Life Coaching with Christine Hassler

@christinehassler on Instagram

Jill@ChristineHassler.com

Expectation Hangover: Overcoming Disappointment in Work, Love, and Life, by Christine Hassler

CC: Loving (and Leaving) an Addict with Dana Killion Mar 04, 2023

Show notes

CC: Loving (and leaving) an addict with Dana Killion Dana Killion debut memoir, Where the Shadows Dance: He Got Sober. I Got Broken, explores her struggle as she became collateral damage in her husband's self-destruction. After saving him, she realized she also needed to save herself. She is the author of the Andrea Kellner Mystery series. You can pre-order her new book here

EP 390: How to Get Over Feeling Blah with Judith Mar 01, 2023

Show notes

This episode is about why we may feel blah like nothing's wrong but it is not right either. Today's caller, Judith, keeps herself busy to avoid things in her life and would like guidance on how to find a sense of purpose. If you have ever had a sense that nothing feels terribly wrong but nothing feels really right either, or you are not depressed and just feel blah, you will enjoy this episode.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode390]

So many people are operating with the sense that nothing is really wrong but nothing feels quite right either. Some may not even know that it's not ideal to have a sense of malaise.

If you have a pattern or a way you've gotten love, fulfillment, attention, acknowledgment, recognition, etc., and you feel a sense of malaise, or that nothing's wrong but nothing feels right either, it is usually an indicator that you are using some kind of behavior to give you a sense of fulfillment.

Try making a choice not to do something that gives yourself a sense of fulfillment because it's a pattern or a reaction. Instead, consciously and intentionally choose to go in a direction that will enhance internal fulfillment. Because we cannot get true lasting internal fulfillment from external sources or external behavior.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Have you had a good life? Nothing bad has happened but you don't feel a sense of fulfillment?
Are you the kind of person that gets fulfilled from doing and if you're not doing anything then you're looking for that sense of fulfillment?
Did you have to grow up early and even though you didn't have a "bad" childhood you had a childhood that was interrupted a little too soon?
Do you have an inward sense of purpose? Do you feel connected to something bigger than you, a sense of spirituality that can hold you in those times when nothing outside of you is bringing you fulfillment?

Judith's Question:

Judith is at a crossroads and would like guidance on how to overcome a feeling of general malaise.

Judith's Key Insights and Ahas:

She feels a sense of general malaise.
She didn't have any major traumas in her life.
Nothing feels wrong but nothing feels right either.
She feels her purpose is to give energy to people and events.
She makes herself busy when she is avoiding something.
She felt she was the glue that held her family together in childhood.
She often would like someone to take care of her.
She is a recovering codependent.
She didn't have catastrophic events in her life.
She is always curious to learn.
She is a therapist.
She appreciates the journey aspect of life.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Learn how to have a sense of purpose without "doing" anything.
Start a spiritual journey to find a sense of purpose and meaning deep within.
Join the Inner Child Workshop.
Make a list of 3‒5 songs that change her state of being and listen to it when she feels blah.

Sponsor:

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Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

CC: Getting Over Imposter Syndrome with Melody Wilding Feb 25, 2023

Show notes

Melody Wilding is the best-selling author of Trust Yourself: Stop Overthinking and Channel Your Emotions for Success at Work. Named one of Business Insider's Most Innovative Coaches for her groundbreaking work on "Sensitive Strivers", her clients include CEOs, C-level executives, and managers at top Fortune 500 companies such as Google, Amazon, and JP Morgan, among others. Melody has been featured in The New York Times and Wall Street Journal and is a contributor to Harvard Business Review, Fast Company, Psychology Today, and Forbes. Melody is a licensed social worker with a masters from Columbia University and a professor of Human Behavior at Hunter College. Learn more at melodywilding.com

EP 389: How to Feel a Sense of Home and Safety Inside Yourself with Stephania Feb 22, 2023

Show notes

This episode is about how to find a sense of home, safety, and security without being codependent. Today's caller, Stephania, gets low when going through rough patches and would like some tools to find safety and security within herself. Christine offers ways she can regulate her nervous system to find peace.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode389]

Wanting to feel like home translates into how to feel more regulated inside. How to not be in the fight-or-flight part of our nervous system and settle into rest-and-digest. When we think of the metaphor of home, the feeling of home is safe, nourishing, relaxing, and fulfilling. At home, we know we are always going to have a full belly and a warm heart. That happens inside when we are in that more rested part of our nervous system.

Finding our sense of home is doing the work and asking ourselves questions, but it is also about a consistent practice of knowing when we are dysregulated, aka triggered. So, when we're in our heads, our heart is beating fast, our stomach is in knots, and we are reactive and time-traveling. Something in the present is triggering us more than it needs to and reminds us of something in the past. When we are in a dysregulated state it's the practice of finding tools to bring us back into our body to regulate our nervous system.

If a person changes because they have shame or judgment about a behavior versus if a person changes because they have compassion for their wounding and they want to feel peace; the latter change lasts.

Are you a single lady who is looking for a gentleman? Are you ready to call in epic love? Find out more about the Be the Queen program, which begins on February 28, 2023. It includes an in-person one-day retreat in San Diego on October 12, 2023, and the self-paced evergreen course at christinehassler.com/bethequeen or email Jill@christinehassler.com.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Do you have a history of having an anxious attachment style?
Do you feel like you put everyone else's needs before yours?
Do you feel dysregulated or triggered often, perhaps even jealous?
Did you lack a parent who nurtured and loved you? Did you know that at least one of your parents, particularly your mother, loved you unconditionally?

Stephania's Question:

Stephania asks for tools to help her find safety within herself.

Stephania's Key Insights and Ahas:

She searches outside herself for safety and security.
She is a people pleaser.
She creates safety within her relationships with other people.
She is aware of her codependent tendencies.
Messages on her partner's phone triggered her.
She and her partner are going to couples therapy.
She doesn't know how to be compassionate with herself.
She is sad because her mother didn't give her compassion.
She didn't feel love from her mother and has been trying to fill the void.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Regulate her nervous system.
Take ownership of her tendencies and patterns without shame or judgment.
She doesn't need to fix anything to make her lovable.
Speak the language of love to herself.
Tap into the mother archetype to embody what being a mother truly means.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

CC: How to Call in Your Man (Even When You've Lost Faith You Ever Will) Feb 18, 2023

Show notes

My husband joins me today as we talk about my journey to calling him in after nearly a decade of being VERY single after my divorce. We offer both insight and some practical advice on how women can attract healthy men who are worthy of their hearts. Stef and I also share about one of our favorite programs, "Be the Queen" which starts this month. You can learn more and join us at https://christinehassler.com/bethequeen/

EP 388: Why You Feel Lost with Michael Feb 15, 2023

Show notes

This episode is about reclaiming lost aspects of ourselves. Today's caller, Michael, feels lost. He keeps checking things off his list and achieving his goals but lacks purpose and satisfaction in life. Christine offers guidance about how he can reclaim the childhood parts of himself that were buried long ago.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode388]

It doesn't matter whether we are gay or we are too tall, too thin, or we have the wrong skin color, whatever it is, as children, most of us fundamentally decide there is something wrong with us. It is at that point where our freedom, childish curiosity, wonderment, innocence, creativity, and radical self-acceptance dies. The second we are shamed for a part of who we are, it's like a part of us dies inside.

When our childlike parts that are full of life and authenticity get cut off, we feel dead inside and lost because those parts were huge parts of our life. It's like a car with no steering wheel. Good luck getting around anywhere. You can sit in it, rev the engine, and play a radio but you can't go anywhere.

We are not always consciously aware that we carry around the grief of the childhood parts of us that were not fully expressed. And, we will always feel lost if there is a part of us that is missing. As adults, we search for something to make that part of us feel alive again. We crave reclamation.

Sometimes we desperately fight for what we want without knowing that we are fighting for it. We are always looking for safety. Whatever we are looking for outside of us has to be found inside.

Are you a single lady who is looking for a gentleman? Are you ready to call in epic love? If so, Christine and Stefanos held a free masterclass on Valentine's Day. Get the recording at christinehassler.com/lovemasterclass. And, find out more about the Be the Queen program, which includes an in-person one-day retreat and a self-paced recorded option at christinehassler.com/bethequeen or e-mail Jill@christinehassler.com.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Did you have to morph yourself as a child in order to be accepted or to feel not so different?
Did people say they accepted you but inside you always felt different?
Have you climbed a lot of mountains, gone to the summit, looked around, and said "wait a second, this is it?" and now you're looking for your next mountain to climb?
Have you ever dealt with depression, feeling low in the deep dark nights of the soul, or considered ending your life?

Michael's Question:

Michael feels lost and would like guidance about how to reclaim freedom and purpose.

Michael's Key Insights and Ahas:

He has completed the Personal Mastery program.
He has been through ups and downs in his life.
He used to have vision and purpose but doesn't feel them any longer.
He has experienced bouts of severe depression.
He didn't feel like he belonged with boys or girls as a child.
His coping strategy is suppression.
He searches out role models.
He overshares with people he trusts.
He is looking for something outside of himself.
He felt ashamed of being gay.
He yearns to be seen for who he truly is.
He sabotaged himself in order to force change.
He numbed himself for most of his adult life.
He reads tarot cards.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

He needs to liberate and fully express himself.
Stop looking for something to do and commit to reclaiming his lost self to give himself the childhood he didn't have.
Learn to channel his creativity, energy, and sensitivity.

Takeaways:

Join the Personal Mastery program.
What parts of yourself do you need to reclaim? It is time for them to come alive again, so you can come alive again.

Sponsor:

Sensate — is an infrared resonance device that when paired with sessions in the companion app works towards reducing stress, and to improve well-being. It provides deep relaxation in 10‒30 minute sessions. It tones the vagus nerve. For $30 off your purchase, go to GetSensate.com and use the promo code OVERIT.

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services

Get on the list to be notified about the upcoming certification program for coaches.

CC: Why Sleep Matters and How to Get More of It with Devin Burke Feb 11, 2023

Show notes

Devin Burke is an international and TEDx speaker, the bestselling author of "The Sleep Advantage," the founder of Sleep Science Academy, and one of the top health and sleeps coaches in the world. His books, keynotes, programs, and videos have inspired thousands of people to improve their sleep, energy, and life. His mission is to give the 40+ million people who suffer from poor sleep the tools and support they need to stop suffering and start sleeping as quickly as possible.

EP 387: How to Stop Attacking or Retreating During Times of Conflict with Mica Feb 08, 2023

Show notes

This episode is about how to respond with curiosity to people who are not respecting you. Today's caller, Mica, is looking for guidance on how they can change their response to become more empowered when it comes to people not using the preferred pronouns they have asked them to use. This call opens our awareness to non-binary individuals who like to be called they and them and not the traditional pronouns we may be used to and about how growing up in a restrictive environment impacts us as adults.

[For show notes, go here: Christinehassler.com/episode387]

Identity, be it race, gender, or age, when we take it all out of the equation, all we are is love. Every single one of us is love. Often, it takes people who don't fit into a mold to teach those who do fit in more of a mold that nothing matters but who someone's essence is. Who we are as humans on this planet is just love and that's it. That is what we all are here to learn.

What scares most of us about conflict is that we think we have to be confrontational. If we don't attack we think our only other option is to retreat or we feel we either have to charge ahead or collapse. That is a very common dynamic. The goal is to respond to people that aren't respecting you with curiosity versus confrontation.

Curiosity is powerful. It is one of the most underused responses and ways to be. When we approach people with curiosity, they are able to hear. It allows us to make direct requests of them from a place of vulnerability and authenticity.

The more we accept ourselves for who we are, the less oppression we face. It's not that there isn't oppression or people who don't respect who we are. But, when we can really come into full self-acceptance, we can teach people how to treat us and respect us. We also aren't letting our own nervous system get dysregulated due to someone else's ignorance or stubbornness.

Are you a single lady who is looking for a gentleman? Are you ready to call in epic love? If so, join Christine and Stefanos for a free masterclass on Valentine's Day, Feb. 14th, 2023 at 7:30 CST. Join live or get the recording at christinehassler.com/lovemasterclass.

Consider/Ask Yourself:

Have you made requests of other individuals and they're just not listening or they are not honoring your requests?
When you are in times of conflict, do you have the tendency to either attack or retreat? Do you want to find a more empowered way to respond?
Did you grow up in an oppressive household and you did anything you could to try to fit in?
Do you want to feel a sense of freedom to be yourself and not care what anybody else thinks and move into a place of radical self-acceptance and be free?

Mica's Question:

Mica has felt friction when establishing the pronouns they prefer and would like guidance on how to deal with conflict.

Mica's Key Insights and Ahas:

They came out as non-binary.
They find it stressful when people push back on them.
They read tarot cards.
They are an aspiring life coach.
Their biological father was a tyrant in their life.
They had to have a defensive posture.
They feel unseen and unheard.
They have been non-binary since childhood but tried to identify as female.
They have had to prove who they are throughout their life.
They know they are here to teach people how to love.

How to Get Over It and On With It:

Approach conflicts with curiosity.
Allow their nervous system to feel that people are safe.
Know that they are allowed to ask for what they want and need.
Feel confident in who they are, no matter what pronouns others use.
Recognize when they are triggered and navigate their way through it differently.
Radically accept themselves as love.
Apologize to their younger self and free the part of them that felt stifled.

Takeaways:

Move into self-acceptance and work with your rebel part and tell it that it is free. Tell it there is nothing to prove and it doesn't have to fight.

Sponsor:

Resources:

Christine Hassler — Join the Free Over It and On With It Community

Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner

Assist@ChristineHassler.com — Males who want to be on the show

Jill@ChristineHassler.com — For information on any of my services