Drunk Ex-Pastors

Latest Episodes:

Podcast #51: Amber Waves of Jesus Jul 06, 2015

Show notes

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason begins with a riddle for Christian, the answer to which Christian is not sure he agrees with (but then, neither do thousands of PhDs, but what do they know?). We dabble briefly in geopolitics once again, this time weighing the pros and cons of having more female world leaders (because as men, we feel it's our place to opine on such matters), after which we take a call that causes Christian to ask Jason to hide his erection. We discuss the issue of how "Christian" America was intended to be on a scale of "Pretty Damn" to "Utterly and Completely." Christian's bieber has to do with sticky messes, while Jason is biebered by (wait for it) not enough technology.

Also, trust us: You always switch doors.

Podcast #50: Ebony, Ivory, Atrocities, and Shame Jun 29, 2015

Show notes

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian revisit WWII and debate whether saving one Jew was worth killing 250,000 Japs (Christian seems to think so), leading us into a discussion about whether someone can be a noble soldier serving an ignoble national agenda (during which Jason accidentally compares the U.S. to Nazi Germany). The subject of racism emerges again, forcing us to rate just how racist Southerners are on a scale of 4 – 10 (there simply aren't any numbers lower than 4 on this scale), after which we tackle the topic of parents virally video-shaming their kids. Jason's bieber involves prohibiting white people from naming streets, while Christian is biebered by radio stations in the summer.

Also, get in line, starving Africans, because our church's prayer chain is clogging up the pipeline with requests for God to heal little Timmy's sniffles.

Podcast #49: It's Racism, Stupid Jun 22, 2015

Show notes

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian receive some much-deserved props for some past wisdom given, and then dispense even more by settling a dispute involving a caller, his girlfriend, and a lottery ticket. We weigh in on the Charleston shooting and revisit the McKinney pool party, after which we tackle the issue of Rachel Dolezal, the black, oops white crusader for black rights. Is there a difference between her and Caitlyn Jenner, between being a white girl identifying as black and a man identifying as a woman? Is it racist to make a movie called White Men Can't Jump? Can a guy be in the KKK if he's black, but blind and doesn't know it? Christian is biebered by Hollywood's laziness, while Jason's bieber involves feeling like he is living in Nazi Germ [...]

Podcast #48: Drunk Ex-Philosophers Jun 15, 2015

Show notes

In this episode, the DXPs sound less like former pastors and more like philosophers, waxing profound as we address such topics as the nature of certitude and the role of evidence in achieving it, what the ramifications of artificial intelligence may be, whether aliens exist, and how we know we weren't just created five minutes ago and pre-programmed with a bunch of false memories we mistakenly believe to be true. And orgies. We also mention those. We then tackle the issue of marriage and divorce, wondering whether ideals can just be good or whether they also have to be true. Christian's bieber has to do with the clap, while Jason is biebered by being told what to do.

Also, is it better to succeed at something easy or suck at something awesome?

Podcast #47: Transgenderism, Starring Caitlyn Jenner Jun 08, 2015

Show notes

In this episode, the drunk ex-pastors begin by reveling in the power we recently wielded to divest the former president of FIFA of his position, after which we debate whether one of last week's callers was a dot- or feather-Indian, as well as whether saying that is totally racist. We then reminisce about our favorite '80s TV shows for some reason, which the cool ones of our audience will love and the ones who are the wrong age will find incredibly boring. Christian gets some much-needed support from a caller, and another listener defends the idea of snobbishness (which Jason, of course, also has no problem with). We answer a challenge to what we said last week about whether death gives life meaning—this time with Jesus brought into the mix—and then we get to the main event: Caitlyn Jenner. Does gender inform sexual preference? Does genitalia determine gender? We tackle these and other questions as we stammer and stumble our way through this important issue. Christian's bi [...]

Podcast #46: Beauty, Calvary Chapel, and the Duggars Jun 01, 2015

Show notes

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we consider our audience's insistence that Christian is the reason people hate pretty much everything, and then delve into the nature of physical attraction and reflect on whether beauty is objective or in the eye of the beholder. A caller introduces the topic of Calvary Chapel, to which we respond by pointing out that our former megachurch has now become the "establishment" that it once stood up to (hashtag, IronyRules). The possibility of religious certainty is mulled over, and the corruption of FIFA is discussed ("FIFA," for you Americans, is like the NBA. Just replace "National" with "Worldwide" and "Basketball" with "Football." Then replace "Football" with "Soccer."). We then spend a considerable time breaking down the scandal involving the Children of the Corn. I mean, the Duggars. Christian is biebered by technology, again, while Jason's bieber stems from his resentment at being marketed to.

Podcast #45: R.I.P. Dad Bods May 25, 2015

Show notes

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, after Christian brings our attention to a recent sex scandal involving a middle school teacher's storage closet and Jason weighs in on how little Israel matters to the issue of biblical prophecy, the DXPs put the matter of the "dad bod" to rest for good (not because it's not an interesting topic, but because it apparently can't be addressed without anger, hurt feelings, nearly destroyed iPads, and the majority of the discussion left on the cutting room floor). After the mid-show break (and after Jason issues his hat-in-hand mea culpa) we take a few listeners' questions, addressing such fundamental questions as "What does God look like?" and "If Jason is so smart, why the hell can't he find a job?" Christian is biebered by something technological (now there's a role reversal), while Jason's bieber involves the food-ordering practices of adventurous eaters. Also, we'll take The Rapist for $200, Alex

Podcast #44: "The Heat is On!" May 18, 2015

Show notes

In this episode, Jason takes one for the DXP team by saying all kinds of controversial crap about Israel, Texas, and women (he's not all detestable, really. He's just tired of his BFF getting picked on over the whole "Christians should kill their children" dust-up and wanted to divert attention). Christian tells a story involving a near brawl at his son's soccer match. Between the parents. Speaking of skirmishes, a caller asks about the conflict in the Middle East to which we offer nothing remotely resembling constructive advice (beyond Christian's prohibiting the Bible from having any say in the matter). Jason defends his track record of insulting Texas to a caller from Texas, and is thankfully made to understand that the Lone Star State isn't nearly as trashy as Arkansas. We then plunge headfirst into the "Dad Bod" craze, much to Christian's discomfort. Jason is convinced his dismissal of the controversy over the so-called double standard is justified, and tha [...]

Podcast #43: Culture War: What is it Good For? May 11, 2015

Show notes

In this episode, the DXPs reluctantly revisit the topic of murdering our children: Christian makes it clear that he does not encourage this, while Jason entertains the idea on grounds of annoyance rather than religion. We then seek to get to the bottom of the sinister satisfaction that many fundamentalists seem to display at the idea of hell involving eternal torment (they give the phrase "Lot pitched his tent toward Sodom" a whole new meaning). Christian then observes that Catholics and Muslims seem to be having a culture war "baby-off," which worries him significantly regardless of who wins (Jason is rooting for the saintly Westerners against the filthy war-mongers). Christian is biebered by bottles and buttons, while Jason's bieber involves bothersome boxing bouts (our biebers this week are brought t [...]

Podcast #42: Michael Hernandez Interview May 07, 2015

Show notes

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian test out their interview skills on one of their oldest and closest friends, Michael Hernandez. After trying to figure out why Michael would choose to be gay with all the girls who were throwing themselves at him in high school, the DXPs do their best to determine if this choice of his means eternal darkness or whether or not God may spare him since at least he's not Agnostic. (Sorry, Christian.) They reminisce about their good old days as bigoted fundamentalists and aspiring professional bowlers, acknowledging that Michael probably "bumped the twig" quite a bit more often than they did. Christian tries to get to the bottom of why marriage is important to the gays (or to anyone for that matter) while Jason offers his views of how Christians should treat the gay community. Christian refuses to accept Tom Cruise as gay and Jason refuses to accept Neil Patrick Harris as straight, while Michael is un [...]

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