Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

Latest Episodes:

#1225 - Self Control Can Be A Learned Behaviour With Ethan Kross Apr 11, 2025

Show notes

Is self-control something you're born with—or something you can teach your kids, starting today? Psychologist and bestselling author Ethan Kross takes us into the science of the inner voice, revealing how our thoughts shape our behaviour—and how we can shape our thoughts. From powerful tools that help children talk to themselves like a friend to simple mindset shifts that build long-term resilience, this conversation is packed with practical wisdom for raising emotionally intelligent, self-regulated kids.

KEY POINTS:

Self-control is a skill that can be taught and strengthened.
The inner voice is a powerful tool in navigating emotions and decision-making.
Kids benefit from learning how to create psychological distance during challenges.
Techniques like mental time travel and third-person self-talk are effective at all ages.
Parents have a unique opportunity to guide how children learn to speak to themselves.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:
“We’re not born with self-control; we learn it. And the tools we use to manage our mind are like muscles—we can train them.”

KEY INSIGHTS FOR PARENTS:

Help your child shift perspective by asking, “What would you say to a friend?”
Build emotional resilience by teaching kids to recall times they’ve overcome obstacles.
Model calm and constructive self-talk in your own moments of stress—kids are watching.
Introduce the idea of an “inner coach” who can guide them through tough situations.

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Chatter: The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It by Ethan Kross
University of Michigan’s Emotion & Self-Control Lab
Techniques such as self-distancing, visualisation, and reflective self-talk

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS:

Be intentional with your own self-talk—your children are learning from you.
Use playful, imaginative language to teach kids how to create emotional distance.
Encourage children to reflect on past successes to fuel future confidence.
Practice third-person self-talk together to turn overwhelming moments into teachable ones.
Keep emotional regulation tools simple, visual, and consistent.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

#1224 - Awards, Assemblies and Away Days Apr 10, 2025

Show notes

Could the way we celebrate kids at school actually be leaving many of them behind? In this episode, Dr. Justin and Kylie Coulson unpack the hidden costs of awards, assemblies, and school trips. From motivation to mental health, they explore how traditional recognition systems can impact children—and what we can do instead to help every child feel seen, supported, and valued.

KEY POINTS:

Awards ceremonies often benefit the same high achievers, leaving many students feeling invisible or unworthy.
External rewards can reduce intrinsic motivation, especially in areas of creativity, effort, and behaviour.
Assemblies can either unite a community or create anxiety and disconnection, depending on how they're run.
Away days and camps offer valuable opportunities for growth—but need to be inclusive and purposeful.
Children thrive when they feel seen, valued, and part of something bigger than themselves.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:
“Kids don’t need a trophy to know they matter. They need connection, encouragement, and a belief that they belong.”

KEY INSIGHTS FOR PARENTS:

Praise effort and process, not just outcomes.
Be cautious about over-relying on rewards—consider what motivates your child from within.
Talk with your child about how school events make them feel—do they feel recognised and included?
Encourage educators to focus on connection and belonging in school-wide activities.

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Deci & Ryan’s research on Self-Determination Theory
Studies on rewards and motivation from Alfie Kohn and Carol Dweck
Justin Coulson’s book 10 Things Every Parent Needs to Know

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS:

Ask your child how they feel during awards assemblies—validate their emotions.
Focus your praise on effort, character, and perseverance rather than outcomes.
Advocate for inclusive school events that celebrate all students, not just a few.
If your child misses out on recognition, remind them of their value through connection and encouragement.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

#1223 - The Data Around School Mobile Phone Bans is Mind-Blowing Apr 09, 2025

Show notes

Justin and Kylie dive into startling new data showing the positive effects of mobile phone bans in Australian schools. They explore statistics that reveal significant improvements in student learning, behaviour, and classroom engagement and reflect on the broader implications for parenting and screen time at home.

KEY POINTS:

The mobile phone ban in schools has led to
- 87% of students being less distracted
- 81% reporting improved learning
- 63% drop in critical incidents involving social media
- 54% reduction in behavioural issues
Government intervention in screen and phone use is proving effective.
Removing screens from classrooms and delaying smartphone access at home are strongly recommended.
Analogue tools outperform digital ones in fostering better learning outcomes.
Data from vaping bans also support the case for limiting access to harmful digital content.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:
“Kids don't need smartphones. They need smart parents, and smart parents give their kids dumb phones.” – Dr. Justin Coulson

KEY INSIGHTS FOR PARENTS:

Delaying your child's access to smartphones helps them focus, learn, and behave better.
School phone bans are effective, but more impact can be made at home and in broader digital habits.
Parents shouldn't rely on children to self-regulate in an adult digital world—protection and guidance are necessary.
Government restrictions, while imperfect, are valuable in safeguarding children.

RESOURCES:

Unplug Childhood [Join the village!]
Kids Need Smart Parents, Not Smart Phones [Article]

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS:

Delay giving children smartphones as long as possible—opt for dumb phones with basic functionality.
Set boundaries around screen use at home, especially for social media and unsupervised access.
Support analogue learning tools at home and advocate for them in schools.
Stay informed about government policies that affect your child’s digital environment.
Have open conversations with your child about the purpose and risks of digital devices.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

#1222 - Taking Control of Self-Control Apr 08, 2025

Show notes

Can self-control be taught? In this episode, Justin and Kylie explore the science of self-regulation and how parents can help their kids—and themselves—build better habits. Drawing on an insightful interview with Professor Ethan Kross, author of Chatter, the conversation highlights strategies for boosting motivation, building emotional resilience, and taking control in those tricky moments where willpower fails.

KEY POINTS:

Self-control is not an innate trait—it's a skill that can be learned and strengthened.
Motivation plays a crucial role in our capacity for self-control.
External factors like being hungry, angry, lonely, tired, or stressed (HALTS) reduce our ability to regulate ourselves.
Self-distancing, including the “Batman Effect,” can help children and adults manage strong emotions and make better decisions.
People who appear to have strong self-control often just design their environments to avoid temptation.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:
“People who seem to have the most self-control often set up their environments in such a way that they don’t need to exercise it at all.”

KEY INSIGHTS FOR PARENTS:

Teaching kids self-control starts with helping them understand triggers and setting up supportive environments.
Self-control can be undermined by stress and unmet needs—parents should be compassionate, not critical.
The “Batman Effect” (asking “What would Batman do?”) helps kids take a step back from their impulses and act with intention.
Modelling healthy responses and acknowledging your own challenges shows kids that emotional regulation is a lifelong practice.

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Chatter: The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It by Ethan Kross
HALTS acronym (Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, Stressed)
Ethan Kross’s full interview (to be aired Saturday)
happyfamilies.com.au

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS:

Teach kids about HALTS—help them recognise when their emotional state is affecting behaviour.
Use the “Batman Effect” or similar strategies to encourage self-distancing during challenging moments.
Model self-control by setting up environments that reduce temptation (e.g., not keeping junk food at home).
Have regular conversations about motivation and how it supports goals and values.
Tune in to the full interview with Ethan Kross for deeper insights and practical tools.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

#1221 - My 3 Year Old is Destroying the House! Apr 07, 2025

Show notes

Justin and Kylie respond to a heartfelt question from a mum who’s at her wit’s end with her highly creative—but very destructive—three-year-old. From nail polish on couches to crayon art on every surface, they explore what’s developmentally normal, why punishment may backfire, and how parents can redirect energy with connection, supervision, and playful problem-solving.

KEY POINTS:

Destructive behaviour in young children is often a sign of creativity and a desire to explore.
Supervision and engagement are key to reducing mischief.
Each child is different; parenting approaches should adapt to each child’s needs and the family’s season of life.
Redirection and empathy are more effective than blame and punishment.
Quality time and creating opportunities for appropriate creative expression can help children feel seen and understood.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:
“Kids don’t lie the way adults do—they tell us what they wish the truth was.”

KEY INSIGHTS FOR PARENTS:

Your child is not bad. They’re curious, creative, and still learning.
Meet big messes with calm, not shame. Use redirection to teach without damaging trust.
Invite cooperation by focusing on problem-solving together rather than punishment.
Blaming doesn’t teach responsibility—connection does.

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

I’ll Do Better Tomorrow, I Promise by Maurine Reynolds Adamek
“Lessons Learned” Substack by Beck Delahoy—Blame and Shame Doesn’t Solve Anything

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS:

Create safe, designated spaces for creative play—paper, washable markers, etc.
Increase supervision during high-risk moments (e.g., when things go quiet!).
Spend intentional quality time daily, even in short bursts.
Use imaginative redirection—like the “wicked mouse” approach—to encourage responsibility without shame.
Clean up with your child, not as punishment, but as a shared problem-solving opportunity.
Reflect on whether expectations are realistic for your child’s developmental stage.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

#1220 - Careless People Rule the World Apr 06, 2025

Show notes

Justin and Kylie dive into two powerful reads—Mel Robbins' The Let Them Theory and Sarah Wynn-Williams’ explosive memoir Careless People: A Cautionary Tale of Power, Greed, and Lost Idealism. While Kylie champions the liberating message of letting go of control, Justin offers a scathing but thoughtful critique of Facebook's inner workings, as revealed in Wynn-Williams' book. Together, they unpack how these ideas relate to parenting and the digital world our children are growing up in.

KEY POINTS:

The Let Them Theory emphasises personal boundaries and not needing to fix or control others.
Careless People reveals shocking behind-the-scenes practices at Facebook, particularly how the platform targets emotionally vulnerable teenagers for advertising.
The tech industry's influence extends to global politics, youth mental health, and everyday family life.
Memoirs can be a powerful vehicle for truth, shedding light on corporate irresponsibility.
Parents need to be alert to the digital environments their children inhabit.

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS:

Talk to your children about how social media works—especially how it might exploit their emotions.
Consider setting digital boundaries in your home, including times for device-free connection.
Read Careless People to better understand the systems shaping your family’s digital life.
Practice the “let them” mindset by releasing control over things that don’t require your intervention.
Stay informed—knowledge is power when it comes to parenting in a digital world.

The Let Them Theory' by Mel Robbins.

Careless People: A Cautionary Tale of Power, Greed, and Lost Idealism by Sarah Wynn-Williams.

Listen to Honestly With Bari Weiss - Meet Sarah Wynn-Williams, Facebook’s Highest-Ranking Whistleblower

Send your comments and questions to podcasts@happyfamilies.com.au

Find more resources to make your family happier at the Happy Families website.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

#1219 - The Surprising Truth About Sports Success From Australia's Most Decorated Olympian: An Interview With Emma McKeon Apr 04, 2025

Show notes

[R] Australia's most decorated Olympian, Emma McKeon, shares intimate insights about her journey from young swimmer to Olympic champion, revealing the crucial role her parents played in fostering success without pressure. Her story provides a masterclass in supporting children's sporting endeavors while maintaining joy and balance.

Key Points:

The importance of enjoyment over achievement in youth sports
How parental support without pressure builds self-determination
Managing early-morning training and self-motivation
Balancing multiple activities during teenage years
Transforming competition anxiety into positive energy

Quote of the Episode: "They never pressured me either way to swim or not to swim... They just wanted me to enjoy what I was doing and be happy in what I was doing, find something I was passionate about."

Key Insights:

Success comes from internal motivation, not external pressure
The value of maintaining multiple interests and activities
How to handle failure and setbacks constructively
The importance of supporting children "no matter what"
Why enjoyment must precede excellence

Personal Stories Shared:

Missing the 2012 London Olympics by 0.1 seconds
Early morning training experiences
Having her father as both parent and coach
Balancing swimming with other activities

Resources Mentioned:

Self-Determination Theory
Research on youth sports participation
Multi-sport participation benefits

Action Steps for Parents:

Focus on enjoyment before achievement
Allow children to set their own goals
Support multiple activities and interests
Help reframe anxiety as excitement
Maintain unconditional support regardless of performance

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

#1218 - Room Resets, Dust Bunnies & Waste Witches Apr 03, 2025

Show notes

In this episode of the Happy Families podcast, Justin and Kylie Coulson reflect on the challenges of parenting, from managing big emotions to keeping the household running smoothly. They discuss the importance of family meetings, handling difficult conversations with kids, and creative ways to encourage household contributions.

KEY POINTS:

Navigating difficult emotional conversations with children.
The power of apologizing and reconnecting after conflict.
Establishing family meetings for better communication and teamwork.
Encouraging kids to contribute to the household with fun, creative chore names.
The importance of consistency in family meetings and accountability.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:
"The hardest thing as a parent is sitting in a place when your child is having big emotions that generally speaking, are pointed directly at you." – Kylie Coulson

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Happy Families website

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS:

Practice active listening when your child shares their emotions.
If you mishandle a situation, revisit it later and apologize if needed.
Introduce family meetings with a simple format: What's working? What's not? What can we improve?
Make chores more appealing by adding fun names or gamifying the process.
Stay consistent with family discussions and follow-ups to build trust and accountability.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

#1217 - The Doctor's Desk: What Makes a ‘Favourite' Child? Apr 02, 2025

Show notes

Is having a favourite child real, or is it just perception? In this episode of The Happy Families Podcast, Justin and Kylie Coulson dive into the research on parental favouritism, exploring why some children may seem more favoured than others. They discuss how personality traits, gender, and birth order play a role in parental preference and share practical strategies to ensure all children feel valued and loved.

KEY POINTS:

The concept of favouritism and how it manifests in families.
Research findings on parental preference for daughters over sons.
Why conscientious and agreeable children tend to receive more positive attention.
The impact of favouritism on self-esteem and sibling relationships.
Strategies to ensure children feel equally loved and valued.

PERSONAL STORIES SHARED:

Kylie’s experience with favouritism growing up and her sisters’ perceptions.
Justin reflecting on his own childhood as the eldest of six children.
Parenting experiences in the Coulson household, including navigating teenage years.

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE:
"See their hearts. When you understand a child, you naturally connect with them more."

KEY INSIGHTS FOR PARENTS:

Favouritism is often a result of understanding certain children more than others.
Different children require different levels of attention at various times.
Creating joyful, meaningful moments with each child fosters connection.
Parents should be mindful of their body language and interactions to ensure all children feel valued.

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

Research study: Parents Favour Daughters: A Meta-Analysis of Gender and Other Predictors of Parental Differential Treatment (Published in Psychological Bulletin).

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS:

Reflect on your relationships with each child—who do you understand most and least?
Make a conscious effort to connect with the child you understand the least.
Create intentional one-on-one time with each child to build meaningful connections.
Focus on understanding rather than just liking your child’s personality.
Acknowledge that different seasons of parenting bring different challenges and strengths.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

#1216 - Nutritional Deception: What They're Not Telling You About Kids' Food Apr 01, 2025

Show notes

A shocking 90% of Australian baby and toddler foods fail to meet international guidelines, yet manufacturers employ deceptive marketing tactics to make us believe they're healthy choices. In this eye-opening episode, paediatric dietitian Kareena Savage reveals how "organic" labels and Health Star Ratings can mislead parents, with some toddler snacks containing more sugar than white chocolate. Learn practical strategies for decoding food labels, avoiding nutritional traps, and creating healthier, more affordable lunchboxes your kids will actually eat.

Quote of the Episode:

"We as parents in 2025 have it tougher than any other parent has ever had it in terms of trying to understand what is a healthy food choice for our child or for our family."

Key Points:

Food manufacturers use deceptive marketing, with 90% of Australian baby/toddler foods failing international guidelines.
Many products marketed as healthy (like "97% fruit and yoghurt") contain more sugar than white chocolate.
When reading food labels, check the ingredients list first—shorter is better.
Avoid products with sugar in the top three ingredients.
For packaged foods, aim for less than 20g sugar per 100g.
Keep sodium under 350mg per 100g.
The Health Star Rating system has significant flaws—companies know how to "game" the system.
Packaged foods are typically more expensive and less nutritious than whole foods.
Homemade treats are healthier than commercial versions, even with similar ingredients.
Setting clear boundaries around packaged foods helps children develop better eating habits.

Resources Mentioned:

Visit nourishwithkarina.com for free recipes and nutrition information.
Nourishing Kids support program
Black bean brownie recipe

Action Steps for Parents:

Examine ingredient lists—choose products with shorter lists and recognisable ingredients.
Check sugar content—aim for less than 20g per 100g in cereals and snacks.
Monitor sodium levels—keep under 350mg per 100g.
Be sceptical of Health Star Ratings, especially on highly processed foods.
Limit children to 1-2 packaged items per day in lunchboxes.
Buy in bulk to reduce costs of healthier packaged options.
Batch-cook healthier versions of treats on weekends (using wholemeal flour and less sugar).
Set clear family boundaries around packaged food consumption.
Modify recipes by adding nutritious ingredients (extra egg, chia seeds, wholemeal flour).

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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