Living with Heart: From Birth to Death

45 - What is Gratitude, and How Do We Experience It? Nov 12, 2024

The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.

Episode highlights:

Now Available at Amazon

The Jesse Tree: A Christmas Devotional for Individuals, Couples, & Families is a 24-day devotional that prepares us for the birth of Jesus. It is offered as a free eBook at chipdodd.com, and it can be purchased from Amazon. The Jesse Tree includes daily devotions that start with creation and end with the birth of Jesus. Each day has a list of ideas for extending the day’s “study” and opportunity with fellowship with your family, friends, and God. Your Jesse Tree will be covered in Bible-themed ornaments that will be a daily reminder of the stories you have read and the promise of the coming Messiah. Order now, the devotional begins December 1st.

This is the first of two episodes on gratitude.

The final episode of the year will drop November 26. In this final episode, we will look back over our first year of “Living with Heart: From Birth to Death.”

We will start the new season December 31 with a new episode that focuses on New Year’s Resolutions.

What is gratitude and how do we experience it? Three factors play a part in experiencing gratitude.

Gratitude begins with our needs. God created us with an abundance of needs.

Whether we like it or not, we are “needy” creations of God.

Having our needs addressed and fulfilled is how gratitude occurs.

Our needs cannot be fulfilled without being in need of God and others.

Gratitude is experienced through relationship.

Needs are covered in great detail in:

Needs of the Heartby Chip Dodd
“Living with Heart: From Birth to Death” podcast, episodes 2-16

The 3 factors that summarize our essential needs are:

We all desire to belong and matter.
We all seek safety and care.
We all crave to experience a full life.

Being in need or being “needy” is not a bad thing or a weakness. It is a human experience over which we are actually powerless.

We are created in ways that we cannot change. We can run from how we are made, but that does not change how we are created.

Many of us are trained to believe that having needs means you are weak.

Most people see having needs as:

a weakness.
putting yourself in danger of being rejected.
a negative experience that can keep them from belonging and mattering.
a negative experience that can keep them from being safe and cared for.
an experience that will keep them from having a full life.

Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

44 - Recovery from Codependency: The Power of Prayer for Recovery Nov 05, 2024

Click here to read the episode highlights.

The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.

Congratulations to the 5 Winners of the Chip Dodd Book Bundles! Thank you to all of you who submitted a review of this podcast.

2 helpful, FREE Resources at chipdodd.com:

14 Symptoms of Codependency: A Personal Inventory

Return to Being Human: 6 Freedoms from Birth

The Boy & The Ogre: Finding Freedom from Codependency by Chip Dodd

Now Available at Amazon

The Jesse Tree: A Christmas Devotional for Individuals, Couples, & Families is a 24-day devotional that prepares us for the birth of Jesus. It is offered as a free eBook at chipdodd.com, and it can be purchased from Amazon. The Jesse Tree includes daily devotions that start with creation and end with the birth of Jesus. Each day has a list of ideas for extending the day’s “study” and opportunity with fellowship with your family, friends, and God. Your Jesse Tree will be covered in Bible-themed ornaments that will be a daily reminder of the stories you have read and the promise of the coming Messiah. Order now, the devotional begins December 1st.

The reason for this podcast is because for people to have more life, more fulfillment. The things talked about here, and the materials referred to, are about knowing the language and content of your heart, and what that can do for you. It won’t stop pain, but helps you know what to do about it. It certainly doesn’t promise perfection or even happiness. But knowing the language and content of the heart helps people develop the ability to live life on life’s terms, with all of its heartbreak and heartache that conflicts with our craving for life without tragedy.

Our goal is for people to experience time in this life as Kairos, which means to experience your life emotionally and spiritually, fully participating in living, rather than Chronos, which means just getting life over with, letting the clock run down.

If we don’t allow ourselves to live emotionally and spiritually connected, then we have to find an escape or addiction.

Without living in Kairos, we are simply on a race to the grave.

Codependency recovery moves us into Kairos.

Because there has been so much misunderstanding about the proper use of feelings, there is a rising backlash against the importance of facing, feeling, and dealing with life by being able to be “response-able” with feelings.

Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

43 - Recovery from Codependency: Eight Myths About Boundaries Oct 29, 2024

Click here to read the episode highlights.

The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.

BOOK BUNDLE GIVEAWAY!

We are giving away 5 FREE Chip Dodd Book Bundles!

Write a review of this podcast.
Submit the review.
Take of screenshot of the review.
Send the screenshot to bryan@vothcenter.com.

Reviews and emails must be submitted by October 31st.

5 names will be drawn and winners will be announced in November.

The book bundles include:

A Signed Copy of The Voice of the Heart
The Voice of the Heart Companion Study
The Boy and The Ogre: Finding Freedom from Codependency
The Jesse Tree: A Christmas Devotional for Individuals, Couples, and Families
*Bonus: A Set of Ornaments

Dr. Dodd will be leading 1 more seminar this fall:

How to Love a Woman’s Heart

November 8, 2024

9:00-12:00

For more information or to register for these seminars go to chipdodd.com/seminar

2 new FREE Resources at chipdodd.com:

14 Symptoms of Codependency: A Personal Inventory

Return to Being Human: 6 Freedoms from Birth

We offer free resources not to promote, as much as to attract people to come get something that will benefit individuals, couples, families, friendships and society itself.

Now Available at Amazon

The Jesse Tree: A Christmas Devotional for Individuals, Couples, & Families is a 24-day devotional that prepare us for the birth of Jesus. It is offered as a free eBook at chipdodd.com and it also can be purchased from Amazon. The Jesse Tree includes daily devotionals that start with creation and end with the birth of Jesus. Each day has a list of ideas for extending the day’s “study” and opportunity for fellowship with your family, friends, and God. Order now, the devotional begins December 1st.

The reason I do this podcast is because we want people to have more life, more fulfillment. The things we talk about here and the materials we refer to are about what knowing your heart can do for you. It won’t stop pain, but helps you know what to do about it. It certainly doesn’t promise perfection or even happiness, but helps people develop the ability to live life on life’s terms with all of its heartbreak and heartache that conflicts with our craving for life without tragedy.

Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

42 - Recovery from Codependency: Practice Allows Us to Live Fully, Though Imperfectly Oct 22, 2024

Click here to read the episode highlights.

The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.

BOOK BUNDLE GIVEAWAY!

We are giving away 5 FREE Chip Dodd Book Bundles!

Write a review of this podcast.
Submit the review.
Take of screenshot of the review.
Send the screenshot to bryan@vothcenter.com.

Reviews and emails must be submitted by October 31st.

5 names will be drawn and winners will be announced in November.

The book bundles include:

A Signed Copy of The Voice of the Heart
The Voice of the Heart Companion Study
The Boy and The Ogre: Finding Freedom from Codependency
The Jesse Tree: A Christmas Devotional for Individuals, Couples, and Families
*Bonus: A Set of Ornaments

Dr. Dodd will be leading 2 seminars this fall:

Leading With Heart: When Intellect, Willpower, and Goals Aren’t Enough

October 24, 2024

9:00 to 12:00

How to Love a Woman’s Heart

November 8, 2024

9:00-12:00

For more information or to register for these seminars go to chipdodd.com/seminar

2 new FREE Resources at chipdodd.com:

14 Symptoms of Codependency: A Personal Inventory

Return to Being Human: 6 Freedoms from Birth

We offer free resources not to promote, as much as to attract people to come get something that will benefit individuals, couples, families, friendships and society itself.

Now Available at Amazon

The Jesse Tree: A Christmas Devotional for Individuals, Couples, & Families is a 24-day devotional that prepare us for the birth of Jesus. It is offered as a free eBook at chipdodd.com and it also can be purchased from Amazon. The Jesse Tree includes daily devotionals that start with creation and end with the birth of Jesus. Each day has a list of ideas for extending the day’s “study” and opportunity for fellowship with your family, friends, and God. Order now, the devotional begins December 1st.

In today’s episode we are continuing to discuss how to find recovery from codependency.

Last episode we focused on the equation:

H.O.W. + G.O.D. > E.G.O

Honesty, Openness, and Willingness + Good, Orderly Direction allow us to reduce the ego or the Easing God Out experience of our lives. It also allows us to rediscover our true self and how to live out of it. The ego is the mask we wear to cover up our vulnerability and neediness, and our boundaries.

This episode particularly focuses on the path of recovery, returning to how you are created and to the God who created you.

Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

41 - Recovery From Codependency Oct 15, 2024

Click here to read the episode highlights.

The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.

BOOK BUNDLE GIVEAWAY!

We are giving away 5 FREE Chip Dodd Book Bundles!

Write a review of this podcast.
Submit the review.
Take of screenshot of the review.
Send the screenshot to bryan@vothcenter.com.

Reviews and emails must be submitted by October 31st.

5 names will be drawn and winners will be announced in November.

The book bundles include:

A Signed Copy of The Voice of the Heart
The Voice of the Heart Companion Study
The Boy and The Ogre: Finding Freedom from Codependency
The Jesse Tree: A Christmas Devotional for Individuals, Couples, and Families
*Bonus: A Set of Ornaments

Dr. Dodd will be leading 2 seminars this fall:

Leading With Heart: When Intellect, Willpower, and Goals Aren’t Enough

October 24, 2024

9:00 to 12:00

How to Love a Woman’s Heart

November 8, 2024

9:00-12:00

For more information or to register for these seminars go to chipdodd.com/seminar

2 new FREE Resources at chipdodd.com:

We offer free resources not to promote, as much as to attract people to come get something that will benefit individuals, couples, families, friendships and society itself.

Episode Highlights:

The Boy & The Ogre: Finding Freedom from Codependency by Chip Dodd

Real freedom awaits us in codependency recovery—if we take the risk of hoping and then trusting that a better way of living is on the other side of the risk. We have to admit that we are actually powerless over the symptoms we have talked about. We must admit that we need an emotional and spiritual “makeover.”

We must face that codependency is not a habit, one that we can just change by conscious action only, or mindfulness. It actually fits into the criteria of an illness, a disease.

Medical Definition of Disease: A morbid process (meaning destructive to health), with a characteristic chain of symptoms, of known or unknown origin, that are chronic, progressive, and can be fatal.

The disease of codependency is driven by stress. Many physicians have reported to me that the causes of most of the illnesses that are presented to them are stress-based sicknesses of not knowing how to live. In other words, the patient does not know what to do with or how to process feelings.

Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

40 - Symptoms of Codependency (Part 6) Oct 08, 2024

Click here to read the episode highlights.

The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.

BOOK BUNDLE GIVEAWAY!

We are giving away 5 FREE Chip Dodd Book Bundles!

Write a review of this podcast.
Submit the review.
Take of screenshot of the review.
Send the screenshot to bryan@vothcenter.com.

Reviews and emails must be submitted by October 31st.

5 names will be drawn and winners will be announced in November.

The book bundles include:

A Signed Copy of The Voice of the Heart
The Voice of the Heart Companion Study
The Boy and The Ogre: Finding Freedom from Codependency
The Jesse Tree: A Christmas Devotional for Individuals, Couples, and Families
*Bonus: A Set of Ornaments

Dr. Dodd will be leading 2 seminars this fall:

Leading With Heart: When Intellect, Willpower, and Goals Aren’t Enough

October 24, 2024

9:00 to 12:00

How to Love a Woman’s Heart

November 8, 2024

9:00-12:00

For more information or to register for these seminars go to chipdodd.com/seminar

2 new FREE Resources at chipdodd.com:

14 Symptoms of Codependency: A Personal Inventory

Return to Being Human: 6 Freedoms from Birth

We offer free resources not to promote, as much as to attract people to come get something that will benefit individuals, couples, families, friendships and society itself.

Episode Highlights:

Today we’re talking about the last two symptoms of the 14 symptoms of Codependency.

We will close our series on codependency with several episodes about the solutions and treatments for codependency.

Once we see we have a problem with codependency, we need to:

admit the need for help.
see that there isn’t a “pill” to solve the problem, but rather a path and a process.

There isn’t a quick, easy “fix” for overcoming codependency. The reality of having to take a path, rather than have a “pill fix,” is sad. The reality is that it takes a lifetime to learn how to live.

Codependency recovery is a great path to move us from surviving to thriving. The question is, “How are we going to live?”

Symptom #13 Restricted Emotional Development

Restricted emotional development is grounded in the fear of being labeled as inferior because of what we do not know or have not learned.

Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

39 - Symptoms of Codependency (Part 5) Oct 01, 2024

Click here to read the episode highlights.

The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.

Episode Highlights:

“Confusion about Toxic Shame and Guilt”

Codependency is not your fault, but it is your responsibility to deal with. Even though we have been “taught” to rid ourselves of how God made us, it does not give us permission or the right to stay there. It is a sickness that we have, and we have the responsibility to find the healing.

Codependency is the loss of how God made us, with self-awareness, self-trust, self-care, being sensitive to our own true feelings, loss of learning how to respond to our feelings in a healthy way; it is the loss of self-worth—given over to the needs of significant others who are uncomfortable with themselves, or self-rejecting.

Codependency recovery is not selfishness; it is “Self-fullness.” Self-fullness is having enough of who God created us to be that we have the ability to give our gifts to a world in need.

The need to belong and matter is so powerful that we are going to find a way to get those needs met—through suppression or expression.

Expression has to be grown and matured, so codependency recovery does take time and investment.

Each of the symptoms that we have discussed in this podcast is from the work of Timmen Cermak, in his book Diagnosing and Treating Codependency. The descriptions and following work are from my own experiences.

Codependency is pervasive, a pandemic, and all the relief-seeking addictions we can name have their origin and influence in codependency.

Symptom #12 Confusion About Toxic Shame and Guilt

Toxic shame is grounded in never being able to do anything “right enough,” or be right enough to be loved, or have the “right” to receive mercy.

In toxic shame the confusion between shame and guilt is birthed in the mistaken belief that I should be able to not mess up; not make mistakes; should not have to need mercy; should be able to be perfect. It is the belief that only perfect people can be loved. If I am not perfect, I am “worth-less” and cannot be loved.

Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

38 - Symptoms of Codependency (Part 4) Sep 24, 2024

Click here to read the episode highlights.

The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.

Emotional recovery is about going back to “ground zero,” your childhood.

A disease is a morbid process that is destructive to the being: body, mind, soul, and heart. It reduces our capacity to be productive and prosperous. Disease has a characteristic chain of symptoms with known or unknown origins. A disease is chronic, with acute episodes, progressive and often fatal.

We are as sick as the feelings we will not let ourselves have.

Symptom # 9 Hypervigilance

Hypervigilance is the fear of giving up anxiety that keeps me “on my toes” as a safety mechanism; bad things will happen if I’m not on my toes.

Hypervigilance is being controlled by anxiety. Anxiety is always seeking relief from the hypervigilance. Anxiety becomes the expectation of an external threat doing something to put me in a position of helplessness.

Anxiety is in us to tell us to be ready to take a defensive action, a reaction:

fight…get ready

flee…get ready

freeze…get ready

appease…get ready

Anxiety in its negative form is saying “watch outside right now because something is coming that is going to harm you.” Anxiety is an external locus of anticipation and control.

The anxiety in hypervigilance is about avoiding the confession of being afraid and in need. The anxiety goes in search of the external threat; it looks for danger. This anxiety will not be quelled until it finds the thing that it needs to control in order to find relief.

We are made to live fully in relationship and connection. When we become disconnected from how we are made, because we are made for connection and to live fully in relationship, that has always been there. If I can’t find a way to be connected the way I am created to connect, I will have to find another way to be connected, one way or another.

Toxic shame tells you that if you’re not doing what others expect you to do (and your discomfort will confirm this), then you will be humiliated and rejected. Toxic Shame says:

You better get your role together.
You better watch the rules.
You better read from your script.

Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

37 - Symptoms of Codependency (Part 3) Sep 17, 2024

Click here to read the episode highlights in full.

The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.

The Boy & The Ogre: Finding Freedom from Codependency by Chip Dodd

In codependency, people hide their competence and giftings in order to belong and matter.

People are generally unable to celebrate well with others.

6. Name the symptom

Enmeshed relationships with controlling people

Identify the fear that it’s grounded in

Fear of being alone

Identify the toxic shame that it is birthed in

Unless I please, I will be rejected.

Discuss its impaired expression in our lives (External locus of control)

I wait to see what they want before I can act, and even then, I am uncertain about my feelings and thoughts.

Discuss what it was meant to be (Internal locus of control)

Being in relationship with people who see you as having the same worth, and desire to hear your feelings and thoughts.

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:14

7. Name the symptom

Constricted emotions

Identify the fear that it’s grounded in

Fear of being known or the fear of being seen as weak/inadequate

Identify the toxic shame that it is birthed in

If I let myself be known, bad consequences will happen. The past will repeat itself. I will be seen as weak/ inadequate again.

Discuss its impaired expression in our lives (External locus of control)

The need to hide or deny feelings, needs, desire, longings, and hope.

Discuss what it was meant to be (Internal locus of control)

Freedom to express yourself wisely with others who can do the same

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” Philippians 4:8

Click here to continue reading the episode highlights.

36 - Symptoms of Codependency (Part 2) Sep 10, 2024

Click here to view the episode highlights.

The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com.

Structure of Symptoms of Codependency

Name the symptom
Identify the fear that it’s grounded in
Identify the toxic shame that it is birthed in
Discuss its impaired expression in our lives
Discuss what it was meant to be

Codependency recovery and codependency illness is not an either/or; it’s both/and.

Just like addiction, codependency is an attempt to have a full life, without having to be truly human and having to deal with needs, embarrassment and vulnerability. It is both/and as an impaired way of living and an attempt to find full life.

Recovery is developing a tolerance for vulnerability.

Vulnerability is the key to identifying myself as human, having feelings and being in need; and identifying others who are capable of feeling and being in need.

Codependency is the loss of self, and all that comes with self, given over to significant others because they are uncomfortable with someone being human in their presence. So, with our need to belong and matter, we will sacrifice how God made us to belong and matter to those who are actually running from themselves.

Sadly, children don’t know that these caregivers are running from themselves because children look at their caregivers knowing that they are big and the child is little. They think, “You must be right because you’re big; therefore, I must be wrong.”

The caregiver’s toxic shame and defenses, and their protection from their own internal world become a rejection to belonging and mattering for the child.

The origin of how we’re created is found in this equation:

intuition + suspicion + questions = the growing ability to discern

where I am
who I’m with
what I need to do

This means I am listening to my internal world.

Intuition + suspicion + questions = discernment.

Intuition + suspicion + defensiveness = judgmentalism. Judging my environment around me all the time based upon making sure that I do not end up looking little, stupid, or weak. This is the fear and toxic shame of vulnerability.

So, your whole life revolves around trying to fit in based upon your performance again, rather than being how you are made. This requires that you ask a lot of questions.

Asking questions is a solution that helps separate us from judgment and return us to discernment.

Click here to continue reading episode highlights.

35 - Symptoms of Codependency (Part 1) Sep 03, 2024

The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). To consult or setup a session with Bryan, you can e-mail bryan@vothcenter.com.

Episode Highlights:

The Boy & The Ogre: Finding Freedom from Codependency by Chip Dodd

A story/workbook for helping codependents find freedom from codependency.

You are gifted, and there is a world in need of your gifts.

Loneliness is the biggest pain that people are facing now. What people need is to be known from the inside-out, rather than distracting ourselves from our loneliness (need for genuine relationship) through social media.

Diagnosing and Treating Co-Dependence by Timmen Cermak

5 Things God designed us to find fulfillment in:

We are created to use the development of our inborn self-awareness through feelings, needs, desire, longings, and hope to find and live in authentic relationship.

↓

With that in-born self-awareness, we are able to be “response-able” to our inner make-up. (We’re created to develop the ability to respond to our outside life by using our inborn makeup: feelings, needs, desire, longings, and our hope. We need our “makeup” affirmed and confirmed so we can keep being able to use it, so we can grow “response-ably” which ultimately becomes responsibility.)

↓

We are created to find genuine relational connection through being “response-able” and through using our inner self-awareness.

↓

We are created to initiate our lives from our hearts, with others who have the same capacity. (We are looking to connect with others who are also living a life of relational fulfillment. They are aware that we are all 99.9% the same.) "It's a Small World"

↓

We are created to be in relationship with others, God, God’s creation, and the others in it.

When we live our lives fully out of the 5 fulfilments, we are able to be healthy grownups who do what Jesus said in Matthew 7:7.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” Matthew 7:7

Matthew 7:7 is for grownups; grownups are just children who have gotten older and who have remained fully present in their lives. Grownups are able to live out of their fully present lives.

Jesus encourages grownups to:

Ask so they can receive.
Seek so they can find.
Knock so the door will be opened to them.

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34 - How Our Need to Belong and Matter Influence Codependency Aug 27, 2024

The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). To consult or setup a session with Bryan, you can e-mail bryan@vothcenter.com.

Episode highlights:

The Boy & The Ogre: Finding Freedom from Codependencyby Chip Dodd

God is a great garbage man; He wastes nothing in our lives.

God values His own creation;
He picks up what we throw away, and
He recognizes that some things need to be redeemed, repurposed, revitalized and resurrected.

Bring your child-heart to God and give Him your pain, suffering, and your struggle, and even your questions. God can deliver you. He delivers people through circumstances, prayer, His word, other people, and illumination of your heart.

“I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength,” Ephesians 1:18-19

Paul was a man who knew that to love, is to suffer. Therefore, he needed a place to take his suffering. Paul refers to God in this passage:

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-5

So, we can either choose to believe that while God is good, we still suffer; yet we have a place to take our suffering. We can take it to God, who cares for us.

OR

We will stifle suffering unnecessarily, and just live miserably.

The Boy & The Ogre: Finding Freedom from Codependency by Chip Dodd

“For as he thinks in his heart, so is he. ‘Eat and drink!’ he says to you, but his heart is not with you.”

Proverbs 23:7

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Proverbs 4:23

Click here to continue reading episode highlights.

33 - The Six Freedoms For Healing Codependency Aug 20, 2024

The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). To consult or setup a session with Bryan, you can e-mail bryan@vothcenter.com.

Episode Highlights:

Codependency is the loss or the sacrifice of:

God-created true self.
self-trust.
self-awareness.
self-worth.
self… in terms of assertiveness.

Codependency is not being able to:

say what you feel.
say what you need.
say what you desire.
trust that your own feelings have validity or accuracy.

We are made for love; we are made to be connected.

In order to be accepted and loved by our significant caregivers, we often end up hiding our own needs. Examples: If I don’t like sports, my dad will not love me. If I don’t make good grades my mother will be so disappointed. If I have opinions that are different from my teachers, they will reject me. If I’m not artistic like my older brother, I won’t be as loved.

We end up acting a certain way or pretend to be someone we are not in order to be loved. We eventually begin to “believe” in the pretending rather than being our true selves. We slip into denial.

We perform for love instead of being ourselves.

God designed for us to:

be who we are made to be;
so, we can do what we are made to do;
then, we will have what we are made to have.

In a codependency environment we end up:

doing what we’ve got to do;
so, that we can have what we’re made to have;
and hopefully, if we do enough, we will become somebody.

Codependency becomes the belief that I can perform enough and do enough so that I can finally rest, trust, be believed, have my worth, and be valued.

Codependency is a disorder of distrust. You trust the anxiety. You don’t trust listening to your own fear and exposing it.

Sadly, if a codependent person stays stuck in their past and sOll believes feelings are the enemy, they will, no matter how much they are loved, never trust the love.

Codependency is bringing your “bucket of desire” into life, and your caregivers poking holes in the bottom of it so that in your future, no matter how much love gets poured into it, it goes right through it.

There’s not enough love; there’s not enough approval, there’s not enough trustworthiness because it all slips right through the holes in the bucket.

Codependency recovery is about repairing, or healing, the holes in your bucket (revision).

Codependents are always trying to find their fulfillment externally by withholding what’s happening in them internally.

The Voice of the Heart by Chip Dodd

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Season 4 Episode 32 - What is Codependency? Aug 13, 2024

The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). To consult or setup a session with Bryan, you can e-mail bryan@vothcenter.com.

Episode Highlights:

Click here if you would like more information about Champion's Path

Chip Dodd- The Boy & the Ogre: Finding Freedom from Codependency

Melody Beatty – Codependent No More

The Language of Letting Go: Daily Meditations for Codependents

Sarah Young - Jesus Calling

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31 - The Rediscovered Treasure (Part 4) Aug 06, 2024

Episode 31: The Rediscovered Treasure (Part 4)

The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). To consult or setup a session with Bryan, you can e-mail bryan@vothcenter.com.

Episode Highlights

Needs are:

how we’re created.
what God works with.
what we have to have fulfilled, or we die.

Our need to belong and our need to matter are more important than food, shelter, and clothing. We will give up food, shelter and clothing in order to belong and matter. The unseen needs are more powerful than the seen needs.

God gives us the desire of our hearts.

We are born with longings.

We long for justice. (We see a small child lying in a bed in a pediatric intensive care unit with bandages and tubes, and we cry, “NO!” We don’t have to know the child to recognize the injustice of it.)

We recognize that we are not made to die of disease. We’re not made to kill each other. We’re not made for war.

We are made for love and peace and eternity and raising each other up.

We are made to experience the grace of a hand that can reach into the farthest depths. There is no mistake that is so far away that God can’t reach us.

We long for a place where we can put our heads against a safe shoulder, where there are arms to go around us, and there is a voice that says, “It’s okay now, it’s okay. You can rest now.” We long for a place called “home,” where God lives.

Longings are deep cravings within our hearts that will never be fulfilled as long as we live on this earth. It’s living in the wishing every day. It’s living in the wanting forever. It’s meeting God every day, and God says, “One day it will all be complete.”

Surrender your heart every day, and it will change. Walk in the surrender every day. Live in the world of miracles. Tell the truth and live in the truth. Open your eyes to see the joy of what happens when we walk in the truth.

If we do not deal with our hearts, we end up living counterfeit lives.

We grow into shriveled, little trees, not oaks of righteousness.
We live lives of shame. (We are ashamed of how God made us)
We lower our expectations.
We don’t expect much from people.
We don’t expect others to show up in our lives.
We have counterfeit fulfillment.
We pursue power.
We pursue mood-altering experiences.
We seek relief.
We plan events in hopes they will make things different/better.
We refuse to face where we live.

We pursue all forms of counterfeit fulfilments instead of believing that God can fill us.

Sadly, we end up practicing hopelessness. We practice hopelessness as a way of not taking a risk to believe that our heart’s yearnings are real. We refuse to believe that our feelings really matter. We refuse to be vulnerable. We refuse to surrender our lives to the God Who made us.

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30 - The Rediscovered Treasure (Part 3) Jul 30, 2024

The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). To consult or setup a session with Bryan, you can e-mail bryan@vothcenter.com.

Episode Highlights

We are born as emotional and spiritual creatures. We are born with feelings. Before we ever think or speak our first word, we are expressing ourselves as feeling creatures.

We experience life in the very beginning as God made us through our feelings and through the longings to be in relationship with our mothers and fathers.

We came out of the womb experiencing life through what we feel.

We came out of the womb looking for who was looking for us. We were looking for emotional and spiritual connection through relationship, before we were ever able to think or speak.

This emotional and spiritual language is the language of the heart.

We communicated from the very beginning of our lives with our feelings.

Hurt

is a feeling you feel when you experience a wound.
is possibly the most embarrassing feeling we carry and experience.
is acknowledging that someone or something “got to me.”
is a feeling that acknowledges that I am vulnerable.

Hurt that is not acknowledged becomes resentment. It is the impaired expression of hurt. It is a justification of your right to act badly towards another person because you carry a pain that they’ve given you. Resentment takes us out of relationship.

People who won’t acknowledge their hurt, hurt others with their resentment. (Hurt people, hurt people.)

Loneliness

God gave us loneliness so we would seek out relationship.
We can be lonely for ourselves. There are times when we just need to be alone and have solitude.
We can be lonely to be with others.
There is a loneliness for “home” (heaven, or to be with God) that will not go away while we live on this earth. We will always walk this earth with some loneliness because we are not complete. We are lonely for God.

Loneliness that is not acknowledged becomes apathy.

Apathy develops when you try to make your heart stop caring about relationship.

Sadness

is a feeling you get when you lose something that matters to you or is important to you.
is the feeling that honors; it values what you value.
is a cleansing feeling.
is how you relieve ourselves from carrying the burden of the pain of daily life.

Sadness that is not acknowledged becomes self-pity. Self-pity is a way of trying to escape your pain.

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29 - The Rediscovered Treasure (Part 2) Jul 23, 2024

The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). To consult or setup a session with Bryan, you can e-mail bryan@vothcenter.com.

Episode Highlights

The focus of this episode is a recording of a men’s retreat that Chip did in Texas in 1993. The retreat content was edited and put on CDs. The CDs were included with the first edition copies of The Voice of the Heart published in 2001.

You’ve got to get defeated to become rich in this “God world”.

God says that what He is after is our hearts. Our hearts that He made, that He created, that He loves.

“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him.

They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” Jeremiah 17:7-8 (NIV)

What is feeding the roots of the tree? Its roots are planted in what feeds it, and it receives emotional and spiritual food.

God feeds our hearts with emotional and spiritual food.

God stamps our hearts with feelings, needs, desire, longings, and hope at birth. This is what God is after. This is what puts us into a relationship with the God of our forefathers.

Through our feelings, needs, desire, longings, and hope we end up growing into a strong person who others can love and trust.

Torment in our lives does not come from exposing the truth about our hearts; torment comes from the energy we take to keep our hearts hidden.

We are as sick as the secrets we keep within us, from the smallest manipulation to the largest secret.

The difference between an unhealthy family and a healthy family is the willingness to seek forgiveness. Healthy families seek forgiveness.

Truths:

Pain of the heart is the teacher.

Love is the lesson.

Life is the result.

Sharing that is the practice.

God loves us so much that He will go to any length to get us back. There is nothing we can do to earn it. God doesn’t need anything we have.

God does not need us:

He craves us.

He wants us.

He wishes to be with us.

Some of the Pharisees in the crowd said to Jesus, “Teacher, rebuke your disciples!” “I tell you,” he replied, “if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.” Luke 19:39-40 (NIV)

God doesn’t need us; We need Him. The price we pay for needing Him is having to go through the excruciating and glorious pain of being loved, without being able to do anything to get it.

What we can do is live out our salvation. He is the way, the truth, and the life. He came to bring life and life abundantly.

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Season 3 Episode 28 - The Rediscovered Treasure (Part 1) Jul 16, 2024

The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). To consult or setup a session with Bryan, you can e-mail bryan@vothcenter.com.

Episode Highlights

The focus of this episode is a recording of a retreat that Chip did in Texas in 1993. The retreat content was edited and put on CDs. The CDs were included with the first edition copies of The Voice of the Heart published in 2001.

The CD intro song is “Capshaw.” The banjo is played by John Balch. It is available on iTunes and Spotify. John’s website is hidebanjoheads.com.

Living With Heart Podcast “Becoming a Portable Sanctuary” Episode 26

The message on the CD is just as true today as it was in 1993 when Chip did the retreat.

Our God absolutely looks toward us, moves into our world, and changes our lives, not a little, but a lot, not as an event, but as a journey.

Our God is not a god of an event; He is the God of the journey and the God of relationship. God is also our destiny.

“Then the Lord God called to the man, and said to him, “Where are you?” Genesis 3:9 (NASB)

“…Let the one who is thirsty come; and let the one who wishes take the free gift of the water of life.” Revelation 22:17 (NIV)

God is in pursuit of our hearts; He is in pursuit of what He created.

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.” Psalm 139:13

When we came into this world, we were stamped with the image of God. God made us in His image.

You and I were created to live fully. We were created as emotional and spiritual creatures, created to live fully in relationship with myself, with others, and with God.

We are made to live fully in 3D.

We’re made to feel it.
We’re made to seek it.
We’re made to hurt over it.
We’re made to laugh about it.
We’re made to take joy in it.
We’re made to hunger, seek, and ask.
We’re made for play, and work, and creation, and sharing.

We are made in the image of God!

Everything about life is about relationship.

The 18” journey from our heads to our hearts is the longest journey that we will ever take. It is a journey of wholeness. The journey never ends. If we don’t make that 18” journey, we will be a failure. We will fail within the walls of our own home and we will never be of maximum service.

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27 - The Four Essential Questions Jul 09, 2024

The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). To consult or setup a session with Bryan, you can e-mail bryan@vothcenter.com.

Episode Highlights

Awaken-Awakening is to know and experience ourselves as emotional & spiritual creatures, created to live fully. We do so through relationship with ourselves, others, and God. We awaken to feelings, needs, desire, longings and hope, or “The Spiritual Root System.” And we awaken to our inborn need to connect.

Free Resource, The Spiritual Root System

Acquire-Acquiring is to gain the skills of using how we are created to live fully in a life that is wonderful and yet difficult. We are created to live full lives in relationship with ourselves, others, and God. In living full lives, we embrace and express our feelings, needs, desire, longings, and hope with others and God. When we awaken and then acquire the skills of living fully, we are moving through life in the River of Euphoria.

Free Resource, The River of Euphoria

Arrive-Arriving is a reference to us becoming people who are Portable Sanctuaries. People who are Portable Sanctuaries are people who live in the River of Euphoria and have become safe people because they offer replenishment to those who are empty. They offer redemption to those who feel worthless, and they offer restoration to those whose storehouses are empty. We never fully arrive; we are always growing and learning. But we become more able to be of service.

The Four Essential Questions allow us to remain in the life-long process of Awakening, Acquiring, and Arriving.

The Four Essential Questions are:

Where am I? (Where are you emotionally? (I feel sad. I feel hurt.)
What am I doing with where I am? (I’m hiding out. I want to run away. I am celebrating.) • What happened? (I dared to try something new, and I got laughed at.)
What was it like? (It was scary and lonely.)

These Four Essential Questions are never summed up or finished completely. They are circles that are moving forward, headed toward where you are made to go. They continue for the rest of our lives.

These Four Essential Questions allow us to continue to grow. The answers keep us connected to awakening, acquiring skills, and arriving over and over again.

These questions keep us fully involved in living exactly how we are created to live and move us to do what we’re made to do.

We are created to do one thing in life, and that is to live fully. Meaning, purpose, and significance develop out of being fully alive emotionally and spiritually.

The only way we are going to remain fully alive is through all of the relational experiences we have with others and God.

If you’re fully alive:

You will find your meaning.
You will find your purpose.
You will display and receive your significance.
You will be able to give yourself to something greater than yourself.

Click here to continue reading episode highlights.

26 - Becoming a Portable Sanctuary Jul 02, 2024

The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). To consult or setup a session with Bryan, you can e-mail bryan@vothcenter.com.

Episode Highlights

We cannot escape the way God designed us. (Only addiction gives us the illusion that we can.)

There is no escape from our design. We’re designed by God as feeling creatures who are spiritually hungry and craving. We’re designed to do one thing in this life, live fully. And we can’t live fully unless we are doing so in relationship with ourselves, others, and God. And being fully alive, expresses God’s glory.

“The glory of God is man fully alive.” Saint Irenaeus

A human being who is fully alive as God created us to be, is God glorified, because He created us to shape, make, do, multiply, create, serve, help, etc. It means to care when others quit; to continue on when others stop; and to walk when others lie down.

Where do we draw the strength and courage to carry on? It comes from God Who generously gives it to us. Given to us so that we can give it away to others. God made us to live like that.

Once we give ourselves to The Process, we have gotten off The Ladder. We are living in the River of Euphoria. The river takes us forward to becoming a Portable Sanctuary.

More on Euphoria River in Episode 18, “Living Fully in ‘The River”

FREE DOWNLOAD > River of Euphoria

What is “The River of Euphoria” or “Euphoria River”? Euphoria means “good bearing.” The River of Good Bearing. It means to bear life well. Live the good life. It’s a flow. It’s a promise. It’s a process.

The river is where we meet God’s faithfulness.

We want to live fully in The Euphoria River. This means we are moving in a particular direction, going somewhere specific. And it leads us to a place that is called a “portable sanctuary”.

Euphoria means “to bear well”.

Hyperphoria is an escape to action. It is anxiety-driven.

Hypophoria is an escape to apathy or escape-to-control.

Both hyperphoria and hypophoria are about escaping having to feel.

The Three Movements of living fully, that move us into becoming Portable Sanctuaries are:

Awaken-to return to or awaken to feelings, needs, desire, longings, and hope and imagine what can happen if you enter living fully again.
Acquire-gaining the skills required to live my passion and my purpose.
Arrive-you have become a portable sanctuary, a person who others can come to. You can relate to them, and they can relate to you. You can have your feelings heard and your needs addressed.

Once you awaken and begin to be in pursuit of the life you’re made to have, you need to know how to do hurt, sadness, loss, celebration, grief, hope, desire, needs, and fear; in other words, we live life as feeling creatures who have to struggle.

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25 - The Ladder Jun 25, 2024

The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). To consult or setup a session with Bryan, you can e-mail bryan@vothcenter.com.

Episode Highlights

“The Process”

Feel your feelings, tell the truth about your feelings, and trust God with the process, because He owns the process.

Free Downloadable Resource - The Ladder (https://www.chipdodd.com/free-resources-download)

The Ladder is a disrupter of The Process. If you get trapped on The Ladder, you will miss The Process and you will miss the actual “arrival” that you’re created to have because you never acquired the skills of living fully.

We are created for connection; created to find fulfillment through relationship with ourselves, others and God.

Parents often want to prevent their children from having to experience the pains of the world, so they teach them to act in an “acceptable” way; they teach them to perform. The result is, children wind up giving up their presence (God given uniqueness) and putting performance in the place of how God made them.

We come out of the womb with healthy shame. Examples: I am going to make mistakes. I’m dependent. I can’t help but be fully present. I can’t help but be in need. I’m a feeling creature. If something is sad or I lose something, I’m going to cry. If I walk into the dark, I need someone to hold my hand, etc.

Webinar on Shame > https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s0Pjb6EsAGI

We are created to find fulfillment through relationships. When this need isn’t met through relationship, we will give up our God-given identity and start looking to others to fulfill what they want from us, and claim a false identity, in order to find fulfillment through belonging and mattering.

“Adorning the Dark” by Andrew Peterson

“Through the praise of children and infants you have established a stronghold against your enemies, to silence the foe and the avenger.” Psalm 8:2 (NIV)

“And he said: ‘Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.’” Matthew 18:3 (NIV)

Once healthy shame is rejected, once it becomes not okay to make mistakes, once it becomes not okay to be in need, once one becomes distrusting of questions, an unwillingness to risk having answers/ideas, and once we start to have to be more than human, we lose connection with healthy shame.

Healthy shame is a dependency feeling that allows us to have the humility to be people who can be of equal worth to other people. We have the same needs. We have the same heartaches. We have the same struggles. We have the same feelings.

“It’s a Small World” is considered a children’s song, but it is so deep and rich. The lyrics are pure and true for everyone, young and old.

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24 - Trust the Process (Part 2) Jun 18, 2024

The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). To consult or setup a session with Bryan, you can e-mail bryan@vothcenter.com.

Dr. Chip Dodd

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