How to be a Dangerous Woman

Latest Episodes:

Accidental Beliefs Aug 29, 2022

Show notes

I've been thinking a lot lately about the things that we accidentally believe to be true about ourselves. When someone says something about us or says who they think we are, sometimes we internalize those things.

Whether these things are true or not and whether we're aware of them, these things can become background thoughts. Thoughts that prevent us from becoming who we want to be and creating the life we would love to live.

I don't want you living your life as a shadow of what it could be. I also don't want you to feel overwhelmed with homework. In this episode, I'm going to give a quick method to discover these thoughts and beliefs, and then next week, I'll dive into what to do about them.

Episode Highlights:

[02:16] I have a friend who commands a room when she walks in. It wasn't always like that for her. Years ago, someone made her feel less than by making fun of her accent.
[02:32] When she realized that this passive statement had become the cornerstone of the beliefs that she had about herself, she was able to create changes in her life.
[02:42] Someone told another client of mine that they would only be moderately successful in life. Who does that? She dismissed the remark, but it embedded in her mind as the truth.
[03:05] She was limiting her goals to create only moderate success.
[03:47] What are you believing about yourself? Who planted the seeds either innocently or not so innocently?
[04:13] I want you to uncover the limiting beliefs that are holding you back from creating the life that you love.
[06:07] Get out your journal and outline the dream scenario for relationships, career, health, and finances. Begin to dream of what your dream scenario will look like.
[07:35] Describe yourself. Are you smart, talented, beautiful, etc. and why? What beliefs have you assigned to yourself? What beliefs are you holding on to?
[09:42] Do you want to continue this belief or not? Is it serving you? If it's not serving you, it's time to do something about that.
[09:55] Take the beliefs that you want to change and find examples of when they have not been true.
[10:41] Find the beliefs that are standing in the way of your dreams. Beliefs you have aren't always true. Poke holes in those beliefs, and we'll go deeper into it next week.

Links and Resources:

2 Reasons You Haven't Reached Your Goals Aug 22, 2022

Show notes

Think back to the beginning of the year. Remember that fresh new year that was full of promises? Even if you don't set beginning-of-the-year goals, this episode will give you some clues as to why you may not be reaching the goals you want to achieve yearly. If you feel dread when you think about August already here and how you only have a few months left this year, this episode is for you.

Two main reasons we struggle with achieving our goals are identity attachment and goal attachment. I break these concepts down and share an example of how these principles prevented me from reaching my fitness goals. I also share homework that will help all of us break these bad habits and get off of the hamster wheel.

Episode Highlights:

[01:36] Think back to January of this year. Even if you didn't make a lot of goals and resolutions, you probably thought of the new year as a fresh start.
[03:43] Let's consider something that you probably haven't thought of. The two main reasons we struggle with achieving goals that we set are 1. identity attachment and 2. goal attachment.
[04:15] Identity attachment is being attached to the way you behave and the outcomes you have and possibly even the struggle.
[04:41] Pain becomes unconscious when it's part of the identity that you have adapted.
[06:45] If you slowly lean into the thing that you want to do, it becomes who you are.
[08:17] I was attached to a woman who is trying to lose weight. I was attached to good enough.
[09:02] If you tell yourself that good enough is fine, you have no incentive to strive for excellence.
[09:47] How do you know that you're addicted to an identity that isn't serving you?
[12:38] I don't want to be a woman who is trying. There is nothing dangerous about trying.
[12:52] The second reason we don't reach our goals is because we're attached to reaching the goal and achieving the outcome versus being the woman who is committed to reaching her goal.
[13:09] You're attached to your goal when you're thinking that reaching it or not reaching it says something about you.
[14:48] Commitment is when you can face down the process of reaching your goal knowing that there will be parts that are hard and parts that are amazing.
[15:05] Homework: Go through an identity breakup. Spend some time grieving the loss of who you used to be. Make notes of all the actions you've taken as part of being her. Recognize mistakes.

Links and Resources:

Resolving Resentment Aug 15, 2022

Show notes

Real Self Care with Dr. Nothando Wohlgeschaffen Aug 08, 2022

Show notes

Dr. Nothando Wohlgeschaffen is a medical doctor and a life coach. She's also a former client. We will dive into what led her to life coaching and how she helps other busy professionals find balance in their hectic lives. When she was becoming a doctor, people would comment on her soft skills. She developed even more one-on-one and communication skills and started helping other professionals during the pandemic.

She realized that she enjoyed life coaching, but there was only one problem. She was a doctor. She did the work and realized that being true to yourself and your gifts is more important than being wrapped up in titles. We have a conversation about some of these struggles that she had. Then she talks about some of the struggles that her clients have had. We also talk about being driven and giving yourself grace when needed.

Episode Highlights:

[03:23] Dr. Nothando got into life coaching when she realized that she had great soft skills. She kept working on her one-on-one and communication skills. She realized other people might need support outside of a therapeutic relationship. She began coaching other clinicians during the pandemic.
[07:37] We talk about not getting wrapped up in titles, and a doctor can be a couch. Dr. Nothando and I worked together to help her expand personally, professionally, and spiritually.
[11:30] As a coach, you can see your main struggles in your clients and identify with them.
[12:13] People who see Dr. Nothando want to create more time for themselves and their lives. They want to be as healthy as they want others to be.
[14:26] She loves her patients, but also enjoys having time to coach. She loves her job and wants more.
[16:07] There's a lot of "should thinking" which is a cognitive distortion. A lot of clients also feel unsure about what they should do. Worry about how things are going to turn out can keep you stuck.
[18:12] High achieving clients want to know everything before getting started.
[19:14] Dr. Nothando did a cooking class with a client. Instead of talking about meal prep, they just cooked during a session.
[21:03] Dr. Nothando shares a client story who wanted dating coaching, but two family members were diagnosed with serious illnesses right when the coaching started. She shares a breakthrough moment where her client realized her goals are important, but she can also be kind to herself and take a step back.
[24:49] One tip to take care of yourself is to practice using the same level of care that you would for your patients and clients.
[25:54] If we treat ourselves like we treat other people, we would be so much more in tune with what we need at the moment.

Links and Resources:

Toxic Main Character Energy Aug 01, 2022

Show notes

Have you ever wondered what the boundary between self-love and selfishness is? If so, this episode is for you. I'll be talking about how to be the shining star of your very own life without making everyone else in your life your supporting cast.

Main character energy is a trend that originated on Tiktok. It's where you see your life as a movie, and you're the main character in that movie. It began as a display of self-love, self-recognition, and self-respect. It's all about focusing on you, your dreams, putting yourself first, and how to create the life you love.

Dangerous women are all about creating a life you love, and I love the idea of the main character energy. Just watch out for the downside. If we assume we are the main character, we could cast others as the background characters or the supporting cast. A true dangerous woman takes care of herself while being present for others.

Episode Highlights:

[02:27] I 100% believe that self-love isn't selfish. There's no way you can be the amazing woman that you are without taking care of yourself.
[02:47] There's a fine line between self-love and selfishness. Dangerous women operate in the space of loving ourselves fully while at the same time being present for others. We don't put ourselves last. We decide how we will show up for others and what type of partner we will be.
[03:29] How do you put yourself first without being selfish?
[03:54] 1. Learn to find the fun, joy, and peace in the everyday parts of your life. What would make your daily life 1% better?
[05:16] 2. Use your main character energy to create positives from negatives. Good and bad things happen, but you don't quit on your dream.
[06:11] You take what would seem like a negative for other people and turn it into something amazing. You have the ability to look at life from the perspective of every event happening for a purpose.
[06:51] You become more resilient, strong and powerful as you look at everything as happening for a reason to benefit you.
[07:08] 3. Main character energy knows when to show up as a cast member in someone else's movie to help its main character shine.
[07:33] Dangerous women thrive on helping other main characters shine because we know it doesn't take away from our light. It only creates brighter light by supporting each other and building each other up.
[08:18] We are calling all the women we know to be their main character and embrace that woman.
[08:32] We avoid toxic main character energy when we use it to find the strength and courage to do the things that we want to do in life.
[09:35] Something amazing happens when we use our main character energy to bust through the status quo. We show other women that it is possible.
[09:50] Be the main character among the main characters. When it looks like it's over, the theme music is just queuing up for your comeback. Pick your theme music now!

Links and Resources:

Easily Offended Jul 25, 2022

Show notes

If you get easily offended, this episode is for you. This week we dive into what it means to be offended, why we get offended, and how we can stop being easily offended. I go over the definition of being offended and share an even better example in a paper by two Italian psychologists.

We have so many opportunities to take offense from the media we are bombarded with and by people around us. It's essential to understand why we take offense and how we can develop that strong, dangerous woman's self-concept to feel less offended and have the ability to dismiss the destructive words or use the insight as an opportunity to grow.

Episode Highlights:

[01:40] Offended means feeling or expressing hurt, indignation, or irritation because of a perceived wrong or insult.
[02:09] A better definition is to be triggered by a blow to a person's honor because it contradicts a person's self-concept and identity.
[03:19] When we get offended, it's not the words or actions that cause the offense. It's our thoughts about those words that cause us to be offended.
[03:55] Challenged viewpoints. Our brains perceive these as a threat, and in response, we get offended. We get offended when other people don't behave or respond in a way that we would.
[04:20] A strong self-concept and knowing who you are will allow you to grow from words and actions that are intended to help you grow.
[04:47] Use the words and actions to evolve and grow and better yourself.
[05:02] Having a weaker self-concept will cause you to internalize and take offense.
[05:16] A dangerous woman filters all of the information through her very solid self-concept and decides what to do with it.
[05:29] Give yourself grace, compassion, and patience. 1. Come to peace with the fact that everyone has a different worldview. It's important to accept this. 2. Understand what triggers you and ask yourself why. 3. Examine the intent of the other person.
[10:11] Sometimes people say things that aren't in your best interest and aren't necessarily for growth. When this happens you have to stand in your strong dangerous woman concept and dismiss it. Not the person, but the messaging. Consider the source before taking offense.

Links and Resources:

Relationship Goals Jul 18, 2022

Show notes

This week we're going to talk about how you can improve every relationship that you have without the other person changing one bit. Whether it be with a family member, friend, or coworker, relationships are a huge part of our lives. Many times, our relationships even dictate how we view our lives.

If our relationships are going well, we believe life is going well. If they aren't going well, we think that life isn't so great. When we base how we feel on relationships, we are really basing how we feel on other people. Today, I want to help free you from the emotional rollercoaster that relationships can put you on. There's freedom in creating the relationships you love without the other person having to change.

Episode Highlights:

[02:35] What's a relationship? We often attribute our relationship to something the other person is doing. We look at our feelings as reciprocal to the other person's feelings and behaviors.
[03:19] Relationships are your thoughts about that person and their thoughts about you.
[04:10] Thinking loving thoughts about a person no matter what will instantly improve your relationship.
[04:31] When you change your thoughts about someone and think loving thoughts about them, you create feelings of love. Your actions will line up with those feelings of love.
[05:01] The more you practice these thoughts on purpose, the more you will behave in a loving manner. The other person will also begin to shift their behavior.
[07:07] Doing this work can help you make a decision whether you are staying in the relationship or not.
[08:11] You manage how you're thinking about your relationships. You make decisions from a managed mind.
[08:26] You can set a boundary, because you're no longer trying to dictate or control another person's behavior to make you feel a certain way.
[08:48] Think about a relationship that you really want to improve. Write down all of the thoughts you have about that other person. Look at all of the judgments you have about that person and see where you are doing the same thing. Decide which thoughts are serving you in which thoughts aren't.
[10:12] Create new thoughts you believe right now about this person and practice thinking them.

Links and Resources:

Revenge Goals Jul 11, 2022

Show notes

It's summer time here in Atlanta. It's been in the upper 90s forever, so I've been spending a lot of time reading, planning, praying, thinking, and journaling. One of the things that I've been thinking about a lot lately are the different motivations we use to get things done. I know I'm motivated in many different ways. Some of them are good and some of them aren't so good.

If you've ever wanted to get back at someone by achieving one of your goals, this episode is for you. This week we are talking about what I like to call "revenge goals". It's tempting to want to use that I'll show you energy, but using this type of motivation can ultimately be detrimental to you and your future goals.

Episode Highlights:

[01:57] The type of motivation I'll be talking about today is the kind that is fueled by a desire to prove somebody wrong or to make them feel bad in some way.

[02:32] It's when you decide to get in the best shape of your life to show your ex what they're missing out on.

[03:18] It's not that this motivation doesn't work, because it does. I want you to consider the energy you're exerting in order to reach a "revenge goal".

[03:34] Your thoughts create your feelings. Your feelings drive your actions. The sum total of your actions are what gives you the result that you have.

[03:51] When we set goals with revenge in mind, the thoughts you have about the circumstance create feelings of rejection, pain, sadness, anger, unworthiness, or even disappointment. Notice the feelings I've just listed.

[04:59] None of us likes to walk around feeling negative emotions. What do you do when you feel negative emotions and where do those actions lead you? What type of results do you get?

[05:08] The actions you take from feeling negative feelings don't get you to where you want to be. Even if they do get you there, you will feel crappy the entire way.

[06:08] The work is not in you achieving a goal to prove something to someone else, the real work is in you believing that you are enough just as you are.

[08:55] Don't let your brain prefer achieving goals through the miserable process of "revenge goals". Don't give your credit to someone else.

[09:43] Never set a goal with the mindset that you have to prove something to someone else. You are worthy.

[10:22] Focus on why you want to achieve your goals.

[11:08] Focus on who you want to be, not who you were.

[13:32] Achieve your biggest, scariest goals. Make your dream a reality and celebrate every step of the way. Do it for yourself.

Links and Resources:

Things We'll Learn:

Focus on yourself
Reinforce your worthiness
Grow from abundance
Achieve goal positively

ENCORE: How to Be a Dangerous Woman Jul 04, 2022

Show notes

Enjoy this encore of the very first episode of How to Be a Dangerous Woman. I'm Dr. Krystal Connor. Since we're friends now, you can call me Dr. K. If you've tuned into this podcast, it's probably because you're all about self-improvement. You want to become the best version of yourself. You know you're capable of more and want to break through all of the obstacles standing in your way. You can picture what you want, but you don't know how to get there.

I'm a certified life coach who helps female business owners go from frazzled entrepreneurs to confident CEOs so that they can be dangerous in life and business. I started as a pharmacist. I was also the CEO of my family's ground maintenance company. I had a great life. I had the degree, husband, two kids, and all the things. I still couldn't shake the feeling that something was missing in my life. I went through a personal life crisis, and thanks to the help of a fantastic life coach, I found my calling.

This podcast will walk you through all of the steps to create the life you want and enable you to live in a healthy, happy, harmonious, joyful way. We aren't going to blame other people or circumstances for our results in life. This journey won't be passive. Each episode will contain actionable steps to get you closer to becoming a dangerous woman. I start off explaining the four levels of women and how to get to the fourth dangerous woman level. I also share a bit about myself. There's also homework. Let's get started!

Episode Highlights:

[04:10] This podcast is for the woman who's tired of faking it and tired of starting and stopping. She's ready to get to the good part and feel greater levels of fulfillment and joy.
[04:50] I want you to be mindful during this podcast. I want you to sit down and have as few distractions as possible. Listen and take notes.
[05:57] It's time to start consuming information and start taking action. It's time for you to have a strategy for getting the results you desire.
[07:22] I share a little bit about my background and why I became a certified life coach. I just felt I had more to do.
[08:46] Why I hired a life coach and the impact she had on my life. Saying she changed my life would be an understatement.
[09:24] How I was finally able to see who I was and who I was put on this Earth to be. I could finally love all of the parts of me.
[10:31] I wanted to help as many women as possible to feel how I felt. Why I became a life coach and started helping women to be the best version of themselves.
[11:25] This journey will help you see changes in your life everyday. Subtle shifts will add up until one day, you realize that you are the woman that you've dreamt of being.
[12:37] The disconnected woman is the woman who's overwhelmed and feels like she's out of alignment and doesn't even know what she wants.
[13:06] The conventional woman is the team player who gets stuff done. She's productive and does well in her job. She feels stuck and blames other people for the situations in her life.
[13:56] The motivated woman looks like she has it all together. She's always in search of something to make her feel complete and she rarely slows down.
[14:47] The dangerous woman is the woman that is living in complete alignment with who she is. She's fearless at setting her boundaries. She wakes up every morning feeling good about herself.
[16:16] It's okay wherever you are. This is just information to help you know where to start. This is a no judgment zone. We are all treating ourselves with compassion on this journey.
[16:51] Throughout these episodes, I'm going to help you break down the steps that top-performing dangerous women live by.
[17:20] We are going to work through how to break out of level 1, 2, and 3 and become a dangerous woman. We are going to take a life-changing approach.
[17:50] Your homework is to write down these questions and answer them. If you don't have a journal, get one.
[18:11] What would your life look like if you were a dangerous woman right now?
[19:16] Download the dangerous woman manifesto. This is the playlist of who you are becoming and how you're going to operate.

Links and Resources:

Beyond Therapy with Laurie Dierstein Jun 27, 2022

Show notes

It's time to go beyond therapy with Laurie Dierstein, a licensed clinical social worker and the owner of three integrated health clinics. She began Virginia Beach-based Reboot Mind-Body Health and now also has Reboot Functional Health and Reboot Intensive Programs. Each clinic serves a specific need of her patients with a mission of going beyond traditional styles of treatment by marrying them with holistic approaches. The goal is to motivate clients to become active participants in their overall health.

We discuss something most high achievers have experienced, dealing with chronic stress and burnout. We talk about therapy and going beyond to heal the mind-body connection. Laurie is a past client, friend, and a fantastic guest on the show to talk about going beyond therapy and helping women live the extraordinary lives they were meant to be. Stay tuned until the end, when Laurie shares how everyone can start living a healthier and easier life and stop putting themselves last.

Episode Highlights:

[02:59] Laurie owns three clinics based in Virginia Beach including Reboot Mind-Body Health, Reboot Functional Health Care, and Reboot Intensive Programs.
[03:20] Each clinic is slightly different to meet the needs of their patients. They are focused on a comprehensive approach to healing.
[04:03] Laurie works with women who are high achievers and burnt out with chronic stress. They work on things like sleeplessness, irritability, mood changes, and infertility.
[04:34] Laurie is also a mom and wife and has experienced many of the things that she treats women for.
[06:38] Early on in her career, when Laurie was working with people who were dealing with mental health issues, she saw how burnt out the families were, especially the moms from dealing with all of it.
[08:03] She also experienced her own difficulties with chronic stress. This has led her to look within and help heal herself.
[09:43] During grad school, she experienced panic attacks while on the subway system in Boston. She had to figure out how to prevent this.
[10:36] She also experienced infertility. Through IVF, she was able to have two lovely daughters. Unexplained infertility can often be a symptom of chronic stress.
[13:40] Identify what you would do for a child and flip the script and do them for yourself. These are things like nutrition, sleep, and exercise.
[16:12] We have so much information coming to us, we need to decide what information is right for us. Good information versus bad information. What does your body need?
[18:30] People really need proper information about the nutrition that is right for them. Lab work can be very helpful. Sleep is also very important.
[22:40] It's not normal to feel depressed and tired and sick all of the time. There's a better way.
[25:53] Laurie shares one of her favorite client stories. It revolved around IVF treatment, anxiety, and eating gluten. She became more in tune with her body and foods she ate. She felt better, lost weight, and became less anxious.
[30:36] Start tuning into the connection between your brain and your body. Slow down and spend time with yourself. Find a provider that can guide you towards the best direction for you. Find someone who has experience in holistic wellness or integrative practitioner.

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