Stay Connected“I am deeply appreciative of everything Michael shares from personal experience. To me, it is the most reassuring and helpful of all.” A listener.
Conversations about love wrapped in stories from my biggest failures. Learn with me the best ways to be kind when your spouse, kids, parents, siblings, and friends are being turds!
Copyright: © Smalley Institute Copyright 2018 All rights reserved.
Day 6
Yesterday I shared the time I was patient zero in a meningitis outbreak in Conroe Texas. Today you get to hear when I was patient zero at Kanakuk Kamp in Branson Missouri! It involves my first ever kiss with a girl I wasn’t dating and more!
BUILD A BETTER LIFE WITH…
Real or Messed up Quarantine Family Fun Tips
Exploding Kittens
YOU PUT THE CARDS ON THE TABLE AND TAKE TURNS DRAWING FROM THEM.
Playing Exploding Kittens
IF YOU DRAW AN EXPLODING KITTEN CARD, YOU EXPLODE. WHEN YOU EXPLODE, YOU DIE AND YOU'RE OUT OF THE GAME. UNLESS! YOU PLAY A DEFUSE CARD, WHICH WILL STOP THE KITTEN FROM EXPLODING USING THINGS LIKE LASER POINTERS, KITTEN YOGA, AND CATNIP SANDWICHES.
$8.7 million raised in Kickstarter.
Passive Aggressive Pugs
First, I’m starting a kickstarter campaign and I only want $3.5 million! The game is simple, all the cards are blank. You get to fill in the cards with complaints about your spouse, children, parents, siblings or friends. The goal is to get your loved ones to discover the different ways they frustrate you. But make sure and don’t be too blunt. If the other player realizes the complaint is about them, you explode…literally!
STORY TIME
BUILD A BETTER LIFE WITH…
Day 5 - Abducted in India
Today’s show features a game you can play as a family, it’s my own family’s favorite game! I’ll just give you the subtitle which says it all…”Build a Unicorn Army. Betray your friends. Unicorns are your friends now.” And then, you’ll get the story of when I was abducted in India. Yes, I’ve been abducted before and you won’t believe what it lead to!
BUILD A BETTER LIFE WITH…
Unstable Unicorns is a strategic card game about everyone’s two favorite things: Destruction and Unicorns!
From the back of the box:
Learn how unstable your friendships really are.
You start with a Baby Unicorn in your Stable. SO CUTE!
But don't get too attached, because even Baby Unicorns aren't safe in this game! There are over 20 Magical Unicorns to collect, and each has a special power. Build your Unicorn Army as fast as you can, or be destroyed by one of your so-called friends! Seek revenge or protect your stable using your Magic! Sound easy? Not so fast. Someone could have a Neigh Card (Get it? Neigh?) and send the game into MADNESS! The first person to complete their Unicorn Army shall hereafter be known as The Righteous Ruler of All Things Magical... at least until the next game. Good luck.
THE STORY
When I got abducted in India!
And lastly…
Day 4 - Surprise colon exams
On today’s Comedy Hour (not quite an hour) America is great again, Real or Messed up Quarantine Family Fun Tips and a man’s worst fear…surprise colon checks!
New York retired doctors and nurses!
Real or Messed up Quarantine Family Fun Tips
STORYTIME
BUILD A BETTER LIFE WITH…
Day 3 of the Michael Smalley Comedy Hour (not really an hour)
It was possibly 2003, honestly I can’t remember the year, but that’s not important. Today I share one of the most embarrassing moments of my life, and again it was at the diabolical hands of my older brother.
You won’t believe this story, but every detail is true!
But today isn’t just about my personal shame. The corona virus has caused a lot of anxiety and fear for many of you. So I’m going to give some simple tips on dealing with the angst this pandemic is causing.
BUT FIRST, A MOMENT TO BEG FOR YOUR MONEY!
Virtual Intensives are here! https://www.smalleyinstitute.com/smalley-virtual-intensives and, since live events will be coming back, bring a poor comedian to your church, organization or even family home. Check out how easy it is to host The Comedy of Love: https://www.smalleyinstitute.com/comedy-of-love
FAMILY TIPS FOR QUARANTINE
This game is unique and takes some early planning, but parents will love it! First thing, about 30 days before you play hide and lock you need to subtly drop hints to your kids that specific rooms would be a great hiding place. It’s called subliminal manipulation, which would make Dr. Spock proud. After 30 days you get your kids excited about playing hide and lock. Of course, since you’ve been subtly manipulating their minds for 30 days you know exactly where they are going to hide. The fun part is they are hiding in rooms where there is no escape. Unknown to your kids you have outfitted each door with a special locking system so they will remain in the room locked in until you let them out at your leisure.
MY MOST EMBARRASSING STORY EVER IS COMING UP RIGHT AFTER THESE TIPS FOR HANDLING STRESS AND ANXIETY
Here’s the first thing you have to hear, and it’s not going to be easy to receive. But the reality is that the more anxiety and stress you have over coronavirus, the more you become vulnerable in catching coronavirus.
PSYCHIATRIST SALLY-ANNE SOAMESON wrote: How Cortisol Weakens the Immune System.
Cortisol weakens your immune system for a good reason. During periods of intense stress,cortisol attempts to reduce inflammation by weakening some of the antibodies that can increase inflammation. It also turns on natural immunity (the ability to fight off problems immediately) and moves resources away from specific immunities (the ability to prevent diseases your body knows how to control).
But cortisol is only helpful in short bursts. When you experience prolonged stress, your body needs those T-cells and white blood cells, and unfortunately, cortisol continues to suppress them, thus weakening your immune system over time.
Tip #1 Exercise and eat well
Now I can relate to this one! One of my former go to coping mechanisms when stressed out was to eat everything. It took gastric bypass to cure me of that problem. But most of you haven’t gone that direction nor do you need to. Right now it’s important to recognize the importance of eating well and exercising on a regular basis during one of the most global crises since WW2.
Tip #2 Plan, Plan, Plan
One of the biggest issues causing so much stress and anxiety is that there is so much unknown about this virus and the media has lost control! Do any of you remember the Summer of the Shark Attack? It was covered as much as coronavirus, but the interesting thing is that during the Summer of the Shark Attack, there were actually fewer shark attacks than previous Summers!
Start planning for worst case scenarios. Stock up on nonperishable goods. Begin brainstorming and researching online different activities you can do with your kids. Look into online schooling options. Talk to your boss about options of working at home. The more control you feel the less stress you will experience.
Tip #3 Lack of sleep is not an option
Binge watching streaming services is fun, but don’t let that prevent you from at least six hours of sleep. If you’re struggling getting asleep or staying asleep, talk to your doctor. I just got a great sleeping pill from my doctor that has allowed me to finally get a solid six. Turn off the TV, try reading, or even listen to your favorite podcast (that’s worked great for me).
Before I get to the story, I have a short sponsor commercial....oh wait, I forgot, I have no sponsors!
THE STORY
Now, for the most embarrassing story of my life! The great poop attack of 2003 (I think).
LAST BUT NOT LEAST!
Virtual Intensives are here! https://www.smalleyinstitute.com/smalley-virtual-intensives and, since live events will be coming back, bring a poor comedian to your church, organization or even family home. Check out how easy it is to host The Comedy of Love: https://www.smalleyinstitute.com/comedy-of-love
Welcommen to The Michael Smalley Comedy Hour. Because I’m impulsive and slightly unorganized, I only came up with this show idea on Sunday….which means I didn’t put a lot of thought into it. But for day two, I’ve got something special planned. Each day I’m going to give fun tips for your family during home quarantine. One tip will be legit and the other will be messed up, you’ll have to figure out which is which.
Of course I will share a weird, funny or messed up story from my life that will be true, or will it? At the end of my story you can comment on whether or not you think it’s true or fake news…I mean a fake story.
BUT FIRST, A MOMENT TO BEG FOR YOUR MONEY!
Virtual Intensives are here! https://www.smalleyinstitute.com/smalley-virtual-intensives and, since live events will be coming back, bring a poor comedian to your church, organization or even family home. Check out how easy it is to host The Comedy of Love: https://www.smalleyinstitute.com/comedy-of-love
Now, Time for Real or Messed Up Family Tip of the Day:
Marshmallow Tinkertoys (https://www.parents.com/fun/activities/indoor/kids-indoor-games-activities/)
A bag of marshmallows and some thin pretzel sticks are all you need to build the perfect puffy pal, a 3-D house, or tepee. Your child simply skewers the marshmallows with the sticks to create his own masterpiece. Add to the fun by placing toy pigs or other animals in the house and challenging your child to be the big bad wolf and blow it down.
The Big Bad Wolf
Now this game is amazing! Find a real life big bad wolf and release him in your house. Make sure you have all the doors shut and locked (you might even consider adding a pad lock to each door and swallow the keys so no one can wimp out and escape the game time fun.) The rules are simple, your goal is to be the last family member alive by finding the perfect place to hide from the actual wolf. Last family member standing is the champion forever!
NOW IT’S TIME FOR STORY TIME
I’m 46 years old and terrified of the dark. But don’t judge me! I grew up with an older brother, five years my senior, which gave him a huge advantage. Especially since I was not and still not the sharpest tool in the shed!
Freddy Kruger was literally under my bed.
WEIRD NEWS OF THE DAY
I’m beginning to think I may have big brother issues, and this is why! My own brother texted me a link the other day to an article referencing a story. This was the headline: Guys, Have an Older Brother? It May Play a Part in Your Sexuality
Tag line: Researchers find men with older brother have 38% higher chance of being gay than those without
Just a little something for my fellow home quarantined friends! Our country and our world need something positive and definitely laughter. My goal is to give you both!
Today we are going to talk about 6 things to help you cure teenager rebelliousness...
Distraction of the Day:
There was a worldwide competition held in Lithuania recently, it was for women, can you guess what it was about and I’ll even give you the grand prize for winning the World’s...a trip to Parliament in Strasburg or Brussels.
BOOK US FOR A COMEDY NIGHT OR RELATIONSHIP EVENT
https://www.smalleyinstitute.com/p/comedy-of-love
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Amy: Hello listeners! This is Amy Smalley reminding you this holiday season that sometimes the very best present you can give your family is…...being….present.
Michael: Oh Amy….
Amy: What? You don’t get it? It’s present like a gift but also like you know the present….
Michael: Oh no I get it, listeners I’m so sorry I think that may be the last time I let Amy open the show.
Amy: Hey, everybody loves puns they’re so, punny.
Michael: oh no.
Amy: You should probably put me in a punitentiary
Michael: Listeners I’m so sorry I promise today’s episode will not in fact be about puns. We are going to talk about how you need to make sure you remain present this holiday season so you don’t miss out on all the wonderful memories happening all around you.
Amy: So to find out about how to wrap up this present of presence, stay tuned!
Distraction of the Day:
I’m pretty excited about driverless cars but I just learned something from a legitimate scientific study that shows why driverless cars will be the greatest invention of our time! Amy, can you guess what would get me overly excited?
BOOK US FOR A COMEDY NIGHT OR RELATIONSHIP EVENT
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Tis the season to spend money fa la la la la la la la going shopping and overspending fa la la la la la la la la don we now our credit card debt fa la la la la la la la la How could you spend that I’m going to kill you! Fa la la la la, la la la la
Some of you will find yourselves playing this song during the holiday season but hopefully by the end of this episode you’ll be singing a different tune.
And for the Distraction of the Day, Chicago Bears kicker missed field goals because of Jesus. Amy will have a message when she hears this one that you won't want to miss!
BOOK US FOR A COMEDY NIGHT OR RELATIONSHIP EVENT
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In this corner, we have Uncle Joey who’s had too much to drink and some strong opinions about the recent elections. Annnnnnnd in this corner we have our challenger Aunt Marge who feels the need to correct people about practically everything and is just itching for an opportunity to disagree. In this epic clash of opinions who will win in this holiday Battle Royale?
Amy: Um, I don’t really think anyone wins?
Michael: *sarcastic* But there’s always a winner!
Amy: No, I don’t think so. Really in these family battles no one wins and everyone just feels kinda awkward.
Michael: So what you’re saying is engaging in family drama doesn't actually fix anything and just creates more tension? Huh, who knew?
Amy: So today we are going see how engaging in family drama isn't really helpful and how we, as Christ followers, should be seeking to de-escalate conflict instead of provoke it.
Michael: And we’re going to teach you a method that can de-escalate this conflict in just three minutes.
For the Distraction of the Day, I’ve got a special video for Amy today. It’s only a one minute commercial for Spotify, the music streaming service. There’s no way their commercial could cause Amy to be afraid...is there? Stay tuned till the end of this podcast to find out whether or not I can succeed in terrifying Amy with a Spotify commercial.
BOOK US FOR A COMEDY NIGHT OR RELATIONSHIP EVENT
https://www.smalleyinstitute.com/p/comedy-of-love
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