Show notes
Episode 6: Becoming Resilient
Last week I talked about resistance and how we should expect resistance in our business. The year 2020 feels like a year of resistance. And to me, resistance is when it feels like nothing is in your favor, and everything is frustrating. It feels like you're moving through quicksand to get to your goals. Everything feels heavy in your forward progress. You can't seem to find the inner energy to take those necessary steps forward.
With our current social climate, everything feels like resistance: pandemic politics, riots, and conspiracy theories. I really believe that this is the year of unparalleled resistance that we are facing on a social level, on an economic level, on a personal level, and on a family level, which is why we can't be surprised as entrepreneurs when resistance comes our way.
If we're going to go through resistance, if we're going to come out strong on the other side, then we need to learn to become resilient. This is the year. 2020 is the year of resistance and resilience. And you can choose to be resilient. Resilience is a choice. It’s a choice you make in the face of resistance. It's choosing to become resilient.
What is Resilience?
Resilience is the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties and spring back into shape. I love that: it's springing back. It's the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties. Another definition is adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, or other stressors.
Why is Resilience so Important?
Resilience is important because, without it, we will get wiped out, knocked on her butt, and emotionally spent every time we face resistance. Resilience is what gets us through the other side of adversity quicker and stronger. Again, it's the capacity to bounce back. It's about adapting.
Resilience is like a muscle you have to build. And it becomes stronger with time and with resistance. There is no getting around resistance if we want to grow and become resilient. When we welcome resistance and see it as a good sign that it's coming our way, it means we're in our growth. That means we're moving forward and we're making progress.
If you haven't felt resistance in a long time, you may need to set bigger goals. Because when you want to improve yourself by changing your circumstances, yourself, or your business, you're going to experience resistance. And that’s a good thing.
Why Entrepreneurs Need to Be Resilient
So why do we need resilience in business? Well, first of all, as an entrepreneur, there's no ultimate roadmap to success.
Nobody handed you a manual and said, this is what it looks like to work for yourself. We're all just stumbling around in the dark, stubbing our toes, and writing books about how not to stub our toes in the dark. That's being an entrepreneur.
But we need to be able to have resilience when we're figuring things out, not turning away in defeat and saying, this isn't working for me. Resilience is how we move through resistance. Resilience is the key to our growth.
And the truth is for us as business builders and entrepreneurs, with setbacks and failures and adversity, it’s not a matter of ‘if’ but ‘when’ you will experience some setbacks and frustration.
As you are out there serving people through your online social media platforms, you need to be resilient. Especially in today's day and age. I've recently been watching some people with huge platforms and I genuinely have so much empathy. And I feel for them, because you need to be resilient at that level. I was saying in my Facebook community today, that visibility and vulnerability are not different things. They're the same. Which is why sometimes putting ourselves out there on social media is so terrifying because visibility is vulnerability and we need to be resilient.
If you're going to be putting yourself out there, if you're going to be making offers, if you're making it your mission to change lives, you have to be resilient. You have to be resilient because you're going to have setbacks, frustrations, and disappointment along the way.
Characteristics of Being Resilient
I’ve found what I think are two characteristics of a resilient person. The first is to be gritty. You have to find your grit. Grit means you have a firmness of character and indomitable spirit. Resistance is an opportunity for you to show your firmness of character, your indomitable spirit, and your grit.
Secondly, you need “pluck.” No, not like plucking feathers. It's actually a noun that means to be spirited and determined. You need to be courageous and determined if you want to be resilient and be able to bounce back from adversity. You get knocked on your butt and you get back up. That's resilience. Resilience is where perseverance and passion meet for your long term goals.
If you are persistent, you will get it. If you are consistent, you will keep it. --Harvey MacKay
I love this quote. And when I think of persistence, I think persistence and resilience are very similar. But when I think of resilience, that's what I think of, for example, when a sand storm hits and everything hurts as that sand pelts you. And you’re putting your head down and really channeling your grit and your firmness of character. You're determined and spirited and you have courage to take one step at a time and keep going.
6 C’s of Building Your Resiliency
I believe there are common themes or things that we need in order to build resilience. I'm calling them “The 6 C’s of Building Resilience.”
The first “C” is “Courage.” What I've been telling people lately is that courage is doing the hard thing, even when. I often see business owners doing the hard things until it gets too hard, until it's so much that’s required of them, until it's too far out of their comfort zone, and until it seems impossible. And when it feels too hard or gets uncomfortable, they give up.
I believe courage is choosing to do the hard things, even when. Even when you're going through hardship, even when you're going through trial, even when someone's sick, even when you’re sick, even when you're dealing with adversity and trauma and stressors left and right. Remember: this is about becoming resilient.
The second ‘C’ is the “Choice” in how we see our circumstances.
If you want to really build your resilient muscle, you need to start viewing circumstances as just that: neutral circumstances. The circumstances are neutral, but what’s important is the meaning we give to those circumstances.
Choosing to think that this is happening ‘for you’ and not ‘to you.’ If you think it’s happening to you, you're putting on the victim hat and it puts you in a state of helplessness. Seeing that it’s happening ‘for you’ allows you to see how this is for your good and how this is about building your strength
It's about your choice of outlook. How are you choosing to look at the circumstance? Because how you look at the circumstance, determines the outcome.
The third “C” is Curiosity. You need curiosity in order to build resilience. And curiosity is the best thing in the world because when you see circumstances as neutral, you can move into a place of curiosity where you can start asking questions. What can I learn from this? How does this make me a better leader? How does this make me a better spouse, a better friend, a better family member, better business owner?
When we get curious, we start finding answers. The best thing about curiosity is it forces our brains to start looking for the good, even in the middle of adversity, trauma, and stressors.
When we are curious, when we start asking open ended questions, we start seeing how this current situation is for our good.
The fourth ‘C’ is Compassion. I can't say this enough, having self compassion means allowing and addressing your feelings in the midst of adversity and trauma. I think it's really important not just to ignore your feelings. You can’t just ignore them, stuff them down, and try to power through to the other side. That's not healthy.
This is an area I've really worked on my own self awareness. Self-compassion is not having shame around your feelings that may come up around the adversity and the trauma that comes with life and building a business. The fact that growth and resistance feels hard and it’s stressful.
Give yourself compassion to grieve, feel, process, be in your body, address things, and then start moving.
If you’re going through adversity, if you’re going through trauma and stressors, you're allowed to have feelings. I don't know if you needed a permission slip today, but I'm giving you one. You're allowed to have feelings, give yourself compassion and grace to feel them, process them.
Next up is Commitment. If you want to be someone of resilience, you've got to have unshakeable determination for your long term goals. That’s what commitment is: the unshakeable determination for your long term goals. Commitment still moves forward, even when it's hard. Not: until it's hard. Commitment says, “I'm in this. Even when it's hard, even when it's not fun anymore.”
The sixth ‘C’ is Conviction. It's an unshakable belief in your outcome.
Conviction is the unshakable belief that you are going to reach your long term goal. You were going to get there. Conviction is about trusting the process, even when it's hard, even when it's slow, even when it's frustrating, even when you're in a season where it feels like nothing is working for you and everything seems to be working against you.
But again, you have the choice to look at how you want to see your circumstances and how you want to perceive that.
Conclusion on Becoming Resilient
We covered a lot of ground on becoming resilient and why it’s important for entrepreneurs and for anyone wanting to have personal development and growth.
If you want to be resilient, if you want to have the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties and spring back into shape, you gotta have grit and pluck and you need to really hone in on your “six C’s.”
This is the year for you to learn how to be resilient. I know it's hard. I know firsthand my, my own personal story of resistance and resilience, which is actually going to be released in a bonus episode because I think it would serve you to hear my own story of moving through massive resistance in my life and how I became more resilient and how that equipped me to be a better business owner, a better wife, a better friend. Remember the 6 “C’s”: Courage, Choice, Curiosity, Compassion, Commitment, and Conviction. They will help you build your resilience and achieve your long term goals.
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