Paternal

#117 John Branch: Donald Trump and the Battle For Male Voters Oct 30, 2024

In one of the tightest presidential elections in U.S. history, is it possible that thousands of disaffected young men might be the ones casting the deciding votes? Donald Trump certainly thinks it’s a possibility, and the former president has made a concerted effort to court these Gen Z men through interviews with a constellation of podcast and YouTube stars of the Manoverse. But what’s really driving these men to turn out for Trump, and will the strategy work?

On this episode of Paternal, Pulitzer Prize-winning reporter John Branch discusses what he learned from speaking with a variety of Gen Z men who have latched onto Trump as their savior. He also breaks down how the Trump campaign has attempted to define their candidate as the ultimate male superhero while attacking Democratic Vice Presidential candidate Tim Walz, bringing different definitions of masculinity to the forefront of the presidential election. Branch is a longtime reporter for the New York Times, and wrote the article “Donald Trump Courts the Manoverse” earlier this year.

00:00 - Intro 07:05 - Trump courts the Manoverse 11:03 - Stars of the Manoverse 17:03 - From partying to politics 18:06 - The state of Gen Z men 22:20 - A zero-sum game for disaffected men 25:58 - Trump as masculine superhero 30:42 - Masculinity and Tim Walz 34:15 - Concerns for and conclusions about Gen Z 38:10 - Outro

#116 Jason Reynolds: Black Boys Deserve Love Stories Too Oct 17, 2024

Over the past 10 years, Jason Reynolds has become one of the most prolific and celebrated writers working today. He writes for a young audience that he believes is ready to think about and discuss the hard things in life, and he recently added a MacArthur Genius Grant to his collection of awards earned for depicting the rich inner lives of kids of color, ensuring that they see themselves and their communities in literature.

But in his latest book, Reynolds is writing for the first time about boys’ emotions and questions surrounding sex and intimacy. And he’s also thinking about why no one ever asks boys or men about their complex interior lives when it comes to these essential subjects. On this episode of Paternal, Reynolds discusses writing a love story for black boys, what he learned from his father about facing tough challenges in life, and how his father taught him to live a complete life, even on his deathbed.

Reynolds’ new book Twenty-Four Seconds from Now… is available wherever you buy books.

Episode Timestamps:

00:00 - 06:10 - Intro 06:10 - 08:45 - Ideas for writing a love story 08:45 - 13:24 - The misconception about boys and sex 13:24 - 16:25 - How black boys are misrepresented 16:25 - 19:28 - My dad was kind of a cocksman 19:28 - 23:44 - Where masculinity comes up short 23:44 - 25:35 - Midway break 25:35 - 29:32 - Understanding different versions of the human experience 29:32 - 33:30 - A life fully lived, the whole way through 33:30 - 37:19 - Lessons from a late father

#115 Gary Vider: The Con Man and The Comedian Sep 18, 2024

Gary Vider is the son of a con man. His father Manny ran a series of schemes in and around New York City for years while Gary was growing up, including dozens of times when father and son conned their way into Madison Square Garden while posing as media members for Sports Illustrated for Kids. Gary met some of the biggest names in sports - John Elway, Mario Lemieux, and even Michael Jordan - all because Manny had what all good con artists have: The ability to ignore all the possible consequences of his actions. “Most people can’t do it,” Gary says, “but my dad was the master.”

But what happens when those actions destroy a family, and leave a son isolated from his father for almost 25 years? On this episode of Paternal, Gary looks back on growing up with a con man for a father, what he learned by trying to reconnect with his dad decades later, and why it took becoming a father himself to question what he really knew or believed about his own dad.

Gary Vider is the host of the podcast #1 Dad.

Episode Timestamps: 00:00 - 09:30 - Intro and life as a fake writer for Sports Illustrated for Kids 09:30 - 12:14 - Comedians and dad issues 12:14 - 15:34 - Manny Vider, the master con man 15:34 - 19:45 - Life as a con man’s son 19:45 - 21:35 - The influence of becoming a father 21:35 - 23:45 - Midway break 23:45 - 30:04 - Father and son reunite 30:04 - 32:08 - Deciphering what’s true and untrue 32:08 - 36:40 - An atypical father/son relationship 36:40 - 38:01 - Outro

#114 Mike Africa, Jr.: Prison, Parenthood, and the Legacy of a Revolution Aug 22, 2024

Once you hear the story of the Black civil liberties group MOVE, it’s almost impossible to believe you had never learned about it before. Dubbed by some as a cult and by others as revolutionaries in the mold of The Black Panther Party, MOVE members railed against racial injustice and inequality in Philadelphia during the 1970s and early 80s, frequently clashing with police. A number of MOVE’s members were either jailed or killed as a result, leaving its younger generation to make sense of the legacy of MOVE and how the group’s actions shaped their lives.

On this episode of Paternal, MOVE member Mike Africa, Jr. discusses his parents’ imprisonment for the murder of a police officer, and how he made peace with the knowledge that he was born in a Philadelphia jail cell. He also discusses meeting his father for the first time in prison, the experience of watching his father walk free after 40 years inside, and the challenges of raising his own kids in the shadow of MOVE.

Africa is the author of the memoir On A Move, Philadelphia’s Notorious Bombing And A Native Son’s Lifelong Battle For Justice, which is available now wherever you buy books.

Episode Timestamps:

00:00 - 08:51 - Introduction and history of MOVE 08:51 - 12:30 - A marriage and a prison sentence 12:30 - 14:26 - Born in a jail cell 14:26 - 18:57 - Life without a mother and father 18:57 - 22:38 - A first meeting between father and son 22:38 - 24:40 - A father’s impact 24:40 - 29:23 - Fatherhood and the legacy of MOVE 29:23 - 32:28 - A father and son reunited 32:28 - Outro

#113 Michael Ian Black: The Mystery Door To Male Competence (2022) Aug 07, 2024

After a particularly feverish Twitter rant in 2018 landed him an invite to write a guest opinion on boys and violence from The New York Times, Michael Ian Black had to ask one simple question: Are you sure you want me? After all, Black is best known as a sketch and standup comic, and a particularly snarky one at that. But he wrote the essay and it subsequently went viral, leading Black to eventually pen the 2020 memoir A Better Man: A (Mostly Serious) Letter To My Son, which offers a candid take on his own boyhood, the death of his father, and why he’s concerned for his own son’s future.

On this 2022 episode of Paternal, Black recounts his adolescent experience of desperately seeking all the secrets of manhood, why he tinged his own successful brand of humor with defensive sarcasm, why even the most influential male comics rarely delve into painful vulnerability, and where he failed and succeeded as a father to his two children.

#112 W. Kamau Bell: Comedy, Cosby, And Raising Mixed Kids (2023) Jul 24, 2024

Over the past few years comedian and filmmaker W. Kamau Bell has become one of America’s most recognizable purveyors of humor and smart social commentary. And his success is due in large part to his willingness to tackle thorny topics like race, sexual assault, education, and policing, be it as a standup comic, an Emmy-nominated reality show host, or from behind the camera as a documentary filmmaker.

On this episode of Paternal, Bell discusses his latest film 1000% Me: Growing Up Mixed and his own personal experience of raising his three mixed-race daughters, male vulnerability and dad jokes in his comedy, and how he’s reckoned with the truth about “America’s Dad,” Bill Cosby.

Bell’s film 1000% Me: Growing Up Mixed is now streaming on MAX.

#111 Jonathan Rigsby: Behind The Wheel In Uber’s America Jul 11, 2024

Everyone at some point has ridden in the back of an Uber, but how often do we think about the people behind the wheel, or how they got there? Jonathan Rigsby had a master’s degree and a full-time job when he gave his first Uber ride, reeling from a painful divorce and seeking a way to help support his young son. But Uber’s promises of big bucks and a flexible schedule were soon replaced by long nights filled with despair as Rigsby realized he, like millions of other Americans, had been trapped in the cycle of the gig economy.

On this episode of Paternal, Rigsby recounts how his divorce led him to the brink of poverty and why he picked up a second job driving all over town, but also what it’s really like to work for Uber, where wages are never quite what they seem and you can still feel lonely when the backseat is full.

Rigsby is the author of Drive: Scraping by in Uber’s America, which is available wherever you buy books.

Episode Timestamps:

00:00 - 05:25 - Intro 05:25 - 11:03 - Financial troubles and finding Uber 11:03 - 13:30 - Uber’s marketing strategy 13:30 - 16:30 - When people throw up in the car 16:30 - 18:05 - The myth of doing things the right way 18:05 - 20:00 - Doing it all for his son 20:00 - 22:25 - Midway break 22:25 - 26:32 - The caffeine cycle 26:32 - 28:36 - “Are you guys still together?” 28:36 - 29:50 - The shame of divorce 29:50 - 32:00 - Keeping his life a secret 32:00 - 37:00 - The breaking point 37:00 - 41:25 - Lessons learned for father and son

#110 Peter Doocy: Fatherhood and Fox News Jun 27, 2024

Peter Doocy isn’t the first guest to appear on Paternal as the son of a very famous father, but he’s definitely the only one who can claim to have an “adverserial bromance” with President Joe Biden. As the Senior White House Correspondent for Fox News, Doocy’s made it his job since 2021 to pepper the president and members of his administration with questions about immigration, inflation or international affairs, and in the process has become one of the network’s most recognizable figures - just like his father.

On this episode of Paternal, Doocy discusses what it was like to grow up as the son of the affable “Fox and Friends” host Steve Doocy and if the family name ever held him back as a journalist, how he approaches fame, fatherhood and social media, and how becoming a dad himself has changed his opinion of Biden as the country’s most famous empathetic father figure.

Doocy is the host of the three-part series entitled “Strike Zone: The Congressional Baseball Shooting,” which is now streaming on Fox Nation.

Episode Timestamps:

00:00 - 06:17 - Intro 06:17 - 10:15 - Watching his father on “Fox and Friends” 10:15 - 12:02 - Life lessons from his father 12:02 - 13:00 - If the Doocy name held him back 13:00 - 17:34 - Becoming a new star at Fox News 17:34 - 21:09 - Discussing an “adversial bromance” with President Biden and their connection as fathers 21:09 - 22:20 - On new anxieties as a father 22:20 - 24:38 - Discussing an average work day and the perils of social media 24:38 - 25:59 - On lessons from his father about fame 25:59 - 27:46 - The good and bad of fatherhood 27:46 - 29:00 - Outro

#109 The Best of Paternal: Real Advice For New Dads Jun 13, 2024

Paternal celebrates Father’s Day with a special episode paying tribute to all the new dads out there celebrating the holiday for the first time. Three past guests are back on the show to offer their thoughts on the early days of fatherhood and the challenges of becoming a new father, but also on the value of patience, the power a village has to raise a child, and why it’s so important to reconsider what we mean when we think of the word “sacrifice.”

Guests on this episode of Paternal include:

Author and professor Jesse Thistle, who penned the 2020 memoir From the Ashes and the 2022 collection of poems and stories, Stars and Scars.

CNN political commentator and attorney Bakari Sellers, author of the 2024 release The Moment: Thoughts on the Race Reckoning That Wasn't and How We All Can Move Forward Now.

Author and Wilshire Boulevard Temple Senior Rabbi Steve Leder, who wrote the 2022 book For You When I Am Gone: Twelve Essential Questions to Tell a Life Story.

Episode Timestamps:

00:00 - 06:20 - Introduction 06:20 - 16:00 - Author and professor Jesse Thistle 16:00 - 26:03 - Political commentator and attorney Bakari Sellers 28:36 - 43:33 - Senior Rabbi Steve Leder

#108 Michael Andor Brodeur: Men, Muscles, and Masculinity May 30, 2024

Michael Andor Brodeur is a “big man.” That’s the term he uses to describe himself after more than 30 years of lifting weights - some of those spent as a powerlifter, and all of those spent not just trying to get fit, but to get big. But for all the time he’s spent in the gym over the years, he’s probably spent just as much time thinking about the way men think about the connection between men, muscles, and masculinity.

On this episode of Paternal, Brodeur discusses the concept of getting big and why some men are so motivated to do so, the connection between how men build their bodies and their inability to express themselves emotionally, how some men use weightlifting to deal with issues like anxiety, grief and addiction, and why the gym is a place where men are free to fail and support one another when they do fail, two things they might not be encouraged to do in other parts of society.

Brodeur is the classical music critic at the Washington Post and the author of the book, Swole: The Making of Men and the Meaning of Muscle, which is available wherever you buy books.

Episode Timestamps:

00:00 - 05:20 - Introduction 05:20 - 7:13 - First exposure to weight lifting 07:13 - 13:00 - Using weights as a way to change self-image 13:00 - 17:52 - Why men lift weights to be noticed by other men 17:52 - 22:22 - How men use their bodies as primary means of self-expression 22:22 - 25:43 - Why failure and encouragement is accepted by men the gym 25:43 - 30:05 - Carrying grief into the gym 30:05 - 33:30 - A different definition of strength

#107 Bakari Sellers: It Might Not Be Okay May 09, 2024

When you’re talking to Bakari Sellers about fatherhood, you’re talking to a man who truly is a link between generations. As the son of a famous Civil Rights activist who befriended the likes of Stokely Carmichael and Martin Luther King, Jr., Sellers feels the weight of expectations from his ancestors and his community. And as the father of two young twins, he feels the pressure of helping ensure the world is better for them than it ever was for him.

But what happens when that pressure sometimes feels like too much? And what happens when, despite all the work he and his father have done to make it so, he simply can’t tell his kids everything will be okay? On this episode of Paternal, Sellers discusses why he sees his life as an extension of his father’s journey, how he copes with anxiety, his relationship to anger, and why he thinks the U.S. has reached a nadir after George Floyd’s death failed to produce a racial reckoning so many expected.

Sellers is a political commentator for CNN and a former state legislator from South Carolina, as well as the author of the new book The Moment, which is available now wherever you buy books.

Episode Timestamps:

00:00 - 07:40 - Introduction

07:40 - 10:15 - Lessons from his father

10:15 - 16:00 - dealing with the pressure of a famous father

16:00 - 19:26 - handling pressure from the Black community and dealing with anxiety

19:26 - 24:20 - on generational changes among poiliticians and activists

24:20 - 27:35 - channeling anger and realizing the world might not be okay for our kids

27:35 - 29:50 - on lessons we teach our kids, and a sense of resignation

29:50 - end credits

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#106 Saul Austerlitz: Homer Simpson and The History of Sitcom Dads Apr 25, 2024

If you were a child of the 1980s and early 1990s, you lived through a golden age for sitcom dads. From The Cosby Show to Growing Pains and Roseanne to The Simpsons, fathers of all kinds ruled the airwaves for roughly a decade, providing an entire generation of wide-eyed kids a glimpse into what a father should look like and, for better or worse, what a family can be. But did these portrayals of paternal figures do more harm than good, and how did Friends and Seinfeld land a fatal blow to the fate of sitcom dads?

Comedy historian and author Saul Austerlitz joins this episode of Paternal to take a deep dive on the history of the family sitcom, tracing the genre’s roots back to the dawn of television. He discusses how fathers were first portrayed in the 1950s and how they have evolved during each decade thereafter, including iconic sitcom dads on Leave it to Beaver, All in the Family, The Cosby Show, Married With Children, Roseanne, and The Simpsons.

Austerlitz is a faculty member at NYU who teaches courses on writing about American comedy and writing about television drama, and he’s the author of six books, including on the history of sitcoms and the success of the hit series Friends. He recently wrote an article in The Atlantic entitled “Dad Culture Has Nothing to Do With Parenting.”

Episode Timestamps:

00:00 - 06:56 - Intro

06:56 - 10:33 - The perils of the “dad perjorative” and the connection to sitcoms

10:33 - 15:12 - Sitcom dads in the 1950s and 1960s

15:12 - 21:18 - Discussing Archie Bunker, “All in the Family,” and 70s family sitcoms

23:16 - 28:28 - The success of “The Cosby Show”

28:28 - 32:22 - The rise of the 1980s Superdad

32:22 - 36:12 - “Roseanne” breaks the mold

36:12 - 42:49 - The alternative dads on “Married With Children” and “The Simpsons”

42:49 - 46:25 - The 1990s demise of the family sitcom

46:25 - 48:42 - “Blackish” and dads on modern-day sitcoms

48:42 - 51:40 - What we lose without family sitcoms

Read The Transcript For This Episode

#105 Dr. Dennis S. Charney: How To Raise Resilient Kids Apr 10, 2024

Paternal listeners email the show regularly with requests to cover various topics on the show. Some are serious and some are silly, but one request just keeps coming: How do we teach our kids resilience? Dr. Dennis S. Charney is a leading expert in the study of resilience and has spent decades examining the causes of anxiety, fear and depression. He’s also interviewed prisoners of war, victims of rape and assault, survivors of natural disasters, and frontline healthcare workers about the traits that have helped them overcome trauma, all in an effort to better understand how we can all learn to be more resilient.

On this episode of Paternal, Dr. Charney discusses some of the most compelling factors to building resilience in yourself and your kids, including facing your fears, developing social groups, and establishing core values for you and your family. He also recounts a life-threatening experience that tested his own resilience, decades after living a charmed life studying the challenges of others. Dr. Charney is the co-author of Resilience: The Science of Mastering Life’s Greatest Challenges.

Episode Timestamps:

00:00 - 05.30 - Introduction

05:30 - 07:59 - A life-threatening test of resilience

07:59 - 13:27 - Defining resilience and studying trauma victims

13:27 - 18:00 - On facing your fears

18:00 - 19:50 - On the values of optimism

19:50 - 22:15 - On developing social groups and the connection to resilience

22:15 - 24:18 - Discussing the value of role models

24:18 - 28:05 - On identifying your core beliefs, values and family history

28:05 - 29:46 - Discussing the connection between gratitude and resilience

29:46 - 32:15 - On what parents get wrong when they think about teaching kids resilience

Read The Transcript For This Episode

#104 Rob Flanagan: Straddling Acceptance and Hope Mar 27, 2024

Rob Flanagan is a husband and father who lives with his family outside of Boulder, Colorado, and roughly one year ago he and his wife Dana began an ordeal that changed their lives. After a few days of fighting a cold and a slight fever while missing out on attending kindergarten, their daughter Saoirse was suddenly hospitalized and then intubated, and it was unclear if she would ever wake up.

On this episode of Paternal, Flanagan recounts the experience of spending days in the ICU with his wife while they awaited word on the health of their daughter, what the doctor’s diagnosis meant for their family, and how he learned to embrace both acceptance and hope on the path to becoming a better father.

Episode Timestamps:

00:00 - 05:43 - Introduction 05:43 - 11:54 - A frightening trip to the hospital 11:54 - 18:48 - Intubation and the diagnosis 18:48 - 23:13 - Asking for help and dealing with complex emotions 25:06 - 30:24 - A reawakening and an uncertain future 30:24 - 37:45 - A new reality, and changes in parenting 37:45 - 41:16 - Balancing what is, and what could have been

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#103 Waubgeshig Rice: The Pressure In My Head (2022) Feb 28, 2024

Growing up on the Wasauksing First Nation indigenous reserve in Ontario, journalist and bestselling author Waubgeshig Rice learned early in his life about the value of culture and community. But as an Anishinaabe young man schooled in the challenges his ancestors faced as indigenous people in Canada, Rice was also keenly aware of what happens when a community loses its connection to its history, traditions and culture, and how men can easily fall victim to the effects of intergenerational trauma. On this 2022 episode of Paternal, Rice recounts his experience on Wasauksing First Nation and his sometimes conflicted emotions about growing up on the reserve, as well as the challenges his own father faced in trying to reclaim the family’s Anishinaabe identity. Rice - who penned the celebrated apocalyptic thriller Moon of the Crusted Snow as well as the recently released follow-up Moon of the Turning Leaves, and was dubbed “one of the leading voices reshaping North American science fiction, horror and fantasy” by the New York Times - also discusses the emotional strain he experienced after the complicated birth of his first son, and how masculinity and vulnerability are valued on “the rez.”

#102 Kwame Alexander: What My Father Taught Me About Love (2023) Feb 14, 2024

Most people know Kwame Alexander as the Newbery Medal-winning author of The Crossover, the bestselling children’s book about two young brothers hooked on basketball. Long before he was an award-winning author, however, Alexander spent his time writing love poems, in an attempt to impress women and find his voice as a poet and a young man.

But three decades and two marriages later, Alexander is a 54-year-old father of two now reconsidering those relationships from his past, and what exactly he knows - and doesn’t know - about love. And in order to do that, he’s thinking more about the marriage his parents modeled for him as a child, as well as what he learned about love and relationships from his father, a hard-nosed Baptist minister who rarely showed affection. Alexander’s book, Why Fathers Cry at Night, is available wherever you buy books, as is his latest collection of poems, This Is the Honey: An Anthology of Contemporary Black Poets.

Episode Timestamps:

00:00 - 07:25 - Intro

07:25 - 09:50 - on learning to love from watching our parents’ relationship

09:50 - 19:47 - discussing Kwame Alexander’s father’s version of tough love

19:47 - 24:26 - digging into his father’s jazz collection

26:31 - 32:40 - on the vulnerability required to write about broken relationships

32:40 - 35:36 - on talking to our parents and children about love

Read The Transcript For This Episode

#101 Tim Alberta: My Father, My Faith, and Donald Trump Jan 31, 2024

Longtime political journalist Tim Alberta spent more than three years speaking with pastors and churchgoers across the country in a search for answers about what’s happening in contemporary Evangelicalism. Why were so many congregations becoming more political, and seemingly less invested in traditional Christian values? Why were they so motivated by fear? How could so many Evangelicals support Donald Trump, who doesn’t share their beliefs? And what do all these dramatic changes mean for the future of Evangelicals in the United States, including Alberta's three young sons?

On this episode of Paternal, Alberta discusses his life as an Evangelical Christian, the influence of his born-again Christian father, what he learned about Evangelicalism from speaking with today’s church leaders, and why some churchgoers confronted him at his own father’s funeral about politics in the era of Trump.

Alberta is a staff writer for The Atlantic and the author of the New York Times bestselling book The Kingdom, The Power and The Glory: American Evangelicals in an Age of Extremism, which is available now wherever you buy books.

Episode Timestamps:

00:00 - 05:56 - Introduction and description of The Kingdom, The Power and The Glory: American Evangelicals in an Age of Extremism05:56 - 13:11 - Background on Tim Alberta’s father, senior pastor Richard Alberta13:11 - 16:56 - On the experience of growing up as a pastor’s kid16:56 - 19:30 - Discussing his father’s funeral and blowback from members of the church congregation21:05 - 27:01 - On Evangelicals, idolatry, and fighting for America as if salvation itself hangs in the balance27:01 - 31:03 - On Evangelicals and fear of a changing society27:01 - 31:03 - On Evangelicals and fear of a changing society 31:03 - 35:27 - Why Evangelicals have rallied around Trump 35:27 - 38:50 - The challenge of inheriting faith from your father 38:50 - 44:32 - On what kind of faith he wants for his kids

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#100 Curtis Chin: Lessons From A Chinese Restaurant Jan 17, 2024

Curtis Chin spent most of his childhood looking for a comfortable place to sit. And that was especially difficult for Chin, who grew up in the 1970s and 80s as one of six kids raised by parents who owned Chung’s Cantonese Cuisine, one of the most revered Chinese restaurants in Detroit. Despite its location in one of the roughest neighborhoods in the city, the restaurant sold more than four thousand egg rolls every week and was frequented by celebrities like Joni Mitchell, Smokey Robinson, and Senator Eugene McCarthy.

On this episode of Paternal, Chin reflects on the experience of growing up in the sweaty back kitchen of a Chinese restaurant, and reflects on what he learned from his father, a charismatic waiter who happily welcomed local dignitaries from City Hall along with pimps and prostitutes from down the block. Chin also discusses the challenge of being a young gay man during the height of the AIDS crisis, and the legacy of Chung’s, which made an unexpected return to his life long after he thought he’d left it behind.

Chin’s memoir, Everything I Learned, I Learned in a Chinese Restaurant, is available wherever you buy books.

Episode Timestamps:

00:00 - 05:51 - Introduction05:51 - 07:34 - Discussing the popularity of Chinese restaurants in America07:34 - 11:20 - The role of Chung’s Cantonese Cuisine in Detroit11:20 - 15:54 - Introduction to Curtis Chin’s father and mother, and gender dynamics in the restaurant15:54 - 21:13 - Discussing Curtis Chin’s father and when Hollywood actor Yul Brynner came into the restaurant23:00 - 31:37 - On coming of age, and fears of coming out31:37 - 37:36 - The legacy of Chung’s Cantonese Cuisine

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#99 Best of 2023: Conversations of the Year Dec 20, 2023

Paternal closes out the year with a collection of the best conversations from 2023, curating five of the best segments from the past year into one collection. On this episode, Paternal guests discuss a variety of topics including the challenges of raising mixed-race kids, how father-son relationships impacted some of the biggest rock acts of the 1990s, how burnout at work can affect your parenting, dealing with grief after the loss of a partner, and how we can hold all the good and bad of life together in the same hands.

Guests on this episode of Paternal include comedian and filmmaker W. Kamau Bell, rock critic and podcast host Rob Harvilla, author and professor Jonathan Malesic, author and professor Matthew Salesses, and New York Times bestselling author and poet Clint Smith. Stay tuned for all new episodes of Paternal in 2024.

Episode Timestamps:

00:00 - 02:01 - Introduction

02:01 - 05:29 - W. Kamau Bell on discussions with his wife about racism and feminism

05:29 - 10:28 - W. Kamau Bell on raising mixed-race kids

11:31 - 19:47 - Rob Harvilla on father/son themes in 90s rock songs

19:47 - 22:34 - Rob Harvilla on discussing hard subjects with his kids

23:29 - 25:33 - Jonathan Malesic on his experience with burnout

25:33 - 34:16 - Jonathan Malesic on the three criteria for burnout and how men deal with burnout differently that women

35:23 - 40:02 - Matthew Salesses on the death of his wife and the connection to K Dramas

40:02 - 44:51 - Matthew Salesses on coping with grief with his kids

46:12 - 52:22 - Clint Smith on becoming a father and the double-sided nature of parenting

52:22 - 57:17 - Clint Smith on what he’s good at what and he struggles with as a father

Read The Transcript For This Episode

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#98 Paternal Workshop: Sex and Intimacy Dec 06, 2023

Award-winning research psychologist and professor Dr. Michael Addis returns to Paternal for the latest in a series of special episodes, this time to discuss the connection between the social construction of masculinity and men’s relationship with sex and intimacy. Men receive convoluted messages about what sex and intimacy are supposed to look like from an early age, but can they really take stock of what they’ve learned and change their behavior as they get older?

Dr. Addis also discusses how boys’ early exposure to intimacy and vulnerability can shape their sex lives as men, the metaphor of men’s bodies as performative machines, why it’s so hard for men to discuss sex with one another, and solutions for men looking to reexamine how they think about intimacy and improve their sex life.

Dr. Addis is a professor in the Department of Psychology at Clark University in Worcester, Mass. He also provides personal coaching and consultation for men at michaeladdiscoaching.com.

Episode Timestamps:

00:00 - 06:16 - Introduction

06:16 - 11:39 - The connection between sex and familiarity with intimacy

10:44 - 18:37 - The idea of man as a performative machine

20:13 - 26:12 - On why men don’t talk about sex with other men

26:12 - 33:08 - Solutions for being more comfortable discussing sex and intimacy

Read The Transcript For This Episode

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#97 Brandon Stosuy: The Crying Guy Nov 22, 2023

Back in 2016, Brandon Stosuy began to notice something strange about many of the people around him. Seemingly no matter where he went - jogging in Brooklyn, riding the subway into Manhattan, waiting for a plane at JFK - he spotted someone crying. Stosuy has spent the past seven years thinking about those people and what brought them to tears, and now he’s become known to a number of his friends, thousands of strangers, and even a few famous rock musicians as The Crying Guy.

On this episode of Paternal, Stosuy reflects on those first few people he saw in tears in New York and how he turned those observations into a collection of essays from more than 100 people about the last time they cried and why, including death, childbirth, breakups, or simply listening to the right song at the right time.

Sad Happens: A Celebration of Tears is available now wherever you buy books.

Episode Timestamps:

00:00 - 03:09 - Intro

03:09 - 05:51 - On seeing people all over New York City crying

05:51 - 09:33 - The origins of the book Sad Happens, and a history of crying

09:33 - 15:47 - Songs that make us cry, and The National

16:22 - 19:04 - Discussing why people cry on airplanes

19:04 - 21:55 - The connection between crying and your job

21:55 - 27:21 - On how to communicate to your kids about crying

Read The Transcript For This Episode

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#96 Isaac Fitzgerald: Hope For A Lost Cause Nov 08, 2023

Isaac Fitzgerald has a large tattoo on his right forearm of Saint Jude, the patron saint of impossible or lost causes. It might seem like a fitting mark for a man who resorted to drugs and alcohol to endure a childhood full of insecurity and violence, but Saint Jude is also the patron saint of hope. And for Fitzgerald - the author of the New York Times bestselling memoir Dirtbag, Massachusetts - hope lies in the communities where others might never expect to look.

On this episode of Paternal, Fitzgerald recounts why an unstable home life in rural Massachusetts led him to seek comfort in teenage fight clubs and bars, and why he’s spent years distrusting feelings of security. He also discusses why he sees his father in a different light as an adult, and how a therapist taught him the real meaning of forgiveness.

Fitzgerald’s 2022 memoir Dirtbag, Massachusetts, is now available in paperback wherever you buy books.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#95 Bill McKibben: The Decade That Changed America Oct 25, 2023

Bill McKibben doesn’t exactly do memoirs. But the latest work from the bestselling author and influential environmental activist is about as close as he’ll get, examining why two crucial moments from his childhood - an anti-war protest followed by the rejection of low and middle-income housing in his otherwise affluent Massachusetts suburb - helped symbolize a dramatic and costly shift to individualism in America during the 1970s.

On this episode of Paternal, McKibben reflects on those moments and discusses why the rise of the American suburb did so much damage to the environment and our sense of community. He also discusses the impact left on him by his father, the hope for the future that he sees in his daughter, and why he’s rallying Baby Boomers in the final act of their lives.

McKibben’s latest book, The Flag, The Cross, and the Station Wagon, is available wherever you buy books.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#94 Andre Dubus III: Fighting To Get Free Oct 11, 2023

Acclaimed author Andre Dubus III once wrote that he’s drawn to writing about “working class men who work with their hands … men up against it who only know one or two ways how to get free, both of which can hurt other people or themselves.” Dubus knows from experience. He grew up in the 1970s and 80s with a famous but notoriously absent father in the mill towns along the Merrimack River in Massachusetts, always eager to throw a punch if it proved his worth as a man. His experiences led to the celebrated memoir Townie, dubbed by one critic as “the most sensitive and gripping account of male violence imaginable.” On this episode of Paternal, Dubus discusses how he learned to perform masculinity with his fists, the influence of his literary father, how prisoners and police officers alike responded to the violence in Townie, and how his three grown children reacted to reading about their father’s past life as a man fighting to get free.

Dubus’ latest novel, Such Kindness, is available now wherever you buy books.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#93 W. Kamau Bell: Comedy, Cosby, And Raising Mixed Kids Sep 27, 2023

Over the past few years comedian and filmmaker W. Kamau Bell has become one of America’s most recognizable purveyors of humor and smart social commentary. And his success is due in large part to his willingness to tackle thorny topics like race, sexual assault, education, and policing, be it as a standup comic, an Emmy-nominated reality show host, or from behind the camera as a documentary filmmaker.

On this episode of Paternal, Bell discusses his latest film 1000% Me: Growing Up Mixed and his own personal experience of raising his three mixed-race daughters, male vulnerability and dad jokes in his comedy, and how he’s reckoned with the truth about “America’s Dad,” Bill Cosby.

Bell’s film 1000% Me: Growing Up Mixed is now streaming on MAX.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#92 Israel del Toro, Jr.: You’re Not Gonna Die Here Sep 13, 2023

When Israel “DT” Del Toro, Jr. was 12 years old, he made a promise to his ailing father that he would always watch over his younger siblings, and take care of his family. When he was a 30 year-old Staff Sergeant in the Air Force, he made a promise to his wife and young son that he would return safely from Afghanistan. But then everything changed with a flash of light and an explosion that literally shook the ground beneath his feet, leaving Del Toro, Jr. severely wounded and wondering if he would live another day, let alone keep any of the promises he’d made to those he loved. On this episode of Paternal, Del Toro, Jr. looks back on a life that took him from a working-class neighborhood in East Joliet, Illinois to the mountains of Afghanistan and eventually to a hospital in Texas, where he fought for the chance to reunite with his young son after suffering burns over 80 percent of his body. Del Toro, Jr. is a retired Senior Master Sergeant and received both the Bronze Star and the Purple Heart for his service, and he is the author of the 2023 memoir A Patriot’s Promise, available now wherever you buy books.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#91 Jay Rosenblatt: How Do You Measure A Year? Aug 23, 2023

Roughly two decades ago filmmaker Jay Rosenblatt started a ritual with his daughter Ella that he never expected would lead anywhere but the family archives. But the project that unfolded - an annual series of questions he asked Ella on her birthday until she turned 18 - eventually led to an acclaimed portrayal of a father-daughter relationship, and an Academy Award nomination.

On this episode of Paternal, Rosenblatt looks back on the origins of his celebrated short film How Do You Measure A Year?, the questions he asked of his daughter each year, and why the film serves as an intimate example of what it looks like when kids grow up in the blink of an eye.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#90 Alexi Lalas: Embracing Kids And Critics (2018) Aug 09, 2023

Alexi Lalas knows all about opportunity. As a professional soccer player and member of the United States national team during the 1990s, Lalas used the global platform of the 1994 FIFA World Cup to introduce the world to his carefully cultivated image of a rebellious red-headed rockstar with a love for the world’s game, and life’s never been the same since.

More than two decades later Lalas is still in the public eye as a television analyst for Fox Sports at this summer’s Women’s World Cup in Australia and New Zealand, but fame does come with a price. Lalas constantly battles with soccer fans on social media and has even received death threats from his harshest critics over the years, and some fans have no problem harassing him when they spot him in public.

On this episode of Paternal from 2018, Lalas discusses how he tries to shield his two young kids from the vitriol he receives on social media, how the World Cup and the public persona he created back in the 90s changed his fortunes forever, and why he teaches his kids to constantly be aware of their surroundings, always open to the next great opportunity in life.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#89 Rob Harvilla: Dad Rock Comes For Every Man Jul 26, 2023

Longtime rock critic Rob Harvilla has made a lengthy career out of his love for the '90s-era songs that shaped his days as a teenager and college student. He’s the host of the hit podcast “60 Songs That Explain the ‘90s” and he’s built a devoted fan base of equally obsessed music fans while exploring songs from artists like Nirvana, Madonna, REM, and the Wu-Tang Clan. But despite his success, sometimes he just likes to mow the lawn with an old Soul Asylum album in his headphones before he gets back to his life as a dad.

On this episode of Paternal, Harvilla discusses fatherhood themes in the songs from some of the biggest artists of the '90s, the origin of the term “Dad Rock” and why you’re probably listening to it, the song he sang to his newborn son, and how he feels about his kids streaming songs at the push of a button instead of waiting for hours to record them off of MTV, like a real music fan should.

Harvilla’s podcast “60 Songs That Explain the ‘90s” is available on Spotify.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#88 Jake Tapper: Leadership and Vulnerability Jul 12, 2023

Jake Tapper has been a leading figure in American media for more than a decade, serving as the chief DC anchor at CNN, the host of the network’s weekday show “The Lead with Jake Tapper,” and the co-host of the Sunday public-affairs show, “State of the Union.” During that time he’s interviewed some of the most consequential and controversial figures in American politics, and in the process learned a few things about why powerful men are so reluctant to admit when they’re wrong, and what it costs them in the end. On this episode of Paternal, Tapper discusses how he balanced a high-powered career in journalism with a life as a father of two children, how his own father influenced his upbringing in Philadelphia, and the traits that make a successful leader. Tapper’s new book, All the Demons Are Here, is available wherever you buy books.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#87 Matt Moore: Meat, Men, And The Fourth of July Jun 28, 2023

Good food has always been an integral part of Matt Moore’s family. As the grandson of a man who helped run a popular food store in southern Georgia and the grand nephew of a soldier who endured World War II in part on his family’s famous fried chicken, Moore has always been connected to the role food can play in a family’s story. And now, as a Nashville-based cook, father, and the author of five popular cookbooks, Moore spends his days cooking for his family and preaching how other men can make good food a bigger part of their own story too.

On this episode of Paternal, Moore discusses how a neighborhood cookbook first turned him onto cooking, why he’s invested in learning more about his local butchers, how much meat he eats and where he gets the best cuts of meat for a summer barbecue, and how he uses cookouts to build his male friendships. Moore’s latest cookbook, Butcher on the Block, is available now wherever you buy books.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#86 The Best of Paternal: Advice For New Dads, Part 2 Jun 14, 2023

Paternal celebrates Father’s Day by paying tribute to all the new dads out there celebrating the holiday for the first time, this time by bringing back three of the show’s most beloved guests to weigh in on how they survived the early days of parenting. The guests weigh in on what surprised them about becoming a father, what they did right as new dads, what they did wrong, and which piece of advice they would give their new-dad selves all these years later.

Guests on this special episode of Paternal include Seattle radio DJ John Richards, Newbery Medal-winning author and poet Kwame Alexander, and politician and author Jason Kander.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#85 Kwame Alexander: What My Father Taught Me About Love May 17, 2023

Most people know Kwame Alexander as the Newbery Medal-winning author of The Crossover, the bestselling children’s book about two young brothers hooked on basketball. Long before he was an award-winning author, however, Alexander spent his time writing love poems, in an attempt to impress women and find his voice as a poet and a young man.

But three decades and two marriages later, Alexander is a 54-year-old father of two now reconsidering those relationships from his past, and what exactly he knows - and doesn’t know - about love. And in order to do that, he’s thinking more about the marriage his parents modeled for him as a child, as well as what he learned about love and relationships from his father, a hard-nosed Baptist minister who rarely showed affection. Alexander’s new book, Why Fathers Cry at Night, is available wherever you buy books on May 23.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#84 Jonathan Malesic: Dads, Work, And Burnout May 03, 2023

Jonathan Malesic spent more than a decade in what he thought was his dream job as a college professor. But after years on the clock he found himself exhausted, angry, and struggling to feel like he was making an impact with his students. But even when he quit his job in order to solve one problem, he quickly realized he had another on his hands: Without a job, was he suddenly less of a man? On this episode of Paternal, Malesic recounts the experience that led him to studying the phenomenon of burnout, how it affects men and women differently, what role work plays in defining a man’s sense of masculinity, and the effects of burnout on men when it comes to fatherhood. Malesic’s 2022 book The End of Burnout is available wherever you buy books, and he is also the author of the 2022 essay “How Men Burn Out,” from The New York Times.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#83 Bryce Andrews: My Grandfather’s Gun Apr 19, 2023

When Bryce Andrews was a kid growing up in Seattle, he always admired Montana-born cowboys, and men who rope and herd cattle. So when he finally drove over the Cascades and settled in Montana as a young, do-it-all cattle rancher working under an endless blue sky, he knew he’d found his place. But then he was gifted his grandfather’s Smith and Wesson .357 Magnum revolver, a weapon that fascinated him as a little boy and haunted him as a man living alone on a desolate cattle ranch an hour’s drive from civilization.

On this episode of Paternal, Andrews discusses how he came to carry his grandfather’s gun, what he’s learned about the violent nature of life on a cattle ranch, and, in the wake of becoming a father himself, what one man can do with a treasured inheritance so closely tied to a history of violence.

Andrews is the author of the 2023 memoir Holding Fire: A Reckoning with the American West, available wherever you buy books.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#82 Paternal Workshop: Everything Turns Into Anger Apr 05, 2023

Award-winning research psychologist and professor Dr. Michael Addis returns to Paternal for the latest in a series of special episodes, this time to discuss the complicated relationship so many men have with anger. We teach boys that anger is an acceptable emotion even at a very young age, but what’s really at the core of the issue when a boy or man loses his temper?

Dr. Addis also dives deep into the connection between anger and control, why so many men are ambivalent about each other's angry outbursts in a social setting, what role fatherhood plays in anger, and what men can do when anger becomes a problem affecting their quality of life.

Dr. Addis is a professor in the Department of Psychology at Clark University in Worcester, Mass. He also provides personal coaching and consultation for men at www.incontextcoaching.com.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#81 Clint Smith: Holding It All Together Mar 22, 2023

Clint Smith is a man deeply interested in the contrasts and complexities of the human experience. Be it in his professional life as the author of the acclaimed New York Times bestselling narrative nonfiction book How the Word Is Passed: A Reckoning with the History of Slavery, or in his personal life as an often-humbled father to two young children, Smith is constantly considering how experiences shape us as people. “Parenthood is the most remarkable, awe-inspiring experience of your life,” Smith says, “and it’s also the most fear-inducing, humbling, and exhausting. It’s the most revealing about the parts of yourself that you’re most proud of, and most ashamed of.” On this episode of Paternal, Smith discusses his early days as a father, why even our best moments as parents exist alongside instances of shame, humility, and fear, and how we can hold gratitude and despair in the same hands. Smith is a staff writer at The Atlantic and the author of Above Ground, a new collection of poems focused on fatherhood, available March 28.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#80 Matthew Salesses: A Sense Of Wonder Mar 08, 2023

Matthew Salesses clearly remembers the first time he saw Jeremy Lin on the basketball court. It was three years before Lin became an international celebrity and “Linsanity” took over Madison Square Garden in New York City, but even then Salesses knew there was something special about watching an Asian American basketball player dominate on the court. More than a decade later Lin’s rise to fame - and the mix of recognition and racism he endured on the way - is the template for Salesses’s new novel and his latest examination of identity, masculinity, and belonging.

On this episode of Paternal, Salesses recounts his memories of “Linsanity” and the fallout in the sports media, as well as his own upbringing as a Korean boy adopted by an all-white family in a small town in Connecticut. He also discusses how he held onto hope and wonder as his wife battled cancer, and how he’s parented two young children after her death. Salesses’s fourth novel, The Sense of Wonder, was released in January 2023.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#79 Jaed Coffin: Bloodlines And Boxing (2020) Feb 22, 2023

When Jaed Coffin was 23 years old he had recently graduated from college, and like a lot of people in that stage of their lives, he found himself looking ... for something. What he found was an austere and single-minded life in Southeast Alaska, training to become the next big thing in the sport of roughhouse boxing, a boozy, bloody, and rugged class of amateur boxing. Coffin chronicled his rise from wide-eyed novice to eventual middleweight champion in his 2019 memoir Roughhouse Friday, which the LA Review of Books called “a beautifully crafted memoir about fathers and sons, masculinity, and the lengths we sometimes go to in order to confront our past.”

On this 2020 episode of Paternal, Coffin discusses life in the small Alaskan coastal town of Sitka, the phenomenon of roughhouse boxing, and how a complicated relationship with his father helped steer Jaed into the ring, where he came up close and personal with a unique cast of characters looking to prove their manhood in the ring.

Coffin also discusses his 2019 New York Times essay about his father’s need to go “Out to Sea,” an idea that offers forgiveness for men who sometimes or even permanently abandon their families when the burdens of real life become too overwhelming.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#78 Dan Houser: Anger Is Your Armor Feb 09, 2023

When Dan Houser was in his 20s, he would walk down the street and smash the windows out of parked cars. In the bars he would have a few drinks, eyeball the worst-looking guy in the place, and start a fight. After years of powerlifting he had built himself into a frightening 250-pound man who never cared about consequences, and knew that no one could stop him.

But now, more than 20 years removed from his days as a man motivated by confrontation, Houser reflects on the armor he built around himself for years, what stirred so much of his rage, and why he must change his relationship with anger after becoming a father to a young son of his own.

Houser is an Adjunct Assistant Professor of Anthropology and Archaeology at the University of Calgary.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#77 John Vercher: Acting In The Face Of Fear Jan 25, 2023

What does it mean to truly face down one of the biggest fears in your life? John Vercher went through much of his life being scared, until he couldn’t take it anymore. Following years of training and decades after he was weaned on 1980s-era martial arts theater programs on television, Vercher stepped inside the cage for a mixed martial arts fight during his mid 30s, seeking the answer to one question: Can I do something in the face of my fear?

More than a decade later Vercher is a father of two young sons and the author of a pair of acclaimed novels, now facing a new set of fears as a father. As the son of an African American father and a white mother, he’s spent years mastering how to code switch and successfully fit in among different groups of people, but how much will his own mixed-race sons honor their Black roots? And how does he teach them to face a frightening world with their own sense of courage? Vercher’s second book, After The Lights Go Out, was released in 2022.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#76 Jesse Leon: The Unbreakable Man Jan 11, 2023

Paternal opens 2023 with a conversation with Jesse Leon, a 48 year-old author and social impact consultant who has endured life experiences unlike any other guest in Paternal’s past. As the son of immigrants and raised in a working-class neighborhood in San Diego, Leon grew up hiding a painful secret from his community and from his father, a former Mexican boxer who embodied the negative aspects of machismo culture and lived by the motto, “there are no friends in this world, and trust no man.”

On this episode of Paternal, Leon discusses how he suffered so much pain from the deeds of bad men, but also how the empathy of stronger men changed the course of his life. Leon is the author of the 2022 memoir I’m Not Broken, which was praised by NPR as “sad, brutally honest, and emotionally gritty,” and is available now wherever you buy books.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#75 Best of 2022: Conversations of the Year Dec 29, 2022

Paternal closes out the year with a collection of the best conversations from 2022, curating five of the best segments from the past year into one collection. On this episode, Paternal guests discuss a variety of topics including the personal, psychological effects of waging war in Afghanistan, why there are no father figures in the world of Star Wars, the legacy of Richard Pryor on comedy and male vulnerability, why your kids are smarter and more capable than you think, and why sons are tasked to acquit the souls of their fathers through their own experience as parents.

Guests on this episode of Paternal include politician Jason Kander, comedian Michael Ian Black, author Daniel Jose Older, theater actor Mickey Rowe, and Senior Rabbi Steve Leder. Stay tuned for all new episodes of Paternal in 2023.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#74 Paternal Workshop: The Scallop Problem Dec 14, 2022

Author and professor Andrew Reiner returns to Paternal for the latest in a series of special episodes, this time to discuss how and why men often neglect to examine and express their emotional needs in a relationship, and what happens when they seethe in silence.

Reiner is the author of the 2020 book Better Boys, Better Men and earlier this year wrote an article for The Washington Post about why men are often taught very young to diminish, or even ignore, their emotions in relationships. The article - which featured Paternal host Nick Firchau and a story about a scallop dinner gone wrong - subsequently became a lightning rod for comments about how, when, and why men show emotion.

Reiner is a professor in the honors college at Towson University in Maryland, and teaches a course there called “The Changing Face of Masculinity.” He previously came on episode #61 of Paternal in May 2022.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#73 Kurt Braunohler: You’re Such A F*cking Baby Nov 16, 2022

Does the world really need another dad comic? Kurt Braunohler certainly doesn’t think so, but as a 40-something father of two and a proven comic who’s been on stage since the late 1990s, Braunohler is walking a fine line. Dubbed “a charismatic comedian with a flair for the absurd” by the New York Times and “the closest thing we have to a real-life Willy Wonka” by Vice, Braunohler is discussing more personal and vulnerable topics these days, including fatherhood, and his own relationship with a dad who’s never seen one of his comedy specials.

On this episode of Paternal, Braunohler discusses comedians leaning into fatherhood for their material, and the perils of falling into comedy’s parent trap himself. He also reflects on growing up as a child of divorce and the influence of his own dad, a man who fathered eight different kids through various marriages. Braunohler’s new comedy special, “Perfectly Stupid,” is available to stream on Amazon Prime and YouTube.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#72 Pietro La Greca Jr.: The Don Corleone of Mexico Nov 02, 2022

When Pietro La Greca Jr. was 13 years old, his father bought him a solid gold Piaget Polo watch. Not because it was his birthday or because it was Christmas. Just because he could. When Pietro Jr. learned to drive, his father gave him an all-white Mercedes-Benz 500 S Class with white rims that could do 170 miles per hour on the highway between San Diego and Tijuana. Such was the life for the son of the greatest money man along the U.S.-Mexico border, and someone once dubbed “Mexico’s real life Don Corleone.”

During the prime of his criminal career, Pietro La Greca raked in millions of dollars for his family, appeased a powerful Las Vegas casino, dodged Mexican and American authorities, and avoided the wrath of a violent Tijuana cartel. On this episode of Paternal, Pietro La Greca Jr. recounts what life was like growing up in a family that made all the money in the world and then lost it all, and what it was like to receive a death threat from his own father.

Pietro La Greca Jr.’s memoir, Pesos: The Rise and Fall of a Border Family, is available everywhere in paperback.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#71 Cory Silverberg: Sex Is A Funny Word Oct 19, 2022

When Cory Silverberg was 17 years old growing up in Canada, there simply weren’t many resources available for a teenager confused about gender. But Silverberg - who uses they pronouns, and doesn’t identify as a man - found surprising solace in the form of a retail job at a local sex shop, and discovered a rare super power that would shape their life. “Other people’s sex stuff didn’t freak me out,” Silverberg says, “and I knew how to show that it didn’t freak me out.”

Decades later Silverberg is a celebrated sex educator, public speaker, and the author of three acclaimed books aimed at teaching kids how to talk about sex and gender, and how to think of sex as a path to understanding their place in the world. On this episode of Paternal, Silverberg discusses when to talk to kids about sex and gender, why some of those conversations can be triggering for parents, and why kids engaged in these candid conversations wait longer to have sex.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#70 Ted Bunch: A Cry For Healthier Manhood Oct 05, 2022

Ted Bunch has spent the bulk of his adult life as an educator, activist and lecturer, focused specifically on the intersection of masculinity and violence against women. He’s also spent 18 years as the Chief Development Officer of the violence prevention organization A Call To Men, and in that time he’s become one of the nation’s leading voices on the perils of male socialization and the misperception of toxic masculinity.

On this 2020 episode of Paternal, Bunch breaks down the challenges men and boys face due to the rigid expectations of who society expects them to be - strong, fearless, emotionless, and in control - and why it’s so dangerous for them and their kids to fall into that trap.

He also discusses how his parents - two college educators and civil rights activists - influenced his path towards social justice, but also the challenges he faced while growing up black in a largely white community in Westchester County, New York.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#69 Dr. Michael Thompson: Emotional Illiteracy Of Fathers And Sons (2018) Sep 21, 2022

Long before he became one of the nation’s leading voices on the emotional lives of adolescent boys, psychologist and New York Times bestselling author Dr. Michael G. Thompson actually focused his studies on the psychological issues of young women. “I got into schools as a consultant,” Thompson says, “and all of a sudden, all of my work was little boys.”

Thompson and co-author Dan Kindlon released their acclaimed book Raising Cain in April 1999, six days after the shooting at Columbine High School in Littleton, Colo. The book - which examines the emotional complexities of young boys and teenagers - suddenly thrust Thompson into the spotlight while the country tried to asses what was wrong with its boys.

On this 2018 episode of Paternal, Thompson discusses the impact of Raising Cain and his thoughts on the continued proliferation of high school shootings, how to protect the emotional complexities of young boys, and why fathers struggle to connect with their sons.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#68 David Ambroz: A Place Called Home Sep 07, 2022

Memories are a tricky subject for David Ambroz. He has no photo albums documenting his childhood, and no adults who he can ask about where he came from. He never marked the passage of time by holidays or school years, and his height was never measured on a wall in the kitchen of a home. Instead Ambroz and his family moved in and out of apartments and homeless shelters and lived a life of poverty, violence, and instability wherever they turned.

Now in his early 40s, Ambroz is considered one of the nation’s leading experts on poverty and child welfare. He’s also a staunch advocate for improving the foster care system in the United States and bringing attention to childhood poverty and homelessness. On this episode of Paternal, Ambroz discusses a childhood spent battling hunger on the streets of New York, why women largely carry the burden in the cycle of poverty while men are nowhere to be found, and what it will take to encourage more middle class families to become foster parents. Ambroz has a new memoir entitled A Place Called Home, which will be released on Sept. 13.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#67 Paternal Workshop: The Problem In Your Group Chat Aug 24, 2022

Award-winning research psychologist and professor Dr. Michael Addis returns to Paternal for the latest in a series of special episodes, this time to discuss how male group dynamics work, and what happens when one guy crosses the line. He also explains why some men lean on misogyny or homophobia in order to win over a crowd of new male friends, and the stakes for everyone involved.

He also introduces the concept of TRAP (trigger, response, avoidance pattern) and why it’s crucial for men to identify what kind of events serve as triggers in their life, as well as how to incrementally improve their responses over time. Dr. Addis is a professor in the Department of Psychology at Clark University in Worcester, Mass. He also provides personal coaching and consultation for men at www.incontextcoaching.com.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#66 Chris Ballew: Fame, Fatherhood, and Caspar Babypants (2020) Aug 10, 2022

Even before his third birthday, Chris Ballew was transfixed by music. He would sit on the floor in his parents’ Seattle-area home and listen to The Beatles’ seminal 1967 album Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, and not long after he was writing and performing his own songs. By the mid-90s he was fronting the Presidents of the United States of America - one of the hottest bands in rock'n'roll - and appearing regularly on MTV. But he was quietly harboring a secret: “On a gut level, I wanted out immediately.” On this episode of Paternal from 2020, Ballew looks back at his early experiences with fame, and examines the instinct that led him to leave modern rock behind to take on a new stage presence: celebrated children’s musician Caspar Babypants.

Ballew has released 17 albums and been nominated for a Grammy during his career as Caspar, all driven by a desire to imbue his music with the same lyrical elements he found in the music of the Beatles, and to help weary parents make it through the day.

Songs Featured In This Episode:

Spider John - Caspar Babypants
A Day In The Life - The Beatles
Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band - Caspar Babypants
Naked and Famous - The Presidents of The United States of America
Kick Out The Jams - The Presidents of The United States of America
Sun Go - Caspar Babypants (featuring Frances England)
Nap In The Afternoon - Caspar Babypants

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#65 Steve Leder: Twelve Questions to Tell a Life Story Jul 27, 2022

Steve Leder is a husband, father, bestselling author and, as the senior rabbi at Wilshire Boulevard Temple in Los Angeles, one the most influential religious leaders in America. During his 35 years at Southern California’s oldest synagogue he has proven to be something of an expert in the human experience, and overseen not just regular services at the temple, but also countless weddings - including that of his friend and Academy Award winning screenwriter Aaron Sorkin - and his fair share of funerals, of which he has performed more than a thousand in his career. Not bad for the son of a junkman from Minnesota.

On this episode of Paternal, Leder reflects on what he’s learned about fathers and sons over the years and why men struggle when they face adversity alone, as well as the life and legacy of his own dad and how he’s tried to become a better father himself. He also discusses his 2022 book For You When I Am Gone, which includes a dozen essential questions Leder asked 40 people to better understand how they define love, what makes them happy, and what decisions they regret most in their lives.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#64 Jason Kander: Politics, Parenthood, and PTSD Jul 13, 2022

Back in early 2018, Jason Kander was riding high as one of the brightest young stars in American politics. After becoming the youngest statewide elected official in the nation and nearly toppling a Republican incumbent for a U.S. Senate seat from his native Missouri, Kander was invited to meet with Barack Obama, where the former president personally encouraged Kander to one day consider his own run for the White House, telling Kander, “You have what I had. You’re the natural.”

But Kander’s public presidential aspirations were derailed by a private battle with symptoms of PTSD, a result of service as an intelligence officer in the U.S. Army in Afghanistan. He struggled with anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts, and eventually crippling bouts of shame as he finally confronted his diagnosis, and he quietly wished he could be a better husband to his wife, Diana, and better father to his son, True. On this episode of Paternal, Kander reflects on how he spent years in denial of the trauma that thwarted his political aspirations and damaged his personal life, how he used feelings of shame and anger to gain control of his life, and how therapy helped him reimagine what a man - and a father - is supposed to be. Kander’s new memoir, Invisible Storm, is available now.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#63 Jesse Thistle: Tracing Our Fathers’ Footsteps (2021) Jun 22, 2022

Jesse Thistle is an assistant professor at York University in Toronto and an award-winning memoirist who wrote the top-selling Canadian book in 2020, but his success didn’t come easily. Prior to penning his celebrated emotional memoir From the Ashes, Thistle spent years struggling with issues of addiction and homelessness, a lifestyle he sees to some degree as the result of the absence of a father figure in his life. His own father was an addict and a thief who disappeared nearly 40 years ago, and no one has seen or heard from him since.

But how much of his father’s troubles can be traced back to the generations of men who came before him? On this previous episode of Paternal from 2021, Thistle wrestles with the myths he’s been told about his father, discusses how his own indigenous heritage contributed to years spent living on the streets of Canada, and breaks down the manifestations of intergenerational trauma, including addiction, abuse, homelessness, and crime.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#62 The Best of Paternal: Advice for New Dads Jun 15, 2022

The new dads have spoken, and they want some help. So in honor of those men celebrating Father’s Day for the first time this year, Paternal welcomes back four favorite guests from the past to offer advice on how to survive those early days of parenthood, including what they did right, what they did wrong, and what lessons they learned in the process of becoming a father.

Guests on this special episode include New York Times chief theater critic Jesse Green, entrepreneur Jelani Memory, author Waubgeshig Rice, and journalist and screenwriter Chris Jones.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#61 Andrew Reiner: Better Boys, Better Men Jun 01, 2022

A number of years ago, the dean at the Honors College at Towson University in Maryland went on the prowl for ideas for new seminar courses at the college. Andrew Reiner wasted no time in offering an idea for a seminar on a subject that he says has become a compulsion in his life: Masculinity. What if the school offered a course where he could work with students to deconstruct our ideas around masculinity and what it looks like now for a new generation of college students, men and women? On this episode of Paternal, Reiner discusses the course “The Changing Face of Masculinity,” as well as some of the most compelling findings in his 2020 book Better Boys Better Men, including why boys are struggling with a crisis of masculinity, how their ideas of masculinity hold them back in the classroom, and why their penchant for competition inhibits their ability to build trust among male peers, even in adulthood. Reiner, a father himself, has also written about men’s issues for the New York Times, Washington Post, and Forbes.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#60 Michael Ian Black: The Mystery Door To Male Competence May 18, 2022

After a particularly feverish Twitter rant in 2018 landed him an invite to write a guest opinion on boys and violence from The New York Times, Michael Ian Black had to ask one simple question: Are you sure you want me? After all, Black is best known as a sketch and standup comic, and a particularly snarky one at that. But he wrote the essay and it subsequently went viral, leading Black to eventually pen the 2020 memoir A Better Man: A (Mostly Serious) Letter To My Son, which offers a candid take on his own boyhood, the death of his father, and why he’s concerned for his own son’s future. On this episode of Paternal, Black recounts his adolescent experience of desperately seeking all the secrets of manhood, why he tinged his own successful brand of humor with defensive sarcasm, why even the most influential male comics rarely delve into painful vulnerability, and where he failed and succeeded as a father to his two children.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#59 Akhil Sharma: Fatherhood at Fifty May 04, 2022

Of all the guests on Paternal over the years, it’s safe to say that Akhil Sharma was the last guy who would have expected to appear on a podcast about fatherhood. Over the past three decades he carved out a nice life as an Ivy League educated investment banker, and then a successful writer and college professor. Fatherhood never really entered the equation because, in his mind, he was worthless when it came to what he could possibly teach a child.

On this episode of Paternal, Sharma reflects on some of the complicated family backstory illustrated in his acclaimed 2014 book Family Life, which the New York Times said “reveals how love becomes warped and jagged and even seemingly vanishes in the midst of huge grief.” Sharma also discusses how a life-altering accident helped define his relationship with his parents, and influenced why he never considered having children until he was in his late 40s. Sharma is a professor at Duke University and the author of the essay A Passage to Parenthood, which appeared in the The New Yorker earlier this year.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#58 Eric Larsen: On The Ice With A Polar Explorer (2018) Apr 06, 2022

For centuries, the ends of the Earth have captivated and courted the world’s bravest characters. The highest peaks of the Himalayas, the furthest depths of the oceans, and the poles, frozen pinpoints on opposite ends of the globe that still serve as two of the most ambitious destinations for a certain type of person you may have thought died out years ago: The explorers.

Eric Larsen is one of those people, a veteran explorer who has not only reached both the geographic north and south poles, but also summited Mount Everest. And in 2009 and 2010 he became the first person in the world to reach all three in the span of 365 days, an endeavor that cemented him as one of the most successful American explorers in recent years.

On this replay of his Paternal episode from 2018, Larsen discusses the conflict of being a leading-edge American explorer and an engaged father at the same time, and how he and his wife have worked on the unique elements of their relationship.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#57 Paternal Workshop: The Masculinity Trap Mar 23, 2022

Award-winning research psychologist and professor Dr. Michael Addis returns to Paternal for the third in a series of special episodes examining various issues affecting men’s mental health. In this episode, Dr. Addis calls on his decades of research to break down the links between social learning and the social construction of masculinity, and why he considers masculinity a form of anxiety disorder for some men.

Dr. Addis also explains how and when young boys are first exposed to the ideas of masculinity, how the perception of masculinity has changed over the years, and why living up to a constantly evolving ideal of masculinity can be a problem for some men.

Dr. Addis is an award-winning research psychologist and a professor in the Department of Psychology at Clark University in Worcester, Mass. He also provides personal coaching and consultation for men at www.incontextcoaching.com.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#56 Max Lowe: Daddy’s On The Mountain Mar 09, 2022

One world-renowned climber dies and leaves a widow and three young sons behind, and his climbing partner and best friend helps pick up the pieces by marrying the widow and helping raise a trio of boys who lost their father. Among the world’s mountaineers, climbers and explorers, the life and tragic death of Alex Lowe is nothing short of legend. For newcomers hearing the story for the first time, it’s a fascinating examination of circumstance and fate, love lost and then rediscovered.

But for Max Lowe - who was just 10 years old when his father died in an avalanche high in the Himalayas - it’s a complicated reality he’s dealt with for more than 20 years. On this episode of Paternal, Max discusses his life as the son of one of the world’s greatest climbers, memories of his father Alex, the uncomplicated psychology of the mountaineers who take frightening risks, and what it was like to make the acclaimed 2021 documentary Torn, which forced Max and his family to confront more than two decades of grief and repressed emotions surrounding the sudden loss of a real-life superhero.

Torn is currently streaming on Disney Plus, and you can read more about the film and the legacy of Alex Lowe in the Los Angeles Times, Outside, and The New Yorker.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#55 Daniel José Older: Fatherhood In A Galaxy Far, Far Away Feb 23, 2022

Daniel José Older was three years old when he caught his first glimpse of the characters who occupied the Star Wars galaxy, and he was so frightened he made a run for the exit of the movie theater. But Older - now a New York Times bestselling fantasy and sci-fi author - went back in, and his life has never been the same. Older is a lead story architect for Star Wars: The High Republic, a series of young adult and middle grade novels and comic books, and he’s keenly aware that most of the Star Wars characters, especially the most prominent male heroes, either have a strained relationship with their father, or simply don’t have a dad at all.

On this episode of Paternal, Older discusses why there never seem to be many parents in the Star Wars galaxy, why he gravitated to the series after never seeing protagonists who looked like him as a kid, his mother’s penchant for magical storytelling after fleeing Cuba, and how he thinks about the Jedi-like skill of compassionate detachment, especially now that he’s recently become a father himself.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#54 Mickey Rowe: The World Needs What Makes You Different Feb 09, 2022

Mickey Rowe has made a career out of one simple motto: The world needs what makes you different. An autistic actor who started out as a street performer in Seattle but was never given speaking roles in the theater during his 20s, Rowe eventually earned the lead role in the theater adaptation of the Tony Award-winning play The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time. In the process Rowe became the first autistic actor to play the demanding lead role of Christopher Boone, a teenager on the spectrum who is convinced he can solve the murder of his neighbor’s dog. On this episode of Paternal, Rowe reflects on his life on the autistic spectrum and what role autism played in his drive to become an actor, as well as the complicated relationship Hollywood has with portraying characters who are disabled. He also discusses what fatherhood looks like as an autistic father of an autistic son, and how he’s learned to cast aside expectations about parenthood and embrace why his experience as a father is different from so many other men. Rowe is the founding Artistic Director of National Disability Theatre and his memoir, Fearlessly Different, will be released in March.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#53 Brendan Kiely: Reckoning With Our White Privilege Jan 26, 2022

Author and teacher Brendan Kiely has spent years speaking to young adults about the difficult issues they might face in their teen years, and he’s in awe of the amount of hope that lies within the next generation. But after seemingly endless recent incidents of police brutality against African American men and the centuries of racism that came before, he’s writing for young adults about what it means to live with the benefits of white privilege. And he’s figuring out how to start the same conversation with his young son.

In this episode of Paternal, Kiely discusses the themes covered in his 2021 book The Other Talk, the book’s reception during a time of fraught culture wars, and why the traits of humility and vulnerability are so essential to having better conversations about race, especially among men. Kiely is a New York Times bestselling author of five books and a former English and literature teacher in New York City, and prior to writing The Other Talk he co-wrote the award-winning and critically acclaimed young adult fiction novel All American Boys.

To hear additional episodes from Paternal about “The Talk,” check out Episode 5 and Episode 12.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#52 Waubgeshig Rice: The Pressure In My Head Jan 12, 2022

Growing up on the Wasauksing First Nation indigenous reserve in Ontario, journalist and bestselling author Waubgeshig Rice learned early in his life about the value of culture and community. But as an Anishinaabe young man schooled in the challenges his ancestors faced as indigenous people in Canada, Rice was also keenly aware of what happens when a community loses its connection to its history, traditions and culture, and how men can easily fall victim to the effects of intergenerational trauma. On this episode of Paternal, Rice recounts his experience on Wasauksing First Nation and his sometimes conflicted emotions about growing up on the reserve, as well as the challenges his own father faced in trying to reclaim the family’s Anishinaabe identity. Rice - who penned the celebrated apocalyptic thriller Moon of the Crusted Snow and was dubbed “one of the leading voices reshaping North American science fiction, horror and fantasy” by the New York Times - also discusses the emotional strain he experienced after the complicated birth of his first son, and how masculinity and vulnerability are valued on “the rez.”

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#51 Paternal Workshop: Holiday Anxiety and New Year’s Resolutions Dec 22, 2021

Award-winning research psychologist and professor Dr. Michael Addis returns to Paternal for the second in a series of special episodes examining various issues in men’s mental health, and the final episode of Paternal for 2021. In this episode, Dr. Addis discusses a variety of issues brought on by the holiday season, including anxiety, stress, loneliness, and why we create a mythology around the holidays that can be tough to live up to year after year.

Dr. Addis also discusses the value of New Year’s resolutions, and why men typically focus on fixing their bodies and their bank accounts instead of maintaining male friendships or making new ones in order to improve their mental health.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#50 Ivan Maisel: Love And Grief Dec 08, 2021

Former Sports Illustrated and ESPN journalist Ivan Maisel spent the bulk of his life holding big emotions at bay, and turning to run at the first sign of emotional pain. It was behavior learned from years of watching his parents, who valued strength and stoicism in the face of tragedy, which Maisel himself successfully dodged for 55 years. Then his son Max went missing, and everything changed.

On this episode of Paternal, Maisel discusses his 2021 memoir I Keep Trying To Catch His Eye and reflects on his role as a father to Max, who struggled with social anxiety and resided “somewhere on the learning disorder spectrum.” Maisel strained at times to connect with his son and leaned heavily on empathy and a hope that Max would one day find his people, and his place in the world. But when that expectation goes unfulfilled, how will Maisel cope with the kinds of emotions he’s been running from for years?

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#49 Iain Cunningham: My Mother’s Ghost Nov 17, 2021

Documentary filmmaker and father Iain Cunningham knows all about the myths we like to tell ourselves about family. But he knows just as much about the details our parents sometimes leave out, and the impact those family secrets can have on children who never learn the truth. Cunningham’s mother Irene passed away when he was just three years old, and his family rarely spoke or shared memories of her for decades, leaving Iain to wonder what kind of person his mother was, and what exactly led to her death. On this episode of Paternal, Cunningham discusses why his father kept the details of Irene’s life and death a secret, and why becoming a father himself helped inspire him to trace his mother’s footsteps through the English town where he grew up. He filmed the entire experience and eventually released the documentary Irene’s Ghost, a celebrated love letter to his mother and a touching examination of the complicated relationship between father and son.

Learn more about where you can watch the film Irene’s Ghost. rent or buy it on Itunes or watch on Amazon Prime.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#48 Omar Mouallem: Faith and Fatherhood Nov 03, 2021

Journalist and filmmaker Omar Mouallem first learned he was Muslim when his mother scolded him for eating Hawaiian pizza during preschool. Over the past three decades he’s tried to make sense what exactly his faith means to him and how he identifies as Muslim as grown man and a father, punctuated with the release of his acclaimed 2021 examination of Islam’s role in the Americas, Praying to the West.

On this episode of Paternal, Mouallem reflects on his Lebanese parents and the moment he realized he and his family were outsiders in a small town in Western Canada, and what it meant to see Middle Easterners regularly portrayed as terrorists when he was a kid parked in front of cable television. He also discusses how the recent rise of Islamophobia in Canada and the United States forced him to examine his faith more closely, and what role faith will play in the lives of his two young children.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#47 Paternal Workshop: Shame And Coming Up Short Oct 20, 2021

Award-winning research psychologist and professor Dr. Michael Addis returns to Paternal for the first in a series of special episodes examining various issues in men’s mental health. In this episode, Dr. Addis dives deep into the topic of shame, including the definition of shame, what triggers the emotion in men, and how it manifests itself in men’s behavior.

Dr. Addis also explains why he chose shame as the first topic in a series of these special episodes of Paternal, why most people avoid social interactions when they’re feeling shame, why men who stick to rigid definitions of masculinity are more inclined to struggle with the emotion, and how we can avoid shaming our kids.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#46 Dr. Ian Kerner: The Sex Episode Oct 06, 2021

Dr. Ian Kerner is a licensed psychotherapist and nationally recognized sexuality counselor who specializes in sex therapy, couples therapy and working with individuals on a range of relational issues that often lead to distress. He’s the author of a number of books on sexuality including the new York times bestseller She Comes First, and earlier this year released his latest book, So Tell Me About the Last Time You Had Sex, where he shares the some fundamental exercises he uses to help thousands of couples achieve more intimacy and enjoyment. On this episode of Paternal, Dr. Kerner dives deep into a variety of topics, including how men think and communicate about sex. He also offers some insights for people who grew up in homes where conversations about sex were completely neglected, how to avoid falling into unsatisfying routines in the bedroom, and what parents can do to create novelty and nuance in their sex lives after having kids.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#45 Jesse Thistle: Tracing Our Fathers’ Footsteps Sep 22, 2021

Jesse Thistle is an assistant professor at York University in Toronto and an award-winning memoirist who wrote the top-selling Canadian book in 2020, but his success didn’t come easily. Prior to penning his celebrated emotional memoir From the Ashes, Thistle spent years struggling with issues of addiction and homelessness, a lifestyle he sees to some degree as the result of the absence of a father figure in his life. His own father was an addict and a thief who disappeared nearly 40 years ago, and no one has seen or heard from him since.

But how much of his father’s troubles can be traced back to the generations of men who came before him? On this episode of Paternal, Thistle wrestles with the myths he’s been told about his father, discusses how his own indigenous heritage contributed to years spent living on the streets of Canada, and breaks down the manifestations of intergenerational trauma, including addiction, abuse, homelessness, and crime.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#44 Jelani Memory: How To Have Tough Conversations With Your Kids Sep 08, 2021

When it comes to being a father, Jelani Memory lives by a fairly simple motto: Kids are ready to have difficult conversations. He and his wife have put that idea into practice with their six kids and he’s also made it the anchor of A Kids Company About, a media company he co-founded in 2019 that focuses on developing books, podcasts and online courses rooted in helping parents better communicate with their kids about tough topics like racism, shame, gender, addiction and more. A Kids Company About drew international attention - and praise from Oprah Winfrey - as concerned parents flocked to the company’s line of books following the murder of George Floyd, a clear sign that Memory’s philosophy was resonating across the globe. On this episode of Paternal, Memory discusses how he and his wife spoke to their kids about Floyd’s murder, offers some of his strategies for connecting with kids over tough topics, and traces the roots of the company back to his own father, a prominent jazz musician and educator who left the family when Memory was just four years old.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#43 Jordan Shapiro: The 21st Century Father Figure Aug 25, 2021

It doesn’t really matter if you’ve seen a single episode of the 1950s sitcom Father Knows Best to understand the template for what a TV dad is supposed to be like. He works hard all day and inevitably serves as the family’s main source of some combination of three things: tough love, gentle fatherly insight or bumbling but endearing ineptitude.

Jordan Shapiro is out to help break the mold. A father of four, senior fellow at the Joan Ganz Cooney Center at the Sesame Workshop, and former New York City restaurateur, Shapiro is the author of the 2021 release Father Figure: How To Be A Feminist Dad.

On this episode of Paternal he weighs in on the psychology of fatherhood and why some dads today are struggling to reconcile the kind of father they want to be - open-minded, responsive, inclusive, and (gasp) feminist - with the template of what a dad is supposed to be, often rooted in examples set by their own fathers or by those TV dads we still see on our screens today.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#42 Joshua Mohr: Father, Son, Addict, Survivor Aug 04, 2021

Novelist and memoirist Joshua Mohr has managed to be a number of different men in his life. He’s been a writer, college professor, husband, father, son, addict and survivor, and he’s committed himself over the past few years to ensuring that his daughter understands exactly how all those men can fit into one lifetime. That effort culminated in the 2021 memoir Model Citizen, which looks back on Josh’s decades of drug and alcohol abuse in the bars and streets of San Francisco and subsequent health scares, all posited as proof to his young daughter that while he’s far from perfect, at least he’s honest.

On this episode of Paternal, Josh examines how discord in the home as a young child led to years of addiction, as well as the narrative he created to explain the mindset of his father, who left his family when Josh was in grade school. He also discusses how a series of frightening strokes before the age of 40 set him on a path to being more forthcoming about his life in “Model Citizen,” and why it’s crucial to recognize and celebrate human complexities, especially among our parents.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#41 Chris Jones: When Life Becomes A Smoking Crater Jul 21, 2021

Journalist and screenwriter Chris Jones spent 14 years as a contributing editor and writer-at-large for the men’s magazine Esquire, writing everything from celebrity profiles on George Clooney and Penelope Cruz to in-depth features on astronauts, soldiers and wild animal zookeepers. He twice won the National Magazine Award in Feature Writing for his work at the magazine, in large part because of his commitment to looking back on past events and dissecting how they happened. And what went wrong.

On this episode of Paternal, Jones looks back on two major events in his life, and how they shaped his stance on what it means to be a man today. The anxiety from work, fatherhood, and marriage led him to nearly commit suicide twice more than a decade ago - he wrote about the experiences for Esquire in a candid essay in 2011 - and then his first marriage fell apart years later, leaving him to sort out fatherhood and what the second half of his life looks like now. “If your life becomes a smoking crater,” Jones says, “it’s little fixes everyday. You can’t fix it all at once.”

If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts please visit suicidelifeline.org to access a national network of local crisis centers that provides free and confidential emotional support to people in suicidal crisis or emotional distress 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#40 Dr. Michael Addis: The Isolation Of Modern Men Jul 07, 2021

The worst of the COVID-19 pandemic appears to be over in the United States. More than half the U.S. population has received at one least one dose of a COVID-19 vaccine, and new daily cases of the disease are at their lowest point since the early days of the pandemic in April 2020. But that doesn’t mean that the stress and anxiety building over the past 16 months is gone, especially for men still struggling to articulate or even identify how they’re feeling when it comes to careers, relationships, or the stress they’re feeling after COVID.

Dr. Michael Addis is an award-winning research psychologist and a professor in the Department of Psychology at Clark University in Worcester, Mass. He specializes in the links between social learning and social construction of masculinity, as well as the ways men experience, express and respond to the problems in their lives.

On this episode of Paternal, Dr. Addis examines why most men are still reluctant to seek help dealing with the problems in their lives, and how men learn as young children to avoid showing vulnerability or pain to their peers. He also discusses the value of lasting male friendships and the challenges men face in making them, the psychological effects of parenting, and much more.

Learn more about Dr. Addis’s 2011 release Invisible Men here.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#39 Chris Ballew: Fame, Fatherhood, and Caspar Babypants Jul 22, 2020

Even before his third birthday, Chris Ballew was transfixed by music. He would sit on the floor in his parents’ Seattle-area home and listen to The Beatles’ seminal 1967 album Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, and not long after he was writing and performing his own songs. By the mid-90s he was fronting the Presidents of the United States of America - one of the hottest bands in rock'n'roll - and appearing regularly on MTV. But he was quietly harboring a secret: “On a gut level, I wanted out immediately.”

On this episode of Paternal, Ballew looks back at his early experiences with fame, and examines the instinct that led him to leave modern rock behind to take on a new stage presence: celebrated children’s musician Caspar Babypants. Ballew has released 17 albums and been nominated for a Grammy during his career as Caspar, all driven by a desire to imbue his music with the same lyrical elements he found in the music of the Beatles, and to help weary parents make it through the day.

Songs Featured In This Episode:

Spider John - Caspar Babypants
A Day In The Life - The Beatles
Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band - Caspar Babypants
Naked and Famous - The Presidents of The United States of America
Kick Out The Jams - The Presidents of The United States of America
Sun Go - Caspar Babypants (featuring Frances England)
Nap In The Afternoon - Caspar Babypants

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#38 Jayson Greene: The Language of Grief Jul 01, 2020

When Jayson Greene was in the fourth grade, his teacher gave him an assignment that most kids get at some point in grade school: What do you want to be when you grow up? Jayson mentioned two goals for himself, one of which may come as a surprise for a kid in grade school. He wanted to be a writer, and a father.

On this episode of Paternal, Jayson discusses his celebrated 2019 memoir Once More We Saw Stars, which chronicles the life and death of his two-year-old daughter Greta, and how he and his wife Stacy dealt with the grief stemming from their daughter’s death and the challenges of becoming parents again to their son, Harrison.

Jayson also discusses the striking parallels of birth and death, and how he and Stacy communicate with their son about his sister, and the family’s recurring commitment to hope in the face of grief.

Learn more about Once More We Saw Stars here and read Jayson’s 2016 essay “Children Don’t Always Live” from the New York Times here.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#37 Ted Bunch: A Cry For Healthier Manhood Jun 17, 2020

Ted Bunch has spent the bulk of his adult life as an educator, activist and lecturer, focused specifically on the intersection of masculinity and violence against women. He’s also spent 18 years as the Chief Development Officer of the violence prevention organization A Call To Men, and in that time he’s become one of the nation’s leading voices on the perils of male socialization and the misperception of toxic masculinity.

On this episode of Paternal, Bunch breaks down the challenges men and boys face due to the rigid expectations of who society expects them to be - strong, fearless, emotionless, and in control - and why it’s so dangerous for them and their kids to fall into that trap.

He also discusses how his parents - two college educators and civil rights activists - influenced his path towards social justice, but also the challenges he faced while growing up black in a largely white community in Westchester County, New York.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#36: Conversations About Race And Fatherhood Jun 03, 2020

Paternal dives back into the archives to share the stories of three previous guests all focused on one topic: What it’s like to raise African American kids in the United States.

This special episode begins with Ryan Harris, who spent nine years as an offensive lineman in the National Football League and won a Super Bowl in 2015 with the Denver Broncos. In this excerpt taken from his May 2018 episode, Harris outlines his experience raising his son and daughter in Denver, and discusses the unspoken lessons passed down through generations of African American men and boys about the risks of dealing with police.

Artist and journalist Graham Parker also weighs in on his life as father to adopted son Artie, who began asking questions about race and identity not long after he learned to speak. In this conversation from his March 2018 episode, Parker outlines how he and his wife have worked tirelessly over the years to communicate openly about race with their son, especially after the family moved from Brooklyn to a predominantly white community in a swing county in eastern Pennsylvania.

And lastly, New Jersey-based DJ Shawn Francis weighs in on the role his stepfather played in giving him “The Talk,” and how he’s processed that lesson over the years. Recorded in December 2017, when Francis was feeling the weight of teaching his kids how to best negotiate the world while being black not long after the election of Donald Trump, his experience as a father resonates louder today than ever.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#35 Jaed Coffin: Bloodlines And Boxing May 26, 2020

When Jaed Coffin was 23 years old he had recently graduated from college, and like a lot of people in that stage of their lives, he found himself looking ... for something. What he found was an austere and single-minded life in Southeast Alaska, training to become the next big thing in the sport of roughhouse boxing, a boozy, bloody, and rugged class of amateur boxing. Coffin chronicled his rise from wide-eyed novice to eventual middleweight champion in his 2019 memoir Roughhouse Friday, which the LA Review of Books called “a beautifully crafted memoir about fathers and sons, masculinity, and the lengths we sometimes go to in order to confront our past.”

On this episode of Paternal, Coffin discusses life in the small Alaskan coastal town of Sitka, the phenomenon of roughhouse boxing, and how a complicated relationship with his father helped steer Jaed into the sport, where he came up close and personal with a unique cast of characters looking to prove their manhood in the ring.

Coffin also discusses his 2019 New York Times essay about his father’s need to go “Out to Sea,” an idea that offers forgiveness for men who sometimes or even permanently abandon their families when the burdens of real life become too overwhelming.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#34 John Richards: Quarantine Radio May 11, 2020

When news first broke that the Coronavirus pandemic had come to Seattle, John Richards had no idea how he could keep doing his job. More than two months later, his work has never been important.

Richards is a father of two boys and the host of the “The Morning Show” on 90.3 KEXP FM in Seattle. KEXP is an independent radio station supported largely by its listeners, so that means John and the other DJs are free to take requests from people all over the world and play whatever they want. And the station has received more notes and music requests from listeners over the past two months than ever before in the station’s history, giving Richards and his fellow DJs a unique perspective into how people all over the world are coping with the pandemic, and which songs are helping them through.

Says Richards: “It’s been absolutely surreal, weird and intense, everyday I’ve been on the air.”

Listen in as John recounts what he’s been hearing from listeners, how his work on the air now compares to his experience behind the mic on 9/11, and how he’s dealing with a new reality for his wife and kids as they try to balance work and home schooling.

You can also listen to John’s first appearance on Paternal from its debut episode in 2017 here, and follow John on Twitter and Instagram for more updates from KEXP.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#33 Scott Cooper: The Front Lines of Coronavirus Apr 23, 2020

When beloved children’s television icon Fred Rogers was a child he would sometimes see troubling stories or images in the news, and he would look to his mother for help. Her advice was simple, but left its mark: “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”

Season 4 of Paternal opens with a conversation with Scott Cooper, a New Jersey-based single father of two with a daily glimpse into the severity of the ongoing Coronavirus pandemic. Scott is the Director of Professional Practice at Holy Name Medical Center in Teaneck, New Jersey, a hospital that has been inundated with Covid-19 patients since the virus took hold in March.

Scott has ditched his suit and tie in favor of scrubs and a mask for roughly the past month, serving as a critical care nurse for patients placed in the hospital’s ever-expanding Intensive Care Unit. Despite nearly three decades in nursing the Tri-State Area, he’s never seen anything like this. He’s afraid he’ll get sick. He’s afraid his patients will die. And when he hears “Code Blue” on the hospital’s intercom, he runs.

Listen in as Scott discusses the toll Covid-19 has taken on the hospital, what it’s like to lose a patient to the virus and how the hospital staff salutes the survivors. Scott also examines what lessons he’s learned from the experience of the past six weeks - suddenly he has become the helper Rogers was seeking - and how he’s speaking with his kids about times of trouble, as well as the opportunities that await whenever the pandemic finally ends.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men we should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#32 The Best of Paternal: Let Me Tell You About My Dad Jun 13, 2019

Paternal celebrates Father’s Day by looking back at some of the show’s best interviews while focusing about one thing in particular: What we think of when we think about our dads. Although that’s a topic that has come up quite a bit on the show over the first 31 episodes, certain guests over the years have offered candid insight into their relationships with their own dads, the good stuff and the bad.

Paternal host Nick Firchau offers up conversations with six previous guests and each man reflects on the role his father played in his life. Guests include radio deejay John Richards, author Neal Thompson, youth advocate Ashanti Branch, polar explorer Eric Larsen, entrepreneur and hunter Jason Hairston, and psychologist Michael G. Thompson.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#31 Keith Gaston: Tales of Teaching Fatherhood May 29, 2019

Keith Gaston is a father, social worker and, just like his dad, a man born and raised in Hartford, Connecticut. But the city has changed in the decades since Gaston grew up there, with a climbing unemployment rate, a declining city population and issues with gun violence and drugs that are taking a toll on some of the city’s young men. That’s where Gaston has stepped in, focused on teaching those same men the skills of being a father.

On this episode of Paternal, Gaston reflects on an ambitious five-year study that gathered young fathers from right off the streets of Hartford. These were young men who perhaps became an accidental father years ago and have struggled to build a relationship with their young family, or even avoided the responsibility all together, and it became Gaston’s task to help teach them about the impact an engaged dad can have not just on his own family, but also on the community.

Raised in the 1960s and 1970s in a family with seven kids, Gaston says his father took every step to stress the importance of education, family and safety, and that allowed Gaston to become an ideal mentor for men looking for help.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#30 Jesse Green: The Gay History of Your Favorite Children’s Books May 08, 2019

Back in 1970, author and illustrator Arnold Lobel released the first in a series of award-winning children’s books chronicling the adventures of two good friends: Frog and Toad. Though the pair’s sexuality was never explicitly disclosed in the books, was it possible that Lobel created the characters to teach children about ideas of acceptance, tolerance and compassion?

Author, father, and New York Times co-chief theater critic Jesse Green recently examined works by Lobel, Margaret Wise Brown, Maurice Sendak and other prominent children’s book authors and illustrators of the past 50-plus years and discovered that a host of writers of a more conservative era created the best works of their lives - and some of the most influential children’s literature of all time - while largely hiding their sexuality from the public.

In this episode of Paternal, Green discusses the effect those books had on children both gay and straight, why it’s such a triumph that these books have persisted through the years, and what that says about the connection between creativity and repression. He also offers a candid reflection on his own life as a father and the challenges gay men faced in raising children decades ago in New York City, not long after the panic and confusion of the AIDS crisis and when prejudiced polices and strict laws forbade gay men from adopting kids of their own.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#29 Craig Scott: Twenty Years After Columbine Apr 17, 2019

Craig Scott was a sophomore at Columbine High School on April 20, 1999, when two students descended on the school and unleashed what was, at the time, the deadliest high school shooting in American history. And though Scott survived by hiding under a desk in the library, the shooters killed 12 students and a teacher that day, including Scott's friends, classmates, and older sister Rachel. Scott is now a speaker with and a co-founder of the Denver-based non-profit organization Value Up, dedicated to improving the social climate in high schools and instilling self-worth and value in kids who need it most. Scott has told his story of survival to thousands of teenagers and helped them deal with cross-generational problems of social pressures and anxiety, but also with issues exclusive to a new generation of teens, including the pitfalls of social media and sexting, as well as active shooter drills that are commonplace in today’s schools.

On the 20th anniversary of the Columbine shooting, Scott discusses his thoughts on the shooters who caused so much emotional and physical damage two decades ago, how he connects with teenagers today, if the emotional trauma changed how he communicates with his family, and if he should start his own someday soon.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#28 Dr. Kyle Pruett: The Benefits of Engaged Dads Apr 03, 2019

How many times have mothers and fathers argued about roughhousing with young kids, or why dad is a different disciplinarian than mom? After roughly four decades working in pediatrics and child psychiatry, Dr. Kyle Pruett knows the answer: Moms and dads simply parent differently, and that’s fine for everyone involved. Including the kid. On this episode of Paternal, Dr. Pruett examines some of the fundamental differences between men and women - how they communicate, how they discipline, even how they read to their kids at night - and reflects on how far both men and women have come when it comes to accepting engaged dads into the fold of parenting.

He also reflects on the results of a variety of eye-opening studies over the years on engaged fathers and the relationships with their kids. As it turns out, dad often has a deep effect on children’s ideas of gender roles, how they control their violent impulses, how they solve problems and how they feel about themselves every day.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#27 Mark Eckhardt: How Fatherhood F*cked Me Up Mar 13, 2019

How would you describe the feeling when you first became a parent? California businessman Mark Eckhardt never seriously thought of starting a family before the birth of his first daughter. And when she finally arrived he was overcome with joy, but also with the feeling that his entire life had been forever disrupted.

In a conversation that echoes many of the candid complaints from both mothers and fathers, Eckhardt outlines his experience as a somewhat reluctant dad - a lack of natural emotional connection, a loss of identity, the loneliness - and connects the dots back to his own upbringing, his father’s coming out and his parents’ divorce.

“All of a sudden you’re home 24/7, taking care of a kid,” Eckhardt says of the early days of fatherhood. “And you’re doing the same thing over, and over, and over again? And you’re doing the same thing over, and over, and over again, while you’re sleep deprived?

“And you’re trying to take care of your wife, the mother of your children, and you don’t know how to do that because her whole life has changed too? Excuse the language, but it fucked me up.”

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#26 Andy Johnson: Farmering Up A Marriage Feb 20, 2019

Andy Johnson has spent much of his life fixing things. As a 35-year-old farmer growing corn and hay in Colorado, Johnson is a model of resourcefulness, spending the days on his 1,000 acres of farmland as an agronomist, a car mechanic, or a welder. Every year the summer storms come and go, crops thrive and die. But his farmer’s ingenuity has always persisted through the seasons, a trait passed down through five generations of men making their living off the land.

But when his wife, Sarah, was involved in a serious car accident just days after Thanksgiving, he began to ask himself one question: How do I fix this?

On the latest episode of Paternal, Johnson recounts the moment he learned of his wife’s injuries, but also what happened in the months that followed. As his wife slowly recovered from a traumatic brain injury, Johnson found himself balancing the responsibilities of caregiver and husband, and playing a larger role in the life of his young daughter. A task as simple as doing his daughter’s hair for a dance recital made Johnson realize his shortcomings as a dad, and how he needed to reach out to community for help, advice, and counsel.

“You wake up thinking you have an idea, and then life throws you a curveball, and you just get the job done,” Johnson says. “How do we get through this? How can we keep going?”

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#25 John Vanek: Finding My Biological Father Jan 31, 2019

What if you spent the first three decades of your life building a relationship with your father, and then one day, you found out he wasn’t the only father you had?

There are two guests on this episode of Paternal - one is 33-year-old John Vanek, a husband and father of two young girls living in the suburbs of Minneapolis. And the other is his biological father, Dr. Bruce A. Olmscheid, a physician who lives nearly 2,000 miles away in Southern California. Neither man knew the other one existed for almost 30 years.

But a shocking reveal from his parents and a persistent interest in science, history and genealogy led John down a path that led him to the truth about his family, his own origin story, and the man who is his father.

Well, he’s still working on that last part.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#24 James Vlahos: The Quest For Artificial Immortality Jan 09, 2019

How far would you be willing to go to somehow preserve the memory of someone you lost? When James Vlahos found out his father was dying of lung cancer, he set out to create a chatbot fueled by a treasure trove of interviews with his dad, and artificial intelligence software. The end result is the Dadbot, an interactive and compelling program that questions if artificial immortality might actually exist.

Listen as Vlahos describes the experience of interviewing his father during the final months of his life, and how an early interest in computers as a kid - and a New York Times Magazine article about a talking Barbie doll - helped bring the Dadbot to life. The bot says the kinds of things James’ father would say, it cracks the same jokes, it even sometimes sings songs, using audio clips from the oral history interviews.

And while the technology at play might still be in its infancy and certainly has its critics, Vlahos suspects that the idea of artificial immortality - when we use modern technology to better preserve the memory of those we’ve lost and even interact with their avatars after the real people are gone - will be a very real part of our future.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#23 Schwan Park: My Son, The Rubik's Cube Champion Dec 12, 2018

Prior to the birth of his first son, the only things Schwan Park knew about autism were gleaned from watching Dustin Hoffman in Rain Man. But after he and his wife realized something was different about the development of their son Max, Park reluctantly pushed himself to learn more about the symptoms of autism, and ultimately to accept a new reality for his family. “It’s sort of like you’re opening a door and trying to find something,” Park says, “but you really hope it’s not in there.”

But at the age of 10 years old, the Park family found their life line. Enter the Rubik’s Cube, the 1980s-era toy that frustrated puzzle solvers threw away years ago. Max’s interest in solving the cube as fast as possible - it’s now a growing and feverish international sport called speedcubing - served as an essential ingredient for Max’s therapy sessions, where he worked on social skills that had largely eluded him for years.

Now 16 years old, Max is the sport’s reigning world champion, solving cubes in just seconds and earning fame and celebrity status among his peers. After years spent trying to solve the puzzle, it’s clear now that the cube itself is the solution.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#22 Jason Hairston: A Hunt For Meaning Nov 27, 2018

Jason Hairston was always up for a challenge. As an undrafted free agent seeking a spot in the National Football League, as an entrepreneur looking to build his business, and as an experienced hunter stretched to his limits somewhere above the tree line. And by the time he was 47 years old he had overcome his fair share to become a family man, successful CEO of outdoor apparel giant KUIU, and a guru to thousands of like-minded men all looking for their own personal, primal experience on the hunt.

But to the shock of many who knew and loved him, there was one challenge Hairston simply couldn’t overcome. Hairston took his own life in September after suffering from symptoms of CTE, the degenerative brain disease found in athletes, military veterans, and others with a history of repetitive brain trauma. He left behind a wife and two young children, and a worldwide community of hunters and outdoor enthusiasts in mourning.

In his final in-depth interview before his death and one of Paternal’s most intimate episodes to date, Hairston discusses all the experiences that shaped him as a father and a son. The devastating injury that ended his football career. The unexpected and very public takeover of his first hunting gear company. The moment he learned he would be a father. And his relationship with his own dad, who turned him on to hunting as a little boy, taught him how to play football, and then joined Hairston and his son on a three-generation hunting trip just weeks before Hairston’s passing.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#21 Eric Larsen: On The Ice With A Polar Explorer Nov 14, 2018

For centuries, the ends of the Earth have captivated and courted the world’s bravest characters. The highest peaks of the Himalayas, the furthest depths of the oceans, and the poles, frozen pinpoints on opposite ends of the globe that still serve as two of the most ambitious destinations for a certain type of person you may have thought died out years ago: The explorers.

Eric Larsen is one of those people, a veteran explorer who has not only reached both the geographic north and south poles, but also summited Mount Everest. And in 2009 and 2010 he became the first person in the world to reach all three in the span of 365 days, an endeavor that cemented him as one of the most successful American explorers in recent years.

His latest mission is to establish a new speed record in reaching the South Pole, skiing and walking across 700 miles of Antarctica alone and unsupported, hauling roughly 160 pounds of gear on a sled behind him. But he’ll also be leaving his wife and two young children behind for weeks, which always raises some questions in his mind when he’s alone on the ice. On this episode of Paternal, Larsen discusses the conflict of being a leading-edge American explorer and an engaged father at the same time, and how he and his wife have worked on the unique elements of their relationship.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#20 Joe Andruzzi: A Career After Cancer Oct 31, 2018

Joe Andruzzi has always been surrounded by family. As one of four sons born to a New York City police officer and his wife in Staten Island, New York, Andruzzi learned early on about the value of giving back to his community and how family can help people through the toughest times of their lives.

And he never valued family more than in 2007, when he was diagnosed with a rare and aggressive form of cancer that nearly took his life in a Boston hospital bed. Despite playing 10 seasons in the National Football League and wining three Super Bowl championships with the New England Patriots, Andruzzi had never faced a battle like Burkitt's lymphoma, and it changed his life irrevocably. After a year of exhausting recovery, he went on to found the Joe Andruzzi Foundation, which has helped more than 8,000 families and individuals affected by cancer.

On this episode of Paternal, Andruzzzi discusses his battle with cancer and the psychological toll it took on him, as well as his oldest brother’s narrow escape from tragedy as a New York City fire fighter on 9/11, and how his father’s role as one of New York’s finest shaped the family’s values.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#19 Neal Thompson: Dropping In With A Skate Dad Oct 17, 2018

Seattle author Neal Thompson has profiled a range of intriguing characters during his career as an acclaimed author, but for his fifth book he turned his eye to his sons, two boys fixated on the sport and culture of skateboarding. In the debut episode of Season 3 of Paternal, Thompson discusses his kids' all-encompassing passion for the sport and their embrace of a counter-culture lifestyle that led to drugs, alcohol, vandalism and concerns from their father that he had somehow let his boys go too far. Learn more about Thompson’s latest book Kickflip Boys here.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

#18 Frank: A Father’s Week Of Life On The Street Jul 24, 2018

Meet Frank. He’s a 62 year-old father of four grown kids, and grandfather to seven beautiful grandchildren. Back in the summer of 2017, Frank decided to leave his home in San Diego and spend a week in Denver with his son Tommy, but it was no ordinary trip. Tommy is a homeless drug addict who lives in and around Civic Center Park in Denver, and he needs help. But can a committed father really change the course of life for his son, who’s addicted to heroin and caught in the deadliest drug crisis in American history?

On the Season 2 finale of Paternal, Frank discusses the signs that may have foretold a troubled future for his son and uses vivid detail to recount his experience of living homeless, with endless empathy for his son and his battle against addiction.

Special thanks on this episode to Chris Conner and Denver’s Road Home, as well as Denver Human Services. For more information about this episode please visit www.paternalpodcast.com.

Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at www.paternalpodcast.com. You can also email host Nick Firchau at nick@paternalpodcast.com with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.

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