Each week, under dark of night, in a dining room in Encino, a group of warriors led by Brian Posehn plays Dungeons & Dragons and you’re invited to attend!
Here's the Latest Episode from Nerd Poker:
A new day is dawning, and the Ice Five have the final ascent up Pandemonium's Fang before them. They've stared at it all campaign on the map, but they imaginations may not have prepared them for what a jerk their Dungeon Master might be when it comes to scaling mountains. Hopefully the party and their respective prides will all survive.
The Ice Five are fresh off of slaying a mega-spider feybeast and are heading up the foothills of Pandemonium's Fang, but first they have to contend with one of Dan's trademark super creepy NPCs. Will they kill it, or just hate it?
The Ice Five have escaped to The Feywild, but oh yeah, they've never been here before and everything is a giant creepy glowing monster. Surely this will work out as some kind of harmless shortcut though, right???
The Ice Five have always been fans of entering mysterious caves, and as cautious as they were, they're still a little stuck. Luckily one amongst them was built with some extra options back at the factory.
With the dragon fight ramping up, it remains to be Halcyne (cyne what we did there?) whether her gambit with the necklace will pay off. Meanwhile the Ice Five have another task ahead of them- how do they eventually escape this Barrowsteppes Dragon chokepoint/checkpoint in the middle of the road leading to the mountains, and Pandemonium's Fang?
The effects of Halcyne's unfortunate dexterity situation are beginning to sink in, and the Ice Five must contend with another vicious (and mutated) dragon from their past.
The Ice Five head into the steppes surrounding Pandemonium's Fang in the hopes of destroying the altar of the Tenebrous One. But it wouldn't be Cloddenheim if there was a clear path between them and the big event, would it? As long as they are careful, and they always are, how could things go wrong?
The Ice Five must decide whether to trust the Violet Fang, trap her outright, set her on fire, or just kinda awkwardly part ways. See if you can guess which they choose!
The Ice Five exit their awkward Violet Fang conversation only to encounter so many passive aggressive NPC's that they long for a monster to kill. Hopefully they'll find some hot loot along the way, as well as a hot lead on the altar of the Tenebrous One.
The Ice Five continue their mini-boss killing spree that has them in a showdown with Dratlanna the drow-beholder, and you better believe they've got some fun new moves to try out. Will they survive? Where will they head next? Is Gus toast? Time will hopefully tell!
The Ice Five continues their tour of mini-boss bulldozing and sets their eyes on Dargthur's mother. Which of course means lots of roleplaying excellence from Brian, his favorite thing to do ever.
Time to find out what the Ice Five really stands for by pitting them against the squishy, veiny, eyeball thing they made on accident a few dozen episodes ago. Hope you're ready for a throwdown with lots of psychic damage and some wincing as the surface texture of the monster is described!
The Ice Five walk towards the Mother Brain, slowly realizing that "The Ice Five" has now expanded into a conglomerate of shady inter-planar horrors and they are about to meet with its leader, whom they accidentally installed. Also, it feels like there's something we should acknowledge… numerically speaking.
The Ice Five finally approach the head of the boat, and what they find is sight only a Dargthur could love... and he's pretty sour so he probably won't.
The Ice Five continue to slip around in the slime and complete their showdown with the phantasmal narwhal creatures, with Halcyne's life still in the balance. Strange whispers from the monstrosities confuse them, and they contemplate what it would mean to go deeper below deck. Also, more eyeballs.
The undead tuskfolk continue to try to skewer the Ice Five and suck their very life forces from them. Hopefully those eyeballs growing out of the floor will somehow turn out to be good guys and lend a helping eyestalk. Right?
The early first three trials of the stable complete, it's time to descend into a purple portal and go hunting for trayzure! Paul F. Tompkins returns as Mister Evelyn, and we can only hope that he will finally get a chance to use his special animal summoning hat.
In this two-part Danger Room bonus adventure, all our regular cast is here to explore an old stable rumored to contain a treasure, guarded by dark magics. And who should be there to help but the charming Mister Evelyn, portrayed by Paul F. Tompkins! Paul is playing a bard, so you better believe we are going to try and tempt him to sing within the first few minutes of the show.
Below the deck of a ship Dargthur knew long ago, the Ice Five attempt to clear any lingering nastiness and find more than they bargained for. All of it is familiar somehow, yet more ominous. But don't worry, they're going to keep setting things on fire. Who did you think we were talking about anyway?
Time for some of the Ice Five to sit on the deck of a boat and read a tom full of lore, while the rest of the Ice Five set things on fire. We bet you can guess which characters do which. Plus, oh right, they might have just dissipated the avatar of a fallen evil god... Probably no consequences to that, right?
The Ice Five must take out the Juggernaut that has come to dispatch them, but even if he is defeated there's the matter of scaling the massive drow pirate vessel before them. Oh, are we're continuing to master our remote situation, thanks for bearing with us, nerds.
After hours of attempting to not-so-simply-commandeer a not-so-simple boat at an old familiar dock, the Ice Five find themselves in an inevitable confrontation! Oh, and this episode is our first ever remote recording session! Pardon our dust- next time we'll be employing some new audio techniques, so it's only greener grass from here on out!
The Ice Five have arrived on the seaside. Their goal is to reconvene with the Mother Brain and pick up a new boat, as Dargthur is keen to get back into Admiral mode. Hopefully they'll find a safe ride and get on board quickly and efficiently!
The Ice Five has their eye on Silverhenny Woods, but will the Violet Fang actually join the party? And wait a minute, Silverhenny Woods, isn't that where Dr. Uid keeps all of his... STUFF? Time to head to the western half of the continent, and see what adventures lie in the snow-kissed forests they almost visited some 55 episodes ago.
Still debating their next move, the Ice Five decide to explore the full resources of Clompity, which may or may not include the leader of Haushinka's assassin network. The players have some theories about who the Violet Fang is, but sadly their characters don't have the same knowledge they do. Hopefully an evil archlich won't start attacking them while they have conversations. It's probably fine. Everything's fine.
The promise of the capital city of Donkeyland, Clompity, looms before the Ice Five as they must make some hard choices. Do they forge ahead, or explore a second, perhaps more confrontational path? Also, oh boy, there might be about to be so many donkeys.
Down the dark stair the Ice Five tread, towards the teleportation circle that will transport them to Donkeyland. But what are dark stairs without a whole bunch of traps? Luckily the Ice Five have a cuckoo bird and a lil' boss to help with such things, but will Queep and Gus' wings be able to take the party past every horror ahead?
There's one more stretch of giant-infested land for the Ice Five to cross before they can cross the abyss into Donkeyland, and wouldn't you know it, not every roll goes perfectly. Given Nerd Poker's history with giants and diplomacy, it couldn't be that Dan is out for revenge with these monsters, could it? Nah, PROBABLY not.
The behir battle heats up, as our heroes get repeatedly swallowed and vomited up, their hit points going dangerously low. Will the Ice Five become the Digested Five, or will they survive until Donkeyland? And wow, hopefully those halflings aren't just a splattered pile.
The Ice Five are now just trying to not get devoured by behir, the giant dragon-dog-centipede things the mutated giants keep as pets, and that vomit lightning. Oh right, and some halfling heroes got splattered across the ground. Hopefully they're fine.
It seems more real than ever- the Ice Five are on what could be the true approach to Donkeyland. With a whole lot of allies in tow, it will be a matter of who stays with the Time Boat and who adventures through the jagged rocks and cliffs. One thing is for sure... everyone is getting really excited to see a donkey.
The Ice Five head south on the river, away from Dame Island and towards a difficult fork in the path. And of course, one option in that fork is the fabled country we've hinted at for 51 episodes now. Yes. We speak of course of Donkeyland.
With the Baron popped out of his pen, the Ice Five have a lot more questions, namely what is that super important identity of the Tenebrous One that was removed from the end of his letter? And our heroes also have a very important question ahead of them: Is it time to head to Donkeyland?
After a glorious but brief celebration, our heroes have gone from aboleth champions to hanging in the balance in a deep underwater cave, Dr. Uid floating unconscious as a tentacled titan races towards half of the party. Surely the Ice Five isn't about to become the Ice Two, plus Bacon?
The Ice Five take their final swings at the aboleth beneath Dame Island, hoping to win the favor of gods and humans alike. More than once it has nearly ended in one of our beloved characters being wiped out by the fell creature, will they all escape intact? Thank you for a delightful 2019, the campaign will continue next week!
The brutal battle between the Ice Five and the aboleth rages, with the party repeatedly stretched to the absolute limit of the powers. Hopefully they will be able to take out these cosmic murder fish before things get too dicey.
At the slimy underground lake the Ice Five continue to lay into the Path of the Vaunted Tusk, but something far more dangerous lurks deep in the subterranean waters. Will they survive their encounter with yet another narwhal juggernaut, this one with backup? Only time will tell.
The Ice Five begin a descent into the den of the aboleth worshipped by the Path of the Vaunted Tusk, with a mentally liberated Gus the pseudodragon and a friendly Dame Island guard. Hopefully there won't be TOO MANY narwhal cultists down there...
After narrowly thwarting Dame Island's downfall, the Ice Five now have some options before them. And assessing the situation might mean picking which of their allies go where, a conversation that is more complicated for some allies than others. No Blaine again this episode (he went to a concert) but we promise he'll return in Episode 46!
Halcyne's life is in the balance, and so is the stability of Dame Island's relatively newborn democracy as the we rejoin our adventurers in the wake of the juggernaut's violent power move. If you thought Dargthur hated the Path of the Vaunted tusk before, now it's EXTRA extra personal.
It's time to settle into Dame Island, where the Ice Five are already apparently regarded as heroes. But what's this? There's some kind of envoy being sent because the Path of the Vaunted Tusk is still whiney about that whole Time Boat kerfuffle? Surely that will only take a moment to address, and it's back to enjoying the spoils of pirate clandom!
After a resounding victory against The Path of the Vaunted Tusk, the Ice Five is debating a sojourn into Dame Island to restock Time Boat and perhaps locate their former crew. But they may be getting in deep with inter-faction conflict in Cloddenheim, and those fishy folk are now humbled by the rage of Dargthur Sturry, to a point they will remember.
Brian Posehn hates this part of the story. Who are these fish idiots who won't get off Time Boat, and more importantly that was a rhetorical question and we don't even really want to know just get them off the boat. Hopefully the people of Dame Island won't react to this show of aggression from the Ice Five with a quest involving licenses and registrations.
With a core shift imminent, the Ice Five make double time to Dame Island in the hopes of rescuing their beloved Time Boat. But unfortunately a natural disaster or two might stand between them and their next maritime expedition. Hopefully no new factions will decide to suddenly make enemies with our increasingly famous five!
After the carnage of their last fight, it's time for our heroes to do a whole lot of stealthin' around, as there's an increasing number of gangs hunting around hoping to kill them. Also, there's that whole thing where they promised they'd visit the evil Archmage and they kinda ghosted him. Everything probably fine though.
We left the Ice Five in a critical face-off with their nemesis Havoccula, Dargthur having just tried a risky deception wherein he disguised himself as the Archmage of Vanzervale. Will it work, or will the Ice Five finally fight a big-ass dragon (a mutated one at that)? Well good news, you'r about to find out a few seconds into this episode.
After cleaning the assassins' clocks last episode, it's time for the Ice Five to address the Gus situation, as his life hangs in the balance. And oh yeah a clan of dragons is hunting them, and they owe the archmage an artifact. You know, just some basic errands. But on top of all that a whole bunch of lore may be about to get thrown their way.
Their giant trap was an unequivocal success, but now the Ice Five must assess which of their allies are the most valuable in their quest against the Tenebrous One. Some need to find their own way, others need to be reunited with the crew. And oh yeah, where the hell is Time Boat anyway?
The Ice Five are locked in tense combat with a mutated, winged giant 25 stories above a glen where the Queep's people once flew free of tyranny. Perhaps today our heroes will bring justice, and finally sneak away from this weird place and the creepy scab-looking beholder who's their friend now.
The Ice Five see only one inevitable way to recover the artifact in Queep's homeland, and that's to fight the mutant giant known as Hegg. Luckily they have lots of experience making bold moves against giant creepy weirdos. But will they succeed? And are they recruiting an even bigger creepier weirdo to help them?
Though the group has arrived at the ancestral home of Queep's people, there seems to be a simple matter of getting to the elder/cloudy mountain without the giant punching them to death like so many aarakocra. The only way seems to be into the mountain and then underground, so it's time to sneak and hunt down some cracks.
The Ice Five appear to have worn out their welcome in Wexhall as the Barrowsteppes Dragons descend on the town, looking for their prey. The alliance with the Archmage may have to wait, as it's time for the Ice Five to do what they do best: run like hell. It's also time to announce our August drawing winner! Congrats!
The showdown with the Archmage of Vanzervale continues, and things get pretty brutal. The Ice Five have a lot they want the Archmage to answer for, but he's not a particularly warm and welcoming sort. They'll have to hurry too, as there's supposedly dragons nearby with a bounty on their heads.
Many choices have led the Ice Five to this small village wedged between cliffs, fireworks about to go off, a lottery about to begin. But what are they willing to sacrifice to meet with the Archmage of Vanzerzale, and will they meet with him at all? A big hand is about to be played. Listen and find out what kind.
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First things first, the Ice Five is facing down some gnomish guards that they kinda sorta accidentally picked a fight with. The hope is that they can continue to travel east and locate the Archmage of Vanzervale and get him to explain what happened to the landscape. Probably nothing to it as long as everyone's super persuasive to new friends, right? Oh, right, they're accidentally in a fight with two gnome guards.
Quite a fun little pickle the Ice Five have gotten themselves into. Dratlanna's war ship is about to attack the Thixxits, and here's the Time Boat just sitting on the dock. Hey, what's the worst that could happen?
The Ice Five have fought hard for the mysterious artifact they found in the caves. Thing is, they're now expected to hand it over to some mind-flayers, and they're not so sure that this was such a great call in the first place. As they trudge through the snowy hills along the coast it becomes increasingly clear that they made a series of real weird choices. And now you, dear listener, may enjoy the culmination of these choices!
Beneath the mountains along the coastline on a quest to recover an artifact for their friendly mind flayer acquaintances, the Ice Five have vanquished a bulette but still have a terrifying otherworldly hag to deal with. The battle has now raged long enough for them to consider, oh yeah, SHOULD we be helping MIND FLAYERS? Sarah is back and certainly has some thoughts on the last few major choices the Ice Five have made. But they're in deep now, so hopefully everyone will get to keep their brains.
The battle only gets more intense, and the Ice Five realize how even some dangerous mind flayers could to meet their doom down in this cavern. TikTok (aka Boss) does his best to protect Gus (aka Boss) from the bus-sized beast pinballing around the cavern, but there is more than one horror in the deep. Once again Halcyne is driven by the DM, but Sarah will be back soon.
Our heroes have hit a crossroads: do the Ice Five continue their journey south towards Dame Island and the mysterious Archmage of Vanzervale, or do they stop for a moment and talk to some seemingly not-that-evil mind flayers? In previous campaigns our cast was likely to murder anyone that looks at them funny, so could they possibly want to stop and commiserate with these incredibly creepy brain devourers? Answer: maybe! Sarah could not make it this episode or next, we beg your forgiveness.
It's been a real tense negotiation with Havoccula, and now the Ice Five hopes to ditch him and come out to the coast to have a few laughs, specifically the coast from the North Sea heading on the outer ridge of the giant comet whirlpool. Their travels could take them past where our first episode found them, only now far down on sea level.
The Ice Five have been negotiating with the corrupted dragon known as Havoccula, and so far they seem to go together like peanut butter and bleach. Of course they'd love to just stab him in his gross face, but he has the habit of flying out of stab range and generally appearing far more powerful than our heroes. Will Halcyne's fiery eyes scare him into submission???
Hey listeners! We wanted to share the audio of Twitch broadcast at the official Dungeons and Dragons event "The Descent," which was of course hell-themed, and our little story takes place between Season 3's Episodes 14 and 15ish. Plus we've got Engineer Sam Keiffer playing along the whole time as Terry! We played a game on live streaming video! This is of course only the audio, so forgive the sight gags the audio quality that comes with video streaming and the ambient sound of convention attendees.
It's been a mad dash back to the Time Boat, and now with the entire Ice Five is converging upon the boat in various states of battle damage. Once they're on board, there's a very special visitor who wants to have a word with our heroes.
Sarah is back, and just in time to steer Halcyne out of the airship wreckage with Dr. Uid and TikTok as all three must decide if it's worth waiting for their pal Queep to set down Dargthur and take turngs flying them down to the Time Boat. More drastic measures may be in order. Something seems to be approaching through the storm clouds, something much bigger than an aarakocra carrying his half-drow friend.
It's time to leave the wreck of the observatory airship, only it's been a little while since the Ice Five visited their pals on the boat, so things might not be exactly the way they were left. No Sarah this episode as she had to call it an early night, but fear not, she'll be back next time in Episode 20!
It's time to explore the main deck of the scientific observatory that turned into an airship, so you better believe our heroes are hungry for loot and answers. As they approach the very spot they stood at Episode 1 of this Cloddenheim adventure, the odds also increase that they'll stumble upon a frustrating gnomish riddle or two.
The battle concludes, with a half-digested Halcyne in the balance, a frozen sea and an TikTok origin story laying ahead of the party to north. Hey, make sure to listen all the way to the end of the episode for more about our upcoming live Twitch event on May 19th! Also "date paste" is a spicy Skittles ingredient.
Chris Tallman returns, and before the great sea monster battle continues, Dan forces the crew to retroactively name their heroic group for the citizens of Boazor so that they may be remembered. But when the action shifts back, things get dire fast. At least there's gigantic boat weapons to play with!
Our heroes having just interrogated the living heck out of Haushinka's the drow, they now sit upon a throne of clues. Is that a thing we just made up, a throne of clues? We'll have to use that in-game at some point. Anyhow, at long last, nautical backstories draw our heroes towards the sea. And sadly yes, Chris Tallman is missing one more time, but worry not! He is back next episode, we've recorded it and everything, his intense sexual energy will flow through our microphones again before you know it.
We open on our heroes interrogating Haushinka the drow, and leaving few stones unturned. And not to be undone, Sister Briarlock may have one more surprise to reveal about Dr. Uid, and we're not just talking about that "wild magic" stuff normally reserved for sorcerers. Secrets, secrets, secrets! Sadly we are without Chris Tallman and his intense energy both this episode and next (everyone went on Spring Break vacations this April and his was hardest to work around) but we promise more of him ASAP!
After having instigated a series of mercenary bribes gone sour, our heroes have a few loose ends to tie up (stab) before they can move on. And if they can, there is a certain temple to visit, and a certain drow friend their who may have regained her faculties by now.
A despot deposed, our heroes struggle with their newfound responsibility, including whether they should share their newfound glory with the local dregs under Thoggis' employ. TikTok soul-searches himself, and others.
The most epic battle yet unfolds, and our heroes discover that they have stumbled into the lair of something far more sinister (and gross) than they had originally anticipated. Only luck will allow them to escape with their lives. Sadly Blaine missed out on this episode, but don't worry, he's fine and will be back next episode!
A plan is hatched to free the city of Boazor, but funny thing about plans. There is sneaking in the night. Blood is spilled. And, at the end of the episode, Boazor's biggest secret may be revealed.
Having sent Thoggis a message and declared their opposition to his rule over Boazor, the heroes hide in the alleys contemplating their next move. Everyone could use a rest, but can they find a safe haven after curfew? The quest for a Free Boazor continues.
Dargthur's drinking celebration rained upon, our heroes continue to unleash on Dugthuk the tithe-collecting troll. Queep tests his durability. Halcyne achieves a moral victory. Dr. Uid whips it. TikTok scolds.
As the crew prepares to breathe the seaside air, they struggle with another one of Dan's damned puzzles. On the other side of a stone door lies Boazar, the home of Dargthur Sturry and his seaside pals, and perhaps oddest of all CIVILIZATION, something that Nerd Poker has had sparse amounts of in the past. Will the citizens all be named after extras in Aquaman? MAYBE.
Despite not knowing how to speak the language on all the subterranean signs, the party must make some important travel choices as they continue to head west. Luckily they do have many tools at their disposal, like premonitions from a storm god. Also, and this is just a rumor, but it seems that Ken might be a bird.
The party continues their bloody battle with the creatures at the icy bend in the path. They seem to be reaching the end of the dwarven city, but even then it is a long road ahead. And sooner or later they're bound to meet another underground traveler... right?
Deep in the abandoned dwarven city of Brufvt, our heroes are forced into an icy confrontation. The party gets to know each other better through sourness, battlecries, and madness-inducing flame blades. And don't worry, we haven't forgotten to make Engineer Sam do his recap.
Dargthur, the latest goth character creation by Brian Posehn, has helped the party discover a tunnel that they hope will take them to the civilization of the western port city of Boazor. But entering the tunnel isn't as easy as cracking open a dungeoneering kit. There are prices to pay and NPCs to be insulted by.
After having their lives thrown into stark relief by a terrible event, our adventurers learn to trust each other as they attempt to free themselves from their temporary prison. The more they escape, the more they learn about the world around them, which means... you guessed it... map time. The Cloddenheim continent's map is chock full of a thousand secrets. Thank you to Shaun Bryant, who went above and beyond illustrating a post-comet world ripe for many, many player notes.
A group of heroes on the continent of Cloddenheim have been invited to a gathering by an eccentric scientist. A carriage awaits.
Time to murder a cosmic horror, as the campaign draws to a close. And stay tuned because there will be no downtime until the next one, we'll see you next week! We will indeed to a live video Q&A, keep your eyes on our Patreon page for details. Thank you to all the artists, voice cameos, and all of you for listening. It's a delight to play D&D and have you as our audience.
After taking the holidays to recuperate, we are back with a full cast! Now if only they could all hold onto to their hit points in this epic boss fight. Our heroes continue to hack away at the giant mass of worms that was once the friendly NPC known as Luovyn. Will they put an end to this cosmic interloper before Typha can complete her transformation? That sure seems like it would be ideal!
In the rainy streets of Tenchyll, our heroes decide what to do with the cosmic being they've brought back to Earth. Sadly no Chris Tallman, plus Sarah is ill and Brian perhaps even more ill. We start with a Hex Chest giveaway! And we end with Brian going to bed. Happy holidays, everyone!
Our heroes are nearly there. The cosmic being known as Jnrei D'Nah is very close.
It's been a long and difficult path through the prison with lots of death in their wake, but our heroes seem to have stumbled across a lonely prison employee who has unique insight into the situation. The true question: will Bodhi become so enraged that he kills all the NPCs.
It's been a long and desperate hike through the prison graveyard, and the army of ghosts is still barrelling down on our heroes. It's going to take desperate measures to change the tide of battle in their favor. Dangerous magic? A dead god? Perhaps a little of both.
The trek northeast through the monster prison continues, as our crew tries to keep a low profile in the eerily quiet graveyard of Seluna Prison. They stand at the the precipice of some kind of death theater for Baphomet, which is at the very least a nice location to put on a postcard. If they tarry, perhaps a show will get put on in that theater! You're about to find out! Also, with regret we must note that Sarah had to miss this and the next episode due to illness, but she's back swinging in the present, and will appear on our November bonus episodes!
The heroes continue their confrontation with Lord Chasma who, let's face it, might be kind of invincible. Luckily the evil Kenku Gilfry might have decided to help the crew out, and they might be one step closer to the building holding Jnrei D'Nah. Hopefully everyone won't get smeared across a steel dome first.
Our heroes have gotten themselves in a bit of a moon-pickle. Pinned against a steel dome, our heroes have no idea how to proceed. But barreling down on them is a floating face that appears to be some kind of fallen god. There's a little crow-man named Torturemaster Gilfry running around screaming, but otherwise things are looking awfully bleak. Perhaps salvation lies somewhere nearby, perhaps far away.
The crew is continuing to hack their way North-East (or whatever up and to the right is on the moon) to break out the cosmic being known as Jnrei D'Nah and stop the moon from crashing into the planet below. But they're starting to realize just how bad an operation this whole moon prison idea was, and how a moon prison riot means there are cosmic beings everywhere. Good luck sleeping after listening to all of this one!
Our heroes take a quick breather in the lobby of the "God Slayer" building of the old moon prison. And why not take a breather, they've earned it! Unfortunately, their attempts to exit the building may be slowed by the former tenants of the basement, who aren't huge fans of their confinement.
Security was tenuous in the prison of horrors, but after their little nap in the archmage's spare room things have taken a turn for the worst. The goal is now to just get to another building before the group is overwhelmed and the timer on total annihilation ticks all the way down. Also, some real-world sips of moonshine are taken in honor of the moon mayhem.
Finally, someone at this crazy moon prison is willing to dish some moon prison gossip! All our heroes had to do was get real cozy with a mysterious cosmic being! There's monsters everywhere biting guards in half! Everything is going great!
Our adventure has taken us through another dimension (another dimension, another dimension) and through a gross fungal thread leading into the sky. So far things on the other end of that thread have been eerily similar to a regular old dungeon. But it's about time Bodhi, Twee, Tom Netty, Esmerelda, Typha, and their wee lil' hostage went for a walk outside.
Okay, did everyone take bets on whether this campaign would end up in a monster prison on the moon? Well get your wallets out because somewhere out there we have a winner. Our heroes have managed to overtake a small handful of guards, and now it's time to start planning a prison break for their cosmic pen pal Jnrei D'Nah. Unfortunately there appears to be a monster riot in the monster prison. Whoops.
Our heroes have now seen the power of the Theater of Reflection, Tom Doretto now having completely transformed forever into Netty. The big question is: will anyone else dare try? Regardless, they are about to get flipped on their heads if they succeed in riding this magical tendril up to the moon. What arcane horrors will they find THERE?!?
The time has come for Esmerelda to get in touch with that worm she swallowed way back in Episode 19, and another one of our heroes will resolve a promise they've been hanging onto for over 70 episodes.
It's time to head to the moon, but first the wizard Gendy has to take a crash course in trust and learn about all the messed up stuff that the party has done to get this far. Turns out there's an elephant in the room- an evil god's cloak in Tom's backpack. Hopefully taking that cloak right to the evil god isn't a big deal!
First things first, this episode we welcome Chris Tallman as a regular guest and set aside the guest formalities. Then we immediately try to kill his character as she flees thousands of kobolds and increasingly complex tiers of elite dragon forces. Her only hope, a small hut on the other side of a small portal. Also a very special thanks to someone who provided a pre-recorded tiny cameo this week, the details of which are a surprise we do not want to spoil in the description. Listen and learn what we're talking about!
The battlefield is only getting uglier as medium-sized serpent-dragons of the black chromatic variety start tunneling under the battlefield Tremors-style and swallowing horses. Orcs and kobolds pile onto our heroes in layer after layer. The gigantic dragon Storndor lands, and whoops, his armor class is higher than 20. Twee's quest to open a portal is being carefully timed, but will it even out as the battle gets bloodier? Will the crew resort to desperate measures? We welcome back Chris Tallman as Typha, and a special thanks to engineer Sam for turning the volume way down on the dragon roars.
Hello dear listeners! We are sad to be without Blaine this week and next, but excited to welcome back Chris Tallman who will be taking on the role of Typha. And it's a real tough spot the crew is in. Up against a cliffside and hurrying from one town to another, a devastating force of thousands of kobolds, orcs, and wyrms wants to have a word with them. Special thanks to Hal Lublin for the voice of the orc general, and additional apologies from Dan for the bad Blaine commercials.
If you enjoyed Twee's drug trip to outer space last episode, the whole crew is now focused on getting to this strange being in the sky and figuring out how to stop the moon she's on from crashing. But no quest has ever challenged our party quite the way that "retrieving horses they already own" does. Special thanks to artist Dani Hartel for her drawing of Jnrei D'Nah, which thoroughly spooks the party this episode!
Time to do some drugs and meet a cosmic trickster. It's Episode 25, you guys!
Behold! Our heroes have arrived in Tenchyll, the only mage college that appears to still be standing. And after spending a valuable ingot on their horses, the crew isn't done running their little clinic on how to bribe people into doing what you want by offering them all the wealth you have. Hopefully their pockets are deep enough to get them to Tenchyll's mage quarter, where they suspect Dessa the angsty teen half-drow is up to no good.
It's about that time! Time for our heroes to bring their spoils back from the feywild, but should their bring Netty too? And why was she being a jerk? Oh, and how many days are we from the apocalypse? Dan makes none of these questions easy.
Don't worry, lovers of elves and commercials, Blaine is back! And these intrepid adventurers needs his help to get out of this creepy pit deep in the feywild. Here's to hoping that they don't encounter anything from those Guardian doors or you know, a Drow assassin clinging the walls waiting to stab them or anything.
Though Blaine is MIA for one more episode, Chris Tallman returns to steer the usually more passive character Typha! And the crew needs the extra help, as they are now trying to escape the deep underground feywild lake with a gigantic beast chasing them. Hopefully they won't get Twee killed in the process.
Though we are sadly without our dearest Blaine to steer Twee, Chris Tallman (a regular in our bonus episodes) makes the leap to the main campaign to play Typha, former NPC and Battle Cook. And just in time too, as the party will require Typha's legendary perception skills to retrieve Zinzerena's cloak from a mammoth monster in the underground lake. Special shout out to John Smith III aka Vox the Devil for his Tullchor monster art, and Colm O'Reilly for his fabulous ambient cave lake sounds.
As the underground trials continue and a Twee of increasingly ambiguous morals lights a cigarette, our crew meets the three trials of the cloak head on. Clearly this artifact was never meant to me uncovered by the foolhardy, or people who hate riddles. Hopefully everyone will make a patience saving throw against that goddamned riddle from last episode!
After some experimentation from our heroes, the room is filling up with nasty faerie spiders, and it may be time to figure out what the real function of the Chamber of Forgiveness is. Lucky for them, someone in the party did something impulsive and morally questionable in the campaign, and Dan is ready to leverage it.
Determined to recover and destroy the cloak of a long-dead evil, the crew plunges into the depths of The Pit of the Second Sky. They have no idea what they'll find by following the mysterious feywild map, but they know there's probably not cuddly creatures ahead.
In a stroke of bravery or insanity, our party has decided to divert from the pattern of visiting mage colleges and head to a mysterious cave on the outskirts of Gostel. Far below, in another dimension (another dimension) lies an ancient artifact of evil that against all odds the party is attempting to retrieve. And who knows, maybe they kinda almost will.
The stakes are high! With Dessa interrogated, it's clear that the Zinzerena death cult has some nefarious plans to not just do something to the moon, but to locate ancient drow artifacts. And what does our party do when the stakes are high? They recklessly cast spells and blow some stuff up.
Our intrepid protagonists have misfit wizard student Dessa cornered at the top of the tower, while some of the party tries to rush the valuable Drow history book "The Bottom of the Demonweb" out the front door. On the bright side they're not known for showing mercy. On the downside, people start screaming pretty quickly. Sorry there's no Blaine this episode or next, we had to schedule last second and he's apparently a popular comedian.
Having dealt with enough nonsense at the Mage College of Gostel, our heroes ascend the mage tower with an elder wizard and one of Gostel's most pretentious students in the hopes of uncovering whatever plot brought evil to this once super chill and pipeweed-friendly campus. Yet things may only get more screwy as they ascend.
The College of Gostel nearly fell, but our heroes have managed to keep it in the balance! The plot of the strange Drow séances has begun to unravel just enough that, at the very least, this mage college's troubles seem to be traceable to one student. Now they must try to find a quiet corner of the rattled campus rest in, and before the night is through they may have to deal with some new unsavory characters of uncouth upbringings. Luckily, no-one is as uncouth as our heroes.
Welcome to an episode of adventure where the combat continues over from when last we met. Things continue to heat up in the Gostel Mage Tower as the invading Drow and Lunar elves attempt to gain the upper hand. But there's one things they haven't taken into account- setting everything on fire does not scare THESE heroes. But Esmeralda encounters one of the death cult lunar elves in person, and things take a turn for the gross.
The jig is up at the mage school of Gostel. The lunar elf body is hitting the floor, Esmeralda is once again steered by a no-nonsense Sarah, and it's time for some lying NPCs to get their asses handed to them. Magic is everywhere and blood shall be shed. But ladies and gentlemen, inquisitive listeners, what in the ever-loving hell is a mosquito coil?
The crew has had enough of whatever nonsense the Gostel Mage College is serving up in their pretentious waiting rooms. While half the crew rallies the students, the other decides to raid the tower floor by floor. Sadly no Sarah this week, but fear not for she shall return!
After a brief tour through Twee's PTSD, our heroes arrive at Gostel, the second mage college that a strange cult is attempting to indoctrinate. Poor Bodhi is subjected to some extremely boring waiting around, and it only increases the chance of some major smashy smash. And a brief apology for the shorter episode- we wanted to record 3 in one night before Dan and Brian had to go on some long trips! We hope you enjoy the silly bonus nonsense at the end of the episode.
Hello there, fine listener. Did you know that approacheth, an old but for reals word, is not recognized by spellcheck? Anyhoo, the opening gambit appears to have been a moderate success, as the creepy terrible inside out things scatter and the spire remains unopened. But oh, there are opportunistic creatures looking to pounce on the weakened Tinnat. And Blaine tells a moon god joke while other people are talking and it is so cheesy that if you listen to every word it will actually kill you.
In addition to attempting to thwart a ritual at the base of the spire, our heroes face a huge swarm of those gross-looking inside out monstrosities. We're talking monstrosities that grab you, trap you in their ribcage like a venus flytrap, then try to run away with you while you kicking your legs in the air. Why Dan, why? And it looks like Twee may need a new plan, as he's feeling a little too emo to unleash his arcane nature. Will this be the final encounter already??
Why is everything in this world so gross? There's no easy answer as the party continues to carve its way through the magical school of Roke to find survivors. And they do find some, though Twee continues to be haunted by his arcane trigger finger. Will the crew figure out what the hell is going on with the new tower that has sprung up from the ground? That might take a while. In the meantime they will at the very least make some NPCs very uncomfortable with their choices.
The battle for the courtyard of Roke has intensified with more eldritch horror! Our heroes hope to search for survivors, but first elven bard Twee is tasked with escorting one young man to the poorly boarded up alley entrance that he apparently wiggled through by mistake. Luckily everyone is very powerful, so nothing could possibly go wrong.
Our heroes are up to their ears in a melee in the courtyard of Roke, and Dan brought a grid map to draw on! With a marker! What could possibly go wrong?!? Turns out several things. Luckily Esmeralda knows the lay of the land, because the area is filling up with skittering monsters that may or may not have been students of the magic college at some point. Listen and see if one of our players dies!
Hail and well met! Our heroes may not have stopped an assassination, and they may have melted the face of someone in the royal guard, but they can probably get out of this sticky pickle, right? This episode has everything from creepy monsters, to interrogations, to good old fashioned looting. Oh, and some really close dice rolls that the lousy DM just won't let slide.
Welcome to an all new campaign! Some things are the same. Tom, Twee, and Bodhi are trying to stop the moon from crashing into the planet or something. They don't know a whole lot about what sort of moon-based calamity they're trying to stop yet. But they do have a clever half-elf eldritch knight fighting alongside them, and a whole world full of awkward continent and city names (spelled Bonnkyl and Tinnat). Some things will seem as familiar as a warm glove, and other things will feel as odd as a warm cola you found on a park bench. But there's zero doubt that it's NERD POKER.
More enemies of flesh and stone appear. Twee makes a cosmic gambit. Tom takes no Demelith sass. Bodhi stomps. Is the title of this episode a reference to our generous skeletal benefactor? Only time will tell.
The party has battled to the bottom of the cursed land of Amynna. They discover an altar. Forms fizzle in and out of the air. Bodhi rages.
With the bottom of Amynna glowing up through the caverns, the party is faced with a possible endgame. But time and space appear less than stable, and if everyone doesn't stick close the fabric of reality itself may begin to fray at the seams. As things get intense, will Goggo say the ultimate stupid thing? Only time will tell. But you know, it's Goggo. So...
Our party has traveled deep beneath the land of Amynna, and the battle with the boulder-like Beholder is now in full swing. Also, everyone is less sick this episode so the overall energy (and Skeletor's Dick references) is kicked up a notch. Will the crew unlock the mysteries of the caves? Only time will tell.
After some ridiculously lucky Charisma rolls against Count Barriss, the group's dice will be tested once again as they head to the woods to meet their old nemeses, the Lunar elves. Also, all the players are deathly ill, in case you wondered why everyone's so mellow this episode. Will Bodhi snap and smush some skulls? Will Twee be able to levitate in a parallel dimension? Will Tom discover something in the guts of the island? Only time will tell.
Blaine is back, and just in time for the parade! An ally from another timeline has arrived to put the smack down on the party, and this time it might not be so easy to talk them out of a bloodletting. Will Blaine do some proper commercials? Will Rhoads be in the mood to say hi, or will Minecraft take priority? Only time will tell.
Merry Christmas! Sadly, Twee's player took ill and had to sit out this episode, so he is being driven by the shitty DM. Bodhi and Tom do their best to keep Dan from killing him, while re-encountering the direly irritating Count Ahmelegda. Will they encounter even more creepy undead jerks? Will whisky be consumed? Will bad commercials happen without Blaine? Only time will tell.
Our heroes have narrowly dodged the fist of the Demelith, and as they enter the caves beneath the land of Amynna they meet a crew of drow they must negotiate with. Will Luovyn be super gross? Will Bodhi stab the wrong thing? Will Tom learn what his heart desires? Only time will tell.
The crew meets one of those creepy Lunar Elves at the edge of the marshes, and her name sure isn't Lola. Also, the world is ending all around them. Will the ground come to life? Will Twee remember to fly? Will Dan just let him fly even though he said levitate? Will our heroes survive the for real apocalypse? Only time will tell.
After a brutal confrontation with Count Fenzehn the party is ready to make a final push to the Demelith's lair. Or so they think. If things were dark and creepy before it turns out it can get a lot worse. Will Twee keep receiving DM notes just to piss off Bodhi? Will Tom get closure from his latest vision of Netty? Only time will tell.
Wait, what's that about a final sacrifice? What the hell is this last vampire? Are our heroes way way too late? Only time will tell.
It's coming. Boss fights that almost feel final. Our merry army of Demelith slayers has encountered Count Diandell, a powerful bard who knows more magic than any foe thus far. Will Tom's new sword finally explode with power? Will Twee survive a powerful dark spell right to the face? Will Bodhi be forced to live out his greatest fear? Only time will tell.
Bodhi, Twee, and Tom have ventured across Amynna to gather an army against the Demelith, and now they arrive back at the wood of the Lunar Elves. Goggo the evil faerie is in as good a mood as ever, which probably isn't a good sign given that he is a major creep. Will Bodhi punch an old friend? Will Tom reveal the truth to his vampire companion? Will Twee set the woods on fire for the third time? Only time will tell.
After making the long journey back to the dwarven city of Glorindan, our heroes have made an uncertain acquaintance with Grizma Greycragg, the last royal of the city. Though battle may pause, the social hostilities of Amynna continue as they make difficult negotiations for supplies with the queen and liberate her evil Great, Great, Great Grandfather. Will Bodhi be the only one to keep a cool head? Will Twee get to play a song in the ancient orchestra pit of Glorindan? Will Tom be haunted by his past? Only time will blah blah blah etc etc the pope's a nazi.
Finally our heroes emerge from the ghostly ring of ghouls to find an ancient battleground that causes concern among the wood elves (WOOD ELVES?) and one of Blaine’s most sincere sponsor ads yet. Will our heroes get sucked beneath the wastes? Will a new non-player character become a new creepy-ass foe? Only time will tell.
Behold! Things escalate quickly in the mysterious mists, and two undead creatures emerge that are unlike anything our heroes have seen before. Will more brains get scooped out? Will the brand new army of elves get cut in half? Will Blaine have a good vampire slaying commercial? Only time will tell.
Welcome to a deviation from our regular adventures, a silly invented side-quest in the land of Chult, straight from the new Tomb of Annihilation adventure! Want to hear us dig deeper? Subscribe to our Patreon, you'll hear some more real soon! Next week we'll be back to our regular campaign of Amynna.
Kord has reached out to bless our heroes, who receive gifts that bend the rules of the universe. But it may be too late, as dark acolytes are hunting them, and they strike with the unforgiving fury of one of Brian's farts. Who are these dark horrors? Will Dan pop a vein in his head from being interrupted? Only time will tell.
After an exhausting battle inside the great tree, our heroes give a touching farewell to their gross but symbolic friend and begin to gather a mighty force to march across Amynna. With three paths before them, will they gather more allies or begin a great assault? What messages are being brought before them? Will the messenger get stomped on? Only time will tell.
They did it! Sort of! Warchild has been plugged into the nerve center of the lost city, but now the lost city's immune system has one more obstacle to throw at our heroes: an amalgam of treant guts and wood elves that wants to absorb our heroes into some kind of body parts co-op situation. Will our heroes think of a witty follow-up to "wood elves? WOOD ELVES?" And what exactly just happened to Goggo? Only time will tell.
And so the legend goes that one fateful evening, after carrying their friend Shmoo across the dismal plains, he was renamed Warchild. What happened next was a flurry of dark choices. Will Warchild survive? Will our heroes? Only time will tell.
Ahoy! Here we have an episode we crafted deep within the smoldering oven of Brian's living room with great love and farts. This episode our heroes and their new wood elf companions trudge through the ghostly chlorophyllic entrails of what was once Morgatholl, a treat who tried to live forever and instead expanded to the size of a mountain. The elves who once lived inside him no longer seem themselves, and the mission to find the core of the walking city seems to get more perilous by the minute. Will Twee set it all ablaze? Will Bodhi crush an extreme cicada? Only time will tell. Ahoy! Here we have an episode we crafted deep within the smoldering oven of Brian's living room with great love and farts. This episode our heroes and their new wood elf companions trudge through the ghostly chlorophyllic entrails of what was once Morgatholl, a treat who tried to live forever and instead expanded to the size of a mountain. The elves who once lived inside him no longer seem themselves, and the mission to find the core of the walking city seems to get more perilous by the minute. Will Twee set it all ablaze? Will Bodhi crush an extreme cicada? Only time will tell.
Now that our heroes have their own real estate on the evil island of Amynna, they're packing their bags full of dark weed and heading to the headquarters of the wood elves (WOOD ELVES?) to recruit them in their quest against the Demelith. Will Twee get some NPC's high? Will Tom take a wad of sentient sap to the face? Will Bodhi experience the same cruel fate as another of Brian's characters? Only time will tell.
This week our adventurererers emerge from the mists and discover a little bit about themselves, as well as a small building that Dan may or may not have bullied them into exploring. Will our heroes learn a little too much about Jolly Ranchers? Will they learn too much about Goggo's fetishes? Only time will tell.
As our heroes approach the final leg of their spooooooky journey through Misery's Halo, they encounter a flurry of horrors. And yes, one of the horrors is Goggo's attempts to engage in melee combat. Warning: The episode includes a string of some of the most insane rolls in Nerd Poker history. Will our heroes emerge from the mists unscathed? Will Tom become a were-steed? Only time will tell.
Their new gifts and burdens weighing on their backs, our heroes Bodhi, Twee, and Tom venture deeper into the windy mists that circle Misery's Finger. Their new friend they love to hate, Shmoo, also reaches out again to make contact. Will Dan stop saying "so- uh" a thousand times? Will Goggo get everyone killed by being a creep with a short attention span? Only time will tell.
Our heroes are departing Count Bariss' castle with some gifts they love and one in particular that they DO NOT LOVE AT ALL. They must also make a choice of heading Southeast through a halo of ghosts and a mysterious gate (spooky), or Southwest through a murky mountain pass that a map labels as covered in skeletons (scary). Will they finally engage a beast beyond their means? Will they recognize that the gross new NPC in their party is somewhat of an homage to some stuff? Only time will tell.
The pyrotechnics just keep on comin' as the assault on Count Bariss' castle reaches its epic climax. There are not just damage rolls to be made, but also many, many charisma checks as the party confronts a special someone in sparkly armor. How many wombats with human faces will get cleaved in twain? Will anyone walk away from this encounter not-undead? Only time will tell.
The siege of Count Bariss's castle continues, and as the party digs deeper through its chambers they encounter more and more disturbing abominations, including one of those soda machines with all the flavorings in it. Will everything get set on fire? Will Tom meet the re-animated Netty? No, he won't. But it will be creepy.
Our heroes formally initiate a raid on Count Bariss' castle, leaving a mess on his doorstep before heading through the north tower window. Will they murder everything? Will their alignments change? C'mon, you know the answer. They kill a lot of gross stuff. Bodhi stomps.
As our heroes finish their standoff with the Lunar Elves, they make their way towards the castle of Count Bariss. On the way they meet many creatures that push all of Bodhi's buttons, and it will be a miracle if he doesn't immediately stomp on all of them. Will Brian be forced to change Bodhi's alignment? Will Twee continue to napalm the countryside? Only time will tell.
As our heroes continue their chat with the creepy moon elf something snaps in their heads, and things start to get a little warm in the woods. Will their alignments shift? Will Smoky the Bugbear show up and lecture them? Only time will tell.
This episode the party decides to venture East to the mountain castle on their new map, only to encounter a creepy Daphne Zuniga looking moon elf. Will they once again slay every NPC they see? Or will they ask for directions for once? Only time will tell.
Our adventurers have gotten slap happy from their vampiric victories and are now having fun storming the castle. Will they succeed in their campaign against Woody? Will they be defeated by a creepy door? Only time will tell.
In this episode our adventurers realize they have a castle to explore and a leveling up to enjoy. And they meet Edmund, a thrall of the 8 vampires of Amynna, 2 of which are now dead. And now that they know there are 6 powerful vampires on their way to Ahmelegdha's castle the clock is ticking. Will they discover more loot? Or will they stumble onto something gross? Only time will tell.
This time around Twee makes it ABUNDANTLY clear just what his Doss Lute lets him do! And just in time, as not everyone is so happy that Count Ahmelegdha is dead. A lupine beast of some sort is ripping apart one of the recently liberated merchants in the courtyard and it's up to our heroes how many more will perish at its hands. Will Bodhi manage to suplex the creature? Will Tom manage to not get thrown into the woods? Will Dan memorize the complete flavor text of uncommon loot before handing them out next time? Only time will tell.
Ever watch Innerspace and wish you could be inside Martin Short’s nose while he died of a sinus infection? Well you're about to find out as a monstrously congested Ken Daly somehow manages to fellate the microphone without anyone else noticing or stopping him. Sorry about that, for real. Oh, and also the party delves deep into the castle of Count Ahmelegdha, hoping to free his servants and get all the credit for it. Will they survive the cellar halls? Will Ken spring for some antibiotics? Only time will tell.
Misophonia Trigger Warning: Ken decides to digest a slice of pizza directly into the mic and there's nothing to be done about it. But it eventually stops, and we hear our heroes! They meet a vampire named Count Ahmelegdha, and he is indeed a literal ruler of one of Amynna's counties. Will people get bitten? Is Ken too disgusting for the human ear to endure? Only time will tell.
This episode our heroes meet a foe beyond any of them, a familiar annoyance, and one of the more mysterious properties of Amynna. Will they take control of their destinies or lose their faith? Only time will tell.
When last we left our heroes, they had uncovered a tentacled beast in the abandoned Drow city and Tom Diretto was looking a little woozy. As he awakens things seem a bit different. Will he reunite with the love of his life? Or will he start chopping up his friends? Only time will tell.
This episode our heroes learn some intel from the evil fairy named Goggo about the sea god Manannan and a strange rumor about wizards and the end of the world. Will they venture into a lost city, or get super emo from the bad news? Only time will tell.
Our adventurers have followed their new companion Lekyss the Dragonborn into the woods, only to encounter flickering shapes and a strange beast. Will they burn all the evil down? Only time will tell. For bonus episodes and to listen to all episodes a day early, subscribe at patreon.com/nerdpoker!
The time has come to meet our new heroes: Bodhi, Tom Diretto, and Twee. They have sailed to the mysterious land of Amynna and found a shroud of mist. Will they find their fate without having to first pin it down and punch it to death? Only time will tell. Visit https://www.patreon.com/nerdpoker for more!