Show notes
In this profoundly moving and honest conversation, we sit down with Jeff Loving, a NICU dad, husband, and now an author, who shares the intimate and often unspoken grief experienced by fathers after pregnancy loss. Jeff walks us through the heartbreaking loss of his two sons, Davian and Jadon, the struggle to find empathy and appropriate medical care, and how these experiences ultimately led him and his wife, Cassie, to become fierce advocates for their future family. This episode is a raw look at marriage under immense stress, the importance of empathetic medical staff, and the redemptive joy of welcoming their "double rainbow" daughter, Isla Grace. Jeff also discusses his mission to help other men through their grief by writing his book, Holding Onto the Light.
Key Discussion Points & Timestamps Time
Topic
Key Takeaway
00:06
Meet Jeff Loving: Husband, NICU Dad, and Author
Jeff introduces his family, including his dog, Sage, his wife, Cassie, and their NICU "double rainbow" baby girl, Isla Grace, reflecting on five years of marriage and three pregnancies.
01:08
The Loss of Davian (First Pregnancy)
Jeff describes the initial shock and excitement of their first pregnancy, the sudden onset of symptoms at 19 weeks, and the devastating choice they faced in the hospital due to an infection: lose the baby, or risk losing both the baby and his wife.
04:55
The Cruel Disconnect of Grief
Jeff recounts the soul-crushing moment of holding his son, Davian, as his heartbeat stopped. He shares the struggle of navigating intense grief while the world—and Thanksgiving—kept moving around them.
07:58
Finding Support: The Power of Presence
The discussion turns to how his family supported them by simply being present, rather than offering platitudes like "it's God's plan." The importance of showing up for grieving parents is highlighted.
11:21
Empathetic vs. Detached Care
Jeff praises the nurses who were a "calming presence in the chaos" and later attended Davian's service. Conversely, he shares a painful anecdote about a male doctor's detached and jovial demeanor, asking if he wanted to cut the cord after the loss.
15:51
What Compassion Looks Like in Care
Jeff shares what he wished the doctor had said: "I know this is very hard... just know that my heart breaks for you, and I'm so sorry that you guys are going through this." This is a vital lesson for medical professionals.
16:55
Marriage Under Stress
After moving to North Carolina for a fresh start, Jeff discusses how the loss put their marriage under extreme stress—it would either break them or bond them deeper. They emerged stronger.
23:13
The Loss of Jadon (The Second Pregnancy)
The traumatic situation repeats almost day-for-day with their second son, Jadon. Jeff details the medical system's failure to provide a cerclage procedure, despite repeated requests, and the resulting emergency.
26:45
The Audacity of Poor Communication
Jeff recounts being livid when the doctor who denied them the preventive cerclage entered the room without him present to tell his wife they were losing their baby, and then left without speaking to Jeff.
34:20
The Blessing of Angel the Bereavement Coordinator
Jeff shares the incredible support they received from their bereavement coordinator, Angel, who handled every detail from handprints to selecting clothes, even providing a moment of much-needed humor when she accidentally gave Jadon a hilarious nickname.
36:02
Remembrance Toys: Dino Dave and Jucletus
The significance of tangible remembrance items, like a weighted dinosaur (Dino Dave) and a heartbeat bear (Jucletus), that allow Isla to connect with her "big brothers."
39:18
"This is Our Double Rainbow Child"
Jeff discusses the difficulty of answering "Is this your first?" as a parent of loss, and how he now confidently speaks of Isla as their "double rainbow child."
42:03
A Resource for Fathers of Loss
Jeff explains his motivation for writing his book, Holding Onto the Light: A Father's Journey Through Loss and Healing. He notes the lack of resources for grieving men and how he encapsulated real stories into a fictional narrative to help them feel seen and heard.
46:05
The Defining Moment
The most powerful feedback: a man who hadn't read a book in a decade finally read Jeff's book after losing his son.
48:52
Where to Find the Book and Connect
Jeff shares his book title, where to buy it, and the dedicated email address to build a community of grieving fathers.
Action Items & Connect with Jeff Read Jeff's Book:
Connect & Share Your Story:
Instagram: @L-O-V-I-J-E-F (L-O-V-I-J-E-F)
When parents feel empowered, everyone wins – kids thrive and the care team excels!
Links and Resources:
- 85% of users report high satisfaction, appreciating the SupportSpot app's comprehensive resources and user-friendly interface.
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- 80% of parents believe the SupportSpot app's has contributed to better health outcomes for their child.
- 73% of parent users believe the SupportSpot app's has made them feel more empowered to advocate for their child in healthcare
Learn more here.
Meet the host:
Katie Taylor is the co-founder and CEO of Child Life On Call, a digital platform designed to provide parents, kids, and the care team with access to child life services tools and resources. She is a certified child life specialist with over 13 years of experience working in various pediatric healthcare settings. Katie is the author of the children's book, and has presented on the topics of child life and entrepreneurship, psychosocial care in the hospital, and supporting caregivers in the NICU setting both nationally and internationally. She is also the host of the Child Life On Call Podcast which features interviews with parents discussing their experiences throughout their child's medical journey. The podcast emphasizes the crucial role of child life services in enabling caregivers both at and beyond the bedside.
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The Child Life On Call Podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. The content shared in each episode, including stories, discussions, and interviews, is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified healthcare provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay seeking it because of something you heard on this podcast. The views and opinions expressed by guests on the Child Life On Call Podcast are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of Child Life On Call. Child Life On Call does not endorse any specific medical treatments, procedures, or opinions shared in the podcast. If you or your child are experiencing a medical emergency, call 911 or seek immediate medical attention. By listening to this podcast, you acknowledge that Child Life On Call and its affiliates are not responsible for any decisions made based on the information provided.
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