Opening Arguments

Latest Episodes:

OA527: The Hilarious Legal Battle Over 'OlneyFans' Parody Article Sep 21, 2021

Show notes

When the Tacoma Torch posted this hilarious parody news story, the Olney Community Baseball Team responded in the worst possible way – they had their lawyer try to intimidate the satirical site into silence. What the hell were they thinking? It only got more hilarious from there. Listen in for Andrew's breakdown! In the first segment, we go over some great listener feedback, including an email from the person who unmasked Terpsichore Maras. And several thoughtful, important missives from some of our transmasculine listeners on the language around the Texas Abortion Bill coverage. Then, because Andrew has apparently been taking some time management enhancing drugs or something, we get a WILDCARD segment on some really terrible people involved in the insurrection being allowed back into polite society like nothing ever happened.

Links: Women Aren’t The Only Ones Who Need “Women’s Health”, Tacoma Torch brilliant response, Hustler Magazine v. Falwell (1988), Appellate court opinion, Campbell v. Acuff Rose, 510 U.S. 569 (1994), Sidney Powell Claims 70% Of California Recall Voters Were Turned Away From Polls In One County

OA526: Updates from Five Cases on the OA Docket Sep 17, 2021

Show notes

So many updates, so little time! Listen as Andrew breaks down the developments in five cases: Texas SB8, E. Jean Carroll, Activision Blizzard, Roger Stone, and Pauline Bauer! If you're doubting that he can squeeze all that into one episode, you're not alone!

Links: DoJ motion for injunction, Planned Parenthood et al. v. Texas Right to Life, Carroll v Trump reply brief, letter requesting stay, Activision hires new executives, Activision Blizzard NLRB case, Roger Stone interrupted during radio interview to get serv ed, Capitol police complaint, State response to Bauer, motion to revoke pretrial release

OA525: Insurrectionist Mounts Sovereign Citizen Legal Defense, Hilarity Ensues Sep 14, 2021

Show notes

It's Andrew's favorite thing in the world! No, not Transformers porn... Ok, it's Andrew's second favorite thing in the world: Sovereign Citizen nutbaggery. Listen as Andrew breaks down the hilarious, nonsensical gibberish that is: the Sovereign Citizen insurrectionist!

Links: Pauline fires lawyer, Hernandez still doing her best, motion to dismiss, courts rebut nonsense

OA524: Laurence Tribe Thinks Grendel's Den Case Will Stop the Texas Abortion Law. Is He Right? Sep 10, 2021

Show notes

Andrew's favorite Constitutional Law expert, Laurence Tribe, has written an op-ed in the Boston Globe arguing that a Massachusetts case called Larkin v. Grendel's Den will "end the Texas abortion law." That sounds too good to be true. So, is it too good to be true? Or is it just true? Find out! But that's not all, infact we've got 2 more segments in this action packed show! There's another glorious Kraken Sanctions update, which includes an itemized bill for $200,000 that Sidney Powell will be picking up. And in the wildcard, we break down an interesting case involving Facebook in Australia. They don't have a pesky Section 230 down under, which leads to some very fascinating results from an American perspective. Also we briefly discuss the Merrick Garland announcement.

Links: Whitmer sanctions tab, Fink sanctions tab, Newman v. Piggie Park Enterprises, States’ Stances on Public Interest Standing, Wis law 5.90(2)

OA523: Is the CA Recall Unconstitutional? Sep 07, 2021

Show notes

Andrew breaks down the state of the recall, the porked polls, and Clark v. Weber! Paffrath still seems to be some sort of Democratic frontrunner, but how much of that is real and how much is poll pork? After breaking down the interesting arguments in the suit against the recall, we answer a listener who is critical of our critical opinions of the recall. Were we wrong? Find out!

Links: Clark v Weber complaint, opposition, the ruling

OA522: Roe v. Wade is Dead. Sep 03, 2021

Show notes

This is not an exaggeration. Sure, technically speaking the Supreme Court hasn't said the magic words "we overturn Roe v. Wade" but they used the shadow docket to effectively eliminate it. This is bad. Very, very bad. So what exactly happened? What's in the Texas law that SCOTUS allowed to stand? How completely garbage, unprecedented, and counter to the rule of law is this move? Listen the Andrew's expert analysis and find out.

OA521: Knowledge Fight Explains the Owen Shroyer Grift Aug 31, 2021

Show notes

Our friends Dan and Jordan from the Knowledge Fight podcast are here to break down a creative grift being pulled off by Owen Shroyer. Who tf is Owen Shroyer, Thomas asks? He's an Alex Jones wannabe who has raised $250,000 to defend himself against... basically some made up BS. Listen and enjoy this hilarious breakdown! Links: Shroyer indictment, 18 US Code § 1752, 40 US Code § 5104 - Unlawful activities, 2018 Sentencing Guidelines Manual, addendum order, 28 CFR § 50.10 reporter policy

OA520: Kraken Lawyers Hit with Sanctions! YASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS Aug 27, 2021

Show notes

Today's episode is. So. Satisfying. It's not just sanctions against all the Kraken lawyers. That alone would already be amazing. But it's ALSO consequences for world's most punchable douchebag Jacob Wohl. It's so, so good. Take a listen. You've earned it. Ok full disclosure there is a slight amount of bad news regarding Texas Democrats having to return to the state empty handed, since a couple of Democrats refuse to do the right thing and eliminate the filibuster. No sugar coating that one, but we move quickly through that and get to the awesome news! Links: Sanctions order, Texas Dems end quorum-busting efforts, FCC PROPOSES $5 MILLION ROBOCALLING FINE AGAINST JACOB WOHL AND JOHN BURKMAN

OA519: No, Britney Spears' Dad Is NOT Stepping Down as Conservator Aug 24, 2021

Show notes

It's another edition of Ace Associate Morgan Stringer's Pop Law! The media widely reported that Jamie Spears intends to step down as conservator. BUT.. that's a bad law thingy. He actually isn't. Tune in and hear the real law talkin'! Then, we talk about some great news in the battle for trans rights. Hobby Lobby was dealt a loss by the court. On the bad news front though, the Whole Woman's Health v. Paxton decision was horrible. But Mr. Sunshine himself, Andrew Torrez, has a positive spin for us.

Links: Hobby Lobby v. Sommerville, Texas can ban common abortion procedure in second trimester, appeals court rules, prior Fifth Circuit panel opinion, Fifth Circuit en banc

OA518: Terpsichore Tries Her Hand at Frivolous Lawsuits Aug 20, 2021

Show notes

Terpsichore, who also goes by dozens of slight variations on her name, saw the Kraken nonsense that has led to nothing but sanctions hearing after sanctions hearing and figured why not do... more terrible law. She's suing Dominion back for eleventy billion dollars. How is that damages number justified? GFY. What are the alleged counts of defamation? GFY. Where do these horrible lawyers keep coming from and how did they beat Thomas at the bar exam? We'll never know. Hear all about it on today's show! After that, we do some Andrew was wrong, regarding gift taxes and British courts. Plus an email from the one and only Michael Marshall on Telegram and how it does seem to be the app of choice for horrible racists. Links: 26 US Code § 102, Gift Taxes, House of Lords - Wikipedia, Virginia Governor's Council, Terpsichore affidavit, Terpsichore deleted webpage, Tore Maras-Lindeman bio, complaint if you can call it that, ND vs Terp and all her names, Jones v. Trice, 360 S.W.2d 48 (1962)

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