Grow the Good

Latest Episodes:

Where Does Confidence Come From? Crush It Mondays Sep 30, 2019

Show notes

This is an episode of Crush It Mondays. Each week, I’ll bring to you an inspiring message, habit, or contemplation to get your week off to a powerful start. In this week’s episode, I want to talk about confidence and how it relates to self-acceptance.

Be honest, how often do you beat yourself up? Are you hard on yourself and critical? While self-criticism can be productive (similar to receiving constructive criticism from someone), most of us overdo it and it becomes detrimental. We reject ourselves. Psychology research says that one reason some individuals are more self-critical than others is due to how criticized they were by their parents. We actually have no self-regard before the age of 8, and if we were criticized a lot growing up then we tend to be more critical of ourselves as adults. While understanding your past and tendencies is important, I don't believe in blaming the past or blaming our parents because as adults, we are able to take responsibility for ourselves and have the power to work on personal issues. The past might have created those issues, but it's our choice whether we become a victim to them. It's not easy, and everyone has some degree of self-judgment but learning when you're doing it and learning to practice self-compassion is massively important. As a side note, I recorded a podcast with Dr. Kristin Neff- a pioneer and PhD in Self Compassion research if you want to listen. I'll link it up in the show notes. Self-acceptance is about accepting who you are, not trying to fix who you are although I love personal development too!

What does this have to do with confidence? I was doing research on where confidence comes from. While I think there are a few elements contributing to someone feeling confident, self-acceptance is one that really made sense. If you accept yourself unconditionally, then you don't rely on the opinions of others to validate you. Of course, this is not black and white and all of us look for approval and want to demonstrate our worth to others, but there are varying degrees of it. Think about it. We'll use an easy example- racing. A lot of times, race nerves come from something potentially going wrong or not finishing high enough to meet expectations. If you worry that people will think you aren't any good or you aren't worthy if you don't achieve a certain result or certain time, you are looking to them to accept you. But if you already accept yourself as a good human before the gun goes off, you'll feel less worried about the end result and care less about what people think. This also applies to the image of how much money or success someone has by brand names, houses, cars, etc aka keeping up with the joneses. If you accept yourself, you don't need to outwardly prove that you are successful. Lack of confidence also comes from fear of failure. Have you ever thought, "I don't feel confident enough to try that because I don't know how!" The best way is to just to get started and know that you'll grow and get smarter and more experienced in that area, but the real fear in that statement is "I don't know how and I'm afraid I'll look stupid in front of someone." And that includes worrying about your internal expectations or looking stupid in front of yourself. If you fail and then start beating yourself up, that is not self-acceptance. It's the opposite- it's your internal jerk carrying on.

Another amazing side effect of being less judgemental and more accepting of yourself is that you'll end up being more accepting of others. Ever notice that your harshest criticisms about other people tend to be similar to your own issues and things you don't like about yourself?

One caveat- self-esteem and self-acceptance are slightly different. Self-acceptance is unconditional where self-esteem can vary based on how successful you t

--------------
The Grow the Good Podcast is produced by Palm Tree Pod Co.

**The Four Agreements : Crush It Mondays** Sep 23, 2019
Show notes

This is an episode of Crush It Mondays. Each week, I’ll bring to you an inspiring message, habit, or contemplation to get your week off to a powerful start. In this week’s episode, I want to talk about a book I love by Don Miguel Ruiz called The Four Agreements. First off, I want to thank our podcast sponsor, Osea Malibu.

Don Miguel tells us about ancient Toltec wisdom.

**1. Be Impeccable with Your Word**

Do the things you say you are going to do and be thoughtful about how talk to and about people. Your word and your integrity are the most valuable thing you have to offer. This agreement also includes avoiding gossiping, lying, and making false promises. Our words are incredibly powerful- not only the words we say to others, but the words we say to ourselves. Saying bad things about people actually reflects poorly on you. Your judgment of others is really a mirror of your own self-criticism. It feels gross to lie, gossip, or say negative things. Negativity also spreads like wildfire, so how you talk can really influence people and how they feel.

**2. Don't Take Anything Personally**

Most people's actions are about them, not about you. If someone snaps at you, it's easy to take it personally but it's really more likely that it's a reflection of something going on with them, not you.

**3. Don't Make Assumptions**

This is the hardest one for me. Remember the Crush It Monday I recorded about the ABCs- adversity, belief, consequence? Assumptions are deeply tied to the belief of something that happened. Assumptions can cause a huge amount of unnecessary stress. Assumptions and snap judgments about people can be really wrong. As human beings, it's natural for us to look around and constantly be analyzing everything about our world. There are times where you need to make some kind of assumption to make a decision, but there are other times where it's only causing you stress and harm. The reality is we don't know what people are thinking, we don't always know what tone was meant by an email or a text... Really trying to understand where someone else is coming from, even if you don't agree with them can help you avoid jumping to conclusions. There are times where intuition reigns supreme about assumptions. It's important not to ignore really obvious signs of something going wrong, but being aware of when you are making assumptions and questioning the validity of them is really helpful!

**4. Always Do Your Best**

This was drilled into me from a young age and I sincerely appreciated that from my parents. Doing your best helps you feel proud of whatever you are doing, regardless of the outcome. Your best is all you have on that day. Your best can vary from day to day as well (think of racing when your best one day maybe just barely finishing and your best another day is getting on the podium!). If you do your best, you'll rarely have any regrets. Don Miguel also says, "When you do your best you learn to accept yourself." I don't know about you, but self-acceptance is something I struggle with the most.

"You can choose to believe in anything, and that includes believing in yourself."

- Four Agreements

Give Back to the Show

--------------
The Grow the Good Podcast is produced by Palm Tree Pod Co.

Crush it Mondays: Overcoming Food Guilt Sep 16, 2019

Show notes

When I started organizing my thoughts for this podcast, I thought it would be quick and easy. Boy was I wrong! I have my own thoughts on food guilt, but I like to do research and there are tons of articles out there on this subject. The question I could not find the answer to is where food guilt comes from?

How many of you have eaten something and felt guilty about it? I thought that everyone has food guilt, but I realized that some people actually do not feel guilty about eating. One of my biggest guilt triggers is around alcohol. I noticed that if I cut way back on drinking, then I don't feel guilty in the morning about it. But if I'm drinking several times a week, my first thought in the morning is self-flagellation around drinking. Another guilt-trigger for me is around eating things like french fries or processed foods. I told my husband about how I wake up feeling less guilty if I am drinking less alcohol and how I don't really feel different in terms of energy level or health when I don't drink (I rarely have more than 2 drinks), but I feel less guilty when I don't drink.

He said, "You feel guilty about eating and drinking?" I discovered he rarely experienced food guilt. The next instance was a conversation with my dad. I was telling him about my observation with myself and he also told me he never feels guilty about eating or drinking. This was fascinating to me because I thought that food guilt was normal, and trust me, after I did some research, I found out that it is typically more common in women (in fact, over 75% of women experience food guilt) and it's also common in men.

So why do most of us have this relationship with food? Here are some thoughts - and if you have more to add, I'd love to hear yours as well. Feel free to leave a comment on my website under the show notes.

I don't know where this guilt spiral started, but I paid attention to how we simply talk about food or how it is talked about in the media. How many times have you heard things like "sinless chocolate cake," a "guilty pleasure", or "guilt-free comfort food." Or have heard someone say "I'm going to be bad and have a cupcake." This type of talk contributes to the problem of assigning a good or bad feeling for our food. I've struggled with disordered thoughts around food and negative behaviors, especially when I was younger so I think about this stuff a lot.

Step 1. Stop labeling food as good or bad, or using the world guilty with food. Pay attention to the words you use.

The next reason we feel guilty (at least from my own experience) is we set rules for how we eat and if we break a rule, then we feel bad. We feel bad because we have broken a commitment to ourself. It's not the food itself, it's the broken commitment and what you think that commitment says about you as a person. Try to decode why you feel guilty and I bet this will come up. I don't have an answer about food rules. I think we need to have a general belief system around how we want to eat to thrive. Personally, the guilt comes when I either have rules that are too strict. It also comes when I break the rule and have a lot of negative self-talk around that. Can you create more moderate rules around food that give you some wiggle room? I noticed that when I did that, I actually enjoyed the wine I was drinking and didn't wake up with guilt. Or I truly enjoyed a couple of cookies without remorse. People that have guilty thoughts or unhealthy feelings toward food probably also have some issues with perfectionism, fear of fatness, or control. I also need to take a sec to say I am do not have PhD in Psychology, nor can I diagnose true dis

--------------
The Grow the Good Podcast is produced by Palm Tree Pod Co.

Crush it Mondays: Do You Fear Competition? Sep 09, 2019

Show notes

It's normal to be intimidated by competition or your competitors. Competition is a measuring stick for comparison on a given day. Competition has many contexts; athletic, business, contests to inspire action, and even simply just competition for attention. Competition and comparison can be positive, but it can also be a slippery slope because while it can have positive benefits, it can also harm your confidence and cause anxiety without the right outlook. I'll use athletic competition as an example in this podcast because it's what we are most familiar with.

All of us who have ever worn a timing chip, a number plate, or had our name on a team roster have felt the exhilaration, nerves, excitement, and even anxiety about our performance. We look at start lists to see who else is there, we compare our preparation to others. It's normal to have that tense feeling. Even after racing for 15 years, I get both nervous and excited on race day. Sometimes, I will even admit to dreading race day and wondering why I put myself in a situation to feel so uncomfortable. That's how I can tell I'm super nervous about it. Have you ever asked yourself why you are nervous?

Personally, and I'm sure some of you can relate as well, it's because I'm afraid of several factors. One, I'm afraid I'll look stupid if I don't perform well relative to my competitors. I worry I won't have good legs that day. I worry I won't be good enough and what will other people think? What will I think if I put in all this work, made sacrifices and I don't meet my expectations? Some people's most daunting expectations are their own while other's are more nervous about external expectations. Competition also has an extrinsic motivation component to it. When you compete, you can "win" something. You win recognition, a prize, money, or a trophy. You could even win the respect of fellow competitors which is something we all want. Extrinsic motivation is tied to an external reward. I think it's very important to look for your intrinsic motivation. I think it's the key to longevity in a competitive environment because if you can tie your success, or feeling proud of your effort to something that is less about comparison and more about a different purpose in which you have more control, it can help relieve the pressure of needing to achieve a certain time or a certain place. I think we do need to be ranked by our race time or a game score compared to others or it wouldn't be a competition, but if you make your goal to perform your best on the day, be consistent in your preparation, work on having a positive attitude even when it gets hard, or nail a technical section, it can broaden the measurables of what success meant to you on the day apart from just your race result.

Now what if you fear the actual people or the competitors? It's something I've been working on for years, but I try to look at my competitors not as my enemies, but as people who will make me better too. I've seen peoples' names on a start lists and been intimidated thinking I'll never be able to beat them, but that's a self-limiting belief. I've proven myself wrong. It doesn't help to stare at start lists and guess what the outcome may be. It's better to focus on your own strategy that plays to your strengths. It's good when there are lots of strong people on the start list, not bad. Some of my proudest performances haven't necessarily been from winning, but they've been circumstances where I raced my bike better than I ever thought I could, and that was a win to me. Without strong people around me, I wouldn't have risen to another level. It can be hard to remember this sometimes, esp

--------------
The Grow the Good Podcast is produced by Palm Tree Pod Co.

Mo Seetubim Builds Her Vision with The Happiness Planner Sep 05, 2019

Show notes

This is an interesting story of how a young girl was frustrated by a tumultuous relationship with her mother and learned about self-awareness and personal development through her father's advice. The inputs we have while we are young always have an impression on our adult lives. The young girl's father was her mentor, telling her that she will never change her mother, but she could change her own perspective.

He told his 14 year-old daughter, "Whenever you feel upset and frustrated, remember that the only thing you can control is what you focus on and what you think about. See this as a opportunity to train and strengthen your mind."

The young girl's name is Mo Seetubim, and out of her frustrations, she learned how to be happier. Initially, she was a blogger, writing about different emotional difficulties that come up in life and how to cope with them. Blogging lead her down the entrepreneurial path where she started the journal - The Happiness Planner. The Happiness Planner has grown into a company that inspires many with various planners and notebooks.

Mo's goal is to help bring happiness and inspiration to other's through the art of journaling, planning, goal setting, and prioritizing what's important.

Use the code "SONYA5" for $5 off!

Topics Discussed in the Podcast

how this started
dealing with worry
journaling for self-confidence
growth of her journal business & coping with ups and downs
life as a traveler & non-attachment to things
life lessons from traveling the world
should you type or handwrite in your journal?
what real happiness means to Mo

Listen Now

Resources

Support the Show

If you would like to support the growth my show, I’d love your contribution on. Patreon. The current production of this free show is primarily supported out of my own pocket and a small portion is covered through the donations on Patreon. With my Patreon page, you can donate directly to the show which will help me cover the costs and help it grow! Even 4 bucks a month- the cost of one coffee per month helps a LOT! Thanks, I really appreciate your support!

Crowdfunding on Patreon – thank you!

Shop my products!

Leave a review or share on social media

Don’t forget to subscribe!

Apple Podcasts

Stitcher

Google Play

--------------
The Grow the Good Podcast is produced by Palm Tree Pod Co.

Crush it Mondays: What is Your Currency? Sep 02, 2019

Show notes

I think the majority of our listeners are pretty in-tune to what makes them happy, but a lot of people outside our bubble put their stock, self-worth, or value in how much money they make or the outward appearance of their lives via fancy cars, houses, watches, etc. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with having nice things or making a healthy income, but when you tie your self-worth to external things, it's not good in terms of long term happiness. The currency/metric that I think we should be looking to enhance in our lives is not money, it's not achievements, it's not things, it's not race results... it's happiness. Happiness and a sense of flourishing are what gives our lives value and meaning. While that might sound obvious, it's easy to get stuck in the trap of knowing it, but our actions saying otherwise. I've gotten stuck in this trap many times, specifically with feeling bad about how much money I'm getting to do something if it feels like I'm not being valued and with the harsh self-judgment if I am not living up to my own expectations with an outcome based metric. It's human... but it's having the awareness of when you're doing it and then reinvesting your time, your focus, and your energy into the things that increase your happiness that can help get you unstuck.

Examples would be if you don't get a promotion or even lose your job, you feel like you are not a valuable, smart, or useful person. Another example would be if you don't achieve a certain result or time goal in a race, or even simply if you don't achieve a goal you set out to hit in anything, then you're not worthy. Earning money and feeling validated financially for your effort DOES feel good. Winning a race or hitting a goal DOES feel good. But those feelings of happiness or worthiness are temporary and as I said in a past episode about the danger of saying, I'll be happy when I do or get X, you are actually putting your happiness stock in an external metric and you're also putting your happiness into the future.

Once our needs are met, I think our goal should be, "how do I make myself happier today" as a first goal. I've mentioned several times that I badly struggled with burnout last year. I have an incredible life, but I did not feel happy because I was simply trying to do too much so I could achieve. It might sound strange and it definitely feels strange, but I've worked really hard this year to do less, to expect less, and strip down what it is about the things I'm doing that truly make me happy. The answer has been spending more time with people, traveling less, working less, and worrying less about "getting left behind." I also am spending less time comparing myself to others on social media. I am definitely not immune to any of it, but I've put "what makes me feel happiest today" as one of my main objectives. It takes courage to step off the crazy hustle train if it's out of control...and the funny thing is that if I look at the results of my goals, I've actually been more successful this year achieving them by working less. (I don't mean be lazy, but I was working 7 days a week and almost all hours when I wasn't sleeping). Hustle culture and finding the right amount of pushing is a topic for another day! So happiness. I realize that happiness, positivity, and motivational quotes can be overused or blown out of proportion. It's unrealistic to be smiling and feel good all the time, but if someone were to ask you on a scale of 1-10, how happy are you on average, it's a good starting point.

What ca

--------------
The Grow the Good Podcast is produced by Palm Tree Pod Co.

Our TOPPODCAST Picks

Follow Us

Stay Connected

Topics Discussed in the Podcast

Listen Now

Resources

Support the Show

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Don't Miss an Epi

Topics Discussed in the Podcast

Listen Now

Resources

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Support the Show

"You can choose to believe in anything, and that includes believing in yourself."

- Four Agreements

Give Back to the Show

Topics Discussed in the Podcast

Listen Now

Resources

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Support the Show

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Don't Miss an Episode: Subscribe!

Topics Discussed in the Podcast

Listen Now

Resources

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Support the Show

Topics Discussed in the Podcast

Listen Now

Resources

Support the Show

Don’t forget to subscribe!

Related Podcasts

Links

Stay Connected