LOVE IS FEARLESS

Latest Episodes:

#145 Q is for QUICK to Reconnect and Repair Nov 20, 2024

You're in the right place if -

you've ever wondered why your home sometimes feels like a battleground rather than a safe haven, and you long for more connection and peace.
you feel stuck in cycles of fear, control, and performance in your relationships and want to learn how to build a truly supportive home environment.
you’re ready to shift from focusing on “good” appearances to creating a home where everyone feels safe, loved, and truly supported.
if you want to understand how to make quick and meaningful repairs in relationships, even when things go wrong, to build a culture of trust and resilience.

In this episode, we share the practical characteristics of a supportive and unsupportive environment at home. We also share stories about how relationships get stuck or unstuck based on the environment we breathe in. Janet shares a powerful reflection about the families she supports in consulting relationships. "So many times, families reach out because their child is stuck in a chronic struggle. In almost every case, the home environment is “good” based on cultural standards. But the child’s struggle is tied to a family dynamic where safety—explicitly or implicitly—is missing. I’ve seen profound transformation when parents begin to intentionally repair the damage done by a lack of safety. Disabilities become capabilities. Dysregulation becomes regulation. A supportive home environment truly brings healing." Listen to this episode to find great hope and linger in these TAKEAWAYS:

Transformational relationships are built on love, trust, and grace, not on control or performance. When love leads, fear loses its grip.
A supportive home environment is not perfect, but it prioritizes quick repairs through confession, repentance, and transformation to maintain safety and connection.
Making your home a safe place involves more than meeting physical needs—it means nourishing each person’s mind, body, and soul, with joy, rest, order, and healthy boundaries.
When we make repairs and lead from a non-anxious presence, we teach our children how to navigate struggles with resilience and security. This helps everyone in the family grow into who God says they are.

Follow Janet on Facebook and Instagram and sign up for her newsletter, THE CURATED LIFE - A FRESH TAKE ON LIVING LOVED, at janetnewberry.com. Visit our recently updated website! john15academy.com Find powerful resources from our friends at trueface.org. DON'T FORGET - We have MERCH! Find so many possibilities by visiting the LOVE IS FEARLESS collection on dicksonthreads.com.

#144 P is for PEACE, PATTERNS, and PARENTS Nov 06, 2024

We recorded this episode less than one week after Hurricane Helene ravaged the southeastern United States, knowing it would publish one day after the presidential elections. Devastating loss is all around. So is chaos. Fear has been eating our peace for lunch since this decade began. Maybe it's because what we're experiencing isn't really peace. Maybe it's pseudo-peace. Listen in as we share wisdom from Dr. Jim Wilder, Dr. Todd Hall, Dr. Curt Thompson, Jamie Winship and more. We start this episode with this working definition of PEACE: Peace is not just the absence of conflict; it’s a deep sense of security and relational harmony. It comes from trusting God, living in our true identity, and being deeply connected to others in love and truth. Peace allows us to live without fear, rooted in our identity in Christ, and to offer grace and connection to others. We share personal stories of chaos and moving on in the direction we learned from insecure attachment patterns - and how that's different than moving on in the direction we experience in secure relationships with God and others. Listen and linger in these TAKEAWAYS:

Peace isn’t something we have outside of a secure relationship. It is the gift of a secure relationship. Parents, peace is a gift we’re designed to give our children, so they will learn to receive it from their heavenly Father, too.
"And everything I've taught you is so that the peace which is in me will be in you and will give you great confidence as you rest in me. For in this unbelieving world you will experience trouble and sorrows, but you must be courageous, for I have conquered the world!" John 16:33 (The Passion Translation)
Ultimately, healing our early attachment wounds and moving toward secure attachment with God and others is essential for experiencing true peace in life. True peace comes from living in our authentic identity, secure in God’s love and grace, and being able to offer that same love and security in our relationships with others.

Please pray with us about our upcoming end of year campaign for John 15 Academy. Because we're excited about a new initiative we get to offer that will have impact and influence on hundreds (maybe thousands!) of families, we're setting our biggest fundraising goal ever. Visit our website to sign up for our newsletter, THE CURATED LIFE, and to give now. We promised links to these three LIF episodes in today's conversation: An episode from New Year's Eve, 2019 - #79 - How Does Fear Make Us Weak? We talk about the healing power of lament in #134 - G is for GRIEF, GRATITUDE, and GENEROSITY An episode with John Lynch - #86 - Why Love Is The Only Weapon Against Self-Sabotage DON'T FORGET - We have MERCH! Find fun choices by visiting the LOVE IS FEARLESS collection on dicksonthreads.com. Thank you, Jana Dickson, for making a donation to John 15 Academy for every purchase made from this collection. Together, there is great hope.

#143: O is for OUT WITH THE OLD Oct 16, 2024

Once upon a time, gas stations gave you a choice - leaded or unleaded fuel. Now, the choice we make is now how unleaded do we want to be? If we pay more, we get cleaner fuel - which is better for our vehicles, but also better for the environment. We have this choice at home, too. We can either run on the fuel by design or fuel by default. By default, we buy the cheap stuff. Fear and shame get the job done. It burns dirty, but it doesn’t cost much - and it works. By design, we make a different choice. Love and truth are not cheap. They cost us time. They require that we sacrifice the efficiency and control that fear and shame give us in our relationships. But they offer something more that efficiency and control can never provide. Learning to benefit from love and truth as the fuel in our homes, instead of the fuel of fear and shame, is the heart of everything we offer at John 15 Academy - and it is the foundational message of this podcast. Find resources and an invitation to support our work with families on our website. In this episode, we make key distinctions between "the old way" of fear and shame and "the new way" of Jesus, and we offer these TAKEAWAYS:

Life by default offers a good life. Life by design offers an abundant life–more than we can ever dream or imagine.
A man-made life conforms us to the patterns of the empire/this world. We are our own source. A God-made life transforms us more and more into the likeness of Jesus - and we only experience transformation when we follow the way of Jesus. The way of Jesus is a God-sourced life.
The New Way is the original way. The old way is a knock-off. It’s like buying a counterfeit story and counting on it to be a fairy tale. We are designed to be transformed. We will never be satisfied in a life of conformity–no matter how high we set the standards.
As parent and youth leaders and pastors, we get frustrated when we don’t see evidence of spiritual transformation–but we don’t stop to consider that transformation is impossible in a transactional system.

Follow Janet on Facebook and Instagram and sign up for her newsletter, THE CURATED LIFE - A FRESH TAKE ON LIVING LOVED, at janetnewberry.com. Contemplate new ideas in Janet's book - Education by Design, Not Default - How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning. DON'T FORGET - We have MERCH! Find so many possibilities by visiting the LOVE IS FEARLESS collection on dicksonthreads.com.

#142: N is for NUTRITIONAL RELATIONSHIPS Oct 02, 2024

We're jumping back into THE CURATED LIFE alphabet in this episode - marking places on the map of our new life in Christ in the Kingdom of God. You're in the right place if...

you’re ready to make a change - not just in what you’re eating or how much you’re exercising, but you’re ready to look honestly at the stories you’re telling yourself and at the relationships that are having a significant effect on your soul.
you feel exhausted by performance-driven living and parenting and want to create a home where love, acceptance, and growth are non-negotiable.
you want to understand how meeting your family's true needs can lead to deeper connection, joy, and spiritual health.

Doug and I are geeking out right now about the great resources on Dr. Ben Edward's website. We're excited about nourishing our bodies in the way God designed them to stay healthy. And we're recognizing that our family relationships need nourishment, too. Without relational nutrition, our relationships shrink instead of grow. Our relationships get sick instead of heal. In today's conversation, we're playing with an analogy that our families are the carburetors in our homes--designed to make clean energy with love, not fear. Transformational relationships offer love in these individual-sized portions:

Emotional safety
Active listening
Grace over performance
Consistent routines
Conflict resolution
Encouragement and affirmation
Presence and engagement
Shared responsibility
Spiritual growth
Freedom to struggle

Learn more about offering this menu of relational nutrition to your family and linger in these TAKEAWAYS:

When we struggle in a culture of fear, we often change the truth. The change conforms us to the patterns of this world and deforms God’s story for our lives. When we struggle in a culture of love, the truth changes us. The change is called maturity, God’s story for our lives. God calls this change transformation.
In the kingdom of God, love is a process of meeting needs, not rewarding or punishing behavior. As parents, when we say “I love you” to our child, we mean, “I will meet your needs and help you tell your story more truly.” We can say that to our children because we’ve let God say that to us.
We can build homes where families intentionally prioritize transformational relationships, build emotionally supportive environments, and enjoy an identity-focused lifestyle that metabolizes the potential damage of excessive transactional relationships, emotionally immature environments, and a performance-obsessed lifestyle that feels toxic–because it is.

Enjoy these resources, mentioned in this episode: Veritas Wellness, Dr. Ben Edwards John 15 Academy The Power of Knowing Your True Identity - You're The Cure - a conversation with Dr. Ben Edwards and Jamie Winship LOVE IS FEARLESS is the voice of John 15 Academy and is a donor-supported podcast. Thank you for prayerfully considering becoming a ministry partner. Choose a one-time or monthly donation to share the good news that the Kingdom of God is at hand. You can follow Janet on Facebook and Instagram and sign up for her newsletter, THE CURATED LIFE—A FRESH TAKE ON LIVING LOVED, at janetnewberry.com. DON'T FORGET - We have MERCH! Find so many possibilities by visiting the LOVE IS FEARLESS collection on dicksonthreads.com.

#141: "One of Us" - Embracing Our Shared Humanity with David Gregory Aug 21, 2024

We're honored to welcome David Gregory to the Love Is Fearless podcast today. David is a bestselling author known for his compelling storytelling and insightful exploration of human connections, including our connection to God. His upcoming book, One of Us, promises to explore profound themes that resonate deeply with our journey of living loved and fearless. Join us as we dive into a conversation about identity, belonging, and the transformative power of understanding our shared humanity. We highlight these quotes from this retelling of the gospel, set in current times, in modern-day America:

"God is going to completely change things up," he announced. "So get ready. Change how you think about God. Believe what he's about to show you."
"God is completely changing how your lives are going to work," he proclaimed. "A bigger change than you ever imagined. A new government is right around the corner. God's government. A new system is coming! A totally new arrangement! The bulldozers are already on the way."
"The time has arrived to accomplish what I'd come to earth for: to connect people to El Papa."

The TAKEAWAYS from this episode are questions for our listeners to play with:

Creativity is a gift in the Kingdom of God—and when we’re afraid, we conform instead of create. If you could create anything that would benefit humanity today, what gift would you give to our world?
What would be different in your life today if Jesus came to your town? What keeps you from believing He’s here now?
“God is completely changing how your lives are going to work,” he proclaimed. “A bigger change than you ever imagined. A new government is right around the corner. God’s government. A new system is coming! A totally new arrangement! The bulldozers are already on the way.” What if Jesus drives a bulldozer? What hope can you find when you trust He’s already changed the world and now we get to live like the change has already happened?

One of Us is available on davidgregorybooks.com, Amazon, and other online bookstores. David's new website, freewithGod.com, is coming soon! Other books by David Gregory include: The Rest of the Gospel: When The Partial Gospel Has Worn You Out by Dan Stone and David Gregory Dinner With A Perfect Stranger: An Invitation Worth Considering Beyond Rules: God As You Never Imagined If Jesus Loves Me, Why Isn't This Working? LOVE IS FEARLESS is the voice of John 15 Academy and is a donor-supported podcast. Thank you for prayerfully considering becoming a ministry partner. Choose a one-time or monthly donation to share the good news that the Kingdom of God is at hand. You can follow Janet on Facebook and Instagram and sign up for her newsletter, THE CURATED LIFE—A FRESH TAKE ON LIVING LOVED, at janetnewberry.com. DON'T FORGET - We have MERCH! Find so many possibilities by visiting the LOVE IS FEARLESS collection on dicksonthreads.com.

#140 M is for MARRIAGE, MONEY, and MYSTERY Aug 07, 2024

Today’s episode is about how the traditions of fear and law teach us to navigate marriage, money, and mystery–and how safe relationships and secure environments transform our distorted stories. You’re in the right place if…

Your marriage is good. You have a good routine. You even have date nights built into your routine. But if you’re honest, even the conversations you share on date nights have become routine–and if you’re really honest, you wonder if there’s something better than a good routine.
Your finances are in good shape. You’ve survived COVID, and the inflation of grocery prices has been noticeable to you but not detrimental to your family. You even give an offering at church and make a few charitable contributions to causes you care about at the end of every year. But if you’re really honest, there’s a thought buried deep inside that tries to come to the surface that says, “Playing it safe in the kingdom is different than playing it safe in the empire,”--and you’re curious.
Your marriage is not good–or you’re not even married. Your finances are not good either. But you are on a journey of restoration. You’re hungry for wisdom, not just another formula–or a better way to stick to a stale routine or false tradition.

We've discovered a hunger for wisdom in our journeys of healing and wholeness. Wisdom is not the same as validation for what we've already known and are desperate to prove because we need to be correct. Being rightly related provides the safety we need to risk changing our minds. Join Doug and Janet in this conversation about marriage, money, and mystery in the kingdom of God and linger in these TAKEAWAYS:

The kingdom is a safe place to do the real work of recovering from the empire.
The kingdom of God is a wealth of resources, and we experience the benefits of these resources when we see them with the eyes of faith. Contemplation, creativity, and collaboration solve problems that tradition, legalism, and self-effort can't resolve.
"When we are powerless to do a thing, it is a great joy that we can come and step inside the ability of Jesus." (Corrie Ten Boom) This is the power of grace. In the kingdom of God, we discover we have personal agency--and that gift gets lost in the empires of this world. Better than that, we find out we have the power of grace. God's agency is more powerful than our own--and we are abiding in Him, and He is abiding in us.

These valuable resources are a part of this episode: Strong Like Water--Finding the Freedom, Safety, and Compassion to Move through Hard Things & Experience True Flourishing by Aundi Kolber Living Fearless - Exchanging the Lies of the World for the Liberating Truth of God by Jamie Winship Secure Love - Create A Relationship That Lasts A Lifetime by Julie Menanno Season Three of the LOVE IS FEARLESS podcast - Love Is A Process of Meeting Needs LOVE IS FEARLESS is the voice of John 15 Academy and is a donor-supported podcast. Thank you for prayerfully considering becoming a ministry partner. Choose a one-time or monthly donation to share the good news that the Kingdom of God is at hand. Follow Janet on Facebook and Instagram and sign up for her newsletter, THE CURATED LIFE - A FRESH TAKE ON LIVING LOVED, at janetnewberry.com. DON'T FORGET - We have MERCH! Find so many possibilities by visiting the LOVE IS FEARLESS collection on dicksonthreads.com.

#139: L is for Listening, Language, and Legacy Jul 17, 2024

The worldview of the state we grew up in significantly impacted our view of personal identity, worthiness, and purpose in life. Our worldview teaches us what to value. It also teaches us our language, including the words we use and the stories we tell ourselves. More than that, our worldview constructs our nervous systems, so even when we want to change, we can't--without supernatural intervention. You're in the right place:

If you’re brave enough to admit you’re stuck. It's not that you don't fit it in--you do. You may even be successful. But the underlying stuff that’s nagged you for a while is not going away. It may even be getting worse.
If you love God and love church and want to pretend that all this deconstructing faith stuff is a lousy pandemic. You pray it will end soon. OR - you love God, and it’s painful to go to church, and you’re deconstructing your faith, but it seems the new theology you’re embracing is still drawing lines in the sand, which is one of the reasons why going to church is painful and you started deconstructing your faith, to begin with.
If you have ever considered this idea, Jesus didn’t come to train a few followers in a new message, who then went out and changed the world. Jesus changed the world and sent out followers who embodied that change because they had trusted and experienced it. They invited others to step into what was already changed because Jesus had already changed everything.

The disciples didn’t change the world; Jesus did. The disciples died because people didn’t want the changes Jesus made, but that didn’t re-establish the world to its previous state. This episode is a wild ride, friends. Thank you for believing in the changes Jesus made with us. We conclude this conversation with these TAKEAWAYS:

We’re either going to listen to the stories written in our nervous systems, or we’re going to listen to God. Listening to God will rewrite our stories because it will rewire our nervous systems.
New relational experiences matter because those experiences are how we construct a new nervous system that allows our new identity to live and have an impact. Without building a new nervous system, we’ll try to live in our true identity in a false state.
For such a time as this, the impact of our God-given identity will be as a part of the construction crew for God’s kingdom. Our identity is our gift to the world. The kingdom is here now, and we’re building it. A new state. A new worldview.

LOVE IS FEARLESS is the voice of John 15 Academy and is a donor-supported podcast. Thank you for prayerfully considering becoming a ministry partner. Choose a one-time or monthly donation to share the good news that the Kingdom of God is at hand. Follow Janet on Facebook and Instagram and sign up for her newsletter, THE CURATED LIFE - A FRESH TAKE ON LIVING LOVED, at janetnewberry.com. Contemplate new ideas in Janet's book - Education by Design, Not Default - How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning.Contemplate new ideas in Jamie Winship's book -Living Fearless - Exchanging the Lies of the World for the Liberating Truth of God. DON'T FORGET - We have MERCH! Find so many possibilities by visiting the LOVE IS FEARLESS collection on dicksonthreads.com.

#138: K is for KING, KINGDOM, and KEY CHANGE Jul 03, 2024

If you’ve listened to even a few of our latest episodes, you know we’re digging in pretty deep into Jamie Winship’s teachings about our God-given unique identity and his teachings about worldview. Why is identity and worldview important? Jamie reminds us that organized religion is very resistant to paradigm shifts, and he explains it this way. “We’ve exchanged the great commandment for the great commission. Instead of lovers, we’re theological conflict starters, with a goal of overpowering.” How we see the King determines how we interact with the King. How we see ourselves determines how we interact with the King. How we see the Kingdom determines how we impact the world. In this episode, we remind ourselves that the kingdom is about a family. God is our Father. We linger in the dynamic sweetness of this question, "What does it look like to live confidently as His child?" Father is singing a song over us as His children and we may have missed the key change. The kingdom of heaven is at hand. That changes everything. Join us in this new conversation, and prayerfully consider these TAKEAWAYS:

Changing how we see ourselves, how we see the King, and how we see the world impacts how we engage with God, how we engage our stories, and how we impact the world.
We have a King who sets us free and who came to earth to show us how to live free, not simply to announce we’ve been set free.
This journey in our earthly bodies is experienced in the Empire, but the story Father has written for our lives since before the beginning of time is experienced in the Kingdom of God. The Kingdom of God is at hand.

LOVE IS FEARLESS is the voice of John 15 Academy and is a donor-supported podcast. Thank you for prayerfully considering becoming a ministry partner. Choose a one-time or monthly donation to share the good news that the Kingdom of God is at hand. Follow Janet on Facebook and Instagram and sign up for her newsletter, THE CURATED LIFE - A FRESH TAKE ON LIVING LOVED, at janetnewberry.com. DON'T FORGET - We have MERCH! Find so many possibilities by visiting the LOVE IS FEARLESS collection on dicksonthreads.com.

#137: J is for JOY, JESUS, and TRUTH-TELLING Jun 19, 2024

Christopher Cook says, "Transformation doesn't happen in a day. Transformation happens daily." And this is true, too: Conforming doesn't happen in a day either. Conforming to the patterns of our insecure attachments happens daily, too. Until it doesn't. Father is committed to our healing and transformation, friends. Our part is to let it happen. We get to keep putting ourselves in the way of faith, hope, and love. We get to keep on remembering that we are in the Father's keeping. Join Janet and Doug in this episode about the power of JOY, JESUS, and TRUTH-TELLING and linger in these TAKEAWAYS -

“Your truth is a trap. For me in my story, the first step was surrender. But surrender wasn’t giving up, it was giving into a process of confrontation of my dysfunction that would lead to transformation and the renovation of my heart–to use the language of Dallas Willard.” Chris writes about the trap of self-creation in his book, Healing What You Can’t Erase. This quote is from a podcast conversation Christ had with Dr. Lee Warren. https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/spiritual-brain-surgery-with-dr-lee-warren/id1727926069?i=1000649682902
In that same podcast, Dr. Warren said - "Our great Physician designed our minds to interface with Him and influence the wiring of our brain to optimize the function of our bodies. And He did that so we can live this life we’re created to live. We are transformed so we can help other people transform. (Isaiah 61)"
Insecure attachments are the patterns of this world. Being transformed happens when we participate in the renewing of our minds and building an earned, secure attachment to Our Father–who still speaks. “Abide in Me” means more than we can imagine. (Janet Newberry)

Janet and Doug mention these resources in this episode - Follow Janet on Facebook and Instagram and sign up for her newsletter THE CURATED LIFE - A FRESH TAKE ON LIVING LOVED at janetnewberry.com Hailey Paige Magee - STOP People Pleasing And Find Your PowerSECURE LOVE - Create A Relationship That Lasts A Lifetime by Julie Mananno, The Secure Relationship Education by Design, Not Default - How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning by Janet Newberry LOVE IS FEARLESS is the voice of John 15 Academy and is a donor-supported podcast. Thank you for prayerfully considering becoming a ministry partner. Choose a one-time or monthly donation to share the good news that the Kingdom of God is at hand. DON'T FORGET - We have MERCH! Find so many possibilities by visiting the LOVE IS FEARLESS collection on dicksonthreads.com

#136 I is for IDENTITY, IMAGINATION, and INNOVATION Jun 06, 2024

Episode #136 is all about wiping the fog off the mirror and looking more clearly at our worldview. For a long time, "worldview" was a philosophical concept, but it wasn't very practical to us. This episode unveils the freedom we find when we admit there's more than one way to see the world. God doesn’t see us the way the world does. God doesn’t see the world the way we do either. Seeing ourselves from God’s perspective is a big deal. Seeing the world from God’s perspective is a big deal, too. How does God view me? That’s my identity – and He knows me best because He made me. How does God view the world? That’s the worldview I want to see. You’re in the right place if -

You’re ready to live in peace. Our lifestyles are sourced in fear and scarcity. Our souls are cluttered. Even though our identity with God is settled for eternity, we’re distracted here and now. Fear–in one form or another– prevents contemplation so we stay stuck in false identities and false traditions–that keep us living in conflict instead of at peace.
You’re curating a life of faith–intentionally putting yourself in relationships with people who help you see yourself the way God does…and who help you see life (and the world) the way God does, too.
You’re risking something other than a status-quo life. You’re trusting that voice inside you that tells you there’s more than the current state of our social structure and the values that come with a traditional life.

God isn’t building an empire; He’s building a kingdom—and we believe that, before the beginning of time, He knit us together in our mother’s womb with unique identities. That means God has wired us to contribute our gifts to each other, to our community, and to the world–to help bring His Kingdom on earth as it is in heaven. And He’s wired us so that we need the gifts others are wired to contribute, too. TAKEAWAYS -

Living loved happens more often in a connection worldview than in a separation worldview–and living loved generates a connection worldview, too. Giving what others need and receiving what we need is a dynamic way to explain what it means to love one another.
God is asking us, “Can I help you think differently about the world around you?”
Fear is the biggest obstacle to innovation. A worldview based on love and interconnectedness is necessary for positive change. Learning to view ourselves and the world the way God does is becoming my new way of understanding how Jesus, the Source of our lives, gives sight to the blind.

LOVE IS FEARLESS is the voice of John 15 Academy and is a donor-supported podcast. Thank you for prayerfully considering becoming a ministry partner. Choose a one-time or monthly donation to share the good news that the Kingdom of God is at hand. DON'T FORGET - We have MERCH! Find so many possibilities, including an 11x14 poster for sale for only $12 that reads - She was not hindered by fear. Nor was she penned in by personal preferences. Her mind was curious and her heart was open and alive. Visit the LOVE IS FEARLESS collection on dicksonthreads.com In Season Three, we started a new conversation with Scott Morrison in episode #76 - WHY INTEGRITY MATTERS. Check it out! We found inspiration for this episode in many sources, including these podcast episodes - Knowing Your Identity + Hearing From God with Jamie Winship Education is The Key To ALL Social Issues with Jamie Winship Janet's book Education by Design, Not Default - How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning shares innovative ideas for families and educators about childhood in a connected worldview. Get your copy on Amazon today.

#135: H is for HONOR, HUMILITY, and HOPE May 15, 2024

LOVE IS FEARLESS is a lifestyle that embraces intentionally curating a personal narrative with a different MO because we recognize experiences of peace instead of anxiety and love instead of fear. Season Five is a journey through THE CURATED LIFE alphabet. We're making a map of these experiences in the Kingdom of God. You’re in the right place if -

You’re aware of the dangers, risks, and threats in the world today but you don’t want your nervous system shaped by what you’re afraid of. You want your nervous system transformed by what you love–and what loves you.
You’ve seen enough on social media or read a few new non-fiction bestsellers to notice that people with trustworthy credentials are starting new conversations. The “power through” and “pull yourselves up by your bootstraps” strategies many of us have relied on for ourselves and in our parenting–are part of the problem with our relationships, our mental health, and the distance we sense in our relationship with God.
You’re not lying to yourself any more about the risks of too much sugar, too many artificial ingredients, or too little sleep–and you’re willing to examine how you’re curating a life that builds a secure nervous system and safe relationships, not just a secure financial story or an admirable social media front.

For too long, we've predicted our future based on our history instead of based on our God. A future dependent on measuring up depends on a lifestyle fueled by fear. Fear is the gas we self-generate. A future dependent on growing up into the identity God gives us (not based on our successes or failures) depends on a lifestyle fueled by love. Love is a gift we receive from God and others. In the Kingdom of God, we live from our identity not from our resume. When our history is touched by humility, our stories honor God instead of ourselves. Linger for a while in these TAKEAWAYS:

God doesn’t see us as beneficial based on our success according to worldly standards. God sees us as His children and He equips us to bring the kingdom to the empire, not the empire to the kingdom
My history is not my future if my personal narrative is set in the Kingdom of God.
We are going on a journey of transformation because we recognize that what we have become is not all we can be. The challenge isn’t simply becoming something different. The challenge is unbecoming all we were never meant to be and becoming all we are invited to be as a community that trusts God in a broken world.

We share wisdom from these friends and resources in this episode: John Lynch/John Lynch Speaks Kingdom, Grace, Judgment, Paradox, Outrage, and Vindication in the Parables of Jesus by Robert Farrar Capon LOVE IS FEARLESS is the voice of John 15 Academy and is a donor-supported podcast. Thank you for prayerfully considering becoming a ministry partner. Choose a one-time or monthly donation to share the good news that the Kingdom of God is at hand. It’s not just a tagline—together, there is great hope. Subscribe to Janet's newsletter, THE CURATED LIFE, at janetnewberry.com. Also, shop fun merch from the LOVE IS FEARLESS collection. Every purchase from this collection helps support our work with John 15 Academy. New boost

#134: G is for GRIEF, GRATITUDE, and GENEROSITY May 01, 2024

In season five, we’re having conversations about the atmosphere we breathe in, the rhythms we create, and the relationships and ideas we trust—and how different these things are when we live loved instead of living afraid. You’re in the right place if -

You’re ready to create a lifestyle for yourself that builds a context for transformation instead of a context for conforming to the patterns of this world.
You’re NOT ready to plant a flag in the land of losing, even though you’re NOT winning right now–at least not in the way the world describes victory.
You’re recognizing that when you orient your life around a personal identity based on what you have, what you do, and what other people think of you - you learn to navigate painful emotions in ways that write the next scenes of your life based on your pain instead of based on God’s presence in your pain.

In this episode, we're discovering that the place of grief is often where we discover our hearts' longings and our real values. Pain wants us to listen to fear instead of Love, but gratitude—not for the pain but for God's presence with us in the pain—is an antidote to fear. If you're experiencing grief in this chapter of your story, join Janet and Doug on this episode and linger in these TAKEAWAYS:

Ebenezer is a Hebrew word that means “stone of help.” It has become synonymous with the idea of God reaching down to lend a helping hand to those most in need. In the Kingdom of God, we can set an Ebenezer stone in the parts of our story where things are not good because something’s missing–or because someone is missing. The stone can be a reminder of what we found in our grief that was heavy with value, not simply heavy with pain.
GRATITUDE is a CONFESSION of trust in God's goodness. It is a way of moving from our sympathetic nervous system to our parasympathetic nervous system and holding God’s hand as He leads us to the playground of our mind.
GENEROSITY is the fruit of living loved instead of afraid.

In the Kingdom of God, we have the benefit of not being our own experts. There is an order to things. Wisdom takes the lead. We get to follow. And we get to choose who we follow - who influences us. In this episode, Janet says, "Most of the conversations we have in our marriage are about something we’re reading, listening to, or noticing in the lives of people we trust to lead us. We share wisdom from these friends and influencers in this episode: Dan Allender - Janet read a quote from this article in this episode. https://theallendercenter.org/2016/06/hidden-hope-lament/ Dr. Curt Thompson Dr. Todd Hall Jamie Winship LOVE IS FEARLESS is the voice of John 15 Academy and is a donor-supported podcast. Thank you for prayerfully considering becoming a ministry partner. Choose a one-time or monthly donation to share the good news that the Kingdom of God is at hand. It’s not just a tagline—together, there is great hope. Subscribe to Janet's newsletter, THE CURATED LIFE, at janetnewberry.com. Also, shop fun merch from the LOVE IS FEARLESS collection. Every purchase from this collection helps support our work with John 15 Academy.

#133: F is for FREEDOM Apr 17, 2024

You’re in the right place if:

You’re curious about FREEDOM because you want it but you’re not experiencing it.
You’re afraid of FREEDOM because when you offer it to your kids, life seems to go off the rails and circumstances seem to get worse instead of better. Control seems to be a better option.
You’ve heard the original good news of the gospel—that you’re not a sinner striving to become a saint, but a saint who sometimes sins—AND you’re wondering why you feel stuck in your old story instead of hopeful in your new life.

In this episode, Doug and Janet are playing with putting these four words together like the four sides of a puzzle: freedom, connection, completeness, and maturity. This is the puzzle we’re discovering called LIFE in the KINGDOM. Contrast those four sides of the puzzle: bondage, separateness, scarcity, and immaturity. This is the puzzle we’re walking out of called LIFE in the EMPIRE. Here's why it matters: When I believe in my completeness, my self-talk is generative, my desires are generous, and my relationships bear good fruit. When I believe in my lack, I tell myself a distorted self-story. My self-talk is critical. My desire is to control what you think of me and protect my image. I need to consume more, and I believe what I need to acquire is scarce--so I live in conflict with others. In the empires of this world, it is impossible for me to love you because I don't see myself truly. This episode is deep, wide, and practical. Linger in these takeaways and share this one with your friends.

Freedom in Christ is most realized when the person reflecting me back to me sees me as complete instead of lacking.
Discovering how to persevere in struggle and recover from getting off course when I pursue the desires I follow, believing lies about myself, is a key part of my journey to wholeness and maturity.
JAMES 1:2-5 (NIV) Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

LOVE IS FEARLESS is the voice of John 15 Academy and is a donor-supported podcast. Thank you for prayerfully considering becoming a ministry partner. Choose a one-time or monthly donation to share the good news that the Kingdom of God is at hand. It’s not just a tagline—together, there is great hope. Subscribe to Janet's newsletter, THE CURATED LIFE, at janetnewberry.com. Also, shop fun merch from the LOVE IS FEARLESS collection, including T-shirts, hoodies, kitchen towels, posters, and more. Every purchase from this collection helps support our work with John 15 Academy.

#132: E is for ENERGY Apr 03, 2024

The kingdom of God offers us a different kind of energy than the empire of the world. The source of kingdom energy is God. His energy is love, and when we’re aware that we’re plugged into this power, we experience peace--not anxiety. Love energy is supernatural energy. That's one big reason why living loved feels so different from living afraid, so you’re in the right place if -

You’re tired of running on the fuel of fear and anxiety and you’re hungry for permission to believe in something more.
You enjoy hearing supernatural stories that empower you to believe in more than your natural eyes can see and your natural ears can hear.
You’re ready to live a life trusting that you are valuable and protected by the God of the Universe who is your Father - and who is inviting you into a love story of epic proportions because you are His child.

In this episode, Janet tells a supernatural love story, and Doug reminds us that the way things are in our world is not the way things can be in the kingdom. God is making all things new—and that’s His provision. He protects the vulnerable and writes a new story that's impossible without Him. Dare to imagine a supernatural love story with God as you listen to this episode and linger in these TAKEAWAYS:

Don’t simply pray for broken relationships to be healed. Pray for God’s power to bring forth a new relationship to enjoy where broken has been something you’ve lived with for too long.
Empowered means “giving someone the authority or power to do something” or “making someone stronger and more confident.” Being empowered in the Kingdom of God is very different from being empowered in the systems that exist in our world today because the roots of these systems were built before Jesus gave us a new heart, a new covenant, and ushered in a new kingdom.
The energy in the kingdom of God primarily protects the vulnerable and provides the priceless. As followers of Jesus, we have this power, too. We are empowered and can empower others - with love, not fear.

Janet and Doug talk about these resources in this episode: Episode #72 - Anxiety, Depression, and the Energy LOVE Offers The Heart Of Man It’s not just a tagline—together, there is great hope. Subscribe to Janet's newsletter, THE CURATED LIFE, at janetnewberry.com. Also, shop fun merch from the LOVE IS FEARLESS collection, including t-shirts, hoodies, kitchen towels, posters, and more. Every purchase from this collection helps support our work with John 15 Academy.

#131: D is for DREAMS Mar 20, 2024

This episode could be titled: Tomato Plants, Polar Bears, and Humans - that’s going to make more sense as we get farther into our conversation, but you're in the right place if:

You need more than relief - you need a new story.
Sometimes, your imagination runs wild with love instead of fear.
You have ever dared to consider this idea - Jesus didn’t come to train a few followers in a new message who then went out and changed the world. Jesus changed the world and sent out followers who embodied that change because they had trusted and experienced it in their lives.

Everything changes in the Kingdom! Romans 12:2 tells us, "Stop imitating the ideals and opinions of the culture around you, but be inwardly transformed by the Holy Spirit through a total reformation of how you think. This will empower you to discern God's will as you live a beautiful life, satisfying and perfect in his eyes. (TPT) The dreams we have in the empire of the world are not the kind of dreams God created us to imagine and enjoy - because the kingdom of God is at hand - so why would He give us worldly dreams? You're in the right place if you're imagining something more than a way to cope with the systems of this world. Join Janet and Doug in a new, mind-stretching episode and linger in these TAKEAWAYS:

The gospel is bigger than we thought - a new identity, a new family, and a new kingdom.
How did we become convinced that helping people cope is the best we can hope for?
Are we dreaming empire dreams or kingdom dreams?

Listen to the interview we talked about with Susie Larson and Jamie Winship here - HEARING FROM GOD It’s not just a tagline - together, there is great hope. Subscribe to Janet's newsletter, THE CURATED LIFE at janetnewberry.com. Also, shop fun merch from the LOVE IS FEARLESS collection to find t-shirts, hoodies, kitchen towels, posters, and more. Every purchase from this collection helps support our work with John 15 Academy.

#130: C is for CONVERSATIONS Mar 06, 2024

We’re recording this episode one month after the end of the holiday season - and as much as we all get excited about Christmas parties and family gatherings…most of the families we talk to are still navigating some confusing and maybe some painful relationship struggles that have carried over into the new year. You’re in the right place if -

You come from a good family but your family relationships are some of the most challenging - or maybe most painful. You want to be a good family member and do the right thing but honestly, sometimes, family is the place where there are more accusers than defenders.
The conversations in your family of origin haven’t changed over time because the people in your family haven’t changed. The most emotionally unstable person gets to be in charge - or have the most influence. People still choose sides as a way of self-protecting or self-promoting. When you think about it, your good family has as many things in common with a gang as it does with an alliance.
You’re hungry for people who can help you heal instead of simply winning an argument or being the star of the show at family reunions. You’re more excited about being transformed than being conformed to the patterns of your childhood that taught you to live afraid in the first place.

Your family matters because those relationships formed your identity - whether it is the identity that God imprinted in your DNA or not. If you’re being intentional about learning to live loved instead of afraid at this season of your life right now, learning to live afraid was what you learned first in your family of origin. The Curated Life alphabet will give you some new landmarks to put on your daily map - so you can build a life and a community that will impact and influence you with the love that reminds you who God says you are. Listen in as Doug and Janet talk about "family conversations" in the kingdom of God and linger in these TAKEAWAYS:

Conversations will either transform us or conform us to the patterns of this world. Conversations are culture carriers. We learn who we are and what we value in the words we hear and speak - and the patterns we develop for how we exchange words with each other - or the patterns for how we avoid exchanging words with each other.
Safe, generative, deep conversations are one of the most defining signposts in a culture of love - and shallow conversations riddled with guilt, shame, bullying, sarcasm, and dismissive accusations are possibly the most recognizable negative cycles in a culture of fear.
Conversations will either transform the world around us or conform the world around us. It is not the world that generates our conversations. It is our conversations that generate our world.

In this episode, we suggest listening to others have safe, generative, deep conversations as part of your Curated Life. Susie Larson and Jamie Winship have some of the most transformative conversations we've heard. A few suggestions include - Discovering Your True Self As You Fight Your Fears Believing What's True This LOVE IS FEARLESS episode with John Lynch shares the power of PERMISSION in a Curated Life. Why Love Is The Only Weapon Against Self-Sabotage Janet's book includes questions that build generative conversations. Education By Design, Not Default - How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning Doug read a selection from Jamie Winship's book Living Fearless to help you experience the difference between generative and formulaic conversations. Share today's episode with a friend and then share your considerations and questions with each other in a safe, generative, deep conversation. Together, there is great hope.

#129: Beauty Is Hope Feb 21, 2024

B stands for BEAUTY in THE CURATED LIFE alphabet because we're letting God be our narrative therapist and He is helping us draw a map out of the land of fear stories into the land of love stories. If you missed episode #128, "B is for BEAUTY," check it out! Our guest in this episode is Joshua Gordon. Josh is a lay pastor, husband, dad to five kids, business owner, and author of Antidote For My Anxiety. He writes honestly and openly about his journey of faith, and how Jesus brings change in areas of struggle, frustration, and difficulty. Join us in a new conversation about beauty where we invite you to trust these life-giving truths -

Beauty gives me a great sense of honor.
Beauty can transport us. It can lift our eyes from whatever mess we’re in.
Beauty is hope - and the sense of hope reminds me, “That’s Jesus!”

Joshua's book begins with “I have big feelings, and they are a target.” Isn't that where so many of our stories begin? Or where our stories get stuck? Today's conversation invites you to linger in these TAKEAWAYS:

My feelings of stress, fear, etc... are signal flags indicating areas where Jesus needs my cooperation to further heal my heart.
A vibrant, passionate relationship with Jesus (i.e., one where he has earned my trust... and I have risked giving it) most often grows in deeply uncomfortable circumstances.
Jesus is my Antidote. I need to go back to Him again and again. And again.

RUN! Don't dawdle to Lazarusbooks.com to buy your own copy of Antidote For My Anxiety and follow Josh on IG @joshuahgordon. We predict you'll go back and buy more copies for friends and family, too. It’s not just a tagline - together, there is great hope. Subscribe to Janet's newsletter, THE CURATED LIFE at janetnewberry.com. Also, shop fun merch from the LOVE IS FEARLESS collection to find t-shirts, hoodies, kitchen towels, posters, and more. Every purchase from this collection helps support our work with John 15 Academy.

#128: B is for BEAUTY Feb 07, 2024

You’re in the right place if -

You’re wondering why you’ve checked off all the boxes on the roadmap to success but you’re still struggling - with your habits, your finances, your spouse, or your emotions.
You’re wondering why you keep getting sucked into the same destructive cycles in your story even if you’re really smart.
You’re beginning to recognize that your relational assets are as important in your story as any other assets.

In season five, we’re committed to helping you embrace a primary goal of living loved instead of simply measuring up. Trying to measure up makes us afraid of not measuring up. Living loved often helps us experience success without the artificial ingredient of fear. The Curated Life alphabet is going to give you some new landmarks to put on your daily map - so you can build a life and a community that will offer you the love that doesn’t leave you empty inside. When you're living loved, loving others happens naturally. Doug and Janet start some fiesty new conversations, tell us why BEAUTY is vital in a living loved story, and leave us with these TAKEAWAYS -

The love of God is a source of comfort and challenge. We need both to help us heal and grow.
Beauty is a reliable source of comfort. Comfort is what we need to feel safe - and when we feel steady, we naturally move out into the world and embrace the challenges that help us grow.
Beauty is a reliable source of challenge. Beauty challenges me to trust that I am who God says I am. I am the beneficiary of his gifts of beauty - and I am created in his image, so my heart will experience deep satisfaction when I bring beauty to the world the way he does.

It’s not just a tagline - together, there is great hope. Subscribe to Janet's newsletter, THE CURATED LIFE at janetnewberry.com. Also, shop fun merch from the LOVE IS FEARLESS collection to find t-shirts, hoodies, kitchen towels, posters, and more. Every purchase from this collection helps support our work with John 15 Academy.

#127: A is for AFFECTIONS Jan 24, 2024

We're fresh into a new season titled The Curated Life - A Fresh Take On Living Loved and we're circling back to this vital question: What if you create a lifestyle for yourself that builds a context for transformation instead of a context for conforming to the patterns of this world? Here’s what we’ve discovered - The more an environment is about being perfect or measuring up to a standard, the more people hold their breath, judge each other, and hide their issues. Environments that focus on “being good” are cultures of fear and fear brings out the worst in us. Fear writes our stories with rhythms and habits that we are ashamed of, and then we curate a life while we’re trying to deal with our shame. The more an environment is about being whom God created you to be, the more people breathe easy, love each other, and drag their issues into the light to ask for help. Environments that focus on identity are cultures of love and love brings out the best in us. Love writes our stories with different accessories, rhythms, and habits that transform us instead of conforming us - and shame is never a part of a transformation story. Listen as we talk about Taco Bell, living in a small town, adverse childhood experiences, beneficial life experiences, and why curating a life of life-giving affections can heal your nervous system and help you discover the power to move past your addictions. We laugh a lot in this episode and we leave you with these powerful TAKEAWAYS:

Oftentimes, what makes systems thrive is what makes people sick. Give yourself permission to choose what’s good for you, not simply what a system convinces you is “good.” Life is designed to be a collection of experiences and relationships that transform us, not simply a systematized means to a predetermined end.
When you look at how you’ve spent your time at the end of each day, ask yourself, “Am I okay with the things that are influencing my nervous system, my body, my thoughts, and my relationships?”
"The information you consume each day is the soil from which your future thoughts are grown. Nobody stumbles into a well-lived life. It has to be cultivated. Reflection and review are critical." (James Clear, author of Atomic Habits)

#126: How To Live Loved Instead of Afraid Jan 10, 2024

Welcome to Season Five! We're calling this season "The Curated Life - A Fresh Take on Living Loved" because we’re all at a real fork in the road. It’s a brand new year. Which direction will you go? How will you curate your story? We only have two choices and it’s often not what we think. We’re not looking at a new year, hoping that more good choices and less bad choices will finally tip the scales in our favor. No matter what our culture keeps telling us, conforming to the patterns of this world will never lead us to the deepest desires of our hearts. Even if you're tempted to pursue the traditional resolutions of more exercise and less overeating, you're not going to wake up one day excited to get out of bed and embrace the day if the best you've got to guide you is a list of how many minutes you need to keep your heart rate up and how many calories is your limit. The new life we're invited to celebrate because of the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus won’t fit in the patterns of this world because the patterns of this world teach us how to live and move and succeed and fail in a culture of fear, not a culture of love. Join Janet and Doug and they begin a season of community-wide storywork and an invitation for you to risk a relationship with God as your narrative therapist. This year's challenge for all of us is to embrace our stories as curators and cartographers, combining theological and neurological discoveries with personal life experiences to create a map out of fear stories into the land of love stories. Listen now and linger in these TAKEAWAYS:

The CURATED LIFE alphabet teaches you to read the label on the culture in your home, your child’s school, your church, and your community so you can recognize artificial ingredients that are teaching us all to live a life Jesus set us free from. We don’t need to look too closely to see the catastrophic impact on our stories.
The CURATED LIFE alphabet is also a list of essential ingredients for participating with God as your own narrative therapist to build a culture of love. These ingredients offer fresh energy, connection, and safety that automatically clean out and restock the pantry of your habits, rhythms, and routines.
The CURATED LIFE alphabet is not a list of laws, resolutions, and rules. The alphabet is about the atmosphere you breathe in, the rhythms you create, and the relationships and ideas you trust.

#125: How To Help Your Child Live A Secure Story Nov 29, 2023

We're starting a new conversation about helping our children live loved instead of afraid. You're in the right place if:

Your child is experiencing a lot of success - but your relationship with your child is struggling. The distance between you keeps getting bigger and bigger - and you’re more convinced than ever that putting one foot in front of the other on the familiar path you’ve been walking is going to offer any relief. Your relationship needs something transformative.
Your child is rebelling. They’re getting in trouble at school and stay in trouble at home. You’ve tried punishment. You’ve tried second chances and third chances and more chances than you can count and there’s not enough chances, it seems, to change the outcome. You need more than relief. You need help.
Your home is beyond busy. Honestly, it feels like chaos. Some days, you wonder if staying busy has become a coping mechanism because when you’re not rushing from one activity to another, you notice that everyone’s just going through the motions but not really alive. It’s painful…so you sign up for one more vacation, one more sport, one more private lesson. This is the good life, right? Who has time to wonder? Go, team!

Listen in as Doug and Janet share three practical ideas that help children build a secure nervous system even while experiencing insecure circumstances. Help us celebrate 25 episodes in 2023 with these TAKEAWAYS -

John 15 Academy needs your support. We’re helping more and more parents experience more and more security in their relationships with God and others. When parents’ stories move from insecure to secure, our children have great hope. Please prayerfully consider donating generously to John 15 Academy.
Our kids need safe relationships with secure adults who are courageous enough to say, “Stop. Don’t go that way anymore. Walk this way.” at the same time they’re saying, “Haven’t you done this enough by yourself?”
We help families find their narrative. We look together at their story and find the subplots that are written in fear instead of love. Together, we move through the steps of asking God to speak truth to the lies we’re telling ourselves because we’re afraid - and then we help parents and children learn to follow the voice of Love. We help children build more than success stories - we help children build secure stories.

Together, there is great hope.

Reach out if you're hungry to participate with love instead of fear in your own story. We'd love to walk with you beyond the fork in the road. Email doug@john15academy.com or janet@john15academy.com.
Follow this link to contribute to John 15 Academy's end-of-year giving campaign and help Doug and Janet meet the 2023 goal of $20,000.
Visit this link for LOVE IS FEARLESS merch.
Sign up for Janet's newsletter by visiting janetnewberry.com.

#124: How do you write a love story? Nov 15, 2023

Did you know there is a formula for love stories and we're all living in one? If you haven't gotten to the part where love casts out your fears, your story's not over yet! That's good news! Even better...that's THE GOOD NEWS! You’re in the right place if -

You’ve given up on living a love story. If you were brutally honest, you don’t even want a love story anymore. You’ve found a comfortable rut on the road of self-reliance and you've decided connecting with people is too complicated.
You’re afraid of a love story. You’ve risked loving other people more than once and it didn’t end well. Letting others love you hasn’t worked so well either. Fear is telling you that love is too risky and you’ve agreed with fear long enough to get comfortable living afraid.
You’re hungry for a love story - or at least a true story. Some parts of your story are so propped up with self-protection and self-promotion that you wonder if it might be easier to simply show up honestly in your story instead of hidden. You’re curious about living in a secure story instead of an anxious one.

Listen in as Doug and Janet share both the formula for love stories and the great hope we have when life gets difficult. Every time we get to a place of suffering in our stories, we're invited to participate with Love, not fear. Our children do, too. We can help them build a secure story they don't have to rebuild when they're not kids anymore. Share this episode with a friend who needs the truths in these TAKEAWAYS:

Many times in a crisis, having our felt needs met often opens our hearts to the truth that meets our real needs. That’s one reason why we need people in our stories who know us well. They’ll not rush in to insist we look too fast at the new path that will lead us out of the crisis. Instead, they’ll remind us who God says we are by simply being with us and reminding us we are valuable, no matter what chapter we’re on in our love stories.
Jesus didn’t say, “Come to me all who are crushing it, living your best life, and I will give you rest.” He said, “Come to me all who are weary, and I will give you rest.” Jesus knows where you are in your story. He’s not freaked out by your progressive complications. The gospel is proof that He wants to hold your hand on a new road.
So many times, we freak out about our problems. God knows freaking out only makes our problems worse because fear never puts us on the same road that the truth will point us to. That’s why God is the safest place to run to when we’re afraid because we’re struggling. Having a safe place meets a vital felt need, and God’s truth meets a real need, too. Many times, a miracle comes next.

Together, there is great hope.

Reach out if you're hungry to participate with love instead of fear in your own story. We'd love to walk with you beyond the fork in the road. Email doug@john15academy.com or janet@john15academy.com.
Follow this link to contribute to John 15 Academy's end-of-year giving campaign and help Doug and Janet meet the 2023 goal of $20,000.
Visit this link for LOVE IS FEARLESS merch.
Sign up for Janet's newsletter by visiting janetnewberry.com.

#123: Changing The Standards For Childhood Nov 01, 2023

Don't let the title of this episode fool you. You’re in the right place if...

...you’re tired. You’re tired of your job, you’re tired of the struggle that won’t seem to end with your children (or your parents), and you’re tired of the chaos in the world that gives you a million reasons to be afraid.
...you’re curious. You’ve noticed on the days you take a break from the crazy cycle and go stare at a beach or hike in the mountains, there’s still something inside of you that dares to be moved by inspiration. You’re not dead yet, and you think you’re ready to hope that there’s more to life than earning and proving and power.
...you’re healing. Maybe you’ve risked therapy. Maybe your therapist is helping you let go of lies and live in more truth. Maybe your hope muscle is getting stronger, and you’re ready to experience more freedom.

Doug and Janet start a new conversation in this episode, weaving ideas together from Jamie Winship's book, LIVING FEARLESS, and Janet's book EDUCATION BY DESIGN, NOT DEFAULT. Listen in as they reveal the secret to living the power of truth and love instead of fear and lies, and linger in these TAKEAWAYS:

Schools - and families - are conditioned to promote those who learn without struggle and “wonder what to do with” those who do. But what if struggle is a gift rather than a red flag signaling a failure to perform? And what if performing a standardized task isn’t the real goal? (EDUCATION BY DESIGN, NOT DEFAULT by Janet Newberry)
How you frame your struggle will be how you respond and manage it because you create realities with your thoughts. (Dr. Caroline Leaf, social media)
Identity is something that is received in community through our imagination from God. You don’t come up with your own identity - you receive it in community from above. (identityexchange.com) "...all human conflict originates from fear, and fear originates from a false view of God, ourselves, and others."(LIVING FEARLESS, by Jamie Winship)

Follow Janet on Facebook and Instagram. Find fun LOVE IS FEARLESS merch and support John 15 Academy. Together, there is great hope.

#122 A Tale of Two Wineskins Oct 18, 2023

"I’m recognizing that transformation is not possible in an achievement-oriented culture, it is only possible in an identity-oriented culture. When achievement is the goal, our identity will come from our accomplishments, and we'll live fueled by the power of fear. Shame will be the voice we hear. Fear conforms, not transforms." "When we put new theology - even the theology of love, into a culture identified by accomplishments and success, fear will be the fuel we run on. Our children will recognize the voice of Shame more than the voice of Love. Love can help our children make good grades on tests and hit home runs, but if the primary goal of our connection with our kids is to help them achieve, they will not transform. They will conform." Join Janet and Doug as they start a new conversation, blending the wisdom of The Soul of Shame by Curt Thompson, MD, and Living Fearless by Jamie Winship. Linger in these TAKEAWAYS -

There is no shame in the kingdom of God. Jesus took our shame on the cross. The voice of shame isn’t heard when living in our true identity. When we hear the voice of shame, our community helps us listen to the voice of Love.
Shame may move us up the ladder in an achievement-obsessed culture, but it will make us sick in ways that medical advancements can’t cure. When fear is the fuel we run on, we introduce an auto-immune disease into our narratives. The only cure is Love.
In God’s kingdom, longevity isn’t the goal. We’re not consumed with the target of survival of the fittest, and we don’t have time to waste consuming only what we can earn. Receiving the truth that we are formed in our mother’s womb with the purpose of bringing goodness and beauty to the story of a world in need of redemption - not simply more success, wakes us up in a new worldview, listening to a new voice.

Thanks for listening and sharing this episode with others. Please visit dicksonthreads.com to find LOVE IS FEARLESS hoodies, sweatshirts, t-shirts, stickers, canvas bags, kitchen towels, and more! Start new conversations that help people hear the voice of Love! Together, there is great hope.

#121: Exchanging Lies for Love Oct 04, 2023

The inner voice of Love always speaks the liberating truth of God - but our worldly development has programmed us to tune into another voice. We’re more familiar with the voice of fear. We’re more familiar with our own truth than God's truth. This episode is for you if:

You’re more familiar with the voice of fear and shame than you are with the voice of love and truth. You know well the language of condemnation, cutting sarcasm, blame, control, and manipulation - but it sounds weird and very uncomfortable when you hear affirmation, encouragement, or simply a compliment.
Most of your conversations are transactional - not transformational, or you don’t know the difference between the two.
You learned to talk in the dialect of self-promotion and self-protection - or you prefer not to talk at all because staying disconnected from others doesn’t require you to risk connecting with yourself.
Or you prefer to talk a lot because you have enough verbal resources to overwhelm almost anyone, and getting the last word in is the best you can hope for.

Join Doug and Janet in a conversation that blends the wisdom of two books - The Inner Voice of Love - A Journey Through Anguish to Freedom by Henri Nouwen, and Living Fearless - Exchanging The Lies of The World For The LIberating Truth of God by Jamie Winship. Linger in these takeaways -

In God’s kingdom, our thoughts and our plans are the only places we find lack. There is no lack in the Kingdom of God.
Wrong beliefs render us powerless. God’s truth for our lives comes with God’s power to live out that truth.
The best part about new life may be that we can hear the voice of Love. Sometimes, we need others who can hear Him on our behalf. When I am afraid, transformational relationships offer me an identity beyond the only reality I can see while I’m stuck in survival mode.

#120 Why Survival Mode Might Be Killing Your Relationships Sep 20, 2023

This LOVE IS FEARLESS episode is for you if -

You’re curious about building a different lifestyle to help you heal or restore a relationship because when you stop to think about it, the lifestyle you’re living is based on cultural values, and those values are not helping you enjoy healthy relationships.
You’re starting a new relationship. You’re ready to admit that you don’t treat people who are struggling with kindness and empathy - and that’s a sign that you don’t really like yourself very much. You are sitting with the idea that seeing yourself differently will help you see others differently.
You’re good at fighting, controlling, manipulating, staying quiet, not rocking the boat, avoiding conflict…you may also be experiencing worldly success…but your relationships are struggling…even your relationship with yourself.

In this episode, Doug and Janet start a new conversation about Trust For Today - 365 Days of Encouragement, A Year With the Trueface Team. We discuss how reading good books together gives us a word bank that pulls us out of survival mode into thriving mode. One of the distinct differences in our relationship is the conversations we share - specifically, what we talk about…and that we talk a lot! We both needed to be seen and heard because we’d lived in survival mode for a long time. No wonder God built this new foundation for communication in our marriage. Listen now and linger in these TAKEAWAYS -

Survival mode will offer you a lifestyle. It will keep you busy. It may keep your house clean. It may keep your kids on the honor roll and going to church. But it will not benefit your relationships. Only love is a benefit to relationships. Not success. Love happens in a different part of your brain, and we connect with that part when we connect with each other.
Survival mode is meant to keep us not dead. It’s not meant to bring us to life.
We are created to thrive. Thriving is different from being perfect. When perfection is the goal, we get stuck in survival mode, afraid of messing up. When life is a struggle, connect with God and others…and experience all the bells and whistles of a whole new brain…and new relationships that teach you to like yourself because they don’t freak out when you struggle.

Thanks for listening and sharing this episode with others. Please visit dicksonthreads.com to find LOVE IS FEARLESS hoodies, sweatshirts, t-shirts, stickers, canvas bags, kitchen towels, and more! Start new conversations that help people fear less because their finding LOVE! Together, there is great hope.

#119 Creating a Family Identity Sep 06, 2023

This LOVE IS FEARLESS episode is for you if -

Conflict is killing you. You’re seeing a pattern in your relationships, even with yourself. Whenever there’s a disagreement, the result is deconstruction instead of constructive.
You know you have a new identity in Christ. You know the theology of grace. You know your new focus in life is love instead of avoiding sin. But when you’re honest with yourself, your story goes around in the same cyclical protection patterns when life is difficult - and you feel stuck.
You’re confused about what to do with your emotions. You’ve lived for decades either letting emotions overwhelm you and everyone else in your story - or you’ve lived that long avoiding your emotions, which has only given your body one choice for dealing with other’s emotions, and that’s to avoid them, too. Neither choice is helping you grow - or helping your relationships grow.

In this episode, Doug and Janet start a new conversation about a great book - The Advantage - Why Organizational Health Trumps Everything Else in Business by Patrick Lencioni. Doug and Janet talk about writing a playbook for yourself and your family because creating clarity in your home can help your family grow instead of survive - or divide. We also share the playbooks we use for John 15 Academy, and this LOVE IS FEARLESS podcast - to guide our decisions and help us work smart while staying organizationally healthy. Janet offers to share her personal playbook when you sign up for her newsletter, THE CURATED LIFE. Listen now and linger in these TAKEAWAYS -

Seth Godin reminds us, “Every belief can feel mainstream if we immerse ourselves in it.” Don’t fall for the belief that relationships don’t heal or that living in a deconstruction crisis is the only option for your marriage or family. Healing happens when you move closer together and return to the power and truth love offers instead of fear.
Clarity at home is KEY. It’s as essential as clarity about your own identity. Without a family identity and clarity about your values and goals, every crisis can destroy unity instead of building it.
John 15 Academy offers valuable resources to help families bring up children who explicitly and implicitly know that God is a Father who cares. Getting clear about God helps us all get clear about ourselves and others. Visit our website to benefit from all we offer.

Janet also shares this invitation - "Reach out if I can help your family find the clarity that helps you grow closer in hard times instead of falling apart. I have limited spots available on my consulting calendar. Send me an email today. janet@john15academy.com " Visit dicksonthreads.com to find LOVE IS FEARLESS hoodies, sweatshirts, t-shirts, stickers, canvas bags, kitchen towels, and more! Start new conversations that help people fear less because their finding LOVE! Together, there is great hope.

#118 Are Emotions Our Enemies Or Our Friends? Aug 23, 2023

Difficult days can go from bad to worse when we forget emotions are intended to be our friends instead of our enemies. When we live as if emotions are our enemies, we try to control them or pretend they don't exist. When we engage with emotions as our friends, we notice and listen to them. Valuing our emotions for the information they give us, we discover our core values and deep desires. We learn to pause and consider how to move forward in the direction of our goals instead of staying stuck in our self-protection patterns. In this episode, Doug and Janet enjoy an energetic conversation with author, speaker, podcaster, and Licensed Professional Counselor Michelle Nietert. We're starting a conversation about Managing Your Emojis - 100 Devotions For Navigating Your Feelings, a new book Michelle co-authored with Lynn Cowell. Listen now to benefit from Michelle's generous wisdom and sense of humor and linger in these TAKEAWAYS -

Managing our emotions is challenging. But the emotions we feel are energy in motion, and we can meet the challenge with the help of God and others. When emotions remind us to connect with secure relationships, emotions are an onramp to maturity instead of chaos.
What we think often affects what we feel, and how we feel often affects what we do. Our mind, heart, and body are all connected.
We can discover ways to train our brains so they can help us manage our emotions - just like we can train our brains to learn math facts. Training our brains to focus on God’s promises can help us, over time, learn to replace feelings of sadness, fear, and anger with hopefulness, bravery, and calmness.

Resources mentioned in this episode - Check out our new LOVE IS FEARLESS styles on dicksonthreads.com. Reminding ourselves about God’s promises is the reason we’ve created LOVE IS FEARLESS merch! Sign up for Janet's newsletter THE CURATED LIFE. Discover valuable resources for parents and educators at John 15 Academy. Connect with Michelle at YourMentalHealthCoach.com and find links to purchase ALL her great books.

#117 A New Conversation about "What Are We Aiming For?" Aug 09, 2023

Season 4 of the LIF podcast is all about starting new conversations. We’re leaning in instead of leaning away from fresh perspectives…even if they seem to lead us away from the traditional life and lifestyle we’ve worked to achieve for so long. We’re willing to admit that sometimes we experience peace before we experience success. We’re discovering that living loved really is different from living afraid, that saying NO is as much an option as saying YES, and we literally feel different in our own bodies and our own stories when we’re benefitting from love instead of motivated by the fear of missing out. In this episode, we're starting a new conversation about The Ascent of a Leader - How Ordinary Relationships Develop Extraordinary Character by Bill Thrall, Bruce McNicol, and Kevin McElrath. We're talking about becoming a healthy leader and discerning healthy leadership under which you can align yourself and grow, instead of simply showing up and making it work. Listen in as we describe the CAPACITY and CHARACTER ladders, and linger in these TAKEAWAYS--

Living loved is a synonym for God’s plan for your life. Living afraid is a synonym for the enemy's plan for your life.
“God’s plan could mean stepping up to a challenge. It could mean stepping down. But each step brings us closer to our destiny if it leads to greater love for God and others. Whether our sphere of influence is small or large, the possibilities remain the same. We can watch our motives transform from selfishness to selflessness. We can submit to the Master’s loving hand, becoming what we need to become for the benefit of others and our world.” (p. 179)
“In the course you have set for your life, how are you providing for the safety of those you influence? As you look over your shoulder, who is in the wake of your influence and how are they doing?” (p.12)

Do you need encouragement to live a fearless story, not a perfect life? Enjoy LOVE IS FEARLESS t-shirts, posters, kitchen towels, canvas bags, and stickers to inspire yourself and those you love. Visit the Janet Newberry collection at dicksonthreads.com Stay inspired by signing up for THE CURATED LIFE - A Fresh Take on Living Loved. You'll receive Janet's newsletter delivered to your inbox twice a month. Find daily inspiration on social media - janet_newberry on IG and Janet Newberry, Author on Facebook. Together, there is great hope.

#116 A New Conversation About Living A New Life As A Child Of God Jul 26, 2023

Join us in this episode as we dig deep into a new conversation about The Connected Life, by Todd W. Hall. This week, we're talking about the power of love that changes everything, especially when we begin to experience God as a safe and secure Father, rather than a distant and threatening judge. In his book, Todd Hall tells about a man diagnosed with schizophrenia who is now functioning well and has a fulfilling life, due in large part to the power of loving connection to overcome genetic vulnerabilities. "Though genetics and medication certainly play a role, they are not the only factors that contribute to our well-being. Connection is also a major factor because we are born to connect." (p. 84) Does this amazing story offer us a fresh perspective on Romans 12:2? What if being conformed to the patterns of this world happens when we're disconnected in our relationships, and being transformed by the renewing of your mind happens when we trust that we have a secure connection with a good, good Father? Join us in this transformative new conversation and linger in these TAKEAWAYS -

When we live in a world with fewer and fewer face-to-face connections, we lose the norms of reciprocity and trustworthiness - so we lose the ability to influence and impact each other with the power of love, even though we can still make people do what we want by manipulating them or shaming them. Receiving love requires a relationship of trust. Being pushed around by fear happens without trustworthiness.
Walking on a healing journey with a spouse or a few close friends is not always easy, but it is deep and life-giving. Belonging, meaning, and creating real value in the world together is more satisfying than individualism, materialism, or another attempt at rebellion.
“It turns out that social disconnection has a profound impact on our experiences with God and spiritual community. The connection crisis we’re experiencing at a broader societal level reverberates throughout our spiritual lives.” p. 21, The Connected Life

#115 A New Conversation About Relating With Others and Why It Matters More Than You Think Jul 12, 2023

The connection crisis in our culture is running parallel to the mental illness epidemic in our world - for us and for our children. The crisis is more than what we see when we notice families sharing a table while all staring at their phones. Connection is not a personal preference or a check off on our to-do list. It's a human need. Without it, we get sick. The real crisis started more than a generation before smartphones kidnapped our attention and we didn't bother to fight our captors. For all of us, the challenge to connect in healthy relationships began before we were born. By the time we learned to talk, we'd already been following a blueprint for relationships, for better or worse. Psychologists call these blueprints "attachment styles." Insecure attachment styles have more power over what we choose to ignore or obey than the rules we know but don't follow. There's not enough behavior modification or willpower to revise an insecure attachment style, but love can do what hard work and self-effort can't. Love can help us find the limiting beliefs hidden in our earliest stories and teach us to tell ourselves truer stories - of freedom, not captivity. Listen in as Doug and Janet start a new conversation about Todd W. Hall's book, The Connected Life - The Art and Science of Relational Spirituality. TAKEAWAYS:

Are we offering our children a life Jesus set them free from? What is the impact on their stories?
Love is the stuff of connection, growth, healing, and transformation. Fear is the stuff of disconnection, prolonged immaturity, mental and physical illness, and conformity. A “Love Is Fearless Home” is a goal worthy to be your family’s rallying cry.
Connect with us to plan a John 15 Academy retreat for your small group. We’ll sit with you in new conversations about the connection crisis in our culture and the healing love offers in your home. We’ll balance comfort and challenge in new conversations that help you find the limiting beliefs standing in the way of your family’s healing story. Email us at janet@john15academy.com or doug@john15academy.com.

We mention these resources in this episode: Education by Design, Not Default - How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning by Janet Newberry The Gift In You - Discovering New Life Through Hidden Gifts In Your Mind by Dr. Caroline Leaf Hinds' Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard

#114 A Conversation About Learning How to Relate to Yourself Jun 28, 2023

LOVE IS FEARLESS is having a birthday! Born on July 4, 2018, LIF has been downloaded in over 60 countries and is transforming families worldwide. Share this episode to help us celebrate! In this Season 4 episode sharing new conversations about transformational books, Doug and Janet talk about Education by Design, Not Default - and the power of connection in childhood. As parents, we teach our children how they should be treated - for better or worse. Then our children teach others how to treat them, using the blueprint we've given them. If we teach our children we don't have time or energy for their emotions, they will learn that lesson in relation to themselves - and teach others their emotions are not worthy of time and energy. When children experience secure, transformational relationships, it's possible to develop a healthy brain and nervous system. But when children experience disconnected, transactional relationships, children are required to cope, simply to succeed. Coping causes adaptations that, long term, can lead to mental illness. Janet's book gives parents and educators practical ideas about how to enjoy transformational relationships and where to start with both younger and older children. Doug and Janet leave listeners with many inspirational ideas and these TAKEAWAYS:

Transformation is not the same as success, measured by traditional standards. Transformation is internal and success is external.
"If those we trust meet our real needs, we'll grow strong because we trust their direction and correction. If those we trust don't meet our real needs, we'll grow older, but not more satisfied." (p. 52, Education by Design)
Our children's primary need is to experience love, not success. Love will mature them, and can help them be successful - in healthy relationships, not at the expense of them." (p. 12, Education by Design)

We mention these resources:

Visit one of the parent paths on john15academy.com to download a free book study guide for you and your spouse or small group.
LOVE IS FEARLESS merch!!! Thanks to our partnership with Jana Dickson, a portion of the proceeds from the LOVE IS FEARLESS - JANET NEWBERRY Collection will benefit John 15 Academy.
John 15 Academy - We help families live in transformational relationships so children can live loved instead of afraid. Please visit our website to find abundant resources available at no charge. Please pray about becoming a part of our financial support team.
THE CURATED LIFE - A Fresh Take On Living Loved - Subscribe to Janet's newsletter to get merch discount coupons only available to subscribers!

Together, there is great hope.

#113 A Conversation About Life and Loss with Dan Herod Jun 14, 2023

Dan Herod is known for starting conversations we didn’t know we needed to have. Gifted with an uncommon path in life, he writes and speaks to empower. Born to a deaf father and surviving the aching wake of his parent’s divorce prepared him for the most crushing loss a parent can meet. He knows that a soul that screams heavenward in frustration about their situation can discover how hope sometimes lives between the lines. His newest release, The Three Mile Valley is a book and video series that equips the reader to live better by thinking better - with God's help. Join us in this new conversation about life and loss. Learn more about Youth Alive and connect with Dan on IG and FB. Doug and I offer these TAKEAWAYS from today's conversation-

What you see is not what you get. What you see is what you get through. Now is not forever.
Create a strategy for tragedy. Start with a strategy for everyday challenges. Be sure to start with God when creating your strategy.
Your tragedy is not your identity.

We mention these resources:

LOVE IS FEARLESS merch!!! Thanks to our partnership with Jana Dickson, a portion of the proceeds from the LOVE IS FEARLESS - JANET NEWBERRY Collection will benefit John 15 Academy.
John 15 Academy - We help families live in transformational relationships so children can live loved instead of afraid. Please visit our website to find abundant resources available at no charge. Please pray about becoming a part of our financial support team.
THE CURATED LIFE - A Fresh Take On Living Loved - Subscribe to Janet's newsletter to get merch discount coupons only available to subscribers!

Together, there is great hope.

#112 A Conversation About Family, Faith, and Forgiveness with David Zailer Jun 03, 2023

The LOVE IS FEARLESS podcast is a safe place to have conversations about painful and difficult stories. If you experienced childhood in a dysfunctional family story and you're staggering through your own healing journey, this episode is for you. If your children are experiencing their childhood in a dysfunctional family story, this episode is for you, too. David Zailer is our guest in this conversation about the painful family of origin stories and the addictions that often become our ways of coping. David is an author, speaker, and founder of Operation Integrity. He is also on the faculty of the Leadership Institute, championing faith-based recovery internationally. His current book is Death of a Fisherman: A Memoir of Family, Faith, and Forgiveness. His previous books include Our Journey Home, When Lost Men Come Home, and Starting Point for Recovery. David lives in Laguna Niguel, California where he is active in his community and enjoys running and cycling. Death of a Fisherman is a torrent of truthful courage and defiant hope. Join us in this conversation with David to help illuminate your own courageous path toward healing. Doug and I offer these TAKEAWAYS -

The process of answering hard but healing questions begins to peel away the subconscious blindness we've used to protect ourselves since we were children. We need to face our scars. We need to face the music - so our songs of bondage and fear can become choruses of freedom and love.
"To my astonishment, not giving up on myself was the road that led me home." (A quote from Death of a Fisherman.)

We mention these resources in this episode:

LOVE IS FEARLESS merch!!! Thanks to our partnership with Jana Dickson, a portion of the proceeds from the LOVE IS FEARLESS - JANET NEWBERRY Collection will benefit John 15 Academy.
John 15 Academy - We help adults love children well so children can thrive instead of simply succeed.
THE CURATED LIFE - A Fresh Take On Living Loved - Subscribe to Janet's newsletter to get merch discount coupons only available to subscribers!

Together, there is great hope.

#111 A Gift To the Class of 2023 May 15, 2023

Janet was invited to share the commencement speech with a graduating class in Stephenville, TX and the message was so powerful and well-received, we promised some friends we'd share it on a podcast episode. If you have a 2023 graduate in your family, please tell them about this episode as our gift of congratulations and encouragement for their future. If it's been a while since you graduated, this gift is for you, especially if you're dreading Mondays in a fear story instead of living inspired with purpose, safety, and impact in a love story. Doug chose these takeaways from Janet's commencement speech:

We can’t put JESUS in a fear story. We can try, but that’s inviting disintegration instead of abiding. When CHRIST is our LIFE, we are destined to live a love story because we are CONNECTED to the very power that casts out fear.
Our physical bodies get sick when we live anxiously or constantly on high alert. “Peace be with you” was not just a kind greeting from Jesus to His disciples after His resurrection. Jesus knew what kind of mental dis-ease could grow from worry and overthinking.
“Pursue a fearless story, not a perfect life. There’s nothing at stake here, friends. Together, there is great hope.”

We mention these resources in this episode:

LOVE IS FEARLESS merch!!! Thanks to our partnership with Jana Dickson, a portion of the proceeds from the LOVE IS FEARLESS - JANET NEWBERRY Collection will benefit John 15 Academy.
John 15 Academy - We help adults love children well so children can thrive instead of simply succeed.
THE CURATED LIFE - A Fresh Take On Living Loved - Subscribe to Janet's newsletter to get merch discount coupons only available in her newsletter!

Together, there is great hope.

#110 A Conversation About Safe Relationships May 01, 2023

A safe relationship is different from a good relationship because a safe person is different from a good person. When we experience good relationships with good people, we are influenced by their goodness, but often it is the kind of "good" that's evident because of their success. They have good jobs, make a good salary, drive a good car, and wear the latest "good" shoes. When we experience safe relationships with safe people, we are influenced by the way they care for themselves and others and the way they let others care for them, too. Safe people help us grow. They can help us heal and mature. Mature people don't struggle to be good, but immature people who make good money sometimes struggle to show they care for themselves or others. If you're a child in a home with good parents who aren't well equipped to care, your maturity is going to be stunted at the level of their immaturity, no matter how good your grades are or how many points you score in your next tournament. Join us for a conversation about THE CURE & Parents, a great book about the power of safe relationships in our own homes. Linger in these takeaways -

"Whether we are reacting to our parents, planning to be parents, overwhelmed at being parents, or learning to stand with our kids as they now parent, we need to know there is a way home. A way to be convinced God is in the middle of every stage of our family."
Maturity happens when we abide in secure relationships, not by trying to be good all the time. In the moments when shame is most painful for our children, we get the opportunity to show up as their ally instead of their enemy.
"When your children are young, being the parent carries enough control to handle them. But if you don't grow up as they grow older, your immaturity will stunt their maturity at the level of your own. And no measure of control can handle that."

We mention these resources in this episode -

Big news!!! LOVE IS FEARLESS t-shirts are now available on dicksonthreads.com. Thank you to our new friends who are donating a portion of their profits from the merch on the Love Is Fearless page of their website to help support John 15 Academy. Go check it out, y'all!
THE CURE and Parents by John and Stacey Lynch, Grace and Bill Thrall, and Bruce and Janet McNicol.
Support John 15 Academy by visiting john15academy.com/support

#109 A Conversation About Living a Vulnerable Life Apr 03, 2023

The Cure is undoubtedly the book that's changed our lives the most. Truly! If you're wondering where the Bible fits in our stories, it is the most important book for us, hands down. But The Cure changed how we read the Bible, and is helping us live loved by God instead of afraid of Him. The back cover of the book is a great intro to this episode. It says, "We thought we were cured. But eventually, most of us unwittingly carry an old, dead outlook into our new life. We couldn't measure up to a standard we created, so we convinced ourselves it was God's. We read His words through a grid of shame and felt ourselves fall farther and farther behind. We took it out on each other; judging, comparing, splintering. Some of us retreated from the whole charade, becoming cynical, mistrusting, jaded from hope. Our marriages, churches, families, friendships, our marketplaces, our culture... they all need the cure. But God's cures rarely come in the form we expect. What if, indeed, God is not who we think he is... and neither are we?" This conversation offers these takeaways:

Whenever we're trying to move ourselves or others from a place of immaturity to maturity, we can use the tools of fear, shame, and manipulation, or we can build trust and lend strength. Fear teaches us to cope. Love offers real hope.
"Pleasing God is a good desire. It just can't be our primary motivation, or it'll imprison our hearts." "Until you trust God, nothing you do will please God." (The Cure)
When our goal is to try to behave better, we'll never discover that we're loving more. But when our goal is to trust God's love for us...and rest in His love...and try our best to love others the way He loves us, we cannot help but discover that our behavior is evidence of our healing.

We also talk about these additional resources:

John Lynch's Two Roads message and John Lynch Speaks
Trueface.org
John15Academy.com
JanetNewberry.com

#108 What if we don't call them bloopers? Mar 08, 2023

This is our first-ever BONUS episode! As we launch Season Four we're promising great conversations about books and authors that love us well. We're admitting that books are some of our best friends and we're excited about introducing you to some of the best. We're also committing to at least one new episode every month. While we're fundraising for John 15 Academy and Doug is still working full-time, we know we can be true to that commitment. Maybe you never thought about it much, but podcasting takes a lot of time. And it can be expensive, too. So we're balancing our real needs with our passion to offer you episodes that are not just good, but good FOR you! We'd rather underpromise and over-deliver than the other way around. If you've been with us for over 100 episodes, you know us very well. But you still may have some questions about what's going on in our story right now. And, if you haven't been with us since the beginning, you may be really confused when we talk about our Airstream journey, my book, or John 15 Academy. So thanks for listening to our bonus episode. We're telling some great stories about all the twists and turns we've experienced on this trusting God road. We can either laugh about all the mistakes and celebrate the miracles, or we can feel ashamed. But ashamed is what we learned in a culture of fear, not a culture of love. Together, there is great hope. This bonus episode offers two takeaways and lots of resources:

Do you need help? Over the past 10 years, we've developed great resources to help families, marriages, and educators connect and reconnect in their most sacred relationships. Visit john15academy.com and janetnewberry.com to find access to these resources at no charge.
Will you help us? Redeeming childhood in our country and in our world is our passion and our destiny. We can't do it alone and we're excited about you getting excited about redeeming childhood, too. Here are 5 simple ways you can contribute in a significant way: (1) Share this episode. Help us share the hope that love brings to children's stories. (2) Invite Janet to speak. (3) Plan a retreat. Contact us at doug@john15academy.com or janet@john15academy.com and we'll share some amazing transformation stories from retreats we've hosted and start planning yours. (4) Talk to your pastor and your mission committee at your church. Invite us to share how we can create a hunger for the love of God in children's lives by changing the way they're experiencing childhood. It's easier than you may think! (5) Pray about joining our financial support team. We're excited about how God will lead you to be a part of making "love one another" practical in our world.

One more resource that may be helpful to you: Education by Design, Not Default - How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning by Janet Newberry Together, there is great hope.

#107 A Conversation About Unconditional Love Mar 06, 2023

Welcome to Season Four! We're excited to share meaningful conversations about great books and maybe a few great movies, too. :) What do great books have to do with living loved instead of afraid? That's a good question. This season is all about building relationships with great authors and letting the ideas in books love us well. That means great books are good FOR US, not simply good. Powerful ideas are nutritious food for the mind, and abiding in them long enough to have a conversation is transformational. The short way to answer that question is that great books offer us love because they meet our real needs for wisdom, direction, correction, and inspiration. So Season Four offers to love you well by inviting you to let love meet your need to be inspired with us. We may even offer a bit of wisdom, too. This episode is a conversation about The Return of the Prodigal Son - A Story of Homecoming by Henri J. M. Nouwen. Listen in as we tell how a copy of Rembrandt's famous painting found a prominent place in our home and we share a few of our favorite quotes from the book. Email us* with your takeaways from this episode and linger in these ideas that inspired us -

Love isn't love if you have to earn it.
Many of us have lived a relationship as hired servants with God and today is a great day to come home as His child.
Yesterday doesn't predict tomorrow when we let love happen in our relationships today.

Doug's email address is doug@john15academy.com Janet's email address is janet@john15academy.com We mention these resources: The Return of the Prodigal Son - A Story of Homecoming by Henri J. M. Nouwen Education by Design, Not Default - How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning by Janet Newberry John 15 Academy - resources for parents and teachers Join our financial support team at John 15 Academy and help us provide resources for parents and teachers.

#106: How Love Meets Our Need For Acceptance Apr 06, 2022

When we sit with the weight of the truth that LOVE IS A PROCESS OF MEETING NEEDS, we are reminded that if we’re going to love someone, that means we’re going to:

Notice their needs and do what is in our power and capacity to meet those needs so that the one we love can live in truth, and can experience personal growth and emotional healing.
Intentionally build a relationship of trust with the person we care about so they will let us love them.

When we sit with the weight of that truth, it also reminds us that if WE are going to experience love, that means we’re going to:

Recognize our own needs and let God and others love me so I can live in truth and I can participate in my own maturity and my own healing.
Be willing to trust others in the places I am vulnerable—places like unresolved issues, immature habits, ways of relating I learned in survival mode…

The takeaways in this episode are powerful: 1. What does it mean that love meets our need for acceptance with unearned love? It means that we don’t have to measure up. It frees us from the need to simply be compliant and do what you want me to do so you will accept me. It means I can have unresolved issues and you’re not going anywhere. 2. Loved unconditionally doesn’t mean I don’t own my impact and influence in a relationship. It means that I can be real and honest and vulnerable and I will not be judged or shamed or threatened with abandonment. 3. When I experience the love that stays with me, my unresolved issues begin to resolve…and I participate in my healing. When I experience protection from shame, I start believing the truth about myself and that truth becomes obvious in my behavior. And when the truth of who I am in Christ becomes obvious in my behavior, you get to experience the love that meets your needs too, even when your behavior doesn’t earn it. We mention these resources in this episode: The Return of the Prodigal Son: A Story of Homecoming by Henri Nouwen A movie -- The Heart Of Man

#105: How Faithful Love Offers Us Hope Mar 30, 2022

Hope is soul food. We can live without it for a few days or maybe a few weeks, but living without it for very long causes us to be careless about life, experience depression, feel overwhelmed by shame, and isolate ourselves in the very moments we need connection in healthy relationships. Faithful love meets our God-given need for trust and offers us hope. Faithful love reminds us we are not alone, especially when we're experiencing struggle. Living with hope, we experience emotional elasticity. We bounce back from hard times and recognize that struggle is a normal part of life on this planet. When we learn to count on the faithful love of God and others, we heal and mature. We don't get stuck in negative emotions. We remember, "There is great hope!" In this episode, Doug and I (Janet) talk about trading our moral compass for a truth compass, and we offer these takeaways: 1. God knew the knowledge of good and evil would be a slippery slope that led to confusion, self-righteousness, pride, and prioritizing behavior and performance above intimacy in relationships. He never wanted that for us. Living with a truth compass, instead of a moral compass, keeps me intimate with God. 2. There is never a time when God does not love me as much as He is going to love me. 3. There’s a difference between knowing and experiencing and it’s important. It’s the difference between knowing your Heavenly Father loves you and experiencing His embrace when you’re at the place you need Him most. The more we experience love in our human relationships, the more fluent we can become in experiencing God’s love, too. We talk about a FREE RESOURCE available on my website and recommend these books: THE CURE by John Lynch, Bruce McNichol, and Bill Thrall EDUCATION BY DESIGN, NOT DEFAULT by Janet Newberry

#104: How Love Meets Our Need for Significance Mar 23, 2022

In our Everyday Love series, we’re talking about our God-given needs. This episode is all about our real need for significance and attention. Love meets our need for significance with affirmation. Without trusting this love, we’ll experience a loss of identity and be driven to perform for our acceptance. Love meets our need for attention with servant love. Without letting someone love us, our lives will be characterized by low self-esteem and an unhealthy self-story. Even though God is always loving us perfectly, our culture doesn’t often tune our hearts to God’s love. Our culture often tunes our hearts to a lot of other things that distract us away from God’s servant love and how He meets our need for attention. In our human relationships, servant love is often the first kind of love that we trust. Listen in to hear why I (Janet) think Doug is the poster child for servant love! Because I trust his servant love, and because Doug’s love is a gift—not a transaction, I trust his words of affirmation, too. Because I trust Doug's affirmation and attention, I'm learning to trust God's love for me in these ways as well. Listen now and linger in these TAKEAWAYS:

“I’m not a fixer or a judge, I’m a child of God. God is love, so I’m a lover, too.”
What if today I consider what people need rather than what I have to say? And then I can watch for trust to roll out a red carpet to welcome the transformation that will come.
Since significance is a God-given need, if this need is not met with affirmation in healthy relationships, this need will be met with power in toxic relationships.

We mention these resources in this episode: Experiencing Affirmation in Your Family by Trueface.org The Cure and Parents by John Lynch, Bill Thrall, and Bruce McNicol Education by Design, Not Default - How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning by Janet Newberry

#103: How To Experience The Freedom Love Offers Mar 16, 2022

Season 3 is all about learning how to love ourselves and each other every day in practical ways. We’re not talking about five love languages or how each Enneagram type prefers to be loved. We’re talking about the God-given needs that we wake up with every day because we are human, not because we’re weak or wounded or wired in a way that's unique to our personality. Our God-given needs are the places we can receive love, and experiencing love makes life deeply satisfying! In this episode, we unpack all the ways love meets our God-given need for protection. Without protection, we’ll be left vulnerable to unresolved habits because we didn’t trust the love that was offered to keep us safe--or because we didn’t recognize the protection that was offered to us as love. Many of us don’t want to be protected. Just like a new puppy who wants to explore, we’ll dig under the fence to experience a bigger world, and most of the time, we come home wounded or confused. Or we don’t come home at all. Love offers us a way home. Protective love is a “jealous FOR me” love that offers to keep us safe from what we’re not meant to live with, in the ways of bondage and abuse. When we prioritize building trust in our relationships, we can experience the full and free life we were created to enjoy. Join us on this episode and linger in these takeaways:

Permission almost always happens in a conversation. It’s one reason the habit of mature conversations is a big deal.
Protection often happens in the way we create the environment we live in. Love creates an environment for growth.
We often don’t think of protection as love. But when we trust it and begin to experience freedom, instead of bondage, we will recognize that we have loved.

We mention these resources in this episode: Education by Design, Not Default - How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning by Janet Newberry A LOVE IS FEARLESS episode with John Lynch - Why Love Is The Only Weapon Against Self-Sabotage A ministry we trust - John Lynch Speaks

#102: How can we experience correction as love? Mar 09, 2022

Every day we wake up with God-given needs. Having our needs met is the way we experience love. One of our everyday needs is for direction and love meets this need with corrective love. When we don’t trust corrective love, we’ll live misguided lives. Without corrective love, our children will be vulnerable and seriously affected by wrong life choices. A lack of direction will always make me a victim of my circumstances. Sorting out the difference between punishment and discipline is worth our time and energy in this episode. Both offer corrective love, but punishment offers toxic love and discipline offers healthy love. Punishment is about rules and penalties. Discipline is about repentance and relationship. Listen in as I (Janet) share a story about a fifth-grade boy who pushed his friend down and thought he deserved punishment. Corrective love offered discipline instead and the young man learned more clearly who he is as a person—someone who is learning how to really care for his friends and himself. Listen in as Doug shares how he loves me well when we have vulnerable conversations about spending money. His words speak truth to me and remind me that I am a person of integrity, so I spend money in line with my beliefs instead of trying to justify or earn a favor. We conclude this episode by talking about how we either offer punishment or discipline, even to our friends. We offer some practical examples and share some words of love that may help you reconnect with a friend you’re struggling to love right now. This episode offers these takeaways--

When we live in a culture that offers us habits of dis-ease instead of habits of health, and that offers us a lifestyle that keeps us vulnerable, we may never experience the thrill of healing and overcoming and growing stronger.
Punishment is about behavior and making someone pay for what’s been done in the past. Discipline is corrective love and is about the person and helping them move forward, trusting the truth of who God says they are.
A diagnosis is not an identity.

Resources mentioned in this episode: The Cure and Parents

#101: How Love Meets Our Real Need For Security Mar 02, 2022

How do I experience love, practically speaking? How can I put it into words? If I can put it into words, I can put it into action. I can recognize love when I see it if I know what I'm looking for. Putting love into words and actions is our focus in season 3. In this episode, we're sharing how love meets our real need for security with passionate loyalty and commitment. Without experiencing dependable love, we'll be persons who are insecure in life. Our insecurity will be evident by these symptoms: fear, anger, an attempt to control, and a need to judge the intent of others. When we trust the commitment offered by those who love us well, our lives will be characterized by peace and calm, a desire to help others experience freedom, and a willingness to be vulnerable in healthy ways. Listen in as we share specific and practical examples of how we can offer commitment to each other as spouses, as parents, and as friends. We'll talk about how we can learn to love ourselves in dependable ways, too. In this episode, we offer these takeaways:

God is "parenting" me and one of His objectives is to free my life. When I am free, I am free to love others in the same ways God loves me.
As spouses, parents, and friends, we can be mindful of the times when it is natural for our family members and friends to feel fear because of a difficult circumstance or season. We can stay in touch to protect them from lies and shame.
There is never a time when God is not committed to us. There is never a time when we have to question His passion for us or His dependability.

When sharing about how parents can offer dependable love to their children, I (Janet) read a selection from my book about the power of "with." The book, Education by Design, Not Default, is available on Amazon.

#100: What is the impact of love? Feb 23, 2022

This is episode 100! Wow! Thank you for celebrating with us! For 100 episodes we’ve been wrestling with the differences between a lifestyle of fear and a lifestyle of love. In today’s episode, we’re laying out some clear lifestyle markers that are present when love is trusted instead of fear. Listen in as I (Janet) tell the story of a conversation with Bill Thrall about the impact of love and the symptoms we will notice in our stories when love is not trusted. Bill says, “Love is a process of meeting needs.” It’s true! We are all born with God-given needs. We will either trust love to meet our needs—or something less. We will develop habits and routines because we trust what love offers--that are different from the habits and routines we live with if we trust what fear offers. When we listen to fear instead of love, sin will impact our lives in the ways of bondage, dis-ease, and an unhealthy self-story. When we trust what Love is offering to meet our needs, we experience healing and wholeness. We live with integrity and peace. Our relationships are characterized by joy! In this episode, we offer these takeaways:

Love is a process of meeting needs. Having our needs met is the way we experience another’s love in our everyday lives.
If we are compliant, trying to earn love, there is a great risk of becoming a victim of performance-obsessed relationships. I will no longer be willing to take responsibility for my choices and I will hold those in authority responsible for who I am becoming.
Most of our non-clinical problems in this life are a direct result of not experiencing love.

Bill Thrall is a co-author of one of our favorite books, The Cure. We highly recommend it!

#099: What does it feel like to love someone? Feb 16, 2022

Welcome to Season 3! We’re calling this season “Every Day Love” and our goal is to make love practical in our everyday lives. Recognizing the practicality of love requires us to let go of some of the common UN-practical definitions and ideas that we have about love. Love is so much more than an emotion or something you feel when you first start dating or when you bring home a newborn baby. Being loved is very different from being “in love.” Love is an experience that changes us…for good! In this episode, I (Janet) share the story about the night I realized for the first time that I was more than attracted to Doug. I realized that I LOVED him! Listen in as I share how I knew the difference between admiring Doug and enjoying the time we spent together. One of the things I realized was that I didn’t want to be someone who caused Doug more hurting or cost him more wounding. I didn’t want to be someone who let him live with more lies. Love is something that equips us and transforms us on our journey of personal growth. Love is what heals us and it is the fuel of maturity—and without love, we will get older, but we won’t grow up. To be alive is to be growing, not to have arrived. And without love, we simply survive. When we love one another, we get to impact and influence each other for good! In this episode, we offer these takeaways, from Nate Postlethwait:

“Stick with the ones who make you feel important. You’ve got one shot at this life and if the people who were meant to teach you about your value didn’t, then find those who can.”
“Your life is meant to be lived. Your relationships are meant to reflect love and safe connection.”
“If you don’t have access to a person, find words. Find books, find quotes, find things that make something in your feel important enough to keep looking for more.”

Have you downloaded the FREE RESOURCE on janetnewberry.com? Check it out and discover 3 truths you need to build a lifestyle of love!

#098: 6 Key Ideas in a Lifestyle of Love Feb 14, 2022

We are recording again! This episode catches our audience up on the changes that have impacted our story since we shared a conversation with podcast mics in front of us. In this conversation, we’re honest and admit that, too often, we can all unintentionally participate in a lifestyle built by fear. And, there is great hope! We have a choice to build a lifestyle of love. Listen in as we each share our favorite key ideas in a "love is fearless" lifestyle. I (Janet) also share why I picked “Uncomfortable” for my word for 2022. My reasons may surprise you and, if you have a habit of avoiding uncomfortable things on your to-do list, this conversation may set you free to pursue the dreams that stand on the other side of some necessary and uncomfortable action steps. Listen, too, as we begin to give you a glimpse into what’s coming in season 3, in a series we are calling “Everyday Love.” In this episode, we offer these takeaways:

“When we change the way we think, we change the way we live our lives.” Dr. Caroline Leaf
Spending time with people who see you the way God sees you and who speak to you truthfully the way God does, heals our wounded attachment styles because it is the experiences we’ve had with people who don’t see us truthfully that have wounded us.
To heal is to touch with love that which we previously touched with fear. (Unknown)

We mention two previous episodes that share some crazy, fun info about the frequency of love and fear. Follow these links to listen now: Anxiety, Depression, and the ENERGY Love Offers Freedom From Fear We also talk about a book by Aundi Kolber, Try Softer. Janet highly recommends this great read.

#097: Zealous for the Whole Truth Jul 08, 2020

ZEALOUS is an adjective that describes someone who is passionate, fierce, and wholehearted. In a culture of love, we're invited to be zealous for the whole truth. That's very different from simply wanting to be right.

In a culture of fear, we can become apathetic and indifferent to the whole truth in our quest to keep our place in the invisible hierarchy, or because we're afraid of crossing the line in the sand between us and them.

In this episode, we talk about parenting, church, divorce, masks, and a few other topics that are controversial if we have to be simply "right," instead of on a journey to discover the whole truth and build a culture of love.

Join us in the transformative conversation and linger in these TAKEAWAYS:

If we are on a journey of desiring to discover the whole truth, the journey will be trustworthy, even though we'll believe some lies along the way. If we just want to be right (or popular or successful,) we'll find a place to belong, but our voices will only contribute to the divisive masses.
The human brain is a rational organism, searching for evidence that matches what we believe. Parts of the whole truth divide us because bits and pieces of right and wrong polarize us in the ways our brains fight against the seemingly incongruent whole truth.
Love doesn't make truth the opposite of wrong. Love invites me to understand that what is wrong is often a part of the whole true story. Fear teaches us to hide what's wrong, even if it means fighting against what is good.

JOIN the LOVE IS FEARLESS cause by visiting our website at www.loveisfearless.com

Follow this link to make a donation to support this mission of building cultures of love around the world. https://www.loveisfearless.com/helpus

Janet's book explores fresh ideas that contribute to the whole truth about education. If your children are going to be doing school at home this year, this book offers practical ideas for working together in love, instead of fear. Buy it on Amazon now. https://smile.amazon.com/Education-Design-Not-Default-Fearless/dp/057840835X/

Together, there is great hope.

#096: Cancel Culture, Fear, and Love Jun 24, 2020

We've been building an alphabet on the LOVE IS FEARLESS podcast for months now. We've been talking about building cultures of love in our homes and communities by choosing LOVE instead of FEAR.

Without healthy attachments, fear is our only option. Every choice for love requires that we have someone we trust to help us experience that choice.

If that isn't humbling enough, left in a home--or a community--full of fear, our brains physically develop in a way that limits us to "fear only" choices because living in toxic stress literally causes measurable changes to brain structures.

Living with fear-built brain structures causes some people to experience an inability to concentrate and solve problems. For others, it manifests as impulsive behavior or aggression.

Trusting relationships that offer us love actually help us re-regulate our dis-regulated stress-response cycles.

Love one another is a brilliant plan. It is our great hope for healthy children, stable homes, and building unity in our own country and around the world.

Join us on this powerful episode to learn the LIF word for the letter Y, and to linger in these TAKEAWAYS:

Sleep is love; it helps us heal. Healthy food is love; it helps us stay healthy. Forgiveness is a gift from God; it is a tidal wave of supernatural love that literally gives us new life.
Life is so much more than a fight to do all the right things and avoid all the wrong things. Life is a journey of experiencing real love to meet real needs. Any relationship or system that requires people to meet standards without the relationship or system meeting people's real needs is a problem, not the solution.
A new life in Christ gives us the power to love one another. Without love, fear is what is left in our world. Fear builds a different neurological system, a different brain, and a different culture than love does. Keep choosing love.

We mention these resources in this episode:

The Cancel Culture and Grace, a blog post by Dave Burchett

The Deepest Well--Healing The Long-Term Effects of Childhood Adversity by Nadine Burke Harris M.D.

Education by Design, Not Default--How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning by Janet Newberry

#095: Ego, Sacrifice, and Racism Jun 17, 2020

Conversations about racism may be at an all-time high in America right now. Conversations are the seedbed for change and it's past time for healing racism in our land.

In this episode, we're offering new tools to equip you to have a different conversation about racism, the pandemic, the next election, or any topic ripe with fear and trauma.

This episode leaves out a focus on right and wrong or good and bad, not because those truths aren't important, but because starting from a moralistic viewpoint can stall conversations instead of moving them forward to a place of finding common ground.

Instead of 3 TAKEAWAYS, we're giving you the 10 definitions and 12 questions with an invitation to use these tools for yourself. Listen in as we use these tools to talk about a hot topic in love, not fear.

10 definitions to build a foundation for difficult conversations:

EGO - Our view of self-worth or self-importance; the personhood we live and speak from. Without self-confidence, we can lose our voice.
SACRIFICE - An act of giving up something of value for the sake of something else regarded as more important or worthy.
RACISM - Prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based on the belief that one's own race is superior.
PRIVILEGE - a special right, advantage, or immunity granted or available only to a particular person or group. TOXIC PRIVILEGE is a personal or group advantage without personal or group responsibility.
RESPONSIBILITY - the ability to respond to your own needs and the needs of others in an appropriately mature way. Responsibility is the privilege of maturity.
ABUSE - a misplacement of responsibility. Abuse happens when someone is supposed to be responsible for the well-being of others, but they hurt them instead of care for them. Abused happens when the strong take advantage of the weak/vulnerable instead of protecting them and helping them grow strong.
MATURITY - a process of becoming fully developed, responsible, and fruitful in community. Maturity is hardwired in us but it is dependent on experiencing love. By design, the stages of maturity are infant, child, adult, parent, and elder. The definition of an adult is someone who can take care of themself and one other person at the same time. A parent is someone who takes care of themself and sacrificially cares for their family. An elder is someone who takes care of themself and sacrificially cares for the community.
LOVE - An experience that meets our real needs with an impact and influence for good. Love stays with us. Love protects us from toxic fear and shame. Love is the fuel of maturity.
FEAR - Healthy fear is like love in the ways it gives us the strength to fight and flight. Toxic fear is the slow and consistent drip of cortisol, prompted by a fear of not belonging, not measuring up, or not being protected in our weakness or vulnerability. Fear shuts down our immune systems and stunts maturity.
TRUST - Our decision to move in one direction or another. Knowing something to be true is like starting the car. Trusting something is like pushing on the gas pedal and moving in the direction of love or fear, truth or lies.

A menu of 12 questions--

Pick one or a few and use the questions to build on the foundation built with the 10 words defined in the list above.

Who is protected?
Who is exposed?
What is the potential motive?
Who is responsible for taking care of who?
Who is mature, based on the definition?
Who is manipulating? Who is being manipulated?
Who is shaming? Who is being shamed?
Who is responsible/in power?
Is the (person/leader/journalist/official...) operating with integrity as their true and best self?
Who is vulnerable?
Who is helping who?
Are the least mature and most mature involved in the most effective ways?

LOVE IS FEARLESS is committed to building cultures of love around the world. We believe that together, there is great hope.

We mention these resources in this episode:

Privilege, Responsibility, and Replacing Racism - a blog post by Janet Newberry

Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson

Education by Design, Not Default by Janet Newberry

Living From the Heart Jesus Gave You, A Life Model Book

If you'd like to be a sponsor of the LOVE IS FEARLESS podcast, we'd love to hear from you. Send us an email for more details. Doug@janetnewberry.com or Janet@janetnewberry.com Thank you!

#094: Privilege and Responsibility Jun 10, 2020

In a culture of love, work is the way we invest our time and energy that has an impact and influence for good in our own lives and in the lives of the world around us.

In a culture of fear, we learn to avoid work and avoid responsibility. We learn to use manipulation and shame to deal with apathy and negligence--just to get things done.

Join us in this episode as we untangle the stories we tell ourselves about work and discover some practical ideas to embrace in relationship with yourself and others that support maturity instead of simply success.

The key ideas in this episode point to practical ways we can build new habits that help the vulnerable become strong who then help the vulnerable become strong.

These are the habits that will help us systemically lead future generations away from racism and civil chaos. Together, there is great hope.

In this episode, Doug shares some big news about a new job, and together, we offer these TAKEAWAYS:

Disconnect privilege from pride, apathy, negligence, and shame. Connect pride with responsibility.
We form different convictions in a culture of love than we do in a culture of fear. In a culture of fear, we learn to make decisions based on opportunity. In a culture of love, we learn to make decisions based on convictions. Let humility and truth help you form your convictions and invest your time and energy in the direction of your convictions.
Disconnect the value of your work from the value of your paycheck. Connect the value of your work to your impact and influence for good--not simply in your own life, but in the lives of others as well.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

A Fresh Perspective on Work/Life Balance, a blog by Janet Newberry https://www.janetnewberry.com/post/a-fresh-perspective-on-work-life-balance

Two podcast episode for parents, grandparents, and teachers -

If I Don't Manipulate, How Do I Get My Kids To Do The Right Thing, part 1

https://www.loveisfearless.com/podcast/episode/91ed5b2a/if-i-dont-manipulate-how-do-i-get-my-kids-to-do-the-right-thing-part-1

And, part 2

https://www.loveisfearless.com/podcast/episode/8d6a391e/if-i-dont-manipulate-how-do-i-get-my-kids-to-do-the-right-things-part-2

Education by Design, Not Default--How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning by Janet Newberry https://smile.amazon.com/Education-Design-Not-Default-Fearless/dp/057840835X/

Atomic Habits by James Clear https://smile.amazon.com/Atomic-Habits-Proven-Build-Break/dp/0735211299

To Be Told by Dan Allender https://smile.amazon.com/Be-Told-Invites-Coauthor-Future/dp/1578569516/

#093: What Are The Benefits Of Being Vulnerable? Jun 03, 2020

Transparency, authenticity, and vulnerability are popular buzz words these days. We sometimes use them as if they were synonyms, but they’re not.

Transparency means we’re open and not hiding anything; authenticity means what we offer to others is valid and accurate.

Vulnerability means I’m willing to be transparent and authentic because I need and trust your help. We say, “I’m hurt” or “I’m afraid” or "I'm ashamed" in the same conversation with “…and I don’t want to stay this way.”

Listen in as Doug and Janet unpack the power of vulnerability and share personal examples of real hurt and real healing.

Doug shares something he just wrote in his journal today that makes this episode come alive. There is great hope.

Thank you for sharing this episode with your friends and small group. Enjoy a vulnerable conversation about these TAKEAWAYS -

People behave differently in a culture of fear than they do in a culture of love. In a culture of fear, we pretend or stay hidden. It's safe to be vulnerable in a culture of love.
"No one heals in isolation. No one matures in bitterness." ~ A quote from The Cure by John Lynch, Bruce McNicol, and Bill Thrall.
Healing doesn't happen all at once. A home flooded by a hurricane isn't restored in a day. Step by step, connection by connection, healing can be a reality.

We mention these resources in this episode:

Why You Should Choose Vulnerability, A blog post by Janet Newberry https://www.janetnewberry.com/post/why-you-should-choose-vulnerability/

The LOVE IS FEARLESS website

A LIF episode with John Lynch https://www.loveisfearless.com/podcast/episode/d5e07cdd/why-love-is-the-only-weapon-against-self-sabotage

The Cure & Parents by John Lynch, Bruce McNicol, and Bill Thrall https://smile.amazon.com/Cure-Parents-Bill-Thrall/dp/1934104094/

Matt McMillen and Freedom in Christ Movement

#092: Why Giving Yourself Permission To Be Sad May Be Good For You Apr 01, 2020

In this episode, we are reminded that, as believers in the finished work of Jesus, all of our sins (past, present, and future) have been forgiven. "It is finished!" We are made new.

But all this newness now exists in physical bodies that are holding onto things (toxic emotions, habits, relationships...) that we've had for a long time and that aren't going to help us live in the truth of our newness.

Some of the things we hold tightest to because they are traditions began in response to an emergency--not in response to truth. Some of the systems we use on a daily basis are built on false traditions.

We've learned to hold onto guilt and shame. We often live with a toxic recipe of mixed emotions. Some of us have learned lifelong patterns of relating that are unhealthy and abusive--to ourselves and others.

Join us as we untangle some false traditions in this episode--including the black sheep/scapegoat response to the crisis of not trusting God with our unresolved issues.

We also talk about the heartache of carrying the weight of loss and sadness. We declared Thursday last week "A Day of Sadness." Listen in as we share the story of choosing to be honest about our hurt and our healing. We invite you to linger in these TAKEAWAYS:

If the lies of busyness tempted us to build false traditions in our families before, the truth of stillness is inviting us to build traditions based on love, instead of fear of missing out.
A lie is never a step toward healing. Will you be UNWILLING to lie to yourself? Who will you trust as your source of truth?
Law offers information about right and wrong. But information offers no strength to do the right thing. Love does. When we can begin to trust the strength of another to help us do what seems impossible to do on our own, we can begin to trust the strength of God to help us, too. Moving in the direction of love is the way we experience the resolution of our issues. The same source who offers us forgiveness now leads us on a journey of healing.

Together, there is great hope.

We mention these resources in this episode:

Education by Design, Not Default--How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning by Janet Newberry https://smile.amazon.com/Education-Design-Not-Default-Fearless-ebook/dp/B07MBQXS9L/

This quote: "…Asking "why" assumes that information has the power to heal. If I just knew why this was happening then the pain would be easier to endure.

What I've learned, however, is that information cannot mend a breaking, fearful heart. We see this in the story of Job. Even if God had told Job why he was suffering, Job would still have had to deal with the loss of his health and family and wealth.

The truth is, we may never fully understand why God allows the pain and disruption that devastates our lives. We may never find the right answers to when this season or soreness will end or how we’ll ever get out of it. There may not be any silver lining, especially not in the ways we would like. But we don’t need answers as much as we need God’s presence in and through the suffering itself. Because, when it comes to suffering, if we do not go to our graves in confusion we will not go to our graves trusting. Explanations are often a substitute for trust. So take heart and find hope in this: God’s chief concern for you right now is to be with you and to be Himself for you. And in the end, what you will discover is that this really is enough." Tullian Tchividjian

#091: How to THRIVE in a pandemic and in relationships Mar 25, 2020

A virus is an abuser--and we're all learning how to wash our hands and keep our distance so the toxic Coronavirus will make fewer people sick--especially those at high risk.

Sometimes our relationships make us sick with a different kind of virus. In toxic relationships, lies can attack our integrity and weaken our emotional immune system.

U in the LOVE IS FEARLESS alphabet stands for UNWILLING. Love gives us permission to be unwilling to live a life without healthy boundaries.

This episode offers these TAKEAWAYS:

Make two lists: willing and unwilling. (Doug and Janet share their lists in this episode.) Start building an operating system based on love and truth, not fear and lies. Be unwilling to continue on a path simply because it's the way you've always done it if the way you've always done it is not LOVE.
We're invited to live with fear as our servant, not our master. Trusting God, we're invited to live in the boundaries of freedom, not bondage--and not control. Love protects our freedom because whatever is coerced is not love.
Free will is a part of every love story. If we are to live a love story, we must come to a place where we are unwilling to navigate relationships with manipulation, scorekeeping, misplaced responsibility, or shame.

We also offer these minimum requirements, quoted from Bob Hamp, to determine if an abuser is demonstrating true repentance (as in, their brain (their heart) is truly thinking differently):

They take responsibility for their harm (w/specificity and w/*no* excuses).
They act and speak with empathy (which demonstrates to you that they see you and they care for you and they realize the harm they’ve done to you).
They do this over time (it becomes their consistent and long-term way of interacting, *not* just a few times).
They also take responsibility and act with empathy over time in a *public* way (not just in private or in a therapy session).

There are also two specific ways in which the “victim“ demonstrates that their brain (their heart) is truly thinking differently:

They *must* give back the responsibility to the abuser for the abuser’s actions, feelings, thoughts.
They must stop carrying what is *not* theirs; and instead, only carry what is theirs to carry (their own thoughts, feelings, and actions).

Other resources mentioned in this episode:

Our work to build schools without fear https://www.john15academy.com/

When you're ordering online from Amazon, please consider choosing John 15 Academy as your charity of choice. It's easy. Simply, use this link. https://smile.amazon.com/ch/47-4823358

Together, there is great hope.

#090: How Changing Your Beliefs Can Change Your Life Mar 18, 2020

If we aren't trusting love, we're trusting fear. The opposite of trusting truth is trusting lies. When we refuse to trust God, we're left trusting a resource that's less powerful and less trustworthy than a loving heavenly Father.

None of us have trust issues; we have issues with the stuff we trust.

Behavior is the echo of belief. For example, if I eat a sleeve of Oreos, it might be true that I KNOW better, but I BELIEVE it's ok to do the wrong thing. The same is true for the ways we relate in our closest and most casual relationships.

In this episode, we encourage you to answer this question for yourselves: "What stories are you telling yourself? And, are they true?"

We share some of the stories we've been telling ourselves that are true--and not true. Doug's journaling about these questions is powerful. Janet has believed some significant lies and now her life is changing because she's trading those lies for truth.

Your life can change, too. Join us in this episode and linger in these TAKEAWAYS:

Build relationships of trust so you can talk about the stories you're telling yourself--and others can talk to you. Be trustworthy in the ways that you care for the weak in your sphere of influence, instead of being the one who ignores the weak or takes advantage of them for your own gain.
Just because you believe something to be true doesn't mean it is. For me, either. Trust the truth about who God says you are and who God says He is. Anything that doesn't match with those two truths will lead you down a path of fear instead of a path of love.
Be willing to admit when you're telling yourself a story that's not true. Be willing to have a vulnerable and humble conversation outside of your echo chamber or peer group. Don't walk naked in front of the bullies and don't walk around believing the same thing that everyone else is believing just so you don't get bullied. Find the truth and find your voice. The world needs the truth that love offers and you can share this truth.

We mention these resources in this episode:

Our work to build schools without fear. https://john15academy.com/

Education by Design, Not Default--How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning by Janet Newberry https://smile.amazon.com/Education-Design-Not-Default-Fearless/dp/057840835X/

When you're ordering online from Amazon, please consider choosing John 15 Academy as your charity of choice. It's easy. Simply, use this link. https://smile.amazon.com/ch/47-4823358

Together, there is great hope.

#089: Leading With Love: A Transformational Approach To Leadership Mar 11, 2020

As leaders, we leverage either the power of love or fear to motivate or to manipulate those in our care.

Love helps us stay connected, especially in a season of struggle. In healthy relationships, we can work together in ways that build strength and maturity.

Fear requires that we "divide and conquer." Manipulation often keeps our eyes on the prize instead of on the people around us, who may need our love.

Manipulation is an almost guaranteed way to keep us disconnected, weak, and immature.

In this episode, we wrestle with a great question from a LIF listener and we talk about the power of SEROTONIN, the leadership chemical. Join us and linger in these TAKEAWAYS:

As a leader and a parent, provide opportunities to work together instead of simply offering a prize for compliance so those you lead can build relationships of trust and grow stronger and wiser, instead of just earning more prizes.
As a leader and a parent, model asking for help when you need it. Humility puts us in a position to receive the benefits of love. Our willingness to be humble teaches those we're leading the power of a transformational culture.
"Put it on a paper plate." Love is always safe and never soft. When there is a struggle or an issue, name it. Write it down. Talk about it face to face. And move the issue from between you to in front of you--and look at it together. This is the power of love.

We discuss many great resources in this episode:

CHOOSE JOHN 15 ACADEMY on AMAZON SMILE and help us build schools without fear. It's simple. Just follow this link:https://smile.amazon.com/ch/47-4823358

These two episodes of the BRAVE LOVE podcast are two of our most popular--of all time!

https://www.loveisfearless.com/podcast/episode/91ed5b2a/if-i-dont-manipulate-how-do-i-get-my-kids-to-do-the-right-thing-part-1

https://www.loveisfearless.com/podcast/episode/8d6a391e/if-i-dont-manipulate-how-do-i-get-my-kids-to-do-the-right-things-part-2

Why Leaders Eat Last by Simon Sinek https://youtu.be/ReRcHdeUG9Y

Two Roads by John Lynch https://youtu.be/Rfy03PEVUhQ and https://youtu.be/mOJ1wUcP804

Education by Design, Not Default by Janet Newberry https://smile.amazon.com/Education-Design-Not-Default-Fearless/dp/057840835X/

The Ascent of a Leader by Bill Thrall, Bruce McNicol, and Ken McElwrath

https://smile.amazon.com/Ascent-Leader-Bill-Thrall/dp/1934104116/

JOIN the LOVE IS FEARLESS movement. Together we can build a world without fear. https://loveisfearless.com/

#088: Reclaiming The Lost Art of Personal Responsibility Mar 04, 2020

In a culture of love, we grow in our capacity for responsibility. In a culture of fear, we are non-responsive to the things that are important, or we react instead of respond.

In this episode, we wrestle with some difficult topics as we offer five guidelines for personal responsibility in a culture of love.

I am responsible for building trust in relationship with others.
I am responsible for resolving my own emotions.
I am responsible for participating in my own healing.
I am responsible for participating in my own maturity.
I am responsible for setting boundaries in personal relationships.

"I am responsible" can be spoken in freedom, not fear. In the words of Polly Hamp, "There is more to you than the story that has been written through trauma. You can begin to write a new story when you choose to heal on purpose. (HOP Box/Healing on Purpose)

Consider these TAKEAWAYS as you wrestle with us about what's happening in our world today and what RESPONSE-ABILITY means in a culture of love.

In a culture of fear, we've traded manipulation for responsibility. In a culture of love, I'm able to respond because I know who I am--not just because I'm trying to earn or deserve and not because I'm trying to destroy you. A culture of fear is always self-serving; in a culture of love, we are all served.
Fear convinces us our view of justice is just. Without taking responsibility for our own healing, our version of justice will serve us and devalue others. We'll have a view that manipulates and shames for our personal gain or to balance the scales without forgiveness. Justice is never real without forgiveness. Without forgiveness, someone is always in bondage.
Maturity is about sorting through what I need and what I want. It's about admitting when what I think I need is really just a pain killer or a shame salve. Maturity means I've learned the value of pushing through what's uncomfortable to land in a place where it's possible to live free and be trusted--not simply comfortable.

We mention these resources in this episode:

Janet's blog post/Reclaiming The Lost Art of Personal Responsibility https://www.janetnewberry.com/post/reclaiming-the-lost-art-of-personal-responsibility

https://www.janetnewberry.com/

https://www.john15academy.com/

https://www.loveisfearless.com/

Thank you for sharing LOVE IS FEARLESS with your friends and family. Together, there is great hope.

#087: Where To Start When Life Isn't Working Out Feb 26, 2020

The origin of the word “frantic” is a word that means “insane/gone mad.” In a culture of fear, life gets noisy and feels frantic. Sometimes it seems we’re at war with ourselves.

Who we are and how we spend our lives gets out of sync. We need some quiet to decide which way to shift—away from what has become normal, that feels anything but healthy. QUIET is a gift in a culture of love.

Will you give yourself permission to trust some quiet time to synchronize your life in a way that feels like peace, instead of war?

When we intentionally allow our thoughts to wander in quiet times, we can discover what’s out of sync. We can settle on a foundation of core values that remind us who we are and what we believe.

And moving forward, we can choose a road map that helps us position ourselves differently in relationships so that our lives move in the direction of our values, instead of just in the direction of the noise.

This episode offers some helpful ideas about discovering your own core values and also gives a clear roadmap that works in sync with the way the human heart was designed to live in peace. We also offer these 4 TAKEAWAYS:

This week's key principle is: Sync your life with truth. Ask for help when you feel like you're stuck in a ditch. One simple adjustment can bring great relief. Adjust in the direction of truth. Love will help you.
We often become “famous” while we are still immature—or when we’re wounded. We sometimes forget that immaturity is not how the human heart is wired to thrive. Immaturity is a season; not a ditch to die in.
Learning to live in alignment with your values isn’t always convenient, but it’s affirming and empowering. It’s not easy, but it’s simple when the truth is clear.
Fighting against lies is not the same thing as living in truth. Truth is something we learn from a source we trust. It is when we live in truth that others benefit from our strength—and grow stronger, too.

Thank you for joining us to build cultures of love around the world. JOIN THE CAUSE at https://loveisfearless.com/

We mention these resources in this episode:

How To Sync Your Life With Your Values by Janet Newberry

https://www.janetnewberry.com/post/how-to-sync-your-life-with-your-values

7 Reasons Why You Need Quiet Time

https://psychcentral.com/blog/7-reasons-why-you-need-quiet-time/

Mercy Me—Best News Ever https://youtu.be/XyBMEDKiKaI

#086: Why Love Is The Only Weapon Against Self-Sabotage Feb 19, 2020

John Lynch is our special guest on this powerful episode that offers freedom in the way only love can. John is one of our favorite authors, a dear friend, and one of the few people in the world who can talk about "permission and protection" in a way that has the potential to unlock a lifetime of bondage.

Many of us would make a 100 on a true/false test if the quiz asked if we knew that cheating was wrong, too much alcohol is bad for us, anger can be hurtful, or if pornography destroys trust. We all KNOW.

And we still give ourselves permission to do what we KNOW is wrong--unless we are protected by someone we ALLOW to protect us--and to help us change our minds about doing what we've always done. THIS is the power of LOVE.

Join us on this funny and potentially life-changing episode with John Lynch and linger in these TAKEAWAYS:

Awareness of one's issues is not permission to address them. I must seek and receive permission to address the issues of others. (Trueface)
Protection is earned permission I give someone I trust to see behind the mask and hear the real struggle and all the lies I tell myself when I give myself permission to fail.
Accountability, except in a job description, is simply a function of law. It causes me to hide from and resent those who love me most and whom I need most.

We mention these resources in this episode:

John Lynch Speaks-- https://www.johnlynchspeaks.com/

https://www.facebook.com/JohnLynchSpeaks/

On My Worst Day: Cheesecake, Evil, Sandy Koufax, and Jesus by John Lynch https://smile.amazon.com/My-Worst-Day-Cheesecake-Koufax/dp/1934104078/

The Cure: What if God isn't who you think He is? and neither are you? By John Lynch, Bruce McNicol, and Bill Thrall

https://smile.amazon.com/Cure-What-isnt-think-neither/dp/1934104086/

The Cure & Parents https://smile.amazon.com/Cure-Parents-Bill-Thrall/dp/1934104094/

Two Roads - on YouTube (full length) https://youtu.be/Rfy03PEVUhQ

(shorter version) https://youtu.be/mOJ1wUcP804

#085: What Does Love Protect? Feb 12, 2020

Protection is a gift of love that can get lost in a culture of fear. Fear is the voice that demands we have no boundaries. Without boundaries, identity gets confusing and lies boldly claim their place as truth.

When we're confused about truth, we're confused about what to protect and what to expose. Unprotected, harm happens. Hurt happens. Exposure invites injury--sometimes to our souls.

We don't have a choice today to be changed...or not. Today, we will grow stronger or weaker. Our choice is to be changed by the power of love or the power of fear.

This episode moves some fences in the way love does--to protect what fear wants to expose. Join us for this powerful conversation and linger in these TAKEAWAYS:

The definition of freedom includes this idea: "not being imprisoned or enslaved." We will not be free without the protection love offers. Love offers truth in a way that can be trusted. Truth helps us recognize the lies that want to convince us they are our servants, but these lies are not designed to serve us...only to enslave us.
3 things LOVE considers when it protects what it loves: (1) Will this make you stronger? or weaker? (2) Will this keep you safe? or put you in a place of unhealthy vulnerability? or in danger of being taken advantage of in a way that is bigger than you're ready to handle? (3) Will this free your life or put you in bondage?
In a culture of love, we experience protection and learn to offer protection. In a culture of fear, we are exposed in harmful ways.

We mention these resources in this episode:

Seth Godin's blog post, Being Stuck Is Reasonable - https://seths.blog/2019/09/being-stuck-is-reasonable/

Janet's new website - https://www.janetnewberry.com/

Janet's blog post, How To Teach Our Children About Consequences. https://www.janetnewberry.com/post/how-to-teach-children-about-consequences

Breakpoint's blog post about the Super Bowl halftime show.

https://breakpoint.org/j-lo-and-shakiras-super-bowl-performance-and-our-cultures-mixed-messages/

Janet's book about offering education without fear - https://smile.amazon.com/Education-Design-Not-Default-Fearless/dp/057840835X/

#084: 3 Questions To Help You Discover Your Purpose Feb 05, 2020

Fear invites us to experience life differently than love does. What we experience, we will share. You're in the right place if you want to experience and share love--not fear.

You're in the right place if you're hungry to discover your true PURPOSE in life and, perhaps, let go of an invalid identity that's wearing you out and keeping you afraid.

In this episode, I share a vulnerable story from my childhood about an experience that offered me an invalid identity. And I admit that my real destiny just sat waiting for me while I pretended my purpose was something God never said it was.

Doug and I share our own answers to 3 powerful questions that can help you discover your purpose, too, in a world without fear, and we offer these TAKEAWAYS:

"Maybe the journey isn't so much about becoming anything. Maybe it's about unbecoming everything that isn't you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place." (unknown)
"Fear makes us see things that aren't there, imagine things that'll never happen, connect dots and draw conclusions that are absolutely incorrect. Love opens up our hearts to trust our loving Father. Love inspires us to believe the best, not fear the worst. Spend some time pondering the love God has for you." (Susie Larson)
Spend some time journaling about these 3 questions: (1) Who am I when no one needs me? (2) What is my most passionate YES? (3) What is my most powerful NO?

We mention these resources in this episode:

Bob Hamp and Think Differently Academy

https://www.facebook.com/ThinkDifferentlyAcademy/

The Road Back To You by Ian Morgan Cron and Suzanne Stabile https://smile.amazon.com/Road-Back-You-Enneagram-Self-Discovery/dp/0830846190

To Be Told--God Invites You To Coauthor Your Future by Dan B. Allender

https://smile.amazon.com/Be-Told-Invites-Coauthor-Future/dp/1578569516/

The Road Less Traveled by Scott Peck https://smile.amazon.com/Road-Less-Traveled-Timeless-Traditional/dp/0743243153/

Grace Life Fellowship https://www.facebook.com/GraceLifeFellowship/

Also, check out my new website https://janetnewberry.com/ We're excited about the update!

#083: How To Break The Cycle of Stress Jan 29, 2020

The power of love holds the secret to completing the stress response cycle and experiencing long-term healing from real stress. In this episode, we'll tell you more about this one BIG reason to keep choosing love over fear.

Here's what research is teaching us: learning to power through stress isn't enough. Even learning to eliminate some sources of stress won't provide all the relief we need because there will always be tension and trauma we can't avoid. Unavoidable stress--left unresolved, will make us sick.

There is great hope. We can find ways to experience LOVE in trusting relationships and eliminate the toxic hormone explosion that happens when we're under stress.

When we nourish our hearts, minds, and souls with LOVE--our bodies chemically experience a kind of "coming home." This completes the stress response cycle in our physical bodies and helps us avoid staying stuck in wounded-ness, insecurity, anxiety, and immaturity.

Join us to find out more about this "love one another" miracle and linger in these TAKEAWAYS:

Oxytocin is the stuff we need to complete the stress response cycle. Without oxytocin, we'll stay stuck--in wounded-ness, insecurity, anxiety, and immaturity.
Immature people don't recognize the same long-term implications of radical ideas that mature people do. Maturity comes from love, not success.
Wounded people hurt people. Restored people restore people. Love is the source of restoration.

We mention these resources in this episode:

The Gift In You by Dr. Caroline Leaf https://smile.amazon.com/Gift-You-Discovering-Through-Hidden/dp/0981956734/

Trees in the tub: Try "bathing" in nature to reduce stress

https://www.northcountrypublicradio.org/news/story/40401/20200118/trees-in-the-tub-try-bathing-in-nature-to-reduce-stress

Leaders Eat Last by Simon Sinek https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ReRcHdeUG9Y

Our work to build schools without fear https://www.john15academy.com/about

Thank you for sharing the LOVE IS FEARLESS podcast with your friends and family. Together, there is great hope.

#082: Building A Life That Nourishes Your Soul Jan 22, 2020

"We keep doing good...thinking it will make us good." Those are the words written on an index card laying on the desk in our living room.

This one idea is the fundamental flaw that upends our cultural compass, sends us to bed both exhausted and sick, and keeps us in racial and religious bondage.

In a culture of love, we're beginning to experience the power of a different reality. Truth tells us we don't become good by doing good; rather, we become good because of what we trust and receive--in relationships.

When we trust and receive:

strength, we become strong.

protection, we become protectors.

safety in relationships, we become safe people in relationships.

And, when we trust and receive:

fear as a motivator, we become anxious.

shame, we become afraid to fail.

trivial pursuits, we live meaningless lives.

Join us on this episode to find the hope LOVE offers for moving us out of the stress cycle that fear wants us stuck in. Linger in these TAKEAWAYS that remind us to nourish our hearts, minds, bodies, and souls:

"Wellness is not a state of being. It is not a state of mind. It is a state of action. The cure for burnout is not self-care. It's all of us caring for each other." (A quote from Emily Nagoski.)
A life of love happens when we choose the experiences, the food and drink, the risks and choices that love offers...instead of the experiences, the food and drink, the risks and choices that fear offers. So many of the choices that fear offers have become false traditions--and addictions, and have, therefore built a culture of fear. With collective intentionality, we can change the world and build a culture of love.
In a culture of love, we can learn to ask ourselves: "Do I really need more? Or do I need something different?" We can learn to nourish our hearts, minds, bodies, and souls...with love. We can love one another in these ways, too.

We mention these resources in this episode:

YOU can buy a LOVE IS FEARLESS t-shirt! https://www.loveisfearless.com/shop

NPR Author Interviews--"Beating Burnout: Sisters Write Book To Help Women Overcome Stress Cycle". https://www.npr.org/2019/05/05/720490364/to-help-women-kick-burnout-sisters-write-book-to-understanding-stress-cycle

Seth Godin's blog post: "Confusing Hunger and Thirst".

https://seths.blog/2020/01/confusing-hunger-and-thirst/

Education by Design, Not Default--How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning by Janet Newberry https://smile.amazon.com/Education-Design-Not-Default-Fearless/dp/057840835X/

Thank you for sharing the LOVE IS FEARLESS podcast with your friends and family. Together, there is great hope.

#081: MIRACLES--A Conversation With Sports Psychologist David Cook Jan 15, 2020

It doesn't seem reasonable that we'd have a conversation with a top sports psychologist and peak performance coach when our topic this week is MIRACLES and the power of LOVE.

It's NOT reasonable. It's a miracle!

David Cook is a speaker, consultant, coach, author, and film-maker in the field of Sport and Performance Psychology. He served as "Mental Training Coach" for the San Antonio Spurs from 1996 – 2004 that included two World Championships.

Golf Digest (2013) named him one of the “Top 10 Mental Game Experts” in the world of golf. He has coached several of the Tour’s top players.

His message for our LOVE IS FEARLESS community is FREEDOM from fear. It's the same message he shares with his clients--who win! David is a great storyteller. He is generous with us in this episode and we are honored.

Join us now to connect the dots between LOVE and fearless FREEDOM and find real strength in these TAKEAWAYS:

Building a culture of love requires us to make room for miracles. Miracles are those supernatural things that change us from what we were--weak and wounded, to what we can be--strong and healthy. LOVE always makes us strong.
"The battle has begun, but remember, it is not your battle. See His Face, Feel His Presence, Trust His Love." (A quote from Golf's Sacred Journey--The Sequel to Seven Days in Utopia by David Cook.)
Building a culture of love invites us to be on the lookout for miracles--and call them what they are. Miracles are unreasonable. They are real experiences that we can't manufacture on our own. Miracles are the byproduct of trust and love--and they remind us we're not the only player in the arena. LOVE is here!

We mention these resources in this episode:

Links of Utopia https://www.linksofutopia.com/

Golf's Sacred Journey--The Sequel by David Cook (book)https://www.linksofutopia.com/golfs-sacred-journey-the-sequel

Seven Days In Utopia by David Cook (book) https://www.linksofutopia.com/seven-days-in-utopia

Seven Days In Utopia -- the movie. Now available on Amazon Prime/videos.

Education by Design, Not Default--How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning by Janet Newberry https://smile.amazon.com/Education-Design-Not-Default-Fearless/dp/057840835X/

Thank you for sharing the LOVE IS FEARLESS podcast and website with your friends and community. Together, there is great hope. https://www.loveisfearless.com/

#080: Why Laughter Is The Best Medicine Jan 08, 2020

Every week we're offering new discoveries about the power of love, how we can practically CHOOSE LOVE, and how we can become aware of the ways we're choosing fear--without even knowing it.

L stands for laughter in the LIF alphabet and it may be more powerful than we think.

As living beings, we literally vibrate with energetic frequency. The body resonates at a frequency between 62 to 72 Hz when healthy. Disease starts at 58 Hz. Death begins at 25 Hz. And, there is a good reason for the expression "scared to death" because the frequency of fear is 19 Hz.

When we experience low-frequency emotions, it's important to know how to return to a healthy state to protect against chronic health problems. The frequency of laughter is 270 Hz and the frequency of love is 528 Hz. Laughter is indeed great medicine!

Join us for this fun episode about the power of laughter and linger in these TAKEAWAYS:

When your children tune out anything that smells like a lecture--laughter is a great way to reconnect.
Laughter is a fun way to add the power of LOVE to the atmosphere. Ridicule makes someone else pay for our laughter. Instead of adding energy to relationships, everyone loses.
LOVE is a force of energy. It is so much more than a feeling or an emotion. LOVE is a POWER. Every time we risk what LOVE requires, we unleash a force in the universe that must be reckoned with. It is impossible for LOVE to not have an effect...for good.

We mention these great resources in this episode:

"What are the signs of low vibration?" https://sarahnegus.com/what-are-the-signs-of-low-vibration/

A Book of Courtesy: The Art of Living With Yourself and Others by Sister Mary Mercedes https://smile.amazon.com/Book-Courtesy-Living-Yourself-Others/

LOVE IS FEARLESS t-shirts and hoodies! https://www.loveisfearless.com/shop

Irresistible by Andy Stanley https://smile.amazon.com/Irresistible-Reclaiming-Jesus-Unleashed-World/dp/0310536979/

Our work to build schools without fear https://www.john15academy.com/

Thank for sharing this LIF episode with your friends and helping us build a world without fear.

#079: How Does Fear Make Us Weak? Jan 01, 2020

Welcome to the ROARING 20s! We hope this decade will be remembered as the time in history when LOVE roared louder than fear. Together, there is great hope.

Most new year's resolutions involve self-discipline and are motivated by a lack of satisfaction with life as we're experiencing it right now.

CHOOSING LOVE OVER FEAR is a resolution that involves more self-awareness than self-discipline--and here's something we're willing to guarantee by the end of 2020:

When you become fluent in love the way you are now fluent in fear, you're going to notice a change in yourself and your relationships. The healthy parts of you are going to get stronger. The weak parts are going to get stronger, too. That's a benefit of being really KNOWN.

We are created for INTIMACY and IMPACT and we can experience this full and free life in a culture of love. Join us in this first LIF episode of 2020, and look clearly at these TAKEAWAYS:

LOVE can't help us if we don't let others close enough to do two things: 1. Have real conversations and ask for help. 2. Have real conversations and give someone we trust permission to speak into our blindspots and protect us from the lies we've believed for a long time.
FEAR fights for and protects CONTROL. LOVE fights for and protects FREEDOM. We must learn to recognize the signs and symptoms of a culture of fear and respond by intentionally building a culture of love.
Fear will roar loudly in 2020, and we can choose to be part of a stronger roar. This decade can be remembered as a time in history when love roared louder than fear. We can orchestrate a decade of roaring 20s that leaves our country, its citizens, and the world a stronger place--instead of a place made vulnerable by the constant attacks of fear.

We mention these resources in this episode:

Education by Design, Not Default--How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning by Janet Newberry

A quote from this video by our friends at Trueface: "What if there was a place so safe you could share the worst parts of you and you would be loved more in the telling of it?"

https://youtu.be/5MFCrDcIaCg

Thank you for sharing LOVE IS FEARLESS with your friends and community. Please consider becoming a monthly donor to support this LIF movement. Together, we can build a world without fear. https://www.loveisfearless.com/helpus

#078: The Best New Year's Resolution of 2020 Dec 25, 2019

One resolution is all you need for the new year and the new decade. Imagine your life next year at this time...without fear.

Most of us don't realize it's possible to live a life without fear, where love removes anxiety, anger, and shame from every conversation, every challenge, every decision.

We are not people who lack faith. We are all depending on something or someone. The question for all of us in the new year is: Are we depending on LOVE or something less? LOVE is our greatest source of strength.

In this episode, we share 5 practical reasons to depend on LOVE instead of fear in the new year, and we offer these TAKEAWAYS:

Many of us are not yet in the habit of sorting love choices from fear choices. Once we can recognize what love looks like and what fear offers us, we can help each other choose love over fear.
Sorting through our fears and insecurities is essential to the process of maturity. Fear puts lies and insecurities in positions of power. LOVE me offers the protection I need to keep insecurity from determining my next step.
When trouble comes in 2020--and it will--let's build the habit of choosing LOVE instead of fear as our dance partner.

Thank you for joining us on LOVE IS FEARLESS in 2019. We wish you a very merry Christmas and a blessed new year! Please keep sharing LIF with your friends and on social media. Together, there is great hope.

We mention these resources in this episode:

The Cure & Parents by our friends at Trueface -- https://smile.amazon.com/Cure-Parents-Bill-Thrall/dp/1934104094/

Don't You Want to Thank Someone by Andrew Peterson -- https://youtu.be/ERrFXvEOjVM

Please consider a year-end donation to LOVE IS FEARLESS. We greatly appreciate your support. https://www.loveisfearless.com/helpus

#077: Choosing JOY Instead of Fear Dec 18, 2019

LOVE or FEAR will be our source of strength today and our bodies will develop reliance and a comfort level with one or the other. In our LIF community, we're learning what fear looks like and sounds like, and we're learning to respond to these signs and symptoms with love.

In this episode, Doug shares about a time in his life when he was afraid and living DISCONNECTED from safe and meaningful relationships. DISCONNECTED is the LOVE IS FEARLESS contrast to JOY.

JOY describes life by design--in a culture of love. Join us to hear a part of Doug's story and the real transformation that LOVE offers...when we trust it. Together, there is great hope.

We share these TAKEAWAYs in this episode:

We discover JOY and build JOY strength in relationships of trust. Our LOVE IS FEARLESS definition of JOY is "it's good to be me, here with you." When it's not good to be me, here with you--our lives are adversely affected by the power of fear instead of transformed by the power of love.
The ability to "return to JOY" from every unpleasant emotion is the hallmark of mental health. We learn to take this healing journey when we stay connected in relationships with people who are mature and who love us well, especially when we struggle and when we have experienced trauma.
LOVE is the source of strength we're designed to live with--not FEAR. LOVE supports our immune systems and protects our mental health. It is vital that we recognize the signs and symptoms of living in a culture of FEAR and respond by helping each other experience a culture of LOVE instead.

Keep choosing JOY instead of FEAR, friends.

We mention these resources in this episode:

Living From the Heart Jesus Gave You by James G. Friesen, E. James Wilder, Anne M. Bierling, Rick Koepcke, and Maribeth Poole

Education by Design, Not Default--How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning by Janet Newberry

#076: Why Integrity Matters--with Scott Morrison Dec 11, 2019

Scott Morrison was an anomaly to me (Janet) when I first met him--about 5 years ago. In some ways, he still is. He is kind, but he has boundaries. He is wise, and he is tender and helpful. He has a weird sense of humor that invites me to laugh, especially in those moments I need to be reminded just to breathe.

We invited Scott to record this episode with us because we're talking about the transforming power of INTEGRITY. He's the best man to join us for this conversation. And, here's my bet: You're going to want to write down some of his words to look at again later. We did!

We can't build a culture of love without integrity. And I can only act with integrity when I am sure I am loved. Together, there is great hope.

Thank you for joining us, Scott--and for leaving us with these TAKE AWAYS:

An internal heart definition of INTEGRITY is: "I am sound and whole and consistent--continuously. I don't have to be different from one person to another."
Think of integrity not as a standard--but as a thermometer. Ask yourself: What is going on inside that produces this reaction today?
We struggle with integrity when we are insecure. Ask yourself and trusted others: What lies am I believing that make me insecure today?

Find out more about Trueface by visiting their website. https://trueface.org/

#075: HUMILITY--Where Healing Begins Dec 04, 2019

In a performance-obsessed culture, we learn to hide our mistakes. We defend our perspectives--not because we're always right, but because we're afraid of the penalty that comes with being wrong.

In a culture of love, we build relationships of trust and value the truth that others offer us that we don't yet see for ourselves. We change our minds on our personal journeys from hurt to healing and from immaturity to maturity.

Humility is where healing begins--emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Humility is our part in the Good News narrative. Join us on this episode for a great story, a powerful analogy, and these TAKEAWAYS:

Risk asking someone this week to share with you what you aren't seeing. You need other people to help you fill in your blind spots.
Humility is our invitation to rest because we are inviting others to look at our chaos. In safe relationships, we are willing to admit the lies that have become a part of our story and we are willing to trade the lies for truth so we can live in peace, instead of dis-ease.
"As we begin this journey, ask yourself, Where is it that I come from? And where is it I am going? May your heart be curious as you study the great tragedy and beauty that your story reveals." (Jay Stringer, Unwanted) And may you find trusted others to help you tell your story in truth.

Thank you for joining the cause at LOVE IS FEARLESS and sharing this podcast with your friends. Together, there is great hope.

We mention these resources in this episode:

Education by Design, Not Default--How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning by Janet Newberry

Trust for Today by the Trueface Team

Unwanted--How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way To Healing by Jay Stringer

Trueface.org

#074: What Chick-Fil-A Knows About Gratitude Nov 27, 2019

One of the best parts of going to Chick-Fil-A is the way every employee always responds to a customer's "Thank you" with a sincere "My pleasure!" Have you ever wondered why those two words hit such a sweet spot...deep in your soul?

It's because we are wired to find deep satisfaction having an impact for good in someone else's life. This is what it means to love one another. And we were made for it.

GRATITUDE is the thankful admission that we have been influenced for good by the love of another.

Despite our legalistic, "you better be good for goodness sake" upbringing, we are not wired to find this same kind of deep satisfaction simply by "being good." Good behavior offers us no rush of oxytocin-the love hormone. We are made for love!

Join us on this episode and linger in these TAKEAWAYs:

We are created to find deep satisfaction, not in being good, but in being loved--and loving others.
LOVE is the source of our pleasure--not goodness. Experiencing gratefulness is a part of the human experience when we take ourselves out of a "be good" narrative, and allow ourselves to "be loved" and "be loving."
Being good is about my potential. Impacting and influencing the world FOR good is about my destiny! One will keep me striving and living in fear; the other invites me to thrive and live in love.

We mention these resources in this episode:

The Cure--What if God isn't who you think He is and neither are you? by John Lynch, Bruce McNicol, and Bill Thrall https://smile.amazon.com/Cure-What-isnt-think-neither/dp/1934104086/

Education by Design, Not Default--How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning by Janet Newberry https://smile.amazon.com/Education-Design-Not-Default-Fearless/dp/057840835X/

Almost Home by Mercy Me https://youtu.be/8_ij-VGMMxQ

John 15 Academy https://john15academy.com

LOVE IS FEARLESS - Join the cause! https://loveisfearless.com

#073: Freedom from Fear Nov 20, 2019

Many of us enjoy singing this line in a popular worship song, "I'm no longer a slave to fear." SLAVE is a powerfully accurate word in that refrain. FEAR will be our master unless we trust LOVE to set us FREE.

Freedom can be defined as a life lived in the truth that love offers. Our KEEP CHOOSING LOVE challenge this week is to refuse the slavery of fear. In this episode, we'll highlight the relationship between fear and lies, and between love and truth.

It's a bit ironic that this episode is the last one we'll record in Freedom, our Airstream. By the time this episode publishes, the 27' that has been our home will have begun a new chapter--with new owners. We're cheering you on Paul and Emily!

Join us as we share some funny stories and some inspiring truths from the past 880 days lived in Freedom.

Linger in these TAKEAWAYS:

A life lived in freedom is the life offered by LOVE. FEAR will always make us slaves. LOVE will always set us free.
Fear is a liar. When we trust anything other than truth, we will live as slaves to fear. Love is a truth-teller. When we trust the truth that love offers, we will live in freedom.
Trusting God’s love is our invitation to experience God’s love. If we don’t trust His love, we’re defaulting to a life of fear. Trusting His love gives us the freedom we didn’t have before—the freedom to love…ourselves and others.

We mention these resources in this episode:

Anxiety, Depression, and the ENERGY love offers - https://www.loveisfearless.com/podcast/episode/1e868b8b/anxiety-depression-and-the-energy-love-offers

Trueface.org / The High Trust Leadership course https://www.trueface.org/high-trust-leader-certificate

#072: Anxiety, Depression, and the ENERGY Love Offers Nov 13, 2019

ENERGY is the strength and vitality required for sustained physical and mental activity. It is also the power derived from physical and spiritual resources.

ENERGY can be measured in frequencies--even the energy of love and fear.

When we trust love, we gain strength and vitality. When we trust fear, we are powerless.

Do you know the energetic frequency of love and fear? Join us in this episode to find out (it's crazy cool, y'all!) and linger in these key TAKEAWAYS:

The opposite of dreaming is living in the limited reality we see with our physical eyes and what we hear with our human ears. The alternative to DREAMING is being contented with FALSE TRADITIONS.
This is the power of relationships of trust--and choosing love. When I have a choice, I get to choose what is me, and what is good for me. That's very different from choosing what the world says is good.
The alternative to ENERGY is POWERLESSNESS. Without trusting LOVE, we are POWERLESS to heal, connect, win the battle against fear, or impact and influence the world--or each other--for good.

Join the LOVE IS FEARLESS movement and help us build cultures of love around the world. Visit loveisfearless.com Together, there is great hope.

We mention these resources in this episode:

The Frequency of Disease https://thesoulfrequency.com/frequency-of-disease/

Eight Ways to Raise Your Vibration (your positive energy) https://www.theholisticingredient.com/blogs/wholesome-living/13587702-8-ways-to-raise-your-vibration-your-positive-energy

Love is 528 https://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/love-is-528-the-worlds-first-song-using-the-scientifically-proven-frequency-of-love-300307498.html

Mythbuster Test the Frequency of Fear https://www.sageaudio.com/blog/music-news/mythbusters-test-the-frequency-of-fear.php

#071: Dreams--A Conversation With Jason Pamer Nov 06, 2019

Jason Pamer is a dreamer--so he knows the power of fear. And he knows the power of love. He's a storyteller whose words weave a tapestry that ignites a fire in your soul. That fire was put in your DNA before the beginning of time. It's the dream God gave you before your earthly life began.

Fear will try to kill that dream--or at least stall it, or derail it. And love will protect it. If we let love.

This episode is longer than most others and it is way too short to capture the energy and life of the true artist that is our guest. Thank you, Jason Pamer. You loved us well in this conversation. We are honored to offer this gift to our LOVE IS FEARLESS audience.

Listen to the episode, friends. Don't just settle for these valuable TAKEAWAYS:

Our God-given dreams are invitations to change the world. They will only thrive in a culture of love.
Be on the lookout for dream seeds in your key relationships. Be the friend (or the spouse) who listens and questions and encourages and protects the dreams of those you love.
"Grasp your dreams. Reach for them. Take appropriate risks. One of the worst things you can die with is potential. Die with failures before you die with potential." (Dr. Henry Cloud)

Share this episode with someone who has a dream. Tell them to keep going. Together, there is great hope.

You can find out more about Jason's work at:

www.sypherfilms.com

www.heartofmanmovie.com

www.heartofmanjourney.com

www.northwood.io

Rape For Profit https://itunes.apple.com/us/movie/rape-for-profit/id667564959

Trueface https://trueface.org/

#070: How Do Healthy Conversations Get Started? Oct 30, 2019

Conversations are becoming a lost art in our fear-based culture--and loneliness has reached epidemic proportions.

"Loneliness is not the physical absence of other people. It's the sense that you're not sharing anything that matters with anyone else." (Johann Hari)

In this episode, we share a vulnerable story about a decision we made early in our relationship that we now see set us up for a marriage rich with meaningful conversations.

This episode feels sacred to us, and we offer you these TAKE AWAYS:

Meaningful conversations and connections act like antibiotics that fight the bacteria of loneliness. The life we live will build the world we live in. Build with love.
LOVE heals our psychology. The power of the words we speak in relationships of trust act with the same skill as a surgeon, carefully removing malignancies and cleaning away infection.
Transactions are a loving and respectful way to do business. "I value what you're offering and I'll pay you for it." Transactions are a fearful way to do personal relationships. "What I value is you, and you don't need to work to earn my love."

In a culture of love, the words that come out of our mouths begin to paint a portrait of the stuff that's in our souls. We get to shine a light on the good stuff, and let love resolve the rest.

Thank you for sharing LOVE IS FEARLESS with your friends or your small group.

We mention these resources in this episode:

Our work to teach children to have meaningful conversations. https://john15academy.com

The Wisdom of Wilderness: Experiencing the Healing Power of Nature by Gerald May

Astroball: The New Way To Win It All by Ben Reiter

The Return of the Prodigal Son by Henri Nouwen

The Saving Life of Christ by Major W. Ian Thomas

#069: How do you respond to "not good"? Oct 23, 2019

We're filling a tool box with the things that help us build cultures of love. In the previous episode, we added AFFECTIONS to our tool box. This week, we share our own lists of "things we love" and how we sorted our loves into two categories: affections and addictions.

In this episode, we're admitting that BEAUTY can be a power tool for real transformation--especially when the details of our lives are "not good."

Enjoy the personal stories we share, and linger in these TAKE AWAYS:

The key difference between a culture of fear and a culture of love is how we respond to "not good." In a culture of love, we respond in love. We choose affections, not addictions.
A strategic anchor for living life and building a culture of love is this: "If it's not beautiful, we don't do it."
Here's your "keep choosing love" challenge: Choose beauty this week, especially when things are "not good."

Send us an email (janet@janetnewberry.com or doug@janetnewberry.com) and tell us how you keep choosing love--and thank you for sharing this episode with your friends.

Join the LOVE IS FEARLESS movement by downloading a free resource at loveisfearless.com--or choose "join the cause."

We mention these additional resources in this episode:

LOVE IS FEARLESS on Instagram can be found @keepchoosinglove.

Doug and Janet love the pastries at Emma and Ollie's in Fredericksburg, TX. Check out their website. https://www.emmaolliefbg.com/

#068: How Do We Build a Culture of Love? Oct 16, 2019

Intentionally building a culture is different than working to change behavior. LOVE IS FEARLESS is working to build cultures of love because people behave differently in a culture of love than they do in a culture of fear.

Building cultures of love offers us a new menu of things to love. In a culture of fear, what starts out as a "love" relationship often ends up as a relationship of bondage. Think about Lay's potato chips, Netflix, shopping, or video games.

In this episode we discuss the differences between affections and addictions. Use these questions to sort your own list of "Things I LOVE" into these two categories--and keep choosing love in all the ways you invest your time and energy in true affections, instead of addictions.

What does love do? (True affections offer us these benefits.)

Love makes us stronger.
Love contributes to maturity.
Love has an impact and influence for good--even in our pain or struggle or trauma.
Love tells us the truth...in love.
Love offers freedom.
Love wants the best for you.

What does love not do? (These things are often true of addictions.)

Love does not always give us our own way--if it's not a healthy way.
Love offers us the presence of something good in our pain, but does not always relieve our pain.
Love doesn't always makes things easier.
Love doesn't make demands--or offer "golden handcuffs."
Love does not use you for personal gain.

This episode offers these key TAKE AWAYS:

Affections influence us in the ways of freedom, not bondage. Affections invite us to create and contribute and conquer--not each other, but conquer our fears.
Cultivate a healthy skepticism of your own affections. Truth is essential. Sometimes truth offers a hard stop...or a significant u-turn. Sometimes love sits down for a season, to take a deep breath and be reminded of the truth.
Being good may have nothing to do with love. It may have everything to do with being smart or successful or talented. But many smart, successful, and talented people are missing out on love--and so are the people closest to them.

Visit loveisfearless.com to download a free resource to help you choose love over fear today--and to join the cause. Subscribe to LOVE IS FEARLESS on your favorite podcast provider--and thank you for sharing this episode with your friends.

We mention these resources in this episode:

Visit john15academy.com to learn more about our work to build schools without fear.

Thank you, Jon Schmidt and Stephen Sharp Nelson for being a great affection to share with our grandchildren. https://thepianoguys.com/

The Houston Astros are a team that loves each other well. Listen to the reporter's question, and A. J. Hinch's response in this post game interview--this is LOVE! You don't need to listen to the whole video; listen to what he says from 2:50--3:30.

#067: Can We Build A World Without Fear? Oct 09, 2019

There is a crisis in our world today. It's a crisis of fear. We live afraid. We're afraid of what people will think, afraid of missing out, and afraid of losing control.

But what if we stop living afraid and instead choose love over fear?

We're creating a community of truth-seekers who together are learning how to choose love over fear in every conversation, every challenge, and every decision. Every day, one day at a time.

In this first LOVE IS FEARLESS episode, we talk about six key principals that are always true in "love one another" cultures, and we offer these three TAKE AWAYS:

Fear will always be with us, but we don't have to live dominated by unhealthy fear. We can build cultures of love in our relationships, homes, schools, workplaces, churches, and communities when we learn to contribute love--instead of fear--into those cultures.
We can begin to recognize the evidence of a culture of fear. Fear cultures are characterized by the things that thrive in fear: manipulation, immaturity, walking on eggshells, control, pretending, bullying, addiction, abuse, enabling, dis-ease, suicide, terrorism, apathy, rebellion or compliance to government or cultural standards, and a loss of freedom.
We can begin to intentionally make room for and protect all the good fruit that grows in a culture of love. Love cultures are characterized by: trust, humility, creativity, maturity, dreams, integrity, courage, physical and mental health, hope, safety, heartfelt obedience to truth, heroic sacrifice, peace, and freedom.

Subscribe to the LOVE IS FEARLESS podcast on your favorite podcast provider.

We mention these resources in this episode:

A FREE downloadable resource, "Three Ways To Choose Love Today" on our new website: loveisfearless.com .

John Lynch - https://www.facebook.com/john.lynch.7564

Bob Hamp . https://www.facebook.com/bob.hamp

#066: Eight Things We've Discovered & Why We Keep Choosing Love Oct 02, 2019

"The knowledge that we are loved will never peel away our masks or heal our wounds. “Knowing about love” and “experiencing love” are not the same thing." (The Cure, by John Lynch, Bruce McNicol, and Bill Thrall)

Isn't it weird that "knowing about fear" and "experiencing fear" are almost always the same thing? If we know there's a reason to fear, we will.

But love? Just because there's "a reason to love," doesn't seem to open the faucet. We hold back...like there's a love shortage and we need to conserve the good stuff. We restrain ourselves...like we might risk and waste. In our gut, we know love is sacred.

As long as we stay afraid of love, we will be slaves to fear.

In this episode, we share eight things we've discovered about love--and why we keep trusting it. We're learning to live without fear--and LOVEISFEARLESS.com wants to help you choose love, too.

We offer these TAKE AWAYS in this last episode (#66) titled the BRAVE LOVE podcast.

Love doesn't put a rubber stamp on fear and hate and call it "good." Love has the power to transform fear and hate, and it will when we trust it. Love is always ready to resolve those things...that it loves us in spite of.
Love isn't behavior modification. Love is response modification. Too many times, we don't risk responding with love because we think we have to have all the answers. The answer we always need first is the love that erases our fear.
We can't build love banks like we build food banks. We can't donate love like we donate blood. We can't give away love like our outgrown clothes. LOVE is like oxygen, and the only tanks it can be delivered in are human beings.

This podcast will continue with a new name. Join us for future episodes on the LOVE IS FEARLESS podcast. Remember, together--there is great hope.

These resources were mentioned in this episode:

Our new LOVE IS FEARLESS website with FREE resources. https://loveisfearless.com/

The Cure https://smile.amazon.com/Cure-What-isnt-think-neither/dp/1934104086/

The Gift In You https://smile.amazon.com/Gift-You-Discovering-Through-Hidden/dp/0981956734/

Searching For God Knows What https://smile.amazon.com/Searching-Knows-What-Donald-Miller/dp/1400202752/

Scary Close https://smile.amazon.com/Scary-Close-Dropping-Finding-Intimacy/dp/078521318X/

Our work to build schools without fear: https://john15academy.com

#065: Fear--7 Reasons Why We're Stuck In It and Living Afraid Sep 25, 2019

We're on a mission--to build a world without fear. Too many people live as slaves--afraid. The world is missing out on their voice, their creativity, and the beauty, strength, and passion they were created to contribute. Too many people are missing out on freedom.

We can't fight a war against fear by lobbying the legislature to make more laws. Fear doesn't obey the law. You can't buy anything (legally or illegally) to stop fear. There is only one weapon against fear--and that weapon is LOVE.

We've tried to do a lot of damage in our culture to the integrity of love. We've called things LOVE that are not love. And, now, many people are afraid--of love. Fear is keeping too many of us afraid of the one thing that holds the keys to our freedom.

This episode unpacks seven reasons why we're stuck in fear--and sets the stage for episode #66 that will reveal eight things we've discovered about love. Until then, linger in these TAKE AWAYS:

We will always be battling some sort of behavior issue until we win the war on fear. There is one weapon that destroys fear--and it is LOVE, not law. Look for the fear before you write another rule.
In our culture today, fear is normal and love is abnormal. It's time for a culture shift.
If we teach love like a behavior system--and turn it in to a sticker chart or a checklist--it won't be love. Love will taste like bad frozen fish sticks if we turn it into the skill of the week.

Together, there is great hope.

We mention these resources in this episode:

Donald Miller's podcast--How To Frame Your Mission To Get Maximum Buy-in--An Interview with U.S. Ambassador for Trafficking in Persons, John Richmond

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/building-a-storybrand-with-donald-miller/id1092751338

Our work to build schools without fear:

https://john15academy.com

Education by Design, Not Default--How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning

https://smile.amazon.com/Education-Design-Not-Default-Fearless/dp/057840835X/

#064: Social Media: Five questions to ask yourself--and to share with your child Sep 18, 2019

It is most often the things we're created to find the greatest pleasure in--that become our greatest places of bondage instead. Think about food and sex--and social media.

Social media offers to meet our God-given need for connection and belonging. So why does it seem like we can never get enough? How can something we were meant to enjoy, all of a sudden seem like a trap? or like an addiction we didn't see coming?

Join us in this episode, and listen with a pencil in your hand so you can write down five short questions to ask yourself about your social media attraction. These questions can be helpful in a conversation with your child, too, as they begin to navigate the social media scene.

These five questions are our gift to you in this episode, along with these three TAKE AWAYS:

What we love or what we fear will grab our attention and require our time and energy and resources--and what we spend our time on will shape our convictions--and stir our emotions.
A love of freedom is learned in an environment of freedom. Freedom invites us to discover many loves--and live pursuing what we love. Addictions convict us with shame--and invite us to live with a need for power, or with a chronic case of apathy.
Fear sets no boundaries. Love does. Fear will bully you if you have boundaries. Fear wants to make you feel guilty for setting limits on your integrity. Love casts out fear. Learn to set boundaries to protect yourself from anything that's not for you.

Follow this link to listen now--or subscribe on your favorite podcast provider. Thank you for sharing this episode with your best friend, or your small group. Together, there is great hope.

We mention these resources in this episode:

The Cure & Parents https://smile.amazon.com/The-Cure-Parents/dp/B01M63E02N/

Lisa Leonard https://smile.amazon.com/Brave-Love-Making-Space-You/dp/B07FSYYN8T/and https://www.lisaleonard.com/

John 15 Academy https://john15academy.com

#063: How do we teach our children to trust? Sep 11, 2019

Experiencing love builds trust.

Trust is the door that lets love in.

Do you see the problem? We need to experience love to build trust, and trust is the door that lets love in. Just like the chicken and the egg--which comes first? Love? or Trust?

If you are a parent, a grandparent, a teacher, or a leader--love comes first. Love flows first from a mature source. The love we offer our children will help build a relationship of trust with them--so they will trust and benefit from the love we offer. Love is our primary responsibility as care-givers.

Love isn't a checklist, or a subject on today's schedule. But love does--so what does love do? And what does love say?

This episode offers some specific guidelines about meeting our children's real needs--with love, so we can teach them how to trust. We offer these TAKE AWAYS:

We need to spend some time learning about real needs, how love meets those real needs, and how we build relationships of trust with each other--so we'll trust the love we are offered.
We don't have a real need for stickers...or screen time...or dessert. We don't even have a real need for performance. We do have a real need for work--and work is different than performing. We are created to work--and for our work to have a good impact and influence in our own lives and the lives of those around us.
Trust isn't built without admitting that we have real needs--by design, not just when trouble comes. Love builds trust--when I am humble and admit my needs. Now I know how to build trust with others, too. I get to notice their real needs and meet their needs with love.

Love is the fuel of maturity. Let's build children that run on love, instead of fear. Let's change the world this way.

Use this link to listen now--or subscribe on your favorite podcast provider. Thank you for sharing this podcast with your friends--and small group. Together, there is great hope.

We mention these resources in this episode:

Love Does by Bob Goff https://smile.amazon.com/Love-Does-Discover-Secretly-Incredible/dp/1400203759/

The Advantage by Pat Lencioni https://smile.amazon.com/Advantage-Organizational-Health-Everything-Business/dp/0470941529/

Education by Design, Not Default by Janet Newberry https://smile.amazon.com/Education-Design-Not-Default-Fearless/dp/057840835X/

"How to Help Your Child Learn To Struggle Well" -- a free webinar https://www.john15academy.com/webinarsignup

#062: Click & Pick Up OR Take My Kids To The Grocery Store?--What's a brave love story? Sep 04, 2019

So much has changed in the past few generations that's led us to almost believe that children don't belong in the grocery store anymore. Two of the biggest changes are:

SO MANY choices! Grocery stores today have millions of choices--and almost all of the new choices are processed foods...that are not really food. But they taste good! A trip to the grocery store requires that we say, "No, thank you" or "Not today" or "Absolutely not! Have you read the ingredients on those things?!" We have to say "No" on almost every aisle--to ourselves and to our children.
SO MUCH pleasing! Relationships are worn down these days by so much trying to please--especially our children. And our children have learned they can require us to please them--because we require them to please us. We don't really trust each other anymore. We just keep trying to be the best pleasers.

Our biggest issue with trust may be that we're out of practice sorting the real needs from the "felt" needs--that are not also real.

And, we've fallen for the lie that more is always better--or that more than enough is better. So now, we're in bondage to more. We're spending our time and energy and resources trying to do more--and get more, instead of enjoying each other--and the life we already have.

Instead of enjoying sugar--we're dying from it. Instead of enjoying time--we're running out of it. Instead of enjoying money--we're slaves to it.

We're living in fear--of missing out. Anxiety is literally killing us. Fear is out of control. And, there is great hope!

Join us in this episode as we unpack grocery shopping--yes! And, so much more. This episode could change the way you and your family begin to prioritize spending your time, energy, and resources. We offer these three TAKE AWAYS:

Trust real needs to sit in the driver's seat of your life. Trying to meet "felt" needs--that are not also real needs--is bondage.
When you're deciding to please yourself--or your child--by meeting a "felt" need, make sure you're also building trust in the relationship by meeting a real need, too. Spend your time, money, and energy prioritizing real needs.
When we have more than enough, while we are still immature in our choosing--we often live a life of pleasing...ourselves...and our children...in ways that offer bondage--instead of freedom. Our real need is freedom.

Follow this link to listen now--and thank you for subscribing on your favorite podcast provider. You probably know a friend who would benefit from this episode, too. Thank you for sharing it with them.

We mention these resources in this episode:

John 15 Academy--btw--there's a new FREE resource on this website! https://john15academy.com

#061: Fight, flight, hurt & healing--How does Brave love fight? Aug 28, 2019

Conflict is healthy. Conflict invites us to look closer inside ourselves and ask, "What story am I telling myself?" and "Is it true?" When we're in the middle of an argument--it feels anything but healthy. We feel out of balance. We feel like someone is rocking our boat.

There is a way of navigating conflict that doesn't force or fix--but that offers freedom instead. In freedom we can regain our internal balance and begin to steer our own ship in a trustworthy way, even in the middle of other storms that throw us off balance again.

In this episode, we share a fight we had recently that started with, of all things, a grasshopper. But we weren't really fighting about a grasshopper. We were fighting about feeling foolish...and the hurtful ways we can speak to each other when we feel foolish.

This episode casts a wide net--and includes considerations and questions about punishment, justice, trust, character, and truth. We wrap it up with these TAKE AWAYS:

"When there is trust, conflict becomes nothing but the pursuit of truth--an attempt to find the best possible answer." (The Advantage, by Pat Lencioni)
Balance is internal, not external. The journey we take in this world will throw us off balance. Brave Love reminds us to pause and regain our internal balance before continuing on in the journey.
Brave Love builds trust instead of destroys it--because we're fighting together...for the freedom to live in the truth.

Thank you for sharing this episode with your friends and your spouse--especially if you're navigating a conflict. You can follow this link to listen now.

We mention these resources in this episode:

The Advantage, by Pat Lencioni https://smile.amazon.com/Advantage-Organizational-Health-Everything-Business/dp/0470941529/

John Lynch, author of On My Worst Day--and many others! https://smile.amazon.com/My-Worst-Day-Cheesecake-Koufax/dp/1934104078/

John 15 Academy https://john15academy.com

#060: Empathy, hate, and healing--A brave love conversation about history Aug 21, 2019

There is not a time in history when people were not organizing themselves around idols and tangled theology. As a human race, we get attracted to the promises of law or power--or fear of what we can't control, so we try more desperately to control.

We get to share the journey through history with the next generation--and we get to empathize with real people from the past and the present. Empathy is a powerful place to sit in relationships, and empathy alone will not offer the healing our story of history hands us today.

Join us on this Brave Love episode as we rally around a real need for empathy in our world--and a real need for more. This episode offers these take aways:

Freedom only happens in love, not hate. Freedom only happens in forgiveness, not self-righteousness. Freedom only happens when I have the power inside of me to choose love--for myself and for you. There is only one source of this power.
Wisdom is not often popular. Wisdom is discovered the hard way--on the long road--in community with people who care enough to find truth...not simply agreement or power.
"Allow generosity to take the lead and you'll probably discover that it's easier to find the guts." (Seth Godin) In order for generosity to take the lead--we need a generous heart, and we're not born with one the first time. We need a new heart--not a new hate.

Follow this link to listen now--and thank you for subscribing to the Brave Love podcast on your favorite podcast provider. Share this episode with your friends. There is great hope.

We mention these resources in this episode:

Seth Godin's blog post, Innovation is guts plus generosity https://seths.blog/2019/08/innovation-is-guts-plus-generosity/

Mercy Me - Lifer album - Ghost https://youtu.be/w0Y0UXpxtGQ

Brene Brown - about empathy https://youtu.be/1Evwgu369Jw

John 15 Academy https://john15academy.com

#059: The Pain Of Loneliness -- What is a brave love response? Aug 14, 2019

Our culture is saturated with pain. And, our brains don't distinguish between a physical threat and an emotional threat. In painful circumstances, our automated response is fight--or flight.

Fight and flight can look like an argument, hiding in front of a screen, divorce, addiction, or suicide. It can look like the trauma of terrorism and mass shootings.

How do we begin to navigate pain--including the real pain of loneliness--in a way that is healthy, instead of toxic? If we learn how, we can help our children learn a healing response to pain, too.

Join us on this episode that offers a practical conversation from a BRAVE LOVE subscriber--and these TAKE AWAYS:

What story does our pain tell us? Is our pain a place of shame or healing?
God tells you the truth--about who He is, about who you are, about school, and about loneliness. He knows that when you trust Him, you'll begin to let the truth of your identity sit in the driver's seat of your decisions--instead of giving your emotions the keys to your behavior.
In this life, you will be lonely. Loneliness is like dust. It is real--and it is not you. Lonely is an emotion. It is a dusty emotion, instead of a glittery one. It's one we don't enjoy. When we let loneliness build up, it's like plaque on our teeth or cholesterol in our arteries. Love is an antidote to loneliness. Love tells us the truth. Will we trust LOVE or dust?

Use this link to listen now--and make sure you don't miss an episode by subscribing on your favorite podcast provider. Thank you for sharing BRAVE LOVE with your friends and family.

We mention these resources in this episode:

Waking Up Slowly by Dave Burchett. https://www.amazon.com/Waking-Up-Slowly-Spiritual-Unexpected/dp/1496415825/

A blog to read to your child about school: http://thesweetspot.apps-1and1.com/a-true-story-about-you-and-god-and-school-a-blog-post-to-read-to-your-child

John 15 Academy https://john15academy.com

Education by Design, Not Default by Janet Newberry https://www.amazon.com/Education-Design-Not-Default-Fearless/dp/057840835X/

#058: The Epidemic of Loneliness Aug 07, 2019

"If we had more friends, we'd feel validated."

"Everyone has friends but me."

We wrote these two statements in a list of 14 statements the other day. We were feeling lonely. This BRAVE LOVE episode tells more of our story, and shares how we navigated and began to resolve our real feelings.

Loneliness is like a thunderstorm. It feels dark and unsettling--and we can forget that others experience loneliness, too. We're not the only ones who hear thunder. There isn't anything uniquely wrong with us--because we're experiencing feelings of loneliness.

But loneliness often lies. All 14 of the statements we wrote down when we were feeling lonely were lies--and, when we also wrote down the truth, the pain of our loneliness began to resolve.

How do you respond to your real feelings of loneliness? How do your children respond? Join us on this episode for a BRAVE LOVE conversation about struggling with loneliness. We offer these TAKE AWAYS:

Very real experiences offer us thoughts that are not true--about ourselves, about others, and about God.
Loneliness is one of these experiences. It's real, but offers us lies, not truth. These experiences can bring dis-ease to our souls--and dis-ease to our bodies, if we don't reconcile our mind and will and emotions to the truth.
Our part in relationship with God is always--trust and receive. Our part is never to earn and deserve. We are always the responder in our relationship with God. He is a God of supply, not demand. He supplies us with love and truth.

Follow this link to listen now--and thank you for subscribing on your favorite podcast provider.

We mention these resources in this episode:

A free webinar called "How To Help Your Child Struggle Well"--available for a limited time on https://john15academy.com/webinarsignup

We're in Fredericksburg, TX for several months--in Freedom, our Airstream. We'd love to sit at the table with you and hear your stories. Check out the options for lodging near by. https://www.airbnb.com/a/Fredericksburg--Texas--United-States

#057: The Crisis of Convenience - Is America Falling For It? Jul 31, 2019

"If it's easier, let's do it!" could be the mantra in our world today. We live in an age where we can make things go faster and skip the stuff that's tedious. Technology has automated many day to day routines--so we can experience more free time.

Are you? Are you experiencing more free time? Or are we now stuck in a crisis of convenience--living life avoiding anything that might take too long or be unpleasant?

Seth Godin wrote this in a recent blog post, "(...)it's becoming more clear that the attention-seeking, profit-driven media industrial complex drives our culture more than reports on it." His post concluded by saying, "But it's not our job to buy into it. (...) The first step is to stop taking the bait. The second step is to say, "Follow me.""

Join Doug and Janet on this episode that fights for love more than convenience, and offers these TAKE AWAYS:

A culture of consumerism is an addicted culture. A full and free life happens in a culture of love and trust--and that culture is evidence more by contribution than consumerism. The first step in a new direction--away from convenience--is to stop taking the bait.
"The polar opposite of convenient is dreaming." (quote by Doug Newberry!) When convenience is king, dreams dies.
The children of today will lead the countries of tomorrow. Freedom is not convenient. Maturity is not convenient. Freedom is lost when immature cultures elect immature leaders.

Follow this link to listen now--and subscribe to Brave Love on your favorite podcast provider. Thank you for sharing Brave Love with your friends and community. Together, there is great hope.

These resources are shared in this episode:

Seth's blog post: https://seths.blog/2019/07/where-will-the-media-take-us-next/

Janet's new website offering support for educators and homeschool families: https://john15academy.com/

#056: Struggling in School--What struggle will get resolved for your child this year? Jul 24, 2019

In a culture of labels, have we forgotten that struggles can get resolved?

Dr. Caroline Leaf reminds us, "Be careful how you talk about certain issues in your life because it will affect how you recover. For example, don't say "my anxiety" or "my panic attacks" as you make these a part of your identity and see them as just a flawed part of who you are. This mindset will keep you locked in and keep you from finding healing. These are not who you are - these are feelings and signals that need to be addressed and dealt with."

The same is true for learning disabilities. For too many children--we're settling for passing tests with accommodations--and as a culture, we're forgetting that healing really happens. Who gives your child permission to not struggle with his disability forever?

Join us on this BRAVE LOVE episode full of hope when we do the work that is required to repurpose education--for the children's sake. Consider these TAKE AWAYs:

Our thoughts build our brains. Our expectations can change the nature of our biology. We will build structures in our brains based on what we believe--whether it is true or not. Fear increases our chance of getting the problem we're afraid we'll get!
Here's a vital truth about maturity: We don't mature because we get what we deserve. We mature because we get what we need. The stuff we don't deserve is the stuff that changes us.
Struggle is a normal part of life. In many ways, struggle is a gift--because we learn to ask for help from people who love us and who help us grow up and resolve our struggles.

Follow this link to listen now--and please share this podcast with your friends. You can subscribe to BRAVE LOVE on your favorite podcast provider. There is great hope!

These resources are mentioned in this episode:

Janet's webinar: "How To Help Your Child Learn to Struggle Well" This link goes to the John 15 Academy website--and you can find access there to the webinar replay.

Education by Design, Not Default--How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning by Janet Newberry

The Gift in You by Dr. Caroline Leaf

#055: What Comes After Mindfulness? Who Do You Trust To Change Your Mind? Jul 17, 2019

Mindfulness is important and helpful and healthy. It's a good first step.

And without a relationship of trust, this first step might have each of us walking in a circle--in the same old ruts--now simply more aware of how we're thinking while we're stuck in our ruts.

Here's our BRAVE LOVE definition of success:

Success is staying connected in relationships of trust—and navigating work, struggle, leisure, and fun—in truth, not lies—and love, not shame.

So, who helps you find success? Who helps you sort out your thoughts--and trade lies for truth and shame for love? Who has permission to help you change your mind--because you trust them, more than you trust yourself?

To trust someone is to be in agreement with them. Wow. You might want to read that sentence again. Just because other people agree with us, doesn't mean what we're thinking is true. And, what happens when the only person I trust--is myself?

Join us on this valuable episode of the BRAVE LOVE podcast, and consider these TAKE AWAYS:

A transformational relationship is one that has permission to change your mind. Who is that for you? How did you decide to trust them?
Who or what is offering your child their thoughts today? What source are you trusting--or are your kids trusting--to shape their thoughts, form their opinions, and spark their emotions?
Behavior is the echo of belief. I can agree with truth. I can change my mind. I can change my behavior. I can change my brain. I can change my life. It all starts with changing my mind--and agreeing with truth.

Use this link to listen now--and please share the BRAVE LOVE podcast with your friends. Subscribe on your favorite podcast provider. There is great hope.

Janet and Doug talk about these resources on this episode:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/mindfulness

https://john15academy.com

https://janetnewberry.com/vulnerability-not-transparency/

#054: Disengaged and Entitled--What Is A Brave Love Response? Jul 10, 2019

He does not want to sit with me and allow me to walk with him and help him struggle well. Maybe I'm just not giving enough time.

Then I fall in the rut of "I'm not good enough" or "give me your phone, keys to the car...until you can spend time with your family and work on this..."

Dang. This is hard. And it is reality for many families. It's like the story of the prodigal son in scripture, but the son in this story is rebelling while still living under the same roof.

Linger in this episode as we share more about transformational and transactional relationships, the power of "I change my mind," and staying connected while staying honest about real problems.

We offer these TAKE AWAYS, too:

A relationship of trust is one where it is safe to admit I am wrong and say, "I change my mind." This only happens when there is no added penalty for being wrong--and when the relationship is not at stake.
Love always equips and never enables. Just because a child complies doesn't mean they are growing up. Compliance only asks me to do what you say to get what I want. Trusting obedience invites me to trust you--and obey. Obedience is evidence of maturity.
Give your kids car keys and a phone because they are mature and responsible--and for no other reason. There is too much risk involved in driving a car and having a phone for a child to get this privilege while they are immature and irresponsible.

Follow this link to listen now--and subscribe. Thank you for sharing this episode with your friends.

We mention these resources in this episode:

Fredericksburg Theater Company - Thank you for a wonderful "Sound of Music" evening. Friends--check out the website for future productions...and come visit us! https://www.fredericksburgtheater.org/

Check out our new website--dedicated to all things BRAVE LOVE and EDUCATION. https://john15academy.com/

The Cure and Parents https://smile.amazon.com/Cure-Parents-Bill-Thrall/dp/1934104094/

Education by Design, Not Default https://smile.amazon.com/Education-Design-Not-Default-Fearless/dp/057840835X/

This blogpost maybe helpful for you and your prodigal. https://janetnewberry.com/prodigal-welcome-home/

#053: Celebrating Freedom--Is it a gift we're giving our children? Jul 03, 2019

You've heard me say this before: "If Brene Brown gets to be known as the shame researcher, Janet Newberry gets to be known as the love researcher." And, here's one thing I've discovered--

There is no love without freedom, and there is no freedom without love.

This BRAVE LOVE episode begins with a casual discussion about the freedom of summer...and freedom to ponder, rather than always declaring "right" and "wrong." The discussion gains strength when we begin to talk about relationships that are for us--and for helping us stay free...instead of relationships that benefit from our bondage.

If you've spent your childhood in America, you've breathed in a worldview and a belief system that affects your choices. We, too.

So, what choices will our generation make?

What choices will our children and grandchildren make?

People who are loved well, love well.

Restored people, restore people.

Freed people, free people.

Join us on this bold and brave episode, and stay with us for these TAKE AWAYS:

Often entertainment tells us what to think--and, often we engage in entertainment when we're too tired to think for ourselves.
We have the chance to help our children see the lies and find the truth instead of get stuck in the bondage of their own immaturity. Achievement alone won't solve the problem of prolonged immaturity.
Our choices will make history--and the next generation will lead the countries of the future. Immature leaders rise to power in immature cultures. Immature cultures often live in chaos--and civil war. Mature leaders find positions of leadership because of their desire to protect freedom--not gain power. Mature cultures elect these kind of leaders.

Follow this link to listen now--and subscribe. Share this episode with your friends. Let freedom ring! Together, there is great hope.

We mention these resources in this episode:

Thank you, Jodey Smith, our podcast coach. https://www.jodeysmith.com/

This guest blogpost: The Joy of Raising Children Who Ponder

http://www.homegrownlearners.com/home/the-joy-of-raising-children-who-ponder

My book: Education by Design, Not Default--How Brave Love Creates Fearless Learning

https://smile.amazon.com/Education-Design-Not-Default-Fearless/dp/057840835X/

John 15 Academy--our community for homeschool families.

Before July 20, 2019, find out more at https://janetnewberry.com/

After July 20, 2019, find out more on our brand-new website dedicated to all things Brave Love in education. https://john15academy.com/

#052: Does Everyone Get A Trophy? Jun 26, 2019

A trophy! Hooray!

We are a culture that gathers to applaud--and that's wonderful. And...interesting. It's worth asking, "What's the motive? for all the extra events? to celebrate everything? for every child?"

The month of May in America is almost more crowded than December. Awards ceremonies, sports banquets (for children in elementary school, too,) graduation events--for every grade level...

It hasn't always been this way. Is this a change for the better?

Is it love? Or is it FOMO? Is it our "fear of missing out" that's filling our calendars and our children's walls with trophies and awards--and their fingers with championship rings?

What are the long-term benefits? What are the red flags?

Here's one key concern: Success alone won't solve the problem of prolonged immaturity. Maturity is what's required to navigate winning and losing. What stories are we telling ourselves--and our children--when everyone gets a trophy?

Join Janet and Doug in this episode, and share these TAKE AWAYs with your friends--as a place to start a valuable discussion:

A trophy for all disconnects us in relationship--because it's not true. We didn't all win. It's not building trust between adults and children--instead, it's too often a way to avoid hard conversations...that are true...instead of comfortable.
We can't extinguish our children's shame stories--if they have ignited our own. This is the benefit of a healthy community.
What is a Brave Love definition of success? Staying connected in relationships of trust and navigating struggle and success in truth, not lies---and love, not shame.

Follow this link to listen now--and to subscribe. Share this episode with your friends, or your small group. Send Janet and Doug an email with your considerations and questions.

janet@janetnewberry.com doug@janetnewberry.com

There is great hope!

These resources are mentioned in this post:

An invitation from Doug and Janet to visit Fredericksburg, TX--come see us! https://www.visitfredericksburgtx.com/plan/visitor-information-center/

https://www.absolutecharm.com/

https://www.fbglodging.com/

A guest blogpost--from Janet! http://www.homegrownlearners.com/home/the-joy-of-raising-children-who-ponder

Janet's book-- https://smile.amazon.com/Education-Design-Not-Default-Fearless/dp/057840835X/

#051: How Do I Talk To My Kids About Bullying? Jun 19, 2019

Our children need language to talk about the problem of bullying. They need adults to have safe conversations about this difficult subject--so they can ask for help without shame. We can help our children begin to understand what it means to be a bully--and better navigate a resolution in these unsafe relationships.

A bully is someone who:

will meet their own (felt) needs first--at the expense of another.
wants to make someone else feel like a loser.
sniffs out a personal weakness--and takes advantage of it--for their own sense of power, control, or mis-guided need to dominate.
is not safe--in the ways of love.

Bullying is not going to go away because we say we won't tolerate bullying. A lack of tolerance is simply one more rule that bullies aren't going to follow.

Join Janet and Doug in this powerful episode about the antidote to bullying--and help your family become a safe place to heal and find real help. This episode offers these TAKE AWAYS:

Letting the love of God and others extinguish our shame stories is a vital step in a life lived unaffected by bullies. Living in shame is a key indicator of a bully--and often, as a victim of a bully.
Building safe relationships of trust is a vital step, too. We need safe relationships that will offer us the unconditional love that protects us from lies and shame--and helps us live in truth and love.
"Uncomfortable" is no more a key indicator of bondage--than "comfortable" is a key indicator of freedom. Manipulation can seem comfortable because it seems right that the equation balances. "I'm willing to earn what I need from you in relationship," is a toxic thought. God's love is unconditional because we all need more than we can ever earn. Trusting unconditional love is often very uncomfortable--and it is the only path to freedom.

This resource is mentioned in this episode: Bill Tell's book, Lay It Down: Living In The Freedom of the Gospel. You can find this book here: https://smile.amazon.com/Lay-Down-Living-Freedom-Gospel/

Follow this link to listen now. Thank you for sharing this episode with your friends or small group. Together, there is great hope.

#050: Weddings, Marriage, and the Stories We Tell Ourselves About Love Jun 12, 2019

We went to a wedding--and started remembering our own wedding stories. Between the two of us, we have six of our own wedding stories. Six times we've stood at an altar with great expectations.

As we talked, we realized that all wedding stories are not love stories. Some wedding stories are shame stories. Marriage can be a love story or a shame story, too. Love stories are NOT characterized by perfection. They are characterized by freedom, protection, truth, and strength. Shame stories are characterized by at least one of these ways of relating: control, manipulation, fear, and lies.

There is great hope! Shame stories can become love stories. Join us on this episode as we talk vulnerably about the stories we tell ourselves--and share the hope of BRAVE LOVE.

We offer these key ideas as TAKE AWAYS:

Grace changes everything about weddings and marriage. There's no such thing as earning God's love--or anyone else's.
Trust is the door that opens that lets love in. Trust isn't earned; it's a gift. Trust is built intentionally--not in our perfect behavior--but in all the ways we own the impact and influence of our choices in each other's lives.
Grace always expresses itself in love. Love is a process of meeting real needs. Grace is always safe and never soft. Love wants to protect us from living with the lies that we're tempted to believe--or in our shame stories.

We mention these resources in this episode:

"The Cure" (book)

https://smile.amazon.com/Cure-What-isnt-think-neither/dp/1934104086/

The Brooks at Weatherford (wedding venue)

https://thebrooksatweatherford.com/

Thank you for sharing this episode with your friends--and your spouse. We'd love to hear from you. Send your questions for the BRAVE LOVE podcast to janet@janetnewberry.com

#049: Your Family Vacation--For Better or Worse?! Jun 05, 2019

A comedy (in literature) is amusing--and has a cheerful and successful ending. It has a happy conclusion--not because everything was perfect, but because there is a triumph over unpleasant circumstances.

A tragedy happens when the main character is brought to ruin--or suffers extreme sorrow--as a consequence of a tragic flaw, moral weakness, or inability to cope with unfavorable circumstances.

The common theme in both story lines is unpleasant or unfavorable circumstances.

The determining factor--between a cheerful and successful vacation--is not perfect circumstances or perfectly met expectations. It's the way we respond to chaos when it happens--because it will.

Join us on this new episode--and enjoy Doug's great sense of humor. lol!

We'll share these key TAKE AWAYS to help you find great fun in your family vacation:

Family vacations are simply a time period when everything that's real about relationships in your family gets magnified. What if this summer's vacation magnifies a better way to respond to chaos?
Our dream is often that vacation will be an escape from reality, but reality always goes with us. What is often real isn't always true. What if the truth your family experiences on vacation this year is that each of you really care about each other?
Perfection isn't the goal. Reconnection is the goal. Reconnecting doesn't mean problems aren't real and feelings aren't hurt. Reconnecting means I care about you--and the problems aren't going to come between us in relationship.

Follow this link to listen now--and to subscribe. Thank you for sharing it with your friends. Maybe you're going on a "Girl's Vacation" or a "Guy Trip." The ideas in this episode can help ensure your time together is a comedy--instead of a tragedy.

We mention these books in this episode:

Magnolia Table: A Collection of Recipes For Gathering

https://smile.amazon.com/Magnolia-Table-Collection-Recipes-Gathering/dp/006282015X/

The Cure & Parents

https://smile.amazon.com/Cure-Parents-Bill-Thrall/dp/1934104094/

Education by Design, Not Default--How Brave Love Creates Real Learning

https://smile.amazon.com/Education-Design-Not-Default-Fearless/dp/057840835X/

Together, there is great hope.

#048: How do I organize summer time for my kids? May 29, 2019

Time is our most valuable resource. If we waste money, we can earn more. But, we don't get any more time because we waste it. Summer time is often like winning the lottery for our kids--all of a sudden they have almost limitless time!

How does your family spend time? Just like money, there is a real need for guidelines--based on principles and mature leadership.

When we try to manage our children's time, they often feel resentful. Sometimes requiring them to earn time--to do what they want--is a battle. Tomorrow, children wake up needing to earn all over again. Summer becomes a lifestyle of earning and deserving. Parents too often play the role of tyrant landlords--and the kids are often immature wage earners.

Join us on this episode to consider some new ideas about living a brave love life with your family this summer--and spending time in ways that pay big dividends, instead of ways that require writing out lease agreements for smart phones, Minecraft, or Fortnite.

We offer these TAKE AWAYS about organizing summer time:

The tug of war for control--based on my wants and expectations and your wants and expectations is a poor plan for summer. It lands us in a dangerous place for navigating relationships.
What is going to be our plan for the summer? Is it going to be a plan to navigate our disagreements in order to get what we want? Or are we going to develop habits in relationships based on principles, instead of based on managing crisis?
Parents--a key need for our children this summer is leadership; they don't just need a system. We get this key responsibility and this great privilege. Brave Love parenting is leadership--not simply management.

Follow this link to listen now--and find links to subscribe. Thank you for sharing this episode on social media and with your friends. Sharing Brave Love can change the world, one relationship at a time. There is great hope.

We mention this resource in this episode: The Advantage by Patrick Lencioni

https://smile.amazon.com/Advantage-Organizational-Health-Everything-Business/dp/0470941529/

This previous episode is helpful when talking with our children (and ourselves!) about dealing with emotions: https://janetnewberry.com/what-do-we-do-with-emotions-at-home-part-1/

#047: How can we help our kids with sadness and grief? May 22, 2019

We almost titled this episode, "Is there any such thing as 'good grief?'"

Rowdy was the best dog ever. He was a rescue dog that rescued us more than 14 years ago. He has been a part of every day in our "Living in Freedom" Airstream story--traveling with us from coast to coast. We said, "Good-bye" to Rowdy, just a few days ago--and we are so very sad.

Join us on this episode as we talk about sadness and grief--and some of the ways we're dealing with our sadness. You'll discover some practical ideas that are helping us heal our broken hearts.

This episode offers these TAKE AWAYS:

Our behavior is not supposed to be led by our emotions. This is one symptom of mental illness. This is also a symptom of a society being led by the people triggering our emotions.
We get to help our children fully experience their emotions--and resolve them. One invitation we can offer our children is to take a walk in nature. Nature teaches us that life by design is a cycle--and death brings life. This is our great hope.
Emotional fluency is a key indicator of mental health. Emotional fluency means learning to return to joy from every unpleasant emotion--and when I can, I can help someone else return to joy from every unpleasant emotion.

We define joy as "it's good to be me, here with you." In times of delight--it's good to be me, here with you. In times of real sadness--it's good to be me, here with you. Your love is part of our healing process. Experiencing each other's love is a vital part of emotional healing. We are so very thankful for the love of our friends during our experience of sadness.

Follow this link to listen now--or subscribe on your favorite podcast provider. Share this episode with your friends. Together, there is great hope.

Loving bravely,

Janet and Doug

#046: How can I get my kids to work hard? May 15, 2019

Our children thrive when they are given the dignity that they innately want to work--and work hard. Do you believe this to be true?

In this episode, Janet and Doug unpack the vital differences between "working" and "performing." They wrestle with the impact of manipulation in relationships, and the truth that our children are created to contribute--and find deep satisfaction.

Janet and Doug believe we can teach our kids the truth about work, so they are well equipped to dream about a big life. They offer these TAKE AWAYS:

A work ethic is the fruit of cultivation, not manipulation.
Cultivation happens in trusting relationships--when the strong help the weak see something that's true in themselves. When we have a trusting relationship with our children, we get to cultivate a work ethic in our children.
Our homes can be greenhouses instead of factories. We can pull the weeds out of our own thinking--about work and our identity as workers--and we can model the satisfaction of working hard in freedom instead of bondage.

Follow this link to listen now--and share the hope of BRAVE LOVE with your friends.

Have you subscribed yet? Thank you!

Together, there is great hope.

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