Power Your Parenting: Moms With Teens

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# 286 How to Raise Securely Attached Teens Part 2 Sep 09, 2024

Show notes

Are you finding it hard to connect with your teen and wonder how your own upbringing impacts your parenting? Do you know the difference between supporting your teen and rescuing them, and why it matters?

In this episode, Colleen O'Grady continues her conversation with Eli Harwood, diving into attachment styles and how they shape our relationships with teens. Eli explains the four main attachment styles—secure, anxious-ambivalent, avoidant, and disorganized—and how these patterns manifest in both children and parents. She emphasizes the importance of self-awareness in parenting, noting how unresolved childhood issues can shape our responses to conflict with our teens. Eli encourages moms to be present and supportive, not overly controlling or dismissive, which helps create secure attachments. The episode also tackles how to differentiate between rescuing and supporting your teen through life's challenges, and the critical role of emotional regulation in parenting. Finally, Eli shares practical advice on how moms can take care of themselves and model healthy emotional behavior for their teens.

ELI HARWOOD is a licensed therapist who lives in Colorado with her husband, Trevor, and their three children. Eli has been nerding out on attachment research for the past two decades and is on a mission to help make the world a better place, one relationship at a time. She continues this mission in her clinical work, her writing, and running her mouth about attachment on social media. When she isn't working to make the world a more secure place, she is playing dress-up with her kids, obsessing about her sourdough starter, and reminiscing about that one time she won a set of globes as a Price is Right contestant.

Takeaways:

Healing is crucial—When moms resolve their own emotional baggage, they model healthy attachment behaviors, which helps their teens feel more secure and confident.
Secure conflict—Conflict with teens is natural, but how you approach it matters. Avoid leading with anxiety or perfectionism; instead, use conflict as an opportunity for growth and understanding.

Learn more about Eli at AttachmentNerd.com.

Follow her on instagram at https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/

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# 285 Raising Securely Attached Teens Sep 02, 2024

Show notes

Are you struggling to maintain a strong connection with your teen as they navigate the complex emotions of adolescence? Do you find yourself caught between managing their daily tasks and truly engaging with them on a deeper level?

In this episode of the Power Your Parenting Moms of Teens Podcast, host Colleen O'Grady sits down with licensed therapist Eli Harwood to discuss the transformative power of connection-focused parenting. Harwood, who has spent two decades studying attachment, shares her insights on how building secure attachments with teens can foster confidence, empathy, and resilience. The conversation delves into the importance of attunement, co-regulation, and the shift from being a safe haven to a secure base as teens grow. Harwood emphasizes the critical role of maintaining an authentic connection with teens, even as they begin to turn to their peers for support.

Key Takeaways:

Connection-focused parenting is essential for fostering a teen's emotional and mental health. By prioritizing connection over control, parents can help their teens feel seen, heard, and supported, which in turn strengthens their resilience and self-esteem. Harwood stresses the importance of showing up consistently for both the tender and triumphant moments in a teen's life and encourages moms to focus on "lighting up" when their child enters the room, listening actively, and being quick to repair any relational ruptures. As teens grow, they naturally begin to rely more on their peers, but maintaining a secure attachment with their parents remains crucial for their overall well-being.

Learn more about Eli at AttachmentNerd.com.

Follow her on instagram at https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/

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#284 You'll Make It (And Your Teens Will Too) Aug 26, 2024

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Are you constantly worried about your teen's choices and future, especially in the middle of the night? Have you found yourself struggling to connect with your teen, wondering if your parenting approach is truly effective?

In this episode of the Power Your Parenting Moms with Teens podcast, Colleen O'Grady interviews Amy Betters-Midtvedt, author of You'll Make It and They Will Too. Together, they dive into the realities of parenting teens, from dealing with midnight anxiety to navigating challenging relationships. Amy shares her journey of learning to let go of control and focusing on connection with her teens, offering insights on how to balance boundaries with empathy. The conversation also touches on practical strategies for managing teenage friendships, dating, and faith, emphasizing the importance of choosing love over judgment.

Amy Betters-Midtvedt, is a Today Parenting contributing author with more than a million readers and 25 years of experience working with adolescents and families. In both her job as a literacy coach and in her personal life—where she and husband, Todd, wrangle their five children—she has been surrounded by kids and teens and is passionate about serving them. Amy has a master's degree in leadership, curriculum, and instruction.

Takeaways are--Let go of the fear-based approach to parenting, recognizing that trying to control every aspect of your teen's life only creates more conflict. Instead, focus on understanding and guiding them, allowing space for their independence to flourish. Prioritizing connection over constant correction is key—building a strong relationship with your teen is more valuable than always trying to fix their behavior. Look for opportunities when they are open to talk, and listen without judgment. Additionally, embrace flexibility when it comes to faith and values; allow your teen to question and explore their beliefs, and support them as they find their own path, trusting that their journey will be unique and personal.

Learn more about Amy at https://amybettersmidtvedt.com/

Follow Amy on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/amy.betters.midtvedt/

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# 283 Dealing with Intense Teen Emotions Aug 19, 2024

Show notes

How do you deal with intense emotions in your teens. It's challenging right?

You are going to love this episode. Today we are going to dive into a teenager's emotional life. I think what makes parenting teens so challenging is dealing with their intense emotions. Sometimes you're the target of their emotional storms and sometimes they turn their emotions inward. You worry about them being depressed or anxious.

How many times have we brought up a simple request to our teen, but it turns out to be not so simple because it triggers a huge emotional response? Moms can find themselves avoiding talking about important topics because they don’t know how to handle their emotions.

I invited Dr. Lisa Damour, the author of The Emotional Lives of Teenagers, to talk about this nuanced subject of teenage emotions. In this episode we focus on her chapter called Managing Emotions, Part One: Helping Teens Express Their Emotions and the following chapter called ManagingEmotions, Part Two: Helping Teens Regain Emotional Control

Recognized as a thought leader by the American Psychological Association, Lisa Damour, Ph.D., co-hosts the Ask Lisa podcast, writes about adolescents for the The New York Times, appears as a regular contributor to CBS News, works in collaboration with UNICEF, and maintains a clinical practice. She is the author of three New York Times bestsellers, The Emotional Lives of Teenagers: Raising Connected, Capable, and Compassionate Adolescents, Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood and Under Pressure: Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls. She and her husband have two daughters and live in Shaker Heights, Ohio.

To find out more about the Emotional Lives of Teenagers go to https://drlisadamour.com/

Follow Lisa on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/lisa.damour/

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#282 Meet Me in the Middle Aug 12, 2024

Show notes

Are you struggling to connect with your teenage daughter? Do you find yourself wishing for more meaningful conversations that strengthen your bond?

In this episode of the "Power Your Parenting: Moms with Teens" podcast, Sandra Stanley and her daughter, Allie Stanley Cooney, join us to discuss their new book, Meet Me in the Middle: Eight Mother-Daughter Conversations About Life and Faith. They share their journey of co-authoring the book, where each wrote separate sections for mothers and daughters, and how they created a "meet me in the middle" section to foster open dialogue and deeper understanding.

Sandra Stanley received her Bachelor of Science degree from Georgia Tech and Master of Arts from Dallas Theological Seminary. Sandra has a heart for foster kids and foster families, as she and Andy have been foster parents since 2010. Her ministry passion is promoting foster care in the local church. Much of her time these days is spent working on various writing projects and continuing her involvement with Fostering Together, the foster care initiative of North Point Ministries.

Allie Stanley Cooney graduated from Auburn University with a degree in Communication. She completed the North Point Residency program and simultaneously earned a Masters of Christian Education degree from Dallas Theological Seminary. She has a heart for middle school and high school students and can often be spotted at any number of local coffee shops pouring into girls in those seasons of life.

The episode is packed with practical advice on navigating the tricky waters of the mother-daughter relationship during the teen years, focusing on the importance of communication, understanding each other’s fears, and managing stress together.

Key takeaways include the importance of being a student of your daughter—understanding her unique personality, fears, and stressors—and how this awareness can transform your relationship. Sandra and Allie emphasize the power of preemptive conversations, discussing tough topics before they become conflicts, and how these dialogues can lay a foundation of trust and mutual respect. They also highlight that even when challenges arise, maintaining the relationship should always be the priority, helping moms and daughters grow closer through the ups and downs of adolescence.

Website: https://www.sandrastanley.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sandrawstanley

https://www.instagram.com/alliekaycooney

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# 281 Are You a "Teen" Pleaser? Aug 05, 2024

Show notes

Have you ever gone all out to plan a perfect vacation only to be met with ungratefulness and rude behavior from your teens? Do you find yourself constantly trying to make your teens happy, often at the expense of your own needs and desires?

In this episode, Colleen O'Grady explores the phenomenon of being a "teen" pleaser—a mom who seeks to satisfy her children, often neglecting her own well-being in the process. Colleen shares stories from several moms who faced disappointment after their efforts to please their teens were met with ingratitude. She discusses the inherent beauty in a mom's desire to please but warns of the pitfalls when this drive goes unchecked. The episode delves into the concept of "The Great Exchange," where moms expect their efforts to be met with gratitude and good behavior and what happens when that doesn't happen. Colleen identifies four key beliefs that can turn a mom into a pleaser: wanting to give their kids what they never had, feeling guilty, fearing their teen's anger, and believing it's selfish to prioritize themselves. The negative impacts of being a pleaser are highlighted, including feeling like a bad mom, disempowerment in parenting, and fostering entitlement in teens.

Takeaways:

Recognize and Reclaim Balance: Moms need to acknowledge where they are out of balance and start turning their attention back to themselves. This includes understanding their emotions, setting clear boundaries, and practicing self-care.
Say No and Mean It: Learning to say no, even in small situations, helps strengthen the ability to set limits and regain control in the parent-child relationship.
Seek Support: Finding a trusted confidant or engaging in coaching can provide the necessary support to break the cycle of being a pleaser and foster healthier family dynamics.

By following these steps, moms can create a more balanced and empowered approach to parenting, ultimately benefiting both themselves and their teens.

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# 280 How to Raise a Citizen Jul 29, 2024

Show notes

Have you ever wondered how to have meaningful conversations with your teens about politics without the drama?Are you looking for practical ways to help your kids become informed and engaged citizens?

I have the perfect guest who can help us navigate through these tricky waters of politics.

Lindsey Cormack is an associate professor of Political Science and Director of the Diplomacy Lab at Stevens Institute of Technology in Hoboken, New Jersey. She earned her PhD in Government from New York University and is raising a daughter on the Upper East Side. She currently serves as the Secretary for Community Board 8 in Manhattan. She created and maintains the digital database of all official Congress-to-constituent e-newsletters in the DCInbox Project.

Her research has been published in multiple journals such as Political Behavior, Congress & the Presidency, Legislative Studies Quarterly, Political Science Research and Methods, American Politics Research, Politics & Policy, as well as in popular outlets including the New York Times, The Washington Post, The New York Post, NBC News, the The Hill, and more.

Lindsey Cormack's recently published, How to Raise a Citizen (And Why It's Up to You to Do It), speaks directly to an America in which civic knowledge is alarmingly sparse and many people dread politics. It's a tool for parents, educators, and anyone eager to fill this gap. In the book, Cormack offers an engaging and practical approach to discussing political issues and the inner workings of the U.S. government with children and teens.

Here are some Key Takeaways from this episode:

Start early with political discussions to lay the foundation for informed and engaged citizens.
Help your teens understand the structure and function of government to reduce political apathy and frustration.
Encourage participation in local politics to foster a sense of community and practical understanding.
Use real-life examples and interactions with local politicians to make politics relatable and accessible.
Promote healthy political conversations to develop critical thinking and advocacy skills in your teens.

Empowering your teens with knowledge and tools for civic engagement not only helps them navigate the political landscape but also fosters a sense of responsibility and community involvement. By taking an active role in their civic education, you can help them become well-rounded and informed

Learn more about Lindsey at https://www.lindseycormack.com/.

Follow on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/howtoraiseacitizen/

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# 279 Digital Habits of Moms vs. Teens Jul 22, 2024

Show notes

Have you ever found yourself mindlessly scrolling through your phone, only to realize you've lost precious time you could have spent with your family?

Do you notice a difference between your digital habits and those of your teenagers?

JENNIE KETCHAM CROOKS is the founder of the West Coast Anxiety Clinic, a clinical licensed social worker, and an anxiety and OCD specialist. Prior to starting the West Coast Anxiety Clinic, she was the Director of Clinical Education at Seattle Anxiety Specialists and before that, the lead medical social worker at the Polyclinic. Jennie has been involved in research at the University of Washington, a guest lecturer at Harvard University, and appeared on a number of popular television shows from Headline News and The View to Oprah.

Jennie is the author of LOOK UP The 30-Day Path to Digital Minimalism and Real Life Maximalism.

In this episode we discuss how digital habits are formed and how they can often lead to overconsumption and mental health issues like anxiety. Jenny shares her personal story of missing her daughter's first steps because of being absorbed in her phone, highlighting how easy it is to fall into this trap. The conversation covers practical strategies to identify and change these habits, emphasizing the importance of modeling positive behavior for our children. They also explore how digital overuse can prevent us from experiencing meaningful connections and real-world activities. Finally, they address the critical need for downtime and boredom to allow our brains to rest and recharge.

Here are 3 practical takeaways.

Set Boundaries with Digital Devices:

Establish clear boundaries for when and where digital devices can be used. For example, consider creating phone-free zones in your home, such as the dinner table or bedrooms. This helps to foster more meaningful interactions and ensures that digital consumption doesn't interfere with quality family time.

Model Healthy Digital Habits:

Your children are watching and learning from your behavior. Make a conscious effort to demonstrate healthy digital habits, such as limiting screen time, prioritizing face-to-face interactions, and choosing real-world activities over digital ones. This sets a positive example for your kids to follow.

Prioritize Self-Care and Real-World Connections:

Take care of your own needs by scheduling regular self-care activities that do not involve screens. This could include hobbies, exercise, or socializing with friends in person. By fulfilling your own needs outside of the digital world, you'll be less likely to rely on your phone for comfort and more present for your family.

Follow on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/becomingjennie/

Learn more at: https://westcoastanxiety.com/

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#278 Real Talk: What Parents Fight About Jul 15, 2024

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Are you struggling to maintain harmony in your relationship while managing the mental load of parenting teens? Have you ever wondered what the most common sources of conflict are between parents when it comes to raising children?

In this insightful episode of Power Your Parenting: Moms with Teens, Colleen O'Grady dives deep into the realities of parenting and its impact on relationships. Joined by Leonie Akhidenor they discuss the common conflicts parents face.

Leonie Akhidenor is a certified relationship coach, property developer and consultant, part-time model and mother of two boys. Dubbed ‘The Parenting Guru’ (Daily Mail, 2023) she is the founder and host of the ‘Parenthood Podcast’, where she focuses on sharing stories about our biggest challenges and lessons as parents. Unlike a lot other parenting podcasts, Leonie’s audience appeals to both mums and dads, as she talks directly with parents about uncomfortable topics in order to remove stigmas and normalize the experiences of modern day parenthood.

With a style that feels a lot like group therapy - Leonie delves into topics with guests such as losing the spark with your partner after having children, or how you can overcome feelings of resentment, conflict in parenting styles and how we can find ourselves again after the weight of responsibility wears us down. Frank, caring and helpful in her approach - Leonie has established herself as the ‘real talk’ advice guru for all couples on their parenting journey.

such as the mental load that often falls on moms, resulting in feelings of resentment and inequality in responsibilities.

Leonie states that parents commonly fight about the inequality of household responsibilities, with moms often carrying the heavier mental load, leading to feelings of resentment. Additionally, differences in parenting styles and the challenges of maintaining intimacy and connection in the relationship are frequent sources of conflict.

They also explore the impact of parenting on a mom’s identity, emphasizing the importance of maintaining personal interests and self-care. The conversation touches on the importance of quality time with partners to reignite intimacy, strategies for dealing with differences in parenting styles, and practical ways to delegate household tasks to reduce stress. Additionally, they discuss the unique challenges of raising a biracial family and the common frustrations dads experience when they feel sidelined. This episode is packed with practical advice and heartfelt stories to help moms navigate the complex dynamics of family life.

Follow on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/parenthoodpod/

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#277 What's Unique About Tweens? Jul 08, 2024

Show notes

Are you navigating the tumultuous tween years with your child and wondering what makes this stage so unique? Do you find yourself caught off guard by sudden emotional outbursts and unexpected behavior changes in your 9-14 year old?

My guest today is an expert on tweens. Joann Schauf is the founder of Your Tween and You, an author and a seasoned speaker who specializes in parenting and adolescent coaching. She authors the blog, The Tween Times, and actively engages with parents through workshops and conferences. She holds a Master of Science in Counseling.

Joann Schauf discusses the crucial process of identity formation in tweens, emphasizing that this period is marked by significant changes in their sense of self. Tweens experience a variety of emotions and face confusion as they navigate their developing identities. They might express doubt, confidence, and fluctuating interests in rapid succession, all while questioning their beliefs and experimenting with different roles. Schauf highlights the importance of mothers shifting their parenting approach to be more collaborative and supportive, rather than authoritative. Moms should engage in open conversations, allow their tweens to express themselves, and offer guidance without judgment. By doing so, they provide a safe environment for tweens to explore and understand who they are becoming, fostering both independence and a strong parent-child connection.

To find more about Joann and her book, "Loving the Alien" go to https://www.yourtweenandyou.com/

Follow on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/yourtweenandyou/

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