Notes from the Edge

Latest Episodes:

What if the traits that make you successful stop working? Complex Trauma, High Achievement, Attachment & Nervous System Survival with Dr. Ch Sep 12, 2026

Show notes

Dr. Christopher Barker is a clinical psychologist and author whose work explores complex trauma, attachment, and one powerful idea: high functioning and psychological health are not always the same thing.In this conversation, we dig into what happens when competence, independence, perfectionism, and overachievement become survival adaptations. We talk about why you can intellectually know a relationship is unhealthy and still feel pulled toward it, why “energizing” can sometimes be mistaken for love, and how the nervous system can keep anticipating danger long after the original threat is gone.In this episode:• Complex trauma and high achievement• Attachment injuries in childhood and adulthood• Perfectionism vs. healthy ambition• Hypervigilance and waiting for the other shoe to drop• Why “activated” may be more useful than “triggered”• Trauma-informed relationships and finding safe support• Why healing may be better understood as repair• Rebuilding choice, trust, and freedom through repeated experiencesMaybe the goal isn’t to get rid of every survival strategy that got you here. Maybe it’s simply to stop letting it run the company.Connect with Dr. Christopher: https://drchristopherbarker.comConnect with Lisa: https://www.lisalacy.comWhat did you perform in order to survive?Welcome to the Edge.
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Why is it so hard to leave when they hurt you? Trauma Bonding, Coercive Control & Abusive Relationships | Solo Episode with Lisa Lacy Sep 10, 2026

Show notes

Why can leaving someone who hurts you feel almost impossible?Lisa Lacy, trauma educator and relationship advisor, explores trauma bonding and why intelligence alone cannot protect us from relationships that reshape our attachment, reward, and stress systems.At 40, while in inpatient rehab, Lisa was told she was trauma bonded to her husband. Her response was, “I’m too smart for that.” It would take three more years to go fully no contact, and another three to work through the anger and resentment left behind. In this solo episode, she explains the biology of intermittent reinforcement, why separation can feel unbearable, and why shame rarely helps someone leave sooner.In this episode:

Trauma bonding and intermittent reinforcement
Coercive control in abusive relationships
Dopamine, oxytocin, cortisol and the stress response
Why people leave and return repeatedly
No contact and breaking the cycle
Moving from survival to self-trust

Connect with Lisa:www.Lisa Lacy.comWhat did you perform in order to survive? Welcome to the Edge.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

How do you break free without labels? Faith, Neuroscience & Recovery with Rose Ann Forte Sep 10, 2026

Show notes

What happens when the life that looks successful from the outside is quietly falling apart underneath?Rose Ann Forte is an international bestselling author and creator of the Choose Freedom® Program, and her work explores how lasting change can happen without building an identity around shame.In this conversation, Lisa and Rose Ann talk about Rose Ann’s years as a successful executive and church leader while privately struggling with alcohol, toxic relationships, and the pressure to keep everyone else happy. They explore why traditional recovery language did not resonate with her, how neuroscience helped her understand deeply rooted behaviors, and how her Christian faith became part of rebuilding her identity.
In this episode:• Alcohol use and behavioral habits• Recovery without shame-based labels• Faith and the renewing of the mind• Neuroscience and habit formation• Toxic relationships and people-pleasing• Self-condemnation versus lasting change• Identity after addiction• Learning to choose freedom
Learn more about Rose Ann Forte:https://choosefreedom.todayLearn more about Lisa Lacy:https://www.lisalacy.comWhat did you perform in order to survive?Welcome to the Edge.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What Happens After You Survive Yourself? Suicide Prevention, Lived Experience & Finding Meaning-Solo Episode with Lisa Lacy Sep 09, 2026

Show notes

What if suicide prevention is about more than keeping someone alive for the next 72 hours?In this special September Suicide Prevention Month solo episode of Notes From the Edge, Lisa Lacy speaks from lived experience about her first suicide attempt at 15, later attempts, psychiatric hospitalization, and the complicated work of finding reasons to remain when life has become unbearable.Lisa remembers arriving at the hospital still wearing her cheerleader jacket, being met with shame instead of understanding, and later experiencing psychiatric interventions that contained a crisis without necessarily addressing the pain underneath it. She also explores what decades of survival have taught her about meaning, spirituality, mortality, human connection, and making life small enough to survive one hour, one breath, or one tomorrow at a time.In this episode:

Suicide prevention through the lens of lived experience
Surviving a suicide attempt as a teenager
Why shame can deepen an already unbearable crisis
Psychiatric hospitalization and the limits of crisis containment
Trauma, suicidal thoughts, and emotional pain
Why asking directly and listening without judgment matters
Finding meaning when purpose feels impossible
Spirituality, ancestors, and feeling connected when physically alone
Surviving one hour instead of trying to solve an entire life
Why a temporary state of consciousness should not make a permanent decision
What Lisa wishes the 15-year-old version of herself could have known

This is not a clinical guide to suicide prevention. It is one survivor’s perspective on what helped her continue, what did not, and why sometimes staying alive begins with making the horizon small enough to reach.If you are in immediate danger or believe you may act on suicidal thoughts, call or text 988 in the United States, contact emergency services, or go to the nearest emergency department.Connect with Lisa Lacy:https://LisaLacy.comWhat did you perform in order to survive?Welcome to the Edge.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Complex Trauma, Survival Identity & Disability Advocacy with Ashley Townsend Sep 09, 2026

Show notes

What if the thing you call your personality is actually something you learned to perform in order to survive?Ashley Townsend is a transformational and integration coach and complex trauma recovery specialist who spent 15 years working inside the mental health system before deciding that traditional labels and approaches were no longer enough.In this conversation, Ashley and I go straight into what made her become a self-described “former LCSW gone rogue.” We talk about what she witnessed working across domestic violence, addiction, foster care and trauma treatment, and how being blind shaped her own experience of trying to belong inside systems that often failed to see the whole person. Ashley also challenges the idea that personality is fixed, arguing that some of what we call personality may actually be protection we practiced until it became familiar.Then the conversation gets even deeper. Ashley shares how she performed being the “nice girl,” performed being sighted as she progressively lost her vision, and eventually performed the role of rescuer, believing she could carry systems and other people on her back. We explore why those protections were once brilliant, why they eventually become heavy, and what happens when we stop building our lives from fear and begin creating from love.
In this episode:

Complex trauma and the protective patterns underneath behavior
Why Ashley chose to leave the traditional therapy model
Disability advocacy and the experience of performing being sighted
Mental health diagnoses, labels and the limitations of treating personality as fixed
Why “just do it” can completely miss the context of trauma
The difference between an explanation and an excuse
Recovery as an ongoing process rather than a finish line
Psychedelic preparation and integration, and why Ashley does not view psychedelics as a magic fix
The “nice girl,” the rescuer and other identities we perform to belong
Self-trust, play, the inner child and why healing does not always have to hurt
What becomes possible when we stop fighting everything and start creating from love

Connect with Ashley:http://www.findingyourphoenixcoaching.com/
Connect with Lisa:www.lisalacy.com
What did you perform in order to survive?Welcome to the edge
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What Do We Reach for When Purpose Is Gone? PTSD, Gambling Addiction & Life After War with Sean Carberry Sep 08, 2026

Show notes

What do we reach for when the thing that gave us purpose, identity, adrenaline, and belonging is suddenly gone?Sean Carberry is an award-winning journalist and former NPR Kabul correspondent whose experience raises a difficult question: what happens when you come home from years of danger, but your mind and body are still wired to look for it?In this episode of Notes From the Edge, Sean and Lisa Lacy talk about what happened after Afghanistan, when Sean returned to civilian life carrying undiagnosed PTSD, without the structure, intensity, or sense of purpose that had defined his years overseas. He describes walking into a Maryland casino about six weeks after coming home, initially gambling a few hundred dollars, and how the risk, rewards, recognition, casino perks, and escalating bets gradually began filling something that was missing outside those walls.The conversation goes far beyond gambling. Sean talks candidly about identity loss, loneliness, relationships, the psychological impact of years spent witnessing human suffering, and eventually recognizing patterns he could not see while he was living inside them. He also discusses how writing became part of processing his experiences and why we need to take much more seriously what happens when veterans, journalists, humanitarian workers, and others who have spent years operating in dangerous environments are expected to simply come home and resume ordinary life.
In this episode:• PTSD after war and conflict reporting• Gambling addiction and compulsive gambling• Adrenaline seeking, risk, and the nervous system• Identity loss after leaving high-intensity environments• Returning home and adjusting to civilian life• Why danger can begin to feel familiar• Casino rewards, validation, and escalating gambling behavior• Loneliness, relationships, and destructive coping patterns• Mental health among journalists and war correspondents• Supporting veterans, reporters, humanitarian workers, and civilians after high-risk assignments• Why being functional does not necessarily mean someone is okay• Writing, memoir, and processing trauma• Learning to recognize patterns before they become destructive• Why coming home deserves as much attention as going into danger
Sean’s work and books:passport-stamps.com
Lisa Lacy and Notes From the Edge:lisalacy.comWhat did you perform in order to survive?Welcome to the Edge.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Why Do We Self-Sabotage? EFT, Nervous System Safety & Trauma Responses with Carol Look Sep 05, 2026

Show notes

What if the behavior you’re trying hardest to get rid of was once the very thing that helped you survive?Carol Look is a psychotherapist and founding EFT Master who has spent decades helping people understand the emotional patterns underneath self-sabotage, and why lasting change often begins with asking what the behavior is protecting us from.In this episode of Notes From the Edge, Carol and Lisa Lacy explore the idea that the problem was once the solution. Addiction, procrastination, people pleasing, overworking, staying invisible, and even creating chaos can serve a purpose when the nervous system believes they are keeping us safe.Carol explains why we are wired for safety before success, and why someone can consciously want more visibility, healthier relationships, greater success, or a completely different life while unconsciously pulling themselves backward when the next level doesn’t feel safe.Lisa shares her own experience of appearing highly successful while privately unraveling, using alcohol to avoid painful emotions, and later discovering how uncomfortable peace and stillness could feel after years of chaos. They also talk about functional freeze, grief, hypervigilance, the importance of mentorship, learning to regulate reactivity, and what becomes possible when we stop asking, “What is wrong with me?” and start asking, “Why am I doing this, and what is it protecting me from?”Carol also shares how growing up in an alcoholic family shaped her tendency to take care of everyone around her, how that survival skill eventually became an asset in her work, and why learning to extend that same care toward herself changed everything.
In this episode:

Why self-sabotage may actually be a protective response
Nervous system regulation and why safety comes before success
Fear of success, visibility, and “up-leveling”
Why procrastination can have an emotional payoff
Addiction as a way of anesthetizing difficult emotions
EFT tapping and Emotional Freedom Techniques
Trauma responses, hypervigilance, and emotional patterns
Why peace and stillness can initially feel uncomfortable
Functional freeze and appearing capable while internally checked out
Grief, emotional avoidance, and learning to feel again
People pleasing and taking care of others as survival strategies
Why changing your own reactivity can change your relationships
Gratitude, emotional well-being, and Carol’s Yes work
The value of mentorship and support in personal growth
Why healing doesn’t mean life stops being difficult
The power of stillness, space, and finally hearing yourself

Learn more about Carol Look and her work:www.carollook.com
Learn more about Lisa Lacy and Notes From the Edge:www.lisalacy.comWhat did you perform in order to survive?Welcome to the Edge.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Closure, Betrayal Trauma & Rebuilding Self-Trust | Solo Episode with Lisa Lacy Sep 04, 2026

Show notes

How much longer are you willing to wait for someone else to validate what you already know happened?Lisa Lacy is a trauma educator and relationship advisor exploring one powerful idea: sometimes closure is not something another person gives you, it is something you create by trusting your own experience.In this short solo episode, Lisa shares what she learned from waiting for accountability, explanations, and validation that never came, and why healing began when she stopped requiring someone else’s version of the story to confirm her own.In this episode:

Closure after betrayal
Rebuilding self-trust
Letting go of the need for an apology
Boundaries without agreement
Why unanswered questions keep us attached
Moving forward without validation

Connect with Lisa:https://www.lisalacy.comWhat did you perform in order to survive? Welcome to the Edge.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

When You Can’t Afford to Fall Apart: Grief, Fatherhood & Starting Over with Lee Ehlers Sep 03, 2026

Show notes

What happens when everyone needs you to be okay, but you’re barely surviving yourself?Hollywood screenwriter and producer Lee Ehlers spent years learning how to survive rejection, but nothing prepared him for the loss of his wife, Erin, or for discovering that sometimes the strongest thing you can do is stop pretending you’re okay.Lee’s professional breakthrough and personal devastation collided when his feature film EXES was finally being made as his high school sweetheart and wife of twenty years was dying from breast cancer. Suddenly widowed with children who were just 10, 7, and 5, Lee found himself trying to grieve while becoming the person they still needed every day. We talk about the private cost of performing the “strong dad,” the period when alcohol became the only way he could sleep through overwhelming grief, and the moment he finally admitted, “I’m not okay. I’m struggling.”In this episode:

Grief after the death of a spouse
Widowed fatherhood and raising children through loss
Performing strength when you’re falling apart
Depression, isolation, and asking for help
Self-medication and coping with acute grief
Why grief doesn’t follow a predictable process
Supporting someone who is grieving without prescribing how they should heal
The strange collision of happy memories and devastating loss
Starting over after losing the person you built your life with
Identity after loss
Persistence through rejection and uncertainty
Nearly two decades of pursuing a Hollywood career
Screenwriting, creativity, and finding your own writing process
What repeated rejection can teach us about survival
The making of EXES
Why saying “I’m not okay” can be the beginning of getting help

Watch Lee Ehlers’ film EXES on Amazon:EXES on Amazon⁠Lisa Lacy | Notes From the Edge:https://www.lisalacy.comWhat did you perform in order to survive?Welcome to the Edge.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Why men are lonely and healthy masculinity with Michael Ostrolenk Sep 02, 2026

Show notes

What if real masculine strength has less to do with pushing harder and more to do with learning how to regulate yourself, feel deeply, and stay present under pressure?Michael Ostrolenk, licensed marriage and family therapist and master coach, joins Lisa Lacy to explore one central idea: mature masculinity is not domination, suppression, or performance. It is self-governance.Michael introduces his concept of “Negative 20X,” challenging high performers to consider whether slowing down may require more courage than pushing harder. Lisa and Michael also unpack his Sovereign Gentleman framework, including how unconscious conditioning shapes identity, why men need spaces to experience and express emotion, and what disciplined presence actually looks like inside a relationship.In this episode:

Healthy masculinity and masculine maturity
Nervous system regulation under pressure
The Sovereign Gentleman and psychological sovereignty
Male loneliness, mentorship, friendship, and the need for tribe
Why high performers struggle with rest and recovery
“Negative 20X” and the drive to constantly prove yourself
Emotional intelligence, anger, sadness, shame, and healthy expression
Masculinity versus domination
Disciplined presence during relationship conflict
How childhood and cultural conditioning shape adult identity
Martial arts, self-defense, capability, and personal responsibility
Why kindness can be an expression of strength

Connect with Michael Ostrolenk:Website: www.michaeldostrolenk.comSubstack: Michael D. Ostrolenk / @michaeldostrolenkLinkedIn: Michael Ostrolenk, MA, MFTYouTube: @michaeldostrolenkPodcast: Resilience Redefined with Michael D. OstrolenkTeam Fudoshin: teamfudoshin.com
Connect with Lisa Lacy:What did you perform in order to survive? Welcome to the Edge.
See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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