THE LETTER TO MR. BROWN
Dear Mr. Brown, from the kids in Room Two G-C-G
We’re writing you a letter, like you taught us to do C-G-C-D
We all got together at lunch this noon G-Em-C
And we decided we’d better do something soon. G-C-D9-G
‘Cause lately you’ve been diff’rent, and we don’t know why G-A-Am-G
Did we do something wrong? Am7-G
We’re sorry and we’ll try C-D9
To act a little better, if we’ve been bad G-A-Am-G
We all think that you’re the best teacher we’ve had Am7-G-D9-G
You used to hold our hands, Am7-G
When we walked across the street Am7-G
You used to help us wash them, Am7-G
Just before we went to eat C-D9
And you used to kneel down and help G-Am7
Jose’ tie up his shoes, Bm7-C
And sometimes you would thumb-wrestle, G-Am7
Usually you’d lose! D9-G
You used to boost up Ray and Alice on the monkey bars Am7-G-Am7-G
You used to put your arm around us, Am7-G
When we got our stars C-D9
Whenever we played ‘tag’, you were ‘it’ the most, G-Am7-Bm7-C
N’ you’d even help Tyrone G-Am7
When he’d forget to blow his nose! D9-G
You used to help us button up Am7-G
Our coats, when it was chilly Am7-G
You used to mess our hairs up, Am7-G
With your hand, when we were silly. C-D9
N’ you used to hug us sometimes, G-Am7
When we fell and hurt our knees, Bm7-C
But you never touch us anymore, Em,
So Mr. Brown, please, … Dm7+9-D9
Tell us why you’re mad at us, G-A
And honest, we will change! Am-G
You still help us learn to read and add, Am7-G
but now you’re acting strange C-D9
You never made us nervous, G-A
Or kept us after school Am-G
You never touched us anywhere Am7-G
That was against the rules D9-G
So, Mr. Brown please,tell us what we did, G-C-Em-G
And we hope you read our letter, ‘Cause it’s signed by ev’ry kid C-G-C-D9-G
Signed: Robert, Susan, Rosie, Lee, Ian, Mark, and Russell T., G-Am7, G-Am7
Jade, and Alice, Nico, Ray, Darrell, Thomas, Russell A., G-Am7, G-Am7
Ellen, Jennifer, and Mary, Lynn, Felicia, and Gary, G-Am7, G-Am7
Jose’, Reggie, Barbara, Joan, Em7-Em6
Harold, and your friend, Tyrone C-D9-G
Written by Peter Alsop, © 1986, Moose School Music (BMI)
On ‘Take Me With You!’ and ‘Songs On Sex & Sexuality’
Thanks to Megan & Willow Geer-Alsop and Vinessa Shaw for singing with me!
www.peteralsop.com
I wrote the LETTER TO MR. BROWN in 1986 to address the difficult situations faced by adults who work with children. It mentions healthy and safe ways that adults have caring physical contact with children as we help them go through their day.
Of course, child sexual abuse has not ‘gone away’ since then. It’s often hidden, yet it’s still very current in the today’s news. It happens all around the world, from the Epstein files to abductions and rapes, and there’s always the constant, not-very-subtle subjugation faced by victims and survivors of our patriarchy and male dominant cultures. This power-based subjugation is felt by girls and boys and non-gender specific kids and their families, and by members of the LGBTQIA+ and the #MeToo movement communities, along with millions of other individuals in the privacy of our own homes and families.
Although there are plentiful resources that provide sexual abuse prevention materials online, ... it’s still uncomfortable for parents to address this subject with our own kids. When we became parents, most of us didn’t get lessons about how to talk with our children about being safe. And of course, we don’t want to scare our children unnecessarily. Many adults have concerns about appropriate touching or hugging kids. Parents and step-parents, school teachers, principals and pre-school aides, doctors and nurses, religious leaders and Little League coaches and Brownie troop organizers, have all learned to avoid touching children for any reason, except for emergencies, and even then, we want to be sure there’s another adult in the room because of fear. No one wants to get into trouble for being accused of doing something wrong!
And our kids want and need to know that they’re important, cared for and loved. How we touch them lets them know that, in very powerful ways that no words can quite convey.
When an adults stops hugging and touching in healthy, appropriate ways, children often blame themselves and think that they must have done something wrong to deserve it. When their teacher Mr. Brown was told to refrain from having any physical contact with his students, they think it must have been something THEY did, … that it was their ‘fault’.
It’s really the job of an adult to set clear physical boundaries with children. Even a simple hug can be inappropriate if the adult is feeling sexually aroused or needy and using the child to meet their own needs. Healthy children, like healthy adults who have learned to trust their feelings, usually know when something feels ‘creepy’ or ‘not quite right’. It’s confusing and abusive to children and to our own ‘inner child’ when we mix what should have been a caring hug with a goal-oriented sexual caress.
Along with modeling a number of examples of ways that teachers can touch and help children in appropriate ways, this song also models an honest and healthy negotiation between the kids and their teacher. They noticed something going on with Mr. Brown, and rather than ignore or discount their ‘funny feelings’, they wrote a letter to him and every one of the kids signed it! Their ‘letter’ brings it out in the open, so they can all talk about it.
Thousands of people have played this song with kids, and then they discuss the things that the song addresses. That’s where we become ‘a safe place’ for the kids, as we answer their questions. It’s what I call ‘chewing on a song’!
And lots of questions will come up, so we need to have patience, and the courage to take the time to have those discussions. It’s always okay for a parent to say “Gee, ... I don’t know the answer to that question. I’ll find out!” or “How do you think we should handle this to make it feel safe for everyone?”
Illustration by Terri Asher
KIDPOWER.ORG
More than fifty years ago, my dear friends Irene Van der Zande and Timothy Dunphy started a program called Kidpower. They continue to present wonderful programs for children, teens and parents about how to empower children and families to be safe as we grow up together. They will come to your town and present a workshop with you or your organization. Both of my daughters went through their program, and more recently, my granddaughter and grandson have taken their training too! It’s a real gift that ‘keeps on giving’ for the rest of that child’s life. They help us parents too!
One of the many suggestions that Kidpower gives to families about keeping kids safe, is to have the parents and the child make up a special password that no one else knows. Then if the parent’s plans change, and they can’t pick the child up after school or from a party or event, ... they can give that special password to a friend and ask them to meet their child. When that friend shows up, they can help the child feel safe about the change in plans by sharing the special ‘password’, so the child knows that their parents sent them. If that adult doesn’t know the password, then the child knows to wait for their parents. . Kidpower.org, ... check it out!
Thanks for stopping by, … I’m Peter Alsop. Please share any of my posts that might be helpful to someone you know.
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