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    Prison Professors

    At Prison Professors, our team offers strategies and insight for people who want to avoid investigations or get the best outcomes if authorities have targeted them. Michael Santos, our host, served 26 years in federal prison. Learn how to prepare. Contact us at Team@PrisonProfessors.com. For more information, call or text: 949-205-6056.

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    113. Earning Freedom (2.1) with Michael Santos Sep 08, 2022
    Show notes

    I'm reading from chapter 2 of my book, Earning Freedom: Conquering a 45-Year Prison Term For more information, visit PrisonProfessors.com Month 13 The court paid my public defender, Justin, to represent me after I cut ties with Raymond. Now that I've been sentenced, however, I'm without much access to legal counsel. Justin will prepare a direct appeal, but he won't be available to help me understand how to navigate my way through the 45-years I must serve. I don't even know what that means and I wonder whether the judge really intends for me to languish in prison for longer than I've been alive. Unlike the federal time that I'm serving, most of the other prisoners in my housing unit at the county jail face problems with the State of Washington's criminal justice system. From those men I learn that all 50 states maintain their own criminal justice and prison systems, with different rules and legal codes. As a federal prisoner, I have little in common with them. Still, by listening to the more experienced prisoners around me I become familiar with concepts like "parole" and "good time." The federal prison system is in transition, abolishing parole and significantly reducing the amount of good time possible. Since my convictions stem from crimes I committed prior to the date of the new law's enactment, I'm part of the old-law system where parole still exists. Still, the statute under which I stand convicted, "the kingpin statute," is one of the few crimes under the old law that doesn't qualify for parole eligibility. Of the 45-year sentence that my judge imposed, I've learned that I'm only eligible for parole consideration during the final two years of my sentence, the portion imposed as a consequence of my perjury conviction. Still, it's all very confusing to me and I don't know how many years I'll actually serve in prison. To pass time I read legal books in the jail's law library. From those books I understand that a good-time provision under the old law authorizes prison administrators to reduce my sentence if I remain free of charges for disciplinary misconduct. Still, according to calculations I make on a piece of lined writing paper, regardless of what I achieve in prison, I'll serve more than 26 years. That doesn't make much sense to me, as I didn't have charges of violence or weapons, and only consenting adults were involved in my crime. The length of my sentence doesn't haunt me as much as Lisa's legal issues. She's now in Miami, where she receives more family support while her lawyer works through the best possible plea agreement. The entire situation is a mess I've created. I try to comfort her during our nightly telephone calls even though I'm powerless to protect her. Our only connection is on the phone, but the conversations we have don't seem to be enough. I ask her to pray with me, but she always snaps back "I don't want to pray, Michael." It stings as if she's slapping me when she uses my name instead of a more endearing term. "You're supposed to get me out of this mess," she says. "I'm trying, Lisa. I'm trying. No matter what happens though, we still have each other and with God's help we're going to get through this." I've never been religious, but during these traumatic times I find strength through prayer and I want her to join me. "How?" she wails. "How do you think we're going to get through this if you're in prison and I'm in prison? How is God or prayer going to help us through that?" "You're not going to prison, honey. God's not going to let that happen. I can feel it. The judge sentenced me to far more time than everyone else, and I'm sure he slammed me with all the time he intends to hand out in this case. It's over." "That's not what my lawyer says," she argues through tears. "He told me I could get five years. Five years, Michael! I can't handle this. I can't go to jail!" "Don't worry, Baby. It's not going to happen. I know it's not going to happen. At worst he'll sentence you to probation. I need you to pray, to have faith in God." Lisa pauses on the phone, as if contemplating what she wants to say. "Raymond keeps calling me." "Why is he calling you?" "He calls because he's a pig, that's why. Last night he asked me to come to his house for a soak in his hot tub. He said that a real man wouldn't have put me in the position you did." The news sickens me. My former lawyer has taken everything I own and now he's trying to seduce my wife. My losses continue. With only one place to decompress, I return to my cell, my haven from madness, and I lie on my bunk, realizing that the sentence is only the start. There is still more pain to come, farther to fall. I want peace but I can't escape the noise blasting through the cellblock. Rap songs blare from music television stations. There's also a continuous chatter from the scores of prisoners roaming purposely and posturing in the common area, along with loud exclamations and expletives from each of the table games. From my bunk I can see a haze of tobacco smoke that lingers beneath the ceiling. I feel close to the edge, uncertain whether I'll make it through without wrapping a noose around my neck or slicing an artery. Suicide seems so easy, so inviting. My mom and Christina, my younger sister, are in Florida. The geographical distance that separates us is a relief. After all the lies I've told about innocence, I can't bring myself to face my family, especially my mother. Through a telephone call I learn that my trial has brought my mom and Lisa's father together. His name is Hank. Although I've never met him I know that he shares a mutual grief with my mom, and that grief has led to a romance between them. My life has become an absurd soap opera. "This is crazy," I tell Christina over the phone. "How can Mom get together with this guy? She's only been divorced from Dad for a year." "Give her a break, Michael. She's lonely and sad. I'm glad she's found love. No one wants to be alone and you're no one to judge." Christina's right. I shouldn't judge my mom, or anyone. I'm in jail and I don't even know my own family, just as the choices I made over the past three years resulted in my family not knowing me. "I'm sorry," I tell her. "I want Mom to be happy too. The news just surprised me, that's all." "That's okay. It's kind of funny when you think about it. I mean, for one thing, Hank isn't anything like Dad. Besides that, when Mom and Hank marry, that means you'll be married to your own stepsister and Hank will be both your father-in-law and your stepfather. Just like you don't know Hank, none of us really know Lisa." ******* My father and my sister, Julie, wait through slowly moving lines to visit me in the jail. Julie is a year older than I am. She's totally independent and strong, holding our shattered family together as my conviction and sentence loom. Each weekend we visit through glass partitions, clutching telephone handsets as we cry in the booth. "Tell me again, son. Why did you feel that you had to do this?" The jail officers only allow me to spend 15 minutes in the booth, and when my father asks me these questions I press my hand against the glass to match his and cry. "I'm sorry, Dad. I'm sorry." "It's okay, Son. Don't cry. We're here for you." He's crying too, as is Julie. The sadness is hard to take, and at this stage, I don't know how it will end. "We're here for you," Julie repeats. "Whatever you need, we're here for you. We just need you to be strong in there and to know it's going to get better." "Santos!" The jailer yells in the booth. "Let's go! Time's up! I'm not telling you again. Move out!" I pull my hand from the glass. Not wanting others to see my weakness, I rub tears from my eyes as I walk away. I'm going to ask my family not to visit anymore. Whenever I walk away from the visiting booth the devastation I've caused plays out in my mind. Those images come with pangs of guilt that linger like a dark cloud. When I left the family my father was such a force. He was rough, a hard-working man who came to this country with nothing but ambitions to build a better life. While on a construction site, surrounded by heavy equipment, I could always find him as he yelled out orders to the men who worked for him. He and my mother wanted so much for me. I'm besieged by thoughts of what my conviction and long sentence has done to my parents. My father steered a small boat across 90 miles of the Atlantic, braving Caribbean waters and the unknown to escape Castro's communism. But when I look in his tearing hazel eyes, see the new worry lines etched in his brow, or the way that his once black hair is turning white, I know he fears that I won't survive prison. In the night, he has told me, he wakes in a panic and suffocates with anxieties that news will come informing him that I've taken my life. "Promise me you'll be strong enough to see this through," he pleads with me frequently over the telephone. "Yes, Dad. I'm going to make it. I promise." "Say it again!" He insists. "I promise." My father has lost his life's work and his marriage and now his son. He's only 53-years old, yet he's tormented, blaming himself for the prison term I face. The guilt of it crushes me. ******* I struggle to understand the philosophies of Friedrich Nietzsche, Jean Paul Sartre, and Albert Camus. Existentialism centers on personal responsibility and I espouse the concept even though these writers reject the concept of God. I'm living hour-by-hour, and they sometimes feel interminable. Through prayers I find comfort, leaving me conflicted by the existentialists. I'm torn between embracing and rejecting them. Although I oppose their godlessness, I find their message about personal will empowering. Regardless of what social exposures influenced my judgments, values, and actions, my ego, greed and shortsightedness caused my problems. Neither prayer nor religion is going to fix my problems, but I feel a spiritual force moving me. Both prayer and the teachings of the existentialists convince me I can grow into the man I aspire to become. ******* It's late summer of 1988 when a jailer opens my cell door early on a Saturday morning. "Santos! Roll up!" He throws two plastic bags on the concrete floor. "Dump your personal belongings in one bag, pile your sheets and blankets in the other. Move out! Now!" With my hands and legs in shackles I carry the bag filled with letters from Lisa, her photographs, and a few books as I follow the jailer through a maze of corridors. He locks me in a holding cell with others. We don't wait long before the U.S. marshals take control and herd us like chattel into a transport van parked in the jail's basement garage. My time in the county jail has come to an end. "Can you tell me where I'm going?" I ask the driver of the van. "You don't know?" I shake my head while shrugging my shoulders. "You'll find out when you get there." We drive south on Interstate 5 and don't stop for several hours until we reach a landing strip at the Portland airport. After another hour in the van I see the plane's tires hit the tarmac and the landing precipitates movement. The marshals and other law enforcement officers emerge from separate vehicles donning black armor vests and gripping their assault rifles firmly while taking positions to guard the plane. I remember going through this drill before, when some of these same marshals transported me from Miami to Seattle for my initial court appearances. I shrink into my seat, watching the drama unfold and waiting for the requisite but dehumanizing inspections before I board the plane to some unknown destination. I look through the tinted window of the transport van and watch prisoners leave the plane, hobbling down stairs in chains, with marshals inspecting them as if they are a lower species. I think how differently events might have unfolded if only I had made better decisions after I stepped off that plane last year. I can't blame anyone but myself for where I sit. My friends didn't testify against me out of malice and I don't begrudge them the evidence they provided against me. I miss them. We grew up as brothers and although we haven't spoken, I sense that they empathize with my plight. Without delusions of acquittal I too could've accepted responsibility for my crimes. I knew I was guilty, but rather than accepting responsibility and putting the past behind me, I fooled myself into believing that since I didn't touch the cocaine, prosecutors wouldn't be able to prove anything and a jury wouldn't convict me. Within days of stepping off that plane last year, I even orchestrated a cocaine deal from inside the jail. The chains on my wrists, around my waist, and on my ankles feel heavy, but not as heavy as my guilt. From my understanding, I'll wear them for at least 26 years. Since I haven't been alive that long, it feels like an eternity. "Where you headed?" A prisoner addresses me as I settle into the seat beside him on the airplane. He's older, about 35, but I'm guessing. He wears a goatee and I notice the flame tattoos on his forearms. "To prison." I shrug. "Which one?" "They wouldn't tell me. Marshal said I'd find out once I got there." "Prick. I'm sick of livin' like this, hate all these motherfuckers." "Where're you going?" "Lompoc." "What's that?" "Huh?" "Lompoc, what's that?" "Whud'ya mean, 'what's that?' Motherfuckin' joint, that's what it is. You green, just comin' in or something?" "I've been in jail for a year. Now I'm on my way to prison." "Go to trial?" His eyes suggest that he's testing me. I nod. "Guilty on all counts." "Drugs?" "Cocaine," I answer. "What'd they hit you with?" "My sentence you mean? Forty-five years." He whistled. "That's some heavy shit. You old law or new law?" "I'm old law." "At least you've got that goin' for ya. You'll be able to see the board after 10 years." "No I can't. I've got a Continuing Criminal Enterprise, no parole." My neighbor whistles again. "That's a bitch, young'n. Been down before?" I shake my head. He whistles again. "Least they'll know you ain't no snitch. How old're ya?" "I'm 24." "You got an ol' lady?" "I'm married." "Cut that bitch loose. Can't be hangin' on to no woman when you're pullin' a 45 piece. Gotta be ready to do time, and can't do that with no woman on your mind." "How long have you been in prison?" "Eight motherfuckin' years. Got two more to pull 'fore the board's gonna cut me loose." "What are you going to do when you get out?" "Fuck if I know. I ain'…

    Full show notes at the publisher

    112. Earning Freedom (1.3) with Michael Santos Sep 08, 2022
    Show notes

    I'm reading from chapter 1 of my book, Earning Freedom: Conquering a 45-Year Prison Term For more information, visit PrisonProfessors.com Podcast 112: Earning Freedom 1.3 ******* The marshals escort four of us in chains through the working areas of the post office. I see postal clerks eying us suspiciously as they sort the mail into large bags while we wait for an elevator to take us to the courthouse. We walk into a bullpen. The marshals remove our handcuffs and chains before locking us in. A few minutes later the marshals bring in Alex, my former partner. I recognize his voice when they lock him into an adjacent cage. We can't see each other, but once the marshals leave I hold onto the bars on the front gate and talk to Alex, disregarding the solid wall that separates us. "How can you testify against me?" I ask him. "We've been like brothers." Alex graduated from high school two years ahead of me, but despite our age difference, we became close friends. After he introduced me to the money we could earn by selling cocaine, we became partners. "I'm sorry." I could hear the humiliation in his voice. "It was too fast. When they caught me, I just got scared. I didn't know this would happen." Alex began cooperating with prosecutors a year before my arrest, when DEA agents caught him with a kilogram of cocaine. In a plea negotiation that would limit him to two years in prison, he agreed to testify against me. "Do you know that I'm facing a life sentence?" "I heard." His voice drops, and I know the severity of sanction that I face weighs heavily on him. "The government's case rests on your testimony." I try to manipulate not so much what Alex will say, but how he will say it. "It all rests on you. Either you can come across like some kind of star witness, or you can come across in a way that might make you look like a liar in the eyes of the jury. Just remember that you've already got your deal. If you fall apart under cross-examination from my attorney, the jury won't convict me." "I got ya." The seed I planted bears fruit. When Alex testifies before the jury, both on direct examination from the prosecutor and on cross-examination from Raymond, he seems totally untrustworthy. His testimony emboldens me, as I know Alex's stuttering and mumbling portray him as a less than credible witness, out to save his skin at any cost. Later that evening I'm elated when I return to the jail, thinking that my friend came through. The government has been counting on his testimony, but now the prosecutors will have to present more compelling evidence if they want a conviction. In the following days, we have peaks and valleys, scoring well with some witnesses, not so well with others. All in all, I feel my acquittal nearing. ******* My hopes for release shatter during the second week of the trial. When I return to the jail after court one evening, I call Lisa for our nightly conversation. While we're talking I hear aggressive male voices shouting in the background. Then the line goes dead. I dial the number again. Someone picks up the phone without answering. I hear a click followed by silence. Frantic now, I dial a third time. I haven't dispelled rumors in the jail that I'm a man of means, and I worry that some gang leader from the jail has orchestrated a home invasion or kidnapping. Finally, a male voice answers. When the operator announces my collect call, the call goes through. "Hello, Michael." The man who answers takes a familiar tone, snickering. "Who is this and what're you doing in my house?" I squeeze the handset of the phone in anger. "I'm a special agent with the DEA," he taunts. "You'll find out soon enough why we're here." "You're harassing my family because you're losing the trial." The agent laughs at me. "I don't think that's the case," he says. Then, just before he hangs up, he adds that they've arrested Tom, Lisa's brother. Minutes later, officers from the jail arrive to pull me out from the housing unit. They lock me between sally port cages that separate the unit from jail corridors and I crouch down in despair. My mind reels with questions. Worry torments me. Why would the agents invade Lisa's house? Why would the agent tell me they have Tom? My heart races like never before. Then I see a team of DEA agents enter the housing unit. They march past me and into my cell for an apparent search. After the agents finish their ransacking, the guards lead me back into the housing unit and lock me inside. Adrenaline surges through my body, I can't sleep. When guards come for me in the morning, I'm pacing. They escort me to the bullpen for court transportation and I'm stunned to see Tom, Lisa's brother. "What're you doing here?" I can't believe Tom is in jail. He's been free on bond since our initial arrest, sitting beside me at trial each day. I can't fathom what happened. "I messed up." He doesn't look at me when he responds. "What are you talking about? Were you home last night when the DEA busted in on Lisa?" Tom didn't even know that the DEA had been to the house. He tells me that the DEA arrested him yesterday afternoon following the court proceedings. "Why did they arrest you? And why would the DEA bust in on Lisa?" "I messed up." Tom repeats. He won't make eye contact. While sitting on the bench, rubbing his face and looking at the floor of the cage, he tells me what happened. Several months ago, just days after my arrest, when I instructed Tom to retrieve those eight kilograms of cocaine and deliver them to Walt, Tom decided to sell them on his own. One of his customers, it turns out, is a DEA agent. "You mean you've been selling that cocaine this whole time on your own?" I'm angry to learn that Tom disregarded my specific instructions to deliver the cocaine to Walt. Tom nods. "I thought I could make more money that way." I close my eyes and shake my head. "Please tell me that you weren't storing the coke at Lisa's house." "I didn't keep it there, but I stashed money under my mattress. I also gave Lisa some money I'd been paid by the guy who turned out to be the undercover DEA agent." All I can think about is the possibility that Lisa has been arrested. I receive clarification a few hours later, when Raymond fills me in. He says the agents might charge Lisa with the crime of lying to a federal officer. When the agents were at the house, she told them that the money in her purse belonged to her, when in fact Tom had given her DEA-marked bills. At least she wasn't in custody. Raymond urges me to snap out of my despair and focus on the final hours of my trial, which is my immediate problem. I no longer care about the trial or its outcome. The true severity of my problems has finally crashed down upon me. I've not only made a disaster of my own life, but of everyone else's, I want to give up, to die. ******* The jury returns its verdict, convicting me on every count. Lies of innocence yield to the reality of my guilt. I have to accept that I'm facing a life sentence. Who cares? I don't know what's coming. Nothing matters. The government may charge Lisa with a felony and the thought of her in handcuffs rips me apart. I ask Raymond to make some kind of deal with prosecutors, to tell them I'll accept a life sentence, a death sentence, I'll waive my right to appeal, anything, if the government will leave Lisa alone. He tells me the government hasn't even charged me in the case. "Then tell them I'll confess. I arranged for Tom to receive those eight kilograms. They were part of the same crime I was just convicted of, but if I hadn't sent Tom, the coke would've stayed buried." "I'm not going to do that. You're under duress. I don't want you cooperating. You haven't even been sentenced and you've got excellent prospects on appeal." "I don't care about an appeal, I don't care about anything other than doing what I can to spare Lisa. She doesn't deserve this. Call the prosecutor. Tell him I'll confess." "I won't do it." Raymond doesn't want to involve himself with my talking to prosecutors. I don't understand his reluctance–it may be that he doesn't want me to reveal the counsel he has given throughout my ordeal, or he worries that I might divulge information about the property he received from Paco as part of his fee. I don't care. Raymond is not my priority. Wanting to do whatever I can for Lisa, I fire Raymond, telling him that I don't want him to represent me anymore. I dial the prosecutor, Jerry Diskin, myself. "Is this the same Michael Santos who testified that he didn't know anything about drug trafficking?" The prosecutor is mocking me. "Look, Jerry," I say, "I was doing what my attorney told me I had to do. I'm sorry. I'll confess to anything you want, I'll give up my right to appeal, I'll accept any sentence you want to impose. Please, just don't put Lisa through this." "I have some problems with what you're offering," the prosecutor puts me in my place. "Let me start from the beginning. First, don't ever call me Jerry. I'm a United States Attorney, Mr. Diskin to you. Do you get that?" "Yes. I'm sorry." "Second, I do not, I repeat, I do not want to speak with you unless it's through an attorney. Why are you contacting me instead of Raymond?" "Raymond doesn't want me to talk with you. I don't want him to represent me anymore." "Then I'll have the public defender send someone over. Don't contact me again. And for the record, let me respond to the offer you made. I don't need your confession. You're convicted, and you're facing a life sentence. Your appeal doesn't concern me. I don't know why you think I would want to talk to you." Mr. Diskin is right, I realize. I breathe in deeply and exhale, trying to ease the pressure and anxiety squeezing my chest. ******* While lying on my rack, I think of all the ways I've disappointed and humiliated my parents. They never wanted the business expansion I craved. Throughout my childhood and adolescence, my parents worked hard, hoping to give my sisters and me privileges that they didn't enjoy growing up. They weren't college-educated people, but they loved us, and they built a life that provided our family with a beautiful home, new cars, regular vacations. I abused their trust and pushed them into decisions they would've never made without my influence. Ultimately, my greed led to the destruction of our family and their business. Then, when I saw a better opportunity to enrich myself by dealing cocaine, I abandoned them. My decisions destroyed my parents' prosperity, contributed to their divorce, and embarrassed my sisters. My criminal decisions also humiliated my grandparents. They were devout Catholics who expected me to lead a moral life and make good decisions. The letters I've been receiving from my mother describe their disgust at my actions. I haven't had the courage to speak to them since my arrest. Instead, I've burdened my mom with the impossible task of defending me to them. My mental anguish is relentless. I carry Lisa's picture in my hand trying frantically to think of anything that might save her. How can I persuade the government not to prosecute her? Suicide feels so inviting. I think about another prisoner who did it using the blades from one of the plastic razors we're allowed to have in jail. While sitting in a toilet stall, he sliced his wrists and bled to death. That option appeals to me. It could be one way of reaching Mr. Diskin. If I'm dead, he may feel some sympathy for Lisa. But killing myself would crush my parents and my sisters. Although I don't want to face the consequences of my actions, I know I can't allow these suicidal thoughts to continue. My dad urges me to be strong and through long letters that my mom writes, she shows that her support will not waver. Lisa, on the other hand, worries mostly about the fallout from my problems spilling over to her. During our daily phone calls, tormented by the possibility of going to prison she pleads with me to save her. Boils erupt on my arms and legs as the stress I'm feeling manifests itself throughout my body. The egg-sized volcanoes of pus burn like hot acid under my skin, exerting unbearable pressure. Only a visit to the infirmary for an excision relieves the pain, though within hours of having one drained, more begin to fester and swell. ******* I've been in jail for six months and must languish through several more before my sentencing date. I don't know what the judge will impose, though I accept the possibility of a life sentence as being real. I'm not interested in playing cards or table games. I stay in my cell reading the Bible with hopes of finding solace, an anchor. The Scriptures help me resist a growing urge to end my life and strengthen me to hold on for another day. Although I want to identify with the agonies and loss described in the Book of Job, comparisons end there. Job, at least, wasn't beset with self-recriminations over acting stupidly and dishonestly. Knowing that decisions I made spawned my tribulations aggravates the continuous torment in my mind. The marshals come for me again and drive me to the courthouse. I meet Justin, my public defender who is there for my debriefing session with Mr. Diskin. Justin hasn't had an opportunity to review any court records or files pertaining to my predicament, though he knows a jury convicted me on numerous counts of high-level drug charges only days before. I haven't been charged with additional crimes and he doesn't understand my motivation for wanting to talk with the prosecutors. "Look man," I tell him in the private room, "I'm responsible for everything. I'm the one who told Tom to pick up the eight keys. He may've sold them to the guy who turned out to be DEA, but I'm responsible." "But you haven't been charged," Justin points out. "What do you hope to gain from this admission?" "The government can do whatever it wants with me. But the prosecutors are threatening to charge Lisa with a felony. All I want is to take the punishment myself, whatever it is. Tell them to slam me with whatever, but to leave her alone." The public defender shakes his head in resignation, knowing that I'm not ready to receive counsel. We walk to an adjacent courtroom to meet with the prosecutor. Justin sits beside me as I respond to Mr. Diskin's questions. His first question is whether I lied when I took the witness stand during my trial. I answer that I did, and he asks whether I understand that admitting to such lies exposes me to the additional criminal charges of perjury. I offer to accept any charges or sanctions the government wants to impose and then I plead with the prosecutor not to charge Lisa. Mr. Diskin smirks, unmoved. The debriefing session lasts for an hour. In the end, Mr. Diskin tells me that I haven't revealed anything he doesn't already know. "You're going to have to face the full punishment for your crimes." The prosecutor narrows his eyes as he lashes out at me. "And you may find yourself sitting at the defen…

    Full show notes at the publisher

    8-1-Awareness Sep 08, 2022
    Show notes

    110. Earning Freedom (1.1) with Michael Santos Sep 07, 2022
    Show notes

    101. Earning Freedom with Michael Santos Conquering a 45-Year Prison Term (1.1) I'm reading from chapter 1 of my book, Earning Freedom: Conquering a 45-Year Prison Term For more information, visit PrisonProfessors.com I can feel the DEA agents waiting. I don't know where or when they'll strike, but I know they're near. I've never been arrested before, and I'm scared. My wife, Lisa, sits next to me in our Porsche convertible, clutching my hand. We've only been married five months. She's a glamorous South American blonde who looks spectacular in her form-fitting designer clothes, better still in a bikini. With her beside me, I feel powerful. I've built my life on extravagance and appearances, and Lisa completes the image I want to project. She's five years older than I am and I always try to appear strong for her–man enough for her. I don't want her to see my fear, but inside I'm shaking. Shadowy forces feel like they're closing in, but I don't have a grasp on what's coming. Instinct, intuition, a sense of impending doom keeps crowding my consciousness. This high-flying life is about to change. I can feel it. Lisa and I have just left Miami where I learned from Raymond, a well-known criminal lawyer I've had on retainer, that a grand jury in Seattle just indicted me on drug trafficking charges. Raymond said that my arrest was imminent and that the criminal charges I'm facing could include the possibility of decades in prison. After hearing that unsettling news, I followed his instructions and gave him my diamond-faced Rolex to hold. Then I told Lisa how to make arrangements for his $200,000 fee. After leaving Raymond's office, I drive us toward the Rickenbacker Causeway that leads to Key Biscayne. Despite my attorney's warning, I'm going home. He convinced me that a huge difference existed between an indictment and a conviction. By paying Raymond all the money I've got to fight the case, I'm hoping for a fresh start from the mess I've made of my life. I've been miserable for months, knowing that I needed to make a change. ******* We arrive at the entry into Key Colony, the private oceanfront community on Key Biscayne where Lisa and I live. The security guard raises the gate and I drive the Porsche forward. We make eye contact, and I sense resentment in his phony smile as he waves us through. I'm half his age, and for the past year I've driven through this gate every day in my flashy sports car with Lisa beside me, wearing a gold watch that cost more than he would make in a year. Today he's sporting a smug grin. Maybe I'm paranoid. No, I shake my head as I accelerate through the gate and turn right. My gut roils with a subconscious awareness that I'll never drive through this tropical paradise again. I park in the garage beneath Botanica, the building where we live. Lisa and I walk arm-in-arm to the elevator, not speaking. I'm alert, watching, expecting the feds to rush me at any second. With heightened senses, I'm acutely aware of the salty ocean air filling my nostrils. My stomach churns as I push the elevator button and we ascend. The elevator door slides open and we step onto the top floor. An open breezeway with palm trees and lush, tropical vegetation on either side leads to our apartment. There they are, in front of us. The three men wearing dark blue jackets wait, eyeing me as I approach. "Are you Michael Santos?" "Yes." In an instant, I see three guns aiming at my head. "Freeze! Put your hands out where we can see them!" One of the agents then begins to recite my Miranda rights. I comply with their orders. Lisa steps away from me, gasping. One agent clasps my hands behind my neck as he searches me for weapons, though I've never carried a gun. Then he lowers my arms, pulling them behind my back. I hear clicking and feel cold metal as he slams handcuffs over my wrists. When the agents see that I'm not resisting, their tone becomes less hostile. They begin to question me and, following Raymond's instructions, I refuse to answer. "I want my attorney present before I say anything." I'm embarrassed that Lisa sees me so helpless, so impotent in the grip of authority. "Do you want to say good-bye to Lisa?" I cringe at the familiar way her name rolls off the agent's tongue, and I realize I'm really being taken away. "Michael!" Lisa's tortured cry echoes across the breezeway. "Michael! What should I do?" I don't turn around. To see her face would only prolong the agony of the moment. One agent is in front of me. I'm sandwiched between the other two and I feel hands gripping the chains of my handcuffs. I keep walking with my head down, humiliated. ******* It was 1987 and I was 23. For nearly two years I'd been the leader of a small group that distributed cocaine in Seattle. The scheme wasn't sophisticated. Those at the core of our little enterprise were my classmates from Shorecrest High School, in the North Seattle suburb of Lake Forest Park. Sensing a huge market for cocaine among Seattle's young professionals, I joined my friend Alex in a partnership to capitalize on it. I found suppliers in Miami. My friend John and his girlfriend, Lori, drove the drugs across the country and delivered them to Tony in Seattle, who stored them in his apartment. Alex coordinated deliveries to customers using Loren and Rico as local drivers. The shallow layers of people separating me from the actual cocaine fed my delusions that I wasn't really a drug dealer. Instead, I liked to think of myself as an entrepreneur. To the extent that I thought about it, I provided a simple service. No weapons. No violence. My friends and I only sold to consenting adults, so I equated our actions to those who supplied speakeasies during prohibition. It was my way of glamorizing the scheme to camouflage the severity of potential consequences. The government, of course, saw things differently. Ronald Reagan occupied the White House and he was ramping up the "War on Drugs." I may have previously seen myself as a businessman, but riding through the streets of Miami in the back seat of a black Ford LTD with my hands locked behind my back, in the custody of DEA agents, left no doubt that I was in big trouble. I thought of Lisa. I thought of my parents. I wondered if my attorney, Raymond, could really get me out of this mess. ******* "So, what's up? Did you think you could run from us forever?" The two agents in the front seat switch to a friendlier approach. The driver has carrot-red hair, styled with a flattop and military fade. His partner looks hip, wearing feathered brown hair that he holds in place with his stylish sunglasses. They try to engage me in conversation, but I'm silent, deep in thought as I stare out of the tinted windows at the glass-faced, high-rise buildings of downtown Miami. "Talk to us," the driver pipes in. "This may be your last chance to save yourself." I'm mute, afraid, sensing that I've reached a pivotal moment. "Alex and Tony have given us plenty already. Who're you tryin' to protect? This is the time," the driver speaks with authority. "No one knows you've been busted but us. Your pals cut sweetheart deals, left you hangin' in the wind. Take us to your suppliers and I'll turn this car around right now." "You don't have much time." The other agent stares at me, tempting me, trying to persuade me. I can tell that he isn't much older than I am. "Once we move forward, you're booked, game over. Speak up now and you'll be able to go home to that pretty little wife of yours." I don't say a word. It's not that I feel an allegiance to any criminal code. As crazy as it sounds, I don't even consider myself a criminal. It's simply that escaping problems by betraying others doesn't appeal to me as much as the chance for total vindication. Raymond suggests we can win through a trial, and I'm swinging for the fences, going for it. I cling to those hopes, but I'm also conflicted because a deep shame seeps through me. For years I've been telling lies, though I'm yet not ready to confront the reality of who I am, of what I am. I desperately want to resume a normal life and spare myself the humiliation of having to admit that I'm a drug dealer. As the DEA agents urge me to confess everything, I think about Lisa. I've come to define myself through material possessions, and she is my trophy. I live a fantasy life with her, locked in a constant struggle to mask my shallowness. Cooperating with the DEA and informing against others to spare myself would show weakness, implying that I lacked the wits and enough power to resolve the situation. It wouldn't be the forceful image I've worked so hard to project. I remain silent, sealing my fate. ******* I've never been to prison, nor have I been locked in custody before, but I did have a previous problem with the law. In high school, I organized a sports gambling pool. When one student couldn't pay up he offered to settle the debt with a stereo he stole. I accepted. A few months later, when police officers caught him in another theft, he told the officers that he gave the stereo to me. That led to my conviction for receiving stolen property. When I confided in my father about the problems of the stolen stereo, he stood by my side. For my sanction, a judge ordered that I pay $900 in restitution and that I fill out a form for a probation officer each month for nine months. We concealed the incident from my mother and sisters, not wanting to worry them. ******* In the back of the DEA car, I think about how my arrest is going to devastate my family. I'm now in a predicament that's going to expose the deceitful life I've been living and I'm humiliated, yet I still can't bring myself to come clean because I've got too much invested in the lies I've already told. In choosing this path, with Raymond fighting my battle, I've got to go all the way. ******* My father was a Cuban immigrant. Together with my American mother he built a contracting company in Seattle and provided well for our family. We lived in a beautiful five-bedroom home that sat on several acres in Lake Forest Park. A stream with waterfalls ran through our front yard, with a thick forest behind the house. My parents worked hard to provide my two sisters and me with every advantage, to prepare us for success, grooming me to lead the family company. My father took pride in operating heavy equipment, pouring concrete, and creating work of lasting value. His company specialized in public works, installing highway lighting and traffic signal systems. My dad was an old-country kind of guy, and he aspired to teach me a strong work ethic. But I resented pulling wire and carrying pipe. I especially dreaded working on weekends or during summers when my friends were waterskiing on Lake Washington. Even though I worked by my dad's side from the time I was six, I couldn't see myself doing physical labor, not for the long term. I wanted the good times my friends enjoyed. After graduating from high school with mediocre grades, I maneuvered my way out of the field and into the office, wanting to wear clean clothes and to position myself close to the money. With high expectations, my parents gave me the position of vice president, despite the fact that I lacked the maturity to wield the responsibility such a title implied. They trusted me, and I exploited their confidence in my abilities. I've always been driven by the pursuit of money and possessions, with a sense of entitlement, wanting more than what my parents gave. Their friends were professionals and business owners, people whose influence and style impressed me. The family business was small when I joined it full-time after graduating from high school, employing only a few electricians. My dad worked alongside them to install illumination and electrical systems while my mom kept the books. The company remained free of debt and afforded us a comfortable life, though it wasn't enough for my tastes. To me, bigger seemed better. Rather than studying and working through a four-year apprenticeship program to earn the state licenses I would need to assume control of the business, I thought of ways to expand without having to dirty my hands. I could always hire people with the necessary licenses and reasoned that my energies were better spent on increasing revenues. I joined trade organizations and socialized with other contractors. Those relationships led to collusion, bid rigging, and other violations of state contract laws. My parents didn't object too strenuously as the company's annual revenues increased from hundreds of thousands to millions of dollars. To finance the growth, I persuaded my parents to sign agreements that required them to pledge their home and assets as collateral for higher credit lines with banks, suppliers, and bonding companies. Within three years I convinced my parents to expand the company from one of boring stability into a leveraged business with more than 50 employees. My dad could oversee jobs across the state while I acted as the big man, schmoozing with people and working with numbers that impressed me. ******* Greed was a sinister enticement, clouding my judgment. My friend Alex had been supplementing his income by selling cocaine. Since I had unencumbered access to money from our family's business, I proposed a scheme to Alex that would finance bigger coke deals and allow us to work together. I was 21, and the prospect of a quick score seemed harmless, too good to pass up. Taylor, a mutual acquaintance of ours, agreed to supply us with several kilos of cocaine. For our first transaction I pulled cash from the company account to pay Taylor on the morning of delivery, and Alex contacted customers to sell the cocaine during the same day. By late afternoon Alex gave me back the money to reimburse the company's account. The deal left Alex and me with tens of thousands in profits. All went as planned until the following day, when a maid discovered more than $100,000 in Taylor's hotel suite and reported it. Hotel management contacted the Seattle police who seized the money. When Taylor tried to claim it, the police required an explanation. "Just give us a receipt that shows how you received the currency and you can have it," the officers told him. Taylor called me at work to explain what happened and he asked for my help. "I'll give you 20 percent if you can provide a receipt that will get me the money back." "Thirty percent," I countered. Since I'd withdrawn a substantial amount of cash to finance the transaction, I had a plausible explanation, or so I thought. We concocted a story that we were going to use the money to establish a leasing company. I then brought Taylor to the high-rise office tower of our company's attorney, and hatched a plan to bamboozle him into helping us retrieve the money. I had an excellent relationship with Geoff, who was a partner in the firm. Since I'd worked with the attorney before, I assumed he would simply make a few phone calls and resolve the complication. Taylor and I sat facing Geoff across his polished cherry wood desk. His office overlooked the mid-rise buildings of South Seattle and Puget Sound. "I gave the money to Taylor so that he could make a cash offer to purchase construction equipment from a contractor who was going out of business." Geoff listened patiently to my story, but in his…

    Full show notes at the publisher

    111. Earning Freedom (1.2) with Michael Santos Sep 07, 2022
    Show notes

    111. Earning Freedom with Michael Santos Conquering a 45-Year Prison Term (1.2) I'm reading from chapter 1 of my book, Earning Freedom: Conquering a 45-Year Prison Term For more information, visit PrisonProfessors.com ******* "¿Que Onda?" Another man is locked in the same cell. Cuban, I presume from his accent. He stands by a waist-high metal locker in boxer shorts, staring at me. He looks like a thug. We're the same height, though he is heavier, with more fat than muscle. Crudely drawn tattoos look like chicken scratches across his arms and torso. I nod. "¿De donde eres?" He wants to engage me. "I don't speak Spanish." "What is you, white?" He speaks in English this time. The man's question bothers me. I think of myself as an American, un-hyphenated by ethnicity. "I am what I am." "I thought you was Cuban." "My dad's Cuban." "So why the fuck you don't speak Spanish?" "I speak English." I'm ready for this guy's challenge, if that's what he wants. "Where you from?" "I'm from Seattle." "You a cop?" I stare at him, wondering why he would ask such a ridiculous question when I'm locked in a prison cell, wearing prisoner's clothing. "Hey dude, what is it you want?" "I'm sayin', muthafucka come up in my house, lookin' Cuban but think he white, gotta ask if you's a cop." "I'm not a cop. I was arrested today. I'm going to court tomorrow." "You's arrested?" He mocks me. "Where'd they bust you?" "Key Biscayne." "Oh, so you got paper." "Paper? What are you talking about?" "Money, muthafucka, you got money!" "Why are you so interested in who I am? Who are you?" "You up in my cell, bitch. Don't be axin' me no muthafuckin' questions." "What are we doing here? Are you looking for a fight or what? It's late, I'm tired, and I've got to go to court tomorrow. But I've got all you can handle if that's what you want." He sizes me up. "You ain't no snitch is you?" "I'm done talking to you." "Okay. That's good. Don't talk. That's you bunk, white boy." The hostility in the cell surprises me. What's this about? I walk to the steel rack against the wall, unroll the mat, and stretch the sheet across it. I climb up without using the sink or the toilet, too exhausted for more confrontation. I turn on my side and stare out of a narrow vertical window. It's no more than six inches wide, but I can see outside. Spotlights shine on crabgrass, steel fences, and razor wire. I watch as a guard drives a white pickup slowly around the prison's perimeter and I fade into sleep. It's an anxious sleep, and when I wake, I stare out the window, with tears filling my eyes. The man below me smells. I miss Lisa's perfumed skin, her hair, her body. This is going to destroy us. My only hope is Raymond. He has to free me from this nightmare. I wipe my watering eyes and drift back into sleep. A guard unlocks the door and yells my name into the cell. His voice bounces off the concrete walls and startles me from a dead sleep. I jump down from the rack and he orders me to dress for court. I'm still wearing my khakis and the t-shirt. Feeling beaten and exhausted, I slide into the canvas shoes and accompany the guard out of the cell. He slams the steel door behind us and uses a formidable key to lock the dead bolt. I walk with other prisoners through the same door I entered last night. We join a throng of more than 100 men and the guards herd us into caged bullpens. The noise makes my head throb as I stand shoulder to shoulder with scores of angry prisoners. A clock on the wall shows that it isn't yet three, which explains why I feel exhausted. I can't believe court begins this early. One by one, the guards call us out of the cage to change into our clothes. When I receive the mesh bag with my name on it, I see my clothes balled together at the bottom of the bag, ruined, my shoes on top of the shirt. "The belt is missing," I tell the guard. "What?" He growls. "My belt is missing," I repeat. "Let's see here." The guard grabs a processing form from the bag and scans down the boxes. "Don't show that you was wearin' no belt when you checked in." "What do you mean? Of course I was wearing a belt. It was brown, alligator skin, matching my shoes." "Form don't say nothin' 'bout no belt. Now get the fuck dressed and quit pussyfootin' around. Next thing you're gonna tell me is that you ain't got no panties." I know that I stink, and my clothes are damp, which will add to the disaster of this day, my first as a prisoner. As soon as I dress, a guard leads me back to the bullpen. My legs ache from standing. Hours pass. At six, the guards begin calling us out in groups of two. They shackle my ankles, wrap a chain around my waist, weave handcuffs through the front of the chain and then lock my wrists in place. The chains are heavy on my body. Secured, we march awkwardly out toward waiting transport buses. "You don't like the chains," one guard taunts while sucking on a cigarette, "quit selling drugs." I have a window seat on one of the three packed buses that maneuver through morning rush hour in Miami. I peer through the spaces between vertical steel bars and a tinted window, looking at the faces of other drivers–people leading responsible lives. Legitimate work is something I haven't done since turning my back on responsibilities at my father's company. We drive past the tollbooths that lead across the bay to Key Biscayne. I see the sign touting Key Biscayne as "The Island Paradise" and I'm overcome with sadness. My neck cramps as I try to wipe the tears on my shoulder. I may have a court date, but my gut tells me I won't be sleeping in my bed tonight. The driver maneuvers our bus into an underground garage beneath the Federal Building. Guards march us through doors that lead to a series of adjacent bullpen cages. Still chained, we squeeze in like animals in a chute heading for slaughter. I don't understand this system, and I hate all that is happening. I'm trapped. Worse yet, I'm strangely uneasy about surrendering my fate to Raymond. Paco, one of my cocaine suppliers, introduced me to Raymond. Paco praised him as one of the best lawyers in Miami, and when I visited his office, I was influenced by its opulence. I admired the photographs of Raymond smiling in victory with well-known organized crime figures. They stood victoriously outside a courthouse after beating federal racketeering charges. The press clippings convinced me I had to have Raymond on my team. Even though I wasn't expecting any legal problems, having a top-notch attorney on retainer made sense. I agreed to pay him tens of thousands in cash just in case. ******* "Santos. Santos. I need Michael Santos." I hear a guard yelling my name. "I'm in here." I press my way through the crowd to the front of the cage. "Let's go." He unlocks the gate for me to step out. After locking the cage behind us, he walks me to a tiny cubbyhole of a conference room for defendants to meet with their attorneys. I see Raymond sitting on a stool waiting for me. I notice immediately that he wears my Rolex. "How're you holding up, Sport?" He greets me as if we're partners in a tennis match. "I'm okay. A little tired." I'm embarrassed that Raymond sees me unshaven and in wrinkled, sweat-stained clothes. "Did they treat you okay in there?" "I don't know. It's loud, crowded. I haven't been able to think about anything but getting out of this nightmare." "Have you eaten?" "I can't eat." I shrug my shoulders. "They passed out bologna and white bread. Mine's still in the bag." "You've got to eat," he says, trying to encourage me. "I need you strong through this." "I need you strong," I counter, feeling weaker than I hope I show. "How long am I going to be in here?" "We're trying to get you out on bond this morning. Lisa and your mother will meet me here at nine. I brought your watch for Lisa. If you were wearing it when they arrested you, they'd have seized it." "Why does my mom have to be here?" "This is a first appearance. We're going to enter a plea of not guilty to the charges. Then I'll ask the judge to let you out on bond. I need your mother and Lisa here to show that you've got community ties." "You mean they're going to let me out?" For the first time, a sense of hope begins to surface through my despair. "I'm sure going to try." Raymond can see that I need something to pick up my spirits. He's like the baseball coach trying to encourage a little leaguer in a slump. "You need to toughen up. We'll make a good case. You don't have an arrest record. There aren't any allegations of violence or weapons. You've got family support." "How much will it cost?" "We need to talk about that, Sport," Raymond says as he leans back against the wall. "You've been charged with operating a Continuing Criminal Enterprise. It carries a possible life sentence. If the judge agrees to bond, it's going to be high. What can we offer the court?" "What do you mean, a life sentence?" Fear overtakes me. "For what? What's that mean?" Raymond holds my wrist, trying to steady my nerves. "Don't worry. We talked about this. It's only the beginning. The government always overcharges." He dismisses the concern with a wave of his hand. "You've got to trust me, leave this to me. For now we've got to have a plan for the bond request so we can get you out of here. What kind of assets can you pledge?" "I don't have anything." I'm embarrassed to admit that my whole life is a charade. "I told Lisa to get everything we have for you." "What do you mean?" Raymond squints at me, disbelieving. "You didn't put anything away?" I scratch my head, and then I rub my face in shame. "I bought some property in Spain from Paco. He hasn't given me the title yet. Lisa was supposed to talk with him yesterday about getting the money back so we could finish paying you. That's all I have." I sense Raymond's incredulity and sinking respect as he scratches his head. "How about your parents? What can they put up?" "I don't have anything, Raymond. Let's just think about beating these charges, not the bond." "How much is Lisa bringing me today? We need money to beat this thing, Sport." "She has about a hundred grand. Paco will give her the rest and she'll pay you off." "Tell me about this property. What's it worth?" "A couple hundred thousand. Paco owes it to me from a deal we made that never went through. We've been waiting for him to transfer the title, but after we left your office yesterday, I told Lisa to get a hold of him and pull together whatever cash he could return immediately." Raymond shakes his head in disbelief. "I can't believe you don't have anything set aside. How do you own a watch like this with no money?" I feel like I'm eight-years-old. Totally deflated, I sink deeper into my chair. "Don't worry." Raymond begins to recover. He can see that his questions about my finances are pushing me into a dark hole. "We'll be okay. I'll talk with Paco about this property. I've got to get into the courtroom." The guard lets Raymond out and leads me back to the cage. I don't understand the talk about a life sentence. Why a life sentence? Also, Raymond's slightly veiled disdain for my financial situation troubles me. I'm not prepared for any of this, not emotionally, not physically, and certainly not intellectually. I'm totally in Raymond's hands. I feel nauseous, unsettled, but I dismiss the instinct that I should plead guilty and cut my losses. I've got to trust Raymond. ******* When the guard leads me into the courtroom I see Lisa and my mom. They hardly know each other and my mom has never accepted Lisa as a part of my life. Yet in that courtroom they hold each other, one supporting the other as I sit at the defendant's table beside Raymond. We can't talk, but I nod before turning away to face the court. To steady myself I study the ornate courtroom–the elaborate paneling, the carvings in heavy wood, the high ceiling and podium. The room invokes a sense of majesty and ceremony. Prosecutors sit at a table to my left. To them I'm a nonentity, just another criminal. The judge considers arguments that I can't comprehend. I feel foolish, ill equipped to grasp the significance of all that is happening. The only words that register with me are possible life sentence. They resonate through my mind. Why? I see the judge's forehead crease when he stares down at me. "There will be no bail for this defendant." The judge slams the wooden gavel on the podium after he rules. This must be the longest day of my life. Federal marshals lead me back to the crowded bullpen. I'm dejected, thinking of my mom and Lisa tearfully embracing each other. The packed cage doesn't faze me as I press my way to a rear corner and slouch to the filthy concrete floor. My back rests against the evenly spaced steel bars and I drop my head to my knees. These threats of a life sentence feel real, so much more real than Raymond has prepared me to cope with mentally. I don't have enough money to fight this battle or to support Lisa. I need to get out of here, but I don't know how. When I return to the prison, guards assign me to a different housing unit than I slept in last night. I'd been in a classification unit, though I didn't know anyone was evaluating me. This is a strange environment, where guards order me to specific locations, expecting me to comply without question. I'm now in Coral Unit, and I must sleep in a room with six other prisoners about whom I know nothing. Everyone snores as I climb onto my rack, still in my clothes. This time I don't have a window. ******* It's my third day in prison and a counselor approves me to receive visitors. I call Lisa and ask her to come. "Did Raymond give you my watch?" I ask, my entire identity wrapped up in my possessions. When she tells me that he did, I ask her to bring it. "Can you wear a watch like yours in there?" "I don't want to keep it here. I just want to feel it on my wrist again." I need some physical remembrance of the life I lived only 72 hours ago. We all wear white t-shirts and khaki pants. As much as I want to hold Lisa, I also want the other prisoners to see her beside me. Within minutes of her arrival guards reprimand me for kissing her. They cite rules permitting a brief kiss at the start and end of each visit. If I kiss her again, they warn, they'll terminate my visiting privileges for one month. We sit on metal chairs at a round, Formica-topped, white table. I listen as Lisa describes the fallout from my arrest. Her mother is urging her to leave me though she pledges her undying love. The thought of her abandoni…

    Full show notes at the publisher

    7-3-Assessment Sep 07, 2022
    Show notes

    One key to #prepareforsuccessafterprison will be a personal accountability tool. We offer these tools with our self-directed #reentryplan, like the #Straight-A-Guide. https://prisonprofessors.com/reentry-programs/


    Webinar on Preparing for Surrender to Federal Prison (9/3/22) Sep 06, 2022
    Show notes

    7-2-Billy Sep 06, 2022
    Show notes

    Sometimes people make bad decisions that lead them to prison. To #prepareforsuccessafterprison, a person could create a self-directed #reentryplan, like the #Straight-A-Guide. https://prisonprofessors.com/reentry-programs/


    7-1-Accountability Sep 05, 2022
    Show notes

    Our lesson on accountability teaches #justiceimpacted the importance of memorializing the pathway to #prepareforsuccessafterprison. It's part of our self-directed #reentryplan for people in prison. https://prisonprofessors.com/reentry-programs/


    6-3-Assessment Sep 04, 2022
    Show notes

    We feature stories on how to #prepareforsuccessafterprison with our self-directed #reentryplan that we call our #Straight-A-Guide. https://prisonprofessors.com/reentry-programs/


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