Gathering Gold

Latest Episodes:

Escape Hatch Fantasies Feb 11, 2022

Show notes

We all indulge in fantasizing from time to time. Maybe you find yourself scrolling through Zillow looking at houses for sale, even though most of the time you love where you live. Perhaps you have romantic dreams about your ex and wake wondering if it means you should run off into the sunset with them—even though you know you don't really want that in reality.

Our imaginations and dreams are beautiful things, and yet sometimes, we find ourselves fixating on a certain escape hatch that we wish could magically deliver us to a version of life without pain, boredom, or anxiety. Certain fantasies might get sticky, causing us distress or interfering with our real lives. So what do we do with persistent escape hatch fantasies that we can’t or don’t really want to act out?

That’s the topic of today’s episode. We’ll be unpacking two fantasies in particular (living alone in the woods and moving to a faraway city) to ask what longings might lie underneath them, and how we can attend to those longings while respecting our values and choices we’ve made for our lives.

References:

Dropping Into Your Body Jan 28, 2022

Show notes

You've probably heard the phrase "drop into your body" many times before--even from Sheryl. If this phrase brings up an automatic reaction of fear, frustration, or drawing a blank, you are not alone. In today's episode, we are discussing some of the reasons that we might have blocked off awareness of our body or connection to our emotions early on, and why we might now be afraid or frustrated when we try to reconnect.
Sheryl and Victoria discuss some of the fearful thoughts that arise around "What might my body tell me about my truth?" Sheryl expands upon the multiplicity that the body holds, and how we can slowly and gently tap into that multiplicity with a sense of curiosity and creativity.
Victoria shares about her years of struggle with dropping into her body, and some of the small, gentle moments that have helped her to get back into relationship with less fear, more compassion and even some joy.
References:

Marion Woodman
Robert Johnson
Massage therapy
Reiki
Body work
Cranial sacral therapy
Hakomi
Somatic experiencing
Peter Levine

COVID and the Highly Sensitive Person Jan 16, 2022

Show notes

If you’re sick of hearing about COVID, we understand. This episode is about just a few themes that are being highlighted for many highly sensitive people in their internal landscapes during the pandemic: anguish over an inflated sense of responsibility; health anxiety; and struggles in relationship.

For many HSPs, it can be difficult to walk the line between doing the necessary diligent work to protect our loved ones and the greater collective, and finding the limit of what we can actually control. Sheryl unpacks some of the layers underneath a sense of being overly-responsible (not just in relation to covid) from fear of loss, to family of origin patterns, to fear of taking responsibility for one’s own emotional experience.

Sheryl also shares what helps her get through the toughest moments of health anxiety, including finding comfort from maternal figures in the imaginal realm.

And, we discuss the struggles that are arising in relationships right now, especially between HSP and non-HSP partners who have different levels of risk comfort and tolerance, and between people who have been spending a lot of time at home alone together over the past two years.

Finally, Sheryl shares some grounding techniques for HSPs to practice and hold onto during this time of continued challenge.

Winter‘s Paradox Dec 23, 2021

Show notes

Winter is a season of contrasts. In the long dark nights, candles burn more brightly. Amidst the cold, we find ways to generate heat. And in the spaciousness and emptiness, we make room for new birth.

In today's episode, Sheryl and Victoria discuss winter as a time of paradox: a season of the elder and of the child, of quiet reflection and raucous play, turning inward and pushing ourselves out. A feminine season, ripe for mythology and rich with ferocity, warmth, destruction and creation.

We delve into a season that is not easy, but offers its share of gold when we prepare ourselves and gather our courage, accept the invitation to slow down, and open our eyes to its dazzling darkness and light.

If this is a difficult season for you, remember: here in the Northern hemisphere, the days are already getting longer now, second by second, minute by minute. Spring will come. It always does.

Spiritual Longing Dec 10, 2021

Show notes

In today’s episode, we’re talking about spiritual longing: longing for connection to God, to mystery, to something greater than our individual selves. We explore some of the obstacles and questions that arise around spirituality: Do I need belief to be spiritual? Is my partner wrong for me if I’m on a spiritual path and they’re not? How do I pray when I’m afraid of what God might ask me to do?

Victoria shares some of her history with spirituality and religion, including the legacy of her almost-monk grandfather, and a journey that includes Veggie Tales and CCD, desire and despair, writing poetry and e-mailing her ex-boyfriend from a silent retreat at an abbey.

Sheryl shares a poem that expresses her conception of the divine: not an external being that judges and punishes, but a warm and intimate relationship based in reciprocity, realness, and presence.

References:

Loneliness Nov 24, 2021

Show notes

Here in the Northern Hemisphere, we are entering into what can feel like a particularly lonely season for many people: the leaves have fallen from the trees, daylight disappears early, and the holiday season is upon us.

Sheryl shares a passage from The Wisdom of Anxiety about loneliness, and we talk about how we can shift from discussing it as a statistic (1 in 5 adults in the U.S. reports feeling “serious loneliness”), and start to add color, texture and feeling to the conversation. What color is loneliness for you? What shape does it take? What stories does it bring up in each of us?

Sheryl describes three types of loneliness: loneliness of the self, relational loneliness, and spiritual loneliness. Victoria shares a poem about feeling lonely, and discusses her experience of isolation during covid lockdowns. We talk about our need for others, and how to approach feeling lonely even in the midst of gatherings or intimate relationships.

To close, Sheryl leads us through a tonglen practice to help us connect not only to our own hearts, but to the hearts of all those around the world who are suffering.

References:

The Power of Ritual by Casper ter Kuile

Aging Backwards (Sheryl Turns 50) Nov 05, 2021

Show notes

In today’s very special episode, Sheryl reflects on aging as she crosses the threshold into the next decade of life: her fifties.

We talk about what it means to “age backwards,” and we consider the question: how can we become more curious, more open, softer and lighter as the years go, rather than more rigid and calcified? Is it possible that aging is, in some ways, not as linear as we think?

We unpack some of the stories and perceptions about aging that can make it difficult for us to accept and embrace the changes that come with the passage of time. Sheryl shares her thoughts on common messages about aging bodies and appearances, and how to let go of the “shoulds” we encounter in different stages of life.

Sheryl also shares how she has been spending her time lately, moving from a Shmita year into a Jubilee year: slowing down, singing, learning Hebrew, and listening closely to her body. She shares some of her intentions and hopes for the future, including a special note about reclaiming her voice and her name.

References:

The Power of Laughter Oct 22, 2021

Show notes

Laughter is powerful. It can be a sign of deep comfort and intimacy, or a weapon used to reject and humiliate. Some of us grew up in homes where jokes were plentiful but tears weren’t allowed; others may have felt that silliness or goofiness was frowned upon. For some, relationship anxiety attaches itself to questions like What if my partner isn’t funny enough? Or, Is my partner too silly?

In today's episode, we’re talking about the importance of keeping a sense of humor when doing inner work, while also meeting our pain around unkind joking, teasing or sarcasm. Sheryl shares her own insecurities around humor, and addresses how family history and projection can play into humor-related relationship anxiety.

Stay tuned to the *very* end of the episode to hear a blooper and some belly laughs from your hosts!

References:

Sheryl’s blog post: "How to Decode the Intrusive Thought: 'You’re Too Silly'”
Pema Chodron
Tara Brach
James Martin and his book, Between Heaven and Mirth: Why Joy, Humor, and Laughter Are at the Heart of the Spiritual Life
Article about the Dalai Lama: "Playful humor: the Dalai Lama's secret weapon"
Glennon Doyle
Brene Brown
Norman Cousins

Burnout and Rest Oct 08, 2021

Show notes

After a short break, Gathering Gold is back with an episode about burnout and rest. We name just some of the many reasons why humans are tired right now, from navigating an ongoing global pandemic, to managing expectations around productivity and achievement. We land on a conversation about the unrelenting demands of technology that lead us to constant checking, producing, and multitasking, and exiting the present moment.

We discuss some of the fears underneath resistance to rest, and Sheryl shares her recent experience of taking a break from Instagram. We talk about learning to pay attention to our own rhythms, and saying no to some things so we can say yes to others.

Sheryl shares ideas for how we can replenish and recapture some energy as we move forward through ongoing uncertainty and transition.

References and Resources:

Brené Brown's Dare to Lead podcast episode with Amy Cuddy about Pandemic Flux Syndrome
Emily Dickinson's poem "If you were coming in the fall"
Your Undivided Attention podcast
The Social Dilemma documentary
Center for Humane Technology
Relationship coach Silvy Khoucasian
Rabbi Lisa Rappaport
Shemita year in Judaism
Ted Lasso TV show
The Nap Ministry
Jewish Maariv prayer
Eckhart Tolle
"The Journey" poem by Mary Oliver
When the Heart Waits by Sue Monk Kidd

References and Resources:

Brené Brown's Dare to Lead podcast episode with Amy Cuddy about Pandemic Flux Syndrome
Emily Dickinson's poem "If you were coming in the fall"
Your Undivided Attention podcast
The Social Dilemma documentary
Center for Humane Technology
Relationship coach Silvy Khoucasian
Rabbi Lisa Rappaport
Shemita year in Judaism
Ted Lasso TV show
The Nap Ministry
Jewish Maariv prayer
Eckhart Tolle
"The Journey" poem by Mary Oliver
When the Heart Waits by Sue Monk Kidd

The Goodness of Ordinary Life Sep 10, 2021

Show notes

What does it mean to live up to our potential, to fully experience life and to feel our lives are enough? Are we stuck choosing between constant striving for bigger and better or settling for boredom and apathy? In today’s episode, Sheryl shares memories of her grandparents that continue to inspire and inform her view of what it means to live a beautiful, simple, good life. Victoria unpacks some of her fear and shame around what it means to do and be “enough,” and asks Sheryl what has helped her to let go of the restlessness and fantasy that often color our younger years. Ultimately, we explore how approaching our daily lives with reverence and presence can lead us to find the extraordinary in the ordinary, and help us to experience greater contentment, connection and aliveness right here, right now.

References:

“The Red Wheelbarrow” by William Carlos Williams
It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)
Soul (2020)
Family Man (2000)
Contemplative artist and spiritual director, Maria Bowler
Richard Rohr
Fred Rogers

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