Modern Love

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Latest Episodes:

How I Decentered Men and Learned to Center Myself Mar 19, 2025

Show notes

Natasha Rothwell plays characters who are constantly trying to improve and to better understand their desires. This season on “The White Lotus,” Rothwell, an Emmy-nominated actress, is back playing Belinda, a striving spa manager with dreams of becoming her own boss. Ambitions like these are relatable to Rothwell, who created and starred in her own show, “How to Die Alone.” But as she and her characters have learned, going after what you want often means changing your priorities and steering away from certain types of people.

Today on the show, Rothwell reads Jasmine Browley’s Modern Love essay, “I Decentered Men. Decentering Desire for Men Is Harder,” about the challenges and joys of putting your own needs first. And Rothwell tells Anna Martin how vision boarding has helped her center herself.

Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times.

Here’s how to submit a Tiny Love Story.

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How to Get Talking Again, With Lucy Dacus of boygenius Mar 12, 2025

Show notes

On her fourth solo album, “Forever Is a Feeling” (out March 28), Lucy Dacus contemplates the fears and delights that go along with falling hard for someone. The song “Best Guess” celebrates the leap of faith involved in committing to a partner with the knowledge that both of you will change over time. And in another track called “Talk,” a couple realizes they’ve grown apart because they have nothing more to say to each other.

In this episode, Dacus reads Molly Pascal’s Modern Love essay, “How the ‘Dining Dead’ Got Talking Again,” about a husband and wife who set out to bring conversation back into their marriage. And Dacus tells Anna Martin why she’s not afraid to put in the work for long-term love.

Molly Pascal’s essay can be found here.

Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times.

Here’s how to submit a Tiny Love Story.

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If You Want This Kind of Love, Don’t Expect It to Be Easy Mar 05, 2025

Show notes

When Samaiya Mushtaq was growing up, she imagined marrying a kind Muslim man, and at 21, she did. But while studying to become a psychiatrist in medical school, she realized her husband couldn’t meet her emotional needs — something she deeply craved. Despite the shame she felt, she got a divorce.

In this episode, Mushtaq shares the twists and turns of her unexpected second chance at love, where service is at the center. From working in health care during the pandemic to building a family to undertaking harrowing service trips to Gaza, she found what she truly needed in a marriage — only after letting go of what she thought she wanted.

Samaiya Mushtaq’s memoir will be published by Daybreak Press next winter.

This episode was inspired by her 2023 essay, “Must We Feel Shame Over Divorce?”

Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times

Here’s how to submit a Tiny Love Story

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Carrie Coon on What Being Worthy of Love Really Means Feb 26, 2025

Show notes

In the movie “His Three Daughters,” Carrie Coon’s character, Katie, has rigid ideas about who her sisters are and what they’re capable of. When the women reunite to care for their dying father, those ideas become a barrier to true connection and care for each other.

In this episode, Coon reads the Modern Love essay “A Family Label, Ungarbled” by Harriet Brown. Growing up, the author was never sure she could feel real love. It took breaking out of her mother’s ideas of her, and the birth of her daughter, to learn what love meant. Coon relates the essay to her own experience, describing her early dating life as tumultuous and recalling relationships she continued out of pity rather than love. Until one day, Coon got a letter from her grandmother that changed everything.

Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times

Here’s how to submit a Tiny Love Story

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Why Gossiping Could Help Your Love Life Feb 19, 2025

Show notes

For Kelsey McKinney, the author of the new book, “You Didn’t Hear This From Me: (Mostly) True Notes on Gossip,” spreading a good story occupied a morally gray zone throughout her childhood.

McKinney, who is also the former host of the podcast, “Normal Gossip,” talks with Modern Love’s Anna Martin about navigating the ups and downs of gossiping in her own life.

McKinney also reads the Modern Love essay “We Were a Party of Two, but Never Quite Alone” by Linda Button, who tells the story of how gossiping with her rich suitor’s exes brought the euphoria of her relationship back down to earth. While reading Button’s essay, McKinney fields questions from Martin so they can do some gossiping of their own.

How to submit a Modern Love Essay to The New York Times.

How to submit a Tiny Love Story.

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How to Fall (and Stay) in Love Feb 12, 2025

Show notes

The Modern Love team asked you to share with us the moment you knew you were falling in love, and you delivered. Your stories took us to so many places — dinner dates, subway rides, sunsets, concerts — and showed us the many shapes of love. There were so many that we could not list them all.

In this episode, we listen back to your voice messages. Then, Daniel Jones, the editor of Modern Love, joins us to discuss the “36 Questions That Lead to Love” and what they reveal about how we fall in love. And Mandy Len Catron, the writer who popularized the 36 questions in her Modern Love essay, “To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This,” reads her essay and tells us whether she’s still in love with the same man 10 years later.

Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times.

Here’s how to submit a Tiny Love Story.

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He’s Gay. She’s Straight. They’re Newlyweds. Feb 05, 2025

Show notes

When Jacob Hoff and Samantha Greenstone met, they became instant best friends. Then, even though Jacob was gay, they realized that their feelings for each other were evolving beyond the platonic, and they decided to give romance a try.

On this episode, Hoff and Greenstone tell Anna Martin, host of “Modern Love,” how their love gave him the courage to come out to his conservative family. They also explain that when they decided to get married, they realized they’d have to get used to clarifying their commitment again and again.

You can read Jacob and Samantha’s Mini-Vows profile in the Styles section.

How to submit a Modern Love Essay to The New York Times

How to submit a Tiny Love Story

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That Time I Bought My Husband’s Girlfriend a Burial Plot Jan 29, 2025

Show notes

When Robin Eileen Bernstein’s almost-ex-husband, Mark, died of a heart attack, she suddenly found herself comforting her husband’s grieving girlfriend. Robin and Mark had been living apart for two years, but legally she was still the wife, so it was up to her to make the burial arrangements. Would offering to buy the girlfriend an adjoining plot make her feel less alone?

On this episode of “Modern Love,” Robin explains how she ended up buying her soon-to-be-ex’s girlfriend a burial plot — and who might actually end up being buried there.

Robin Eileen Bernstein’s Modern Love essay, “Here Lie the Bickersons, Side-by-Side for All Eternity,” can be found here.

Listener alert: For our upcoming Valentine’s Day episode, the “Modern Love” team wants to know about a moment when you knew you were falling for someone. Whether it happened all at once or it was a gradual process, we want to know how it happened for you. Where were you? What did it feel like? What did you do next? (You can tell us about a relationship you’re currently in, a past love or something happening to you right now.) The deadline is Feb. 5. Submission instructions are here.

How to submit a Modern Love Essay to The New York Times

How to submit a Tiny Love Story

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Neko Case: ‘If I Didn’t Yell the Truth, What Good Was I? Jan 22, 2025

Show notes

In a new memoir out next week, the singer-songwriter Neko Case shares some painful childhood memories. In the studio with Anna Martin, Case is open and unapologetically angry as she describes being treated like “an unwanted child.” Both parents, she says, struggled with trauma and addiction. They often left her with no food and only her pets for company. Case also reads a Modern Love essay about the complex heartbreak that comes with being estranged from a parent with an addiction, and the joys of finding love and acceptance in the wake of that pain.

Neko Case’s memoir, “The Harder I Fight the More I Love You,” comes out Jan. 28.

Caitlin McCormick’s Modern Love essay, “My Mother, the Stranger,” can be found here. McCormick, who recently published a short fiction piece in The Sewanee Review, is working on a novel.

Listener callout alert: For our upcoming Valentine’s Day episode, the Modern Love team wants to hear about a moment when you knew you were falling for someone. Whether it happened all at once or as a gradual process, we want to learn about how it happened. Where were you? What did it feel like? What did you do next? (You can tell us about a current relationship, a past love or something happening to you right now.)

The deadline is Feb. 5, 2025. The submission instructions are here.

How to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times

How to submit a Tiny Love Story

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Hank Azaria’s Advice for Overcoming Codependency Jan 15, 2025

Show notes

Hank Azaria is used to putting on other personalities. You probably know him best from his work as a voice actor on “The Simpsons,” where he plays Moe the bartender, Professor Frink, Chief Wiggum and Snake Jailbird, among many others. His list of credits in stage plays, movies and TV shows is prolific, including roles like his Tony-nominated performance in “Spamalot,” Phoebe’s boyfriend on “Friends” and the dog walker on “Mad About You.” But at a certain point in his life, Azaria realized that he was using humor and acting to be anyone but himself, and that it was affecting his real-life relationships. After five devastating heartbreaks, he resolved to look inward, address his codependency issues and become his most authentic self.

In this episode, Azaria tells us how he found authenticity and reads the Modern Love essay “In Defense of My Emu Tattoo,” about an author who masks his true self by using humor but eventually finds love by learning to be himself.

How to submit a Modern Love Essay to The New York Times

How to submit a Tiny Love Story

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