MILKLESS

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#18: Parenting Mistakes: 7 Things We Both Do Sometimes That Kind of Suck Aug 16, 2023

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While doing research for another episode, Max came across an article called, "7 Mistakes that Destroy Kids' Mental Strength." After getting past the clickbaity headline, he actually found some pretty solid ideas. The boys go down the list one-by-one (just about all of these are things we mess up sometimes). How often do we rescue our kids from necessary struggle? What does it look like to navigate a ridiculous tantrum without invalidating your child's real feelings? Is it cool to spit on ducks, or is that a hard no? Nobody's destroying anybody around here, but it would be cool if we could avoid a few of these things a little more often. Now, let's go obliterate this episode.

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#17 When Your Sweet, Wonderful Kids Make You Want to Light Yourself on Fire Aug 08, 2023

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Dad… Dad.. Dad! DadDadDadDadDaaaaaaaaaddy Dad! -WHAT?!?! Getting annoyed with your kids is a time-honored tradition as old as parenting itself... but it still sucks! Why is it that the people we love by far the MOST in the world (no offense, spouses) so often drive us up the MFing wall? It's the little things - from fighting over the window seat, to totally disregarding sound parental guidance, to the never-ending barrage of “why?” - that can make even the best of us want to scream. So, are kids just inherently annoying? Is there any hope? And how do we come to see some of those behaviors not as pestering, but as an expression of real, legitimate needs - manifestations of curiosity and development in action. Because, while our kids are, undeniably, enormous burdens on all of us - we sure as hell don't want them to feel that way. And it wasn't their idea to be born and need us so bad. Matt and Max dive into the suuuuuper fun world of getting annoyed with your kids. Are we there yet?

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#16 Hot Takes | Is This Weird? Are We Weird? Am I crazy? Aug 04, 2023

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If you think about the millions of minutes we all spend with our respective families, it’s pretty much guaranteed that every household will develop its own peccadilloes and idiosyncrasies. But none of us get the same window into OTHER people's lives that we do into our own... which leads to the inevitable question: Is this weird? Do your kids INSIST on flushing the toilet? How do you handle bugs in the house - rescue mission or targeted attack? And what percentage of the words you exchange with your children are totally made up? Matt and Max have each prepared some hard-hitting questions for each other, as we seek to answer the ultimate question: Is my family totally insane?

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#15 iPads, Melatonin, and the Good Old Fashioned Family Vacation Jul 26, 2023

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“They won’t remember it. The kids will make the whole thing a pain in the ass! It's too hard breaking out of the routine.” These are all the reasons you hear for not traveling with kids, but studies have shown that getting out there and seeing the world has amazing benefits for young people. We're talking tolerance, confidence, curiosity... the good stuff. In this episode, Matt and Max dive into the gauntlet that is traveling with children. We've got tips and tricks on how to make life on the road easier, more rewarding, and more fun for everyone - from international adventures, to camping out at the local state park. We'll also talk about the different ways to look at a vacation. Is it about relaxation, adventure, quality time, or a little bit of all the above? If your squad already travels a ton, hopefully you'll pick up a few new hacks. If you're worried about taking the plunge, then let this be your catalyst. Please put your tray tables in the upright and locked position, as we are about to f*cking do this. Let's go!

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#14 Revenge Sleep Procrastination (Night You Telling Morning You to Get F*cked) Jul 19, 2023

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There's no denying it: everybody is worse at everything when they're tired. And that may be more true of parenting than pretty much anything else. We're less patient, less fun, and quicker to snap at our kids when we're gassed. We all know it, and yet a large percentage of us consistently self-sabotage by staying up later than we should. Whether it's doom scrolling in bed, vegging on the couch watching TV, or worst of all: doing both at the same time, the phenomenon of "revenge bedtime procrastination" is widespread and growing. There has been a good deal of recent research into the topic, and Matt and Max are going to dig into it. They'll also speak quite a bit from personal experience - which, unfortunately, they've got a lot of. These two night owls share humiliating stories of self-inflicted sleep deprivation, trade strategies for avoiding those own-goals, and try to figure out why they just can't make themselves let go of the day. This may feel like a strange topic for an entire episode. But if you're chronically underslept, getting even one more hour a night could give you a bigger quality of life bump than just about anything else you could do. So, if you’re bingeing this episode at 2:30am… go the F to sleep and listen tomorrow morning! Otherwise, pour yourself a coffee (early in the day) and buckle up. It’s a fun one. Let’s go!

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#13 Getting Pregnant, IVF, and Struggling to Perform at the Fertility Clinic Jul 11, 2023

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This one's got something for everybody. Whether you’re expecting, know and love somebody who is, or are still wondering what the hell happened during that crazy phase right before your kids showed up - this is a dive into the parts of pregnancy that parents (and Dads especially) don't talk about nearly as much as they ought to. Max and Matt had two very different experiences bringing their combined 5 kids into the world, and there's a hell of a lot they wish they'd known going in... Like how common miscarriage is, or the average success rate of IVF, or what it feels like to doubt if the whole kids thing is ever going to happen at all. Even if you’re done having children, some of the data and perspectives in here are super interesting - and if everybody talked about this stuff a little more, the whole experience might feel a little less lonely. Plus, despite the heavier subject matter, these two idiots are still mostly trying to make each other laugh. Let’s go!

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#12 Picky Eaters, Snack Wars, and Eating Like Cocaine Bear After the Kids Crash Jul 04, 2023

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We're all trying to raise healthy kids, but it can be a real battle getting good food into their bellies. Some kids eat everything. Others only want mac & cheese. And most kids seem to prefer an endless parade of snacks to an actual meal. So, how do picky eaters develop? Is there science behind the frustration? Is it nature, nurture, power struggle, total luck of the draw, or a little bit of all the above? And how can you help broaden your child’s pallet, so they don’t turn into that embarrassing guy that tells his first date “I only eat chicken fingers and french fries?” Matt and Max certainly don't bat a thousand on this one, but they are a couple of try-hards. It's a deep dive into the world of food with small humans, and if you struggle with getting your kids to eat healthy (or eat anything at all that’s not a snack) hopefully this one’s for you. Let’s go!

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#11 Giving Yourself to Parenthood. Finding Yourself Again. Also, Man Flu. Jun 28, 2023

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When you have kids, you take on an unimaginable responsibility. Most of us realize that, for the first time, we care more about another human being than we do about ourselves. So you put the “self“ on the back burner for a few weeks... and then a few months... and then a few years... and then? This episode is about that metamorphosis, and about finding yourself again after becoming a parent. What does that process look like? When and how do we start to prioritize our own lives as the kids get older? And are we really trying to get back to who we once were, or is this about becoming someone new... maybe even someone stronger than who we were before. Let's go.

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#10 Profanity, Poop Jokes, and When Your Kid Drops an F Bomb on the Grandparents Jun 20, 2023

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Kids are NOT supposed to use profanity… right? But then at some point, it just becomes part of normal adult life. Matt and Max dive into the world of cursing with kids. What do you get mad about? What do you let slide? There’s actually a fair amount of data in support of off-color language (and we’ve got the studies to prove it, motherf*cker). So, how do you give your kids the room to experiment, while making sure they don’t wind up calling their teacher a Butt Nugget. And what the hell are we supposed to do with the unending barrage of poop talk? Couple pretty good stories in this one. Let’s. F*cking. Go.

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#9 Hot Takes | Kids Movies, Books, Music, and the Unbearably Low Stakes of Peppa Pig Jun 14, 2023

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The format on this one’s a little different - just a mashup of musings on media. Matt and Max go back-and-forth on their favorite books, movies, shows and songs to read/watch/listen to with tiny humans! We're trying to get our kids hooked on good art. Trying to give them little windows into the adult world. Also, trying not to scare the sh*t out of them. This one's mostly just for fun, but I guess they all are. And who knows? Maybe it'll get you out of watching that same Peppa episode for the 11th time. We'll be back to our regularly scheduled programming next week - but keep an eye out for more Hot Takes in the future… we kinda like the ones we don’t even have to do research for.
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