Stay ConnectedIntroducing Inner Circle, our new premium Finding You podcast experience. Support the show and receive access to exclusive content, bonus AMA episodes, and more. Join at findingyou.supercast.comFinding You Therapy Programs is an experientially based therapeutic program serving individuals, parents, couples, and families. Email the host drbradreedy@gmail.com
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A Child's Greatest Burden
Jung believed that the heaviest thing a child carries is the unlived life of the parent. He wasn't talking about the parent who chased a dream and fell short. He meant the life a parent avoided: the risks never taken, the fears never faced, the feelings never allowed. That unfinished business doesn't disappear. It gets handed down. In this episode, Dr. Brad Reedy explores how children absorb what we avoid, often more than what we say. Wherever a parent is stuck, the child tends to take that on as a roadmap. They either repeat it or spend a lifetime running from it.
Drawing on Jung, Winnicott's false self, Alice Miller's The Drama of the Gifted Child, and Bowlby's work on how attachment passes between generations, Brad looks at what our children actually inherit: our shame, our anxiety, our blurred boundaries, and the parts of ourselves we've kept in the dark. The hardest part is also the most hopeful. When we make our children our project, we often dodge our real responsibility, which is to make our own lives the project.
Brad walks through differentiation, the difference between enmeshment, cut-off, and healthy connection, and why the greatest gift we can give a child is a regulated nervous system and a clear sense of self. Take-home themes: learn what is yours and what isn't. Take responsibility for your own peace. Know the difference between loving a child and needing to be loved by one. Get busy with your life. Follow your bliss. It ends with you.
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Why don't we do the things we know would bring us closer to the people we love?
We're not short on instructions. Speak your truth. Tell your story. Be vulnerable. But a script for intimacy doesn't create intimacy - because the barrier was never knowing what to say. It's what happens in your body when you try.
Last night's episode: Creating Intimacy. The shift from doing to being, why "just communicate better" doesn't move the needle, and what actually makes closeness possible - with your partner, your kids, your friends.
Listen wherever you get your podcasts. Link in bio.
#FindingYouPodcast #DrBradReedy #Intimacy #Relationships #Attachment #CouplesTherapy #MentalHealth #Therapy #Podcast #SelfWork #ConsciousRelationships #EmotionalHealth
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Dr. Reedy talks about how in marriage we often project onto our partners things which are our responsibility. He explains that when we ask our partners to be responsible for our peace, we will use punishment to manipulate and control them. He explains that individual work must form the foundation of the work we do in couples.
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Dr. Reedy, discusses mythology and the Odyssey. He explains that the story of Odysseus and his journey home is about the journey back to ourselves. He emphasizes the patience required to reverse this journey. He talks about the costs we pay along the way. And eventually, like Odysseus, the new version of ourselves may become unrecognizable and unacceptable to the people that expect us to be who we were.
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Dr. Reedy discusses the impact on the development of the child when a warm, resonant part is present. He discusses the impact of affluence on a family's process around boundaries.
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Dr. Reedy discusses the trend of people going no contact with their family members. He explains how to respond when someone shares that they want to go no contact. He explains why people do and don't set such a boundary with family. members.
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Dr. Reedy takes questions from the Inner Circle audience. He talks about the difference between sharing your feelings and asking others to be responsible for your feelings. He talks about the challenge when children don't forgive parents.
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Dr. Reedy talks about what is required for us to be able to listen to the people that we love. He explains that unless we do our healing and account for our energy and capacity, listening to somebody share their painful feelings about us may feel like self betrayal. He explains that listening is one of loves other names. And the act of doing our healing work, may be the greatest act of love we can show to the people that are important to us.
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Dr. Reedy discusses the impact of parental anxiety, especially anxiety that is un-owned by the parent, on the child. He explains that the child will interpret this distress in the parent as "something is wrong we me, the child." He also describes how a parent's nervous system becomes the blueprint for the child's developing nervous system and sense e of Self. He describes the coping strategies employed by the child when parental anxiety prevents attunement, connection, and a secure attachment.
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Dr. Reedy discuss the negative influence of guilt on our lives and our relationships. He minimizes the often cited distinction between guilt and shame and talks about how both are obstacles on our journey towards mental health and intimacy.
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