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How to Set Boundaries Without Feeling Rude or Guilty
If you're a highly sensitive person, empath, or recovering people-pleaser who struggles to say no, this episode is for you.
Maybe you worry about hurting someone's feelings. Maybe you're afraid of coming across as rude, selfish, unhelpful, or mean. Or maybe you've gotten into the habit of saying yes when you really want to say no—and then feeling overwhelmed, resentful, or exhausted afterward.
In this episode of Inner Work with MaryAnn Walker, we're talking about how to set healthy boundaries while still honoring your kind and compassionate heart.
MaryAnn introduces a simple boundary-setting technique called the Boundary Sandwich, a practical formula that helps you communicate a clear no without unnecessary guilt, conflict, or over-explaining.
You'll learn how to acknowledge someone's good intent, clearly state your boundary, and—when appropriate—end with another kind or supportive statement.
Most importantly, you'll learn why over-explaining can unintentionally turn your boundary into a negotiation.
What You'll Learn
- Why highly sensitive people and people-pleasers often struggle with saying no.
- How tying your worth to what you can do for others can make boundary setting difficult.
- What the Boundary Sandwich is and how to use it.
- The difference between a closed-faced boundary sandwich and an open-faced boundary sandwich.
- Why assuming good intent can help you communicate boundaries with compassion.
- Why your boundary should be kind, clear, and concise.
- How over-explaining can make your "no" unclear and unintentionally invite negotiation.
- Why clear is kind and unclear is unkind when it comes to communication.
- How to set boundaries with family members, coworkers, friends, neighbors, and your boss.
- How to communicate boundaries around your time, energy, availability, parenting choices, work hours, and emotional labor.
The Boundary Sandwich
The basic formula is simple:
Say something kind → State your boundary → Say something kind.
For example:
"I appreciate you thinking of me, and I'm not available this weekend. I hope you find someone who can help."
The goal isn't to make your boundary more palatable so someone will approve of it.
The goal is to communicate your boundary clearly and compassionately without abandoning yourself.
Remember:
Kind. Clear. Concise.
You don't have to convince someone that your boundary is reasonable before you're allowed to have it.
Work With MaryAnn
If you're ready to stop abandoning yourself in an effort to keep everyone else comfortable, The Self-Reclamation Projectmay be the next step for you.
This 12-week private coaching experience gives you the opportunity to take the tools you've been learning on the podcast and apply them directly to your own life, relationships, thought patterns, boundaries, and personal circumstances.
MaryAnn's own experience with one-on-one coaching helped her recognize blind spots she couldn't see on her own—and ultimately inspired her to become a coach.
If you'd like to learn more about working together, email maryann@maryannwalker.life to start the conversation. Space is limited so act now!
Recommended Links:
The Self Reclamation Project: https://maryannwalker.life/coaching-packages
Episode 124: Less is More: Simplifying Communication for Better Understanding https://www.buzzsprout.com/2028767/episodes/15488950
FREE 7 Day Challenge: https://maryannwalker-life.kit.com/cdf81f07e6
If This Episode Helped You
If this episode gave you a new perspective on setting boundaries, saying no, people-pleasing, or over-explaining, please consider leaving a podcast review.
Your review helps more highly sensitive people, empaths, and recovering people-pleasers find the show.
And if you know someone who struggles to say no without feeling guilty, share this episode with them.
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