Parenting Forward

Latest Episodes:

139: Relational Healing w/ Tanner Wallace Jan 31, 2022

Show notes

For years now, I have been on a journey of healing from religious trauma. My inspiration through it all has been to become a better person for both myself and all of the people around me, including my children. Because of this pursuit, I’ve always been on the lookout for people who help others resolve their childhood and religious trauma (which I’ve now come to realize is complex trauma).

So, today, I am extremely excited to bring on a guest who does just that. Dr. Tanner Wallace is the host of the Relational Healing podcast. She is also a mentor and a community builder for those with childhood trauma. Through her history of childhood trauma and extensive professional training, Dr. Tanner has developed groundbreaking new ways of healing from trauma.

In this episode, we get into some of the science of trauma and talk about all things regarding being trauma-informed. Specifically, we get into why religious trauma can be so particularly damaging and how to heal and move forward from it. Tune in to learn some amazing insights and healing tips from Dr. Tanner Wallace.

Show Highlights:

Dr. Tanner’s story.
Why becoming trauma-informed is the key to healing.
Why religious trauma is complex trauma.
How complex trauma forces us to develop multiple personalities.
Why some wounds develop into trauma while others don’t.
Why we need to develop a secure attachment with ourselves.
How religious trauma makes us doubt our own authority.
Why just physically leaving the church won’t heal our religious trauma.
How to figure out what needs to be dropped completely from your religious past and what just needs to be adapted.
Why shame is so particularly damaging and traumatic.
Practices for developing secure internal and external attachments.
Connecting all of this to parenting.

Links (affiliates included):

Dr. Tanner Wallace’s IG - https://www.instagram.com/drtannerwallace/?hl=en

Parenting After Religious Trauma Membership - https://cindy-brandt.mykajabi.com/partmembership

Help keep the podcast going by joining the Parenting Forward Patreon Team - https://www.patreon.com/cindywangbrandt

Parenting Forward, the Book - https://amzn.to/3g0LJPn1Little

You Are Revolutionary - https://www.beamingbooks.com/store/product/9781506478302/You-Are-Revolutionary

***

EPISODE CREDITS:

If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment.

He helps thought leaders, influencers, executives, HR professionals, recruiters, lawyers, realtors, bloggers, coaches, and authors create, launch, and produce podcasts that grow their business and impact the world.

Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

138: Surviving a High ACE Score w/ Carol Scott Jan 17, 2022

Show notes

As many of you know, I've been investing a lot recently in my new community. It’s called Parenting After Religious Trauma and, in it, we explore the impact of childhood trauma and specifically religious trauma. We discuss the impact that it has on the rest of our adult lives and parenting.

This all comes back to one of my core beliefs, the thesis of my book Parenting Forward: if we change the way we parent, we can change the world. As time goes on, I only become more and more convinced of this truth. It becomes more and more evident that so much of what happens in our childhood determines the kind of person, neighbor, friend, partner, parent, and citizen that we become.

So today, I have Dr. Carol Scott on the show to talk all about this. Dr. Carol is a TEDx speaker and author of two books. Her expertise is in childhood trauma and how that impacts relationships which she believes is the foundation of success in so many areas of our lives. Tune in to join in on our incredible conversation.

Show Highlights:

Dr. Carol’s journey of realizing the impact her childhood trauma had on her adult life.
Why 5-7 years old is a critical time for setting social and relational patterns.
How trust issues can develop when we’re infants.
The difference between unlearning and rewiring our brain patterns.
Why healing has to start with admitting that what you experienced in childhood was not okay.
How to intentionally nurture our kids’ development and emotions without being paranoid about harming them.
Why our priority should be making our kids feel seen.
How being trauma-informed helps us having better relationships in adulthood.
How to figure out your needs and ask for them to be met.

Links (affiliates included):

Dr. Carol’s email: carol@lcarolscott.com

Dr. Carol’s socials: https://www.facebook.com/Dr.L.CarolScott/

Parenting After Religious Trauma Membership - https://cindy-brandt.mykajabi.com/partmembership

Help keep the podcast going by joining the Parenting Forward Patreon Team - https://www.patreon.com/cindywangbrandt

Parenting Forward, the Book - https://amzn.to/3g0LJPn1Little

You Are Revolutionary - https://www.beamingbooks.com/store/product/9781506478302/You-Are-Revolutionary

***

EPISODE CREDITS:

If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment.

Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

137: Raising Spirited & Sensitive Kids w/ Hannah and Kelty at Upbringing Jan 10, 2022

Show notes

Many of us begin our parenting journey not really knowing what we’re doing. We tell ourselves we’ll be fine just winging it and then quickly realize we will not be fine at all.

This is especially true when it comes to discipline. We know a one-size-fits-all approach to discipline won’t work but aren’t sure how to give our kids the freedom to be exactly who they are.

This is exactly what twin sisters Hannah and Kelty experienced and now help other parents navigate. Hannah and Kelty are the founders of Upbringing, and, above all else, moms. They began Upbringing three years ago to advocate for consent-based, shame-free styles of parenting. As a part of their movement, they teach parents how to use powers beyond control in their daily discipline.

In this episode, we talk about all of this. Hannah and Kelty teach us how to honor our children and their uniqueness, especially when it comes to helping them through their big feelings and challenging behaviors. Tune in to learn more!

Show Highlights:

How Upbringing came to be.
Why we should talk about kids on a spectrum of diversity that’s related to their sensitivity and spiritedness.
What sensitivity and spiritedness mean.
Why we need to accept our kids exactly as they are.
How to simultaneously self-regulate and teach your children how to regulate themselves.
How to navigate your resentment towards your kids’ freedom.
How to teach your kids to be fully themselves in a world with social constructs.
Why your most important job as a parent is to teach your kids self-awareness.
Why we need to redefine safety as former people-pleasers.
What consent-based parenting is and how to practice it.
Why parenting isn’t about perfection but repairing connecting.

Links (affiliates included):

Hannah and Kelty’s website, Upbringing - https://www.upbringing.co

Parenting After Religious Trauma Membership - https://cindy-brandt.mykajabi.com/partmembership

Help keep the podcast going by joining the Parenting Forward Patreon Team - https://www.patreon.com/cindywangbrandt

Parenting Forward, the Book - https://amzn.to/3g0LJPn1Little

You Are Revolutionary - https://www.beamingbooks.com/store/product/9781506478302/You-Are-Revolutionary

***

EPISODE CREDITS:

If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment.

Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

136: Raising Irresponsible Kids w/ Kay Bruner Dec 13, 2021

Show notes

Today we are talking about raising irresponsible kids. This sounds completely counterintuitive, of course. We generally feel pressure to raise kids who are responsible. However, I believe that there is a lot of nuance around this trait.

What are we responsible for? To whom are we responsible? Are there things we shouldn’t be responsible for? These are the questions I wish I had considered as I grew up. My responsibility contributed to much of my dysfunction now. Today, I have to unlearn being responsible for other people’s emotions and various other things that I should not be held responsible for.

However, imagine if our kids never believe they are responsible for these kinds of things. What if they are never taught that they are responsible for other people’s emotions? Can we still raise them to be conscious and responsible citizens who care for others?

This is what Kay Bruner and I discuss today. Kay is a therapist and former evangelical who has a lot of experience with over-functioning and codependency. I've asked her to join me in teasing out some of these nuances of what it means to be responsible. Tune in to join us!

Show Highlights:

The “savior complex” I grew up with.
How drawing boundaries made me a better mother and wife.
Kay’s struggles with taking responsibility for others’ emotions.
How this relates to her work as a therapist.
How evangelicalism contributes to this responsibility burden.
Why we need to learn to have confidence in other people.
How to make sure our kids aren’t taking responsibility for our emotions.
Why we shouldn’t teach our kids about loving others until they’re older.
The danger of making our kids be responsible for their siblings.
The importance of accepting all of our emotions.
Why play is so important for both children and adults.

Links (affiliates included):

Kay’s website, go book a Sedona Retreat! - https://kaybruner.com

Parenting After Religious Trauma Membership - https://cindy-brandt.mykajabi.com/partmembership

Help keep the podcast going by joining the Parenting Forward Patreon Team - https://www.patreon.com/cindywangbrandt

Parenting Forward, the Book - https://amzn.to/3g0LJPn

You Are Revolutionary - https://www.beamingbooks.com/store/product/9781506478302/You-Are-Revolutionary

***

EPISODE CREDITS:

If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment.

Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

135: Deconstruction with your Partner w/ Danny Cortez Nov 29, 2021

Show notes

One of the most frequently asked questions I’ve gotten over the years is, “Has your husband deconstructed with you and, if so, how?” Today, I’m finally going to take some time to address this. We’re going to veer off topic from our mental health series and dive into marriage and other partnerships.

Joining me to talk this through is my dear friend Danny Cortez. Danny has been on the podcast before but I had to bring him back this week. He is someone who has intimate insights into this topic of deconstructing with your partner.

I’ve toyed with the idea of having a recommitment marriage ceremony and come to the conclusion that Danny is the pastor I would want to reside over it. He is someone I trust with my deconstruction story. Tune in to experience his gentle presence and hear his wise words on deconstructing with a partner.

Show Highlights:

Danny and his wife’s background.
The importance of understanding we will change throughout our marriage.
Why the goal of deconstructing with your partner is authenticity.
Why we cannot harass our partners to deconstruct with us.
Why beliefs don’t always translate to good character.
How we are all in a never-ending process of deconstruction.
How to deconstruct with your partner when one of you is more articulate.
How to get to the deepest layer of disagreements.
Why it’s so important that both partners are trauma-informed.
How deconstruction feels like being in a new relationship with the same person.

Links (affiliates included):

How to Deconstruct with your Partner - https://cindywangbrandt.com/how-to-deconstruct-with-your-partner/

Parenting After Religious Trauma Membership - https://cindy-brandt.mykajabi.com/partmembership

Help keep the podcast going by joining the Parenting Forward Patreon Team - https://www.patreon.com/cindywangbrandt

Parenting Forward, the Book - https://amzn.to/3g0LJPn1Little

You Are Revolutionary - https://www.beamingbooks.com/store/product/9781506478302/You-Are-Revolutionary

***

EPISODE CREDITS:

If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment.

Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

134: Self Help for the Parent w/ Glenn Doyle Nov 15, 2021

Show notes

The best parenting is not done in the direction of our children. It’s actually done in the direction of our own selves. This is why I think it is so important to talk about mental health and inner work here on the podcast.

It’s also why I’m so passionate about helping parents with their religious trauma. As many of you know, religious trauma is my special flavor of trauma. It’s the thing that would keep me from truly thriving in my life if I weren’t dedicated to healing. This drives my zeal to heal and help all of you heal as well.

On top of this, so much of what our kids learn from us doesn’t come from the active lessons and conscious talks we try to provide. Rather, they pick up on what we do in our mundane moments of life. They’re watching the way we act in our relationships, attitudes, and healing.

Dr. Glenn Doyle is a trained psychologist who has taught me so much about these kinds of things. He teaches about mental health over on Instagram and I have truly learned so much from him. I wanted to bring him onto the show today to discuss these topics and help us learn how to heal from religious trauma as parents.

Show Highlights:

How Glenn got into providing self-help on social media.
How marketing and personal development content can trigger religious trauma.
Why distraction can be a good thing.
The distinction between religious trauma and general trauma.
Why it’s better to be religious trauma proof than nonreligious.
How to manage triggers that escalate conflict.
Why Glenn is so focused on improving his clients’ quality of life.
Why it’s so harmful to be mean to yourself.
How people can experience the same thing in different ways.
Why it’s important to retell our stories and find meaning in them.
How trauma messes with our memories.

Links (affiliates included):

Parenting After Religious Trauma Membership - https://cindy-brandt.mykajabi.com/partmembership

Help keep the podcast going by joining the Parenting Forward Patreon Team - https://www.patreon.com/cindywangbrandt

Parenting Forward, the Book - https://amzn.to/3g0LJPn

You Are Revolutionary - https://www.beamingbooks.com/store/product/9781506478302/You-Are-Revolutionary

***

EPISODE CREDITS:

If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment.

Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

133: Race & Inclusion with American Girl w/ Deanna Singh Nov 01, 2021

Show notes

Our girls deserve to know about this world that they live in. They deserve to know about the things that impact them. This is why I love all that American Girl is doing right now to reach girls in a way that is signifying to them.

Today’s guest, Deanna Singh, partnered with American Girl on a project with this same purpose. This summer, she came out with a book in collaboration with them called A Smart Girl’s Guide to Race and Inclusion. Deanna is also a speaker who does some incredible work around diversity, equity, and inclusion. She hosts virtual summits where she trains individuals and organizations on how to be an ally.

In this episode, Deanna and I discuss this book that she collaborated on with American Girl and many of the diversity and inclusion lessons within it. She also shares some great practical methods for talking to kids about these topics from her extensive experience. Tune in to learn more and start bringing race and inclusion into your family discussions.

Show Highlights:

Why Deanna decided to write a book for middle grades and partnered with American Girl.
Some of her background as a biracial woman.
Why it’s so important to have conversations with our kids about race.
How being a kid and growing up is hard work.
The differences and similarities between talking about race and inclusion with middle schoolers and adults.
How scaffolding and storytelling help when having these kinds of conversations with our kids.
The “inner radio” analogy Deanna uses to teach kids about their internal voice.
Why privilege isn’t a bad thing but must be flipped for good.
How parents can be allies.

Links (affiliates included):

A Smart Girl’s Guide Race & Inclusion - https://www.americangirl.com/shop/p/a-smart-girls-guide-race-and-inclusion-book-hcf40

Parenting After Religious Trauma Membership - https://cindy-brandt.mykajabi.com/partmembership

Help keep the podcast going by joining the Parenting Forward Patreon Team - https://www.patreon.com/cindywangbrandt

Parenting Forward, the Book - https://amzn.to/3g0LJPn1Little

You Are Revolutionary - https://www.beamingbooks.com/store/product/9781506478302/You-Are-Revolutionary

***

EPISODE CREDITS:

If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment.

Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

132: Mild At Heart: Deconstructing Purity Culture in Men w/ Bradley Onishi Oct 11, 2021

Show notes

Because of a whole host of systemic issues, the parenting space is mostly populated with women. In other words, mothers are the primary parenting influencers. Of course, there are several fantastic dad voices out there. I’m constantly on a mission to seek them out and am always on the lookout for anyone talking about deconstructing toxic masculinity.

Because of this, I was really excited to find out about Bradley Onishi. He hosts a group for people exploring sex, love, and masculinity after purity culture. I love what Bradley does because there are so many more conversations that need to be had on purity culture from different perspectives.

In this episode, we talk about all of this. Bradley helps us understand how to deconstruct purity culture for the boys we are raising. He also answers the question I am constantly getting from all of you parents in the audience: how do I raise my sons without toxic masculinity? Tune in to learn from Bradley’s incredible insights.

Show Highlights:

Bradley’s background with evangelicalism and the church.
Why adolescence is such a vulnerable time and, therefore, a particularly difficult time to get thrown into purity culture.
How purity culture harms both men and women.
Why Bradley feels like his conversion to evangelicalism was an immediate conversion to purity culture as well.
How purity culture leads to toxic masculinity.
Bradley’s perspective of deconstructing from a privileged place.
How to raise straight white boys in a way that is forging forward equity, undoing oppression, and dismantling toxic masculinity systems.
What homosocial enactment is.
Why it’s dangerous to always separate boys and girls in youth ministry.
How to actually let your kids be themselves.
Why it’s so hard to be a child.

Links (affiliates included):

Join us at the Parenting Forward Patreon Team - https://www.patreon.com/cindywangbrandt

Parenting Forward, the Book - https://amzn.to/3g0LJPn

You Are Revolutionary - https://www.beamingbooks.com/store/product/9781506478302/You-Are-Revolutionary

***

EPISODE CREDITS:

If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment.

Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

131: How to Religious Trauma Proof Your Children Oct 06, 2021

Show notes

This week, I have a great bonus episode for you. Last week, I hosted a two-day webinar on parenting after religious trauma, a topic that you all know is very dear to my heart. We all had such a great time in the webinar and, afterwards, lots of you asked me about a replay.

As a result, I thought I'd share the content from the webinar with you here on the podcast. This recording comes from day two of the religious trauma webinar, entitled, “How to Religious Trauma Proof Your Kids.”

In the webinar, I shared my religious trauma proof system. I came up with this system after years of listening and learning from my own kids. I also learned countless lessons from the experiences of other parents who have dealt with religious trauma. Tune in to learn more.

Show Highlights:

What it means to religious trauma proof our children.
How to prevent our children from having adverse religious experiences.
Why we shouldn’t keep our kids in a bubble.
The 5 C’s of my religious trauma proof system.
Why it’s important to honor our kids’ consent.
How to introduce our kids to a diverse community.
What treating our kids with compassion can do for them.
Why communication is an important religious trauma proofing tool.
How to coach our kids in communicating.
What co-regulation is.
A vision for our children’s futures if they become religious trauma proof.

Links (affiliates included):

Parenting After Religious Trauma (P.A.R.T.) Membership Community - https://cindy-brandt.mykajabi.com/partmembership

***

EPISODE CREDITS:

If you like this podcast and are thinking of creating your own, consider talking to my producer, Danny Ozment.

Find out more at https://emeraldcitypro.com

130: Mental Health Series - Intersection with Social Injustice w/ Dr. Han Ren Sep 27, 2021

Show notes

For most of us, mental health feels like a very individualized issue. However, have you ever stopped to think about how your mental health intersects with the world at large and the social injustice you are seeing in it?

Today’s guest has put tons of time and effort into learning about the intersection of mental health and social injustice. She is working on the front lines of expanding what’s happening in the therapy room to the rest of the world we live in. Her name is Dr. Han Ren.

As I shared in previous episodes, I’ve learned so much from therapists on Instagram and Dr. Han Ren is one of them. Not only is she a psychologist and therapist but she’s also a speaker and educator. Her goal is to decolonize mental health.

Today we are talking all about this work that she does. Whether you come from a place of privilege and want to learn how to expand your mindset on your mental health or you come from a place of marginalization and need support and healing, you will benefit greatly from this conversation. Tune in to hear from the vibrant Dr. Han Ren.

Show Highlights:

All about the work Dr. Ren is doing.
The kind of clients she works with.
Why many children of immigrants grow up to be high-achievers and perfectionists.
What pushes these clients to start getting therapy.
How to balance healing your mental health and healing the brokenness in the world.
How systematic injustice disproportionately hurts the mental health of people of color.
The dangers of physical punishment.
How many people of color confuse culture with generational trauma.
Why we should always believe a person of color if they say an act of violence was about race.
How to become a co-conspirator instead of a “savior” when coming from a position of power.
The pushback on these things in the mental health space.