HeightsCast: Forming Men Fully Alive

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The Freedom to Form Bonds: Kevin Majeres on Mindfulness and Attention Jul 21, 2022

Show notes

We have all experienced moments in which we are so immersed in a task that we lose track of time and performance feels effortless. For some, this may occur on the sports field; for others, in the classroom; and still, for others, in the performance hall.

Yet, we have likely also experienced the opposite. For many children, the struggle for concentration is probably more prevalent.

Last week, we began a three-part series with Dr. Kevin Majeres. We discussed what anxiety is and how parents can help their sons—and themselves—turn occasions of anxiety into opportunities for growth. This week, we are back with Dr. Majeres to discuss attention and mindfulness.

In the episode, Dr. Majeres helps us begin to answer the following questions:

Although we all may know the symptoms, what really is at the heart of attentional issues?
What is a distraction? How does it differ from an interruption?
What is occurring physiologically when boys experience attentional difficulties?
What are ways to develop the muscles of attention?
What are common practices that cause attention to atrophy?
Is medicating a good way to approach attentional issues?
What is mindfulness? What are ways for younger children to practice mindfulness?
How does freedom relate to mindfulness?

In the end, mindfulness offers us a doorway into two aspects of freedom that are at the heart of human flourishing. Learning to attend to our work at school helps us to attend to others in society. And, in both instances, learning to attend well is a pathway to love; for what we love captures our attention — what lover does not often find his mind turning to his beloved? — and that to which we attend, we can begin to love.

If education is the turning of a mind, as we hear in the Republic, then mindfulness may well be fundamental to its success. For when one turns toward the truth, he will thereby be ready not only to recognize it but, even more, he will be prepared to fall in love with it.

Chapters

2:05 Introduction and Review of Episode 1
3:55 What is ADD and ADHD?
4:38 The Two Halves of Attention
6:28 Training the Default Mode Network
7:28 The Neuroscience of Attentional Difficulties
7:53 Theta Waves and the Muscle of Attention
9:05 The Three Movements of Attentional Training
9:55 Medication and the Gray Matter
11:13 Are Attentional Difficulties a Fixed Trait?
12:02 What Weakens the Attention
12:45 Video Games
13:25 How Music, Reading, and Work are not like Video Games
14:53 Passive Attention
15:30 Memory and Attention
16:35 The Importance of Imagination
18:01 Strengthening Attention
19:15 Slowing Down and Mindfulness
20:08 The Importance of Order and Predictability
22:15 Silence and Work
22:50 How distractions differ from Interruptions
26:00 Mindfulness for Young Children
30:18 The Golden Hour
31:33 Strategies for a Helping a Reluctant Boy
33:16 Forming the Perimeter
37:33 Mindfulness and Interior Freedom
38:50 The Freedom for Personal Bonds

Additional Resources

What is a Golden Hour? with Dr. Kevin Majeres and Sharif Younes

Back to the Basics: An Intro to OptimalWork with Dr. Kevin Majeres

OptimalWork on YouTube

Reflections on the Right Use of School Studies by Simone Weil

Also on The Forum

From Anxiety to Adventure with Dr. Kevin Majeres

Why We Need Exposure to Nature by Eric Heil

Training the Hand to Train the Mind by Robert Grieving

Three Guiding Principles for Homework by Rich Moss

From Anxiety to Adventure: Kevin Majeres on Reframing Challenges Jul 14, 2022

Show notes

Adorning our school's main hallway is a sort of charter for the Heights graduate which designates him as a man who is "optimistic toward life's challenges," as one who "sees freedom as an opportunity to choose the good." Fostering these ideals in each student is a central aspect of the school's mission. But, in a world that is increasingly filled with children suffering from anxiety, how—in very practical terms—can we help our students develop such an outlook on life?

Last month, we heard from Mr. Alex Berthé on how parents can find peace in an anxiety ridden world. This week on HeightsCast, we begin a series of discussions with Dr. Kevin Majeres, lecturer at Harvard Medical School and Founder of OptimalWork.

In this three-part series, we take a deep dive into three sets of challenges which are becoming increasingly prevalent in today's youth, and three mindsets or skills that can help us as parents and teachers to help our boys help themselves:

Anxiety
Attention
Addiction

Our first discussion with Dr. Majeres focuses on anxiety. Combining years of experience as a psychiatrist and drawing on research in cognitive behavioral therapy, Dr. Majeres teaches us both what anxiety is and what we can do about it.

In the episode, we learn:

The Foundation of Growth
1. The importance of having a growth mindset—seeing yourself as capable of real improvement.
2. Learning to reframe out of a fixed mindset.
Anxiety
1. Anxiety is adrenaline with a negative frame.
2. Adrenaline is a performance-enhancing hormone, which is meant to improve one's capacities, whether physical or cognitive.
3. All anxiety disorders come from seeing anxiety as a disorder; they are the fruit of seeing the effects of adrenaline as a problem.
4. Children's preferences are often manifestations of anxiety coupled with avoidance; it is crucial to help people from a young age to stay with a challenge and not flee from anxiety.
Reframing
1. Reframing is deliberately finding the opportunity for growth in a challenge that one had previously viewed negatively.
2. The way the body utilizes hormones depends on how we frame them; reframing is not mere wishful thinking.
3. Start small; don't tackle the biggest challenge first.
Cheerfulness
1. Cheerfulness is often synonymous with courage.
2. The family is where we first learn to see challenges as opportunities.
3. If parents foster a smiling approach to challenges, then even a quick thought of them can become a reframe for their children.

An essential component of The Heights School's mission is to help students discover the adventure hidden in every challenge they face. Having spoken with Dr. Majeres, we might phrase this skill as the ability to turn the adrenaline of anxiety into the adventure of everyday life.

Chapters

2:35 Introduction to Possible Solutions
3:55 A Snapshot of Mindfulness
5:08 A Snapshot of Addictions
6:45 A Quick Biography of Dr. Majeres
9:55 What is Anxiety?
13:34 Helping Young People with Anxiety

16:58 Parents as Savvy Exposure Therapy Coaches

19:12 The "A" Word: Should We Name It?

20:06 Safety Training

23:23 Reframing from a Parent's Perspective

25:21 What is Reframing?
26:28 Game Theory

28:13 Double Exposure, Double Mastery
30:01 Breaking a Fixed Mindset
34:18 The Importance of Being Cheerful
36:50 Why Not to Complain

38:23 Learning to See Challenges as Opportunities
39:10 The Importance of Role Models

42: 55 Reframing Parental Anxiety

Additional Resources

The Golden Hour with Dr. Kevin Majeres

Turning the Knots in Your Stomach into Bows by Jeremy Jamieson, et al.

Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol S. Dweck

Also on The Forum

"Learn to Turn": Tom Royals on Parental Prudence

Parenting: Patience or Optimism with Andrew Reed

The Stressed Son: The Causes of Adolescent Anxiety with Alvaro de Vicente

Be the Rock: Fatherhood During Times of Crisis by Kyle Blackmer

Toughness for the Adolescent Boy by Kyle Blackmer

A Study for All Seasons: Lionel Yaceczko on the Western Tradition Jul 05, 2022

Show notes

In his first letter to the Corinthians, Paul tells us that he has "become all things to all people," so that he might better share the blessings of the Good News with more people. To become such a man who can be for all seasons, however, one must have been educated for all seasons. A preparation of this sort is precisely what the Liberal Arts, rooted in the Western Tradition, afford those who wish to pursue them. In Cicero's own words, these arts are apt for both all seasons and all settings:

Though, even if there were no such great advantage to be reaped from [the study of literature], and if it were only pleasure that is sought from these studies, still I imagine you would consider it a most reasonable and liberal employment of the mind: for other occupations are not suited to every time, nor to every age or place; but these studies are the food of youth, the delight of old age; the ornament of prosperity, the refuge and comfort of adversity; a delight at home, and no hindrance abroad; they are companions by night, and in travel, and in the country. (Pro archia poeta, 7.16)

Today we talk to Dr. Lionel Yaceczko about all things Western: Western Civilization, the Western Tradition, Western Culture. We discuss just what we mean by "the West," and why it has become so controversial in recent years. With Dr. Yaceczko's guidance, we consider why a deep study of The West is still worth protecting and promoting, beyond nostalgia and mere academic interest.

In this week's episode, Dr. Yaceczko sets the stage by offering a high level definition of these concepts, and then arguing that there is, indeed, something worth protecting in our tradition. This is especially true if we are interested in critiquing events of our own time and of times past, because the Western tradition is the source of so many of the commonly accepted standards now used to evaluate human conduct. Important concepts such as equality under law and justice for all are born of this culture, extending roots into both Rome and Christianity, and growing in the rich soil of both Roman and non-Roman peoples alike.

We might disagree about what they mean or how we use them, but perhaps that's a good place for us to start. And, if so, let's start at the very beginning: there was Rome, the Church, the Romans, and the Gentes.

Chapters

2:39 Introduction
3:12 What do we mean by "The West"?
4:20 What is Paedea and in what does it consist?
6:46 Why should we care so much about the Western Tradition?
8:11 A poet on trial: Cicero's Pro archia poeta
16:50 A study for all ages
19:48 Why has the West become so controversial?
34:01 The most egalitarian form of elitism: Sharing the benefits we have received
36:27 Being just judges of the tradition: recognizing both the good and the bad
41:50 Righting wrongs from within: how the tradition gives us the very tools we use to critique it

Further Reading

Irreversible Damage by Abigail Shrier

Decisive Parenting by Michael Moynihan

The Father and His Family by Michael Moynihan

Welcome to the Web: John Beatty on Introducing our Sons to the Internet Apr 28, 2022

Show notes

On this week's episode, we discuss technology with Mr. John Beatty, IT director at The Heights School. While in past episodes we have spoken about smartphones, social media, and other forms of digital technology, in this episode we turn our attention particularly to the use of the internet on desktop computers.

As always, our aim is not merely to put up walls and make rules, but rather to help our sons grow in freedom. Our sons are not machines to be programmed, but rather humans to be formed; and this means that their intellect and will must be engaged. In the end, we want to graduate men who are prepared to embrace all that is good in the modern world, and so it is important that they be capable of using technology well.

To this end, Mr. Beatty offers advice that is not only technical, but also human:

What are some overarching themes parents should keep in mind as they begin to introduce their children to technology?
1. Computer security is not perfect; a filter is insufficient.
2. It is important to consider the human aspects of technology use.
3. A relationship of trust is fundamental.
4. All things in due time; it is important to consider the age of our children.
What age would you begin to introduce your child to the internet?
1. Need to see the internet as a tool, not a toy; introduce it according to need, not whim.
2. Important to keep the computer in a public place
3. Important to help them to use this machine, just as we do when teaching our children to drive.
4. It can be helpful to have different accounts.
How would you introduce more freedom when the child reaches middle school?
1. Use parental controls as guard rails to help them, as they grow in virtue.
2. Teach them to use their time well.
3. Helpful to have the default setting be more locked down and then add things as needed.
How do you approach the transition from middle to upper school?
1. Remember that filters and walls will only prevent around 80% of negative content.
2. Parents have the responsibility to be attentive to their children's computer use.
3. As they grow, you can increase their freedom, just as one does with driving a car.
Is checking our child's accounts a breach of trust?
1. It is important to build relationships outside of negative rules.
2. Think of the internet as analogous to eating.
How should parents who are not technologically savvy approach these questions?
1. Helpful to use physical metaphors.
2. Google is your friend.
3. Ask other parents for help!

Also on The Forum

Virtuous Use of Technology with Mr. Joe Cardenas

Digital Minimalism with Cal Newport

Computers and Technology in Education at The Heights by Michael Moynihan

When is Your Son Ready for a Smartphone with Mr. de Vicente

When is He Ready for a Smartphone with Mr. Alex Berthe

Duties of Parents in the Conspiracy for the Good of the Boy Apr 08, 2022

Show notes

We have often heard it said that parents are the primary educators of their children. Among others, we find the seeds of this idea in Cicero, for whom nature herself has instilled a "strangely tender love" for one's children. It is likewise hinted at in Aquinas, who referred to the parental care of young children as a sort of "spiritual womb". More to the point, just over half a century ago The Church herself, in Gravissimum educationis, has reminded us of this fundamental fact: "since parents have given children their life, they are bound by the most serious obligation to educate their offspring and therefore must be recognized as the primary and principal educators." For this reason we view education as a partnership and as a co-conspiracy for the good of the boy.

In other episodes we have discussed the role of parents as educators of their children. Similarly, we have considered the school's side of the great conspiracy for the good of the boy. We are aware of our duties, of how we sometimes fall short as teachers, and of our obligation to rise and fight to the end for the good for the good of our students.

In this week's episode, we shift our focus to the role of parents and their duties towards school and community in the educational partnership. Alvaro responds to the following questions:

What is some general advice for parents when they enter into partnership with a school?
1. Enter the partnership wisely; know what the school is about.
2. Enter the partnership fully, without eroding any piece of what the school has to offer both curricularly and extracurricularly.
3. Stay on task when your child encounters a difficulty; the goal is education, not pain-free comfort.
What is the general relationship between parents and their child viz. the school?
1. The formation of the whole person
2. Avoid advocating and over-protecting
3. Conspire with the school for the good of the child
4. Match the culture of school and the culture of the home.
What is the task of parents as co-partners with the parents of their children's friends?
1. It is important to know the parents of your children's friends
2. Take an interest in your son's friends not merely as a group, but as individuals.
3. Work together with your son's friends' parents
What is the role of parents viz. their child's teachers?
1. Be a matchmaker: strengthen your son's relationship with his teachers, just as his teachers should support a child's relationship with his parents
2. Clarify with a teacher if there any question about what is happening at school
3. Be honest with teachers, providing information that you think would facilitate his work in the formation of your child

Show Highlights

Parents and teachers: the conspiracy for the good
What a school can hope for from the parents in this benevolent conspiracy
What is the general role of parents?
What does that actually mean for parents to be primary educators?
Parents' task with regard to their relationship with son
Parents as co-partners with other parents
The role of parents as partners of their son's teachers

Also on The Forum

Family Culture with Mr. Alvaro de Vicente

On Home as Social Hub with Mr. Tom Royals

Ways to Foster a Family Culture by Mr. Alvaro de Vicente

Creating a Culture of Learning in the Home by Mr. Alvaro de Vicente

Parents as Primary Educators by Mr. Michael Moynihan

"The Talk": On the Role of Schools and Fathers with Mr. Michael Moynihan

Mantras, Mottos, and Slogans: On Parenting in an Era of Powerful Phrases Mar 31, 2022

Show notes

It is not on bread alone that man lives, but also on every word that he receives. And just as one's diet shapes his bodily growth, so too does one's verbal digest contribute to his interior development. Of course, not every sort of bodily growth is good; and, likewise, not every slogan that one receives is in itself spiritually salutary.

In this week's episode, Mr. Kyle Blackmer considers the ways in which phrases, lyrics, mantras, slogans—in a word, the words we hear repeatedly—shape the imagination, at times for good and, at other times, for ill.

In the context of education and parenting, it is particularly important that we attend to the ways in which these oft-repeated lines may subtly influence our children. Even more, it is crucial that we help our children think actively for themselves about what they consume; for without the engagement of one's own mind, a child remains deprived of that precious fruit, from which a liberal arts education derives its name: freedom.

Surrounding our children with words both wise and witty, not only will their minds be directed to what is true, their hearts will not be far from what is good.

Show Highlights:

How phrases, mantras, slogans, commercials, advertising, lyrics influence our thoughts.
From thoughts to words, words to action, and action to character
Why we should be thoughtful about what we and our children consume
From where do these phrases come?
Is it all bad? The reason for hope
How to help your child be an prudent listener
The power of repetition
What is the impact of these messages on boys?
Maria Montessori and the absorbent mind
How the young mind is particularly impressionable and why this matters
Striking a balance between lecturing and letting it all in
Beyond negation alone: the importance of drowning evil in an abundance of good
How to turn slogans to the good
We are always learning; the question is what are we learning?
Why you should make a family motto

Also on The Forum

Creating a Culture of Learning in the Home by Alvaro de Vicente
Ways to Foster a Family Culture by Alvaro de Vicente
"Learn to Turn" with Tom Royals
Forming Your Young Son's Conscience with Colin Gleason
Shaping Your Son's Moral Imagination with Alvaro de Vicente

On Preparation for Teaching: Six Attributes of Great Teachers Mar 25, 2022

Show notes

This week on HeightsCast, we bring to you a lecture from the 2022 Teaching Vocation Conference. In this lecture, Head of Lower School, Mr. Colin Gleason, offers advice on how to prepare for the teaching profession. Although the ultimate preparation for teaching is teaching itself, he nevertheless offers us six verbs—actions—that great teachers do well and that aspiring teachers would do well to work on.

A great teacher speaks
1. Teachers communicate their ideas primarily through words. In order to do this well, the ability to speak publicly is a sine qua non. and to draw out from students ideas of their own
2. Teaching is more than the delivery of information. A teacher must first win over his students. Speaking well—holding a student's attention like a preacher does his congregation or a singer her audience—is necessary to this end.
3. Concrete suggestion: tell stories. Even in the maths and sciences, good teaching is animated by good storytelling. Practice with friends and family.
A great teacher listens
1. Teaching does not consist in simply signaling what is on a page. It is a two way street. A teacher is like an orchestral conductor, who moves between score and sound, adjusting as needed.
2. A common bad habit of teachers is over-taching, that is: talking too much. In order to gauge students' reception, a teacher must be attentive to them in real time.
3. Teaching is personal, so the teacher should seek to listen not only to the group as a whole, but also to each student as an individual.
4. Teaching is, at root, assisting parents. A great teacher listen also to parents, who are the primary educators.
5. Concrete suggestion: find a good mentor. In order to listen well, we need personal guidance and someone, who listens to us.
A great teacher sees
1. Seeing is paramount to the personal approach.
2. A crippling bad habit: prejudice, that is to judge too soon, before one sees the actual reality of the student before him. Judging quickly blinds a teacher.
3. One of the beauties of the teaching profession is seeing the growth of a student.
4. Concrete suggestion: we need to be artists, which, in the first place, means seeing. Teachers mold souls and to do this, they must have the intention of seeing as an artist. In our daily lives, now, in our families and at work, are we attentive to the people around us?
A great teacher laughs
1. A teacher ought to enjoy being with his students, to be caught up in the sense of awe and wonder at the student he serves.
2. Teachers need to have a sense of humor. Taking oneself too seriously could be a death nail as a teacher.
3. Although we are grown up, we need not have grown old.
4. Concrete suggestion: remember the art of play. A teacher should remember that he is still part boy; his job is a joyful one.
A great teacher studies
1. A teacher must be continually learning.
2. Study fuels the teacher, keeping his mind fresh.
3. A teacher models study for his students; they see his actions and draw lessons therefrom.
4. Concrete suggestion: read and study, even apart from any degree programs. What a teacher needs is two-fold: to know his subject well and to love his students even more.
A great teacher explores
1. Education is an adventure, which means that a teacher should be in the trenches alongside his students.
2. Teaching comes from the person; it is an overflow of his own sense of adventure.
3. Adventure does not mean haphazard. It takes work to be creative. Spontaneity in the moment is often the fruit of diligent planning before.
4. Concrete suggestion: exercise prudence in choosing what school you work at. Three aspects to consider in a school:
  1. Cohesive spirit and identity; imagine yourself living that spirit.
  2. Content of the curriculum (especially books taught).
  3. Freedom

There are many mediocre teachers in the world, so if you are going to be a teacher, become a great one. This, of course, does not mean perfection, but rather continual improvement. To be a great teacher is not to have made it, but to be continually on the way. In Mr. Gleason's words, a teacher is like the guide on a white water rafting expedition. Indeed, we are all in the same boat and, not only are we learning, we are laughing.

Also on The Forum

Guidance for Aspiring Teachers with Alvaro de Vicente

Seneca on the Teacher's Job by Tom Cox

The Teacher as Liberal Artist with Dr. Matthew Mehan and Mr. Tom Longano

Cultivating Friendship in the Classroom by Austin Hatch

Aristotle on the Student's Job by Tom Cox