Parenting Peak Performers Podcast

Latest Episodes:

Steve Mellor on Transferring High-Level Athletic Traits to Non-Athletic Careers Jul 16, 2019

Show notes

What key traits make a person successful inside and outside of athletics? And how can athletes find an identity outside of their sport?

My conversation with LSU assistant swim coach Steve Mellor addresses these questions, as well as the important relationship between an athlete and coach. In addition, we discuss how parents can encourage their students to speak up, in a respectful manner, in the pressure-filled collegiate sports environment.

I'm thrilled to have Steve Mellor on the show today because he has deep experience as both a high-level competitor and coach. Mellor began his illustrious swimming career in his home country, England, where he competed at an international level before making his way to the States to swim for North Carolina State in 2005.

During his time as a collegiate swimmer, Mellor racked in an astonishing list of achievements.

Set two NC State swim records — one for the 200-back and another for the 400 IM
Received All - ACC honors from 2007 to 2009
Qualified for the NCAA three times, with a top - 18 finish in the 200-back in 2008
Achieved a world-ranked status in 2005 and 2008, being named in the top 50 for the 200-

meter backstroke
Competed as a finalist in 2008's US Open

Mellor has now served as LSU's Assistant Swim Coach for 5 years, where he's helped guide a number of student-athletes to SEC and NCAA Championships.

You're going to love Mellor's unique, dual insights as both an athlete and a coach, and if you want more of what you heard today, go check out Steve's podcast Career Competitor. It offers personal interviews that help reveal shared traits among competitors in high-level sports, and how those traits can be applied to careers outside of athletic competition.

Have a question or comment about today's episode, or have a topic you'd love for me to cover on an upcoming show? Reach out to me on social media at @sportpsychworks or through https://www.kafcounselingandsportperformance.com/contact. We'll see you again next week!

Melissa Jackson on Finding Balance as a Professional Athlete and Parent Jul 10, 2019

Show notes

"There are boundaries, there are expectations, and there's a balance between play and work." -Melissa Jackson

For nationally and internationally acclaimed dressage competitor, horse trainer, and my guest today Melissa Jackson, the quote applies to both building a relationship with a horse partner and parenting kids.

On today's podcast, I talk with Jackson about a variety of topics including:

The crossover between training horses and coaching kids
What her career as a professional athlete taught her kids about flexibility, understanding, and sacrifice
Processing her younger daughter's decision to end her basketball career after high school
Learning how to play a parenting role rather than a coaching role, and communicating with her daughters after basketball games
The biggest challenge for sports parents today (it starts with a B)

I've been honored to know Melissa Jackson, my guest today, for more than 20 years, both as my own daughter's dressage coach and as a friend.

What is dressage? It's an artistic and competitive style of horseback riding that requires intense skill and dedication to master. Jackson has undoubtedly achieved that mastery.

Jackson is a USDF Bronze, Silver and Gold Medalist and a graduate of the L Judges program. Her great success in both National and International competitions earned her and her partner at the time, Wellington, invitations to the Festival of Champions in 2006 and 2007. This partnership went on to Germany to successfully compete and train under Hubertus Schmidt, at the Grand Prix Level. Melissa secured the ride on Whirlpool, aka "Hooli" in August 2013. She now competes with her new partner, Domani. In their first year at the FEI level Melissa and Domani qualified and competed in the Markel/USDF Developing Prix St. George championships, finishing 4th overall in the country.

I've learned so much from Jackson over the years, and I know you're going to walk away from today's episode with a great perspective to pull you through the week. If something strikes you during our conversation, I'd love to hear from you! Connect with me on social media @sportpsychworks or through https://www.kafcounselingandsportperformance.com/contact.

Melissa Jackson Bio

Melissa Jackson a USDF Bronze, Silver and Gold Medalist and a graduate from the L Judges program, has had great success at the National and International levels. She has earned several regional titles and horse of the year awards. She owns and operates Windfall Farms, a small dressage training facility, located in Parrish, Fl. Melissa has trained with many top dressage athletes and trainers such as Hubertus Schmidt and Johann Hinnemann. She is most known for the success she achieved with her past dressage partner, Wellington.

Highlighting their career with an invitation to the Festival of Champions in 2006 and 2007. This partnership went on to Germany to successfully compete and train under Hubertus Schmidt, at the Grand Prix Level.

Melissa secured the ride on Whirlpool, aka "Hooli" in August 2013. With many career highlights together including USDF Region 3 Intermediate Champion and Prix St. George reserve Champion. They competed in the 2014 Festival of Champions, finishing 11th. And finish their career together by competing back to back years in the 2015 Festival of Champions.

With the support of her husband, John, and daughters, Jessica and Faith, Melissa is able to pursue her lifelong dream of one day representing the United States. They have recently purchased a new partner, Domani. In their first year at the FEI level Melissa and Domani qualified and competed in the Markel/USDF Developing Prix St. George championships, finishing 4th overall in the country. She feels thankful and blessed to have an amazing family, happy, healthy horses, and such supportive clients and friends.

Episode 62: Chris Resop on Discipline and Fun as a Father, Coach, and Retired Pro Jun 25, 2019

Show notes

We're not just teaching these kids the game of baseball, we're teaching them how to be teammates and how to be better kids. - Chris Resop

Chris Resop has a very successful Real Estate career in Naples, FL, and is a former professional baseball player. Chris was born and raised in Naples and graduated from Barron G. Collier High School in 2001. He was drafted by the Florida Marlins in 2001 in the 4th round of the Major League Baseball draft, and played for fourteen years before retiring after the 2014 season. He and his wife (also from Naples!) returned home to raise their two kids. Since retiring Resop has become a successful Real Estate agent, following his passion for design and architecture and a long family lineage of developers in Florida. Hard work is all he's known, and it paid off! Chris is ranked in the top 1% in the country amongst Real Estate agents, and in addition to attributing the work ethic he established in baseball he says positive thinking and coming back after failure is key to this success. In this episode, Chris and Kathy talk about creating a culture of discipline on his teams, and the impulse to rush in and help as a parent or coach when independence can actually be one of the most valuable lessons in teaching young athletes! Chris shares important reminders to let go of performance (leaving it on the field) at the end of the day, that baseball is a game of failure, and that in any sport when the games become a job it's time to walk away. Chris was offered a full ride to the University of Miami to play baseball at the same time as his draft onto the Marlins, and also shares how his parents supported his decision to take a chance at achieving his goal to play in the MLB. As a former professional player, a dad, and a coach, Chris has learned so much about the balance of when support is too much and when it's not enough. His work ethic and insight into all three roles really make this episode one not to miss. If you enjoy the show, please like, share, and rate us in your favorite place to listen. Kathy would also love to hear from you! Connect with her on social media @sportpsychworks and through:

www.kafcounselingandsportperformance.com/contact.

Episode 61: Carma and Tony Poppens on Farming, Family, and Fatigue Jun 18, 2019

Show notes

Along with all the negative, you need some positive reinforcement. - Carma Poppens

Nothing is ever easy, for me, it's the same as farming… you keep doing the job until it's done. Role modeling, doing by example is worth more than words. - Tony Poppens

In this episode Kathy is joined by Carma and Tony Poppens, the proud parents of retired professional basketball player Chelsea Poppens. Chelsea began her career playing AAU basketball beginning the summer of her seventh-grade year. During that time the family spent summers on the road together, driving one hour and ten minutes to practice twice a week! They were gone many weekends, slowing down during her Junior year of high school after fatigue and burnout took their toll. She went on to attend Iowa State for four years and played professional basketball after her ISU season was done. She finished her career at age 27 in December of 2018. Carma and Tony live on a farm in Aplington, Iowa. After many dedicated years in the stands, it was difficult for them not to be able to attend all of her professional games overseas, but they enjoyed reading about and watching her games online! Chelsea holds an impressive record at Iowa State, being one of only two players to achieve more than 1,000 points and 1,000 rebounds in the history of the Iowa State women's basketball program. She was drafted in the second round of the WNBA and played for the San Antonio Stars. Carma and Tony discuss Chelsea's experiences growing up on a farm and her determination and dedication to play. They credit her competitive nature, ability to return to sports after long seasons, and "never give up" attitude with her sports performance. Unlike many professional athletes, Chelsea did not spend her early years specializing in basketball, but played soccer and ran on the state level in track and field at the high school level. In addition, her upbringing living on a working farm and being coached by both Tony and Carma contributed to their close family dynamic. In her four years at Iowa State, Tony only missed attending two (home and away) games! Their family is such an incredible example for other sports parents, and they advise parents in the thick of trying to find a good balance to listen to their children, especially allowing independence in their drive and dedication to reach their individual goals. If you enjoy the show, please like, share, and rate us in your favorite place to listen. Kathy would also love to hear from you! Connect with her on social media @sportpsychworks and through https://www.kafcounselingandsportperformance.com/contact.

Episode 60: Ken Andiorio on Finding Your Why and Overcoming Failure Jun 11, 2019

Show notes

The only thing that you can control is your work ethic. - Ken Andiorio

Ken Andiorio is an athletic director at the high school level in Naples, FL. He grew up in New Jersey, playing sports on organized teams and with his neighborhood friends. Through some positive peer pressure, he went on to a successful high school football career and played for and traveled with the Rutgers University Scarlet Knights. He credits the teamwork and cooperation he learned and coaching he received from sports as shaping much of who has become, and as life took him through business and then into education, sports was something he continued to gravitate towards. When the opportunity came to serve as the Activities Coordinator at Collier County Schools in Naples, he gladly took it. He is fresh off completing his fifth year in that position, and after 25 years working with students and parents and seventeen years teaching, he has learned a tremendous amount! In this episode, Kathy and Ken dig into risk and navigating the possibility of success and failure with student-athletes, parents allowing students to risk, fail, and learn to fail well - overcoming obstacles and not allowing failure to be a deterrent. Ken encourages that purpose, not a failure, defines you and has great words of wisdom for parents working with their athletes to determine their "Why?". He outlines two common types of athletes he works with, and the qualities that make a successful athlete; internal motivation, enjoyment of the activity, development of a work ethic, and the ability to deal with adversity. He stresses supporting your child, encouraging improvement and following the direction of the coaching staff, and going together to reach goals. He shares his experiences of seeing successful parents model failure for student-athletes, letting them have the experience and standing beside them, while stressing that athletes be responsible for their behaviors and the consequences. He also shares fantastic advice for students currently transitioning from the high school level to collegiate athletics. Parents, we encourage you to share this episode with your athletes! If you enjoy the show, please like, share, and rate us in your favorite place to listen. Kathy would love to hear from you! Connect with her on social media @sportpsychworks and through https://www.kafcounselingandsportperformance.com/contact.

Episode 59: Dr. Alise Bartley on Coaching Yourself First Jun 04, 2019

Show notes

"I think it's really important that all of us are reflecting on those micro communications...because our actions speak louder than our words."

Dr. Alise G. Bartley is a marriage and family therapist that has been helping families, couples, and individuals for over 25 years. She earned her MA in Counseling and Human Development from Walsh University and her Ph.D. in Marriage and Family Therapy from The University of Akron. Her focus is on helping those who are struggling with their mental wellness from a relationship perspective. She believes that no one lives life in isolation and that we are greatly impacted by those around us. Since no one therapy fits everyone, she uses a combination of theoretical orientations to provide a customized therapeutic experience including Emotionally Focused Therapy, Structural Family Therapy, Solution Focused Therapy, Narrative Therapy, and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Her areas of expertise include relationship issues such as communication issues, parenting, healthy sexual functioning, along with depression, anxiety, posttraumatic stress disorder, and personality disorders. She has helped clients work through a diversity of situations including divorce, shared parenting, family business stressors, trauma, developmental issues, education exploration, and LGBT.

In this episode, Kathy and Alise dive into what it looks like to model understanding and reflection in our own behaviors and recognize that our children are learning from us and how we are responding to our environment. Alise explains that it's important to reinforce important behaviors in ourselves if we expect those behaviors in our kids. "How we respond to events sets the stage for how you and your child can work together." They also touch on the special "car time" that happens with parents to and from sporting events.

Episode 58: Chris and Holly Santillo on the Parent as Teacher May 21, 2019

Show notes

If you allow a child to discover the answer it is far more effective than just providing that answer. - Holly Santillo

Chris Santillo is the founder and head instructor at Potomac Kempo, a martial arts studio with four locations in Alexandria, Virginia. Holly Santillo is the founding conductor of Mount Vernon Children's Choir and a Senior Instructor at Potomac Kempo. Together they have been working with and educating children for more than thirty-five years. Chris has a degree in computer science from Harvey Mudd College and an MBA from Georgetown University and Holly has a degree in anthropology from Willamette University. In Chris and Holly's Book, Resilience Parenting, they share the insights they have gained as teachers and parents. They offer positive alternatives to lecturing, bribing, and punishing; focusing instead on three pillars: Learning, Integrity, and Service. Chris and Holly tell us that by applying these powerful principles, you can inspire your children to develop the independence they need to succeed as adults, while renewing their connection to family and community. Whether you are raising a teenager or just starting your family, the methods prescribed in this book will help you unlock your greatest potential as a parent. In this episode Kathy and the Santillo's discuss teachable skills such as cultivating confidence in your athletes through a balance of independence and connectedness. They share their three pillars of love of learning, becoming people of service, and acting as people of integrity and the growth that has come from utilizing their role as teachers with their family. They stress the curiosity of having an empty cup, assessing when kids are ready, the spiral method, keeping a lesson plan in mind as parents and coaches, and recognizing opportunities for spontaneous learning. Chris and Holly impart so much wisdom in this episode, especially the importance of sharing your failures with your kids far more than successes! Chris and Holly are currently traveling around the world with their family, and you can follow along at https://fivebackpacks.family. If you enjoyed this episode please like, share, and rate us in your favorite place to listen.

Episode 57: Winston White on Staying Hydrated this Summer May 14, 2019

Show notes

"Prevention is better than a cure." - Winston White

Our guest this week Winston White chose soccer over a promising track and field career and went on to amass nearly 600 professional league games in the UK. His exceptional sporting background along with his Sports Business Degree and MBA qualifies him for many key posts in the sports, health, and fitness industry. He runs his own soccer agency where he manages young soccer talent and places them into professional teams in Europe. His love of sport and fitness is only matched by his expert knowledge and business acumen. His dedication and professionalism have allowed him to maintain a very impressive network of contacts in the sports and business world. Winston was appointed to Blueprint, a Caribbean soccer initiative that ultimately received FIFA funding based on his skilled consultation. He is also a qualified personal trainer and worked for the US-owned company Life Fitness for a number of years before moving to Naples five years ago via the Caribbean. His passion will always be sports, and he is dedicated to helping others live their dreams. Winston is fresh off of speaking on dehydration and youth sports. and joins Kathy to discuss the roles parents, coaches, and players play in staying properly fueled when it comes to water and sports drinks! White highlights the role of sodium for fluid retention, why it's important to hydrate before experiencing thirst, how reducing high-sugar drinks can help an athlete excel, and his experience testing extensively whether hydration before activity can change the game. White also encourages wearing light-colored technical clothing, making modifications based on conditions, and taking breaks in intensity when activity levels and temperatures both climb up high! His smart approaches to prevention and optimization are incredibly motivating and inspirational. Parents, pass this episode on to coaches and athletes as they enter the summer season, along with a reminder to stay safe and stay hydrated! If you enjoy the show, please like, share, and rate us in your favorite place to listen. Kathy would love to hear from you! Connect with her on social media @sportpsychworks and through https://www.kafcounselingandsportperformance.com/contact.

Episode 56: Marissa Baker on the Importance of Attitude and Playing for Fun May 07, 2019

Show notes

Whatever attitude or belief you are having is not only influencing the child but at a higher rate, because your child is around you all the time.- Marissa Baker

Marissa Baker was born and raised in Naples, FL and grew up playing competitive volleyball. She went on to play NCAA Division II collegiate Volleyball at the University of North Carolina at Pembroke. During her time at UNC she obtained her bachelor's degree in Sport Management and a master's degree in Sport Administration. She is currently the Athletic Supervisor of North Collier Regional Park, which is home to eight tournament soccer fields and five tournament softball fields. In her role, Marissa is supervising tournaments on weekend and league play throughout the week, and sees up close how sport parenting and behavior play an important role in athletic performance. Marissa has studied emotional contagion, or the concept that attitudes are picked up from person to person. She emphasizes that children pick up on cues from parents, and what happens in a moment can ripple out to what happens on the field, off the field, and even in the career world in that athlete's future. In this episode, Marissa and Kathy discuss how she has witnessed the decline of rec sports in favor of club sports, early drop-out and burnout rates rising, and why she encourages parents not to skip the developmental level of playing simply for fun. Whether rec ball or going outside as a family and playing just for enjoyment, intentionally not skipping out on that first level is what will produce the happy pro athlete (or just a happy adult) you're hoping to raise. Marissa also stresses how her parents encouraged her growth by taking initiative, keeping personal accountability rather than averting to others, and working through problems independently. She credits handling conflict on her own, with support, as an important tool for her growth. Marissa is the co-host of the Sun Happens Podcast, which you can tune into on Spotify, iTunes, and Google Play. She and her co-host discuss a wide range of topics centered around the "why" of faith to motivate positivity and personal growth. Their tagline, "When you can't find it, create it.", epitomizes the tone of this episode; her conversation with Kathy is full of positivity and motivation.

If you enjoy the show, please like, share, and rate us in your favorite place to listen. Kathy would love to hear from you! Connect with her on social media @sportpsychworks and through https://www.kafcounselingandsportperformance.com/contact.

Episode 55: Christopher Mance on Purpose and Performance Apr 30, 2019

Show notes

Once they do develop a love of the sport you don't want to take away that love. - Chris Mance

Chris attended high school in New Jersey where he was a three-sport athlete in football, wrestling, and track. He received a varsity letter in all three sports and served as the captain of both the football and wrestling teams. After high school Chris attended the United States Military Academy at West Point. At West Point he played on the Army West Point football team. Chris later went on to get a master's degree in software engineering at Florida A&M University. After finishing grad school, Chris worked full-time as a business analyst, consultant, and project manager at Accenture, Amdocs, and Lockheed Martin for 10 years. Chris left his job at Lockheed Martin to launch the startup Nichevertising, a software solution Chris built to help emerging thought leaders engage with the journalists and influencers in their niche. However, Chris shut down the company in August 2015 because he realized that he wasn't following his true passion – helping youth and high school athletes reach their potential and enjoy their sports journey. With the help of his long-time mentor Reggie and his company Your Crescendo Chris found this purpose. Chris started working as a consultant for Your Crescendo in 2015, but things really started to click in early 2018 when he started consulting for one of Your Crescendo's key faith-based clients. These experiences brought him closer to his faith and his purpose to serve. He realized that his purpose in life was to combine his experiences from being an entrepreneur, software engineer, project manager, consultant, coach, dad, husband, and youth sports advocate. Have you been "that parent" and later regretted casting your own ambition, disappointment, or expectations on your athlete? This episode is for you!

Chris joins Kathy to discuss finding your purpose and balance as a sport parent to perform to your strengths and act as a guide to growing athletes, rather! than a dad-coach or mom-coach. He shares his experience of developing an understanding of his own strengths and learning when to pull back. His approach shifted from feedback and self-learning, and this episode is absolutely brimming with hard-won wisdom. Chris strongly recommends parenting from your own unique strengths rather than trying to do it all, and mentions the Clifton StrengthsFinder assessment. If you are interested in finding out more, find StrengthsFinder at https://www.gallupstrengthscenter.com/home/en-us/strengthsfinder. Chris can be found at http://chrismance.com, and Kathy would also love to hear from you! Connect with her on social media @sportpsychworks and through https://www.kafcounselingandsportperformance.com/contact.

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