Kids & Family
**How To Deal**

How To Deal is the podcast for parents who want to raise emotionally healthy kids in a world full of messy moments. Therapist and bestselling author Eli Harwood (aka The Attachment Nerd) brings you real stories, expert advice, and practical tools to build stronger relationships with your children—and yourself. Attachmentnerd.com

Latest Episodes:

#34 Teaching Kids Self-Trust in a Manipulative World | With Dr Naaila Chagani Aug 14, 2026

Show notes

In this episode, Eli sits down with Dr. Naaila Chagani (Hudani), a child development specialist with a PhD from Tufts University, to explore the concept of "heart safety" — teaching children that their inner emotional world belongs to them and cannot be rearranged by someone else.

Drawing from both personal lived experience as a bonus mom and rigorous research, Dr. Naaila shares a compassionate, nuanced framework for helping kids recognize emotionally manipulative behaviors, trust their own instincts, and stay safe — without having to sever love from protection.

Key Takeaways

Heart safety is as important as body safety. Just as we teach kids "your body belongs to you," we need to teach them their inner world — feelings, perceptions, sense of self — belongs to them too.
Manipulation exists on a spectrum. From a tired parent saying "you're fine" to genuinely harmful conditional love — many behaviors, unintentionally or not, ask a child to ignore what they feel.
Fear and discernment are opposites. A frightened child freezes or fawns. A discerning child notices something feels off and trusts that noticing. That trust is the goal.
Children turn confusion inward as self-blame. When something feels off but no one names it, kids often conclude they did something wrong — a wound that follows them into adulthood.
The DARVO pattern (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim & Offender) is used by highly manipulative people, and it's important for kids to know they may not always be safe to speak up directly.
Don't label the other parent — name the behavior's impact. Help children notice what doesn't feel good without putting the burden of intent analysis on them.
The loyalty bind is real. Children in high-conflict co-parenting situations often gravitate toward the more manipulative parent to stay safe — making unconditional love from the safe parent even more essential.
Start young. You can begin conversations about emotions, what feels good and what doesn't, as early as 18 months to 2 years old.
Kids are allowed to say whatever keeps them safe in the moment. They can debrief and process with a safe adult after.

About the Guest

Dr. Naaila Chagani (Hudani) is an applied developmental scientist with a Ph.D. in Child Study and Human Development from Tufts University. She specializes in the role adults play in positive youth development and helps parents navigate high-conflict and toxic co-parenting situations. She is also a bonus mom, and her personal experience navigating a manipulative co-parenting dynamic is the foundation of her work.

🌐 Website: parenting-mindfully.com
📘 Book: Seeds of Self-Trust — 25 read-aloud stories for ages 4–8 (also deeply resonant for adults)
📺 YouTube: Parenting Mindfully with Dr. Naaila Hudani
📸 Instagram: @drnaaila_parentingmindfully

Resources Mentioned

📗 Seeds of Self-Trust by Dr. Naaila Chagani (Hudani) — seedsofselftrust.com — 25 read-aloud stories for children ages 4–8 on recognizing emotionally manipulative dynamics
🏫 Making Caring Common — Dr. Rick Weissbourd's project at the Harvard Graduate School of Education on raising empathetic, ethical children — mcc.gse.harvard.edu
👤 Dr. Richard Weissbourd — Senior Lecturer & Faculty Director, Making Caring Common, Harvard GSE — Faculty Profile
📕 Street Smarts: Trust Your Instincts, Outsmart Danger, and Stay Safe in a World That Isn't by Dannah Eve — includes the "Lie to Survive" framework — Amazon
🔐 Secure Parenting Program by Eli — attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program
📖 The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz — Referenced in conversation ("Don't take it personally") — Amazon

Connect with Eli

🌐 Website: attachmentnerd.com
📸 Instagram: @attachmentnerd
🎵 TikTok: @attachmentnerd

Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program

Connect with Eli:

Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

#33 Nerd Notes | Co-Regulating with Our Neurodivergent Children Aug 07, 2026

Show notes

In this solo episode, Eli Harwood (the Attachment Nerd) unpacks one of the most misunderstood intersections in modern parenting: raising a neurodivergent child while trying to break generational cycles. With personal stories from parenting her own AuDHD daughter, Eli walks through the full sensory landscape — including the three "hidden" senses — and explains how to adapt secure attachment practices to meet your neurodiverse child where they actually are.

Key Takeaways

Neurodivergent kids experience the world through a different sensory prism — not just the classic 5 senses, but also neuroception, interoception, and proprioception. Understanding which senses your child is over- or under-sensitive to changes everything about how you approach their meltdowns.
Empathy that works for neurotypical kids can amplify distress in neurodivergent kids. When a neurodivergent child is already flooded across multiple sensory systems, offering big gooey empathy can escalate — not soothe — their dysregulation.
Accommodation is not permissive parenting. Adjusting your child's environment to match their nervous system's needs is scaffolding, not weakness. The goal is gradual growth at the stage they can handle it.
Believe them. If your child says the lights are too bright, the smell is too strong, or the touch is too much — believe them. Their nervous system is telling the truth, even if it doesn't match your experience.
Community is a survival tool. Parenting a neurodivergent child requires more regulation, more support, and more stamina than neurotypical parenting — and you cannot generate that alone.
Secure attachment with a neurodivergent child looks different. A child running to their cozy corner instead of into your arms is not rejecting you — it's their nervous system seeking the regulation it needs. Your job is to follow slowly and ask what they need.

Resources Mentioned

🔗 Big Little Feelings (Kristin Gallant) — "Believe them" — https://biglittlefeelings.com
🔗 AuDHD: Understanding Autism + ADHD Co-Occurrence — Child Mind Institute explainer: https://childmind.org/article/what-is-audhd/
🔗 Interoception & Sensory Processing Challenges — Understood.org: https://www.understood.org/en/articles/interoception-and-sensory-processing-challenges
🔗 The 8 Senses Explained for Neurodivergent Kids — Neurodivergent Insights: https://neurodivergentinsights.com/8-senses/
🔗 Weighted Stuffed Animals for Autism & Sensory Regulation — Autism Parenting Magazine: https://www.autismparentingmagazine.com/autism-and-stuffed-animals/
🔗 Secure Parenting Program (includes monthly Neurodivergent Support Group): https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program

Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program

Connect with Eli:

Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

#32 How to Deal with a Spicy One | With Mary Van Geffen Jul 31, 2026

Show notes

Episode Summary

Eli sits down with international parenting coach and author Mary Van Geffen to talk about raising "spicy ones" — those intense, strong-willed, wonderfully complex children who need more than most parenting books can offer. Together they unpack what it means to be the parent of a spicy child, how our own childhood wounds get triggered by these kids, and what it actually looks like in the messy, real moments to stay regulated and connected.

Key Takeaways

A "spicy one" is a child who is more loyal to their own soul than to your adult agenda — and that's actually a gift, not a defect.
Our spicy, strong-willed children are heat-seeking hovercrafts for whatever is unhealed inside of us.
You cannot regulate a threat — if your nervous system reads your child as danger, you must build your own capacity first.
During a violent meltdown: be the calmest person in the room, use your body not your words, and create a physically safe environment.
Playfulness — not threats, not logic — is often the fastest route back from the edge of dysregulation.
Your child's emotional intensity is not premeditated aggression; it is an "emotional seizure" they are also helpless to.
Stop making your spicy child "digestible" to others. Your job is to make them feel unconditionally and wholly loved.
Accepting how your child connects (not how you wish they would) is one of the most loving things you can do.
We need to live in hope, not fear, with our spicy ones — the script we write for them shapes their future.
The qualities we find hardest to manage in our children are often the very things we were shamed for in ourselves.

About the Guest

Mary Van Geffen is an international parenting coach for Moms of Spicy Ones® and a Spicy One herself. She is a certified Simplicity Parenting Counselor® and Professional Co-Active Coach® who has transformed the lives of over 8,000 families through her group coaching and on-demand digital courses. Her new book, Parenting a Spicy One, is a compassionate guide for raising deep-feeling, wonderfully strong-willed kids.

🌐 Website: https://www.maryvangeffen.com
📱 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/maryvangeffen
📖 Book Page: https://www.maryvangeffen.com/parentingaspicyonebook

Resources Mentioned

Books

📗 Parenting a Spicy One by Mary Van Geffen — Amazon | Author's Site
📘 Parenting by Connection (booklet series) by Patty Wipfler / Hand in Hand Parenting — Amazon
📙 Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges by Patty Wipfler — Amazon
📕 Yesteryear by Caro Claire Burke (mentioned in passing) — Amazon
📗 Vera Wong's Unsolicited Advice for Murderers by Jesse Q. Sutanto (mentioned in passing) — Amazon

Research

🧠 Maternal Brain Changes & the Amygdala (referenced in discussion of sensory changes in motherhood) — The Maternal Brain and Its Plasticity in Humans – PMC

Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program

Connect with Eli:

Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

#31 How To Use Play To Set Limits and Boundaries | With Dr. Kim Van Dusen Jul 24, 2026

Show notes

How to Deal with Parenting Through Play | Dr. Kim Van Dusen

Episode Summary

What if the secret to fewer tantrums, less mealtime drama, and a deeper connection with your kids wasn't stricter rules — but more play? In this episode, Eli sits down with Dr. Kim Van Dusen, PsyD, licensed marriage and family therapist and registered play therapist known as The Parentologist, to talk about how to weave playfulness into the everyday moments of parenting — even if you don't think you have a playful bone in your body. From gamifying chores to helping traumatized children feel safe, Dr. Kim shows us that play is the universal language of childhood, and learning to speak it changes everything.

Key Takeaways

You don't have to sit on the floor for 30 minutes to be a playful parent. Dr. Kim calls them "playful pockets of time" — small, creative moments woven throughout the day (swapping a fork for tongs, cutting a sandwich into a fun shape) that shift the entire energy of parenting.
Gamifying works. From racing to make the bed to "freeze clean" during chores, turning tasks into games eliminates power struggles and gets the job done — without the drama.
Play is the language of children, especially those who have experienced trauma. When kids can't (or won't) speak about their pain, drawing, playing, and creating tells the story instead — and your job is to listen to the play.
Safety and trust come before play with kids from hard places. If a child doesn't feel safe, they won't connect — and connection must come before cooperation.
Picky eating is a sensory experience. Research shows it can take up to 8–24 exposures before a child accepts a new food. Changing the texture, presentation, or even the serving vessel (hello, dump truck plate!) is exposure therapy in disguise.
Outcomes vs. Consequences: Dr. Kim prefers the word "outcomes" because it removes the punitive connotation. Natural outcomes, do-overs, and choice-giving are more effective — and less stressful — than punishment.
Structure is nurture's best friend. Playfulness and limits work together. Kids need both deep connection AND predictable boundaries to feel truly secure.

About the Guest

Dr. Kim Van Dusen, PsyD, LMFT, RPT — known as The Parentologist — is a licensed marriage and family therapist, registered play therapist, university professor, and mom of two based in Southern California. With nearly 25 years of experience, she helps parents transform their relationships with their children by learning to speak the universal language of play. She is the author of Parenting Through Play and hosts The Parentologist Podcast.

🌐 Website: theparentologist.com
📸 Instagram: @theparentologist
🎙️ Podcast: The Parentologist Podcast
📕 Book: Parenting Through Play on Amazon

Resources Mentioned

📕 Parenting Through Play by Dr. Kim Van Dusen (Amazon) — Dr. Kim's new book covering playful pockets of time, gamification, do-overs, outcomes, sensory food strategies, and more. Available in paperback and audiobook (narrated by Dr. Kim herself).
🔬 Food Exposure Research — ASHA Leader: How Many Exposures for Selective Eaters? — Research showing it takes 8–15+ exposures before a child accepts a new food.
🔬 Repeated Exposure to Food & Food Acceptability — NIH/NCBI Systematic Review — The peer-reviewed evidence base behind the food exposure approach Dr. Kim references.
🔬 Child-Centered Play Therapy for Trauma — PMC Systematic Review — Research on play therapy effectiveness for children who have experienced traumatic events.
🏡 Secure Parenting Program — Attachment Nerd

Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program

Connect with Eli:

Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

#30 How to Deal with Feeling | With Dr. Marc Brackett Jul 17, 2026

Show notes

Episode Summary

Eli Harwood sits down with Dr. Marc Brackett — founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and bestselling author — to tackle one of modern parenting's biggest challenges: how do we raise emotionally intelligent kids when most of us never received an emotion education ourselves? Marc shares the science behind his RULER framework, why "there is no such thing as a bad emotion," and the practical strategies every parent needs to start using today.

Key Takeaways

Accumulate emotion knowledge first. None of us got an "emotion education" growing up — reading research-backed books and resources is step one.
There is no such thing as a bad emotion. Giving your child permission to feel — including anxiety, anger, and sadness — is a radical and necessary first step.
Your go-to regulation strategies may not work for your child. Think of your role as setting a buffet of options, not telling your child what to eat.
Emotional granularity matters. The difference between "frustrated" and "disappointed" isn't semantic — naming the exact emotion helps regulate it.
90% of negative self-talk was caught from other people. Gaslighting from caregivers in childhood becomes our inner critic as adults.
Your emotion regulation budget includes sleep, nutrition, and movement. Nine times out of ten, when a parent can't meet their own goals, poor sleep is the barrier.
Co-regulation requires non-judgment. What our kids are begging for, above all else, is a parent who won't judge them in the middle of big feelings.
Emotional intelligence is a lifelong practice — not something you master. Every day is a new opportunity.

About the Guest

Dr. Marc Brackett is the founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and a professor in the Child Study Center at Yale University. He is the author of the USA Today bestselling book Dealing with Feeling and the internationally bestselling Permission to Feel (translated into 27 languages). Marc is the lead developer of RULER, an evidence-based social-emotional learning framework adopted by over 5,000 schools worldwide. He also co-created the free How We Feel app with Pinterest co-founder Ben Silbermann.

🌐 Website: marcbrackett.com

Resources Mentioned

Books

📘 Dealing with Feeling by Marc Brackett — Marc's newest book on practical emotion regulation strategies
📗 Permission to Feel by Marc Brackett — Marc's landmark bestseller on emotional intelligence
📙 Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol Dweck — Referenced in the conversation re: growth mindset and parenting

Tools & Apps

📱 How We Feel App — Marc's free, science-based emotion-tracking and regulation app (iOS & Android)
🎴 The Point of Connection Game — Marc's conversation card deck for building emotional connection with family and friends

Frameworks & Research

🏫 RULER Approach — Marc's evidence-based SEL framework, adopted in 5,000+ schools worldwide
🔬 Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence — Marc's research home base
❤️ Harvard Study of Adult Development — The 85-year study on happiness referenced by Eli (close relationships = #1 predictor of wellbeing)

Connect with Marc Brackett

Website: marcbrackett.com

Learn more about secure parenting:

https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program

Connect with Eli:

Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

#29 How to Deal When Your Kids Are at Odds with Each Other | With Dr. Laura Markham Jul 10, 2026

Show notes

Episode Summary

In this deeply personal and research-backed conversation, host Eli Harwood sits down with Dr. Laura Markham — clinical psychologist, bestselling author, and founder of PeacefulParentHappyKids.com — to tackle one of the most exhausting realities of family life: sibling conflict. Together they explore what the research actually says about why siblings fight, what parents can do about it (and what they shouldn't), and how to raise kids who will genuinely like each other as adults. Eli even shares a real, unfiltered story from her own family — complete with onesies, a parking lot scene, and a sticker — and asks Dr. Laura to coach her through it live.

Key Takeaways

The #1 predictor of sibling kindness is your relationship with each child. Research consistently shows the closer you are to each child individually, the less they fight with each other.
Discipline style shapes sibling behavior. When parents use power and force to solve problems, kids mirror that with each other. When parents model calm problem-solving, kids learn to do the same.
Inviolate one-on-one time matters more than grand gestures. A predictable, protected window of time with each child — even 20 minutes — gives kids the security to handle their siblings with more grace.
Pushing and shoving under age 6 is developmentally normal — it doesn't mean your parenting is failing. The prefrontal cortex won't be fully developed until the mid-20s, and meaningful impulse control takes years to build.
Positive interactions are the long game. Research shows that what adults remember about their sibling relationships is not the conflict — it's the fun they had together. Protect and prioritize play.
Kids need scripts, not just correction. When you give children the actual words to say ("I was still using that — can I have it back?"), they learn to use them, often faster than you'd expect.
Parent leadership reduces sibling rivalry. When parents step in to create systems and structures (like a calendar for mom nights), kids don't have to fight for position.
Talking about neurodivergence with siblings requires validation, not minimizing. Acknowledge what's hard for each child without making either child responsible for managing the other's feelings.

About the Guest

Dr. Laura Markham is a clinical psychologist trained at Columbia University, bestselling author, and one of the most trusted voices in parenting today. She is the founder of PeacefulParentHappyKids.com — a free resource with over 1,000 pages of parenting guidance — and the author of three books translated into more than 27 languages.

🌐 Website: peacefulparenthappykids.com
📸 Instagram: @peacefulparenthappykids
📬 Free Newsletter: Sign up here

Resources Mentioned

📗 Peaceful Parent, Happy Siblings by Dr. Laura Markham Amazon | Publisher Page
📘 Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids by Dr. Laura Markham Amazon | Publisher Page
📙 Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish Amazon
🏫 Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development at TCU (Trust-Based Relational Intervention / TBRI) child.tcu.edu Dr. Karen Purvis coined the phrase "Families that play together, stay together" and developed TBRI, a research-based model for supporting children impacted by trauma.

Connect

Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program

Connect with Eli:

Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

#28 How to Be Honest about Motherhood | With Libby Ward Jul 02, 2026

Show notes

Episode Summary

Eli sits down with Libby Ward — writer, speaker, and author of Honest Motherhood: On Losing My Mind and Finding Myself — for a deeply honest conversation about what it costs mothers when they sacrifice themselves completely. Together they explore the myth of selfless motherhood, the reality of generational trauma, and why radical honesty — with yourself first — is where real change begins.

Key Takeaways

You were never meant to do this alone. Human beings evolved in community, not nuclear family isolation. The loneliness of modern motherhood isn't a personal failing — it's a structural problem.
Selflessness isn't the antidote to a selfish upbringing. Martyrdom doesn't protect your kids — it burdens them. Your children don't need a shell of you; they need you.
Shame keeps us stuck. When we don't hear other mothers' real experiences, we assume we're the only ones struggling — and that shame makes it impossible to look honestly at what's actually happening.
Generational trauma gets passed down until someone is ready to feel it. That someone might be you — and that is a gift, not a curse.
Radical honesty starts with yourself, not the internet. Getting honest about your actual life — your nervous system, your capacity, your support system — is what gives you the freedom to make choices that actually fit your reality.
Going no contact isn't the only option, and it isn't permanent. Separation can be a necessary step to find yourself before you can figure out what a relationship actually looks like.
People-pleasing is an addiction. And like any addiction, recovery starts with honesty and the belief that you are worthy of reciprocal relationships.
Your kids need you to be a whole person, not a perfect one. Modeling what it looks like to prioritize yourself teaches your children how they deserve to be treated in their own relationships.

About the Guest

Libby Ward is a writer, speaker, and advocate redefining the motherhood narrative. Known for her honesty, humor, and relatable voice, Libby reaches millions of women each week through her social media platforms. She has been featured on the BBC, Good Morning America, and is a member of Reese Witherspoon's inaugural Hello Sunshine Collective. Her debut memoir, Honest Motherhood: On Losing My Mind and Finding Myself, is out now.

🌐 Website: libbyward.com
📸 Instagram: @libbyward
🎵 TikTok: @libbywardofficial

Resources Mentioned

📖 Honest Motherhood: On Losing My Mind and Finding Myself by Libby Ward
Amazon (Hardcover)
Amazon (Audiobook — read by Libby herself!)
Publisher Page (Penguin Random House)
Libby's own book page
💬 "Pain travels through families until someone is ready to feel it" — a widely-shared quote on intergenerational trauma, attributed to therapist Stephi Wagner and popularized in the cycle-breaking community.
🔄 Alcoholics Anonymous / Radical Honesty — The principle of radical honesty as the starting point for recovery, referenced from AA tradition. Learn more at aa.org.

Ready to Go Deeper?

If this conversation resonated with you and you're ready to break your own cycles and show up more securely for your kids, check out Eli's Secure Parenting Program — a therapist-led, pay-what-you-can program grounded in 70+ years of attachment research.

👉 Join the Secure Parenting Program

Connect with Eli:

Music by Gold Child: goldchildmusic.com

#27 Navigating Marriage in the Parenting Years | With Eli Weinstein Jun 26, 2026

Show notes

Episode Summary

Therapist, author, and host of The Dude Therapist podcast Eli Weinstein, LCSW joins the show to talk about one of the hardest (and least talked about) relationship challenges: staying connected to your partner while you're deep in the trenches of parenthood. Eli brings his signature no-BS warmth and humor to share real, actionable tools — including the "First On Scene" rule, the Huddle tactic, and how to tackle the invisible mental load — all drawn from his new book From I Do to We Do.

Key Takeaways

Take a pause before you take it out on your partner. When you're dysregulated in a parenting moment, step away for 2–5 minutes before engaging. Your kids will still be screaming — but your brain will be in a better place.
The "First On Scene" rule. Whoever arrives first to handle a situation becomes the lead. Their way goes — as long as it's not dangerous. This eliminates power struggles and toe-stepping between partners.
Make the mental load visible. Write down everything on your mental plate, sit with your partner, and ask (not demand): "Is there anything on this list you can take?" Let go enough to actually hand it over.
Anticipation is the secret sauce. The partner NOT holding the mental load should proactively look ahead and ask, "What can I take off your plate this week?" — before being asked.
Microdose your relationship with sweetness. Small daily rituals — a special phrase at bedtime, a little physical affection, a note — are the glue that holds couples together during chaos.
It's us vs. the chaos, not us vs. each other. Use Eli's "Huddle" technique: check in on each other's energy, divide the game plan, and face the problem as a united front — not as opponents.
Play to your strengths. Divide household labor based on what actually works for each person's brain, preferences, and neuroses — not rigid gender roles.

About the Guest

Eli Weinstein, LCSW is a licensed clinical therapist, international speaker, and host of The Dude Therapist podcast. His debut book, From I Do to We Do: Navigating Marriage in the Parenting Years (Wiley/Jossey-Bass, 2026), is the guide he wishes he had when he became a dad — covering everything from the mental load to conflict resolution to keeping intimacy alive. He's appeared on The Kelly Clarkson Show and been featured in Psychology Today and across 300+ podcasts.

🌐 Website: https://www.eliweinsteinlcsw.com/
📖 Book: From I Do to We Do on Amazon
🎙️ Podcast: The Dude Therapist on Apple Podcasts
📸 Instagram: @eliweinstein_lcsw | @thedudetherapist

Resources Mentioned

📖 From I Do to We Do by Eli Weinstein — His new book on navigating marriage through the parenting years
📖 Fair Play by Eve Rodsky — The landmark book on the invisible mental load and how to redistribute it fairly
📖 Wired for Love by Stan Tatkin — The "couple bubble" concept referenced in the episode
🎬 Phil Stutz's "Active Love" tool — The concept Eli references for pushing love toward your partner in a difficult moment (also see the Netflix documentary Stutz)
📖 The Tools by Phil Stutz & Barry Michels — The book behind the Active Love concept

Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program

Connect with Eli:

Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

#26 How to Deal with Sex Talks | With Kimberly Wolf Jun 19, 2026

Show notes

Episode Summary

In this episode, Eli sits down with sex educator and Harvard-trained expert Kimberly Wolf to tackle one of the most anxiety-producing topics in parenting: talking to your kids about sex, bodies, and healthy relationships. Kimberly brings a practical, shame-free, and deeply reassuring framework for parents at every stage — from toddlers to teens — with one clear message: you don't have to have all the answers. You just have to show up.

Key Takeaways

Start with safety and practicality. Framing sex education around safety takes the emotional charge out of it — for parents and kids. Even a 4-year-old can understand, "Nobody touches your body without permission."
These are ongoing conversations, not one big talk. Replace the idea of "the talk" with a lifelong, open dialogue. Small moments build the foundation for big ones.
You don't need all the answers. Saying "That's a great question — let me find out" signals to your child that you can handle this topic, and that they can come to you.
Parents are more influential than the media — but only if they show up. Research consistently shows parents outrank peers and media in influencing teen decisions about sex, but only when they actively engage.
Pornography is shaping kids' understanding of intimacy. It normalizes harmful power dynamics and reaches kids through mainstream media, not just explicit sites. Media literacy is a must.
Teach what love feels like. Help kids build an internal compass for healthy relationships — safety, respect, and being heard — so they can recognize when something feels off.
Time-binding awkward conversations is a pro communication tool. Saying "I need one minute — bear with me" is a real-world skill your child will use in their own relationships someday.
If you feel like a loser with your teenager, you're probably winning. They hear you, even when they don't show it.

About the Guest

Kimberly Wolf, M.Ed. is a leading sex educator, speaker, curricular consultant, and parenting strategist. She holds an undergraduate degree in gender studies from Brown University and a master's in human development and psychology from the Harvard Graduate School of Education. She teaches in schools across the country, offers online courses for parents, and provides private coaching. She is also the author of Talk with Her: A Dad's Essential Guide to Raising Healthy, Confident, and Capable Daughters.

🎟️ Listener Discount: Use code SECURE at checkout on Kimberly's website for a discount on her courses.

🌐 Website: kimberlywolf.com
📸 Instagram: @itskimberlywolf
📖 Book: Talk with Her on Amazon
🏫 Courses & Resources: kimberlywolf.com/courses

Resources Mentioned

📚 Talk with Her by Kimberly Wolf — A dad's essential guide to raising healthy, confident, and capable daughters
🌐 Kimberly Wolf's Online Courses & Resources — Online courses for parents and school programs for teens
🔬 Research: Parents' Influence on Teen Sexual Decision-Making — Research summary on how parental communication outweighs media influence
🔬 Research: Impact of Internet Pornography on Children and Adolescents (ScienceDirect) — Systematic review on how pornography shapes adolescent attitudes and behavior
🔬 American Academy of Pediatrics: Teens and Pornography — AAP guidance on the emotional and relational impact of pornography on teens

Connect with Eli & the Show

Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program

Connect with Eli:

Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

#25 How to Deal with Feeling Disconnected from Your Sweetheart | With Morgan Burch Jun 13, 2026

Show notes

Episode Summary

Relationship coach Morgan Burch joins Eli to unpack one of the most common — and most painful — dynamics in modern partnerships: the moment you need your partner most is exactly when neither of you has anything left to give. Together, they explore the "hero child" wound, why co-regulation matters more than date nights, and practical tools like the Mirror Game and the DIC Talk that can transform conflict into genuine connection.

Key Takeaways

The Parenthood Paradox: Both partners have less to give at the exact moment they long for more from each other — recognizing this cycle is the first step to breaking it.
Microdosing Connection: You don't need a weekend away. Fifteen minutes on the couch with no phones can rebuild safety, trust, and closeness faster than any grand gesture.
Co-regulation requires self-regulation first: When you feel the urge to blame your partner, that's a signal you're overwhelmed — regulate yourself before attempting to reconnect.
The Hero Child wound: If you grew up parentified or as the "fixer," your nervous system learned that doing more = being loved. Unlearning that pattern is the key to real intimacy.
The Mirror Game: Reflective listening — hearing, naming, and validating your partner's feelings without fixing or advising — is one of the most healing things you can do in a relationship.
The DIC Talk (Dream, Invitation, Collaborate): Instead of issuing demands or keeping score, share a vulnerable dream, invite your partner in, and build a solution together.
Responsibility Dysmorphia: Taking on a distorted sense of responsibility is a childhood survival strategy — noticing it is the first step to releasing it.
Seeing yourself clearly = seeing unsafe relationships clearly: When you practice self-acceptance and self-care, the gap between how you treat yourself and how an unsafe partner treats you becomes impossible to ignore.

About the Guest

Morgan Burch is a relationship coach and creator of The SEEN Method® — a framework built on the belief that beneath every conflict lies one of four things: something someone was scared of, embarrassed about, expecting, or a need that went unmet. She helps couples and individuals stop coping and start connecting, and has reached millions through her viral content and private coaching practice.

🌐 Website: https://morganburch.com/
📸 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/goodmorgantherapy/
▶️ YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@GoodMorganTherapy
💼 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/morgan-burch-747a8226/

Resources Mentioned

The SEEN Method® — Morgan's signature framework for authentic connection
🎓 Free Relationship Masterclass: https://seenmethod.com/free-masterclass
📚 The SEEN Method eBook (13 Secrets to Break the Cycles that Break Your Heart): https://theseenmethod.com/ebook
🏫 8-Week SEEN Method Class (live, interactive, solo or with partner): https://morganburch.com/live-virtual-class-seen
💑 Couples Coaching with Morgan: https://morganburch.com/takeaction/
IFS (Internal Family Systems / Parts Work) — The therapeutic modality Morgan references for working with the "hero child" and inner parts
Learn more: https://ifs-institute.com
EMDR Therapy — Mentioned as a healing modality for those working through deeper relational or childhood trauma
Learn more: https://www.emdria.org/about-emdr-therapy/
Attachment Theory & Co-Regulation — The research foundation underlying the tools discussed in this episode
The Gottman Institute: https://www.gottman.com

Learn more about secure parenting: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/secure-parenting-program

Connect with Eli:

Website: https://www.attachmentnerd.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd

Music by Gold Child: https://www.goldchildmusic.com/

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