Show notes
Most addiction advice is built for rock bottom. Tara Hurster says that misses the vast majority of people - the high-functioning drinkers, gamblers, and users who still have jobs, houses, and families, but know something is off. If you’ve ever wondered where “just a bit too much” becomes a real problem, this conversation gives you a clearer answer than shame ever could. Paul speaks with Tara Hurster, psychologist and founder of The TARA Clinic, about the low-to-high risk continuum of addiction, the 12 DSM criteria, and why “stopping” is not the same as changing. . Her approach is practical, non-judgmental, and built around helping people make real choices with real tools - not just white-knuckle their way through. Tara breaks down how tolerance, repeated failed attempts to cut down, negative consequences, and defensiveness can all signal a deeper issue, even when life still looks functional from the outside.
You’ll discover:
- Why addiction can be invisible in high performers and professionals
- How the stages of change model explains denial, preparation, action, and maintenance
- The “stop you swap” trap and why focusing only on abstinence creates a void
- Why relapse is better understood as recycling, and relapse as a lesson
- How identity, values, and stress management drive the behaviours people keep repeating
Time Stamps
01:15 - Risk continuum and the question of where addiction begins
02:12 - The clearest signs: tolerance, failed attempts, and consequences
03:28 - Why questioning a behavior is already a signal worth taking seriously
04:23 - Stages of change and why defensiveness matters
05:34 - Why stopping is not the same as changing
06:32 - “If you stop, you swap” and finding the driver behind the behavior
08:34 - The myth that addiction only looks like rock bottom
09:49 - Only two DSM criteria are needed over 12 months
10:54 - Tara reads the DSM style addiction criteria in plain English
13:25 - Why The Tara Clinic uses the criteria as education, not self diagnosis
14:07 - Why Tara does not align with the 12 step model
15:29 - Tara’s personal story: bullying, tallness, and smoking in year six
17:02 - Why stopping smoking can coincide with a change stage, not just willpower
18:02 - Recovery as a long term redefinition of stress and distress
19:19 - How addiction looks from the outside versus the inside
20:56 - Minimizing the problem and the brain’s self protection mechanisms
21:27 - The brain’s threat response and why stress drives habitual behavior
24:41 - Being the expert in your own life and using lifestyle as a mirror
25:33 - Hello Sunday Morning and the power of noticing hangover regret
26:25 - Tara’s non prescriptive approach: helping clients see their own choices
27:06 - Why smart people often struggle more with change
28:22 - How education works in pre-contemplation without shame
29:25 - Why shame and guilt can push people backwards
30:21 - The survival wiring behind addictive behavior
31:50 - Early stage support and why community matters
32:35 - Preparation stage and why The Tara Clinic starts there
33:22 - The danger of stopping before change has actually happened
34:16 - Dry drunk thinking and the limits of willpower
35:47 - Real change means new routines, people, and environments
36:11 - Why lapse and relapse are reframed as lesson and recycling
37:35 - Can moderation work after addiction? Tara’s non absolute answer
38:14 - Choice, agency, and not becoming another external force
39:23 - Different substances and how the method of use changes the effect
42:22 - Why ice is the hardest substance to manage socially
43:26 - Ice detox, brain recovery, and the physical versus neurological timeline
45:23 - The recurring “wobbles” in recovery from ice use
47:32 - Why early recovery for ice effectively starts after a much longer practice period
48:43 - Common drivers: pressure, stress, identity, and relief
50:16 - Why Tara avoids labels and focuses on language, thought, and identity
53:57 - Values work and why goals and values are not the same thing
55:25 - Tara’s core values: justice, nonconformity, and safety
56:26 - Why value incongruence creates major stress in work and life
57:52 - Questions to ask yourself: have I questioned this, and what happens if I pause it?
59:37 - Reality pants, judgment pants, and honest behavior tracking
60:04 - How to track patterns in drinking and spot triggers
61:37 - Using patterns to find gaps in knowledge, skills, and awareness
62:32 - Where to go next: The Tara Clinic, Smart Recovery, and the ADIS phone line
Resources
Website - https://www.thetaraclinic.com/
LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/tarahurster/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/thetaraclinic/
Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/thetaraclinic
SMART Recovery – https://smartrecoveryaustralia.com.au/
ADIS phone line: 1800 250 015 available 24/7
The National Alcohol & Other Drug Hotline is a free and confidential phone service that provides counselling, advice, and information for those struggling with addiction. Call 1800 250 015.
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