goldstein: Managing Your Mind in Uncertain Times Mar 19, 2020

Over the past 15 years, I have been studying how to manage the mind. In this episode, I talk about:

The difference between the mind and the brain
Fear is a natural reaction to uncertainty
Fear invites you to pay attention and it also exaggerates
The mind has no shape, size or color. It's limitless
How struggle helps people grow

#168: Gina Molinari: Finding Confidence and Clarity Mar 12, 2020

Gina Molinari is an online marketing strategist and public speaking Coach. She helps people confidently communicate themselves and their businesses, so they can make a massive impact with their work. Her unique background as a classically-trained singer.. gives her an edge with helping people communicate with confidence. She is a graduate of the Facilitator in Training program through Next Level Trainings and obsessed with personal and professional development.

What sparked your passion for communication?

Gina’s original dream from a young age was to be an opera singer. For the longest time, however, she was on the fence about turning her passion for singing into a profession. She truly loved performing—she just couldn’t imagine doing it for a living. Gina got to the point where she realized that she needed to reevaluate her life plan. She tried tackling the business side of the arts by pursuing a Masters Degree in Arts Administration. Even here, however, Gina still felt as if she didn’t belong. At this point, she decided that she had to take a step back and discover what satisfied her on a deeper level beyond singing or the arts. After a lot of soul searching, Gina came to the conclusion that her true passion was communication and connection. She loved influencing others by sending meaningful messages. Singing certainly did that; but for Gina, the sense of fulfillment she experienced was less about the performance and more on how it impacted her audience.

How did your interest in communication and connection lead to your becoming a coach?

Now that Gina had discovered her true passion, she dug deeper and realized that she loved the psychology of language underlying human communication. She found satisfaction in uncovering deeper meanings within other people’s conversations by honing in on the details: the words, tonality, and body language that people use when they communicate. The way you communicate is, according to Gina, “a red flag into your psyche.”

What happened to your level of confidence after deciding you wanted to be a coach?

Gina’s confidence soared once she discovered her life’s purpose. All the guilt she had previously felt for pivoting so much in the past disappeared. It also helps that Gina is in the business of improving the confidence of others via leadership development and nurturing one’s emotional intelligence. Gina surmised that every failure or “dead-end” she had experienced up until that point was only leading her closer to uncovering her passion for communication. In other words, she changed her mindset around what these past experiences meant to her. Instead of “failure”, Gina thinks of these experiences as “market research”. In other words, waiting until you become successful is not the key to confidence. Instead, staying consistent with doing the work it takes to reach your goal—failures and all—inspires confidence within you by default.

How did you come to the realization that success is in your control?

There’s this idea in emotional intelligence work that you get to take responsibility for everything in your life. This includes taking responsibility for failure, but it doesn’t mean that you need to feel guilty. Instead, this means that, while you can’t always control the outcome of something, you can always control your response to it. The bottom line is: “It’s always my choice.” Don’t blame “lack of time” for your failures, either. Blame your lack of priorities, instead. You, and only you, can choose to prioritize those things that will make you successful.

What made you decide to prioritize your health and lose weight?

Gina learned that her business would mean nothing if she didn’t take care of herself. Once she prioritized her health, everything else followed. By focusing on this one thing, Gina had renewed energy to tackle every other priority down her list. An accountability group also makes a huge difference! Finally, confidence through consistency once again plays a part here. Results may not be as quick as you want; but it helps to look back and see how much has improved since you started. It all paid off for Gina: She lost 60 pounds.

Website: https://www.ginamolinari.com/

life coach nyc

#167: Felicia Hinds-Patrick: Awakening to Your Soul's Work Mar 05, 2020

From the outside looking in, Felicia managed to create a life that may have seemed perfect picture on the outside - a husband, 2 kids, house and a well-paid job in corporate America. But somewhere along the way, she lost herself in all of these masks; Mother, Wife, Career Woman, Provider, Daughter, Sister, Friend, and had no clear identity anymore. She began making choices that were so far removed from her and somewhere in between infidelity, death, heartache…she felt like she had lost everything and that was her awakening. She needed to know what life is truly about and what her true purpose was. She was divinely guided to her first-ever Medium, who pretty much described her purpose as she is living it today. She got trained in Akashic records, left Goldman Sachs and Sakred Soul was born.

Recently she launched the IamMoveMeant, which is a community of individuals who are READY to move out of being "stuck" in life. Felicia’s story of transformation is captivating. In this episode, we talk about how to move into your higher self, evolve, and how she awakens to her soul’s work. If you haven’t subscribed to the Profit with Purpose show, make sure you hit subscribe.

What happened after having it all?

We forget whom we are after having kids, being a wife and having a career and that is where Felicia found herself in. She went outside her marriage trying to look for who she was and made choices that she’s not proud of. She cried for the loss of her lover and herself and was looking for her purpose. She was lost and grieving when she found a medium where she sat down for 15 minutes with her guide and got all the answers she was looking for. We are spiritual beings having a human experience, souls that come back time and time again. She found that the individual she had an affair with, brought her spiritual awakening in his death.

What no longer works for her?

We are here to evolve as spiritual beings and everything that we go through we grow. It is necessary to understand that we have to nurture ourselves the same way we would nurture our children by not talking negatively about ourselves. Take the struggles as a growth opportunity. Watch your thoughts and what we are doing from the inside. It is important to differentiate between your ego or higher self.

What is the difference between ego and higher self?

She recognized her higher self over her ego when she was going through struggles. She worked with a shaman one on one for three months and came to her space fast while experiencing many things from the spiritual world. She shifted into consciousness through visions as she trusted the whole process. She joined a course and worked with people. She then read her shaman which translated into working with clients. She quit her job to do what she had learned because she had found love in the spiritual word- The Sakred Soul three years ago. It was a fast but sure journey- she found her purpose.

What involves a reading?

She reads people at the soul level by looking at how the soul was created from origination. She helps people realize who they were and connect with that person.

How to discover your purpose?

The first thing you should do in the morning is meditation- go within yourself for self-awareness. Pay attention to yourself and pick up on your emotions. The human experience focuses on the physical but the most important one is the soul which we tend to forget- but its discovery creates harmony.

What happened with her husband after all the changes?

She was able to talk about everything and how she was sorry for what had happened. He saw her and understood why things happened the way they did, which is where forgiveness came in. He forgave her before she knew how to forgive herself. Always keep in mind that secrets cause blockages from what we want in life within ourselves just like shame.

What is it that she sees about people?

Things come to her intuitively. She picks things on the surface and only goes deeper when she has permission from a person. Paying attention to what your higher self is saying is crucial. The higher self whispers the things you should be doing as compared to the ego which punches. Start doing it consciously by being tuned in and know exactly what you want.

What is the best advice she’s ever been given?

Always remember that it’s your spiritual being having a human experience. Remember to put your mind, body, spirit, and soul together- stop forgetting the soul.

Relevant Links:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sakred_soul/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FeliciaHindsPatrick/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/sakred_soul

life coach nyc

#166: Anna Goldstein: 3 Strategies to Improve Your Emotional Fitness Feb 20, 2020

How you can better understand how to take charge of your emotions? Some of our emotions are part of our past experiences and it’s up to us to learn how to shift them.

I talk about why you need to be aware of your state to shift. This will be your key to success and happiness.

Listen in to learn how your emotions affect the way you hold your body; why you need to focus on the good since you feel what you focus on. You will also learn why you need to start using meaningful and better words on yourself and others.

“Situations have no meaning except the meaning we assign to them.”

What you will learn:

Understanding how to take charge of your emotions.
Did you know that the decisions that you make are as a result of your state?
How to be aware of your states.
The three main things that create states; physiology, focus, and language.
The power of state from Tony Robbins.
What you need to do to shift your state.

For Coaching Go To:

https://annagoldstein.com/coach

life coach nyc

#165: David Wood: How to Have Tough Conversations Feb 13, 2020

David has broken down a process to make you feel more at ease to sharing your truth. If you’re struggling with confrontation, how to talk about something that you really want, or how to talk about something that you’re ashamed of, but you’re not sure how to have the conversation, whether it’s with a partner, or work situation, David share’s a blueprint to make them easier. There are long term benefits to learning to embrace tough conversations rather than sweeping things under the rug. It’s natural to want to avoid discomfort but it’s critical to learn to embrace discomfort if you want to grow. In this episode, we talk about the tendency to sweep things under the rug, how to prepare for a tough conversation, the long-term benefits of sharing our truth, and so much more.

Why do we shy away from tough conversations?

The vulnerability of tough conversations is why. The mind is good at coming up with all the risks involved even though nine times out of ten the gain outweighs the potential cost. David wants to help people to see all the benefits.

How do we navigate what’s at stake?

You need to write down the hope and intention. Look at the gains as much as you have looked at the risks. What comes first is the short-term pain, then comes the long-term pain which is worse. And it is usually way bigger in our heads than it is in the other person’s head.

Do we not like to upset others?

It is ultimately a selfish reaction since we do not like to get upset when we upset others. We take away the choice of the other person when we decide not to have those tough conversations. Building trust and upholding your integrity are some of the major benefits of having these dreaded conversations. It is much better to take the short-term pain and change things earlier on to avoid long-term slow drama.

How do you invite people to start tough conversations when they feel they’re going to lose control or become highly emotional?

One question in the worksheet that David offers asks ‘what’s your hope or intention out of this?’ which prompts preparation. Being prepared yourself helps the other person to want to have the conversation. The other thing is to write down your concern and what you will gain from the conversation. The worksheet will help you and the other person not to blow up since you came in prepared. We don’t have the tough conversations because we’re attached to the outcome. But when we have them we lose most control and become curious about what the other person has to say.

Do you think that witnessing your sister’s death and it not being talked about in your home has impacted you?

David did not have a lot of ‘feelings communication’ from a young age. The lack of emotional intelligence in his home growing up led to him shooting down his feelings. This has influenced David to be an evangelist of change once he discovered that people can be authentic. He wants to give people the change they are looking for.

Do you think inmates hold on to pain that can cause more bad behavior since there’s so much that isn’t talked about?

Inmates have feelings just like the rest of us, even more, amplified because of the guilt and shame. They have less freedom to speak up which is why it’s hard to have those tough conversations. The difference between a boss and a correctional officer is that the boss only controls a small aspect of your life while the latter controls every aspect of your life. The stakes are higher for the inmates. David learned not to share everything on podcasts to avoid public shame. You do not have to share your shame with people you don’t necessarily care about since public shame is huge. He says he’s not a psychologist who would know about behavioral change but says that people who hold in their emotions will blow up at some point.

Are we afraid of tough conversations because we don’t realize if they will bring us more human connections?

The external result is the first promise of tough conversations, the second is becoming self-expressed, the third one is getting the connection and the fourth one that we get to reshape our reality. We have to allow our boundaries to be knocked down to shift our reality.

How do you think tough conversations relate to ‘I don’t like confrontation’ analogy?

David says nobody likes confrontation- not even him. This analogy is one of the things why we ignore important conversations. He suggests that when you realize the potential gains, you may decide its worth it and the more you do it the easier it gets. The worksheet makes it less confrontational and instead becomes more of a partnership since you are ready to put yourself in the other person’s shoes.

Do you often have people with ‘small tough conversations’?

Micro conversations are a great way to start. Start by addressing those small conversations as you move on to the bigger ones. You have to be aware of the threat that exists so that you can start that conversation.

What’s your vision for corporations and transforming cultures so that it can have a ripple effect in our world?

When you start complaining about something is when you know it’s a tough conversation. David’s vision is that every employee has access to in time coaching for tough conversations. This will help them improve their work situation and companies will make more profits. His secret mission is that everyone feels expressed, which will then create a world of leaders who change situations that don’t work for them. People quit toxic cultures not jobs. Many companies have toxic cultures where employees don’t have the opportunity to speak up- which is what David want to break so that employees don’t sabotage everything.

How much do you think role-playing helps?

It is hugely powerful. David switches the role which has turned out to be a more powerful tool.

Any last piece of advice?

Write down on a piece of paper the people you don’t feel wonderful with and place the issue next to them- which could be potential tough conversations that you may or may not want to have.

For support, podcast, and discovery session:

David Wood’s Website: http://playforreal.life/

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#164: Polly Alexandre: Clearing Money Blocks and Creating Extraordinary Abundance Feb 06, 2020

Polly Alexandre is a certified Master Coach, an Intuitive Healer & holds a BA in Psychology. She blends her extensive transformational coaching experience and intuitive healing abilities with 15 years experience as an entrepreneur. Polly overcame decades of self-limiting beliefs and negative patterns about money, to live the life she was always meant to live. After waking up with an idea that wouldn’t stop bothering her, she decided it was not a random event, she grabbed her journal and pen. The message she was getting was that she needed to heal her family lineage patterns around money and that when she did this, she would be able to help others do it as well. Now she travels between Ibiza, London, and LA, helping creative & spiritual entrepreneurs manifest the resources they need so they can live the life they’ve always dreamed of - and give their greatest gifts to the world. In this episode, we talk about how she worked really hard to manifest her dreams and then how things fell apart, and through healing her family lineage patterns around money, she is able to help others create extraordinary expansion and abundance.

Polly Alexandre is a certified Master Coach, an Intuitive Healer & holds a BA in Psychology. She blends her extensive transformational coaching experience and intuitive healing abilities with 15 years experience as an entrepreneur. Polly overcame decades of self-limiting beliefs and negative patterns about money, to live the life she was always meant to live. After waking up with an idea that wouldn’t stop bothering her, she decided it was not a random event, she grabbed her journal and pen. The message she was getting was that she needed to heal her family lineage patterns around money, and that when she did this, she would be able to help others do it as well. Now she travels between Ibiza, London, and LA, helping creative & spiritual entrepreneurs manifest the resources they need so they can live the life they’ve always dreamed of - and give their greatest gifts to the world. In this episode we talk about how she worked really hard to manifest her dreams and then how things fell apart, and through healing her family lineage patterns around money, she is able to help others create extraordinary expansion and abundance.

What were your struggles when it came to money?

Every aspect of money was a struggle. Earning it. Managing it. Talking about it. It all got to the point where the young wedding photographer blamed money for all the wrong things that came her way. Polly felt as if her life was controlled by her [lack of] money. Change took place once she left her corporate job. It was when Polly decided that she would become an entrepreneur that she took a serious look at what her talents and skills were worth, and priced her services accordingly. This change in lifestyle forced her to go out and be seen, since she was no longer office-bound.

How did you live your life while having a dysfunctional relationship with money?

Polly was able to distract herself from her money problems by telling herself that she did what she did out of passion and not money. Her unconscious belief was that earning more money equals sacrificing more happiness. This was what made her justify her underearning and mediocre lifestyle. Even at the beginning of her self-employed path, she underpriced herself for the longest time, thinking that this type of sacrifice is what success is made of. In other words, a lot of what Polly endured throughout her dysfunctional days were what she considered fact—that there were certain things regarding money that she just had to live with and had no control over.

When did you realize that change starts with you?

Polly always believed in the power of manifestation. Even as she grew up with the traditional employee paradigm of life, she attracted her way to financial freedom. However, as it always is when one sets a large goal for oneself, Polly’s world seemingly fell apart as soon as she decided she wanted more out of life than what she was given. A failed marriage, a repossessed home, and sky-high credit card debt were just three situations that took place in a short period of time, right after Polly decided to become her own boss. At her lowest point, she barely had enough money to put food on the table and to put petrol in her car. With no other place to turn, Polly dropped everything and prayed, leaving everything up to God. Soon after, she found a mentor, and built up her business once she finally made the switch to understanding that income is a tool and not an identity. In her words, she went from being a victim to being a creator.

How do money and spirituality relate with one another?

Money and spirituality are not two completely different worlds, contrary to what most people believe. Losing almost everything in her adult life caused Polly to release her attachments to material things and rely on a higher power. Once she accepted that there is a purpose to everything, including the bad times, her spirituality was truly awakened. From that point onwards, whenever her earnings hit a plateau, Polly took that as a sign that she had some growing to do inside. To her, it all starts with changing your unconscious beliefs and opening up your sense of intuition. She looks to methods such as theta healing to achieve this.

What is theta healing?

Theta healing is basically an energy healing modality. It doesn’t involve physical contact, unlike Reiki. Instead, it is a completely dialogue-based modality of healing that focuses on eradicating limiting beliefs. It also doesn’t look at symptoms, but at root causes. Polly likens it to a game of Jenga, wherein pulling out the bottommost block topples the entire structure.

What are some signs of a negative mindset towards money?

The first sign, according to Polly, is out-of-control or dysfunctional spending—or emotional spending, whether overspending or underspending. Another sign is that of a yo-yo pattern, wherein your income goes up and down on a regular basis. Yet another is avoiding or denying that you have a money problem—”winging it” or hoping that you continue to have enough money without paying attention to what’s in your wallet or bank account. Being afraid of asking for, or holding onto, money is another sign that can be particularly deadly for a self-employed professional or entrepreneur, particularly when you fear raising your rates, eventually losing money due to inflation.

Website:

https://www.pollyalexandre.com/manifest-more-money

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#163: Anna Goldstein: Connecting with Your Unlimited Potential Jan 30, 2020

Confidence comes from connecting with your unlimited potential. The thoughts in your head, the limited sense of self, is not who you are. You are unlimited potential.

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#162: Anna Goldstein: What Personal Development Has Done For Me Jan 24, 2020

The transformation that has happened for me since diving into personal development.

Life coaching

#161: Terri Cole: Understanding Co-Dependency and Creating Boundaries in Relationships Jan 16, 2020

Terri Cole is a New York-based licensed psychotherapist, relationship expert and founder of Real Love Revolution™ & Terri Cole's Boundary Bootcamp™Before earning a Master’s Degree in Clinical Psychotherapy from New York University and adopting a daily meditation/green juice/exercise lifestyle, she worked as a talent agent for actors an d supermodels. She was your typical Type A overachiever with zero balance and no internal peace. Her ambition and fearless attitude fanned the “must get to the top” flames as I zipped across the country from Los Angeles to New York City fueled by caffeine, nicotine, and adrenalin. (I was shocked to discover that espresso is not a food group!)

When it became evident that the things (money, power, sexy job) that I thought would make me happy - didn’t, I could no longer ignore the voice in my heart asking, “Isn’t there something more meaningful you could be doing with your life than making supermodels richer?”

What she learned in the trenches with my clients informed and continues to inspire the work I do today. Her mission and dharma is teaching women how to attract and sustain healthy, vibrant, Real Love into their lives and how to establish and maintain effective boundaries with ease and grace.

How do you get over being “triggered”?

Information is liberation. Embrace whatever it is that you know you need to hear, in spite of the short-term pain. If this is something that potentially needs your attention, slowly but surely find the courage to give it that attention. Healing may require a lot of unlearning. But it starts with giving yourself permission to pause and realizing that it all starts and ends with you. “Soothe yourself with the knowledge that nothing is required of you,” says Terri. “We’re never required to change.”

What are some signs of codependent tendencies or patterns?

Codependency is all about covert control. A telltale sign is when you are overly-invested in the decisions of the people that you care about. By “overly-invested”, Terri means that, if anything bad is happening to your partner, you feel as if it is happening to you—as if it is your burden to bear. We then tend to give the other person unasked-for advice and get angry if they don’t accept it. The key, as opposed to codependency, is interdependency, where each partner adds value according to their strengths, and the emotional burden is equally shared.

How do you deal with the fear of losing those you love?

It’s easy to confuse this behavior with love itself. You may believe that your actions, prompted by this fear, are loving. “Who died and made me God?” asked Terri once she became aware that she was thinking and acting in this way. She eventually realized that helping people means supporting them in doing what they think they need to do in their life. This means not doing it for them; but instead giving them space to do it themselves, of their own volition. Believe in other people’s potential; that they are the only ones who can achieve their fullest potential.

Why is your self-awareness (or lack thereof) the first thing to focus on?

You are always the common denominator in your life: Change starts within you. Therefore, you need to become aware of the things you say or do that harm you and those around you. Identify the original belief or paradigm out of which your codependence was born. Notice the lies you tell yourself to avoid having conversations you feel ill-equipped to have, drawing boundaries you don’t know how to draw, and avoiding the things you fear (ex. abandonment, judgement, losing love, etc.).

When it comes to you and your partner, it helps to drop our ego and any feeling of self-entitlement. You’re both sharing your respective strengths to make the relationship work day by day. You’re building what Terri calls a well of goodwill. The more developed this well of goodwill is, the more you and your partner will remember, in hard times, that “it’s you and me against the problem rather than each other.”

Free Gift:

https://www.terricole.com/starter/

You can learn more here:

terricole.com

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#160: Brandi Fano: Break Free From Your Past & Create A Lifestyle By Design Jan 09, 2020

Brandi Fano broke out of generational patterns of dysfunction, disease, and divorce, and fought for her freedom. After enduring trauma and pain through the first two decades of her life, Brandi decided to create an experience of wholeness. Since making the commitment to changing her future, she has drastically shifted into a state of optimal wellness and energy, applying the methods of success she’s learned and developed. Brandi went from broke and in debt to thriving in business, with companies she built from the ground up exceeding a million dollars annually. She has a thriving marriage to her husband of fourteen years and they have three beautiful children who have been raised completely drug/medicine free. She is authentically living her best life, and on a mission to help others do the same. In this episode we talk about having faith, giving up something good for something great, taking charge of your health, and so much more.

If you haven’t subscribed to the profit with purpose show, make sure you hit subscribe!

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#159: Anna Goldstein: How to Make Progress Dec 26, 2019

"The day you plant the seed is not the day you eat the fruit."

There will be an extended period of time where you don't see results.
There will be failure and setbacks
Keep the faith and keep going
Stay consistent

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#158: Anna Goldstein: How to Have Perspective Dec 12, 2019

There is a Taoist story of an old farmer who had worked his crops for many years. One day his horse ran away. Upon hearing the news, his neighbors came to visit. "Such bad luck," they said sympathetically. "Maybe," the farmer replied.

The next morning the horse returned, bringing with it three other wild horses. "How wonderful," the neighbors exclaimed. "Maybe," replied the old man.

The following day, his son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown, and broke his leg. The neighbors again came to offer their sympathy on his misfortune. "Maybe," answered the farmer.

The day after, military officials came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son's leg was broken, they passed him by. The neighbors congratulated the farmer on how well things had turned out. "Maybe," said the farmer.

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#157: Satya Scainetti: Finding Your Truth + Spiritual Jewelry That Gives Back Dec 05, 2019

Satya is a philanthropist, yoga teacher and Reiki healer, who after 30 days of intensive yoga training had a dream of making jewelry that was both meaningful and gave back to children around the world. Fifteen years ago, she created Satya Jewelry which creates handcrafted, beautiful and meaningful jewelry, which more importantly has a special meaning in mind — thus starting the movement of incorporating wellness info fashion, which is mainstream today. It is the go-to jewelry brand for celebrities such as Courtney Cox, along with wellness leaders such as Gabby Bernstein, Elena Brower and more). Giving back is an important aspect of Satya’s brand and she donates a percentage of all sales are donated to the Satya Foundation; my 501 (c) organization that has raised over $1 million for children's charities throughout the world. They have also done many collaborations for giving back, including Christy Turlington Burn’s Every Mother Counts, Next For Autism, and an upcoming line with Yoga Girl’s Rachel Brathen.

How did she get in Yoga?

Satya has been practicing Yoga for over 30 years now. Her Zen Buddhist father introduced her to yoga, and she fell in love with it.

How did she start her business?

According to Satya, It's never too late to find your dream. She left a well-paying job after six months to pursue her purpose. She became a Reiki Master, and she had a rough time charging for her services. She decided to have a teacher's training in the Bahamas, and that's where she found the inspiration to start her business.

Did you ever feel like a failure for starting your business at 40?

Absolutely! She have had so many careers, but the most important thing is she finally she found something she loves.

What steps did you take into entrepreneurship?

Satya did not have a business plan. All she had was passion.

How important is it to have pure intentions?

150%. Satya teaches beautiful mala workshops. They involve setting your plans and how to weave and create a beautiful spiritual necklace of your own with infusing an intention of yours and always bring into the meditation.

Do you think owning and starting this business has taught you about yourself?

Satya has learned a lot about herself through her business, and it has helped her pinpoint areas that need a change in her life.

What does your foundation do?

The foundation is involved working with non-profit organizations. The first projects involved teaching kids yoga and more. This year she has worked on a few projects which include an elephant sanctuary and a foundation that helps people with autism. She has worked with Christy Turlington. She has a foundation that allows mothers and children's all-around prenatal care and birthing all around the globe.

Being a trained social worker, did Satya ever think this is what social work looks like?

No! We are accustomed to putting everything in a small box. Satya did not have an idea that she would turn out to be this great.

From a strategic perspective in your business, what do you think has worked best?

Being open and flexible, being able to work the challenges. As a social worker, you're trained to navigate problems.

Did you know you were entrepreneurial?

It runs in my genes. My parents and siblings are entrepreneurs, and so were my grandparents.

What's your favorite jewelry?

My favorite is, of course, the mala. They're prayer beads. I love them because they when they're weighted of course we use genuine stones. So the weight of them keeps me grounded throughout the day.

What's a truth that you want to spread right now?

The truth of loving-kindness.

What's the best advice you have ever received?

Do not go out and get involved again with another person. Fall back in love with God and yourself first.

How can you tell that you are loving yourself?

I'm a little a lot more compassionate towards who I am.

How can we get in touch with you?

Website

Instagram

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#156: Anna Goldstein: 5 Minute Guided Meditation Nov 28, 2019

A guided 5-minute meditation to get rid of distractions and disturbances in the mind and heart.

#155: Tess Wicks: Managing Your Money with Ease Nov 14, 2019

Tess Wicks is a wealth and mindset coach. Traditionally trained in finance, Tess now works with individuals and business owners to help them cultivate the right mindset around money. She talks about the ideas that helped her manage her money, why boundaries bring freedom, and why her business has 4 bank accounts.

How did you learn about managing money?

Tess has a degree in finance, but that didn’t her to manage her money or to manage the finances of a small business. She learned to manage money was from a mentor who came to college and talked about the importance of managing money that made her aware of how important it is to manage your money.

We have all had the experience of knowing what to do but not doing what we know. There's a performance gap. How did you close that gap?

It starts with simple ideas, like paying yourself first. And learning to set aside 10% of your paycheck. That helped her understand that managing money has a simplicity to it.

Something as simple as paying yourself first – a lot of people don’t do it. Why do you think that is?

Some people truly believe that they need every dollar that they make. Parkinson's law states that you will use every resource that you have. When most people earn more, they spend more. Budgeting is about setting boundaries with your money, and many people shy away from that because it feels restrictive. People feel like they deserve the position they have reached and should be able to have that money. Tess tells them that having rules about money can create freedom.

A lot of us get into self-employment for freedom and when you put rules in place it can feel confining, but these rules are really just boundaries to create even more freedom rather than restriction.

Entrepreneurs tend to be very sensitive about their time and put boundaries on their time. If you can respect your time, you can also respect your money. Putting boundaries in place is a way of respecting your money.

I like the idea of delaying gratification. Which I think is getting harder for our society as a whole because we have the internet and things we can get right now. We’re getting used to this instant gratification, and I think it’s important to train ourselves to love the immediate discomfit for the long term gain.

Our society has become much more impulsive. We have trained ourselves to believe that we need immediate return or intimidate gain. We have to get used to enjoying the good kind of pain.

Was it helpful to you when this mentor described putting a small amount of money away and looking at it from a long-term perspective? How can that impact your long term gain?

Tess found it impactful to take a step back. Every decision we make in our day to day has an impact on the long term. The best teachers put things into perspective in really great ways. If you earn $15 an hour and save $3 an hour you’re earning $12 an hour and that is actually a small difference that can have a greater impact. He also broke down different spending patterns that people have after college. Such as leasing a brand new car over driving the one you’ve had as a teenager. Every decision we make have long term repercussions including the short term gratification ones.

It’s interesting to me that you were having this experience of being educated in a conventional way. You took courses in mathematics and finance. But then this mentor put it in a personal and practical way. And that’s where you had your a-ha moment. And I think that’s missing from our education system.

All of Tess’s financial classes were focused on big business and after college she worked as a consultant to big corporations. This knowledge didn’t help Tess’s personal finances and she made a lot of mistakes. She was fortunate to find her mentor. She also had the influence of watching her parents manage their money. And she had a lot of nerdy friends who were also actuaries, and they talked about things like maxing out Roth IRA’s and what they were doing with their 401K’s. She knew other people did not have her financial understanding and were confused about how to manage their money. She wanted to provide that level of mentorship for people.

You mentioned paying yourself first? How do you do that?

It depends if you’re a business owner or traditionally employed. If you are a business owner your business needs to be on a budget just like your personal finances. Often we pour any money the business makes back into the business. But it is important to take money out of the business for yourself. This means that you can see that you are getting something out of it but it also creates an important boundary. Even if this is just a small amount. It is important to set aside some profit and to get into the habit of doing that. You could start with 1% and build in up to 5-10%. You business will adapt to that boundary. Tess does this twice a month. She takes a small amount of all the money she’s made in that fortnight and transfers it to another account. This is in addition to paying herself.

Is this money you are saving? Or money you are using to enjoy and buy things that you want?

Tess gives herself a paycheck twice a month. That is the money she lives off and she saves a portion of that. She has a SEP IRA, which is a retirement account for self-employed people. She puts a percentage of her income into that, saves money into a variety of savings accounts.

How many accounts do you have?

Business-wise she has 4 accounts. 2 checking and 2 savings. She separates her revenue from her expenses. Her 2 savings accounts are for profit and taxes.

So let’s say you have $3000 in your travel savings account and you want to go on a trip that is $5000. Do you wait until you get to $5000 to book that trip?

You would save until you have that money. Tess doesn’t want to spend money she doesn’t have.

I love how you are using the word boundary. Let’s start with our relationship to ourselves. You put a boundary in place, and you honor it. I think that’s so important for building our own self-worth.

Tess thinks we should never let the numbers in our bank accounts or our net worth impact our sense of self-worth. You have to set a boundary between the numbers and your self-worth.

There’s a huge wave of self-love popularity right now. I’m going to love myself so I’m going to just buy the shoes. Tess tells her clients that taking of themselves is taking care of their finances. The harder decisions of not buying that thing because you don’t have the money is taking care of yourself and loving yourself. We don’t need some of these extra things that are going to make us feel good in the short term to actually make us feel good.

I’ve been online shopping and not buying. It’s really fun to load my cart up. I do this with Amazon all the time. I add things to my cart and save for later. Many times I decide I don’t want it. When you have a budget in place, it takes a lot of the decision making out of the equation, which I think is really helpful.

Tess has her clients do a unique way of budgeting. They have a dollar amount that they can spend every day. This means they don’t have to catergorize their spending or decide what category something fits in. They get to spend that daily amount however they want. She separates fixed and discretionary expenses and doesn’t let her clients add groceries or gas to their fixed expenses. When you get a daily number, it can be low at the beginning of the month but will add up over time. What if you didn’t say yes to every happy hour or every invitation to go out to dinner for the first 7 days of the month? That can be a boundary that then gives you more money to spend at the end of the month on whatever you want.

It seems like you have created your own system.

As the money coach Tess always wanted to provide tools that really worked for her. A lot of the tools out there didn’t work for her. When she works with clients, she tries to find what works for them and apply certain rules that help them build wealth and live a financially free life.

What’s been some of your inspiration?

Tess gets inspired by working with her clients and seeing them crushing it. It shows her that she needs to keep doing what she’s doing.

Can you share a story of someone who implemented your system and a result that they had?

One of her clients is an accountant who is traditionally employed but also has a side business. She was stressed about her money. She felt that she should know this stuff, especially because she worked in finance. She felt disorganized, was spending a lot and considering buying a house. After they worked together, she realized that she loved renting and putting her money into the stock market. She increased her net-worth by something like $10000 in 6 months. When you put your mind to something, you can achieve a lot. Her entire mindset and outlook on life changed.

You just said ‘Do a lot with the money that you have,’ I love that so much. There’s such a mindset of more and such a mindset of lack. We’re very conditioned with this type of thinking from a young age.

Tess gets her clients to look at their priorities and core values. And then line that up with the money they’ve been spending to see is anything is out of sync. It’s really useful to see what truly makes you happy and fulfilled versus what you believe makes you feel fulfilled. It’s not about not spending money. It’s about spending money on things that you value and prioritize.

What is something practical that someone who is feeling a bit overwhelmed can do? Where do you suggest people start?

Sit down and identify all of your mandatory expenses. What do you need to pay for to live your life? Such as rent, mortgage, insurance, debt payments and utility bills. Determine what is essential and what is excess.

There can be this feeling of shame around money. Money does not equate self-worth. It’s really about the integrity that you have with yourself.

It is all about doing what you say you will do. After we get over the shame of whatever is going on with our finances and make a plan, then it’s about committing and following through. Our self-worth can ebb and flow depending on whether we follow through on the promises we’ve made to ourselves. How much money you have compared to someone else means nothing.

What is the best advice you’ve ever been given?

When Tess was in high school, she was a diver. They had a quote - “Feel the fear but do it anyway.”

Tell us how we can get in touch with you

Wander Wealthy: https://www.wanderwealthy.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tess_wicks/

Links

SEP IRA

https://www.investopedia.com/terms/s/sep.asp

#154: Anna Goldstein: How to Get Out of a Rut Nov 07, 2019

I listened to the audiobook, You Can't Hurt Me by David Goggins, and it's a story about his life. The basis of it is that growing up he had a really tough abusive childhood. When he became an adult, he was overweight, not loving himself, and tired of his life. He looked at himself in the mirror and really honest with himself. And he decided that he was going to change his life. And he studies to become a Navy SEAL and there are many obstacles he faces along doing that and many setbacks that he faces along the way. He just keeps getting back up. Even after he becomes a Navy SEAL, he goes on to embracing challenges in many other forms. What I loved about his story was it's really a story about mindset.

One of his messages is that we've become too soft. It's easy to complain. It's easy to make excuses. It's easy to feel sorry for ourselves and get into a victim mentality.

These things are easy to do because we're living in a very complex modern society and world. We're constantly bombarded with information. We are lacking wisdom. We're lacking the ability to really push through our challenges. We think things should be easy, that we should get instant results.

Now, maybe this isn't you, but I can tell you from my own experience that I pushed myself. I'm somebody who's always looking to grow. With that being said, I still get into ruts. I was in a rut and I wasn't fully aware of it, because oftentimes we think our excuses are real.

And for me, this was especially true when it came to my physical capabilities. I'm not talking about physique or the way that I look. It doesn't have to do with vanity, it's more about being in great physical condition. I want to be in good shape because I want to have energy. I want to have the energy to be able to serve, be a good mom, and feel good.

I waking up feeling not so good, even if there are good things in my life. I was kind of boggled by this, but I would let it go and settle - just thinking of it as just 'how it is - a little bit tired.' And I was working out several days a week, but I wasn't pushing myself - I was maintaining.

After reading this book, I have created a few physical challenges for myself merely because when you move your body, you move emotions, you move stuck energy, you move things that have kept you in a rut. So, if you are feeling stuck, if you are feeling in a rut, take on a physical challenge, run a race, climb a mountain. These are some things that I'm doing. If you've been a runner and you've been climbing mountains, do something different. The key is, is to move your body in a very high-intensity way so that you actually can face some of your mental blocks within that arena.

I've noticed that with running, doubt will creep in and I keep going. The first race I ran, my deal with myself was no walking. At one point during the race, there was a very long hill, and this soft voice crept in that it said, "It's okay. You could walk a little bit." I noticed it, and I kept going.

This past weekend when I ran a race, my self-talk was tremendously better. I was thinking, "I love doing hard things." It was a very different dialog. I didn't even have the thought of walking. And I beat my score by two minutes. I've made progress. Tony Robbins talks about how progress equals happiness. Which is why I like using the physical arena as the ability to know that you're making progress.

If you're not making progress in an area that's important to you, whether it be your career, relationships, or physical fitness, take on something that's bigger that you haven't taken on.

I use challenges as a tool to better know myself and where am I getting stuck. What has happened is because I've busted through certain limitations running, I notice when I get too tired, for example folding laundry, I keep going. But before I might have stopped. I see this strong mindset carrying over into my life. It's a training.

So, let me know. What physical challenge are you going to sign up for? What's something you have never done before?

Put something on your schedule that is big, that is challenging.

I signed up to climb a mountain next year in October. I'll be training all year for it. It's the equivalent of climbing Mount Everest.

#153: Jenna Irvin: Opening a Pure Barre Franchise + Starting a Business with No Experience Oct 31, 2019

Jenna Irvin became a business owner straight after college. In her senior year of college, she made the decision to use all the money she had to open a Pure Barre franchise after falling in love with the technique. By the age of 23 she had opened, sold and bought a business. Opening a business is never easy, no matter your age or experience. Jenna talks about the franchise process, deciding to sell and leading with your heart.

How do you start a franchise?

In her senior year of college, Jenna decided she wanted to open a franchise through Pure Barre. She sent in an application for the market she was interested in. The first step was to prove that there was viability for a studio by looking at the area, the demographics and the real estate available. Interviews then progressed to ensure Jenna had the funding and then the third round looked at Jenna’s ability to run a business. The following day after a 4 hour in-person interview, Jenna found out that she was approved to be an owner. She signed the agreement and paid the franchise fee.

How much is it?

For Jenna, it was $46K

How did you have the money? You hadn’t even graduated from college yet.

Jenna had invested money in stocks. The franchise fee was almost exactly what she had in her investment account. She decided she wanted to take a leap and invest in herself. Even though she was young, it felt like the right time because she was only responsible for herself.

How did you know you wanted to take that risk? To dive right in and have your own business right away?

She has the kind of personality where she dives right into things. She gives everything her all - her friends, her relationships, her career. Jenna believes that when our strengths are turned up, they become weaknesses, so she has learned to temper it. She spent her childhood watching her parents run their own business together, and this also influenced her.

What business do they own?

Her parents own a cabinet and mill-working company. She grew up listening to her Dad have business conversations. She saw him bring a positive impact to someone’s live through cabinets. In college, she discovered Barre, a ballet based strength workout. She fell in love with it. Jenna couldn’t touch her toes when she started and had also struggled with an eating disorder. She had a lot of insecurities with her body, and Barre turned that around for her. It was the first time that she wasn’t in competition with others or even herself.

I want to ask you again about your Dad and how he held people's hearts.

He has a way of holding people's hearts while he holds them in the professional space. Jenna believes that we have to connect first as people and then connect professionally. When anybody walks through her studio doors, she wants to know who they are.

I want to ask you about the first Pure Barre class you attended

Jenna was horrible at it. She has been 6’1 since 6th grade and for a long time was so much taller than everyone else. In sports, her height was an asset but it also meant she didn’t have to learn how to be agile and quick on her feet as she could use her height. Her coordination and flexibility were always things she struggled with. Although She wasn’t good at her first Barre class, there was something about it that made her want to figure it out. The more she did it, the more she felt the connection to her body and how to learn to be graceful in her own way.

Sometimes we say - ‘oh I’m not flexible. I’m not agile’. But we can learn to love the thing that we didn’t think was for us. Is that your experience?

A lot of the stories that we tell ourselves don’t have to be our story. She told herself that she was the tall girl and wouldn’t be flexible or be able to do things that smaller people could do. Telling that story was easier than doing the work it would take to get there.

How old were you when you took your first class?

Jenna was in her 2nd year at college.

Was there a moment when you decided you wanted to be a Pure Barre studio owner?

Jenna was at home for the summer before her senior year. She wasn’t someone who like to work out at home and there wasn’t a Barre studio in her home town. But if she stuck with the workout, her Dad said he would look into owning one. She did Barre in her attic over the 3 months she was at home. Then Jenna talked to many studio owners as she could in order to understand what she was getting herself into.

Did you have any conversations where you were like ‘maybe I shouldn’t do this’?

Jenna was conscious that she was young and investing every penny she had into the business. She was constantly questioning her decision. She knew she needed to separate herself from the good and the bad experiences other people were having. She was gathering data but didn’t want to let it influence how she felt about the decision.

How do you work on your mindset?

Jenna has learned to hear herself first but it has taken a long time to get there. She has realized that she is not her business. Her mindset is terrible when she is evaluating herself based on how her business is doing. She did this exercise, where she had to have coffee with her business. To have a conversation with her business meant it was separated from her. She found the exercise eye-opening.

What was something that came out of that conversation with your business?

She realized that she puts a lot of pressure on herself. Sometimes a goal is unrealistic, and sometimes it is just not right for that time. If she sets a goal and something happens, it’s not a failure, it’s an opportunity to adjust and an opportunity to grow.

You built this business without any connections. How did you start? When you opened the doors?

When Jenna opened the studio in Frederick, Maryland and she didn’t know a soul. She was terrified because she had always lived in places where she was very connected. From the beginning, in her marketing, she told her story. She talked about what the technique had done for her and what she hoped to create in Frederick. She was there from open to close, and although it wasn’t part of the plan, she ended up teaching 37 out of 42 classes every week for the first 3 months. But this meant that her clients knew her and she knew them.

Did you go to local business and introduce yourself?

She did. She researched local businesses that had been open the longest and did her first pop-up at one of them. This connected her with someone who turned out to be important in helping her form other connections. You don’t need to connect with everybody, just the right people.

What do you think is a mistake you made with hiring?

Jenna googled ‘How to hire’, found a guide and followed it. She didn’t listen to her intuition at all. She hired based on people's background and experience and not on whether they showed traits that were in alignment with her. Form her first batch of hires, she only had 1 person pass the certification.

What happened when you followed your intuition?

She had a client who had been taking classes from the day the studio opened. She was always just there to work. One day after a class she talked to Jenna and showed an interest in being a teacher because she wanted to show her girls that when you work hard, you can do anything. She hired her on the spot. This hire reminded Jena that she knew what she needed and the factors that were important for the hire.

I want to ask you about selling the business. You sold the business in Frederick, although you still have the one in Hilton Head Island. Tell us a little about how you sold the business in Frederick.

Selling the business was not part of Jenna’s plan. She moved to Frederick thinking she was going to live there forever. She had lived in Hilton Head Island to gain more teaching experience while her studio was being built and fell in love with the place. Her studio in Maryland did in the first month what she had predicted in the first year in terms of membership numbers. The studio in Hilton Head Island came up for sale 3 months after Jenna had opened her Frederick studio. Her accountant told her that she would be able to sell her studio for twice what she put into it. Jenna had to make a decision about what would be most fulfilling for her. The sales process took about 5 months.

What are your failures? I know you’ve had some heartbreak?

When she took over her new studio, she thought that purchasing an existing studio would be more easier than starting one from scratch. It was actually harder because she had to try rewrite that existing business. It was a challenging process.

Jenna was terrible at balance and couldn’t keep balance with her friendships. Her relationship ended when her business opened. She threw herself into the business in the first 3 months to the extent of everything else. With her new business she is trying to keep a better balance with her life. Don’t let moments pass you by because you fell that your business needs all of you all of the time.

You played Basketball. How long did you play that for?

Jenna played basketball from 3 years old to when she graduated from high school.

How do feel sports has impacted you?

Sport has given Jenna the work ethic and discipline that she has. Sport required responsibility discipline and dedication so when her business requires those things, she doesn’t bat an eye. Sports taught her to be a team player and take ownership of the things she could’ve done better.

Do you still attend Barre classes? Do you do anything else for fitness?

Jenna does Barre 4 times a week and has gotten into lifting weights and running. But Barre is where she grounds herself mentally and physically.

How do you fell Pure Barre has helped you mentally?

Pure Barre has transformed her mentally. It has transformed her insecurity. She had to overcome an eating disorder and a place where the scale had power. She was concerned about calories and did exercise to burn off what she had eaten instead of moving her body because it felt good. Jenna pushed her body on days it needed to rest. It was all out of tune with her own needs, and it is impossible to be out of tune in a Pure Barre class. In a Pure Barre class, you have to be connected to your muscles so your mind doesn’t have time to go anywhere else. It has been the biggest part of her healing from the eating disorder.

In Jenna’s studio she tries to keep the energy about being welcoming and accepting. It is not about changing anything about yourself. It is about celebrating that your chose to be there and you are choosing to get stronger. It is a celebration about all that you are and all that you will become.

Can you give a quick example of a movement you would do?

There is a movement called chair. You pull off the bar with straight arms. Your seat is at the level of your knees. The back is flat and the chest is proud. And you hold that. The work is isometric, you want to focus on the contraction. The movement is secondary and a mental distraction. The isometric work is where the magic happens.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?

This comes from her Dad. Before every basketball game she would take her hand to her heart, tap her heart and point at him. It was a reminder to lead from her heart. He also tells his kids to never look back. Which is her reminder that she can dream as big and as passionately as she wants to.

Tell us how we can get in touch with you

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jennairvin

Website: https://www.jstandingtall.com/

#152: Julie Renee Doering: Brain Regeneration Oct 24, 2019

Julie Renee mentors ambitious women leaders who refuse to play small but are being held back by exhaustion and fuzzy brain to regenerate their brain and play full out again. After launching her first business from her tiny San Francisco studio apartment in 1993, she has prevailed over the worst of human health challenges from multiple cancers, life in a wheelchair, and literally surviving death. She is the author of the groundbreaking book ‘Your Divine Human Blueprint.’ Her unique gift of healing defines the energy-science of Cellular Quantum Mechanics. What that means in laymen’s terms is she has defined the way to regenerate the body from the cells on up and does it with ease. The unique process of brain regeneration is done through a technique that she developed over the last seven years working with the individual stem cells and the quantum field.

Can you take us back to when you were living in an environment that wasn’t so healthy?

Julie Renee survived the Atomic Bomb testing in the Nevada desert when she was on vacation as a child. She had 17 surgeries, multiple cancers, and even died twice. The first time she died, she was 24. She felt like she was on earth for a reason and pushed to get back into her body and survive.

What do you mean when you say ‘the first time you died’?

She was 24 and in her living room when her body fell to the floor. Her spirit was up above, looking down at her body. She was in the middle of being treated for cancer and only weighed 95lbs.

She looked at her body on the floor and decided she was not ready to die. She saw her life flashing before her and decided to shove herself back into her body and fight to live.

She tries to remember why she is here and activate her miraculous healing system. She has had 2 death experiences and 5 that were very close. Each one has taught her something and she has gained strength and power. Most people don’t realize that you don’t have to leave when your body shuts down. You have to help your body heal.

It seems like you gained a lot from those experiences. Can you talk about what you’ve learn about our bodies ability to heal?

There is an ancient part of us that is part of the Field of Perception. It is pre spirit from when we were one being. It provides very powerful life energy. There are a couple of ways that we can access this power than we don’t realize that we have.

Towards the end of her long period of being ill, Julie went into her garden and told God to either take her or make her well. After 2 hours of meditation and chanting, she saw in her mind's eye a master cell go from being very sick cell to being a healthy cell. She realized that everything is divine and of light. Although it might feel like our bodies are made of clay, we are part of a beautiful field of oneness and light. Every cell is equipped with light and this causes the body to rejuvenate. She has defined how this works as The Miraculous System and has taught this as a training program to doctors and scientists who were interested in the changes in her. Understanding what happened in her body, Julie Renee has been able to recreate this in others. She helped a woman regrow her colon using The Miraculous System. It is possible to use this process to regenerate the body to good health.

What are some practical strategies that you would use to regenerate a cell?

There are two types of physics – Newtonian physics and Quantum physics. Newtonian physics is gravity. Quantum physics is about vibrating particles. Depending on how the particles are vibrating, you get a good or less good result. In spirituality, this is thought of as the field of oneness. We are in a lower frequency but through unconditional love and mastery, we can go into a higher frequency and this is known as the field of transformation.

Julie Renee starts the process with a prayer and then an affirmation that anything and everything is possible. The next step a song that elevates spirit and energy. The cell regeneration process starts with a clearing to clear all obstacles to having a healthy heart. They can clear about a thousand things. They set an intention with the mind, look at a chart, and do a hand movement. What the mind can conceive and believe it can accomplish. After the clearing and prayer, they go into an active process of regeneration. The aim is to bring the master or stem cells in any area up to 100%. This also involves a hand movement. Once that is achieved, they do an activation to all the surrounding cells that are operating at a lower level. This causes a flood of light to go through the body. Then they activate the mitochondria to spark the growth of new cells.

When they do cell regeneration in the brain, it can bring 180 days of new cell growth. There is a 15-35% increase in brain function. They have tested 200 students over a period of 6months. Julie Renee did a study last year looking at regeneration in the brain.

I want to ask you about the hand movements. Where did that come from and what is the purpose behind that?

The first movement came to her in that first experience in the garden. As Julie Renee has progressed with this method, she has sensed that she needs to move her hand in a certain way and developed a new hand movement. There are now 12 hand movements. The hand movements really help people whose frequency is below 1000. Julie Renee's frequency is usually around 4000.

So is this something you discovered through doing your own research and healing?

On a very simple level it is a yes. Julie Renee is also aware that she has been on the planet 6 times. Each time her purpose was to remind people of The Miraculous System. The reason her life has been so difficult was so she could understand what humanity is facing right now. And that people would appreciate what she was saying in the context of her history. If Julie Renee could do it, so could they.

You mentioned earlier the studies that you have done. How do you measure the progress?

Julie had 200 of her students agree to go through brain regeneration and periodically fill out a questionnaire. They asked the students about memory, vibrancy vs. depression, relaxed brain vs. headaches, sleep challenges, and speech issues. Memory improved by 26% with one 3hr regeneration session. They didn’t think they had a depressed group, but that had a 37% improvement. There was a 19% improvement in sleep and a16% improvement in speech.

I want to ask you more about The Field. Can you explain it?

Julie wrote Your Divine Human Blueprint, and in it, she describes 4 fields.

1. Genesis – this is the field of creation

2. The Field of Embodiment – what supports the spirit to be able to maintain living in a body

3. Quantum Field – The field of vibrating particles

4. The Field of Amplification – this is the law of attraction field and can attract negatives as well as positives

Technology has changed so much of our world and the way that we live. In some ways we’ve become more disconnected from nature because of technology. What do you think the impact that is hving on humanity?

There was a study that in children who had an iPad or iPhones, their brains were not developing the ability to hear sounds in nature. Julie goes on a walk with her daughter every morning between 5:30am and 6:30am. She can identify owl sounds and different birds. Teenagers send 4000 texts every month, which is one every 6 minutes. They are living a life interrupted by bells and buzzes all the time.

Check you email twice a day, say 9am and 4pm and that is it. If you use social media to connect with your family, set aside time to do that, such as lunchtime so that you are not constantly looking at it.

The less I check things, my email, social media channels, the more my happiness and contentment increases.

Something like 73% of people check their phone as soon as they wake up. Only 10% hug their partner. 54% of people take their cell phone to the bathroom. It’s addictive. It releases a little hit of dopamine in your brain. Social media companies have mastered the art of pinging that part of your brain. People stop being connected with each other physically to get these pings.

Is there something you can offer us in how to interrupt those habits and patterns around checking and our compulsion to technology?

It’s not about willpower, it’s about discipline. Make a plan and follow through on it. Plan out the times you will access certain things. And when you catch yourself doing it anyway, forgive yourself and get back on track.

Then look at the balance in your life. Are you getting the social interactions that you need? If technology is giving you something, it’s probably because something else is missing.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?

If you seek to love and you seek the goodness in life, and you seek the goodness in others, you will have a beautiful and blessed life.

Tell us how we can get in touch with you and find out about your work

Website: http://julierenee.com/

A gift of meditation: http://julierenee.com/quiet-mind/

#151: Amanda Robbins: How to Coach Yourself to Be Your Best Oct 17, 2019

Amanda Robbins is the Co-founder and CMO of Performance Coach University. She is also a business growth coach and marketing strategist. In this episode, she talks about why she has so much positive energy, the idea of stacking to conquer overwhelm and why eating healthy requires simplicity.

You have this positive energy. Is positivity something that is easy for you or something that has been a challenge for you?

Amanda has a simple of phrase that she has been using for a while – moment by moment. When something happens during the day that upsets her she just focuses on that phrase and she can reset to what is great about the present moment. It allows her to come back to a more positive place. And she genuinely wakes up feeling grateful and happy to be alive.

When she was a child, about elementary age, her mom tried to take her own life and her Dad tried to cover it up. She had always seen her mom as the happiest person, full of love and fun. When she asked her Dad why her mom did that he told her that she was really sad. Amanda kept asking why. He told her that her mom had voices in her head and sometimes they didn’t say nice things to her. We all have voices in our heads and Amanda could relate to this. She immediately associated negative internal thoughts with the ability to put someone in a hospital bed. She was scared to be sad and wouldn’t let herself go to that place. She decided to focus on goodness and love and was scared of sadness. She is now at a place where she can share her emotions and deal with the negative emotions while still having a positive outlook.

I want to ask you about stacking as it relates to not wanting something.

Amanda and her partner are in the middle of fertility treatments, buying a home and moving out of a rental. There is a lot going on. She could stack that list very high. Having so much on our plate makes us feel sluggish and heavy. It’s hard to feel energized and easy to feel overwhelmed when we stack things so high. She will write down everything she has to do as one big list. Then she will unstack that list by crossing off things that are not crucial. She will delegate, automate and eliminate as much as she can. Then she’ll ask herself – What’s the one thing she wants to get done today? When you tackle one things at a time it makes you feel like you’re progressing.

You can also stack pain and pleasure. Most people trend towards pain. They will be called to action when the pain of doing or not doing something is so high that they have to take action. But if you keep stacking pain too high it can cause issues. On the pleasurable side you can create loving memories and feel the love for life.

You get to choose your emotion. Moment by moment. If you are someone who just reacts, you need to learn to slow down. Meditation is a really great way to do this. But just learning to pause can be really beneficial, so that you can pause before you are triggered. You have to practice the skill of pausing. When someone asks you a question, take a pause before you speak. Train you brain not to immediately react and respond, but take a little space before you speak.

Slowing down is so helpful because we are so go, go, go. The funny thing about slowing down is you actually speed up results.

There is so much research that shows how incredibly powerful meditation is. In recent years people from all walks of life, including the military and executives, are taking it seriously. Meditation is a game changer. To get people into meditation, Amanda likes to use Muse. It’s a headband and app that is really great for people who like to track things and see visual progress. Apps like Headspace and Insight Timer are also terrific for making meditation a practice.

Meditation is like training a muscle. You just have to keep at it. Even staring with two minutes a day can be a great way of getting started.

When did you start meditating?

Amanda met her husband in 2012. They were both at a point in their lives where they were they comfortable being who they are. Her husband is big into meditation. He encouraged her to meditate. Although she struggle with the chanting meditation they did together.

So how come you kept going back for more?

She did feel really great afterwards. It was a unique way to connect with her husband. They actually have a lot of practices they now do together. They do a gratitude walk, a Sunday ritual where they share love lessons, they mediate together and they do yoga together.

I know you are into health and wellness. I follow you on Instagram and see that you drink a lot of smoothies. What’s your favorite smoothie?

Amanda uses a chocolate vegan protein powder from Thorne. Then she’ll add a berry like blueberries or cherries. She adds spinach. Sometimes she throws in an avocado or some Udo oil. She blends it with water. She wants to make it simple so that it is easier to do.

And no milk? Just water?

Water. We have to stay hydrated and so Amanda tries to add water to things as much as she can. Whenever something calls for milk she’ll use water.

So much of it comes down to habits. Eating healthy doesn’t have to be expensive. But there are so many habits people have around food.

Amanda tries to keep things super simple. They pretty much eat the same thing every day. If it’s simple it’s easier to eat healthier. Every day they have salmon and broccoli for lunch. They throw it on the steamer, add ghee, salt and pepper. Dinner is normally a salad with some protein on it.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?

She was in a taxi recently after being picked up at an airport. The driver looked like he was in his 50’s but turned out to be 69. She was amazed and asked him what his secret was. He said his Grandfather told him - “Don’t worry about things that you have no control over. If you can’t control it, it’s out of your control. Don’t worry about it.”

A big root of our suffering is trying to constantly control. It creates a lot of worry.

Amanda thinks we should have more faith that life is rigged in our favor. That things are happening for us and not to us.

What drives you?

Love for people overall. There is a lot of bad news out there that can make it feel like the world is ending but there is actually a lot of goodness in the world. What really drives her is the human spirit and its resilience, love and compassion. She inspired by people.

Tell us how we can get in touch with you:

https://www.performancecoachuniversity.com/

Links

Thorne Protein Powder

https://www.thorne.com

#150: Martin Rutte: 3 Questions That Will Help You Change the World Oct 03, 2019

Martin Rutte is the co-author of The New York Times Business Bestseller, Chicken Soup for the Soul at Work, translated into over 20 languages, with sales over 1.1 million copies.

Martin has worked with many corporations such as Sony Pictures, Virgin Records, Apple Computer, and more — assisting them to expand their outlook and position themselves for the future.

For over 15 years he has been exploring peoples’ visions for the kind of world they deeply long for – His new book on this subject: Project Heaven on Earth: The 2 Simple Questions That Will Help You Change The World...Easily,has just been published.

There is a desire, a longing in each of us, for the unnecessary, immoral, and recurring problems of the planet- war, hunger, poverty, disease, hatred, addictions, abuse, crime, pollution, and more. Not just to get better, but too once and for all end!

We’ve suppressed these yearning that arises from our soul, yearnings for a world that inspires hope, creativity, and engagement. What keeps this self-censoring in place is a culture that believes having the kind of world we yearn for is simply not possible.

Fundamentally, it calls for re-envisioning who we are as humans and as Humanity. From our most profound cores, we continue to know the kind of world we want. Let’s discover and create our new, collective story – Heaven on Earth.

How did you get started with bringing spirituality into business?

Martin has a traditional background as a management consultant and speaker. About 25 years ago, he came back from consulting in Hong Kong and found himself in a bit of a funk. He ended up at an Augustinian Monastery and realized what was missing was God. At the time, everybody advised him not to talk about spirituality. He realized that his fear was holding him back and decided to explore the intersection of spirituality and work.

What did you see as some of the results of bringing spirituality into the workplace? Were people happier?

People realized that they could bring into work this part of themselves that they didn’t think they could. They were happier, calmer and excited about being able to talk about spirituality at work.

What does spirituality mean to you? How would you define it?

Martin purposefully doesn’t have a definition. It means different things to different people and he didn’t want to lose his audience by trying to force them to agree to his definition. He wants people to feel they can bring more of their soul into work.

Project Heaven on Earth is very ambitious. So many people are wandering around and wondering what their purpose is. But you ask a much bigger question – what is Humanity's purpose?

Many years ago, Martin read a paper that asked the question – What is the common purpose of Humanity? The idea of Heaven on Earth came just before he was making a keynote speech at a conference. He was meditating and asked himself, ‘If every business is spiritual, is that what you want?’ He realized that if we can transform business, we can transform the world. This formed itself as the idea of Heaven on Earth.

What were your next steps following that thought?

He was in Toronto in the late 80s, running a management consulting company, the first time he heard the word vision. He knew he wanted to talk about it, but everybody told him he was crazy and that no-one would take him seriously. So when he had the concept of Heaven on Earth it concerned him that people might find it controversial.

So project Heaven on Earth lets talk a little about what that is.

He many people and distilled down these 3 questions:

Recall a time when you experienced Heaven on Earth
Imagine you have a magic wand and with this wand you can have Heaven on Earth. What is heaven on earth for you?
What simple easy concrete step will you take in the next 24hours to move that forward?

When he asks these questions, no one ask him -what do you mean by Heaven on Earth. He believes this is because we all have within us a knowledge of what Heaven on Earth is.

If one person believes from their soul that something is right and someone else believes that something else is right, how do you work through that? To create more Heaven on Earth?

For many years Martin led dialogues with opposing parties. They would come in ready for a fight and then through good dialogue processes they started to find some overlap. One of the roadblocks that comes up in a highly polarised time is ‘they are not with me.’

You talk a lot about belief

People think ‘In order to do something you have to believe that you can do it. In order for someone to do X, they need to believe they can do X.’ They can either wait for the belief to come or they can set the goal lower so the belief is not needed. Martin thinks that belief is not necessary to accomplish something. He asks the question – Have you or anybody you know done something that they didn’t believe was possible for them to do? Everybody says yes because belief isn’t necessary.

What you’re saying is take action even if you don’t believe it’s possible?

You also have to make a commitment. For example, someone wants to end hunger in the world but doesn’t believe it is possible. The commitment is the end of hunger and the belief is that it’s not possible. The belief could stop them which would be justifiable. Or they could say I’m working on ending hunger and I have a belief that it’s not possible. The belief is there in both cases but in one there is stoppage and in the other there is action.

You tell a story about running a marathon. You’d only run 5 miles and you signed up for a marathon. It sounds like you didn’t really train for it?

His friends encouraged him to sign up for a marathon and the most he’d ever run was 5 miles. To this day he doesn’t believe that he did it. But he did.

There’s this messaging in the personal development world that you have to believe it to see it. But you’re saying that’s not always true. Somebody didn’t run the 4minute mile until they did.

Shortly after Roger Bannister ran the 4-minute mile, other people achieved this too. He broke the belief that it couldn’t be done.

What are some conversational tools you can use to bridge gaps?

When Martin has a fight with his wife the essence of it is always – you’re right and I’m wrong. They’ve been together long enough that they can recognize what is happening and go into separate rooms for a moment. When they come back together, everything is fine. The key is to break the pattern.

How long did it take you to write the book?

25 years. He needed to get clear about certain things before he could write it. It was tough. Martin doesn’t like writing. He likes the results but he doesn’t like the actual writing.

How would you describe your younger self?

Martin was a kid who loved to play. He still has a playfulness about him. As a child, he knew he was here to change the world. It was very clear to him.

How do you play?

He does a form of printmaking called monotype. He loves playing with children and making jokes with his wife. He’s become fascinated by comedy and has been watching a lot of Martin Short and Jerry Lewis.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?

Follow your passion. Follow what is true for you. And when people say you can’t do that, it forces you to look and see if your truth is still your truth.

Links

Project Heaven on Earth

HTTP://PROJECTHEAVENONEARTH.COM

#149: Tarzan Kay: Create More Profit with Email Copywriting Sep 19, 2019

Tarzan Kay is a launch strategist and copywriter who teaches women (and a few good men) how to sell bigger, so they can serve bigger. She also helps freelancers and service providers package up their magic and turn it into products that sell.She found her way to the online space through blogging and social media.Today, Tarzan calls herself the Empress of Email, and teaches other freelancers how to price their services, close higher ticket packages and attract the best clients using her signature method: Celebrity Marketing. Tarzan runs her business through email because she consistently writes really good emails. And she always position herself like a superstar…and when people come to hot, they are willing to pay because they want Tarzan. She currently lives in Niagara with her partner, 2 kids and the feisty furball, Cosmo.

How did you get into e-mail marketing?

Tarzan started out as a copywriter about 4 years ago. Early on in her business, she knew she wanted to focus on launching courses Joanna Wiebe from Copyhackers held a competition which Tarzan won. This helped put her on the map as someone who was really good at email and led to some incredible opportunities. It helped her realize what she was really good at.

What do you think makes you so good at writing emails?

The secret to being a great writer is simply to write. Tarzan has written thousands of emails, and although some of it comes naturally to her, consistent writing has really developed her skill. When Tarzan does emails for an online course this could include 7-8 emails to get someone to come to a webinar, another 8 show-up emails and then 10 or more promo emails. The more customization and tailoring, the more emails that will need to be written. A single course launch could include 30-40 emails. With so many emails involved in the process, Tarzan was able to really hone her writing skills by writing a lot of emails and seeing what worked.

My guess is you also have a natural genius?

Tarzan knows that she has a bit of a superpower when it comes to writing, but it is still a skill that you can learn. You don’t need to be born with a special talent, and it is mostly practice. What Tarzan sees in people doing really well at email is an ability to be open, vulnerable and really tell their story. That is something we can all learn how to do.

Email is so important. Is there a certain way to get somebody’s attention?

Tarzan talks about the 4 different personality types, which is based on DISC. It puts people into 4 color categories -blue, green, red or yellow. She likes to use Game of Throne characters to describe these 4 types of people.

The red personality is like Daenerys. They are leaders and super action orientated. They want what they want and want it yesterday. When Tarzan is writing for the reds, she wants to make sure there is very clear hotlink text. That they can skip to the bottom and see very clearly what is there. They love super short emails that are very to the point.

The yellows are like Tyrion. A deep sense of adventure, loves people and loves fun. They are the life of the party, they are always late, and we love them even though they are annoying. Tarzan likes to use makeagif.com to make something funny that will appeal to the yellows.

The blues are emotionally driven and love stories. They have the loyalty of John Snow. To appeal to blues you want to tell your story.

The greens are very detailed orientated. If you’ve ever wondered who reads long from sales pages – it is the greens. They will read the entire page and actually read very long emails. Tarzan will make sure to have an FAQ email that will have all the information in there for the greens.

You don’t have to make sure every email covers every personality type, but it’s worth thinking about how to include the key things that appeal to them. Have a clear action, share a story, add an element that’s fun and make them feel something.

Email marketing is something I would like to get better at. I have some resistance around email marketing that I’m aware of and sometimes it holds me back. It’s vulnerable to send email to somebody. What advice do you have for people who feel scared to email people or to ask for something they want?

Part of what makes email so magic is that it’s very personal. You can only get into someone’s inbox if they invited you in. It can feel scary to send email because you are infringing on their sacred space. But when someone signed up to your email list, they came to you with a problem, and they are hoping you have a the solution.

We’re all afraid of getting bad email replies, but great email is polarising. So you have to be brave, and you have to say what you think.

So much of doing well in business and life is being brave and vulnerable. How do you manage vulnerability within your own self?

She knows her business can only grow as much as she grows. She is always working on herself. Because that will allow her to do what she needs to do and make the bold moves. And ahe makes sure she has a community she can lean on to get through the hard times.

What kind of work on your self do you do?

Her favorite thing in the last year or so is breathwork. You lay down on a yoga mat and breathe very deeply in an intentional way for an hour. You take deep inhales of breath fast and consecutively. This has been some of the most transformational work she has ever done.

I want to ask you about your upbringing and your mom. I know your parents got divorced when you were 15, and your mom went on a spiritual journey. Was that the beginning of your spiritual path too? And I know your mom went on a special kind of diet.

Tarzan’s mom heavily influenced her spiritual journey. 20 years ago, her mom went on this diet. She was cutting out gluten before it was trendy. Her mom cut out all wheat and all sugar, including fruit. She also cut out the vinegar and anything fermented. The purpose of the diet is to kill off all your internal flora so that it can regenerate from scratch.

That seems really challenging.

Tarzan did it in college for about 3 months and felt really good. She felt elated. Her mom did it for a year and felt so transformed by it.

Do you have a certain way that you prime yourself for writing?

Tarzan writes every day and it comes naturally to her. Because she is consistent, she doesn’t need to have rituals around it.

Do you have something you do have drama around?

Social media. Part of her story is about how she has built her business solely by using email. But she knows social media could also help build her business. Tarzan worries that using it will take time away from other parts of her life and that the platforms can change or disappear. She struggles to be consistent with it.

How do you recommend people grow their list?

It is possible to do it just through email. Tarzan has 5,000 people on her list which is considered quite small and is on target for earning 7 figures this year. The number of subscribers is mostly meaningless. It is all about your relationship with those subscribers. Are they opening those emails? Are they enraging with you? Do you know them? Do you have personal relationships with them? She doesn’t treat her emails subscribers as leads but as people. She goes out of her way to cultivate relationships with them. Tarzan recommends that as you build your email list, you really focus on building and nurturing the individuals that are joining your email list.

What do you think is the best frequency?

It’s highly dependant on your market. Some audiences are less tolerant than others. Once a week is the minimum. If you commit to once a week it will transform your business.

I really like your message here. You’re saying your email list doesn’t have to be that big for you to do really well.

If all you need is 5,000 subscribers. That isn’t hard to do organically by going on podcasts or going guest blogs. You can even just purchase 5,000 leads and nurture them.

What does a typical day look like for you?

Her business is in a transition right now, and she is busier than she normally is. She works a 4-day workweek, and it ends up being about 30 hours a week. Monday and Fridays are reserved just for her, and she doesn’t do client work. She may record training, outline future training or communicate with her contractors. On Tuesdays and Wednesdays, she does client work and delivers live training.

What is the best way to plant seeds in emails?

The biggest mistake people make when planting seeds is only to plant one. A lot of us aren’t clear about what our major mission is. When we get clear on that, it’s easier to plant seeds. We should be planting seeds all the time. But first, we need to be clear about what we’re selling and why people will want to buy it.

Is there a process for how people can get that clarity?

The biggest thing is to keep moving. It can often be a process of trial and error. One of the great determiners of success is the speed by which you can implement. Even if you implement the wrong thing. We spend so much time agonizing over making the right decision when really we should just keep moving.

How does spirituality play out in your life? Do you have spiritual practices?

She has practices she does on and off as needed. She struggles to have a consistent meditation practice and uses breathwork when she really needs it. She finds that for some things she just has to pay for it so that she actually shows up to the workshop. One of her most important spiritual practices is a gratitude practice that she does with her business associate. Every day they send each other a message of gratitude on Voxer.

Are there any organization tools or apps that you use to keep organized with email?

For launches, she uses a promo calendar that she has created in a google doc. It’s a table that she can add in webinars and the promo sequence. At a glance, she can see the entire promotion, and she finds this visual representation really useful.

What’s been your favorite email that you got the most replies on?

Tarzan is working on getting less attached to the business and seeing herself as the star that has to do everything. For a recent promotion, she hired a copywriter to write an email for her. That was difficult for her to do. She hired Alison wh had been through Tarzan’s email course. Fro one of the emails, Alsion did a ‘take-over’ and shared her story. It was a great email, and Tarzan got so many replies and so many sales.

What is an action step somebody can take to improve their email marketing?

Just show up consistently. Make a commitment to email your list weekly. Schedule yourself a half-hour each week. You don’t need more than that.

What is the best advice you’ve ever been given?

Tarzan’s mom is a financial planner and has her own business. She watched her mom develop herself and her business. When Tarzan didn’t have much money and was starting her business, she went shopping for some new clothes. When she showed her mom, she said ‘Beautiful clothes are one of the best investments you can make in your business.’

Anything else you’d like to share?

How can you let it be easy? Tarzan tries to find ways to let in more support in her life and when she comes across advice or a new idea, she thinks about how she could let it be easy.

Link:

https://tarzankay.com/

#148: Rebecca Louise: How to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others & Make Every Step Count Sep 12, 2019

Rebecca Louise is a fitness and nutrition expert and an online influencer. Born in a small town in England called Eastbourne, she came to California on a whim in 2011 to get her commercial pilot’s license. After earning her pilot’s license, she discovered her true passion was in fitness and helping others to improve their lives through living a healthy/active lifestyle. Like a lot of people, it took her a while to be comfortable in her own skin. At the age of 17, she suffered from anorexia and terrible complexion, which led to depression. Discovering the proper balance of exercise and great nutrition set her on track to take control of her health, wellness, and life! Her mission is to help you feel like the best version of yourself every single day by bringing you exciting workouts and tasty recipes, as well as giving you the motivation to do it.

How many jobs have you had? I know that you’ve had several.

Rebecca has worked in a bank, got a pilots license, done babysitting, poker dealing and been in a girl band. She has had 20-25 diverse jobs that cover so many different areas..

Well, you beat me. I think I’m at 12. I had 10 jobs is 6 years and it was pretty messy for a while. I love that about your story because I think so many people think they have to do one thing or think there is this pressure to be on a career path.

A lot of people ask her how she knew what she wanted to do. She didn’t but she’s grateful she was able to do all the exciting things she did. Since life is so amazing why not do a bunch of things.

What is it about your mindset which makes you able to pivot so well?

Nothing is impossible. If you have seen somebody else do something, then you know that it is possible. It’s just about if you are willing to do the same work, take the same actions, and do the same process that that person did. It is about building that confidence that we can do it because somebody else has done it before us.

In the age of comparison if every time you see somebody who has what you want, you say to yourself - I can do it too. That is such a better view of the world.

Comparing doesn’t make sense because you’re comparing yourself to somebody who is completely different to you. Who has a different background and is on a different path.

Let’s talk a little about rejection. I was listening to one of your podcasts and you said ‘expect rejection’. Can you talk a little about your view?

Rejection is just a part of life. Sometimes things can just be a numbers game like in dating or job hunting. You could be going to jobs interviews and getting rejected because that is not your path. You just haven’t hit that number yet. When Rebecca finds herself getting rejected she believes that just means there is something better around the corner. Rejection feels awful but that mindset helps Rebecca get through those moments and ultimately enjoy life more.

Some people might say that’s a negative view, to expect rejection. In the law of attraction it is to expect miracles. I’m curious about your viewpoint on that.

The rejection could be the miracle because then you don’t go down a path that is not right for you. There is a lot of talk right now about manifesting your life and honing in on what it is that you want. Alongside that has to be work ethic. If you really want something in life you can’t jut manifest it, there has to be an element of grit and work.

From the Buddhist perspective, they often say ‘expect things to go wrong’. Not everything is going to go your way and I think that’s actually a positive spin on it. Because when things do go wrong you are able to say ‘ok thing went wrong’ and don’t get thrown off the path.

When things are going well we don’t grow. It’s only in those times when things are difficult and tough that we grow.

What does the work ethic look like for you?

Rebecca works a lot, but that’s because she loves what she does. When you start a business, you have to learn every single skill. There are things she doesn’t love to do that are a part of what she needs to do. When she started making workout videos, she had to learn editing and didn’t enjoy doing it. Over time she got to a position where she was able to hire somebody to do it for her.

You went from being broke 4 years prior to making half a million dollars in a year. Tell us about how you did that.

Rebecca decided that enough was enough. She was in a toxic relationship and was in a circle of friends that was constantly partying. She started looking for something else. Her goal had been to retire her parents and although she had the work ethic, she wasn’t finding the right opportunities. She was hanging around the wrong people. The biggest change came when she got an opportunity to work with a nutrition company and was given a mentor. Rebecca became a student and followed his advice. He had the lifestyle that she aspired after.

What did he say to you that made a big impact?

He cast a vision about what was possible for her life if she worked hard. She believed it and didn’t question him because he had what she wanted.

How did you find your new crew?

Her new crew are all in the fitness and nutrition space and have a discipline and a work ethic. She surrounded herself with people in the same industry. She is now very picky with who she lets into her life. When you let go of the old people, it allows space for the new people to come into your life.

So you went and got your pilots license?

At 23 she decided she was going to learn to fly airplanes. Rebecca is from a small town in England, and at 18 she moved to London, lived there for 5 years and did a wide variety of jobs. She was again hanging around a group of people who liked clubbing and drinking and staying out late. London had a volcanic ash cloud cover it that grounded all the planes. She was watching the news and saw a plane land. She decided that it was something she wanted to be able to do. She was at such a low point in her life and needed a reason to get out. Rebecca decided to go to America and become a pilot.

What is it like to fly a plane?

It’s pretty crazy. Looking back she now can’t believe they let her fly a plane solo.

I know at one point you were 86lbs and struggled with an eating disorder.

In her teens, Rebecca went to a new private school that she worked hard to be apart of. A girl that had just left told everybody at the school to bully her. At the time everybody wanted to be skinny, and many women aspired to be a size zero. All of that came together, and Rebecca realized that the only thing she could control was food. She had no energy or zest for life, and it really took a toll on herself and her body.

What’s your drive? What keeps you going?

Rebecca has no plan b. There is nothing else she wants s to be doing so she needs to make this work. She has built up resilience and knows that as long as she works for it, it’ll happen.

Can you tell us what your nutrition plan looks like?

She used not to eat enough food. 6 years ago eating a healthy breakfast was a new habit for her. In the morning she eats a smoothie with herbal tea and some aloe for digestion. The smoothie contains protein, good carbs, and good fats. Throughout the day, she eats every 2-3 hours. Maybe some Greek yogurt as a snack. Lunch is lean protein, a big handful of vegetables and a fist-sized portion of complex carbs. A few hours later, she will snack on something like almonds and cottage cheese. Dinner will be similar to lunch, and then a few hours later she will have another snack. She counts her protein but doesn’t count calories and makes sure she drinks enough water throughout the day.

So much of maintaining a fit body is not exercise, but nutrition. But I’m curious about your exercise routine.

80% is nutrition, and 20% is exercise. People find her YouTube videos addicting. Longer routines can be found on her app. Rebecca works out whenever she can each day. She tries to work out at 9am each day after doing a bit of work. But sometimes that doesn't happen and she does it later.

What is the first YouTube video you made?

She had a $150 camera with no sound and she went out onto the beech, laid out a yoga mat and did a 10-minute ab workout. The sound was terrible and the editing was basic.

And what happened? You just stayed consistent?

She just kept putting out a video every week. And for 4 years, she has not missed a week.

Did you find that it grew naturally or were you intentional about growth?

She utilized Instagram, YouTube and Facebook to cross-promote her content. Every Friday, she does a fitness challenge with a guest.

What is something which was painful in the moment that you can see now was a facilitator in helping you grow?

Her divorce. She grew her business all through her divorce. She wanted to be able to have her business at the end of it all. They were together for 4 years but married for 9 months. Looking back, she knew it wasn’t right and should have broken free from it earlier that she did. But she is glad she went through it because it has given her so much strength and understanding about rejection.

Do you pay a lot of intention to your intuition?

Rebecca feels like your gut is there for a reason and follows her intuition. You know deep down if something is going to work or who someone really is.

What do you do to feed your mind?

She reads a lot. She likes to have a morning routine of incense, listening wave sounds and reading her book while drinking her tea. She really likes having that time for herself. She didn’t use to do it and finds it really beneficial to her mood.

Are there exercises you do to help uncover your visions and goals?

She follows some of the Wim Hof practices like breathing exercises and cold showers. She loves to write things down, especially her ideas and visions.

How do you distinguish between what you want to do and what is not for right now?

Rebecca thinks you don’t really know if something is right or not unless you give it a shot. She likes to try things and then decide if they are aligning with her goals or not.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?

Don’t take advice from someone you wouldn’t trade places with.

What would you tell someone who is having trouble getting motivated in terms of fitness and taking care of their nutrition?

Find a community and add value to that community by contributing. The people who post pictures, make comments and interact, get the best results. They are in it and are holding themselves accountable. If you’re on the sidelines just watching, you don’t get results because you are not in it. Add value to the group and you will get more results.

Tell us how we can get touch with yourself

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pg/rebeccalouisefitness/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/rebeccalouisefitness/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCi0AqmA_3DGPFCu5qY0LLSg

Burn App: https://icanfeeltheburn.com/app/

Any last words?

People say that they are stuck. But you are not stuck right now, you just have to take the first step. Once you take the first step, you are going to be unstuck.

#147: Jezzibell Gilmore: Bouncing Back From Failure Aug 29, 2019

Jezzibell Gilmore is SVP Business Development and Co-Founder for packet fabric. Jezzible’s career path hasn’t been a straight line — starting in her 20’s she had many different jobs and then she put the pieces together and realized that technology start-ups is where her skills, passion, and purpose come together. PacketFabric is building a next-generation networking platform to redefine network connectivity. PacketFabric is the ideal combination of carrier network and software as a service, offering a wide range of connectivity solutions between colocation, cloud, and to business partners. On Tuesday, August 27th, PacketFabric Secured a $75m Joint Venture Funding with Digital Alpha Advisors Supporting Connectivity Advances for Next-Generation Networking Platforms.

In this episode we talk about:

* How your career path doesn’t have to be a straight line

* How everything you do contributes to the end goal and no time is ever wasted

* Bouncing back from failure

* Throwing yourself into the fire as an entrepreneur and more

#146: Ani Manian: How Your Internal World Creates Your External Reality Aug 22, 2019

Ani Manian is widely known as "The Entrepreneur Whisperer" and he helps entrepreneurs & high impact leaders like you exponentially accelerate your business & personal growth and finally experience 7 & 8 figure freedom, wild success, real impact, true alignment with your purpose, and live an exceptional & meaningful life with a profound sense of calm, clarity & joy.

On paper, he had it all. He was making hundreds of thousands of dollars, driving strategy for billion-dollar companies working with the most influential people on the planet. He had a fancy title, he was speaking at conferences, he had traveled to over 60 countries before he turned 30 years old.

His family was impressed, and his friends were envious.

Everything seemed perfect about his job and his life — except for one important thing: he was miserable.

He felt disconnected and alone. he felt empty, unfulfilled, and he knew I was capable of making 100x the impact but he felt trapped in the same comfort zone he had worked hard to create.

ALL THAT CHANGED WITH A SINGLE PHONE CALL

After two years of battling liver cirrhosis, and waiting for a liver transplant, his father passed away suddenly.

Ani always believed he would pull through and never entertained the idea of actually losing him.

What followed was the darkest period of his life, but one that completely changed the course of his life.

His father taught Ani many things, but in his passing, he taught him how short life is.

How the most precious thing in the world is time, and no amount of money or success can bring that back.

THAT WAS THE MOMENT HE DECIDED TO DEDICATE MY LIFE TO HELPING PEOPLE REALIZE THAT THEIR PRISON WAS OF THEIR OWN MAKING.

He has combined the best of what he has learned over countless hours of trial and error, blood, sweat, pain, heartache and hope into a unique method which he now shares with you.

It has helped people around the world harness the vast power of the mind, permanently overcome their limiting thoughts and self-sabotage, and connect directly to the infinite source of creativity, vitality, energy, and intelligence that each and every one of us has inside.

In this episode, we talk about the power to realize your limitless potential but it requires a certain combination of mindset, behaviors, and practices - such as meditation, visualization — letting go of the past & familiarizing yourself with who you want to become.

The subconscious mind is a tricky one because it is subconscious. A lot of the time we don’t know what our subconscious mind is guiding us towards. How do we unlock it?

Every single thing in our life, our business, our work, our relationships, and our health is a direct reflection of our subconscious identity. There is a quote: As above so below, as within so without. The inside world we live in creates our external reality. If our relationships are full of love, support, and understanding that is because in our unconscious minds that is who we are.

So subconscious identity. A lot of decisions we make are made very early on. Is that what you find?

Between the ages of 0 and 7, our brains are in a theta brainwave state where we are absorbing everything that is happening around us in a state of hypnosis. Hypnosis is just a brainwave state where we are able to bypass our conscious mind and our unconscious is recording information. When we watch TV we are actually in hypnosis. That’s why advertising is so enticing, they are using tricks to program us at the unconscious level. We can actually do the same and reprogram ourselves to get the things we want.

What are some tricks that can actually help us reprogram the identities that are no longer serving us and how can we actually program what we want?

Step 1. The first thing is getting clear about what we actually want. Most people have a vague idea about what they want but aren’t actually specific about it. We must work from our vision and not to our vision. When we work to our vision, we’re working from our current identity and circumstances. Working from that place causes us to repeat our current vision.

Step 2. The subconscious mind speaks in an emotional language. This is why TV ads are so visual and full of imagery. The logical mind is only 5% of our mind. The unconscious mind speaks with emotions and imagery. Once we get clear on the vision we must really understand how it would make us feel. What we would be seeing and what we would be hearing. Engage all of our senses.

Step 3. We have to reinforce and condition that feeling from step 2. We have to really sink into that place where you have all the things that you want so you can manifest the behavior that will get you what you want.

I grew up playing tennis. I had been playing competitive tennis for 9 years and was playing in the Maryland State Tennis championship. I knew I could win the tournament and saw a sports psychologist. For weeks in advance, I prepared and I visualized winning the tournament over and over again. I won the first couple of matches and made it into the finals. Went down the first 3 games and then won 6-3, 6-2. It was the first tournament I had ever won and it was so clear to me the role that the mind plays. The mind doesn’t know the difference between what is real and what is not. How can we use visualization on a practical, day to day basis?

It is about rehearsing our ideal situation. Say you are about to speak on stage and you are really scared, afraid of what people are going to think and are worried you will stutter or stumble over words. A great practical way is to visualize walking up the stairs and getting on stage. Visualize looking at the audience and the audience looking back at you in the way you want them to. Smiling and waiting for you to speak. You have to really go through the details. Rehearse the entire arc and then repeat it. We should always think about things the way we want them to play out rather than the way we fear they will play out. The energy will bring to a situation will really inform what will happen. Our primal brain wants to keep us safe. But in today's society, the only threats we have is to our identity and self-esteem. That is the fear that keeps us staying small.

How did you get into this type of work?

Ani spent 15 years as a corporate executive in the technology startup world. Entrepreneurship was something he always wanted to try. When his father passed away, he had a wake-up call. He realized he was becoming a lot like him and he didn’t want that. He started studying neuroscience, psychology, meditation, and spirituality. He wanted to really understand himself. He realized that the more he understood himself, the more he understood other people. The more he loved himself, the more he could help other people love themselves. Initially, he started answering ‘calls for help’ on forums online. People who had hit rock bottom were feeling suicidal, had lost jobs or marriages. He would talk to them and help them turn their life around.

Did you have training for that?

He spent years studying psychology and ways to make changes in the brain. At the time he was working on a nutrition/ mental health company. The people who he helped started telling him that this is what he should be doing. He decided that he would find nothing more fulfilling than to help people uncover their blocks and help them create success.

What do you do as your spiritual practice? And the subconscious practice that has enabled you to finally start your own business?

Ani starts every morning with what he calls ‘The Power Hour’. It starts with 20mins of meditation, 20 minutes of gratitude work and 20 minutes of visualization. When he meditates he clears the vessel and comes to a place of stillness. Gratitude is one of the most powerful things to develop a sense of well being. Visualization allows him to put out the right energy and to really see how he wants his life to be.

What do you say to somebody who has visualized something but still doesn’t have what they want?

Visualization is only one part. The other part is taking a lot of action. We need to uncover the unconscious blocks which stop us from getting the things we want. When who you are matched what you want then the results appear like magic. For the people who are struggling there’s probably a part of their subconscious which is telling them they can’t have it. Most people think that seeing is believing but in fact, you have to believe first then you can see it.

I think it is a universal belief that we all feel not good enough on some level and if we are not good enough we won’t be loved. It’s part of the human condition. When we feel wounded, when we feel our wounded inner child, what kind of work can we do to get into that aligned action?

A really powerful technique is connecting to our inner child. Lie on your bed, close your eyes and think back to the time when you experienced the wounding and talk to that person, that version of you. Tell them all the things they need to hear. Give them the love and reassurance that they need. Often just visualizing this is a powerful cathartic release. Another way you can achieve this is by writing a letter. Forgiveness is a powerful tool.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?

Don’t compare your insides with someone else’s outsides.

You are just one thought away from the life that you want.

Tell us how we can get in touch with you

Quantum Leap Course: quantumleapcourse.com

Ani Manian: https://animanian.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ani.manian/

#145: Shana Yadid: Ways to Change Behavior with Dog Training Aug 15, 2019

Shana Yadid is the Founder, CEO & Lead Trainer at Yadid’it! Dog Training. The most pivotal moment in Shana’s life began shortly after her 21st birthday when she started reading Temple Grandin’s "Animals in Translation, Using the Mysteries of Autism to Decode Animal Behavior." It was then that her understanding of her relationship with animals began to unfold.

One of the things that fascinates me about dog training is the use of practical psychology. So if you don’t have a dog, this episode isn’t just about dogs, it’s about behavior training. In many ways, we can be very similar to dogs in the sense where we make associations — especially when a situation was painful and we can reassociate.

In this episode, we talk about neural associations, classical conditioning, redirecting attention and more.

So you grew up in New York? And you didn’t have a dog growing up?

Shana grew up in New York. She didn’t have her own dog, but she had everybody else’s dog. There were over 700 apartments in the building she lived in.

You now have how many dogs?

She has six dogs. They are all rescues.

Did you know that you wanted to be a dog trainer because of your love of dogs?

She came to dog training in her early twenties after being a pet sitter. She read a book by Temple Grandin about using the mysteries of autism to translate animal behavior. Even though Shana isn’t on the spectrum, it taught her a lot about how she thought and how she learned.

There is so much psychology in dog training.

Shana thinks of herself as a novice behavioral scientist. She doesn’t have a degree in it but has read widely on the subject of both humans and dogs. She finds the brain fascinating.

I have a dog, and I love dogs. I have a 4lbs teacup Yorkie. Her name is Brook Lyn. Let’s get into psychology. I find it fascinating how behavior can be facilitated. I know you also have experience with traumatized dogs. How can you tell that a dog has been traumatized?

It’s not just about if a dog has suffered trauma or not. Some dogs just have anxious genetics. When you have a rescue dog that came from a shelter, certain assumptions can be made when you have no information, and you see certain behavior. If a dog runs across the room and hides under a table because you touched a broom that is likely to be a PTSD response. You shouldn’t feel bad about touching the broom. We have to train the dog to reassociate the broom by changing their neural pathways and how they view the broom.

Neural Association. Can you explain what that is and how it works?

With a dog that is afraid of a broomstick, Shana would first lay the bro0m on the floor and take the dog over to it, as close as it will come without panic. Then she will get excited, tell them they did a "good job" and give them a treat. For Shana, when she sees all of the current legislation that is questioning women’s bodily autonomy, that is a trigger for her. That puts her into a headspace, which makes it hard to remember she is worth anything. Then she puts on a song like Brave by Sarah Brellis or another motivational girl power song. She sings it to her inner child. That reawakens her spark. Although it might feel like she doesn’t want to push forward, that’s her brain taking all these traumas and telling her something which is not the truth. If she can figure out what the trigger is she can reassociate it. With the dog, she is trying to teach them that broomstick means treat rather than broomstick means beat.

You literally associate a new meaning with the trigger. From a coaching perspective, we go back to an event and identify the meanings which were created during that time. Then we create a new meaning which is essentially a new association.

Let’s get into some practical dog stuff. Stating simply, how would you get a dog to sit?

You move your hand in a certain direction so that the dog ends up in the position you want. For a sit, she would bring her hand over the dog’s head until their butt hit the ground. Sometimes you have to change certain things to set them up for their best success, so you can give them the reward. Once they have earned the reward they are much more likely to repeat the behavior. You start with food law. Then that turns into a hand signal which gets overlaid with a verbal command. That’s how a dog learns verbal clues. Shana thinks that non-verbal commands are often more effective and more helpful. One of the first things she teaches is a focus command – Watch me - and requires eye contact.

How do you get a dog to stop barking at the door?

There are a few different ways. With terriers, they are often just alerting. Shana has taught one of her dogs ‘thank you, that’s enough’.

How did you train that?

They start barking. You acknowledge what it is they're barking at. Say they are barking at the window. You go over to the window and lookout. You’re giving them the impression that you recognize what they are alerting you to. Then you give them a thank you and something else to do. Shana will give her dog a treat and then put him on the couch or take him with her to another room.

So classical conditioning.

Classical conditioning is the use of positive and negative reinforcement and positive and negative punishment. All 4 facets come into play when you are training a dog. In positive based training, you give them a treat whenever they get it right. Every other time they still get the treat and you rest after.

What do you mean by positive punishment?

Negative punishment is the removal of something such as a treat and positive punishment is giving something such as a leash correction. Positive reinforcement is you get the treat. Negative reinforcement is you get a correction. For Shana balanced training is about explaining to a dog why they are wrong with a verbal or physical cue. They try again and if they get it right they get a treat. It’s clear balanced communication of both yes and no.

Do you think dogs can read energy?

Absolutely. Her dog Amber went with her to her level 1 Reiki attunement and now does reiki on people all the time. Shana catches her doing it and thinks it’s adorably hilarious.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?

You don’t have to be the richest, smartest or prettiest person in the room. But if you want to succeed in business the one thing you should always be is the most adaptable person in the room. That is the key to success.

Tell us how we can get in touch with you?

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shanayadid

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/shananigan.yadid

Sustainable Dog Rescue: https://www.sustainablerescue.org/

Yadid’t Dog Training: https://www.yadiditdog.training

#144: Ross Everett: Comedy + Personal Development: Stop Stopping the Unstoppable Aug 08, 2019

Ross Everett is an award-winning actor, comedian, Internet personality, and writer. His YouTube videos have been viewed over 45 million times, landing him on the front page of HuffPost, Buzzfeed, and Reddit. His comedy has been featured on NBC, Hulu, Fox, and Sirius XM. He can be seen touring with his critically acclaimed comedy show Stop Stopping The Unstoppable a personal development seminar parody, where he plays a motivational speaker, Dale Thorhammer.

How did you get into comedy?

There wasn't a time when Ross wasn't into comedy. He loved things that made him laugh from a very young age. If people are funny, then everything else was forgivable.

Were your parents funny?

Not intentionally. Ross' Dad has good comedy thoughts but poor delivery. His mum is adorable in her own way. When she runs, she looks like a duck running away from a car. They aren't people who can engage a crowd in a comedic way.

Delivery is key.

Delivery is all of it. The most important thing in comedy is timing. But this can also apply to life. How are you delivering anything you want to be delivered? It is a real shame to say something that is meant to be heard in a way it can not be.

Personal development plus comedy. That's awesome.

Ross wants to create joy and help other people find their joy and go after it. A lot of comedians come from this negative place and then find this desire to make people laugh. A sense of humor is often a defense mechanism. Ross didn't want to be a comedian who was depressed. He loves personal development and wanted to find a way to combine the two. As a comedian, you get to deliver joy and happiness. As a kid, he wanted to be famous so that he could have friends all over the world. He admits that a lot of this comes from feeling uncool and unpopular at school. He wanted people to like him. Sometimes we become good at something because of a trauma or as a defense mechanism. We can heal the underlying wound and still maintain the benefits that that wound gave us.

How did you get started? Comedy is not an easy path.

As a kid, Ross loved watching scrubs and Family Guy. He and his friends would reference those TV shows and make jokes that could've been in the TV shows. It was their joy. He started writing his own scripts and ideas for TV shows. In college, he began making things with a video camera. They started putting their videos on YouTube and gained a following. After graduation Ross worked at the Colbert Report as an intern. He got a joke on the show and it was a lightbulb moment to know that his joke was going out to the country.

Ross learned a lot from Colbert about how to approach comedy. He considers Colbert and Conan to be big inspirations to him. Colbert told him one of his humor philosophies. You never make the victim of a situation the punchline of a joke. People will laugh, but it will sound like they have blood in their mouths. He made a joke about Lindsey Lohan and felt bad about it because she's just a human being going through her own thing. He won't punch down on people.

There's a lot of risks that you take in comedy. Not only in content but in how it's received.

You can't control how something is received. Ross makes sure that he feels good about what he's putting out there. He has his own guidelines for his comedy.

What are they?

Never punch down.

The guidelines shifts as society shifts in the way it perceives people. Ross gives himself permission to elevate his standards with the times while forgiving himself for the stuff in the past before he knew better.

Tell us about your failures.

He took his show to Adelaide, Australia for the Fringe Festival. When he was flyering, he would pitch the show by saying, "Do you want to come see a feel-good comedy show?"

This woman walked by, heard him say this, and went to see the show. She sat in the front row. The show is a parody of a self-development seminar, and he plays a guru. It's a very interactive show with a lot of audience participation. There's a moment where he takes the audience through a funny guided mediation. He tells them to go back to their childhood when everything was okay and feel that now. He noticed that the woman had moved into the fetal position. He though great I can help her. He had a part of the show where he bought someone up on stage and made them dance. So he got her up and she meekly came on stage. He noticed this look of fear in her eyes.

She said, "Please don't make me do this."

He quickly reversed and put her back in her seat and told her to stay after the show because he wanted to make sure she was okay.

The show ends with people saying, "I love myself!" He noticed the woman was not feeling it. At the end of the show, she bolts out of the theatre. He runs after her. She shouts that "she's fine'." He can't get to her and thinks that his show just ruined someone's life. He feels he pushed on someone he shouldn't have pushed on. He goes back to the artist area, devastated. He thinks that he can't do this anymore and that the show is dangerous. He believed that a lot of people call themselves life coaches after reading a book or going to a seminar. If you unearth someone's deep traumatic stuff and can't bring them back up again, you've done damage. Ross's number 1 rule is don't do damage. Even though the show was about doing it in a silly way, he still did damage.

He checks his email, and there was an email from the crying woman apologizing for running out after the show. After crying in the bathroom for 15 minutes, she was fine. She thought the show was brilliant and thanked him for doing it. He met up with her to talk about what happened. She said she was in a down mood anyway and her childhood wasn't great. He asked her what he could say instead, and she said - 'go back to a time when everything was great.' Everybody has a time when everything was great. So he changed that part of the show. He made a new rule that if somebody is resisting him, instead of trying to get them out of their funk, he will play towards the people who are already loving it.

You do some coaching in the show.

There is some real personal development in the show. But the comedy comes first. He takes real personal development concepts and wraps them in idiocy and comedy. He wants to make it fun and palatable. But he realized that he has to be careful with his words. Although that failure was a nightmare, he learned from it, and it made the show better.

Do you go to self-development seminars?

All the time. He used to be resistant to personal development seminars. He would wonder what they were trying to sell him. He wouldn't trust them. That's why he wanted to create this show. Because he doesn't ask his audience to trust him, he asks them to play with him.

Comedy is funny because there is truth in it. Do you think people are more likely to go to a personal development seminar after seeing your show?

Ross hopes that his show arms them to go to a seminar and not have to take it too seriously. He wants people to be able to go to these seminars and have fun with them.

What's your favorite seminar?

Ross loved Tony Robbins, Date With Destiny. That was fun and impactful. Watching Tony Robbins do his stuff is amazing. He is a master and a showman.

I'm a huge Tony Robbins fan, but there's all this stuff in the media right now. I'm curious about your authentic take on him. Do you think he's the real deal?

Ross thinks Tony Robbins show's up as Tony Robbins when that is who he needs to be. And that he's human like the rest of us. Ross thinks Tony Robbins does good work and he provides a tremendous amount of value to people.

What's the best advice you've ever been given?

Never leave the site of a decision without taking massive action that forces you to commit.

How can we learn about you?

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/therosseverett/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dalethorhammer/

Show: https://www.stopstoppingtheunstoppable.com/

#143: JV Bharathan: Undying Optimism: A Journey Out of Darkness Aug 01, 2019

JV Bharathan reached darkness and found his way out again. He credits this to his autistic son and his undying optimism. JV is a coach, an author, and an entrepreneur. He wants people to find hope within their suffering. Hear him talk about his story, the power of helping others and what he has learned from his son.

I know that you had a moment in time where you had a couple of events all happening at once. What were those events?

JV grew up in India, moved to the US when he was 21 and found a good corporate job. Following the Indian tradition, JV’s parent arranged for him to marry a woman from Sri Lanka when he was 25. He didn’t like her but married her in order to please his Dad. The marriage didn’t work out so they divorced. There was a custody battle over their son.

How old was your son when you divorced?

He was 4 or 5 years old and it was about 6 years after the marriage.

What happened with the custody battle?

JV felt like he was treated as a 2nd class citizen by the courts and police and automatically seen as guilty. It was a challenge to prove that he was a good dad. They now share custody of their son.

How did you get through it?

JV lost everything. He was homeless, jobless and bankrupt. He only had two things left. His son and his undying optimism.

Where were you living?

He sometimes stayed with friends and sometimes slept on the street. This period didn’t last too long as he found his light pretty quickly.

What was it like sleeping on the street?

It was not easy but JV recognizes that went you go through situations like this, you become stronger. Now he can sleep anywhere.

JV found deep meaning through his son who has autism. He mostly communicates non-verbally. At 13 years old he can speak a few words but is unable to form sentences. JV realized that his life was bigger than him and that he needed to take care of his son. He needed to be a voice for his son. That is when everything changed for him.

You say everything changed, what do you mean?

He had been feeling like a victim and blaming his wife for his circumstances. But that didn’t give him any power. He knew he had to take radical responsibility. So even if something is not your fault, you take responsibility for it. That gives you the power and allows you to take actions you didn’t think were possible.

Were you reading a lot?

He was reading frequently and went on a journey to the Himalayas to stay with monks. They taught him that your life is not about you. It is all about the people in your life. Your family, friends and local community. That’s when he started to take himself less seriously and focus on what others need.

I studied Buddhist psychology. There are two parts to the root of our suffering self-grasping and self-cherishing. Cherishing yourself as the most important person on earth is one of the roots of our sufferings. It sounds like you had that insight. When we ere suffering who are we thinking about? We are thinking about ourselves. That causes a lot of suffering. That shift to thinking about others is huge and with it brings happiness. So you went and hung out with the monks. What else did you learn?

They taught JV about money. Money is a form of energy. Many people tell themselves stories about money – I can’t afford it, I don’t deserve it. JV thinks this is silly. Money is just energy exchanged for services. If you focus on how much value you give to people, the money will come. Money is a tool and doesn’t bring happiness.

So you went to the Himalayas and you meditated?

He meditated and did a lot of yoga. He lived a very simple humble life.

When you came back, how did you integrate?

He did a lot of coaching and leadership classes. He started to focus on other people starting with his son. He wanted to look beyond his sons ‘problems’ and look at how he could add value to his son’s life. He started a non-profit for autistic children.

You created a non-profit. What else?

JV wrote a book despite not learning English until he was in college. When he was in his period of darkness he started writing as a way of venting his frustration. One day a friend of his accidentally found his journal and started reading it. He told JV that he should turn it into a book. Now he is writing a second one.

What is your book about?

Undying Optimism is about JV’s journey into his darkness and how he got out of it. He wants his book to give people hope. We are all suffering in our own ways. He wants people who read his book to ask themselves questions about their own lives and find meaning in it. The book gives people hope in a world which doesn't always seem to have a lot of hope in it.

You do coaching?

JV does coaching for people going through transition and change. He went through a lot of transformation and change and wants to bring that experience to help other people.

Do you want to get married again?

It’s hard to find the right partner especially when you’re entrepreneurial. His son is a massive part of his life. He is open to the possibility of someone but isn’t focused on it.

Do you still talk to your son’s mom?

He used to call her his ex-wife and then realized he needed to give her respect. He now calls her his former wife. They don’t talk a lot and when they do it is focused on their son. But he has forgiven her.

How did you arrive at forgiveness?

It was not easy to forgive her. She put him in jail. Forgiving is one of the most selfish things you can do. When you forgive you allow a space for new things in your life.

How long did it take you? Forgiveness is a process.

It took him 3 years.

I have a question for you about sadness. I’ve had my bouts of depression. The happier I’ve become, the more I focus on others, the more I serve the more sadness I see. But when I’m sad, I don’t notice the sadness. I was curious about your viewpoint.

If you don’t experience sadness you are not going to experience happiness. If you don’t experience darkness you are not going to experience light. If you don’t experience sunset you won’t experience the sunrise. But when you realize you are sad, you need to see how you can shift that. Be with it. Ask yourself why you are sad. Try to change the situation if you can. Help someone else. Be grateful for the things in your life.

What is a question you can ask?

What can I do? Why am I suffering? What is causing me suffering today?

What is a question you ask yourself which keeps you focused?

What can I do today that’s going to make someone else’s life better?

What is next for you?

JV does have a plan but does not put timelines on things anymore. He likes to follow his intuition. He is writing his second book and has just joined a venture firm in Boston that will focus on organizations that want to solve humanitarian issues.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?

Be in the moment.

So you meditate?

Every day for at least 15 minutes. He does it as soon as he wakes up and has been doing that for the past 5 years. He finds meditation keeps him calm, makes him grounded and allows him to focus on the things he wants to focus on.

How do you feel that having a child with autism has shaped your view of the world?

His son is JV’s biggest teacher. He has taught him patience, to focus on the process and empathy.

How can we get in touch with you?

Website: www.undyingoptimism.com

#141: David Wood: Take Charge of Your Life & Career: Play For Real. Jul 18, 2019

David Wood is a personal and business coach. David left his cushy Park Avenue job 20 years ago to explore both the outer world and his own inner world.

At the individual level, he helps high performing entrepreneurs, executives, and leaders to Play for Real – in their own growth, in their relationships, and at work. By integrating three main principles of Real Truth, Real Daring, and Real Caring. At the corporate level, he helps companies to improve performance and retention. He has consulted Fortune 100 companies – such as Sony Music, Proctor & Gamble, and Exxon. He was recently voted into the Transformational Leadership Council, along with such thought leaders as Stephen M.R. Covey, Jack Canfield, John Gray, and Marianne Williamson.

In this interview we get real honest, in fact, David reveals something he has never shared on a podcast before — The real question is….what will “Play for Real” mean to you?

I’ve been coaching for over 10 years, and when I first started coaching your website came up a lot. You were owning the life coaching scene.

There was a point where David was the top 3 results on the search engine. He was fully committed to coaching. After becoming burnt out, David retired, but he is now back on the coaching scene with renewed passion.

You have figured out how to do something most people dream about, which is living an abundant life, making a huge contribution, and having a blast every step of the way. What is your secret to success?

David is very self-directed. He creates a vision he can be excited about, and then he uses hacks to create productive days so he can do what needs to be done to fulfill his vision. It can be hard to carry out consistent action in the face of no results. For people who can’t do that, a simple hack is getting yourself a coach.

David considers himself a possibility generating machine. Other people assume that something can’t be done. If David is told that something can’t be done, he will go out there and do it.

What are some of those hacks? How do you get yourself in the right state if you aren’t feeling it?

He has had a lot of depression and anxiety in his life, which can be several weeks of darkness but can also manifest as not wanting to send an email or do anything at all that day. But his job requires that he does stuff to bring in revenue. One hack is caffeine (although he restricts himself to one cup of coffee and one cup of tea a day). Once a week he takes adderall which enables him to get a solid 8 hours to work done. He likes to do morning pages which are supposed to be 3 pages of stream of consciousness writing and never read it. But David likes to use it to uncover the things he wants to do.

Some of those hacks are things that people often try to steer us away from, such as caffeine and other stimulants. Particularly in the self-development field. Thanks for sharing that.

David used to think that all medication was bad. It is worth being wary about medication as humans have a tenuous relationship with addiction. If you like coffee, you’ll probably drink more of it and run into problems because you are abusing it. David went from thinking all medication was bad to taking antidepressants. The turning point came when he was talking to a colleague who took Welbutin and asked her why she took it since she was into personal growth. She told him that she likes herself better when she’s on it. So he got off his high horse. He tries to be careful with how he takes medication by doing research and mixing things up to avoid tolerance.

Is that part of the caring element you were talking about?

David believes in 3 core pillars – Truth, Daring and Caring. He acknowledges that caring isn’t the sexy part. David had a breakdown. He would be unable to sleep because adrenaline was shooting through his boy. A doctor friend told him to go on medication, but he refused because he wanted to heal it naturally. David had reached rock bottom and realized that there is a time and a place for daring, but if you don’t acknowledge your limitations and nurture other areas, things will fall apart. He realised he needed to add the 3rd pillar of Caring.

You had all this success. Then you had these breakdowns. Would you agree that in many ways breakdowns can actually become the catalyst to success?

Recently, David heard someone say - “Your core wounds can become your greatest gifts.” Many of the people in the coaching community have some kind of wound or past trauma they have had to overcome. If David hadn’t had the breakdowns or experienced childhood trauma, he wouldn’t be on this path. When he was 7 he watched his 5year old sister get killed in a traffic accident. He learnt how to shut down his emotions and not feel anything. This is when he started to be solution-focused. In his 20s he went to a psychiatrist who helped him to realize that he hadn’t grieved. He has now spent the last 25 years reconnecting to his emotions and learning how to feel. He now gets to bring that to other people who are system and task-oriented but would like to have deeper connections with themselves, their partner, their kids, and all the other people in their life.

How do you understand yourself so you can find those gifts that allow you to get paid for who you are?

David used to teach people how to be a coach. Then people asked him how he was able to travel and coach all over the world. So he wrote the book Get Paid For Who You Are. Now he’s interested in how do you love your life. He wants people to be able to be on their deathbeds and have no regrets. Part of how you do that is to have fulfilling and gratifying work.

How do you find your gifts?

There isn’t a magic answer. When David started coaching, it happened organically, but then he stopped. Recently a friend suggested that he get back into it and he realized how much he loves it. Then within coaching, he has found the core themes which light him us - Truth, Daring, Caring and Connection. The short answer is to read the book The Passion Test and get yourself a coach.

I like how you say it takes time. Sometimes we don’t respect the process.

You have to take action. Even if you don’t know if it’s the right action.

How do you view the coaching industry at this point in time?

David is fascinated by the state of corporate coaching today. The role of coaches is now accepted in the corporate world.

What are some of your favorite coaching questions?

What question would you most like to be asked right now?

What coaching would you give yourself on this?

You have an app right?

David has an app called Get Real.

I found this question on there. If you had to make one rule which everyone must follow, what would it be?

That you must speak the truth all the time with the exception that if you lie you must preface it by saying I’m going to lie to you right now.

So many people are lying to themselves as well as to others. It’s so toxic because people are afraid to say the truth.

It takes a lot of guts to tell the truth. What if they don’t like who I am because of something I said? What if I don’t get a promotion because of saying that? It can be transformative to share your inner dialogue. It can take a lot of courage.

One of the greatest hacks you can play on yourself is to tell on yourself. Tell someone your inner thoughts and dialogue.

Do you have a question that you repeatedly ask your self?

What did you get done today? David finds it useful to acknowledge what he achieved in order to appreciate himself.

What is one thing you would love to do before you die?

David wants to play drums in a band for one public gig. He has done it as a guitarist and now wants to experience it as a drummer.

How can we get in touch with you?

David has a new podcast – http://playforreal.life/podcast/

David invites people to request a discovery session with him at http://playforreal.life/

Links

Get Paid For Who You Are by David Wood

https://www.amazon.com/Get-Paid-Who-You-Are-ebook/dp/B003WMA85A/

The Passion Test: The Effortless Path to Discovering Your Life Purpose by Janet Attwood and Chris Attwood

https://www.amazon.com/Passion-Test-Effortless-Discovering-Purpose/dp/0452289858/

Smart Marketer

https://smartmarketer.com/

Camp Maverick

https://gocampmaverick.com/

Yanik Silver

https://yaniksilver.com/

Steve Pavlina

https://www.stevepavlina.com/

The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron

https://www.amazon.com/Artists-Way-25th-Anniversary/dp/0143129252/

BetterUp

https://www.betterup.co/

Wildfit

https://www.mindvalley.com/wildfit/

#140: Anna Goldstein: 3 Steps to Move From Confusion to Clarity Jul 11, 2019

I talk to a lot of people who want to find more clarity in their lives. And I want to talk about subtle ways that can have a profound impact on your life. This is a practice that you can continue to do because once you connect with clarity, it doesn't stop there. It's a practice that you want to continue to engage in.

Here are three steps.

Reduce stimulation. We are living in a world where technology is progressing so fast but there's not an increase in human happiness. I think we're more distracted today than ever. And distraction pulls us away from our happiness. Sensory overload is an abundance of stimuli that is intolerable and it causes confusion. Evidence is increasingly showing that overstimulation is a major factor leading to anxiety and depression. How do we overcome overstimulation and stay focused in a world that is moving so rapidly and so quickly? We have to stay conscious of the amount of time we're spending in front of screens. That means your phone, computer, television, ipad, etc. You want to reduce stimulation and you can do that through meditation; spending some time sitting down quieting your mind and paying attention to your breath. You can also reduce stimulation by going outside and connecting with nature, taking a walk, going to a yoga class. Because when there's so much noise happening it can be really hard to find clarity because you just were inundated with too much information and your brain is confused and overstimulated.
Pay attention to your energy. Once you've reduced the stimuli, it's much easier to start to pay attention to your energy. That means noticing when your energy go up and when does it go down. It's really important to listen to your energetic excitement -- there are things that you're naturally excited about. I get excited when I talk about human potential. I have a client that gets excited when she talks about politics. I don't get excited when I talk about politics. You energy is giving you feedback about what direction is naturally exciting to you. Start to pay attention. Maybe it's when you are talking about a certain subject matter. Write down what when you get excited, what are you doing? What are you talking about? What are you seeing?
Design your life around the things that light you up and let go of the three things that no longer serve you. Now that you have written down and you know what are the things that light you up and what makes your energy dip, you can use that as a guide for a total brain dump for clarity. Brain dump how you can integrate the things that light you up into your life. Can you take a class? Write an article on a subject matter that interests you? As you take action, you'll gain clarity because clarity comes from taking action.

#139: Anna Goldstein: How to Change Your Brain to Create Lasting Happiness Jul 04, 2019

In 2005 the National Science Foundation published an article regarding research about human thoughts per day. The average person has about 12K to 60K thoughts per day of those thoughts. 80% are negative and 95% are exactly the same repetitive thoughts as the day before.

If you're finding yourself cycling around negative thoughts you are not alone. What we need to understand is that we have a "negativity bias."

What does that mean?

It means we pick up negative information faster than positive information. And the reason why is because we're wired for survival. We are not wired for happiness.

We've all had the experience of getting feedback and somebody tells us a bunch of positive information - things we're doing really well but then somebody gives us one piece of information that's slightly negative. And what do we seem to harp on? That one piece of information that's negative. And that's because we have a "negativity bias." We need to know that that's operating and it's operating to help us to protect us to look out for danger and to not believe those negative thoughts.

The way that you can start to change the pattern is by actively seeking the good. Dr. Rick Hansen is a neuroscientist and he talks about this concept of taking in the good and really absorbing it. You take in a positive experience for an extra 10, 15, 20 seconds. As you absorb these good moments what happens is they gradually weave good experiences into the fabric of the brain. Instead of good experiences being passing mental states, they become net lasting neural traits.

Here's how I practice this: When it's a moment that I see my son playing - I really take that moment in that moment of joy that I feel when I'm watching him play. If I'm driving in my car and listening to a song that I'm really enjoying -- I really take in that moment. Since the weather has been so nice when the sun is shining and I'm feeling the sun beating down on my face -- I love that really taking that in.

There's a saying in Tibet: If you take care of the minutes the years will take care of themselves.

#138: Alan Stein Jr.: Raise Your Game: High Performance Secrets from the Best of the Best Jun 27, 2019

Alan Stein is a speaker and author, after spending over 15 years as a basketball coach. He has coached some of the top players and now brings what he learned from the world of sports to the world of business. The same skills and strategies that help basketball players be the top of their game can help top performers in the corporate world too. Alan believes in the power of doing sports throughout childhood and the traits and qualities they can instill in young people. He is also the author of Raise Your Game: High-Performance Secrets of the Best of the Best. In this episode Alan talks about finding your passion, letting go of what you can’t control and the power of self-awareness.

You grew up playing sports competitively and reached a high level. And you coached for many years. Are you still coaching?

Alan doesn’t coach anymore. Now he can be found on the sidelines watching his 3 children compete. Many of the traits that have helped him in his life have come from doing sports as a young person.

What are some of those traits that you learned from sports that have helped you in business and life?

Passion. Finding something you love and being able to spend time doing it is really important. That was the first lesson sport taught Alan. Learning to be coach-able. Having the discipline to go in and get reps done. All the little things that can add up and can have a profound impact on your performance. Being a good teammate. That when you sign up to a team sport you are a part of something much bigger than yourself.

You mention passion and when I’ve seen you speak, that passion really comes through. You seem to love teaching people and helping them be better.

Alan wants to be a servant leader who fills other people’s buckets. Sport was always just his vehicle to do that. It wasn’t just the sport that gave him so much enjoyment, it was the ability to be around other people and help to make them better with what they were trying to do.

I grew up playing tennis, which is a very individual sport. In your book, you talk a lot about teamwork and I realized that I’ve been on a very individual path with both participating in an individual sport and working for myself.

It has been Alan’s experience that people, especially in sport, tend to gravitate to one or another. He tried to get his kids to experience both so they could see what they liked. Even if you are a solopreuneuer you still work with other people and teamwork traits are important. A family can also be a team. We ebb and flow from one to the other throughout our lives. Sometimes you’re the player, sometimes the coach and sometimes you’re on a team.

Part of being a good teammate is being a good leader.

There are traits that we all should be working on regardless of our specific scenario. The traits of being an effective leader and being an impactful teammate. They have such high utility and can be applied to any area of life, personal or professional. They are important skills and can be reinforced through sport. Alan encourages his children to play different sports so that they can work on those skills. They will learn things through a sport that they won’t learn at school and that is hard to teach as a parent.

What about emotional intelligence?

That is another skillset which can and should be developed through sport. Emotional intelligence is about the ability to be aware of and manage your emotions and the emotions of others. Be able to read other people, know when and what to say and how to show somebody that you care about them. The best leaders and coaches all have very high emotional intelligence.

How do you think you can develop emotional intelligence?

It is a skillset and like any skillset, can be improved with purposeful practice and repetition. Repetitions is the oldest and most effective method of leaning in existence.

I think one of the biggest things that I learned through sports was losing and dealing with those emotions of loss. And getting back up, looking at what I did right or wrong and then going back out there.

Some of that is grit and resilience. But also have some self-compassion for yourself when you do lose, or make a mistake or don’t perform well. Being able to forgive yourself so you can move on but also learning a lesson from it so that you become better moving forward. No matter what happens in life, it is important to find a way to take from it and use it to inch forward. Rather than it being something that makes you regress and move backward. We hold that power. We can’t control what happens but we can control how we move forward. You choose that. If you want to be a high performer you will consistently choose something which serves you and helps you move forward. Alan recognizes that it isn’t always easy to do, but that is what you have to do if you want to be the best you are capable of.

Managing the emotional part really makes the difference for someone who is going to be a high performer. If you let your emotions get the best of you, they will get the best of you.

If you’re sitting in traffic, which nobody enjoys, what are your options? To let your blood pressure rise, get frustrated and honk your horn? Putting yourself in a negative mood just because there are more cars on the road doesn’t help you move forward or serve you in any way. Why do we consistently make choices that don’t serve us? You have a choice for how you respond to that. Maybe you make some phone calls or listen to a podcast.

This line really struck me from your book - ‘Control the controllables.’ You have a choice to be able to have control over the things you can control. You can’t control the traffic but you can control the thought pathways that you choose to go down and how you choose to respond.

The number of things we have complete control over is actually pretty small. However, there is a significant power in the things we do have control over. These are primarily your effort and your attitude. These are incredibly influential and impactful. Many times it is not easy to make that choice. A lot of stuff happens in life which is challenging to deal with. But we always have that choice.

One quote that gives Alan comfort is - ‘This too shall pass.’ Our moods are important too. When we are in a bad mood we are going to react to things more than if we are in a good mood.

I was talking to a client who hadn’t slept well because she was traveling. And I said to her ‘be gentle with yourself.’ I know that if you haven’t slept the quality of your thoughts are going to be poor. Sometimes you have to ride that wave and be gentle with yourself until that negativity passes.

It takes high self-awareness to be able to recognize that. Many times people identify with their thoughts but really we are separate from our thoughts. We can often see in a friend when they are in a bad mood and give them space. It’s harder to do that with ourselves.

You say something in your books something which I love - ‘self-awareness is one of the highest predictors of performance and the least utilized criteria.’ It is not being taught, it is something we have to seek out on our own, which is something high performers tend to do.

People who are not self-aware, don't know that they are not self-aware. Self-awareness can be looked at different levels. At a surface level, it’s just about knowing who you are, what you stand for and what your goals are. It is also having the courage to look at the darker stuff -what are you scared of, what are your insecurities, what are the things that give you the most shame and guilt. This can be uncomfortable but is crucial to get the full overview of who you are as a human being.

It is important that the way you see yourself is in alignment with the way the rest of the world sees you. This is not about pandering to other people but that you see yourself accurately. An example would be if someone asked you if you were a good listener and you said yes but then they asked 5 friends and they all said no. That would be a lack of self-awareness.

The last level is being able to look at your emotions and understand why you’re feeling that way. When you get frustrated in traffic because someone cut you off, there’s a deeper reason as to why you’re frustrated.

I love how you talk about the unseen hours. With social media, we see so much outward success but we don’t see the unseen hours. What have you seen or observed or practiced yourself in the unseen hours?

Most of what we do is in the unseen hours. When you’re working on your self-awareness, that’s unseen hours. When an athlete is in a gym practicing a move over and over again, that’s unseen hours. The relationship you have with your significant other is heavily predicated on the inside work you do to be the best version of yourself during the unseen hours. Most hours are unseen but they are the ones that dictate how well we do when we are seen.

Sometimes we try to cut corners as we live in a fast-paced world and want everything now. I think it’s actually slowing us down in terms of our performance.

Mastery takes time and it takes a lot of reps. Social media can be great but it encourages us to play the comparison game. We have plenty of opportunities in the unseen hours to get better at anything we put our mind to. We have to be willing to put in the work. If you can find alignment between what you love and what you’re good at then it doesn't always seem like work.

If you don’t have that passion it can be really difficult to put in the work. You are likely to just quit.

Absolutely. That is why you have to find that alignment. Find what you love, find what you’re good at and then find the place where those two things overlap.

I’m curious about your journey. You were in youth sports and coaching for 20 years but you recently made a pivot.

Alan’s passion in the youth sports arena was starting to wane so he decided to make a change. In teaching and coaching, you have to be all in. He decided to make a pivot into the corporate space as a speaker and author. He now has a passion back for what he is doing. The things that you love and what you’re good at will change over time.

Some people might be feeling like they need a change but don’t know what the new thing is. What was your process for going through that? Was it an ‘a ha’ moment or were there lots of little moments which added up to the new direction?

For Alan, it was both. A few years ago he was in Germany speaking at a basketball conference and he realized that it wasn’t exciting him as much as it should. Then a friend asked him to give a keynote at a corporate retreat after somebody had dropped out at the last minute. He was asked to give a speech on leadership and when he stepped offstage he felt alive and invigorated. He knew it was what he wanted to start pursuing. If you don’t know what you want to do, it is worth considering what you would do if you could take a month off from work. What would you do with your time? Whatever it is you would be doing is probably close to what you should be doing.

So I’m curious about the difference between the talk in Germany and the talk at the corporate retreat. Was it the audience? Was it the content?

It was both. He realized that a good portion of his time in the basketball space was filled with 15-18-year-old teenage boys. They are very narrow in what they like to talk about. It’s mostly basketball and girls. In the corporate space, Andy is around peers who are teaching him as much as he is teaching them. This has invigorated him. The content that people want from him has also changed. As a coach, people wanted to know how to run faster and jump higher, but Andy has always been interested in leadership, teamwork and building a winning culture.

So, how do you jump higher?

One. Strengthen the major muscles in your body. It’s not just the legs that are needed for jumping. You need core strength and even the upper body is involved by providing momentum. If you can produce more force against the ground, it will propel you higher.

Two. Practice jumping. Practice the skill. And practice it in the way you want to use it

What is the best advice you’ve ever been given?

Find what you love. Find what you’re good at and find where those two things intersect.

From a coaching standpoint: Every coach should look in the mirror every morning and say ‘it’s not about me, it’s about them’.

Tell us how we can get in touch with you

https://raiseyourgamebook.com/

https://alansteinjr.com/

#137: Christine Egan: Redefining Healthy: In the Least Expected and Most Delightful Ways Jun 20, 2019

Christine Egan is a health and wellness expert. Catherine Egan is a breast cancer survivor. Despite her background in health and wellness, breast cancer woke her up to figuring out what being healthy actually means for her. Now she brings this idea to other women. In this episode, she talks about when working in the marketing division at McDonald's was her dream job, how cancer changed her mindset and running a marathon a year after her cancer diagnosis.

Do you feel like you’re a resilient person?

Christine has never really thought of herself that way. She wants to be thought of as someone who beats to her own drum. She wants her actions are aligned to who she is.

Does that come naturally to you, or do you have to work at it?

She works at it. 2 of her 3 children were born at home. Learning how to have a baby at home rather than in a hospital set her on a different path. She learned everything she could so that she could make an informed decision. When she had her first child she decided she wanted a home birth with a midwife. She started exploring what it meant to have a home birth and what she was and wasn’t willing to do.

Were you into health back then?

She used to work for the McDonald’s corporation in their marketing division. She loved that job and at the time it wasn’t out of alignment with who she was. It was a dream job and she loved it. She did it for 5 years. Then there came a point in her life where she needed a change. She moved from the Midwest back to Long Island and that was when she started to move into the health and wellness space. She became a licensed massage therapist, a certified homebirth instructor and a certified health coach. She now has over 25 years of being in the health and wellness field.

Did you eat McDonald’s when you worked there?

Of course, she did. Part of her job was to go through the drive-through and rate the quality of the service and the food. She wasn’t a big fast food eater but it wasn’t a disconnect for her.

How do you see it now, as a health professional?

It makes her sad now, knowing how inexpensive that food can be. For some people, that’s the only food they can afford and it is so easily available. It takes more of an effort to eat a healthy meal when fast food is so easily accessible. For her and her kids, it is just not part of her lives. It makes her sad to think of people drinking soda on a daily basis or having fast food as a regular part of their diet.

What does your personal diet look like now?

As a family, they eat mostly plants and fruits and use meat as a condiment. They don’t eat meat as a meal or as a major part of their meal. If they do eat meat she knows what farm it comes from. They don’t eat anything from a box.

I’m so blown away by this information I’m learning about you about McDonald's. And how big of a contrast it is. I think we can all have those experiences where early on we are doing something and then we completely outgrow it.

She did what she was supposed to be doing. She graduated and got a great job that took her to New York and then the Midwest and she was happy doing it. Until she wasn’t. This gave her an opportunity to change the direction she was in.

Was there a specific point that was a turning point for you?

No. It was just that opportunities allowed her to leave the midwest and move to Long Island and things came out of that. But there wasn’t a lightbulb moment for her.

How old were you when you got breast cancer?

How long were you on health journey prior to that?

15-18 years.

And what was that moment like, when you found out you had cancer?

She had a private health coaching business at that point, helping women in her community get healthier for themselves so they could get healthier for their families. She had information about cancer with her in case the women she was working with needed it, but she didn’t ever expect to be the one who needed it. He dog Zoe was what alerted her to the lump in her breast. She was lying down and her dog clawed at her breast. Alarms went off in her head that said pay attention to what she is doing. She found a lump. She didn’t immediately think it was cancer. She got a mammogram and it was clear. She had pushed to get both a mammogram and a sonogram. The sonogram showed the lump and it became clear she had cancer. She interviewed 9 surgeons to decide which she wanted to go with. She decided to go with surgery to take the lump out.

What changed?

Stress levels. When she was undergoing treatment it she needed to rest to let her body do what it needed to do to get well. This meant saying yes to the things that were really important and no to the things that weren’t. It became really clear to her what was important. Spending time with her family was the most important thing. Which meant watching movies together or making meals together. And not rushing out to karate lessons or dance lessons. Being together as a family, resting and doing simple things together became the priority.

Do you feel you made any decisions about how you would live differently?

She doesn’t stress as much about her kids. Homeschooling her 3 kids was stressful. Were they doing the right thing? Were their kids socializing enough? Christine realized that there comes a moment where you just have to accept the decision that you made and be okay with what happens. And if things change you will figure out what should be done differently. She had this attitude to cancer too.

So you ran a half marathon after 33 radiation treatments. And a full marathon to celebrate your remission. Incredible.

She ran half marathons prior to being diagnosed and kept running during treatment after reading about the importance of exercise during treatment. She wasn’t trying to break PR’s but if she felt good enough, she went for a run.

She had a sign in her house that said: “What would you do if you could not fail?” Her answer to that was always run a marathon. After going through cancer treatment she decided to do a marathon and one year after she was diagnosed she ran the Disney Marathon.

Do you see certain patterns in mental and emotional strength to get through difficult times?

Cancer showed her the urgency to do the things you want to do and stop putting them off. Because there is never going to be a perfect time.

It’s easy to put things off. It’s easy to get caught up in life without pausing to say ‘What is it that I want’ and giving ourselves permission to do what we want right now.

That was the wakeup call of cancer for Christine. She now teaches workshops with people who have finished cancer treatments and she tells them that they can recreate a life for themselves and how do they want that to look. For many people that is so scary. It’s really hard for women to figure out what will bring them joy. Some women will figure out what will make them happy do it for a few weeks and then stop. They will come up with reasons and excuses – my family needed me, I needed to put in more time at work. The whole idea of figuring out the things that bring you joy is that you do those first so that you are a better wife, mother, friend or worker. Those things have to be done first so that you can then do those other things. Sometimes people don’t see the benefits right away and think it’s not working. But it’s like a bank account. We have to give it time to build up and then you get the benefits. When you stop doing those things, you can get a little bit crabbier, you are short with your kids or husband. You start feeling the differences when you let those things go.

I see that with my meditation and yoga practice. I’m much more patient as a mother and a wife. I’m more tuned into my work. People will start doing something that brings them joy, they start to feel good and then they stop. And we need to understand that it’s a cumulative effect

It starts with baby steps. What bite-sized pieces are you willing to do today. When she works with women she gets them to come up with a buffet line of things they know they want to do in the day that makes them feel healthy. If these are the things that make you healthy, what are you willing to do - to do those things? It’s a buffet line because you can pull different things on different days.

My spiritual practice doesn’t look the same every day. Sometimes I need different things. Today I did an at home yoga practice, I don’t always do that.

What made you sign up for this extraordinary event the Everest 29029?

It’s a crazy event that Jesse Itzler puts on where he rents out Stratton Mountain in Vermont. You climb Stratton Mountain 17 times to equal the height of Everest, but you only have 36 hours to do it. She wasn’t expecting it to be as difficult or the terrain so steep. It was gruelingly steep. It was snowing and raining. She was shin deep in mud. She had trained hard with her husband and was using the event to It was a way of celebrating her 50th Birthday and bring cancer free for 8 years.

What was the inner game like for you?

They had trained for it and had a gameplan for how the event would go. They knew how long they had for each ascent and still be able to sleep. The event started at 6 am. Once they had done the 3rd summit and came back down, Christine broke down and cried. She had expected to feel tired by the 10th summit and not the 3rd. She had to make a decision about what it was going to take to get up the mountain. She decided she was going to stop at every aid station and talk to the volunteers. She was going to tell everyone it was her 50th birthday. She was going to make it fun. She decided that for the really steep section she was going to put her headphones in and listen to podcasts. They hiked for 19 hours straight. They wanted 10 summits by midnight and they reached 9 which felt close enough to their goal. In the end, they managed 11 summits which are the height of Kilimanjaro.

What is the lesson that you learned?

That it’s not all or nothing. Even though she hadn’t reached her goal she still achieved. It was something really cool thing that she wanted to do. She now intends to do the event again.

Did you feel high afterward?

She was happy with what she did. She hiked for 18 hours straight and was really proud of that.

Why redefining healthy? Where did that come from?

Redefining healthy was all about helping women post-cancer. She is teaching people how to tap into what is it that makes you feel healthy. Christine was able to feel healthy even though she had cancer. She needed to redefine what healthy meant.

Do you feel like that’s your purpose?

She feels like working with women post-cancer is an important part of her life’s mission.

Do you find that people can go on the way or the other? That after cancer they can either be more confined or more willing?

People run the gamut. She doesn’t take it personally and just shares her knowledge and research. Some women are ready to do the hard work and some aren’t and that’s okay.

What’s an action step or piece of advice you might have for how to take charge of your health?

Drink more water. It’s as simple as that. And eat more fruits and vegetables and less processed foods. There’s no one specific diet that helps cancer. We don’t need to complicate it. We just need to eat more fruit and veg. Do more of the things which light you up and less of the things that don’t.

The stories we tell ourselves are important and we can choose what those stories are. Christine experienced this with both cancer and Everest 29019. She could have told herself negative stories about what was happening, but she chose not to.

Were you always like that or did cancer change your attitude?

It was cancer. Or more specifically it was the blood clot after she survived cancer which she thought was going to kill her.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?

Do your best and forget the rest

Tell us how we can get in touch with you

Her Website: www.redefining-healthy.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/christine.walshegan

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/christine.egan/

Links

The Healthy Girl's Guide to Breast Cancer by Christine Egan

https://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Girls-Guide-Breast-Cancer/dp/1452574596/

Living with the Monks: What Turning Off My Phone Taught Me about Happiness, Gratitude, and Focus by Jesse Itzler

https://www.amazon.com/Living-Monks-Turning-Happiness-Gratitude/dp/1478993421/

Living with a SEAL: 31 Days Training with the Toughest Man on the Planet by Jesse Itzler

https://www.amazon.com/Living-Seal-Training-Toughest-Planet/dp/1455534684/

Everest 29029

https://29029everesting.com

#136: Elicia Miller: Core Emotional Healing: Getting to the Root Cause of Your Symptoms Jun 13, 2019

Elicia created the Core Emotional Healing® process as the culmination of 10 years of intensive training, personal healing, and empathic intuitive gifts. Based on her personal and professional experience, she developed a guided step-by-step process to address the emotional root cause of symptoms and suffering. Elicia provides insightful, direct, compassionate guidance to inspire and support others to be responsible for how they feel, ask for what they want, and to set healthy boundaries. She helps others feel safe and supported so they are empowered to freely express their true selves. She is the author of the ebook Detox 101 and coauthor of the books, One Crazy Broccoli and What’s Left to Eat. Her new book, Your Symptoms Are A Gift, to be released in 2019, is an inspirational guide to help readers realize the emotional connection to their symptoms. The book details the Core Emotional Healing® process to help anyone heal from physical, emotional, and relationship challenges. Along with her husband, Psychologist Doug Miller, PhD, Elicia offers Core Emotional Experiential Therapy Private Healing Immersion for individuals and couples in Costa Rica.

Tell us about the work that you do and how you started on that journey.

Elicia grew up with a rageaholic father who controlled all of the emotions in the household. Elicia knew what was happening was wrong but when she would try to stand up to him, she would be shamed by her mother for doing so. Elicia coped by numbing herself through drinking, drugs, and sex. She had a lifetime of repression and shaming of her emotions.

When she was 38 she had been healing herself for 8 years using every healing modality she could find. She realized that the pain she had been feeling was connected to her childhood. She knew she needed to take care of her emotional needs from the past and the present. And then everything went away. Her addictions, eating disorders and relationship patterns. She found a deeper connection to herself to take care of herself on an emotional level.

There were several years where you were struggling with addiction. It sounds like there was a point where you shifted from drugs and drinking to detoxing and spirituality. When did that shift happen?

Elicia left an abusive marriage after 3 months when she was 30. That was when she decided to stop living an unconscious life. She asked herself - ‘what made her choose him?’ An experiential therapy course helped wake her up. She realized she could take care of herself and make decisions for herself. She didn’t need somebody else to do that. She started taking lots of courses and connected with helping people in that way. She left her corporate sales job and became a journaling coordinator. She started creating after telling herself she wasn’t creative all her life. She started to feel real happiness. From this deeper connection within herself, she stopped partying and going out. It didn’t stay that way though, things came up which threw her back into her old coping ways.

You mentioned that you had all these symptoms in your life but were then able to get to the root cause. How do people access the root cause in their lives?

It’s not just healing and going back and feeling these repressed emotions. It also working from your experience. What did you believe about yourself? What did you do to protect these wounds and feel love? We live from this false sense of self that formed from the core wounds. Addressing the core wounds can help shift everything but we need to be aware of what we really need and what we do to get our needs met. But some of the ways we get these needs met are preventing us from living life fully.

Let’s use the example of your story. You had a dominant, controlling father and knew this from a young age. Often we can see that somebody mistreated us but what is the actual wound?

There are many wounds. We struggle with the emotional disconnection from our vulnerable self. We don’t process our feelings and take care of them. The disconnect is what causes the problem. We have to reconnect to the vulnerable part of ourselves. Elicia calls this our wounded inner child.

If somebody is listening to this and wondering about their wounded child is, what’s a question they could start with?

The wounded inner child is a part of ourselves that we all carry. It is the wounds we are trying to compensate for. It is the part of ourselves that doesn’t feel good enough or needs to be right or always feels sad. It gets triggered. Or wants to find a way to feel better instead of feeling what it is feeling. The wounded inner child is the part of you that needs you to go into these feelings and take care of them. It is underneath all of the adaptations we form to cope with the world. Things like people pleasing or perfectionism.

Is there a specific question that can help access the hurt or the wound?

Triggers can be a way into the wounded inner child. How do I feel? When did I first feel that way? A trigger is when you feel disproportionately angry or sad or you withdraw from what just happened. Ask yourself - ‘When did I feel that way as a child?’

What’s your relationship with your dad like now?

Elicia has managed to heal her relationship with her father. It took until she was 38 and she had to stop talking to him completely. After her father divorced her mother he went to therapy and did a lot of healing himself. He has become a more loving and supportive person. Elicia has also worked out what she needs and where she can get it from, so she is no longer looking to her father to give her that.

Can you tell me a bit more about experiential therapy?

Experiential therapy is more of an active process than talk therapy. It uses other people to act out roles and situations. Someone might act as a parent and this helps draw the true feelings out of you. It can help bypass our defenses. Elicia and her husband developed a process called Core Emotional Experiential Therapy which uses over 100 objects to work someone through this process. They use the objects to lay out relationships which can bypass defenses and bring out the subconscious.

Sometimes we can get caught up on this never-ending ‘fix-it’ mentality. Do you think this could be another part of the wounded child?

There are a few things that could be going on. Never feeling good enough comes from toxic shame and can drive people to continuously want to improve themselves. Reading self-help books can be a way of bypassing what is really needed which is emotional healing. Books can support the process, but focusing on them can be about bypassing the emotions.

There are a lot of layers to this.

The process is about reconnecting to your emotions and wounds, and then learning how to take care of yourself. Then when you do that you can handle more things. Then more things come up but you know how to work with them on an ongoing basis.

What does it really mean to be self-aware?

You are the observer of yourself. You notice when you are in a pattern. You notice when you don’t feel good. You notice that something keeps happening. To be self-aware is to continue to seek help when you are in some kind of pattern or are triggered by something. The more we heal our emotional wounds the more we integrate our true self. From that place, we are really able to be our true selves.

It’s funny how we think we can know ourselves. We think ‘I am not a creative person’ and then realize that we are that way. It’s a huge shift in identity.

Elicia used to say that she wasn’t a writer. This comes from wounding. Now she writes all the time. But as a child what she had to say was dismissed, especially by her mother. Her true and authentic voice got blocked. And the protection of that was to say - ‘I’m not a good writer.’ Once she healed herself she was able to write and connect to her creative authentic voice.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?

Just keep writing.

Do you feel that because you have done so much work, the depth of beauty, joy, and peace has expanded?

Absolutely. When she had really connected and healed with her inner child, Elicia started singing and making up songs. That is a part of her natural expression which came out as a joyful playfulness.

Tell me how we can get in touch with you.

https://eliciamiller.com/

Links

Alice Miller

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alice_Miller_(psychologist)

Healing The Child Within: Discovery and Recovery for Adult Children of Dysfunctional Families by Charles L. Whitfield M.D.

https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Child-Within-Discovery-Dysfunctional/dp/0932194400/

The Language of Emotions: What Your Feelings Are Trying to Tell You by Karla McLaren

https://www.amazon.com/Language-Emotions-What-Feelings-Trying/dp/1591797691/

#135: Anna Goldstein: An Important Part of Growth: How to Develop Your Wings May 30, 2019

There is a story about a little boy who was playing outdoors and he found a caterpillar. Then he saw the caterpillar climb up the tree and act strangely and his mother explained that the butterfly was forming a cocoon.

The little boy watched it every day waiting for the butterfly to emerge. And one day it happened a small hole appeared in the cocoon and the Butterfly started to struggle to come out.

At first, the boy was really excited but then he became concerned because the butterfly was struggling so hard to get out and it looked like he couldn't break free. It looked desperate. So the boy was concerned and he wanted to help. So he ran to get scissors and he snipped the cocoon to make the hole bigger and the Butterfly quickly emerged.

But when the butterfly came out the boy was surprised the body was small and the wings were shriveled. And he continued to watch the butterfly expecting that at any moment the wings would dry out enlarge and expand to support the swollen body.

But that didn't happen.

The butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It was never able to fly.

And the boy tried to figure out what had gone wrong.

He went to a local college to see a scientist and he learned that the butterfly was supposed to struggle. In fact, the butterfly struggled to push its way through the tiny opening of the cocoon pushes the fluid out of its body and into its wings without the struggle. The butterfly would never ever fly.

So as you go through life keep in mind that struggling is an important part of any growth because it allows you to develop your wings.

#134: Tara Newman: Bold Leadership: The Difference Between High Achievers & High Performers May 23, 2019

In 2009 Tara Newman and her husband declared bankruptcy. The business Tara’s husband had started had failed. In this episode, Tara tells her powerful story.

Tara now has a business of her own. She is a high-performance leadership coach. After years in the corporate world supporting leaders and high performers, she created a thriving business, coaching high-achieving clients. In this episode, she talks about getting through the bankruptcy, starting her own business and how a high achiever becomes a high performer.

I know that you had many experiences, including overcoming bankruptcy and starting your own business. How did that all come about? How did you fall down and pick yourself up?

In 2005, Tara’s husband decided to start a manufacturing business. It came with significant start-up costs to purchase machinery, materials and build out a manufacturing space.

What kind of business?

Her husband manufactured rotationally molded plastic parts which include things like mannequins and rock climbing holds. Initially, he had success but then the 2008 financial crisis happened and people started sending this kind of work to China. They lost two of their biggest customers. Then in 2009, the bank called in their line of credit. They were given 30 days to repay $100000. Tara’s dad was the 3rd partner in the business and he had put up his commercial property as collateral. They were also getting foreclosure notices on their house.

How were you feeling?

Terrified. Shut down. Catatonic. But she was also grateful for what they were going through because she knew it was going to be the greatest lesson of their life if they survived.

Was there an ‘if you survived’?

Tara felt stuck but she didn’t feel hopeless. She knew there was something on the other side of this.

Tell me about the lowest moment.

It was all low. And then there were moments of hope. The book The Secret had just come out and Tara’s mum told her to read it. She read it and it was the right book for her to read at the time. It helped her frame things more positively. It helped her seek solutions from a positive perspective. She started journaling and they had garage sales every weekend to help pay for groceries.

Getting the foreclosure notices was a moment. She didn’t know how to process everything. She had never felt anything so catastrophic in her life.

What was the turning point?

The turning point when the bank called in the note. They were only keeping that business open to meet that financial obligation to the bank. They had the thought that once they had paid back the credit to the bank they could quit the business. After the note was called in Tara’s Dad liquidated some assets to pay it. When Tara and her husband realized that they couldn’t close the business, pay back her Dad and pay the credit card debt they had, they decided to declare bankruptcy.

Tara is a fighter and she decided that this wasn’t going to define her. Even though when they declared bankruptcy, it felt like a death sentence. Tara had been wanted to start her own business and it no longer felt like that could happen.

When did you declare bankruptcy?

In 2010 they declared bankruptcy. So they are in year 9 of an 11-year term.

In 2010 you declared bankruptcy. For the next year, what did that look like?

There is not a lot of information available on how to overcome bankruptcy. Tara’s husband closed the business and was able to liquidate some of the machines and leftover material. He wasn’t in the right state to get a job. So he used some of that money to buy a trailer and do handyman services for a year while he wrapped up the business and figured out what to do next. He felt like a colossal failure and needed a lot of coaching and support to be able to out there and get a job. With Tara’s support, he was able to find a well-paying job.

Over this time they learned so much about money - how to save and leverage their money. They became minimalists and learned that they didn’t need much. Each time they had a garage sale they had to dig a little deeper to find more stuff that they could get rid of

What were you thinking? What was a thought that was going through your mind?

When you go through something so traumatic, the ability to think and feel shuts down. The way you take in information changes. Tara could be in in the line with a cart full of groceries and two babies as her card is being declined.

What’s going through your mind though? Is it ‘I don’t want to be doing this anymore’?

When Tara’s husband was doing the home improvement work, things weren’t much better. And she told him she was done. He needed to go and get a job because she wasn’t losing the house.

And how did you come back?

For the most part, when they were going through this they were terrible communicators. They didn’t want to voice the reality of the situation and talk about being afraid. Once they started talking about it, the stress started to decrease. Having kids helped because they wanted to give them some sense of normalcy. Tara journaled a lot as a way of communicating with herself

What was your first step to working again?

Tara had been working full time throughout this time, even while helping her husband on the business.

What was one of the biggest lessons you learned?

You can live on a lot less than you think you need. They didn’t realize how little they needed to live on and to thrive.

After declaring bankruptcy, her husbands way back to himself was ironman triathlons. He would train 20 hours a week and threw himself into redefining himself and his success. In 2014 he raced Ironman Lake Placid and stood in the finishing circle. Tara looked at him and felt like she was in the shadow of his success. That’s when she decided she was going to start a business. In August 2015 she left her corporate job. She had started her business and it was doing ok. There was enough to indicate that she’d be able to support herself and bring in money.

Were you scared?

She wasn’t scared because she’d spent 9 months building her business while working full-time. She knew that she had started to build something and that the worst that could happen was that she would have to go back to work. She wanted to put away some money because the first year of business was going to have a lot of ups and downs. Her husband declared they were going to go on austerity and spend nothing. Tara knew she couldn’t go back there and that wasn’t going to work for her. She decided they were going to work on what they needed to thrive. She wrote a whole page of things in her journal. And was shocked to realize that none of them cost money.

What was in there?

To have a cozy blanket to sit on the couch with

Intimate time with her husband

Time spent with her kids

Hugging her kids and telling them how important they are to her

Time to read

That list became the basis on how they spent their time, their money and their energy. It allowed them to save a tonne of money. If something wasn’t on their thrive list they didn’t spend money on it and if it was, they did.

I love this idea of what do I need to thrive.

There some things on the list that were silly. Tara knew she wanted a manicure once a week. That made her feel good about herself. It became a touchpoint for herself. She would look at her nails and think where is your mind at if you can’t spend $20 and 45 minutes to get your nails done.

So what happened? Did you start to feel like you were thriving?

Tara really did. She’s been wanting to leave her job for 10 years but the moment when you get the thing you dreamed about, it can be tricky. She had a few moments. She had the thing that she wanted and now she couldn’t lose the thing. In her worst moments, she knew that she just needed to go back to that list of things and she would be alright.

Tara reflects on the failure of her husbands business and realizes that it was not the fault of the economy. They were in survival mode and couldn’t bring themselves to take the actions they should have taken. They could have hired coaches, employed more people or invested in sales training.

Do you think to have a catastrophic failure gave you confidence and showed you how resilient you are?

Absolutely. The worst thing that can happen to her business is that she goes bankrupt. And she’s been there.

Don’t you think that the fear of the worst that can happen stops a lot of people?

Oh yeah.

But you’ve seen it so nothing can stop you because you got through that.

Sometimes we can’t formulate beliefs because we don’t have proof. Tara has found it useful to borrow someone else’s proof. That’s why she shares her bankruptcy story. So that other people can borrow it.

You work with a lot of high performers and achievers. Do you think they take it harder?

When you are a high performer or achiever you face more fear than the average person because you are leaning into your growth edge. You are taking on challenges that most people won’t.

I told one of my clients that she was a high performer because she was being really hard on herself and she was achieving. It was the first time that she had heard that identification for herself. Often high performers look at where they’re lacking because they want to achieve even more.

When Tara worked for a corporate company she was running the performance management function. She created the way they measured performance and helped people evaluate and improve their performance. Every employer who was labeled as high potential would rate themselves harder than anyone else. People who were low potential had an inflated sense of their own performance.

How do you inspire bold leadership for high performers?

Most high performers who think of themselves as high performers are high achievers.

Can you share the difference between a high performer and a high achiever?

Tara thinks that being a high performer or a high achiever are both great things to be. But if you can turn a high achiever into a high performer it makes them even better. High achievers are really hard on themselves, try to control the outcome, set really big goals for themselves and don’t chunk things together. They achieve a lot of amazing stuff but struggle to find their wins and burn the candle at both ends in their pursuit of achievement. High performers know that you can’t burn the candle at both ends and that there is an equation to growth. Stress + Rest = Growth. They are as serious about their recovery as they are about their work.

Sometimes I dance between a high achiever and a high performer. When I’m a high performer, I perform better. When I’m in high achiever mode, I’m typically stressed and unhappy and I know I need to shift. So you can oscillate between the two?

Having an awareness of where you are on the spectrum can help you achieve with greater ease. High performers close the majority of their tabs. They know how to focus and have an appreciation for deep work. High achievers spin out quickly and get distracted. It doesn’t mean they aren’t achieving things. But do all those little achievements add up to the thing you want the most? High performers are incredibly discerning. They will slow down before they speed up. Society wants you to be a high achiever. That’s how we’ve been conditioned. It takes a lot to go against that conditioning and do the deep work on yourself to be a high performer. You have to be really bold, have strong beliefs, strong boundaries and have some unwavering and unapologetic ways about you. And you’re going to piss people off. Not everybody is going to like you or agree with you and that requires you to be bold.

How do you think people can shift into a high-performance mindset? What’s a really practical way people can get into the mindset of a high performer?

Tara likes looking at results. Everything is a result but it may not be the result you want. Was the result you got worth that time and effort? It’s important to be really intentional around your actions.

I have recently shifted from achiever to performer. I put a hard stop to social media. Deleted Facebook, stopped scrolling and now there are no more comparisons. I felt like I was losing time and the result was I was beating myself up about what I wasn’t doing compared to other people. If you’d have told me this in achiever mode I’d have known I should quit social media but said I’m not going to do that right now.

Another thing you should be monitoring are your ‘yeah, buts’. Because it’s a sure sign of resistance.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?

“The secret is I care but not that much.”

Tell us how we can get in touch with you

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thetaranewman/

Bold Leadership Podcast: https://www.taranewmancoaching.com/podcast

Links

The Secret by Rhonda Byrne

https://www.amazon.com/Secret-Rhonda-Byrne/dp/1582701709/

#133: Rachel Wright: Romantic Relationships, Managing Conflict, & Effective Communication May 16, 2019

Rachel Wright is a marriage counselor and licensed psychotherapist. She is recognized as one of the freshest voices on modern and millennial relationships. Referred to as “bridging the gap between a self-help book and a therapist’s couch, she is one half of Wright Wellness Center, where together with her husband Kyle, they are helping people have better sex, relationships, and mental health. They’ve created a healthy, communicative, and passionate relationship by using the very same techniques they teach — Everything we have developed is research-based. She has been featured widely in the media including Cosmopolitan, Women’s Health, PsychologyToday, and dozens of other outlets.

How did you and Kyle meet?

They were both working in restaurants. Rachel had just completed her master's degree and needed a part-time job. She started working at a brand new restaurant as a server and Kyle was part of the training team. Immediately they hated each other. They would frequently argue and she thought he was an arsehole. After the training Ryan would stay in touch by contacting her on Jewish holidays. A year later Rachel joined Kyle and the training team to open the companies 4th restaurant. And they could now stop talking. They connected deeply and realized they had both found their person.

Can you give me a little snapshot of the timeline?

Met and hated each other. A year later reconnected and kissed. 3 weeks later Ryan told her that he loved her. 6 months later they moved in with each other. They were engaged after 2 years and married after 16 months. They have now been married for 2.5 years.

How’s it going?

Phenomenally. People think just have a great relationship that they don’t work on. But after both of them saw their parent’s go for divorce they knew they had to put in the work if they wanted a relationship to last a long time

I had love at first sight with my husband.

What was that like?

We were on a blind date set up by one of his friends. We met at a wine bar and when he walked in there was an energy about him. He was so sweet and I just got that immediately. I hadn’t felt like that before, it was so easy. For me, I felt like I could really be with this person. I kinda just knew. I know that sounds weird but that was my experience.

We all have these judgments around things in our lives, especially when our friends experience things very differently. It strikes us as weird.

And it’s natural to have some uncertainty, right?

A lot of times the uncertainty is about us more so than the other person. For Rachel, she had a lot of uncertainty when she first met Ryan. But what she didn’t consider was the ability for people to change. When she saw him a year later he was not the same person.

So how did you go from training in a restaurant together to having your own relationship company together?

After she completed her Masters, she continued her psychotherapy training by getting her 3000 hours for her license and started her own practice. She had been working towards this for so long and it was amazing. For about 3 months. Her focus was on couples and sex therapy. People would come in with the same issues. Body image, anxiety, their upbringing around sex and communication issues. Couples would come in calling each other names and were not able to decide what they wanted for dinner without arguing. Kyle was still working in restaurants and had worked his way up to a fancy restaurant in San Fransico as the Head Bartender. Rachel found she wasn’t actually doing any therapy and healing people. She was teaching them how to communicate with each other. Although she enjoyed doing that work, it wasn’t what she went to school for. Kyle thought she should create an informational package about how to talk to your partner. As she worked on it Rachel realized that Kyle had an ability to take her technical knowledge and put it into layman's terms.

She sent the packet out to prospective clients and then realized that her clients stopped coming in. They no longer needed to come in for therapy. The law in California was so strict that she wasn’t able to sell the packet. They decided to create something online to provide this information to people. They realized there is nothing between self-help books and going to therapy. Rachel knew that Ryan was an important part of this idea because he could take the complicated things Rachel explained in a way people understood. Rachel wanted to go into business with Ryan but he was reluctant because he had these narratives about how he was in restaurants and hadn’t been good at school. In 2015, they started their business. They weren’t even married yet.

I love how organic it was.

They had the business idea long before they thought about starting a business. Rachel didn’t even see her private practice as a business.

When did you shift into that business mentality? I know that can be difficult for some service practitioners.

She will approach things as a clinician and not as an entrepreneur. She will look at the decision from the point of view as both a clinician and as a business person. She thinks there should be more business training in therapist training.

Does Kyle have a degree or certification?

Rachel jokes that he has an honorary degree because he now has enough knowledge to pass the licensing exam. Fiends and family wonder what Kyle does in the business because he doesn’t have that piece of paper.

We all learn differently and it’s important to respect that.

When Kyle is passionate about something he learns it quickly. But at school, he didn’t want to study things that didn’t mean anything to him. When they started the business, Kyle definitely felt some imposter syndrome.

When did you start therapy? What was the reason?

Rachel started therapy when she was 14 after her mum read her diary. She thought Rachel was hiding things and after reading the diary discovered that Rachel had smoke marijuana and slept with her boyfriend. Rachel was sent to therapy. She was pissed. However, after her first session in therapy, she knew she wanted to be a therapist.

What about it had you feeling that way?

She had never felt more seen, heard and understood. Her therapist matched her cursing and agreed that the way she ended up at therapy was not right. She helped Rachel understand her parent’s motivation and that they cared.

So what happened?

She left and told her parents that she had done nothing wrong but would keep going because she really liked it. She saw her therapist throughout high school and on and off during college. And now they are colleagues.

How long were you in therapy for?

Weekly, for about 3 years.

What was the biggest thing you got out of that experience?

She learned that she was a people pleaser and that if she ever wanted to have a healthy relationship with both herself and a partner, she was going to have to navigate anger and conflict.

It such a big part of the human experience. We’re going to experience conflict if we’re going to express ourselves. How to manage that skilfully is so important and we are often not taught how to do that. We reap so many rewards when we work through conflict.

One of the biggest misconceptions around conflict is that it’s bad. In relationships, whether it’s friends family or lovers, conflict is what helps us grow and get closer. If we don’t have conflict, that means that we don’t care because we’re not speaking our truth. We don’t get taught how to communicate and handle conflict but we also don’t get taught how to identify our feelings.

How would you recommend someone who is experiencing conflict, in any relationship, be it intimate, at work, with family members, navigate the situation?

Conflict is often due to different beliefs, values, opinions, and priorities. We need to listen to understand instead of listening to respond. In our culture, we are trained to listen to respond because if we don’t respond immediately we can be mocked for it.

We’re not taught how to listen.

Listening is half of communication. Relationship researchers John and Julie Gottman have this term ‘share meaning’. Which means do you share the meaning your partner assigns to things. Do you share the same meaning about what a home means, what money means, what communication means? We have to get on the same page about what things mean in our lives.

I heard John Walker speak at his Launch Con, a few years ago. And he said - “All problems boil down to a problem in communication.” What do you think?

She agrees that most problems come down to communication and that we’re all afraid to ask for what we need. When Rachel was a teenager, her people-pleasing came from a fear of asking for what she needed because she didn’t want to be judged and she didn’t want to cause anybody discomfort. We have to ask for what we need because nobody is a mindreader.

What is a practical strategy that you use for communication?

Rachel and Kyle have scripts that they give out for different situations. You pick out a feeling and put it into a script. The scripts all follow the same process which is based on the acronym AEO which stands for Acknowledge, Explain, Offer.

Acknowledge means just acknowledging what’s going on and bringing words to the elephant in the room.

Explain is an I statement. We have to explain how we’re feeling and why. “I get angry when you don’t wash the dishes after you eat.”

Offer is what is your proposed solution to this. “Hey, I know that last time we talked about this it kinda got out of hand. I don’t want that to happen this time. I feel angry when you don’t wash your dishes after you eat lunch. What I would like for you to do is either wash them or just soak them and leave them in the sink. How does that feel to you?”

We’re often not taught these ways of communicating. It really takes mindful attention and practice. Sometimes we might be sloppy and come out with an accusation because we haven’t practiced this.

It’s a muscle. This is where self-compassion comes in. We’re going to make mistakes and you can’t shame yourself for things you don’t know. It’s important to try this when you’re not in a reactive state. You can practice with things that are silly to get used to the flow of the formula.

What is the question that you ask yourself often?

How do I want to feel?

What is the best advice you’ve ever been given?

Follow what makes you feel good.

If you can replace should with want, it’s a game changer.

Where can we get in touch with you:

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thewright_rachel/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/rachelgibbswright

Website: https://wrightwellnesscenter.com/

Email: rachel@wrightwellnesscenter.com

Links

The Gottman Institute

https://www.gottman.com/

#132: Amy E. Smith: How to Stop People Pleasing and Stand Up For Yourself May 09, 2019

Amy E. Smith spent years finding her voice — Buried under other people’s thoughts and opinions and notions about who she should and shouldn’t be. She was motivated by two primary things: Guilt and Fear. Can you relate? Fear of not fitting in, of rocking the boat, of speaking her truth and losing relationships. And Guilt around following her intuition.. but not anymore - she learned how to stand up for herself! It’s time to stop caring so much about what everyone else thinks! Now she helps people radically shift people-pleasing behavior and find your voice. She is a confidence coach and self-love expert. She helps people access self-worth so they can live joyful lives. In this episode, we talk about the many facets of people pleasing, how she worked on her relationship with her mother — and went from feeling angry to communicating her needs with kindness.

In this episode, Amy Smith starts by discussing why people pleasing tends to be a female quality. Looking at Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, one basic human need is a sense of belonging. Back in the day, that meant belonging to a tribe. Nowadays, subconsciously our instincts are to make people like us. Most people love the people pleasing versions of us because that means they are getting their way. Then, Amy reveals details about her relationship with her parents and why her mother felt she had failed as a parent. She learned that her mom’s truth did not need to be her truth.

Making up catastrophized ideas about what something means is what happens when we experience an uncomfortable emotion. One of the biggest things that hold us back is what other people think. Amy says to allow yourself the understanding that you are allowed to be attached to these people, but you are not responsible for these people. It is irrational to think that you will not care what your partner thinks; however, it is not going to be the final say in our decision-making process.

Amy discusses emotional intelligence and the ability to understand our feelings. Most of the time when we feel uncomfortable, we collapse a story. Instead, we should pay attention to these feelings and dig underneath it. Amy has a seven-step process to follow when engaging in uncomfortable conversations. What you have to determine first is if the conversation is not up for negotiation or if the conversation is up for a collaborative effort. Amy reveals the rest of her conversation tips including how to soften your start-up, being quantifiable, and watching the tone.

Time Stamps:

[01:45] People pleasing tendencies
[07:10] Amy’s relationships with her parents
[15:45] How to advocate for yourself
[19:10] Sorting beliefs – are they your own beliefs or a product of your upbringing?
[21:30] You are allowed to be attached to people, but you are not responsible for those people
[25:50] Pay attention to the sparks of joy
[28:15] How to have uncomfortable conversations
[31:40] The first step in having an uncomfortable conversation is to soften your start-up
[34:55] Another helpful hint when having an uncomfortable conversation is to watch your tone and inflection
[37:40] How to let go of resentment
[40:40] Amy’s transition with her career paths

Quotes:

“When you embody vulnerability, you are far more likely to evoke it from the other person.”

Links:

https://thejoyjunkie.com/

#131: Nicho Plowman: Co-Owner of Insight Timer Meditation App, Vedic Meditation, & Growth May 02, 2019

Nicho Plowman who is the co-owner of Insight Timer the number one free meditation app. It's the most popular meditation app in the world has the largest network of meditators which is 7 million. There's 3000 teachers and 6000 groups. Nico is also the co-founder of Edmund and Amelia, a retreat company and he is a Vedic meditation teacher. He brings an intimate and inspired approach to working with individuals and small groups who are committed to creating lasting positive change and contributing to the greater good. He has over 20 years of experience in both the corporate and startup sectors.

How did you get started with meditation?

Fifteen years ago Nicho started exploring different things. He was in the midst of building a company and he wasn’t living a very healthy lifestyle. He found some peace by going on meditation retreats but when he returned to his busy life he found it difficult to continue with it. 7 years ago he learned Vedic meditation which is a 20min, twice daily, mantra-based meditation. After 12 months he decided to move out of the industry he was in to teach Vedic meditation.

How did you stumble upon Vedic meditation? There’s so many different types of meditation.

Nicho tried lots of different types of meditation. A friend suggested he try Vedic meditation, so he did. He found that it was the method that resonated with him the most.

A lot of people can resonate with dabbling with meditation but it sounds like you then took a deep dive. Was there a tipping point for you, where it was enough or was it because you were exposed to a type of meditation which really resonated with you?

Nicho wasn’t happy with his life and he feels that the meditation practice was long overdue. Vedic meditation came along at the right time for him. He finds the simplicity and practicality of the practice really attractive. It is doable to find 20mins to practice every day, even if you are busy.

You’re married, you had 2 daughters and you were running a business. To become a meditation teacher is a big change. Where does the money piece fit in?

Nicho sold the business he had been building which gave him a bit of breathing room to transition into teaching. He was able to build up some momentum in teaching quite quickly. He realized that some teachers had difficulty finding students. He realized that there was a place for a platform for meditation teachers and with his brother purchased an app called Insight Timer.

Sometimes we think that when we switch gears, we leave the experience we have had behind, but there can be overlap between our previous experience and who we are now.

When Nicho and his brother bought Insight Timer they had the skills and experience to move very quickly with improving the app and making into what they envisioned. He wanted an easier way for teachers to connect with students and be able to take the step to be a full-time teacher.

When they bought the app they were only 5-10 teacher on there, many of whom were well known. They believed that you didn’t need to have been teaching for a long time to have value in the mediation world. It gives anybody who has something to say, an opportunity to get out there. Then the audience can decide if they get value from it.

Have you ever worried about quality control? Or since there is instant audience feedback, do you not have to worry about that?

They are very mindful of quality. There are over 15000 guided meditations and more waiting to be published. They do quality control over audio quality but the content is rated by their audience.

How do you think you grew so quickly? Was it word of mouth?

They don’t advertise and so it has all been word of mouth. They now have over 7 million mediators. So far it has felt right that all their users have come through word of mouth.

I have a couple of different mediation apps on my phone and Insight Timer is my favorite one because it’s so easy to use.

Nicho does worry that the amount of content and features can complicate the app. They have worked hard to make sure that it is easy to use, despite the amount of features.

What’s your experience with being more deeply involved in meditation as a teacher? How has your experience with your own mind changed? Do you find the quality of your thoughts to be different?

Nicho has noticed how he responds to things change, such as food, friends, family, the content we consume. He notices that when he meditates he releases stress and fatigue. He finds he bounces back from stress easier. As we meditate more our bodies release stress and fatigue which help us deal with stress better.

In a stressful situation, we don’t have to react. We do have some control in that.

Stress is a physical response that can be a survival tool. But sometimes it feels like that fight or flight stress response is there the whole time. Which is an unpleasant place to be. Meditation can allow you to engage in the world in a way which is not overwhelming.

Meditation can be a really useful tool. I know it’s helped me tremendously.

There’s a lot of people experiencing deep pain and it feels like the noise is ramping up in the world. But there is also an increase in meditation apps, meditation spaces and yoga studios. Something to counterbalance all the noise.

There’s a lot of misconception about meditation, especially for beginners. A lot of people will say ‘I tried to meditate and I’m not good at it’ or ‘it’s really hard for me to sit still’. What’s your answer to those types of objections.

Often people may not have come across the tight practice for them. There’s a misconception that when people meditate their minds should be free of thoughts and if you can’t do that then you’re not a good meditator. Meditation is a practice that should be effortless and it may take exploring different styles of meditation to find that. There’s a danger that when people find a practice that works for them, they find after a while they feel better and so stop meditating. Then 6 months later they’ll back to where they were.

What’s your vision with Insight Timer?

They want to continue to provide people with these tools and resources. Nicho recognizes that Insight Timer is its own entity. But they want to have 100 million meditators because that will lead to a more conscious planet.

What’s a question that you continuously ask yourself?

Nicho hopes that in 20 or 30 years time he can see that his efforts went towards positive change.

Tell us how we can download the app and get in touch with you.

Insight Timer: https://insighttimer.com

Nicho Plowman: https://www.nichoplowman.com/

Links

Edmund and Amelia

https://www.edmundandamelia.com

#130: Andrea Lake: From 1.2 Million in Debt, Paying it Off, and Coming Back Stronger Apr 11, 2019

Andrea Lake has started 14 companies. Without a college degree. She started her first business at 17 called Rhythm Styx. When she was 23 she made her first $1 million dollars with a t-shirt company. Amongst all the success lies the failures. A series of unfortunate events led to her being $1.2 million in debt. Right when the economy crashed.

You have started 14 businesses. That’s incredible and you don’t have a college degree. How did you get started? Did you always know that you wanted to be an entrepreneur?

Andrea found the idea of working for someone else terrifying. She started the Rhythm Styx company when she was 17. When she was making the decision to go to college, she realized that she already knew how to make money. Her company had already made over $75000. She decided to focus on her business. A few years later she met someone making $1 million a year selling t-shirts, so she decided to start a clothing company. She started her first clothing line, Anti-establishment Clothing and made her first $1 million at 23.

So did that person become your mentor? Was there any competition?

That person did become Andreas mentor but t-shirts are what Andrea calls a bottomless market as everybody needs t-shirts, so there wasn’t any competition between them.

What did that mentor do to guide you from $75000 to $1 million? That’s a huge jump. What changed in you?

At the core, it was a change in style of the company from one which manufactured products. With t-shirts she could buy the t-shirts ready made and then just get them printed.

What do you think shifted in your mindset?

Andrea knew she wanted to be rich. That was her sole focus because it would mean she would be free to do whatever she wanted with her life. She didn’t know how she was going to achieve this.

Did you ever feel like you made a mistake by not going to college?

In her 30’s she realized that one of the reasons for going to college is having access to the alumni network. But if she was to do life again she still wouldn’t go to college. Unless you are going to college for a highly specialized education which is monetized afterward, college probably isn’t worth it.

Did your parents put pressure on you to go to college?

They did. Both of her parents had been the first person in their families to go to college. They both went back to college after Andrea was born to pursue masters degrees. There was an expectation that Andrea would go to college. But she sat down with her parents and showed her what her company was making.

So you built your case for why you didn’t need to get to college and it sounds like they supported you?

They did and when Andrea started her clothing line they gave her the money they had saved for college.

One of my passions is dispelling this myth that you need to get a conventional education to achieve what you want. Especially entrepreneurs.

Definitely. Andrea has taught at colleges across the country and thinks that unless you are going to a school like Harvard, it’s not worth it. An MBA is going to teach you how to work in the corporate world and not how to be an entrepreneur.

I know that you’ve had some moments of debt. One where you lost $1.2 million dollars. You paid it all off and came back stronger. Can you tell us that story?

Andrea has lost everything twice. She had a company which was featured on Oprah and was told to expect 40000 sales. But through a long series of events, they only had 70 sales. She had personally financed the company. That same week, a company she owned that had licenses for several gaming brands, had $2 million worth of merchandise returned. The following week the IRS called to say she owed 6 figures due to mistakes on the previous years taxes. And then the economy collapsed. It was the perfect storm of circumstances.

How did you get through that? How did you feel you came back stronger?

It took a long time. Andrea would beat herself up. She would talk to herself worse that she would ever talk to anybody. “How the fuck did you fuck up your entire life? I can’t believe what a fucking idiot you are.” She would talk to herself like that all day every day for 3 or 4 years. None of the things that happened were unwise choices but she couldn’t step back from what happened.

So how did you come back? You had such negative self-talk. What did you do that you felt got you out of that mental negativity?

Andrea had built an amazing community of friends who helped her get out of it. And she realized she was good at business. Slowly she came back to herself. She strengthened her meditation and yoga practice, continued slowly working on her companies and believed that things would come around.

I know you practice the law of attraction. So where did that come into play?

She was actually in a negative space before everything that happened to her businesses. She believes that we vibrationally receive back what we give out. Despite paying herself $750,000 a year, she had negative vibrations around money. She once met a waitress who had 3 kids and had the best money vibration she has come across. It’s an intrinsic thing and doesn’t have to be about how much you earn.

She decided to make happiness and self care her focus which then gave her the space to feel good about her companies.

I think it’s really interesting when you talk about money vibration. So was that something you would do when you were say hiking – get into a better vibration?

The idea is that circumstances and events are going to match the emotional state that you are in. If you’re happy about something good things will come to you.

How important do you think strategy is?

Strategy is important but you should only create a strategy when you are in a truly inspired place. You know the next right step for your business.

You now have a company which teaches people to start t-shirt businesses. I know there’s a formula to that. You’ve mapped out the strategy. If someone wants to start a different business, do you think there is a similar formula?

Andrea actually has another company that advises people on the right strategy for their business. There is a lot of generalized information out there. Andrea wanted to connect people to entrepreneurs in the industry they are creating a business in. If you want to start a restaurant, your mentor should be a restaurateur.

Is there anything you see which are the main through-lines?

There are common success and failure points specifically in product companies. Typically people fail because they misallocate their budget and don’t know how to do a minimum viable product. Testing things online is not enough you have to go somewhere and sell things physically. The information you gain from seeing people interact with your product is invaluable.

What do love about business so much?

She loves having an idea or concept in her mind and having it come into reality. Especially as she mostly makes physical products.

How do you think about time?

She doesn’t. She would think about time more if she had regulation around her time but she doesn’t.

So it’s not this confined thing, it’s more of an expansive thing. A lot of people have the excuse - “Oh I don’t have time”.

You do. If you watch TV, then you have time.

How do you think the internet and social media has changed how people run business?

It’s so much easier. When she started Sticker Junkie she had to use print ads to get people to visit her website.

I want to switch gears a bit and talk about your experience on The Apprentice. How did you get on the show and what was it like?

They had been recruiting Andrea from Season 1 but she was too busy running her companies. A mentor recommended she should do it.

What’s Trump like to be around?

He was very funny and charming. They made each other laugh a lot.

What is a question you continuously ask your self?

She asks herself if she is happy.

What do you unusually discover? That something's not aligned?

Andrea believes that it’s usually directional in our own thoughts. She talks about a process from Ester Hicks called The Focus Wheel. You draw a big circle on a piece of paper and in the center write how you want to feel about something. Then write all of the things that feel good about that thing. It’s easy to focus on all the things that are ugly but you can train yourself to focus on the good things too.

What other books have been helpful for you?

The Four Hour Workweek by Timothy Ferris

Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand

The Success Principals by Jack Canfield

Do you do visualization?

She does them every single day. She does something called 7, 7 x 3. You do 7 mins 7 sec of meditation, 7 mins 7 sec of appreciation and 7 mins 7 sec of visualization. When you appreciate, you appreciate things that are easy to appreciate. How much you love a painting or a pen or having hot water.

Is there a reason it’s 7, 7 x 3?

Because it looks cool.

One of the things that come to mind often is the experience I had at Sonoma Magic. You hosted your retreat there. Are you still doing it?

Her next retreat will be in 2020. It’s important to create a network of entrepreneurs around you. It helps to have a bond with people who are experiencing the same issues you are.

How do you think you developed that risk tolerance?

Andrea has always had quite a high-risk tolerance but it’s easier when you hear stories from entrepreneurs, who you know are successful, dealing with the same things you are.

How do you think people can become better at taking risks?

Our life is short. It doesn’t matter how long you live for, it is still short. Any amount of time you spend worrying about failure or what other people think of you is a complete waste of you being here right now. Andrea wasted 3 years of life worrying about being a failure.

Are you grateful at all for that experience?

It taught her how to be emotionally resilient. And the second Andrea started feeling better about things she started having new business ideas.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?

Put a dollar figure on your time.

Do not tell your ideas, in the beginning, to anyone you know does not have your back.

Tell us how we can get in touch with you

T-shirt Course: https://teeacher.com/

Website: http://andrealake.com/

Links

Sticker Junkie

https://stickerjunkie.com/

Ask and It Is Given: Learning to Manifest Your Desires by Esther Hicks

https://www.amazon.com/Ask-Given-Learning-Manifest-Desires/dp/1401904599/

The 4-Hour Workweek: Escape 9-5, Live Anywhere, and Join the New Rich by Timothy Ferriss

https://www.amazon.com/4-Hour-Workweek-Escape-Live-Anywhere/dp/0307465357

Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand

https://www.amazon.com/Atlas-Shrugged-Centennial-Ed-Rand/dp/0525948929

The Success Principles: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be by Jack Canfield

https://www.amazon.com/Success-Principles-TM-Anniversary-Where/dp/0062364286/

#129: Nicole Moore: Body Image: Skinny Doesn't Equal Happy & How to Love Yourself Regardless of Your Weight Apr 04, 2019

Nicole Moore is a love coach and in this episode, we’re going to talk about what it really means to accept your body just the way it is. She recently posted on Instagram about how her experience of her body changed after having a baby. Our bodies are always changing and yet we all have a tendency to get hung up on why they are not the way we think they should be. In this episode, we talk about how to change our mindset about our bodies, why our self worth doesn’t have anything to do with the way we look and why we need to feel good about ourselves.

I’m curious about the changes you’ve had in your body and how that has affected you?

Nicole has observed people saying how having a baby ruined their body and this got her thinking about this message that is being spread on social media. Nicole saw a lot of posts about people ‘snapping back’ after having a baby but that didn’t happen for her. She decided to embrace where her body is right now.

How did you avoid getting into this dialogue of beating yourself up? Because I think that’s the easy thing to do.

Nicole realized she could choose not to make herself feel miserable. Throughout her 20s she suffered so much from the thoughts in her head and comparing herself to other people. She has made a commitment to herself to keep her mind full of love rather than full of negativity.

How you relate to your body, doesn’t really have anything to do with how it looks, right?

Nicole agrees. It’s all about the thoughts in your head. Which is better - to have a body that weighs more and not be in mental turmoil or to have a body that weighs less but have your mind in turmoil?

Every woman at some time has called themselves fat in their heads. And it’s not nice.

When Nicole first started gaining weight she was upset. She started to look at why her self worth was linked to her body. She had to look at what her other values were. When she was at high school she lost a lot of weight and boys started to pay attention to her. She had to go back and start unravel where this feeling came from and what her true worth was.

Can you share an example of what an internal essence would be?

For Nicole one of her essences is love. If she goes to a dinner party she could put a lot of focus on how she looks or she could focus on how to be really present with people. Your essence is who you are internally when everything that can change is stripped away.

What do you say to somebody who is feeling that their weight is holding them back in love, work or just in being more seen?

It’s not the weight. It’s your thoughts and judgments about the weight. It’s your decision that because the weight is here you shouldn’t feel good about yourself. That’s what is holding you back. When Nicole first started gaining weight, she wondered if she could still do media appearances. She thought about how she would look on camera. Then she realized that she deserved that experience of being on camera.

So often we think we need to look a certain way in order to receive love.

Although there are always people out there who will criticize how you look, that just means they aren’t the right people for you. A romantic relationship is not going to work unless you are accepted for who you are. It’s so much easier to find somebody who accepts who you are than to change who you are in order to find someone.

I love how you talk about how it’s not that you don’t have those negative thoughts, but you deal with them differently.

Nicole watches here mind all the time to see what thoughts she is having. If her mind is telling her something which makes her feel crappy, she will feel the feelings and then choose something different.

When I was put Evan to sleep and I say to him ‘you can do anything’. And he said to me the other day ‘Mummy you can do anything’. I actually found it helpful for me to hear it from him. It reminded me of the power of words.

Kids are the truth. For Nicole one of the biggest benefits of having a child is seeing what she wants her son to have in his life and to see what that means about her perception about things.

People talk a lot about what they lose by becoming a mum but there’s so much that we gain. Focusing on all the bodily changes misses the point about what it means to become a mum.

Don’t you think that helps soften some of the guilt that you may have?

This conversation about women and their bodies just takes away power. We only have so much attention available throughout the day. Nicole used to count calories and it would take up so much attention and so much power. When we’re not focused on what our bodies look like we have so much power to focus elsewhere.

What would you tell your younger self?

You are better than you think you are.

You are already worthy.

You’re always going to be beautiful.

And you are going to meet him and he is going to love you

Nicole has a lot of single clients and they have this thought in their heads that they may not meet the guy. If you look at how much time is in front of you, it’s crazy to think that you won’t meet someone.

Just to play the other side. It doesn’t mean don’t take of yourself. It doesn’t mean don’t buy the eye cream or get hair extensions. It doesn’t mean you don’t take action on things that make you want to look better. It’s more about where that is coming from. Is it coming from a place of ‘I’m enough’ or is it coming from a place of ‘I’m not enough’?

Nicole talks about how she gets eyelash extension regularly but she also has a conversation with herself about how even if she didn’t have them she would still look good. There’s nothing wrong with doing these things but it’s important to do these things from a place of worth.

The way that we look, the way we do our hair, we can let those things hold us back. I know I have.

Nicole did a Facebook live video where somebody commented that she needed to condition her extensions. Those sorts of comments might stop a lot of people from putting themselves out there. Nicole told herself that it was more important that she jumps on and does Facebook live even if she doesn’t look perfect. It’s all about the inner game.

And then it becomes easier if you reinforce that positive relationship with yourself.

One of the things we can do is stop giving attention to this conversation. Nicole often reminds herself that men will just turn on the camera and start recording without thinking about how they look.

We identify with all of these parts of ourselves. Hair is a big deal. How do not we let these perceptions of ourselves and how we look hold us back?

It’s alright to have an idea of how you want to look, but we wouldn't let ourselves feel bad if that’s not how we are right now.

And complimenting ourselves. And other people. I love seeing you without your glasses because you can see your face.

Glasses was something Nicole had to accept about herself.

It’s a habit we have to look at ourselves in the mirror and see everything that is wrong with us. That we want to change and want to fix. I’ve done some mirror work, where I looked at what was beautiful about me. I can see myself start to change.

Our self-perceptions determine our reality. Most people have a more favorable perception of us than we do. Aside from the haters. When we look in the mirror and see flaws that come from someone in the past telling us that we have a flaw.

What is a question people can start asking themselves?

What is the beauty I can see in myself today?

What’s the one thing that I really love about my face?

What idea can I let go off today that’s stopping me from feeling beautiful?

How can I make sure that in my heart, on the inside, I feel good about me?

Anything else you want to say?

You deserve to feel good about yourself.

Links

Love Works

https://loveworksmethod.com/

#128: Brad Sherman: Budgeting, Investing, & Building Wealth Mar 28, 2019

Brad Sherman is the CEO of Sherman Wealth Management. He is committed to being an advocate for his clients, providing Fiduciary, conflict-free guidance so that they feel comfortable with their investment choices and strategies.

Brad knows – and has experienced – many of the issues that his clients face, whether it’s paying off student debt, saving up to purchase a home, creating a savings safety net, starting a family, or making smart choices about planning and saving for retirement.

He has over 15 years experience in the financial industry - his love for finance began when he then turned a dollar his grandmother had given him into five – and then fifty – dollars, it was clear he had an aptitude for smart saving, investing and wealth preservation!

He has contributed to The Wall Street Journal, CNBC, MarketWatch, Business Insider, and Investopedia.

In this episode, we talk about budgeting, compound interest, investing and building wealth.

If people want to find your financial tools where can they go?

Brad’s website: https://www.shermanwealth.com/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/shermanwealth

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shermanwealth/

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/bradlsherman

Links

Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones by James Clear

https://www.amazon.com/Atomic-Habits-Proven-Build-Break/dp/0735211299/

Roth IRA

https://www.irs.gov/retirement-plans/roth-iras

The Importance of Financial Literacy

https://www.shermanwealth.com/the-importance-of-financial-literacy/

How parents talk about money differently to their sons and daughters

https://www.fastcompany.com/90283344/how-parents-talk-about-money-differently-to-their-sons-and-daughters

#127: Devon Smiley: How to Ask for What You Want: The Art of Negotiation Mar 14, 2019

What words come to mind when you hear the word negotiation? Negotiator? Tough. Competitive. Frustration. Liars. Cheating. Battle. Winning. Losing. (no wonder people avoid negotiation like the plague...)

In this episode, I interview, Devon Smiley. She has15 years of experience with Forbes’ finest and small business alike. She closed $5 billion of commercial contracts as a lead negotiator. She brings this experience to organizations that are focused on securing strong commercial results without sacrificing relationships.

Her insights on negotiation have been featured in the New York Times, Glamour magazine and the Chicago Tribune. If you are fed up with getting in your own way, feeling like you're not quite good enough, and settling for second best. It's time to master the art of confidently, calmly and successfully asking for what you want, need and deserve.

In preparing for this interview I looked up what negotiation means. The definition I found was ‘the aim of reaching an agreement’. Is that your definition as well?

Devon thinks about negotiation as transformation. Taking a situation that doesn't really work for you and turning it into one that does.

When two people have opposing views it can be difficult to reach an agreement. What are some strategies that you teach on how to reach this agreement and get what you want?

When you are preparing to negotiate you need to not just think about what you want and need, but also what the other person wants and needs. It is important to ask the other person what they want. Which can feel very bold but can really help move the conversation forward.

Do you recommend starting with asking what the other person wants?

When you start a negotiation you want to set an agenda for the conversation. It is then beneficial to ask the other person if there is anything else that they want to talk about.

If I ask the other person what they want, how is that helpful to me?

Knowing what the other person is looking for can really help you in being more active and more engaged in the conversation. It helps you start off on the same page.

The person that is asking the question is most in control. Do you believe that to be true?

Devon agrees. It’s a combination of the person who takes the initiative by going first and asking questions because it gives you a lot of information. Information is powerful and will feed all the proposals you will be able to make in the negotiation.

The bigger umbrella in this is asking for what you want. Women, in general, struggle with asking for what they want. For someone who is experiencing fear, there’s an emotional aspect to it. Do you also teach about that emotional piece?

As much as we like to think as professionals, as businesswomen, that we can detach ourselves from the emotion, it is actually feeding everything we are doing. Devon suggests people ask themselves - what would be the worse case if I ask for this thing? In reality, what we fear is unlikely to actually happen.

What’s the worse thing that has happened to you when you have asked for something?

Devon had someone burst out in laughter once because he thought that what she was asking for was absolutely ridiculous. She was able to keep a straight face and keep going because she had prepared herself for a bad reaction.

Do you feel like you can build this ability to handle ‘rejection’ when you practice asking?

Definitely. That’s why it’s great to start with small things. For example, asking for an extra napkin when you buy something. It’s not the end of the world if they say no, you just move on. It makes it easier to build up that comfort with rejection before you build up to the big high-risk things.

We’re often told not to talk about money. How do you suggest people prepare themselves for asking for more money?

To prepare ourselves emotionally we need to separate worth from value. That you as a human being have a worth but that’s not what you’re negotiating. You’re negotiating based on the value you are bringing to the table. The next step is to come up with actual tangible numbers. How many percentage points did you earn your client because of that great marketing campaign? How many new clients did you bring in for your employer? Arm yourself with quantifiable data before entering discussions about money.

I want to hear more about your story. How did you become interested in this topic and start a business around it?

Devon fell into negotiation. After her degree, she started working in procurement and was offered the opportunity to move into a full-time negotiator role for contracts in aerospace. She ended up loving it. After some time she discovered she got more pleasure out of training and mentoring more junior employees in developing their negotiation skills. She is now making it her mission to show more people that negotiation isn’t as scary as they think.

What do you think the message that you’re relaying is?

The big one is reminding people that negotiation isn’t a natural skill. Everyone can become a great negotiator as we build the skills. It involves practice, building up some strategies and becoming more comfortable with negotiating.

What might be something that someone practices?

There are two things she generally has people practice. Asking for the small things, even outside of business. Start asking for the things you want. And getting comfortable with silence. A lot of negotiation is letting the silence sit there and having it as an opportunity for the other person to start talking.

How important do you think it is to stay with the thing that you want? When do you find yourself meeting somebody halfway?

It’s always important to start ambitiously. Women tend to ask for 30% less than a man would ask for in the same situation. This limits the amount of wiggle room we have in a negotiation. So be a little cheeky. It should make you feel a little nervous to ask for that much. That gives you the space to make an adjustment to your proposal without selling yourself short. Then have a few plans for things that you could be comfortable trading to the other person. The worst thing is when the other person is sitting across the table saying no to everything.

So what would you do when somebody is saying no?

Remind the person of what the goal is and ask if that is still what the negotiation is working towards.

How do we establish boundaries?

In the workplace, when you’re setting your boundaries, it’s important to be clear about how it makes you feel when someone does something inappropriate. Sometimes we try to soften what we say when we try to set a boundary.

What are some words to watch out for to avoid softening?

We apologize. ‘I’m sorry taking your time for this.’ Or ‘I know you’re really busy….’ We put all these fillers at the beginning. ‘I’m thinking that maybe….’ We’re trained to not be assertive in our language, so it takes practice.

When it comes to money we tend to ask for a range: $50K-$70K. The other person will hear what they want to hear. Devon suggests that in this example we should be a little cheeky and ask for $75K.

Do you think this comes from some of our conditioning around teacher/ student dynamics in school?

Raise your hand. Get permission. Very gently ask. Being polite goes a long way but we are overly conditioned to seek permission before sharing what we need.

How did you find the courage to take the leap of starting your own business?

One of the last experiences Devon had in the corporate world was a negotiation where she saved $10 million. She walked into the Vice Presidents office and got a ‘Is that all?’, which felt terrible. With her first non-corporate client she helped her earn an extra $500 and she was so grateful because it meant she could get her kids sports lessons. And Devon realized that the type of impact she wanted to make was the type that helped other human beings.

There’s something to be said for the power of small asks. Often there are small things that we find uncomfortable that we overlook. We wait until we’re really uncomfortable to say something.

Devon talks about the analogy of a frog in water. The temperature slowly rises until the frog is dead. We put up with low-level things until it gets too much before we don’t want to rock the boat. We will adjust to a very crappy situation. But the moment comes which is enough to shock us out of it which is the moment to ask for a change.

Anything else you want to talk about?

A lot of people get scared about negotiation because of the image they have of a negotiator and they don’t fit that image. Devon says that negotiation is about relationship and communication. Those are the elements that are important in negotiation and what you look like doesn’t matter.

Is there a fast way to build that connection?

We tend to get very uncomfortable with small talk. Either because we think it’s a waste of time or because it can be awkward. But according to studies you get a better result if you take 5-10 minutes to connect with someone on a non-business topic. This can be as simple as talking about the weather.

For me connecting comes more naturally because I have this world view that we’re all friends and it really helps. If you see somebody already as your ally. When we’re negotiating we tend to put people in a position of being against us rather than as allies.

We go into battle mode and think the other person is going to trick us and screw us over. We put a lot of emotional energy into figuring out how they may try to screw us over rather than focusing on what we want to achieve and ways we can move things forward.

We’re terrified of rejection. That’s why we don’t ask for things.

Devon still remembers being rejected by a boy at her school dance in the 7th grade. When we’re negotiating if we get a yes straight away then we probably haven’t asked for enough. So hearing a no is good because you haven’t sold yourself short. And then you can get a conversation going.

You’ve previously said - Don’t ask for things through email. Is that still true?

For the most part, yes. Especially as email can be terrible at conveying tone. Email, however, is great at recapping meetings but the phone is a much better way of asking for something.

There is real freedom in having the courage to ask for what you want. It changes everything. What is holding us back is that we’re afraid to ask.

We sit there and we accept the status quo because we’re too afraid to ask for something. We rationalize the situation. We don’t ask because we don’t want to be a nuisance.

When people meet Devon and find out that she’s a negotiator, they often say - “Oh you’re going to tell me that I always need to ask. I always need to negotiate my salary, that I always need to ask for more money.” Devon says that it needs to be a choice. That you know the option to ask is there and you choose not to do it consciously and not because you’re scared to do it.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?

Never email when angry.

That following an emotion when making a business decision does not make you weak.

What’s an action step somebody could take right now if they want to ask for what they want?

Devon has a Make The Ask Challenge. Everybody has something that they have wanted in the last 7 days and haven’t asked for. She gets people to figure out what that is and write it down. They then have 7 days to ask for it.

Devon’s Website

https://www.devonsmiley.com/

#126: Rebecca Rubin: How to Feel Good Marketing Mar 07, 2019

Rebecca Rubin is a trained life coach through the Institute of Professional Excellence in Coaching. Prior to becoming a coach, she spent 7 years as a Digital Marketing Manager at one of DC’s premier interactive agencies, Blue Water Media. She has BA in Psychology and Communications from Vanderbilt University. Her work has been featured in publications like Entrepreneur, Business Insider, The Guardian, EliteDaily, NBC, CBS, and more. In this episode, we talk about how your life IS your content, how marketing has changed and how to feel good marketing.

You have a way of saying things that aren’t being said. Does that just come to you?

We all have the ability to be authentic. A lot of the content Rebecca writes comes from her own personal experience including her fears, hopes, and dreams. She is also inspired by her clients and their experience. She thinks that we can all increase the amount of truth we’re willing to tell.

It’s almost like you take failure and doubt and use it as a positive message.

Our life is our content. There’s the saying -it’s either a good time or a good story. She works with a lot of coaches and consultant whose clients are just an earlier version of them. Our own lives are just a goldmine of content which is untapped. Self-expression can create a very authentic community online.

I’m trying to be more transparent about what my message is. And it’s a pain point for me.

Rebecca suggests an exercise. Imagine the soul that you were contracted to work with before you came into this body. That human being is sitting in front of you and your life depends on inspiring them into action. You have 10 minutes to do that – what do you say? Don’t analyze it. Just trust it.

Let’s talk a little bit about feel-good marketing. What’s your approach? How do you make people feel good about marketing themselves?

The old way’s of marketing, that felt icky is on the way out. People try to use methods of marketing that aren’t true to who they are. Rebecca is a big fan of Human Design. Looking at someone's personality and how to make this all organic and integrated it into their lives.

You don’t have a fancy funnel. You mostly use Facebook.

She does have an email funnel but that’s not the bulk of her income. The bulk of her income is from group programs and 1 on 1 coaching that comes from her organic, personal Facebook profile. For her post, she asks herself – What’s going on in her world? What’s the lesson she is learning and how does this apply to her ideal client?

I identify as someone more private. What’s your viewpoint on people who feel more private in terms of that mass exposure?

She believes that your desires are given to you for a reason. And you have the equipment to find your own answers. Figure out what you went and then what’s required to get there. Some people are private and some people feel a lot of shame over being out there. Don’t do what doesn’t feel right to you. But also examine the why behind what comes up for yourself.

How did you become the content queen?

When she first started her business she was a life and relationship coach who had a background in marketing. She was still working at a marketing company while started her life-coaching business. She gradually shifted to coaching people on their marketing. Rebecca was more conventional and less authentic than she is now. Then she experienced some online bullying and she wrote about it. This was the most authentic thing she’d published online and it was the first post to go viral. She was shocked that something so personal could do so well. That was when she started being more real online.

I want to ask about your personal practices. I’m curious, what has had the biggest impact for you?

Making correct decisions. Human Design has had a really big impact on her. Understanding her energetic make-up and making a decision that is in line with her energy and what’s really best for her has been super helpful. Our lives are a product of decisions.

Can you share a bit more about human design?

Human design is a system which combines astrology, the I-ching, Chakras and diagnoses you into different energy types depending on how your aura is constructed. A big part of human design is how do you make the best decisions for your life.

What kind of meditation do you do?

She does the sit and breathe style of meditation. She just sits and listens to her breath and tries to do it for 5 mins a day.

What’s a failure or rejection that you now see as a gift?

She’s had launches that she thought were going to do well but didn’t. Anytime that expectations aren’t met she always find that it is a sign you need to evolve. Any time you can take something less personally the better. There have definitely been times she has said something that got negative feedback online. Now she only takes feedback from people she knows personally.

How do you handle negative comments?

She builds her infrastructure. She has developed deep friendships with people who love her and that helps her weather it. She also looks at whether there’s any truth to the comments and sometimes there is.

We overcomplicate things and that’s when we find it difficult to maneuver but it’s mostly in our heads.

100%. This is something that coaches who deal with deep complex things can sometimes struggle with. You have to give people real tangible, specific examples of things so it can form a groove in their mind and they get it more. The better you understand something the better you can explain it. If you can’t explain your program to a 7-year-old, then work on that a little.

Do you have favorite marketing books?

Most of what Rebecca has learnt about marketing she’s learned through doing. She worked at a digital marketing company for 6 years and learned on the job from bosses and mentors. She watching what people were doing to see what worked and what didn’t. She feels that for online marketing, once it’s written in a book, it’s old news.

She thinks Gary Vaynerchuk knows his stuff when it comes to online marketing. Although he can be controversial he understands the psychology of marketing and what works and doesn’t on the internet. But she hasn’t read any of his books…

We’re all marketing ourselves all the time. Even if you’re not running a business. Even in the job market, you are marketing yourself

Rebecca loves applying for jobs. When she was at college she loved applying for internships and in fact, her first internship was not advertised. She reached out to a magazine with writing samples and specific ideas of how she could help them and they hired her.

For someone who is exploring their own business, who has a certain skill, maybe it’s writing, maybe it’s coaching or fitness or something. And they want to get their first client. How do you recommend they have this conversation?

You’ve got to normalize your subconscious and conscious mind that what you want is possible. You need to know that this is possible and not just something you see on the internet. It’s important to surround yourself with people who are doing what you want to do. She’s not opposed to working for free in the beginning. Positioning yourself in front of other peoples audiences is also a great way to grow when you’re starting out. She recommends getting on the phone with a lot of people. Don’t be afraid of the phone. Your sales come with conversations with people.

We all have an audience already. If we have Facebook, we have followers.

We all have a community. Rebecca's first client was a family friend. Her next few clients came from workshops she did at a local yoga studio. Then she got hired by a guy she went on a blind date with. You can make money before anybody knows who you are on the internet.

What direction do you think online marketing is going?

Brands and people are colliding. Big brands are using influencers more and more. The traditional celebrities are molding into internet celebrities. The human element is becoming more and more important. The old school idea that marketing has to be hard and about hustling is not true. That doesn’t mean you don’t show up and do the work. Working energetically correctly is more and more a thing that she sees people trying to do.

What are your favorite words?

She loves the word bespoke. Humany human is something she uses that means being a human is messy.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?

Your health is most important. You have to take care of your health first.

Be nice to yourself. She thinks we could all use a little more self-love and self-kindness and she just tries to remember that.

What’s an action that you want to invite listeners to take?

Do a little audit. If you have a business do an audit of your marketing and what you spend your time doing right now. Get curious about why you’re doing what you’re doing and consider if it doesn’t feel good. Marketing should be pleasurable and profitable.

I love this answer but I want to challenge you on it. We have to push ourselves out of our comfort zone if we want to grow and expand. Sometimes that doesn’t feel good.

There’s a difference between doing uncomfortable things and doing draining, depleting activities. If she gets invited to speak on stage in front of a couple of hundred people it’s going to feel scary but it’s also going to feel expansive. That’s an example of feeling good. If She gets an opportunity to work with a new client but they don’t want to pay her rates and it’s not actually aligned with her values but thinks she should do it, that is going to feel bad and not in alignment.

Tell me how we can get in touch with you.

Go to http://thepursuitoffabulous.com/

Follow her on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/rebecca.i.rubin

Links

Gary Vaynerchuk

https://www.garyvaynerchuk.com/

Pema Chodron

https://pemachodronfoundation.org/

#125: Brian Fretwell: Experts of Potential: Understanding Your Value in a Changing World Feb 28, 2019

Brian Fretwell is a consultant, speaker, and coach. He has traveled the world teaching people how to get the most out of their unique talents, strengths, and opportunities. Brian uses our knowledge about neuroscience and how the brain works to help people understand why they do the things they do. He has written the book Experts Of Our Potential which is a story about a coach and his challenging client.

I recently discover Brian through Facebook. I saw a clip from his book, which really spoke to me. I immediately downloaded the book and read it from cover to cover.

Brian and I talk about why he wrote the book, why we struggle to value ourselves and how to survive in a changing world.

Can you talk a bit about the story behind the book?

This is actually the fourth book Brian has written. Only one other has the potential to see the light of day. Several people suggested he write a how-to and so he tried but found it didn’t click. A friend and editor suggested he write it as a story and that was when everything clicked.

It is fascinating to see both the clients struggle to find his direction and values and your struggle to help him get there.

If you want to change someone else, you can only do that to the level you’ve changed yourself. Brian wanted to show that it’s not just the clients who change as part of the coaching process, the coaches change to. He wanted to dispel the superhero idea we have of coached and leaders. We’re all changing, we’re all fallible and we all have this potential.

As a coach sometimes I feel this pressure to solve a short term problem. But typically it’s a symptom of a much bigger challenge. In the book, Chris has this challenge in his work but he hasn’t yet defined the bigger picture of what’s really important to him. He’s trying to grasp at these quick fixes without understanding the bigger picture.

Brian points out that Chris is trying to solve a non-linear problem in a linear fashion. What I want to do, who I can be, where I can go – it’s a non-linear problem which doesn’t have a direct answer. If a coach tries to give a linear answer, they are actually doing the client a disservice. Brian believes that a coach’s job is not to give a client the answer – they can google that- it’s to help people identify that they have the capacity to find their own answers.

Sometimes we want other people to solve our problems.

Our brains are built on efficiency. It thinks that if we get the answer from someone else then we can be done. But the growth part of our brain, the part we have to push, thinks ‘well how do we do it’. We don’t just need the answer we need to figure out how to reach the answer on our own.

We all have the answers to our problems and we often know what to do but sometimes we just can’t make that link.

When Brian worked in juvenile corrections, he learned that the hard way. Kids would ask him what they should do to turn their life around and he would tell them, only to find that when they left they got back into drugs, or even worse, died. He asked himself if he had given them any more tools than before they had entered the system.

When someone comes to you with a challenge, the real consequence of giving them an answer, is not giving them the capacity to operate on their own.

I like to ask questions and I find it challenging when I come up against defensiveness when I ask a question. You have mentioned that right behind the defense, is the potential. How do you manage defenses craftfully?

Our brains have a 5 to 1 ration of a threat to reward. Your eyes are scanning the environment for threat 5 times a second. We don’t acknowledge that. We’ve been taught to ask questions which are challenging, which are direct. And while those are needed, if you don’t get the brain in the right space they aren't going to be beneficial. Our brains need to be in the right space and to do that we need to change the way we lead into to these questions. Start with asking people what they’ve done well, how they’ve been successful and how they have solved a problem like this before.

So essentially getting into a place of more confidence rather than a place of fear and threat.

About 15 years ago Brian's core business was talking to couples about money. They’d talk about what they wanted at a deeper level. Then individually, Brian would ask them about a time when they felt really good about the way they spent their money. Finances are one of those areas we say ‘I’m screwing this all up, tell me what I’m doing wrong so I can start doing something else.’ From that standpoint, we don’t get any behavioral change. If we really tap into a memory of doing something really well it’s much easier on the brain to consider a change.

So if someone is listening to this and having a challenge in their life, they should first acknowledge the strength they have in that area?

They should honestly acknowledge it. Sometimes when someone has been through something really hard, they have a level of endurance and tolerance that other people don’t have. What do you have that nobody else has? And actually being honest about that is pretty hard work.

And super helpful to take some of those challenges we are having and reframe them into recognizing that we have had some success.

When you find that success when you find that part that you’re good at, throw gasoline on that fire. Put everything you can on it. From a neurobiological standpoint, it’s going you all the neurochemicals to actually follow through. It is impossible to focus too on what someone does well.

Before we started recording I was sharing with you that I’m looking to expand my business and I’ve been doing a lot of work. I mentioned that I haven’t been successful in a lot of things. And you asked me about where I have been successful. I really love this question of where have you been successful and how can you use your strengths to grow rather than trying to fix what’s wrong with you.

Coaches are in the business of trying to make people feel more proud of themselves. What do you do well? What are you proud about? What really engages you? Those are the questions you should ask yourself every day. Brian says that he struggles with this as well. His brain wants to go to ‘well you’ve screwed this up before’. He had a business that went $70000 into debt. So when he started a new business he had that at the back of his mind every day. He has to focus his effort on being clear about where he is going to shine the best. Where am I going to bring my highest potential? This is a question that we spend a lifetime trying to figure out. But it’s a much better question than ‘What’s wrong with me?’

Can you speak a little bit about priming your brain?

Your brain is water and fat. It’s not a muscle but Brian loves the muscle analogy. There are different levels of focusing on our success. We can get really deep, but to begin with, it can be ‘well I didn’t screw that up’. But we build this muscle and we can get stronger in recognizing our strengths.

I want to get into the social contracts we have. Especially with regards to our career. Can you talk about some of the old templates we have and how we change them in the face of changing technology?

Brian’s father was a union miner in the late 70s/ early 80’s. There was this idea that if he shows up to the job, is loyal, puts up with a bunch of crap, it will pay out and he will receive the benefits and be able to retire. We no longer have that safety net. What does still exist is our approach to the economy. We rely on a job to provide us with security but the numbers show that there is no security in jobs anymore. What’s changed is that we have to create that security on our own. We have to create that validation on our own too. We used to rely on I've got this degree; I’ve got this job. We now have to rely on I’ve got his skill, I've got this ability and apply it in 5 or 6 different areas.

One of the reasons I started my own business is because I got fired from a couple of jobs and felt that I didn’t want to put my security in somebody else's hands. I wanted to have ownership over that.

What you have identified is why we should be excited about this. And there will always be a part of you which is scared of hell about this. But imagine how it would feel if you knew you understood your value enough to weather any storm.

If somebody doesn’t know what they like and what they’re good at, then what?

You get to go and fall down a few times. Brian doesn’t have an easier answer than that. When he hears ‘I don’t know’, he also hears ‘I’m really worried about screwing it up.’ That feeling is very real but also short-sighted. You can go screw up really big and be okay. Because we don’t have these jobs that don’t last for 40 years, we also don’t have this inherent obligation to never screw up like we used to. Screwing up is part of the process now.

My experience has been that when I hold myself back, in terms of keeping myself safe, I actually experience more discomfort than taking the risks, trying and ‘failing.’

Brian’s wife is a counselor and her background is in transpersonal psychology, so comes from a Buddhist school. They have this philosophy about pain. You can either wait for pain, in which case it’s out of your control, or you can seek pain, in which case it’s in your control. If you are in a job hoping that the job will provide you safety, you are inviting pain that will be out of your control. If you are doing your own thing, you are inviting pain that is within your control.

I want to get back to this idea of valuing ourselves. So many people have difficulty seeing themselves as the person that can define their own values versus outside validation.

When Brian was in juvenile corrections he was a smoker. A kid challenged him in on it. He had a week where he quit smoking, met his wife and signed up for his first marathon. Over the course of 2 years, he ran 15 races. Every time he did a race, he got a medal. One day his wife laid them all out on the table and said ‘what do these say about you?’ He stared at those medals and started crying. He looked at them wondered if maybe they said that he was worthless. That’s a question that is plaguing people. We spend our time at school and at our job trying to get somebody to tell us we did well at a task. While that is needed and is valuable, when we tell ourselves we have value, it has the most power.

What do you think is the question we need to be asking ourselves?

There are levels to this. The question can be ‘do you believe in yourself?’ But for some people, that’s too big a question. The powerful questions are – ‘where do you believe in yourself?’ and ‘in what instances do you trust yourself?’ For some people who have been through traumatic experiences, they have to start at ‘I trust myself to turn the coffee pot on.’ Then those other questions of ‘where do you feel you add value?’ and ‘Where do you feel you matter?’

Can you explain a little bit about the reticular activating system?

Of all the data coming into your brain, you are only processing about 1 % of it. Your RAS (reticular activating system) is just a little instrument in your brain that filters your inputs. It says we are only going to pay attention to these things. And it’s generally anything that’s going to generate a higher emotional reaction. Because there's this limited ability to focus and because our brains are designed for safety, we generally look for things that are going to make us look stupid or dumb. If we can take control of the RAS, we can change the filters and literally change our reality.

Why do you think we overlook our talents?

Because we’re running away from bears. We feel social pain and physical pain the same way. We’re much more concerned if we’re going to look stupid or be embarrassed. Physical pain we have nerves for. Social pain we have emotions for. We’re so dialed in to not looking dumb that we avoid beauty. Avoiding fear is much more natural than finding beauty.

Do you think our value is in our hardships?

Our value is the whole picture. So our hardships are apart of that. There are things Brian has been through that he would not sign up to go through again, but they’ve allowed him to do things he wouldn’t have done otherwise.

What gives you so much meaning in your work?

When he sees somebody who has read his book, is in a workshop or he is coaching and they have that moment when they realize that they are actually worth something.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?

It’s not about you.

Tell us how we can get in touch with you and how we can get your book?

Book: https://www.amazon.com/Experts-Our-Potential-Change-Deliver/dp/197425299X/

Website: https://brianfretwell.com/

Email: brian@brianfretwell.com

Ted Talk: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qiN67V5q3C

#124: Anna Goldstein: Love Meditation + Emotional Flood Exercise Feb 14, 2019

Love is our superpower. Love can overcome obstacles. Love can heal. Love can inspire. Love is creative.

I’m going to guide you through a meditation to connect with the love that’s already in your heart.

#123: Nadia Finer: Overcoming Self-Doubt and Insecurity (Stop Playing Small and Go Big) Feb 07, 2019

Nadia Finer, a powerhouse business coach, wickedly funny international speaker and author of LITTLE ME BIG BUSINESS is here to help you UNLEASH THE BIGNESS IN YOUR BUSINESS. Don’t be fooled by Nadia’s sweet appearance and adorable voice. Nadia is feisty and fearless. Rather than hide behind her insecurities, she has turned her little voice into her secret weapon and used it to build a unique personal brand. She now helps struggling business owners all over the world to embrace who they really are, work smart and scale up. No more playing small. No more limitations on what you can achieve. It's time to kick fear in the face and turn your tiny profits into big bucks!

I came across your story about your voice. I’d love for you to share your story about how you changed this painful moment into a podcast and your work around being able to speak your voice.

Nadia has a ‘little voice’ and it became apparent as a teenager that as she got older, her voice didn’t. The moment she discovered that she had a little voice, it was a turning point in her life. She was 15 and learning French in her school’s language lab. She’d record herself speaking and then listen to the playback. When she heard her voice it sounded like a tiny child was speaking what she just said. Then it dawned on her that the voice was hers. She decided that she was never going to ring someone on the phone who she didn’t know, speak on a stage or appear in a video.

Did you tell anyone that you had this experience where you thought you were weird?

She didn’t tell anyone. It was just a decision that she made and kept to herself. Now looking back on it, this response feels bizarre.

It sounds like you had an insight. That what your voice sounded like did not match what was around you.

She now realizes that her voice is not something she can possibly hide. On a daily basis, someone makes a comment about it. As you get older, the disconnect between how you sound and you age gets greater and people are more inclined to comment on it.

Did you have friends and family comment on your voice when you were a teenager?

She didn’t really experience this. When people get to know her and get used to her, they don’t really notice the voice anymore. As a professional, she did find it held her back at work. Managers would make comments about gravitas and she would have to do certain things to be taken more seriously. Various employers sent her on elocution lessons which didn’t change the way her voice sounded.

What were you doing for work?

She started off working in an accountancy firm and then worked in marketing and consultancy for various companies. One boss said to a client ‘She sounds really young, she’s got a really little voice but she’s got a really big brain.”

How did that feel?

It was pretty embarrassing for that to be said in front of a client. Later, she quit her job and started a variety of small businesses. The voice held her back. She would create a brand and then hide behind it. On her websites, there would be very little of Nadia. Her about page would have a single sentence to explain who she was. She would undervalue herself and go low price.

I think people have this experience, even if their experience with their voice isn’t like yours. I think people can relate to what you’re saying.

It’s not about the pitch of your voice or the volume, it’s about how you feel speaking freely, the things that you say and how you show up in the world. And when you're an entrepreneur and you are your business, it pushes buttons. People feel exposed in a way they didn’t when they were employed. Having a job you go to work, do some stuff and get paid. At no point do you say ‘Oh I doubt myself, I, therefore, can’t do it.’

For a number of years, she was comparing herself to everyone else and hiding. She was not really showing up and doing work on a tiny scale. Then she started a new business, a PR service and did the ultimate thing to hide - bring someone into her business to hide behind. Which now sounds ridiculous. After a rocky time working with this person, they accused her of ‘playing small’. She hadn’t heard that phrase before and at that moment she found her inner strength and fired her. That moment changed everything.

When did you make the connection that this moment when you were 15 impacted so many of your decisions?

After she closed that business, she was in a state of crisis. She did a lot of soul-searching and thinking. She decided to concentrate on the coaching side of things and was struggling to work out how she would fit into the marketplace. She didn’t know how to exist in amongst people who had a very ‘show-off’ attitude. A friend told her to be herself. And at first, she was averse to the idea. But once she decided to embrace her voice, everything changed.

And how long did that take you?

It was a few weeks of knowing it was the thing to do and then thinking it wasn't possible. Out of nowhere, the idea came into her head of Little Voice Big Business and at the moment decided that was going to become her brand. She considered what the scariest thing she could do with her little voice was, and that was when she came up with the idea of the podcast.

When you are yourself and embrace the thing that is you, that holds the secret to everything, that makes you unforgettable and that makes you stand out from everybody else – good things happen. She likes that she show’s people that you don’t to be flash and ballsy to be successful in business. You just need to be yourself and it’s okay to do it in a quiet way.

I typically thing that that thing which is our treasure, we are afraid of it.

Nadia thinks it’s a fear of standing out, of being judged and a fear of exposing yourself and the things that you struggle with. She also thinks that it has to be authentic. She sees lots of people trying to be themselves but struggling because they are being a sanitized version of themselves, which doesn’t work either.

How do you recommend people discover their treasure?

Unfortunately theirs no magic formula. It involves a bit of thinking. She now works with people to help them discover what it is. She believes it is possible for everybody and hasn’t found somebody who didn’t have something interesting or unique about them.

It’s amazing how challenging it can be to uncover some of those layers that prevent us from seeing our treasure. It really takes getting to know yourself and facing your fear at the same time.

Sometimes the treasure isn’t fear based. She’s currently working with a hypnotherapist who is really into rock music, which isn’t fear based. It doesn’t always have to be about insecurities.

You mentioned before we started recording that you’re a boxer. I said we have to talk about that on the podcast.

For Nadia, it’s the least expected thing she could be doing and pushes her beyond what she ever thought would be possible for her both physically and mentally. She’s a middle-aged mom and has become part of a combat gym, trains every day and has just done her 3rd fight. Which she won. It has become this whole other side to her which she is loving and has discovered a strength and fierceness within her that she didn’t know was there.

Wow! Punching people in the face. I don’t know if I could do that?

Nadia felt like that too. But when your opponent punches you in the face, you hit back. She feels so much stronger now and realizes that it’s important to invest in yourself. As a mom, you end up picking underpants up off the floor and making dinner for everyone. It’s so much easier to do all that when you have an outlet and time for yourself doing something physical.

Even when not boxing, it can feel like people are “punching us in the face” all day long. How can we deal with it?

There are so many lessons from boxing. The concept of ‘embracing impact’ is one of them. When you are in a fight situation and someone is punching you, the idea is you block the shots. It’s all about not panicking when that is happening and embracing the impact. The key is not to panic and wait for your opportunity to strike back. It’s a great analogy for business. There are so many lessons from the ring that you can apply to business.

In boxing, no boxer would ever go into the ring without a team in the corner. No boxer would ever train without a coach. You just can’t do it by yourself. Yet in business, we expect to mange on our own as if we’re superhuman.

How do you prepare your mind for a fight?

Nadia was nervous for about 2 weeks before her latest fight. On the day she had a feeling of nervousness in her chest, hands, and toes. She tries to quiet those negative voices and tells herself that she’s done this before, she’s trained hard and she knows what to do. She was scared that 800 people would be watching the fight. She told herself that most of them are not watching her, they’re chatting and those that are, are supporting her. She tries to surround herself with people who have been there and done it and can give advice and encouragement. Just before a fight she will put her hood up, have headphones on and listen to music.

Is there a song that you listen to that prepares you?

Her walkout song this time was Linkin Park – In The End. She listens to that song a lot during training as in helps her out of being mum Nadia and into the right state to be a fighter. It’s amazing the power of music.

Even if we feel little, or afraid or we doubt ourselves, it’s not a permanent state. It’s not something you have to live with forever.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?

When she’s having a moment and doesn’t think she can do something in the ring, her boxing trainer says - “Stop being a knobhead.” And somehow that helps her get a grip and get on with it.

Tell us how we can get in touch with you and learn more about what you do

Visit https://nadiafiner.com

#122: Denis Estimon: Be Strong: Connection, Kindness, & Community Jan 31, 2019

Denis Estimon is the creator of We Dine Together, a program that aims to combat social isolation within schools to make sure no-one has to eat alone. Denis and his family immigrated to the U.S. from Haiti, when he was in the first grade. He faced the challenge of making friends not in only In a new school but in a new culture. Now he helps students make connections with others. Anna first discovered We Dine Together while watching CBS This Morning and was blown away by what Denis is doing. Denis is also the director of Be Strong, a national non-profit organization focused on preventing bullying using a student-led approach.

Tell us about your story and how you came about creating your mission:

Denis and his family moved to the United States from Haiti. He had the challenges of both being the new student at school and being in a completely new environment. Since he didn’t speak English he struggled to connect to people and form relationships. He spent lunchtimes and recess alone. This experience inspired him to start We Dine Together to create a culture of the community in schools. School is one of the most segregated environments we experience. For a new student or a student who has been experiencing social challenges it can be a safe haven. A student can come into a new school, not knowing anybody and find a We Dine Together Club that they can go to.

We walk around with a smile on our face but it’s really hard when we feel lonely inside:

Denis agrees. The problem we are facing today is that people can show the best of themselves and can act like everything is going well but truly not everything is not always fine. Now, when something is going on in their lives, students do not turn to people, they turn to social media. They don’t learn how to build real relationships with people. Part of the Be Strong State Rep program is to work in 3 key areas every month – advocacy, acts of kindness and awareness. For the acts of kindness they do simple daily acts such as hold the door open for 10 strangers and look them in the face. Because even small acts like that make a difference.

What are some things you teach with how to actually approach someone who is sitting alone?

Often what you say is not as important as just saying something. It is important to step out of our comfort zone. Denis’s family stepped out of their comfort zone to come to a new country. We have to step out of our comfort zone and try to connect with people.

You must hear those stories all the time, about how somebody said hi to someone and how that led to another thing.

When Denis first founded the club, he approached a young man. They didn’t have much conversation as the young man was very shy. Denis felt slightly rejected but he went back the next day and the next day and the next. At the end of the week the young man asked Denis why he was sitting there and he told him they were friends. The kid started crying. Denis was the first person in 3 years to sit with him. The following week 2 other students sat with them. The young man had invited them.

What made you approach the same person, even though you were in some ways getting rejected by them?

Denis thought that if he didn’t do it then who would approach the kid? He didn’t want to wait for somebody else to do it. It took him about a week to approach him.

I saw that people of all different ages are involved in the We Dine Together initiative. What age does it start?

There is really no age limit on it but what they’ve been seeing lately is that the program works best with 4th-12th grade. They have also gone into elementary schools and taught kids about resiliency.

How does someone become a part of We Dine Together?

The first step is nominating a student and then that student goes through an interview process and find out about the program and how it works. As a state rep they then need to find 3 other people to form a club. These 3 people should be from different communities – athletics, academics, creative or disabilities. After the group is formed they do their monthly challenges based around advocacy, awareness and act of kindness.

How many schools are you in and how have you grown?

We Dine Together is now in over 170 schools. They have mostly been growing through word of mouth and students have just been starting clubs. Kids are going into other schools and starting clubs there.

I want to ask you about a story I heard, where a lady took an apple and cut it in half. Can you tell me about that?

This is a story that changed Denis’s life. If you cut an apple, you can count the number of seeds in apple but you can’t count the number of apples in a seed. The seeds you plant today will bring about harvest later on. Denis wants people to plant a seeds of generosity, kindness and compassion.

Do you have mentors that support you?

Denis has had many mentors throughout his life and every mentor has taught him something different. The things they did when he was younger planted the seed for who he is today.

The students that are leaders in your program – what changes are they experiencing?

Overall growth. They are learning about different people and different cultures. They are building relationships with people that they wouldn’t otherwise. By being able to build relationships on a school campus they will be able to do this in their careers in the future.

What happened after you were featured on CBS Good Morning?

Before the CBS episode, he did not see many people with the idea of welcoming people and building relationships over the table. The CBS piece created a snowball effect of welcoming other people and building relationships. Denis saw other clubs being created with a similar mission. It also created interest in We Dine Together and bought more reps to the organization.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?

One person can’t help everyone, but everyone can help one person.

Where do you see this in 10-15 years? What impact do you think you can have as a culture?

Denis wants to see the rates of suicide and depression decrease. Not just because of his organization but because of all the organizations that are working to combat this issue. He would like to see a We dine Together club in every school. Then students wouldn’t have the fear of going to a new school and wondering who they will eat lunch with. He’d like to completely eliminate that narrative.

Tell us how we can get involved

Visit www.wedinetogether.org
Nominate a student to form a We Dine Together club
Donate at https://bestrong.global/donate/
Invite someone to sit down with you and share a meal with you

#121: Diana House: Entrepreneurship, Alignment, & Profit Jan 24, 2019

Diana House is a lawyer turned serial entrepreneur who is obsessed with empowering entrepreneurs around their business finances. She has been featured as one of the top female entrepreneurs in Canada by the w100 and also recognized as a top 20 under 40 entrepreneur by Business London.

Diana has built a highly profitable 7 figure company, been on Dragon's Den (the Canadian version of Shark Tank), done a successful crowdsourcing campaign and sold two businesses in the e-commerce space. She now works with her fellow entrepreneur husband on Fast Forward Ventures a company focussed on private financing and commercial real estate investing.

Diana currently consults 1-on-1 with entrepreneurs on their business’ finances and is writing "the" book and course on entrepreneur finance "by an entrepreneur."

What do you think has contributed to your success?

Diana would like to say it was talent but admits it was grind. She is not one of those people that think you need to grind your whole life and work 60-80 hours a week. But she got to where she is today through hard work and determination.

When her companies were in start-up mode she worked her butt off. There are certain seasons where you need to have laser focus and, determination and do whatever it takes.

So let’s talk about your first business and the grind there. What did that really look like when you were first starting out?

After applying for creative roles and not getting a single interview Diana was struggling. This was her time to get out there and start adding value to the world, but no-one wanted her. One day she went to a job fair and instead of applying for a job, she ended up applying for a business grant. She received a $3000 to start a new company. The day she launched her e-commerce website she paid for the site in a single day and did over $10K in sales. This company was Tiny Devotions which sold mala beads and yoga inspired jewelry. This was the first company to make a product in this niche in North America.

After you decided not to become a layer you started making mala beads. How did that come about?

After law school, knew she didn’t want to be a lawyer but didn’t have a better plan. So she sold all her belongings and fled to Bali where she signed up for a yoga teacher training. In Bali, she started to look for a business idea. She came up with 3 ideas, import art from Bali, do yoga teaching and retreats or create yoga jewelry. She had followed the rise of Lululemon and could see that yoga was growing in popularity and an industry was springing up around it.

Where did money fit into her mindset?

Diana knew she was going back to Canada from Australia in 2 months and that that was when reality was to set in. She felt going to Bali was her last opportunity to do something crazy before going back to Canada and she even went into debt in order to go. When she went back to Canada she did a legal placement while living with her parents. After a talk from her father, she realized she needed to minimize her discretionary spending and pay off her debt. After that experience, she decided to learn to manage her money and never be in debt again.

How did you find customers when you launched?

What worked 10 years ago would not work now. She used social media and influencer marketer – before influencer marketing was a thing. She did this by sending products to influential yoga teachers.

With her current company, which she started 3 months ago, she is not yet doing paid marketing. Although she has the money for it, at this stage in the company she is leveraging relationships she has built over the years to get access to audiences.

What has been your experience with exits?

The second company she created was actually sold first. This was an e-commerce sock company that was also a social enterprise company. It loaned profits from the socks to entrepreneurs in Cuba.

Tiny Devotions became successful very quickly, but Diana struggled to feel in alignment with the business for many years. It took 2 years to sell the business and she had 20 deals fall apart before she was able to sell the company. Now looking back, she realizes she should have started the process of selling the company as soon as she started to fall out of alignment with it.

What advice would you give to someone who wants to make a transition because they are out of alignment?

Having awareness is really important and coaches can really help with that. Diana worked with career transition coach Rikke Hansen for a year when she decided to sell Tiny Devotions.

She also points out that it is important to take baby steps and that trial runs can be extremely helpful.

I’d love to hear about your current business. What are you offering?

Diana has a private lending company that gives loans to people who banks won’t finance. She is also a commercial real state developer and investor. These are things she runs concurrently with her entrepreneurial ventures.

Since she had experience in the finance space she decided to start providing financial consulting to entrepreneurs. She is currently started working 1 on 1 with entrepreneurs in her network, taking them through the framework she has developed over the past 10 years. In the spring she will be launching the Profit Accelerator which will be a group-based program for entrepreneurs.

What do you do to maintain your level of ability to perform?

She is finding that being in startup mode, she currently has an unstoppable mindset. As a Christian, she puts her faith first, with a prayer practice and regularly going to church. She finds journaling important to be reflective and self-aware. She also likes to have a community of strong women around her to call her on her bullshit.

Although she loves the grind, it can be crazy and she tries to make sure that she is able to dial it back when she needs to.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever been given?

The best advice she’s been given was from her neighbor, who was a very successful entrepreneur. He told her that ‘what is more important than what you do with your life, is who you spend it with’.

What’s an action step that you want to offer someone listening to this podcast?

She has an opt-in on her website www.dianahouse.com that has her framework – 10 profitability essentials for entrepreneurs.

Outside her own stuff, if you’ve never had a coach, hire a coach. Hire a great coach and do the work to enable you to grow as fast and as big as you can.

How can we get in-touch with you?

WWW.DIANAHOUSE.COM

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dianapowerhouse/

Other Links:

Early Exits: Exit Strategies for Entrepreneurs and Angel Investors by Basil Peters

https://www.amazon.com/Early-Exits-Strategies-Entrepreneurs-Capitalists/dp/0981185517/

Samantha Wills

https://www.samanthawills.com/

Lisa Messenger

https://collectivehub.com/about-lisa-messenger/

Rikke Hansen

rikke.me

#120: Gregg Clunis: Tiny Leaps, Big Changes: Crush Your Goals and Create the Life You Want Jan 17, 2019

Gregg Clunis is an entrepreneur and author obsessed with helping people become better versions of themselves. While we receive lots of negative messages In today's world, some of the positive messages we received are filled with fluff, such as "follow your passion," or "dream big," that are supposed to spark change and accomplishments in our lives. But often these ideas aren’t practical and how do you achieve those lofty goals exactly?

Gregg explores the reality behind big change — that it comes from the small decisions we make daily. Using scientific and psychological research, Gregg, shows you what hidden factors drive our behavior and gives you the tools to form daily habits to accomplish your goals. His core philosophy is “All big changes come from the tiny leaps you take every day.” Gregg hosts a podcast and has just released a book Tiny Leaps, Big Changes: Everyday Strategies to Accomplish More, Crush Your Goals, and Create the Life You Want

Was there a time in your life when you realized that tiny leaps can create big changes?

It happened after Gregg launched his podcast show called Tiny leaps. He has been hosting the show now for almost three years and he started it because he was frustrated with personal development and how it has become fluffier than it needs to be. Gregg thinks personal development is a very practical thing. To move forward and to make progress is a desire that is embedded in every human being. It does not need to be a cultish kind of thing that it is becoming these days. Gregg’s vision behind starting the show was to bring personal development back to practicality.

The idea of just focusing on day-to-day behaviors and taking actions on daily basis towards the right path is something Gregg learned from his parents. Gregg is an immigrant and moved to the United States from Jamaica when he was eight years old. Gregg learned from a very early age that if you want something, you have to be willing to sacrifice for it and you also need to be clear about it. All this built the foundations for tiny leaps.

How do you push through moments of doubts and insecurities in the creative process of self-discovery?

It is really hard at times. Sometimes, Gregg is so frustrated that he has to bail on the idea that he is working on at that moment. One of the things that he had to do with tiny leaps and numerous other projects is to make a commitment to finish something before starting it regardless of how frustrating and annoying it is. He tries to focus exclusively on the behavior of doing something regardless of how frustrated he is. This has been the biggest hack for Gregg to push through in self-discovery process. Gregg credits this to his father who advised Gregg to see through things rather than giving up on something in the initial phases.

What do you think is the downside of personal development?

The biggest downside is that motivation and inspiration disappears. These are the two biggest things that people are actually selling. Unfortunately, these things do not support actual change. They might support a change in behavior in short term but do not have an impact on your behavior in the long run.

How can someone get practical in bringing about a major change in their lives?

Gregg talks about the idea of identity. We act in a certain way because we identify as the type of person who acts that way. Someone who goes to the gym regularly identifies the type of person who goes to the gym regularly. If we really want to bring a change in our lives, we need to back ourselves with an identity. There are a lot of different steps you can take to find yourself an identity.

What is an identity that you did not have before but have managed to gain it now?

Gregg never considered himself a salesperson. For a very long time, he thought he was terrible at sales and could not hold those conversations with potential clients. He has been able to make some very controlled efforts in his life to overturning this limiting belief. One of these efforts consisted of taking up a crappy sales job at a company with less future prospects. The job helped him get over a lot of fear and anxiety that he had related to sales.

What was it like making a transition from a regular job to entrepreneurship?

After Gregg started his first sales job, he worked there for the first six months of 2017 after which he was offered another job. He got a job in a big corporation and worked there for about a year. However, the job was on a contract basis and Gregg was working as a freelancer. He started his business in April of 2018 which at that time was mainly a podcast marketing agency which focused on promoting great shows and helping them get the right audience. It went well for Gregg and he was able to help a lot of different clients.

What is the best advice you have ever been given?

The best advice Gregg has been given is something his brother said to him when he was a young kid. He said to him that money does not equal influence and that money does not equal power.

Who is your favorite personal development person?

Gregg is following James Clair these days. He is a blogger and a photographer who writes very good articles on human behavior and its relation to personal development.

How can we connect with you?

https://greggclunis.com

#119: Erin Stutland: Mantras in Motion: Manifesting What You Want Through Movement Jan 10, 2019

Erin Stutland is an author, coach and an entrepreneur who has helped many people connect with their inner self through movement. After years of yo-yo dieting, exercising only for weight loss, and struggling with self-confidence, she longed to figure out how to treat herself with consistent love and respect. Erin was tired of thinking “I wasn’t (fill in the blank) enough.” So, she dove deep into studying psychology, spirituality, meditation and more in hopes to change this internal conversation to one that uplifted and inspired her daily. But still, with all the tools out there, Erin felt as though something was missing. How does self-love, kindness, confidence, and compassion become ‘muscle memory’ rather than afterthoughts or just another intellectual idea? Can we use our bodies to fortify our belief in self and tap into a deeper sense of strength and courage? When you put the mind and body in motion, they begin to heal themselves. It’s the reason she wrote her NEW book Mantras in Motion: Manifesting What You Want Through Mindful Movement. She is passionate about shifting the way we think about exercise, so it is not a punishment, but rather an opportunity to step into your power. Furthermore, she wants to see people like you living BIG lives, unafraid to go after your dreams while you are filled with happiness, love and abundance. Erin believes being connected to your body is essential to achieving this.

How did you come about writing this book?

Erin’s background is in dance and so she has been a mover ever since her childhood. She grew up as a dancer and later went to college to study dance. It has always been in her focus. When she was a freshman in college, her mother was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. This was devastating news for Erin and she was caught up in confusion. This happened twenty years ago and it rocked Erin’s world in a way she did not expect. She was on her own and would question every day if her mother would make it through her disease.

During this phase, Erin says she came across a kind of darkness she had never experienced before. It was around that time that Erin went to see a therapist who helped get through this phase in her life. Her therapist recommended her medication but Erin refused to take any sort of medication. She wanted to figure this out without any sort of medication.

Erin thinks she learned a lot from her mother who despite the continuous pain and agony from her diseases never gave up. She would always look at the bright side. Erin believes this set her on the path of controlling her mindset and her perspective. It was at that time she came across a book called The Greatest Salesman in the World by Og Mandino. Soon, Erin felt a positivity in her life and realized her happiness and emotions are all linked to how she perceives things in her life.

How do you think a change in physiology creates a change in our minds?

Erin talks about a typical example of a workout and when it gets hard, we start to have an inner dialogue with ourselves. At that moment, our mind goes to a couple of different places. It will go to complaining, it will go to doubting yourself or some other limiting thought. Every time we give up doing something or feel like our body cannot take it anymore, it all stems from our mind giving up first.

What has been a negative belief in your life that you had to work on?

One of the beliefs that Erin thinks held her back was around the time she started to run her own business. She started her business by conducting small workshops throughout New York City. They were very intimate yet very powerful. Erin wanted to expand her business and reach more people outside the New York city wellness world. She had no idea though how to expand her business. She realized she had a limiting belief that she could only have an impact on other people’s lives if she was in the same room as them.

Do you have a process that you take people through in order for them to be able to manifest?

Erin’s book deeply talks about the process through which she takes people in her work. The first step in manifesting is to be clear about what you want to achieve and tuning into your deepest desires. A lot of time we don’t allow ourselves to feel our desires and wants.

The second step is then looking at your belief around the desire. You need to see if your beliefs are aligned with your desire.

The third step is to take some inspired action. We have to find what actions can help us achieve our goals.

The fourth step to be able to manifest is to move into the space of allowing and accepting. There needs to be a little bit of letting go.

What is the best advice you have ever been given?

The best advice she has ever been given is to keep taking actions, in particular when it comes to business. It is very easy to get stuck when starting a new business but you need to keep going. This is something that has helped Erin not only in her business but also in her life.

What is your current mantra for your personal life?

The mantra Erin always comes back to is the following:

“I am tuned in, I am in the flow, I have all that I need, the rest I let go.”

Sometimes there is just so much going around in our lives and in those moments we really need to keep things simple, deal with one thing at a time and have an inner belief that we have the ability or potential to get things done.

How can we connect with you?

Website:

http://erinstutland.com

#118: Anna Goldstein: The Power of Intention Jan 03, 2019

What's underneath the idea of goal setting is behavioral changes. And what's true about behavioral changes is they require repetition and it requires support and it requires time.

#116: Scott Nelson: Red Light Therapy, Sunlight, & Health Dec 24, 2018

Scott Nelson is a MedTech enthusiast, ambitious doer, and curious by nature. Scott and his partner Justin, created Joov the first professional-grade, full-body red light therapy device designed for convenient, in-home use.

Endorsed by doctors, athletes, health professionals and many more, Joov, light therapy stimulates our cells and boosts cellular energy. In addition, to enhancing skin health and muscle recovery, clinical research has shown light therapy can improve the body’s ability to lose weight. There are numerous clinical studies that provide how red and near-infrared light therapy is effective including physical and emotional health/well-being.

What are the benefits of red light therapy?

The benefits are very wide-ranging. It helps achieve enhanced skin health. It helps in wrinkle reduction, enhances peek athletic performance, improves cognitive and sexual performance. All these benefits come from red light therapy and they are all clinically proven. This field is not well known but it is an emerging field. It has been around the mid 20th century.

What is the easiest way through which people can use red-light therapy?

The easiest and least expensive way to get light therapy is to get natural sunlight. Many people try to avoid going out in sun and prefer to wear a sunblock when out in sun. However, the reality is that the full-spectrum sun is very healthy not in a way we typically use it. It is very healthy to spend some time under the sun on daily basis. Scott says the easiest way is by starting to make sure we spend some time under the natural light and also light in general. Studies have been conducted on how some types of artificial lights can have negative ramifications on our health and disturb our circadian rhythm.

Do you think excessive use of digital devices is affecting our health?

Our body responds to different lights in different ways. Our ancestors were not surrounded by artificial light and spent most of the time outside. Their main sources of light were sun and in some cases, candles. Since the mid 20th century, due to the advancement in technology and consistent presence of digital devices in our lives, we are exposed to artificial light almost all the time. Our biological systems cannot adapt that fast to the overexposure of artificial light. From a high level, it is about understanding the core principle that our bodies have adapted to natural sunrise and sunset and light helps us to adjust our circadian rhythm.

Since red light therapy can generate new cells, can it also improve communication between cells?

Scott says red-light therapy has the ability to improve communication between cells. In fact, there is some well-understood mechanisms of actions involving light therapy and there are also some emerging mechanisms that seem to be happening but are not understood by academic researchers at the moment. When it comes to well-understood mechanisms, they can be further divided into two categories; primary and secondary. Primarily at a high level, these wavelengths of light help produce more mitochondria at a cellular level. A byproduct of this is better communication at a cellular level.

Can you tell us a little about your products?

If we want to use Scott’s product for red light therapy, first we need to make sure if we are not able to get enough natural sunlight. His products are more of a supplement. There are a couple of things you need to look out for when buying such a product. You need to make sure that the device you are using has been clinically proven to provide lights of certain wavelengths. You also need to look out for a device that provides enough power so your

treatment times are short. You do not want to buy yourself a product and then go on to use it for hours in a day.

How do you think your product can help us enhance our performance in our lives?

Scott says he does not aim to treat for something general through his products. He primarily uses light therapy to deal with health-related issues.

Scott says that most of the people who are into health and into performance, they make sure their diet is optimized, they want to make sure their sleep is optimized. If you are going to supplement with something, you want to make sure you supplement with the right things. Scott says one thing that always gets ignored in the process is the importance of light and its pivotal role in optimal health and performance.

Has red light therapy shown any evidence to cure cancer?

Scott says it is a question he has come across many times in recent times. He had the opportunity to co-author and publish a paper on light therapy and cancer. It was published in early 2018. At a high level, it does appear to show evidence to cure cancer. However, there is also some studies that showcase that light therapy can actually promote tumor growth because theoretically, you are helping the infected cells grow hence contributing in tumor growth. There is some conflicting research on this topic.

What is the best advice you have ever been given?

Within a business context, the best advice he has ever been given is the actually the concept of ready, fire and aim. Scott likes to invest his time and energy in startups, he likes to build up businesses from scratch.

How can we connect with you?

You can find more about Scott, his work and his products through his website. His website’s URL is:

https://joovv.com

#117: Anna & Evan Goldstein: 4 Principles I'm Teaching My Son + An Interview with Him Dec 20, 2018

We're human beings. I make mistakes all the time. By no means am I a perfect mom and I am not trying to be perfect.

#115: Sara Polon: Soupergirl: A Multi-Million Dollar Soup Company that Improves Health and the Food System Dec 06, 2018

After living in New York as a Comedian, Sara Polon, hit rock bottom and took a hard look at the direction she was going in life. Sara had an Ah-HA moment when she read the book, The Omnivore’s Dilemma, which inspired her to get involved in the local food movement. After all she grew up on her Mom’s natural, freshly cooked and delicious soup, she got the idea to come back to her hometown in Washington DC. In 2008 she started Soupergirl with her mother to bring locally inspired, nutritious, and delicious soup to the hungry citizens of Washington, DC, and beyond. This mom-daughter duo can tell you, in clear conscience, that their soups are very healthy. They believe if you can’t pronounce something on the ingredient list, it should not be in the soup. Their soups are all plant-based and kosher filled with fresh, local veggies, grains, beans, and other wholesome goodness. The mission at Soupergirl isn’t just about soup - it’s about our food system. Soupergirl believes in real, responsible food and supports their local farming community. So that the planet, consumer, community, farmers, and laborers all win. As they grow, they believe they can inspire even bigger changes. One spoonful at a time. Recently, they were featured on ABC’s Shark Tank.

What was the first soup that you made?

Sara started the business with her mother back in 2008. She does not remember the first soup she made. She started her business by hosting gatherings on weekly basis and her mother would cook all the test recipes she had prepared. Sara would then share samples with all the guests, gather their opinions about different soups and that is how she was able to build the basis of her brand. She developed a database of 100 different soups. She launched her business in November 2008.

Why did you choose soup to start your business?

According to Sara, soup is the perfect food with high nutrition. It contains less fat and if it is prepared properly, it can have all the necessary proteins, fibers and nutrients in it. Sara wanted to get involved in the local food movement by being able to cook differently. She wanted to make an impact and she felt soup was a great way to incorporate healthy food in the lives of people around her.

How did you transition from being a comedian to being in the food business?

When Sara was doing comedy, she was working for different companies. She was not really passionate about her work and it was slowly starting to get to her. She has always had a very short attention span. Her breakthrough moment came when she was on a flight and read Michael Pollan’s book ‘The Omnivore’s Dilemma’. She had never understood the importance of local food movement before. After reading the book, she felt a need to get involved in the local food movement. She was considering a few different options around that time. She wanted to start her own business and her ideas revolved around incorporating comedy and health together.

How did you start the business?

Sara initially had a partner who backed out in the early stages of her business. After that, she got her mother involved in the business who was willing to help her. Though her mother had no idea what she was getting into.

Were you ever skeptical or in doubt about succeeding in your business?

Sara thinks when you are a small business owner, there is a constant struggle against self-doubts. Sometimes, in the morning she has this energy and feels like she is going to conquer the world today and then later in the day she feels tired or demotivated due to various reasons. The food industry is very hard, there is a lot of competition.

How do you maintain your mindset and focus?

Sara believes in herself and in her business. She believes her business is meant to grow because she is staying true to her passion towards food. She also performs meditation that helps her control her stress.

Why do you think the food system is broken?

People are far removed from where their food comes from. We usually go to the supermarket and everything is neatly packaged in there. We are not connected with how that food item gets to our shopping cart or to the supermarket shelf. We need to be connected with how the food we buy from the supermarket is prepared, who prepared it, how it was farmed. With her business, she is trying to create awareness among people to be more involved with their food and its story.

What do you think has had the biggest impact on your growth?

Sara thinks her customers have had the biggest impact on the growth. They have promoted the business as well by spreading the word about the business. Sara has a community of fans which many brands do not have. Sara considers herself to be lucky to have such fans.

How did you come up with this name for your brand?

Sara brainstormed with her family and friends for the name. She had a vision of the illustration. She knew people will be able to relate with the name and that it adds flavor, it adds humor and relates to what she was trying to do.

Did you ever have a business plan?

Sara initially had a business plan but she was never able to finish it. It has gone through several iterations over the years. Sara believes business plan needs to be a living documentation, it needs to change with time.

How has your business changed ever since you aired on Shark Tank?

Sara has decided to ship her products nationwide. Every person in the country can now get her food. She was able to set up meetings with major grocery chains and was able to put her products in their stores.

What is your favorite soup?

It really depends on Sara’s mood and time of day. She usually prefers her ginger butternut soup. In summers, she prefers the chilled watermelon gazpacho. Sara also says there is nothing like a lentil soup with simple vegetables.

What is the best advice you have ever been given?

The best advice she has ever been given is to never stop believing. Someone said to her that her biggest challenge was going to be staff. She believes anticipating your company's needs, hiring people and planning accordingly is very important for company’s prosperity. You have to be proactive and think three steps ahead.

What are you proud of?

Sara is not where she wants to be, it keeps her hungry and it keeps her motivated. She says she is not proud of anything as yet.

How can we connect with you?

thesoupergirl.com

#114: Anna Goldstein: Focus is Power (How a Sports Psychologist Changed My Life) Nov 29, 2018

In 1999 I was a senior in high school and I had a huge opportunity in front of me. I was about to play in the Maryland State tennis championship tournament. I had been playing tennis competitively for the past nine years. I had hit a bunch of forehands bunch of backhands overhead volley serves all the strokes. I had spent years practicing but there was something that happened when I played tournaments. Sometimes I would do really well and I would win matches. And then there were times where I would lose to players that I could have beaten. I couldn't tell the difference in my performance. Why did I win sometimes and lose other times?

There was something crucial that was missing which I wasn't aware of. Up until this tournament. So here I was about to play in this tournament that I was seeded number two which means I was expected to come in second place. But I knew I could win this tournament. I knew I could be the Maryland State tennis champion and my mom found this ad in the newspaper. This was back in the day before the Internet was super popular. She found an ad in the paper that was for a sports psychologist. She called her and I ended up going to her house which was about 20 minutes away from my house and meeting with this woman, C.J. Lockman. I would go to her house weekly for several weeks. I sat on her couch and we would talk about mental strategies to improve my performance. We would do things like visualization where I would picture myself winning the Maryland State tennis tournament and not just picture it. I would feel it.

I would rehearse this vision over and over again even at home before I would go to sleep at night. I really would get into the feeling of it. We also did things like anchoring technique which is a quick way to shift your focus. And for me and what we talked about a shift is fixing my strings so I would look at my racquet and I would fix my strings to trigger a positive emotion and get me back into focus. And we also used techniques such as mantras where I would say positive things about my forehand works perfectly and smoothly and we would talk about how many times I had hit a four forehand how many times I had a backhand so on and so forth just really reminding myself that I had the ability to win and becoming the woman that could win this tournament. So I spent a lot of time mentally preparing for this tournament and then the day arrived where the two where it was time to play in the tournament in Baltimore Maryland. And this was in May. So the weather was beautiful was crisp. The sun was out. We didn't have any rain. The whole tournament. And we got there and I won the first couple matches pretty easily as expected. And then I was in the finals and in the first set I went down three games to one and I went back to my strings. I started to focus. I got into tune and I turned it on and I got into the zone. I was hitting forehands angles coming to the net. I had a whole strategy there and I won the next five games and I won the first set 6-3 and I went on to win the second set 6-2. I easily won this tournament it was the first tournament I had ever won like a breeze and the amazing thing was I was calm throughout the entire tournament. I wasn't nervous. It was I had mentally prepared so much that all I needed to do was show up as if my body already knew what to do and so it became very clear to me the difference in the experience of playing in this tournament in comparison to so many other tournaments's that I had played earlier in my tennis career. I believe the most underutilized resource is within us and it's our mental preparation. Whether it be with your job. Sure you've sent a bunch of emails we've made a bunch of phone calls we know what to do. It's not that I didn't know how to hit forehands right. It's just that I didn't take the time to mentally prepare. Pick any area of your life that is maybe not going as smoothly as you want whether it be your relationships or your health and what's missing a lot of the time is that we haven't actually set ourselves up with a strategy with how to utilize our internal resources focusing techniques you know the thing is is that it sounds so incredibly simple yet it's so difficult to get focused especially in today's world with so many distractions. Focus is the most important element of excellence. What's probably getting in your way right now is that you're not focusing properly. If there is an area that you're stuck in is that you're not focusing properly.

Let's flip this for a moment. Think of an area in your life that you're doing really well in and you're happy about how much attention and focus do you give that area to your life. Now it might not seem like you give a lot of attention and focus to that area of your life becomes because it comes so easily and naturally to you because you naturally focus on what you want and care about in this particular area. So if you're excelling in a certain area you're doing a really good job at focusing and maybe even you've gotten to the point where you don't even have to think so much because it's become so natural to you the other day I was at one of my friend's house and I was there with my son and she has three kids and her daughter who's about eight or nine years old got a splinter in her toe and she was crying and saying, "Mommy my foot hurts. I'm in so much pain." And she was focused on the pain in her toe and she was crying. And my son went to go give her a hug. In a moment she shifted from crying and being upset to oh and her face lit up because she saw my son approach her and hug her now it wasn't that the pain in her foot went away but she shifted her focus and attention and it changed her state.

It was amazing to watch how quickly we can shift our focus and that's where our power is. Today I want to invite you to hone in on an area that you're not giving a lot of attention to. Maybe you're thinking about the problems in that area and start to focus on mentally preparing yourself for success and creating positive images around that area of that you want to focus on and creating a positive mantra and shifting a thought a negative thought to a positive thought we can change our focus at any given moment. Tony Robbins says, "What's wrong is always available and so is what's right." And it depends on where you put your focus on what you focus on you feel. So if you're not feeling so great about something you can change your focus - that's where your true power is.

#113: Anna Goldstein: Mental Skills to Manage The Judgemental Mind Nov 22, 2018

At this time of year, there are all sorts of emotions that arising and if we can strengthen our inner world, our inner resources, and emotional fitness.. aside from the content or context of our lives -- the things that are going outside of us, if we develop tools to become more conscious and aware we can live a happier, more peaceful and fulfilled life. WHich let’s be honest -- we all want more of this.

In particular today, I want to focus on how you judge yourself and others, and how judgment can be a destroyer of happiness. You might judge yourself for showing up to another Thanksgiving without a romantic partner, or without pursuing your dream/aspiration of having your own business. You could be judging yourself about your weight or health, or whatever you didn’t accomplish this year that you want to be different. You might judge others, your family for your unmet needs or wishing others to be different and judging the way the way they are living their lives. And when you judge yourself or others harshly -- you might also notice some anger there. I think of anger as judgment's best friend. Anger is often a byproduct of judgment.

And then the ultimate judgment -- judging ourselves for judging. I want to be clear that this is not an exercise to make judgment wrong or make ourselves wrong but it’s the very opposite. Can I bring loving presence and mindfulness to whatever is arising WITHOUT judgment? Can I create some space between the feelings, thoughts, and sensations that arise? How to bring in more love to the table?

I want to share a story with you that I heard when I attended the psychotherapy networker event here in WashingtonD.C. I had the opportunity to see one of my favorite spiritual teachers Jack Kornfield. He is the author of one of my favorite books, A Path with Heart. He grew up in very difficult conditions and in his early adulthood, he went to Thailand to study Buddhist meditation. He is known for combining his spiritual teachings with Western Psychology.

At the event I attended several months ago, Jack Kornfield told a story and that stuck with me about mindfulness and during dealing with difficult sensations -- and I want to share with you. He told a story about a young Marine with deeper anger issues who he worked with to feel into his body in such a way that he was able to to be more aware of when his anger was triggered. Through ‘coming back to his senses’, he was able to create a conscious space in which all his reactions could be experienced from enough distance to allow a sort of loving calm in the middle of his storms.

Here's here's this how the story goes:

"The soldier was at the supermarket at the end of a tough evening, the lines were long, and a couple people ahead of him was a woman holding a baby with too many items in her cart. This triggered his anger immediately and his mind raged with angry assessments: “I’m exhausted, these lines are ridiculous, she shouldn’t be in the express lane but of course she doesn’t even think about where she is…” To make matters worse, the woman hands the baby over to the cashier, another woman who cooed and snuggled, and so the line was held up even longer. And the officer suddenly realized, “Oh! This is anger!” and he started to breathe deeply, sense his tense, contracting body, observe his pain and anguish, and become aware of the stories he was telling in his mind. In a few moments, something in him started to relax and open. He looked out again and saw that, oh, he’s actually a cute kid.When he got up to the cashier, he said, “That was a cute little boy.”“Oh, did you like him?” she said, “He’s my boy. You see, my husband was killed in Iraq last year, so now I have to work two jobs now. My mom takes care of him and she brings him in so I can say goodnight to him.”"

This story makes me quite emotional because we're so quick to judge -- to come to decisions or conclusions about ourselves or others. Especially at a busy time of year, when we're moving into the holidays and we might have to wait in long lines and we can easily see the judgemental mind rearing its head. And we can just begin to notice the quality of a judgemental mind -- it's agitated. “Why is this person in the express lane when they should have been in the other lane.” Or judging ourselves “I ate too much food. What’s wrong with me?”

There's a little process that this story about the Marine illustrates. Which is first to name the emotion. Whether that be “anger” to name the anger. The second step is to notice the sensation in the body. Notice how the body is contracting or feel into any tight sensations. The third step is just to observe the inner dialogue which is typically negative and to see if you can become aware of your thoughts with some space around it. Can you start to relax and open? Is there an opportunity to say something kind to someone like the Marine did, “Oh that's a cute little boy,” or maybe say something kind to yourself. Can you take a deeper fuller breath?

#112: Jennifer Gottlieb: Visualization, Manifestation, and The Power of Connection Nov 15, 2018

Born in Chicago, but raised in South Florida, Jennifer Gottlieb worked as child actor and went on to study musical theatre, film, and television at both The Hartt School and The American Musical and Dramatic Academy in New York City. Jen landed her dream role, and received rave reviews playing Linda in the Broadway national tour of the Tony Award-nominated musical comedy “The Wedding Singer". In 2010, Jen joined the cast of VH!’s That Metal Show. While living on the road and doing lots of performing Jennifer learned the importance of personal well-being, which sparked her career as a fitness and nutrition expert. She became a certified personal trainer and weight-loss specialist from The National Academy of Sports Medicine, Jennifer built a successful business training a large roster of celebrities and many of Manhattan's elite. Now Jen is the co-creator of Unfair Advantage Live with her partner Chris Winfield (who was also Interview on the podcast). Unfair advantage is an opportunity to be “in the room” with the media, influencers & gatekeepers that can turn you into a recognized expert and help you get the publicity you want... and deserve.

How do you think your childhood influenced on who you are today?

Jen was raised by parents who always believed in her. They supported her right from her childhood and made her believe she could achieve whatever she wanted to achieve in her life. They wanted her to try everything in her childhood including karate, gymnastics, karate, horse-riding, dancing, and singing. Jen always felt free to do whatever she wanted to do. She believes it was both a good and bad decision from her parents. It was good because it allowed her to be comfortable in picking up something and giving up if she did not like it. It was bad because Jen developed this habit of not being able to commit to anything for a longer period of time. She was not able to become an expert in anything she would pick.

What was your breaking moment for your success as an actor?

When Jen moved to New York, she did not have a lot of connections to start with. She went to see one of her friends, who was on the show called ‘The Wedding Singer’ on Broadway. She watched the show, looked at her friend play a particular role. She had an emotional response to the show and aspired to play the same role that her friend was playing. During this time, Jen got herself a book for personal development that was recommended to her by someone. She started to believe that she could create the life she dreamt for herself. She eventually auditioned for The Wedding Singer show for the role of Linda. When she appeared for the audition, there were a thousand other contestants auditioning for the same role. However, it did not bother much to Jen because she had created that belief in her mind that if we put in all the effort and hard work for things that we want in our lives, we succeed, eventually. This belief helped her get to the last round of audition where she was up against another contestant. It was the other contestant who actually got the part. Jen was not devastated by the results. This is because Jen did not give up and still believed she would play that role at some point later in her life. Jen soon went in for another audition that was not for The Wedding Singer and was certainly not for the role of Linda. However, she wore the same clothes as she wore when she auditioned for Linda’s role and even sang the same songs. The director was very impressed by Jen’s performance, gave her his contact card and told her they would meet very soon for work. Over the next few months, Jen would send him an email every week to which she would never get a response back from the director. This happened for six months until she finally got a reply via email. A contract was also attached in the mail. Jen was selected to play the role of Linda for the second tour of The Wedding Singer.

What has been one of your biggest insecurities?

Jen has faced body image issues in her past. That has been her biggest insecurity in recent past. She has also dealt with an eating disorder in her young adulthood. She had a big insecurity with her singing skills as well. She always doubted her singing skills. Jen thinks the issues she had with her body held her back in trying out many things in her life.

What has your career looked like after you worked in The Wedding Singer?

After the tour, Jen started to audition again for different shows. She eventually landed a role in an MTV Classic show called ‘That Metal Show’. She was perfect for the role because she had played a similar role in her last show. Jen had a great first season with the show. However, for the second season, the show directors and producers told Jen that they were going to shoot in LA but if she wanted to continue her role, she had to pay for her travel and bear accommodation expenses on her own. A lot of close friends advised Jen not to accept this offer because this eventually meant Jen had to spend more money than what she was going to earn from her role in the second season. However, Jen felt that if she managed to reprise her role in the second season, she would become irreplaceable in the show. That is exactly what happened because when Jen appeared for the second season, she got herself a bigger role, got paid a lot more money and went on to perform in that show for the next 14 seasons.

Can you tell us a little bit about Unfair Advantage and your role in the company?

Chris Winfield started this company and Jen partnered up with him. Chris and Jen conduct three-day events in New York City. They have three events per year. These events are for entrepreneurs who are struggling to establish their presence, who are not able to develop connections and who cannot promote their work and services in media. These events are about what you can do for others and not what you expect others do for you. The event is all about helping others build connections. On the second day of their event, they bring in the media to cover the event. This allows entrepreneurs to easily develop authentic connections with the media. They can get themselves featured as well.

What is the best advice you have ever been given?

The best advice she has ever been given is by one of her friends who said to her that when we stop thinking about what other people think about us.

How can we connect with you?

You can find more about her through her website. Her website’s URL is

Website: https://www.jenleahgottlieb.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jen_gottlieb/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Jenleahgottlieb/

#111: Kristin Mika: How to Elevate the Everyday: Hampton Paper Designs Nov 08, 2018

As a working mother of two boys, Kristin Mika launched Hampton Paper Designs on a whim on Memorial Day Weekend of 2007. After being unable to find the cards she was looking for that was charming and classic for her son Jackson, she decided to create her own line. Hampton Paper Designs combines her lifelong love of paper & letter writing — Beautiful watercolors inspires the stationery line. Hampton Paper Designs has so many great products. with the opportunity to express all human emotions, joy, thanks, sympathy, humor, and love and more. Whether it be with a calendar, invitation, journal, wrapping paper, notepads or stickers. All of the designs on the finest papers are reflective of the effortless style of a summer in the Hamptons: uncluttered, simply elegant, effortless sophistication.

What inspired you and how did you get started with this business?

It happened after the birth of her son Jackson. She wanted to get some new calling cards for him and so she went to a local shop. She did not love what she bought and it was also a bit expensive. Upon her return to home, she started to wonder what would happen if she started to make her own stationery. Her father’s girlfriend who at that time was a water-color artist had recently made cards for Kristin’s older son Thomas for special occasions like Halloween and Valentine’s day. She decided to take those water-color images and make stationary out of it. She called Lucy (her father’s girlfriend) and asked her to paint a few more water-color images. She made notecards and notepads out of those images and got them printed. This is how this business of paper design started for Kristin.

Did you ever think you would love to have a paper company?

Kristin is not sure if she really wanted to own a paper company. However, she has always been a paper person and she has always loved paper. Her parents got divorced when Kristin was quite young and she would write and send a lot of letters to her father. She would spend hours to pick up the right stationery before writing letters. Kristin used to design her own stationery in her childhood.

Do you think we should still rely on conventional methods of communication?

Kristin agrees and believes when it comes to business or personal relations, sometimes it is better to write messages with your own hands and that too on a paper. She writes thank you notes all the time. She just went to a dinner party a few weeks ago and upon her return from the party, she wrote a note to the woman who had hosted that party. The response she gets from people is always overwhelming. They are appreciative of the fact that even in today’s digital world, Kristin is considerate enough to spare some time and write for them.

Can you share how you got on The Today Show for the first time?

Kristin sent her Hershey kit stickers to Hamptons magazines. They got featured and soon she got a call from Jill Martin from The Today Show. She had seen the stickers in the magazines and wanted to feature Kristin’s products on the show. The whole experience to appear on the show was overwhelming for Kristin. Her orders grew soon afterward she appeared on the show.

What is your best selling product?

Her best selling products are calendars. She makes different types of calendars. One of these includes desk calendars which feature one image and glitter the images by hand. This has been her top-selling product for many years. There is a great community of people who love these calendars and give away these calendars as gifts to other people. She also gave away an option in which clients can pick twelve different images of their choice for their calendar. Kristin believes this is a great and unique idea as you get an opportunity to pick up images that can depict the coming events in your life.

How do you suggest your customers to buy products that are best for their need?

Kristin tries to put herself in the shoes of her customers. She tries to find out their likes/dislikes, what it is they like to shop. She herself prefers to give away gifts that are actually of some use to people. This is why calendars are such a great gift because they can be used on daily basis. One of the easiest ways to make a gift special is by personalizing it with the name or a monogram of the person to whom you are giving the gift. It shows that you have put in an extra level of effort for the gift and that it was just created for the person you are giving to.

What advice do you have for someone who has a business idea but is not sure how to start?

It is really not that hard to start your own business if you have a good idea to start with. Kristin never created a business plan for Hampton Paper design, her business was established out of her passion for the work she does. Once you take the initial steps, you learn every day about the dynamics of running a business.

What is your secret to planning a great party?

Kristin’s secret to plan a party is to be prepared for it. Everything boils down to preparation. She usually starts with the plan with weeks in advance. She mainly focuses on the themes for a party. Kristin believes the key to planning a successful party is to be prepared. You can also find many ideas on the Internet in planning a party or an event.

Can you give some examples of themes you have used in past?

She planned ‘The Back to School’ themed party for her son Jackson when he was in kindergarten. She has also planned parties with movie themes. Over the years, the parties Kristin has arranged for her children were usually a depiction of their current interests. Her son Thomas was interested in pirates and she conducted a party with a treasure hunt theme.

What is the best advice you have ever been given?

The best advice she has ever been given comes from her great-grandmother. She used to tell her to use her best items every day. They are great words to live by.

How can we connect with you?

You can find more about her work through her website. Her website’s URL is

http://www.hamptonpaperdesigns.com

#110: Jeannine Yoder: From a Difficult Childhood to a 6-Figure Entrepreneur Empire Nov 01, 2018

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How did you get featured in The New York Times at the beginning of your coaching career?

It happened after her coach training program. She was very excited after finishing the program as she felt she found her life-purpose through that program. She was the youngest woman in the program. However, she put in all of her passion, energy and time in the program. She was able to grow her coaching practice quickly. The head of the school where Jeannine was undergoing her training was approached for the article and was asked if he wanted to refer somebody to feature in the magazine. He referred Jeannine and she invited the interviewer to receive her coaching rather than opting for a conventional interview. Jeannine feels it is difficult to put in words the art of coaching and that is why she thought it would be better if she invited the interviewer for a coaching session. The interviewer attended several of her coaching sessions and wrote in a very positive manner about Jeannine and her business. He also put her photo as the cover photo of the whole article.

Did you ever have limiting beliefs about becoming a life coach?

Before becoming a life coach, Jeannine tried her luck in acting and become a theatre artist. Her niche as a performer was to play silly characters. She was always playing a blonde with a high-pitched voice. One of the reasons Jeannine left acting was because she did not found her purpose in it. She felt she was not able to put an accurate representation of her personality through acting.

Do you think having a difficult childhood helped you access your inner wisdom?

Jeannine is not sure if having a difficult childhood can always help you access inner wisdom. Jeannine thinks there are a lot of factors that can contribute towards wisdom. Jeannine thinks the fact that contributed to her inner wisdom was her participation in her father’s meetings. From a very early age, she would go on meetings with her father. One of the things all the participants did in the meetings was to share their life stories. They would talk about their feelings, about their challenges and various other things. Jeannine learned a lot through these meetings and believes it gave her an access to the wisdom of self-reflection, self-responsibility, self-healing, and self-potential. She would see people who had gone through the worse circumstances in their lives and were somehow able to recover from their worst times.

What were your parents addicted to?

Jeannine says her parents were almost addicted to all drugs. Her father was one of the most famous drug dealers in Long Beach. He did cocaine, PCP, speed(Amphetamine) and meth.

How did you realize you were not meant to be an actor?Jeannine felt something was out of order in her life when she got part in her first Broadway show. It did not feel the way she thought it would feel. It started to feel like a job to her. There was this whole part of her that she was not able to showcase in that career. She felt like she put in a lot of her energy, time and passion in her acting career but the results were not always favorable. Luck also played its role and Jeannine was not able to land herself a job for various plays despite performing well in the auditions. A lot of her experiences intrinsically and extrinsically did not line up with what she hoped for herself and she started to realize acting was not something she was meant to do for the rest of her life.

When did coaching come under your radar?

She came across coaching after watching a few videos of Tony Robbins. Someone recommend her to watch a few of Tony Robbins videos to deal with stress and improve her confidence as a performer. Jeannine thinks some of Tony Robbins work and practices do not work for her anymore as they are more aligned with the opposite gender. She has learnt to honor the meaning of being a woman. However, she still recalls how listening to Tony Robbins used to make her feel empowered.

What is your favorite coaching question?

She has a collection of these six specific questions that she asks from clients most of who are women. Most of these women are so driven and passionate of wanting to do more. The questions she asks are to acknowledge the hard work that her clients have put in at some point in their past. One of the questions she asks from her client is how they have changed in the process.

As a coach, how do you help people who are not sure what success means to them?

Jeannine usually asks the opposite of success and what it means to them if they are not able to figure what it means to be successful. Jeannine thinks ultimately it is our own choice to not know about things. When her clients are not able to share their views on a certain topic or what something means to them, it is indicative of the fact that they are not open or searching.

What have you been up to recently?

After that article came out in the New York Times, a lot of women approached Jeannine. They saw her and felt like she was relatable to them. A lot of women thought that if she could do what she was able to do in her life as a coach, they too could do it as well. Jeannine realized she had a gift to help other women achieve the same in their lives. Over the years she has helped a lot of women and men launch their coaching business. She still does this day in and day out. Jeannine has been running this coaching program for women for five years.

What is the best advice you have ever been given?

Jeannine says she is constantly seeking mentorship from different people and there are a lot of useful advice that she has received from them over the years. The best advice she has ever been given was from her grandmother who once said to her the following words

“Do not live life in the fast lane and do not live life in the slow lane”. Middle lane is the place to be. She did not get it back then, but what it actually meant was that one needs to be there in the middle ground and get to soak up the best of both worlds.

How can we connect with you?

You can find more about her work through her website. She shares coaching tools, techniques and self-care rituals on her website. Her website’s URL is

http://jeannineyoder.com

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#109: Anna Goldstein: Proven Strategies to Improve Communication (Backed by Neuroscience) Oct 25, 2018

Practical and proven tips to improve communication and performance at work and in life. I remember when I first enrolled in coaching School at NYU. Each of us were asked to share why we were going to be a great coach. And I clearly remember one of my classmates feeling confident as he said I'm great at giving advice and then quickly became embarrassed when the facilitator responded. Coaches don't give advice. I'll never forget the shock we all experienced in that room because most of us in that room were the person that friends and family would come to when they needed advice. But there's a powerful reason why giving advice doesn't work.

Do you like being told what to do? Most people don't. In many cases when people tell us what to do we're not inspired to take action. So, how do we motivate others? How do we get people motivated to take inspired action?

The short answer is simple through asking questions and helping people think through things on their own. Scientists have discovered that our brain is a connection making machine and when we're able to think through things ourselves and we make a new insight there is a certain amount of energy that gets released when the brain connects a new neural pathway which provides the motivation to take action. Now, let me give you a practical example of this. Let's say someone does something "wrong" at work that you've asked them to do. Instead of telling them what they did wrong ask them, "What do you think is wrong here?" or "What do you think could be improved?" What information do you need to make it better?" Ask questions to help people think through things on their own.

Another way to help people think through things themselves is to invite them to repeat what you communicated in their own words. If you give someone else instructions to go to do a task and someone responds with "Ok I got it." Ask them, "What did you get? Can you repeat it to me in your own words?" This will help both you and the person understand. If you're on the same page and if they accurately understood what you committee communicated and it can save you a lot of time and energy.

Most people are so in their heads and it's very common for people to interpret information based on what they think you said and not what you actually said. I use this in my coaching as well. I invite people to explain a concept in their own words because I know it's helping them think and make new connections.

Let me share some practical neuroscience with you about how and why this works. This is taken from the book Quiet Leadership: Six Steps to Transforming Performance at Work by David Rock.

1.) To take any kind of committed action, people need to think through things for themselves;

2.) People experience a degree of inertia around thinking for themselves due to the energy required;

3.) The act of having an aha moment gives off the kind of energy needed for people to become motivated and willing to take action.

Knowing this is such a helpful communication tool based on how our brain works and I use this knowledge all the time I use it in my coaching. I use it in my life even when it comes in handy when I'm ordering something on the phone. Our job as leaders is to help people make their own connections instead of thinking for them. And here's the main takeaway if you help people become better thinkers they will become better performers.

#108: Debi Silber: Rebuilding Your Body, Mind, and Life after a Betrayal Oct 18, 2018

Dr. Debi Silber, President and founder of www.PBTInstitute.com is a recognized health, mindset, empowerment and personal development expert. She’s a speaker, coach and author of the Amazon #1 Bestselling book: The Unshakable Woman: 4 Steps to Rebuilding Your Body, Mind and Life After a Life Crisis, The Unshakable Woman-The Workbook (the companion guide to the book) as well as 2 books recommended by Brian Tracy, Marshall Goldsmith, Jack Canfield and many more. Debi’s contributed to FOX, CBS, The Dr. Oz show, TEDx, The Huffington Post, Shape, Self, Health, Working Mother, Forbes, Psychology Today, WebMD, Ladies Home Journal, MSN, Woman’s World and Glamour to name a few. After researching and conducting a PhD study on how women experience betrayal from a family member or partner, Debi has discovered a predictable and proven process taking women from betrayal to breakthrough. That process, coupled with 27 years of health, mindset and personal development training and coaching, enabled her to create a multi-pronged approach to help women heal (physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually) from the trauma of betrayal.

Debi understands the demands of the busy woman because she’s one too. Managing The Silber Center for Personal Growth and Healing along with the PBT Institute™ on Long Island, teaching, speaking, coaching, mentoring and writing, she’s also married to her husband Adam for 27 years, is the proud mom of Dani, Dylan, Camryn and Cole (22, 21, 18 and 16) and is the proud mom of 6 dogs, Scooby, Nike, Roxy, Gigi, Kylie and Brody.

What was your first experience with betrayal?

Her first example with betrayal involved her family. Debi believes that if we do not learn from our mistakes, the universe conspires to put us in the same circumstances again. When the people we trust and are dependent upon break the rules, that is what betrayal is. Most of the times we do not see it coming and to us, it makes no sense at all.

How do you define betrayal?

It is the breaking of the spoken or unspoken rule that has been agreed upon over time. Betrayal has a lot of faces. Many people even feel like they have been betrayed by God. They feel like they will be kept safe and protected if they pray but it doesn’t happen for them and so they feel like a rule has been broken. Betrayal can be between friends, relationship partners, work partners, and the list goes on. It can always arise in situations or relations in which we put our trust and we agree upon certain rules but the outcome is different from what we expect.

How can someone transform and manage betrayal?

You should really build your ability to be resilient. That can help you manage betrayal. As far as transformation is concerned, it requires a whole lot of effort and work on our end.

Can you talk about your study in which you discovered a process through which you can take people from betrayal to breakthrough?

Debi found that with every participant the process became so obvious that it did not matter what the betrayal experience was. Debi found out that there were roughly five steps that participants had to go through if they wanted to put themselves on the path for recovery.

The first step is to focus on our spirituality and our emotions. The second step is to train ourselves to react properly and efficiently when we experience a betrayal. We need to learn to control our emotions because if we don’t we will eventually put our body into chaos as well. The link of our emotions to that of our physical health is very critical. The third step is to make sure we grab on to anything that can prevent us from falling in our emotional conundrum. The fourth stage is about finding and adjusting to a new normal. This is pretty much like when you move to a new house and you do not know your way around. However, you do realize you will get used to it soon. You know it does not feel like home but you are safe. You slowly enter into the fifth stage afterward. This involves healing and a new worldview. This is where the body starts to heal. You become more interested in self-care. The mind starts to heal as well. You are able to make better decisions as a result.

How did you feel when you discovered you had been betrayed by your husband?

Debi is grateful she has been able to heal from her betrayal. She has been able to build her family again and got back together with her husband who betrayed her. She had been with him for almost twenty years. Everything was great. It was only after that when Debi got extremely busy with her business and also had to look after her four kids. Her husband got

busy with his business. Debi started to feel as if her husband had transformed into a completely different person and soon discovered he cheated on her at some point in past. Debi confronted her on this issue and he did not deny it. In fact, her husband immediately told their kids about it as well. Eventually, Debi got back with her husband. During her time in separation, she transformed into a completely spiritual person. She wanted to turn her tragedy into something transformative, something that could also help others around her.

How can someone repent if they have betrayed someone?The first thing you need to do is to accept responsibility for your actions and confront the person you betrayed. If you prefer to keep it as a secret, if you prefer to suppress the truth hoping somehow things will change, you are not helping anybody. There is no good you can do if you are not ready to reveal the truth to the person who was betrayed.

What is something you have practiced to make yourself more resilient?

Debi always confronts herself with her own truth. She lives in truth. She has become more resilient through meditation and journaling.

What is the best advice you have ever been given?

The best advice she has been given is to never stop no matter how hard the circumstances are.

How can we connect with you?

You can find more about her work through her website.

Her website’s URL is

https://pbtinstitute.com

You can also take an online quiz to find out if you are or have ever struggled with post-betrayal syndrome from the following link:

https://pbtinstitute.com/quiz/

#107: Steve Sakala: How Cannabis Can Improve Your Overall Health Oct 11, 2018

Steve Sakala is the co-founder and CEO of Mana Artisan Botanics. He has been a voice for sustainability, regenerative agriculture and medical cannabis for more than two decades. He was educated about the numerous benefits of the cannabis plant at a young age and quickly became passionate about its thousands of uses. As part of a growing movement of companies that want to create a better world, Mana Artisan Botanics is dedicated to crafting pure, chemical and pesticidefree, whole-plant botanicals. They are committed to empowering consumers with evidence-based data on the potential health benefits of phytocannabinoids and leading as a force for good in the rapidly growing cannabis industry.

Background

Steve’s interest in cannabis stemmed from his interest in the environment and becoming an environmentalist. Shortly after high school, he felt that is what he wanted to do. He looked at all the environmental challenges we faced and felt the solutions to these challenges were rather simple to implement. Steve considered hemp an important part of these solutions. He was also interested in hemp because of its psychoactive properties. He worked on the first medical marijuana initiative way back in 1992. In the process of learning about hemp and its industrial uses as well as cannabis and its medicinal uses, he became devoted to getting the word out about the potential of cannabis on so many different levels. His major education has been on natural resources. His focus has always been on sustainable resources, renewable energy, green building materials etc.

Can you tell us about how health plays a role in your mission?

The fact that cannabis has a great potential to deal with health issues and major diseases is something that keeps Steve motivated. He has been in the industry for over 20 years and has worked with numerous medical professionals. Cannabis can help us in so many different ways. Cannabis can help cholesterol patients and blood pressure patients. It is extremely affective against inflammation and is also used to treat sleep disorders. Various studies have been conducted and results have shown that cannabis can also be used to treat diseases like Parkinson’s, Cancer and Alzheimer’s. Steve aims to educate people about the use of cannabis other than its usage as a medicine. He does a lot of education around nutrition.

Can you tell us a little about our endocannabinoid system?

Endocannabinoid system also known as ECS relates to the receptors in our body. ECS has more receptors in the body than any other receptors. Our body produces its own natural cannabinoids called endocannabinoids or endogenous cannabinoids. Our lifestyle has drastically changed in recent years. Due to the modern day toxins, the food we eat, the environment in which we breath and due to our day to day stress, we are not producing enough of our endogenous cannabinoids. Therefore, our indoor cannabinoid system is not playing its role to keep our health in balance. This is called chronic endocannabinoid deficiency. This is resulting in autoimmune and degenerative diseases among a lot of people. Through plants, mainly cannabis, we can try to fulfill the role that endogenous cannabinoids would have played.

Tell us a little about your garden.

After college, Steve left for Africa and spent four years in West Africa focusing on sustainable agriculture. Sustainable agriculture is the foundation of how we can build a sustainable society. Since college, Steve has been interested in growing food and growing medicine. It has become his life’s work. Steve moved to Hawaii about twelve years ago for some work and ended up buying a farm. He was able to grow some very diverse plants and raise animals on the farm as well. His agriculture philosophy is based on diversity. His farm consists of numerous fruit trees; he grows many medicinal plants as well. Steve also has a medicinal cannabis garden. He has been able to grow about 15 to 20 different types of cannabis in the garden.

How much time do you put into nurturing your garden?

Steve spends at least 5-10 hours a week on his cannabis garden. For his farm, he makes sure he spends about 30-40 hours a week.

Can you share someone’s experience of using your product?

There have been numerous people who have been able to undergo health transformation after using Steve’s products. These stories inspire Steve to carry on with his work. Most of these stories relate to sleep disorders of how people were able to treat their irregular sleep patterns through these products. Recently, Steve received feedback from a person who recently had a shoulder surgery and was in extreme pain. He used the cannabis products and was extremely surprised with the results. His pain went away in no time and was amazed with the results.

Can you tell us more about inflammation and how it affects the body?

There are so many health challenges that stem from chronic inflammation. Being able to reduce the amount of internal inflammation is key to being more aligned with how we want to be in our lives. It can help us reduce stress, irritation, pain and anxiety. Steve has extensively worked on his products to make sure they help in reducing inflammation.

What is passiflora?

It is the flower that grows on the passion vines and passion vines are known as passiflora. Passiflora has been used for hundreds of years for various different purposes. It is known to contain a compound that is very helpful for sleep. It can also help deal with anxiety. Steve has also built a product on top of passion flower.

Which one of your own product would you recommend for someone dealing with day to day anxiety or stress?

He recommends his most popular product called the ‘Hawaiian Turmeric Hemp Oil’. The reason it is so popular is because it does not taste like cannabis. Many of his clients do not want to feel like they are consuming cannabis.

What is the best advice you have ever been given?

The best advice that he has been given is to take care of himself. Steve says a lot of people have said this to him in his life. He believes that being a farmer and an entrepreneur, he tends to be work driven. Since he makes products that help people improve their health, Steve realizes that a lot of people are depending on these products. This gives him a greater sense of responsibility and at times he puts himself in a space where he is not able to take good care of himself.

How can we connect with you?

You can find more about Steve’s work and his products through his website. His website’s URL is

https://manabotanics.com

You can find more information about his Garden by visiting the following website:

http://www.honaunaufarm.com

#106: Leora Edut: Self-love Through Hardship Oct 04, 2018

Leora Edut is the creator of Goddess On The Go, where women connect, move their bodies, and uncover their bombshell beauty in a fun space designed to heal and create lasting fulfillment. Goddess On The Go events have been held internationally in Tulum, Mexico as well as in Hawaii, New York, Los Angeles and Detroit—and is expanding. She is the author of her recent book Goddess On The Go: Rituals To Help You Slow Down and Slay. Her work has been featured in: Elle Magazine, Lucky Magazine, The LA Times, and several others. She has spoken on stage with Marianne Williamson, been an expert on The Dr. Oz Show, and featured in the NY Post. In this episode, we talk about her journey to publishing her first book, her struggles with unhealthy relationships, doing transformational inner work, how she went from being a makeup artist to a lightworker and so much more.

Why do you think you had such a strong passion to publish your book?

Leora felt the story she was writing in her book was very important to get out to the public. It was a story of overcoming traumas, overcoming physical and mental abuse, the story of overcoming issues with alcohol. There were so many life experiences Leora wanted to share with other women because she believes a lot of women undergo the same experiences in their lives.

What was one of your darkest moment that you have shared in the book?

Leora talks about her very first relationship in the book when she was only fifteen years old. She found herself in an abusive relationship for almost a year. This person threatened Leora to commit suicide if she would leave him. He used to stalk Leora, insult her verbally and abuse Leora physically.

Why do you think you got into such a toxic relationship?

Leora believes it was mostly because of her traumatic and abusive childhood. She wanted to get away for it as she grew up in an abusive household. Her father was an alcoholic. Her father was taken away by police after Leora lodged a complaint for his actions. Leora recalls child abuse incidents from her childhood when she was as young as four years old. Her father had to be put into anger management sessions afterward and he started doing a lot of transformational work. As a result, her relationship with her father has improved drastically in recent years.

How much of an impact the events from your childhood have had on your personality?

Initially, it was difficult for Leora to process all the events from her childhood. She believes she wasn’t connecting with the pain and so she tried to suppress the pain mainly through drugs and alcohol. She says when she started doing landmarks, it opened the doors for every kind of other transformation she could think of. It has been a long journey for Leora but she has been able to process the traumatic events from her childhood. Laura believes these events helped her to shape herself as someone who could help young girls and women who have been a subject to abuse. It has helped her to relate to the pain of people around her.

Do you believe that you find purpose in pain?

Leora completely believes in it. Although, she does believe that sometimes when we are in pain, we may not be able to find purpose in it. A lot of times we may even think we are victims of our own circumstances but there can always be a purpose to look for in hard times.

Can you describe what a Landmark is?

It is a weekend workshop and it is super intensive. You sit down and you look at every single area of your life. The landmark consists of different exercises. They involve mediations, visualizations and part of it is making peace with parts of your life you are still holding on to. Landmarks teach you a lot about forgiveness.

What are some big insights you have had from Landmark?

The first insight she gained from the landmark was to let go off the shame that her past had nothing to do with her present. The second thing she learnt was to forgive her father for his past actions. Leora felt she had the choice to either stay angry and bitter or move on in her life.

What do you wish you could have told your four-year-old self?

She wishes she could have told her younger-self that she was going to be fine regardless of the circumstances, that she does not need to dim her life for someone else.

What is your favorite ritual?

Leora has two rituals that she really considers her favorite. One is taking a bath by candlelight along with rose petals, music and wine. The other ritual involves workout in which Leora performs yoga and Pilates.

What is the best advice you have ever been given?

“You can do the easy things and have a hard life or do the hard things and have an easy life.”

How can we connect with you?

You can find more about her through her website. Her website’s URL is

http://www.goddess-onthego.com

You can read the first chapter of her book for free from her website.

#105: Agnes Kowalski: Programming Your Subconscious Money Mindset Sep 27, 2018

Agnes Kowalski was born into deep poverty consciousness and struggled to feel like she deserved a deep amount of love, money, recognition and even respect —which why she spent her life chasing.

Agnes went on a path of absolute persistence to heal this through every possible healing modality, becoming a self-help junkie along the way and eventually becoming a psychotherapist too. But she still wasn’t “cured”.

She could never seem to break through these limits she had around how much love and money she was able to attract, keep or hold on to. Then she found mindset.

Agnes immersed herself and became a student of mindset work and subconscious programming, which is when things actually started to shift her reality in a consistent way, it was the missing piece to actualizing the life she wanted: more money, dream clients, healing in all of my relationships, miracles and opportunities that she fantasized about. And she created it all with mindset. Now Agnes is a mindset and manifestation mentor and she wants to show YOU how to get more money, love, & attraction.

Can you talk about how you work in removing and overcoming natural survival mechanism to pursue an endeavor?

There are not a lot of examples of people living creatively who have an extreme amount of resources and money at their disposal. First, we need to normalize it for our brain and find people who are living their lives creatively yet they are able to earn profits from what they do.

How do you help people who have a job and they want to transition to doing their own business or into some new field but cannot afford to absorb a financial hit?

Agnes has had a lot of clients who transitioned from the corporate world to healing arts, online business or creative pursuits such as writing, producing films etc. Agnes thinks the best way for success is to take small steps gradually towards your success. You need to break down the limiting beliefs. If you believe you cannot make money in a certain field, try to break it down to its reasons as to why you have that belief in first place. A lot of things we hold onto are just sub-conscious thoughts, far-fetched from reality.

What advice would you have for someone building up their own product?

Agnes thinks she was able to come up with a product very quickly in her business. She was happy with the content but was not satisfied with the quality. Her mindset at that time was just to get rid of the anxiety of doing it and fix the product later. Agnes thinks a wealth-conscious way of thinking is to work on the brand you are trying to create rather than a small MVP just to get you in the game. You need to have a long-term vision where you are not looking for a quick escape hatch out of your current life. This would be her advice to her former self.

How can we get a better insight into our subconscious mind?

Agnes thinks it is a little tricky to understand our subconscious mind. She finds it fascinating though and loves to explore it. She was a psychotherapist in private practice and she did not earn a lot of money through it. She was helping people in her practice, her clients were happy and new clients would come in, but still Agnes was not able to earn money. This was mainly because Agnes had blocks around figuring out why she could not make a great deal of money from what she loved doing. She even did a lot of advertisement for her business to increase her revenue but all in vain. She then started to investigate money, mindset and subconscious programming. Agnes had this limiting belief that stemmed from the fact that she grew up in poverty. Her parents were children of the war. Back when her parents were born, everything was about scarcity.

What were your parents doing for work?

Agnes’ dad was an engineer, her mother tried to have her own business. She was a botanist but did not have a career in it. She ended up working in a factory, helped them make a few of their recipes. That company is now a million-dollar muffin company. She tried to start her own company as well but failed. Agnes believes all of this was present in her sub-consciousness, her father not able to reach his full potential, her mother failing in her business. To know more about your subconscious mind requires a lot of investigation which takes time. This is exactly the kind of homework that a lot of people do not like to do.

How did you transition into making more money?

This transformation happened over a 5-year period where she was specifically focused on finding new ways to earn money online. Initially, it was gradual but towards the later years, her profits grew substantially. The only investment that Agnes really made was in mindset coaching. She knew it was only a mindset issue for her and to be successful in her venture, she needed to have better thoughts in her head. She also read a lot of books during this period. It was an identity shift and she needed people to see her in a different way.

What is the opposite of a victim mindset?

In terms of the archetypes, the opposite of the victim is actually the mother. It actually means you just have to take good care of yourself, just a like mother would do for her children. Often times, we see women mothering their partners because they are not mothering themselves. Victim mode is when an individual is affected by everything external.

Where would someone start if they think they do not have enough money or they are afraid that they do not have enough money?

One of the best books that Agnes recommend to people going through this phase is ‘Tapping Into Wealth: How Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) Can Help You Clear the Path to Making More Money’ by Margaret Lynch. It talks about the mind-body connection to money. One of the exercises that Agnes use all the time with her clients is to ask them to look at their bank accounts and reflect on how that makes them feel. You need to get honest with yourself if you are really happy with how you spend your time and how you earn money. The first step really is to break out of denial of things happening around you.

What is the best advice you have ever been given?

The best advice she has ever been given is to take things off the pedestal. What that means is that whatever it is you want, you should never undermine your own existence and your own happiness.

How can we connect with you?

Website:

http://agneskowalski.com

Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/agneskowalski

#104: Sarah Jenks: Stop Waiting to Live More & Be Who You Are Sep 20, 2018

Sarah Jenks is the mother to 3 rambunctious small humans. Life Coach, Emotional Eating Expert and Sacred Space Holder.c It’s so easy to lose ourselves in work, in motherhood, in our parents’ expectations, or our own outdated dreams. We’ve all had times when we’ve had to put our heads down – like when there’s a new baby or severe financial stress – when cutting off parts of ourselves is our only chance for survival. Sarah is here to guide you in coming back to life, not so you can be who you were before, but so you can take the broken pieces and create an even more incredible life and truly realize your fullest potential.

She founded Whole Woman, an online membership program for women seeking the answers to “Who am I? And why am I here?” — you can find out more about that at whole woman.me She also is the creator of Live More Weigh Less – the most popular Online Emotional Eating Program. Since 2009 her community of women seeking a more meaningful life has grown to almost 100K.

Why do you think so many people are waiting to live more? Why do you think we are conditioned to wait?

Sarah thinks many women have been indoctrinated with false facts in the culture they live in. The biggest of them is that women are told they will be happy if they are thin and that lie keeps a lot of women stuck in moving forward in their lives. It is a patriarchal tool to keep women quiet and to not speak or stand up for what they believe in. This is not based in truth because there are numerous other reasons to take care of your body rather than just to be thin to take care of it. To be thin as per the standards set by society is not possible for a lot of women and this keeps them from truly living their lives. Sarah’s work has taken an amazing trajectory, she started in the emotional eating area. One day she ate an entire bag of chocolate biscuits, only with 5 more remaining in the bag. She threw them in the trash but after some time fished them out of trash. She was twenty-five at that time. Sarah realized at that moment that it might be difficult for her to maintain a healthy diet for the rest of her life. Sarah realized that when she stopped obsessing over everything she ate and the way she looked, her life became boring. Soon she stopped craving for unhealthy food and it was a big transformation for her. Through this experience, she found spirituality and a whole new world opened for her. How did you find spirituality?

She got an email from her friend when she was at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition to go to one of Gabriel Bernstein’s coaching program which was in her apartment. Sarah started to meditate after this session. Through these sessions, she started to learn about the priestess initiation path, divine feminine and the history of witches. It has been a great way for her to practice by not waiting on things.

How do you think you got to know yourself better?

Sarah started to figure out things she loved doing. She started to ask herself questions like what was fun for her. It’s a lot easier to start from the initial phase, to look out for things that make you happy and content. She started taking voice lessons again, she started going to dance classes. The second step for her was to look for actions or activities that she was doing in her life but were not aligned with her personality, her likes and dislikes. She realized she was being a performer in her work. She did a photo-shoot where she borrowed her friend’s convertible. She was trying to be someone she was not in reality. She used to believe if she would stop performing she would not succeed in her life. However, she realized that not being herself was a lot more painful than being broke.

How do you think being a mother changed you?

It changed her in ways she cannot even imagine. Motherhood has been hard and challenging for Sarah. Before becoming a mother, she had this belief system that all she really needed for happiness is a nice and caring husband, a house and a couple of kids. She used to think that when she would have kids she would want to retire and become a full-time mother. However, only after she became a mother, she felt quite the opposite of her beliefs. She felt guilty about it because she wanted to spend all the time with her children. This also helped her understand how she was different from her grandmother, her mother, a few of her friends and some other women that she admires. It has also forced her to be critical of how and with whom she spends her time.

How did motherhood affect your business?

It affected her a lot in her business. She tried to conduct her day to day business activities as usual after the birth of her son, but it was hard for her to manage her business and look after her son all at the same time. She would continuously transition from what she calls a ‘corporate Sarah’ to a ‘mother Sarah’ and vice versa.

Tell us about the story of how you found yourself your dream home.

It was almost two years ago when Sarah found herself in a place where she felt she would lose herself after having her kids. She did not want to be a hustler, but she did not want to be a full-time mom either. She couldn’t see a future for herself anymore and nothing excited her anymore. She worked with this woman named Katina Mercadante (http://www.katinamercadante.com). She did this exercise with her in which Sarah would tell her life story to her and they would together uncover what Katina called Sarah’s true core virtue. Sarah would then write down her plan in incredible detail of where she envisioned herself in the span of five years. Katina helped Sarah to reconnect with her true inner values. Sarah wrote this whole plan about what she wanted to do in her life in the coming years. She wrote about getting women together in person in New England to help them wake up the divine feminine. She wrote about this vision of women circling in big fields, dancing naked in the woods under the full moon. She wanted to build a yurt for herself in the woods. She wanted to have a stream running through her property. She had always imagined a long driveway with trees. Two weeks later, she found herself a farmhouse just outside of Boston. She looked it up online, she looked at the pictures and all of it matched exactly as Sarah had imagined. It was way over her budget though. Luckily the owner of the firm that was selling this property turned out to be Sarah’s high school therapist. She was the first person to help Sarah help her with body issues. One thing led to another and Sarah finally bought the house against the advice of all her family members which included her parents and grandparents.

How did you meet your husband?

They met in college in a history class. They were both very different persons back then. Sarah would do anything to please the people around her. She hosted all the parties. Her husband was a football player. They have both become very spiritual ever since. What is your vision for women?

Her vision for women is to only think about who they are and to always think from that place. They should not feel the pressure to be someone different.

What is the best advice you have ever been given?

The best advice she has ever been given is from one of her mentor who said: “Sarah you are not the princess, you are the witch in the woods, you need to get comfortable with that.” This had a huge impact on how Sarah sees herself, on how she does her work. It took so much pressure off her as well.

How can we connect with you?

You can find more about Sarah’s work through the following website.

http://wholewoman.me

You can also visit her personal website through the following link.

http://sarahjenks.com

#103: Dave Sanderson: Brace for Impact, Moments Matter & Post-Traumatic Growth Sep 13, 2018

Dave Sanderson is an inspirational survivor and speaker. His thoughts on leadership have made him an internationally sought-out speaker. When US Airways Flight 1549, or “The Miracle on the Hudson,” ditched into the Hudson River on January 15, 2009, Dave Sanderson knew he was exactly where he was supposed to be.

He was the last passenger off the back of the plane on that fateful day, he was largely responsible for the well-being and safety of others, risking his own life in frigid water to help other passengers off the plane.

Despite the hazards to himself, Sanderson thought only of helping others and emerged from the wreckage with a mission: to encourage others to do the right thing. He also is the author of Moments Matter: How One Defining Moment Can Create a Lifetime of Purpose. Dave has been featured on NBC, ABC, PBS, and many other media outlets.

Take us back to that day when your plane crashed, what was that day like?

Dave has never been afraid of flying in a plane. In fact, Dave is a frequent flyer who has traveled in different airlines in different parts of the world. Dave wasn’t supposed to be on that flight, he was scheduled for another flight. Within a minute after the plane took off, Dave heard an explosion. He looked out the window when he heard the explosion which came out of the engines of the aircraft. They were flying over the George Washington bridge, only about 400 feet above it. They were roughly a 1000 feet above sea level. As the plane started to plummet towards the Hudson river, at that moment Dave felt as if he would not live to see another day. Dave was the last passenger to be rescued safely from the plane. He helped several passengers before exiting the plane.

What was the moment when you realized you were alive?

When Dave got out of the plane, he swam towards a ferry after which he went to a hospital. When the EMT took Dave’s blood pressure and it was unusually high, that is when he realized he was alive since he had blood pressure.

How did your life change after this traumatic incident?

Dave was back to work just a week after the incident. He took a flight the very next day to go back to his home and within a week took another flight to Michigan for business related work. Dave was going to Michigan for a corporate business trip. He was supposed to travel with Delta airlines. Dave recalls it was the toughest flight of his life. Just after recognizing himself as a hero in US Airways, no one really realized who Dave was when he got on the flight. Dave was also getting a lot of attention from media as well. The weeks following the incident were extremely hectic for Dave and he feels he should have stepped back a little and spend time with his family.

How many times have you flown since that incident?

On average, Dave flies for over a hundred times in a year. It has been nine years since that incident and Dave thinks he has flown almost a 1000 times after that incident.

How has this incident changed you as a person?

Dave feels this incident changed him in a lot of different ways. It has helped him to prioritize his time. Dave used to schedule all of his time around his business. Dave has started to spend more time with his family. He was able to change his relationship with his family after this incidence.

Do you think your life would have been different if you had missed out on that flight?

Dave truly believes he would have lived a completely different life had he not been on that flight. He thinks he would still be working for the company he was working for at the time of crash, he wouldn’t own his own company. He thinks the biggest difference would have been in his relationship with his family. Dave started to spend a lot of time with his wife and kids after the crash. Dave thinks God put him on that plane for a reason and for a purpose.

You mention you create meaning out of things, what was the meaning you extracted out of this tragic event?

He has been asked this question in many TV interviews. Dave thinks if the event didn’t happen, he can not even count the relationships he would have lost due to his previous lifestyle and his workaholic nature. He thinks he might have even lost his marriage and as a result would not have been able to spend time with his children. Dave considers it as a blessing in disguise because it allowed him to bring about a shift in his perspective of various things. Dave got to talk to a lot of other people who were on the same plane as him and they considered it a tragedy.

Where were you in terms of your speaking career before the incident?

Dave spoke all the time in his job but he was presenting all the time. Dave was around great speakers. He always wanted to speak but he always thought he had no content. The first time he was asked to speak publicly was in a local church. That is when he picked up the art of speaking publicly. During one of his speeches, a woman approached him and said she did not believe in God, did not believe in miracles but Dave’s survival story had her believe in God and miracles again. That is when Dave realized he had already impacted someone’s life through his speaking.

What is the best advice you have ever been given?

The best advice he has ever been given is to be humble in life. Even if you are good at your work, you should not get too cocky because there will always be someone who would be better than you.

How can we connect with you?

You can find more about Dave and his public speaking through the following website.

https://davesandersonspeaks.com

#102: Katie DePaola: Glow in The Dark (How to Find the Light in Difficult Times) Sep 06, 2018

Katie taught herself, and now teaches others how to live in the darkness and plug back into the light. For a long time, she lost her joy, her happiness, and the LIGHT-ness of life. Through her own experience of learning how to GLOW in the dark, she knows that if you have the right tools, and get some solid support to help you along the way, you can live, love and thrive, in any circumstance. Katie is also the co-creator of Inner Glow Circle (IGC), an ICF accredited coach training and personal branding company for women. Their mission is to provide an inclusive educational edge to women who want to start their own coaching business.

What does profit with purpose mean to you?

Money is the main resource that we tend to talk about, worry about and stress about. There are so many other resources that we can focus on. Katie has come across a new idea called ‘melts model of resources’. The idea is to not look at our resources separately, they all melt together. We hear people complain about being broke and sometimes it's about money but sometimes money is not the issue. ‘MELTS’ stands for money, energy, love, time and space. When we separate these things out, we may have one of these things in excess but we will not be completely fulfilled in our lives. We may be profitable when it comes to money but we would be naturally in debt when it comes to love or energy or space when we separate these things out. Many of us only focus on the money part whenever trying to achieve profits.

You talk about dealing with depression in your past. What reasons contributed to depression and anxiety in your past?

There was a phase in Katie’s life when she was dealing with chronic illness. She went undiagnosed of Lyme disease for almost ten years. After diagnosis, she underwent rigorous treatment for almost three years. The treatment of this disease is rather complicated and one can easily get into depression due to the medication used for the treatment of this disease. It was also during this time that her brother overdosed and passed away. It was a big struggle for Katie and her family. She also went through a bad breakup. She was caught up in a toxic relationship with her fiancé. There was a lot of trauma and grief in Katie’s life at that moment. Trauma and grief suck the energy out of an individual. She has fully recovered from Lyme and it has been a complete year now. Her brother passed away three years ago, she called it off with her fiancé two and a half years ago. Katie has made peace with her past and moved on in her life.

Tell us about your company?

Katie’s company is called ‘Inner Glow Circle’. It is an all-inclusive mastermind and mentorship experience for women from different walks of life. Her clients are female entrepreneurs, working moms who are seeking excellence in their professional and personal lives. Katie aims to create a life for her clients that glow from the inside out.

How did you transition from owning a tanning salon to becoming a life coach?

Katie’s first business revolved around the tanning business. She had women come over to her salon and start discussing their problems. Some of them would start crying during the appointment. Katie developed an ability to be naturally open to people willing to share their vulnerabilities with her. Women would come to her salon with problems to share and issues to discuss. They would leave with hope and inspiration. Katie started to think about getting herself trained around giving advice to people with vulnerabilities in a professional manner. She started to explore a couple of different programs. Initially, she wanted to go into the nutrition business because she has always been an advocate of healthy eating. She started her masters in nutrition but dropped out of the program. She started to train as a coach after dropping out of her master’s program. She felt she could make a bigger difference in the lives of people around her if she became a coach. She launched her practice while she was still training as a coach.

How did you start your coach training program?

She started this program when she started Inner Glow Circle. She started her spray tanning company in 2012 and by the end of the same year, she had started coaching informally. That is when she developed and started her coach training program. She really went into full practice and established herself in the following years. She was quickly able to turn her investment into profits.

What are some of your favorite self-care practices?

Katie is a big fan of using Epsom salt in her baths. It is good for muscles and detoxing. She also makes sure to do some sort of exercise on daily basis.

What is the best advice you have ever been given?

The best advice she has ever been given is from her dad. He once said to her that 'The best way to fail is to give up." Katie always tell the women she works with to never give up, stay in the game and keep playing.

How can we connect with you?

Website:

https://innerglowcircle.com

http://katiedepaola.com

#101: Karen Frazier: The Healing Power of Crystals Aug 23, 2018

Karen Frazier is the author of books about metaphysics, crystal healing, energy healing, dream interpretation, and nutrition. As a professional writer, she has written and published over 14 books. She has extensively studied alternative healing, Reiki, hypnotherapy, crystal healing, Feng Shui, dream interpretation, and more.

What was the beginning of your career?

Karen used to write as a little kid. She recently found out some of her poems she had written when she was only seven years old. She has always tried to add writing as a part of her job. She worked as a personal trainer and she turned her job into writing by writing a personal trainer manual. She worked as a patient outreach person in a national health clinic and she turned it into a writing job. During the 2008 recession, she was working as a marketing communication specialist which is actually a marketing writer. The writers were the first to be affected during the recession. Karen saw this as an opportunity to explore herself further as a writer.

Do you think good writing comes naturally?

Karen thinks that an individual can learn to write reasonably well. However, to write in a way that your writing touches people is something that comes naturally.

What is your favorite book that you have written?

She likes her first book about crystals titled ‘Crystals for Healing’ the most. It is the first book in which she talked about energy healing for the first time and she is very passionate and interested in energy healing.

Can you tell us a little bit about the healing powers of crystals?

As a kid, Karen loved collecting rocks. She kept a box of different rocks in her basement. She has always been drawn to rocks. She considers crystals ‘love letters’ from the earth. They have this beautiful earth energy and they have a vibration on their own. When you put something that vibrates at one rate next to something that vibrates at a different rate, the two move into the phase and vibrates more closely together. Pendants and lockets consisting of crystals can be worn to fully utilize the healing power of crystals. If you are low on energy, your vibration will raise to your vibration and you will lock into phase.

What kind of crystals can be used for profit and purpose?

For profit, Karen suggests using green crystals. They are the color of money. The best crystal that can be used for prosperity is called citrine crystal. Karen recommends to place it in the south-east corner of the home or in the cash box or in a wallet. For purpose, any crystal that is a sixth or seventh chakra crystal is good for purpose. Sunstone is good for creativity.

You practice Reiki, can you tell the listeners what exactly Reiki is?

Reiki is a form of hands-on energy healing. It originated in Japan. The way it works is that you place your hands on the person you want to transfer energy to. You can also heal people from distance as well. You can send healing energy to people who are lacking in it. Reiki is a practice in which someone can draw in the energy from someone who is attuned to the energy.

What does being attuned to Reiki mean?

If you want to practice Reiki, you have to go to a class and get yourself aligned with the energy by someone who is already attuned to that energy. This is done through a series of rituals. Do you think energy is a feeling?

It can be a feeling. Although you don’t have to define it in terms of feelings. Karen believes everything is energy and everything we do moves energy into some kind of an action or form. Our thoughts and the actions we do, as a result, all creative energy. If we direct the energy, then we are likely to get things in our lives that fulfill us.

What is an intention you had that come to its fulfillment?

About nineteen years ago, Karen was in a bad marriage, had a three-year-old son and worked at a job she did not like. Every night she would sit down and write about her feelings and her intentions. She used to write about her good health and to have a job that would fulfill her creatively. She used to write about being in a fulfilling relationship. She used to visualize all of it every night. She did it for almost two months. Within a few years, she was able to get all of these things she used to write about. She got remarried, was in a healthy relationship. She had found herself a new job where she could afford to write from the comfort of her home.

What is an intention you had that did not come to its fruition?

Karen’s body is often her teacher and it reminds her to love herself more. Karen suffers from Celiac disease which means she cannot eat some of the commonly known eatable items like bread. About three years ago, she made an intention to try to get rid of this disease and eat bread. It did not work out for her. Karen says she is happy it did not work out for her because her intention should be to love her body and take in food only that is good for her body.

Do you always write down your intentions?

Karen still writes down her intentions but less frequently. She now visualizes her intentions in meditation now.

What advice would you give to someone who wants to write a book?

If you want to write a book, just sit down and do not censor yourself, just write. Just get everything on paper and then worry about organizing it and arranging it.

What is the best advice you have ever been given?

Her father used to say to her to have an open mind all the time. This, she thinks is the best advice she has ever been given. Later in her life, a friend named David said to her that she shouldn’t be so open-minded that her brains fall out.

How can we connect with you?

Website: http://www.karenfrazier.com

Twitter: https://twitter.com/authorkfraz

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/authorkfraz

#100: Anna Goldstein: From Depression to Entrepreneur: Jillian Turecki Interviews Me Aug 16, 2018

Jillian Turecki is interviewing podcast host, Anna Goldstein as the interviewee. Jillian has appeared as a guest previously on the podcast. In this podcast, Jillian and Anna talk about coaching and what it means to Anna.

What does being a coach mean to you?

For Anna, being a coach means of great value. She grew up around great coaches. She grew up as a tennis player. She had coaches in her life when she was as young as nine years old. They played a big role in her life from the very beginning. Being a tennis player helped her avoid trouble. It kept her focused. She got into coaching by being a tennis coach which was her first job. She has had the relationship with the word coach from a very long time. She started her company 10 years ago and back then, coaching was completely different from what it is now. Coaching back then was mostly associated with sports. The meaning of it has now changed. Anna doesn’t view herself as somebody who would have all the answers for your problems, but she would try to bring out the best in you, to equip you with tools that would help you perform at your optimal level.

What is the most useful or profound advice you received from your coaches?

She learned a lot about how to deal with loss. Since tennis is an individual sport, when you lose its all on you and when you win, you get all the credit. She would take losing really very hard. She was trained by her coaches to not give up and train harder after a loss. The ability to recover from a loss is something she also integrates into her personal development programs. She also learned about the importance of fundamentals from her coaches.

Whenever we are trying to learn something new, we can get a bit fancy and focus more on advanced topics to learn. However, we should keep revisiting the basics because we can only work in advanced areas if we have solid foundations regardless of the skill or sport we are trying to learn.

How has returning to the fundamentals helped you as an entrepreneur and as a businesswoman?

She got lost after her first job as a tennis coach in New York City. Within 2 years, she got burnt off. She used to work seven days in a week, was available all the time. She jumped from job to job, apartment to apartment and relationship to relationship. That is when she returned to the fundamental of tennis that she had learned all along from her coaches. She used to put herself in a positive state like listen to music or jump a rope before playing tennis. She had a proper diet routine when she used to train for tennis and realized that during her burnout phase, she was not on a proper diet. When her life was out of order, her food was out of order.

You mention that you underwent depression in your past? Why were you depressed and how did you cope with it?

Anna was hard on herself. Her self-talk was demotivating and she was mean to herself. She used to tell herself that she would never be successful in her life, that she was overweight and there was something wrong with her. She always carried along this thought with herself that she was depressed. She wasn’t connected to herself. This is why she is so committed to different spiritual practices because it helps her connect to her inner-self. Meditation helped her a great deal to cope with depression and anxiety. She also hired herself a coach to help her life her life to its full potential.

Is it true that people who get into life coach business need to had to have some sort of experience with difficulties in order to help others?

Anyone who is in this business had to overcome something in their past. People who choose the path to be healers are often people who have looked at it more closely. Coaching is actually a modernized therapy, a form of healing.

How do you think therapy and coaching can be integrated in practice?

If you have a mental condition, you need to hire yourself a therapist or a psychiatrist who can prescribe you medicine. Anna comes in contact with a lot of people who have been in therapy. It is great for developing awareness, learning about yourself. Coaching is about implementation and evolvement into letting go of old identities. Through therapy, you can identify the problem areas and through coaching, you can integrate action items in your life to resolve pain points. Anna herself has undergone therapy in past and also hired a life-coach for herself in her past.

Do you agree that happiness and joy can only come from inside?

Anna thinks it is the starting point for all your joy and happiness. If you do not have certain tools to understand your own mind, nothing that you achieve would be able to help you boost your self-esteem. Meditation helps you get familiar with your mind; every individual’s mind is different. People see reality in different ways. Meditation allows you to look at reality from different angles. Meditation can also help with love and kindness, forgiveness and peace.

WORKSHOP:

PEACE OF MIND: HOW TO STOP OVERTHINKING AND GET CLEAR

annagoldstein.com/peace

#99: Dr. Lindsay Padilla: Education, The Job Market, & Entrepreneurship: Is The System Broken? Aug 09, 2018

Dr. Lindsay Padilla is a teaching + learning consultant. As an owner of many degrees, her experience as a sociology professor, and teaching adult learners online —She’s honored to pass on what she’s learned to trailblazing entrepreneurs who want to create digital courses. She now specializes in translating 1:1 client work experiences into signature courses, group programs + membership sites, as well as mapping out instructional content.

How did you get into academia?

She always knew she wanted to be a teacher. She kept following that path growing up. She worked up towards becoming a high school teacher. She started her teaching career by teaching eight graders while her friends were still partying in college. She got her first sociology class because her mentor gave this one class to her. She fell in love with sociology and realized the potential of sociology at a high school level. She decided to get a master’s degree in sociology. That put her on the path of graduate school. In her graduate program for sociology, she had a course called ‘Teaching Sociology’. It is very rare to have a teaching course in a grad school.

Do you think our educational system can be limiting and we do not always need a college degree to something valuable in our lives?

Lindsay thinks it’s a very complicated matter. As a sociologist, Lindsay gets to study about society, people, institutions and large mainstream patterns of our culture, their origin and how they impact us. The labor market is tied to the school system. She believes we have been stuck in very traditional ways of delivering education. We live in a credential society, which demands a degree to get certain jobs and unlock certain things in life. This is what we are told and this is what is only partially true.

What made you transition out of academia and into entrepreneurship?

Lindsay recently started a podcast in January called Academics mean business. She has been an entrepreneur for almost two years now. Two years ago in summers, she was getting paid by clients for helping them create courses. She has been teaching online for the past six to seven years. She was always the professor on campus who was known for conducting online meetings with her students. She had a lot to share with entrepreneurs starting online programs around teaching and learning. She helped various clients with it. She saw the potential of transitioning from academia to entrepreneurship. Lindsay felt she could have a greater impact on people around her if she became an entrepreneur.

What do you think makes a good teacher?

Lindsay believes everyone is a teacher. Lindsay believes it is something very common among all human beings. We teach our children, pass knowledge on to our friends and family. Teaching is about an outcome. As a teacher, one needs to set by themselves certain goals that they can help an individual or a group of people achieve through their teachings. Good teaching comes from the inner self of the teacher. A teacher needs to be aligned with the knowledge he or she intends to share. Lindsay says there is a lot of impostor syndrome in the realm of online teaching. Many people doubt if the online courses and online teachers can actually help others and if their knowledge itself is self-sufficient. This prevents a lot of good teachers to put up their courses online. Good teaching comes from being your true self in communicating what you know. Many teachers try to build an authority around themselves and it drains out all the excitement from learning. A lot of research has been carried around this issue and the results indicate that teachers who try to undermine students are responsible for creating an environment which diminishes learning and the power of education as well. Good teaching comes from interaction with students, listening to them, working on the feedback received from students and doing it better the next time.

How do you make online learning experiential?

We have to work with the medium that is transporting the knowledge. Online interaction can never be like a face-to-face interaction. When it comes to online education and the incorporation of experiential learning, a big part of learning is to motivate students to try out various things themselves that they can learn from the course. We need to make sure we have the required information in our online courses that can help students take their first action step and explore further on the basis of things they can learn from our courses. We need to support them and guide them in this phase of experimentation.

What is the best advice you have ever been given?

“Done is better than perfect. Everyone is doing the best they can”.

It is more of a daily mantra for Lindsay. It helps her get going in her business and she knows the end result may not always be perfect but she needs to keep moving in her life, to strive for better outcomes no matter what. This also helps her to be compassionate with others because she believes people around her, in their limited capacity, try to do things in the best possible manner.

How can we connect with you?

Her website: http://www.lindsaympadilla.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/lindsay.padilla

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lindsaympadilla/

#98: Karen Salmansohn: How Doing Things Different Leads to Success Aug 02, 2018

Karen Salmansohn is known for creating a new breed of highly graphic and feisty self-help books — like her best sellers How To Be Happy, Dammit, Prince Harming Syndrome, Instant Happy and The Bounce Back Book — self-help books that she describes as being for "people who would never be caught dead reading self-help books" She has sold over 1 million books. Her research-backed happiness tools have been featured on CNN, Oprah, Psychology Today, The Today Show, etc – and will empower you to live a live of love! Recently she launched an inspirational jewelry line on HSN.com. Her jewelry line is a combination of her passion for design and short inspirational sayings to pick you up. In this episode we talk about how she transitioned her career in advertising to becoming an author and entrepreneur, the value of doing things differently/thinking outside the traditional route, how to manage worrying and so much more.

How did you get into the jewelry business?

Karen says she is a writer who loves to design. Karen loves to play with words as she is a writer and she loves to merge words with design. Karen has worked in ad-agencies in past and she knows how only a few words can be made so powerful with a good and illustrative design. Karen says it was not that far of a leap from designing books that had short powerful word combination to designing jewelry which had short powerful word combination.

How did you get onto this path of writing books?

Karen says she started off as a funny writer who loved psychology. As a kid, Karen used to read magazines such as psychology today and mad magazine. She took a lot of jokes from these magazines and added in her books. Karen loves to add humor in her writings and always likes to laugh about life. It has been a part of her personality from a very long time. The first book that she wrote was not about self-help, it was actually a novel with a touch of humor. Karen says when she started righting self-help books, most of the books already published were not funny or humorous to read. Karen herself felt embarrassed whenever she read a self-help book. She did not want anyone to see her reading a self-help book. When she decided to write such a book, she felt it should be written in a way that someone caught reading it shouldn’t feel embarrassed. She wanted to purposefully write self-help that feels funny and entertaining. She noticed there was a gap in the market. It is also how she naturally writes.

How did you get started in writing self-help books?

Karen always loved psychology and philosophy. She loved playing with words and pictures. Karen’s major was in psychology and was a philosophy minor. She found herself a job in an advertising agency because she felt that is where she had to be. She thought she could merge psychology and her love for writing and design, all in her job. She felt it would be satisfying for her. However, Karen did not like this job and felt she was selling her soul. She felt she needed to write more. She started to write her first novel. Even after writing a bunch of novels and publishing them, Karen still found herself reading psychology and philosophy. It was still her guilty pleasure. It was always a part of her personality. One day she went to a buy a wedding gift for her friend. She wanted to get something special and unique. She came across this book titled ‘The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying’. She loved the design on the cover of the book and felt like giving it as a gift to her friend. However, she was not sure of giving the book to her friend before reading it herself. She got herself a copy and read the book. She was greatly moved after reading the book. She became so obsessed with it and would talk about it all the time. That is what got her to write her first self-help book titled ‘How to be Happy, Dammit’ which became an instant best-seller.

What stood out the most to you in that book?

It was a Buddhist book. Karen never came across a book in which so many aspects were put together in a coherent manner. It talked about Buddhism, psychology, and neuroscience in a concise and well-organized manner.

Did you face any initial rejections when you started to write books?

Her first published book was a novel. She sent the book out on a Friday with a beach towel and a bottle of suntan lotion to the publishers. She did it to stand out and told the editors the book would make good beach reading. She got an offer next Wednesday for this novel. To get a contract for her first novel, she really did not face rejections of any kind and was lucky enough to publish it without any major hindrance.

Can you give some tips on anxiety, depression and pursuing one’s dreams?

Karen writes a lot about anxiety. She wrote a book titled ‘The Bounce Back Book’ In which she talks about resiliency and how people can bounce back from tough times. She also launched a course on her new video learning site (https://mastersinlife.com) for the anxiety cure. She wrote the bounce book because she had gone through sexual assault. It was a very challenging time for Karen. She started to stress a lot after that incident and gained weight.

What action step would you suggest to someone wanting to turn their passion into a pay check?

Karen herself was in a job she did not like. She thinks we need to believe in ourselves. Find out how other people are doing the work that you do, see if there is something different you can do to turn your work into your passion. Karen also suggests one needs to have a concrete plan because following your passion without a plan can be a problem. Karen started to freelance when she had a job in advertising. She knew she wanted to write but also wanted to make sure money would not be a problem when she would start writing her novel.

What is the best advice you have ever been given?

The best advice she has been given has been passed down to generations in her family. Her grandmother used to say this to her mother who in turn would say the following words to Karen “If you keep doing what you are always doing, you will keep getting what you are always getting”. It simply means if you want different results in your life, you need to do something different.

How can we connect with you?

Website: https://www.notsalmon.com Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Notsalmon Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/notsalmon

#97: Chris Winfield: Social Anxiety, Networking, & How to Be Super Connected Jul 26, 2018

Chris Winfield is known as the "The Super Connector" and has worked with entrepreneurs, authors and people from many of the world’s best known companies, including Disney, Virgin, Macy’s, Viacom, Conde Nast, Intuit & NBC to help them get more publicity, make connections and give their messaging something I call, the 'Unfair Advantage Effect'. It's what happens when your 'Unique Position', plugs into a 'Mass Audience' and leverages 'Media Credibility'... these three qualities create your 'Unfair Advantage and turn you into a Trusted Authority in your market. Which only makes it easier and easier to work your way up the 'Power & Impact' food chain. Once the acceleration starts, the momentum just continues to multiply. Not only has he helped his private clients in my New York Agency, but he’s personally been featured in the Wall Street Journal, New York Times, NBC's Today Show, USA Today, Fast Company, Forbes, and hundreds of other media outlets. He’s the Editor-at-Large for Arianna Huffington's ThriveGlobal, a columnist for TIME, Business Insider, INC. and the host of a show for Entrepreneur Magazine.

Were you a shy kid growing up?

Chris was not shy at all. He had a lot of friends right from his childhood. He does a lot of work around networking and meeting people but he still has an anxiety or a feeling of not belonging to a particular group. Chris says his ultimate goal is to remove that anxiety and feeling of not belonging to a group within himself and from the people he works with.

Do you agree that anything new is a little bit anxiety provoking?

Chris truly believes that whenever human beings undergo something new or different, they are bound to experience anxiety. There is also a scientific explanation to that. The amygdala of our brain which is also called the lizard brain wants us to stay safe. It resists change and Chris feels that is where the anxiety comes from. However, he thinks it is completely natural to feel that way whenever we are about to do or experience something new. What really matters is what we do in response to this feeling of unease. How we respond to it and what action do we take to deal with our anxiety really matters.

What was your most recent breakdown breakthrough moment?

The most recent major event was about almost six years ago. This happened when a company that Chris had co-founded completely imploded. Every bad thing you can imagine seemed to happen back then. Chris says throughout his life he had been able to succeed in his professional life through building connections and networking with people. He started to think more in terms of himself rather than the people around him, even his family. He shares this incident when his company was almost near to its bankruptcy and inevitable closure. Chris recalls he was on an important call and back then every call seemed very important. Chris was so busy on the call that he even ignored his three-year-old daughter when she came to her asking for something to eat. Chris only realized this when he saw his daughter take something out of the refrigerator and prepare her meal on her own. Chris says he had been so much involved and occupied in this call that he even ignored the single most important person in his life; his daughter. He hung up the call, sat down and realized he had to change everything in his life. He did not know what that meant and how he could do it. It started off with some very small changes. One of the things he realized was that he had become very disconnected with people around him and very focused on what he could get.

Do you consider yourself a spiritual person? What does spirituality mean to you?

Chris definitely thinks he is a spiritual person. For him, spirituality means having a strong relationship with the higher power. For him, it is God. When he remembers God, he realizes he is not the one who is running everything and that is really comforting for him. A lot of times, we are not in control of a lot of things and to rely on some external omnipotent entity can be really soothing. He believes in free will and he believes that the better his actions would be, better would be the outcome. However, at the end of the day, it comes down to his relationship with God because Chris believes you cannot control the outcome of everything in your life.

What inspires you to improve your life and the life of others around you?

The feeling he gets when he is able to help someone realize the fuller idea of themselves or enabling them to see their full potential is a great source of inspiration for Chris. When Chris talks about connecting people, it means connecting them to other great people or to their full potential.

You have this coaching program in your business named ‘Unfair Advantage’, what is it about?

Unfair Advantage came from a small mastermind group that Chris was a part of. The group is called the ‘dad mastermind’ and it consists of famous entrepreneurs like Todd Herman, Jonathan Fields, Ryan Lee, and more. Chris attends this meeting every 45 days. It was in last March when the participants asked Chris to do what he does best. Chris had no idea what they were talking about. They said they describe Chris as their unfair advantage because he is always able to connect them with the right people for media, or partnerships or clients or a contractor, whatever they need it, he finds a way for them through his connections. Chris thought about it for a while and realized he had been doing this excessively for the past five years. In this program, Chris helps entrepreneurs get the right kind of publicity for their business. Through his vast connections and extremely good networking skills, Chris helps young entrepreneurs showcase their services and helps them publicize their businesses.

What do you do to be more open and resilient to challenges and difficulties?

Chris spends a lot of time on himself. He works one-on-one with an energy healer. He does a lot of journaling as well. He tries to take every advantage that he can take. Anything that he feels can be helpful for his self-improvement, Chris makes sure to make the most out of it.

What is the best advice you have ever been given?

The best advice that he has ever been given came from his mentor. He introduced Chris to gratitude. He asked Chris to text him three things Chris was grateful for every day. He once said to Chris “You have a responsibility to be a better person”. It is so unbelievably simple to follow this advice. Chris starts each day of his life to become a better version of himself by the end of the day. Chris says the easiest way to improve yourself is to help someone else become a better version of themselves. This would eventually help you become a better person.

How can we connect with you?

Website: https://www.chriswinfield.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thechriswinfield/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/chriswinfield/

#96: Anna Goldstein: How to Breakthrough Limiting Beliefs Jul 19, 2018

At the beginning of the year I set an intention that I wanted to learn how to sing and some of that was because I wanted to explore accessing my voice more getting in touch with speaking from my voice and really feeling the energy of my voice and hoping that Wanda will help me get over some of my fear of public speaking but also just released some blocks around really speaking my voice and in the beginning of the year I had somebody that was assisting me on getting me on podcasts. And so she had reached out to somebody for me to be interviewed on her podcast. And so then she interviewed me on her podcast her name is Ariane and she actually is a voice coach. So at the end of the podcast, I told her what my goal was and I hired her to become my voice coach so we would talk every about every week sometimes twice a month. We would do singing lessons and so we built this relationship and then I interviewed her on my podcast for episode number ninety one which was claiming your voice the power of your voice and in the podcast, she said something that stood out to me and she was talking about the Avatar course.

I became curious about it. I had heard her talk about it several times but then she said a couple of things on the interview that stood out to me. At the end of the interview, I asked her about the Avatar course -- in which she told me she would talk to me about the Avatar course and we set up a time to talk about it. I knew that I would benefit from this course but had a lot of resistance around going to the course. I mean leaving my family going by myself. I just felt resistant to it. But at the same time, I felt like this calling like I knew that it would help me. And I knew that it would bust through some of my blocks that I felt like I had been experiencing. And you know she told me that the course was July. At this time, it was the end of June and I thought "I can't make it happen that quickly." It was too much of a mind shift for me to just be like "Alright I'm going to leave." But then we talked about a couple of things. She said, "You know your evolvement will help your family will help your son." And that really resonated with me. So I said to my husband, "I need to go on this trip. It's these dates." He said, "Okay." I booked my trip and I was ready I was ready to go but I was still feeling a little fear and resistance around it.

Three weeks later I get on the plane fly out of Florida and I get there. It was different from any other personal development or self-development course I had ever been to. There were people from all over the world. It was very unfamiliar. There weren't a lot of people who were my age (I'm 37). So a lot of people were either older and there actually were kids there that were doing this work too. And I had really had no idea what to expect. So you know I signed up I got the books and I started doing the workbook. And then you get assigned to a one-on-one mentor. I didn't know I would get one-on-one attention like that.

Essentially what we did was we really dove into our blueprint what beliefs have we formed what ideas do we have about our identity the world our self and just through asking questions through the question in the workbook and through different exercises just exploring what comes out right. And it was really profound. I mean the number of breakthroughs I had.

I don't think I've ever had that many breakthroughs in my life so much so that I started feeling unstable like I was feeling under rounded and they actually had to walk me through like a five-step process of getting more grounded through actually touching physical things like they had me pick up an object and hold it and describe what it felt like and then compare it to another object that I had picked up and describe what the difference between the two objects just so I could get more grounded and present in the room because once I kind of busted through my old belief system maybe feel really in balance and I guess I'll just tell you a little bit about a process that they took us through it I'm jumping way ahead to the work. But all breakthroughs begin with a breakthrough in belief. So it's like what beliefs are you operating from. And I consider myself somebody who's pretty introspective I guess. I do this work with clients so I ask myself these questions all the time and I could spew out my living beliefs pretty easily. Even the woman that was working with me was like wow this is this seems pretty easy for you. But the big difference for me was understanding the origin of the belief and I've done this before with clients and things like this but this was different because once we identified what a belief was we looked at it and we looked. Is this helpful or is this impeding? Now it is interesting because some beliefs like there is a belief I had that I'm fortunate. And while I thought that would be helpful I realized it was actually impeding. And the reason why is I was settling for things because I'd go Well I'm fortunate or at least I have this. And it was actually an impeding belief rather than a helpful belief. So if you can identify like okay like is this belief impeding or is this helpful. A lot of the beliefs we have.

They came from society our parents, teachers, maybe even the sports arena siblings culture religion and they were using the term in this course indoctrination meaning you didn't deliberately choose to have this belief this belief was kind of imposed on you in some way. So the next layer was to uncover. Was this something that was deliberate or was this indoctrinated. And so if we take my belief I'm fortunate I picked that up from someone along the way. It wasn't something that I think I intentionally chose. That's different from me but really choosing the belief. But I probably heard someone or somebody say along the way. Well, you should be lucky for what you have or you're very fortunate. And while that is true I was actually using it in a way that was impeding and therefore it wasn't deliberate. So the other piece is that if your attention is on these old beliefs or these beliefs that are impeding it robs some of your attention and if you don't have free attention then you don't have a choice. So a lot of the time we don't actually sit down and take out the trash that's in our mind. We just keep going. Imagine if you had a car and you never took it in the shop to get fixed. Like obviously that car wouldn't run well but also if you know were experiencing you know a bumpy path and you took it into the shop. The first thing one of the first things you would probably do is lift up the hood and a lot of time we don't investigate our beliefs or our thoughts or what the inner workings of our mind we just kind of keep going and we're not really taught this these skills in school and it's quite uncomfortable.

I mean I felt very uncomfortable because some of it is like it's surprising you don't even know what's going to come out sometime. But in the end it was so freeing. Afterward, I could literally feel a release and then I did feel like I had more free attention and then I can direct that attention towards what I want what I want to create. OK. So you might be thinking Anna all of this is great. You know some of it makes sense some of it might be a little bit confusing but like. Now what. What do I do? How can I identify what are some of these beliefs that are blocking me and part of my blueprint that isn't getting me the results that I want. And that's a great question because there is a process so essentially you know I used to think that that is true that your beliefs create your reality. But now I understand that it's an experience. Reality is an experience right. So like if you and I go to the same movie we each are going to have our own experience of that reality. So whatever your experience is is the reality that you're creating where does your experience come from? It doesn't come from the movie out there it comes from your own internal experience. So, if something is hard or let's say you're stuck in some area in your life whether it be health relationships your family a business your career. Look at that. The first question is what would I like to change?

So then you identify what you would like to change so if you have a moment I would say pause this and write down what is it that you would like to change. The next question is what belief might someone have in order to experience a let's say fear of talking to people that you don't know though if you have a moment pause this and write down the question and write down your answer the next question is how do you prove that this belief is true. So writing down like behaviors habits patterns tendencies that you do to prove this belief to be true. So I'm going to give you an example. This was an example taken from the workbook. It's called resurfacing techniques for exploring consciousness resurfacing by Harry Palmer.

So the guide asks, "What would you like to change?"

STUDENT: My fear of talking to people I don't know.

GUIDE: What belief might someone have in order to experience a fear of talking to people. He doesn't know.

STUDENT: People might say something bad.

GUIDE: How do you prove this belief to be true?

STUDENT I've got examples. I've seen it happen. I've done it.

(keep going until there is a breakthrough)

GUIDE: What other belief might someone have. In order to experience a fear of talking to people he doesn't know?

STUDENT: I might say something stupid.

GUIDE: How do you prove this belief is true?

STUDENT: I said something really stupid to my friend's wife.

GUIDE: What other belief might someone have in order to experience a fear of talking to people he doesn't know?

STUDENT: Don't talk to strangers. It's good advice for children. Aha. I just realized something. It's not because I don't know them that I don't talk to them it's because they don't know me. I'm the stranger. The belief is strangers are dangerous.

This is a beautiful process. That's the end of the process. But it doesn't always end there. But the idea is to keep asking the question about what belief might someone have in order to experience the fear. You can do this around comparison. You can do this around any area that you're stuck and then you want to ask yourself the question how do you prove that believed to be true and you keep going with it. Now I'm going to tell you another step that I've integrated on my own with this question is to almost all beliefs are motivated by three things they're either motivated by modeling someone like we saw somebody do it or we heard somebody do it. That was in our sphere most likely growing up that had an influence on us in some capacity. My mentor my mentor that was there told me a great story about this she said that when she was in her 20s she had this fear of birds and she couldn't figure out where it came from me you know and it was just like you know she was she had this fear of birds and she said and then one day she went back to her hometown.

She lived on her own at the time so she went back and visited her mother and she saw that her mother was afraid of birds and she realized oh that belief wasn't mine. It was my mom's and because she was able to understand that that belief wasn't hers. She could let it go. Another motivation behind forming beliefs is resistance so there's resistance behind some behavior. So let's say your mom was super unorganized and then you became like a neat freak. So you're kind of do the opposite or obedience like somebody said like you know you should grow up and get a 9 to 5 job and you just like follow the rules. So identifying where the motivation of that belief began. So that's a step that I've been adding to the equation it is part of the process but this is a really big process but I just wanted to give you a snapshot and share a little bit about some breakthroughs that I had with the intention of hoping that you can get use out of this and if you have any questions you can always reach out to me.

If you want to set up a complimentary coaching call to learn more about this process and how I can help you go to annagoldstein.com/coach

#95: Jillian Turecki: Respect, Boundaries, & Self-Esteem: What You Need to Know About Relationships Jul 12, 2018

Jillian Turecki is a relationship expert, yoga teacher and public speaker who for 18 years, has been studying the art and science of fulfillment. Under the masterful guidance of Anthony Robbins, Jillian is certified by the Robbins Madanes Center for Strategic Intervention known for employing innovative strategic solutions to the most pervasive difficult problems. Fueled by an insatiable curiosity about what makes a relationship thrive, her mission is to help both singles and couples strengthen their relationship with themselves so that they ultimately transform their relationships with others. Jillian is expertly trained in working with the individual, couples, and families, and is sought out for her compassionate, direct, and very authentic style of coaching and teaching.

“Our entire experience of life boils down to relationship. From the intimacy we crave with a partner to the success we achieve through our work. None of it is possible without understanding our own psychology and the psychology of those we relate to. We never learned this at school, but it is learnable. To be able to communicate masterfully, that is, to transcend our insecurities, hurt and reactivity is a skill essential to our personal fulfillment.”

What do you think is most important in a relationship?

If we talk about an intimate relationship, there are a lot of things that are very important to maintain a healthy relationship. The most important part would be respected. It is very difficult to be in a relationship if you do not have respect for yourself. If you do not respect your partner in a relationship, it is impossible to have any sort of intimacy.

What do you have to say about self-respect? How can someone disrespect themselves? Self-respect is about honoring where you are and also giving yourself a little push to move forward and grow. Self-respect starts by respecting yourself first. Many times we start disrespecting ourselves through our thoughts that we have about ourselves and doubts e have about ourselves. Most of us indulge in destructive self-talks, addictions or bad habits which actually implies disrespecting ourselves. Every individual needs to decide what self-respect means to them since these standards can vary from person to person. For some people, self-respect might mean saying no to more things and for others, it might mean saying yes to more things. It all depends on how you are living your life and what you need.

How closely do you think respect is to settle down in a relationship?

It varies from person to person. You should always ask yourself what respect means to you and share it with your partner. You have to share that with yourself. Jillian thinks it is very important that people have an honest conversation with themselves when they are disrespected by their partner and share it with their partners. If you feel perpetually disrespected, you need to look deep into it. Make sure you stand up for yourself and make sure to show the other person to respect you as an individual. It is very important to have a conversation with your partner about self-respect if you feel disrespected in a relationship.

How can someone build their self-esteem again if they have been in a toxic relationship in past?

If you have low self-esteem regardless of the fact that you are in a relationship or single, you need to work your self-esteem very quickly. It is very difficult to build any sort of intimacy in a relationship if you have low self-esteem. If you are single and you are searching for a partner thinking in the back of your mind that this person would help you boost your self-esteem, that is probably the biggest mistake you can ever commit. People around you can only help you grow, but it is down to you to improve your self-esteem. The fastest way to improve your self-esteem is to commit yourself to grow and to do things that make you feel alive.

How can we improve our communication in relationships?

All the rules that apply to real-world communication cannot be applied in a relationship. Communication rules in relationships are totally different. Jillian shares three ways to improve your communication to the next level in a relationship. They are the following:

Listen more than you speak. Listen to understand, rather than to reply.
To understand that you do not just communicate with words, you also communicate with your body.
To not always use the words “I feel” because it implies you are giving away a judgment on something.

If you are in an intimate relationship with someone, that person is definitely aware of your energy even if they do not think in terms of energy and cannot put it in words. Human beings can naturally feel other people’s joy and stress.

Can you talk a little about emotional fitness and how we can integrate it in relationships?

Emotional fitness is definitely not about not feeling your emotions. If you have a habit of stuffing your emotions, then you are emotionally not fit. Emotions do two things; they either move through us or get stuck in us somewhere in our bodies. All of us have some emotions that are stuck in us. Emotional fitness is not about being perfect rather it's about self-awareness. You have to be super-aware, you have to take action and you have to have insight in yourself.

There are two action steps that can be taken to become aware of yourself. It takes a little bit more effort on the inside and it involves writing down what makes you come alive, what makes you happy or excites you. Commit yourself to make space for that action or habit that gives you the freedom to explore yourself and gives you joy. The second thing that can be done to become emotionally fit is to begin your day by doing something that can help you reduce stress. You have to prepare yourself to deal with stress. Stress is more about how you respond to it and how you integrate it in your body.

What is the best advice you have ever been given?

The best advice she has been given was from her mom who often used to say to her to “pull up her socks” when Jillian was struggling through her life. It was more like a metaphor which meant to get her head together and move forward.

How can we connect with you?

You can connect with her through her website. Her website’s URL is

http://www.jillianturecki.com

Jillian is planning to start a membership program for people who want to gain emotional fitness and deal with stress in way that does not effect their mental and emotional fitness. You can find more about the program through her website.

You can also follow her on Instagram through the following URL

https://www.instagram.com/jillianturecki/

Jillian recently launched Emotional Fitness Monthly, the first ever membership based plan 100% focused on teaching people just how to do this.

To learn more about how to join Emotional Fitness Monthly: http://www.jillianturecki.com/efm

Her newest course, “Grit and Grace: Rehab for the Broken Hearted” is for a limited group of women going through an intense breakup/divorce. To apply for a phone consult, please email at info@jillianturecki.com

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