Drunk Ex-Pastors

Podcast #500: The One Where We Talk Politics Oct 28, 2024

In this 500th episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we hear from a listener who suggests that the two reasons someone might leave Christianity are either doctrinal or interpersonal. We then spend the bulk of the show discussing our political differences, including third-party voting, idealism vs. pragmatism, the value of campaign promises, and whether a Harris victory is a true victory for women. Biebers involve unnecessarily over-complicating tech that used to be simple, and scrubber brushes.

Podcast #499: Comedy, Evil, and AI Oct 21, 2024

In this episode of DXP we address Jerry Seinfeld’s recent retraction of his earlier insistence that wokeness makes comedy impossible. We hear from a listener asking about Neil deGrasse Tyson’s formulation of the problem of evil, and then talk about Noah Yuval Harari’s new book, Nexus, and what it has to say about the dangers of AI. Biebers involve thumbnails and spines.

Podcast #498: The Substance, Free Speech, and Trump on the Lam Oct 14, 2024

In this episode of DXP we hear an update about Christian’s hip surgery, which leads into the discussion about the potentially endless spiral of doctor’s appointments that people often get sucked into. We discuss a few new films and TV shows, including The Substance, which Jason will never see. We discuss the current limits on free speech as well as whether there should be more, and then wonder aloud if Trump will free the country if he loses. Biebers involve Wordle and MacBooks.

Podcast #497: Christian Nationalism - An Interview with Katherine Stewart Oct 07, 2024

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we sit down once again with author and journalist Katherine Stewart (with whom we also spoke just before the 2020 election). Katherine is an expert on the issue of Christian Nationalism, and our conversation touched upon topics such as the relationship of religion to power, Christian Nationalism vs. Islamic Extremism, and naturally, Jack Hibbs. Biebers involve logging in to apps and YouTube

Podcast #496: Sci-Fi, the Human Brain, and Panspermia Sep 30, 2024

We begin this episode of DXP hearing from Christian about his (alleged) epidural, which leads us down a rabbit trail about science fiction and the mystery of the human brain. We briefly discuss just how young the United States is (three people old to be exact). We discuss the theory of Panspermia (which is not as exciting as it sounds), and then launch into “Pastor Jack’s Off.” Biebers focus upon pain pills and mouse skills.

Podcast #495: Mafiosos, Cowboys, and Literal Petfood Sep 16, 2024

We begin this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors with a recap of Christian’s recent vacay to Asia, from which we springboard to whether it’s okay to eat our pets. We discuss the new Max documentary, Wise Guy, about David Chase and The Sopranos, which leads into one of Jason’s theories involving Goodfellas and The Godfather. “Pastor Jack’s Off” returns, which involves a discussion about whether we’re constantly overreacting to 9/11. Biebers involves restaurant tables and electric bills.

Podcast #494: Twenty-One Pilots and Pastor Jack Aug 26, 2024

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we talk a bit about corporate sponsorship of literally everything, and then spend a fair bit of time dissecting the music and mythology of the band Twenty One Pilots, springboarding into issues surrounding power and the resistance to it. We listen to Pastor Jack being off (again), and then share biebers involving Facebook Pages and email responses.

Podcast #493: Divorce, Tampon Tim, and the Real Life Network Aug 19, 2024

We begin this episode with a brief rant about Amazon Alexa and how she’s a useless horrible person who deserves to die. We then hear from a caller insisting that Jason should watch that new Godzilla movie. We take a call from another listener who is going through a divorce, so we share some of the ups and downs from our own lives. Another caller seeks to set the record straight about “Tampon Tim,” which leads to a short political rabbit trail. “Pastor Jack’s Off” returns, and biebers involve throwing rocks and MS Outlook.

Podcast #492: Aging Comics, Brats, and Politics Aug 12, 2024

We begin this episode with a discussion of the new Beverly Hills Cop movie, springboarding to the issue of whether comics lose their edge as they get older. We revisit Brats, the recent documentary about Hollywood’s “Brat Pack,” and then hear from a TikTokker about just how monumental the Trump assassination would have been had it succeeded. We discuss VP candidate Tim Walz, and then move on to “Pastor Jack’s Off.” Biebers involve T-boning and police interrogations.

Podcast #491: Nostalgia, Names & Faces, and the Lust for Power Aug 05, 2024

Episode #491 starts with a discussion of the new show Dark Matter, and how it may just be a retelling of an old classic. We discuss the connection between music and nostalgia, and then debate the results of a new study that suggests that people’s faces grow into their names over time. “Pastor Jack’s Off” returns, demonstrating just how much evangelicals long for power, or proximity to it. Biebers involve farts and buttons.

Podcast #490: Withdrawal, Pandering, and a Martyr Complex Jul 29, 2024

We kick things off by wondering aloud if a new approach to stand-up comedy is needed, and then discuss FX’s hit show, The Bear (which we both just finished). We talk about Biden’s recent withdrawal from the presidential race, and then turn our attention to Trump’s remarks about how much he loves Christians (despite claiming not to be one). We tease a future topic, Modern Monetary Theory, and then talk about evangelicalism’s martyr complex. Biebers involve fruit and IT nerds.

Podcast #489: Crooks, Biden, and Pastor Jack Jul 22, 2024

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we continue our discussion about the attempted assassination of Donald Trump, as well as the reactions on the left and the right and what we know about the shooter so far. We share our theories about what would happen if/when Biden drops out of the race, and then “Pastor Jack’s Off” returns. Biebers involve eyesight and notifications.

Podcast #488: Fainting, Worshiping, and Killing Trump Jul 15, 2024

We begin this episode with some banter about one of our favorite bands, and then hear about Christian’s latest health scare. We recount visiting Calvary Chapel together for the first time in decades, and then turn our attention to the Donald Trump assassination attempt, discussing what this might mean for his campaign moving forward. We then weigh in on Biden’s recent public appearances before sharing biebers involving tacos and spring time.

Podcast #487: Some Like It Hot Jul 08, 2024

This episode of drunk ex-pastors was recorded on location on Palm Spring’s hottest day on record (a comfy 124 degrees). We discuss a couple reaction videos, one by a classical composer who’s never heard Paranoid Android, and another by some hip-hop head who has never listened to Stairway to Heaven. We talk about Jason’s recent stand-up set, and then share a bieber about how to correctly portray a person who just figured out he’s experiencing the ramifications of multiverse theory.

Podcast #486: Fireworks, Pastors, and the Presidential Debate Jul 01, 2024

We begin this episode with sharing some tech woes, as well as another horrifying poop-tale from Christian. We discuss the issue of Fourth of July fireworks and pets/vets, and then hear about the recent pastors conference that Jason snuck into. We talk about the presidential debate and its possible implications, and then share biebers involving pronunciation and bottlecaps.

Podcast #485: Suicidal Ideation & Political Prosecutions Jun 17, 2024

We begin this episode by talking about the best and worst ways to kill ourselves, and then discuss the convictions of Hunter Biden and Donald Trump, as well as the precedent such political targeting is likely to set. We discuss stand-up comedy and hear about a listeners’ favorite’s first ever open mic set went. “Pastor Jack’s Off” returns, and biebers involve volume controls and email addresses.

Podcast #484: Quality of Life, Standup Comedy, and Bears Jun 10, 2024

In this episode of DXP we briefly touch upon one of Elon Musk’s arguments that we’re living in a simulation, and then discuss the balance between age and quality of life. We hear a standup-comedy update, and then dive into the whole Man vs. Bear nonsense. “Pastor Jack’s Off” returns, and biebers involve Wordpress and Spotify.

Podcast #483: Kids, Pride, and Protests Jun 03, 2024

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we talk a bit about Jason’s recent visits from his kids, and then banter about the movies and TV we’ve been watching. We discuss Trump’s recent felony convictions, as well as the recall effort against CA’s governor Gavin Newsom. We touch on some of the student protest news before “Pastor Jack’s Off” returns, and biebers involve unwanted emails and annoying marketing schemes.

Podcast #482: Northern Lights, Race, and Culture May 20, 2024

In this episode of DXP we ponder aloud whether or not the Northern Lights are a mere Instagram filter placed upon reality. We talk briefly about the film Megalopolis, and then tackle the age-old issue of white people adopting black people (which leads to a discussion of race and culture more broadly). We end with “Pastor Jack’s Off” and a bieber involving tortilla chips.

Podcast #481: Comedy, Teslas, and Ethical Non-Monogamy May 13, 2024

We kick off this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors with an update about Jason’s budding stand-up career, and then puzzle over why everyone hates Teslas so much. We revisit the topic of ethical non-monogamy and hear a caller’s views on it, which turns into a discussion of relationships more broadly. “Pastor Jack’s Off” returns, and biebers involve the roast of Tom Brady and making plans over text.

Podcast #480: Gun Laws and Ethical Non-Monogamy May 06, 2024

In this episode of DXP we discuss the recent verdict regarding the Crumbleys, who were held legally liable for their son’s mass shooting. We talk a bit about comedy, and then hear from a listener about his experience with “ethical non-monogamy.” “Pastor Jack’s Off” returns, where we learn how much God loves white Boomers who can afford to live in southern California. Biebers involve medicine and storytelling in reverse.

Podcast #479: God-like: A 500-Year History of Artificial Intelligence, with Kester Brewin Apr 29, 2024

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we sit down with Kester Brewin and chat about his latest book, God-like: A 500-Year History of Artificial Intelligence in Myths, Machines, Monsters. We discuss the nature of AI, why it should be considered theologically, and what (if anything) we can do to maintain some control over it. We debrief at the end before sharing biebers involving messaging platforms and deodorant.

Podcast #478: Comedy, Life Experiences, and Iran Apr 22, 2024

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we get an update as to one of the things Jason has been doing to pass the time. We then discuss the idea that life is to be measured not in days or years but in experiences. “Pastor Jack’s Off” returns, and it turns out some stuff happening in the Middle East is relevant to biblical prophecy. Who knew?

Podcast #477: Eclipses, Shatner, and Israel Apr 15, 2024

In this episode of DXP we disclose how to experience a solar eclipse every single day. We marvel at how old William Shatner is, and then “Pastor Jack’s Off” returns (this time he is wrong about Israel, again). Biebers involve streaming platforms and TV seasons.

Podcast #476: Broken Frames, The Matrix, and Mariupol Apr 08, 2024

In this techfail-riddled episode of DXP we discuss contacts vs. glasses, as well as what to do if the eyecare place breaks your frames. We highlight the 25th anniversary of The Matrix, and then talk about the documentary 20 Days in Mariupol. “Pastor Jack’s Off” returns, and biebers involve Skip Intro buttons and TikTok.

Podcast #475: Taylor & Trolling Mar 25, 2024

We start this episode of DXP by discussing the annoying traits of old guys. We share some of our vast knowledge of Taylor Swift, and then discuss radio host Phil Hendrie (and trolling in general). We hear from a caller about country music, “Pastor Jack’s Off” returns (briefly), and we share biebers involving auto insurance and victimhood.

Podcast #474: TikTok & Trump Mar 18, 2024

We kick off this episode of DXP with a revisit of one of our favorite films of all time, and then pivot to a discussion of the recent so-called TikTok ban and the issue of government censorship more broadly. We laugh at Trump’s legal woes (especially how difficult he finds it not to defame people), and then learn about a heretofore unknown Bible passage from Pastor Jack Off. Biebers involve silly adjectives and small fries.

Podcast #473: AI, Misogyny, and Prayers to Congress Mar 11, 2024

We kick off this episode with a discussion of the improvement made in the area of AI videos, and then discuss a book on AI that was sent to us for a possible interview with the author in the future. We address some alleged misogyny in the HBO program, The Deuce, and then revisit Jack Hibbs’s heartfelt (ahem) prayer to Congress. Biebers involve subtitles and notifications.

Podcast #472: Hee-Haw Music, the Rapture, and Performative Prayer Feb 26, 2024

We begin this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors with our usual banter and a couple stories about Jason’s parents, and then we revisit the thorny issue of country music and seek to understand why so many people like music that’s just objectively bad. We join Mike Seaver and question the Rapture, and then make fun of Pastor Jack Hibbs and his latest clout-chasing stunt. Biebers involve Search options and Pets.

Podcast #471: Country Music and “He Gets Us” Feb 19, 2024

In this episode of DXP we briefly discuss the film “Contact” and its ramifications for the relationship of science to faith. We then talk about whether or not the music industry is shifting towards Country (and whether it’s legit for non-Country artists to jump on the bandwagon). We break down the “He Gets Us” ads from the Super Bowl, and then share biebers involving periods and LEDs.

Podcast #470: Languishing, Sc-fi, and Taylor Swift Feb 12, 2024

We begin this episode with more tales of old age. We discuss the condition known as “languishing,” according to which a person is not clinically depressed but still feels like shit anyway. We discuss what are the greatest sci-fi films of all time, and then weigh in on the issue of Taylor Swift’s alleged political clout. Biebers involve tater tots and post-surgery discomfort.

Podcast #469: Trump, Barbie, and Virtual Crime Feb 05, 2024

We begin this episode with some banter about Jason’s parents, and then hear from a caller wondering how Donald Trump could be this close to power, again. We discuss the supposed “snub” of the Barbie movie by the Academy, addressing the outrage of those who felt the film deserved more recognition. We talk about the first ever "virtual rape” case, and then share biebers involving realtors and remotes.

Podcast #468: Millennials, Space Exploration, and Prehistoric Jetsons Jan 22, 2024

We begin this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors with a voice mail from a caller insisting that Millennials are, in fact, interesting. We discuss the Navajo Nation’s demand that moon exploration is sacrilege and branch out from there to discuss space travel more broadly. We hear from another caller about advanced prehistoric civilizations, and then share biebers involving soap and department stores.

Podcast #467: Cannibalism, Fathers, and Pop Music Jan 08, 2024

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we briefly discuss the new Netflix film, Society of the Snow, which leads into a discussion about cannibalism. We hear from long-time listener Leonard Angelo about the fact that we might be a lot more like our fathers than we realize, and then speak at length about pop music in general and the most recognizable songs in particular. Biebers involve doctors and naughty words.

Podcast #466: Humanity, Antiquity, and Butt Stuff Dec 25, 2023

In this episode of DXP we hear from a caller challenging our assertion that conservative Christianity demands young-earth creationism, from which we springboard into a discussion of the nature of antiquity in general and humanity in particular. We then take another call about the alleged prostate G-spot, which leads to all kinds of gross butt stuff. Biebers involve vehicle interfaces and broccoli.

Podcast #465: Normal People, Drugs, and the Origin of Everything Dec 18, 2023

We begin this episode of DXP discussing the Hulu drama, Normal People (which we have both come to love, despite the Irishness of it all). We talk about Indiana’s new drug law, and then we hear from a caller about Young-Earth Creationism. “Pastor Jack’s Off” returns as we learn life-changing lessons about Damascus and cowardice. Biebers involve racist stereotypes and chatty phone agents.

Podcast #464: Body Scans, Trans Jokes, and Young-Earth Creationism Dec 11, 2023

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we hear all the dirty secrets revealed by Christian’s recent Dexa Scan (we also learn a bit about bloody pee). We share thoughts about being secretly recorded while screaming at people (auto-attendants and old drivers, respectively). We hear from a listener asking about Anthony Jeselnik’s trans jokes, and then discuss the crucial nature of young-earth creationism. Biebers involve public saunas and hospital hallways.

Podcast #463: Napoleon, Elon, and Simulation Theory Dec 04, 2023

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we talk briefly about Ridley Scott's new film, Napoleon, puzzling over the accents used (or lack thereof). We check in with Elon Musk and weigh in on his latest scheme to attract advertisers to X, and then discuss whether we live in a digital simulation and what that even means. Biebers involve parallel parking and birthday wishes.

Podcast #462: Antisemitism and Sexist Comedy Nov 27, 2023

In this episode of DXP we discuss the issue of sleep, and afterward we turn our attention to the growing number of accusations of antisemitism in the entertainment industry (as in, is there a difference between criticizing a country's actions and disliking a certain race of people?). We address the recent controversy over Matt Rife's new comedy special, and then return to Israel with "Pastor Jack's Off." Biebers involve busy signals and BS error messages.

Podcast #461: Octogenarians and America’s Public Schools Nov 20, 2023

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we hear another amusing story about the way 80 year-olds (attempt to) interact, and then we talk at some length about the state of America’s public schools, wondering whether the violence problem is too systemic and ingrained to do much about at this point. “Pastor Jack’s Off” returns, and alas! he is wrong again (this time about Israel). Biebers involve Amazon delivery drivers and Facebook Messenger.

Podcast #460: Noah’s Ark, Jared Kushner, and Polite Society Nov 13, 2023

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we discuss the (rather dubious) discovery of Noah’s Ark atop Mount Ararat and what, if anything, that would mean for people’s position regarding the Old Testament. We discover that Jared Kushner isn’t nearly as much of a moron as we assumed he was, and then delve into the issue of how to live as polite members of an impolite society. “Pastor Jack’s Off” returns, and biebers involve bathroom doors and Facebook notifications.

Podcast #459: Speakeasies, Nepo Babies, and Dead Friends Nov 06, 2023

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we discuss the status of the Daylight Preservation Act and the joy of colonoscopies, and then hear about some of Nashville’s coolest speakeasies. We discover to our surprise that Jared Kushner isn’t a babbling idiot, and then lament the death of Matthew Perry so soon after that of his brother, Luke Perry. Biebers involve Twitter, X, and vague assembly instructions.

Podcast #458: The Gnostic Gospels, Documentaries, and Nude Brits Oct 30, 2023

We spend most of the first half of this episode of DXP discussing the so-called Gnostic Gospels and what their discovery 80 years ago means for organized religion and Protestantism in particular. We share our latest thoughts on one-another’s documentary recommendations (Welcome to Wrexham and the Hundred-Foot Wave), and then hear about a new show about naked British people. Biebers involve online menus and dirty grapes.

Podcast #457: Geography, Documentaries, and the Timing of Wealth Oct 23, 2023

We begin this episode of DXP with a little quiz focusing on what exactly is North America. We then discuss the documentaries Beckham and 100 Foot Wave, and then hear more about the Paris and Italy legs of Christian’s recent trip. We debate whether it would be better to live rich and die poor or the opposite, then get mad about Pastor Jack Hibbs again. Biebers involve football and the airport in Paris.

Podcast #456: Portugal, EVs, and Hips Oct 09, 2023

We begin this episode of DXP with a report on Portugal, a country God did his best to destroy in 1755. We discuss the pros and cons of EV charging, and also hear about the not-so-great results of Christian’s MRI on his hips. Biebers involve almonds and tourists.

Podcast #455: Divorce Attorneys, New Tech, and Simulation Theory Oct 02, 2023

This episode of DXP begins with a heads-up about Christian’s upcoming trip, after which we talk a bit about the resolution of the writers’ strike. We discuss divorce attorney James Sexton’s appearance on Lex Fridman’s podcast, and then talk about Coldplay’s and U2’s use of cutting-edge tech in their live shows. We mock Gen Z’s delusional belief that they invented anything, and then once we are (or one of us is) pretty incapacitated we attempt to discuss genetics and simulation theory. Biebers involve Facebook Marketplace and Parmesan cheese.

Podcast #454: Russell Brand, Minimalism, and Pastor Jack’s Off Sep 25, 2023

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we spend the bulk of our time discussing (the limited information we have about) the recent allegations against Russell Brand. We also delve into the backlash he has faced, and whether it is fair to rush to judgment given the lack of specifics or charges. We also discuss the topic of minimalism, and “Pastor Jack’s Off” returns. Biebers involve copying and pasting.

Podcast #453: More Aging and Psychobabble Sep 18, 2023

In this episode of DXP we whine and moan about getting old, focusing in particular on whether it's worth it to live for a long time. We discuss the issue of "cutting out toxic people," wondering just how much of its justification is just psychobabble. We make fun of evangelicalism's sensationalism, and then share biebers involving Apple Homekit and Britney mics.

Podcast #452: Aging, Relationships, and Unwanted Affection Sep 11, 2023

This somewhat scatterbrained episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors includes some play-by-play pitfalls to avoid as we age, as well as some random thoughts on relationships versus singleness. We tackle the controversial kiss that got some greasy Spaniard fired (and springboard from there to sexual assault), and then share biebers involving Instagram and Audi’s metaphors.

Podcast #451: Weddings, Old Senators, and Zip-Lock Tech Sep 04, 2023

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we tackle such monumental topics as whether marriage ceremonies should use “man and wife” or “husband and wife” (and what about the gays? Seems kind of unfair). We also address the recent government shutdown in the form of Mitch McConnell, and then learn why Zip-Lock technology has run its course. Pastor Jack jacks off again, and we share biebers about computer desks and digital volume controls.

Podcast #450: Debates, Monoliths, and Insurrectionists Aug 28, 2023

We kick off this episode with some brief reflections on the recent Republican presidential debate, and then discuss how Russia FOR SURE didn’t assassinate that one coup leader dude. We talk about a retired guy who builds monolithic structures in his backyard in his spare time, and then speed through random thoughts involving stretchy jeans, Indiana Jones, car antennas, and left vs. right. “Pastor Jack’s Off” returns, and we share biebers involving traffic and bread bags.

Podcast #449: Healthcare, Child Labor, and Demonic Cosplay Aug 14, 2023

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we learn that one of us is still apparently a pastor, calling into question this entire podcast. We discuss pink-eye and the American healthcare system, and then talk about recent legislation allowing children to serve liquor. “Pastor Jack’s Off” returns and allows us to weigh in on everything from Catholicism, to Hawaii, to demonic aliens. Biebers involve road work and non-disturbing videos.

Podcast #448: Wordle, Mushrooms, and Oppenheimer Aug 07, 2023

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we try to flex on one another about who’s better at the Wordle until we find out that we’re actually pretty even. We discuss psychedelics and a couple recent experiences in particular, and then talk about the new film, Oppenheimer, wondering aloud how much propaganda is mingled in with the otherwise Oscar-worthy storytelling. No biebers this week!

Podcast #447: Nepotism, Psilocybin, and Small Towns Jul 31, 2023

We begin this episode of DXP with yet another tale of a nepo-baby, and this one is a serious deep cut. Jason shares his plans for his next “journey,” and we debate how much pain we’d endure for how much gain. We discuss Jason Aldean’s lynchin’ song, and we revisit the issue of unions and scabs. We talk about NPCs and then share biebers involving interest rates and TikToks.

Podcast #446: Strikes, Defectors, and Paying the Bill Jul 24, 2023

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we weigh in on the writers’ strike in Hollywood (and give props to the actors for joining them). We talk about the soldier who defected to North Korea, and then revisit our “Where’s the Lie?” segment in order to help men save money. “Pastor Jack’s Off” returns with a warning that he himself has never heeded, and biebers involve stoplights and insurance companies.

Podcast #445: Tribalism, Christian Nationalism, and Jonah Hill Jul 17, 2023

In this episode of DXP Jason talks about his upcoming relocation to Orange County as well as his next career move. We talk about the tribalism that plagues virtually all online political discourse, and use this as a springboard for a new segment called “Where’s the Lie?” We do another “Pastor Jack’s Off,” weigh in on the recent Jonah Hill controversy, and then share biebers involving cyber security and peanut butter.

Podcast #444: Slovenliness and “Pro-Life” Jul 03, 2023

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we hear from a YouTuber who wonders aloud whether Americans’ overall sloppiness and disregard of style is a symptom of a greater problem. We then revisit “Pastor Jack’s Off” and learn about how everyone except Republicans want the earth’s population dead.

Podcast #443: Submersibles and Woke Oscars Jun 26, 2023

After an initial false start, we begin this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors with a discussion of the new TV series, Silo. We talk about the recent implosion of the Titan submersible, and focus on whether we should have compassion for those who died on the expedition. We discuss the new rules for Best Picture nominees at the Oscars, and conclude with biebers involving pronunciation and traffic.

Podcast #442: Televangelist Deaths, Indictments, and the Millennial Reign of Christ Jun 19, 2023

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we touch upon the death of televangelist Pat Robertson (and whether it’s okay to celebrate such deaths). An unanswered Jeopardy question leaves us wondering how godless we’ve become, and then we discuss the Trump indictment. “Pastor Jack’s Off” returns, prompting a conversation about the so-called 1000-year reign of Christ, and biebers involve doctors and something else we can’t remember right now.

Podcast #441: Foreign Films, Pride, and the Antichrist Jun 12, 2023

We begin this episode with a voice mail asking about our favorite foreign films, which somehow leads to the issue of trans athletes and competitive sports. We hear an update about the Oath Keepers’ founder and his Red Rider BB Gun, and then we hear some timely admonitions regarding pride and the Antichrist from Jack Hibbs. Biebers involve deodorant and toilet paper.

Podcast #440: Parasocial Relationships, AI Movies, and Metropolitan Evil May 22, 2023

We begin this episode of DXP with a plug for a new documentary about how extort a jet from a soda company. We then hear from a caller asking about “parasocial relationships” which apparently is a thing now. We discuss AI-generated movies, and then resume our “Pastor Jack’s Off” series in which Jack Hibbs explains the evils of metropolises. Biebers involve belt loops and virtual dials.

Podcast #439: The Trump Verdict, Propaganda, and Old Souls May 15, 2023

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we discuss the recent verdict in the Trump sexual assault case. We talk about the Netflix show, Shrinking, and then share some of the downsides of being an “old soul.” We consider how accountable groups like the Proud Boys should be given how lied-to they are, and then share biebers involving exercise and key fobs.

Podcast #438: Air, Pornhub, and the Resurrection May 08, 2023

In this episode of DXP we talk about seeing the new film, Air, produced by and starring Ben Affleck and Matt Damon. We briefly discuss How to Blow Up a Pipeline and The Artifice Girl, and then turn our attention to the difficulty Mormons must have jacking off. We hear from a Scotsman with questions about Easter and U2, and then one of our favorite callers issues a warning about AI. Biebers involve TikTok and unintended puns.

Podcast #437: Poets, Jury Duty, and Satan is Stupid May 01, 2023

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we discuss amazing lyricists who can’t sing very well. We then shoot the shit about a bunch of stuff that we can’t remember because we recorded this a whole two days ago. Christian updates us about a new show, “Jury Duty,” and then we hear Jack Hibbs stammer like an idiot in “Pastor Jack’s Off” (apparently his end-times views are too complex even for Satan to grasp). Biebers involve Spotify and indoor climate changes.

Podcast #436: Random Thoughts, Appropriation, and Democracy Apr 24, 2023

We kick off this episode with random discussions about such riveting topics as tacos vs. burritos, trucks vs. semis, and morale vs. moral support. We talk about the issue of appropriation in general, and Cleopatra in particular, and then hear some pearls of wisdom on the topic of democracy from DXP’s favorite man of the cloth, Jack-off Hibbs. Biebers involve traffic lanes and conversing with no one.

Podcast #435: President Trump’s Indicatement Apr 10, 2023

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we hear from an old favorite, whose voicemail makes it clear that Jason’s taste in movies sucks and that Orientals aren’t that bad. We discuss the indictment of former president Donald Trump, highlighting both the hypocrisy of the criminal justice system as well as how seeing him go to prison would make the hypocrisy worthwhile. “Pastor Jack’s Off” with Jack Hibbs returns, and we then share biebers involving wall art and dishonest political discourse.

Podcast #434: FOMO, TikTok, and Bad Catholicism Apr 03, 2023

We begin this episode with (surprise) a discussion about the fear death, wondering whether it’s just FOMO that would be eliminated if we were all to die at the same time. We hear from a caller seeking to reconcile the “kinder gentler” version of Catholicism he hears from us with the rigorous kind he grew up with. We revisit the proposed TikTok ban and then do another segment of “Pastor Jack’s Off” with Jack Hibbs, after which we share biebers involving dictionaries and pronunciation.

Podcast #433: Best Pictures and TikTok Bans Mar 27, 2023

This episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a debrief about our (failed) attempt to watch the Oscar-winning film “Everything Everywhere All at Once” (Jason tried. He really did). We discuss the proposed ban of TikTok, wondering aloud whether the supposed enemy is China or freedom of expression. “Pastor Jack’s Off” with Jack Hibbs makes its return, and biebers involve wrinkles and notifications.

Podcast #432: Movies, Heart Failure, and Big Bones Mar 20, 2023

We begin this episode with a discussion about the Oscars and about the relevance of movies in general. We hear from a big-boned caller whose skeleton is apparently quite large, and then Christian updates us on his son, Zeke, who recently experienced heart failure. “Pastor Jack’s Off” with Jack Hibbs returns, followed by biebers involving bread and childish adults.

Podcast #431: You Say You Want a Revolution? Mar 06, 2023

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we discuss Jesus Revolution, the brand new film about the origins of our former church, Calvary Chapel. We talk about what we think they got right, what they left out, and whether any of it matters. We force ourselves to listen to more Jack Hibbs for our segment “Pastor Jack’s Off,” and then share biebers involving water pressure and online shopping carts.

Podcast #430: Plastic Pop Stars and the Patriarchy Feb 27, 2023

We begin episode #430 talking about Madonna’s new look, springboarding into a discussion of the patriarchy and what the best response to it might be. We talk about the film “Good Luck to You, Leo Grande,” which proposes a better approach to Hollywood’s demands upon women to cease aging. We hear from a listener about suicide and mental conditioning, and then laugh at Pastor Jack Hibbs’ take on UFOs and demons. Biebers involve AC and sodium.

Podcast #429: Movies, Jesus Ads, and Chinese Balloons Feb 20, 2023

We begin this episode with a discussion of such classics as The Fabelmans, E.T., and Catch Me If You Can (we also discuss whether Steven Spielberg is actually a good director). We talk about the “He Gets Us” Superbowl ad campaign, and then hear from a listener about the issue of atheism. “Pastor Jack’s Off” with Jack Hibbs returns, and we share biebers involving annoying questions and micro expressions.

Podcast #428: Fame, Suicide, and China Feb 13, 2023

We begin this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors with an unplanned disagreement about who the world’s most famous person is (and no, neither of us said “the Pope,” although that’s probably a better answer than what we came up with). We hear from a caller asking about whether suicide is always a bad thing, and then discuss the issue of “rapture trauma.” Our new segment, “Pastor Jack’s Off” with Jack Hibbs returns, and then we share biebers involving boldness and marketing.

Podcast #427: Gingers, Death, and Frivolous Encouragement Feb 06, 2023

This episode begins with a serious dilemma with no good solution. We hear from a listener who challenges us about our obsession with death and the end of days (but honestly, doesn’t positivity need prior privilege to exist in the first place?). We discuss the issue of female solidarity, and then share biebers involving gathering ammo and, oh yeah, female solidarity.

Podcast #426: Self-Love, Rapture Anxiety, and Pastor Jack’s Off Jan 30, 2023

We kick off this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors by discussing the films of Baz Luhrmann (and the new Elvis one in particular). We look back on the hilarious Jeffrey Toobin masturbatory episode, and then discuss the issue of “Rapture Anxiety,” wondering aloud how bad we should feel for people who believe in stupid shit without evidence. We coin a term for a new segment, “Pastor Jack’s Off,” during which we listen to and make fun of Pastor Jack Hibbs. Biebers involve award shows and Hollywood nepotism?

Podcast #425: Weight Loss, Death, and Israel Jan 23, 2023

We begin this episode of DXP with a discussion of weight loss and its impact on life’s most important activities (like tying shoes). We update everyone on the progress of Moist January, and then hear from a caller about the prospect of death. We play a voicemail questioning a common atheist argument against Christianity, and then spend a fair bit of time getting frustrated with Pastor Jack Hibbs. Biebers involve shaving sensitive areas and deboarding airplanes.

Podcast #424: Gingers, Beatles, and Occultists Jan 09, 2023

This episode begins with what can only be described as a bone-chilling voicemail from a redhead. We then discuss the new year, the recent Paul McCartney documentary, and how olden-times people knew what they looked like. We discuss where all the occultists have gone, and then share biebers involving packing tape and the NYT Wordle.

Podcast #423: Christmas, White Lotus, and "Pastor" Jack Hibbs Dec 26, 2022

We begin this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors talking about how weirdly enigmatic Jim Carrey has become. We talk about Christmas gifts and snowmobiling (which is a thing people do for some reason that Jason cannot fathom). We discuss the second season of The White Lotus, and then spend the remainder of the show listening to and making fun of “Pastor” Jack Hibbs. No biebers this week!

Podcast #422: Accelerationism, Censorship, and Old Boobs Dec 19, 2022

This episode of DXP begins with a discussion about the new Trump Trading Cards which, although digital and not physical, are still somehow “limited.” We hear from a caller about the film “Everything Everywhere All at Once,” and then are challenged by another caller about 75 year-old boobs. We discuss Accelerationism, and then debate whether it’s okay for a restaurant to refuse service to an evangelical activist group. Biebers involve crap UX and locked-up liquor.

Podcast #421: Premarital Sex and Fading Attraction Dec 12, 2022

This episode begins with a discussion of Indonesia’s recent ban on premarital sex (how do you even enforce that?). We continue this thread with a voicemail about the issue of sex before marriage, and we then interact with a TikTok about people no longer being attracted to their partners, and whether one sex handles that criticism better than the other. Biebers involve hygiene routines and overly clever heaters.

Podcast #420: Turning 50, Eye-Ran, and 420, Baby! Dec 05, 2022

We begin episode #420 by commemorating the number in the most obvious way possible. We attempt to discuss Christian turning 50, and then try to talk about the World Cup for a bit. Jason does his best to explain why we’re pronouncing “Iran” correctly, and then we attempt to address Gen-Z’s itchy trigger finger when it comes to canceling people they disagree with. Biebers involve button-downs and ChapStick.

Podcast #419: GREAT Britain, the World Cup, and Freedom of Speech Nov 28, 2022

We begin this episode with a recap of Christian’s recent trip to England, highlighting all the ways we suck compared to them (we are better at teeth, I’ll give us that). We discuss the World Cup and the U.S. Men’s National Team, and then turn our attention to the issue of free speech, and Elon Musk’s Twitter takeover in particular. Biebers involve pedestrian protocols and cold showers.

Podcast #418: Kyrie, Elon, and Antisemitism Nov 14, 2022

We begin this week’s episode with a brief discussion of the recent midterm elections, lamenting how overblown expectations unduly shape our view of the outcome. We springboard from Kanye to Kyrie Irving and talk about whether or not his actions were truly antisemitic (as well as what that label even means). We talk Twitter and Elon Musk, and then share biebers involving important discussions and unannounced pop-ins.

Podcast #417: Politicians, Theocracy, and Parenthood Nov 07, 2022

We begin this episode of Drunk EX-Pastors discussing Game of Thrones: House of the Dragon. We then turn our attention to Herschel Walker, who’s some ex-sportsball who wants to be a politician. We talk about a recent poll’s findings on the supposed decline of Christianity among Americans, as well as the idea of America as a theocracy. After talking briefly about parenthood, we share biebers involving special effects and Microsoft Word.

Podcast #416: Toilet Seats, Religious Texts, and Marriage Oct 31, 2022

We begin this episode of DXP with a voicemail discussing proper toilet seat etiquette. We then hear from an expert in the field of death and dismemberment about how much we should charge to cut off a pinky. We discuss (and disagree over) Ricky Gervais’s thoughts about science versus religion, and then hear from a listener about whether marriage strengthens romantic commitments. Biebers involve Spotify and traffic signals.

Podcast #415: Old Rappers, Musical Trends, and the End of the World Oct 24, 2022

We begin this episode with the realization that Eminem just turned 50, which leads us into a discussion about musical trends over the last several decades. We imagine how someone from the 1950s would react to being shown an iPad, and then discuss a flyer we recently received urging us to prepare for the return of Christ. We briefly touch upon vaccine hysteria, and then share biebers involving Amazon deliveries and people on TV talking to others who don’t understand them.

Podcast #414: Wrexham, Helium, and the #MeToo Movement Oct 17, 2022

In this episode of DXP we revisit our Kanye/Bieber distinction (as well as touch upon the current beef between these two morons). We discuss the docu-series “Welcome to Wrexham,” and then wonder aloud whether it would matter that much if the Earth had no helium left for birthday balloons. We contemplate how much our pinkies are worth, and then wish the #MeToo movement a happy 5th birthday.

Podcast #413: Armageddon and Learned Helplessness Oct 03, 2022

We begin this episode by shouting out a couple DXP listeners who made their way to the Well & Table this past week, and then banter a bit about nothing in particular. We discuss “Planetary Defense,” which is a recent NASA experiment in which we try to alter the trajectory of an asteroid (think the film Armageddon, only real). We talk about another experiment on the subject of “Learned Helplessness,” which explains why, when you’re down on your luck, it’s so hard to turn things around. Biebers involve icemakers expired water.

Podcast #412: Time, Abortion, and the Looming Civil War Sep 26, 2022

In this episode Jason is derided (again) for thinking he can run for five miles. We turn our attention once again to the book “4000 Weeks,” discussing the issue of cherishing the time we have on this earth and seeking novel experiences that slow time down. A caller brings up abortion, which leads into a discussion about a possibly looming civil war. Biebers involve dishonest memes and martial arts.

Podcast #411: Italy, Greece, and a Bunch of Old Crap Sep 19, 2022

We begin this episode of DXP with a voicemail addressing Jason’s (clearly unthought-out) claim to be able to run five miles. We then hear from Christian about his recent trip to Italy and Greece: Religious relics, victims in Pompeii, old-timey sex positions, Roman fashion, and the incredible architecture of the Pantheon and Sistine Chapel. Biebers involve pushy women and people-mover etiquette.

Podcast #410: Remote Work, Euthanasia, and the Male Gaze Aug 29, 2022

This episode of DXP begins with a discussion about what may become a disturbing trend regarding worker pay for remote employees. Speaking of disturbing, we then talk quite a bit about ear wax for some reason, after which we break down the ethics of euthanasia. We finish with a discussion of the so-called “male gaze” in TV and movies, wondering how bad the supposed double standard really is. Biebers involve autopay and online questionnaires.

Podcast #409: Cosmology and Finitude Aug 22, 2022

We begin this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors by discussing the recent findings from the James Webb telescope, springboarding to the idea that there is virtue in agnosticism rather than in smug certainty. Then we return to the book “4,000 Weeks: Time Management for Mortals.” We discuss issues such as finding joy in the mundane and everyday tasks of life, whether “getting ahead of ourselves” is a good or bad thing, and why so many pursuits don’t seem legit if they’re not profitable monetarily. Biebers involve surveys and slow morons.

Podcast #408: Time, Mortality, and Mar-a-Lago Aug 15, 2022

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we discuss the book “4,000 Weeks: Time Management for Mortals,” wondering aloud whether the final third of our lives is preferable to the first two-thirds due to the fact that we’re not complete morons anymore. We discuss whether the FBI’s raid of Mar-a-Lago was justified, and then end with a bieber involving annoying advertising tactics.

Podcast #407: Miracles, Alex Jones, and Physical Activity Aug 08, 2022

In this episode of DXP we briefly discuss biblical miracles in the light of that kayaker who just got swallowed by a whale. We turn our attention to the current court case against Alex Jones, and then hear from a loyal listener who wants to fight one of us. We play another voicemail about how running 100 miles without stopping isn’t actually that hard. We revisit the issue of Hollywood’s beauty standards, and then share biebers involving milkshakes and tech.

Podcast #406: Depression, Serotonin, and Doing Your Own Research Aug 01, 2022

We begin this episode of DXP by discussing how rewarding it is at our age NOT to do things, but NOT to do them, if that makes sense. We talk about a recent study that calls into question what we thought we knew about chemical imbalances and depression. We wrestle with the issue of “doing our own research,” and then share biebers involving passing cars on the freeway and whether traditional meal times make sense.

Podcast #405: Popular Music, The Godfather, and Emigration Jul 25, 2022

We begin this episode by discussing the recent Paramount+ show, The Offer (and potentially spoil a 50-year-old film in the process). We wonder aloud whether bands know when they have a hit song, and then discuss potential plans to move to a foreign country. And we wrap up by talking about the level of brainwashing necessary to convince the populous that working 50 hours a week is a good idea. Biebers involve false praise and streaming ads.

Podcast #405: Popular Music, The Godfather, and Emigration Jul 25, 2022

We begin this episode by discussing the recent Paramount+ show, The Offer (and potentially spoil a 50-year-old film in the process). We wonder aloud whether bands know when they have a hit song, and then discuss potential plans to move to a foreign country. And we wrap up by talking about the level of brainwashing necessary to convince the populous that working 50 hours a week is a good idea. Biebers involve false praise and streaming ads.

Podcast #405: Popular Music, The Godfather, and Emigration Jul 25, 2022

We begin this episode by discussing the recent Paramount+ show, The Offer (and potentially spoil a 50-year-old film in the process). We wonder aloud whether bands know when they have a hit song, and then discuss potential plans to move to a foreign country. And we wrap up by talking about the level of brainwashing necessary to convince the populous that working 50 hours a week is a good idea. Biebers involve false praise and streaming ads.

Podcast #404: Travel, Luxury, and The Sixth Sense Jul 18, 2022

We begin this episode recounting Christian’s recent travels in Alaska and Canada and move on from there to talk about The Offer, Paramount+’s new show about the making of The Godfather. We take a voice mail from a listener about whether the luxury we experience in today’s society is good for us or not. We talk briefly about how fun it is to watch The Sixth Sense with someone who’s never seen it. Biebers involve notifications and tipping dealers.

Podcast #403: Happy Tears, New Religions, and the Bible on Abortion Jul 04, 2022

We begin this week’s episode discussing how important connection to where you grew up could be. Christian discusses his new problem of his eyes leaking when he’s happy. We play a voice mail about stuttering and then discuss a series of voice mails about whether the Bible condemns or maybe even supports abortion. We wonder if fear mongering about what the Supreme Court will do next is warranted. We end by discussing whether a new major religion is possible in the future. Biebers involve car chases and TV show extras.

Podcast #402: Hollywood’s Beauty Standards and the Meaning of Life Jun 27, 2022

We begin this week’s show by revisiting our discussion about Top Gun: Maverick (and hopefully clarify some things about Kelly McGillis), after which we hear from a listener about gun laws and HIPPA policies. We make a few remarks about Daylight/Standard Time, and then wonder aloud what we want to be when we grow up. Biebers involve printer ink and standing in the rain.

Podcast #401: Incest, Joe Biden, and Aging Actors Jun 20, 2022

We begin episode #401 by wondering whether Jeff Probst has played a more significant role in our lives than we previously realized. We hear from a caller who accidentally makes incest not sound so bad, and then wonder who the Dems may run if Biden wanders off and is never heard from again. We discuss Daylight Savings Time, and then address the horrific injustice of Kelly McGillis not being cast in the new Top Gun movie. Biebers involve obliviots and Harry Potter.

Podcast #400: Cell Phones, Stripper Outreach, and the Size of the Universe Jun 13, 2022

We start this episode of DXP by agreeing to keep doing this because all the freaking out about this possibly being our final show. We hear from a caller about how cell phones are the death of both comedy and drama, and we then puzzle over the size of the universe. We consider joining an outreach team that frequents strip clubs, and then hear from another listener about the abortion issue. Biebers involve showers and filthy wizards.

Podcast #399: Uvalde, Survivor’s Guilt, and Explaining the Internet Jun 06, 2022

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we discuss the new Top Gun film, after which we turn our attention to what by now is like 10 mass shootings ago. We wrestle with the issue of survivor’s guilt, and then try to explain the Internet to an hypothetical person from the ‘80s. We hear an argument for why we’re living in a computerized simulation, and then address a common pro-choice argument. Biebers involve eyewear and streaming services.

Podcast #398: Atlanta, Stocks, and Student Debt May 23, 2022

We begin this episode with a voicemail about how it’s supposedly elitist to complain about cleaning ladies, and we then talk a bit about Donald Glover’s show, Atlanta, as well as Jerrod Carmichael’s comedy special, On the Count of 3. We talk stocks a bit, we hear from a longtime patron asking about why evangelical pro-lifers aren’t against IVF, and we then discuss the merits of canceling student debt. Coincidentally, biebers involve brooms and magic.

Podcast #397: House Cleaners, Abortions, and the Fall of the American Empire May 16, 2022

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we (and one of us in particular) voices significant frustration at the fact that house cleaners insist on touching and moving everything you own. We discuss the looming collapse of the American Empire, and then discuss Roe v. Wade, and specifically whether any of the popular arguments for abortion actually work (and whether that even matters). Biebers involve tuna cans and mouthy restaurant patrons.

Podcast #396: Roe V. Wade and Other Stuff May 09, 2022

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we hear from a listener who calls into question a very common (but apparently meaningless) phrase, after which we hear why Christian should not play the stock market. We weigh in on the potential overturning of Roe V. Wade. We discuss whether there’s a difference between making college free and canceling student debt, and then share biebers involving receipt paper and key fobs.

Podcast #395: Twitter, Depp vs. Heard, and DeSantis May 02, 2022

We begin this episode of DXP with an update on the films and TV shows we’ve been watching lately (with a focus on Severance). We discuss Elon Musk’s recent purchase of Twitter, breaking down why everyone is either rejoicing about it or having a complete meltdown. We talk Johnny Depp/Amber Heard, and weigh in on Ron DeSantis’s culture war in Florida (does CRT really teach kids to hate their country? And is that necessarily a bad thing?). Biebers involve hyperlinks and twitch streamers.

Podcast #393: Israel, the Bible, and the Jesus Movement Apr 18, 2022

In this episode of DXP we hear from an angry Goonies enthusiast, and then we play a TikTok about how to use capitalism to stop police from shooting black people. We discuss the issue of contradictions in the Bible, and then springboard into a discussion of the dubious math that evangelicals employ to justify their support for Israel. We talk about our former church, Calvary Chapel, and then hear from a caller about the Victoria’s Secret model with Down Syndrome. Biebers involve Geico and the olds.

Podcast #392: The Rapture, the Egg Theory, and Valid Opinions Apr 11, 2022

We begin this episode with a voicemail from an old friend asking about the long-term effects of believing that Jesus could return at any moment. We discuss the movie about Calvary Chapel that is currently under production, and then hear from another listener asking about whether one needs to be a part of a particular demographic in order to have a valid opinion about them. We introduce the so-called Egg Theory, and then share biebers involving deadlines and TikTok.

Podcast #391: Human Cyborgs, Tax Proposals, and the Slap Apr 04, 2022

We begin this episode discussing the idea that “ignorance is bliss,” and then turn our attention to the various attempts of Big Tech to turn us all into human cyborgs (or is it just rich people who get this?). After talking briefly about Biden’s new tax proposal we break down “the slap heard ‘round the world.” Biebers involve Hulu accounts and limiting discourse.

Podcast #390: Batman, Wealth, and Non-Monogamy Revisited Mar 28, 2022

We begin this episode by reflecting on the latest Batman movie and theorizing that the caped crusader’s identity could only be that of a rich white man. We play a couple voicemails from callers who like to listen to us talk about things we know little about, for some reason. We tackle the issue of wealth, trying to decide whether it would make life too boring, and then revisit the issue of non-monogamy. Biebers involve parking spots and Instagram filters.

Podcast #389: Optimism, Pessimism, and the War in Ukraine Mar 21, 2022

We begin this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors with yet another story about Christian losing consciousness, after which we briefly weigh in on the issue of doping in sports. We touch on the new Apple TV+ series, Severance, and then play a voicemail about the end times. We hear from another listener regarding the war in Ukraine, and then spend the entire second half of the show arguing about it. Biebers involve airline seats and clutter.

Podcast #388: Consensual Non-Monogamy Mar 14, 2022

We begin this episode of DXP with a voicemail from a grateful listener which helps convince us that this show might not suck after all. We hear a harrowing restaurant story involving someone who’s for sure related to Hitler, after which we turn our attention to the issue of “consensual non-monogamy,” discussing whether it is truly possible for married couples to adopt the lifestyle without jealousy and competitiveness (we disagree somewhat about this — guess which one of us is more cynical?). Biebers involve grocery stores and bad drivers.

Podcast #387: Pop Music, Success, and Nuclear War Mar 07, 2022

We begin this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors by discussing whether pop music from 20 years ago can still pass as new today. We answer a listener’s question about the relationship between hard work and success, and then briefly weigh in on another listener’s thoughts about a supposed “afterlife” with no suffering or challenges. And then to lighten things up a bit we end the show by discussing nuclear war. Biebers involve typos and Pandora.

Podcast #386: Corporate Media and Objectivity Feb 28, 2022

We begin this episode of DXP by freaking out about how young we apparently still look (who knew?). We then recount some strange night terrors, after which we dive into the whole Russia/Ukraine debacle, tackling issues like whether media outlets that are funded by corporations with a vested interest in the outcome of a particular story can be trusted to be objective in their reporting about that story (hint, they can’t). Biebers involve door hangers and extortive ink companies.

Podcast #385: Xenophobia and Idleness Feb 21, 2022

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we spend some time discussing recent Superbowl Halftime show, breaking down why white Boomers are so scandalized by what they saw (cough*racists*cough. We talk about the way COVID has transformed the way we work (and the way we think about work), which leads into a conversation about the balance between busy-ness and idleness. Biebers involve masks and online ordering.

Podcast #384: Meditation, Method Acting, and Stolen Art Feb 14, 2022

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we begin by discussing a documentary about some couple who stole a painting worth $100 million (why can’t we pull off something cool like that?), and then firm up our pledge to spend 10 minutes in meditation every day for a month. We discuss method acting and the cast of HBO’s Succession, and then reflect on the film Old Henry, asking ourselves whether anyone is worth rooting for if we knew everything about them. Biebers involve movie twists and supermarket checkout lanes.

Podcast #383: Getting to Know Your DXPs! Feb 07, 2022

We take a departure in this episode from politics, current events, and the futile nature of existence and tackle some “get to know you” questions about our dreams and goals, our first jobs, our desert-island films, our best vacations, and what kind of harrowing claustrophobic situation we could endure. Biebers involve cheese and lazy web developers.

Podcast #382: Harry Potter, M&Ms, and Our Perpetual Division Jan 31, 2022

We begin this episode by waxing nostalgic about Harry Potter and mocking Marvel Universe movies. We then hear from a caller commenting on last episode’s topic of mid-life crises, and then weigh in on the latest example of faux-outrage concerning how sexy M&Ms used to be and now we barely want to bang them (could it be that keeping us all divided over BS is to distract us from being constantly raped and pillaged by the billionaire class?). We decide to give meditation a shot, and then share biebers involving supermarkets and booking trips online.

Podcast #381: 2021: Depression, Mid-Life Crises, and Impending Death Jan 17, 2022

In this episode of DXP we springboard from the term “discography” into a discussion of the fast-moving nature of tech. We recount what is perhaps the coolest fight we’ve ever had with each other (and it just happened the other day!), and then spend the second half of the show discussing depression, mid-life crises, and the looming threat of death. Biebers involve scales and clothes.

Podcast #380: 2021: A Look Back Jan 10, 2022

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we spend the bulk of the show looking back at 2021 and discussing our personal highs and lows throughout the year, from ER visits to restaurant openings, and everything in between. We talk (and somewhat disagree) about COVID vaccine mandates, and then share biebers involving car chases and furnaces.

Podcast #379: New Films, Parenting, and Becoming an Ex-Pastor Jan 03, 2022

We begin this episode with a discussion of the new film The Green Knight (we’ll let you guess which one of us has and has not seen it). We tease a voicemail about the highs and lows of 2021, which we will answer in more detail next week. We hear from a caller about the challenges of parenting, from which we springboard into a discussion of whether there’s any hope at all for kids these days. Another caller shares his own plans to leave the ministry, and then we share biebers involving boxes and undershirts.

Podcast #378: Australia, Cohabitation, and our Religious Upbringing Dec 20, 2021

We begin this episode of DXP by discussing the new docu-series titled Voir, after which we hear from a listener in Australia who insists that his country’s claim-to-fame is that it proves the Right wrong time and again. We weigh in on a theory that the secret to a healthy marriage is non-cohabitation, and then field a few questions from a patron about the effects of our religious upbringing. We then share biebers involving chin straps and tech doing our thinking for us.

Podcast #377: Photos, Vanity, and the Creative Process Dec 13, 2021

We begin this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors discussing the film Nine Days (which apparently causes people to question their entire worldview). We then turn our attention to whether the lack of photographs in old-timey days made people less vain than they are now (and by the way, how in the SHIT does photography work?). We revisit the new Beatles documentary, Get Back, and then share biebers involving snowflakes and car chases.

Podcast #376: Dead Internet Theory, Omicron, Crumbley, and Relationships Dec 06, 2021

We begin this episode of DXP by discussing the (disturbingly possible) “dead internet theory.” We turn our attention to the omicron variant, and then hear from a caller about the dangers of replacing traffic cops with cameras. We talk about the Crumbley shooting and the legal exposure of his white trash parents, and then answer another listener’s question about how our views of relationships have changed over the years. Biebers involve gristle and tea lights.

Podcast #375: Kylie, Kyle, and the Self-Defense Defense Nov 29, 2021

We begin this episode with a brief discussion about the new Beatles documentary, Get Back, and then hear a hilarious story from a patron about how our podcast led to a meeting with his work’s HR department. After watching a clip of the new Kid Rock video we discuss Bill Maher’s contrast of Greta Thunberg and Kylie Jenner. We then turn our attention to the verdict in the Kyle Rittenhouse trial and discuss the merits of the “self-defense” defense. Biebers involve toilets and shaving.

Podcast #374: Historical Propaganda and Our Rigged Economy Nov 15, 2021

In this episode of DXP we discuss whether the film Groundhog Day is in fact a classic, which leads us into a discussion of the black cowboys in the new movie The Harder They Fall and whether we can really trust historians. Speaking of mistrust, we break down some details of the case against Kyle Rittenhouse, and then turn our attention to Christian’s hatred of Mexico. We hear from a disillusioned listener who wonders whether there’s any hope for the have-nots (we lovingly explain to him that no, there is not). Biebers involve Facebook Marketplace and the entire fabric of our society.

Podcast #373: Bad Parenting, Satanists, and the Greek System Nov 08, 2021

We begin this episode with some possible insight into why people freak the F out on airplanes, after which we learn some valuable tips on how to be a bad parent by some guy who, statistically speaking, probably beats his wife. We consider the Satanic Temple’s recent foray into the culture war, and then discuss the so-called “Greek System” (which is mostly about being a total piece of shit). Oh, and Elon Musk again. Biebers involve abbreviations and Instagram reels.

Podcast #372: Frank Schaeffer Nov 01, 2021

In this special episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we chat with well-known author, speaker, and former architect and leader of the Christian Right, Frank Schaeffer. We discuss his recent book, “Fall in Love, Have Children, Stay Put, Save the Planet, Be Happy”, which urges readers to rethink their understanding of Darwin’s principle of “survival of the fittest” (turns out, “fitness” may have more to do with compassion and empathy than strength and domination). A thoroughly delightful conversation with a man whose impact on us is significant, to say the least.

Podcast #371: Outrage Culture, Rape in the Media, and Evangelical Manipulation Oct 25, 2021

We begin this episode with a voicemail from a caller whose taste in movies is shallow enough to become bored the minute the explosions stop, and we then discuss whether parents should bring their small children on planes or just leave them in the car for the rest of our sake. We discuss all the rape in Game of Thrones, and then we turn our attention to what draws otherwise normal people to evangelicalism. We revisit the Dave Chappelle “controversy,” and biebers involve verification codes and getting tricked on Instagram.

Podcast #370: Our Most Significant Years. Also Transphobia. Oct 18, 2021

This episode of DXP begins with a caller telling us about his newfound love of Screwball. Christian gets mocked for his spoiler-alert fail, and then we are asked a question about grammar. We share which three calendar years have been most significant in our lives, and why, and then spent some time discussing Dave Chappelle’s recent special, “The Closer,” addressing the claims that he is transphobic. Biebers involve reacting to texts and obliviots in restaurants.

Podcast #369: Boobs, Christian Twitter, and Antidepressants Oct 11, 2021

We kick off this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors with a couple voicemails, one from a dude who’s high as shit, and the other from a woman about boobs. We hear from some people on Wacky Christian Twitter, and then revisit (one final time) the issue of anti-depressants, trying desperately to make ourselves clear (but apparently those anti-depressants are useless for helping people with their comprehension skills). We speak briefly about death, and then share biebers involving annoying tech questions and digital fire.

Podcast #368: Blue Pills, Bad Grammar, and What Happens When We Die Oct 04, 2021

In this episode of DXP we hear from a caller who raises the question of whether too much knowledge is actually a bad thing, and if taking the “blue pill” of ignorance is truly bliss. Another caller asks about what it means for our bodies to be the temple of the Holy Spirit, and then we explore the idea that correcting people’s grammar is nothing more than douchebag colonialism. We play a clip from philosopher Alan Watts about what happens when we die, and then share biebers involving virtual keyboards and Post-It Note etiquette.

Podcast #367: Near-Sightedness, Boobs, and Existential Crises Sep 27, 2021

In this episode of DXP we ponder the mysterious dilemma of whether looking at a nearby reflection of something far away has any effect on a person’s near-or far-sightedness (our conclusion is that we guess we’ll never know). We touch on (ahem) whether women realize it when their boobs brush up against us, and then get some (misdirected) pushback from our prior discussion of antidepressants and mental illness. We discuss existential crises, and then share biebers involving phone calls.

Podcast #366: Depression, Ivermectin, and How Much to Hate America Sep 13, 2021

We begin this episode by giving the phrase “getting burnt” a whole new—and disturbing—meaning. We respond to a caller’s questions about depression and its causes and cures, and then address the latest controversy about Ivermectin as a possible treatment for COVID. We disagree about whether leftists hate America too much, and then share biebers involving cotton balls and phone calls.

Podcast #365: Climate Apocalypse, 9/11, and Political Partisanship Sep 06, 2021

We begin this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors with a simple question about murder which then spirals into a depressing diatribe about the end of the world. We touch upon the new documentary about 9/11 on Apple TV+ and then briefly discuss Green Lights, Matthew McConaughey’s new memoir (he’s not quite as stupid as you’d think). We hear from Jason’s attorney about political sectarianism and segue into what it’s like to talk to a Trump supporter at a party. Biebers involve produce bags and failing at discretion.

Podcast #364: Drugs, Capitalism, and the Movies that Made Us Aug 30, 2021

We begin this episode with a voice mail from a congratulatory caller, after which we hear from another listener with some interesting theories about coffee and capitalism. We discuss the kinds of drugs good parents take, and then turn our attention to the Netflix docuseries, “The Movies that Made Us,” spring-boarding into a discussion of our favorite decades for movies, music, and TV. Biebers involve account numbers and digital stuff trying to be analog.

Podcast #363: Debt Collectors, Bible Porn, and the Great Resignation Aug 23, 2021

We begin this episode of DXP by introducing a debt collector who absolutely needs his own reality show. We hear from a caller with questions about the “Great Resignation,” the realization on the part of so many that the pre-COVID rat race has lost most of its appeal (she also wanted us to talk about softcore Bible porn). We hear an interesting take from a listener concerning the idea that there actually are no men’s sports teams, and then share biebers about bathrooms.

Podcast #362: Death by COVID, Anti-Vaxxers, and Performative Politics Aug 16, 2021

This episode of DXP boasts perhaps the funniest and most poignant first half we have ever forgotten to record. But the second half (which is now the whole thing) was also pretty good. We discuss the death of a high school friend from COVID and whether Americans are beginning to soften their anti-vax position (shockingly, the positive one of us thinks yes, the other one remains unconvinced). We briefly talk about climate change and performative activism, and then share biebers involving crosswalks and bad seventeenth-century grammar.

Podcast #361: Hot Sex(agenarians) and Patriotism in Sports Aug 09, 2021

In this episode of DXP (after a brief update about the Well & Table’s progress) we explore the age-old question of whether we’d find Rachel McAdams attractive if we met her in her sixties (short answer, it’s complicated but probably). We share the recipe for the craft cocktail that became the Drunk Ex-Pastor, and then discuss the controversy surrounding the Women’s National Soccer Team’s recent Olympic loss. Biebers involve left-hand turn lanes and cell phone battery levels.

Podcast #360: On Wells, Tables, and Bad Arguments against Christianity Aug 02, 2021

We begin this episode of DXP by introducing our Summer 2021 Playlist, after which we hear from a listener who ironically faults us for repeating ourselves. We share an update about the Well & Table, and then we hear a bunch of jokes about cheese from someone who ought to know. “Dick Move, God” makes a comeback, and then we hear from a listener who ironically faults us for repeating ourselves. We break down some bad arguments about Christianity, and then share biebers involving ATM fees and auto-correct.

Podcast #359: A-Holes in Space Jul 26, 2021

We begin this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors with a breakdown of opening weekend at the Well & Table (Hint: It went great!). Christian then tells a dad joke that Jason doesn’t get until it is explained to him (those are the best kind of jokes). We hear from an angry caller who apparently doesn’t like comedy, and then spend the remainder of the episode debating the merits of billionaires going to space. Both biebers involve banks.

Podcast #358: Spiritual Anarchy, Sex/Life, and Women “Preachers” Jul 19, 2021

In this episode of DXP we hear from a caller who forces Jason to remember a bunch of theology. We then discuss all the recent documentaries we plan to watch, and then briefly discuss the not-good but titillating Netflix program, Sex/Life. We turn our attention to the real reason women can’t be preachers, and then share biebers involving tortillas and the bank.

Podcast #357: Movie “Racism”, Weed, and #MeToo Jul 12, 2021

We begin this episode of DXP with another update about Jason’s restaurant, and we then consider why movies from the ‘90s seem so racist. We answer a caller’s question about our music-listening tastes, and then discuss the recent controversy surrounding marijuana and the Olympics. We talk about recent developments in the Amber Heard vs. Johnny Depp debacle, and then hear from a listener on the topic of Ikea and Juneteenth. Biebers involve cardboard. Yep, cardboard.

Podcast #356: Bo Burnham, Evangelism, and Smug Certitude Jul 05, 2021

We begin this episode of DXP by lamenting the challenges caused by cripples and calorie-counting, and then get an update on the sound system at Jason’s restaurant. We circle back to Bo Burnham’s new special, Inside, and then hear from a caller about the topic of Christians constantly sharing their faith. Another caller charges one of us with being a know-it-all, and we hear from our old pal, Dick Bush. Biebers involve spices and power-hungry city officials.

Podcast #355: Gens X & Z Confront Millennial Dystopia Jun 28, 2021

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we wonder aloud whether needing to sleep gets in the way of creativity (spoiler alert: turns out sleeping is actually kind of important. Who knew?). We hear from a caller with a very strong opinion about gender reveal parties, and then turn the bulk of our attention to the recent Bo Burnham special, “Inside.” We invite a real-life Gen Z-er, Christian’s daughter Chloe, to weigh in on the effects of the pandemic on people already struggling with depression. Biebers involve Quicken and bitches just slapping people.

Podcast #354: Iconic Bands, Handmaid’s Tale, and Exterminate All the Brutes Jun 21, 2021

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we get a much-needed update on Christian’s bidet use (!), and then break down his plan for getting Rachel McAdams to fall in love with him. We play a few voicemails — we hear from a caller asking about tattoos, from another asking about rock bands that stand the test of time, and from another with the balls to suggest that maybe Jason shouldn’t pay his employees $500 per hour. We then lighten things up by discussing Handmaid’s Tale and Exterminate All the Brutes. Biebers involve dogs-walkers and Hollywood’s lies.

Podcast #353: Our Second Best Jun 14, 2021

We’re on a break this week, but thanks to Chris Hamm, we’ve got some oldies but goodies to share with you. We’ll be back next week with a new episode!

Podcast #352: Riches, Rush, and Road Rage Jun 07, 2021

We begin this episode of DXP by disagreeing about how fun roller coasters are, and then theorize about how we would handle obscene wealth. We hear from a caller desperate to convince us that we are wrong about Rush, and then hear a story about being a cat- and puzzle-person at the same time. We share some road rage stories, as well as a really good reason for Christian to own an Apple Watch. Biebers involve litterbugs and technology.

Podcast #351: Movies, TV, and Video Games May 31, 2021

We begin this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors with an update about Jason’s restaurant (and a cautionary tale involving edibles). We then hear from a caller begging us to never break up, which leads into a conversation about the way certain films and TV shows have functioned in our lives personally. We then revisit and try to clarify some things we said last week about the pros and cons of video games. Biebers involve beloved bands and Amazon packages.

Podcast #350: Gambling, Pets, and the Great Reset May 24, 2021

We begin this episode of DXP with a conversation about what would probably be the coolest job ever. We then briefly discuss cars and movies, and then talk about the ways that the pandemic is causing people to question what used to be considered “normal.” We address the charge that Jason is mean, and then we float a half-baked theory that dogs are the Caucasians of pets. We debate whether gambling is worthwhile and hear some feedback on our bidet discussion. Biebers involve divorce and Seattle’s rain.

Podcast #349: Bathroom Cleanliness & Cultural Appropriation May 17, 2021

We begin this episode of DXP by recounting an unfortunate wiping mishap, and then learn about a cool hack to get free food. We discuss Elon Musk and debate whether he’s a good guy or a cartoon villain, after which we hear from a caller with an interesting idea to grow the podcast by shrinking it by 50%. We then turn our attention to the issue of cultural appropriation and discuss whether it is even really a thing in the first place. Biebers involve TV seasons and episode spoilers.

Podcast #348: Elon Musk, Demonization, and Abortion May 10, 2021

Podcast #347: The Stigma Surrounding Sex Work May 03, 2021

We begin this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors by establishing once and for all that Ted Cruz really is a piece of shit. We springboard from the song “Jesus Loves the Little Children” to a discussion of whether it’s racist to refer to people as “red, brown, yellow, black, or white,” and then freak out that the movie Titanic came out a quarter of a century ago. We delve into prostitution (well, into a discussion about prostitution) and whether there’s really anything wrong with paying for sex. Biebers involve meat and earbuds.

Podcast #346: Streaming, Solving Abortion, and Breaking Hearts Apr 26, 2021

We begin this episode by tackling that age-old question of whether “salt” is a legitimate flavor or not (we applied our laser-like reasoning to “vanilla” a few weeks ago as you’ll recall). We revisit the topic of polygamy, and then hear from a caller about how to solve Jason’s streaming frustrations. Christian claims to solve abortion, and then we answer another caller’s question about heartbreak over past break-ups. Biebers involve masks outdoors and that thing that put Chicago on the map.

Podcast #345: Polygamy, Polyamory, and Punishing Singles Apr 19, 2021

We begin this episode of DXP with some talk about Christian’s stroke, and then naturally segue into a discussion of off-the-rack spandex jeans. Netflix’s Away leads to the topic of what we would be willing to die for, and then Jason tells a casino story about what he is definitely NOT willing to die for. We hear from a caller about proper dog training, and then launch into a discussion about polygamy and polyamory. We play a voicemail about cancel culture, and then share biebers involving form fields and streaming.

Podcast #344: Customer “Service,” Cats vs. Dogs, and Our Former Evangelical Faith Apr 12, 2021

We begin this episode of DXP, surprise surprise, by talking about TikTok. We then hear from a listener about how difficult it can be doing customer service for Dominos Pizza, especially when the customer in question is a grumpy podcaster. We hear about Christian’s new cat, and Jason shares his thoughts after watching Forrest Gump with his daughter for the first time. We hear from a caller with questions about just how “squeaky clean” we used to be, and then share biebers about ageing parents and cooking sausages.

Podcast #343: Deepfakes, Satan, and Lil Nas X Apr 05, 2021

One of us had a rough week, which we break down at the top of DXP #343 (and during the discussion we come up with a way to punish appliance companies for charging too much for their shit). A caller wonders aloud what an intimate encounter (ahem) between the two of us might look like, after which we discuss the thorny issue of deepfake videos. We turn our attention to the controversy surround rapper Lil Nas X, which leads to a broader discussion about the N-word. Biebers involve (literal, not metaphorical) small potatoes and the idiocy of Washington’s street names.

Podcast #342: Transphobia, Pay Disparity, and Gen-Z Bohemians Mar 29, 2021

We spend the first half of this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors discussing two controversial topics: We wrap up our conversation about whether refusing to date a trans person constitutes transphobia, and then discuss the disparity in pay between male and female professional athletes. We then briefly talk about controversial rapper Tekashi 6ix 9ine, after which we explore the issue of Gen-Z’s unorthodox career goals. We play a few voicemails in our “Stories from Church” segment, and then share biebers involving cloud-based storage and plain old vanilla.

Podcast #341: Present-Mindedness, Open-mindedness, and Transphobia Mar 22, 2021

We begin DXP #341 touching on topics like social media, comedians, and weed. We then turn our attention to the topic of mindfulness and being present in each moment (one of us is reading Eckhart Tolle, can you tell?). We hear from a listener with some thoughts on our open-mindedness, and then we tackle the question of whether not wanting to date a trans person is in fact transphobia. We talk a bit about the Atlanta shootings, and we then share biebers involving bite-sized food and doorknobs.

Podcast #340: Hip-Hop, Politics, and Sex Quotas Mar 15, 2021

Episode #340 of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a discussion of Hulu’s new documentary series, Hip Hop Uncovered. We foray a bit into politics — we talk about ridiculously hot sex-symbol Ted Cruz, and his not-embarrassing-at-all speech at CPAC a couple weeks ago, and then speculate about whether Bernie is as pleased with the COVID stimulus bill as he claims to be on social media. We hear from a caller asking about sex-quotas within marriage, and then share biebers involving hyperlinks and painting.

Podcast #339: Mindfulness, Body-Shaming, and the Exodus from Christianity Mar 08, 2021

DXP #339 begins with a discussion of men’s shorts which made us both slightly uncomfortable. We then think back on what we wanted to do for a career when we were in high school, after which we learn that one of us had an MRI this past week (one guess who). We mock Oklahoma for some reason, and then hear some voicemails about church vs. state and the mass exodus from Christianity. We explore the topics of mindfulness and meditation, and then share biebers involving credit scores and body-shaming.

Podcast #338: CPAC, Plastic Potatoes, and TikTok Mar 01, 2021

We begin this episode of DXP by discussing why Jimmy Carter was the “rock ‘n’ roll president,” after which we talk about whether Jason really likes hip hop or not. The topic of ageing comes up (as it is wont to do), and we then turn our attention to whether the CPAC event was a Nazi rally in disguise. We address the gender of a plastic potato, and then Christian forces Jason to watch some TikToks in a desperate effort to convert him. Biebers involve temp checks and Starbucks.

Here are the 5 TikToks Jason watched:

Bad

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMejB5yCv/

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMejBsLsx/

Transition

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMejBVE1y/

Coffee shop

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMejBHRDR/

Tourette’s

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMejSe7pE/

Podcast #337: Texas, Death-Bed Songs, and More Stories from Church Feb 22, 2021

We begin this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors with a frustrated voicemail about memes, and then discuss the epic collapse of late-stage capitalism aptly called “Texas.” Christian shares his latest thoughts on death, and we challenge one another to list the last three songs we’d like to hear if we knew we would die in 15 minutes. We hear from more listeners about their experiences within American evangelicalism, and then share biebers involving outlet malls and standing in line.

Podcast #336: Trump’s Acquittal, Political Cynicism, and Stories from Church Feb 15, 2021

After lamenting our worsening eyesight and overall health, we hear a harrowing tale involving vomit and a corpse. We briefly revisit the issue of tipping restaurant workers, and then we springboard from Trump’s acquittal to the issue of cynicism (about which we take a couple voicemails). We then hear from a few callers recounting their weirdest church stories, after which we share biebers involving the weather app and people who just got stabbed.

Podcast #335: Class Solidarity and Cynicism Feb 07, 2021

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we display a bit of ‘80s trivia at the top of the show (didn’t ALL 6th graders watch Falcon Crest back then?). We then springboard from a caller’s views on tipping restaurant servers to a lesson on class solidarity (meaning the person making slightly better poverty wages than you is not your enemy). We talk about what we’ve been watching lately, and then discuss the issue of cynicism, its causes, its dangers, and its solution. Christian tries out a new segment on Jason without his knowledge, and then we share biebers involving car tech and slow predators.

Podcast #334: Tipping, Gamestop, and the ER (Again) Feb 01, 2021

We begin this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors by hearing about Christian’s recent vacation which, true to form, included a trip to the ER and an emergency surgery. We hear from a listener with some interesting (and horrible) restaurant advice for Jason, and then hear from a frustrated caller with some thoughts on the whole COVID shutdown. We break down (insofar as we are able) the Gamestop/Reddit controversy, and then share biebers involving pain and poor pronunciation.

"Best of the DXPs" Jan 25, 2021

Podcast #332: Death, Memory, and This One Nutjob Pastor from California Jan 18, 2021

Podcast #331: Sedition for Dummies Jan 11, 2021

Podcast #330: Old Timey Lesbians and Rugged Individualism Jan 04, 2021

After a quick debrief about 2020, we turn our attention to the all-important question of whether old-timey cowboys were turned on by lesbians or not (it’s complicated, lotta ins lotta outs). We talk about our Christmas haul, and then turn our attention to the (very American) notion of rugged individualism and its political consequences, especially during a pandemic. We touch upon the FX series A Teacher and discuss the power dynamics involved, after which we share biebers involving rap songs and noisy Teslas.

Podcast #329: Pardons, White Rappers, and the Afterlife Dec 21, 2020

Podcast #328: Death, the Afterlife, and the Biden Administration Dec 14, 2020

Podcast #327: TikTok, Extramarital Sex, and Technophobia Dec 07, 2020

Podcast #326: Kids, Agnosticism, and Failing at Life Nov 30, 2020

Podcast #325: Intersex People and Erectile Dysfunction Nov 23, 2020

Podcast #324: Psychedelic Sacraments and Twitter for Morons Nov 16, 2020

Podcast #323: Our Election Erection Nov 10, 2020

Podcast #322: Death and a Living Wage Nov 02, 2020

Podcast #321: The Final Debate, Da 5 Bloods, and Gullible Giuliani Oct 26, 2020

Podcast #320: Moral Authority and Communal Living Oct 19, 2020

Podcast #319: Getting Old and the White House Virus Oct 12, 2020

Podcast #318: Deism, Asia, and the Presidential Debate Oct 05, 2020

Podcast #317: The Constitution, Parenthood, and a Pre-Election Vaccine Sep 21, 2020

Podcast #316: Montana, Fed-Ex, and Screen Time Sep 14, 2020

Podcast #315: QAnon and Nuclear Families Aug 31, 2020

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we banter a bit about some new TV shows, and then relay an unfortunate incident involving a cigar. We then dig into the issue of Qanon: what is it, why do its adherents think what they think, etc. After the break we discuss a recent article by David Brooks on the nuclear family and whether it was a bad idea after all. Biebers involve politicians’ tweets and paper towel dispensers.

Podcast #314: Divorce & Christian Politics Aug 24, 2020

Podcast #313: DNA, Extroverts, and Censorship Aug 17, 2020

Podcast #312: Katherine Stewart Aug 10, 2020

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we had the pleasure of chatting with Katherine Stewart, author of the recent book Power Worshipers: Inside the Dangerous Rise of Religious Nationalism. We discuss the rise of religious fundamentalism in this country, as well as attempt to get inside the heads of Christian Nationalists in order to see what makes them tick. We close with a debrief about the interview and with biebers involving foggy glasses and annoying patrons.

Podcast #311: Demon Semen, Authority, and Elon Musk Aug 03, 2020

Podcast #310: Kidney Stones & End Times Jul 20, 2020

Podcast #309: First Love, Rock Shows, and Hamilton Jul 13, 2020

Podcast #308: The Grand Canyon and the ER Jul 06, 2020

Podcast #307: Quarantine and Racist Statues Jun 29, 2020

Podcast #306: Angry Callers and Slogan Precision Jun 22, 2020

Podcast #305: You Say You Want a Revolution? Jun 15, 2020

Podcast #304: Politicking, Voter Fraud, and Police Brutality Jun 08, 2020

Podcast #303: I Can’t Breathe (Again) Jun 01, 2020

Podcast #302: Tech, Psychedelics, and Hypocrisy May 25, 2020

In this episode of DXP we talk a bit about the FX series Devs, which leads us into a discussion about the future of tech and whether something is more possible if Hollywood makes a show or movie about it. We discuss the potential impact of psychedelics on society in general and atheists in particular, after which we touch upon the nature of hypocrisy and intellectual growth. Biebers involve “family” and poor online arguing skills.

Podcast #301: Ojo Taylor May 11, 2020

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we chat with ex-Christian punker Ojo Taylor about his experience in the ministry, his band Undercover, and his more recent spiritual deconstruction. Biebers involve elevators and media mispronunciations. Follow Ojo on his blog at ojotaylor.com and on Twitter @ojotaylor! Photo of Ojo by Rich Brimer.

Podcast #300: Evangelicalism, Conspiracy Theories, and “Alarmist” Progressives May 04, 2020

We begin our 300th episode of DXP with a suggestion for how we might be able to reintroduce the word “retarded” to the cultural lexicon, after which we give updates on how we’re holding up under quarantine. We discuss what effect, if any, one’s religion has on whether he believes in conspiracy theories, and then touch upon the issues of consciousness, humanity, and free will. We spend the bulk of the second half of the show discussing whether progressive activists are alarmist, and then turn to our biebers involving needless repetition and how strong the tongue is.

Podcast #299: Coldplay, the Beatles, and #NeverBiden Apr 27, 2020

In this episode of DXP we reminisce a bit about our favorite music from the ‘00s, and Christian floats a theory about Stones vs. Beatles fans. We then disagree pretty strongly about the best path forward for this country (as in, is refusing to vote for Biden a self-destructive idea?). We hear a caller’s thoughts on the possible cause of Jason’s pessimism, after which we discuss Bill Maher’s recent China-shaming. Biebers involve autocorrect, Zoom meetings, and passive aggressive Facebook posts.

Podcast #298: COVID Freedom Fighters and Artificial Intelligence Apr 20, 2020

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we debrief a bit about how we’re holding up under quarantine, and do our best to climb inside the minds of those who are protesting the social distancing mandate under the guise of being some freedom fighter (as though Paul Revere and Patrick Henry had NO idea what tyranny and oppression were really like). We spend a while discussing the issue of Artificial General Intelligence, which leads to topics like the hard problem of consciousness, scientific materialism, and how hot the robots in Ex Machina were. Biebers involve basic etiquette and Q&A sessions.

Podcast #297: Southern Mockery and Sexual Assault Apr 13, 2020

In this episode of DXP we debrief about the joys and struggles of quarantining (hint: One of us likes it more than the other). We spend some time answering a caller’s challenge to us about why we mock conservatives from the South, the answer to which should be obvious: Because it’s fun and super easy. We discuss the issue of sexual assault on Survivor and the intricacies of the MeToo movement, after which we share our biebers involving coat hangers and ear buds.

Podcast #296: COVID & Conservatism Apr 06, 2020

In this episode of DXP we debrief once again about our respective experience of social distancing, and it turns out we love it. We spend some time discussing the refusal on the part of many (virtually all conservatives) to self-quarantine, and break down the reasons and pathology behind such dismissal of authority (and it turns out that, according to us at least, this is mostly a unique American posture). Biebers involve Amazon reviews and iPhones.

Podcast #295: Quarantine is Pretty Awesome Mar 30, 2020

In this episode of DXP we debrief about what it’s like to shelter in place. Turns out, binge-watching TV shows and drinking all day are pretty awesome. We do recognize, though, that this can be very isolating and difficult for many people, and so we do our best to lighten the mood and offer hope, as well as envision the ways that this protracted period of quarantining will change what we consider “normal” in the future. Biebers involve fat people and alcohol mixers.

Podcast #294: Quarantined Ex-Pastors Mar 23, 2020

DXP #294 gives us all a glimpse into what is by all accounts the “new normal.” But although we are separated by a few miles, we still take a deep dive into all thing COVID-related. Topics we explore include the lengths to which we are self-quarantining, the effects this is having on our lives and relationships, whether it’s racist to refer to this as the “Chinaman Virus,” as well as whether this is really the end of life on earth as we have known it. Biebers involve autocorrect and stabbing people.

Podcast #293: The Trolley Problem, Political Pastors, and Coronavirus Mar 16, 2020

In Episode 293, we take a moral sense test, delving into numerous variations of “The Trolley Problem”, a thought experiment in ethics, which pits utilitarianism against deontological ethics. We then bid a fond farewell to one of the major contributors to our Feeding Friendzy segment over the years. We then talk about the Coronavirus, and whether or not it’s something people need to worry about if they’re relatively young and healthy. Biebers involve loud cover music and overly cautious web browser prompts.

Podcast #292: Molly, Mushrooms, and MDMA: A Chat with Bruce Sanguin Mar 09, 2020

Episode #292 of Drunk Ex-Pastors features our interview with former pastor and current psychedelics apologist Bruce Sanguin. We discuss the healing effects of mushrooms, psilocybin, and LSD, as well as the well-known propaganda and War-on-Drugs rhetoric surrounding these medicines (as Sanguin calls them). Bruce opens up about his own childhood trauma and explains how his guided therapy sessions using psychedelics have brought about true health and healing.

Podcast #291: Proust and Prowess Mar 02, 2020

We begin episode #291 of Drunk Ex-Pastors by explaining how vaginas work to a girl caller (you’re welcome) and we then get berated by another listener for spoiling a film that came out six years ago. We finish taking the Proust Questionnaire, delving into topics like who our real-life heroes are, which historical figures we most relate to (which stumped us both), and what our greatest regret in life has been.

Podcast #290: Penultimate Proust Feb 24, 2020

In DXP #290 we discuss the film I Origins and its implications for our (ongoing) debate about science vs. spirituality (as in, is a purely scientific worldview reductionistic? Is there an afterlife?). We talk a bit about the Netflix series Narcos: Mexico, as well as other media we’ve been consuming lately. We then turn our attention back to the Proust Questionnaire, delving into such topics as our most treasured possessions, our lowest depth of misery, and what we most value in one another (awww, right?).

Podcast #289: A Scooter, a Surgery, and a bit of Proustian Vulnerability Feb 17, 2020

DXP #289 begins with a harrowing account of what happens when you (1) go out drinking with a bunch of DXP fans, (2) rent an electric scooter, and (3) attempt to make it back to your hotel unharmed (hint: The answer is surgery. Surgery is what happens.) We debrief about our recent DXP Cruise, after which we resume taking the Proust Questionnaire, answering personal questions about our greatest achievements, our most wished-for talent, as well as what we would most like to change about ourselves.

Podcast #288: Dan Koch Feb 10, 2020

In this special episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we sit down and chat with theologian/musician Dan Koch. Our discussion focuses on our own spiritual deconstruction and the challenges we faced as we let go of many of our prior-held spiritual beliefs. We touch a bit on the relationship of science and faith, as well as on the role that fear plays in spiritual development.

Podcast #287: Drunk Ex-Prousters Part II Jan 27, 2020

After finally figuring out how to pronounce the word “psychopathy,” we try to figure out the age-old question of who would last longer in a sudden drought: the well-hydrated person who is always drinking water or the person who rarely drinks water and is used to being dehydrated. We then move on to the Proust Questionnaire where we get through questions 10-16 answering questions such as “What do you most dislike about your appearance?” and “Which living person do you despise the most?” Biebers include unnecessary spellings and conference room/bathroom proximity.

Podcast #286: Drunk Ex-Prousters Part I Jan 20, 2020

After some Star Wars banter and a voicemail offering us serious money if we review the film Cats (something we are actually considering because we are whores), we spend the bulk of the episode taking the famous Proust Questionnaire (we only get about 1/3 of the way through it), answering questions like “What is your idea of true happiness?”, “What quality do you most deplore in yourself?”, and “Which living person do you most admire?” Biebers involve popcorn and philistines who don’t even know Greek.

Podcast #285: Dying Out Loud with Dave Warnock Jan 13, 2020

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we chat with Dave Warnock, an ex evangelical pastor turned atheist. We discuss the factors that led to his spiritual deconstruction and “apostasy,” as well as how the non-Christians in his life have turned out to be much more Christlike than the believers ever were. Dave was recently diagnosed with ALS (Lou Gehrig’s Disease) and has been given only a few years to live. We talk about his “Dying Out Loud” tour, and the effects his mortality have had on his day to day life.

Podcast #284: Self-Love and Star Wars Jan 06, 2020

Episode #284 of DXP begins with a voicemail criticizing us (gasp!) for our poor pronunciation skills, after which another caller explains how big mountains are. We discuss the mechanics of masturbation as well as how far into puberty it should take before a boy figures out how to do it. We discuss the strengths and weaknesses of The Rise of Skywalker, after which we share our biebers (which have to do with turning left and stupid sayings).

Podcast #283: Christmas Gifts and Psychedelics Dec 23, 2019

We begin this episode of DXP by revisiting the topic of the inevitability of death (but not inconsequential deaths, deaths that actually matter). We then choose the meanest, drunkest, and funniest voicemails we have received over the past few months and turn the tables by calling these listeners live on the air. We discuss the therapeutic use of psychedelics, which leads to the issue of how much mistrust of traditional western medicine is appropriate. Biebers involve verbiage and stop sign etiquette.

Podcast #282: Optimistic Nihilism Dec 16, 2019

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we play a listener’s voicemail about death, which leads us into a discussion about so-called “Optimistic Nihilism,” a view that says that we can still find beauty in the world despite everything being pointless and destined to ruin. We then turn our attention to a recent study suggesting that people living in red states have worse—and significantly shorter—lives than their blue-state-dwelling superiors. Biebers involve search engines and fatty nuts.

Podcast #281: Memento Mori Dec 09, 2019

DXP #281 begins with a voicemail from an old friend, after which we give an update about whether both of us will actually be on our upcoming cruise. We debate about which ‘80s films are the most iconic, and then weigh in a bit on the new (and controversial) Peloton ad. After discussing the 2020 election we muse a bit on the topic of mortality and death, and then talk about which animals are OK to eat, if any. Biebers involve towels and gunshots.

Podcast #280: Foils, Pessimism, and Drinking Alone Dec 02, 2019

In this episode of DXP Jason selflessly volunteers to do the drinking for both himself and Christian (we’ll let you decide if this was a good idea or not). Jason gives Christian his birthday present, and then we get a brief stroke update. We discuss the conservative pathology that always needs an enemy to fight against, then we debate about just how pessimistic we should be about the world. We address some listeners’ questions about veganism, after which we share our biebers about annoying containers.

Podcast #279: Vegans Feel So Much Better (Than the Rest of Us) Nov 25, 2019

Episode #279 begins with a voicemail mocking us because of Veterans’ Day (well, one of us in particular). We talk a bit about our new studio and then touch upon the latest impeachment developments, after which we turn our attention to the various health benefits of being vegan (which Christian promises he is not). We hear from a caller who singlehandedly solves the bee population problem with science, and are treated to another listener’s rendition of a relevant ‘80s TV theme song.

Podcast #278: Diff’rent Strokes Nov 18, 2019

In this somewhat shortened episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we share the real reason for last week’s hiatus (and no, it wasn’t just because we are remodeling our studio). This is a must-hear episode….

Podcast #277: Shout at the Devil Nov 04, 2019

In DXP #277 we are again reminded of our “guilty pleasure” status for our evangelical listeners. We take a voicemail about whether churchgoers are aware of their pastors’ salaries, and then learn from another listener that we may be in significant legal peril. We talk about Kanye and that dead ISIS guy, and then are joined by Seth Taylor to discuss whether the demons that live inside of us are the kinds with horns and forked tongues, or are some other kind of Satanic underlings.

Podcast #276: Death, Pronouns, and the Hassle of Getting into Heaven Oct 28, 2019

DXP #276 begins with more woes about a certain online course, after which we wax semi-serious about our desire to be remembered after we die. We take calls about whether our president is actually mentally handicapped, whether the whole pronoun thing is a bigger deal than we realized, and whether God could have just created us already in heaven in order to skip all the hassle. We revisit the issue of rising tides, and then make another unannounced call to a random listener.

Podcast #275: America, Data-Mining, and Ben Shapiro Oct 21, 2019

DXP #275 begins with a voicemail arguing that “America the Beautiful” actually has a point. We then revisit the topics of alien life and the nature of reality itself, bringing recent books and documentaries to bear on the discussion. We call a butt-dialer, and then turn the conversation to The Great Hack and the issue of digital data mining. We take a call about using Venmo to get more tips, and then listen to Ben Shapiro threaten to kill people. Biebers involve spelling and online courses.

Podcast #274: Flying Saucers and Little Green Men Oct 14, 2019

In this episode of DXP we hear some more valet woes and then listen to all the reasons why traveling through America is a big waste of time. We discuss a recent documentary about Robert Lazar and his claim to have reverse-engineered a flying saucer at Area 51, which leads to a conversation about science and so-called paranormal phenomena. We do our first-ever live interview with a lucky patron, and then share our biebers involving boarding planes and hyperlinks.

Podcast #273: Asians, Tongues, Veins, and Impeachment Oct 07, 2019

We begin episode #273 of DXP by recounting the events that led one of us to be whisked away from a concert in Seattle to the hospital in an ambulance. We then share a couple voicemails demonstrating how speaking in tongues works, after which we discuss racism against Asians. We pose a question to the scientific community that they have clearly never thought to consider, we discuss the recent impeachment proceedings, and then share our biebers involving courtesy and talking outside.

Podcast #272: Judging Vs. Judgmentalism Sep 30, 2019

In this episode of DXP we begin by discussing Bieber and Lambos, after which we ponder whether there really is such a thing as the “science” of nutrition (mainly because we’re mad that we’re not thinner than we are). Jason shares some fresh frustration at his workplace and the people who frequent the place, which leads to a conversation about the difference between making judgments and judgmentalism (as in, does the cover actually reveal a lot about the book itself?). Biebers involve zippers and lotion.

Podcast #271: Faith and Fat-Shaming Sep 23, 2019

Episode #271 of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a voicemail from a very inebriated caller pledging to pull his support from another popular podcast and giving it to us. We then address another listener’s comments about the charismatic movement and explore the nature of our own early faith, after which we spend some time reflecting on Bill Maher’s recent controversial statements in favor of fat-shaming. Biebers involve pushing buttons and careless maids.

Podcast #270: Climate Science, Postmodernism, and “Dick Move, God” Sep 16, 2019

We begin DXP #270 by celebrating our improved sound quality, after which Christian talks about his new diet. A voicemail launches a discussion about comedy and conservatism, and then we pivot to the issues of climate science and postmodernism. “Dick Move, God” makes its return, after which we debate whether children have the right to online privacy. After a few remarks about gun control we share our biebers, which involve pee and human resource departments.

Podcast #269: Controversial Comedy and Late-Night Intimacy Sep 09, 2019

In this episode of DXP we hear about an exciting new job opportunity for Christian, and then discuss a recent meme we shared but then deleted due to it being “controversial” (this leads into a discussion of controversial comedy in general). We answer a caller’s question about Jason’s late-night intimacy, and then discuss a mystery whose secrets we guess we’ll never know. We address another caller’s questions about psychedelics (which leads to a discussion about demons), after which we share our biebers.

Podcast #268: Death and Poo Sep 02, 2019

In this episode of DXP Jason gives a brief update on his potential future as a restauranteur, and Christian shares some stories from his recent boating adventure (most of which center around the age-old question of how you’re supposed to poop in such cramped quarters). We debate whether lying about stuff makes it true, and then discuss the HBO show Euphoria. We take a call about Gen-Xers vs. Millennials, and then discuss the topic of death. Biebers involve PC culture and service charges.

Podcast #267: The Family, Wokeness, and A**hole Kids Aug 19, 2019

In this episode of DXP we discuss what is perhaps the greatest Bible lesson ever given, after which we talk about the good-looking-ness of actors (or lack thereof). We tackle the issue of how not to notice hot women around your wife, and then discuss the new documentary about the Christian Right, The Family. We disagree about some recent comments by Bill Maher, and disagree again about whether religious kids are less compassionate than normal ones. We conclude with a bieber about wedding photographers.

Podcast #266: DNA, Workplace Confrontations, and Tragedy in “Toledo” Aug 12, 2019

In this episode of DXP we learn a little more about Christian’s “DNA,” and Jason shares a couple stories about valet life. We take a call from a listener with thoughts on whether Trump’s recent tweets are racist, and then discuss the mass shootings in El Paso and Dayton (or as Trump calls it, “Toledo”). We then chat with Bill Olien, one of our first patrons, about faith, music, and outreach to the poor and marginalized. Biebers involve running boards and backing that thang up.

Podcast #265: Foreign Accents, our Forties, and Faux Racism Aug 05, 2019

In this episode of DXP we talk a bit about the new HBO miniseries “Chernobyl,” which leads to a discussion about why Hollywood makes all foreign people British. We turn our attention to an old pic that Jason posted in which his father is the same age as we both are now, prompting a discussion of whether 40 really is the new 30. We talk about Reagan’s racism and whether Trump’s recent tweets are actually racist at all, and then discuss Jeffrey Epstein’s plans to jizz all over the world.

Podcast #264: Parks & Rec, Hamilton, and What Guys Want Jul 29, 2019

DXP #264 begins with some banter about new tech and NBC’s Parks & Rec (which features prominently throughout the episode). We discuss a new business opportunity; after which we answer a caller’s question about whether it’s weird that Hamilton was played by a person of color. We turn our attention to the so-called Transformed Wife and her lady-splaining to us what men really want in a woman. We conclude with biebers, which involve right-hand turns and online password requirements.

Podcast #263: "DNA," Online Success, and Eternal Retribution Jul 22, 2019

In this episode of DXP we debrief a bit about the wedding Christian recently attended in Texas, after which Jason teaches us how to speak Chinese (which is not racist). We discuss the return of Aziz Ansari, and then debate whether DNA is total bullshit. We respond to some pushback about whether of not we’re successful, and then take a call about sowing and reaping in the Bible. Biebers involve airplane armrests and Sprint’s customer service.

Podcast #262: Martyr Complexes and the “Gifts of the Spirit” Jul 15, 2019

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we discuss the martyr complex of American evangelicals and seek to determine the REAL reason we hate them (hint: It has nothing to do with Jesus). We take some pushback from a caller about our take on female athletes’ pay, after which we consider becoming investigative journalists. We discuss the so-called gifts of the Spirit, and then display awe at the mystery that is “the sun.” We briefly talk about Jeffrey Epstein and “deepfakes,” and then close with biebers.

Podcast #261: Female Athletes, Cannibalism, and Objective Morality Jul 08, 2019

In this episode of DXP we debrief about our recent Alaska cruise, and then congratulate the U.S. women’s national soccer team on their victory (which led to a discussion about their receiving less pay than men, as well as about the nature of capitalism in general). We talk briefly about a short-lived Twitter feud one of us got into, and then answer a listener’s questions about whether Christians are really cannibals and whether we think morality is objective. Biebers involve back-up cams and self-checkout.

Podcast #260: Tongues of Angels, Hearts of Pigs Jul 01, 2019

In DXP #260 we debrief a bit about Jason’s time “in his cups” last week, after which we observe a scientific mystery regarding hair growth. We then delve into the theology behind speaking in tongues. (What is it? Why do Pentecostals do it? And are they really just cunning linguists?) We answer a caller’s question about parenting and losing your religion at the same time, and then embark on a new record for the amount of time spent talking about pig hearts. Biebers involve mortgage interest and last week’s bieber.

Podcast #259: Lotsa Shots, Part 2 Jun 24, 2019

Writing a description for DXP #259 is a bit of a challenge since yours truly did a shot every 15 minutes the show went on. But as far as I can remember we talked about impeachment, answered some pushback about voting standards, and discussed whether the religious notion of eternity mitigates against the meaningfulness of life. We explain to non-former-evangelicals what things like the Great Tribulation and Mark of the Beast are. Biebers involve the challenges of walking and what is supposedly tolerable.

Podcast #258: Spaghetti, the Rapture, and Assisted Suicide Jun 17, 2019

We begin DXP #258 by revisiting the natural disaster that our fervent and effectual prayers thankfully averted. We then introduce a new topic in our segment, “I Guess We’ll Never Know,” involving why the makers of spaghetti can’t even speak their own language. We launch a new segment which has us introducing and defending belief in something preposterous, after which we address the topic of assisted suicide and whether mental health is really a thing. Biebers involve empty threats and door handles.

Podcast #257: Construction, Judgment Day, and Freshwater Oceans Jun 10, 2019

In DXP #257 we are put on blast for not knowing how to build a house (of which we alone are ignorant, apparently). We discuss the option of skipping to the front of the Judgment-Day line, and then address the tactics of the rabid opponents of Planned Parenthood. We get some feedback about our message from a mistress, and then do another “I Guess We’ll Never Know” segment. The topic of suicide comes up, and then we launch into biebers (which involve Chernobyl and cyclists).

Podcast #256: Prayer, Confession, and Lots o’ Shots Jun 03, 2019

In DXP #256 we heed a request from a patron that one of us does a shot every 15 minutes throughout the duration of the show. We then put prayer to the test, coming before the Almighty in the aftermath or the devastating earthquake that rocked Los Angeles this past week. We discuss some recent documentaries, and then answer a caller’s question about religion and our children. In our DXP Confessions segment we hear from an actual mistress, and then get a sneak peek into a woman’s response to VR porn.

Podcast #255: Living Abroad and Leaving the Faith May 27, 2019

DXP #255 begins with a voicemail about tornadoes, as well as one calling us out on all these teased interviews we never seem to follow up on. We answer a caller’s question about leaving the faith, after which we consider a Go Fund Me campaign for a certain stab-wound victim. We discuss other listeners’ questions about everything from Christian celebrities to hangovers and from living abroad to what Jason actually believes. Biebers involve newsfeeds and false time limits.

Podcast #254: TV Theme Songs, Favorite Jobs, and More Audience Q&A May 20, 2019

In episode 254 of Drunk Ex-Pastors, after our usual combination of banter, non-sequiturs, and rabbit trails of distraction, we open the floor up to our patrons and other listeners by answering the questions they posed to us online. We discuss the various jobs we have had and which were our favorites, we talk about the best TV show theme songs from the ‘80s, what we’d do if we won the lottery, as well as many other topics. Biebers involve our eating habits and the removal of jewelry.

Podcast #253: Hobbies, Rape, and Experiencing God May 13, 2019

We begin DXP #253 with a discussion about hobbies and why they’re not all they’re cracked up to be. We get some unsolicited dog-training advice, discuss the time-saving benefits of profiling people in the service industry, and break down the best way to give away millions of dollars. We answer a caller’s question about our experiences of God’s existence, and then discuss a controversial scene from Game of Thrones involving rape and torture. Biebers involve Hollywood cut-aways and gas.

Podcast #252: Calvary, Calvinism, and Notre Dame May 06, 2019

In episode #252 we hear a suggestion about distilling and branding our own liquor, after which we recount our past experiences regarding leaving our former church, Calvary Chapel. We discuss a couple recent Netflix documentaries about women we admire, and then address some charges of racism surrounding people’s responses to the Notre Dame fire. We respond to a caller’s comments about the God of Calvinism, and then hear another listener’s confession. Biebers involve wedding dates and campfires.

Podcast #251: Old Movies and Public Spiritual Deconstruction Apr 29, 2019

In episode #251 of Drunk Ex-Pastors we spend some time arguing over whether old movies suck or not, as well as over why people get excited about long battle scenes in TV and films. We then turn our attention to the difficulty of spiritual deconstruction done in public, and how responsible we should feel toward those who were members of our former congregations. We then share our biebers, which involve audiences at concerts and, you guessed it, certain types of cars.

Podcast #250: Minority Presidents, History, and the Afterlife Apr 22, 2019

In our sestercentennial episode of DXP we tease the audience about what it would take in order for us to start putting out a midweek show (it’s well within the real of possibility actually). We then engage a long-time fan’s input about having a minority president, after which we discuss a patron’s question about the value of history and what it has to teach us. We spend some time discussing another listener’s thoughts about the afterlife, and then share biebers involving hoods and credit card offers.

Podcast #249: Ignorance, Bliss, and Girl Presidents Apr 15, 2019

DXP #249 begins with the introduction of a new addition to the family. We hear from a caller asking for further thoughts on our own spiritual and political deconstruction, and from another who wants to know whether ignorance really was bliss. We discuss the merits of having a girl president (wink), and then launch a new segment titled DXP Confessions which allows our listeners to call in and unburden their souls (warning, penance may be assigned). Biebers involve self-sabotage and D-bagging.

Podcast #248: Friendship and Deconstruction Apr 08, 2019

In DXP #248 we briefly debate whether it’s OK to dislike the movie “Us” without also being racist, after which we discuss the black inventor of the lightbulb whom you’ve never heard of because white people always take credit for everything. We revisit the water bottle issue, and then answer a caller’s question about how our respective processes of deconstruction affected our friendship. We break down a well-meaning Christian’s lament over the New Zealand mosque attacks, and finish, as always, with biebers.

Podcast #247: Nicknames, Mueller, and Cardi B Apr 01, 2019

In episode #247 of Drunk Ex-Pastors we discuss the origin of various nicknames (as in, how the hell do you get “Peggy from “Margaret” or “Dick” from “Richard”?). We then turn our attention to the differences between Cardi B and Bill Cosby and whether it’s okay to drug people in order to just rob rather than rape them. We discuss the developments surrounding the Mueller report and then share our biebers (one involves whinging employees and the other focuses on drinking while riding a bike).

Podcast #246: Self-Love, Innovation, and our Spiritual Evolution Mar 25, 2019

For some reason, episode #246 of Drunk Ex-Pastors includes a lengthy discussion about masturbation despite the topic appearing nowhere in our outline. We discuss innovation and the recent documentary, The Inventor, and then we answer a caller’s question about where our views currently stand on spiritual matters (I think it is fair to say that both of us have undergone a bit of evolution in this area). Biebers involve pizza parties and people who assume zero responsibility for their own choices.

Podcast #245: All Dogs Go to Heaven Mar 18, 2019

Remember those ‘80s VSEs (“Very Special Episodes”) where a show like Facts of Life or Diff’rent Strokes would delve into some serious, dark territory? The first half of DXP #245 is kind of like that. After discussing death and loss, we turn our attention in the second half to celebrity comeuppance, fair wage policy, and whether the history of America is really just the history of various forms of fundamentalism. Biebers involve stop signs and T-shirts.

Podcast #244: Neverland, A.O.C., and Automation Mar 11, 2019

DXP #244 begins with some thoughts about HBO’s documentary, Leaving Neverland, which leads into a crazy story involving a certain casino and Ted Bundy. We hear back from a recent caller about the minimum wage, and then discuss how scared we should be of automation (things get a bit meta here). We get a bit of pushback about the whole “white Buddhists” thing, and then hear from another caller who has “come out” to his mom about his agnosticism. We end with a voicemail about, (you guessed it!) hell.

Podcast #243: Political Correctness, Race, and (Our Last Discussion about) the Meaning of Life Mar 04, 2019

We begin DXP #243 by switching our disparaging remarks about Steven Tyler to a different glamrocker, after which we conclude—we promise—our discussion about scientific materialism and the meaning of life (because such a mundane topic must be so boring for people). We touch briefly upon the Cohen hearing, as well as push back a bit against what we consider to be ridiculous and PC-driven views on race and culture (we surely offend just about everyone here). Biebers involve physical trainers and the Krauts.

Podcast #242: Liars, Rich People, and the Beauty of Meaninglessness Feb 25, 2019

In DXP #242 we debrief a bit about the cruise we just took, after which we hear some pushback we got for being so dishonest (this leads into a discussion about media bias on the left and the right). We discuss a recent hotel-related documentary we watched, prompting a chat about the virtue of wealth. We then spend a fair bit of time fielding the objections we have heard about whether or not scientific materialism is “beautiful” (long-time listeners will appreciate the role-reversal in this discussion).

Podcast #241: Molly, Childhood Trauma, and Fine Dining at Sizzler Feb 18, 2019

In episode #241 of Drunk Ex-Pastors we talk a bit about Bruce Sanguin’s book, Dismantled, discussing the issue of psychedelics and spirituality (prompting an aside about whether Jason has ever really had any true childhood trauma). We take calls from listeners about healthcare and whether minimum wage laws are a good thing, and then turn to our biebers, which are admittedly incredibly “first world” (going on Caribbean cruises can be very challenging).

Podcast #240: Movies, Conservatism, and the Meaning of Life Feb 11, 2019

In this episode of DXP we talk a bit about the various films nominated for Best Picture (one of us has committed to watch them all before the event, the other hasn’t heard of any of them. We’ll let you guess who’s who). We take a dive into the conservative psyche and discuss whether it’s true that there are crazy zealots “on both sides” (it’s not). Before turning to our biebers—which involve truancy and a certain social media platform—we debate whether life without any afterlife can truly be meaningful.

Podcast #239: Sports, Sadness, and White Guilt Feb 04, 2019

Episode #239 of DXP begins with a caller’s lament over our relative happiness, after which we take another listener’s question about the degree (if any) to which we experience “white guilt.” We discuss the communal aspect of sports and whether they are a positive part of society or a mere distraction from what matters. Biebers involve doctors and games that supposedly showcase our vocabularies.

Podcast #238: School Kids, Tribal Elders, and Black Israelites Jan 28, 2019

Episode #238 of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a listener’s question about how we’d feel about being undertakers, which then devolves into a self-exploration concerning just how much blatant theft we would be comfortable with (turns out, quite a bit). We discuss Trump and porn a bit (as separate topics, thankfully), and then address the recent Covington Catholic student controversy, bringing a bit of nuance to the issue. Biebers involve taxes and the passage of time.

Podcast #237: Gillette Ads and Instagram Stars Jan 21, 2019

DXP #237 begins with a cruel attack on Christian and his obvious speech impediment (words are hard for some people!). We then discuss the recent Gillette ad targeting toxic masculinity, exploring issues like why it is so offensive for certain people to be told there’s room for improvement. We turn our attention to a documentary about social media influencers called The American Meme, discussing the pros and cons of the democratization and digitization of pretty much everything. Biebers involve pins and bad movie logic.

Podcast #236: Comedic and Congressional Controversy Jan 14, 2019

In DXP #236 we begin with some banter and a shot, after which we turn our attention to the recently leaked audio from Louis CK’s new comedy act (which many have criticized for his supposed mocking of school shooting victims and non-binary people), exploring the role of comedy in our current cultural climate. We then discuss firebrand congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and the various controversies surrounding her behavior and agenda. Biebers involve recipes and ice (the room-temp kind you wear).

Podcast #235: Debriefing about the Brain & Consciousness Jan 07, 2019

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we spend some time shooting the breeze as usual, after which we address some of the pushback we received over last week's interview with Mark Gober, revisiting such topics as "Can atheists be good people?", "Is materialist science too limiting?", and "Which kinds of spoons are best for bending with our mind?" As is sometimes the case, the two of us disagreed somewhat, but thankfully no one resorted to mind-melding the other. Biebers involved autocorrect and tombstones.

Podcast #234: Beyond the Brain Dec 31, 2018

In this episode #234 of Drunk Ex-Pastors we are challenged by a caller to evaluate our own prejudices concerning people who live in apartments and drink grape soda, after which we chat with author Mark Gober about his new book, An End to Upside-Down Thinking. We explore topics like whether we are really nothing more than our physical, material selves, and what “paranormal” phenomena like ESP, remote viewing, and telepathy have to say about this issue. Biebers involve pumping and left hands.

Podcast #233: Everyone’s Agnostic Dec 24, 2018

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we chat with Cass Midgley, a former youth pastor and current host of the “Everyone’s Agnostic” podcast. We discuss issues such as the doctrine of eternal torment in the lake of fire and why such an idea might be a tad destructive (apparently being dangled over the yawning chasm of hell is not the healthiest feeling. Who knew?).

Podcast #232: The One Where We Get All Open and Vulnerable Dec 17, 2018

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we basically ditch our entire outline in order to address a couple listeners’ questions: What would our lives look like now if we had never left our former church (and do we feel regret over the decision at all?) Another caller leaves a voicemail simply to ask how we are doing on a personal level, to which we respond by getting all vulnerable or whatever. Biebers involve computer monitors and online news sites.

Podcast #231: Fragile Masculinity and Dominion Theology Dec 10, 2018

In this episode of DXP we discuss a recent study whose findings show that men who suffer from issues with their hairlines and/or wieners are more likely to support Donald Trump. This leads to a discussion of toxic masculinity and Christian dominionism more generally. We weigh in on journalist Jamal Khashoggi’s murder and Trump’s non-response, and then move on to biebers involving check-out lines and second-guessing technology.

Podcast #230: Compassionate Trump-Supporters and Christian Martyrdom Dec 03, 2018

This episode of DXP begins with a plea for one of our favorite listeners to recognize his own greatness. We then hear from someone who poses the question of whether people can be genuinely good people as well as supporters of Donald Trump (a true moral dilemma if there ever were one). We revisit drug legalization, and then launch into a discussion about John Chau’s death and about martyrdom in general (like, did those “savages” really need salvation in the first place?). Biebers involve apps and bagging.

Podcast #229: Public Office, Facebook, and White- vs. Blue-Collar Nov 26, 2018

DXP #229 begins with perhaps the most empty threat ever (it comes from Canada, so), and we then consider a listener’s opinion that we are unfit for public office. We revisit drug legalization, as well as hear from a caller who will never again listen to us while at a drive-thru. We discuss the responsibilities, if any, social media platforms like Facebook have to stop hate speech, and then muse about whether we are white- or blue-collar people. Biebers involve fake “sales” and texting.

Podcast #228: Kids, Guns, and Drugs Nov 19, 2018

DXP #228 begins with a voicemail from none other than “Hot Todd” himself, after which we respond to a caller’s question about whether having kids is really a good idea given how crap everything is these days. We address whether it is inconsistent to want stricter gun controls while also advocating for the decriminalization of all drugs. We mull over the prospect of running for public office (guess which one of us only wants the VP job?), after which we share our biebers about crosswalks and blue jeans.

Podcast #227: Is the World Getting Better or Much, Much Worse? Nov 12, 2018

DXP #227 begins with a message for “Hot Todd,” after which we respond to a follow-up question about relationships and personal change. We then learn from President Trump that, as it turns out, Stephen Colbert really does respect him after all. We consider a warning from Fox News about leftist violence, and then turn our attention to the issue of whether the world is better or worse than it used to be. Biebers involve online forms and gas pumps.

Podcast #226: Tacos, Change, and the End of the World Nov 05, 2018

We begin episode #226 by debriefing about our recent DXP BBQ in SoCal in order to make those who couldn’t come super jealous. Christian is forced to clarify his problem with hard-shell tacos (is it time to switch to tostadas?), after which we address whether it is wise to begin a relationship with the intent of changing the other person. We then discuss what practical effect, if any, the knowledge that the world is about to end would have upon our lives. Biebers involve shower handles and photo captions.

Podcast #225: Dick Move, God! Oct 29, 2018

In a special throwback episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, we revisit one of our listeners’ favorite segments, “Dick Move, God.” Join us as we transport ourselves back into some of the Bible’s more obscure stories and discover just how effed up the ramifications of God’s treatment of his people actually were. With loving Saviors like this….

Podcast #224: Parenting and Personality Tests Oct 21, 2018

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we are asked by a caller about our parenting strategies during this #MeToo moment, and we take the opportunity to springboard into some broader, relationship-type topics. We take another call about our views of the enneagram personality test and whether it’s just some Christian Meyers-Briggs kind of thing. We suggest actually taking the enneagram test and each divulging the other’s results on air (but we will probably forget). Biebers involve GPS and email lists.

Podcast #223: Relationships, Consciousness, and the Human Brain Oct 15, 2018

In episode #223 of DXP we are asked by a caller about whether we are comfortable calling one another out on our annoying issues (which is silly, because we’re both totally normal, well-adjusted people). After discussing relationships a bit we are asked about how comfortable we are with discussing sexual assault with out daughters. We then turn our discussion to the issue of consciousness and the human brain, which leads into all kinds of deep mystical crap. Biebers involve salsa and Internet access.

Podcast #222: College, Kavanaugh, and Political Nihilism Oct 08, 2018

DXP #222 begins with our first ever attempt to call someone back because their voicemail was so confusing (the conversation that ensued was just a tad awkward). We discuss whether it’s still worthwhile to send kids to college, and take another call from a listener who can teach the rest of you a thing or two about using your allotted voicemail time efficiently. We then lament the confirmation of Brett Kavanaugh, disagreeing slightly over just how nihilistic and hopeless we should let ourselves become.

Podcast #221: Faustian Bargains and Eternal FOMO Oct 01, 2018

DXP #221 begins with a call from our (presumably) only Trump-voting listener, after which we discuss the new Netflix series, The First. We hear from our very first patron, and then discuss how much money we would bargain our souls for (unsurprisingly, Jason’s is on sale for quite cheap). After the break we discuss the Kavanaugh nomination (but since this episode was recorded a week ago our remarks will be somewhat outdated since news travels so fast these days). But either way, the dude is super shady.

Podcast #220: The Republican Brain Sep 24, 2018

DXP #220 begins with a solemn voicemail from one of our most beloved characters. We then find ourselves getting rebuked for ignoring a listener’s question last week and talking about something else instead (which we are wont to do). We discuss the issue of body shaming and whether it’s wrong when Trump is the target (we’re cool with it), after which we address another listener’s question about whether he is spiritual or religious. We end the show discussing Chris Mooney’s book “The Republican Brain.”

Podcast #219: The One About Nothing Sep 17, 2018

DXP #219 represents what happens when we don’t have a whole lot of topics to address and instead just shoot the shit for a couple hours. We begin the show with a voicemail from a real-life Trump voter, which leads to a discussion of the recent Manafort plea and a foray into the world of FoxNews. Jason tells a story about his new job, and we get some marketing tips from another listener. Biebers involve hotel feng shui and afterschool pick-up lines.

Podcast #218: Nike, Kaepernick, and Changing our Minds Sep 10, 2018

Episode #218 begins with a new and potentially hilarious job prospect for Jason, after which we take a voicemail about the process of changing one’s mind (is it instantaneous or a process? Are certain types of people more averse to change than others?). We discuss the controversy surrounding Nike’s new ad campaign, and then take another call about whether it is necessary to root our good deeds in some religion or another. Biebers involve mobile devices and driving habits.

Podcast #217: Race Relations, #MeToo, and Dating Sep 03, 2018

DXP #217 opens with a voicemail from Dick Bush about a new job prospect. We then hear from another caller challenging our position on racist jokes and on whether Trump supporters are themselves on the racism spectrum. We take a question from a new patron and self-proclaimed “worst Texan ever” about the #MeToo movement, and then discuss a recent study about how most people attempt to date “out of their league” (also, men are super shallow apparently). Biebers involve spouse-sharing and parking garages.

Podcast #216: Avenatti, Argento, Airports, and Axes Aug 27, 2018

Episode #216 of DXP begins with a voicemail for the one of us who “has a real job.” We then talk a bit about future president Michael Avenatti, after which we play a voicemail about the film BlacKkKlansman. We spend some time breaking down the Asia Argento scandal and discuss what its ramifications are, if any, for the MeToo movement. This leads to a discussion about sexual abuse and power more generally, as well as whether gender is relevant. Biebers involve airports and axes.

Podcast #215: Race, Abuse, and Crap Neighbors Aug 20, 2018

We begin episode #215 of DXP with a voicemail from the wife of one of our most famous listeners. We then discuss the issue of race, and the new film BlacKkKlansman in particular. We spend a little while engaging in potty talk (literally), and then devote the bulk of the episode discussing the recent abuse scandal in the Catholic Church. Biebers involve salt and horrible neighbors (what’s the deal, is it a race thing? A political thing? A socio-economic issue? Why are Jason’s neighbors so awful?).

Podcast #214: Personal Growth, Discrimination, and Gay Stuff Aug 13, 2018

In DXP #214 we take a call from a listener who foolishly expects Jason to reconcile something he said in one episode with something he said in another (we don’t like being accountable for stuff). We discuss whether people are truly able to change, and then take up the issue of the various bases of discrimination (as in, can a diner refuse to serve mixed-race couples? Men in MAGA hats?). After following a rabbit trail about the Bible and the gays we share our biebers, which involve boats and elevators.

Podcast #213: Conspiracies, Twitter, and Christopher Hitchens Aug 06, 2018

In this episode of DXP we discuss the conservative mindset in general and Christian’s recent date with a Trump-supporter in particular, seeking to understand the never-ending layers of conspiracy theories and confirmation bias. We address the issue of social media scrutiny as it applies to director James Gunn, and then hear from atheist Christopher Hitchens on the dangers of Christianity (which sparks a sharp disagreement among us). Biebers involve unoriginal music and unhelpful encouragement.

Podcast #212: The Devil & Dick Bush Jul 30, 2018

In this special episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we welcome into the studio none other than the legend himself, Dick Bush (played by longtime DXP listener Chad Toney). Before the interview (which airs in the second half of the show), Jason and Christian discuss the various strongly-worded letters they have written to establishments that angered them, as well as answer a listener’s question about Satan’s agenda. Biebers involve aggressive drivers and annoying technology.

Podcast #211: Space Force and Drag Queens Jul 23, 2018

In this episode of DXP we are challenged by a listener about our dismissal Of “Space Force,” after which we spend some time discussing “Drag Queen Story Hour” (which is pretty much exactly what it sounds like), wondering aloud whether we’d feel comfortable having our kids read to by crossdressers. We hear from one of our favorite callers, after which Feeding Friendsy returns and tackles the thorny issue of free speech on Facebook. Biebers involve fruit and things we just shouldn’t have anymore.

Podcast #210: Redeeming Heartbreak Jul 16, 2018

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we begin by shooting the breeze as usual, after which we discuss the issue of localism (as in, is it okay to hate newcomers to our communities for being new, or do we have to hate them for some other reason?). We then turn our attention, again, to the issue of relationships, discussing whether it is truly possible to redeem our past heartbreaks rather than seeing ourselves as simply damaged beyond repair. Bieber involve pizza and granola bars.

Podcast #209: Relationships, Dating, and “Space Force!” Jul 09, 2018

We begin episode #209 with a voicemail about how to pronounce things from a listener who comes from, ironically enough, Texas. We then hear from another caller who questions our judgment regarding talking about Chloe’s sex life in a public forum (she’s fine with it), after which we revisit the topic of sex and relationships. We visit a Trump rally and debate the issue of making space great again, after which we close with biebers about soccer (no, this one is not Jason’s) and bogus social media platforms.

Podcast #208: Let’s Talk about SEX, Baby! Jul 02, 2018

Episode #208 of DXP begins with a surprising voicemail during which we receive some important legal information. We then get into the fourth-of-July spirit by discussing the TV show 24 and how Jack Bauer is basically a war criminal who deserved all the tragedy he got. We spend the bulk of the episode talking about sex, and specifically how much detail we want our kids to go into when discussing their private lives with us. Biebers involve women’s dating expectations and the way old people pronounce things.

Podcast #207: Fake News and Paper Abortions Jun 25, 2018

This episode of DXP begins with a caller doing his best “I can’t quit you” impression from that one gay cowboy movie, after which Jason tells about his near-death experience and the revenge he hopes to exact upon the perpetrator. We discuss the FLILF’s recent wardrobe choice, revisit the Chris Hardwick situation, and then take caller’s question about “paper abortion” which, apparently, is a thing. Biebers involve car fires and sunshine.

Podcast #206: Chris Hardwick, Kelly Tran, and Bullying Jun 18, 2018

Episode #206 of DXP begins with a couple rather odd voicemails, after which we discuss the departure from social media of Kelly Marie Tran after committing the crime of ruining everyone’s childhood. We then address the recent allegations of emotional and sexual abuse against Chris Hardwick by his former girlfriend, Chloe Dykstra. We take a call about whether the Rosanne- and NFL issues are at all similar, after which we hear Trump acting like a dictator. Biebers involve bacon and cheerios.

Podcast #205: RIP, Anthony Bourdain Jun 11, 2018

We begin this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors by discussing rape for some reason. We spend some time addressing the death of Anthony Bourdain, as well as suicide more broadly, tackling issues like mental health, the pressure of celebrity status, and whether we should avoid our sense of emptiness or embrace it. We then talk a bit about the show Vikings (which has Jason puzzled beyond belief). Biebers involve convenient parking and men’s hairstyles.

Podcast #204: The Barr and the Bee Jun 04, 2018

This episode of DXP begins with a caller asking one of the most flattering questions a Christian could ever hope for. We then relay a story about texting and driving (which apparently is just fine under the right circumstances), after which we discuss Roseanne Barr, Samantha Bee, and Hollywood in general. Our biebers focus on unnecessarily confusing timelines and why being full-figured is a problem for Jason.

Podcast #203: Exploring the Conservative Mindset May 28, 2018

We begin DXP #203 with a harrowing tale involving mysterious sounds and eventual death, and then attempt to provide a free tutorial on how to leave a voicemail. We discuss the looming conservative boycott of Netflix over former President Blackenstein’s new deal with the network, and then delve into the frightening world of that one Mexican gang from Honduras that no one’s ever heard of. We address the NFL anthem response and then move on to Biebers involving stupid expressions and winning arguments.

Podcast #202: Embassies, Spotify, and Prayer May 21, 2018

In this episode of DXP we address Fox News’s Jeanine Pirro and her praise of Donald Trump’s moving of the U.S. Embassy to Jerusalem, which leads to a discussion about Israel’s recent killing of 60 protesters in Gaza. We tackle the issue of liberal censorship (as in, should Spotify ban artists simply because they pee on their sex slaves?), and then talk about whether people should be fired for praying at work. Biebers involve podcast intros and garbage.

Podcast #201: Letting God Off the Hook May 14, 2018

In this episode of DXP we get a congratulatory call from one of our favorite listeners whose question nearly dredges up some angry feelings. We reveal how irritable Jason is and how sensitive to this Christian is. We revisit our so-called fat-shaming from last episode, and take another call about why God only gets the credit for good things that happen without ever getting blamed for the bad. Biebers involve parking garages and chores. Also, if Gun & Roses ever needs to replace Axl, Jason is ready to go.

Podcast #200: Celebrating 200 Episodes! May 07, 2018

Can you believe we’ve done 200 of these things? In this episode we look back at how our lives have changed in the four years since we began this crazy project, as well as look ahead to determine just how long we can keep this thing going. We discuss whether comics get a pass for being politically incorrect, as well as break down a study that suggests that what you’re prejudiced against indicates how smart you are. But in all honesty, after doing an extra celebratory shot of Patron it’s all kind of a blur.

Podcast #199: Famous Lives Matter Apr 30, 2018

Episode #199 of Drunk Ex-Pastors explores the issue of why, when discussing Hollywood’s “liberal elite,” we are told that celebrities are idiots and their political opinions should be discounted, but then conservatives will cream themselves over Kanye West and Ted Nugent. We talk about the recent revelations concerning Sean Hannity, and end the show with biebers about spreadsheets and windshields.

Podcast #198: Crucifying the God who Hates Us Apr 23, 2018

Episode #198 of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with the opening of a listener’s gift (one guess what it contains), after which we offer our final comments (we promise) about the whole rocks-in-the-classroom idea. It’s not our fault, we swear—You people keep bringing it up. We hear a voicemail from a listener who is in distress about the state of his soul, which occasions a lengthy therapy session about the issue of crucifying the god who hates us. Biebers involve waist size and getting shot.

Podcast #197: Death, Resurrection, and Comedy Apr 16, 2018

DXP #197 delves into some heavy territory. After yet another caller challenges our proposal to arm schoolchildren with rocks we discuss death and whether we are personally and professionally ready for it. We “pre-brief” a bit about our upcoming interview with scholar Bart Ehrman, leading to a discussion about (if Jesus never rose from the dead) what exactly happened to precipitate the emergence and eventual empire-wide conquest of Christianity. Biebers involve email chains and the apocalypse.

Podcast #196: The ‘80s: So Rad and Rapey Apr 09, 2018

Episode #196 of DXP begins with Christian being challenged about his Old-Testament solution to school shootings as well as his douchey vacuuming practices. We then turn our attention to ‘80s icon Molly Ringwald’s recent piece in the New Yorker in which she revisits her prior films in the light of the #MeToo movement (turns out they’re fine). We discuss NRA member Ted Nugent’s recent remarks about the Parkland students’ protests, and biebers involve food ratios and servers who need to speak up.

Podcast #195: Community without Church Apr 02, 2018

On DXP #195 we debrief together about the state of Christian’s new heart (what is A-Fib anyway? Can’t be too serious, right?). We also discuss the issue of community, and whether it is possible to truly have one in a post-church setting (we’re pretty sure the Elks Club isn’t taking new members). Our “Feeding Friendsy” segment reveals that there’s such a thing as a Triple Strawman, and biebers involve Costco and stupid kids these days.

Podcast #194: Divine Comfort, Nature vs. Nurture, and Hitler Mar 26, 2018

DXP returns this week, and turns out we have a crap-ton of voicemails stacked up. We take calls (without having screened them first) about topics like why we’re so cold all the time, whether people are psychopaths by nature or through nurture, and what divine comfort really looks like. Christian’s “Feeding Friendsy” segment returns, which causes Jason to discover that he “has no problem with Hitler.” Biebers involve Family Ties and public transport etiquette.

Podcast #193: Throwback Biebers Mar 19, 2018

This week’s episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors will take you on a walk down Memory Lane as we revisit a handful of our earliest biebers. Tune in and be reminded how annoyed we get at everything from football to death, progress to banks. And anyone remember that we used to violate all kinds of copyright laws with our musical outros?

Podcast #192: Is Hollywood Racist? Mar 12, 2018

Episode #192 of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a voicemail from someone presuming to challenge Christian’s desire to go to prison, after which the conversation takes what Jason feels is a quite disturbing turn. We discuss Jackie Chan for some reason, and then take a call about the challenge of applying religion to child-raising. We quench the Holy Spirit by mocking certain types of miracles, and then get into a discussion about Hollywood, the Oscars, and race. Biebers involve Alexa and dead people.

Podcast #191: Billy Graham, God, and Overcoming Trauma Mar 05, 2018

Episode #191 of DXP begins with a solemn reminder of the death of an American icon, after which we give some advice concerning movie trailer protocol. We defend our position on comic book films, chat briefly about Christian’s obsession with guns, and then answer a question about whether God is a factor for us in overcoming difficulty and trauma. Biebers involve stacks of cash and whether Jason’s girlfriend should leave him for Ryan Gosling (she totally should).

Podcast #190: Porn-Control, Flat-Earthers, and Black Panther Feb 26, 2018

Episode #190 of DXP begins with a call to prayer for Jesus’ servant, President Trump. We discuss the intrepid Florida legislature’s recent gun-control measures (oops, we mean porn-control measures), after which we dig deep into the minds of flat-earthers and other conspiracy theorists. Christian reinforces Jason’s biases against Black Panther, and biebers involve outdated tools and junk mail. Also, one of us is now either gay or merely attracted to men.

Podcast #189: Drugs and Guns Feb 19, 2018

DXP #189 begins so mesmerizingly that your humble hosts forgot to say the Introduction (again). We discuss the fake Russia indictments that the fake news reports were handed down by the head of the fake investigation into Trump, after which we turn our attention to Mexico’s path to drug legalization. We weigh in on the recent school shooting in Florida, during which Jason shares his comprehensive gun-law plan that he thought of in the shower the other day. Biebers involve finger-food and pee.

Podcast #188: Sobriety is for Quitters Feb 12, 2018

Episode #188 of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with our revisiting some recently-discussed topics—we play a voicemail about the punishing of criminals, as well as one about pornography. We also welcome into the studio Marta, a close friend whose own journey led her to pursue sobriety a few years ago, and what better way to learn about this than to ask her questions about it while we drink whiskey? Biebers involve what to do with your hands during urination, and why Jesus wants to kill Jason.

Podcast #187: Affirmative Action, Reparations, and Over-Correction Feb 05, 2018

DXP #187 starts with Christian making fun of Jason for being old and grumpy, after which we discuss the issue of tipping restaurant workers and whether the practice should be perpetuated. We get a bit of push-back on our comments about Aziz Ansari, leading to a discussion about how severely a society should over-correct its mistakes, and then we talk about whether the death penalty actually lets some criminals off too easily. Lastly, biebers include putting stuff in your mouth and too much squealing.

Podcast #186: The Wire and Aziz Ansari Jan 29, 2018

#186 of DXP begins with a caller criticizing Jason, but we honestly have no idea what the guy is talking about. We discuss our favorite TV shows and films (and if you’re not willing to watch The Wire after this, then there just may be no helping you). We address the Aziz Ansari controversy, and spit some truth y’all bitches may not like no-how (damn, now we’re even talking like the people on The Wire!). After discussing the recent “Monkey Ad” by H&M we move to biebers, which involve showers and traffic.

Podcast #185: Positive Thinking and Liberal Fundamentalism Jan 22, 2018

DXP #185 begins with a quick look at Pornhub’s Hawaiian stats during and after the missile scare, after which we are encouraged by a listener to be bigger trolls. We discuss our recent attempts to land the Biebs as a guest, and then take a call about whether having a positive attitude matters. We talk about atheist Penn Gillette’s recent appearance on HBO’s Crashing, weigh in on the now-infamous “bad date” with Aziz Ansari, and biebers involve comics and stools.

Podcast #184: A Walk Down Bieber Lane Jan 15, 2018

DXP #184 is a special flashback episode where we walk down Memory Lane and replay our first 10 biebers (which, in case you forgot, refers to small things that annoy us greatly). Enjoy the nostalgia, and be thankful that our sound quality has improved and doesn't suck as much as this kid's music does. Spread the word!

Podcast #183: Dead Gods and Karma Jan 07, 2018

DXP #183 includes everything from celebrity death predictions to a discussion of the role of God, if any, in Christian’s “miraculously” healed heart. We read an email we received from a faith-based marketing firm and respond on the air, and then discuss whether society cedes too much significance to media. We spend the bulk of the episode in a therapy session of sorts, evaluating the popular idea that what we put out into the Universe is bound to come back to us. Biebers involve trash and dishwashers.

Podcast #182: Body Dysmorphia and Movies Jan 01, 2018

DXP #182 begins with our last ever plug for our upcoming cruise, after which Jason receives some very helpful advice from a Mexican about—what else?—nachos. We then discuss the male struggle with body dysmorphia and how hard it is for men to live up to society’s unrealistic physical standards. We talk about some recent films we have seen, and then launch a brand new segment titled “Dispatches from the Crazy Train.” Biebers involve software notifications and YouTube.

Podcast #181: Jedis, Death, and Israel Dec 25, 2017

Our Christmas episode begins with the topic of burritos (obviously), after which we hear from 1/3 of our South African audience. We discuss The Last Jedi and the Star Wars franchise in general, reflecting on whether it is even possible to evaluate these films objectively. We turn our attention to the topic of death for a few moments, and then weigh in on Trump’s Middle East policy and what the Bible has to say about it (turns out the Bible thinks he’s a moron). Biebers involve car doors and IT people.

Podcast #180: Booze and Net Neutrality Dec 18, 2017

Episode #180 of DXP begins, we think, with a voicemail about how cold it is in our basement studio, but to be honest we were so cold we were barely paying attention. We hear from another listener about Christian’s (allegedly) inebriated condition during our last episode, and another about the use of alcohol among Bible-thumpers. We briefly touch upon Net Neutrality, and Jason receives some pushback about one of his previous biebers. Speaking of which, they’re about shooting stuff and burritos.

Podcast #179: Men Have It Hard Dec 11, 2017

We begin DXP #179 by covering our bases and reading the sexual assault waiver that everyone going on the cruise will be forced to sign, after which we clear things up for our Patrons and Jason gets some feedback on his new podcast. We discuss the resignation of Al Franken and whether VP Mike Pence has been onto something all along, and then take a call about the role of Christians in politics (#TheologyNerdAlert). Biebers follow, focusing on release dates and getting wet.

Podcast #178: Tech and Pills Dec 04, 2017

Episode #178 of DXP begins with an example of fearless evangelism, after which your humble hosts weigh in on yet another topic about which we know very little: ADHD and the use of prescription meds in general. We meet Sophia, who may be artificial but is not intelligent, and then briefly discuss the new GOP tax bill. Christian shares some penetrating analysis from 1993 about the southern Californian church landscape, and biebers touch upon 12-packs and pizza.

Podcast #177: Monogamy vs. Polyamory Nov 27, 2017

DXP #177 begins with a disturbing diagnosis of deviant perversion, after which we hear from the Travel Guy himself (a “very unique” person indeed). We briefly discuss the leak of U2’s new album (Jason didn’t even bring it up, we swear!). We get a call from some cute girl who may or may not also be smart, and then hear from more listeners asking about monogamy, polyamory, and how they relate to sexual assault. A favorite segment is laid to rest, and biebers involve small fries and murder.

Podcast #176: Frank Talk on Franken Nov 20, 2017

DXP #176 begins with a caller’s voter-suppression idea and continues with a couple voicemails about Louis CK. We evaluate the notion that a return to the ideal of traditional marriage would help solve the sexual assault problem. We briefly touch upon the Wikileaks/Don Jr. development and then move on to discuss whether the latest sexual assailant, Al Franken, should be lumped together with all the other ones. True Bromance will give you nightmares, and biebers involve obliviots and iPhones.

Podcast #175: Jesus Jingles, Junk Food, and Jobs. (And Rapists.) Nov 13, 2017

Episode #175 begins with a reminder of what A-holes we used to be and continues with voicemails about Jesus music, junk food, high prophets, and some helpful career advice. After our break we revisit the issue of female nudity in films and the objectification of women (due to which we will surely get ourselves into even more trouble), addressing the Kevin Spacey and Louis C.K. issues in particular. True Bromance gets apocalyptic, and biebers involve life in the fast lane and everybody Kung-Fu fighting.

Podcast #174: What Good are Souls Anyway? Nov 06, 2017

Episode #174 of DXP originally included a whole bunch of Kevin Spacey crap which we deleted since we would have gotten in way too much trouble. We take a voicemail about a movie which leads into a discussion of the nature of the soul, and then briefly revisit the issue of objectification. Another caller presents himself as the perfect candidate for spiritual mentoring, and our True Bromance segment doesn’t disappoint. Biebers involve showers and tails (not the kind you’re thinking of).

Podcast #173: Evolution, Faith, and Head Transplants Oct 30, 2017

DXP #173 starts with a discussion of how evolution is obviously from Satan, after which we discuss the new “Head Transplant” craze (could this be the way we finally become attractive?). We hear from completely level-headed and non-inflammatory NRA enthusiast Dana Lash, and take a call from a listener who kinda gets it when people call us misogynists. True Bromance shows us Christian’s sacrificial side, and we are biebered by how movies are so damn fake.

Also, are there ab transplants? Get on that, science.

Podcast #172: Breasts, Loneliness, and Jason’s Journal Oct 23, 2017

This episode of DXP begins with some heartfelt encouragement from one of our favorite callers and then moves on to a voicemail from a listener who agrees with our call for massive voter suppression in this country. We receive a promise of patronage with some strings attached and mercifully (for your sakes) we turn it down. Another caller asks us about how we’d deal with having trans kids (we’d probably still love them), and then we address some pushback we got from our last episode’s remarks about Harvey Weinstein, dealing with questions like whether it is sexual objectification to like seeing boobies. Our “True Bromance” segment shifts gears this week, with Jason allowing Christian to read portions of his journal aloud while mocking him, which segues into a lengthy discussion about relationships and loneliness. Christian is biebered by the discomfort he feels while eating tacos (!), while Jason’s bieber has to do with dogs and the people who own them.

Also, did we mention the tuh-tays?

Podcast #171: Harvey Weinstein and the Complexities of Sex & Power Oct 16, 2017

Episode #171 of DXP is a bit of a disaster. Well, maybe it’s not too bad, but it was recorded a day late, way too early in the day, with minimal liquor, and with one of us feeling like he’d recently had open-heart surgery or something. Anyway, we begin the episode by lamenting how damn cold it was down in that subterranean bunker we call a basement, after which we turn our attention to Hollywood’s very own sexual predator, Harvey Weinstein. After listening to a recording of him attempting to coax a young woman into his hotel room, and after making it clear that we think he is a total pig, we discuss the complexities of power in cases like this: If it is consensual is it still wrong? What role does “innocent until proven guilty” play? After our break we discuss Trump’s recent insistence that the outright persecution of those holding Judeo-Christian values in this country has to stop (insert eyeroll here), and then we take a couple voicemails about such topics as family/social-media dynamics and Slim Jims. Jason is biebered by restaurant furniture, while Christian’s bieber has to do with wasting time on television (not people wasting time watching it, because that would be ridiculous. It’s something else).

Also, “All Holidays Matter.”

Podcast #170: Sunday Gunday Oct 09, 2017

Episode #170 of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a heartfelt plea to change a minor detail about our show, which only confirms for us the need to keep things exactly as they are. We then seek to clarify, again, our use of the phrase “easier said than done,” which is easier said than done. We turn our attention to the “price of freedom,” otherwise known as the largest mass shooting in modern American history, discussing such topics as “Why doesn’t freedom cost this much in any other free country?”, and “Is it disingenuous for gun-rights advocates to ask for suggestions to heal this epidemic?” After our break we go into our “True Bromance” segment in which Christian reveals how he really feels (or used to feel) about Jason’s religion. Christian is biebered by desperately needing an item which could make Jason rich if he weren’t so lazy, while Jason’s bieber betrays just how metro he really is.

Also, One of us apologizes in advance for how mad he is about this whole gun thing. Seriously.

Podcast #169: Was Hef a “Pimp” in the Good or Bad Sense? Oct 02, 2017

Episode #169 of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with our usual banter and shot (singular this time because, apparently, liquor and Oxycodone don’t mix that well [who knew?]), after which Jason is challenged about his insistence that “Easier said than done” actually applies to literally everything. We take a call from a listener making the absurd suggestion that trucks should not be passed on the right, after which a voicemail from one of our favorite fans gives Christian the chance to give us a debrief on his recent heart surgery. After our break we discuss the life and death of Hugh Hefner, wondering aloud whether he and the industry he helped create is exploitative of women, or just awesome. Our True Bromance segment displays Christian’s former zeal for holiness and gives rise to a discussion about whether people who are still that zealous after all these years are just faking it. Christian is biebered by old people’s listening skills, while Jason is biebered by the implicit message behind being given a Kleenex.

Also, truckers should totally have their own schools and drinking fountains.

Podcast #168: Leggo My Heroin Sep 25, 2017

Episode #168 of DXP was recorded a couple nights before Christian went under the knife, but will be released just after his heart surgery (meaning these may be the last words from him you’ll ever hear if God decides to ignore your prayers and kill him for no reason). We explore the topic of what we are to think about white teenage girls singing along with hip hop music (does it mitigate their feminism?); we discuss Colin Kaepernick’s protest against racism and brutality and whether a boycott of the NFL is in order (as if anyone would actually do it). Our “True Bromance” segment returns in the form of a letter from Christian to Jason from 1993 in which we learn, among other things, why French Toast tastes so good, and our “Feeding Friendsy” segment touches upon the nature of coincidences. Jason is biebered by being conned by con movies, while Christian’s bieber is about little things that annoy him greatly.

Also, seriously: Don’t take away Christian’s heroin.

Podcast #167: DXPs Re-United! Sep 18, 2017

Episode #167 of Drunk Ex-Pastors finds us both home from vacation (Christian from Mexico and Jason from Europe). After catching up a bit with one another about our time apart (who, us with mutual attachment disorders?), we talk about the recent hurricane in Texas, the victims of which evangelist Joel Osteen decided not to help (our take on this may surprise you). We then begin to experience numerous technical difficulties including batteries dying, damsels calling in distress, a power outage, and a poorly timed rock show. Our “Mansplaining Match” segment focuses on overly narcissistic selfies, “True Bromance” features Christian straight-up preaching at Jason about female beauty, and “Feeding Friendsy” involves missing the forest for the cheerleaders. Jason is biebered by airline protocol, while Christian’s bieber has to do with coppertops.

Also, pig valves. That’s still a thing, right?

Podcast #166: The One Christian Edits Sep 11, 2017

This is the description you get when Jason is in Europe and Christian has to write the description and has better things to do with his short life.

Podcast #165: Boxing and Bum Tickers Sep 04, 2017

This episode of DXP was recorded just as the Mayweather/McGregor fight was getting underway, so we begin the show mocking the sport of boxing, crapping all over the hype leading up to the fight, and otherwise insulting millions of boxing fans. Then on a serious note, Christian shares a bit about his upcoming open-heart surgery while Jason begins to seriously reconsider the whole death-pact thing (according to which if either dies the other must immediately kill himself). We then discuss the recent comments by director James Cameron about the Wonder Woman movie and whether it was the “setback” for feminists that he claimed it to be. We learn in our “Mansplaining Match” segment that there are certain things that can’t be unseen. Christian reads some old emails from Jason for our “True Bromance” portion of the show, and finally, Christian is biebered by hoity-toity movie food, while Jason’s bieber has to do with noise pollution.

Also, boxing? Not that hard.

Podcast #164: Parks and Racist Recreation Aug 28, 2017

Our latest episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a caller pleading with us for more decorum, as though “pissing everyone off” were a new thing for us. We take a couple calls about alt-right (read, “neo-Nazi”) protesters and the Antifa movement, after which we hear an interesting and pretty compelling case for NOT removing Civil War monuments from southern parks. Our “Mansplaining Match” segment devolves into the photography habits of Mexicans, and we delve a bit into the topic of reincarnation because why not? Our “True Bromance” segment features a letter written by Christian to Jason that was never sent, meaning that Jason got to read it for the first time 20+ years after it was written. Jason is biebered by his autonomy being commandeered, while Christian’s bieber is so first-world it’s not even funny. It is pretty funny though.

Also, “you got a spider on your tip.”

Podcast #163: Melancholy, Meat, and Mobs Aug 21, 2017

We begin this episode of DXP in a severe state of melancholy, bitching and moaning for about 15 minutes over how crap our days were and how life sucks in general. Christian then recounts his recent run-ins with two different salesmen (one tried to sell him a garage door, the other a trunk-full of meat. We’ll let you guess which one was successful). We revisit the trans people in sports issue, after which we discuss the recent events in Berlin in 1934 (oh wait, it was in Virginia a couple weeks ago. Sorry about that, I keep getting those two eras confused). After delving into the psyches of these alt-right Nazi protesters we move into our True Bromance segment in which Jason receives quite the dressing-down from Christian via a letter from 1993. Both our biebers have to do with cars: one involving where they park and the other where they drive.

Also, Serge’s espresso with a lemon twist is good, you should try it.

Podcast #162: The One with All the Technical Difficulties Aug 14, 2017

Episode #162 begins with a voicemail from a caller who is embarrassed at having left us a voicemail, after which we explain that there’s a space-time continuum (which is why we blasted John McCain BEFORE he shot down the GOP’s healthcare bill, but that episode was released AFTERWARDS). We hear from another caller who can’t believe the kinds of things Christian used to do with his wife, as well as from someone weighing in on that awesome ‘90s movie starring Sinbad where he played a genie (you remember that one, right? Of course you do). We are challenged on our recent statements about trans people in sports, after which our “Mansplaining Match” segment seeks to save women a ton of money (you’re welcome). “True Bromance” features a letter Jason wrote to Christian in 1994 which proves that the former ended up with the latter’s true calling. We discuss the difference between Trump and Jesus in our “Feeding Friendsy,” after which we move on to biebers: Christian’s has to do with buffets and Jason’s with visiting the bathroom after the buffet.

Also, damn that Shazaam movie was good, right?

Podcast #161: Virtual Reality, Part-Time Transgenders, and More True Bromance Aug 07, 2017

We begin this episode with Christian relaying his experience with Virtual Reality goggles, which quickly turns into a plan to build a VR sex dungeon in his basement (pics to follow, stay tuned). Our "Mansplaining Match" segment tries to help women realize that ducks don't necessarily have the hottest faces, but that human ones are just fine. We take a call about whether trans people ought to be treated according to their preferred gender always or just sometimes, and we weigh in on our Clown-in-Chief's tweets regarding transgender people serving in the military. "True Bromance" continues, this time with Jason reading a 24 year-old letter from his cohost in which the latter displays his Jedi mind trick skills with the ladies. Christian is biebered by just about everything that takes place while he's behind the wheel, while Jason's bieber has to do with size mattering.

Also, the women's tennis tour is about to get much more challenging....

Podcast #160: Divine Laziness and Lazy Catholicism Jul 31, 2017

Episode #160 of DXP begins with what by all accounts is a pretty sweet celebrity voice impression. We then take a call from a listener who shares his personal experience with No One (he’s an atheist now), which leads to a lengthy discussion of the relationship between divine omnipotence and human responsibility (hey, we were drunk). We take three voicemails (three!) which, we think, have something to do with community or something. After mulling over the idea of actually starting a church, we launch into “Mansplaining Match” and “Messed-Up Math” (the former has to do with parents and the latter with threesomes). Jason takes a call about why he bothers being Catholic, after which our “True Bromance” segment features Christian reading a 1994 letter from Jason. Christian’s bieber has to do with bottoms, while Jason is biebered by an improper balance of quotation marks.

Also, we should TOTALLY start a church.

Podcast #159: Exorcisms and Beauty Pageants Jul 24, 2017

Episode #159 of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a caller questioning Jason’s fashion sense and continues with a discussion about how many demons you get from doing yoga. We respond to some more pushback over our insistence that the Right is more overtly violent than the Left is, after which another listener expresses shock over Jason’s work ethic. Once we are sufficiently well-lubricated we weigh in on North Korea (you’re welcome), and Christian’s “Mansplaining Match” segment makes it clear that dating sites are not intended to help ladies find new dads for their children. WE take a call about facing adversity, and then get into our latest segment, “True Bromance,” during which Jason reads a letter Christian sent him 24 years ago (hilarity ensues). Christian is biebered by a certain lamely-spelled app, while Jason’s bieber questions what gluten ever did to anyone to deserve to be shunned the way it is lately.

Also, Manpris or Capros? You decide….

Podcast #158: Delays, Tech Snafus, and Separation Anxiety Jul 18, 2017

Episode #158 of DXP is a bit of a clusterf*ck: Not only was it delayed 24 hours due to both of us moving, but the tech issues when setting up to record were such that, well, it just doesn’t sound quite as good as it should. But as our delay demonstrated, you’re all addicted enough to this crackpipe of a show that you’ll give a bit of grace to get your fix. We begin with a voicemail from Omaha of all places, and then discuss our douchebag president’s douche son. Jason is challenged by a caller over whether the Right is more violent than the Left, and then we are both accused of alcoholism by another listener citing the CDC (but in our defense, we are apparently guilty of plenty of other “-isms” as well). Our “Mansplaining Match” segment helps women understand that their love of nature’s beauty plays no role in whether we find them so, and “Messed Up Math” explains to male 40-somethings that they’re basically pathetic and the last ones to get the joke. Finally, our “True Bromance” segment shows just how little Jason has changed over the past 20 years. Christian is biebered by his postal problems, while Jason’s bieber has to do with electricity taking itself too seriously.

Also, Schenectady is totally the new Omaha.

Podcast #157: Alcoholism, Female Friendships, and More Bromance Jul 10, 2017

We begin this episode by (re)visiting the bathroom, and specifically the issues of Euro-boobs and prickly women, after which one of us insists, without having been asked, that he is not an alcoholic. Christian’s “Mansplaining Match” segment cautions women about whom they include in their online dating profile pics, which springboards into one of Jason’s theories about female friendships in general (hint for the ladies: Don’t let your weight fluctuate too much or you’ll need to find a new group of friends). This week’s “True Bromance” portion of the show features Jason reading a letter sent to him by Christian in 1993, complete with Bible verses and everything. We discuss MMA and violence in general, and receive some pushback from the folks at the 30-Rockers podcast about our recent criticisms of the program. We briefly discuss whether one of us is more boastful about where he’s from than the other and whether it’s warranted (which it totally is), and lastly we consider John McEnroe’s recent controversial claims about men and women actually being different. Christian is biebered by being constantly beeped at, while Jason’s bieber has to do with white people.

Also, those *were* European shampoo commercials we were watching and not porn, right?

Podcast #156: The One We’re Almost Too Scared to Release Jul 03, 2017

Episode #156 of DXP was REALLY fun to record, although chances are that neither of us remembers much of what was said (so to any nationalities, genders, races, or political persuasions we insulted, we apologize). After some initial discussion involving facial hair and bottle rockets we move into some touching territory wherein Christian reads aloud a letter (yes, letter) that Jason sent to him in 1994. We are pretty sure this will end up being a new segment since, after recording, Jason dug up around 20 old letters from Christian. So be prepared to see how frickin adorable our bromance is. Our “Mansplaining Match” segment helps women understand how not to make us exhausted before we’ve even met, and our “Messed Up Math” portion of the show relays the advantages of weight gain after falling in love rather than before. We read some of Trump’s tweets just for fun, after which Christian relays how biebering click-bait is, while Jason’s bieber has to do with the illusion of actually having a choice when we doesn’t.

Also, we’re both kinda nervous about this episode. Really….

Podcast #155: Mixed Races, Heartbreak, and Violence Jun 26, 2017

DXP #155 begins with a call from a southern listener who simultaneously bemoans and reinforces all the reasons we mock the South, after which we discuss just how black you have to be to be licensed to use the N-word (All? Half? 25%?). In our “Mansplaining Match” segment, Christian helps hapless women navigate the issue of dating profile pics, after which things take a somewhat depressing and morbid turn as we discuss heartbreak, capital punishment for sociopaths, suicide, and whether video games make kids violent. Jason is biebered by his state’s traffic laws, while Christian’s bieber has to do with something he has done, on average, like twice a year for his entire sad life.

Also, our sense is that “mulattoes” is no longer a thing, but we can’t pinpoint how we know that.

Podcast #154: Trans Boobs, Nipples, and Too Many Dogs Jun 19, 2017

DXP #154 begins with some clarification over ‘90s bands and vocab, after which we take a call that demonstrates just how entitled and technologically inept we really are. We then are asked about the censorship of transgender boobs, which leads us into all manner of personal divulgences from nipple tweaking to masturbating on buses. Once again, Christian mansplains Match.com, focusing on profile pics and what they should include and exclude. In our “Messed-Up Math” segment, Jason outlines the unfortunate formula according to which a man’s cautionary tale becomes his goal. We get an interesting question (even though it’s from the 909) about whether being predisposed to seeing miracles helps people see them and vice versa, as well as voicemails about the treatment public figures receive in response to controversial behavior, why people think the English language is in danger, and whether it’s fair to say that conservatives are more violent than liberals (given recent events). Jason’s bieber is leading him to smoking in enclosed public places, while Christian is biebered by Jason.

Also, there’s just a LOT of nipple in this one.

Podcast #153: Match, Math, and More Black Stuff Jun 12, 2017

We begin DXP #153 with some pushback against how we do cultural appropriation, after which we hear thoughts from the former Mexican president about our current one. A caller urges us to start our own church, which we seriously consider for three seconds, after which another listener seeks to put a new song in Christian’s heart. We begin a new segment titled “Mansplaining Match,” during which Christian seeks to help women with their online dating profiles. Another new segment is debuted called “Messed Up Math,” which highlights just how unfair this world is for women. We briefly discuss the phenomenon that is Wonder Woman, which Jason has no patience for, after which we listen in as two famous black guys interview the inventor of the alt-right (plenty of awkward silences ensue). Speaking of awkward racial stuff, we discuss Bill Maher’s apology for dropping the N-bomb, after which the C-word is used toward one of us by an irate caller. Jason is biebered by people who can’t just get over the whole incest thing, while Christian’s bieber has to do with the hassle of eating certain things.

Also, the formula is simple: Pussy plus Time over Income squared.

Podcast #152: Dwarfs and N-Words Jun 05, 2017

DXP #152 begins with a lesson in political correctness (who knew that the proper term for midgets is not “People McNuggets”?). We then take a series of voicemails on topics ranging from whether pastors need to pay taxes, what kinds of tattoos we have, and what parenting advice we offer. We spend a fair bit of time talking about black people: Do white people think all black people are pretty much the same, or do they differ based on where they live like white people do? Are black people more easily offended than whites? And is it OK to use the N-word in a joking manner (the way Bill Maher did this week). Our “Dick Move, God” segment introduces us to a poor bastard who got an invite to what he was told was a party, but turns out it was hell (easy mistake). And both of our biebers have to do with paper in our hands.

Also, they have black people in Iowa?

Podcast #151: Games and Ghosts May 29, 2017

Episode #151 of DXP begins with a voicemail from some joker who expects us to believe he just knows how to spell “sesquicentennial” (but the joke’s on him because Google search results). We then take a very confusing call about “the Game” and how we’ve not only lost it, but have caused countless others to lose it as well (including all of you, as you will discover forthwith). We spend a few moments mocking Trump, both for his leakage as well as for his praise of brutal dictators. We hear from a listener who suggests that the only way to see a ghost is to first believe in them, which causes us to wonder whether this works in the other direction as well (as in, does disbelieving in ghosts make them refuse to appear to you?). We end the show by talking about health care and mutually assured destruction (which sounds like a good idea, except Trump). Christian is biebered by outdated technology, while Jason is biebered by technology that keeps yelling at him.

Also, haha. “Leakage.”

Podcast #150: Happy Susquicentennial! May 22, 2017

Our 150th episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a voicemail from some girl who’s begging for forgiveness for getting mad at Jason for calling girls “girls” (kidding aside, it was very sweet). We then open a package on the air that basically establishes our feminist street cred, after which we discuss what TV shows we’ve been watching (turns out, The Handmaid’s Tale is only “fiction” if Trump’s presidency ends real soon-like). We take a call about how we mitigate our fear of flying (hashtag, drugs), take another about whether believers are consistent about the whole total depravity thing, and then respond to another listener’s question about why Christian conservatives hate the “life” part of the Constitution’s thing about those inalienable rights our Creator supposedly endowed us all with. After our break we take another voice mail about whether ghosts are real, delving into the question of if there is more to us than our mere physical bodies, and if so, whether we can be visited from the great beyond. Jason is biebered by inconsistent menus, while Christian’s bieber has to do with ironically good acting.

Also, Blessed be the Fruit.

Podcast #149: AI, PC, and other BS May 15, 2017

Episode #149 of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a voicemail from a guy from the nicest nation on Earth, after which we briefly revisit the topic of hell (Jason thinks the idea that it is needed in order to keep people in line is mostly crap). We discuss the push-back over Christian thoughts on Artificial Intelligence, drawing from our vast knowledge of sci-fi films to set the record straight. We take a call about the healthcare debate, and then hear from a real-life Trump supporter who, as a white male (gasp!), thinks people need to stop being so sensitive and offended all the time. We hear from more listeners who bring up whether marriage is worth fighting for, whether sharing our personal beliefs is important, and why only our culture chooses the right animals to eat. Christian is biebered by the housing market, while Jason’s bieber focuses on ice.

Also, 4 year-olds with mustaches? Shudder.

Podcast #148: To Hell with Healthcare May 08, 2017

Episode #148 of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with the usual banter, this time involving Christian coming out of the closet, whether we get drunk enough on the show, and a story from Jason about this old Indian with the most random bigotry ever. We take a couple calls that help us lay to rest the “girls” vs. “women” debate, after which we revisit the issue of hell (it’s been a while), and specifically whether our notion of justice demands some sort of system of retribution and rewards when all is said and done. We address the House’s recent “healthcare” bill and what supporting it says about a person (hint: they’re either evil or just dumb). Lastly, our “Dick Move, God” segment highlights the demise of a Father/Son business that initially showed such promise. Christian is biebered by some city that ancient Hebrews decimated, while Jason’s bieber has to do with having to finish the job that his server started.

Also, the frickin Irish, am I right?

Podcast #147: What Are We Supposed to Call Women? May 01, 2017

We begin episode #147 of Drunk Ex-Pastors with a call from a slightly inebriated listener whom Christian inadvertently caused to have a very uncomfortable conversation with his grandmother. We correct the inventor of the gif on how to pronounce gif, and then hear from resident millennial snowflake “Dallas,” who displays sufficient contrition over misdefining butt-rock that we hereby absolve him. We then revisit (hopefully for the last time) the issue of referring to chicks as “girls” — in a nutshell, Jason responds to those who he feels criticized him too harshly, insisting that no, he doesn’t “hate women.” Then in a display of delicious irony, Christian spends the rest of the episode exhibiting the very hate that Jason is accused of. We spend a few moments congratulating ourselves on our grammar, and discuss Ann Coulter’s aborted speech at Berkeley. Christian is biebered by ingredients, while Jason’s bieber has to do with dieting.

Also, “colon-rock” is now a thing. Tell your friends.

Podcast #146: Butt-Rock, Nostalgia, and Girls, Girls, Girls Apr 24, 2017

We begin our latest episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors by noting a drastic change in Jason’s daughter and the discovery of Christian’s dead dog. We then take a call from an entitled millennial snowflake who presumes to correct us about the nature of butt-rock. We take the opportunity to school this whippersnapper and, by extension, his entire ill-informed Johnny-come-lately generation. This leads us into an unplanned discussion about the issue of nostalgia and whether it is a healthy indulgence or not. We take a call from a girl who challenges us, again, about whether it’s OK to call girls “girls” when in reality they’re full-grown girls. This leads us naturally into a breakdown of the North Korea situation, as well as a conversation about whether people on the Right are more tribal than those on the Left (they are). Finally, Christian is biebered by having gas. I mean, having to get gas.

Also, is that Freedom Rock? Well turn it up, man!

Podcast #145: Dadrock, United Airlines, and the Attack of the DXP Fans Apr 17, 2017

This episode of DXP is fraught with attacks: against how we pronounce stuff, what we listen to, what we write, etc. But as with most prophets and sages, we understand that we are bound to be under-appreciated by our own unworthy generation, yet we soldier on. We take calls about mixing booze with brain injuries, about the nature of fundamentalism as it relates to our über-chaste vice president, and then we discuss the recent woes of everyone’s favorite airline. We discuss the evangelical insistence that American Christians are being persecuted, after which we hear from a listener who is ready to put down Jason’s book after only reading one chapter. Lastly, we discuss whether believing in hell keeps people from thinking outside the box. Our “Dick Move, God” segment teaches us that theft in the name of the Lord is just fine; Christian is biebered by thanksgiving even though it’s Easter, and Jason’s bieber has to do with thinking more people care about him than actually do.

Also, Buttrock. It’s totally a thing.

Podcast #144: Radiohead, Shakespeare, and the Chastity of Mike Pence Apr 10, 2017

We begin episode #144 of Drunk Ex-Pastors by settling a long-brewing tech-related controversy (you’re welcome), after which we demonstrate just how secure we are by recommending our audience check out another podcast besides this one. We talk a bit about our concert experience the night before, which account takes a rather overt Shakespearian turn. We take callers’ questions about lying to our significant other, about height discrepancies in relationships, and about helping those who suffer. After our break we discuss Vice President Pence’s personal policy regarding sexual predators (read: women), and disagree somewhat on how we feel about it. Christian shares his Feeding Friendsy, which has to do with religious bubble-dwellers. Jason’s bieber focuses on ageism, while Christian is biebered by the five-oh.

Also, it’s weird how people who live in non-white countries are surrounded by minorities all the time, but seem totally fine with it.

Podcast #143: Online Dating, Media Conspiracy, and Co-habitation Apr 03, 2017

Episode #143 of DXP begins with a discussion of the pros and cons of online dating. We talk about whether the old stigmas still apply, how to handle a bad first impression, and whether it’s harder for men or for women. We discuss our TV watching habits, after which we take a call from a listener who asks whether there is a grand conspiracy on the part of the secular media to cover up the evidence for God’s existence, and if so, does that mean that atheistic scientists are dishonest and suppressing truths they know deep down are real? We delve into some personal territory involving issues like co-habitation, marriage, and to what degree children should affect our decisions on these matters. Our “Feeding Friendsy” segment involves people who try to be openminded but can’t, and this week’s “Dick Move, God” introduces us to a guy who can’t help but feel he has been cruelly toyed with his whole life. Christian is biebered by climate change advocates and deniers, while Jason’s bieber involves having too many friends.

Also, never draw attention to a black man by following him around screaming about his race.

Podcast #142: Does God Want Us to be Atheists? Mar 27, 2017

Episode #142 of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a listener’s suggestion about a DXP pub meet-up, to which we respond by reminding everyone that in January we will be on a floating pub in the Caribbean Sea (also known as a “cruise ship”) and everyone’s invited. We then turn to spiritual themes, discussing whether prayer works, whether staying evangelical is worth it, and why God constantly tries to make us all atheists by pretending he doesn’t exist. Our Feeding Friendsy segment will almost make you want to start reading your Bible again; Jason is biebered by silence, while Christian’s bieber has to do with people who don’t suck enough.

Also, you have a 3-minute limit for voice mails. It’s not that hard.

Podcast #141: Diversity, Deism, and the Uniqueness of Christianity Mar 20, 2017

This episode of DXP begins with a caller ranting about how the earth is supposedly round, after which we announce that the DXP Cruise is actually happening! (Details provided.) We take a voicemail about unity coexisting with diversity, and then revisit our thought experiment about whether, in the face of some apocalyptic worldwide tragedy, the evidence for religion would eventually emerge the way scientific evidence would. We take another call that challenges Jason about whether he is just a deist, after which we get to our biebers: Jason is annoyed by what happens after he sits down, and Christian is biebered by having to be a grower.

Also, being a physics teacher at a Christian school sounds awesome.

Podcast #140: Round-Earthers, Evidence, and the Power of Prayer Mar 13, 2017

After beginning episode #140 with the realization that we may soon be receiving a human body part in the mail, we revisit (hopefully for the last time) the fact that there are “roundearthers” out there who actually deny that our planet is flat (people will believe just about anything it seems). We then discuss a listener’s challenge about whether or not both theists and atheists stack the deck against their opponents, after which we weigh in on the so-called “power of prayer” (does it help, and if not are we just doing it wrong?). This segues into the issue of comforting those who suffer, and the good and bad ways of doing that. Our “Dick Move, God” segment introduces us to a man whose daughter *wasn’t* killed in a religious war but who wishes she had been, and Christian’s bieber involves wanting more bodily fluids to be emitted on TV, while Jason’s has to do with the antiquated issue of long-distance charges.

Also, they send us a toe we’re supposed to shit ourselves with fear.

Podcast #139: Yahweh, Agnosticism, and Pederasty Mar 06, 2017

We begin this episode of DXP with the admission that it is possible, albeit unlikely, that the earth is flat. We then delve into the issue of taking the Lord’s Name in vain, which that sentence may have done, after which we heal a listener’s marriage by explaining how to pronounce Feb-you-ary. We take a call about Christian’s agnosticism, which leads into a discussion about whether knowing stuff is overrated or not. After our break we embark on a lighthearted romp through the not-thorny-at-all issue of what actually constitutes pedophilia. We anticipate blowback on this. Christian’s “Feeding Friendsy” tackles the issue of whether Bernie Sanders wants The Islamic States of America, and he is biebered by having to sign his name so often.

Also, Milo is still a piece of shit.

Podcast #138: The One with all the Voicemails Feb 27, 2017

We’re not gonna lie, our #138th episode of DXP is quite voicemail-heavy (Hey, lay off. We had been fighting. Plus, we love hearing from our peoples). We begin with a brief Trump voicemail and then move on toward ANOTHER nitpicky piece of crap reminder that Jason doesn’t know how to pronounce things. Christian is corrected about his fallacious views about Einstein, while another caller expresses heartfelt and poignant opinions about WTF? Some NBA player named after a Mr. Mister song? We address playing the piano, eating at Subway, and then hear from an honest-to-goodness therapist who weighs in on whether last week’s discussion about vulnerability was correct or not (although she may be hiding behind an attachment disorder due to unresolved daddy issues, we’re not sure). We revisit Milo Yiannopoulos very briefly, after which we launch into our “Feeding Friendsy” and “Dick Move, God” segments (Hitler was not a socialist, and gay rapists and virgin daughters don’t mix). Christian is biebered by small spaces, while Jason is biebered by Hollywood trying to be too Christian.

Also, if you’re a fan of our Lord, don’t name your baby after Him.

Podcast #137: The One with No Trump and Tons of Therapy Feb 20, 2017

Episode #137 begins with a listener’s challenge to go an entire show without mentioning D*n*ld Tr*mp, and believe it or not, we succeeded! We then reveal a bit about a new project we will soon embark upon (hint: it’s pretty much the best gift idea, like, EVER). We talk a bit about the nature of our discussions IRL and how they differ from those on the air, as well as about the value of constantly second-guessing ourselves. After our break we delve into mutual examination mode, with Christian diagnosing Jason as having jealousy and anger issues, and Jason diagnosing Christian as disproportionately desiring certainty in relationships. We spend a few minutes talking about Milo Yiannopoulos and whether people like him are even worth engaging, after which we share our biebers (Christian’s is about retirement funds, while Jason’s is about overly-excited audiences).

Also, Christian finished a whole book for the first time in years, in a single day! You’ll never guess who the author was….

Podcast #136: Piano, the Holocaust, and Twitter Feb 13, 2017

Episode #136 begins with a caller’s attempt to put Jason in a moral dilemma, which fails because he doesn’t really pay attention to morals all that much. We then get marriage advice from a well-meaning listener and somehow find ourselves on a rabbit trail pertaining to the relationship between music and language. We weigh in on the current refugee crisis and tackle the conspiracy theory about Obama seeking to sabotage Trump (while kitesurfing in the Caribbean, apparently). We then heed the solemn warnings of the Holocaust Museum which basically call Trump Hitler 2.0. Christian’s “Feeding Friendsy” segment focuses on our president’s Twitter account, and meanwhile Jason is biebered by crap music producers, while Christian shares a listener’s bieber about traffic signals.

Also, just because Christian won’t gaymarry Jason, if Ryan Gosling were available then all bets may be off…

Podcast #135: Trump and Christianity Feb 06, 2017

This episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a feel-good voicemail, and then we introduce our new venture, the DXP Mediacast (hint, watch the movie About Time. Then watch Chef). We spend some time breaking down the poignant and thoughtful words of our new president at the National Prayer Breakfast, after which we take a caller’s question about whether being religious necessarily includes being an elitist. A listener’s call causes us to wonder if Trump is himself the greatest prophylactic ever invented, and another caller wants to know how to navigate a relationship in which the two partners can’t agree on spiritual matters. We discuss Trump’s “travel ban,” which segues into a larger discussion of whether anything the president does comports with anything resembling Christianity. Lastly, we discuss whether it’s fair for Christian leaders to whine about being persecuted when the government actually singles them out for special financial favors. Jason is biebered by people’s irrational brand loyalty.

Also, Christian’s “Feeding Friendsy” will make you really mad. Just saying.

Podcast #134: Peter Rollins Jan 30, 2017

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we welcome to the studio philosopher and theologian Peter Rollins, after whose Lucky Charms they always are. We discuss everything from Radical Theology to La La Land, tackling such topics as whether any of us truly knows what we believe, and whether atheism vs. theism is a false dichotomy (and on that note, you’ll be surprised to hear which one of us Pete thinks believes in God the most). Pete’s background in psychoanalysis will surely make everyone who listens feel like they’ve had a therapy session, and his accent will make you wonder if he has in fact met Bono.

Also, Pete is biebered by biebers.

Podcast #133: Films and Friendship Jan 23, 2017

In an episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors that is filled with rabbit trails and red herrings, we begin by being read the riot act by some nature lover with an obvious canyon fetish, and then we are gently told by another caller that we may need to up our game or risk starvation and poverty. We take another voicemail urging us to do more movie reviews, which prompts us to divulge another one of our future plans that probably won’t come to fruition (Hashtag, DXPCruise). We follow up a bit on the topic of minimalism, and then take a tear-jerker of a call about how unique our friendship apparently is. We discuss a recent study that suggests that Trump voters are in fact as horrible as we suspected they were, after which we launch into our Feeding Friendsy segment which is both about, and elicits, eyerolls. Jason is biebered by standing in line, while Christian’s bieber has to do with proper chair protocol.

Also, I swallowed a bug.

Podcast #132: Minimalism and Blackmail Jan 16, 2017

This episode begins with a quick debrief of our “Catholic Lesbian” interview and then segues into a discussion of the Netflix documentary Minimalism, which left Christian wondering whether it was naïve and Jason wondering why more followers of that homeless Jewish carpenter aren’t on board with the idea. We discuss the Golden Globes and La La Land in particular, debating just how depressed the film was intended to make us. We then spend some time breaking down Meryl Streep’s acceptance speech, considering what the next four years will look like with a childish bully in the White House. We then spend some time sifting through the latest reports concerning whether Trump is being blackmailed by Russia and what, if anything, this has to do with prostitutes and urine (turns out, very little). But nothing would surprise us at this point!

Also, relevant celevbrity opinions: an oxymoron?

Podcast #130: New Year’s, Celebrity Deaths, and the Meaning of Life Jan 02, 2017

We begin our New Year’s episode of DXP with a look back at 2016 in all its glory and shame, with Christian taking the blame for how bad this last year treated so many people. We then reflect a bit on the death of Carrie Fisher, springboarding to the issue of celebrity deaths in general and whether mourning the passing of people we don’t really know is pathetic or legit. We take a call about whether difficulty and trial produce better quality satire and music, and if so, whether this may be silver lining around the dark cloud of a future Trump presidency. Another caller schools Jason on the topic of evolution (how hard can it be? Fish  Monkey  Man, right?). We then squeeze in one final caller whose question focuses on the simple matter of the meaning of life. Christian is biebered by people’s self-obliviousness on TV, while Jason’s bieber focuses on people looking better than they should.

Also, suck it, 2016. Your time is over.

Podcast #129: Happy Birthday, Jesus! Dec 26, 2016

Our Christmas episode begins, appropriately enough, with an uplifting breakdown of the story of Rudolph, a tale about a bunch of proto-Nazis whose demand for hegemony is outweighed only by their cold heartless pragmatism (who knew?). We then reminisce about how rad the ‘80s were, what with the whole Cold War and whatnot. We then take a few calls about religion: Do our bad deeds really make us hell-worthy? Do you have to confess every last sin we commit? And would we prefer God *not* to exist, and if he didn’t, what would we do? Our “Feeding Friendsy” highlights the irony of feminists for Trump, while our “Dick Move, God” segment introduces us to a man who’s both “after God’s own heart” as well as after the king’s hot daughter, and he’s got a sack of wiener-bits to prove it. Christian is biebered by unwanted residue clouding his eyesight, while Jason’s bieber reveals how envious he is of celebrities.

Also, the Island of Misfit Toys is a metaphor for Auschwitz. Seriously.

Podcast #128: Will the Real Antichrist Please Stand up? Dec 19, 2016

Episode #128 of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a criticism of our duet of “Baby It’s Cold Outside” that is not homophobic at all. We then share our opinions about HBO’s series Westworld, which recently wrapped up its first season (Jason had some issues with it, but we agreed that it ended with probably the coolest song ever), and Christian changes his tune on Love (the TV show, not the actual thing itself). We take a call on the topic of sleep paralysis and relate it to the biblical phenomenon of demon possession, and then revisit the topic of ranked voting and whether it could have spared us a Trump presidency. We spend a good portion of time pulling our hair out, metaphorically, while listening to a certain infamous televangelist explain how Donald Trump, far from being the antichrist, may in fact be the real Christ instead. Which is weird. Christian’s bieber has to do with people emerging from forests to kill you, while Jason is biebered by constantly being marketed to when he’s not expecting it.

Also, last we checked Donald Trump isn’t the Son of David.

Podcast #127: Magic, Millennials, and Movies in Heaven Dec 12, 2016

Episode #127 of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a description of perhaps the most harrowing dream ever, after which we consider a conservative prophet’s doomsday deadline for Obama to finally accomplish the insidious plans he’s been hatching for the last eight years. We discuss whether David Blaine is a master illusionist, fraud, or minion of the underworld. We take voicemails from a Millennial listener about the financial challenges her generation faces, another about whether heaven will suck because there’ll be no Netflix or weed, and still another about whether marriage just gets in the way of true love. Christian’s “Feeding Friendsy” asks whether God needs to be dictated to, prayer-wise, and Jason’s “Dick Move, God” segment demonstrates just how far the Lord will go to pull off an object lesson. Christian is biebered by dubious clickbait math, while Jason’s bieber has to do with (you guessed it) fixing what ain’t broke.

Also, Slenderman meets the Ring girl who crawled out of that well? Just peed myself….

Podcast #126: Keep Christ in Xmas Dec 05, 2016

This episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with voicemails from a drunk biologist and a whiskey enthusiast and continues with a caller’s challenge to Christian about whether he is raising fratboy Trump enthusiasts. We take more calls about the propriety of third-party voting and what it’s like to be a politically conservative DXP fan, after which we discuss our president-elect’s opinion on the punishment for flag-burning (hint: it’s completely ignorant and unconstitutional). We follow up a up bit on our discussion about divorce from out last episode, after which we turn our attention to Dennis Prager’s whining about losing the culture war by not hearing enough about Jesus at Xmas time, even though the people who really love Jesus have traditionally hated Prager’s people for being Christ-killers. Christian is biebered by Hollywood’s failure at escape techniques, while Jason is biebered by how his body defies all the rules of science, and not in a good way.

Also, Merry Kwanzaa everyone!

Podcast #125: Gen X-ers & Millennials, Love & Marriage Nov 28, 2016

This is the episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors that probably shouldn’t have been made—It was recorded on our second Thanksgiving (celebrated on Friday), we had both been drinking for like ten hours, and it was unclear whether we were even recording that day at all. But as the saying goes, the show must go on. So we threw caution to the wind and, without an outline, our usual segments, or any pre-selected voicemails, we sat down and produced 90+ minutes of material of questionable quality (Hey, it’s two friends drinking and talking, remember?). We began by subcontracting out the intro-banter duties, and then discussed our favorite reality show, which segued into whether the differences between the various “generations” are real or made up. We then talk about Trump for a little bit (because it’s way too hard not to), but spent the bulk of our time discussing a voicemail from a listener who is recently divorced. We springboarded into issues such as why humans marry in the first place, whether we are hardwired for monogamy, and whether there should be a legal marrying age like there is for drinking. Finally, we take a call from some douchebag who claims we suck at science. And Christian is biebered by the rules regarding creepily stalking people.

Also, we’ll try harder next time. Promise.

Podcast #124: Two Words: Paula. Ticks. Nov 21, 2016

This episode of DXP focuses pretty much exclusively on politics (which, we realize, isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. But look at the bright side: When civilization as we know it ends in a year or two, none of you will have to worry about podcasts anymore. Or tea. Or cups. Or anything.). We take a voicemail about third party voting and another about the electoral college (about which we have modified our stance somewhat, because math). We then tackle the seeming false equivalency regarding left- and right-wing fearmongering. Our attention then turns to whether Trump is truly “draining the swamp” as he claimed to do, after which we take a chilling stroll through our president-elect’s possible cabinet appointments. We then ponder why evangelical Christians basically put Trump in office despite his being almost as unlike Christ as Satan. Christian is Feeding Friendsied by ignorance concerning what constitutes a scientific theory, while Jason is biebered by having to touch everyone’s food with his filthy hands.

Also, Happy Genocide Day everyone!

Podcast #123: Thank God We Are White, Straight Males Nov 14, 2016

This episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a voicemail from a listener who realizes he probably singlehandedly got Trump elected and then segues into a clarification from one of our Asian listeners about how guys can be bald but still super hot. We take a voicemail from perhaps the gayest dude EVER, and then revisit how deal-breakingly off-the-table male birth control should be since it potentially affects our mood and may cause acne and slight discomfort. Before our break we take an uncharacteristic position on the Electoral College issue. We then hear from Dick Bush, who causes us to address the issue of president Trump and what the next four years could potentially bring. Christian’s Feeding Friendsy brings up how violent and intolerant the Left supposedly is, and Jason is biebered by the water-habits of people on the small and silver screens.

Also, just breathe. It’s gonna be OK. Probably....

Podcast #122: There’s Nothing to Fear But Trump Itself Nov 07, 2016

This episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a couple aborted attempts by a listener at leaving us a voicemail, after which we do a shot of something so vile that one of the DXPs almost defiles a wastebasket. We take another call that confirms the fears of virtually all anti-pot people (the dude was “on a mountain” in more ways than one). Jason is challenged on his cavalier attitude toward a possible Trump presidency, and the subject of male birth control is debated: Is the resistance to it among men due to their simply being weaker than women? The conversation takes many turns, any of which will possibly piss off hundreds of people. We take another call about whether the practice of rating women on a scale from 1 – 10 contributes to rape culture, but the call wasn’t even from a hot chick so we pay it as little attention as possible. Our “Dick Move, God” segment makes its triumphant return, focusing on sliced up wieners and the price a man pays for rape (50 shekels, which is pretty darn steep is you ask us). Christian is biebered by what happens after a man pees in a public restroom, while Jason’s bieber concerns (gasp!) the parking of cars.

Also, can a white woman get diarrhea on TV for once, please?

Podcast #121: Trump/Jay Z 2016: Make America Vile Again! Oct 31, 2016

This episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a voicemail from an Asian that isn’t even that boring. Jason then complains (again) about being a casino valet, while Christian displays a measure of actual happiness. Christian laments the new direction his Xfinity internet provider is taking, and then we take a call from a southern listener about what it’s like to find one’s self in the “in-between” stage between one set of beliefs and another. Our “Feeding Friendsy” segment tackles the thorny issue of whether rappers need to rise to the chivalric level of presidential candidates, and we give like ten seconds’ worth of our attention to Pat Robertson before immediately regretting it. Christian is biebered by the best laid plans of screenwriters and men, while Jason’s bieber has to do with the false effects of daydreaming.

Also, do blonde conservative news anchors get less hot the more they talk?

Podcast #120: Women’s Suffrage, Asians, The South, Racism, Bigotry, Email Servers, Late-Term Abortion, Hillary vs Trump, Obama vs Putin, Passing Out, Tying Ties, and Anything Else You Can Think Of Oct 24, 2016

This episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a delightful ditty performed by one of our female listeners, and continues with a discussion of why we ever gave those females a voice in the first place. We then introduce a new and surely ill-conceived segment titled “Zat Racist?” in which we seek to convince ourselves that we’re not horrible bigots (and are remarkably successful in the attempt). Jason shares another one of his oversimplifications about how two seemingly unrelated things are in fact pretty much the same, all based on the slimmest amount of actual evidence. We delve a bit into the whole “email controversy” and whether Hillary’s scandals compare to her husband’s. After our break we discuss abortion, and specifically whether the rhetoric on both sides is fair or intentionally misleading (as in, is the issue really about “choice”? And does Hillary really advocate stabbing a baby with a fork as it slides out the vag?) Christian breaks down the Right’s contrast of Obama and Putin (the latter of whom, apparently, is awesome), and Jason explains how Karmic Jesus punishes his co-valets for not giving him what he wants. Christian’s bieber has to do with people waking up from fainting at inconvenient times, while Jason is biebered by one of women’s apparently universal skills.

Also: No hard feelings, Asia. We good, right?

Podcast #119: GOP: The “Grab Our Pussies” Party Oct 17, 2016

This episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a caller’s accusation that one of us has become too big for his literary britches. We then hear from one of our favorite fans who shares a bit about his family’s struggle and that, somehow or another, our podcast actually helps him cope. We revisit the issue of overprotective fathers, after which we are forced to reckon with the notion that one of us may be smarter than the other (but now that we’ve had some time to consider it, we agree that we are completely equal in every way (wink)). Jason is unwillingly coerced into defending his religion a little bit, and Christian weighs in on a question about whether people should be proud of stuff they didn’t actually work to accomplish (like being American. Or gay). Things turn a little political after the break and we discuss how to be classy and presidential while just grabbing people’s pussies. Christian’s bieber is about everything getting worse, while Jason’s focuses on pizza and ice cream.

Also, has Jason mentioned that he wrote a book lately

Podcast #118: Churches, Christians, and Valet Parking Oct 10, 2016

Episode #118 of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a voicemail about a bodily function that one of us may or may not have exhibited and then continues with a caller’s request for an explanation of why there are so many Christian denominations. Jason then shares some stories about the various hijinks and tomfoolery that valets engage in when they think no one is watching (but when there are 700 cameras being used, someone always is). We discuss the connection between Pentecostalism and the prosperity gospel and then tackle the issue of whether God can be judged by what assholes his followers can be. We take voicemails about protesting injustice and the recent comments by Rudy Giuliani, and then conclude with our biebers. Christian’s has to do with his apparently not caring how many babydaddies his daughter ends up having, while Jason’s results from having so much ADD that he can’t even pay attention during a two-minute movie trailer.

Also, those Buddhist monks protesting the Vietnam War were really onto something.

Podcast #117: Does It Matter if God Exists? Oct 03, 2016

This episode of DXP begins with a caller’s example of situational irony which may or may not make one of us feel like the butt of some cruel cosmic joke. We delve into the issue of whether fictional universes overlap (as in, did Jack Ryan ever watch Star Wars?), and then hear once again from our Tinder-using listener, gaining more insight into the world of online dating. We take another voicemail which springboards us into our main topic, which turns out to be whether the whole theism/atheism issue is all just a big overblown misunderstanding. Like, does dogma trump devotion and does law supersede love? We briefly discuss our former church, Calvary Chapel, and whether the alleged affair of its founding pastor was a scandalous deal-breaker or an opportunity for humanity and grace. Christian’s “Feeding Friendsy” centers on the Christian Right’s support of Donald Trump, and Jason shares some stories about how valets might potentially retaliate against non-tipping patrons. One of our biebers has to do with the logistics or morning intimacy, while the other focuses on supposed national tragedy.

Also, if Jason Bourne ever saw Good Will Hunting we bet he would have thought it was awesome.

Podcast #116: Irony, Stabbings, and Trusting God Sep 26, 2016

This episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with yet another caller berating us about our ignorance about science, only this one comes from the most famous cosmologist alive. Christian then provides us with a well-studied and non-ironic lesson about irony, after which Jason gets some well-deserved props for his mockery of the South. We take several more calls leading us into such topics as whether mass stabbings are music to the NRA’s ears, whether doubt on the part of an evangelical leader will get him fired, and whether trusting in god is really any different from betting your bottom dollar that the sun’ll come out tomorrow. Christian’s “Feeding Friendsy” tackles the utterly disastrous effects of the Obama presidency. Jason is biebered by unnecessary improvements to things, while Christian’s bieber involves feigned outrage over perfectly reasonable insults of certain kinds of people.

Also, if you’d like to leave a voicemail, give us a call at 21-397D-RUN-K.

Podcast #115: Space Travel, Human Filth, and “Science” Sep 19, 2016

Episode #115 of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a voice mail involving a Tinder date and a potentially profitable bowel movement, after which Jason is given the chance to clarify whether he hates rich people because they’re horrible, or simply because they’re rich. We again are forced to reiterate our complete mistrust of “science,” and then receive some encouragement about our continual use of movie quotes as well as being scolded for missing an obvious one. A listener challenges Jason’s assertion that his generation invented irony, and another caller causes Christian to explain the Fermi Paradox (we think it’s about those stuffed owl-hamster things from the Nineties). We are then asked by another listener (a guy, or a girl, we don’t remember) about whether we ever bother thinking about who our audience is (we do, as we explained to whoever it was who asked). Lastly, Jason relays what it is like to peer into a person’s soul by means of parking their automobile. Christian is biebered by Facebook trends, while Jason’s bieber involves the HR department.

Also, Donny Don & the Funky Bunch were the BEST.

Podcast #114: Irony and Openness Sep 12, 2016

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we revisit the issue of whether we ought to be as skeptical about scientific claims as we are, after which we finally put the “better to have loved and lost” issue to bed. Jason shares some thoughts on the issue of irony and how it didn’t exist until his own generation got all cynical and jaded. We then take a call about depression and how ineffective slogans are to help with it (plus, slogans are a dime a dozen anyway). After our break, we discuss the issue of what continually discovering new music has to say about the state of a person’s soul (as in, is one’s media consumption a microcosm that reveals how open- or closed-minded he is?). Christian is biebered by everyday pleasantries, while Jason’s bieber has to do with not caring how disappointed people are with things.

Also, a T-shirt that says “G’Day, Mate”? Seriously?

Podcast #113: O Colin, Can You See? Sep 05, 2016

This episode of DXP is light on serious content but heavy on verse, so if you’re uncomfortable with two grown men taking turns citing poetry back and forth, best to move along. Before we get to that, however, we reminisce about the hard-hitting episodes of our favorite ‘80s TV shows and take a voice mail about Alfred Lloyd Tennyson. We then commiserate with another caller about the worst (or most awesome) excuse to cut a date short. We take some time to discuss the controversial actions of Colin Kaepernick, a man so unpatriotic he has the audacity to protest authority and the abuse of power (the founding fathers would be so ashamed). Our “Dick Move, God” segment explores the plight of a woman pimped out then cast aside (by another woman, no less), and Christian’s bieber involves a lot of math, while Jason’s demonstrates that he watches too many movies.

Also, only Hank Moody can reference fingerbanging a cat and it be funny.

Podcast #112: All You Need is Love Aug 29, 2016

This episode of DXP begins with a caller’s suggestion about Jason’s comic book alter ego, after which we address the emotional rollercoaster ride that is our Patreon pledges. We answer some listeners’ questions about Seattle and Satanism, and then segue into the danger of listening to the devil’s music. We then turn to our main topic of love, dating, and heartbreak, addressing such issues as “Is the dating scene really that depressing?”; “Is love worth the oft-ensuing pain it causes?”; and “Does fighting for a relationship equal weakness, and does that matter?” Speaking of love, Christian is biebered by trite platitudes concerning it, while Jason’s bieber is about people getting wet.

Also, if you think this show is scandalous and irreligious, you should listen to it backwards.

Podcast #111: Johnny Scissorhands Aug 22, 2016

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we begin by reminding everyone that football season is right around the corner, furnishing Cam Newton with endless possibilities for being a complete tool. We commiserate over our most generous patron turning out to be a sham, and then tackle a caller’s question about how to be right when everyone around us is wrong. We revisit Satanism and discuss the writing of sinister messages in one’s own blood (but enough about Johnny Depp). We address Rudy Giuliani’s creative approach to statistics and Trump’s fatwah against Hillary, and then weigh in on how much, exactly, Gabby Douglas hates America. Christian’s “Feeding Friendsy” questions just how many Constitutional Amendments will be left after Hillary gets into power, and Jason’s “Dick Move, God” segment pours a swallow of malt liquor onto the ground for all those who lost their lives because their great-great grandfathers hated Yahweh. Christian is biebered by having to show restraint, and Jason’s bieber has to do with Geico’s lies.

Also, Christian actually likes something this week! It’s just a song, but baby steps.

Podcast #110: Sexism and the Olympics Aug 15, 2016

This episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a voicemail leading to our resolving, for serious this time, to finally schedule a DXP cruise. After a shot of Hornitos we take a voicemail suggesting we start doing movie reviews, another pointing out what an uninvolved father Jason is, and still another from a guy asking for tips for his devotional trip through the Satanic Bible. We discuss WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange’s recent release of the DNC’s emails, and then weigh recent claims that the network’s coverage of the Olympics has been sexist toward broads. Christian’s “Feeding Friendsy” focuses on whether Trump’s promises to deport some people and nuke others is really all that worrisome, and Jason’s “Livin’ Lodge” segment introduces us to perhaps the most entitled douche ever. Christian’s bieber focuses on the proper way to stalk pedestrians, while Jason is biebered by promises that he’ll save 15% of more on car insurance.

Also, that Turkoman Warrior person? Damn.

Podcast #109: Postmodern Polygamy Aug 08, 2016

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, we begin by being reminded of how many babies have “slid out of vaginas” since we’ve been born, and we then compare comic book fans to Trump voters. We take a helpful call with tips for how Jason can write a bestseller, and then spend way more time than expected discussing the relation between postmodernism and man-buns. We explore the issue of how good an actor Bradley Cooper must be to have to convince Republicans that he’s not actually that sniper guy who died, and then weigh in on Utah’s newest Polygamy and Incest Society. Jason’s bieber has to do with inner compasses, while Christian is biebered by Vegas’s ladies of the night.

Also, sorry for not finishing Christian’s Vegas story after the break. #Alcohol

Podcast #108: A Kinder, Gentler Calvary Chapel? Aug 01, 2016

This episode of DXP begins on a bad note (something involving a caller telling us how hellbound and sinister we are), after which we consider how ironic Trump’s running mate is for decrying name-calling (he’s such a moron). Jason reveals what’s next for his career, after which we discuss whether Bernie ever really felt the Bern. We share our thoughts on the new Tony Robbins documentary, and another caller offers us a devilish deal that’s too good to pass up. We turn our attention to our former church, Calvary Chapel, and discuss whether they’re going liberal (and whether that’s actually a good thing). Christian’s “Feeding Friendsy” is hard to narrow down, and his bieber involves TV violence, while Jason is biebered by people who don’t look where he is pointing.

Also, we’re totally open to a Date with Destiny.

Podcast #107: Caring Capitalists and Selfish Socialists Jul 25, 2016

This episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a voicemail reminding us how annoyed people get when we have feelings. We then tackle the issue of what does and does not constitute a spoiler (and what the statute of limitations on spoiling stories is). After revisiting the Pokémon Go craze we spend some time being annoyed with Dennis Prager’s comparison of capitalism and socialism (you’ll never guess which one makes people selfishly want to capitalize [ahem] on the weakness of others). Jason gives us an update on his book and in so doing discusses the issues of smug certainty vs. agnosticism. In our “Feeding Friendsy” segment Christian explains why Jesus hates black people, and our “Dick Move, God” portion of the show features a young man whose relationship with his father has become a tad strained of late (can’t figure out why). Christian is biebered by elevator etiquette, while Jason’s bieber involves the nocturnal goings-on in the homes of TV families.

Also, we’ve read to the end of Game of Thrones, and the White Walkers totally win.

Podcast #106: Suffering, Significance, and Pokémon Go Jul 18, 2016

This episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with our talking about what we’re not going to talk about, which is all the depressing crap going on in the world (so instead we discuss other, equally depressing, topics happening right here at home). We take a call about the implications of recovering from brain damage to the issue of whether we have a mind and a soul, and then segue into the topic of which TV shows and movies we like to watch with our kids. After a brief story from Christian about several near-deaths at Danny DeVito’s house and a few moments mocking Pokémon Go, Jason launches into his “Livin’ Lodge” and “Dick Move, God” segments (the latter of which demonstrates the lengths to which God will go to defend traditional marriage). Christian is biebered by Hollywood’s laziness, while Jason’s bieber causes him to call into question his own originality.

Also, can we get you some Pine Sol with your lemonade

Podcast #105: ‘Merica, F**k Yeah! Jul 11, 2016

We begin this Fourth of July episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors by revisiting the question of whether the shrill, poorly-dressed, and not-even-that-hot presidential candidate Hillary Clinton is treated unfairly because she’s a woman (while Donald Trump apparently faces no media scrutiny whatsoever). We then address the topic of violent intervention in global conflicts (as in, should America do this because it is the right thing to do, or just keep doing it only when it is profitable?). After our mid-show break we continue with the theme of patriotism by discussing such topics as colonization, the Tea Party, and Brexit/Texit (yes please to the latter): Is some measure of civil authority necessary? What about spiritual authority? Where does it end? And is patriotism healthy or kind of chilling? And finally, our “Feeding Friendsy” segment reminds us how reliant on the Bible George Washington would have thought America to be if he had actually said all the stuff that’s attributed to him by the Internet.

Also, as soon as Texas secedes we should build the most ironic wall ever along its northern border.

Podcast #104: Daddy Issues and Marriage Proposals Jul 04, 2016

In another episode of DXP that neither of us was in the mood for, we wax a bit personal and answer a caller’s question about the various father-figures in our lives (Jason’s will SHOCK you), and then address another listener’s suggestion that the reason Hillary is garnering such scrutiny is that she has a vagina. We briefly revisit the topic of protecting ourselves against the evil gub-mint, after which we introduce a new segment called “Livin’ Lodge,” during which (tipping his hat to his car lot days) Jason tells stories about the crazy goings-on at the Salish Lodge and Spa. Christian’s “Feeding Friendsy” reflects on the wisdom of Honest Abe, while our “Dick Move, God” segment explores the depths of wickedness on the part of antediluvian natives of South America. Christian’s bieber focuses on the overly hushed tones of actors, while Jason is biebered by bedtime attire.

Also, our podcast title this time is anything but mere exaggeration.

Podcast #103: The Holocaust, and Other Minor Missteps Jun 27, 2016

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, we explore whether Hillary actually does have a better shot of beating Trump than Bernie did (could a self-proclaimed socialist with *that* hairstyle really ever be a U.S. President?). We then take a listener’s call about whether, if Universalism is true, religion has any point. Christian then defends his position on guns to a caller who thinks it’s just ridiculous, after which we discuss whether there should be a statute of limitations of crimes like, I don’t know, murdering 8 million Jews. Our “Dick Move, God” segment is finally back, in which we meet a man who should have known better than to instinctively try to stop something valuable from being damaged (a mistake he’ll never make again, mainly because he got killed for making it the first time). Christian is biebered by restaurant communism, while Jason’s bieber has to do with how not to catch a serial killer.

Also, who would have thought that Germany would be criticized for not punishing people enough?

Podcast #102: Sexy Schoolgirls Jun 20, 2016

We kick off this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors with a voicemail about how fugly we apparently are, and then we officially put an end to the discussion over baby-soul popsicles. A listener takes us to task over our insistence that the Obama administration was scandal-free, which springboards into a discussion about what, exactly, constitutes a scandal (does it have to be sexual? Illegal? Both?). Another caller laments the fact that none of her Christian friends paid any attention to her until she decided to leave Team Jesus, which invites the question of whether they really cared about her in the first place. We take a call about the supposed double standard when it comes to school dress codes, and then bring on our very own private investigator to file an in-depth report on the topic from the front lines of Chief Kanim Middle School. And lastly, we weigh in on the Orlando massacre, although at this point what more is there to say? You can’t make a Second Amendment omelette without brutally slaughtering a few gay eggs.

Also, don’t be flashing that collarbone and expect not to get raped.

Podcast #101: Ice Ice Baby Jun 13, 2016

In this episode of DXP we spend time considering the age-old question, “If you freeze a baby and then thaw it out, where did its soul go?” Well OK, it may have been a bit more sophisticated than that (as in, in cases of frozen embryos or near-death experiences, does the absence of heart- and brain activity prove that souls don’t exist? And if so, is abortion moral?). Then turn our attention to Hillary’s defeat of Bernie for the Democratic nomination (cough***rigged!***cough) and debate just how democratic this Democratic Republic of ours really is. After our break we weigh in on the Brock Turner rape case, covering such topics as consent, sexual ethics, and involuntary castration.

Also, did we mention he should be castrated? Because he totally should be castrated. For real.

Podcast #100: Celebrating the DXP Centennial! Jun 06, 2016

We’re not gonna lie, in our 100th episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we allow ourselves to get more a bit sentimental than we usually do (this may or may not have to do with our being, umm, more “in our cups” than usual as well). But hey, we all love a celebration, and we begin this show by allowing our listeners to celebrate with us and let us know what DXP has meant to them (culminating with our patron saint, Dick Bush, listing off the ways becoming “agnostical” has benefitted him in his personal life). But the mushy stuff eventually ceases and we move on to the cheery topics of killing preemies and primates, so there’s something for everyone. Concerning the former, we piggyback on last episode’s discussion of abortion, discussing whether the term “murder” is really fair to describe the procedure. And concerning the latter, how hard is it to design a gorilla cage that a toddler can’t infiltrate? Seriously.

Also, thanks for a great couple years, everyone. We love you all!

Podcast #99: Having the Choice to Choose Life May 30, 2016

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we begin with a discussion about how we can have discussions (in other words, how it is that a Catholic and agnostic can be as civil as we are to one another), after which we share some thoughts about the ever-narrowing field of presidential candidates. A caller asks us for our honest opinion about homeschooling, as in, is it just a tool for religious segregation or does it have some positive benefits as well? Another caller suggests that we have never really dealt with the issue of abortion and asks us to weigh in on it, which we do, leading to some disagreements as well as to suggestions on how the topic can be handled less inflammatorily by people on both sides of the aisle. And finally, our Feeding Friendsy segment exposes us to God’s final warning against America which, apparently, he spends significant time thinking about (you know, because the USA is at the center of both the universe as well as God’s redemptive plan for all people everywhere. Geez, ethnocentrism can be a serious pain in the ass).

Also, “Immigrants!”

Podcast #98: Blurred Lines and Boobies May 23, 2016

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we revisit the topic of cultural misappropriation, discussing how dope it is when white people use black lingo, fo shizzle. We springboard from the legitimate connection between mental ill-health and mass shootings to the illegitimate way people of a certain political persuasion use that fact (*cough*Republicans*cough*), and then take a caller’s question about why evangelicals stopped hating Mormons all of a sudden (what a waste, they were such easy targets). We then turn our attention to the sad plight of holocaust survivor Emily Ratajkowski—wait, did we say “holocaust survivor”? We meant incredibly beautiful millionaire model who STILL hasn’t won on Oscar despite being 24 years old and having had supporting roles in two whole movies (don’t laugh, it’s hard for her!). We weigh in on Barry Bonds’s charge of racism toward rich white kids who act black, which is straight-up whack, and then consider what it might be like to have a President whose spouse totally has orgies with sex slaves (true story). Our “Dick Move, God” segment teaches us that it’s OK to stab your kids if it gets you off the hook for lying, and finally, Christian is biebered by the apparent black hole into which his kitchen items get sucked, while Jason’s bieber has to do with how hard it is to operate windshield wipers.

Also, too many silent pauses? That’s.... .... .... .... .... ...ridiculous.

Podcast #97: Cancer, Science, and Kissing Dating Goodbye May 16, 2016

This episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with the age-old question, “Should the Tesla Motor Company be pronounced like the metal band “Tesla” from the ‘80s, or does CEO Elon Musk have the right to just change the pronunciation on a whim? And what gives him that right?” We then take a voice mail asking what our respective protocols would be if we were diagnosed with cancer (as in, who would we tell, and when?), and our answers sum up our personalities pretty perfectly. We take listeners’ questions concerning gun rights, what the hell “grace perfects nature” means, and whether Christian feels the pull back toward Christianity or will just continue hardening his heart against Jesus. We spend a few moments discussing all the so-called scientific studies that are popping up everywhere proving stuff like “men who think about boobs are less likely to contract Crohn’s Disease,” and then turn our attention to the “courtship” alternative to dating that many Christian’s have adopted and been screwed over by. Lastly, we tackle the issue of “cultural (mis)appropriation,” which says that white guys can’t have dreadlocks. Can white people have dreadlocks? A poignant question indeed, which is why we discuss it.

Also, America is the only civilized western country where the plotline of Breaking Bad makes even the least bit of sense.

Podcast #96: Guns of Anarchy May 09, 2016

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors: On his road to ruining the U.S.A., has Donald Trump also ruined our hopes of the one thing we were looking forward to this summer: a contested Republican convention? Will autonomous automobiles drive with the same knack for self-preservation that humans do, and if not, can we change that setting? Do airlines intentionally make sure that there is at all times at least one pilot in the cockpit who is going to hell? Is Sons of Anarchy an accurate representation of how guns get into the wrong hands? Is the new documentary Under the Gun just the first step in lulling Americans into a false sense of security so that Obama can finally make good on his secret plans to confiscate 300 million guns in the last 200 days of his presidency? Is Canada counting on the unlikability of whomever is elected President of the United States to help populate an island in Nova Scotia? Is the support technician on the other end of the phone really dealing with a slow computer or do they just need to finish updating their Facebook status? Finally, will no part of America be spared? Jason turns his sights from The South to The Midwest.

Also, if Jason and Christian were to get gay-married, which one of them would be the bride?

Podcast #95: A Tender Conscience in a Pluralistic World May 02, 2016

Episode #95 of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a voicemail suggesting that we may have engaged in a bit of gender stereotyping in a recent episode, but since the caller was a woman we immediately dismissed her as hysterical and emotionally out of control. Jason’s personality is then diagnosed, with the fairly accurate prognosis that he is utterly unfit for gainful employment. We then delve into the issue of the relationship between one’s own conscience and his responsibility to the public good, and afterwards issue an invitation to colonize with us a new nation should Donald Trump ever become president. We discuss whether robots could ever destroy humanity from a religious point of view, and speaking of religion, Christian introduces us to the term “ignosticism” and our “Dick Move, God” segment introduces us to a newly-made orphan. Christian is biebered by people who can’t intellectually walk and chew gum at the same time, and Jason’s bieber proves that only he can prevent forest fires.

Also, for the love of all things holy, can a black woman get diarrhea on TV just once?

Podcast #94: Sacred Propaganda, Secular Morality Apr 25, 2016

DXP #94 begins with a brief lament over the death of one of pop culture’s most beloved and talented icons (but enough about Chyna), and then we address the recent barrage of faith-based films and the agenda behind them. We spend a fair bit of time addressing the relationship between religion and morality (as in, how immoral are atheists on a scale of four to ten?), after which we take a call asking us to compare and contrast bakers and The Boss. We discuss our recent “bathroom meme” and the differences, if any, between laws restricting gun ownership and laws restricting rape (turns out, rapists are among society’s most conscientious rule-keepers. Who knew?). Our “Feeding Friendsy” segment deals with the response to the new $20 bill, and “Dick Move, God” introduces us to a man whose wife was raped by Yahweh’s favorite guy ever. Christian is biebered by having to tolerate the intolerant, while Jason’s bieber has to do with people who make math too simple.

Also, is it wrong for the petri dishes that contain human embryos to be made in inhumane conditions?

Podcast #93: The Incorrectness of Political Correctness Apr 18, 2016

We begin this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors with some good news about Jason’s forthcoming book and Christian’s excitement over our podcast reaping a bit of that attention from it. We then address a listener’s objection that we are just pinko Rush Limbaughs, as well as deal with the issue of the rampant and bigoted persecution of Christians in this country . We take a listener’s call about what kind of pastor Christian used to be (since the very notion that he was ever a man of the cloth is simply inconceivable to most people), and then we discuss another listener’s question about what our personality types are (yes, we are distinguishable, but just barely). Jason addresses a question having to do with his “photographic memory” or something (he can’t remember), and then we spend some time discussing the topic of the minimum wage and the larger issue of globalization. The issue of where people are allowed to go potty comes up again, as does the sexualization of boobies and the role of money influencing public policy. We spend considerable time proving that we are not politically correct (but we do it in such a way so’s not to offend midgets or hermaphrodites). And finally, our “Dick Move, God” segment introduces us to a man whose entire life’s work is undone due to a technicality.

Also, we don’t care if you think we’re racists as long as you think we’re thin.

Podcast #92: Dude Looks Like a Lady Apr 11, 2016

This episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a verbally abusive voicemail which, it turns out, we not only endure but love (not sure what that says about us). We then discuss whether “living and letting live” is something only atheists can do as well as take our very last call about music theory (we promise). We take calls about the possibility of America’s first Jewish president and the validity of the so-called generation gap between Millennials and X-ers, after which we weigh in on one of our listeners finding her husband’s loaded gun lying around the house (hey, better safe than sorry, right?). We discuss a recent study involving turning sex into some chore you’ve gotta do every single day (shudder), and then talk about the controversial LGBT “bathroom law” that the legislature recently passed in Xenophobiaville, USA (it’s in the South. And don’t worry, they won’t be offended since they don’t know what “xenophobia means). And Jason is biebered by the threat of robots.

Also, we got three words for you: Treat. Yo. Self.

Podcast #91: Corrections & Elections Apr 04, 2016

This episode begins with a brief update on how our “Late for Lent” experiments are going, after which we launch into a series of corrections of all the misinformation and ignorance we disseminated in our last episode (in our defense, lady-parts are complicated). We then take a couple calls from Presbyterians who betray everything they stand for by listening to our show (which gives one of us no small amount of satisfaction), after which we talk about Trump a little bit, which is always fun. Jason answers a listener’s question about why he is still a Catholic, and Christian describes our experience caucusing for Bernie a couple weeks ago (we had to interact with the public face-to-face [shudder]). Our “Feeding Friendsy” segment launches us into a theological rant about how Jews aren’t so special after all, after which we share our biebers—Jason is biebered by selective evidence from gun cultists, while Christian’s bieber has to do with ignorance and the legal system.

Also, and not to be ethnocentric or anything, but other cultures are just wrong a lot of the time. There, we said it.

Podcast #90: Bad Friday, Easter Monday Mar 28, 2016

We begin this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors with an impromptu discussion about whether beauty is objective or merely in the eye of the beholder, and then sit at the feet of Microsoft’s new AI chatbot, Tay, and seek to learn from her wisdom and sensitivity. We delve into the Twitter feud between Trump and Cruz and segue into the complete clown show that is the 2016 Republican Party. The remainder of our time is spent discussing Holy Week (hint: the math is all wrong), touching upon such topics as whether history written by believers can be trusted and whether the story of Jesus is too NC-17 for those little children that Christ said heaven will be filled with. In our “Dick Move, God” segment we are introduced to a man whose honeymoon didn’t go as expected, and Christian is biebered by the clothes he buys at wholesale warehouses while Jason’s bieber has to do with how inconvenienced he is by things that are actually really, really convenient.

Also, at final count we believe it was three distinct episodes of The Twilight Zone that Jason conflated into one.

Podcast #89: Anarchy and Theism Mar 21, 2016

In this episode the DXPs are joined by their friend Johnny Terranova, who admits that Jason’s case against the truth of the moon landing is the most convincing one ever put forward. We then discuss our rejection of the idea that the Bible must be the believer’s sole authority as well as where that rejection has led us, after which we delve a little more into issues surrounding theism and Christianity. Johnny then shares some of his anarchist ideas about government surveillance (as if the NSA would ever do such a thing!), and we take a voice mail about women breastfeeding their babydaddies. We talk a bit about Trump, because how can we not, and then return to the issue of the role of probability in whether one believes in God or not (and thankfully, Christian’s confusion over which god is the right one to pick is cleared up by a caller who explains why Jason’s is the best God ever). We introduce a new segment called “Late for Lent” in which one of us makes a radical change to our lives and describes its effects (our first round involves Christian’s sleeping patterns). Our biebers focus on Daily Savings Time and “lame ducks,” as well as force us to face the chilling question of whether our biebers will ever annoy us more than their namesake does.

Also, Jason and Johnny are 84% convinced that 99% of Christian’s statistics are just made up.

Podcast #88: Are You There, God? It’s us, the Drunk Ex-Pastors Mar 14, 2016

We begin episode #88 of DXP by discovering, through sheer trial and error, that veganism is just cannibalism in seed form. We respectfully and dignifiedly make fun of the pro-gun woman whose toddler shot her, and then address an off-color metaphor (ahem) that one of us used in our last episode (doesn’t matter who). We take a phone call asking about the prudence of voting for the lesser of two evils, which confused us because we were under the impression that that’s what all voting just is. We then turn our attention to the existence of God, tackling such thorny topics as the problem of evil, free will, the Holocaust, and that one kid who died, went to heaven and saw a bunch of amazing stuff, and then came back to tell about it (scoring a killer book deal in the process, as luck would have it). We discuss the nature of evidence and probability when used to argue God’s existence, all of which Christian thinks is just bullshit. Our "Dick Move, God!" segment introduces us to a man whose prospects for love were shattered by a bunch of construction workers, and finally, Jason is biebered by hotel amenities, while Christian’s bieber involves that Geico lizard.

Also, this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors is brought to you by sarsaparilla. “Sarsaparilla: That stuff that only agnostics and cowboys drink.”

Podcast #87: What Would Bernie Eat? Mar 07, 2016

This episode begins with a solemn reflection on Americans’ porn preferences (really, Wyoming?), after which we begin a discussion on food and diet, to which we return toward the end of the show. Christian shares his experiences at his recent “team building” meeting among his sales and marketing associates, all of which makes Jason sad. We take a call from a listener who chides Christian for his alleged misuse of the term “literally,” but much to Jason’s disgust his co-host explains why the caller was in fact wrong (all of this leads to a diatribe from Jason on poo-poo etiquette, we’ll just leave it at that). We break down Super Tuesday and insult a bunch of people in the process, and then spend some time searching through a Christian movie website’s catalogue of family-friendly films. We follow up on the Kesha controversy, and then address whether Hollywood is hypocritical in its selective outrage as displayed in movies like Spotlight. We finish up trying to understand why black people are just so much more criminal than everyone else.

Also, calling America the “greatest nation on earth” when you’ve never traveled is about the most meaningless compliment ever.

Podcast #86: Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail Feb 29, 2016

This episode of DXP begins with our bitching and moaning about our various tax- and credit card-related hassles, after which Jason insists on addressing the controversy surrounding Kesha and her allegations of sexual assault by her producer (a discussion that Christian wants absolutely no part of), leading us into the broader issues surrounding these kinds of he said / she said situations. We take a voicemail from a couple fellow podcasters about Lent, and then we move into the topic of taxes (precipitated by a Facebook experiment that Christian conducted), wondering aloud why those who object to taxes being used for education rarely seem to have a problem with them being used for endless warfare. We then turn our attention to Donald Trump, spending most of our remaining time wringing our hands and fretting. Our “Feeding Friendsy” segment addresses the scary and imminent prospect of Obama personally administering the Mark of the Beast, and we conclude with disclosing the real reason why we’re all about to die.

Also, Obama killed Osama? Psssh! Which president hasn’t?

Podcast #85: The Murder of Justice Scalia Feb 22, 2016

This edition of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a depressing reminder that we are aging and on a steep decline in health and wellness followed by an economics lesson on how, if we are all dying anyway, we can live for free off other people’s money until we meet our untimely end. We then hear from a local listener whose Valentine’s Day ended with some sexy lovin’ despite how it began (with public half-naked man-wrestling). We then take a caller’s question about whether CrossFit is a cult or merely a lifestyle-defining group with incredibly devoted members whose zeal to convert others to their way of life utterly consumes them. Another caller asks whether Jason’s insistence that Leftist extremists are more benign than their Right-wing counterparts is actually true or just special pleading, after which we recount the birthday festivities that took place after last week’s show as recorded. We seek to put to bed all present and future charges of racial and political bias by criticizing a bunch of white people, and then continue our “Pagan Repent!” discussion by examining why God, despite having a myriad of options, would choose to reveal himself to first-century Jews (or as Christian calls them, “those people”). Our “Feeding Friendsy” portion of the show seeks to get to the bottom of Justice Scalia’s obvious murder, ascertaining whether the killer had help or if Obama simply acted alone. And finally, Christian is biebered by the fact that he apparently looks like a teenager (albeit one with chronic breathing problems). Also, if Bernie doesn’t win, look at the bright side — at least he can get back to his real passion: stabbing babies with scissors on their birthday

Podcast #84: Bi-Partisan Whackjobs and the Fulfillment of Prophecy Feb 15, 2016

We start this episode of DXP with a brief discussion of ale, beer, and the White House’s crappy Wi-Fi, after which we take a voice mail from none other than renowned physicist Stephen Hawking whose mother, we hope, he doesn’t kiss with that mouth. We wrap up our in-depth report on whether it’s OK for white people to dislike Cam Newton, and speaking of wrapping, Christian surprises Jason with some birthday gifts live on the air. We then turn our attention to the plethora of high-budget Christian movies that are premiering soon, even vowing to watch some of them (for a price). We take another call from a listener who argues that yes, there are just as many nutjobs on the Left as there are on the Right (which, we carefully explain, is ridiculous), after which Christian offers a response to Jason’s challenge in last week’s “Pagan Repent!” segment. Finally, in our “Feeding Friendsy” portion of the show we break down the controversy involving black women and their audacity in drawing attention to what it’s like to be women who are black (after which we listen to some good old fashioned non-activist music like Springsteen and Dylan).

Also, we’ve seen a tiny-ass .22 round nose drop a nigga plenty of days, man.

Podcast #83: The Pending Christian Holocaust Feb 08, 2016

We begin this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors with a complete and cavalier dismissal of most medical and psychological “syndromes” (we don’t trust things we can’t relate to) and then foray briefly into an anti-technology rant for some reason. We then spend some time coddling and placating our audience and their blind devotion to Cam Newton (yes, he is a wonderful man off the field; no, we’re sure you’re right that he doesn’t have a single arrogant or taunting bone in his body; and yeah, we’re well aware he can feed five thousand hungry people with five loaves and two fish. Geez, if you people spent half that energy worshiping Jesus instead of this guy you’d actually have a chance at not being Chinese water tortured for all eternity). We spend some time discussing the nature of God’s involvement in the world, and then watch a video warning us about Obama Bin-Hitler’s sinister plans to kill 75% of Americans because of their Christian faith (and apparently he’ll also be holocausting himself since he’s a believer too). We try out a new segment titled “Pagan Repent!” in which Jason attempts to get past Christian’s hardened and seemingly impenetrable heart by trying to make the faith more palatable. Jason is biebered by all the eggshells that he walks upon.

Also, “Ecclesial Playboys.” It’s a thing.

Podcast #82: Race, Sports, and Hip-Hop Culture Feb 01, 2016

This episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with Christian explaining what he’s been doing with his down-time while sick, and then moves on to Jason’s love for Australians and their “busted pluggers” (which is not nearly as sexual as it sounds). We conclude our reporting on the militia standoff in Oregon (they’re all dead or in jail), and then take a listener’s call about whether people who adopt stupid ideas are themselves stupid, or just kind of uncritical and unreflective (i.e., stupid). We take a fan’s suggestion and weigh in on Carolina Panthers’ quarterback Cam Newton and attempt to narrow down the exact reason why we hate him, which leads to a lengthy discussion about whether certain cultures are superior while others are just plain crappy. We watch a pro-gun pastor’s paranoid video about cage-fighter Jesus before launching into our “Feeding Friendsy” segment about the dangers of needing famous pawns for the Christian culture war. And finally, in our “Dick Move, God” segment Jason gets all up close and personal.

Also, Wiz Khalifa and Kanye West are both drowning and you only have time to save one. So, what kind of sandwich do you make?

Podcast #81: Oscar the Racist Jan 25, 2016

This post-cruise episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors (featuring a slightly under-the-weather Catholic and an at-death’s-door agnostic) begins with a tale about a near-fatal “three-hour tour” and a free lesson in how to make a drug cocktail that sounds delicious and will for sure kill you. We break down Palin’s eloquent endorsement of Donald Trump and then turn our attention to the ongoing armed and illegal occupation of government lands in Oregon by law-abiding patriots, which leads us into a discussion of the role of civil disobedience in America’s history. We then spend some time talking about the miraculous release of American pastor Saeed Abedini from an Iranian prison by Barack Obama and Jesus. Speaking of swarthy people, the Oscars nominated zero of them. We discuss how racist this apparently is, as well as how racist we are when no one’s watching. Christian’s bieber involves David Bowie “putting on his red shoes and dancing the blues” in hell, while Jason is biebered by not being allowed to call the cops on more people.

Also, this episode may seem short, but Jason did edit out about 45 minutes of coughing.

Podcast #80: A Conservative Guide to Liberalism Jan 18, 2016

This episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins (much to Jason’s distaste) with a tale of vomit, poo, and Christian’s supposedly comforting bedside manner. We then take a call from a listener whose holiday cheer rivals that of the Grinch, but which leads to a discussion about which is more indicative of Christianity: Frosty the Snowman or the Easter Bunny. We then turn our attention to a video by the Jewish conservative radio personality, Dennis Prager, on the supposed differences between Right- and Left-wingers. We can barely make it through more than a few seconds at a time without having to hit Pause and politely (or not-so-politely) demur, but at least we learn from it that rape on college campuses is a myth, so I guess there’s that. Our “Feeding Friendsy” segment details all the parallels between Obama and Hitler (during which Jason suggests a massive bet with the audience potentially involving thousands of dollars), after which we take another call accusing us of hate-speech and unfair ridicule (Us? Ridicule? Come on!). Jason’s bieber betrays his disgust towards man’s best friend, while Christian is biebered by the British.

Also, what am I going to do with a gun rack?

Podcast #79: Can’t We All Just Get Along? Jan 04, 2016

We begin this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors by taking a call that causes us to wrestle with the proper term for cripples (as in, is it wrong to call them cripples? We aren’t sure, but we’re looking into it). We then take another voice mail from the same listener, but we become distracted by trying to outdo one another with our best Midwest accents (ookee dookee, y’betcha). After we have sufficiently amused ourselves we deal with her actual question, which results in our spending a good chunk of time addressing the issue of fostering and maintaining relationships with people with whom we disagree over significant issues. We take a voice mail about Satanism and another about good guys with guns, and then move on to another installment of our segment, “Go Home, Google, You’re Drunk.” In our “Dick Move, God” segment we are introduced to an evangelist who is so unsuccessful that not even the good Lord himself is willing to help the poor guy out, which leads us to the issue of what it would take to lure our resident agnostic back into the Christian fold.

Also, we apologize in advance for anyone we offended in this episode. Political correctness is hard (and we’re not even cripples).

Podcast #78: Patriotism or Christianity? Dec 28, 2015

We begin this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors with one final bit of blowback from our interview with Cash Peters—and this one’s priceless—which leads us into a reflection about the Fundamentalist’s pathological need to find a threat or demon lurking behind every tree (can’t an innocent erotic chakra massage be religiously neutral? Geez. Relax, people). We then banter a bit about the new Star Wars film and address a caller’s feedback about Princess Leia’s collagen-filled lips, after which we take another call about the personal and relational price of no longer towing the religious party line. Another listener’s question about Jerry Falwell Jr. and Liberty University’s open-carry gun policy leads to an in-depth discussion about Christianity and pacifism: Should believers be more American by arming themselves on the one hand, or try to, I don’t know, imitate Christ on the other? Our “Feeding Friendzy” segment addresses the problem of our president having such an easy time implementing his communist agenda (will the Right *ever* stand up to him and say “No”?). Christian is biebered by the lawless wilderness that is his daughter’s school parking lot, while Jason’s bieber involves The Force and its rape-implications.

Also, say hi to your mother for me, alright?

Podcast #77: Star Wars, Hitler, and Princess Leia’s Lips Dec 21, 2015

This episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with an in-depth breakdown of the New Star Wars film that neither of us had seen yet (turns out it was awesome), after which we debrief a bit about the Cash Peters interview from our last show. Christian then describes how his company does “mission trips,” which is weird since it makes no sense to do nice things for underprivileged people when you hate Jesus. We address a caller’s observation that we are “sarcastic” (wow, you figure that out on your own, genius?), and then address Bernie Sanders’s suggestion that ISIS was caused by styrofoam Big Mac containers and AquaNet. We then turn to the question of how alike Trump and Hitler are on a scale of 6-10, after which we springboard from Princess Leia’s lip implants to Hollywood’s preference for young, thin women. In our “Feeding Friendsy” segment we weigh in on whether Confederate flags and crescent moons are the same, and our “Dick Move, God” segment introduces us to a budding entrepreneur who loses his business and meets financial ruin because he didn’t think to purchase demon insurance. Christian is biebered by elevator etiquette, while Jason’s bieber involves messy nuts.

Also? By choice, man!

Podcast #76: Cash Peters Dec 14, 2015

In this episode, the DXPs welcome mystic, TV personality, radio host, handwriting analyst, and author Cash Peters into the studio (he’s kind of like the Dos Equis “Most Interesting Man in the World” guy, just with a British accent and teeth). In our first hour, Cash analyses our handwriting and is deeply surprised by what he learns about Jason (although Christian thinks the analysis was pretty much right on target). After our break Cash describes his experience visiting the healer John of God in Brazil (do true healings happen there? Are they attributable to God?), after which we again return to Jason and what a frustrating experience he makes listening to this show to be (during which Jason falls asleep). Cash shares his bieber with us, which involves times long ago in galaxies far, far away.

Also, you’ve now heard the terms “Mancunian” and “Liverpudlian.” You’re welcome.

Podcast #75: Killing Abortionists Stops a Beating Heart Dec 07, 2015

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian begin by discussing some of the blowback from last week’s interview with Dan Savage, and then take a series of voicemails on topics ranging from how sexy our voices are to whether we should have free college tuition, and from the refugee crisis to whether we truly mock God on our show. We address the issues of modern evangelical culture and persecution in America, after which Christian gets super pissed at his kids and we all get to hear what that sounds like. Dick Bush calls in for tips on becoming a good “agnostical,” and we introduce a new segment called “Go Home, Google, You’re Drunk” which leads to a discussion about elitism, tastemakers, and how stupid everyone is. We then spend a good deal of time arguing about whether, how, and how cavalierly abortion doctors should be killed. In our “Dick Move, God” segment we meet a man who was fired for sustaining an on-the-job injury, and Jason is biebered by how pointless it is to listen to podcasts.

Podcast #74: Dan Savage Nov 30, 2015

In this episode, the DXPs sit down with infamous sex advice columnist and gay-rights activist Dan Savage. Highlights include Christian telling a vagina-centric story that shocks Dan and renders him speechless (no easy feat in his line of work), and Dan connecting with Jason over their mutual love of musical theater (to the point where Dan refers to him as “Girl!”). Dan discusses his sexuality, the Catholicism with which he was raised, and the origins of his “It Gets Better” project. And in a shocking display of vulnerability no doubt occasioned by his drinking almost an entire bottle of sparkling rosé, Dan tips his hand and discloses the various insidious elements of the Gay Agenda™. The discussion finally turns to divorce, cheating, and why gays want to be married so badly when straight people are finding less and less use for it.

Also, that thing of when an openly non-monogamous married gay man welcomes you home to Mother Church? Priceless.

Podcast #73: Compassion vs. Conservatism Nov 23, 2015

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, we begin by finally tackling the age-old question, “If you’re blind, how much does it matter if your spouse is hot or not?” As you may guess, a query of this magnitude has multiple layers of nuance, but we do give our best shot at an answer. We then resist a caller’s temptation to try to steal food from the mouth of a homeless, as well as engage with another caller about the difficulty of wanting to be yourself in public but not being free to. Another listener suggests a “new way” to conceive of God and Christianity, about which our resident agnostic is uncertain and doubtful (shocking, we know). We briefly discuss the thorny issue of “stumbling our weaker brother” before we dive into our main topic: the refugee crisis in Europe and throughout much of the world (and you’ll never guess which segment of society has found a way to be on the wrong side of yet another issue!). Christian shares his thoughts on our obviously Islamophile president, while Jason tells a heart-wrenching story about being robbed of positive male role models. Christian is biebered when people are no longer marginalized but celebrated, while Jason’s bieber will leave you on the edge of your seat clinging to his every word.

Also, marshmallows with a nice chemical topping? Yummmmm….

Podcast #72: Divine $h!t Happens Nov 16, 2015

In our very first video-recorded episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors (courtesy of David and Kevin from the Charred Barrel Society), Jason and Christian explore the merits of a new religion called “Pastafarianism,” after which we address the “War on Christmas” and the supposedly nationwide outcry over Starbucks’ new holiday cups in particular. We then take a listener’s question about how much a potential president’s religion matters before addressing the recent terrorist attacks in Paris. We spend a fair bit of time debating another caller’s question about whether prayer really works, which leads us down various rabbit holes such as why God allows evil, what role free will plays in God’s plan, and whether biblical history really functions the way many believers wish it did. Our attention then turns to the phenomenon of non-religious people sending their children to Christian schools, which causes our resident agnostic to both bemoan his own youth while simultaneously wondering whether his own kids could use a bit more Jesus in their lives. Our “Dick Move, God” segment introduces us to someone who unfortunately seemed to experience God killing their good parent while praising the crappy one. Christian is biebered by Hollywood money, while Jason’s bieber involves having clueless followers.

Also, “Don’t worry about the vase.”

Podcast #71: Virtual Friends, Counsellors, and Confessors Nov 09, 2015

This episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors opens with a brief discussion of whether Time magazine’s fourth most-powerful person in the world deserves the label, after which we take a call from (and are shocked at the libido of) the world’s most brilliant theoretical physicist. We turn our attention to the irony that is Seattle’s Amazon Books superstore, which is intertwined with the topic of technology, leading us to the not-so-futuristic issue of self-driving cars and whether they’ll be as “safe” as the ones that human idiots drive. We then touch upon Bernie Sanders’s views of marijuana and the gays’ plan to make the human race extinct. After our break we discuss Australian (ex)model Essena O’Neill and her renunciation of social media, on social media, which brings up the broader topic of just how healthy it is that online forums have replaced real flesh-and-blood counselors for so many young people in our culture. In our “Dick Move, God” segment we learn how to get out of paying your debts with the help of the Spirit. Jason is biebered by the effects of changing your email address, while Christian’s bieber involves unnecessary wastes of his time.

Also, Lesbian Island? Yes please.

Podcast #70: Jay Bakker Interview Nov 02, 2015

In this episode the Drunk Ex-Pastors interview pastor-author Jay Bakker, “Christian agnostic” and son of Jim and Tammy Faye. We begin with a disavowal of anything we say since we do absolutely no research before weighing in on a topic, after which (to Christian’s annoyance) Jay and Jason talk about skateboarding for way too long. Jay relays his first and only experience with our former church, Calvary Chapel of Costa Mesa, which reduced him to tears (not the good kind). Jay then describes his experience becoming a gay-affirming Christian leader, which went pretty much how you would expect it to, after which he tells us about his church, Revolution. Our discussion then veers to the topic of the weakness and humanity of Christian leaders, and finally to the subject of the relationship of faith and doubt.

Also, an “Orange County accent”? Psssssh! I am so. Sure.

Podcast #69: You're Not Gonna Live Forever (or Learn how to Fly) Oct 26, 2015

This episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a heartwarming tale of “tough love,” that special brand of care that renders the phrase “kill them with kindness” all the more meaningful. We take a call from a listener demanding to know more about Jason’s life (which demand is rebuffed), and another from some guy who hates Mother Teresa and implies she was some sort of monster. We discuss one of the New Atheist’s controversial view of gun control, completely solve the riddle of reincarnation, and then tackle the issue of radical Islam. We are asked to weigh in on Justin Bieber’s wiener (which one of us has seen and the other has also seen but won’t admit it), and then take another call about the difference between Edward Snowden and Kim Davis. In our “Dick Move, God” segment we meet a grieving elementary school teacher whose students learned a valuable lesson about what happens when you damage the ego of the Lord’s anointed. Christian is biebered by people who refuse to “Feel the Bern,” while Jason’s bieber involves being forced to think about useless people.

Also: Bears, God? Really? Wow. Just… wow.

Podcast #68: Slouching toward Idiocracy Oct 19, 2015

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian discuss whether excessive drinking is really as harmful as all the experts unanimously warn (turns out it’s fine). We then discuss a recent documentary about The Shining, seeking to determine whether Kubrick was really the genius his most devoted fans insist he was, or whether those fans need to move out of their parents’ basements and do something more constructive. We take a couple brief calls about guns, as well as give some marital advice, ironically, to a caller with a conservative wife. We then turn our attention to the issue of technology’s effects on our culture, and whether democratizing the flow of information is worth how stupid it’s making us. Jason is biebered by his looming death, while Christian’s bieber involves uncharitable hermeneutical practices.

Also, cock rings? Discuss. . . .

Podcast #67: Just Say "No" to Martyrdom Oct 12, 2015

Episode #67 of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with a brief discussion about all the ways Jason is the worst Catholic ever, but then moves on to the question of why (1) if you love guns you’re most likely an evangelical Christian, and (2) if you’re an evangelical Christian you most likely miss the entire point of everything Jesus taught. We take a call from an ex-Catholic atheist asking what the point of prayer is, which leads to the issue of why smart atheists always choose stupid Christians to engage rather than picking on ones their own size. The Roseburg shooting comes up, giving way to a discussion about whether the gunman was targeting religious people, and if so, whether it’s OK to be a religious person who lies about being religious. We then launch into our two new segments, “Dick Move, God” and “Feeding Friendsy,” the former of which tells the story of young women getting crushed to death for not being hot enough, and the latter supplies some important tips for the post-Rapture crowd who got left behind. Jason is biebered by having to waste his time patiently, while Christian’s bieber has to do with subjecting himself to idiots in the noble service of this podcast.

Also, you’re a non-practicing Jew? Hey, I’m a non-practicing virgin!

Podcast #66: Roseburg Oct 08, 2015

In this special episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian discuss the recent mass shooting in Roseburg, OR, as well as exhibit their hatred of America and freedom by daring to wonder aloud whether anything can be done about this sort of thing (and if so, what). As it turns out, plenty of things can be done (but whether we have the national will to do them is another question).

Also, small penises.

Podcast #65: Faith, Pope, and Love Oct 05, 2015

Jason and Christian begin this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors by discussing a post that Jason wrote about how a smidge of agnosticism is worth avoiding the perils of fundamentalism, after which we offer some philosophy tips to a student of philosophy (which he himself asked for, oddly enough). We then tackle listener questions about the supposedly apocalyptic blood moon and the bizarre culture of conservative Bible colleges. After our mid-show break we resume with a mid-conversation comment about “shit vs. blood,” but neither of us remembers what exactly occasioned it (and we’re not sure we want to). We discuss the recent Volkswagen scandal, and then take a call from an old favorite about the pope which, for some reason, is interrupted by our trying to list our top five favorite one-hit wonders. We then introduce two new segments called “Dick Move, God” and “Feeding Friendzy,” and both our biebers stem from the supposed need for social graces.

Also, Christian ladies? You can stop speaking now, because men are present.

Podcast #64: Gays, Bidets, and Hating Thy Neighbor Sep 28, 2015

In this episode of drunk Ex-Pastors, we begin with a capitulation on Christian’s part toward the color-blind, and then move on to what a man’s chin and legs tell us about his sexual orientation. Jason nods his head and furrows his brow as Christian expresses his frustration over DXP’s Catholic listeners, after which we take a call from an active military listener explaining what exactly “lawful orders” are. Another caller seeks clarity on whether acting gay sends you to hell or whether just being that way is sufficient. We then share some preliminary thoughts on a documentary about the so-called “Purity Movement” (which is that thing of when earnest evangelicals have sex before marriage, but only after promising not to). The topic of open relationships arises, as does the thorny issue of Ahmed’s ticking time bomb. Oops, we mean clock. We turn our attention to the refugee crisis (noting the irony of which segment of society is embodying the “Hate Thy Neighbor” ethic), a discussion which dovetails into the issue of whether democracy can really beat theocracy in a fight. Jason is biebered by Eastern European Mexicans, while Christian’s bieber ends up focusing on the real reason his clothes don’t fit right.

Also, it really is a small world, after all. Just ask Matt.

Podcast #63: Civil and Sexual Abuse of Power Sep 21, 2015

In this episode, the Drunk Ex-Pastors respond to a listener’s misgivings about how we handled the Kim Davis controversy, which leads to a discussion about elected officials, civil disobedience, and what Jesus thinks about it all. Jason tries to tell a story about his dad, which Christian interrupts with something about his own father that is so poignant that it would move most normal people to tears (Jason, irritated at the interruption, politely listens until he can finish his own story). We return to porn (as men so often do), this time tackling the issue of how many boobs a person has to see before he becomes a sociopathic necrophile. Christian is biebered by Catholics who think like Calvinists, and Jason has no bieber since we ran out of time.

Also, that’s right, we forgot: YOUR WIFE’S DEAD!

Podcast #62: Slippery Slopes and Christian Patriotism Sep 14, 2015

In this episode, the DXPs banter a bit about Kim Davis’s eye of the tiger, wanting to rock, and all the people God screwed over just to make a point, after which we take a call about the propriety of Christians’ selling their testimonies for money. We bat around the clearly unthought-through idea of doing a Drunk Ex-Pastors college tour, and then field a question about slippery-slope arguments against gay marriage (do they lead to slippery-slope arguments against a farmer marrying his own sister? What if his sister is a dog, who’s black?). We address Detroit’s being enslaved by the dark lord of the Underworld (as evidenced by a new statue of Satan being erected there), although Jason is puzzled because he assumed that Detroit has belonged to Lucifer since the late ‘90s at least. This leads us into, you guessed it, a slippery-slope discussion concerning whether theocracy really is a good idea anymore, because ISIS. Jason gets all Luddite-y again because he fears the Internet, and Christian explains why, in addition to wanting to murder babies, he hates all cops. Jason is in too good a mood to have a bieber, but Christian picks up his slack.

Also, Pig-Taints got your tummy a-hurtin’? Two words: Peppy Bismilk.

Podcast #61: Seth Alan Taylor Sep 10, 2015

In this episode of DXP “we”—Jason and the listening audience—are granted privileged access into a private therapy session between Christian and porn-addict recovery specialist Seth Taylor (tackling such sensitive topics as “How does Christian know he’s actually clinically addicted?”; “How often is so often that it becomes a problem”; and “Masturbation-related injuries: what causes them and how they can be avoided in the future”). Semi-kidding aside, we were thrilled to have Seth on the show: he’s an author, mystic, and overall deep thinker who brings a whole lot of humanity to the table as we discuss spirituality, sexuality, and addiction (Jason imagines that this is precisely what Jesus would have done). Enjoy!

Podcast #60: Pigs in a Blanket, Suicide Blonde, and Martyr Kim Davis Sep 07, 2015

Jason and Christian begin episode 60 of Drunk Ex-Pastors by enjoying some immediate karma for a lady who has it coming. They then lament the downfall of their favorite Survivor contestant and Fox and Friends correspondent, Elisabeth Hasselbeck. Going from bad to worse, the DXPs then discuss Michelle Carter, pretty much the worst girlfriend any guy could ask for. They then move on to Kim Davis, present-day “Rosa Parks” and Christian martyr, sacrificing her own freedom to make sure the sanctity of marriage is kept intact for heterosexual serial brides like herself. (Not only did three men marry her, but one of these apparently very desperate men married her twice!) Jason likes whatever Christian tells him to like and Christian likes his victory over the establishment. Christian is biebered by yet another way his body is attempting to do him in, and Jason is biebered either by being advertised to or by his own hypocrisy. He’s unsure.

Also, this episode sucked before Chris [...]

Podcast #59: Evangelicals, Televangelists, and Internet Cheats Aug 31, 2015

We begin this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors by relaying a harrowing tale involving a Mexican native of Honduras who was buried alive, after which we take a call from a minister who admires Christian’s Christianity (yep, you read that right). We then venture into the crazy world of glossolalia, end times prophecy, and TV preachers, trying to figure out if anyone actually believes in this stuff (Jason admits that he misses how exciting it used to be to constantly be looking for the antichrist and fighting the mark of the beast that he’s seriously considering rejoining the team). We turn our attention to the infamous Ashley Madison leak and to Josh Duggar in particular, seeking to determine whether he deserves his public lashings more than others do (yes). Christian is biebered by myopia in the voting booth, while Jason’s bieber involves having to exert himself, ever.

Also, we totally need a DXP drinking game.

Podcast #58: Fratboys, Demons, and Trolls Aug 24, 2015

This episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors begins with Jason asking Christian to diagnose him after he discovers the depths of his own duplicity and greed, after which we banter a bit about the various presidential hopefuls. Christian then shares an interesting insight that he “read somewhere” (ahem) about our present dystopic existence. We take a listener’s call asking us to reflect a bit about DXP’s one-year anniversary and the highs and lows we’ve experienced doing this podcast (the lows were easier to remember for Jason than the highs were), and then Christian describes his day meeting his son’s new fraternity brothers at the U-Dub. We answer questions about demons, as well as about who Christian turns to in times of difficulty now that he hates Jesus (when Jason [...]

Podcast #57: Gender Distinctions, Sexual Assault, and Comedy Aug 17, 2015

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, we open the floor up to you, the listener, and let you set the table for the evening’s discussion. We begin by tackling the issue of who would win in a fight between the two of us (Jason didn’t agree with Christian’s answer, but he chose not to press the issue because he hates fighting). We take a listener’s call about vasectomies and miscarriages, and then address Target’s plan to ruin America and force our kids to gay one another. The discussion then takes a turn and we discuss exactly how many self-proclaimed female victims there need to be before we’ll believe that a famous comedian sexually assaulted them despite the fact that he’s really, really funny. Christian thinks he is biebered by randomly-committed airport faux pas, but is actually just being racist. Jason’s bieber puts all of Hollywood on not [...]

Podcast #56: Fundamentalism and Compromise Aug 10, 2015

In this our one-year anniversary episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, we begin by letting the South off the hook and setting our sites somewhere else for a change: Florida (which is technically not the South, even though it’s farther south than the South, which just goes to show how stupid they all are). We then spend a few moments talking about drones, robots, and cartoons, after which we spend the remainder of the first half discussing fundamentalist pro-lifers, and how there’s just. No. Pleasing them. We then take a listener’s call about evangelicals and Catholics, which leads us to a debate about whether Catholics suck way worse or whether they both suck the exact same amount. Christian’s bieber involves traffic etiquette, while Jason is biebered by how logistically [...]

Podcast #55: Lions and Babies, War and Peace Aug 03, 2015

In this episode, the DXPs share their opinions on kids’ sports and Christian’s new Mom Jeans for dads, after which we debate whether Noachian terms should still be used (“Noachian” is an outdated word meaning “outdated”). We then spend some time discussing whether it’s OK to be disgusted both by selling dead baby livers and killing majestic African animals, or if we just have to be saddened by one and indifferent about the other. We take a voicemail about whether Christianity demands participation in war (and if it does, then Jason might be an even worse Christian than Christian, which is quite a feat), and afterwards we insult the South a little bit (because why not?). We then start arguing about who interrupts whom more, which nearly brings the show to an abrupt end. Christian is biebered by Hollywood’s laziness, while Jason’s bieber, once again, involves youths.

Also, guns don’t kill people. Bullets do.

Podcast #54: Nouveau Bros, Neo, and Islamic Extremists Jul 27, 2015

In this episode, the DXPs try to determine whether they are a part of a new-fangled cultural demographic that they eventually conclude is mostly bullshit (but at times eerily specific and correct in its description of them). We then spend some time on the long past-due topic of Keanu Reeves (you’re welcome), after which we take listener voicemails about agnosticism and whether Cherokees and Catholics can date. We then turn our attention to the deaths of the four U.S. Marines killed by Islamic extremists (or were they just everyday, garden-variety Muslims?), discussing: (1) whether America should retaliate for this attack; (2) whether this attack was retaliation for some other attack we already did; (3) whether that previous attack, for which this attack was retaliation, was itself retaliation for some earlier attack done to us; or (4) whether we should get the hell out of the Middle East altogether and turn the region over to Satan. Jason is biebered by hooliganery, while Christi [...]

Podcast #53: Give Peace a Chance, Man! Jul 20, 2015

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian begin by discussing whether they feel like they are aging too quickly (in one of their cases) or not quickly enough (in the case of the other). We then address why it is that Christian is “really open” about his personal life (at least about the things he didn’t insist Jason delete from the final version of the show), while Jason seems to be less so. We then turn our attention to the issue of pacifism and whether religious people should be less warmonger-y than they tend to be in this country, after which we tackle the issue of why the youth in Asia are all killing themselves in Europe. Jason is biebered by the increasing obsolescence of the human brain, while Christian’s bieber involves slowing down for cops.

Also, how stoked is that teenaged Albuquerque kid that Heisenberg totally nailed his mom?

Podcast #52: Women’s Sports and Marriage Equality Jul 13, 2015

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian discuss such topics as: how many times a day a person should look in the mirror, the asymmetricality of Christian’s face, what Jason would be willing to do for ten million dollars, and their waiter from the previous night who looks just like Ryan Gosling if Ryan Gosling wasn’t paid to look like he was “Photoshopped.” The DXPs then throw caution to the wind and jump right into women’s sports and why they’re not as popular as men’s sports in general. If they left anyone unoffended by that conversation, they’ll get to you in the next conversation about the Supreme Court’s rulings on Obamacare and Marriage Equality. Jason is biebered by having to purchase more than one thing when he goes to the store and Christian is biebered by round toilets.

Also, if your significant other has a pimple, what is the proper etiquette? Do you ignore it or do you point at it and laugh?

Podcast #51: Amber Waves of Jesus Jul 06, 2015

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason begins with a riddle for Christian, the answer to which Christian is not sure he agrees with (but then, neither do thousands of PhDs, but what do they know?). We dabble briefly in geopolitics once again, this time weighing the pros and cons of having more female world leaders (because as men, we feel it’s our place to opine on such matters), after which we take a call that causes Christian to ask Jason to hide his erection. We discuss the issue of how “Christian” America was intended to be on a scale of “Pretty Damn” to “Utterly and Completely.” Christian’s bieber has to do with sticky messes, while Jason is biebered by (wait for it) not enough technology.

Also, trust us: You always switch doors.

Podcast #50: Ebony, Ivory, Atrocities, and Shame Jun 29, 2015

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian revisit WWII and debate whether saving one Jew was worth killing 250,000 Japs (Christian seems to think so), leading us into a discussion about whether someone can be a noble soldier serving an ignoble national agenda (during which Jason accidentally compares the U.S. to Nazi Germany). The subject of racism emerges again, forcing us to rate just how racist Southerners are on a scale of 4 – 10 (there simply aren’t any numbers lower than 4 on this scale), after which we tackle the topic of parents virally video-shaming their kids. Jason’s bieber involves prohibiting white people from naming streets, while Christian is biebered by radio stations in the summer.

Also, get in line, starving Africans, because our church’s prayer chain is clogging up the pipeline with requests for God to heal little Timmy’s sniffles.

Podcast #49: It’s Racism, Stupid Jun 22, 2015

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian receive some much-deserved props for some past wisdom given, and then dispense even more by settling a dispute involving a caller, his girlfriend, and a lottery ticket. We weigh in on the Charleston shooting and revisit the McKinney pool party, after which we tackle the issue of Rachel Dolezal, the black, oops white crusader for black rights. Is there a difference between her and Caitlyn Jenner, between being a white girl identifying as black and a man identifying as a woman? Is it racist to make a movie called White Men Can’t Jump? Can a guy be in the KKK if he’s black, but blind and doesn’t know it? Christian is biebered by Hollywood’s laziness, while Jason’s bieber involves feeling like he is living in Nazi Germ [...]

Podcast #48: Drunk Ex-Philosophers Jun 15, 2015

In this episode, the DXPs sound less like former pastors and more like philosophers, waxing profound as we address such topics as the nature of certitude and the role of evidence in achieving it, what the ramifications of artificial intelligence may be, whether aliens exist, and how we know we weren’t just created five minutes ago and pre-programmed with a bunch of false memories we mistakenly believe to be true. And orgies. We also mention those. We then tackle the issue of marriage and divorce, wondering whether ideals can just be good or whether they also have to be true. Christian’s bieber has to do with the clap, while Jason is biebered by being told what to do.

Also, is it better to succeed at something easy or suck at something awesome?

Podcast #47: Transgenderism, Starring Caitlyn Jenner Jun 08, 2015

In this episode, the drunk ex-pastors begin by reveling in the power we recently wielded to divest the former president of FIFA of his position, after which we debate whether one of last week’s callers was a dot- or feather-Indian, as well as whether saying that is totally racist. We then reminisce about our favorite ‘80s TV shows for some reason, which the cool ones of our audience will love and the ones who are the wrong age will find incredibly boring. Christian gets some much-needed support from a caller, and another listener defends the idea of snobbishness (which Jason, of course, also has no problem with). We answer a challenge to what we said last week about whether death gives life meaning—this time with Jesus brought into the mix—and then we get to the main event: Caitlyn Jenner. Does gender inform sexual preference? Does genitalia determine gender? We tackle these and other questions as we stammer and stumble our way through this important issue. Christian’s bi [...]

Podcast #46: Beauty, Calvary Chapel, and the Duggars Jun 01, 2015

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors we consider our audience’s insistence that Christian is the reason people hate pretty much everything, and then delve into the nature of physical attraction and reflect on whether beauty is objective or in the eye of the beholder. A caller introduces the topic of Calvary Chapel, to which we respond by pointing out that our former megachurch has now become the “establishment” that it once stood up to (hashtag, IronyRules). The possibility of religious certainty is mulled over, and the corruption of FIFA is discussed (“FIFA,” for you Americans, is like the NBA. Just replace “National” with “Worldwide” and “Basketball” with “Football.” Then replace “Football” with “Soccer.”). We then spend a considerable time breaking down the scandal involving the Children of the Corn. I mean, the Duggars. Christian is biebered by technology, again, while Jason’s bieber stems from his resentment at being marketed to.

Podcast #45: R.I.P. Dad Bods May 25, 2015

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, after Christian brings our attention to a recent sex scandal involving a middle school teacher’s storage closet and Jason weighs in on how little Israel matters to the issue of biblical prophecy, the DXPs put the matter of the “dad bod” to rest for good (not because it’s not an interesting topic, but because it apparently can’t be addressed without anger, hurt feelings, nearly destroyed iPads, and the majority of the discussion left on the cutting room floor). After the mid-show break (and after Jason issues his hat-in-hand mea culpa) we take a few listeners’ questions, addressing such fundamental questions as “What does God look like?” and “If Jason is so smart, why the hell can’t he find a job?” Christian is biebered by something technological (now there’s a role reversal), while Jason’s bieber involves the food-ordering practices of adventurous eaters. Also, we’ll take The Rapist for $200, Alex

Podcast #44: “The Heat is On!” May 18, 2015

In this episode, Jason takes one for the DXP team by saying all kinds of controversial crap about Israel, Texas, and women (he’s not all detestable, really. He’s just tired of his BFF getting picked on over the whole “Christians should kill their children” dust-up and wanted to divert attention). Christian tells a story involving a near brawl at his son’s soccer match. Between the parents. Speaking of skirmishes, a caller asks about the conflict in the Middle East to which we offer nothing remotely resembling constructive advice (beyond Christian’s prohibiting the Bible from having any say in the matter). Jason defends his track record of insulting Texas to a caller from Texas, and is thankfully made to understand that the Lone Star State isn’t nearly as trashy as Arkansas. We then plunge headfirst into the “Dad Bod” craze, much to Christian’s discomfort. Jason is convinced his dismissal of the controversy over the so-called double standard is justified, and tha [...]

Podcast #43: Culture War: What is it Good For? May 11, 2015

In this episode, the DXPs reluctantly revisit the topic of murdering our children: Christian makes it clear that he does not encourage this, while Jason entertains the idea on grounds of annoyance rather than religion. We then seek to get to the bottom of the sinister satisfaction that many fundamentalists seem to display at the idea of hell involving eternal torment (they give the phrase “Lot pitched his tent toward Sodom” a whole new meaning). Christian then observes that Catholics and Muslims seem to be having a culture war “baby-off,” which worries him significantly regardless of who wins (Jason is rooting for the saintly Westerners against the filthy war-mongers). Christian is biebered by bottles and buttons, while Jason’s bieber involves bothersome boxing bouts (our biebers this week are brought t [...]

Podcast #42: Michael Hernandez Interview May 07, 2015

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian test out their interview skills on one of their oldest and closest friends, Michael Hernandez. After trying to figure out why Michael would choose to be gay with all the girls who were throwing themselves at him in high school, the DXPs do their best to determine if this choice of his means eternal darkness or whether or not God may spare him since at least he’s not Agnostic. (Sorry, Christian.) They reminisce about their good old days as bigoted fundamentalists and aspiring professional bowlers, acknowledging that Michael probably “bumped the twig” quite a bit more often than they did. Christian tries to get to the bottom of why marriage is important to the gays (or to anyone for that matter) while Jason offers his views of how Christians should treat the gay community. Christian refuses to accept Tom Cruise as gay and Jason refuses to accept Neil Patrick Harris as straight, while Michael is un [...]

Podcast #41: Rage Against the Machine May 04, 2015

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Christian opens up and shares with us good saintly folks what it’s like to be a vilified, persecuted agnostic (and if he thinks God’s going to help him out with this problem, he can frickin think again). He then amuses Jason with his slurred speech, which must be contagious since by episode’s end Jason sounds like he is speaking in slow motion. The issue of the Baltimore riots gives way to a discussion of such systemic issues as wage slavery, sweatshop labor, and the crime of Driving-While-Black (geez, some people always find a reason to complain, right?). A listener’s call opens up the matter of marriage equality, causing the DXPs to discuss whether the church or the state should have any say in marriage in the first place. Jason is biebered by mathematically incorrect attempts at voicing one’s agreement, while Christian’s bieber stems from his being way too gentlemanly a spectator at sporting events.

Podcast #40: Kids: Love Them Enough to Kill Them! Apr 27, 2015

So this is 40, meaning Drunk Ex-Pastors is now officially old (like a 40 year-old man or 27 year-old woman [hey, don’t shoot the cultural messenger]). In this episode, Jason and Christian celebrate their geriatric status by swapping stories about shaving and unwanted body hair. We then bicker about whether Christian’s constant interrupting of Jason is due to the latter’s verbosity or the former’s impatience, both of which we trust are incredibly endearing. We then consider an alternative voting system that makes enough sense to never be implemented in a million years, after which we tackle the issue of money in politics. A listener’s question about the so-called “age of accountability” opens up a massive can of worms, leaving Jason vulnerable to the thorny charge of not being faithfully religious enough to murder his own children. Christian’s bieber involves his obsessive attention to a balanced check book, while Jason is biebered by any problem that can’t be solv [...]

Podcast #39: Leave the Driving to Us Apr 20, 2015

In this episode, the Drunk Ex-Pastors do their best to live up to their names (Christian introduces a new cocktail to the arsenal, while Jason does his part by drinking several margaritas before show time). After briefly revisiting the issue of police brutality, we let our inner Californians show by divulging some of our driving habits, including the theory that driving twice the speed limit reduces one’s chances of getting a speeding ticket by half (math is hard). The DXPs then share some tips for avoiding traffic fines and ignoring overly-inquisitive borders patrol guards, as well as give a bit of insight into why we ignore all of your Facebook friend-requests. We take a listener call about whether we are prejudiced against Islam, that most violent and backward of all religions (of course we’re not). Another caller tries to drag us into a debate over abortion, which bait we wisely slash fearfully refuse to take. Christian is biebered by New Jersey governor C [...]

Podcast #38: Police Brutality, Jesus’ Identity, and Faith vs. Science Apr 13, 2015

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian discuss the various forms of police brutality that have been making headlines of late (yeah, yeah, we know: Not all cops are bad cops. But the way things are going, the po-po’s gotta earn the benefit of the doubt rather than being given it). We then discuss C.S. Lewis’s argument that Christ is either “a liar, a lunatic, or Lord,” and even listen to Bono’s version of the trilemma, and yet Christian still manages to harden his heart and resist the holy and inspired Word of Bono. And God. We take a listener call about the relation of faith to science and, much to Christian’s annoyance, Jason takes a completely reasonable and intellectually respectable position that refuses to see any rift between the two. Another voicemail [...]

Podcast #37: Heartsickness, Respect, and Divine Fatherhood Apr 06, 2015

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, we witness a stunning turning-of-the-tables as Jason (the happy one) seeks to cheer up his pal Christian (the sad one). Once “Let Go, Let God” has done its job, the DXPs offer their condolences to a heartbroken caller, reflecting on the fact that, deep down, we’re all still lovesick teenagers. Christian then begins a drunken retraction of last week’s intolerance, only to change his mind and dig his heels, insisting that it’s human nature to blur the line between respecting a person and respecting his ideas (Jason reluctantly kind of agrees, but is mostly just amused at his BFF’s drunken demeanor). Christian reads a selection from Jason’s forthcoming book in which he argues that God’s archetypal fatherhood demands that divine mercy always gets the last word over divine punishment (and even Christian, our resident atheist [ahem], is impressed). We then take so [...]

Podcast #36: Safe Sex, Solo Sex, and a Bunch of Other Kinds of Sex Mar 30, 2015

So this is the episode where we talk about sex (and true to form, the DXPs leave no stone unturned. Perhaps we should call ourselves the DXXXPs?). We tackle extramarital relations, masturbation, contraception, Onanism, homosexuality, and whether sex-for-pleasure is actually more human than animalistic (with Christian giving a rousing defense of his views and Jason giving a half-hearted one of his). This leads into a debate about whether a family should adjust the amount of children they have to their desired lifestyle, or the other way around. We take a caller’s question about fraternities, which springboards into a discussion about the racism and misogyny not only of SAE but of the Greek system as a whole. Christian’s bieber shows him desiring to go postal on the postal service, whi [...]

Podcast #35: Humorless Apologists, Genocide vs. Foreskins, and the Myth of Monogamy Mar 23, 2015

In episode #35 of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian address one of the former’s most well-known detractors (a man who is far more concerned about Jason’s Catholicism than he is about Christian’s “agnosticism, or atheism, or whatever”). We then tackle some listener questions about which religions tend to be most progressive, as well as about how to question your faith without rocking the boat (something Jason knows absolutely nothing about). Another voice mail leads to a discussion about whether business owners whose religious convictions preclude them from serving gays are douches, or morally principled douches. Since we wouldn’t be DXPs without veering into theological topics, we then discuss which command is harder for God to get his primitive people t [...]

Podcast #34: Occultism, Religious Persecution, and Rock & Roll Mar 16, 2015

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, our correction of a misstatement about the occult leads to a discussion about whether religious rationalism spelled the triumph of Muggles over Magic. We then revisit our favorite Monster Energy Drink conspiracy theorist and watch in horror as she blows her shot at web redemption (and perhaps divine redemption as well), and then wind up agreeing with an online Christian pundit who bemoans the rabid persecution of American believers (don’t worry, there is irony involved). We turn our attention to the issue of capital punishment, agreeing on our conclusion while differing on how we each arrived at it (Jason’s position is bound up in the dignity of the human person, while Christian’s just comes down to math). We tackle a few voicemails, one of which involves determining the best rock ba [...]

Podcast #33: Cults, Shrinking Christianity, and Emotional Atheism Mar 09, 2015

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors one of your hosts, due to an impromptu get-together that was completely outside his control, may have prefunked just a tad more than usual (but he holds it together quite well, really, despite imbibing something like five drinks beforehand). We consider ten characteristics of a cult and seek to determine whether our old megachurch, Calvary Chapel, fits the bill, and then launch into a discussion of whether Christianity is shrinking and why. Jason answers one listener’s question about crazy preaching stories with a tale involving the New York Yankees and the Albanian mob, and Christian agrees with another caller’s comparison of theism to belief in the Tooth Fairy who, apparently, isn’t real either. This prompts a debate about whether God can be re [...]

Podcast #32: Bondage, Christian Privilege, and the Divine Lisp Mar 02, 2015

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors Christian, despite his best efforts, continues to be used by God, an arrow in the quiver of the Almighty if you will (this goes for Jason as well, but unlike his agnostic co-host, he is merely indifferent about this rather than annoyed). The DXPs then discuss the film Fifty Shades of Grey and try to determine whether to dislike it because it’s so rapey, or simply because it sucks. Their attention then turns, as it should, to the power of the Big Paleo lobby whose “scientific research” into the “existence” of “dinosaurs” makes them the single greatest threat to our way of life since The Pentavaret itself. The issue of Christian privilege is then discussed (as well as the Fundamentalist martyr complex mocked), but then, seemingly o [...]

Podcast #31: Nihilism, Dinosaurs, and Church Dress Codes Feb 23, 2015

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason renounces Christianity and decides to try nihilism on for size (God, he has learned, is only worth worshiping if he makes our lives easy and comfortable and gives us everything we want). But don’t worry, we’re sure he’ll return to the fold. Christian then recounts a harrowing tale from Vegas involving a Scandinavian snowman on the attack, and the DXPs delve into the thorny issue of whether believers should be “against” dinosaurs, or just ignore them altogether. The discussion turns to gambling and whether it’s really as sinful as religion has portrayed it over the years. Speaking of religion, we learn in this episode what’s really behind Christian’s utter disdain for Jesus (hint: it involves wearing hats in church), which segues into a discussion of just [...]

Podcast #30: Virtual Immorality, Religious Atrocity, and Fairy-Tale Christianity Feb 16, 2015

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason, in various forms and sundry ways, suffers abuse and scorn from Christian, his irritable co-host (causing Jason to wonder, for perhaps the first time in his life, whether he is this much of a dick when he’s in a bad mood, which is quite often). Useless self-reflection aside, the discussion begins with the moral ramifications, if any, of actions committed in a virtual-reality world, and then turns to the abject hatred that President Obama displayed toward Christianity during his speech at the National Prayer Breakfast for the 1% of the time he wasn’t praising Christianity. The DXPs then tackle a couple listeners’ questions about whether true love necessitates free will, causing Christian to moan and complain, not about [...]

Podcast #29: Jason’s Termination, the Problem of Evil, GMOs, and Demonic Possession Feb 09, 2015

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason faces the difficult challenge of choosing between a sport he doesn’t care about and a job he hates. After answering a question about online dating, Jason and Christian discuss the recent statements of atheist Stephen Fry, pronouncing god, if he exists, as stupid thanks to bone cancer in children. After a quick discussion about GMOs, they begin working through listener voicemails. A question that has nothing to do with the new Microsoft HoloLens leads to a discussion about the new Microsoft HoloLens. They discuss whether or not Christians would give up being “right” in order for more people to get into heaven. They then get asked about demonic possession which leads Jason to talk in a way that Christian can’t help slow-blinking at, and after solving the topic of free will, Jason is biebered by [...]

Podcast #28: Yoga Pants, Gay Husbands, and Incest Feb 02, 2015

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian talk about yoga pants. Naturally, this brings up many more topics such as when candy had its zenith, exactly what it means to covet your neighbor’s ass, and what it would be like if women catcalled men. They then talk about gay men marrying women and whether or not that will make god happy finally. A caller asks why a father shouldn’t marry his daughter, which leads to Jason being confused about how reproduction works. Jason is biebered by overly conservative people, and Christian is biebered by having to keep quiet until he has everything figured out.

Also, Jason advocates for straight men getting gay-married…again. Hmmm.

Podcast #27: The Cruise, Crumpling Kids for Christ, and Sacred Ground Jan 26, 2015

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian jump on the Seahawks bandwagon. They lament their failed childhood radio careers. They tell stories of gluttony, obstructive sleep apnea, and mushrooms from the cruise. They talk about how car salesman get revenge for bad reviews. They mock (and refuse) the apology of the punching pastor. They come up with more stereotypes for white people. They discuss whether or not places can be holy or sacred and what that means for Catholics who want to get married on the beach. Jason is biebered by people who are biebered by Michael Moore being biebered by snipers. Christian is biebered by people who don’t recognize that movies are the highest form of art.

Also, is love in the air for Jason and Christian on the high seas? Their cabin boy thinks so.

Podcast #26: Mythical Christianity, Racial Stereotypes, and Handling Change Jan 19, 2015

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Christian and Jason start off with a voicemail from a listener who describes an unsuccessful attempt at introducing a friend to the podcast which ends with that friend thinking they’re racist. A question about Christian’s agnosticism leads to a discussion about whether or not the Bible is reliable and if Jesus could be who the Bible claims he is. Another caller, not realizing that Jason and Christian have been labeled as racist, brings up the issue of racial stereotypes. Alcohol encourages them to go ahead and take on the topic. A couple of other callers ask questions about how Christian’s and Jason’s personal lives were affected by their change in beliefs, which Christian is happy to answer. Jason remains dodgy. Finally, Jason is biebered by the fact that money makes it so that he can’t be more lazy.

Also, Jason admits to feeling emotions once after some champagne.

Podcast #25: Our “Polemical” Podcast, Dying Like a Boss, and Rapid-fire Feedback Jan 12, 2015

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, after some childhood memories of thrown Brussels sprouts and spilled honey, a shot in honor of their fine listeners, one of Jason’s stories from the car dealership, and Christian trying to talk himself out of buying a new car, Jason and Christian analyze some of the criticism of the podcast, delving into the nature of the podcast itself. After a third attempt at explaining that they don’t hate Capitalism, they examine the death of Christians compared to the death of non-Christians and whether or not dying well proves anything, and eventually whether or not anything proves anything. After a break to refill drinks and order pizza, Christian and Jason discuss why God keeps playing tricks on humans, such as creating the earth to look so old. They then enjoy some spontaneous feedback from listeners via Facebook and are interrupted by the pizza arriving early. Jason is biebered by having to travel more than five miles ever [...]

Podcast #24: A Year without God, Clarifications, and Transgenderism Jan 05, 2015

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, after a quick discussion about the ways they would abuse lucid dreaming and why living like Jesus would completely screw up one’s life, Christian and Jason analyze the recently finished yearlong experiment of Ryan Bell, a former pastor who decided last January to live like an atheist and report his findings. They then address feedback from listeners on the topics of scientific theory (it’s just theory!), torture (it’s totally OK!), and Capitalism (they hate it, obviously). They then address the recent suicide of Leelah (Joshua) Alcorn, a transgender teen who was told by their parents that “God doesn’t make mistakes.” Jason is biebered by rhyming with poor timing, and Christian is biebered by people who are biebered by New Year’s resolutions.

Also, Christian explains why you should be happy that your partner would like to have sex with other people.

Podcast #23: Test Drive Hit and Run, Tough Love, and Capitalism vs Christianity Dec 29, 2014

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason wants to know if they’re recording, but he finally has a reason to worry. Jason then regales us with stories from the car dealership, including a recent test drive that went bad, especially for a pedestrian who may or may not be completely fine. Let’s pretend he is. Christian and Jason then talk about “tough love” and whether or not Christians should shun people who don’t live according to their morals. They then discuss the “Christian Right,” how it came to be, and more importantly, whether it should be. A caller claims to have more joy and freedom as a former Christian than she did as a Christian, which we all know is completely impossible. Finally, Jason is biebered by how much more difficult it is to have a conference call today than it was twenty years ago.

[...]

Podcast #22: Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un, Legalizing Everything, and Puppy-Kicking Atheists Dec 22, 2014

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Christian and Jason go over some new iTunes reviews of the podcast, one of which is two stars and actually ends up being somewhat accurate. They then discuss the new CEO of Sony, Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un. After a discussion about raising money as missionaries, they take on the concept of over-criminalization and whether or not less laws would cause everyone to start shooting heroine into their eyeballs. They then take a question about how censored their childhoods were and then another question about whether or not atheists are just as bad as fundamentalist Christians. They then reminisce about a fight they had over a lighter and Christian is biebered by joint Facebook accounts.

Also, they get a voice mail from Satan.

Podcast #21: Altar Calls, Wounded Warriors, Born Agains, and Torture Dec 15, 2014

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Christian has to deal with an obstinate child named Jason who refuses to wear his headphones and stalls for twenty minutes on a shot he doesn’t want to drink. After compromising, they discuss the manipulative practice of attempting to create Christians known as the “altar call,” and what role this played in them being asked to leave the Calvary Chapel pastorate. They then listen to a wounded warrior describe his experience back in The States which drives home the realities of war in a way that many people don’t ever recognize. Jason and Christian (or Christian and Jason) then address listener feedback including why it’s impossible for Christian ministers to be authentic and whether or not being “born again” requires a complete change of personality. Finally, they are both biebered by torture, but not enough to distract them from pizza.

Also, Jason gives his brother the best bir [...]

Podcast #20: Mundane Christianity, Speaking in Tongues, and Eric Garner Can’t Breathe Dec 11, 2014

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, after taking a “holiday” shot suggestion submitted by a listener and getting an update on the woeful life of a car salesman, Christian and Jason springboard off of something Jason said in the last podcast into whether or not Christianity should be any different than any other organization or religion. (Or as Christian likes to wonder, should God make a difference?) They then address a listener’s voicemail about speaking in tongues and whether or not anyone is actually doing it for real, especially 3rd graders being filmed by the news. They then address the homicide of Eric Garner by Staten Island police and attempt to answer the difficult question of whether or not being black and weighing 350 pounds is grounds enough for being strangled to death by law enforcement. (Hint: No. Never.) Jason is biebered by literally everything.

Also, Jason uses the word “psycholologize.” [...]

Podcast #19: Judging by the Cover, Miracles, and Fluid Dogma Dec 08, 2014

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian “drunkenly blather on” about a couple of the podcast’s detractors who have quite clearly never listened to the show. They then discuss one of the more important and volatile topics they’ve discussed lately: the new Star Wars teaser trailer. A caller’s comments then launch them into a discussion about skepticism and miracles, and whether or not Jesus’s miracles can beat up Mohammed’s miracles (and whether or not that would make Christian be a Christian). After a voicemail from someone who is definitely not from England, they take another entertaining voicemail from someone who doesn’t dislike the podcast a lot, which leads to a discussion about re-evaluating beliefs based on personal experience. Christian is biebered by insecure drivers and Jason is biebered by having more than one set of silverware.

Also, Christian throws up immediately following t [...]

Podcast #18: Referees, Rioting, and Right to Die Dec 01, 2014

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors (emphasis on “drunk” for Christian), Jason puts down the whiskey and drinks beer to assuage the wrath of the Lutherans. Christian claims that referees only get in the way of good sportsmanship, in much the same way that the police get in the way of polite looting. After acknowledging that nothing gets accomplished without a good riot, they answer listener voicemails which eventually lead them to whether or not a terminally ill patient should have the right to die on their own terms before God is done tormenting them with a brain tumor. Jason is then biebered by genre-less radio stations and Christian is biebered by the defiling of his favorite holiday.

Also, Jason falls asleep while Christian is talking.

Podcast #17: The Anonymous Ron Arbaugh, Voicemails, and Toilet Etiquette Nov 24, 2014

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian celebrate their success in iTunes with a new bottle of Scotch, which naturally leads to a discussion about Dwarves tasting Orc blood. After a quick update on Jason’s success as a car salesman, an offer for a free Drunk Ex-Pastors shot glass, and an analysis of a one star iTunes review, they address some negative statements made about Christian by a Calvary Chapel pastor who would like to remain anonymous. Of course, Jason and Christian won’t let that happen. They then attempt to catch up on voicemails and discuss a variety of topics, from whether or not Ruby Red Squirt and a hot dog bun can become the blood and body of Jesus Christ, to whether or not the Bible is misogynistic, and if science and faith can co-exist. Jason is biebered by poor toilet etiquette, and Christian is biebered by poor Bible-verse quoting etiquette.

Also, Christian doesn’t look like Pope B [...]

Podcast #16: Real Time Questions, Monster Energy, and Delusions of Grandeur Nov 17, 2014

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian get an effin awesome voicemail. Jason’s soul-sucking existence is exemplified in a deal on a $3800 gold Chrysler and Christian is devastated and losing sleep over a lost star in an iTunes review. The ex-pastors spontaneously take live questions from Facebook which start with why Mike Seaver is trying to save Christmas and eventually lead to Jason serenading Christian with the theme from the TV show Alice. After re-hashing the weed topic (get it!?) they examine whether or not your energy drink is trying to turn you into a Satanist. This leads to a conversation about whether or not Christians have delusions of grandeur and if those delusions are proof that they’re not actually delusions at all. It’s a bit philosophical…for drunks…and ex-pastors. Christian then explains why biebers are biebering him and Jason is biebered by technology…again.

Podcast #15: Elections, Weed, and Mental Gymnastics Nov 10, 2014

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason does something he hasn’t done in 14 years as he transforms from car salesman to car buyer. After discussing Christian’s annual Halloween party, Jason relays more stories from the workplace, which he describes as “like prison, except you can go home at the end of the day.” Meanwhile, Christian thinks quietly to himself, “Welcome to having a job.” They then discuss the recent election that there’s a good chance you didn’t know took place, and springboard from that into a discussion about how marijuana prohibition is racist. They then take listener questions about whether or not Christian is going to hell, and furthermore, if he is (and he is), whether or not that’s the fault of fundamentalism. Christian then claims that the only way to make sense out of the bible is to do a bunch of mental gymnastics, to which Jason responds that that’s not true, but that there’s not time to talk about it becaus [...]

Podcast #14: Indoctrination Redux, Indiscriminate Profanity, and the Sport of Soccer Nov 03, 2014

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian decide their friendship wasn’t tested enough during the previous episode’s debate about indoctrination and go for round two. Jason admits that he is wrong, but this sentence is totally out of context. Christian informs Jason about some negative feedback from a non-drunk current pastor, and they also lament the fact that only 23 people like the podcast. Christian is asked by a listener what led him to become an Agnostic, and in fine Agnostic fashion talks about what didn’t push him into it instead of what did. Jason can’t figure out which of his many biebers to discuss and finally lands on one that gives him an excuse to say the “f-word” over and over again. Christian is biebered by insecure, American sports fans who insist on putting down soccer, which causes Jason and him to become insecure, American soccer fans who put down other sports.

Also, Jason [...]

Podcast #13: Repeat After me. Indoctrination. Indoctrination. Indoctrination. Oct 27, 2014

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian celebrate the podcast’s 13th episode with a shot of chocolate cake, followed up with a recap of Christian’s trip to Hollywood and Jason’s week getting to know his co-workers: Bow Tie, Old Spice, Senator, et al. After a momentary lapse into what is possibly a quite sexist discussion and a post-mortem analysis of Christian’s inexplicable loss in the “Best Name” category for his chili, Jason and Christian take on a caller question about indoctrination, which leads to a heated discussion over what constitutes indoctrination and whether or not religious people are guiltier of it than non-religious people. After making up, Christian is biebered by redundancy and Christian is biebered by redundancy, while Jason goes full car salesman and is biebered by anyone who thinks their trade-in actually has an objective value.

Podcast #12: Slingin’ Cars, Avoiding Ebola, and Jason’s Speech Therapy Oct 20, 2014

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian start off the show with an experimental shot meant to give them wings. Jason then imparts his best “white-trash scheme” as a free service to anyone needing to send a letter but who is short on postage. As Jason transforms before our ears into a better and better car salesman (and a less and less trustworthy person, obviously), Christian begins Jason’s speech therapy, which, unfortunately for Jason, may last the entire episode. They then check in on the status of Jason’s haters and as a free public service announcement give their listeners a simple way to avoid the Ebola virus. Christian is biebered by (not drunk) ex-pastor Bob Coy, the “Tiger Woods” of Calvary Chapel, while Jason is biebered by any car that costs more than $30,000. (Unless, of course, he is selling it to you.)

Podcast #11: We Address Our Detractors and Ruin an American Holiday Oct 13, 2014

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian analyze why Jason gave up a comfortable job with a high salary to potentially end up sleeping in his car in Christian’s driveway. (Unfortunately, Jason no longer has a car, which is ironic considering his new career attempt.) The ex-pastors then take on Jason’s critics, of which there are many, who seem to delight in his demise and what they consider to be his inevitable downfall. Speaking of downfalls, Jason and Christian also address those particular critics who seem to be lacking the sense of humor necessary to deal with the “Rev. Jason Stellman” being on a podcast called Drunk Ex-Pastors.

Their resident heckler “badclowney” is addressed as well as [...]

Podcast #10: Free Whiskey, Bad Teachers, and Sex Education Oct 06, 2014

In this edition of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian enjoy their first taste of sponsorship, and love it. (Probably because it tastes like Whiskey.) Christian recounts how his family’s recent vacation to Hawaii caused some problems for his daughter at school which opens up a discussion about education in general and how to keep kids from becoming mindless drones. A listener’s message moves the conversation from education in general to sex education, which causes some disagreement between Jason and Christian. Perhaps it’s because Jason doesn’t have all the years of parenting experience that Christian has, or perhaps it’s because Christian’s years of parenting experience have caused him to become jaded. You’ll have to decide. After a short unintentional rant against Capitalism, they end with an homage to Entourage.

Podcast #9: Cops, Calvary Chapel, Hell, and Football Sep 29, 2014

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason presents Christian with a gift that he needs but will never use; the discussion turns to whether or not the police force attracts people who were picked on in school and therefore need to take out their frustrations on the powerless and weak; we discuss the recent controversy surrounding the lawsuit against our former church, Calvary Chapel, by two of its now-deceased founding pastor’s children; we answer a Twitter follower’s question about whether Jesus and Paul thought hell was a real place of eternal torment; and lastly, Jason exhibits his laser-sharp understanding of how to win at football (besides just shooting lots of homeruns, which is obvious).

Podcast #8: Offensive Words, Passive Seduction, and Selfies Sep 22, 2014

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Christian gives Jason a very special gift (hint: it’s small, sings like a little Canadian boy, and you put it in your mouth); we take feedback from a female listener who is frustrated by her former time in the church when all her “sisters in Christ” thought she wanted to steal their husbands; we delve into the issue of language and labels, focusing on whether and when it’s OK to use “the N-word” as well as whether jokingly labeling stuff “gay” or “retarded” is a retarded, gay thing to do; Jason bitches about his culinary needs never being met, while we hoist a poignant shot which Christian saved for the very end of the show.

Podcast #7: Scary Movies, Dead Americans, and Mark Driscoll’s Penis Sep 17, 2014

In our seventh episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason explains why he doesn’t like movies containing red-headed twin children or the Holocaust; Christian reveals some sobering facts about ISIS and their plot to take over America (or just kill us all, we’re not sure at this point); we take some listener feedback asking about Mark Driscoll’s penis and who it really belongs to; and lastly, Christian complains about the insensitivity of certain drivers’ parking habits, while Jason laments all progress in general.

Podcast #6: Poker, Nude Selfies, and Rape Sep 13, 2014

In this edition of the podcast, Jason and Christian discuss Jason’s lack of proper decorum at the poker table, and then spend the remainder fielding a listener question about the infamous celebrity selfie leak.

This topic leads pretty naturally into a discussion of rape culture, during which Christian accuses Jason of contributing to it, thereby displaying his lack of philosophical nuance and sophistication.

Podcast #5: Alcohol, Guns, and the ISIS Threat Sep 08, 2014

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian keep their promise to do a shot in honor of all those who shared their podcast on social media this past week, and go on to extol the many benefits of alcohol, and how the moderate enjoyment of various libations can help (in the immortal words of Pink) “get this party started.” They also take some listener feedback and discuss issues like gun control, ISIS, and why Jason hates animals. God, he really is just a horrible, horrible person…

Podcast #4: Acting, Our First Listener Feedback, and Other Ramblings Sep 01, 2014

In this edition of Drunk Ex-Pastors (which is perhaps the most entertaining and least substantive one yet), Christian and Jason kick things off with a shot of 100 proof Southern Comfort, and then ramble semi-coherently about everything from the volume of Christian’s vomiting to whether one of them could kill the other without getting caught, and from the silliness of “paying it forward” to whether girls who look like their fathers are hotter than those who resemble their moms. And for the first time they take listener feedback and address one of their detractors. Also, they drink way more than usual.

Podcast #3: The Ice Bucket Challenge, Unbelieving Believers, and 36k Foot High Side Boob Aug 24, 2014

In this edition of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Christian explains the “Ice Bucket Challenge” to Jason (call him dense, but it’s not apparent to him how pouring ice water over his head will help cure a disease); they soften their stance on the Michael Brown shooting a tad; they argue about whether more than one church-goer in 100,000 actually believes the things he claims to; Christian continues his complaint about air travel, this time focusing on overly-talkative slash voyeuristic travelers sitting next to him, and Jason accidentally (but kind of on purpose) endorses Huxley’s description of dystopic culture, except it’s not stupid people at the bottom of the food-chain, it’s unkempt ones. And they consign the other to hell several times.

Podcast #2: Michael Brown, Right vs Left, and the Rapture Aug 19, 2014

In this episode, Jason and Christian discuss the shooting of Michael Brown, the unarmed black teen who was shot in the back and head by a white police in Ferguson, MO, last week; they explore the issue of whether people on the right are more ideologically driven than those on the left, who tend to be more pragmatic; they roll up their religious sleeves and dig into the nuts and bolts of the Rapture and its accompanying apocalyptic doomsday prophecies (during which hilarity cannot but ensue); and Jason complains about Hollywood’s over-sensationalizing of bathroom murders, while Christian moans about pushy salespeople and how they not only make him feel heartless but also cause him to publicly lament his years and years of poor decision-making.

Podcast #1: The American Work Ethic, ISIS, and Irrelevant Traffic Laws Aug 12, 2014

In this episode of Drunk Ex-Pastors, Jason and Christian discuss the American attitude toward work and compare it to that of other cultures (as in, why do we live to work while people in other cultures work to live?); they talk about the horrific actions of the Islamic group ISIS and attempt to distinguish fact from fiction regarding the worldwide persecution of Christians — is it fair to call the denial of special treatment for American believers “persecution” while in the Middle East Christians are having their heads chopped off?; Christian vents about how pissed off he gets at the way air travelers conduct themselves at the luggage carousel; Jason bemoans how beholden humans are to machines as well as explains why most traffic laws don’t apply to him. And they accuse one another of racism like eleven times.

Introduction to Drunk Ex-Pastors Aug 01, 2014

Who are the Drunk Ex-Pastors? Why are they casting pod? What exactly is a “bieber?” Find out here!

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