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In this episode, we talk about 3 honest fears that have come up recently in light of our 4th pregnancy and how we combat them biblically. TRANSCRIPT - Hey, we're Aaron and Jennifer Smith with Marriage After God. - Helping you cultivate and extraordinary Have you ever been fearful of having more children or even having your first? You are not alone. In this episode, we talk about 3 honest fears that have come up recently in light of our 4th pregnancy. Aaron and I navigate these new waters for a growing family through scripture and the realities of what it means to have a large family. Our heart is to walk alongside you in this journey as we are also learning how to have a biblical mindset of children and parenting. -- Stay tuned each week where we will be discussing topics hoping to inspire you to cultivate an extraordinary marriage. FOR MORE ENCOURAGEMENThttps://marriageaftergod.comhttps://instagram.com/marriageaftergod SHOP MARRIAGE RESOURCEShttps://shop.unveiledwife.com FOR WIVEShttps://unveiledwife.comhttps://facebook.com/unveiledwife FOR HUSBANDShttps://husbandrevolution.comhttps://facebook.com/HusbandRevolution READ TRANSCRIPT Hey, we're Aaron and Jennifer Smith with Marriage After God. Helping you cultivate and extraordinary marriage. And to day we're gonna be talking about fears of a growing family and how to combat them biblically. Before we get started today, because this topic is kind of surrounded around growing family and having kids, I wanted to share that we do have resources for parents called 31 Prayers For My Son and For My Daughter, and these are great resources for you to pray over your children. They're 31 prayers in each book talking about different topics in the child's life and there's also journal pages that after each prayer you can just make it more personal and we've had some positive feedback about these resources. Parents are really loving them, so make sure you get a copy. Yup. Well first off I just wanna thank everyone for joining us today, listening. And we want to encourage you to grab your Bible so that as we go through scripture you can participate. So the first thing we're gonna do before we start talking about these fears that a lot of us go through in our marriages as we start growing our family with children, is I just wanna go straight to scripture and read God's word about fear in our lives. And this is in Second Timothy. This is Paul talking to Timothy and encouraging him in his ministry. And he says, So I just wanna start off as we go into this idea of the fears that we all experience and explain that God has given us, just like He's given Timothy, just like Paul reminds Timothy, He hasn't given us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of love, power, and self-control. And then second verse I wanna start us off with is in Psalms 127 and I just wanna get a biblical, godly perspective on children. And in Psalm, the psamlist writes, So God's perspecive in this one verse, there's hundreds of verses that talk about who children are to us and to God, is that they're a heritage, that they're a blessing. That they're a weapon wielded in the hands of parents for his purposes. I'm so glad that we started with those two verses 'cause I think above all else, it's so important to remember what God's perspective and heart is towards children. So as we move forward and navigate through these fears, how do we remember what God believes is true about growing family? And as we always say to the Christian marriages out there, that we found our, a marriage after God founds their marriage on the Bible, on the word of God. We don't do it in our feelings, we don't operate in our opinions, we don't operate in our ideas. What we try and do to the best of our abilities through the spirit that God's put in us is we run to the word of God. So as we talk through these fears that we're dealing with right now, our way of dealing with them is the word of God. And so that's why we encourage you to have your Bible and as we go through these fears that we're gonna bring up right now, we're gonna try and find scripture to combat those fears. So Aaron, you walked us through those two scriptures, which again were very powerful, and they're ones that I'm actually really familiar with, but how do we look at our lives and use those scriptures to encourage us in a practical way? So the first practical thing, the Bible tells us to meditate on God's word. And that word, meditate, it comes from this idea of like a cow chewing cud. And it's like we chew it, we mull it over, and over, and over again, and we continue to bring it up and remind ourselves of it. And we go back to it over, and over, and over again. We don't just hear it one time and then all of a sudden, oh that's just into my heart and got it forever. That might happen in some cases, but for the most part, like for you, you have to be reminded. Yeah. Especially when you're going through hormone changes. Yeah. Because you're going through hormone changes and that can feel totally chaotic. And so instead of just trying to address the symptoms and like, well you need to change the way you're thinking, you need to, which is how I tend to approach you. Sometimes. Which is not always effective. But meditating on scripture. So when we're in those moments of the things that we're specifically going to talk about, we go back those scriptures and be like, well, I'm thinking this way and I feel this way but this is the truth. And I just need to remind myself of that, even though it doesn't feel like the truth. That's good. So even having like maybe these scriptures written out on hand so that they're next to you bed stand or in the kitchen window, or some-- Or on our chalkboard right over there. Or on a chalkboard, in your house somewhere. I think that would be really encouraging for those listening to know that a very practical way of being reminded of these scriptures is to just put them in front of you. Yeah, have them on hand. Memorize them. So one of the reasons why I really wanted to talk about this topic today, about fears of a growing family, is because this is exactly where we've been for the last month. I am right almost into the second trimester of our fourth baby. Woohoo! We're so excited about that. And I've just been wrestling with having some fears about our family getting a little bit bigger. And I don't know for those of you listening, if you guys have jumped in and had any kids yet, or maybe you're on two or three, maybe some of you are on six or seven, like some of our friends. Yeah. But I know that some of these fears that we're gonna talk about are super relatable and so hopefully it's encouraging for you to hear what we're gonna talk about today. So why don't you share with us some fears that you're going through right now. Because, although we learn from scripture in second Timothy that we don't have a spirit of fear, when hormones rise up, when your body starts changing, when you start realizing the logistics of the day and you have an overwhelming morning you know, they come up. And it's our job to navigate that with God, so. So yeah, a lot of the things that I've been wrestling with is feeling like, I can't handle it. I can't manage my home, or keep up with the demands of all of the dishes, or feeding everyone, or keeping up with the laundry. And just little things like that. Getting all the crud off the floor after meals. Yeah, from our youngest spilling food on the floor. Yeah so, having to meet all those demands of the day and then looking to our future and saying, and we're gonna have another baby being added to the picture and it just feels overwhelming. That's just one fear that I've been wrestling with. So you're talking about not being to handle it. That just the demands of the day, of life. Feeling exhausted emotionally, mentally, physically. Which are real things because your body has limitations. Especially when I'm pregnant again. Exactly. And your home has limitations, and your time has limitations. The thing that I immediately thought of is acknowledging the weakness 'cause we all, moms out there, you look at any Instagram about moms-- We want to be superheroes. Superheroes, like you're the superhero mom and you're like, oh my gosh she's got a beautiful Instagram feed, and her home's always perfect, and her kids are beautiful and wonderful and act perfectly all the time. And that's just not reality. I think you might have a expectation of yourself that isn't a real expectation, and since you can't live up to it, it hurts. It does hurt. And it breaks you, and it makes you feel more emotional and like a failure. So one thing that husbands can be doing is reminding your wives that they are great. And that the things you're doing are wonderful and you don't have to do everything perfectly. Another thing we should be doing as husbands is cultivating an environment in the home where we're helping. I can't help all the time because I have a job. Many husbands, they have full-time jobs and a lot of wives and moms might have jobs also. That might be adding to the stress also, but cultivating an environment where you know you're helped. Yeah. And I remember reminding you, this morning even when you were dealing with this, I said, "Babe, I'm here with you also." Like you don't need to feel like you have to do it on your own. But the weakness part of this, it reminds me of the scripture of when Paul, in Second Corinthians, is talking about a thorn that's been given to him in his side. It's either an ailment, or someone who's pestering him and we don't know exactly what it is, he never says exactly what it is. But Paul tells us the torment that this thorn is causing him and this is what God's word to him was about this weakness, in Second Corinthians, chapter 12, verse nine it says, And so, reminding ourselves of like it's okay to be weak. We're human. Weakness is a part of who we are. We're in this weak flesh that has cravings, and desires, and hormones, and brokenness. But we have a savior and we have a god that's given us His Holy Spirit that we can actually operate in His strength. And that actually, when we recognize our weakness and we humble ourselves, we actually can glorify Him and his strength. And Paul says, I'll boast all the more gladly in my weakness. So my wife can actually say you know, recognizing that I can't do all of this reminds me of my need for God and His peace, and His comfort, and that I need to run to Him. Because, did you run to Him in those times when you feel the most weak? Not always. Is that your first-- It's not usually my first-- No but, that's what God wants 'cause he wants us-- It's not my first thing ever. I usually go like my own strengths, and my own like, oh I'm gonna get some consulting, I'm gonna get-- I don't run to him first, I don't follow my faith and say, "Okay, Lord, I cannot do this today." I feel like we continue to keep ourselves trying and striving for that ideal perfection or expectation that we've placed on ourselves that we don't slow down enough to do this, what you're saying. Right, and that idea that we can recognize our own weaknesses and our own limitations. You remember a long time ago, on our road trip, or actually we were driving up to the mountains, and we were talking about just time, and strength, and energy. I was telling you how frustrated I am because there's all these things that I wanna do and you told me-- And that was so long ago, and you're right back there. I know. But I explained, I said, being human, we're limited. We can only hold so much weight up. We can only speak so many words. We only have so many hours in a day. We can only stay awake so long. That if we want to accomplish something over here, then there inevitably will have to be other things that will have to be laid aside. Yeah. It's just the reality. So a good example of this is if we want to have, let's say you wanna stay quality time with all your kids. Right? The dishes probably go-- There might have to be some dishes in the sink. And I'm gonna be honest personally, I would rather you spend some quality time with our kids. I think that's really important to acknowledge real quick, just so that people listening can understand this. So understanding each other's expectations of what we're called to do in the home. So knowing that you're okay with dishes in the sink, helps me understand that I can spend that time with the kids and I don't have to rush to go do the dishes in order to please you. Like ultimately we need to understand-- Or please yourself, because you could easily see a clean house as the most important thing for the day, and drop the ball on the children. And then you still might feel like a failure at the end of the day. Yeah. You have a clean house, and kids that are vying for attention. So I do want to encourage those listening that it's really important for a husband and wife to vision together, and to talk about expectations, and figure out what are priorities for your family. And this brings me back again to a husband cultivating a safe environment in the home. If you come home from work and you're bothered that the dishes are dirty, yet your wife had spent all day with your children, and had taught them, and loved them, and fed them, and took care of them, and took them on trips, or did play dates, then you might need to-- You either let the dishes go, or clean them. Or clean them. And that's kind of, or find a time to give her time to herself. If she likes to take care of the house, take the kids and you go spend time with the kids and let her have an hour or two to herself to do what she wants. Yeah. Like I know that sometimes you just wanna clean the house. Yeah. "Hey, Aaron, go play with the kids, I just wanna just clean." Yeah, especially 'cause I like the way that I do it. And since we're a team, I should be like, "Deal, I'll take the kids we're gonna go to the park, we're gonna go for a drive, we're gonna be gone. You won't hear from us." But husbands, cultivating an environment that's healthy and safe for your wife, the mother of your children, because is she feels like you expect her to be everything, perfect for you, perfect for her kids, perfect for your home, you're gonna break her. And this something I have to learn, and we also have to balance, but it also takes communication. You know, talking through these things. And as we're talking about fears of growing family, when those conversations come up, where you guys are talking about maybe growing your family you need to be honest with yourselves and know that your wife might have fears of, well I can't do all the demands of the home if we bring another child into the world because I already can't do it. Right, because like if you're a husband that is just absent, you get home, turn that TV on, get into your video games, hopefully you're not playing video games, but you just kinda check out when you get home and you expect dinner to be ready, and you just view your home time as your sanctuary time, and your wife just kinda keeps going 24/7, I wouldn't wanna have your kids either. That's harsh, but-- I'm just being honest. But that's the kind of men we need to be. If you wanna have a marriage after God and one that…
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