Front Seat Life Podcast

Latest Episodes:

14: How to Speak Your Partner’s Language Apr 11, 2019

Show notes

Any couples out there that are looking for better communication, really starting to understand each other’s personality types, your energy, how you make decisions, all the miscommunications… then this episode is for you.
About six years ago I started this crazy process of starting this business called Front Seat Life and with the tag line “Be Unapologetically Who You Are in Your Life, Love and Business. I’ve been doing the life portion for about six or seven years. I have been doing the business portion for about four to five years and now I am taking all this information and putting it to use for relationships. And today’s episode is a recording of a webinar that I put together a couple of weeks ago.
As a couple’s therapist, and as the work that I have done for all these years about figuring out who we are in this world, it must start with us. We really must learn how to put our own oxygen mask on first. I often see couples blaming their partner and pointing fingers, “You’re not doing this” and “You’re not doing that.” This was always amazing to me. They don’t know what to ask for. They don’t know how to ask for, or what they want, because they don’t know what they want because they don’t know who they are.
So the first step of that is figuring out who you are, and to do that I love to use my favorite tool, the best tool I’ve ever found. And that is understanding your Myers-Briggs personality type. Once you know who you are, how you are showing up in the world and can recognize how your partner is showing up, an amazing thing happens. Clarity. It all becomes clear as to why someone says something or behaves a certain way, it’s just who they are.
During this webinar I also talk about one of the interesting things we do, we oftentimes don’t show up as who we are. We suppress ourselves and we hide because we’re embarrassed, or we’re scared to get hurt. So, we suppress this part of us. We don’t show up fully who we are and end up pulling away from our partner.
This is when it becomes critical to be open, be honest, and be who we really are. I reveal some important tools you can use to help with this important step and share some stories from different perspectives and outcomes. I also share why we tend to fall for our opposite, why this can cause challenges later in our relationships, and why this can be a good thing if you can figure out this “being yourself” piece while communicating effectively with your partner.
I also mention the ‘ladder of inference’ where our made-up stories can get us into trouble. And we all do this! But, don’t worry, it’s a fairly easy problem to solve and I give you some tips on how you can head off your troubles at the pass.
Enjoy today’s episode which is absolutely jam-packed and filled with information that I know will enhance your relationship. And it is just my absolute pleasure to be able to give you this content to hopefully enhance the love and acceptance in your relationship and joy.
As always, thank you for listening, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it.
To find out more about Jessica visit https://jessicabutts.com/.
Follow her on Instagram @frontseatlife for daily motivation.
To learn more about the new Front Seat Love Online Course for Couples, go to: http://www.frontseatlove.com.
Not sure what your Myers Briggs personality type is? Take a free personality assessment at https://jessicabutts.com/front-seat-life-personality-assessment/.
Looking for a tribe of growth-oriented people and want to stay closely connected to Jessica’s coaching? Join the Front Seat Life Community for a small monthly subscription at https://jessicabutts.com/front-seat-life-membership-group/.
Front Seat Life Podcast
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/front-seat-life-podcast/

13: Personality Type and Your Relationship with friend Lisa Fischer Apr 04, 2019

Show notes

Being unapologetically who you are in your relationship, what does this mean? How is it related to personality type and what impact can this have? I am joined by my dear friend Lisa Fischer today to have a candid conversation about this powerful topic.
If you haven’t been following along, over the last several episodes I have been transitioning from being unapologetically who you are in life to being who you are in love. Showing up and being your authentic, true self regardless of what other people think, even your partner.
When you show up this way, sometimes people accept it and sometimes people don’t. Both Lisa and I have gone on journeys when we started being unapologetically who we are within our relationships. Each of us ended up on very different paths and this episode is all about what happened and how you can translate our experiences into your own and learn from them.
When anyone commits to a long-term relationship, things can happen which prevent you from figuring out who you really are and showing up that way. We get busy with work or family and time flies by, suddenly we are left wondering, “Where am I? Who am I? And am I being my true self and is my life congruent with who I am?”
We can find ourselves shutting down and settling for a life that isn’t the one we had hoped or planned. I know this feeling. I think every single marriage in America for sure, possibly the world, knows this feeling. At one point we all stopped getting real because we’re a little bit “walking on eggshells.” We’re nervous, we’re scared, we’re protecting our own hearts, we’re protecting our person, and something happens. And if we stopped really being who we are, we stopped having our voice. Honestly, it’s often after a period of this kind of existence, sometimes years or even decades, that it becomes important to be able to communicate our needs and desires and be able to be our true self.
What happens then? Listen as Lisa and I share our experiences, both very different yet similar at the same time. And much of the outcome is determined by our personality type, and our partners type as well.
If you are in a long-term relationship, there are some potent lessons to be gleaned from our raw and honest chat. These are struggles we all go through, and it is important for your health, well-being, and happiness to be who you are, and to be able to show up unapologetically as that person in life and in love.
Thank you so, so much, I appreciate your time and thank you so much for listening.
To find out more about Jessica visit https://jessicabutts.com/.
Follow her on Instagram @frontseatlife for daily motivation.
To learn more about the new Front Seat Love Online Course for Couples, go to: http://www.frontseatlove.com.
Not sure what your Myers Briggs personality type is? Take a free personality assessment at https://jessicabutts.com/front-seat-life-personality-assessment/.
Looking for a tribe of growth-oriented people and want to stay closely connected to Jessica’s coaching? Join the Front Seat Life Community for a small monthly subscription at https://jessicabutts.com/front-seat-life-membership-group/.
Front Seat Life Podcast
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/front-seat-life-podcast/

12: Masculine and Feminine Energy Mar 28, 2019

Show notes

David is back to discuss, and to quiz me, about masculine and feminine energy, how these show up in each and every one of us, and some of the many challenges we navigate in a relationship related to these two powerful forces. We get super vulnerable during our conversation, both of us sharing some stories and feelings which help spotlight the impact of these energies within a relationship.
“I’m really good at gathering berries, you’re good at stabbing bears, let’s make a team.”
For the most part, this is how these two energies revealed themselves until recently in our history as a species, somewhat of a caveman-style connection to ourselves and our partners.
But the world has changed dramatically, and many women are now much more masculine, for one reason or another. And there a lot of men out there who just don’t know what to do with that!
In our go, go, go world where gender roles are sometimes reversed, we often become confused as to what behaviors or reactions are now appropriate…or desired. Especially when we have to deal with perceived roles and societal norms that might cause conflict or contradiction.
I want you to understand that we all have masculine and feminine energies and I want you to also understand that it is tied directly to your personality type.
Also, during this episode, we talk about how there cannot be two masculine energies or two feminine energies at the same time. It just doesn’t work that way.
The biggest takeaways for you my dear listener:
1. The awareness of masculine and feminine energies.
2. How are you showing up in your masculine and feminine energies?
3. And, it’s not about masculine energy being strong or feminine energy not being strong, it’s just that two different energies exist within the same person.
And to successfully navigate a relationship and these energies, it takes trust and respect.
There is a lot to this conversation and discussion, so please listen in for the goods and some inside dirt on both me and David. As always, I appreciate your time and willingness to listen, thank you so, so much.
To find out more about Jessica visit https://jessicabutts.com/.
Follow her on Instagram @frontseatlife for daily motivation.
To learn more about the new Front Seat Love Online Course for Couples, go to: http://www.frontseatlove.com
Not sure what your Myers Briggs personality type is? Take a free personality assessment at https://jessicabutts.com/front-seat-life-personality-assessment/.
Looking for a tribe of growth-oriented people and want to stay closely connected to Jessica’s coaching? Join the Front Seat Life Community for a small monthly subscription at https://jessicabutts.com/front-seat-life-membership-group/.
Front Seat Life Podcast
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/front-seat-life-podcast/

11: Do You Need More Variety Than Your Partner? Mar 21, 2019

Show notes

We have been transitioning from “self” into “other.” Last week's episode was about understanding your partner's energy, introversion and extroversion, and understanding how your energy is different from your partner's. And today we are continuing this relationship conversation and I am going back to my therapy roots, I'm putting my therapy hat on.
I used to love doing couples therapy, I loved high conflict couples. The Sensing and Intuition dichotomy was one of the biggest ones that would come up notoriously and repeatedly in my work as a couple’s therapist as well as in my own relationships.
And today I am going to be highlighting the need for variety. Some of us crave it and some of us, the majority of us…not so much.
Probably more than any of the other dichotomies, this is the one that we misunderstand the most. And we also judge the most. We judge other people. We don't understand how they don't see things the way that we see them.
That's really what this episode is about. I'm digging in deeper about the need for variety and how that can impact relationships. I use some powerful examples from my years as a therapist and from my own personal experiences. These will help you understand that this is who you are innately and then help you understand your partner.
And once we are there, we can communicate with each other so that you can quit pathologizing each other, right? This is what we do, “What's wrong with you? Why aren't you more like me? Why can't you do this? Why?”
Let's just start having open fricking conversations about this as a couple that loves each other instead of, “What's wrong with you?”
If you are currently married or in a partnership, I urge you more than any other dichotomy to learn about this so that you don't go down this rabbit hole and make the mistakes that I've made in my relationships.
“I'm not going to try to change you and you don't try to change me.”
I hope that this episode is helpful for you in terms of seeing the different variety of needs within a relationship based on the Sensing and Intuition dichotomy.
I love, love, love sharing this with you, I hope this was helpful and I can wait for next week. People, next week is going to blow your effing mind, so keep listening. Thank you for Front Seat Lifers!
To find out more about Jessica visit https://jessicabutts.com/.
Follow her on Instagram @frontseatlife for daily motivation.
To learn more about the new Front Seat Love Online Course for Couples, go to: http://www.frontseatlove.com
Not sure what your Myers Briggs personality type is? Take a free personality assessment at https://jessicabutts.com/front-seat-life-personality-assessment/.
Looking for a tribe of growth-oriented people and want to stay closely connected to Jessica’s coaching? Join the Front Seat Life Community for a small monthly subscription at https://jessicabutts.com/front-seat-life-membership-group/.
Front Seat Life Podcast
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/front-seat-life-podcast/

10: Understanding Your Partner's Energy Mar 14, 2019

Show notes

I am continuing to talk about things “other” related. As you guys know, this whole podcast is about living your life from the Front Seat, about being unapologetically who you are in your life, love, and business.
I have been talking about the self, being unapologetically who you are, understanding your “side of the net” differentiation, what your opinions are, what your personality type is, how you show up in this world. And last week we transitioned over into the “other.” The “other” part of who are you is this piece of how we're in relationships with people because none of us live in a silo. We live in the world, and everybody has somebody in their life. And those are the people that we must now “attune” to.
Once we understand who we are in this world, this is how we show up, this is what we believe, our opinions, but we can't always be selfish. That is a very one-sided way to live. But we also can't always be attuned, which means you are super codependent. If you were always attuned, you would be always worrying about others. I know there's probably some of you listening who are like, “Oh shit, that's me.”
The attunement piece is how we have a healthy, let me be very clear about that, a healthy balance between “self” and “others”, between “differentiation” and “attunement”. This episode is about how you get attuned to other people in your life, specifically around the introversion and extroversion dichotomy.
Half of the population is introverted, half of it as extroverted. And on this episode, I talk about how when you are in a relationship, how you can understand your partner's energy. When we can understand each other’s energy within a relationship, we can grow and find those times and experiences that energize each other. And not get all weird about those times when our partner wants to do something we would rather not do, something that makes us feel exhausted just thinking about! I give some good examples and even strategies on how to communicate with each other, so you can be attuned and stay energized.
Thanks again for listening! I super appreciate your time!
To find out more about Jessica visit https://jessicabutts.com/.
Follow her on Instagram @frontseatlife for daily motivation.
To learn more about the new Front Seat Love Online Course for Couples, go to: http://www.frontseatlove.com.
Not sure what your Myers Briggs personality type is? Take a free personality assessment at https://jessicabutts.com/front-seat-life-personality-assessment/.
Looking for a tribe of growth-oriented people and want to stay closely connected to Jessica’s coaching? Join the Front Seat Life Community for a small monthly subscription at https://jessicabutts.com/front-seat-life-membership-group/.
Front Seat Life Podcast
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/front-seat-life-podcast/

9: Codependent Much? Mar 07, 2019

Show notes

Today's topic is codependency. Oh Wow. That's a doozy. For those of you who have never heard about codependency before, this is one of the biggest topics that has impacted my life as well as my business.
The next two months we are diving into self and others. If you are coming into this and you haven't listened to episode 8, I would suggest going back and listening because that is really about the balance of self and others. Today and in the next several episodes, and last week's episode too, I talk about transferring into the other.
Because we don't live in a silo, we don't live in a world where it's just us, there are all these other people in the world... Our sisters and our brothers and our spouses and our kids and our significant others and friends. We live in this world of others. Although the next few episodes I will be referencing romantic relationship, you can really relate this conversation to pretty much any relationship in your life.
Today's episode is a bit of a butt kicker. I really get going at the end of it, so stay tuned for that. I know you're going to enjoy it. This topic of codependency is something that I will continue to cover, but today is really an intro into it and it is essential. Learning about this, learning about how we interact and then what it means to have healthy detachment.
You've probably heard the saying stay on your side of the net or stay on your side of the fence. This is what codependency means and I think of it as a tennis court. Think of it as two sides of a court and in the middle is a net and any time two people are in a relationship, whether this is siblings, mother, daughter, parents, your children, obviously your intimate relationships, your partner, co-workers...
This is any relationship in your life and how we show up in those relationships. Imagine someone you're having trouble with, but they are on the other side of the net and you're on one side of the net - healthy detachment. A lot of people think detachment is a negative word, but healthy detachment is an excellent thing.
Listen to this episode and I'm going to describe what that looks like as well as what unhealthy attachment looks like. Where things get tricky is most people have some form of what's called codependency. I'm going to describe those two different forms of codependency, what happens, and what to do about it.
I'll never ever forget when I learned about codependency and how much it was just like a light bulb going off. It was just straight up a huge light bulb. It was just so incredibly eye-opening. And since that day I have been continuing to use it and play with it and love it and have it change my life and I believe it will do the same for you. So enjoy today's episode.
To find out more about Jessica visit https://jessicabutts.com/.
Follow her on Instagram @frontseatlife for daily motivation.
To learn more about the new Front Seat Love program, go to: https://frontseatlove.com.
Not sure what your Myers Briggs personality type is? Take a free personality assessment at https://jessicabutts.com/front-seat-life-personality-assessment/.
Looking for a tribe of growth-oriented people and want to stay closely connected to Jessica’s coaching? Join the Front Seat Life Community for a small monthly subscription at https://jessicabutts.com/front-seat-life-membership-group/.
Front Seat Life Podcast
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/front-seat-life-podcast/

8: A Balance of Self and Others Feb 28, 2019

Show notes

We are making a big move, from “self” to “others.” We do not live in a silo. We do not live alone. We live with others and one of the best models that I ever learned was this model of attunement and differentiation. And that's what today's episode is going to be all about. Today I want you to listen in as I explain this model and tool.
I want you to imagine an infinity symbol. This is not a line for a reason because you're not one or the other, you’re kind of going back and forth. You're floating, if you will, to one side or the other and at times landing in the middle, between differentiation and attunement.
Let's start with differentiation. This is what we've been kind of digging into so far, figuring out who are you in this world. Being unapologetically who you are, right All the things I love to talk about to help you figure out who the hell you are in this world.
On the other side of the infinity symbol from differentiation is attunement, which means “others.” How we attune to others. And again, I want to be very clear that this is an infinity symbol, not a line. You will go back and forth along this path between differentiation and attunement. If it was just a line, you could stay over there forever and that's how people lose themselves. They lose themselves in their children's lives. They lose themselves in the relationship. They lose themselves in their work and they forget to dip back over onto the other side.
Everyone wants to be heard. And if we start to hear someone, we can begin to see them for who they are, or they can hear us and see us for who we are. And that all leads to love. When people start to be heard and seen for who they really are, then the last thing is the most powerful. And this is all about attunement and being loved, loving others and being loved.
Don't we do that all the time, right? “Love me for who I am.” Yet we go through this world trying to change other people. We try to make them who we want them to be or why aren't you doing this my way? Instead of getting curious? HSL: All I want in life is to be Heard, Seen and Loved. And I think that's what everybody wants in our life.
This description just scratches the surface, I hope you can listen because if you need to hear this, you need to hear this. Thank you again, I appreciate your time to be here!
To find out more about Jessica visit https://jessicabutts.com/. Follow her on Instagram @frontseatlife for daily motivation.
To learn more about the new Front Seat Love program, go to https://www.frontseatlove.com.
Not sure what your Myers Briggs personality type is? Take a free personality assessment at https://jessicabutts.com/front-seat-life-personality-assessment/.
Looking for a tribe of growth-oriented people and want to stay closely connected to Jessica’s coaching? Join the Front Seat Life Community for a small monthly subscription at https://jessicabutts.com/front-seat-life-membership-group/.
Front Seat Life Podcast
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/front-seat-life-podcast/

7: Who Are YOU? Feb 21, 2019

Show notes

What is our job? It is our job to complete ourselves and go into relationships as a whole person. Nobody else can do this. Someone else cannot “complete” us, and this can be hard, very hard. Especially for women because we, as caretakers, can struggle with our “side of the net.”
I use a tennis court as an analogy and on one side of the net is ourselves, and we need to make sure this side of the net is filled in and whole for us to properly find attunement with others.
During this episode, I pose a series of powerful and introspective questions. I guide you through them to help you think about how you can complete yourself and build your side of the net. The ultimate goal is to find a way to improve our relationships with ourselves and to do that we must know what we truly want as human beings.
Who are you and what are your opinions? What do you want and need out of a relationship? How about in your life? What are your core values? Not what everyone else has told you that you should do or should think. What are your goals and what do you want to do with your life?
And what is the best version of yourself? I share my thoughts on these questions and my favorite “go to” tools and exercises to help me find the answers to these tough questions and moments when I am not my best self, but in my back seat. The power of building your side of the net and understanding who you are is so important, you don’t want this to be dictated by others.
Please listen and consider some of the tools I use and suggest you use, they all have been proven to help you discover the who your authentic self is, and to unapologetically that person, which is such a joy. Thanks again for listening, I appreciate your time and encourage you to share this with others if you know someone who might find value from the podcast.
To find out more about Jessica visit https://jessicabutts.com/.
Follow her on Instagram @frontseatlife for daily motivation.
Not sure what your Myers Briggs personality type is? Take a free personality assessment at https://jessicabutts.com/front-seat-life-personality-assessment/.
Looking for a tribe of growth-oriented people and want to stay closely connected to Jessica’s coaching? Join the Front Seat Life Community for a small monthly subscription at https://jessicabutts.com/front-seat-life-membership-group/.
Front Seat Life Podcast
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/front-seat-life-podcast/

6: Why Judgers and Perceivers Get on Each Other’s Nerves! Feb 14, 2019

Show notes

Welcome, Front Seat Lifers! We are on week four of the dichotomies. We have been talking for the last four weeks about introversion, extroversion, sensing, intuition, thinking, feeling, judging and perceiving. And today's episode is one of my all-time favorites that I will probably ever do a because it is about my favorite dichotomy which is judging and perceiving.
If you need to go back and understand what judging and perceiving is, just scoot back to episode one and two. But a tiny little recap: it is how we'd like to be organized in this world.
And the population differential is about 50/50. But this dichotomy is one of my favorites because there are so much juiciness and richness in it.
Today's guest is David Walthew again, he's been on several episodes because he's such a great example of somebody who was in my life and we were complete opposites in this area. In fact, he was an ex-boyfriend of mine. Part of the demise of our relationship is because we were so different in this area. I think you're going to enjoy the stories and you'll learn a lot about yourself through David's stories and through my stories about what it's like to be in a relationship with the exact opposite person.
So as strong “J's”, we are very organized, more decisive decision makers and a bunch of control freaks. We like things our own way. We like to be in control of ourselves and other people and everything around us. “P’s” are much more “go with the flow.” They are undaunted by surprise. They're like, “don't worry about it, we'll figure it out.” And we drive each other crazy.
“P’s” drive “J's” absolutely crazy because they are people who live five minutes in front of their face. They don't do a lot of planning and they just really go about the world in this beautiful, easy, breezy kind of way. And then there's the “J’s” and we obviously drive “P’s” crazy because we're a bunch of control freaks and we need to know what's the plan, where are we going, what's happening, what's going on in our lives.
And when you can see these differences in a friendship like mine and David's, I think you can learn a lot. Thank you so much and enjoy the episode.
To find out more about Jessica visit https://jessicabutts.com/.
Follow her on Instagram @frontseatlife for daily motivation.
Not sure what your Myers Briggs personality type is? Take a free personality assessment at https://jessicabutts.com/front-seat-life-personality-assessment/.
Looking for a tribe of growth-oriented people and want to stay closely connected to Jessica’s coaching? Join the Front Seat Life Community for a small monthly subscription at https://jessicabutts.com/front-seat-life-membership-group/.
Front Seat Life Podcast
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/front-seat-life-podcast/

5: What it’s like to be a Thinking Woman or a Feeling Man Feb 07, 2019

Show notes

Hello everybody, welcome. This is Jessica Butts, your host of the Front Seat Life Podcast, and today I have interviewed two different people to really highlight the dichotomy of this week's episode, which is Thinking and Feeling. This is one of the most interesting dichotomies because it is very gender biased as well as societally bias.
Back in the eighties, John Gray wrote this book called Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus and unknowingly I think he was really talking about this idea that most men are Thinkers and most Women are Feelers. In fact, 66 to 75 percent of men are Thinkers and 66 to 75 percent of women are Feelers. So as a psychotherapist, I've always been so curious about the other 25 percent. These are the marginalized people in our society. The people who end up feeling left out and different and weird and unusual, and “Why doesn't anybody get me?” And those happen to be my two different guests today.
First, I talk with Lindsey, a thinking woman, and an INTJ. She explains her perspective on what has been like for her to grow up as a Thinking woman in our society. And then I chat with David, who has been on another episode before, and his experience is especially fascinating, I think. Because he is a Feeling man who, in almost all his intimate relationships, has been with Thinking women and he was also raised by a Thinking woman. And so, it's fantastic getting his perspective on this.
I think you're going to learn a lot about your own type. You're going to learn a lot about opposite types, and I hope you become informed and educated in a whole new way. So, enjoy.
To find out more about Jessica visit https://jessicabutts.com/.
Follow her on Instagram @frontseatlife for daily motivation.
Not sure what your Myers Briggs personality type is? Take a free personality assessment at https://jessicabutts.com/front-seat-life-personality-assessment/.
Looking for a tribe of growth-oriented people and want to stay closely connected to Jessica’s coaching? Join the Front Seat Life Community for a small monthly subscription at https://jessicabutts.com/front-seat-life-membership-group/.
Front Seat Life Podcast
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/front-seat-life-podcast/

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