ON BOYS Podcast

Latest Episodes:

110: Talk to Boys about Sex with Amy Lang May 10, 2018

Show notes

Amy Lang is a sex educator -- and the mom of a teenage boy who is utterly mortified by his mom's career. If anyone understands just how awkward talking about sex with your son can be -- and how important it is to push through despite your the discomfort -- it's Amy. Amy is the creator of Birds + Bees + Kids, a fantastic resource for parents, childcare providers and educators. She speaks frequently about sex education and has written two books about sexuality and dating. She's down to earth and a whole lot of fun. We laughed a lot while recording this episode! In this episode, Jen, Janet & Amy discuss: When to have “The Talk” with your son How to initiate the conversation – and what to say Why you gotta explain oral and anal sex How to convey sexual values and talk about consent Links we mentioned (or should have) in Episode 110: http://birdsandbeesandkids.com/ -- Amy’s website It’s Not the Stork: A Book about Girls, Boys, Babies, Bodies, Families and Friends, by Robie H. Harris Birds + Bees + YOUR Kids: A Guide to Sharing Your Beliefs about Sexuality, Love and Relationships, by Amy Lang Tea Consent – YouTube video using a cup of tea as an analogy to help you and your boys understand consent My Unfortunate Erection – song from The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee https://buildingboys.net/health/sex/ -- Jen’s series of informational blog posts ======================================================================= And YES, you can watch the UNCUT version of our conversation on YouTube!
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109: Gun Play and Boys May 03, 2018

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Photo by Craig Marren via Flickr Is Gun Play Really Okay? A generation ago, gun play was an acceptable part of childhood. Parents gave their kids toy guns as gifts -- yes, even Red Ryder BB guns! (and yes, that's A Christmas Story reference) -- and boys regularly played Cops and Robbers and War both at school and in the neighborhood. Today, we're a little more leery of gun play. And no wonder. Mass shootings seem to happen with alarming regularity, and without exception, the shooters so far have been male. No one wants their son to grow up to be the next school shooter. No one wants their son to kill another human being in anger. So, yeah -- we're understandably nervous when our boys nibble their toast into a gun shape and say, "bang!" But what's the best way to respond to boys' fascination with guns and weapons? Note ~ Girls play with guns, too. This is my friend's daughter playing at the beach with some conveniently shaped sticks just recently: In this episode, Jen & Janet discuss: Why boys are so attracted to gun play The benefits of gun play (Yes -- there ARE benefits!) The risks of gun play, especially for African-American boys (12 year old Tamir Rice was playing with a toy gun when he was shot by police.) Common sense guidelines for gun play How teachers and childcare professionals can uphold school rules that ban pretend violence without shaming boys Links we mentioned (or should have!) in Episode 111: Gun Play -- American Journal of Play article by professor emeritus Jay Mechling Voices on Gun Play - round-up of parents' thoughts, feelings and concerns regarding gun play, by Janet Is Gun Play OK? -- article by Jen Weapons Play is OK -- blog post by Jen (apparently answering the question she posed in the above article!) When it Comes to Toy Guns, Little Black Boys Don't Have the Luxury of Play -- BoysAlive! post by Karlie Johnson Common Sense Guidelines for Gun Play -- blog post by Jen Guidelines for Gun Play -- blog post by Janet Gun Play at School: What's a Teacher to Do? - blog post by Janet ============================== Watch the UNCUT version on Youtube here. ==============================
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108: Video games and Boys (with special guest Greg Wondra) Apr 26, 2018

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Photo by Isengardt via Flickr Why do boys spend so many hours playing videogames? And how worried should we be about the hours they spend gaming? To get some answers, we turned to a true expert: Greg Wondra, a former boy & current parent who also happens to be video game designer who worked on the MLB 2K series, Wizard 101, Lost Planet 3, and Monkeyquest, Greg Wondra, video game designer & dad In this episode, Jen, Janet & Greg discuss: Why boys are so attracted to video games How to help boys balance video games and other activities Red flags that might signal a problem with gaming What you need to know about social games and online gaming (such as Fortnite) How video games help boys develop 21st century job skills How games are designed to "suck you in" -- & how you can counter their call Links we mentioned (and more!) in Episode 108: How the War on Video Games is Hurting Your Son, by Jennifer L.W. Fink Are Video Games Bad for Boys? (YouTube video featuring Greg Wondra) Gamasutra.com -- gaming industry website What’s your experience with boys & video games? Share in the comments below…
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107: Video Game Design – A Career for Boys Apr 19, 2018

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Photo by Ryan Quick via Flickr Can your video game-loving boy turn his passion into a career? Perhaps, says our special guest, Greg Wondra. Greg is a veteran game designer who worked on the MLB 2K series, Wizard 101, Lost Planet 3, and Monkeyquest, and currently teaches video game design to high school students at Kern County Regional Occupational Center in California. Greg directing a motion capture session with Derek Jeter for the MLB 2K baseball game. Jen & Greg. Notice some resemblance? (They're brother & sister!) In this episode, Jen, Janet & Greg discuss: Why video games aren't a waste of time How a "grand curiosity" can lead to a lucrative career Viable career opportunities for gamers The educational background necessary to work in the gaming industry Low-cost ways to nurture boys' interest in game design Links we mentioned (and more!) in Episode 107: USC Games Program Entertainment Arts & Engineering at the University of Utah Intro to Game Design -- Greg's Udemy course Unreal Engine 4: Create an Arcade Classic -- another Udemy course by Greg
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106: Screens and Boys Apr 12, 2018

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Photo by Paul Inkles via Flickr How many hours per week do your boys spend in front of a screen? According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, children ages 6-10 now spend 6 hours per day using screens as entertainment. That figure doesn't count time spent learning via screens at school, or videochatting with grandma and grandpa. In this episode, Jen & Janet discuss: Expert recommendations for screen time vs. reality Whether or not screen addiction is a "thing" Signs that your son might be spending too much time with screens How to help boys establish a balance between screentime and other activities The upside of screens Links we mentioned (or should have!) in Episode 106: Glow Kids: How Screen Addiction is Hijacking Our Kids - And How to Break the Trance -- book by Nicholas Kardaras, PhD Family Media Use Plan – interactive tool from the American Academy of Pediatrics Screenwise: Helping Kids Thrive (& Survive) In Their Digital World – book by Devorah Heitner Is Screen Time Really All That Bad? – blog post by Jennifer L.W. Fink The Link Between Freedom & Video Games – blog post by Jennifer L.W. Fink Moral Combat: Why the War of Violent Video Games is Wrong -- book by Patrick Markey and Christopher Ferguson
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105: Masculinity in the Age of #MeToo Apr 05, 2018

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Photo by Independentman via Flickr What is masculinity? It's a question that's not easy to answer. But it's an important one for parents and educators of boys to tackle because the primary question for all boys, is "What is it to be a man?" In this episode, Jen & Janet discuss: So-called "toxic masculinity" & the idea that boys are "broken" Healthy masculinity Changing expectations of boys and men How to help boys wrestle with dueling definitions of masculinity Links we mentioned (and more!) in Episode 105 Teenage Brothers on Sex, Social Media, and What Their Parents Don’t Understand, part of The Cut's series, How to Raise a Boy Michael Kimmel and Lisa Wade Discuss Toxic Masculinity The Boys Are Not All Right, by Michael Ian Black #DownWithManUp & #YesAll, by Jennifer L.W. Fink Joe Ehrmann on “Be a Man” (TEDx talk) The Art of Manliness (podcast) What does masculinity mean to you? How do you help boys wrestle with the concept of masculinity? Leave a comment below.
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104: Anger and Boys Mar 29, 2018

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Photo by Stewart Baird via Flickr "By age 9, the default emotion for most boys is anger." -- Michael Gurian It's easy to feel overwhelmed and helpless in the face of a boy's anger, whether you've got a toddler throwing a temper tantrum or a teenager on a rampage. But learning to respond to boys' anger with love and patience is one of the best gifts we can give to our guys. In this episode, Jen & Janet discuss: How the "boy code" subtly encourages anger The biology of anger Techniques parents & teachers can use to manage boys' angry outburts The link between anger, aggression and violence (SPOILER ALERT: anger doesn't inevitably lead to violence) Links we mentioned (and more!) in Episode 104: Masterminds and Wingmen: Helping Our Boys Cope with Schoolyard Power, Locker Room Tests, Girlfriends, and the New Rules of Boy World, by Rosalind Wiseman Boy Talk: How You Can Help Your Son Express His Emotions by Mary Polce-Lynch Tips on Dealing with Anger -- From a 7-Year-Old Boy by Jennifer LW Fink He Is So Angry! by Janet Allison Teenage Angst, or Something More Serious? by Jennifer LW Fink SPECIAL NOTE: CLICK HERE for free access to Janet's 75-minute audio file - Learning Lab: Boys and Anger with a bonus pdf on "The Boy Code and Anger." Because you asked...you can WATCH the uncut version of this podcast on YouTube.
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103: Sports and Boys Who Don’t Like Them Mar 22, 2018

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Photo by woodleywonderworks via Flickr Sports are a HUGE part of boy world -- and that's a problem for boys who aren't interested in or don't particularly enjoy athletics. In this episode, Jen & Janet discuss: Why it's so important for parents to separate their athletic ambitions from their sons' How families can resist social pressure to sign up for sports Alternative ways to encourage activity, build teamwork and socialize How to identify and support your sons' true interests Strategies parents and teachers can use to make recess and PE class more tolerable for (and inclusive of!) non-athletic kids Links we mentioned (and more!) in Episode 103: The Last Boys Picked: Helping Boys Who Don't Play Sports Survive Bullies and Boyhood, by Janet Sasson Edgette Helping "The Last Boys Picked" Survive in Sports-Obsessed Schools by Janet Sasson Edgette Signs at School of Troubled Non-Athletic Boys by Jennifer LW Fink Being a Non-Sporty Boy in a Sports-Driven Culture by Janet Sasson Edgette ======================= Watch the UNCUT version on Youtube here. ======================= What's your experience? Share in the comments below...
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102: Disappointments and Helping Boys Deal with Them Mar 15, 2018

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Photo by Runar Pederson Hokestad via Flickr Sam had high hopes for this 12th birthday. But things didn’t go as planned. Instead of a day of adventure and independence, Sam’s had an encounter with a cop and learned he must wait another four years to ride his ATV independently on the trails. Dealing with disappointments is a key life skill. In this episode, Jen and Janet discuss how the “man box” stifles boys’ emotional expression and share strategies parents and teachers can use to help boys cope with disappointments big and small. Links we mentioned (or should have!) in Episode 102: Teach Your Boys To Comfort Others in a Crisis by Kim Hamer How Do I Cope with Grief? by Eric Alper Tapping Into Grief with Self-Empathy by Carole Downing Helping Boys Develop Emotional Intelligence by Ian Thomas Encouraging Emotional Intelligence in Boys by Jennifer LW Fink Your Son’s Ability to Tolerate Frustration and Rejection is More Important Than You Know by Jennifer LW Fink Parenting Through Disappointment, Loss and Grief by Carole Downing ========================= Watch the UNCUT version on Youtube. ========================= How have you helped your boys navigate disappointment, loss, and grief? Please share in the comments below.
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101: Homework and Boys Mar 14, 2018

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Photo by Lars Plougmann via Flickr Few things cause boys (and their families) as much stress as HOMEWORK. In many cases, homework battles turn into outright power struggles -- with no winners. In this episode, Jen & Janet discuss: Why boys struggle with homework The impact of homework on boys' academic achievement What to do about "meaningless" homework How a "too cool for school" attitude can interfere with learning Why arguing about homework might not be the best use of your time and energy Links we mentioned (and more!) in Episode 101 How to Get Boys to Do Homework, Part 1 By Jennifer LW Fink How to Get Boys to Do Homework, Part 2 By Jennifer LW Fink Homework Tip #3: Let Your Kids Figure Out When & Where to Work by Jennifer LW Fink Homework at My House by Jennifer LW Fink Homework Solutions in the Age of Distraction by Devorah Heitner, Phd ==================== Watch the UNCUT version on Youtube here. ==================== What great solutions have you found that work with your boys? Please share!
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